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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:01,320 (Phone rings) 2 00:00:01,480 --> 00:00:03,040 Which way! 3 00:00:03,240 --> 00:00:05,800 Aboriginal IT Solutions, this is the help desk. 4 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:09,000 I have a problem with my computer that I can't seem to get it to work. 5 00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:10,880 What have you done to try and fix it? 6 00:00:11,080 --> 00:00:13,000 Well, I've rebooted, I've tried control-alt-delete. 7 00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:16,000 I've turned it off and on at the wall, then turned it back on again. 8 00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:19,040 Have you called it a slut? 9 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:20,600 Come again? 10 00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:22,560 Have you sworn at it? Mumbled under your breath? 11 00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:24,400 Talked through your teeth and all of that? 12 00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:26,000 Well, no. Will that work? 13 00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:27,920 Try it and see how it goes. 14 00:00:28,080 --> 00:00:29,760 Alright. 15 00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:33,640 Come on, you slut! 16 00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:37,240 You need a bit more passion and emphasis on the 'slut'. 17 00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:39,040 Come on, slut. 18 00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:40,520 Louder and blacker. 19 00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:42,640 Come on, ya slut! 20 00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:46,680 I want you to close your eyes and think of 200 years of colonisation! 21 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:50,120 Think of Freedom Rides and Cathy Freeman running with that flag. 22 00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:53,160 Think I'm black and I'm proud! 23 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:55,160 Here, c'mon, ya slut! 24 00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:56,440 Louder, stronger! 25 00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:57,960 Come on, you slut! 26 00:00:58,120 --> 00:00:59,440 Oh, that's gammin', tidda. 27 00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:01,040 Think of the flag, think of the protests, 28 00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:04,120 think of our mob marching on the streets, think of the tent embassy, 29 00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:06,520 the referendum, think of John Howard! 30 00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:09,120 COME ON, YOU SLUT! 31 00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:12,360 Oh, there you go. 32 00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:14,000 It's working. 33 00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:15,640 Thanks, help desk. 34 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:17,200 No worries, my tidda. 35 00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:18,880 Call back any time. 36 00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:22,400 Theme music 37 00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:51,000 Yes! 38 00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:55,600 Just got my tax return, $7000 in the bank! 39 00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:57,720 (Siren rings) 40 00:01:57,880 --> 00:01:59,240 What's that? 41 00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:00,880 That's an alarm I got. 42 00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:03,600 It lets you know when a family member's come into cash. 43 00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:05,640 Really? 44 00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:11,080 I have got to get one. 45 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:14,240 NARRATOR, V/O: Ever find yourself that little bit short of cash? 46 00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:16,720 Then try the new payday alarm. 47 00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:20,080 It's simple and it's only $19.99. 48 00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:21,520 Payday alarm. 49 00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:23,760 Call now and order yours today. 50 00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:28,480 Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. 51 00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:32,200 One of them him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. 52 00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:35,400 Neither of them had money to pay him back, 53 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:38,240 so he forgave the debts of them both. 54 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:41,200 And who do you think loved him the most? 55 00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:43,200 The one who owed the most, My Lord. 56 00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:46,840 Yes, Simon, you are correct. 57 00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:49,600 That is why I am letting her wash my feet. 58 00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:52,640 Because she understands the value of forgiveness 59 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:55,520 better than those who have less to forgive. 60 00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:57,040 What's going on here? 61 00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:58,400 Feet washing. 62 00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:01,880 Yeah, we can see that, but why is it going on? 63 00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:05,880 I am unclean and I am gaining forgiveness. 64 00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:09,440 Unclean! Who told you that? 65 00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:11,600 Yeah, sister, who sold you that bullshit? 66 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:14,800 I am illustrating to my followers the value of forgiveness. 67 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:17,840 Sister, you don't have to wash his feet. 68 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:19,400 I don't wash my man's feet. 69 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,400 Shit, he'd be washing mine, and rubbing 'em too 70 00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:23,200 if he knew what was good for him. 71 00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:26,080 What are you doing here, Simon? 72 00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:28,400 Babe, I didn't... I wasn't... 73 00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:31,160 Remember how I said I was gonna be an disciple. 74 00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:33,160 Well, this is being a disciple. 75 00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:35,200 You didn't tell me youse were gonna be down here 76 00:03:35,360 --> 00:03:37,240 watching a woman wash a man's feet. 77 00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:38,840 Well, discipling's different from day to day. 78 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:40,400 It's never the same thing. 79 00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:42,280 Get home now. 80 00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:44,440 Go home now. 81 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:48,760 And what are you doing, Matthew? 82 00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:52,600 I'm going. 83 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:54,200 I'll have dinner ready. 84 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:55,800 Chicken pad Thai! 85 00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:56,800 Yes, dear. 86 00:03:56,960 --> 00:03:59,720 Anyway, is he even your man? 87 00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:02,400 Not really, no. 88 00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:03,960 Well, what are you doing, then? 89 00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:05,440 I'm Jesus Christ. 90 00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:07,440 And I'm Zipporah Jones. And I'm Miriam Smith. 91 00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:08,920 Sister, get up off your knees. 92 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:10,440 I don't know where you're from, 93 00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:13,240 but where we come from here in Jerusalem, we don't roll like that. 94 00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:14,880 That's right. It's 30 A.D. 95 00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:17,560 That shit might've went down when we were wandering in the desert, 96 00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:18,680 but today... 97 00:04:18,840 --> 00:04:20,160 Excuse me, can you just... 98 00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:23,200 Excuse us, excuse you. 99 00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:26,440 We can get on that black grapevine and tell all of your wives 100 00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:28,200 that you're down here participating in this. 101 00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:30,280 Just... like... that. 102 00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:32,600 My disciples follow a higher path 103 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:34,640 than that which is dictated by their wives. 104 00:04:34,840 --> 00:04:37,040 DISCIPLE: Yeah, we're not gonna get bullied by a bunch of women... 105 00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:39,000 (Laughter) 106 00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:43,200 (Calls) Mary Margaret, Mary Kate, Rachel, Leah, Hepzibah, 107 00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:46,200 Sarah, Abigail, Delilah, Bathsheba, Jezebel... 108 00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:51,560 Get up, sister, you're coming with us. 109 00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:53,040 We're taking you shopping. 110 00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:56,400 Because seriously, those rags, not gonna cut it around here. 111 00:04:56,600 --> 00:05:00,040 I know, I'll introduce you to my cousin, Ray Ray. 112 00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:02,400 He is cut-up like you wouldn't believe. 113 00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:09,560 Who's gonna dry my feet? 114 00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:14,680 I don't wanna get my new sandals dirty. 115 00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:17,720 Hey, fellas! 116 00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:23,880 Bloody women. 117 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:35,320 So the black bitch is eating chicken. 118 00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:38,960 Beef. Beef? 119 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:47,160 I'm thinking we have to run the Shanghai transaction past Tom. 120 00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:48,760 Tom in Acquisitions? 121 00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:50,400 Good idea. 122 00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:51,840 (Buzzer) 123 00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:53,640 Tatiana, can you come in here, please. 124 00:05:56,240 --> 00:06:00,120 Hey. Can you make a note to run the Shanghai transaction past Tom? 125 00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:01,400 Tom in Acquisitions? 126 00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:02,720 Yes. 127 00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:06,080 Done. And done. Fantastic. 128 00:06:06,280 --> 00:06:08,080 Oh, and can you go and grab me a latte? 129 00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:09,560 You want one? 130 00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:13,360 Er, yeah, yeah. Just a skim. I'm watching my figure. 131 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:17,560 No... no, I can't do that. 132 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:19,720 Um, why not? 133 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,320 It's a cultural thing. 134 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:23,280 You know? 135 00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:25,240 Cultural. 136 00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:28,200 But what has getting coffee... Shh. 137 00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:29,920 Cultural thing. 138 00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:31,920 Yeah, I just don't understand what... 139 00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:34,440 Shh. 140 00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:37,480 (Whispers) She's under the Reconciliation Action Plan. 141 00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:43,200 So, yeah, sure, it's a cultural thing. We understand. 142 00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:46,680 Now, when you go get your coffees, can you pick me up one too? 143 00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:50,320 One latte, not too warm and not too frothy. 144 00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:52,920 I really don't like it too frothy. 145 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,840 Er, here's $2. 146 00:06:58,000 --> 00:06:59,440 They're $3.50? 147 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:00,960 Cultural thing. 148 00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:09,920 Five, six, seven, eight. 149 00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:14,040 And one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. 150 00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:16,600 Well done, guys. Excellent. 151 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:18,400 Yeah, I'm glad you're all working up a sweat. 152 00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:19,880 Just take a seat on the floor. 153 00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:22,480 We're going to get you to perform your solo routines, OK. 154 00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:24,680 So can I get, um... 155 00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:27,480 Shawn. 156 00:07:27,640 --> 00:07:28,960 Yeah. 157 00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:36,200 Five, six, seven, eight. 158 00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:46,360 Well done, yeah. 159 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:48,040 I liked that a lot. Yeah, great. 160 00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:49,600 Great. I liked it a lot. 161 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:51,360 The only thing, though, 162 00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:54,120 was it didn't have any traditional animal elements in it. 163 00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:57,440 So we might just get you to go again, um, 164 00:07:57,640 --> 00:08:00,400 and maybe improvise some of it for us now. 165 00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:01,760 Yeah, I'd love to. 166 00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:04,520 OK, so let's try the kangaroo. Kangaroo? 167 00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:05,880 Yes. OK. 168 00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:16,800 Yeah. 169 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:20,040 Ah, OK. So do you realise that kangaroos don't jump backwards? 170 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,080 Oh. 171 00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:25,520 Let's move on... Um, let's try an emu. 172 00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:26,920 Emu? Yeah. 173 00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:28,720 Emu, emu... 174 00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:46,400 OK, alright, so this is not really working, 175 00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:49,400 so we might just get you to take a seat and we'll get somebody else. 176 00:08:49,560 --> 00:08:50,400 Um... 177 00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:53,880 What if I show you some traditional animal movements that I know. 178 00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:55,360 What have you got? 179 00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:57,080 I've got an elephant. 180 00:08:57,280 --> 00:09:01,520 (Trumpets) Um... 181 00:09:01,680 --> 00:09:04,280 So, elephants aren't from Australia. 182 00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:05,760 We don't have any elephants here. 183 00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:09,360 What about in zoos? OK. 184 00:09:09,560 --> 00:09:12,000 Um, Shawn, we might just get you to take a seat. 185 00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:13,480 And, um, yeah, let's... 186 00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:14,960 Lion! What about a lion? 187 00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:20,680 (Roars) 188 00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:22,400 No, that's no good. 189 00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:24,440 A monkey! 190 00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:29,640 Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh. 191 00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:32,360 No, no, no. Sorry, that's not gonna work for us. 192 00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:34,400 Dolphin. Dolphin... 193 00:09:34,560 --> 00:09:37,560 Eh-eh-eh. Eh-eh-eh-eh. 194 00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:39,320 Eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh. 195 00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:40,840 (Gasps) Giraffe. 196 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:43,360 What noise does a giraffe make? 197 00:09:43,560 --> 00:09:45,760 I need you to take a seat. Please, Shawn. 198 00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:47,360 Can you please sit down? 199 00:09:47,560 --> 00:09:50,560 It's not an animal, but what about the robot. 200 00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:56,080 Yeah. You like that, huh? 201 00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:57,560 You like the robot? 202 00:09:57,760 --> 00:09:59,640 See that, yeah? You like that? 203 00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:02,640 Ro-bot, yeah. Yeah, ro-bot. 204 00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:04,280 And robot. 205 00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:06,720 Robot, robot, robot. 206 00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:11,840 Now, I'm doing it in front of your face 'cause I'm a ro-bot. 207 00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:22,280 I... I can't deal with this. 208 00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:27,400 Did I get the part? 209 00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:36,760 Aw, babe, babe, I'm really tired, babe. 210 00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:40,080 Come on, I've been thinking about you all day. 211 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:41,960 I know, babe, but I'm so tired. 212 00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:43,560 I've got an early start tomorrow. 213 00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:47,320 Come on, I'll do that thing you like. It'll be worth it. 214 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,240 Babe, babe. I've got a headache. 215 00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:51,680 I love you but just not tonight, OK? 216 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:54,200 Yeah. I love you. 217 00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:55,400 Yeah. 218 00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:59,200 (Sighs) Yeah. 219 00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:10,480 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 220 00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:16,960 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. 221 00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:20,120 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 222 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:23,040 Tatiana! Just stop! 223 00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:24,320 You have to. 224 00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:25,640 What? Why? 225 00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:27,840 It's... it's a cultural thing. 226 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:30,080 Yeah, it's a cultural thing. 227 00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:31,560 We have to have sex... 228 00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:33,640 for cultural reasons. 229 00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:35,720 Really? I don't think that sounds right. 230 00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:38,680 No, it is. It's NAIDOC week. 231 00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:40,560 NAIDOC week? Really? 232 00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:42,360 Yeah, so we have to have sex. 233 00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:44,480 And you have to make me come. 234 00:11:44,680 --> 00:11:45,800 Twice. Twice? 235 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:48,760 Yeah, and you have to do that thing that you do with your tongue. 236 00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:50,240 That thing that I like. 237 00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:51,960 But I've got a headache. 238 00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:53,480 It is throbbing, it's pounding. 239 00:11:53,640 --> 00:11:54,960 Can we just...? 240 00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:57,080 You don't want to be a racist, do you? 241 00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:00,000 (Whimpers) 242 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:02,000 Do you?! 243 00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:06,400 No. You know, I guess... I guess not. 244 00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:07,960 Great! 245 00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:10,800 Now, get on down there. 246 00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:12,320 Go on. 247 00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:14,920 Munch, munch, munch. 248 00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:24,920 So, the black bitch is drinking coffee. 249 00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:27,280 Tea. Tea? 250 00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:34,640 Dubstep 251 00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:43,880 Oh, what's doing, bra? 252 00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:46,240 Nah, just come back from the doctor's. 253 00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:48,680 What happened to ya leg, bra? 254 00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:50,480 Copped the maddest ase-chay, bra. 255 00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:54,280 Cabbie, man. Tried to rip me in a fare, so I jumped him, legged it. 256 00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:56,480 Lad got out and chased me five blocks. 257 00:12:56,680 --> 00:12:59,120 Next thing there was like 20 cabs at the end of the street. 258 00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,960 I had to jump the big barbwire cop fence just to get away. 259 00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:04,800 Oh, mad ill-skays, bra, mad ill-skays. 260 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,000 Es-yays, that's when I jumped down off the fence, 261 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:09,240 skidded on the gravel - that's when I ripped my leg up. 262 00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:10,960 Ad-may, ad-may. 263 00:13:11,120 --> 00:13:12,480 But they wasn't gonna catch me. 264 00:13:12,680 --> 00:13:13,880 They should know they can't outrun blackfellas. 265 00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:16,680 I'm the fastest 38-year-old they ever going to see in their life. 266 00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:19,160 Not like back in the day, eh, when we owned these streets. 267 00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:21,600 No cab would even come down here unless we said so. 268 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:23,520 Es-yays, nobody can catch me when I start. 269 00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,680 I wasn't gonna pay no big taxi fare for no-one. 270 00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:27,160 Oh, what call the cops! 271 00:13:27,320 --> 00:13:28,840 Bra, shh, eyes and ears, bra. 272 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:30,600 Eyes and ears. 273 00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:31,600 Aunty-ay oming-cay ere-hay. 274 00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:34,520 Hey, your leg alright? 275 00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:36,160 Yeah, yeah. 276 00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:38,120 Sorry, boy, it was my fault. 277 00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:40,000 But you shouldn't have bumped into me this morning 278 00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:42,440 when I had that cup of hot tea in my hand, eh. 279 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:43,520 I'm right. 280 00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:45,040 Just leave it now, ey, aunt. Please. 281 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:47,320 Well, as long as you're all right. 282 00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:49,560 Oh, what? 283 00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:50,960 Hot tea! 284 00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:52,600 Call the cops! 285 00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:01,800 Hey. 286 00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:04,840 Come in, man. 287 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:06,880 How can I be of service? 288 00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:09,920 I'm just after one of your relaxation packages. 289 00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:13,200 If I can get you to strip down to this lap lap, 290 00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:16,800 and then you come back in and lie on this table. 291 00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:23,640 Hey, you look good, man. 292 00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:25,400 You comfy? 293 00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:26,920 Yeah. 294 00:14:28,880 --> 00:14:31,680 Alright, I'll get you to lay down on the table. 295 00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:36,520 Now what I'm going to do first is play some traditional music 296 00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:40,520 to soothe you into your proceedings. 297 00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:43,040 Yeah. 298 00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:46,800 (DIDGERIDOO BLASTS) 299 00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:48,080 Holy Shit! 300 00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:49,560 Whoa, man. 301 00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:51,160 I need you to relax. 302 00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:52,640 OK. 303 00:14:54,280 --> 00:14:59,320 (RHYTHMIC CRACKING) 304 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:03,680 Argh! Are you hitting me with bits of wood? 305 00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:05,280 Clap sticks, man! 306 00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:07,520 Well, please don't. 307 00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:09,040 Fine. 308 00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:12,240 How about we try a smoke cleansing instead. 309 00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:13,720 OK. 310 00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:15,880 That sounds good. Let's do that. 311 00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:25,280 (Chants) Ghoona-budhoo-muyoo, ghoona-budhoo-muyoo 312 00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:32,680 Ghoona-budhoo-muyoo, ghoona-budhoo-muyoo 313 00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:37,520 Ghoona-budhoo-muyoo, ghoona-budhoo-ghoona-budhoo. 314 00:15:56,640 --> 00:15:58,840 Hey, brother. 315 00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:01,680 Whew! 316 00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:03,160 There. 317 00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:07,600 You're all chilled, relaxed. 318 00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:09,200 Hey, bro. 319 00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:12,400 Hey. 320 00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:25,200 (Chants) Ghoona-budhoo-muyoo, ghoona-budhoo-muyoo 321 00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:38,160 Ghoona-budhoo-muyoo, ghoona-budhoo-muyoo 322 00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:39,560 Ghoona. 323 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:48,440 So the black bitch is doing a close-up. 324 00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:51,200 Wide shot. Wide shot? 325 00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:58,360 (Alarm rings) 326 00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:01,560 What the hell is that? 327 00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:03,640 That, my friend, is an alarm I bought recently. 328 00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:05,680 It goes off when family are about to call me 329 00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:07,160 when they're looking for a loan. 330 00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:09,000 Really? Really. 331 00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:10,520 So how does it work? 332 00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:13,240 Easy. When it goes off, I just turn off my phone. 333 00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:17,040 Done. Cool. 334 00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:19,720 NARRATOR, V/O: Tired of hiding from relatives on pay day? 335 00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:23,440 Want to get ahead, but your bludging family keep dragging you behind? 336 00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:28,480 Order the Hide My Black Arse From My Money Grabbing Mob alarm today. 337 00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:34,920 His phone's still off. 338 00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:36,400 Hmm. 339 00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:38,480 It's like he knows. 340 00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:41,040 It's only $19.99. 341 00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:43,240 Call now and order yours today. 342 00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:50,680 TV THEME TUNE 343 00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:56,120 NARRATOR, V/O:: Once again, the brave crew of the Starship Hentaprise 344 00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:57,880 find themselves in trouble. 345 00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:01,120 After escaping a big black hole, and with their ship damaged, 346 00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:04,040 they find themselves running out of supplies. 347 00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:06,960 We're not going to last much longer, Captain. 348 00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:09,280 If we don't find supplies to repair the Hentaprise, 349 00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:13,360 there's a 97.839 per cent chance she'll fall to pieces. 350 00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:14,960 Suggestions? 351 00:18:15,120 --> 00:18:16,680 I'm picking up a class M planet. 352 00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:19,520 It appears to have the minerals and resources that we need. 353 00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:22,600 There's even Blakanthium to repower our warp engines. 354 00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:24,600 Good. Set a course. 355 00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:27,640 Wait a minute. It seems to be inhabited, Captain. 356 00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:29,040 Inhabited by who? 357 00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:31,720 A species that hasn't yet discovered space travel. 358 00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:34,360 There's approximately 300,000 humanoid life forms. 359 00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:36,800 I fear we have no alternative. 360 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,880 Set a course so we can take what we need! 361 00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:41,920 Won't that kinda make us hypocrites though? 362 00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:43,800 How so? 363 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:47,720 I believe he's talking about 1788 in Earth's history, Captain, 364 00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:50,440 when the English colonised what was known as Australia, 365 00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:52,560 but is now known as New China. 366 00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:54,480 Oh! Of course! 367 00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:56,880 That does make it a bit complicated. 368 00:18:57,040 --> 00:18:59,480 Ooh, do a plaque. 369 00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:01,920 Do a plaque that acknowledges them 370 00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:05,080 and then chuck that shit up on government buildings 371 00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:06,640 and then fly a flag! 372 00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:08,120 I don't think that's gonna cut it. 373 00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:10,880 Especially when they find out what we really wanna do with their land. 374 00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:12,560 Could we write them into some document 375 00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:14,200 that recognises they were there first? 376 00:19:14,360 --> 00:19:15,600 A constitution, maybe. 377 00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:16,880 Ooh! 378 00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:18,480 I'm not really feeling that either. 379 00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:20,040 Oh! Oh! I know! 380 00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:22,440 What about a treaty? I like it. 381 00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:25,440 What we need to do is work out a deal that works on both sides, 382 00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:29,960 so we can become friends and become respectful in a harmonious way 383 00:19:30,120 --> 00:19:31,840 for both cultures and customs. 384 00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:34,600 I'm picking up something, Captain. 385 00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:38,480 According to this data, the group aren't indigenous to the area at all 386 00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:42,080 and have migrated from another planet to set up a penal colony. 387 00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:43,440 Oh, well. 388 00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:45,200 In that case, blow that shit up! 389 00:19:45,360 --> 00:19:46,680 Let's take what we want! 390 00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:49,880 I think we should've just done that in the first place. 391 00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:54,400 ALL: Shut up, Vanilla! 392 00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:57,480 OK. (All laugh) 393 00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:00,640 NARRATOR, V/O: Make sure you tune in next for the episode of Star Blaks 394 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:03,080 as our brave crew seek to go blackly 395 00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:06,280 where no other blackfella has gone before. 396 00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:09,880 Oh, my back! 397 00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:14,280 See how they go. 398 00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:17,680 That one in there's still sleeping! 399 00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:19,240 I dunno why. 400 00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:22,400 Not like she's exhausted from a hard day's work or nothing. 401 00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:25,760 I can't even mop down her end of the hallway, she snores that loud! 402 00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:27,520 She's snoring like she's been drinking or something 403 00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:29,000 but she don't even drink! 404 00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:30,720 No-one wants her! 405 00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:33,440 I'm sick of mopping this vomit up from these mob drinking here. 406 00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:35,960 TAFE students, see, think they're on holidays! 407 00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:37,480 Stinking night owls. 408 00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:40,920 I'm telling you now, if I was manager they'd be gone, look! 409 00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:42,120 Shop shut! 410 00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:45,800 But, no, this manager wanna please these girls all the time. 411 00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:47,320 They're not babies! 412 00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:48,800 They got hairs now! 413 00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:52,000 Ooh, wild gins they are. 414 00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:54,280 WOMAN: Morning, Mavis. 415 00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:55,680 MAVIS: Hey, you up? 416 00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:57,520 You get your beauty sleep? 417 00:20:57,680 --> 00:20:58,560 Yeah. 418 00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:01,600 Oh, deadly. I was waiting for you to get up. 419 00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:04,400 You big gee-whiz! 420 00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:11,280 Welcome my non-Indigenous brothers and sisters. 421 00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:14,800 My name is Ranger Billy, and on behalf of my ancestors 422 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:19,320 I welcome you, and invite you to walk my country. 423 00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:23,080 This is a food source for my people. 424 00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:25,400 We've hunted it for thousands of years. 425 00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:27,720 Even in the time of dinosaurs. 426 00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:29,720 What does it taste like? 427 00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:32,440 I don't eat that shit. 428 00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:34,840 Ooh, but I eat these berries... 429 00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:36,720 (Gasps) Aren't they poisoning? 430 00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:38,360 Who's the black one here? 431 00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:39,800 Me black. 432 00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:41,880 You yell... not black. 433 00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:44,000 Berries, noodles. 434 00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:46,040 I think I know what I can eat. 435 00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:49,240 Excuse me, Ranger Billy. 436 00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:53,680 I think we passed a dead wallaby back there five minutes ago. 437 00:21:53,840 --> 00:21:55,320 Think we're lost. 438 00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:56,840 We are not lost. 439 00:21:57,040 --> 00:21:59,520 Don't worry. Look, I have berries. 440 00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:01,040 You want some? 441 00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:02,200 Mm. 442 00:22:02,360 --> 00:22:04,200 Taste the rainbow. 443 00:22:04,360 --> 00:22:05,720 Sure you don't want any? 444 00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:09,960 Suit yourselves, but don't be running to me later saying you're hungry. 445 00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:25,400 Who are you people? 446 00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:28,360 What are you doing here? 447 00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:30,720 We are tourists. 448 00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:33,600 You're meant to be showing us the places of your ancestors. 449 00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:35,320 What ancestors? 450 00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:36,800 Your ancestors. 451 00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:41,280 What's that noise? 452 00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:42,520 What noise? 453 00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:44,960 They're coming to get me. 454 00:22:45,120 --> 00:22:46,640 Who? 455 00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:48,880 The goanna men. 456 00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:53,080 There's no goanna here. 457 00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:58,000 You're conspiring with them, aren't you? 458 00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:02,200 You're conspiring with them, scaly fork-tongued bastards? 459 00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:05,320 I think you need to have some water, Ranger Billy. 460 00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:10,160 Who's Ranger Billy? 461 00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:12,760 I'm Ecknatingau! 462 00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:18,800 I'm... 463 00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:20,840 I'm about to shit myself! 464 00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:22,360 Move! 465 00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:36,000 Ew, slut! 466 00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:37,680 What slut? 467 00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:40,040 I heard you bin sniffing around with John? 468 00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:42,960 Who John? I sniff biggest mob. 469 00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:45,480 No wonder your nose is so out of shape, slut. 470 00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:47,480 You look like big, black Miss Piggy on heat. 471 00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:49,560 Anyway, can't even walk. 472 00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:52,320 (Gasps) Can't even exercise. 473 00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:55,320 (Gasps) Well, what about this then, slut? 474 00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:56,920 (Grunts) 475 00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:00,560 Well, what's this then, slut? 476 00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:01,800 (Grunts) 477 00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:03,800 Well, what's this then, slut? 478 00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:06,720 What's this then, slut? 479 00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:08,880 Well, what's this then, slut? 480 00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:12,280 Well, what's this then, slut? (Grunts) 481 00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:15,760 Well, what's this then, slut? 482 00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:17,280 Well, what's this then slut? 483 00:24:17,440 --> 00:24:19,080 What's this? 484 00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:21,000 Well, what's this... then, slut? 485 00:24:22,360 --> 00:24:23,960 (Grunts) 486 00:24:24,120 --> 00:24:26,080 What's this then, slut? 487 00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:29,120 (Both pant) 488 00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:31,000 Well, what's this then, slut? 489 00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:41,160 What's this then, slut? 490 00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:44,720 What's... 491 00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:46,400 This then... 492 00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:47,760 Slut? 493 00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:51,080 Slut. 494 00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:02,400 Excuse me. 495 00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:03,720 You've parked in my spot. 496 00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:07,840 It's a cultural thing. It's cultural. 497 00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:10,720 No, you see, this is a disabled parking spot. 498 00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:12,640 I had to park all the way over there. 499 00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:16,160 Yeah, but I'm Aboriginal, so it doesn't really apply to me. 500 00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:18,280 Yeah, but I am disabled. 501 00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:22,280 Being Aboriginal in this country can be a disability. 502 00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:24,440 I can barely move my legs. 503 00:25:24,640 --> 00:25:27,760 But whose land can you barely move your legs on? 504 00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:29,240 Think about it. 505 00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:32,160 You stole my parking spot! 506 00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:34,040 Ironic, isn't it? 507 00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:36,520 No. It's not actually ironic, no. 508 00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:40,000 Disabled parking spots are for disabled people, not black people. 509 00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:43,240 Well, should I just go to the back of the bus, then? 510 00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:45,000 What are you? 511 00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:46,720 A racist? 512 00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:50,280 I'm disabled! 513 00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:51,760 Yeah, you are. 514 00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:55,720 (Electronic voice) Excuse me. You are both in my spot. 515 00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:02,080 And I'm a lesbian. 516 00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:06,400 I'm really sorry. I'll just move. 517 00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:07,600 So sorry. 518 00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:10,000 I'll move straightaway. OK? 519 00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:12,960 L-O-L. L-O-L. 520 00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:29,200 REPORTER, V/O: Earlier today a group of tourists were rescued 521 00:26:29,360 --> 00:26:30,840 after being lost for three days. 522 00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:34,000 They suffered exposure, but all are said to be doing well, 523 00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:37,480 except for the Aboriginal ranger who suffered hallucinations 524 00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:41,240 and extreme diarrhoea after consuming poisonous berries. 525 00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:46,000 I'm Rosalind Sailor reporting live from Nelliman National Park. 526 00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:49,760 Captions by CSI Australia 37066

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