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1
00:00:01,423 --> 00:00:03,558
- Bad news.
They said no.
2
00:00:03,628 --> 00:00:06,196
- What?
I thought we had a deal!
3
00:00:06,266 --> 00:00:07,699
What about our guy
on the inside?
4
00:00:07,769 --> 00:00:08,903
- They got to our guy.
5
00:00:08,972 --> 00:00:10,406
He told me to fuck myself!
6
00:00:10,476 --> 00:00:11,809
Really hurt my feelings!
7
00:00:11,879 --> 00:00:14,014
- God damn it!
- We should double the offer.
8
00:00:14,083 --> 00:00:15,651
- No, it's beyond money.
9
00:00:15,720 --> 00:00:19,156
This is between me and Taylor.
10
00:00:19,226 --> 00:00:21,127
Call the chopper.
11
00:00:21,196 --> 00:00:24,098
[heavy rock music]
12
00:00:24,168 --> 00:00:25,435
♪ ♪
13
00:00:26,539 --> 00:00:27,573
[door slams]
14
00:00:27,642 --> 00:00:29,843
Okay, Taylor,
I get it.
15
00:00:29,913 --> 00:00:33,916
I did it to you,
so now you're doing it to me.
16
00:00:33,986 --> 00:00:36,921
[dramatic music]
17
00:00:36,991 --> 00:00:40,627
♪ ♪
18
00:00:40,697 --> 00:00:42,431
I'm begging you.
19
00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:44,235
Please.
20
00:00:44,304 --> 00:00:48,307
Please just...
name your price.
21
00:00:48,377 --> 00:00:50,578
[foreboding music]
22
00:00:50,648 --> 00:00:53,183
- Tell me you want it.
23
00:00:53,253 --> 00:00:54,886
- I want it.
24
00:00:54,956 --> 00:00:57,691
- Tell me you need it.
25
00:00:57,761 --> 00:00:59,895
- I need it.
26
00:00:59,965 --> 00:01:02,900
- What do you need?
27
00:01:02,970 --> 00:01:06,206
- I need the global
streaming rights
28
00:01:06,276 --> 00:01:08,744
to "Gilmore Girls."
29
00:01:08,813 --> 00:01:10,481
- [sighs deeply]
30
00:01:11,818 --> 00:01:14,520
Raise your hand
if you're subscribed
31
00:01:14,590 --> 00:01:17,458
to Hampton DeVille's
new streaming platform,
32
00:01:17,528 --> 00:01:19,529
Hampton DeView.
33
00:01:20,667 --> 00:01:23,302
[dramatic string music]
34
00:01:23,371 --> 00:01:25,973
Rory and Lorelai deserve better
35
00:01:26,043 --> 00:01:28,811
than that shit swamp
you call a streaming platform.
36
00:01:28,881 --> 00:01:32,383
Which is why I made a deal
with Viacom this morning.
37
00:01:32,453 --> 00:01:34,421
"Gilmore Girls"
will be streaming on
38
00:01:34,490 --> 00:01:36,959
Pluto TV within the hour.
39
00:01:37,028 --> 00:01:38,562
- No.
40
00:01:38,632 --> 00:01:40,533
- See you at the Emmys.
41
00:01:41,537 --> 00:01:42,637
Not.
42
00:01:42,707 --> 00:01:45,742
[laughter]
43
00:01:46,713 --> 00:01:49,648
[rock music]
44
00:01:49,718 --> 00:01:56,757
♪ ♪
45
00:02:05,969 --> 00:02:09,071
- Who here subscribes
to Hampton DeView?
46
00:02:12,578 --> 00:02:15,179
Fucking liars!
47
00:02:15,183 --> 00:02:17,618
If you want to sell a
toothbrush in the 21st century,
48
00:02:17,688 --> 00:02:19,656
you need an Emmy-nominated
TV show
49
00:02:19,725 --> 00:02:22,560
just so fucking Joe Shmoe
will visit your website.
50
00:02:22,630 --> 00:02:23,964
There's a content war going on,
51
00:02:24,034 --> 00:02:25,868
and we're fighting it
with "Sticks and Stones,"
52
00:02:25,937 --> 00:02:28,472
and nobody's even
watching that show!
53
00:02:28,542 --> 00:02:30,910
If you all want to keep
working for this company,
54
00:02:30,980 --> 00:02:33,848
you will go home tonight,
subscribe to Hampton DeView,
55
00:02:33,918 --> 00:02:37,054
and then binge our content
until you purge!
56
00:02:37,123 --> 00:02:38,524
- [clears throat]
Um, Christian?
57
00:02:38,593 --> 00:02:40,528
I know they're--they're
technically our competition,
58
00:02:40,597 --> 00:02:44,534
but tonight is the series
finale of "Society Tomorrow."
59
00:02:44,603 --> 00:02:46,237
[suspenseful music]
60
00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:47,641
- Oh, my God.
How could I forget?
61
00:02:47,711 --> 00:02:49,078
- [exhales sharply]
62
00:02:49,147 --> 00:02:50,481
- It's had me on the edge
all season.
63
00:02:50,551 --> 00:02:53,252
O-okay, let's table
the subscriber conversation.
64
00:02:53,289 --> 00:02:54,522
I want to talk theories.
65
00:02:54,592 --> 00:02:56,259
- Yes!
- Not this shit again.
66
00:02:56,296 --> 00:02:59,064
- I have a theory.
67
00:02:59,134 --> 00:03:01,268
Camilla will die.
68
00:03:01,338 --> 00:03:05,208
Jeremy will lose
his virginity to...
69
00:03:05,277 --> 00:03:06,211
Maggie...
- [gasps]
70
00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:07,848
- Who will then be named
71
00:03:07,917 --> 00:03:11,053
the most special person
in the universe.
72
00:03:11,123 --> 00:03:13,424
- Ooh, that's pretty good.
73
00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:15,128
You know, they've been
planting seeds
74
00:03:15,231 --> 00:03:17,532
about how horny Jeremy is
since the beginning,
75
00:03:17,602 --> 00:03:19,603
and yet we've never
seen him fuck.
76
00:03:19,672 --> 00:03:21,407
- Right, right,
but will they show it?
77
00:03:21,476 --> 00:03:24,345
- Kevin, we've known this
character since he was a child.
78
00:03:24,415 --> 00:03:25,982
- Sure, but now
he's all grown up.
79
00:03:26,052 --> 00:03:28,586
And I, for one,
wanna see what he's got.
80
00:03:28,656 --> 00:03:30,757
- Well, have fun being let down
by the finale tonight.
81
00:03:30,827 --> 00:03:32,127
I'll be babysitting my niece
82
00:03:32,264 --> 00:03:34,432
and introducing her to things
that are actually good.
83
00:03:34,501 --> 00:03:36,269
- The thought of you
having any influence
84
00:03:36,305 --> 00:03:38,273
over a child
is frightening.
85
00:03:38,309 --> 00:03:40,477
- Are you kidding me?
I was born to be a cool uncle.
86
00:03:40,547 --> 00:03:42,748
I get to download
all my pop culture opinions
87
00:03:42,818 --> 00:03:44,585
onto an impressionable
child's brain
88
00:03:44,655 --> 00:03:46,289
and then never
have to take care of it.
89
00:03:46,358 --> 00:03:49,127
- I heard the finale
is four hours long.
90
00:03:49,197 --> 00:03:50,530
- Mm.
91
00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:51,834
- I hope to God
that's enough time
92
00:03:51,903 --> 00:03:53,003
to tie up
all the loose ends.
93
00:03:53,073 --> 00:03:54,707
- Yes!
- Right, but not too neatly.
94
00:03:54,777 --> 00:03:56,711
I wanna be surprised.
- Yeah, but not too surprised.
95
00:03:56,781 --> 00:03:59,082
- Right.
- [laughs]
96
00:03:59,152 --> 00:04:01,820
- The Walking Beds!
- The Talking Heads.
97
00:04:01,890 --> 00:04:04,592
- The Talking Deads.
- All right, I'll take it.
98
00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:06,062
- Thank you so much
for watching her.
99
00:04:06,132 --> 00:04:07,866
I should be back
in about four hours.
100
00:04:07,935 --> 00:04:09,469
Well, maybe closer six
with the aftershow.
101
00:04:09,539 --> 00:04:10,472
Here you go.
- No problem.
102
00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:11,909
We're gonna have fun.
103
00:04:11,979 --> 00:04:13,146
So Stelly-Belly,
what do you think?
104
00:04:13,282 --> 00:04:14,516
You wanna watch
a Miyazaki film?
105
00:04:14,585 --> 00:04:15,986
Or even better,
"Summer Catch"
106
00:04:16,055 --> 00:04:17,356
starring Freddie Prinze Jr.?
107
00:04:17,426 --> 00:04:18,426
- I thought you wanted to
brainwash her
108
00:04:18,495 --> 00:04:19,862
into having good taste.
109
00:04:19,932 --> 00:04:21,900
- Freddie Prinze Jr. was the
James Dean of our generation.
110
00:04:21,969 --> 00:04:23,603
- He died in a car accident?
111
00:04:23,673 --> 00:04:25,574
- I wanna watch
"Pickles 4 Breakfast."
112
00:04:25,644 --> 00:04:27,144
- What the hell is
"Pickles 4 Breakfast"?
113
00:04:27,214 --> 00:04:29,816
- You should know.
Your company makes it.
114
00:04:29,885 --> 00:04:31,753
Bye, love you.
Have fun!
115
00:04:31,823 --> 00:04:33,590
[electronic beep]
116
00:04:33,660 --> 00:04:35,327
- You guys are
the only people I know
117
00:04:35,330 --> 00:04:36,797
who subscribe
to Hampton DeView.
118
00:04:36,867 --> 00:04:38,701
- I'm using my friend's
password.
119
00:04:38,771 --> 00:04:40,872
I would never pay for it.
120
00:04:40,942 --> 00:04:42,642
- Okay, Stelly-Belly,
let's make a deal.
121
00:04:42,712 --> 00:04:44,213
First we watch
"Pickles 4 Breakfast,"
122
00:04:44,349 --> 00:04:46,150
but then I get to introduce you
to "Summer Catch"
123
00:04:46,220 --> 00:04:47,353
starring Freddie Prinze Jr.--
124
00:04:47,356 --> 00:04:49,357
- No!
Only "Pickles 4 Breakfast"!
125
00:04:49,393 --> 00:04:50,927
[cheerful music]
126
00:04:50,997 --> 00:04:53,765
- ♪ Pickles for breakfast ♪
- ♪ Yes, Mommy ♪
127
00:04:53,835 --> 00:04:57,471
♪ I want pickles
every day ♪
128
00:04:57,541 --> 00:05:00,610
- ♪ Do you love pickles? ♪
- ♪ Yes, Mommy ♪
129
00:05:00,679 --> 00:05:03,615
♪ I love pickles
in every way ♪
130
00:05:03,684 --> 00:05:05,385
[pickle crunches]
131
00:05:05,455 --> 00:05:08,023
- That is not
what breakfast is like.
132
00:05:08,093 --> 00:05:10,461
- Shush!
133
00:05:10,531 --> 00:05:13,966
- ♪ Look out for
the bad bird ♪
134
00:05:14,036 --> 00:05:17,372
♪ For it will
steal your pickle ♪
135
00:05:17,441 --> 00:05:19,109
- ♪ Yes, Mommy ♪
136
00:05:19,179 --> 00:05:21,713
♪ If the bird
steals the pickle ♪
137
00:05:21,783 --> 00:05:23,684
♪ I'll kill it
with a sickle ♪
138
00:05:23,754 --> 00:05:24,687
[sickle slicing]
139
00:05:24,757 --> 00:05:25,857
[bird squawking]
140
00:05:25,927 --> 00:05:27,027
[baby laughs]
141
00:05:27,096 --> 00:05:29,164
- This is...weird.
142
00:05:29,234 --> 00:05:31,001
- Uncle Jakey,
can I have a pickle?
143
00:05:31,071 --> 00:05:33,272
- You can't have a pickle.
- You're a bird!
144
00:05:33,375 --> 00:05:34,409
- I am not a bird.
145
00:05:34,479 --> 00:05:36,580
- Then why can't I
have a pickle?
146
00:05:36,649 --> 00:05:37,716
- Because pickles
are a lunch side.
147
00:05:37,786 --> 00:05:39,019
- Pickle, pickle, pickle!
148
00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:40,890
I'm gonna kill you
with my sickle!
149
00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:42,026
[sickle slices
and bird squawks]
150
00:05:42,096 --> 00:05:44,064
- ♪ Every day ♪
[laughs]
151
00:05:44,133 --> 00:05:46,034
[ominous synth music]
152
00:05:46,104 --> 00:05:48,038
♪ ♪
153
00:05:48,108 --> 00:05:52,578
- Someone here is the most
special person in the universe.
154
00:05:52,648 --> 00:05:56,885
And if one of you doesn't
tell me who that is,
155
00:05:56,954 --> 00:05:59,756
well, then,
I'll have to kill you all.
156
00:05:59,826 --> 00:06:03,395
And wouldn't that be
a darn shame?
157
00:06:03,465 --> 00:06:05,366
[laughs]
158
00:06:05,369 --> 00:06:06,736
[laser shot rings]
159
00:06:07,840 --> 00:06:10,742
- Oh, shit, it's Joshua!
- He's back from the past!
160
00:06:10,811 --> 00:06:12,746
- He's got a beard now.
- I knew it.
161
00:06:12,815 --> 00:06:14,283
- Everyone, shut the fuck up
and listen to Joshua.
162
00:06:14,386 --> 00:06:16,820
- Oh, shit, it's Joshua!
- Back from the past!
163
00:06:16,890 --> 00:06:18,824
- And he has a beard now.
- I knew it.
164
00:06:18,894 --> 00:06:20,828
- Shut the fuck up
and listen to Joshua.
165
00:06:20,898 --> 00:06:24,100
- I traveled through
a million millennia,
166
00:06:24,170 --> 00:06:28,307
won, lost, and tied
countless wars,
167
00:06:28,410 --> 00:06:30,411
and even lost my virginity
along the way,
168
00:06:30,447 --> 00:06:32,848
which, frankly,
was a little underwhelming.
169
00:06:32,918 --> 00:06:36,487
But I did it all in order
to get back here and tell you
170
00:06:36,557 --> 00:06:39,726
that I am not the most special
person in the universe.
171
00:06:39,796 --> 00:06:41,063
[light dramatic music]
172
00:06:41,132 --> 00:06:43,534
You are, Maggie.
173
00:06:43,604 --> 00:06:47,106
- I knew it.
The future is female.
174
00:06:47,176 --> 00:06:48,509
[laser shot rings]
175
00:06:48,579 --> 00:06:51,014
[gasps and stunned murmurs]
176
00:06:51,084 --> 00:06:54,887
- No, the future is robots.
177
00:06:54,956 --> 00:06:56,523
And lucky for me...
178
00:06:56,593 --> 00:06:59,762
[robotic voice]
I am the most special robot
179
00:06:59,832 --> 00:07:01,165
in the universe.
180
00:07:01,235 --> 00:07:02,836
[ominous synth music]
181
00:07:02,906 --> 00:07:04,406
[laser shots ringing]
182
00:07:04,476 --> 00:07:05,776
- [shouts]
183
00:07:05,846 --> 00:07:09,415
♪ ♪
184
00:07:09,418 --> 00:07:11,853
- Pretty fucking cool, right?
185
00:07:11,923 --> 00:07:13,890
[bright chime]
186
00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:16,428
[dramatic synth music]
187
00:07:16,498 --> 00:07:18,332
- Amazing.
188
00:07:18,435 --> 00:07:20,069
- Boo!
- Boo!
189
00:07:20,139 --> 00:07:21,439
[jeering and yelling]
190
00:07:21,509 --> 00:07:22,742
- They didn't even
show anything!
191
00:07:22,812 --> 00:07:25,013
- Boo!
192
00:07:25,083 --> 00:07:26,884
- Yeah!
Boo!
193
00:07:26,954 --> 00:07:30,456
Hiss, crackle, pop!
- Damn it!
194
00:07:30,526 --> 00:07:31,960
- [screams]
195
00:07:32,029 --> 00:07:33,597
- Go and ruined the show
in the last episode.
196
00:07:35,695 --> 00:07:36,762
- Well, I think we can all
agree that last night's finale
197
00:07:36,831 --> 00:07:38,999
was a complete and utter
train wreck.
198
00:07:39,069 --> 00:07:40,703
- There were four perfectly
good virgins,
199
00:07:40,773 --> 00:07:41,906
and none of them got laid.
200
00:07:41,976 --> 00:07:43,210
- At the very least
201
00:07:43,279 --> 00:07:45,280
they could've shown
somebody yanking it.
202
00:07:45,350 --> 00:07:47,851
- And that's why this morning,
I made a few calls,
203
00:07:47,921 --> 00:07:49,889
pulled a few strings,
massaged a few backs,
204
00:07:49,959 --> 00:07:52,560
and may have found a way
for Hampton DeVille
205
00:07:52,630 --> 00:07:56,132
to buy the rights
to "Society Tomorrow."
206
00:07:56,202 --> 00:07:57,636
- [gasps]
- Yes!
207
00:07:57,706 --> 00:07:59,873
- Which means we could
remake the finale,
208
00:07:59,943 --> 00:08:02,278
and this time,
do it right.
209
00:08:02,348 --> 00:08:03,615
- [gasps]
Oh, my God, Jake!
210
00:08:03,684 --> 00:08:05,719
- Are you fucking kidding me
with this shit?
211
00:08:05,788 --> 00:08:08,423
- Hold on, hold on,
because to be honest,
212
00:08:08,493 --> 00:08:11,061
well, it--
it is not a good deal.
213
00:08:11,131 --> 00:08:14,333
They're asking
for $2.3 billion,
214
00:08:14,403 --> 00:08:17,572
which means we need to make
some major sacrifices.
215
00:08:17,642 --> 00:08:19,542
No more free food
for employees.
216
00:08:19,612 --> 00:08:20,579
- That's fine.
- We have to downgrade
217
00:08:20,649 --> 00:08:22,349
everyone's health insurance to,
218
00:08:22,419 --> 00:08:24,520
well, no health insurance.
- Wait, what?
219
00:08:24,590 --> 00:08:25,890
- And We're talking about
massive layoffs,
220
00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:27,360
at least 30% across the board,
221
00:08:27,430 --> 00:08:28,764
and no severance
for anyone either.
222
00:08:28,833 --> 00:08:33,237
So with all of that in mind,
what do we think?
223
00:08:33,307 --> 00:08:34,507
- Take the deal!
224
00:08:34,576 --> 00:08:35,810
- Please, Christian,
for the love of God!
225
00:08:35,814 --> 00:08:36,948
- Please, please!
226
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:38,284
- Okay, good,
because I already did it!
227
00:08:38,354 --> 00:08:41,256
[cheering]
228
00:08:41,326 --> 00:08:43,460
- [screaming]
- Yeah!
229
00:08:43,530 --> 00:08:46,432
[indistinct excited chatter]
230
00:08:46,501 --> 00:08:49,036
- I love content.
I love branded content.
231
00:08:49,106 --> 00:08:50,873
[triumphant music]
232
00:08:50,943 --> 00:08:52,844
[pickle squelches]
233
00:08:52,847 --> 00:08:55,849
[ominous music]
234
00:08:55,852 --> 00:09:02,891
♪ ♪
235
00:09:06,098 --> 00:09:09,133
[children yelling]
236
00:09:16,877 --> 00:09:20,280
- Welcome to team
"Society Tomorrow."
237
00:09:20,349 --> 00:09:23,151
- Yes!
Oh, boy, this is exciting.
238
00:09:23,221 --> 00:09:26,223
Last night, my parents
called me for the first time
239
00:09:26,293 --> 00:09:29,561
since 9/11 to pitch me
a storyline for the new finale!
240
00:09:29,631 --> 00:09:31,399
It had unsettling racist
overtones,
241
00:09:31,468 --> 00:09:32,969
but it was nice
to hear their voices.
242
00:09:33,039 --> 00:09:35,707
- You're all here
because you scored highest
243
00:09:35,843 --> 00:09:37,944
on the "Society Tomorrow"
fan quiz
244
00:09:38,014 --> 00:09:40,716
that we sent out to
every employee in the company.
245
00:09:40,852 --> 00:09:44,455
- And because we all hated
that dumbass ending
246
00:09:44,525 --> 00:09:47,126
that wasn't amazing
in any way whatsoever.
247
00:09:47,196 --> 00:09:48,463
- Exactly.
248
00:09:48,533 --> 00:09:50,934
- Our job will be
to make a new finale
249
00:09:51,004 --> 00:09:52,972
for the fans,
by the fans.
250
00:09:53,041 --> 00:09:54,175
- Whoo!
- Yeah!
251
00:09:54,244 --> 00:09:56,145
- So I have a few ideas
that I think
252
00:09:56,215 --> 00:09:57,983
everyone in this room
will love.
253
00:09:58,052 --> 00:10:00,153
First, Joshua should not come
back from the past, okay?
254
00:10:00,223 --> 00:10:02,257
That is a total cop-out.
255
00:10:02,327 --> 00:10:05,930
Second, I strongly believe
that there are three people
256
00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:07,400
who should lose
their virginities.
257
00:10:07,470 --> 00:10:09,204
- Are you gonna show it?
- Absolutely.
258
00:10:09,273 --> 00:10:10,407
- Yes!
- Third.
259
00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:11,777
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey.
260
00:10:11,913 --> 00:10:14,081
This isn't some Hollywood
writers' room.
261
00:10:14,151 --> 00:10:15,251
- No.
262
00:10:15,321 --> 00:10:16,988
- What we're doing here
is collecting
263
00:10:17,058 --> 00:10:19,493
and analyzing the data.
264
00:10:19,562 --> 00:10:21,597
- Baron has been
gathering heaps
265
00:10:21,667 --> 00:10:25,002
of luscious
"Society Tomorrow" fan data.
266
00:10:25,072 --> 00:10:27,440
Reddit, the dark web,
the secret Internet.
267
00:10:27,510 --> 00:10:29,177
Any place where
there are opinions
268
00:10:29,247 --> 00:10:30,614
and illegal pornography.
269
00:10:30,684 --> 00:10:32,851
How's that fan data looking,
Baron?
270
00:10:32,954 --> 00:10:34,522
- It's an indictment
of humanity on par
271
00:10:34,591 --> 00:10:36,192
with how we treated
Britney Spears.
272
00:10:36,262 --> 00:10:37,462
- Great.
- Perfect.
273
00:10:37,532 --> 00:10:39,466
- We'll use that data
to find out
274
00:10:39,536 --> 00:10:41,737
what the fans want
and give it to them!
275
00:10:41,807 --> 00:10:44,575
- The fans vomit,
we eat the vomit,
276
00:10:44,645 --> 00:10:47,680
then we simply vomit that vomit
back into the fans' mouths.
277
00:10:47,750 --> 00:10:48,983
[laughs]
278
00:10:49,053 --> 00:10:52,355
- I'm a fan.
What about my vomit?
279
00:10:52,425 --> 00:10:54,927
[ominous synth music]
280
00:10:54,996 --> 00:10:57,932
[light tense music]
281
00:10:58,001 --> 00:11:04,507
♪ ♪
282
00:11:04,577 --> 00:11:07,512
[foreboding music]
283
00:11:07,582 --> 00:11:14,621
♪ ♪
284
00:11:18,395 --> 00:11:21,663
- Excuse me.
What the hell happened here?
285
00:11:21,733 --> 00:11:24,668
- Oh, they laid off everyone
Hampton DeView except for me
286
00:11:24,738 --> 00:11:27,273
because I'm the only one
who really matters.
287
00:11:27,343 --> 00:11:31,046
- What do you do?
- I design thumbnails.
288
00:11:31,115 --> 00:11:35,752
Yup, it's the most important
art form in the 21st century.
289
00:11:35,822 --> 00:11:39,391
A good thumbnail draws
in the viewer like a siren.
290
00:11:39,461 --> 00:11:41,262
It's the first little taste
that gets them hooked.
291
00:11:41,331 --> 00:11:44,133
Honestly, I consider it an
advanced form of mass hypnosis.
292
00:11:44,203 --> 00:11:46,938
You know when people were,
like, wearing bootcut jeans?
293
00:11:47,008 --> 00:11:48,642
Yeah.
- So you're the one responsible
294
00:11:48,711 --> 00:11:50,512
for getting my niece hooked
on "Pickles 4 Breakfast."
295
00:11:50,582 --> 00:11:52,016
- You know that's
the single most watched
296
00:11:52,086 --> 00:11:53,953
piece of content
on Hampton DeView?
297
00:11:54,023 --> 00:11:55,323
That "Pickles 4 Breakfast"
thumbnail
298
00:11:55,393 --> 00:11:58,261
is my pièce de résistance.
[moans]
299
00:11:58,331 --> 00:11:59,832
- Can you at least tell me
the name of the sick fuck
300
00:11:59,968 --> 00:12:01,335
who makes
"Pickles 4 Breakfast"?
301
00:12:01,405 --> 00:12:03,706
- It's this company
called Stravinsky.
302
00:12:03,776 --> 00:12:05,877
They just sent over 50 new
episodes this morning, so.
303
00:12:05,980 --> 00:12:07,214
Whoo!
[laughs]
304
00:12:07,283 --> 00:12:10,352
That show is about
to take over the world.
305
00:12:10,422 --> 00:12:12,823
[ominous synth music]
306
00:12:12,893 --> 00:12:15,027
- So then Joshua dies.
307
00:12:15,097 --> 00:12:16,998
[laser shot rings]
308
00:12:17,068 --> 00:12:19,669
- But then a second Joshua
from the future
309
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,373
kills the humanoid robot.
310
00:12:21,443 --> 00:12:23,644
- I also lost my virginity.
311
00:12:23,714 --> 00:12:25,181
[laser shot rings]
312
00:12:25,251 --> 00:12:27,852
- Future Josh announces
the most special person
313
00:12:27,922 --> 00:12:29,623
in the universe is a tie...
314
00:12:29,692 --> 00:12:30,659
- It's a tie.
315
00:12:30,729 --> 00:12:33,030
- Between himself and Camilla.
316
00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:34,200
[clapping]
317
00:12:34,270 --> 00:12:35,737
- Camilla and Future Joshua
end up
318
00:12:35,807 --> 00:12:38,308
losing their virginities
to each other.
319
00:12:38,378 --> 00:12:39,812
- And we do show it.
- Bingo.
320
00:12:39,881 --> 00:12:41,615
[applause]
321
00:12:41,685 --> 00:12:43,853
- But then Camilla remembers
she's a robot.
322
00:12:43,989 --> 00:12:44,989
- Oh, that's right.
323
00:12:45,026 --> 00:12:46,593
[robotic voice]
I forgot.
324
00:12:46,663 --> 00:12:48,197
- But due to her love
for Joshua,
325
00:12:48,266 --> 00:12:50,267
she overrides her robot brain
and turns the gun on herself.
326
00:12:50,337 --> 00:12:51,437
[laser shot rings]
327
00:12:51,507 --> 00:12:52,607
- The end.
- Yes.
328
00:12:52,677 --> 00:12:55,011
- So that's that.
- Yeah.
329
00:12:55,048 --> 00:12:56,348
- Hmm.
- Yeah.
330
00:12:56,418 --> 00:12:57,651
- According to the data,
that's what the fans want.
331
00:12:57,721 --> 00:12:59,021
- Good!
332
00:12:59,024 --> 00:13:00,425
- You know, I didn't
think it was possible,
333
00:13:00,495 --> 00:13:05,098
but this new ending is even
worse than the original!
334
00:13:05,168 --> 00:13:08,170
- Whoa.
Now you're talking crazy.
335
00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:09,640
[foreboding music]
336
00:13:09,710 --> 00:13:11,310
- Please, I'm begging you.
337
00:13:11,380 --> 00:13:13,948
If you would just listen to me,
I know how the show should end.
338
00:13:14,051 --> 00:13:16,386
- You think you know
better than the data?
339
00:13:16,456 --> 00:13:19,324
Well, then you must be the most
special person in the universe.
340
00:13:19,394 --> 00:13:21,495
- Well, better me than Camilla!
- You know what, Matt?
341
00:13:21,565 --> 00:13:24,333
I had my own ideas about
the end of "Society Tomorrow."
342
00:13:24,403 --> 00:13:26,070
So did my racist parents.
343
00:13:26,140 --> 00:13:28,575
But we have to put
our emotions aside,
344
00:13:28,645 --> 00:13:30,979
be like the robots
in "Society Tomorrow,"
345
00:13:31,082 --> 00:13:32,583
and trust the data!
346
00:13:32,653 --> 00:13:34,353
- The data is evil.
347
00:13:34,423 --> 00:13:36,124
Just look at what
it's done to Baron!
348
00:13:36,194 --> 00:13:37,928
- Robots can't have beards.
- I hate Camilla.
349
00:13:38,031 --> 00:13:39,598
- I wanna see
what they've got.
350
00:13:39,668 --> 00:13:41,035
- He wasn't even a virgin.
- I live in my mom's basement.
351
00:13:41,071 --> 00:13:42,038
- "Society Tomorrow"
should have feature
352
00:13:42,107 --> 00:13:43,208
full penetration.
353
00:13:43,277 --> 00:13:45,045
- How dare you denigrate
the data?
354
00:13:45,048 --> 00:13:47,916
Get out of here!
You're off the team!
355
00:13:48,053 --> 00:13:49,520
- Fine.
356
00:13:49,590 --> 00:13:52,058
But I will not stand idly by
357
00:13:52,094 --> 00:13:53,595
and let you ruin the thing
358
00:13:53,664 --> 00:13:56,700
that I care most about
in this world!
359
00:13:56,769 --> 00:14:00,339
Well, they want Joshua to be
deflowered by a robot.
360
00:14:00,408 --> 00:14:02,076
- What?
361
00:14:03,408 --> 00:14:06,377
[tense music]
362
00:14:06,446 --> 00:14:13,486
♪ ♪
363
00:14:18,193 --> 00:14:19,661
[elevator dings]
364
00:14:40,318 --> 00:14:42,686
- What are you doing here?
365
00:14:42,755 --> 00:14:44,690
- I'm here about
"Pickles 4 Breakfast."
366
00:14:44,759 --> 00:14:46,060
I work at Hampton DeVille.
367
00:14:46,129 --> 00:14:49,065
- Huh.
I used to work there.
368
00:14:49,134 --> 00:14:51,235
I left a few years back
to create my own start-up,
369
00:14:51,305 --> 00:14:53,973
and now I sell content
back to you guys.
370
00:14:54,043 --> 00:14:55,877
- So you make
"Pickles 4 Breakfast."
371
00:14:55,947 --> 00:14:58,349
- No. They do.
372
00:14:59,486 --> 00:15:00,853
- They?
373
00:15:00,923 --> 00:15:03,224
- I'm sorry, I didn't
wanna gender the algorithm.
374
00:15:03,260 --> 00:15:05,562
"Pickles 4 Breakfast"
is made by a computer.
375
00:15:05,631 --> 00:15:07,999
[ominous synth music]
376
00:15:08,069 --> 00:15:11,105
- And so,
in a last-second twist,
377
00:15:11,241 --> 00:15:13,509
Jeremy, Xavier, and Boris
378
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:16,147
will all lose their virginities
to each other,
379
00:15:16,250 --> 00:15:17,550
but not in a three-way,
380
00:15:17,620 --> 00:15:23,325
which causes Camilla
to die of old age.
381
00:15:23,395 --> 00:15:26,897
Which means the most special
person in the universe
382
00:15:26,967 --> 00:15:30,369
is...Maggie.
383
00:15:30,439 --> 00:15:33,674
Who is now paralyzed
from the waist down.
384
00:15:33,744 --> 00:15:35,345
The end.
385
00:15:36,282 --> 00:15:37,349
- Boo!
- No.
386
00:15:37,419 --> 00:15:38,685
- Nuts!
- Nope.
387
00:15:38,755 --> 00:15:40,523
- No way.
- Hiss, snap, crackle, pop.
388
00:15:40,592 --> 00:15:42,293
That's even worse
than the original.
389
00:15:42,297 --> 00:15:43,731
- But that's impossible,
390
00:15:43,801 --> 00:15:47,437
because that was
the worst ending ever.
391
00:15:47,506 --> 00:15:51,910
- Okay, then, Chicken Pox.
How do you want it to end?
392
00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:54,448
- Well...
393
00:15:54,517 --> 00:15:57,886
Camilla could kill Maggie.
394
00:15:58,724 --> 00:16:02,793
And then Future Joshua...
395
00:16:02,863 --> 00:16:04,797
Oh, fuck it!
396
00:16:04,867 --> 00:16:07,836
I liked the original ending.
397
00:16:07,905 --> 00:16:08,872
[shocked gasps]
398
00:16:08,942 --> 00:16:10,509
I even watched it again
399
00:16:10,579 --> 00:16:12,379
to try to find
something wrong with it,
400
00:16:12,449 --> 00:16:15,885
but I picked up
new things on the rewatch.
401
00:16:15,955 --> 00:16:18,490
The only reason I even
joined this stupid team
402
00:16:18,559 --> 00:16:21,161
is so that I wouldn't have to
do a thousand exit interviews
403
00:16:21,297 --> 00:16:23,332
for everyone who got laid off!
404
00:16:23,402 --> 00:16:25,302
[dramatic music]
405
00:16:25,372 --> 00:16:27,473
♪ ♪
406
00:16:27,543 --> 00:16:30,678
- Maybe there is
no perfect ending.
407
00:16:30,748 --> 00:16:32,349
[light cheerful music]
408
00:16:32,419 --> 00:16:33,819
♪ ♪
409
00:16:33,889 --> 00:16:37,057
- Hey, my shingles are gone.
410
00:16:37,127 --> 00:16:38,728
- ♪ Slap my face
with your thick butt ♪
411
00:16:38,798 --> 00:16:40,365
♪ Don't stop till
I get pregnant ♪
412
00:16:40,435 --> 00:16:43,136
- We released "Slap My Face
with Your Thick Butt"
413
00:16:43,206 --> 00:16:45,207
in New York City
just last week,
414
00:16:45,343 --> 00:16:48,679
and it's already
number 33 on the charts!
415
00:16:48,749 --> 00:16:49,715
[indistinct robotic vocals]
416
00:16:49,785 --> 00:16:51,119
Pretty catchy, huh?
417
00:16:51,189 --> 00:16:54,357
I can feed any kind of data
into the algorithm--
418
00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:57,796
music, art, animated kids'
YouTube videos,
419
00:16:57,866 --> 00:17:00,101
and it'll generate
its own approximation.
420
00:17:00,170 --> 00:17:02,805
- Kids' entertainment shouldn't
be made by a machine.
421
00:17:02,875 --> 00:17:04,309
And neither should music.
422
00:17:04,312 --> 00:17:06,379
It should be made
by musicians on drugs.
423
00:17:06,449 --> 00:17:08,150
You have to put a stop to this.
424
00:17:08,220 --> 00:17:11,722
My niece is eating
20 pickles a day.
425
00:17:11,792 --> 00:17:13,426
- Stravinsky,
play the "Rite of Spring."
426
00:17:13,496 --> 00:17:14,696
[computer beeps]
427
00:17:14,765 --> 00:17:16,333
[Stravinsky's
"Rite of Spring"]
428
00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:18,504
When this ballet first
premiered in 1913,
429
00:17:18,573 --> 00:17:20,341
people hated it.
430
00:17:20,344 --> 00:17:22,612
It was such an extreme
step forward,
431
00:17:22,681 --> 00:17:25,450
that when they heard it,
they went berserk.
432
00:17:25,520 --> 00:17:27,988
They bashed their heads up
against the walls.
433
00:17:28,057 --> 00:17:30,592
There were riots
in the streets.
434
00:17:30,662 --> 00:17:33,964
"Pickles 4 Breakfast" may
terrify and confuse us,
435
00:17:34,034 --> 00:17:38,137
but future generations
will look on it as genius.
436
00:17:38,207 --> 00:17:39,474
[computer beeps]
437
00:17:39,544 --> 00:17:40,577
Oh, look.
438
00:17:40,647 --> 00:17:42,381
Stravinsky finished rendering
439
00:17:42,417 --> 00:17:45,920
50 more episodes
of "Pickles 4 Breakfast."
440
00:17:45,989 --> 00:17:48,191
You're looking at
the most prolific artist
441
00:17:48,260 --> 00:17:51,095
of the 21st century.
442
00:17:51,165 --> 00:17:53,233
You think this is
how they felt?
443
00:17:53,303 --> 00:17:56,905
- Who?
- The apes.
444
00:17:56,975 --> 00:17:59,810
We must've been gods to them.
445
00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:01,948
[unsettling music]
446
00:18:05,024 --> 00:18:06,991
- I was a fool to think
we could change the past.
447
00:18:07,061 --> 00:18:08,395
Any ending we put out,
448
00:18:08,464 --> 00:18:10,432
the fans will hate
just as much as the original.
449
00:18:10,502 --> 00:18:12,236
And those monsters
will turn against us
450
00:18:12,305 --> 00:18:15,474
like they did
Freddie Prinze Jr.
451
00:18:15,544 --> 00:18:17,645
We'll probably have to
shutter Hampton DeView.
452
00:18:17,715 --> 00:18:19,682
[solemn music]
453
00:18:19,752 --> 00:18:23,922
But to be honest,
what I'm most sad about...
454
00:18:23,992 --> 00:18:25,325
♪ ♪
455
00:18:25,395 --> 00:18:27,797
Is that "Society Tomorrow"
is over.
456
00:18:27,866 --> 00:18:30,435
Hmm.
457
00:18:30,504 --> 00:18:33,173
You guys watching
anything else good?
458
00:18:33,242 --> 00:18:35,477
- I'm watching "Jew Pope."
459
00:18:35,547 --> 00:18:39,283
Um, kind of a dumb premise,
but it's okay.
460
00:18:39,352 --> 00:18:41,754
- I've heard that's
one of the better pope shows.
461
00:18:41,824 --> 00:18:43,458
I keep meaning to check it out.
462
00:18:43,527 --> 00:18:45,195
- My fucking wife and I are
watching the new season of the
463
00:18:45,264 --> 00:18:47,933
"Danish Dutch Oven Show."
Anyone watching that?
464
00:18:48,002 --> 00:18:49,870
- No, but I kn--
I know I should.
465
00:18:49,940 --> 00:18:51,207
- Yeah.
466
00:18:51,276 --> 00:18:55,079
- The media landscape
has become fractured.
467
00:18:55,149 --> 00:18:56,816
"Society Tomorrow"
was the last show
468
00:18:56,886 --> 00:18:59,020
we were all watching together.
469
00:19:01,126 --> 00:19:02,760
- Have any of you watched
"Pickles 4 Breakfast"?
470
00:19:02,829 --> 00:19:04,730
- No, Jake,
but we know we should.
471
00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:07,435
- No, you shouldn't.
It's made by an algorithm.
472
00:19:07,505 --> 00:19:10,006
A computer with no regard
for human life.
473
00:19:10,076 --> 00:19:11,943
Every day it churns out
hundreds of episodes
474
00:19:12,013 --> 00:19:13,514
at virtually no cost,
475
00:19:13,650 --> 00:19:15,651
which means artists
won't have jobs anymore,
476
00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:17,756
so they won't be
able to afford drugs.
477
00:19:17,826 --> 00:19:19,360
Children are murdering birds
478
00:19:19,430 --> 00:19:21,130
and eating pickles
for breakfast.
479
00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:24,669
If you don't put a stop to it,
it will never end.
480
00:19:26,774 --> 00:19:30,844
- I just came up
with the perfect ending
481
00:19:30,914 --> 00:19:33,282
to "Society Tomorrow."
482
00:19:33,351 --> 00:19:37,688
- I am the most special robot
in the universe.
483
00:19:37,758 --> 00:19:39,025
[suspenseful synth music]
484
00:19:39,094 --> 00:19:40,528
[laser shot rings]
[grunting]
485
00:19:40,598 --> 00:19:42,732
- This is the same ending,
isn't it?
486
00:19:42,802 --> 00:19:44,103
- Exactly.
- Yeah.
487
00:19:44,172 --> 00:19:45,873
♪ ♪
488
00:19:45,943 --> 00:19:48,377
- Pretty fucking cool, right?
489
00:19:48,447 --> 00:19:49,547
[bright chime]
490
00:19:49,617 --> 00:19:51,818
[laser shot rings]
491
00:19:51,888 --> 00:19:56,358
- "Society Tomorrow"
will not be ending.
492
00:19:56,428 --> 00:19:59,196
It will live on forever.
493
00:19:59,266 --> 00:20:03,503
There will be sequels,
prequels, reboots, remakes,
494
00:20:03,572 --> 00:20:06,040
and ill-advised spin-offs
with side characters
495
00:20:06,110 --> 00:20:08,445
that cannot possibly
carry their own series.
496
00:20:08,515 --> 00:20:10,816
We'll give the fans
everything they want,
497
00:20:10,886 --> 00:20:12,987
and much, much more.
498
00:20:13,056 --> 00:20:14,857
We'll use an algorithm
to churn out
499
00:20:14,927 --> 00:20:17,228
hundreds of scripts a day
at virtually no cost,
500
00:20:17,298 --> 00:20:19,199
and you'll all keep watching
even though there are
501
00:20:19,269 --> 00:20:21,570
plenty of other better shows
that people have recommended
502
00:20:21,706 --> 00:20:23,140
that you know
you should check out.
503
00:20:23,210 --> 00:20:26,045
And sure, you'll all complain
about how "Society Tomorrow"
504
00:20:26,115 --> 00:20:28,716
used to be better,
but that anger will unite you.
505
00:20:28,786 --> 00:20:31,721
And so you'll keep watching,
hoping it will end,
506
00:20:31,724 --> 00:20:35,327
begging for it to end,
and then you'll all die.
507
00:20:35,397 --> 00:20:36,630
[children cheer]
508
00:20:36,733 --> 00:20:38,134
And then your children
will watch,
509
00:20:38,204 --> 00:20:39,971
and then they'll die,
and so on!
510
00:20:40,041 --> 00:20:42,008
We're going to milk
that creative IP
511
00:20:42,078 --> 00:20:44,479
until the udder runs dry!
512
00:20:44,549 --> 00:20:46,584
This is the future of content,
513
00:20:46,653 --> 00:20:49,856
and content will never die!
514
00:20:49,925 --> 00:20:51,559
[echoing]
Die! Die! Die!
515
00:20:51,629 --> 00:20:53,096
[children yelling]
516
00:20:53,166 --> 00:20:55,767
[dramatic synth music]
517
00:20:55,770 --> 00:20:57,171
[pickle crunches]
518
00:20:58,775 --> 00:20:59,775
Die!
519
00:21:01,211 --> 00:21:03,546
[cheerful music]
520
00:21:03,616 --> 00:21:06,551
♪ ♪
521
00:21:06,621 --> 00:21:09,890
- ♪ Pickles for breakfast ♪
- ♪ Yes, Mommy ♪
522
00:21:09,959 --> 00:21:13,195
♪ I want pickles every day ♪
523
00:21:13,265 --> 00:21:16,500
- ♪ Do you love pickles? ♪
- ♪ Yes, Mommy ♪
524
00:21:16,570 --> 00:21:19,906
♪ I love pickles
in every way ♪
525
00:21:19,975 --> 00:21:26,347
♪ ♪
37932
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