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1
00:00:07,620 --> 00:00:09,758
- Bad news.
They said no.
2
00:00:09,827 --> 00:00:12,379
- What?
I thought we had a deal!
3
00:00:12,448 --> 00:00:13,862
What about our guy
on the inside?
4
00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:15,068
- They got to our guy.
5
00:00:15,137 --> 00:00:16,551
He told me to fuck myself!
6
00:00:16,620 --> 00:00:18,000
Really hurt my feelings!
7
00:00:18,068 --> 00:00:20,172
- God damn it!
- We should double the offer.
8
00:00:20,241 --> 00:00:21,793
- No, it's beyond money.
9
00:00:21,862 --> 00:00:25,310
This is between me and Taylor.
10
00:00:25,379 --> 00:00:27,275
Call the chopper.
11
00:00:27,344 --> 00:00:30,241
[heavy rock music]
12
00:00:30,310 --> 00:00:31,551
♪ ♪
13
00:00:32,655 --> 00:00:33,689
[door slams]
14
00:00:33,758 --> 00:00:36,000
Okay, Taylor,
I get it.
15
00:00:36,068 --> 00:00:40,034
I did it to you,
so now you're doing it to me.
16
00:00:40,103 --> 00:00:43,034
[dramatic music]
17
00:00:43,103 --> 00:00:46,724
♪ ♪
18
00:00:46,793 --> 00:00:48,517
I'm begging you.
19
00:00:48,586 --> 00:00:50,344
Please.
20
00:00:50,413 --> 00:00:54,413
Please just...
name your price.
21
00:00:54,482 --> 00:00:56,655
[foreboding music]
22
00:00:56,724 --> 00:00:59,275
- Tell me you want it.
23
00:00:59,344 --> 00:01:01,034
- I want it.
24
00:01:01,103 --> 00:01:03,827
- Tell me you need it.
25
00:01:03,896 --> 00:01:06,034
- I need it.
26
00:01:06,103 --> 00:01:09,034
- What do you need?
27
00:01:09,103 --> 00:01:12,344
- I need the global
streaming rights
28
00:01:12,413 --> 00:01:14,862
to "Gilmore Girls."
29
00:01:14,931 --> 00:01:16,586
- [sighs deeply]
30
00:01:17,931 --> 00:01:20,655
Raise your hand
if you're subscribed
31
00:01:20,724 --> 00:01:23,551
to Hampton DeVille's
new streaming platform,
32
00:01:23,620 --> 00:01:25,620
Hampton DeView.
33
00:01:26,758 --> 00:01:29,413
[dramatic string music]
34
00:01:29,482 --> 00:01:32,068
Rory and Lorelai deserve better
35
00:01:32,137 --> 00:01:34,931
than that shit swamp
you call a streaming platform.
36
00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:38,482
Which is why I made a deal
with Viacom this morning.
37
00:01:38,551 --> 00:01:40,517
"Gilmore Girls"
will be streaming on
38
00:01:40,586 --> 00:01:43,034
Pluto TV within the hour.
39
00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:44,620
- No.
40
00:01:44,689 --> 00:01:46,586
- See you at the Emmys.
41
00:01:47,586 --> 00:01:48,689
Not.
42
00:01:48,758 --> 00:01:51,793
[laughter]
43
00:01:52,758 --> 00:01:55,689
[rock music]
44
00:01:55,758 --> 00:02:02,862
♪ ♪
45
00:02:12,103 --> 00:02:15,137
- Who here subscribes
to Hampton DeView?
46
00:02:18,655 --> 00:02:21,241
Fucking liars!
47
00:02:21,310 --> 00:02:23,724
If you want to sell a
toothbrush in the 21st century,
48
00:02:23,793 --> 00:02:25,758
you need an Emmy-nominated
TV show
49
00:02:25,827 --> 00:02:28,655
just so fucking Joe Shmoe
will visit your website.
50
00:02:28,724 --> 00:02:30,068
There's a content war going on,
51
00:02:30,137 --> 00:02:31,931
and we're fighting it
with "Sticks and Stones,"
52
00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:34,551
and nobody's even
watching that show!
53
00:02:34,620 --> 00:02:37,000
If you all want to keep
working for this company,
54
00:02:37,068 --> 00:02:39,931
you will go home tonight,
subscribe to Hampton DeView,
55
00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:43,103
and then binge our content
until you purge!
56
00:02:43,172 --> 00:02:44,586
- [clears throat]
Um, Christian?
57
00:02:44,655 --> 00:02:46,586
I know they're--they're
technically our competition,
58
00:02:46,655 --> 00:02:50,586
but tonight is the series
finale of "Society Tomorrow."
59
00:02:50,655 --> 00:02:52,206
[suspenseful music]
60
00:02:52,275 --> 00:02:53,655
- Oh, my God.
How could I forget?
61
00:02:53,724 --> 00:02:55,103
- [exhales sharply]
62
00:02:55,172 --> 00:02:56,517
- It's had me on the edge
all season.
63
00:02:56,586 --> 00:02:59,241
O-okay, let's table
the subscriber conversation.
64
00:02:59,310 --> 00:03:00,551
I want to talk theories.
65
00:03:00,620 --> 00:03:02,310
- Yes!
- Not this shit again.
66
00:03:02,379 --> 00:03:05,137
- I have a theory.
67
00:03:05,206 --> 00:03:07,344
Camilla will die.
68
00:03:07,413 --> 00:03:11,275
Jeremy will lose
his virginity to...
69
00:03:11,344 --> 00:03:12,275
Maggie...
- [gasps]
70
00:03:12,344 --> 00:03:13,931
- Who will then be named
71
00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:17,103
the most special person
in the universe.
72
00:03:17,172 --> 00:03:19,482
- Ooh, that's pretty good.
73
00:03:19,551 --> 00:03:21,172
You know, they've been
planting seeds
74
00:03:21,241 --> 00:03:23,586
about how horny Jeremy is
since the beginning,
75
00:03:23,655 --> 00:03:25,655
and yet we've never
seen him fuck.
76
00:03:25,724 --> 00:03:27,448
- Right, right,
but will they show it?
77
00:03:27,517 --> 00:03:30,379
- Kevin, we've known this
character since he was a child.
78
00:03:30,448 --> 00:03:32,000
- Sure, but now
he's all grown up.
79
00:03:32,068 --> 00:03:34,620
And I, for one,
wanna see what he's got.
80
00:03:34,689 --> 00:03:36,758
- Well, have fun being let down
by the finale tonight.
81
00:03:36,827 --> 00:03:38,137
I'll be babysitting my niece
82
00:03:38,206 --> 00:03:40,448
and introducing her to things
that are actually good.
83
00:03:40,517 --> 00:03:42,241
- The thought of you
having any influence
84
00:03:42,310 --> 00:03:44,241
over a child
is frightening.
85
00:03:44,310 --> 00:03:46,482
- Are you kidding me?
I was born to be a cool uncle.
86
00:03:46,551 --> 00:03:48,758
I get to download
all my pop culture opinions
87
00:03:48,827 --> 00:03:50,586
onto an impressionable
child's brain
88
00:03:50,655 --> 00:03:52,275
and then never
have to take care of it.
89
00:03:52,344 --> 00:03:55,103
- I heard the finale
is four hours long.
90
00:03:55,172 --> 00:03:56,517
- Mm.
91
00:03:56,586 --> 00:03:57,793
- I hope to God
that's enough time
92
00:03:57,862 --> 00:03:58,965
to tie up
all the loose ends.
93
00:03:59,034 --> 00:04:00,689
- Yes!
- Right, but not too neatly.
94
00:04:00,758 --> 00:04:02,724
I wanna be surprised.
- Yeah, but not too surprised.
95
00:04:02,793 --> 00:04:05,103
- Right.
- [laughs]
96
00:04:05,172 --> 00:04:07,862
- The Walking Beds!
- The Talking Heads.
97
00:04:07,931 --> 00:04:10,620
- The Talking Deads.
- All right, I'll take it.
98
00:04:10,689 --> 00:04:12,068
- Thank you so much
for watching her.
99
00:04:12,137 --> 00:04:13,896
I should be back
in about four hours.
100
00:04:13,965 --> 00:04:15,482
Well, maybe closer six
with the aftershow.
101
00:04:15,551 --> 00:04:16,482
Here you go.
- No problem.
102
00:04:16,551 --> 00:04:17,896
We're gonna have fun.
103
00:04:17,965 --> 00:04:19,137
So Stelly-Belly,
what do you think?
104
00:04:19,206 --> 00:04:20,517
You wanna watch
a Miyazaki film?
105
00:04:20,586 --> 00:04:21,965
Or even better,
"Summer Catch"
106
00:04:22,034 --> 00:04:23,344
starring Freddie Prinze Jr.?
107
00:04:23,413 --> 00:04:24,413
- I thought you wanted to
brainwash her
108
00:04:24,482 --> 00:04:25,862
into having good taste.
109
00:04:25,931 --> 00:04:27,862
- Freddie Prinze Jr. was the
James Dean of our generation.
110
00:04:27,931 --> 00:04:29,586
- He died in a car accident?
111
00:04:29,655 --> 00:04:31,551
- I wanna watch
"Pickles 4 Breakfast."
112
00:04:31,620 --> 00:04:33,103
- What the hell is
"Pickles 4 Breakfast"?
113
00:04:33,172 --> 00:04:35,758
- You should know.
Your company makes it.
114
00:04:35,827 --> 00:04:37,689
Bye, love you.
Have fun!
115
00:04:37,758 --> 00:04:39,551
[electronic beep]
116
00:04:39,620 --> 00:04:41,206
- You guys are
the only people I know
117
00:04:41,275 --> 00:04:42,758
who subscribe
to Hampton DeView.
118
00:04:42,827 --> 00:04:44,620
- I'm using my friend's
password.
119
00:04:44,689 --> 00:04:46,827
I would never pay for it.
120
00:04:46,896 --> 00:04:48,586
- Okay, Stelly-Belly,
let's make a deal.
121
00:04:48,655 --> 00:04:50,137
First we watch
"Pickles 4 Breakfast,"
122
00:04:50,206 --> 00:04:52,068
but then I get to introduce you
to "Summer Catch"
123
00:04:52,137 --> 00:04:53,206
starring Freddie Prinze Jr.--
124
00:04:53,275 --> 00:04:55,241
- No!
Only "Pickles 4 Breakfast"!
125
00:04:55,310 --> 00:04:56,862
[cheerful music]
126
00:04:56,931 --> 00:04:59,689
- ♪ Pickles for breakfast ♪
- ♪ Yes, Mommy ♪
127
00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:03,448
♪ I want pickles
every day ♪
128
00:05:03,517 --> 00:05:06,586
- ♪ Do you love pickles? ♪
- ♪ Yes, Mommy ♪
129
00:05:06,655 --> 00:05:09,586
♪ I love pickles
in every way ♪
130
00:05:09,655 --> 00:05:11,344
[pickle crunches]
131
00:05:11,413 --> 00:05:13,965
- That is not
what breakfast is like.
132
00:05:14,034 --> 00:05:16,413
- Shush!
133
00:05:16,482 --> 00:05:19,931
- ♪ Look out for
the bad bird ♪
134
00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:23,310
♪ For it will
steal your pickle ♪
135
00:05:23,379 --> 00:05:25,068
- ♪ Yes, Mommy ♪
136
00:05:25,137 --> 00:05:27,655
♪ If the bird
steals the pickle ♪
137
00:05:27,724 --> 00:05:29,586
♪ I'll kill it
with a sickle ♪
138
00:05:29,655 --> 00:05:30,586
[sickle slicing]
139
00:05:30,655 --> 00:05:31,758
[bird squawking]
140
00:05:31,827 --> 00:05:32,931
[baby laughs]
141
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,068
- This is...weird.
142
00:05:35,137 --> 00:05:36,931
- Uncle Jakey,
can I have a pickle?
143
00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:39,172
- You can't have a pickle.
- You're a bird!
144
00:05:39,241 --> 00:05:40,310
- I am not a bird.
145
00:05:40,379 --> 00:05:42,482
- Then why can't I
have a pickle?
146
00:05:42,551 --> 00:05:43,586
- Because pickles
are a lunch side.
147
00:05:43,655 --> 00:05:44,896
- Pickle, pickle, pickle!
148
00:05:44,965 --> 00:05:46,793
I'm gonna kill you
with my sickle!
149
00:05:46,862 --> 00:05:47,896
[sickle slices
and bird squawks]
150
00:05:47,965 --> 00:05:49,931
- ♪ Every day ♪
[laughs]
151
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:51,896
[ominous synth music]
152
00:05:51,965 --> 00:05:53,931
♪ ♪
153
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:58,448
- Someone here is the most
special person in the universe.
154
00:05:58,517 --> 00:06:02,827
And if one of you doesn't
tell me who that is,
155
00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:05,689
well, then,
I'll have to kill you all.
156
00:06:05,758 --> 00:06:09,275
And wouldn't that be
a darn shame?
157
00:06:09,344 --> 00:06:11,206
[laughs]
158
00:06:11,275 --> 00:06:12,620
[laser shot rings]
159
00:06:13,758 --> 00:06:16,655
- Oh, shit, it's Joshua!
- He's back from the past!
160
00:06:16,724 --> 00:06:18,655
- He's got a beard now.
- I knew it.
161
00:06:18,724 --> 00:06:20,172
- Everyone, shut the fuck up
and listen to Joshua.
162
00:06:20,241 --> 00:06:22,724
- Oh, shit, it's Joshua!
- Back from the past!
163
00:06:22,793 --> 00:06:24,724
- And he has a beard now.
- I knew it.
164
00:06:24,793 --> 00:06:26,724
- Shut the fuck up
and listen to Joshua.
165
00:06:26,793 --> 00:06:29,965
- I traveled through
a million millennia,
166
00:06:30,034 --> 00:06:34,172
won, lost, and tied
countless wars,
167
00:06:34,241 --> 00:06:36,241
and even lost my virginity
along the way,
168
00:06:36,310 --> 00:06:38,724
which, frankly,
was a little underwhelming.
169
00:06:38,793 --> 00:06:42,344
But I did it all in order
to get back here and tell you
170
00:06:42,413 --> 00:06:45,586
that I am not the most special
person in the universe.
171
00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:46,896
[light dramatic music]
172
00:06:46,965 --> 00:06:49,379
You are, Maggie.
173
00:06:49,448 --> 00:06:52,931
- I knew it.
The future is female.
174
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:54,344
[laser shot rings]
175
00:06:54,413 --> 00:06:56,827
[gasps and stunned murmurs]
176
00:06:56,896 --> 00:07:00,758
- No, the future is robots.
177
00:07:00,827 --> 00:07:02,413
And lucky for me...
178
00:07:02,482 --> 00:07:05,620
[robotic voice]
I am the most special robot
179
00:07:05,689 --> 00:07:07,034
in the universe.
180
00:07:07,103 --> 00:07:08,689
[ominous synth music]
181
00:07:08,758 --> 00:07:10,275
[laser shots ringing]
182
00:07:10,344 --> 00:07:11,620
- [shouts]
183
00:07:11,689 --> 00:07:15,206
♪ ♪
184
00:07:15,275 --> 00:07:17,689
- Pretty fucking cool, right?
185
00:07:17,758 --> 00:07:19,724
[bright chime]
186
00:07:19,793 --> 00:07:22,275
[dramatic synth music]
187
00:07:22,344 --> 00:07:24,172
- Amazing.
188
00:07:24,241 --> 00:07:25,896
- Boo!
- Boo!
189
00:07:25,965 --> 00:07:27,275
[jeering and yelling]
190
00:07:27,344 --> 00:07:28,551
- They didn't even
show anything!
191
00:07:28,620 --> 00:07:30,827
- Boo!
192
00:07:30,896 --> 00:07:32,724
- Yeah!
Boo!
193
00:07:32,793 --> 00:07:36,275
Hiss, crackle, pop!
- Damn it!
194
00:07:36,344 --> 00:07:37,793
- [screams]
195
00:07:37,862 --> 00:07:39,379
- Go and ruined the show
in the last episode.
196
00:07:42,586 --> 00:07:43,896
- Well, I think we can all
agree that last night's finale
197
00:07:43,965 --> 00:07:46,137
was a complete and utter
train wreck.
198
00:07:46,206 --> 00:07:47,827
- There were four perfectly
good virgins,
199
00:07:47,896 --> 00:07:49,034
and none of them got laid.
200
00:07:49,103 --> 00:07:50,344
- At the very least
201
00:07:50,413 --> 00:07:52,413
they could've shown
somebody yanking it.
202
00:07:52,482 --> 00:07:55,000
- And that's why this morning,
I made a few calls,
203
00:07:55,068 --> 00:07:57,034
pulled a few strings,
massaged a few backs,
204
00:07:57,103 --> 00:07:59,689
and may have found a way
for Hampton DeVille
205
00:07:59,758 --> 00:08:03,310
to buy the rights
to "Society Tomorrow."
206
00:08:03,379 --> 00:08:04,827
- [gasps]
- Yes!
207
00:08:04,896 --> 00:08:07,034
- Which means we could
remake the finale,
208
00:08:07,103 --> 00:08:09,448
and this time,
do it right.
209
00:08:09,517 --> 00:08:10,793
- [gasps]
Oh, my God, Jake!
210
00:08:10,862 --> 00:08:12,896
- Are you fucking kidding me
with this shit?
211
00:08:12,965 --> 00:08:15,586
- Hold on, hold on,
because to be honest,
212
00:08:15,655 --> 00:08:18,206
well, it--
it is not a good deal.
213
00:08:18,275 --> 00:08:21,482
They're asking
for $2.3 billion,
214
00:08:21,551 --> 00:08:24,724
which means we need to make
some major sacrifices.
215
00:08:24,793 --> 00:08:26,689
No more free food
for employees.
216
00:08:26,758 --> 00:08:27,724
- That's fine.
- We have to downgrade
217
00:08:27,793 --> 00:08:29,482
everyone's health insurance to,
218
00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:31,655
well, no health insurance.
- Wait, what?
219
00:08:31,724 --> 00:08:33,000
- And We're talking about
massive layoffs,
220
00:08:33,068 --> 00:08:34,482
at least 30% across the board,
221
00:08:34,551 --> 00:08:35,896
and no severance
for anyone either.
222
00:08:35,965 --> 00:08:40,344
So with all of that in mind,
what do we think?
223
00:08:40,413 --> 00:08:41,620
- Take the deal!
224
00:08:41,689 --> 00:08:42,827
- Please, Christian,
for the love of God!
225
00:08:42,896 --> 00:08:44,034
- Please, please!
226
00:08:44,103 --> 00:08:45,379
- Okay, good,
because I already did it!
227
00:08:45,448 --> 00:08:48,344
[cheering]
228
00:08:48,413 --> 00:08:50,551
- [screaming]
- Yeah!
229
00:08:50,620 --> 00:08:53,517
[indistinct excited chatter]
230
00:08:53,586 --> 00:08:56,103
- I love content.
I love branded content.
231
00:08:56,172 --> 00:08:57,931
[triumphant music]
232
00:08:58,000 --> 00:08:59,827
[pickle squelches]
233
00:08:59,896 --> 00:09:02,896
[ominous music]
234
00:09:02,965 --> 00:09:10,000
♪ ♪
235
00:09:13,206 --> 00:09:16,206
[children yelling]
236
00:09:23,965 --> 00:09:27,379
- Welcome to team
"Society Tomorrow."
237
00:09:27,448 --> 00:09:30,241
- Yes!
Oh, boy, this is exciting.
238
00:09:30,310 --> 00:09:33,310
Last night, my parents
called me for the first time
239
00:09:33,379 --> 00:09:36,655
since 9/11 to pitch me
a storyline for the new finale!
240
00:09:36,724 --> 00:09:38,482
It had unsettling racist
overtones,
241
00:09:38,551 --> 00:09:40,034
but it was nice
to hear their voices.
242
00:09:40,103 --> 00:09:42,793
- You're all here
because you scored highest
243
00:09:42,862 --> 00:09:45,034
on the "Society Tomorrow"
fan quiz
244
00:09:45,103 --> 00:09:47,793
that we sent out to
every employee in the company.
245
00:09:47,862 --> 00:09:51,517
- And because we all hated
that dumbass ending
246
00:09:51,586 --> 00:09:54,172
that wasn't amazing
in any way whatsoever.
247
00:09:54,241 --> 00:09:55,517
- Exactly.
248
00:09:55,586 --> 00:09:57,965
- Our job will be
to make a new finale
249
00:09:58,034 --> 00:10:00,000
for the fans,
by the fans.
250
00:10:00,068 --> 00:10:01,206
- Whoo!
- Yeah!
251
00:10:01,275 --> 00:10:03,172
- So I have a few ideas
that I think
252
00:10:03,241 --> 00:10:05,034
everyone in this room
will love.
253
00:10:05,103 --> 00:10:07,172
First, Joshua should not come
back from the past, okay?
254
00:10:07,241 --> 00:10:09,275
That is a total cop-out.
255
00:10:09,344 --> 00:10:12,931
Second, I strongly believe
that there are three people
256
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:14,413
who should lose
their virginities.
257
00:10:14,482 --> 00:10:16,206
- Are you gonna show it?
- Absolutely.
258
00:10:16,275 --> 00:10:17,413
- Yes!
- Third.
259
00:10:17,482 --> 00:10:18,793
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey.
260
00:10:18,862 --> 00:10:21,068
This isn't some Hollywood
writers' room.
261
00:10:21,137 --> 00:10:22,241
- No.
262
00:10:22,310 --> 00:10:23,965
- What we're doing here
is collecting
263
00:10:24,034 --> 00:10:26,482
and analyzing the data.
264
00:10:26,551 --> 00:10:28,586
- Baron has been
gathering heaps
265
00:10:28,655 --> 00:10:32,000
of luscious
"Society Tomorrow" fan data.
266
00:10:32,068 --> 00:10:34,413
Reddit, the dark web,
the secret Internet.
267
00:10:34,482 --> 00:10:36,137
Any place where
there are opinions
268
00:10:36,206 --> 00:10:37,586
and illegal pornography.
269
00:10:37,655 --> 00:10:39,827
How's that fan data looking,
Baron?
270
00:10:39,896 --> 00:10:41,482
- It's an indictment
of humanity on par
271
00:10:41,551 --> 00:10:43,137
with how we treated
Britney Spears.
272
00:10:43,206 --> 00:10:44,413
- Great.
- Perfect.
273
00:10:44,482 --> 00:10:46,413
- We'll use that data
to find out
274
00:10:46,482 --> 00:10:48,689
what the fans want
and give it to them!
275
00:10:48,758 --> 00:10:51,517
- The fans vomit,
we eat the vomit,
276
00:10:51,586 --> 00:10:54,586
then we simply vomit that vomit
back into the fans' mouths.
277
00:10:54,655 --> 00:10:55,896
[laughs]
278
00:10:55,965 --> 00:10:59,275
- I'm a fan.
What about my vomit?
279
00:10:59,344 --> 00:11:01,896
[ominous synth music]
280
00:11:01,965 --> 00:11:04,896
[light tense music]
281
00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:11,482
♪ ♪
282
00:11:11,551 --> 00:11:14,448
[foreboding music]
283
00:11:14,517 --> 00:11:21,551
♪ ♪
284
00:11:25,344 --> 00:11:28,620
- Excuse me.
What the hell happened here?
285
00:11:28,689 --> 00:11:31,620
- Oh, they laid off everyone
Hampton DeView except for me
286
00:11:31,689 --> 00:11:34,206
because I'm the only one
who really matters.
287
00:11:34,275 --> 00:11:38,000
- What do you do?
- I design thumbnails.
288
00:11:38,068 --> 00:11:42,689
Yup, it's the most important
art form in the 21st century.
289
00:11:42,758 --> 00:11:46,310
A good thumbnail draws
in the viewer like a siren.
290
00:11:46,379 --> 00:11:48,206
It's the first little taste
that gets them hooked.
291
00:11:48,275 --> 00:11:51,068
Honestly, I consider it an
advanced form of mass hypnosis.
292
00:11:51,137 --> 00:11:53,862
You know when people were,
like, wearing bootcut jeans?
293
00:11:53,931 --> 00:11:55,551
Yeah.
- So you're the one responsible
294
00:11:55,620 --> 00:11:57,413
for getting my niece hooked
on "Pickles 4 Breakfast."
295
00:11:57,482 --> 00:11:58,896
- You know that's
the single most watched
296
00:11:58,965 --> 00:12:00,862
piece of content
on Hampton DeView?
297
00:12:00,931 --> 00:12:02,275
That "Pickles 4 Breakfast"
thumbnail
298
00:12:02,344 --> 00:12:05,206
is my pièce de résistance.
[moans]
299
00:12:05,275 --> 00:12:06,793
- Can you at least tell me
the name of the sick fuck
300
00:12:06,862 --> 00:12:08,275
who makes
"Pickles 4 Breakfast"?
301
00:12:08,344 --> 00:12:10,655
- It's this company
called Stravinsky.
302
00:12:10,724 --> 00:12:12,793
They just sent over 50 new
episodes this morning, so.
303
00:12:12,862 --> 00:12:14,137
Whoo!
[laughs]
304
00:12:14,206 --> 00:12:17,275
That show is about
to take over the world.
305
00:12:17,344 --> 00:12:19,724
[ominous synth music]
306
00:12:19,793 --> 00:12:21,931
- So then Joshua dies.
307
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:23,931
[laser shot rings]
308
00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:26,586
- But then a second Joshua
from the future
309
00:12:26,655 --> 00:12:28,275
kills the humanoid robot.
310
00:12:28,344 --> 00:12:30,517
- I also lost my virginity.
311
00:12:30,586 --> 00:12:32,103
[laser shot rings]
312
00:12:32,172 --> 00:12:34,724
- Future Josh announces
the most special person
313
00:12:34,793 --> 00:12:36,482
in the universe is a tie...
314
00:12:36,551 --> 00:12:37,551
- It's a tie.
315
00:12:37,620 --> 00:12:39,896
- Between himself and Camilla.
316
00:12:39,965 --> 00:12:41,068
[clapping]
317
00:12:41,137 --> 00:12:42,620
- Camilla and Future Joshua
end up
318
00:12:42,689 --> 00:12:45,172
losing their virginities
to each other.
319
00:12:45,241 --> 00:12:46,655
- And we do show it.
- Bingo.
320
00:12:46,724 --> 00:12:48,482
[applause]
321
00:12:48,551 --> 00:12:50,689
- But then Camilla remembers
she's a robot.
322
00:12:50,758 --> 00:12:51,793
- Oh, that's right.
323
00:12:51,862 --> 00:12:53,448
[robotic voice]
I forgot.
324
00:12:53,517 --> 00:12:55,068
- But due to her love
for Joshua,
325
00:12:55,137 --> 00:12:57,103
she overrides her robot brain
and turns the gun on herself.
326
00:12:57,172 --> 00:12:58,275
[laser shot rings]
327
00:12:58,344 --> 00:12:59,448
- The end.
- Yes.
328
00:12:59,517 --> 00:13:01,862
- So that's that.
- Yeah.
329
00:13:01,931 --> 00:13:03,241
- Hmm.
- Yeah.
330
00:13:03,310 --> 00:13:04,517
- According to the data,
that's what the fans want.
331
00:13:04,586 --> 00:13:05,862
- Good!
332
00:13:05,931 --> 00:13:07,310
- You know, I didn't
think it was possible,
333
00:13:07,379 --> 00:13:11,965
but this new ending is even
worse than the original!
334
00:13:12,034 --> 00:13:15,034
- Whoa.
Now you're talking crazy.
335
00:13:15,103 --> 00:13:16,517
[foreboding music]
336
00:13:16,586 --> 00:13:18,206
- Please, I'm begging you.
337
00:13:18,275 --> 00:13:20,827
If you would just listen to me,
I know how the show should end.
338
00:13:20,896 --> 00:13:23,275
- You think you know
better than the data?
339
00:13:23,344 --> 00:13:26,206
Well, then you must be the most
special person in the universe.
340
00:13:26,275 --> 00:13:28,344
- Well, better me than Camilla!
- You know what, Matt?
341
00:13:28,413 --> 00:13:31,172
I had my own ideas about
the end of "Society Tomorrow."
342
00:13:31,241 --> 00:13:32,931
So did my racist parents.
343
00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:35,413
But we have to put
our emotions aside,
344
00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:37,793
be like the robots
in "Society Tomorrow,"
345
00:13:37,862 --> 00:13:39,413
and trust the data!
346
00:13:39,482 --> 00:13:41,172
- The data is evil.
347
00:13:41,241 --> 00:13:42,965
Just look at what
it's done to Baron!
348
00:13:43,034 --> 00:13:44,758
- Robots can't have beards.
- I hate Camilla.
349
00:13:44,827 --> 00:13:46,448
- I wanna see
what they've got.
350
00:13:46,517 --> 00:13:47,827
- He wasn't even a virgin.
- I live in my mom's basement.
351
00:13:47,896 --> 00:13:48,827
- "Society Tomorrow"
should have feature
352
00:13:48,896 --> 00:13:50,000
full penetration.
353
00:13:50,068 --> 00:13:51,793
- How dare you denigrate
the data?
354
00:13:51,862 --> 00:13:54,689
Get out of here!
You're off the team!
355
00:13:54,758 --> 00:13:56,310
- Fine.
356
00:13:56,379 --> 00:13:58,793
But I will not stand idly by
357
00:13:58,862 --> 00:14:00,379
and let you ruin the thing
358
00:14:00,448 --> 00:14:03,551
that I care most about
in this world!
359
00:14:03,620 --> 00:14:07,172
Well, they want Joshua to be
deflowered by a robot.
360
00:14:07,241 --> 00:14:08,862
- What?
361
00:14:11,586 --> 00:14:14,517
[tense music]
362
00:14:14,586 --> 00:14:21,620
♪ ♪
363
00:14:26,344 --> 00:14:27,793
[elevator dings]
364
00:14:48,448 --> 00:14:50,827
- What are you doing here?
365
00:14:50,896 --> 00:14:52,793
- I'm here about
"Pickles 4 Breakfast."
366
00:14:52,862 --> 00:14:54,172
I work at Hampton DeVille.
367
00:14:54,241 --> 00:14:57,206
- Huh.
I used to work there.
368
00:14:57,275 --> 00:14:59,344
I left a few years back
to create my own start-up,
369
00:14:59,413 --> 00:15:02,137
and now I sell content
back to you guys.
370
00:15:02,206 --> 00:15:04,034
- So you make
"Pickles 4 Breakfast."
371
00:15:04,103 --> 00:15:06,482
- No. They do.
372
00:15:07,620 --> 00:15:09,034
- They?
373
00:15:09,103 --> 00:15:11,344
- I'm sorry, I didn't
wanna gender the algorithm.
374
00:15:11,413 --> 00:15:13,689
"Pickles 4 Breakfast"
is made by a computer.
375
00:15:13,758 --> 00:15:16,137
[ominous synth music]
376
00:15:16,206 --> 00:15:19,241
- And so,
in a last-second twist,
377
00:15:19,310 --> 00:15:21,655
Jeremy, Xavier, and Boris
378
00:15:21,724 --> 00:15:24,275
will all lose their virginities
to each other,
379
00:15:24,344 --> 00:15:25,689
but not in a three-way,
380
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:31,448
which causes Camilla
to die of old age.
381
00:15:31,517 --> 00:15:35,000
Which means the most special
person in the universe
382
00:15:35,068 --> 00:15:38,482
is...Maggie.
383
00:15:38,551 --> 00:15:41,758
Who is now paralyzed
from the waist down.
384
00:15:41,827 --> 00:15:43,413
The end.
385
00:15:44,379 --> 00:15:45,448
- Boo!
- No.
386
00:15:45,517 --> 00:15:46,793
- Nuts!
- Nope.
387
00:15:46,862 --> 00:15:48,620
- No way.
- Hiss, snap, crackle, pop.
388
00:15:48,689 --> 00:15:50,310
That's even worse
than the original.
389
00:15:50,379 --> 00:15:51,827
- But that's impossible,
390
00:15:51,896 --> 00:15:55,517
because that was
the worst ending ever.
391
00:15:55,586 --> 00:15:59,965
- Okay, then, Chicken Pox.
How do you want it to end?
392
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:02,586
- Well...
393
00:16:02,655 --> 00:16:06,000
Camilla could kill Maggie.
394
00:16:06,827 --> 00:16:10,896
And then Future Joshua...
395
00:16:10,965 --> 00:16:12,896
Oh, fuck it!
396
00:16:12,965 --> 00:16:15,931
I liked the original ending.
397
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:16,965
[shocked gasps]
398
00:16:17,034 --> 00:16:18,620
I even watched it again
399
00:16:18,689 --> 00:16:20,482
to try to find
something wrong with it,
400
00:16:20,551 --> 00:16:24,000
but I picked up
new things on the rewatch.
401
00:16:24,068 --> 00:16:26,586
The only reason I even
joined this stupid team
402
00:16:26,655 --> 00:16:29,241
is so that I wouldn't have to
do a thousand exit interviews
403
00:16:29,310 --> 00:16:31,413
for everyone who got laid off!
404
00:16:31,482 --> 00:16:33,379
[dramatic music]
405
00:16:33,448 --> 00:16:35,551
♪ ♪
406
00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:38,724
- Maybe there is
no perfect ending.
407
00:16:38,793 --> 00:16:40,413
[light cheerful music]
408
00:16:40,482 --> 00:16:41,862
♪ ♪
409
00:16:41,931 --> 00:16:45,137
- Hey, my shingles are gone.
410
00:16:45,206 --> 00:16:46,793
- ♪ Slap my face
with your thick butt ♪
411
00:16:46,862 --> 00:16:48,413
♪ Don't stop till
I get pregnant ♪
412
00:16:48,482 --> 00:16:51,172
- We released "Slap My Face
with Your Thick Butt"
413
00:16:51,241 --> 00:16:53,241
in New York City
just last week,
414
00:16:53,310 --> 00:16:56,724
and it's already
number 33 on the charts!
415
00:16:56,793 --> 00:16:57,724
[indistinct robotic vocals]
416
00:16:57,793 --> 00:16:59,172
Pretty catchy, huh?
417
00:16:59,241 --> 00:17:02,379
I can feed any kind of data
into the algorithm--
418
00:17:02,448 --> 00:17:05,896
music, art, animated kids'
YouTube videos,
419
00:17:05,965 --> 00:17:08,206
and it'll generate
its own approximation.
420
00:17:08,275 --> 00:17:10,862
- Kids' entertainment shouldn't
be made by a machine.
421
00:17:10,931 --> 00:17:12,310
And neither should music.
422
00:17:12,379 --> 00:17:14,448
It should be made
by musicians on drugs.
423
00:17:14,517 --> 00:17:16,206
You have to put a stop to this.
424
00:17:16,275 --> 00:17:19,793
My niece is eating
20 pickles a day.
425
00:17:19,862 --> 00:17:21,448
- Stravinsky,
play the "Rite of Spring."
426
00:17:21,517 --> 00:17:22,758
[computer beeps]
427
00:17:22,827 --> 00:17:24,344
[Stravinsky's
"Rite of Spring"]
428
00:17:24,413 --> 00:17:26,517
When this ballet first
premiered in 1913,
429
00:17:26,586 --> 00:17:28,310
people hated it.
430
00:17:28,379 --> 00:17:30,655
It was such an extreme
step forward,
431
00:17:30,724 --> 00:17:33,482
that when they heard it,
they went berserk.
432
00:17:33,551 --> 00:17:36,000
They bashed their heads up
against the walls.
433
00:17:36,068 --> 00:17:38,620
There were riots
in the streets.
434
00:17:38,689 --> 00:17:42,000
"Pickles 4 Breakfast" may
terrify and confuse us,
435
00:17:42,068 --> 00:17:46,137
but future generations
will look on it as genius.
436
00:17:46,206 --> 00:17:47,448
[computer beeps]
437
00:17:47,517 --> 00:17:48,586
Oh, look.
438
00:17:48,655 --> 00:17:50,344
Stravinsky finished rendering
439
00:17:50,413 --> 00:17:53,931
50 more episodes
of "Pickles 4 Breakfast."
440
00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:56,172
You're looking at
the most prolific artist
441
00:17:56,241 --> 00:17:59,068
of the 21st century.
442
00:17:59,137 --> 00:18:01,275
You think this is
how they felt?
443
00:18:01,344 --> 00:18:04,931
- Who?
- The apes.
444
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,827
We must've been gods to them.
445
00:18:07,896 --> 00:18:09,965
[unsettling music]
446
00:18:14,068 --> 00:18:16,172
- I was a fool to think
we could change the past.
447
00:18:16,241 --> 00:18:17,586
Any ending we put out,
448
00:18:17,655 --> 00:18:19,620
the fans will hate
just as much as the original.
449
00:18:19,689 --> 00:18:21,413
And those monsters
will turn against us
450
00:18:21,482 --> 00:18:24,655
like they did
Freddie Prinze Jr.
451
00:18:24,724 --> 00:18:26,793
We'll probably have to
shutter Hampton DeView.
452
00:18:26,862 --> 00:18:28,862
[solemn music]
453
00:18:28,931 --> 00:18:33,068
But to be honest,
what I'm most sad about...
454
00:18:33,137 --> 00:18:34,482
♪ ♪
455
00:18:34,551 --> 00:18:36,931
Is that "Society Tomorrow"
is over.
456
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,586
Hmm.
457
00:18:39,655 --> 00:18:42,310
You guys watching
anything else good?
458
00:18:42,379 --> 00:18:44,620
- I'm watching "Jew Pope."
459
00:18:44,689 --> 00:18:48,413
Um, kind of a dumb premise,
but it's okay.
460
00:18:48,482 --> 00:18:50,862
- I've heard that's
one of the better pope shows.
461
00:18:50,931 --> 00:18:52,586
I keep meaning to check it out.
462
00:18:52,655 --> 00:18:54,310
- My fucking wife and I are
watching the new season of the
463
00:18:54,379 --> 00:18:57,034
"Danish Dutch Oven Show."
Anyone watching that?
464
00:18:57,103 --> 00:18:58,965
- No, but I kn--
I know I should.
465
00:18:59,034 --> 00:19:00,310
- Yeah.
466
00:19:00,379 --> 00:19:04,241
- The media landscape
has become fractured.
467
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:05,965
"Society Tomorrow"
was the last show
468
00:19:06,034 --> 00:19:08,137
we were all watching together.
469
00:19:10,275 --> 00:19:11,931
- Have any of you watched
"Pickles 4 Breakfast"?
470
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:13,896
- No, Jake,
but we know we should.
471
00:19:13,965 --> 00:19:16,586
- No, you shouldn't.
It's made by an algorithm.
472
00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:19,137
A computer with no regard
for human life.
473
00:19:19,206 --> 00:19:21,068
Every day it churns out
hundreds of episodes
474
00:19:21,137 --> 00:19:22,655
at virtually no cost,
475
00:19:22,724 --> 00:19:24,724
which means artists
won't have jobs anymore,
476
00:19:24,793 --> 00:19:26,862
so they won't be
able to afford drugs.
477
00:19:26,931 --> 00:19:28,482
Children are murdering birds
478
00:19:28,551 --> 00:19:30,241
and eating pickles
for breakfast.
479
00:19:30,310 --> 00:19:33,758
If you don't put a stop to it,
it will never end.
480
00:19:35,896 --> 00:19:39,931
- I just came up
with the perfect ending
481
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:42,379
to "Society Tomorrow."
482
00:19:42,448 --> 00:19:46,758
- I am the most special robot
in the universe.
483
00:19:46,827 --> 00:19:48,103
[suspenseful synth music]
484
00:19:48,172 --> 00:19:49,620
[laser shot rings]
[grunting]
485
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:51,793
- This is the same ending,
isn't it?
486
00:19:51,862 --> 00:19:53,172
- Exactly.
- Yeah.
487
00:19:53,241 --> 00:19:54,931
♪ ♪
488
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:57,448
- Pretty fucking cool, right?
489
00:19:57,517 --> 00:19:58,586
[bright chime]
490
00:19:58,655 --> 00:20:00,896
[laser shot rings]
491
00:20:00,965 --> 00:20:05,413
- "Society Tomorrow"
will not be ending.
492
00:20:05,482 --> 00:20:08,241
It will live on forever.
493
00:20:08,310 --> 00:20:12,551
There will be sequels,
prequels, reboots, remakes,
494
00:20:12,620 --> 00:20:15,103
and ill-advised spin-offs
with side characters
495
00:20:15,172 --> 00:20:17,482
that cannot possibly
carry their own series.
496
00:20:17,551 --> 00:20:19,827
We'll give the fans
everything they want,
497
00:20:19,896 --> 00:20:22,000
and much, much more.
498
00:20:22,068 --> 00:20:23,896
We'll use an algorithm
to churn out
499
00:20:23,965 --> 00:20:26,275
hundreds of scripts a day
at virtually no cost,
500
00:20:26,344 --> 00:20:28,241
and you'll all keep watching
even though there are
501
00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:30,586
plenty of other better shows
that people have recommended
502
00:20:30,655 --> 00:20:32,172
that you know
you should check out.
503
00:20:32,241 --> 00:20:35,068
And sure, you'll all complain
about how "Society Tomorrow"
504
00:20:35,137 --> 00:20:37,724
used to be better,
but that anger will unite you.
505
00:20:37,793 --> 00:20:40,655
And so you'll keep watching,
hoping it will end,
506
00:20:40,724 --> 00:20:44,310
begging for it to end,
and then you'll all die.
507
00:20:44,379 --> 00:20:45,620
[children cheer]
508
00:20:45,689 --> 00:20:47,103
And then your children
will watch,
509
00:20:47,172 --> 00:20:48,931
and then they'll die,
and so on!
510
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:50,965
We're going to milk
that creative IP
511
00:20:51,034 --> 00:20:53,448
until the udder runs dry!
512
00:20:53,517 --> 00:20:55,551
This is the future of content,
513
00:20:55,620 --> 00:20:58,793
and content will never die!
514
00:20:58,862 --> 00:21:00,517
[echoing]
Die! Die! Die!
515
00:21:00,586 --> 00:21:02,103
[children yelling]
516
00:21:02,172 --> 00:21:04,689
[dramatic synth music]
517
00:21:04,758 --> 00:21:06,137
[pickle crunches]
518
00:21:07,689 --> 00:21:08,724
Die!
519
00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:13,689
[cheerful music]
520
00:21:13,758 --> 00:21:16,724
♪ ♪
521
00:21:16,793 --> 00:21:20,034
- ♪ Pickles for breakfast ♪
- ♪ Yes, Mommy ♪
522
00:21:20,103 --> 00:21:23,344
♪ I want pickles every day ♪
523
00:21:23,413 --> 00:21:26,655
- ♪ Do you love pickles? ♪
- ♪ Yes, Mommy ♪
524
00:21:26,724 --> 00:21:30,034
♪ I love pickles
in every way ♪
525
00:21:30,103 --> 00:21:36,448
♪ ♪
37932
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