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1
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(Phone rings)
2
00:00:01,480 --> 00:00:03,040
Which way!
3
00:00:03,240 --> 00:00:05,800
Aboriginal IT Solutions,
this is the help desk.
4
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:09,000
I have a problem with my computer
that I can't seem to get it to work.
5
00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:10,880
What have you done
to try and fix it?
6
00:00:11,080 --> 00:00:13,000
Well, I've rebooted,
I've tried control-alt-delete.
7
00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:16,000
I've turned it off and on at the
wall, then turned it back on again.
8
00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:19,040
Have you called it a slut?
9
00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:20,600
Come again?
10
00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:22,560
Have you sworn at it?
Mumbled under your breath?
11
00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:24,400
Talked through your teeth
and all of that?
12
00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:26,000
Well, no. Will that work?
13
00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:27,920
Try it and see how it goes.
14
00:00:28,080 --> 00:00:29,760
Alright.
15
00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:33,640
Come on, you slut!
16
00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:37,240
You need a bit more passion
and emphasis on the 'slut'.
17
00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:39,040
Come on, slut.
18
00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:40,520
Louder and blacker.
19
00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:42,640
Come on, ya slut!
20
00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:46,680
I want you to close your eyes and
think of 200 years of colonisation!
21
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:50,120
Think of Freedom Rides and Cathy
Freeman running with that flag.
22
00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:53,160
Think I'm black and I'm proud!
23
00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:55,160
Here, c'mon, ya slut!
24
00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:56,440
Louder, stronger!
25
00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:57,960
Come on, you slut!
26
00:00:58,120 --> 00:00:59,440
Oh, that's gammin', tidda.
27
00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:01,040
Think of the flag,
think of the protests,
28
00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:04,120
think of our mob marching on the
streets, think of the tent embassy,
29
00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:06,520
the referendum, think of John Howard!
30
00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:09,120
COME ON, YOU SLUT!
31
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Oh, there you go.
32
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It's working.
33
00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:15,640
Thanks, help desk.
34
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No worries, my tidda.
35
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Call back any time.
36
00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:22,400
Theme music
37
00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:51,000
Yes!
38
00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:55,600
Just got my tax return,
$7000 in the bank!
39
00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:57,720
(Siren rings)
40
00:01:57,880 --> 00:01:59,240
What's that?
41
00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:00,880
That's an alarm I got.
42
00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:03,600
It lets you know when
a family member's come into cash.
43
00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:05,640
Really?
44
00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:11,080
I have got to get one.
45
00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:14,240
NARRATOR, V/O: Ever find yourself
that little bit short of cash?
46
00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:16,720
Then try the new payday alarm.
47
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It's simple and it's only $19.99.
48
00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:21,520
Payday alarm.
49
00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:23,760
Call now and order yours today.
50
00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:28,480
Two people owed money
to a certain moneylender.
51
00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:32,200
One of them him five hundred
denarii, and the other fifty.
52
00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:35,400
Neither of them
had money to pay him back,
53
00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:38,240
so he forgave the debts
of them both.
54
00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:41,200
And who do you think
loved him the most?
55
00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:43,200
The one who owed the most, My Lord.
56
00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:46,840
Yes, Simon, you are correct.
57
00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:49,600
That is why I am letting her
wash my feet.
58
00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:52,640
Because she understands
the value of forgiveness
59
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:55,520
better than those
who have less to forgive.
60
00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:57,040
What's going on here?
61
00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:58,400
Feet washing.
62
00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:01,880
Yeah, we can see that,
but why is it going on?
63
00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:05,880
I am unclean
and I am gaining forgiveness.
64
00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:09,440
Unclean! Who told you that?
65
00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:11,600
Yeah, sister,
who sold you that bullshit?
66
00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:14,800
I am illustrating to my followers
the value of forgiveness.
67
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:17,840
Sister, you don't have to
wash his feet.
68
00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:19,400
I don't wash my man's feet.
69
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,400
Shit, he'd be washing mine,
and rubbing 'em too
70
00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:23,200
if he knew what was good for him.
71
00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:26,080
What are you doing here, Simon?
72
00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:28,400
Babe, I didn't...
I wasn't...
73
00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:31,160
Remember how I said
I was gonna be an disciple.
74
00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:33,160
Well, this is being a disciple.
75
00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:35,200
You didn't tell me youse
were gonna be down here
76
00:03:35,360 --> 00:03:37,240
watching a woman wash a man's feet.
77
00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:38,840
Well, discipling's different
from day to day.
78
00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:40,400
It's never the same thing.
79
00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:42,280
Get home now.
80
00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:44,440
Go home now.
81
00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:48,760
And what are you doing, Matthew?
82
00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:52,600
I'm going.
83
00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:54,200
I'll have dinner ready.
84
00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:55,800
Chicken pad Thai!
85
00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:56,800
Yes, dear.
86
00:03:56,960 --> 00:03:59,720
Anyway, is he even your man?
87
00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:02,400
Not really, no.
88
00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:03,960
Well, what are you doing, then?
89
00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:05,440
I'm Jesus Christ.
90
00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:07,440
And I'm Zipporah Jones.
And I'm Miriam Smith.
91
00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:08,920
Sister, get up off your knees.
92
00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:10,440
I don't know where you're from,
93
00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:13,240
but where we come from here in
Jerusalem, we don't roll like that.
94
00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:14,880
That's right. It's 30 A.D.
95
00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:17,560
That shit might've went down when
we were wandering in the desert,
96
00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:18,680
but today...
97
00:04:18,840 --> 00:04:20,160
Excuse me, can you just...
98
00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:23,200
Excuse us, excuse you.
99
00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:26,440
We can get on that black grapevine
and tell all of your wives
100
00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:28,200
that you're down here
participating in this.
101
00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:30,280
Just... like... that.
102
00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:32,600
My disciples follow a higher path
103
00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:34,640
than that which is dictated
by their wives.
104
00:04:34,840 --> 00:04:37,040
DISCIPLE: Yeah, we're not gonna
get bullied by a bunch of women...
105
00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:39,000
(Laughter)
106
00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:43,200
(Calls) Mary Margaret, Mary Kate,
Rachel, Leah, Hepzibah,
107
00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:46,200
Sarah, Abigail, Delilah,
Bathsheba, Jezebel...
108
00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:51,560
Get up, sister,
you're coming with us.
109
00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:53,040
We're taking you shopping.
110
00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:56,400
Because seriously, those rags,
not gonna cut it around here.
111
00:04:56,600 --> 00:05:00,040
I know, I'll introduce you
to my cousin, Ray Ray.
112
00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:02,400
He is cut-up like
you wouldn't believe.
113
00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:09,560
Who's gonna dry my feet?
114
00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:14,680
I don't wanna
get my new sandals dirty.
115
00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:17,720
Hey, fellas!
116
00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:23,880
Bloody women.
117
00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:35,320
So the black bitch is eating chicken.
118
00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:38,960
Beef.
Beef?
119
00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:47,160
I'm thinking we have to run
the Shanghai transaction past Tom.
120
00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:48,760
Tom in Acquisitions?
121
00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:50,400
Good idea.
122
00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:51,840
(Buzzer)
123
00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:53,640
Tatiana, can you come in here,
please.
124
00:05:56,240 --> 00:06:00,120
Hey. Can you make a note to run
the Shanghai transaction past Tom?
125
00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:01,400
Tom in Acquisitions?
126
00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:02,720
Yes.
127
00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:06,080
Done. And done.
Fantastic.
128
00:06:06,280 --> 00:06:08,080
Oh, and can you go
and grab me a latte?
129
00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:09,560
You want one?
130
00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:13,360
Er, yeah, yeah. Just a skim.
I'm watching my figure.
131
00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:17,560
No... no, I can't do that.
132
00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:19,720
Um, why not?
133
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,320
It's a cultural thing.
134
00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:23,280
You know?
135
00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:25,240
Cultural.
136
00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:28,200
But what has getting coffee...
Shh.
137
00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:29,920
Cultural thing.
138
00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:31,920
Yeah, I just don't
understand what...
139
00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:34,440
Shh.
140
00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:37,480
(Whispers) She's under
the Reconciliation Action Plan.
141
00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:43,200
So, yeah, sure, it's a
cultural thing. We understand.
142
00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:46,680
Now, when you go get your coffees,
can you pick me up one too?
143
00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:50,320
One latte, not too warm
and not too frothy.
144
00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:52,920
I really don't like it too frothy.
145
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,840
Er, here's $2.
146
00:06:58,000 --> 00:06:59,440
They're $3.50?
147
00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:00,960
Cultural thing.
148
00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:09,920
Five, six, seven, eight.
149
00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:14,040
And one, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight.
150
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:16,600
Well done, guys. Excellent.
151
00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:18,400
Yeah, I'm glad you're all
working up a sweat.
152
00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:19,880
Just take a seat on the floor.
153
00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:22,480
We're going to get you
to perform your solo routines, OK.
154
00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:24,680
So can I get, um...
155
00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:27,480
Shawn.
156
00:07:27,640 --> 00:07:28,960
Yeah.
157
00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:36,200
Five, six, seven, eight.
158
00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:46,360
Well done, yeah.
159
00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:48,040
I liked that a lot.
Yeah, great.
160
00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:49,600
Great. I liked it a lot.
161
00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:51,360
The only thing, though,
162
00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:54,120
was it didn't have any
traditional animal elements in it.
163
00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:57,440
So we might just
get you to go again, um,
164
00:07:57,640 --> 00:08:00,400
and maybe improvise
some of it for us now.
165
00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:01,760
Yeah, I'd love to.
166
00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:04,520
OK, so let's try the kangaroo.
Kangaroo?
167
00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:05,880
Yes.
OK.
168
00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:16,800
Yeah.
169
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:20,040
Ah, OK. So do you realise that
kangaroos don't jump backwards?
170
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,080
Oh.
171
00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:25,520
Let's move on...
Um, let's try an emu.
172
00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:26,920
Emu?
Yeah.
173
00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:28,720
Emu, emu...
174
00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:46,400
OK, alright,
so this is not really working,
175
00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:49,400
so we might just get you to take
a seat and we'll get somebody else.
176
00:08:49,560 --> 00:08:50,400
Um...
177
00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:53,880
What if I show you some traditional
animal movements that I know.
178
00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:55,360
What have you got?
179
00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:57,080
I've got an elephant.
180
00:08:57,280 --> 00:09:01,520
(Trumpets)
Um...
181
00:09:01,680 --> 00:09:04,280
So, elephants aren't from Australia.
182
00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:05,760
We don't have any elephants here.
183
00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:09,360
What about in zoos?
OK.
184
00:09:09,560 --> 00:09:12,000
Um, Shawn, we might just get you
to take a seat.
185
00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:13,480
And, um, yeah, let's...
186
00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:14,960
Lion! What about a lion?
187
00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:20,680
(Roars)
188
00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:22,400
No, that's no good.
189
00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:24,440
A monkey!
190
00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:29,640
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh.
191
00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:32,360
No, no, no.
Sorry, that's not gonna work for us.
192
00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:34,400
Dolphin. Dolphin...
193
00:09:34,560 --> 00:09:37,560
Eh-eh-eh. Eh-eh-eh-eh.
194
00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:39,320
Eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh.
195
00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:40,840
(Gasps) Giraffe.
196
00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:43,360
What noise does a giraffe make?
197
00:09:43,560 --> 00:09:45,760
I need you to take a seat.
Please, Shawn.
198
00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:47,360
Can you please sit down?
199
00:09:47,560 --> 00:09:50,560
It's not an animal,
but what about the robot.
200
00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:56,080
Yeah. You like that, huh?
201
00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:57,560
You like the robot?
202
00:09:57,760 --> 00:09:59,640
See that, yeah?
You like that?
203
00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:02,640
Ro-bot, yeah.
Yeah, ro-bot.
204
00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:04,280
And robot.
205
00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:06,720
Robot, robot, robot.
206
00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:11,840
Now, I'm doing it in front
of your face 'cause I'm a ro-bot.
207
00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:22,280
I... I can't deal with this.
208
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:27,400
Did I get the part?
209
00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:36,760
Aw, babe, babe,
I'm really tired, babe.
210
00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:40,080
Come on, I've been
thinking about you all day.
211
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:41,960
I know, babe, but I'm so tired.
212
00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:43,560
I've got an early start tomorrow.
213
00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:47,320
Come on, I'll do that thing you like.
It'll be worth it.
214
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,240
Babe, babe. I've got a headache.
215
00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:51,680
I love you
but just not tonight, OK?
216
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:54,200
Yeah.
I love you.
217
00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:55,400
Yeah.
218
00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:59,200
(Sighs) Yeah.
219
00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:10,480
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
220
00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:16,960
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
221
00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:20,120
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
222
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:23,040
Tatiana! Just stop!
223
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:24,320
You have to.
224
00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:25,640
What? Why?
225
00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:27,840
It's... it's a cultural thing.
226
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:30,080
Yeah, it's a cultural thing.
227
00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:31,560
We have to have sex...
228
00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:33,640
for cultural reasons.
229
00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:35,720
Really? I don't think
that sounds right.
230
00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:38,680
No, it is.
It's NAIDOC week.
231
00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:40,560
NAIDOC week? Really?
232
00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:42,360
Yeah, so we have to have sex.
233
00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:44,480
And you have to make me come.
234
00:11:44,680 --> 00:11:45,800
Twice.
Twice?
235
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:48,760
Yeah, and you have to do that thing
that you do with your tongue.
236
00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:50,240
That thing that I like.
237
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:51,960
But I've got a headache.
238
00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:53,480
It is throbbing, it's pounding.
239
00:11:53,640 --> 00:11:54,960
Can we just...?
240
00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:57,080
You don't want to be a racist,
do you?
241
00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:00,000
(Whimpers)
242
00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:02,000
Do you?!
243
00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:06,400
No. You know, I guess...
I guess not.
244
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:07,960
Great!
245
00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:10,800
Now, get on down there.
246
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:12,320
Go on.
247
00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:14,920
Munch, munch, munch.
248
00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:24,920
So, the black bitch
is drinking coffee.
249
00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:27,280
Tea.
Tea?
250
00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:34,640
Dubstep
251
00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:43,880
Oh, what's doing, bra?
252
00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:46,240
Nah, just come back
from the doctor's.
253
00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:48,680
What happened to ya leg, bra?
254
00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:50,480
Copped the maddest ase-chay, bra.
255
00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:54,280
Cabbie, man. Tried to rip me in
a fare, so I jumped him, legged it.
256
00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:56,480
Lad got out
and chased me five blocks.
257
00:12:56,680 --> 00:12:59,120
Next thing there was like 20 cabs
at the end of the street.
258
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,960
I had to jump the big barbwire
cop fence just to get away.
259
00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:04,800
Oh, mad ill-skays, bra,
mad ill-skays.
260
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,000
Es-yays, that's when
I jumped down off the fence,
261
00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:09,240
skidded on the gravel -
that's when I ripped my leg up.
262
00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:10,960
Ad-may, ad-may.
263
00:13:11,120 --> 00:13:12,480
But they wasn't gonna catch me.
264
00:13:12,680 --> 00:13:13,880
They should know
they can't outrun blackfellas.
265
00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:16,680
I'm the fastest 38-year-old they
ever going to see in their life.
266
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:19,160
Not like back in the day, eh,
when we owned these streets.
267
00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:21,600
No cab would even come down here
unless we said so.
268
00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:23,520
Es-yays, nobody can catch me
when I start.
269
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,680
I wasn't gonna pay
no big taxi fare for no-one.
270
00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:27,160
Oh, what call the cops!
271
00:13:27,320 --> 00:13:28,840
Bra, shh, eyes and ears, bra.
272
00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:30,600
Eyes and ears.
273
00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:31,600
Aunty-ay oming-cay ere-hay.
274
00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:34,520
Hey, your leg alright?
275
00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:36,160
Yeah, yeah.
276
00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:38,120
Sorry, boy, it was my fault.
277
00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:40,000
But you shouldn't have
bumped into me this morning
278
00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:42,440
when I had that cup of hot tea
in my hand, eh.
279
00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:43,520
I'm right.
280
00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:45,040
Just leave it now, ey, aunt.
Please.
281
00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:47,320
Well, as long as you're all right.
282
00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:49,560
Oh, what?
283
00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:50,960
Hot tea!
284
00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:52,600
Call the cops!
285
00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:01,800
Hey.
286
00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:04,840
Come in, man.
287
00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:06,880
How can I be of service?
288
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:09,920
I'm just after one of
your relaxation packages.
289
00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:13,200
If I can get you to strip down
to this lap lap,
290
00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:16,800
and then you come back in
and lie on this table.
291
00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:23,640
Hey, you look good, man.
292
00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:25,400
You comfy?
293
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:26,920
Yeah.
294
00:14:28,880 --> 00:14:31,680
Alright, I'll get you
to lay down on the table.
295
00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:36,520
Now what I'm going to do first
is play some traditional music
296
00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:40,520
to soothe you into your proceedings.
297
00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:43,040
Yeah.
298
00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:46,800
(DIDGERIDOO BLASTS)
299
00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:48,080
Holy Shit!
300
00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:49,560
Whoa, man.
301
00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:51,160
I need you to relax.
302
00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:52,640
OK.
303
00:14:54,280 --> 00:14:59,320
(RHYTHMIC CRACKING)
304
00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:03,680
Argh! Are you hitting me
with bits of wood?
305
00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:05,280
Clap sticks, man!
306
00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:07,520
Well, please don't.
307
00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:09,040
Fine.
308
00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:12,240
How about we try
a smoke cleansing instead.
309
00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:13,720
OK.
310
00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:15,880
That sounds good. Let's do that.
311
00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:25,280
(Chants) Ghoona-budhoo-muyoo,
ghoona-budhoo-muyoo
312
00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:32,680
Ghoona-budhoo-muyoo,
ghoona-budhoo-muyoo
313
00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:37,520
Ghoona-budhoo-muyoo,
ghoona-budhoo-ghoona-budhoo.
314
00:15:56,640 --> 00:15:58,840
Hey, brother.
315
00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:01,680
Whew!
316
00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:03,160
There.
317
00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:07,600
You're all chilled, relaxed.
318
00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:09,200
Hey, bro.
319
00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:12,400
Hey.
320
00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:25,200
(Chants) Ghoona-budhoo-muyoo,
ghoona-budhoo-muyoo
321
00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:38,160
Ghoona-budhoo-muyoo,
ghoona-budhoo-muyoo
322
00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:39,560
Ghoona.
323
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:48,440
So the black bitch
is doing a close-up.
324
00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:51,200
Wide shot.
Wide shot?
325
00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:58,360
(Alarm rings)
326
00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:01,560
What the hell is that?
327
00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:03,640
That, my friend, is an alarm
I bought recently.
328
00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:05,680
It goes off when family
are about to call me
329
00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:07,160
when they're looking for a loan.
330
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:09,000
Really?
Really.
331
00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:10,520
So how does it work?
332
00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:13,240
Easy. When it goes off,
I just turn off my phone.
333
00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:17,040
Done.
Cool.
334
00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:19,720
NARRATOR, V/O: Tired of hiding
from relatives on pay day?
335
00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:23,440
Want to get ahead, but your bludging
family keep dragging you behind?
336
00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:28,480
Order the Hide My Black Arse From
My Money Grabbing Mob alarm today.
337
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:34,920
His phone's still off.
338
00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:36,400
Hmm.
339
00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:38,480
It's like he knows.
340
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:41,040
It's only $19.99.
341
00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:43,240
Call now and order yours today.
342
00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:50,680
TV THEME TUNE
343
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:56,120
NARRATOR, V/O:: Once again, the
brave crew of the Starship Hentaprise
344
00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:57,880
find themselves in trouble.
345
00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:01,120
After escaping a big black hole,
and with their ship damaged,
346
00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:04,040
they find themselves
running out of supplies.
347
00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:06,960
We're not going to last
much longer, Captain.
348
00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:09,280
If we don't find supplies
to repair the Hentaprise,
349
00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:13,360
there's a 97.839 per cent chance
she'll fall to pieces.
350
00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:14,960
Suggestions?
351
00:18:15,120 --> 00:18:16,680
I'm picking up a class M planet.
352
00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:19,520
It appears to have the minerals
and resources that we need.
353
00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:22,600
There's even Blakanthium
to repower our warp engines.
354
00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:24,600
Good. Set a course.
355
00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:27,640
Wait a minute.
It seems to be inhabited, Captain.
356
00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:29,040
Inhabited by who?
357
00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:31,720
A species that hasn't yet
discovered space travel.
358
00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:34,360
There's approximately
300,000 humanoid life forms.
359
00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:36,800
I fear we have no alternative.
360
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,880
Set a course
so we can take what we need!
361
00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:41,920
Won't that kinda
make us hypocrites though?
362
00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:43,800
How so?
363
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:47,720
I believe he's talking about 1788
in Earth's history, Captain,
364
00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:50,440
when the English colonised
what was known as Australia,
365
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:52,560
but is now known as New China.
366
00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:54,480
Oh! Of course!
367
00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:56,880
That does make it a bit complicated.
368
00:18:57,040 --> 00:18:59,480
Ooh, do a plaque.
369
00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:01,920
Do a plaque that acknowledges them
370
00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:05,080
and then chuck that shit up
on government buildings
371
00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:06,640
and then fly a flag!
372
00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:08,120
I don't think that's gonna cut it.
373
00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:10,880
Especially when they find out what
we really wanna do with their land.
374
00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:12,560
Could we write them
into some document
375
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:14,200
that recognises
they were there first?
376
00:19:14,360 --> 00:19:15,600
A constitution, maybe.
377
00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:16,880
Ooh!
378
00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:18,480
I'm not really feeling that either.
379
00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:20,040
Oh! Oh! I know!
380
00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:22,440
What about a treaty?
I like it.
381
00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:25,440
What we need to do is work out
a deal that works on both sides,
382
00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:29,960
so we can become friends and become
respectful in a harmonious way
383
00:19:30,120 --> 00:19:31,840
for both cultures and customs.
384
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:34,600
I'm picking up something, Captain.
385
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:38,480
According to this data, the group
aren't indigenous to the area at all
386
00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:42,080
and have migrated from another
planet to set up a penal colony.
387
00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:43,440
Oh, well.
388
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:45,200
In that case, blow that shit up!
389
00:19:45,360 --> 00:19:46,680
Let's take what we want!
390
00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:49,880
I think we should've just
done that in the first place.
391
00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:54,400
ALL: Shut up, Vanilla!
392
00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:57,480
OK.
(All laugh)
393
00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:00,640
NARRATOR, V/O: Make sure you tune
in next for the episode of Star Blaks
394
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:03,080
as our brave crew seek to go blackly
395
00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:06,280
where no other blackfella
has gone before.
396
00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:09,880
Oh, my back!
397
00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:14,280
See how they go.
398
00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:17,680
That one in there's still sleeping!
399
00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:19,240
I dunno why.
400
00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:22,400
Not like she's exhausted
from a hard day's work or nothing.
401
00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:25,760
I can't even mop down her end of
the hallway, she snores that loud!
402
00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:27,520
She's snoring like
she's been drinking or something
403
00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:29,000
but she don't even drink!
404
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:30,720
No-one wants her!
405
00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:33,440
I'm sick of mopping this vomit up
from these mob drinking here.
406
00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:35,960
TAFE students, see,
think they're on holidays!
407
00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:37,480
Stinking night owls.
408
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:40,920
I'm telling you now, if I was
manager they'd be gone, look!
409
00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:42,120
Shop shut!
410
00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:45,800
But, no, this manager wanna
please these girls all the time.
411
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:47,320
They're not babies!
412
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:48,800
They got hairs now!
413
00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:52,000
Ooh, wild gins they are.
414
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:54,280
WOMAN: Morning, Mavis.
415
00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:55,680
MAVIS: Hey, you up?
416
00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:57,520
You get your beauty sleep?
417
00:20:57,680 --> 00:20:58,560
Yeah.
418
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:01,600
Oh, deadly.
I was waiting for you to get up.
419
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:04,400
You big gee-whiz!
420
00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:11,280
Welcome my non-Indigenous
brothers and sisters.
421
00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:14,800
My name is Ranger Billy,
and on behalf of my ancestors
422
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:19,320
I welcome you,
and invite you to walk my country.
423
00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:23,080
This is a food source for my people.
424
00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:25,400
We've hunted it
for thousands of years.
425
00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:27,720
Even in the time of dinosaurs.
426
00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:29,720
What does it taste like?
427
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:32,440
I don't eat that shit.
428
00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:34,840
Ooh, but I eat these berries...
429
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:36,720
(Gasps) Aren't they poisoning?
430
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:38,360
Who's the black one here?
431
00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:39,800
Me black.
432
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:41,880
You yell... not black.
433
00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:44,000
Berries, noodles.
434
00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:46,040
I think I know what I can eat.
435
00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:49,240
Excuse me, Ranger Billy.
436
00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:53,680
I think we passed a dead wallaby
back there five minutes ago.
437
00:21:53,840 --> 00:21:55,320
Think we're lost.
438
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:56,840
We are not lost.
439
00:21:57,040 --> 00:21:59,520
Don't worry.
Look, I have berries.
440
00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:01,040
You want some?
441
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:02,200
Mm.
442
00:22:02,360 --> 00:22:04,200
Taste the rainbow.
443
00:22:04,360 --> 00:22:05,720
Sure you don't want any?
444
00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:09,960
Suit yourselves, but don't be running
to me later saying you're hungry.
445
00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:25,400
Who are you people?
446
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:28,360
What are you doing here?
447
00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:30,720
We are tourists.
448
00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:33,600
You're meant to be showing us
the places of your ancestors.
449
00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:35,320
What ancestors?
450
00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:36,800
Your ancestors.
451
00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:41,280
What's that noise?
452
00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:42,520
What noise?
453
00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:44,960
They're coming to get me.
454
00:22:45,120 --> 00:22:46,640
Who?
455
00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:48,880
The goanna men.
456
00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:53,080
There's no goanna here.
457
00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:58,000
You're conspiring with them,
aren't you?
458
00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:02,200
You're conspiring with them,
scaly fork-tongued bastards?
459
00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:05,320
I think you need
to have some water, Ranger Billy.
460
00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:10,160
Who's Ranger Billy?
461
00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:12,760
I'm Ecknatingau!
462
00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:18,800
I'm...
463
00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:20,840
I'm about to shit myself!
464
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:22,360
Move!
465
00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:36,000
Ew, slut!
466
00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:37,680
What slut?
467
00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:40,040
I heard you bin sniffing around
with John?
468
00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:42,960
Who John? I sniff biggest mob.
469
00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:45,480
No wonder your nose
is so out of shape, slut.
470
00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:47,480
You look like
big, black Miss Piggy on heat.
471
00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:49,560
Anyway, can't even walk.
472
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:52,320
(Gasps) Can't even exercise.
473
00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:55,320
(Gasps) Well, what about
this then, slut?
474
00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:56,920
(Grunts)
475
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:00,560
Well, what's this then, slut?
476
00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:01,800
(Grunts)
477
00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:03,800
Well, what's this then, slut?
478
00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:06,720
What's this then, slut?
479
00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:08,880
Well, what's this then, slut?
480
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:12,280
Well, what's this then, slut?
(Grunts)
481
00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:15,760
Well, what's this then, slut?
482
00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:17,280
Well, what's this then slut?
483
00:24:17,440 --> 00:24:19,080
What's this?
484
00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:21,000
Well, what's this... then, slut?
485
00:24:22,360 --> 00:24:23,960
(Grunts)
486
00:24:24,120 --> 00:24:26,080
What's this then, slut?
487
00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:29,120
(Both pant)
488
00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:31,000
Well, what's this then, slut?
489
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:41,160
What's this then, slut?
490
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:44,720
What's...
491
00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:46,400
This then...
492
00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:47,760
Slut?
493
00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:51,080
Slut.
494
00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:02,400
Excuse me.
495
00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:03,720
You've parked in my spot.
496
00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:07,840
It's a cultural thing.
It's cultural.
497
00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:10,720
No, you see,
this is a disabled parking spot.
498
00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:12,640
I had to park
all the way over there.
499
00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:16,160
Yeah, but I'm Aboriginal,
so it doesn't really apply to me.
500
00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:18,280
Yeah, but I am disabled.
501
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:22,280
Being Aboriginal in this country
can be a disability.
502
00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:24,440
I can barely move my legs.
503
00:25:24,640 --> 00:25:27,760
But whose land can you
barely move your legs on?
504
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:29,240
Think about it.
505
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:32,160
You stole my parking spot!
506
00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:34,040
Ironic, isn't it?
507
00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:36,520
No. It's not actually ironic, no.
508
00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:40,000
Disabled parking spots are for
disabled people, not black people.
509
00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:43,240
Well, should I just go
to the back of the bus, then?
510
00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:45,000
What are you?
511
00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:46,720
A racist?
512
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:50,280
I'm disabled!
513
00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:51,760
Yeah, you are.
514
00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:55,720
(Electronic voice) Excuse me.
You are both in my spot.
515
00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:02,080
And I'm a lesbian.
516
00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:06,400
I'm really sorry.
I'll just move.
517
00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:07,600
So sorry.
518
00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:10,000
I'll move straightaway. OK?
519
00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:12,960
L-O-L. L-O-L.
520
00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:29,200
REPORTER, V/O: Earlier today
a group of tourists were rescued
521
00:26:29,360 --> 00:26:30,840
after being lost for three days.
522
00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:34,000
They suffered exposure,
but all are said to be doing well,
523
00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:37,480
except for the Aboriginal ranger
who suffered hallucinations
524
00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:41,240
and extreme diarrhoea
after consuming poisonous berries.
525
00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:46,000
I'm Rosalind Sailor reporting live
from Nelliman National Park.
526
00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:49,760
Captions by CSI Australia
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