Original subtitles

- ?? [Woman Singing Christmas Carol] - ?? [Off-key Whistling]

Go ahead on and laugh. Bernie Mac don't care.

Because I'm a sucker for Christmas. Always have been.

Christmas make me feel warm and cheerful.

I mean, grateful for the blessings I receive.

And I got a lot to be grateful for.

America, Bernie Mac has been blessed.

But, see, those kids, they had it rough.

They grew up poor. Like urchins.

Sure, they make me sick sometime, give me a hard time. That's all right.

They make my life a living hell.

But they my blood, and I love 'em.

And I wanna make this Christmas special for 'em.

The best Christmas of their lives. And I'm gonna do it.

You watch. I'm gonna do it.

- ?? [Whistling] - ?? [Singing Continues]

[Footsteps Approaching]

- Vanessa? - What?

Do you think Uncle Bernie will let us have a dog?

- [Scoffs] He doesn't even want us. - He wants me.

Okay, fine. Whatever. But he's not gonna let us have a dog.

Okay.

I'm sorry, but you can't stay.

- Uncle Bernie doesn't want a dog. - [Dog Barks]

We don't want Uncle Bernie to get mad.

So, where'd he come from?

He was standing right here. He told me his name is Buddy.

- He's a angel. - Well, he is cute.

[Bernie] Hey, kids, come on. It's lunchtime.

[Vanessa] Quick, we gotta get him in our room. We have to hide him.

Come on. Go. Coming! Hurry, hurry.

So that's your plan? To be sneaky?

No, baby. It's the perfect way to find out what the kids want for Christmas.

Listen, I'll take 'em to the mall. We'll go window shopping.

They'll ask me to buy them something. I'll say no like any other day.

- Then I go back and I buy it. - You're so cute.

I have never seen you like this before.

No, baby. It's our first Christmas with the kids...

and I want it to be special.

You know, like Big Mama used to make it for me.

Bernie Mac, that's so sweet.

Wanda, I remember one Christmas, man.

We were so poor. All Big Mama was able to get us was a cardboard box.

And she drew on it. She drew us a little castle on it.

We were so grateful. I had some good times in that box.

- Until it rained. - [Door Closes]

- Sorry we took so long. - Sorry?

Sucking up for presents.

[Clears Throat] What you kids doing this afternoon?

Like to go to the mall with your Uncle Bernie and have some ice cream?

Uh, no. No, thanks.

Oh, come on. Maybe you might need something.

No. No. Do we need... No, I don't think we need anything.

Well, baby girl, that leaves you and me.

Wanna go to the mall with your Uncle Bernie?

No. I wanna stay home and play with Buddy.

Play with Buddy?

Okay. Stay at home and play with your dollies.

Guess it's just you and me, baby.

You see that? These kids have such low expectations for Christmas...

they can't even sniff out a chance to get presents.

When I was their age, and it was Christmas?

Boy, I was suspicious of everything.

That's probably how I became so observant.

Can't get nothing past the Mac man. Nothing. Bernie Mac on it, baby.

?? [Reggae Christmas]

- [Barking] - [All Shushing]

- [Barking] - Shh! Shh!

- Shh! Shh! - [Vanessa] Watch out.

- [Chuckling] - ?? [Continues]

[Whispering] Come on, Buddy. Come on.

- I love you, Uncle Bernie. - Boy, get on out of here.

- [Ripping] - [Growling]

- Buddy, no! - That's Uncle Bernie's favorite shiny shirt.

- Well, it was anyway. - [Whimpering]

- Hey, who's in my room? - Go! Go into the bathroom.

- I'll go with her. Come on. Come on. - Go, go, go.

- What's going on in here? - [Vanessa] It's just us.

- I know what's going on in here. - You do?

Of course I do. You didn't think I wouldn't find out, did you?

- It was Vanessa's idea. - Stool pigeon.

No, no. Come on. I'm not mad at ya.

But I'm gonna tell you. You ain't gonna find no presents up in here.

So, y'�ll might as well get on and get.

Well, you caught us. Guess we can't put one over on Bernie Mac.

G-Guess you're right. Yeah. Hmm.

Y'�ll get on... get on outta here.

Aww, look at that. I mean, look at those kids.

They weren't trying to find presents. They was trying to find out my shirt size...

to buy me a present.

Probably been saving their pennies for months.

They are some good kids. Even that evil one is being an angel.

See, America? My hard-ass, old-school parenting ways are starting to pay off.

It's a wonderful life. It's beautiful.

- [Wanda] Bernie? - Coming.

I have to go. Here I come.

Which one of you all did this?

Look at me.

Why, you li... Let me tell you something.

I want you to clean this mess up. I want you to clean it up right now.

Th... Look out.

Look at this. This is my Bruno Magli.

- Look at this. - Looks like somebody chewed it.

Which one of you all did this?

Baby girl, you did this?

What possessed you to chew a shoe? An Italian leather shoe?

- [Wanda Cries Out] - What's wrong, baby?

Oh, my Lord. That's vile. That's disgusting. Filthy!

- I did that. - Son, you did that?

Jordan, what's wrong with you? Son, we got four bathrooms in the house.

You could've went outside or something. Why didn't you get a box?

- Boy, you ain't... - [Whimpering]

Buddy, no! You're supposed to wait in the closet.

- Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas.

Uh-uh.

Now, come on, now. You see these kids. They're sneaky. Deceitful!

I don't wanna have to kill one of'em. I'm telling you. It's Christmas.

You send me some help, Lord.

Send me an angel. An elf.

Send me one of them lucky midgets with a pot of gold. I'm desperate.

Somebody gonna get physically hurt. Gonna be a discrepancy.

- [Kids] No, Uncle Bernie. Please! - I hope you all got a receipt.

- This dog is going back. - [Growling]

- Shut up before I drop your ass off at Koreatown. - [Whimpers]

Now hold on, America. Don't start writing no letters. I'm just kidding.

- But am I lying? - Please, Uncle Bernie, let us keep him. Please!

- Please, Uncle Bernie? - We'll take care of him. I promise.

Uh-uh. No way. This dog is going back to the doggone pound. Right now.

Wh... [Grunting] I ain't gotta work out, do I?

Now what am I gonna do with those kids?

They gave me the perfect gift idea.

See, I can always punish them for being deceitful...

but how often can I give them the perfect Christmas gift?

I'm gonna take him to the vet, get him all cleaned up.

They gonna be so thrilled with this dog.

I can hear 'em, " Please, Uncle Bernie? We'll take care of him.

Pretty please?" No. Good boy.

Come on. Get up there. Get up there. Good boy.

- Bernie Mac, that is so sneaky. - I know. Isn't it great?

[Laughing] Listen, go in there and keep 'em busy.

I'm gonna drive around the block a couple of times and then put the dog in the pool shed.

- Okay. - Go ahead. Go ahead.

Dog, you gonna make this the best Christmas ever.

- I hate Uncle Bernie. - He took Buddy away.

You know what? He ruined our Christmas, I say we ruin his.

You guys with me?

- That's looking good. I'm gonna get some tape. - [Door Closes]

- Wanda. - Hmm? [Gasps]

- We got a terrible tragedy. - Bernie, you're getting my floor wet.

No. Somebody sabotaged the nativity scene.

The wise men are floating on top of the pool. BabyJesus is at the bottom of theJacuzzi.

Who could do such an evil, diabolical thing like that?

Oh, and I know how hard you worked on this thing.

Baby, I had the wise men set up just right. They was lo and beholdin'.

Come here, baby.

[Snickering]

Yeah, I heard that. That was a guilty cackle. I bet that boy did it.

Probably still mad at me. But that's all right.

He gonna feel real terrible when he see that dog.

I oughta throw him in the doggoneJacuzzi. Let him see how BabyJesus feels.

Yeah, wheezing. [High-pitched Voice] Wheezing. Yeah, we'll see.

?? [R& B Christmas]

Fine. That's how they want it? I won't give 'em the damn dog.

Maybe I'll just give it to baby girl. She been good.

Or has she?

Whatcha doing? Oh, that looks beautiful.

What's this thing here with this halo? What's that? Let me see.

- Buddy. - That's Buddy, huh? I can see that.

What's this big, black, red-eyed devil, unspiritual looking thing here?

Who's this?

She's in cahoots. Even baby girl turned against me.

Okay. All right. Fine.

Now they've driven me to the end of my leash.

I know one dog that's not gonna be home for the holidays. That dog goin' back!

[Water Running]

- You guys, look! Look! - What are you screaming about?

A leash! He got us a dog.

- He got us Buddy! - Buddy!

Yeah! He got us Buddy!

Hey, you guys, he tricked us.

You know, he's smarter than I thought.

We're gonna have to start being nice to him. You guys with me?

?? [Christmas]

Thank you for my pink boom box, Uncle Bernie.

- I really love it. - Well, that's actually from your Aunt Wanda, baby.

I know, but I just wanted to thank you anyway.

Yeah, thank you for my raptor, Aunt Wanda.

- I love you, but I love Uncle Bernie even more. - I love you too.

I thought you kids were mad at me.

Well, we were mad at you because you took Buddy away.

But, then we realized we love you more.

- That's real nice of you kids. It really is. - So, is that it?

Macs' tradition is to normally open up one gift on Christmas Eve.

Baby girl, I guess that's it.

- Where's Buddy? - What do you mean, baby?

Uncle Bernie, we found the dog stuff, so we know.

Yeah, so quit playing. Where's Buddy?

Yeah, Bernie, where's Buddy? Stop torturing the kids.

That dog goin' back!

That dog goin' back!

- Back, back, back. - [All Crying]

What kind of a man gives a child's dog away twice? Twice! Oh, Bernie.

Oh, okay. Relax. Don't worry. I'm not a scrooge.

I went right out and got the dog back. See?

I didn't lie. Bernie Mac is not a monster.

He's just tragically misunderstood.

I gotta drink all of this tonight or else it'll go bad.

What? I ain't driving.

I hope them kids is satisfied. I really do. You want some?

You walkin', you don't need none.

[Snoring, Whimpering]

- Jordan, shut up. - It's not me. It's Buddy.

- Shut up, Buddy. - [Grunting]

Buddy said he wants to sleep in his doggie bed in the kitchen.

- Who's stopping him? - Come on, Buddy.

Come on! Come on! Why do you have to have such a bad attitude?

Fine. Don't go. Stupid dog.

- Come on, Buddy. Let's play. - [Barking]

[Growling]

My shirt! Let go! Let go!

- Bad dog! Go! Get! - [Whimpers]

- [Snickering] - Wait. This is your shirt.

What? Aw, man. Aw!

My collage!

Vanessa, um, can I ask you a question?

Do you still like Buddy?

- [Crying] Buddy. - Shh. We'll find him. Don't worry.

Baby girl, I've been up and down the whole block.

I haven't found him yet, but first thing in the morning. I promise.

But he can't be gone. He's an angel.

He told me when he left I wouldn't remember him.

But I remember him, so he can't be gone.

Can we talk for a second?

- I'll be right back, okay? - Don't cry. Come on. It's okay.

- It's okay. - So we were walking him, right?

- But he didn't want to be on the leash, right? - Yeah, he didn't wanna be.

So, we took it off, right? And he ran.

- Yeah, he ran fast. - We tried to call him.

- "Buddy!" - But he didn't come.

Y'�ll ditched that dog, didn't you?

- It was her idea. - Stool pigeon.

- Look, you gotta help us get Buddy back. - Me? What?

- You're the one who gave him to us. - Yeah.

Why y'�ll...

I should let them suffer with their own conscience.

But then that wouldn't be fair to baby girl.

- [Dogs Barking] - [Bernie] Thank you.

You're in luck. He's right there.

- [Together] Hey, that's our dog. Wait! - Wait.

Sorry, kids. This is my dog. I just adopted him.

Sir, I think there's been a big misunderstanding.

That's our dog. I got it for the kids for Christmas.

Look, brother, I'd like to help you out, but my boy and girl are coming.

They live back East with their mom and you know how that is.

I wanna have a special gift waiting for 'em when they get here.

We got special gifts. I'll trade you a pink boom box.

And a remote control dinosaur. It's a raptor.

[Panting]

Merry Christmas, kids.

- Merry Christmas, brother. - Thank you, brother. Merry Christmas.

Buddy!

Now those two kids just showed me something.

It was the first unselfish thing lever saw them do.

Maybe there's hope for them yet.

- Maybe. - [Vanessa] Can we talk to you?

Do you all have to?

We just wanted to give you a real gift.

And to say thank you for everything you've done.

- This ain't no trick is it? - Just open the gift.

- You smell something burning? - No.

Oh, Wanda. Wanda.

- This is beautiful. - We replaced the one that Buddy ripped up.

- This one's shinier. - How about that, boy.

For the first time since they've been here, those kids show gratitude.

But I don't expect it to last. But it was the greatest Christmas gift I ever had.

And all because of that little bitty old dog.

Kids, this is some kind of special. Thank you.

- It was my idea. - No, it wasn't.

- It was. - It was not.

- It was. - Hey, man. You don't argue with your sister, man.

You're the man of the house. Merry Christmas, baby.

What do you mean your job is done?

- Will I ever see you again? - [Whimpers]

Okay, Buddy, I understand. I'll always remember you.

- [Buddy Whimpers] - I love you too.

You know something? Maybe Bryana was right.

Maybe Buddy is a Christmas angel.

You know why I think so? Because...

Because...

See-See, the thing is...

What was I saying, America?

I completely blanked out for a minute.

Something about my buddies.

This is some good eggnog.

Merry Christmas.

- [Glass Breaking] - That was no accident.

That girl is going back to the projects. I'm te...

Calm down, Bernie. Calm down.

Maybe I'm making too much of it. Yeah, maybe I am.

You know, they just need to vent a little anger, okay?

I'm sure they'll be ready to be little angels again.

Just relax, Bernie.

This wasn't no accident. Relax.

I'm relaxing.

She did this...