All language subtitles for Grace.and.Frankie.S03E03 - The Focus Group.WEBRip.x264-FLEET

[Grace Potter's
"Stuck In The Middle" playing]

♪ Well, I don't know
Why I came here tonight ♪

♪ Got the feelin'
That somethin' ain't right ♪

♪ I'm so scared
In case I fall off my chair ♪

♪ And I'm wondering
How I'll get down the stairs ♪

♪ And there's clowns to the left of me
Jokers to the right ♪
*GRACE and FRANKIE* Season 03 Episode 03

♪ Here I am
Stuck in the middle with you ♪
"The Focus Group"

♪ Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

Ready?

Here we go.

Behold. The Ménage à Moi.

Oh, my God, it's beautiful.

And so light.

It's like I'm holding a cloud.

Yeah, that can vibrate
and give you orgasms.

Mmm.

Oh, my God, the glow-in-the-dark
control buttons were a great idea.

Thank you.

And can we talk about this soft-grip gel
sleeve, Ms. Stroke-of-Friggin'-Genius?

Look how easily the angles change.

Mmm.

Oh, we did this, Frankie.

We said we were gonna do it
and we did it.

Yeah! Thanks to Jacob.

What did he do?

Oh, yeah! Mr. Money Bags.

Have you talked to him yet
about the terms of the loan?

Of course I did.

And what are they?

It's... you know... 72.

As in, percent? As in, interest?

It's an FDA glass-ceiling mortgage.

It's all FICA, Grace.

Okay, I better call him myself.

No!

I'll walk you through it later.

We've got a prototype to try out.

What do you say we give these bad boys
a trial run and then compare notes?

Here? In the same room?

No. Not in the same room.

I mean, I'm open to it,
if that's your jam.

That is not my jam.
Nothing could be further from my jam.

Then, how about this?

I do it whenever, you do it whenever,

and then we meet up whenever.

That's more my jam.

- It's pretty exciting, huh?
- Yeah.

Oh, it's so quiet.

God. You know what I just thought?

Wow. I have not spoken
to my cousin since...

a very long time.

You know, maybe I should call her now,

you know, while I'm thinking about it.

Let's call my cousin too.

Hello.

Good morning.

Good morning.

So, did you get in touch with your cousin?

I did.

We had a very satisfying conversation.

I'm going to make a point
of calling more often.

Just between you and me, that thing
could give Jacob a run for his money.

He can't change angles as quickly.

And mama's got angles.

Look.

It didn't aggravate my arthritis one bit!

The Ménage à Moi,
it works très magnifique.

Orgasms and pancakes with all the fixings!

Best day ever.

So when does the money truck pull up?

Whoa, slow down. It doesn't matter
that we know it's great.

We gotta have other women try it
and give us feedback.

But we don't have a budget
for focus groups.

I could call a few of my friends.

No. I know your friends.

Get them all together in a room

and we'd end up with a doobie-smoking
vibrator orgy on our hands.

You don't smoke during an orgy.
Use your head.

It has to be an impartial group.
We need unbiased opinions.

Where do we find those women?

Hang out at HomeTown Buffet and hand them
out to older women at the soft serve bar?

Which is delicious, by the way,
but strangely small cones.

You remember Arlene, don't you?

Sure. She was one of the mean girls
you used to hang out with.

Arlene was never mean.
I always thought of her

like one of those sweet birds
that lives on the back of a crocodile.

Don't disparage crocodiles by comparing
them to old Puss Face and the gang.

She doesn't see Puss Face anymore.

She's joined a women's social group
called The Daytimers.

They meet once a week for lunch. You know,
go on field trips, that sort of thing.

Hmm. Sounds like our target market.

Target market?

You've been tossing around
fancy terms lately.

I googled "business words."

If I'm gonna be taken seriously
as an entrepreneur,

I should start sounding like one.

Hostile takeover. Vested interest.

File not found.

Where are the jelly beans?

You finished them with your eggs
yesterday, but I have gummy bears.

Who puts gummy bears on pancakes?

God. Okay. Enough.

This little piggy is done.

I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Sol's become quite the pizza maven.

He's even managed to make my special
whole-wheat, low-fat, gluten-free,

soy cheese pizza taste quite... terrible!

It's still terrible!

Look at you two. So happy.

And why not? A beautiful, new home.

And retirement, what,
just around the corner?

I wouldn't say around the corner.

I've rounded the corner and parked.

I'm really confused about this corner now.

We're gonna get Bud up to speed
before we turn the firm over completely.

Sol goes in three days a week
and I don't go in at all.

Sounds like someone's
just dragging his huaraches.

I'm this close to convincing him.

You need to be to convinced to retire?
All I've ever wanted to be is retired.

Whenever I see a Walmart greeter,
I think: "Lucky bastard."

Robert's been bribing me
with promises of traveling.

We've never even been to Gettysburg.
Can you believe that?

I was thinking Spain,

but a blood-soaked battlefield haunted
with memories of dead boys could be fun.

Speaking of wars,
did I mention that I'm directing 1776?

What? Where?

At the New Lear Community Theatre
of La Jolla.

I love 1776!
Sol, tell him how much I love 1776.

He loves 1776.

♪ I say vote yes ♪

♪ Vote yes ♪

♪ Vote for independency ♪

Robert! I didn't know you could sing.

You have a very good voice.

Did you know he could sing like that?

Oh, sure. When we go out in the car,
he always puts on the show-tunes station.

Makes it impossible to carry on
a conversation.

And sometimes I want
to jump out the window.

But he does have an excellent voice.

Robert, you have to audition.

- Oh, no, I don't think so.
- I'm serious.

The same people get cast over and over.

Some of them are tired
and not good, and I hate them.

I love musical theater, but I don't think
that I could ever actually perform.

Stop it. You'd be terrific.

Sol, I want you to come audition, too.

Both of you say that you will, right now.

Me? Oh, no.

Thanks for asking, but I don't really
think of myself as much of an actor.

Didn't you two act straight for decades?

Sol, maybe we should audition.

Ah, "Hickory...

lends a traditional smoky flavor
and classic aroma."

Move over, mesquite. Looks like
you're not the only game in Pizzatown.

Want to come with me on a hickory hunt?

How could I not?

Guess what?

We're auditioning for 1776.

What?

You have only to prepare a song. I just
signed us up on the New Lear website.

I'm gonna do "The Impossible Dream."

Robert, I don't know,
it's a little out of my comfort zone.

Isn't that the reason to do it?

To do the things we've never done?
Come on. Let's have an adventure.

You have talked about
widening our social circle.

That's right. And you know,
theater folk are an interesting bunch.

Entertaining, creative types.

Left-brained.

And more fun than our old lawyer friends.

Big drinkers, the theater crowd.
Big, big drinkers.

They celebrate life.

You know, I was in Carousel
in junior high.

- I didn't know that.
- Oh, yes.

I played Enoch Snow, Jr.

Very small role,
but everyone said I stood out.

It might have been
because I was 14 and six feet tall,

but I remember the experience fondly.

Maybe it's time
to trod the boards again.

That's the spirit!

I know exactly
what I'm going to sing for my audition.

"Leaving on a Fast Train."

Jet plane.

No, a fast train.

Grace, it is so sweet of you and Frankie
to have us all over.

Coming to the beach is such a treat.

And we're all so curious
about this business you two are starting.

We're so excited to hear
what all of you think about it.

Okay, ladies.

If you all will take a seat,
make yourselves comfortable,

we can get started.

Frankie and I really appreciate
your coming out here today.

We just can't wait to tell you
what we've been up to.

- Excuse me, Grace?
- Yes?

Before you begin,
I'd like to ask everyone to stand

and join hands as we bow our heads
and thank the Lord

for bringing us together
on this beautiful day.

Heavenly Father,
our hearts are so filled with joy today.

- Amen.
- Thank you, Lord.

Praise Jesus.

Hear us, Lord,

as we give you thanks for bringing
Grace and Frankie into our lives.

We ask that you give us strength, O Lord,

to help our new friends
in any way we can with their new endeavor.

We ask this in your name. Amen.

- Amen.
- Uh...

Arlene, how do you know these women?

Oh, well, I recently joined
St. Erik Lutheran.

This is my prayer group.

Jesus Christ.

I can't wait to hear
all about this product of yours.

Okay.

Oh!

Cookies! We forgot to put out the...

Frankie, mind helping me with the cookies?

Why, are they made of bricks?

So funny. We'll be right back.

Okay.

Oh, my God.

Grace? Grace, did you catch
that religion thing?

Since I'm not deaf like you are,
yes, I did!

What are we gonna do?

There's a strong rip current today.

I'm going to walk right into the ocean
and be on my way to Hawaii.

Let me handle it.

I've been waiting my whole life
to talk to a bunch of Bible-thumpers

about my naughty bits.

No and no. I'm gonna do it.

I have to do it.

I've got to do it.
I hope you're getting a kick out of this.

Who are you talking to?

I don't think it's gonna fit.
Careful, 'cause that's glass.

Thank you.

So, you brought the little guys.

Yeah, the sitter got her days mixed up,
so I hope that's okay.

Well, I made reservations
at Juniper & Ivy,

but I guess maybe Chuck E. Cheese instead?

Funny. They'll be fine.

Hey... you two.

They have names.

I know.

What are they?

Well, that's Little Round Head
and Big Round Head.

- Jesus, Bree.
- What, I'm their aunt.

I can't have sweet nicknames for them?

Whoa.

What?

Why are they staring at me?

They're babies. Babies stare at things.

Are they gonna burst out crying
for no reason?

There's always a reason.

And can I ask what the fuck
is wrong with you?

What?

Okay, look, I get it.
We all get it. You don't want children.

Doesn't mean you get
to be shitty about mine.

- Mal, I was joking.
- No, it's not funny.

It used to be sort of amusing,
like, "Oh, that's just you,"

but now it's just mean.

And I'm starting to think there's
something really, truly wrong with you.

Ouch.

Yeah, that's how you
make me feel all the time.

- Okay, I'm sorry.
- I don't want your apology.

I just want you to stop being a dick
about my kids.

And if you can't,
I don't want you around them. Okay?

Okay.

Enjoy your lunch.

Wow.

Um...

Well, I'd like to tell you
a little something about myself

and how this whole thing got started.

Ten years ago, I was diagnosed
with osteoarthritis in both wrists.

You know, it's very common.

Happens as we age, wear and tear.

Only God is perfect, right?

- Amen.
- That's right.

I'm curious, do any of you
have hand or wrist issues?

Oh, yeah.

My hands are so stiff in the morning,
I can't even open them.

I have to run hot water over them
just to get them going.

Oh, bless your heart.

And how do they feel after you masturbate?

Oh! Oh, no, no, no. It's okay.
You're in a safe place.

No, this is like a...

It's like a sanctuary, so to speak.

Um...

So, does it aggravate the condition?

You know, swelling or pain after you...

After you masturbate, she's saying.

Praise His name.

Probably not your typical
topic of discussion, I imagine,

at your prayer group.

Which is understandable.

I mean, um...

Jesus tap dancing Christ!

Grace, could we just
pass these out right now?

Get this show on the road!

All right.

All of you just, um...
reach down into the bag,

and you'll find a little goodie in there

that might make you feel... born again.

What is it?

Oh, we call it a Ménage à Moi.

It's a vibrator.

- But not just any vibrator.
- Yeah.

No, it's designed specifically
for the older adult woman

with hand or wrist issues.

So, what would you like us to do with it?

What do you think
they want us to do with it?

I had a feeling this morning.
I had a feeling. Don't go to the beach.

Come on, Carol.

Let's get out of here
before they tie us to our chairs

and force us to watch blue movies.

No. Oh, please, no, don't go.

Lord.

Oh, Arlene, I'm so sorry.
I honestly didn't mean to offend anybody.

It's okay.

We'll stop off at Chili's on our way home.

A molten lava cake will calm them down.

You know, separate from this,

I think I could hang out with Carol.

Peter! Come in. Come in.

Hope I'm not disturbing you guys.

Is Sol here? I don't see his car.

No, he's out foraging for hickory wood.

Long story. Come in, please.

Oh, thanks,
but I'm only here for a minute.

I come bearing news.

I have the distinct pleasure
of informing you

that you have been cast as John Adams

in the New Lear Theatre's
production of 1776!

Ah! Oh, my God!

Oh!

I don't believe it!

Oh, don't be modest.

You blew everyone away.

We are all so excited
about having you with us.

Except Evan Price. He thought
he was just gonna be handed the role.

- Fuck him.
- Okay.

So, uh, what now?

I mean... I'm sorry,
I'm just trying to process all this.

- Sol! Who's Sol playing?
- Hmm.

Yeah. He wasn't cast.

- No?
- Mm-mm.

Nothing?

Oh, come on.
Not understudy to Ben Franklin?

- Nope.
- Background Congressman?

- Sorry.
- Silent Man with spittoon?

Look, I love Sol to death.

You know I do.

But, Robert, his singing voice?

Flatter than West Texas.

And even the most basic dance moves.

Watching him was like...

You know how when a baby horse
is first born

and it tries to get up and walk around
for the first time?

- All spindly and...
- Yeah, I get the picture. Yeah. Oh.

Look, I'm sorry, Robert.
I know it's just community theater,

and gay community theater at that,
but even we have standards.

I understand, but listen,
he could be back any moment,

we've gotta figure out
the best way to tell him.

I was thinking that the best way
to tell him would be for you to do it.

But you're the director.
Isn't that the director's job?

Quite honestly?
This is my first directing gig.

I'm not familiar
with the subtleties of the job yet.

Congratulations, Mr. Adams!

Thank you.

And good luck.

You did good today.

No, I didn't.

Nah, you didn't.

But don't beat yourself up.

I bet the first focus group
for anal beads was a disaster, too.

You don't understand.
We have a huge problem.

You saw what happened.

One word: "masturbation,"
and they are outta here.

It's not like I gave a demonstration.

Hey, that's their problem, not ours.
We have a great thing here.

I know that. You know that.

I want the entire Midwest to know it.

I want the South to know it.

But how do we get them to listen?

They clearly don't want to talk about it.

I didn't want to talk about it.

I know those women.

I was one of them.

I know why they're upset.

Wait. Are you ashamed
of what we're doing here?

Because if you are, tell me and we will
shit-can this whole thing right now.

No, it's just...

how do we get people to try a product
that no one will admit they want or need?

- I wouldn't say "no one."
- What?

One of the vibrators is missing.

Hello. I brought takeout.

Frankie, your car
is in the middle of the street.

Oh, fuck, I left my car
in the middle of the street!

Ooh! Nice.

Oh, wow, it's a lot lighter than...

Who cares? Mine.
It's a lot lighter than mine.

Is that Chinese food?

It is.

No. No. No! Mom.

You: "Hey, can you come by
for dinner tonight? Smiley face."

Me: "Sure, I'll bring...
What would you like?"

You: "Anything. Don't care. Wink face."

That's the trouble with texting.

If we had had an actual conversation,
you would know that "anything"

means "anything but Chinese."

Too tired to be mean, so I'm gonna
go with: "Sure. That makes sense."

Bad day?

The usual.

Really?

Mallory called. She told me
what happened in your office.

She said you acted like a real bitch.

God, she's such a tattletale.

How far on her side are you
as of right now?

Pretty far.

I can turn you.

Found it! Hickory.

I had to go all the way to Escondido.

- Here. Smell.
- Very nice.

What's the matter?

Sol... sit down.

Okay.

Actually, before you sit,
could you put the log down?

Robert, what is it?

I have something to tell you,
but I'm not sure how.

Then just tell me.

Yes, um...

I...

It's...

- Well...
- Oh, God.

You slept with Grace!

No! I did not sleep with Grace!

Oh! Thank God.

Okay. While you were out,
Peter stopped by...

You slept with Peter?!

I did not sleep with Peter.

I didn't sleep with anyone.

Peter left some disappointing news.

Oh... We didn't get cast, did we?

Well, actually, I got cast...

in a lead role of John Adams.

That's amazing!

I am so proud of you!

- You're going to be a perfect John Adams!
- Well...

- Did I get anything?
- No.

I'm sorry, honey, you weren't cast.

Oh.

Okay.

Nothing?

Not Congressional Custodian, hmm?

Leather-Apron Guy?

Sol, there were only 26 male roles.

- Well, I...
- You're disappointed, of course.

No, no, I'm fine. It was just a lark.

Twenty-six male roles?

Hon, look, I know this was something
we were planning to do together.

So if you don't want me to do it, I won't.

Don't be ridiculous. You have to do it.

You're John Adams!

- Are you sure? Because if you say no...
- Stop.

I'm happy to play another role.

The role of supportive spouse.

Thank you, my love.

What?

Nothing, I... I just...

I really thought my dancing
would carry me.

We were supposed to have
an adult lunch.

Why would you bring
Thing One and Thing Two?

Why do people think they can bring
their children everywhere?

You hated it when people
brought children to parties.

That's true. This is different.
It's your family.

Oh, please. Mom, you're just like me.

When that phone rings and you see
it's Mallory, what is your first thought?

It's Mallory, I should pick up.

But then you say a little prayer.

"Please God, don't let her ask me
to watch her innumerable children."

Yeah, maybe.
It's just she has so many of them.

Ha! You are on my side!

I didn't say that.

Mom, I just broke up with a guy. Shouldn't
I be able to talk to my sister about it

without watching babies
hanging from her boobs?

Look, I think everybody can agree
babies are terrible.

Don't share that with your sister.

You know what else she said to me?

She actually said that
she didn't want me around them.

That there's something wrong with me.
Like I'm broken or something.

- Mommy?
- Huh?

Why so quiet?

- I'm avoiding land mines.
- Wait.

You think there's something wrong with me?

Look, why don't you try pretending
that you adore those kids?

That you think they're
the cutest things in the world.

Why should I?

Because Mallory is a mother
with a tribe of children.

She's not the younger sister who used to
stay up with you and braid your hair

and talk about boys.

Mom, we never did that.

- Well, what were you doing up there?
- Smoking.

God, I miss smoking.
And I miss that Mallory.

Well, that Mallory's up to her neck
with dirty diapers and spit-up.

You just have to accept that. Otherwise
you're not gonna have any relationship.

But I want a relationship with her.

Then suck it up
and be nice about the kids.

All of them?

Pick two to start.

Two? That's half.

So remember when we were kids
and we'd get into a huge fight,

and then we'd sit down
and talk it through? Remember?

No. You'd just beat the crap out of me

and eventually we'd forget
what we were fighting about.

Well, do you want
to try to talk it out now?

Well, I don't want
the crap beat out of me, so, sure.

Cool. Okay.

So, um, I just need you to know

that I actually do love your kids.

Because they're your kids.

You've got a very weird way of showing it.

I know, right?

Look, I am who I am, Mal.

I mean, I'm never going
to be good with them.

I can't pretend that their dumb stories
make any sense.

And I'll always gag when they get that
gross dirt thing under their runny noses.

But when they're teenagers,

and can clean themselves
and speak correctly,

they are mine. I mean,
they're going to love their Auntie Bree.

- Yeah?
- Yeah. I don't hate your children.

I just miss my sister.

I miss my sister, too.

You just wait. I mean, I'm going to pass
along everything that Frankie taught me.

How to roll a tight joint.
Steer a car only using your feet.

Read aloud from Henry Miller.

- Classy.
- Just the dirty stuff.

Okay. My children are not to go near you.

Not gonna be able
to keep them away from me.

So, are we okay?

Only time will tell.

Okay, I am gonna beat the crap out of you.

What are you doing?

I'm picking the peas out of my fried rice.

Please don't put them in your nose.

It's Arlene.

Oh, God, what is she doing here?

♪ Shall we gather at the river ♪

Stop it.

- Hi.
- Arlene, come in, please.

I'm sorry about yesterday.

- I should have warned you.
- Don't be sorry.

There's no reason to be sorry.

Listen, I took one of
the vibrators home and...

Ah-ha! I think I know
who took one of the vibrators.

And love it.

There's no other way to say it.

It awakened something in me
that I thought was long dead.

Oh, Arlene,
that's exactly how I felt, too.

I never even realized
how much I missed, you know, it.

How I've missed it.

How did you like
those three glow-in-the-dark buttons?

That was my idea.

Love, love, and love.

How about the gel sleeve, Arlene, huh?
Any wrist pain?

No. In fact, I think
my hearing's improved.

I think mine has, too!

Yours hasn't.

So, I am gonna need
a few of these for my prayer group.

Well, that's why I came by.

You're kidding? Those women? I thought
we were gonna get stoned by vibrator!

Well, it was a pretty quiet drive home.

But then I got phone calls
later that night.

So, I'm gonna need three of these.
Actually, four.

Doreen is on the fence, but I think
I can get her to see the light.

Oh, you two are doing God's work.

What did she say?

We're doing God's work!

Amen, sister.

["Something's Got A Hold Of Me"
playing]

♪ Something's got a hold on me ♪

♪ Oh, something's got a hold on me ♪

♪ Let me tell you, children ♪

♪ It picked me up
And then it turned me around ♪

♪ I said something's got a hold on me ♪

♪ Oh, you'll notice
Something's got a hold on me ♪

♪ Talk about
Oh, something's got a hold on me ♪

♪ I feel all right now ♪

♪ It picked me up
And then it turned me around ♪

♪ I said something's got a hold on me ♪

♪ Oh, it got a hold ♪

♪ It got a hold, it got a hold on me ♪

- ♪ My love ♪
- ♪ It got a hold, it got a hold on me ♪

- ♪ The Holy Ghost got me now ♪
- ♪ It got a hold, it got a hold on me ♪

♪ And I don't care
How you feel about me... ♪

Okay, good night!