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1
00:00:04,105 --> 00:00:06,105
(sheep bleating)
2
00:00:07,474 --> 00:00:09,074
So this is Regus.
3
00:00:09,076 --> 00:00:11,776
He had a torrid
love affair with Cecilia.
4
00:00:11,779 --> 00:00:16,179
But don't tell Jeanine, 'cause
she doesn't know yet.
5
00:00:16,183 --> 00:00:18,183
Um, I know what you're thinking.
6
00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:21,385
These two ducks, a mallard and a
blue bill.
7
00:00:21,388 --> 00:00:24,458
Yeah, the sex was crazy.
8
00:00:24,458 --> 00:00:25,658
Lonely?
9
00:00:25,659 --> 00:00:30,059
Uh, no, no. Not at all.
10
00:00:30,064 --> 00:00:33,334
To be honest, someone else
around here would really just
11
00:00:33,333 --> 00:00:36,073
you know, get in the way.
12
00:00:36,070 --> 00:00:40,670
This is Lois. She's deeply
entrenched in a pyramid scheme.
13
00:00:40,674 --> 00:00:44,084
So yeah, I just, uh... I really,
honestly, I got things
14
00:00:44,078 --> 00:00:47,548
set up pretty much exactly the
way I want them.
15
00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:48,978
Just by myself.
16
00:00:54,421 --> 00:01:04,531
♪
17
00:01:11,038 --> 00:01:13,138
Registration packet for the
competition
18
00:01:13,140 --> 00:01:14,740
is usually here by now.
19
00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:17,911
It's got to arrive today!
20
00:01:17,912 --> 00:01:22,212
I'm not gonna get screwed by a
technicality.
21
00:01:22,216 --> 00:01:24,846
It's not exactly rocket science,
22
00:01:24,852 --> 00:01:27,592
organizing a carving
competition.
23
00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:29,118
(sighing)
24
00:01:29,123 --> 00:01:30,993
(car approaching)
25
00:01:34,027 --> 00:01:35,527
About damn time.
26
00:01:44,204 --> 00:01:45,804
What?
27
00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:48,437
God damn it!
28
00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:54,351
There's something fishy
going on.
29
00:01:54,348 --> 00:01:56,948
And I'm going to get to the
bottom of it.
30
00:01:56,951 --> 00:02:00,621
No one jerks around Frank
Brunswick.
31
00:02:02,489 --> 00:02:09,899
♪
32
00:02:09,897 --> 00:02:11,497
So, how's she float?
33
00:02:11,498 --> 00:02:12,898
Float?
34
00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:14,700
Yeah, how's she sit in
the water?
35
00:02:14,701 --> 00:02:16,971
- It has to float?
- Yes, it has to float.
36
00:02:16,971 --> 00:02:18,741
I didn't think it needed
to do that.
37
00:02:18,739 --> 00:02:20,969
"Floating decorative." What did
you think it meant?
38
00:02:20,975 --> 00:02:22,235
To be honest, the rule book is
pretty dense.
39
00:02:22,242 --> 00:02:23,342
I didn't really read it.
40
00:02:23,344 --> 00:02:26,184
Well, loons are special, because
unlike ducks,
41
00:02:26,180 --> 00:02:28,110
their bones are solid,
not hollow.
42
00:02:28,114 --> 00:02:31,084
So they always sit a little
lower in the water.
43
00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:33,524
Getting that precise,
that's a challenge.
44
00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:35,990
(sighing)
45
00:02:35,990 --> 00:02:39,860
I don't know, Rhett. That sounds
like a lot more work.
46
00:02:41,195 --> 00:02:43,525
I think I bit off more than I
can chew.
47
00:02:43,530 --> 00:02:45,460
Hey. Don't sweat it.
48
00:02:45,466 --> 00:02:47,126
Sometimes you get lucky
49
00:02:47,134 --> 00:02:48,704
and they sit low enough in the
water straight away.
50
00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:50,872
- Yeah?
- Yeah, she's a beaut.
51
00:03:00,247 --> 00:03:03,217
Are you wearing a denim shirt,
and a denim jacket,
52
00:03:03,217 --> 00:03:04,817
and a denim kerchief?
53
00:03:04,818 --> 00:03:06,218
That's a lot of denim, honey.
54
00:03:06,220 --> 00:03:07,950
The judges care about
presentation.
55
00:03:07,954 --> 00:03:10,294
I think you're probably
overthinking this.
56
00:03:10,290 --> 00:03:14,330
My name is Amandeep Singh, and I
present to you, the judges.
57
00:03:14,328 --> 00:03:15,858
I'm judging.
58
00:03:17,831 --> 00:03:20,501
The blue bill.
59
00:03:20,501 --> 00:03:21,931
Tah-dah!
60
00:03:23,803 --> 00:03:26,603
Why-- why isn't he-- it yellow?
61
00:03:26,606 --> 00:03:27,766
Yellow?
62
00:03:27,775 --> 00:03:29,305
Huh? Like a bath time ducky
ducky?
63
00:03:29,309 --> 00:03:32,709
It is not that kind of "quack
quack" ducky ducky, man!
64
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,253
That's all it is?
65
00:03:34,248 --> 00:03:36,278
Not by a longshot.
66
00:03:36,283 --> 00:03:39,253
Ladies and gentlemen,
the blue bill.
67
00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:47,856
Oh...
68
00:03:47,861 --> 00:03:49,331
Is it supposed to do that?
69
00:03:49,330 --> 00:03:51,660
- Oh no.
- It looks sick.
70
00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:53,865
No... no, my life is over.
71
00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:57,497
- (sobbing)
- Amu, no.
72
00:03:57,504 --> 00:03:59,374
It's supposed to float!
73
00:03:59,373 --> 00:04:01,373
Aw, don't worry so much, hm?
74
00:04:01,375 --> 00:04:05,875
I'm sure you can put some little
duck floaters on it,
75
00:04:05,879 --> 00:04:07,779
- you know? Like those...
- What?
76
00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:09,781
Wrap it in a noodle.
77
00:04:14,654 --> 00:04:17,164
100%?
78
00:04:17,157 --> 00:04:20,787
This is critical to our event.
79
00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:24,604
Great, thank you very much for
your professionalism, Griffin.
80
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:28,796
And that is a green light on
using their kitchenette!
81
00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:30,772
Boy, that could have
gotten ugly.
82
00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:32,271
Oh, tell me about it!
83
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,972
You know, sometimes I think it
would be easier
84
00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:36,944
to put a man on the moon than to
organize this competition.
85
00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:39,084
- Amen.
- (knocking at door)
86
00:04:39,079 --> 00:04:40,249
Oh.
87
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,122
Oh, Frank?
88
00:04:44,118 --> 00:04:45,978
Great to see you unannounced.
89
00:04:45,985 --> 00:04:48,715
Save it. What are you playing
at, Barb?
90
00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:50,792
- Pardon me?
- I haven't received
91
00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:53,461
my registration packet in the
mail yet!
92
00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:56,600
I don't much appreciate this
cloak and dagger act.
93
00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:58,197
What's going on?
94
00:04:58,198 --> 00:05:02,468
Oh, Frank, no. We've gone online
this year. We're paperless.
95
00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:03,669
Where's your phone?
96
00:05:03,670 --> 00:05:05,770
My phone?
97
00:05:05,772 --> 00:05:08,272
My phone's at my house, plugged
into the wall.
98
00:05:08,275 --> 00:05:09,735
Right.
99
00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:12,943
Well, uh, why don't you
come on in
100
00:05:12,946 --> 00:05:14,346
and I'll show you how to
register.
101
00:05:14,347 --> 00:05:17,817
Well, it's the least you could
do, I think.
102
00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:19,618
Nice to see you, Frank.
103
00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:21,020
Frank: Yeah.
104
00:05:23,357 --> 00:05:24,757
Barb: Here's my tablet.
105
00:05:24,758 --> 00:05:26,858
You can take a look at that if
you want.
106
00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:31,700
(loud classical music playing)
107
00:05:31,698 --> 00:05:33,868
(laughing maniacally)
108
00:05:35,268 --> 00:05:37,698
Who are you?
109
00:05:37,704 --> 00:05:39,144
No!
110
00:05:39,139 --> 00:05:46,379
♪
111
00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:47,980
Who are you?!
112
00:05:47,981 --> 00:05:49,851
A merganser?
113
00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:52,379
A pintail?!
114
00:05:52,386 --> 00:05:54,646
American wigeon?
115
00:05:54,654 --> 00:05:56,464
Canvasback?!
116
00:05:56,457 --> 00:05:59,357
A Northern shoveler?
117
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:02,989
(sobbing)
118
00:06:02,996 --> 00:06:06,256
Show yourself!
119
00:06:06,266 --> 00:06:09,326
♪
120
00:06:09,335 --> 00:06:10,795
(knocking at door)
121
00:06:16,410 --> 00:06:17,610
Everything okay in here?
122
00:06:17,611 --> 00:06:19,981
Got a, uh, noise complaint.
123
00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:23,680
No, everything's not okay,
officer.
124
00:06:23,684 --> 00:06:27,594
I have...
125
00:06:27,587 --> 00:06:28,987
Carver's block.
126
00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:36,858
You try yelling at it?
127
00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:45,270
- In the tub!
- Whoa, Rhett!
128
00:06:45,272 --> 00:06:47,242
Float, check. Sorry, Marge.
129
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:50,740
There's nothing in there I
haven't seen before.
130
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:52,784
I got this, okay. Let me
handle it.
131
00:06:52,779 --> 00:06:57,779
Uh, babe, we are just wondering
if you might see where
132
00:06:57,784 --> 00:06:59,454
the water line is when it
floats.
133
00:06:59,452 --> 00:07:01,722
- Margaret: Are you serious?
- Very.
134
00:07:01,721 --> 00:07:04,261
Rhett, Rhett...
135
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:05,487
Babe?
136
00:07:12,332 --> 00:07:14,902
Margaret: Barely breaks the
surface.
137
00:07:14,901 --> 00:07:17,341
Thank you, useful information.
138
00:07:19,139 --> 00:07:22,769
Did I, uh, mention you're
beautiful?
139
00:07:24,011 --> 00:07:26,481
What kind of a duck sinks?
140
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:30,120
Stupid, stupid, stupid!
141
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:39,760
There is so much of this crap.
142
00:07:39,759 --> 00:07:42,889
Just to make it edible, you have
to add a lot of spices.
143
00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:45,896
But he insists on eating
Canadian cuisine
144
00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:47,229
when he's in training.
145
00:07:47,234 --> 00:07:50,544
I just want to get rid of it.
146
00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:04,515
You can still see it, can't you?
147
00:08:06,052 --> 00:08:08,052
I'll have to bury it.
148
00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:15,389
Skipping straight ahead to our
golden years
149
00:08:15,395 --> 00:08:17,655
is not what I had in mind.
150
00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:22,004
He acts like a retiree and he's
not even thirty.
151
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:24,042
Is that healthy?
152
00:08:26,073 --> 00:08:29,313
No... he doesn't engage
with the world.
153
00:08:29,309 --> 00:08:31,409
Certainly not our relationship.
154
00:08:31,411 --> 00:08:32,941
No.
155
00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:35,606
You know, I will tell you
this much.
156
00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:38,576
I am not going to that
competition.
157
00:08:47,594 --> 00:08:49,394
Not hungry.
158
00:08:49,396 --> 00:08:51,496
You have to eat something, hm?
You've been carving all day.
159
00:09:00,907 --> 00:09:02,407
Not bad.
160
00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:05,306
Not bad at all.
161
00:09:06,512 --> 00:09:08,052
It's fusion.
162
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:11,449
The best of both worlds.
163
00:09:15,622 --> 00:09:17,222
Fusion.
164
00:09:19,459 --> 00:09:21,059
Hey, can you get me some
chutney?
165
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,531
Simran:
Look right next to you.
166
00:09:23,530 --> 00:09:24,730
Oh, she's right.
167
00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:27,071
At least get me a spoon.
168
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:29,527
Simran:
Carve on!
169
00:09:29,536 --> 00:09:33,396
♪
170
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:36,606
If you give me just one
more duck,
171
00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:39,240
I swear I'll never carve
another again.
172
00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:43,006
I swear. Just one more
work of art.
173
00:09:43,016 --> 00:09:46,076
And then I'll turn to wooden
spoons,
174
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:48,816
or cottage signs.
175
00:09:48,822 --> 00:09:51,662
Or even pen turning.
176
00:09:56,430 --> 00:10:06,340
♪
177
00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:13,351
Oh, that wasn't right.
178
00:10:14,714 --> 00:10:16,584
Neither is that.
179
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,619
(groaning)
180
00:10:34,668 --> 00:10:35,998
God...
181
00:10:36,002 --> 00:10:38,602
What? Hey, where'd it all go?
182
00:10:38,605 --> 00:10:40,805
You swiped to the next window,
just swipe back.
183
00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:42,307
How do you swipe?!
184
00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:44,278
You know, Frank, I don't mind
typing it for you.
185
00:10:44,277 --> 00:10:46,137
I can actually easily do it
myself.
186
00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:47,676
And have you steal my identity?
187
00:10:47,681 --> 00:10:50,081
No thank you, Barb.
188
00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:51,583
(sighing)
189
00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:55,753
Hey, it's all typed in.
190
00:10:55,756 --> 00:10:58,756
All right! So now you just
press submit--
191
00:10:58,759 --> 00:11:00,459
Are you sure this is all okay?
192
00:11:00,460 --> 00:11:02,490
Yes, Frank. I'm certain.
193
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:03,625
Okay.
194
00:11:04,631 --> 00:11:06,501
Hah! Done.
195
00:11:08,167 --> 00:11:10,837
Well then, congratulations,
Frank Brunswick!
196
00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:13,507
You are now officially
registered for the Northern--
197
00:11:13,507 --> 00:11:17,507
Don't patronize me with your
carnival barker routine, Dennis.
198
00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:22,150
Okay, sorry.
199
00:11:24,284 --> 00:11:26,684
The Falcated duck.
200
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:30,716
Indigenous to the land of the
five rivers, Punjab.
201
00:11:30,724 --> 00:11:32,594
Just like your boy.
202
00:11:32,592 --> 00:11:34,332
A Punjabi bird.
203
00:11:34,327 --> 00:11:36,857
Actually, a very handsome
Punjabi bird
204
00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:38,663
made into a Canadian art form.
205
00:11:38,665 --> 00:11:42,125
The best of both worlds.
Fusion!
206
00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:45,035
Fusion, fusion, fusion.
207
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:46,668
All my idea.
208
00:11:48,174 --> 00:11:49,744
Of course I knew what I was
doing.
209
00:11:49,743 --> 00:11:52,413
The other duck was boring
as hell.
210
00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:57,247
This is my competition bird
this year.
211
00:11:57,250 --> 00:12:00,220
Her name is Mary Sue.
212
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,150
She's my best work yet.
213
00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:04,255
Shh, yeah. That's okay.
214
00:12:07,694 --> 00:12:12,604
My name is Mary Sue. I'm just a
good old-fashioned duck.
215
00:12:12,599 --> 00:12:16,839
My idea of a perfect time is a
stranger on a park bench
216
00:12:16,837 --> 00:12:19,797
with a loaf of bread and some
time to kill.
217
00:12:19,806 --> 00:12:22,436
People ask me all the time if
I'm lonely.
218
00:12:22,441 --> 00:12:25,511
I have plenty of friends, but...
219
00:12:25,512 --> 00:12:28,052
It would be nice sometimes to
meet that one special friend
220
00:12:28,047 --> 00:12:31,747
who you want to spend all your
time with,
221
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:33,721
before it's too late.
222
00:12:36,623 --> 00:12:39,593
She's a real gas, isn't she?
223
00:12:39,593 --> 00:12:42,133
Oh...
224
00:12:42,128 --> 00:12:43,858
♪ Yo, I'm madder than cray ♪
225
00:12:43,863 --> 00:12:45,463
♪ I caught my tongue, I flatter
your brain ♪
226
00:12:45,464 --> 00:12:46,934
♪ No matter the range ♪
227
00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:48,803
♪ I break your dollars
into loose change ♪
228
00:12:48,802 --> 00:12:50,672
♪ You're rhyming two planes like
I rhyme with two brains ♪
229
00:12:50,670 --> 00:12:53,540
♪ I got everybody saying my shit
like I was new slang ♪
230
00:12:53,539 --> 00:12:55,939
♪ The empire come with new
things for you to palm ♪
231
00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:58,082
♪ Like a 12-gauge we be killing
you chumps ♪
232
00:12:58,078 --> 00:12:59,608
♪ For your skull,
full of lumps ♪
233
00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:01,552
♪ When the song 'bout to
approach ya ♪
234
00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:03,078
♪ Protect his own proper ♪
235
00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:05,023
♪ Steal the show like the
Phantom of the Opera ♪
236
00:13:05,018 --> 00:13:06,948
♪ Order two vodkas to get my
head spinning ♪
237
00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:08,753
♪ Like propellers on
helicopters ♪
238
00:13:08,755 --> 00:13:11,015
♪ Fuck the coppers, no, the pigs
will never catch me ♪
239
00:13:11,023 --> 00:13:13,693
♪ After I paid off the sheriff
and the deputy ♪
240
00:13:13,693 --> 00:13:15,363
♪ You might get spotted if you
stand next to me ♪
241
00:13:15,361 --> 00:13:16,831
♪ And try to rock it ♪
242
00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:18,900
♪ You're only holding pebbles
in your pockets ♪
243
00:13:18,899 --> 00:13:21,469
♪ Throwing foreign objects at
your self-appointed prophets ♪
16910
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