All language subtitles for There She Goes s01e04 The Wrong Grandad.eng

This programme contains
very strong language.

Oh, look what Grandad John's found!
It's a ladybird, Rosie.

They can also be yellow or orange,

but they all have those pretty spots
on the back.

Isn't it beautiful?

Whoa! Easy, Lenny. No, no, no.

We don't eat things
we've killed in the park.

Has your mum mentioned we were
thinking we could take Ben off your hands for three weeks in the summer?

What?

Yeah. Get him down the countryside,
take him swimming in the river,

go tor climbing.

Not really your thing,
I know, but he'd love it.

And we know how hard it is with kids
in the summer holidays.

What about Rosie?

Not really her thing, is it?

What's her thing?

I just think it might be good
for Ben to spend some time away

playing with just his cousins.

Get him muddy, doing kids' stuff.

He is an only child,
when you think about it.

He's not an only child,
he has a sister.

I know, but not in a normal sense.

OK, lets not talk about this
in front of Rosie.

What? She can't understand.

What are you worrying about?

I'm just saying, it's not like Ben
comes to the park to play with her, does he?

OK, John, just don't let Em
hear you saying all of this.

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So, Rosie, this is Nana
and Grandad John's house.

If he starts, you're going to have
to deal with him, OK? He's your stepdad.

MUSIC BLARES IN CAR

Oh, here we are, darling. Good boy.

I'll take this one, thank you.

Hello, my big boy!

How long has it been like that?

Two months. Two months?!

It's hard to get around to stuff
with, you know, looking after Mistress Chaotica.

I'll take that. Why? She's fine.

She's just putting everything
in her mouth at the minute.

She's not going to bloody
swallow it, is she?

Well... Well, I can mend that.
Piece of piss.

You know we're here for you
whatever you want, Simon.

Right, what else needs doing?

Pictures putting up?

Hm! Picture of Pat.

She loves her Gandalf.

ROSIE VOCALISES

She definitely prefers you
to my dad.

I'm not bothered.

While we're here, we can take
some pictures of me and Nana.

Would you like that?

DOOR SLAMS SHUT
I'm home!

It's OK, Ann, I can manage.

No, Rosie, leave the bags alone.
She's a nightmare with the shopping.

It's all right, she's helping!

Rosie, that's not helping.

It's fine. Nothing's broken.

ROSIE VOCALISES

She has a terrible diet still,
doesn't she?

Sophie's started putting cauliflower
in the pizza dough for Alice and Fliss.

Sadly, pizza is no longer
Rosie's favourite.

In fact, she seems to have decided
to stop eating it altogether.

She does seem interested in salad.

No, she's interested in
the clingfilm.

She starts chewing it and then
she swallows it and that's no good,

because when it comes out,
it's like a magician pulling out

the flags of all nations,

except not as cool
because it's covered in... You know.

Have you thought about seeing
a nutritionist?

Treats are all very well, but
maybe if they were used as rewards.

Yeah. Yeah, we do try.

In there.

Right...

Oh, Rosie, this is lovely!

That Em's Mother's Day card. Aw!

It's meant lovingly, but there
should be some quality control.

Surely the teacher looks at that and
has to say, let's have another go?

Why can't you just be nice?

You get Mother's Day and you get
Father's Day,

but why don't you get
Children's Day?

Every day is Children's Day.

So, Ben, I've been
chatting to your dad.

How would you like to come
down to Nana and Grandad's house

for three weeks during the summer?

Yeah, that sounds fun.

I thought it might be nice for Ben,

and it would get him off your hands
for a few weeks.

You can take Rosie off our hands.

Well, we just thought
it would be more suited to Ben.

Grandad's thinking of building
a treehouse.

In the holidays, do not get
any respite provision

from Social Services?

You know, professional carers who
can take her for a night or weekend?

Might be good for Rosie.

We don't really want her
waking up in strangers' houses.

What about in the day?

Well, Mencap offer a couple of days,

but they're really oversubscribed.

And what about her friends?

Is there not a system of
mutual playdates?

John, Rosie doesn't have
any friends. We're all she's got.

Except Hippo.

Well, I'd better get down to Wickes.

# Ding dong merrily on high...#

So on Christmas morning,
we were thinking a big family walk to Coombe Stone Tor.

That'll be fun, eh, Ben?

Isn't it supposed to be bad weather?

There's no such thing
as bad weather, just bad clothing.

That's how we do things on Dartmoor,
rain or shine.

That won't be any good for Rosie.

Why not?

Her routine is really important.
She's not sleeping.

Fresh air might knacker her out.

Not in the cold.
I know one thing for sure,

babies and kids are a lot tougher
than you think.

It'll be fine, Em.

Yeah, I think I might be the expert
here on Rosie.

Hm!

MUSIC: How Soon Is Now?
by The Smiths

Oh, for fuck's sake!

But if the 19th
doesn't work for you,

Ben's probably old enough to
come down on the train on his own.

It'll be good for him.
ROSIE VOCALISES

Rosie, no snargling with Nana.

Be careful, Ann, because she's been
quite bitey recently.

Oh, she's fine.
She probably just wants something.

Rosie, are you thirsty?
Do you want your milk?

You want to watch her with the milk
because it often goes everywhere.

That's my good girl!

Yes, you're being very good
for Nana, aren't you, Rosie?

All done. It needs to dry and then
you just use fine-grade sandpaper

to get the filler flush.

Right, we should start
thinking about food.

Don't worry, we can do that.

No, you sit down, relax.
I can just go and throw on

a big load of pasta with
tomato sauce. It's no bother.

I'm not sure we want that.
I won't do you one.

Just something that's more bother.

Why don't you two go out?

Yes.

What about Rosie?

She'll be fine. Yes, go out.

Sophie went to see The Dance of
Reality at a cinema the other week.

You know, Jodorowsky.
She said it was wonderful!

It's bound to be on somewhere
around here.

We could go out.

We can go out, yeah.

We won't be back late.

Be as long as you like.

So, be a superstar for Nana
and Grandad. Help with Rosie.

Yes, Mum. And if Grandad asks about
going on holiday, you don't have to say yes to everything.

Because three weeks is a long time,
and they don't have iPads, do they?

I really want to go.

Although Grandad does make me
work in his allotment.

Em? Yes, coming!

Be a good girl for Nana.

Who's Mummy's gorgeous girl?

If she makes the noise,
she might want a bath, but it might be the telly.

But we've got loads of Peppa Pig
on the box. It's the black remote.

Shoo! Go on, bloody shoo!

Have fun! We're going for
a quick drink first, right? Yeah.

Where shall we go? Well...
Where do you want to go?

Go on, have a good time.
We'll take it from here.

Where do you want to go?

Hiya. Oh, hello.

Sorry, I'm John, Simon's stepdad.

Chris. Hi. Sorry.

Yeah, I've just been out.

I've got a half marathon in a couple
of weeks. Trying to beat my time.

1:37.15.

I was just having a look at
this wall.

Simon said it was a bit wobbly,
but it looks all right to me.

It just needed a bit of repair,
so I just went ahead and did it.

It was about a year ago, I think.

DIY is not my stepson's forte.

He'd sit watching
a self-tapping screw.

Needs instructions to work a hammer.

THEY LAUGH

No, he's a good bloke.

Oh, yeah, we're proud of him.

See you later.

FOOTSTEPS

DOOR OPENS

Oh. What?

Simon!

Oh, God!

Don't wake me up,
it's three in the morning.

I just want a cuddle. No. Get off!

No, I don't want any of that,
I just want to talk, Em.

Oh!

Simon, not this again.

She's only just stopped crying.

No, come here, come here.

Oh, Simon, stop! Oh!

I'm just trying to show
some affection to my wife!

What's so fucking wrong with that?
What?!

Because you're going to upset Rosie,
you stinking, selfish bastard!

SHE SIGHS

How are you this pissed again?

Fuck off!

Oh, just fuck off,
you sanctimonious arsehole!

You're boring. You're boring.

You bore me.

I don't care. Just go away.

Sanctimonious fucking arsehole.
BABY CRIES

Happy fucking Christmas.

BABY CONTINUES TO CRY

Sh, sh, sh, sh.

Oh, I can stay in here if I want.

Sh, sh, sh...

BABY CRIES

Simon.

This has got to stop.

THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS PLAYS
ON RADIO

Right, we're going out.

What are you doing?
Taking the kids out.

No. Can you come here, please, Ben?

Give us a chance
to get out of your hair.

Where are you going?

We haven't decided.

Can you make sure that you keep
holding his hand on the roads?

No need to worry.

We'll be a couple of hours.

Her snow suit is on the pram.

Bye, Ben.

FRONT DOOR CLOSES

SHE SIGHS

I'm sure it'll be fine.

I'm their mother, why does no-one
in this family get that?

Thanks.

This date isn't going great.

You look older than I thought
you were going to be.

I'm just glad to be going
on a date, to be honest.

You know, I'm married,
I'm just looking for fun.

My husband is a total arsehole.

Well, you made your vows,

so I'm all you've got
for the rest of your life.

Oh, sweetie,
for the rest of your life.

Well...

Child free for the night.

It's like we just met.
Let's rekindle that magic.

We can go to the student union

and spend the evening playing
Ms Pac-Man!

That would be awesome.

Yeah. Do you want to go and see
that movie?

What was it?
Dance of something? Reality?

Yeah, I mean, Mad Max: Fury Road
is on at eight.

Mm. Is Minions still running?

They waste so much money
on special effects.

There's so much fascinating
real natural history to watch.

Oh, that latest Attenborough
programme is stunning.

Oh, yeah, he went to the Hwange
National Park - we've been there -

and caught this incredible game
of dare between agama lizards

and a pride of lions.
It was mesmerising.

I mean, what is that
even meant to be?

A Nazgul.

Bloody daft.

And how does that not kill him?

I mean, he stabbed him
and he's not even bleeding.

He's protected by Elvish armour.
It's unrealistic though, isn't it?

No, it's about a Hobbit trying to
destroy a magic ring in Mount Doom.

It's Mum and Dad's favourite film.

That doesn't surprise me.

Right, Rosie, I think
it's time for your tea.

You've been very good.

Would you like some of Aunt Sophie's
special recipe pasta?

They're going to unload
the dishwasher, then it will take

hours to put everything
back in the right place.

Last time, they took
the salad dressing jar,

they put the jar in
with the glasses,

they put the lid
in the knife drawer.

What made them split them up, Si?
Why?

Maybe we put them
in the wrong place.

Well, we have done
everything else wrong.

Earlier I had, "Rosie's got
a shit diet." She does.

I know!

Have you noticed how suddenly,
she's not playing up?

Everything is so easy
and I'm sitting there thinking, "Go on, love, go mental."

You know, "Bang your arm a bit,
bite Nana.

"Not too hard, obviously,
but make a mark!"

Maybe it is just us,
maybe we are terrible parents.

We are.
Compared to your sister... Jesus!

God. I've had that all day.

I think Fliss probably
came out of Sophie's vagina

doing her Grade Three violin exam
and getting a distinction.

One more round?
Yeah, take it easy, though.

We don't want you calling your mum
and step-dad a cunt.

You know, we can't afford a trip to
Center Parcs to say sorry. Again.

Yeah.

Now then, my darling Rosie,
this is delicious pasta and sauce.

Well, then, we'll just have to start
all over again, won't we?

You'll see plenty of real animals
in the summer.

Grandad, are we going to eat outside
all the time in Devon?

Of course we will,
get the picnic blanket out.

With all the wasps?

Bloody hell, you'll be all right.

They mollycoddle you.

Ooh, is he the one that's in Sharpe?

All good?
She didn't want her pasta.

But we got there in the end,
didn't we, Rosie?

I think it's time for bath-time.

Here's what I don't get -
if she so easy to look after,

why won't they look after her
in the summer?

"Do anything for you,
cut off my leg for you, Simon.

"Look after Rosie?"

"Sorry, I can't hear you.
Ben? Of course we'll take Ben."

"Rosie. Rosie."

"Busy that week. What week
was it? Cos we're busy."

It's because they won't admit
that it's a boring nightmare.

You know, why would anyone
want to take her for three weeks?

Of course, but they dress it up like
it's good for Ben. Only child...

What's that? Nothing. I mean,
he's not even allowed an iPad there.

That's what I said!

And their broadband
is even slower than Rosie.

Oi! Hands off my Rosie.

You know, it probably
is really good for Ben.

I know, but I don't want them to
take Ben, because they keep saying

they're making it easy -
it's easier with Ben here.

He helps with her. He helps me.

VOICE BREAKING: He's always
helped me...

SHE SNIFFLES AND SIGHS

They're all right at home,
aren't they?

Shall I phone?

Maybe we shouldn't
talk about the kids all night.

Yeah.

It's very good beer.

I'm sure they're OK.

Besides, there's only
one field in the village

where you get reception.

Even then, you have
to jump in the air.

Is this a qualifier
for the World Staring Championships?

What do you want me to say, Simon?

I think this is a chance to talk.

I've run out of talk.

If I've done
something wrong, tell me.

You don't remember, do you?

Cos you never remember,
because you've blown away that bit

of memory with the magic of booze,
and you don't remember this morning

because you were unconscious

while I'm dealing
with all the shit at 5am.

OK.

Sorry.

It's happening all the time, Simon.

You know, you're out getting
hammered at work with Helen

or now, it seems, by yourself.

Sorry.

Em, I need to be loved.

And you have the nerve to act
all hard done by and self-entitled.

And demand love.

It feels like you don't love me
any more.

Oh, Jesus, Si.

Listen to yourself.

It's not about you.

When was the last time
you paid any attention

to what I'm going through...

..and what I need?

You make that hard.

Oh, shut up, just shut up.

SHE SIGHS

Do you know what I think about
when I'm lying next to you,

after you've shouted what a shit
I am in my face at 3am?

I play it in my mind
like it's a film,

and you're pushing Rosie
in the buggy down the street,

a distance ahead of me and Ben,

and a 337 bus goes past and just
swerves and flattens you both.

And I don't see anything,
I just see the buggy under the bus,

but it's obvious that
no-one survived, and I'm free.

I'm free to make a fresh start
with Ben, wonderful Ben...

..who makes me so proud
every second of every day.

And I might meet someone new,
someone loyal and boring,

who's nice to me
and doesn't get drunk,

and I might be bored shitless,

but at least I'd...

..feel valued.

You know, and it makes me sad

that I've set the bar
so depressingly low.

And I-I... I hate you.

I hate you, Simon...

..for not even trying to reach a bar

that's so far below...

..what I actually think I deserve.

But, mainly, I...I despise myself...

..for having those thoughts
about Rosie.

But, you know...

..it couldn't happen, because when
the four of us actually do go out,

you walk ahead with Ben.

It's always me who ends up
pushing the fucking buggy!

Don't. Just don't. Don't.

MURMUR OF TV

Amazing sequence, this.

African forest buffalo, hippo,
elephants and Red River hogs

all come out of the forest
to sunbathe and swim.

You don't get that in London.

There is the zoo.

WATER SPLASHING

Rosie, that's lovely splashing!

Oh! Now, Rosie, calm down!

I think it's time
you should be getting out.

ROSIE VOCALISES
No, Rosie!

Grandad, can I have some help
getting Rosie out the bath, please?!

TV CHANNEL CHANGES

We should think about
getting our dinner on.

Come on, you.

Come on, you little munchkin.
Let's get you ready for bed.

MUSIC: Boys Don't Cry
by The Cure

You know what they say,
if life gives you lemons -

well, a lemon -
make a gin and tonic.

Coping mechanism, I guess.

No, it doesn't.
You've always drunk too much.

All right, John, don't tell me.

Don't you dare use Rosie
as an excuse.

Well, I better thank my dad, then.

To faulty fucking genes!
One way or another,

it's the bane of my family.
Got nothing to do with Bill.

It's your responsibility, Simon.

Thanks for the pep talk, John,
that's just what I needed. Thanks.

Yeah, well, someone's got to say it.

You need to sort yourself out,
because you're going to lose Em.

You could lose them all.

I don't even know if
she loves me any more.

Yeah, well, I may just be
a silly old sod.

But you carry on -
drinking and sulking.

Women find that really attractive.

SHE GRUMBLES

Yes, I know!

I'm the wrong grandad, apparently.

Should we put the stair gate up?
No, she'll be fine.

Honestly, they worry too much.

Now, you, into bed!

SHE WAILS

Uh, no, we're not having iPads
tonight.

I'll read you a story.

You know, I've never understood why
people are so obsessed

with bloody dinosaurs. Ah!

Now, we bought this for Ben
when he was tiny.

It's a wonderful book of
African folk tales for children.

It was one of Nelson Mandela's
favourites.

Here's a fantastic
Botswanan story.

"Many years ago...
SHE WHINES

"..a young boy
lived deep in the country

"in a beautiful village,

"next to where the motlopi trees
grow."

Ow! Whoa.

I think we need to get
those nails trimmed!

Nana, do you want to go and see if
there's some scissors? Yeah.

There's lots of different scenarios.

You know, like on the playground,
or...um...just at home,

sitting watching telly, or, um,
playing the iPad or something.

Or there...there is one that
I keep having

where she's going to a party...

..and I'm helping her get ready,

and she's like,
"No, Dad, get off. I can do it."

That's the thing, Em - she talks,
she always talks in my dreams.

SHE SIGHS
We really need to go home now, Si.

Come on. Let's go see if she's
awake. Yeah. Give her a big hug.

So...

..do you want to, like,
hook up again?

Same time next year?

"He took very great care
to give the buffalo a wide berth

"from then on."

It's good, isn't it?

It'll be fine, stop worrying!

..it's not about aesthetics!

I think that's where your...
It's just the whole thing.

It's a knee-jerk response...
No. I don't appreciate...

Nice evening? Yeah, great.

How were they? Fine.

Rosie? Mm, fine.

Yeah? She eat anything?

Yeah, a big bowl of pasta
with tomato sauce.

Gave her a bath, brushed her teeth.
She's up in bed now.

Yeah, John says Rosie
behaved herself.

Yes! Good as gold.

What, Mum, why're you being weird?

Nothing!
I was just checking on Rosie.

She's, uh, she's not asleep yet,
so let's leave her for a bit.

I'll put the stair gate up.

Mum, what's happened?

Rosie?

Rosie!

Oh, my God!

What have they done to you?!

What've you done to my beautiful
princess? What did you do to her?!

How special needs do you think
she needed to look?!

Oh, her fringe needed cutting.
It was in her eyes.

She has enough problems in life,
without looking like

she just escaped from
One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest!

Don't be daft, it's just a trim.

She looks like Dave Hill from Slade!

It's not even straight!

You just can't stop interfering,
can you, in everything?

Why can't you just
leave things alone, eh?

Why?! I mean...

..I'm actually asking!
Why can't you just stop?!

She just looks horrid, Mum.

Why did you let him do it?

I wasn't in the room!
And he was only trying to help.

Don't forget everything
he does for you.

I know, but sometimes it seems like
when it suits him.

It's not about me or him
or the kids. That's not true.

Isn't it? "Oh, I'll do anything
for you, Simon."

Well, then, why is it OK
to take Ben away over the summer

and not Rosie?

He's not the problem, she is.

J-John...would have her...
at the drop of a hat.

SHAKILY: It's because I'm scared,
Simon.

If anything were to
happen to her.

I mean, it's all right
here in London.

You have the house all set up,
but in Devon?!

The river's so near.

If anything happened to her,
I would never forgive myself.

I love her so much!

Come on, give Rosie to me.
No, it's all right, she's OK.

I know she is,
I'm not here for Rosie.

I came to look after you.

You'll get some sleep.

We've got her from now on.

Thank you.

You know, we all love you
very much, Emily.

I think maybe...we should all
be telling you that a lot more.

SHE SIGHS

What happened?

Hair was in her eyes,
so I started cutting her fringe,

but it wasn't even, so...
I was trying to compensate

by cutting the other side.

And by the end of it...

That's all right.

It'll grow back.

Awww.

Stupid bastard!
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.

John, it's OK.

Thank you for letting us
go to the pub.

And I'm sure that Ben

would love to spend some time
having adventures with his grandad.

You haven't cut Ben's hair
as well, have you?

MUSIC: Love Will Tear Us Apart
by Joy Division

# Love, love will tear us apart

# Again

# Love, love will tear us apart

# Again. #

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