Original subtitles

Evan was doing so well it was like a

miracle we couldn't believe it

you just couldn't believe it is this the

same kid I mean here he is he's growing

and he's popularity as his lovely

friends they have a wonderful time

suddenly there's hair there and his jaw

gets firmer and he's taller than I am

and he's a man he's a young man very

handsome very popular with the girls but

not really all that interested in them

his voice went from like this to this we

talked to him head-on do you have

thoughts of suicide do you want to kill

yourself you want to harm yourself and

said no you know I don't kids to know

that if they say certain things or if

they do certain things they're gonna be

stopped you know especially if they have

parents who are attentive to what's

going on with them so if a kid really

doesn't want to be stopped he's not

gonna say anything

I remember the officers asking me

whether there was a suicide note and we

looked around his room and there was

nothing and then he pointed to a

computer to be honest the gist of the

letter was what every fucking

fifteen-year-old thinks about themself

that I'm not good enough no one likes me

things won't get better the differences

evan felt that 20,000 times stronger

than any normal fifteen-year-old there

isn't a choice to cope there isn't I

have a family the people I love and

people who love me and you really have

no choice but to get up and put one foot

in front of the other and basically I

think the thing that I think about most

is uh I just can't believe it I can't

believe this

I can't believe it I can't believe I'm

sitting here I can't believe

that um that I gave birth to this boy

and raised buried him I can't believe it

it's just a sense of disbelief I don't

know if I'll ever really understand that

it's true that this really happened I

can't believe it really happened I mean

tell me it's a dream I can't believe it

I can't and I can't believe that the

day's continued to go by and that the

world could choose to world date without

them