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1
00:00:09,734 --> 00:00:11,435
[♪]
2
00:00:11,437 --> 00:00:13,571
Ah, Douglas, just the man
I wanted to see.
3
00:00:13,573 --> 00:00:14,905
Give my résumé
a once-over,
4
00:00:14,907 --> 00:00:15,973
will you?
5
00:00:15,975 --> 00:00:17,007
Your résumé?
6
00:00:17,009 --> 00:00:18,008
What's that about?
What, you...
7
00:00:18,010 --> 00:00:20,244
You want to go back to work?
Yeah.
8
00:00:20,246 --> 00:00:22,480
I just can't take it anymore,
Douglas.
9
00:00:22,482 --> 00:00:25,182
Sitting alone
in that basement all day.
10
00:00:25,184 --> 00:00:27,718
To be honest with you,
I'm starting to have some...
11
00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:30,187
very strange thoughts.
12
00:00:30,189 --> 00:00:31,688
Really. Huh.
13
00:00:31,690 --> 00:00:34,258
Hadn't picked up on that.
14
00:00:34,260 --> 00:00:36,127
So, this going
to land me a job,
15
00:00:36,129 --> 00:00:37,794
or what?
16
00:00:37,796 --> 00:00:38,996
Well, my first
thought is,
17
00:00:38,998 --> 00:00:40,397
you might not
want to do it
18
00:00:40,399 --> 00:00:42,199
in magic marker.
19
00:00:42,201 --> 00:00:44,335
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
20
00:00:44,337 --> 00:00:45,536
Hmm...
21
00:00:45,538 --> 00:00:46,903
and which
Little Rascal
22
00:00:46,905 --> 00:00:48,705
were you?
23
00:00:48,707 --> 00:00:50,741
Onions, beloved by millions,
24
00:00:50,743 --> 00:00:54,011
till that bastard Alfalfa
took it all away.
25
00:00:55,147 --> 00:00:56,580
All right, this,
26
00:00:56,582 --> 00:00:58,582
see, I got to throw
a flag on this, okay?
27
00:00:58,584 --> 00:00:59,983
Somebody's going
to check with NASA.
28
00:00:59,985 --> 00:01:01,318
That's for me
to worry about.
29
00:01:01,320 --> 00:01:02,319
All I wanted
30
00:01:02,321 --> 00:01:03,320
was for you
to double-check
31
00:01:03,322 --> 00:01:04,321
my spelling
and grammar
32
00:01:04,323 --> 00:01:05,322
and not nitpick
33
00:01:05,324 --> 00:01:06,323
at every
little detail!
34
00:01:06,325 --> 00:01:07,691
Okay! Fine!
35
00:01:07,693 --> 00:01:09,160
You spelled
GPA wrong.
36
00:01:09,162 --> 00:01:10,294
Other than that,
it's perfect.
37
00:01:10,296 --> 00:01:13,730
Thank you.
38
00:01:13,732 --> 00:01:16,200
♪ My eyes are gettin' weary
39
00:01:16,202 --> 00:01:19,836
♪ My back is gettin' tight
40
00:01:19,838 --> 00:01:21,705
♪ I'm sittin' here in traffic
41
00:01:21,707 --> 00:01:24,542
♪ On the Queensborough Bridge
Tonight ♪
42
00:01:24,544 --> 00:01:29,880
♪ But I don't care
'Cause all I want to do ♪
43
00:01:29,882 --> 00:01:33,984
♪ Is cash my check
And drive right home to you ♪
44
00:01:35,654 --> 00:01:41,325
♪ 'Cause, baby, all my life
I will be drivin' home to you ♪
45
00:01:47,131 --> 00:01:48,299
So there I am,
46
00:01:48,301 --> 00:01:49,900
watching TV
with my mom,
47
00:01:49,902 --> 00:01:51,368
and I turn to her
and go,
48
00:01:51,370 --> 00:01:52,469
"Hey, when is
Aunt Gwinnie
49
00:01:52,471 --> 00:01:54,037
getting here?"
50
00:01:54,039 --> 00:01:56,407
So I hear Larry King
on the TV say,
51
00:01:56,409 --> 00:01:57,808
"She'll be with us at 7:00."
52
00:01:59,578 --> 00:02:01,412
See, he was talking
about a guest.
53
00:02:01,414 --> 00:02:04,181
Uh, I think it was Joyce Dewitt
or Cindy Williams.
54
00:02:04,183 --> 00:02:05,616
I always get those two mixed up,
55
00:02:05,618 --> 00:02:09,420
but it sounded
like he was answering me.
56
00:02:09,422 --> 00:02:10,787
That's so weird, isn't it?
57
00:02:13,925 --> 00:02:16,059
I wonder where Doug is.
58
00:02:16,061 --> 00:02:17,595
I bet you
wish to God
59
00:02:17,597 --> 00:02:19,363
you hadn't lost
your house key.
60
00:02:19,365 --> 00:02:21,064
No, no. This is...
61
00:02:21,066 --> 00:02:22,533
This is nice.
62
00:02:22,535 --> 00:02:24,167
Did you read
that thing in The Times
63
00:02:24,169 --> 00:02:26,670
about how some men can lactate?
64
00:02:28,306 --> 00:02:29,506
That was
awesome!
I'm telling you,
65
00:02:29,508 --> 00:02:31,041
it's a rush every
time you get on.
66
00:02:31,043 --> 00:02:32,175
Hey.
Hey, babe.
67
00:02:32,177 --> 00:02:33,344
What's up?
68
00:02:33,346 --> 00:02:34,445
Oh, not much.
69
00:02:34,447 --> 00:02:36,012
I was just out riding
on Richie's hog.
70
00:02:36,014 --> 00:02:38,549
Okay. Please rephrase that.
71
00:02:38,551 --> 00:02:40,117
I got a motorcycle.
72
00:02:40,119 --> 00:02:41,118
Really?
Yeah.
73
00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:42,519
It's unbelievable.
74
00:02:42,521 --> 00:02:44,121
We went from here
to, like, Modells and back
75
00:02:44,123 --> 00:02:45,122
in, like, two minutes.
76
00:02:45,124 --> 00:02:46,357
It's so fast.
77
00:02:46,359 --> 00:02:47,758
You zip in and out
through traffic,
78
00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:49,159
and I got to level with you.
79
00:02:49,161 --> 00:02:51,462
There was a breeze
blowing up my shorts
80
00:02:51,464 --> 00:02:53,864
that felt like Christmas.
81
00:02:53,866 --> 00:02:55,432
Very nice. House key, please.
82
00:02:55,434 --> 00:02:56,567
Oh, right.
83
00:02:56,569 --> 00:02:58,435
God, that was
so cool.
84
00:02:58,437 --> 00:02:59,870
Everybody's looking at you,
like, whizzing by...
85
00:02:59,872 --> 00:03:01,138
and then,
out of nowhere,
86
00:03:01,140 --> 00:03:02,640
Richie just pulls
this wheelie.
87
00:03:02,642 --> 00:03:06,443
I wasn't going for one.
You just leaned back.
88
00:03:06,445 --> 00:03:08,145
Uh, you know, from here,
89
00:03:08,147 --> 00:03:09,613
it sounds like Mr. Doug
90
00:03:09,615 --> 00:03:11,782
wants to buy himself
a motorcycle.
91
00:03:11,784 --> 00:03:12,949
You know what?
92
00:03:12,951 --> 00:03:14,285
I am a little
tempted.
93
00:03:14,287 --> 00:03:16,453
Moose, you should see the guy
that I got mine from.
94
00:03:16,455 --> 00:03:17,655
He's got some real beauties
cheap,
95
00:03:17,657 --> 00:03:19,323
and they run like new.
96
00:03:19,325 --> 00:03:20,824
You know what?
Give me his number.
97
00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:22,660
Maybe I'll--
[IMITATES BUZZER]
98
00:03:22,662 --> 00:03:24,728
You're not getting
a motorcycle.
99
00:03:24,730 --> 00:03:25,829
Why not?
Okay, Doug,
100
00:03:25,831 --> 00:03:27,798
did you not hear
my buzzer noise?
101
00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:29,433
This is not
going to happen.
102
00:03:29,435 --> 00:03:30,434
Why not?
103
00:03:30,436 --> 00:03:32,202
Because they're
too dangerous,
104
00:03:32,204 --> 00:03:33,304
and people
die on them.
105
00:03:33,306 --> 00:03:34,305
I don't want
106
00:03:34,307 --> 00:03:35,739
to have to constantly
worry about you.
107
00:03:35,741 --> 00:03:36,940
Yeah, but, Carrie,
I wouldn't--
108
00:03:36,942 --> 00:03:38,108
Doug, no motorcycle.
109
00:03:38,110 --> 00:03:39,777
If you want,
I'll buy you a Schwinn,
110
00:03:39,779 --> 00:03:40,844
we'll put
a baseball card
111
00:03:40,846 --> 00:03:41,912
in the spokes,
112
00:03:41,914 --> 00:03:42,913
It'll sound
almost the same...
113
00:03:42,915 --> 00:03:44,682
Okay?
114
00:03:44,684 --> 00:03:47,117
Screw that noise.
115
00:03:47,119 --> 00:03:48,686
I can get one
if I want.
116
00:03:48,688 --> 00:03:49,953
Okay, Doug,
give me your hand.
117
00:03:49,955 --> 00:03:51,388
I want to make this
easy for you.
118
00:03:51,390 --> 00:03:52,323
No.
119
00:03:54,225 --> 00:03:55,592
No.
120
00:03:55,594 --> 00:03:56,627
Now, give me
the keys.
121
00:03:56,629 --> 00:03:58,161
I don't want to miss
The Real World.
122
00:03:58,163 --> 00:03:59,496
I love you.
Don't be home late.
123
00:03:59,498 --> 00:04:00,497
Bye, guys.
124
00:04:00,499 --> 00:04:01,699
Goodnight, Carr.
Bye-bye.
Bye.
125
00:04:04,436 --> 00:04:05,836
What?
126
00:04:05,838 --> 00:04:07,638
Nothing.
So, uh...
127
00:04:07,640 --> 00:04:08,872
you want to
shoot some pool,
128
00:04:08,874 --> 00:04:10,374
Mrs. Heffernan?
129
00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:14,244
Yeah, we could
spot you two balls.
130
00:04:18,015 --> 00:04:20,250
Hey, so much
for traditional gender roles,
131
00:04:20,252 --> 00:04:21,852
huh?
132
00:04:23,988 --> 00:04:25,656
I'm going to use
the bathroom.
133
00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:29,660
So, yeah, you want
to shoot a game?
134
00:04:29,662 --> 00:04:30,728
For real.
135
00:04:30,730 --> 00:04:32,963
No. You know what? No, thanks.
136
00:04:32,965 --> 00:04:34,598
Come on, man,
we're just kidding around.
137
00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:36,166
It's not you.
It's Carrie.
138
00:04:36,168 --> 00:04:37,401
I mean, what was
that about?
139
00:04:37,403 --> 00:04:38,435
"No. No discussion."
140
00:04:38,437 --> 00:04:39,470
[IMITATES BUZZER]
141
00:04:39,472 --> 00:04:40,471
Sorry.
142
00:04:40,473 --> 00:04:41,472
[IMITATING BUZZER]
143
00:04:41,474 --> 00:04:42,506
Sorry!
144
00:04:42,508 --> 00:04:43,574
Easy. Easy.
145
00:04:43,576 --> 00:04:46,209
I just thought marriage
was supposed to be
146
00:04:46,211 --> 00:04:49,513
this mutual sharing
dialog thing.
147
00:04:49,515 --> 00:04:51,448
No.
148
00:04:51,450 --> 00:04:54,518
Well, you know what?
Ours is. Usually.
149
00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:55,753
Oh, really?
150
00:04:55,755 --> 00:04:57,320
Last year, uh...
151
00:04:57,322 --> 00:04:59,022
Where was it
you wanted to go on vacation?
152
00:04:59,024 --> 00:05:01,324
Baseball Hall of Fame.
Baseball Hall of Fame.
153
00:05:01,326 --> 00:05:02,626
Cooperstown,
154
00:05:02,628 --> 00:05:04,628
and, uh,
where'd you end up going?
155
00:05:04,630 --> 00:05:07,163
Antiquing
in Connecticut.
156
00:05:07,165 --> 00:05:09,266
So you did,
and, uh, last week,
157
00:05:09,268 --> 00:05:11,869
when we were renting movies
to watch with the wives, uh...
158
00:05:11,871 --> 00:05:13,236
what did we end up renting?
159
00:05:13,238 --> 00:05:14,872
I don't know.
160
00:05:14,874 --> 00:05:16,373
I can't remember.
161
00:05:16,375 --> 00:05:17,775
No, no. What did we rent?
162
00:05:17,777 --> 00:05:18,842
I don't know.
What did we rent?
163
00:05:18,844 --> 00:05:19,910
Hope Floats, all right?
164
00:05:19,912 --> 00:05:22,145
There it is! Hope Floats!
165
00:05:22,147 --> 00:05:23,414
You see what I'm saying?
166
00:05:23,416 --> 00:05:24,715
You're married.
167
00:05:24,717 --> 00:05:25,716
Don't fight it.
168
00:05:25,718 --> 00:05:26,750
You just got to...
169
00:05:26,752 --> 00:05:28,886
Focus on a point
on the wall and...
170
00:05:28,888 --> 00:05:30,854
let it happen.
171
00:05:30,856 --> 00:05:32,289
No. No, you know what?
172
00:05:32,291 --> 00:05:33,757
You focus. Not this guy.
173
00:05:33,759 --> 00:05:34,958
I'm picking up my own soap,
174
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:36,693
and I'm getting
out of the shower.
175
00:05:36,695 --> 00:05:37,961
Soap?
176
00:05:37,963 --> 00:05:39,630
What the hell
are you talking about?
177
00:05:39,632 --> 00:05:41,698
I don't know.
What are you talking about?
178
00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:46,837
She's pretty
sweet, huh?
179
00:05:46,839 --> 00:05:47,838
Oh, that she is.
180
00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:48,839
Richie's right.
You, uh...
181
00:05:48,841 --> 00:05:49,840
You do nice work.
182
00:05:49,842 --> 00:05:50,874
Yeah.
183
00:05:50,876 --> 00:05:51,875
I hollowed out
the cams,
184
00:05:51,877 --> 00:05:53,009
put in bigger
piston heads.
185
00:05:53,011 --> 00:05:54,511
You know, give it
a couple more horses.
186
00:05:54,513 --> 00:05:56,580
Good. Yeah,
because I, uh...
187
00:05:56,582 --> 00:05:58,982
I probably would've
hollowed them out myself.
188
00:05:58,984 --> 00:06:01,485
Now I don't have to.
That's good.
189
00:06:01,487 --> 00:06:02,519
So, you want
to do the deal?
190
00:06:02,521 --> 00:06:03,654
Hmm. I don't know.
191
00:06:03,656 --> 00:06:04,721
What do you
want for it?
192
00:06:04,723 --> 00:06:05,722
1200.
193
00:06:05,724 --> 00:06:06,723
Hmm.
194
00:06:06,725 --> 00:06:08,058
It's a nice bike,
195
00:06:08,060 --> 00:06:09,192
but I don't know
if it's 1200 nice.
196
00:06:09,194 --> 00:06:10,226
1200.
197
00:06:10,228 --> 00:06:11,462
It is nice.
198
00:06:11,464 --> 00:06:14,130
Still, I don't know,
you know?
199
00:06:14,132 --> 00:06:16,266
1200...
200
00:06:18,503 --> 00:06:21,304
What are you
looking for?
201
00:06:21,306 --> 00:06:23,039
I don't know.
Here's 1200.
202
00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:29,913
Darling, I need
to borrow the iron.
203
00:06:29,915 --> 00:06:31,715
Dad, I told you.
204
00:06:31,717 --> 00:06:33,249
If you want
a grilled cheese sandwich,
205
00:06:33,251 --> 00:06:35,185
I will make you one.
206
00:06:35,187 --> 00:06:36,219
No, no.
207
00:06:36,221 --> 00:06:38,388
I just wanted to press my pants.
208
00:06:39,557 --> 00:06:41,492
I got a job interview
in the morning.
209
00:06:41,494 --> 00:06:42,693
Really?
210
00:06:42,695 --> 00:06:44,027
Good for you.
211
00:06:44,029 --> 00:06:45,662
What for?
212
00:06:45,664 --> 00:06:49,265
Head of Pediatrics,
Long Island Jewish.
213
00:06:52,537 --> 00:06:53,537
Great.
214
00:06:53,539 --> 00:06:55,672
Sure hope you don't get it.
215
00:06:55,674 --> 00:06:59,075
Okay, I think I know
where that came from.
216
00:06:59,077 --> 00:07:00,243
Now, look,
217
00:07:00,245 --> 00:07:01,645
I love you.
218
00:07:01,647 --> 00:07:03,514
When I go
back to work,
219
00:07:03,516 --> 00:07:06,683
you will not become
a latchkey child.
220
00:07:06,685 --> 00:07:09,085
That is
my pledge to you.
221
00:07:14,058 --> 00:07:16,259
[MOTORCYCLE REVVING]
222
00:07:21,198 --> 00:07:22,866
[REVVING]
223
00:07:55,967 --> 00:07:56,967
Hey, babe.
224
00:07:56,969 --> 00:07:58,602
Hi.
225
00:07:58,604 --> 00:07:59,603
What happened?
226
00:07:59,605 --> 00:08:00,804
I thought you were
coming home
227
00:08:00,806 --> 00:08:02,272
right after work.
228
00:08:02,274 --> 00:08:03,974
Uh, actually, I stopped...
somewhere first.
229
00:08:03,976 --> 00:08:07,143
In fact, I, uh...
I need to talk to you.
230
00:08:07,145 --> 00:08:09,046
Let me just get dinner started
real quick.
231
00:08:09,048 --> 00:08:10,080
Uh, dinner can wait.
232
00:08:10,082 --> 00:08:11,481
I want to get this out now.
233
00:08:11,483 --> 00:08:13,750
Dinner can wait?
234
00:08:13,752 --> 00:08:16,987
Okay.
Now you're really scaring me.
235
00:08:19,891 --> 00:08:21,458
Well?
236
00:08:21,460 --> 00:08:22,626
What?
237
00:08:22,628 --> 00:08:23,860
Carrie,
238
00:08:23,862 --> 00:08:25,361
sometimes in a marriage...
239
00:08:25,363 --> 00:08:28,198
[CLEARS THROAT]
240
00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:30,834
there comes a time when...
241
00:08:30,836 --> 00:08:32,703
one of the...
242
00:08:32,705 --> 00:08:35,672
members of that marriage
243
00:08:35,674 --> 00:08:37,474
needs to express
themselves
244
00:08:37,476 --> 00:08:38,475
in a way that--
245
00:08:38,477 --> 00:08:39,743
Douglas,
246
00:08:39,745 --> 00:08:41,544
that is one bad-ass motorcycle
you got out there.
247
00:08:41,546 --> 00:08:43,647
Nice work, kiddo.
248
00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:57,460
You got a motorcycle?
249
00:08:57,462 --> 00:08:59,696
Can I finish my story, please?
250
00:08:59,698 --> 00:09:00,697
You got a motorcycle?
251
00:09:00,699 --> 00:09:02,165
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! I got a bike.
252
00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:03,433
I got a bike.
I got a bike.
253
00:09:03,435 --> 00:09:04,635
There, I said it.
I don't care.
254
00:09:04,637 --> 00:09:06,837
I said it. It's out there.
255
00:09:08,940 --> 00:09:10,107
By the way,
Douglas,
256
00:09:10,109 --> 00:09:13,476
did Carrie tell you
I got a job interview?
257
00:09:13,478 --> 00:09:15,345
Honey, you can't run from this.
258
00:09:15,347 --> 00:09:17,814
Daddy needs to work!
259
00:09:17,816 --> 00:09:19,582
Douglas, get her.
260
00:09:21,385 --> 00:09:22,485
Have you lost
your mind?
261
00:09:22,487 --> 00:09:23,553
And we discussed this.
262
00:09:23,555 --> 00:09:24,788
No, no, we didn't
discuss it.
263
00:09:24,790 --> 00:09:25,822
You discussed it.
264
00:09:25,824 --> 00:09:27,423
I barely got
a sentence in.
265
00:09:27,425 --> 00:09:30,927
Doug, I specifically forbade you
from buying this.
266
00:09:30,929 --> 00:09:34,131
Forbade me? Forbade?
You can't forbade me.
267
00:09:34,133 --> 00:09:35,431
Are you insane?
268
00:09:35,433 --> 00:09:37,300
I mean, what the hell
do you think you're doing here?
269
00:09:37,302 --> 00:09:38,735
I knew you would
overreact like this.
270
00:09:38,737 --> 00:09:40,671
Look, I just wanted one.
Huh? It'll be fun.
271
00:09:40,673 --> 00:09:41,872
Fun? Really?
272
00:09:41,874 --> 00:09:43,674
Will it be fun
when you're in a wheelchair?
273
00:09:43,676 --> 00:09:46,843
Maybe.
274
00:09:46,845 --> 00:09:48,444
This is going back tomorrow.
275
00:09:48,446 --> 00:09:51,381
No,
it's not going back tomorrow.
276
00:09:51,383 --> 00:09:52,749
Oh. Oh, it is.
277
00:09:52,751 --> 00:09:53,750
Uh-uh. It's not.
278
00:09:53,752 --> 00:09:54,751
It's s going back.
279
00:09:54,753 --> 00:09:56,619
It's so not
going back.
280
00:09:56,621 --> 00:09:58,689
Hey, Doug, not only
are you stupid for buying this,
281
00:09:58,691 --> 00:10:01,558
but you're arguing about it
in a really annoying way.
282
00:10:01,560 --> 00:10:03,660
Tough noogies.
283
00:10:06,330 --> 00:10:07,831
Look, I'm keeping
the motorcycle.
284
00:10:07,833 --> 00:10:08,899
For once,
285
00:10:08,901 --> 00:10:10,500
I'm wearing the pants
in the family.
286
00:10:10,502 --> 00:10:11,601
Fine.
Fine.
287
00:10:11,603 --> 00:10:12,769
Keep the damn bike.
288
00:10:12,771 --> 00:10:13,770
I will.
Fine.
289
00:10:13,772 --> 00:10:14,771
I will.
Fine.
290
00:10:14,773 --> 00:10:15,772
I will.
291
00:10:15,774 --> 00:10:16,773
And by the way,
292
00:10:16,775 --> 00:10:18,175
if you want to
wear the pants,
293
00:10:18,177 --> 00:10:19,776
you might think
about pulling them up.
294
00:10:30,188 --> 00:10:31,221
Well, peaches,
295
00:10:31,223 --> 00:10:33,890
I think
congratulations are in order.
296
00:10:33,892 --> 00:10:36,426
Your father
got himself a job.
297
00:10:36,428 --> 00:10:39,996
Well, I'm going to assume
it's not the head of Pediatrics.
298
00:10:39,998 --> 00:10:40,997
No, no.
299
00:10:40,999 --> 00:10:42,265
Unfortunately,
300
00:10:42,267 --> 00:10:44,701
they did
a little fishing around,
301
00:10:44,703 --> 00:10:47,804
so instead, I accepted an offer
from an enterprise
302
00:10:47,806 --> 00:10:51,441
known as "A Big Hot Pretzel."
303
00:10:51,443 --> 00:10:54,611
Well, the important thing is,
you still get to work with kids.
304
00:10:54,613 --> 00:10:56,579
Congratulations.
305
00:10:56,581 --> 00:10:57,848
I'm proud of you.
306
00:10:57,850 --> 00:10:59,216
Thank you.
307
00:10:59,218 --> 00:11:00,250
The pay's not great,
308
00:11:00,252 --> 00:11:01,251
but they agreed
309
00:11:01,253 --> 00:11:02,252
to let me
work evenings.
310
00:11:02,254 --> 00:11:03,253
That way,
311
00:11:03,255 --> 00:11:06,422
you and I can have
our days together.
312
00:11:06,424 --> 00:11:08,591
I'd love to, Dad, but you know,
I work during the day.
313
00:11:08,593 --> 00:11:09,793
Come on, darling.
314
00:11:09,795 --> 00:11:11,228
You're going to have
to be flexible
315
00:11:11,230 --> 00:11:13,696
if we're going
to make this work.
316
00:11:13,698 --> 00:11:15,598
Okay, well, I guess
my only other option
317
00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:17,300
is to quit my job?
318
00:11:17,302 --> 00:11:18,935
That's my girl.
319
00:11:18,937 --> 00:11:21,772
Sewing kit?
Here we go.
320
00:11:21,774 --> 00:11:23,106
Got to let
the crotch out
321
00:11:23,108 --> 00:11:24,374
on these trousers.
322
00:11:24,376 --> 00:11:26,243
After all, I'm selling pretzels,
323
00:11:26,245 --> 00:11:27,744
not myself.
324
00:11:33,084 --> 00:11:35,318
What's up?
325
00:11:43,661 --> 00:11:46,396
Hey, babe.
326
00:11:46,398 --> 00:11:47,664
Kiss?
327
00:11:49,433 --> 00:11:51,234
You, uh, you want
to know where I was?
328
00:11:51,236 --> 00:11:52,269
I was...
329
00:11:52,271 --> 00:11:54,537
I was out cruising.
330
00:11:54,539 --> 00:11:56,673
Good for you, sweetie.
331
00:11:56,675 --> 00:12:00,010
I was on my motorcycle.
332
00:12:00,012 --> 00:12:01,311
I know. I know.
333
00:12:01,313 --> 00:12:02,745
I'm fine with that.
334
00:12:02,747 --> 00:12:04,281
You are?
335
00:12:04,283 --> 00:12:05,748
Yeah, you know, I had
a good night's sleep,
336
00:12:05,750 --> 00:12:07,017
thought things through,
337
00:12:07,019 --> 00:12:08,418
and I figured, hey,
you know what?
338
00:12:08,420 --> 00:12:10,954
If a motorcycle
makes you happy,
339
00:12:10,956 --> 00:12:13,756
then I'm happy too,
because you know what?
340
00:12:13,758 --> 00:12:14,925
Life's too short
341
00:12:14,927 --> 00:12:17,227
not to do the things
that make you happy.
342
00:12:17,229 --> 00:12:18,494
Right?
343
00:12:22,266 --> 00:12:25,435
Right.
344
00:12:25,437 --> 00:12:27,537
So, you want to split
an egg roll?
345
00:12:27,539 --> 00:12:28,538
Do you?
346
00:12:28,540 --> 00:12:29,472
All right...
347
00:12:31,175 --> 00:12:33,243
What are you
doing here?
348
00:12:33,245 --> 00:12:34,610
What? Oh. Oh, this?
349
00:12:34,612 --> 00:12:36,379
I'm just doing
what makes me happy.
350
00:12:36,381 --> 00:12:37,747
Oh, you know what?
351
00:12:37,749 --> 00:12:39,749
These are so smooth.
352
00:12:39,751 --> 00:12:42,719
We've come a long way, baby.
353
00:12:42,721 --> 00:12:45,322
So you're going to get cancer
to make a point?
354
00:12:45,324 --> 00:12:47,790
Sure. I'll be in an iron lung,
you'll be in a wheelchair.
355
00:12:47,792 --> 00:12:49,125
Hey, you know what?
356
00:12:49,127 --> 00:12:52,395
Maybe we can chip in
and share a helper monkey.
357
00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:54,197
Well, you know what?
It's not going to work.
358
00:12:54,199 --> 00:12:55,431
You can smoke
all you want.
359
00:12:55,433 --> 00:12:56,666
I don't care.
360
00:12:56,668 --> 00:12:58,335
Well, I'm glad
you feel that way, sweetie.
361
00:12:58,337 --> 00:13:00,003
Oh, I do.
362
00:13:00,005 --> 00:13:01,171
I do. I do. You know?
363
00:13:01,173 --> 00:13:02,672
Look, I'm not going
to play games, Carrie.
364
00:13:02,674 --> 00:13:05,275
I'm not going to that place
where you want me to go here.
365
00:13:05,277 --> 00:13:06,676
If you want to ruin your lungs,
366
00:13:06,678 --> 00:13:07,543
then that's...
367
00:13:10,647 --> 00:13:11,714
All right.
368
00:13:11,716 --> 00:13:13,250
Put her out.
369
00:13:13,252 --> 00:13:14,584
I can't eat in that stink.
370
00:13:14,586 --> 00:13:16,119
Well, then go eat
with your motorcycle,
371
00:13:16,121 --> 00:13:19,422
because I likes to smoke
while I eat.
372
00:13:19,424 --> 00:13:21,491
Fine. You know what?
I will. I will.
373
00:13:21,493 --> 00:13:22,592
You know what?
374
00:13:22,594 --> 00:13:24,627
I will,
and you can smoke all you want,
375
00:13:24,629 --> 00:13:26,662
because I'm keeping
my motorcycle.
376
00:13:26,664 --> 00:13:27,931
Duck sauce.
377
00:13:31,002 --> 00:13:33,169
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
378
00:13:37,441 --> 00:13:39,309
[REVVING]
379
00:13:43,381 --> 00:13:45,982
[TIRES SCREECH]
380
00:14:38,102 --> 00:14:40,837
Oh, don't mind me.
381
00:14:40,839 --> 00:14:43,440
I'm just looking for something.
382
00:14:43,442 --> 00:14:46,676
Oh, thank God.
383
00:14:46,678 --> 00:14:47,810
You know,
384
00:14:47,812 --> 00:14:49,045
if you lose one
of these things,
385
00:14:49,047 --> 00:14:50,380
it comes right out
of your paycheck.
386
00:14:50,382 --> 00:14:51,381
I already owe them
387
00:14:51,383 --> 00:14:54,817
for that stupid soda machine.
388
00:14:56,620 --> 00:14:59,022
So, uh... you...
389
00:14:59,024 --> 00:15:01,291
You still enjoying
the chopper?
390
00:15:01,293 --> 00:15:02,425
Hmm?
391
00:15:02,427 --> 00:15:03,793
Oh, uh, yeah.
392
00:15:03,795 --> 00:15:05,161
It's great.
393
00:15:05,163 --> 00:15:08,398
Don't let Carrie
get you down.
394
00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:11,101
You know, when I
had my motorcycle,
395
00:15:11,103 --> 00:15:12,768
her mother was
the same way.
396
00:15:12,770 --> 00:15:14,004
You had a bike?
397
00:15:14,006 --> 00:15:16,606
Sure. Loved it too.
398
00:15:16,608 --> 00:15:18,074
The great open road.
399
00:15:18,076 --> 00:15:20,110
Rumble of your
machine.
400
00:15:20,112 --> 00:15:23,279
Camaraderie of your
gang brothers.
401
00:15:25,949 --> 00:15:27,417
You were in a gang?
402
00:15:27,419 --> 00:15:28,584
Not really.
403
00:15:28,586 --> 00:15:29,986
I asked them
to let me in,
404
00:15:29,988 --> 00:15:31,421
but they drank
heavily all weekend
405
00:15:31,423 --> 00:15:34,757
and beat me
pretty severely...
406
00:15:37,861 --> 00:15:39,629
Okay.
407
00:15:39,631 --> 00:15:42,332
and I think
I may have been compromised
408
00:15:42,334 --> 00:15:44,200
by a gentleman named...
409
00:15:44,202 --> 00:15:46,436
Road Dog.
410
00:15:56,213 --> 00:15:58,448
[MOTORCYCLE REVVING]
411
00:16:06,957 --> 00:16:09,259
God, I hate you!
412
00:16:11,262 --> 00:16:12,929
Carrie!
413
00:16:12,931 --> 00:16:14,597
Up here.
414
00:16:20,404 --> 00:16:21,404
Hey.
415
00:16:21,406 --> 00:16:24,507
Want to have sex?
416
00:16:24,509 --> 00:16:26,909
I'm getting rid of the bike.
417
00:16:26,911 --> 00:16:28,478
You are?
Mm-hmm.
418
00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:29,712
Selling it tomorrow. You happy?
419
00:16:29,714 --> 00:16:31,281
Well...
420
00:16:31,283 --> 00:16:33,283
yeah.
421
00:16:33,285 --> 00:16:35,151
What happened?
You get sick of it?
422
00:16:35,153 --> 00:16:38,054
No. Sorry.
I didn't get sick of it.
423
00:16:38,056 --> 00:16:40,423
You got sick of it.
424
00:16:40,425 --> 00:16:41,991
No.
Yes!
425
00:16:41,993 --> 00:16:43,759
No. Let me tell you something,
Carrie, okay?
426
00:16:43,761 --> 00:16:44,827
I love that bike, okay?
427
00:16:44,829 --> 00:16:46,296
I'm a free spirit on that bike.
428
00:16:46,298 --> 00:16:48,298
Me and that bike are like this,
okay?
429
00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:50,133
Then why you getting rid of it?
430
00:16:52,203 --> 00:16:53,269
Why, you ask me?
431
00:16:53,271 --> 00:16:55,972
Because it
just so happens
432
00:16:55,974 --> 00:16:57,507
that I love this...
433
00:16:57,509 --> 00:16:58,508
more.
434
00:16:58,510 --> 00:17:00,276
This is why
435
00:17:00,278 --> 00:17:01,511
I'm getting rid
of the bike,
436
00:17:01,513 --> 00:17:02,612
and no other reason,
437
00:17:02,614 --> 00:17:04,013
and you know what?
438
00:17:04,015 --> 00:17:05,281
If you can't
understand that,
439
00:17:05,283 --> 00:17:06,483
then...
440
00:17:06,485 --> 00:17:08,918
how sad your
world must be.
441
00:17:16,727 --> 00:17:19,596
Ah, there she is.
442
00:17:19,598 --> 00:17:22,798
The harpy who made her husband
sell his motorcycle.
443
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:23,933
Dad, please.
444
00:17:23,935 --> 00:17:25,368
Please, nothing.
I know why you did this,
445
00:17:25,370 --> 00:17:26,769
but let me tell you one thing.
446
00:17:26,771 --> 00:17:28,204
Motorcycle or no motorcycle,
447
00:17:28,206 --> 00:17:30,106
I'll find a way to get to work.
448
00:17:30,108 --> 00:17:31,107
Dad!
449
00:17:31,109 --> 00:17:32,708
I'll take the bus if I have to.
450
00:17:32,710 --> 00:17:34,944
Sure, the bus can't pick me up
at my front door
451
00:17:34,946 --> 00:17:38,314
or make my tushy feel good
with its rhythmic vibrations--
452
00:17:38,316 --> 00:17:39,415
Dad, wait.
453
00:17:39,417 --> 00:17:40,883
Would you just listen to me,
please?
454
00:17:40,885 --> 00:17:42,952
I'm glad you got a job.
455
00:17:42,954 --> 00:17:44,621
I made Doug get rid
of the motorcycle
456
00:17:44,623 --> 00:17:45,988
because they're
way too dangerous.
457
00:17:45,990 --> 00:17:47,023
Uh-huh.
458
00:17:47,025 --> 00:17:50,092
Well...
459
00:17:50,094 --> 00:17:52,462
you know what's
more dangerous?
460
00:17:52,464 --> 00:17:53,963
What?
461
00:17:53,965 --> 00:17:56,098
Having somebody
resent you
462
00:17:56,100 --> 00:17:58,234
for making them
give up their dream...
463
00:18:00,504 --> 00:18:02,438
and you know what's
even more dangerous?
464
00:18:03,707 --> 00:18:04,940
Leaving a pair
of boxer shorts
465
00:18:04,942 --> 00:18:07,109
drying
on a space heater,
466
00:18:07,111 --> 00:18:08,911
so if you'll
excuse me...
467
00:18:16,119 --> 00:18:17,287
Aah!
468
00:18:24,261 --> 00:18:27,730
I sold you.
469
00:18:27,732 --> 00:18:30,066
Oh, shoot.
You're home already.
470
00:18:30,068 --> 00:18:31,234
I didn't
get a chance
471
00:18:31,236 --> 00:18:32,835
to put the bow
on it yet.
472
00:18:32,837 --> 00:18:34,003
Well...
473
00:18:34,005 --> 00:18:35,004
here.
474
00:18:35,006 --> 00:18:36,005
What...
475
00:18:36,007 --> 00:18:37,240
What have you done?
476
00:18:37,242 --> 00:18:39,209
I felt really guilty
477
00:18:39,211 --> 00:18:40,376
about making you
sell it,
478
00:18:40,378 --> 00:18:41,977
and I didn't
want you to hate me
479
00:18:41,979 --> 00:18:43,613
for the rest
of your life, so...
480
00:18:43,615 --> 00:18:44,614
I bought it back.
481
00:18:44,616 --> 00:18:45,615
You bought it back!
482
00:18:45,617 --> 00:18:46,616
That's...
483
00:18:46,618 --> 00:18:49,452
You bought it back.
484
00:18:49,454 --> 00:18:50,486
So what's the deal?
485
00:18:50,488 --> 00:18:51,854
I don't get
a hug for this?
486
00:18:51,856 --> 00:18:53,022
Oh, yeah!
487
00:18:53,024 --> 00:18:55,758
Yeah.
488
00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:57,660
Now...
489
00:18:57,662 --> 00:18:59,362
no riding at night,
490
00:18:59,364 --> 00:19:00,663
no riding
on the expressway,
491
00:19:00,665 --> 00:19:01,864
and no riding
in bad weather.
492
00:19:01,866 --> 00:19:02,865
You got it?
493
00:19:02,867 --> 00:19:03,999
Yeah. Yeah.
494
00:19:04,001 --> 00:19:05,134
Oh, wait.
495
00:19:05,136 --> 00:19:06,436
I have another
surprise for you.
496
00:19:06,438 --> 00:19:08,170
They just keep coming,
don't they?
497
00:19:12,209 --> 00:19:13,576
Now we can go riding together.
498
00:19:13,578 --> 00:19:14,444
Look at me.
499
00:19:16,380 --> 00:19:19,315
I'm Pinky Tuscadero.
500
00:19:19,317 --> 00:19:20,550
Come on.
501
00:19:20,552 --> 00:19:22,218
Let's take it for a spin.
502
00:19:22,220 --> 00:19:23,886
Let's bust some heads, baby.
503
00:19:23,888 --> 00:19:25,255
Okay.
504
00:19:27,124 --> 00:19:28,591
Come on!
505
00:19:28,593 --> 00:19:30,960
Okay! Yeah! Okay!
506
00:19:30,962 --> 00:19:32,194
All right.
507
00:19:38,802 --> 00:19:41,337
Honey, don't you
need to, like...
508
00:19:41,339 --> 00:19:43,606
start it
or something?
509
00:19:46,977 --> 00:19:48,043
Funny story.
510
00:19:48,045 --> 00:19:50,946
Uh, hey, get ready
to laugh.
511
00:19:50,948 --> 00:19:53,416
It turns out
I hate the bike.
512
00:19:53,418 --> 00:19:54,417
What?
513
00:19:54,419 --> 00:19:55,485
I hate it.
514
00:19:55,487 --> 00:19:56,886
Hey, let's go
buy you a gift.
515
00:19:56,888 --> 00:19:58,220
Come on.
516
00:19:58,222 --> 00:19:59,389
Doug!
517
00:19:59,391 --> 00:20:01,357
What do you mean
you hate the bike?
518
00:20:01,359 --> 00:20:02,592
I thought you
loved this thing.
519
00:20:02,594 --> 00:20:04,427
I don't love it,
okay?
520
00:20:04,429 --> 00:20:05,662
I mean,
I get rained on,
521
00:20:05,664 --> 00:20:06,829
people laugh at me,
522
00:20:06,831 --> 00:20:08,431
and at night,
no one can see you.
523
00:20:08,433 --> 00:20:09,632
At night, you're
going to die.
524
00:20:09,634 --> 00:20:11,033
You might as well just face it.
525
00:20:11,035 --> 00:20:12,635
You're going to die.
526
00:20:12,637 --> 00:20:14,837
Well, then what was that
load of crap you gave me
527
00:20:14,839 --> 00:20:16,172
about how much you loved it,
528
00:20:16,174 --> 00:20:18,608
but you loved
this more?
529
00:20:18,610 --> 00:20:19,676
I was embarrassed, all right?
530
00:20:19,678 --> 00:20:21,143
I was just trying
to get out of this
531
00:20:21,145 --> 00:20:22,144
with a shred of manhood.
532
00:20:22,146 --> 00:20:23,680
And you thought you'd do that
533
00:20:23,682 --> 00:20:25,981
by making me feel guilty
for the rest of my life?
534
00:20:25,983 --> 00:20:28,785
It felt right at the time, yeah.
535
00:20:28,787 --> 00:20:30,720
What is wrong with you?
536
00:20:30,722 --> 00:20:33,556
I fell there!
537
00:20:33,558 --> 00:20:35,090
Look, it was your fault too.
538
00:20:35,092 --> 00:20:36,892
My fault?
539
00:20:36,894 --> 00:20:38,894
Yeah, that...
That buzzer noise
is so insulting, you know?
540
00:20:38,896 --> 00:20:41,564
I don't like it when you do it
in front of my friends...
541
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:45,468
and I really don't like it
when you do it during sex.
542
00:20:45,470 --> 00:20:48,638
Anybody would've buzzed you
on that one.
543
00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:51,907
Hello. It was dark.
I was disoriented.
544
00:20:51,909 --> 00:20:54,143
Okay.
545
00:20:54,145 --> 00:20:58,414
I'm sorry I buzzed you
about getting the motorcycle.
546
00:20:58,416 --> 00:21:00,783
I just did it
because I love you.
547
00:21:00,785 --> 00:21:02,051
I know. I...
548
00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:03,986
I love you too. Come here.
549
00:21:06,256 --> 00:21:07,256
All right.
550
00:21:07,258 --> 00:21:09,258
Well, let's see
where we're at
551
00:21:09,260 --> 00:21:11,361
with this thing.
552
00:21:11,363 --> 00:21:13,463
We got a bike that we don't want
553
00:21:13,465 --> 00:21:15,931
that we bought twice
554
00:21:15,933 --> 00:21:17,967
and I'm addicted to smoking.
555
00:21:17,969 --> 00:21:21,337
Yeah, but we, uh...
We still got this, right?
556
00:21:21,339 --> 00:21:23,973
Hmm? Oh, yeah.
We still have this.
557
00:21:23,975 --> 00:21:26,008
Okay, um...
558
00:21:26,010 --> 00:21:27,410
I guess
I'll just call Dirk tomorrow
559
00:21:27,412 --> 00:21:29,178
and see if I can get
my 800 bucks back.
560
00:21:29,180 --> 00:21:30,179
Eight?
561
00:21:30,181 --> 00:21:32,615
You, uh, you
got the bike for eight?
562
00:21:32,617 --> 00:21:36,285
Yeah. He wanted 1200.
Can you believe that?
563
00:21:36,287 --> 00:21:38,187
That's ridiculous.
564
00:21:42,959 --> 00:21:44,026
[SHOWER RUNNING]
565
00:21:44,028 --> 00:21:45,495
Hey, honey.
566
00:21:45,497 --> 00:21:46,496
Hey.
567
00:21:46,498 --> 00:21:47,497
How you feeling?
568
00:21:47,499 --> 00:21:48,531
Great.
569
00:21:48,533 --> 00:21:50,500
This nicotine patch
really works.
570
00:21:50,502 --> 00:21:52,802
It's like,
"Cigarette?"
571
00:21:52,804 --> 00:21:54,370
"No, thanks."
572
00:21:54,372 --> 00:21:55,971
Good. I'm glad
you feel that way.
573
00:21:55,973 --> 00:21:58,641
You know, I think
we're getting
574
00:21:58,643 --> 00:22:00,142
a little low
on shampoo.
575
00:22:00,144 --> 00:22:01,477
Can you pick up
some later?
576
00:22:01,479 --> 00:22:02,678
You got it.
577
00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:03,880
Oh, and don't forget,
578
00:22:03,882 --> 00:22:05,314
we're having dinner
with Deacon and Kelly
579
00:22:05,316 --> 00:22:06,916
on Thursday.
580
00:22:10,387 --> 00:22:12,655
[♪]
34870
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