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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:01,602 This programme contains very strong language from the start. 2 00:00:01,686 --> 00:00:02,845 It's Gonna Rain by Rev Milton Brunson plays... 3 00:00:02,929 --> 00:00:07,224 ♪ See the clouds gathering. ♪ 4 00:00:11,162 --> 00:00:13,849 - Hey, mate. - Oh, hey. 5 00:00:14,732 --> 00:00:15,972 You all right? 6 00:00:17,435 --> 00:00:18,815 Yeah. 7 00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:20,248 Sure? 8 00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:23,116 Yeah, just tired, yeah. You all right? 9 00:00:23,381 --> 00:00:24,678 Yeah, good. 10 00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:29,959 - Ooh, happy Halloween. - You too. 11 00:00:32,456 --> 00:00:35,216 Oblivion by Grimes plays... 12 00:00:45,866 --> 00:00:47,129 What about me? 13 00:00:47,214 --> 00:00:49,599 Why can't we have a White History Month? 14 00:00:49,691 --> 00:00:52,161 Oh, what if we had a Straight Pride Day? 15 00:00:52,246 --> 00:00:53,951 Why can't we have a Men's Day? 16 00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:56,257 Whining, temper tantrums, 17 00:00:56,342 --> 00:00:58,014 like, fucking little fragile children. 18 00:00:58,099 --> 00:00:59,435 We get a day. 19 00:00:59,519 --> 00:01:02,045 You get a lifetime, knowing that you are likely 20 00:01:02,130 --> 00:01:05,125 to walk free from rape... 21 00:01:05,367 --> 00:01:06,999 ...so shut the fuck up. 22 00:01:07,084 --> 00:01:10,078 This is why I be hating straight white guys 23 00:01:10,195 --> 00:01:13,305 and you're not making it really hard for me to change my mind. 24 00:01:13,527 --> 00:01:16,311 ♪ I will wait forever ♪ 25 00:01:16,438 --> 00:01:18,272 ♪ Always looking straight ♪ 26 00:01:18,357 --> 00:01:21,780 ♪ Thinking, counting, all the hours you wait ♪ 27 00:01:21,865 --> 00:01:26,118 ♪ Ooh ah-ah ♪ 28 00:01:26,203 --> 00:01:28,564 ♪ See you on a dark night 29 00:01:28,649 --> 00:01:30,956 ♪ Ooh ah-ah. ♪ 30 00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:32,164 Doxing. 31 00:01:32,289 --> 00:01:34,181 ♪ See you on a dark night ♪ 32 00:01:34,312 --> 00:01:38,414 ♪ Ooh ah-ah ♪ 33 00:01:38,539 --> 00:01:40,356 ♪ See you on a dark night ♪ "I MAY DESTROY YOU" 34 00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:42,180 ♪ Ooh. ♪ Season 01 Episode 09 35 00:01:42,265 --> 00:01:45,211 So, er, the readings have come back fine on the CT scan. 36 00:01:45,296 --> 00:01:48,203 With regards to that everything is in order. 37 00:01:48,288 --> 00:01:50,235 - Really? - Yay! 38 00:01:50,336 --> 00:01:54,258 - Your blood pressure results, however... - Sorry, one sec. 39 00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:58,367 As you know you can't give peace, unless you have peace. 40 00:01:58,539 --> 00:02:02,235 I had a CT scan to check in with the mind 41 00:02:02,730 --> 00:02:05,726 so for anybody who thinks I'm crazy for having Insta 42 00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:08,636 and Twitter wars with rapists and life destroyers every day, 43 00:02:08,766 --> 00:02:12,556 you can relax. I have the all-clear. Yay! 44 00:02:12,804 --> 00:02:14,395 Besides, it's not every day. 45 00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:17,556 Thursday I'm sat with my pompom on your dad's face. Ask him. 46 00:02:17,640 --> 00:02:21,992 I care for him, I care for me. Care of self, self care. 47 00:02:22,115 --> 00:02:24,791 I encourage you all to manifest it into your daily lives, 48 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:27,923 hold tight the NHS. Hold tight, babes, 49 00:02:28,008 --> 00:02:29,009 I'm booking my appointment. 50 00:02:29,093 --> 00:02:33,313 Oh, hey, snuggle bunnies, it's me... @TheRealTerryPratchard. 51 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:34,681 Be good to those who love you 52 00:02:34,766 --> 00:02:37,276 because those who love you are good to you. 53 00:02:37,422 --> 00:02:40,196 Thought I'd trick a motherfucker because it's Halloween, bitch ass. 54 00:02:40,281 --> 00:02:41,750 Argh! 55 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:47,000 Back in the room, I'm sorry. 56 00:02:47,186 --> 00:02:49,702 Er, so, yes, you will need to monitor that. 57 00:02:49,824 --> 00:02:51,395 - What? Oh. - The blood pressure. 58 00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:53,626 The higher the blood pressure, the bigger the knock-on effect 59 00:02:53,710 --> 00:02:57,095 on the kidneys, which are already at an elevated risk 60 00:02:57,180 --> 00:02:59,938 due to your being of Afro-Caribbean origin. 61 00:03:00,022 --> 00:03:01,599 Erm, are there any new... 62 00:03:01,684 --> 00:03:03,164 That was racial ignorance. 63 00:03:03,948 --> 00:03:07,414 I'm not Afro-Caribbean, I'm actually African. 64 00:03:07,789 --> 00:03:10,035 There's a unity and a distinction between those places 65 00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:12,972 and as a London doctor you should be aware of those things 66 00:03:13,057 --> 00:03:15,978 to avoid generalising people of colour and accidentally 67 00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:18,236 becoming a deeply problematic member of your profession. 68 00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:20,352 I'm sorry, it's just the term used on the reports. 69 00:03:20,437 --> 00:03:22,501 It's got something to do with the form you keep pointing to, 70 00:03:22,585 --> 00:03:25,625 maybe tell the big boss of the pharmaceutical neuro whatnot 71 00:03:25,734 --> 00:03:27,995 to change the form. Who makes the form? 72 00:03:28,163 --> 00:03:29,134 - Who makes the... - I just want them 73 00:03:29,219 --> 00:03:31,556 to tell me what they mean by Afro-Caribbean, 74 00:03:31,640 --> 00:03:34,196 given it's not where I'm from and it's used to describe my origin. 75 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:35,480 I-I don't know. 76 00:03:37,493 --> 00:03:39,656 Is that the extent of your diagnosis? 77 00:03:40,009 --> 00:03:43,164 "Hello, Arabella, you're Caribbean and I don't know." 78 00:03:51,818 --> 00:03:54,995 - So, why is her blood pressure high? - That's what I don't know. 79 00:03:55,150 --> 00:03:58,531 - She doesn't smoke. - No, she just vapes now. That's all. 80 00:03:59,179 --> 00:04:01,414 - Oh. - What? 81 00:04:01,639 --> 00:04:03,373 Well, vaping isn't... 82 00:04:03,508 --> 00:04:04,676 Ah-ah-ah-ah. 83 00:04:04,938 --> 00:04:06,438 Do you agree 84 00:04:06,553 --> 00:04:08,523 - that vaping is better than smoking? - Well, yes... 85 00:04:08,607 --> 00:04:10,485 Then that's all we need to say about it. 86 00:04:10,570 --> 00:04:12,595 But if there's a predisposition to kidney problems, 87 00:04:12,742 --> 00:04:14,945 then it's better just to get rid of the vape completely. 88 00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:19,042 Doc, I think my friend is stressed. 89 00:04:19,127 --> 00:04:20,396 - Do you confirm? - Yes. 90 00:04:20,488 --> 00:04:23,102 - And the rape's stressful, do you confirm? - Yes. 91 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:26,069 And other stressed people asking her to defend them 92 00:04:26,154 --> 00:04:30,037 and expose rapists, abusers and paedos, and she does this day 93 00:04:30,122 --> 00:04:31,600 and night, via phone screen. 94 00:04:31,685 --> 00:04:33,342 - Stressful, do you confirm? - Yes. 95 00:04:33,427 --> 00:04:35,411 So why would we tell her to stop vaping 96 00:04:35,496 --> 00:04:37,947 if it doesn't take a professional to see that the stress 97 00:04:38,041 --> 00:04:39,578 from the phone will kill her faster 98 00:04:39,663 --> 00:04:41,582 than any puff of nicotine ever will? 99 00:04:42,272 --> 00:04:43,719 Energy by Jean Deaux plays... 100 00:04:43,804 --> 00:04:46,860 ♪ Nah, I don't like it, I don't like it ♪ 101 00:04:47,739 --> 00:04:49,819 ♪ I don't like it at all ♪ 102 00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:56,276 ♪ I don't like your energy... ♪ 103 00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:58,676 ♪ You don't have to see it that way. ♪ 104 00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:00,104 Who are they? 105 00:05:01,159 --> 00:05:03,503 Right, I don't know who that is, but that's Michael. 106 00:05:04,533 --> 00:05:06,534 So he sent you... 107 00:05:06,789 --> 00:05:09,135 a video of him having sex with someone else. 108 00:05:09,268 --> 00:05:11,628 Er, well, yeah, of course, let me at least see what 109 00:05:11,713 --> 00:05:12,800 he looks like on top of someone else 110 00:05:12,884 --> 00:05:14,557 before I tap my Oyster and creep under it. 111 00:05:14,642 --> 00:05:16,635 I like that. You like it? 112 00:05:18,173 --> 00:05:23,809 They had loads of wings, fangs, but only one halo. Ooh. 113 00:05:24,345 --> 00:05:26,876 You'd think that they'd stock up on these things given it's Halloween. 114 00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:28,346 - Yeah, shit. - Yeah. 115 00:05:28,448 --> 00:05:31,402 So now we have to battle it out. Could I state my case first? 116 00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:34,691 You know what? We wouldn't even be here doing this self-care day 117 00:05:34,776 --> 00:05:37,622 if it wasn't for you setting it all up, Terry, so yes, 118 00:05:37,707 --> 00:05:39,738 you should state your case first, 119 00:05:39,934 --> 00:05:41,516 but I-I don't know how you feel about this, Bells, 120 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:45,316 I'm actually happy and indeed willing to let you wear the halos. 121 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:48,910 - Guys, are you sure? - Definitely. 122 00:05:49,869 --> 00:05:51,429 Yeah, def... Yeah. 123 00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:53,652 Come on, then! 124 00:05:57,987 --> 00:06:01,114 Paint and Wine, it is a first come, first served, 125 00:06:01,199 --> 00:06:04,076 so we're going to need to be prompt with time. 126 00:06:04,167 --> 00:06:05,503 Hey, hey. 127 00:06:05,665 --> 00:06:07,681 - Hi. - I just wanted to say 128 00:06:07,821 --> 00:06:09,298 thank you for your content. 129 00:06:09,384 --> 00:06:11,396 - Oh! - I know your work, I've read your posts 130 00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:14,712 and what you're doing for rape victims, girl. 131 00:06:14,796 --> 00:06:15,937 - Whoa. - Thank you, 132 00:06:16,022 --> 00:06:17,869 - thank you so much. - Yeah. 133 00:06:17,954 --> 00:06:21,196 I was abused by a straight white male, as a child. 134 00:06:21,282 --> 00:06:24,267 I spoke out for the first time a few months ago and... 135 00:06:25,316 --> 00:06:28,454 ...it's not easy... as a man 136 00:06:28,820 --> 00:06:33,509 as a black man, to be honest, to-to show pain. 137 00:06:33,665 --> 00:06:36,516 - It comes at a price. - Er, sorry, you must be busy.- No. 138 00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:41,106 No, listen, I am never too busy to talk about pain. 139 00:06:41,191 --> 00:06:43,224 Because some people don't want to engage the minute you try 140 00:06:43,308 --> 00:06:44,293 and talk about some real shit. 141 00:06:44,378 --> 00:06:48,184 Yeah, they, er, kind of treat you like a broken vessel, right? 142 00:06:48,269 --> 00:06:50,429 Some people, they don't want to dig too deep, you know? 143 00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:51,951 Because if they dig deep enough 144 00:06:52,036 --> 00:06:54,357 - they'd see they're in pain too. - They're in pain as well, 145 00:06:54,441 --> 00:06:56,236 that's it. Wow, you're so brave. 146 00:06:56,320 --> 00:06:57,769 Keep fighting the good fight, yeah? 147 00:06:57,854 --> 00:06:59,190 Thank you. Thank you so much 148 00:06:59,274 --> 00:07:01,715 for reminding me of all the pain and frustration. 149 00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:03,516 Now it's all I can think about. 150 00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:06,436 Oh, it's my pleasure, make sure you tell all your friends to follow me 151 00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:07,863 and make me more powerful. 152 00:07:07,948 --> 00:07:10,176 Of course, you're my shero, 153 00:07:10,261 --> 00:07:12,934 consoler of the weak and avenger of the bad men. 154 00:07:13,019 --> 00:07:15,286 - Oi, Bells. Can we go? - Yeah, wait... 155 00:07:15,371 --> 00:07:16,716 One sec. 156 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:18,236 This echo chamber is freezing. 157 00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:20,556 I'm cold. You never know, Kwams, 158 00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:23,903 you might be feeling a bit down one day and you just might need 159 00:07:23,988 --> 00:07:26,402 someone who agrees whatever the fuck you say. 160 00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:28,680 - Even if you are chatting shit. - Bye. - Bye. 161 00:07:31,897 --> 00:07:33,457 Sorry, guys. 162 00:07:50,512 --> 00:07:52,312 Er, we said no phones. 163 00:07:58,200 --> 00:07:59,550 No vaping. 164 00:08:00,617 --> 00:08:02,027 Whoa. 165 00:08:08,129 --> 00:08:12,152 Bella! I'm spreading awareness, people should know. 166 00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:13,796 I'm not going to upload it now. 167 00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:17,722 - I'm just going to take it and then I'll post it later. - Fine. 168 00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:20,236 Hay, bunnies, thought I'd let you know about 169 00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:22,516 the POC Paint and Wine movement. 170 00:08:22,746 --> 00:08:26,575 I believe we have the right to express ourselves, 171 00:08:26,660 --> 00:08:30,396 to be vulnerable, to grow, to free ourselves, without the critical 172 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:33,715 eyes of our oppressor shaming and trashing us while we create. 173 00:08:33,832 --> 00:08:36,168 The POC Paint and Wine movement... 174 00:08:36,292 --> 00:08:39,435 - Is it even a movement? - I don't know why she keeps saying that. 175 00:08:39,660 --> 00:08:42,356 Paint and... wine. 176 00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:44,076 Self-care. 177 00:08:44,175 --> 00:08:49,151 Friendship, expression, art, creativity, peace, 178 00:08:49,236 --> 00:08:51,275 this is what I've done so far. 179 00:08:51,512 --> 00:08:53,204 Cue... oh! 180 00:08:53,317 --> 00:08:56,860 OK, peace and love. Don't forget who booked it, 181 00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:59,476 my bae, @TheRealTerryPratchard. 182 00:08:59,665 --> 00:09:03,636 Actor, angel, cuddle bunny, snuggle butt. Holla! 183 00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:04,996 Ah! Ah! 184 00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:08,436 Snuggle butt. Really! 185 00:09:10,431 --> 00:09:15,634 Anyways, Kwame, you were saying - this racist bitch Nilufer. 186 00:09:15,719 --> 00:09:16,767 Oh, yeah. 187 00:09:16,852 --> 00:09:19,134 I hate it when white girls disappoint me. 188 00:09:19,227 --> 00:09:21,470 She says some homophobic stuff as well. 189 00:09:21,555 --> 00:09:22,555 What? 190 00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:23,956 Yeah, she said the F word. 191 00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:26,579 People think they can chat shit and get away with it. 192 00:09:26,745 --> 00:09:28,621 Yeah, it's kind of dark, still. 193 00:09:29,017 --> 00:09:32,627 I'm sorry, Kwams. Why didn't you say something? 194 00:09:32,712 --> 00:09:33,971 I just want to forget about it. 195 00:09:34,056 --> 00:09:36,827 - I don't want to think about it now. - I hope you pulled your dick out. 196 00:09:38,079 --> 00:09:39,516 It was afterwards, actually. 197 00:09:39,681 --> 00:09:41,814 We were just chilling and it really made me think, 198 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:45,516 what are people saying in your absence? Do you know what I mean? 199 00:09:45,806 --> 00:09:49,064 Oh, OK, so she didn't know you were... 200 00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:51,900 She didn't know you were gay until after? 201 00:09:52,578 --> 00:09:55,291 And after I called her out and her homophobic bullshit, 202 00:09:55,376 --> 00:09:56,908 the way she fucking hit the roof. 203 00:09:56,993 --> 00:09:58,346 Kwame, why did you tell her? 204 00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:01,676 She said "faggot", just casually. How am I supposed to stay silent? 205 00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:04,116 You didn't mind her racially stereotyping you. 206 00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:06,236 You definitely didn't mind cos you fucked her. 207 00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:09,396 As I said, I really wasn't trying to do anything with her. 208 00:10:09,540 --> 00:10:11,939 It's also no wonder she was angry. 209 00:10:12,072 --> 00:10:15,322 She found out you were gay after you stuck your dick in her 210 00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:16,355 and shot a load up. 211 00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:18,901 I don't know, I think I would be at least a little bit, like... 212 00:10:18,985 --> 00:10:22,618 I feel terrible about it but she kind of forced me so... 213 00:10:22,775 --> 00:10:23,916 Yeah. 214 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:27,877 Well, you... kind of had penetrative sex with someone 215 00:10:27,962 --> 00:10:29,979 under false pretences, Kwams, that's a bit... 216 00:10:30,064 --> 00:10:32,276 I don't know. What the fuck is wrong with this thing? 217 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:33,916 - You need to top it up. - OK. 218 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:37,276 I'm saying I feel shit, I don't feel good about it. 219 00:10:37,360 --> 00:10:39,760 Um... Yeah, yeah, I mean, 220 00:10:39,845 --> 00:10:42,516 Kwams, I'm sure she feels absolutely superb. 221 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:45,346 I just think that it was really confusing for everyone. 222 00:10:45,431 --> 00:10:48,236 No. Terry, as someone who has not experienced rape, 223 00:10:48,337 --> 00:10:51,126 you should be listening and not concluding conversations. 224 00:10:52,133 --> 00:10:54,486 - What? - There's no vaping in the... 225 00:11:03,547 --> 00:11:04,915 Bella... 226 00:11:06,520 --> 00:11:08,720 He said he didn't feel good about it. 227 00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:11,502 He's a man concealing his identity, 228 00:11:11,610 --> 00:11:13,369 following a woman into her home. 229 00:11:13,454 --> 00:11:14,705 He's making someone vulnerable. 230 00:11:14,790 --> 00:11:16,893 If he felt good about that, I'd be fucking horrified. 231 00:11:16,978 --> 00:11:19,197 I'm saying he's got his own... 232 00:11:19,681 --> 00:11:21,423 - He's vulnerable. - Yeah. 233 00:11:21,532 --> 00:11:23,932 Being vulnerable doesn't mean you can make other people vulnerable. 234 00:11:24,016 --> 00:11:26,315 It doesn't mean you can put other people through pain, 235 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:27,807 it doesn't mean you can penetrate peop... 236 00:11:27,891 --> 00:11:29,782 Seriously, she literally pushed me into it. 237 00:11:29,866 --> 00:11:31,548 Mm. No. 238 00:11:32,728 --> 00:11:35,479 It sounds like you're blaming her. Are you blaming her? 239 00:11:35,564 --> 00:11:36,716 I'm not... I'm not... 240 00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:38,156 Of course I wouldn't do that. 241 00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:39,676 You shouldn't have told her. 242 00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:43,479 Hey, you know, T, I agree, because I'd be, like, telling the truth, 243 00:11:43,564 --> 00:11:45,830 and it's much better to just hide that under the surface 244 00:11:45,915 --> 00:11:48,756 and never acknowledge that you are hiding something from a woman 245 00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:52,447 who's let you into her bedroom. Fix your brain. 246 00:11:52,532 --> 00:11:54,434 - Are you fucking insane? - He made a mistake. 247 00:11:54,519 --> 00:11:55,719 A mis... 248 00:11:57,280 --> 00:11:59,744 Yeah. Yes, yes, he made a mistake, sure. 249 00:11:59,829 --> 00:12:02,596 Nobody gives a fuck that it's a mistake, Terry. We all make those. 250 00:12:02,681 --> 00:12:05,716 Do we make deceitful, destructive, narcissistic, 251 00:12:06,009 --> 00:12:08,548 sick, inconsiderate mistakes? 252 00:12:08,633 --> 00:12:10,470 Mm, no. 253 00:12:11,037 --> 00:12:12,806 So, on my birthday... 254 00:12:13,431 --> 00:12:15,939 ...when you locked him in a room with Jamal... 255 00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:17,993 ...what was that? 256 00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:20,675 What? Wh... 257 00:12:20,814 --> 00:12:22,156 What am I... What am I doing? 258 00:12:22,248 --> 00:12:25,071 Samson's friend... you locked him in with. 259 00:12:25,156 --> 00:12:26,642 Sorry, what? 260 00:12:26,727 --> 00:12:28,947 And then you just... kind of just... 261 00:12:29,952 --> 00:12:31,628 What... Where - where... Where is this... 262 00:12:31,743 --> 00:12:32,901 Where is this going? 263 00:12:32,986 --> 00:12:35,379 You left Kwame in there... 264 00:12:35,678 --> 00:12:37,402 ...without really thinking... 265 00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:40,426 ...about... 266 00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:42,465 ...the consequences. 267 00:12:42,551 --> 00:12:44,876 He wasn't in a good place, so it was... 268 00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:47,876 It was really hard for him to be left there 269 00:12:48,254 --> 00:12:50,196 - because it... - Uh-huh? 270 00:12:50,280 --> 00:12:53,152 It was a dangerous... It was a dangerous situation 271 00:12:53,277 --> 00:12:54,640 at that moment. 272 00:12:56,690 --> 00:12:57,846 Kwame? 273 00:12:58,305 --> 00:12:59,545 Yeah? 274 00:13:01,137 --> 00:13:02,556 Wow, he's... 275 00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:04,276 ...here... 276 00:13:04,414 --> 00:13:07,970 ...so I guess that means you don't need to speak for him, 277 00:13:08,178 --> 00:13:09,483 which is great, 278 00:13:09,568 --> 00:13:12,514 so you can just shut up and fuck off. 279 00:13:12,834 --> 00:13:14,156 Kwame... 280 00:13:14,834 --> 00:13:16,156 ...um... 281 00:13:16,318 --> 00:13:17,811 I feel like I've... 282 00:13:19,334 --> 00:13:20,996 ...been a good friend to you. 283 00:13:21,576 --> 00:13:24,304 You told me what that guy did to you 284 00:13:24,389 --> 00:13:27,000 - and I've tried to... - Yeah, you are, you have been, Bells. 285 00:13:28,173 --> 00:13:30,584 Did I... Did I do... 286 00:13:35,896 --> 00:13:39,154 I... I don't... Cos if there's something I did that day 287 00:13:39,514 --> 00:13:41,045 that I'm not aware of... 288 00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:44,896 Um, I... 289 00:13:45,227 --> 00:13:48,801 I can't even really remember, like, for reals. 290 00:13:53,528 --> 00:13:54,848 All right. 291 00:13:58,047 --> 00:14:00,394 I'm just saying, right, if you... 292 00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:04,898 ...paint things to make it look like you're a victim 293 00:14:04,983 --> 00:14:06,343 and I find out that... 294 00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:10,269 ...isn't entirely the case, 295 00:14:10,354 --> 00:14:12,390 it makes me question who you are. 296 00:14:13,026 --> 00:14:15,918 Now, just look in the mirror, do you know what I mean? Because... 297 00:14:16,488 --> 00:14:20,902 ...it's really unnerving and it's uncomfortable for everyone. 298 00:14:24,059 --> 00:14:25,386 Fuck this shit. 299 00:14:25,558 --> 00:14:28,418 ♪ Apples, cherries, pain ♪ 300 00:14:28,581 --> 00:14:31,285 ♪ Breathe in, breathe out, pain ♪ 301 00:14:31,457 --> 00:14:36,777 ♪ No, no, Novocaine ♪ ♪ Still maintain my grace ♪ 302 00:14:40,933 --> 00:14:44,289 ♪ The more you burn away the more the people earn from you 303 00:14:44,374 --> 00:14:47,676 ♪ The more you pull away the more that they depend on you 304 00:14:47,806 --> 00:14:51,558 ♪ I've never seen a hero like me in a sci-fi... ♪ 305 00:14:51,650 --> 00:14:55,199 Excuse me. Sorry, can I just see if that wire goes into my vape? 306 00:14:55,285 --> 00:14:56,465 It's losing its power. 307 00:14:56,550 --> 00:15:00,004 Amazing. Do you mind if I hold on to that? Thank you. 308 00:15:00,248 --> 00:15:03,083 ♪ I wonder if you think that I could ever help you fly ♪ 309 00:15:03,168 --> 00:15:06,364 ♪ Never seen a hero like me in a sci-fi ♪ 310 00:15:06,449 --> 00:15:09,142 ♪ But I've seen my love and I thought it belonged to you... ♪ 311 00:15:09,227 --> 00:15:10,316 What is this? 312 00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:12,196 It doesn't work but thank you. 313 00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:14,196 Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. 314 00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:16,548 - Could you take a picture of me? - OK. 315 00:15:19,530 --> 00:15:20,930 Just, like, here. 316 00:15:22,888 --> 00:15:25,484 Hey, sugar, I like your horns and everything. 317 00:15:25,575 --> 00:15:26,657 Ah. 318 00:15:26,742 --> 00:15:30,360 It's really amazing that you think your opinion should just be heard. 319 00:15:30,445 --> 00:15:32,641 I thought we were... 320 00:15:32,778 --> 00:15:35,416 Ah, hey... Come on! 321 00:15:35,524 --> 00:15:36,840 Whoo! 322 00:15:40,439 --> 00:15:42,181 Hey, guys. 323 00:15:42,266 --> 00:15:45,756 Did you know that all crash test dummies 324 00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:47,876 they don't factor in breasts, 325 00:15:48,149 --> 00:15:50,736 hips, pregnancies. 326 00:15:50,821 --> 00:15:54,876 Cancer research relies on studies conducted on men, 327 00:15:55,235 --> 00:15:56,348 on white men in their 328 00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:58,276 20s to 30s, specifically. 329 00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:00,476 There is no data for women. 330 00:16:00,618 --> 00:16:04,236 Even the size of a fucking smartphone is 331 00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:05,396 based on the average 332 00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:06,556 size of their hands. 333 00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:07,716 I mean, it trickles down, 334 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:08,438 doesn't it? 335 00:16:08,523 --> 00:16:10,938 I wish I could tell you these were somehow tricks, 336 00:16:11,023 --> 00:16:12,720 some fake news, some bullshit, 337 00:16:12,829 --> 00:16:14,396 but sadly this is all true. 338 00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:17,033 I shouldn't be scared that as I walk this street, 339 00:16:17,118 --> 00:16:18,666 right now, at any moment, 340 00:16:18,751 --> 00:16:21,525 a man could drag me into a dark alley and attack me. 341 00:16:21,610 --> 00:16:23,640 Fuck this shit. Fuck! 342 00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:26,516 I love you too. 343 00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:31,076 Doxing - publishing private information. 344 00:16:31,325 --> 00:16:32,724 Thank you. 345 00:16:33,184 --> 00:16:36,156 I came across it this morning. Doxxing - 346 00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:37,670 any of you guys heard of it? 347 00:16:37,755 --> 00:16:41,116 Who would you dox if you could? 348 00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:42,996 No, I will not show you my fucking...! 349 00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:45,116 #DoxTheCocks, 350 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:46,556 that's the new one, yeah? 351 00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:50,836 If anyone's got Zain Tareen's home address, feel free to share. 352 00:16:50,935 --> 00:16:53,216 Ha-ha-ha! Never dox! 353 00:16:53,356 --> 00:16:55,497 No, you should never dox. 354 00:16:55,715 --> 00:17:00,351 We don't need to take matters into our own hands. 355 00:17:18,825 --> 00:17:20,599 To bury a... 356 00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:22,516 ...dark, hypocritical narrative, as 357 00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:24,196 if it didn't even happen, just... 358 00:17:24,489 --> 00:17:27,075 ...walk around like some kind of victim. 359 00:17:27,512 --> 00:17:29,466 You seem very upset. 360 00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:31,235 It's really affected you, hasn't it? 361 00:17:31,552 --> 00:17:34,316 I never thought Kwame would turn out to be this kind of person, 362 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:36,316 do you know what I mean? Because he's my friend 363 00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:39,403 and I don't keep that kind of shit around me. 364 00:17:40,373 --> 00:17:41,849 Look at my Facebook... 365 00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:43,740 ...and my Instagram. 366 00:17:43,825 --> 00:17:45,092 Two, yeah? 367 00:17:45,177 --> 00:17:47,795 DM after DM after DM 368 00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:50,476 after DM, there is so much injustice. 369 00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:51,756 And... 370 00:17:52,005 --> 00:17:54,196 ...my job is to speak the truth. I have to speak the truth. 371 00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:57,020 No matter who to. I can't be complicit. 372 00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:00,160 Do you need social media? 373 00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:04,076 No, I don't need it. 374 00:18:04,833 --> 00:18:07,076 Could you leave social media? 375 00:18:07,388 --> 00:18:08,596 It's I... 376 00:18:08,820 --> 00:18:10,536 It's important that we speak. 377 00:18:10,651 --> 00:18:12,491 I have to speak. 378 00:18:13,471 --> 00:18:17,227 The business models of these networks incentivise us 379 00:18:17,312 --> 00:18:20,664 to behave in certain ways, 380 00:18:20,749 --> 00:18:25,070 in ways that promote speaking often at the cost of listening. 381 00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:27,996 Do you remember the three Rs? 382 00:18:28,328 --> 00:18:30,996 Yeah. Rest, reflect, rejuvenate. 383 00:18:31,656 --> 00:18:34,196 Look, if you can't abandon it altogether... 384 00:18:34,554 --> 00:18:35,789 ...take a break. 385 00:18:37,828 --> 00:18:43,617 We take breaks. We don't work weekends. We break for half term. 386 00:18:43,710 --> 00:18:46,358 Even a cantor has a sabbatical. 387 00:18:46,554 --> 00:18:48,366 It's good for our mental health. 388 00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:57,046 Sorry, by the way... 389 00:18:57,145 --> 00:18:58,301 Turning up... 390 00:18:58,386 --> 00:19:02,468 No, you called. That's what the emergency line is for. You're fine. 391 00:19:03,626 --> 00:19:04,905 Thank you. 392 00:19:07,049 --> 00:19:08,325 How are other things? 393 00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:09,476 Good. 394 00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:12,676 Yeah, I've been writing nonstop, day and night, so... 395 00:19:12,929 --> 00:19:15,356 I was wondering more about the case. 396 00:19:15,749 --> 00:19:17,436 Oh, they closed the case. 397 00:19:17,655 --> 00:19:19,116 They closed the case? Mm. 398 00:19:19,426 --> 00:19:20,826 It was about a month ago. 399 00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:28,716 You know, I took my stuff, the investigation bags, is that normal? 400 00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:31,400 Everything and nothing is normal. 401 00:19:37,077 --> 00:19:38,916 What was it like? Opening them? 402 00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:41,360 I didn't open them, I just put them under the bed. 403 00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:44,436 And they're still there now? 404 00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:47,076 Yeah, but everything is under my bed. 405 00:19:47,671 --> 00:19:48,717 Mm. 406 00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:53,649 I think it's worth exploring... 407 00:19:54,140 --> 00:19:58,594 ...the possibility - you have an idea of self, let's say A... 408 00:19:59,180 --> 00:20:00,586 ...for Arabella. 409 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,415 And then there's a line. 410 00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:05,430 A hard surface, like a bed. 411 00:20:06,171 --> 00:20:08,107 Dangerous things, dark things, 412 00:20:08,192 --> 00:20:12,797 anything that contradicts or threatens your perceived reality 413 00:20:13,133 --> 00:20:14,293 go here. 414 00:20:17,774 --> 00:20:20,071 It happens more often than you might think. 415 00:20:20,289 --> 00:20:23,994 A line is drawn separating bad from good, 416 00:20:24,079 --> 00:20:26,883 friend from foe, men, women, black, white. 417 00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:31,336 Them, us. Criminal, victim. God, devil. 418 00:20:31,625 --> 00:20:36,384 It helps us to deflect, you know, avoid feelings like guilt, 419 00:20:36,469 --> 00:20:38,796 uncertainty, self blame. 420 00:20:38,927 --> 00:20:40,969 These feelings are crucial 421 00:20:41,313 --> 00:20:42,806 in the stages of recovery. 422 00:20:42,891 --> 00:20:45,883 If we can't process and understand them... 423 00:20:46,973 --> 00:20:49,579 ...we can't process and understand ourselves. 424 00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:08,880 ♪ I put a spell on you ♪ 425 00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:14,440 ♪ Cos you're mine ♪ 426 00:21:19,239 --> 00:21:23,846 ♪ You better stop the things you do ♪ 427 00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:26,862 ♪ I ain't lyin' ♪ 428 00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:30,471 ♪ I ain't lyin' ♪ 429 00:21:31,850 --> 00:21:35,557 ♪ I can't stand it... ♪ 430 00:21:55,559 --> 00:21:58,128 - Hi, mate. What are you up to? - Hey, mate. 431 00:21:58,245 --> 00:22:00,698 I kept the investigation bags, from, you know, 432 00:22:00,784 --> 00:22:02,207 so I thought I'd get them out. 433 00:22:02,292 --> 00:22:05,073 - But then there's loads. - Oh, right.Nice. 434 00:22:05,744 --> 00:22:06,860 Is this them? 435 00:22:07,155 --> 00:22:08,275 Mm-hm. 436 00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:12,956 Mate, you've got loads of stuff. 437 00:22:26,262 --> 00:22:27,502 What's that? 438 00:22:37,651 --> 00:22:39,409 This was a long time ago. 439 00:22:43,155 --> 00:22:44,395 I can't remember. 440 00:22:47,451 --> 00:22:49,135 How many weeks was I? 441 00:22:50,101 --> 00:22:51,421 I don't remember. 442 00:23:00,431 --> 00:23:01,871 Ten weeks. 443 00:23:09,495 --> 00:23:11,276 I just went and... 444 00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:14,236 ...done it, and then I forgot. 445 00:23:14,546 --> 00:23:16,506 I never really thought about it again. 446 00:23:21,951 --> 00:23:23,503 I guess I've, uh... 447 00:23:25,547 --> 00:23:27,107 I guess I, uh... 448 00:23:29,025 --> 00:23:31,104 Do you feel like you made the wrong decision? 449 00:23:38,211 --> 00:23:39,331 No. 450 00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:42,885 Doing what we have to do doesn't always feel good, does it? 451 00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:48,229 If you felt good, I would be even more horrified. 452 00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:51,956 DOORBELL BUZZES When you paint things 453 00:23:52,128 --> 00:23:53,756 to make it look as if you're just a victim, 454 00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:56,534 and I find out that isn't the case, 455 00:23:56,753 --> 00:23:58,516 it really makes me question who you are. 456 00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:01,677 Just look in the mirror, do you know what I mean? 457 00:24:01,761 --> 00:24:05,644 It's really uncomfortable and unnerving for everyone. 458 00:24:19,344 --> 00:24:20,824 Sorry. 459 00:24:22,663 --> 00:24:24,063 Is Kwam here? 460 00:24:25,169 --> 00:24:27,925 He wasn't sure if you were OK with him coming in. 461 00:24:28,431 --> 00:24:29,631 OK. 462 00:24:35,245 --> 00:24:38,979 Yo, I can go if you don't want me here. I understand. 463 00:24:39,550 --> 00:24:41,036 Kwame... 464 00:24:41,214 --> 00:24:42,796 It was really... 465 00:24:43,010 --> 00:24:44,893 It was really intense today, 466 00:24:45,088 --> 00:24:46,401 and I'm sorry. 467 00:24:46,612 --> 00:24:48,508 I was wrong. What I did was bad. 468 00:24:48,659 --> 00:24:51,471 I locked you in this room... 469 00:24:52,592 --> 00:24:54,925 ...and I didn't think about it. 470 00:24:55,159 --> 00:24:58,635 I was really dumb, and really thoughtless, and I am sorry. 471 00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:00,196 I don't want to think about it. 472 00:25:00,432 --> 00:25:02,996 Fuck that shit. Please just... 473 00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:05,010 ...forget about it. 474 00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:09,729 I love you. 475 00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:11,156 Yeah, I love you too. 476 00:25:11,286 --> 00:25:12,533 You OK? 477 00:25:12,626 --> 00:25:14,746 - Yeah? - Are you OK? 478 00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:17,832 Well, Terry's self-care train is making me 479 00:25:17,924 --> 00:25:19,908 want to jump in front of one.Mm. 480 00:25:20,003 --> 00:25:23,120 So I'm going to go to this location. 481 00:25:23,634 --> 00:25:24,910 HE LAUGHS 482 00:25:24,995 --> 00:25:26,269 MOANING 483 00:25:26,354 --> 00:25:28,356 You can't tell her. She won't notice. 484 00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:29,640 Mm. 485 00:25:33,586 --> 00:25:36,222 If you throw it hard enough... 486 00:25:36,307 --> 00:25:39,393 ...it goes splat and a baby comes from inside it. 487 00:25:41,503 --> 00:25:45,323 Right, er, well, I'm going to go back watching TV. 488 00:25:45,565 --> 00:25:47,565 Halloween TV. 489 00:25:47,697 --> 00:25:51,956 Well... So, er, right... 490 00:25:52,378 --> 00:25:53,677 Sleep well, mate. 491 00:25:53,762 --> 00:25:55,122 Thanks, Ben. 492 00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:03,073 You sure you want to do this? 493 00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:28,000 ♪ Mushrooms and roses is the place to be... ♪ 494 00:26:30,190 --> 00:26:32,036 What do you need, Bell? 495 00:26:32,174 --> 00:26:33,831 Netflix? 496 00:26:34,081 --> 00:26:35,198 Painting? 497 00:26:35,360 --> 00:26:37,050 Chocolate? 498 00:26:37,260 --> 00:26:38,753 Doodle? 499 00:26:39,104 --> 00:26:40,549 Mm... 500 00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:51,962 Can we go for a walk? 501 00:26:52,047 --> 00:26:53,287 Sure. 502 00:26:55,424 --> 00:26:58,068 It's cold, Bella, put your coat on. 503 00:26:58,675 --> 00:26:59,915 Bella! 504 00:27:00,702 --> 00:27:04,378 ♪ We're all virgins to the joys 505 00:27:04,673 --> 00:27:08,633 ♪ Of loving without fear... ♪ 506 00:27:12,178 --> 00:27:14,639 This is a long walk. 507 00:27:16,542 --> 00:27:17,822 Bella? 508 00:27:44,678 --> 00:27:46,198 What are we doing? 509 00:27:54,976 --> 00:27:56,336 Yaasss... 510 00:28:02,372 --> 00:28:05,093 ♪ Tommy thinks the crazies are back in my mind ♪ 511 00:28:05,178 --> 00:28:07,316 ♪ Tommy says the children are clouding my head ♪ 512 00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:11,316 ♪ When everything is wrong I dance inside my mind ♪ 513 00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:14,343 ♪ That's when I come alive ♪ 514 00:28:14,451 --> 00:28:16,343 ♪ Like a schizo running wild ♪ 515 00:28:16,622 --> 00:28:19,670 ♪ That's when I come alive ♪ 516 00:28:19,865 --> 00:28:22,303 ♪ Now let's go wild ♪ 517 00:28:23,885 --> 00:28:25,685 ♪ Come on! ♪ 518 00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:33,812 ♪ We're kicking at your window and keeping you up ♪ 519 00:28:33,897 --> 00:28:36,280 ♪ And if you come to find me I'll colour you red ♪ 520 00:28:36,365 --> 00:28:40,561 ♪ We're dancing in the dungeon every Monday night. ♪ 39364

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