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♪ Everybody calls me Sad Sack
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♪ I hear it all day long
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♪ Though I try to do the right thing
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♪ It always turns out wrong
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♪ Everybody calls me Sad Sack
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♪ Sad Sack
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♪ Including my best gal
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♪ I drop my ashes all over her clothes
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♪ And I misplace her keys
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♪ Then, for forgiveness, I send her a rose
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♪ And roses always make her sneeze
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♪ Ah-choo
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♪ The lamp is so bright,
I pull out the plug
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♪ Her arms then open to give me a hug
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♪ I run to kiss her and trip on the rug
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♪ I'm the genuine, original
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♪ First edition copy of Sad Sack
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♪ Sad Sack ♪
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Hey, fellas.
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There's a couple of seats right here.
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There he was.
Clear-eyed, pink-cheeked,
22
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open-faced.
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The boy next door.
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The kind of a man you
want your sister to marry.
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The last guy in the world
you'd suspect of being
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the kiss of death.
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Thanks, bud. That's okay.
28
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You guys goin' back to Calhoun, too, huh?
29
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Did you have a nice time
with your three-day pass
30
00:02:09,729 --> 00:02:11,998
in New Orleans? I bet it was pretty tough
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leavin' that redhead, huh?
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You been tailin' us?
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No, just simple deductive reasoning,
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that's all.
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There's a three-day pass in his pocket,
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and you didn't get that red hair here
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from shakin' hands with her.
38
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Hey, this guy's got brains.
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A brain. That's a good thing to have.
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I'm Wenaslawsky, this is Dolan.
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Hi, chum.
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Hi, chum. Hi.
Well, would you guys
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like to kill some time?
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I got some reading matter here.
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Just out.
46
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Yeah? What do you got?
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I'm on the War
Department mailing list.
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Yeah?
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Small Arms Fire in the Mechanized Platoon.
50
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Establishing Beachhead with Air Support.
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I think you'll like this one.
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Field Sanitation, Digging and Maintenance.
53
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With pictures?
54
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Oh, yeah, lots of 'em.
55
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Now, this one is just out.
You'll like this.
56
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And I learned it all by heart.
57
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Long Range Weapons, Radar Controlled.
58
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You memorized that?
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Sure, I did. Would you care to check me?
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You memorized it, huh?
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Yeah, I learned it all by heart.
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Recite me the final wiring assembly
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for the firing mechanism
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on the R-2 rapid-fire cannon.
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"The R-2. To complete the firing mechanism
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"on the R-2 rapid-fire cannon,
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"connect the wiring assembly
in the following order.
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"F-7 to B-5, T-12 to C-4,
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"M-6 to P-13, A-16 to D-21, D-21..."
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Okay, okay, okay!
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We'll skip a couple of pages
and go to the last line.
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"Double-S 005 to Double-S 006,
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which completes the assembly."
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Right? Right.
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Now, in the next paragraph,
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you'll find there's a very interesting...
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Okay, okay, soldier. Take 10. We're beat.
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Oh, okay. Well, why don't you guys
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take a little snooze, and I'll
wake you up when we get to Calhoun.
80
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Here, why don't you get comfortable?
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00:04:04,143 --> 00:04:05,411
Put your feet up here.
82
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Go ahead, get comfortable.
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Just put your feet up.
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Oh, Dolan. Yeah.
85
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I'll be very quiet when I turn the pages.
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Thanks.
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Hmm.
88
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Oh, would you like some hot milk?
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Huh? From the diner.
90
00:04:25,531 --> 00:04:27,767
Hot milk always makes me sleep.
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We were asleep.
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You woke us up.
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Oh, I'm sorry.
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00:04:35,742 --> 00:04:38,344
But now that you're awake,
would you like some hot milk?
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All we want is quiet!
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Shh!
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Tickets! Tickets!
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Shh!
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Tickets!
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Coffee?
101
00:06:04,297 --> 00:06:05,598
What happened?
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00:06:06,799 --> 00:06:09,235
Well, the light was in your eyes,
103
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and I got up there to fix it, see?
104
00:06:11,337 --> 00:06:12,638
Why, you... I stepped up...
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00:06:12,672 --> 00:06:15,141
Well, wait a minute. I was just...
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Now, you stay there!
107
00:06:29,088 --> 00:06:30,823
Hey, what time is it?
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A little after 6:00.
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I thought we were due in Calhoun at 4:15.
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Oh, we were there, and right on time.
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We were there? Yeah.
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Memphis! Memphis!
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Memphis? What is this?
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Why didn't you wake us up?
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00:06:50,643 --> 00:06:52,645
Well, I thought you guys
were still mad at me,
116
00:06:52,678 --> 00:06:54,313
and you were sleepin' so peacefully...
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Why, I ought to...
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We both ought to,
but he's government property.
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Memphis! Next stop, Memphis!
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Wa-wait.
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Wait a second.
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Wa-wait.
123
00:07:07,059 --> 00:07:10,496
But Major, what makes this
man Bixby so important?
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00:07:10,530 --> 00:07:12,965
Oh, it's not Bixby himself, sir,
125
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it's... It's really more
what Bixby represents.
126
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You see, each year there
are thousands of Bixbys
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inducted into the army.
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Left-footers who are always out of step
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with our training program.
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00:07:26,379 --> 00:07:28,481
You do agree that it's a serious problem,
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don't you, sir?
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Oh, was I staring?
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You'll have to forgive me.
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00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:34,220
You're quite a departure
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from the usual run of majors.
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00:07:35,688 --> 00:07:37,890
General Vanderlip,
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I happen to hold my master's degree
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in social science.
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00:07:42,862 --> 00:07:44,530
At the time that I was
offered my commission,
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I also happened to be senior consultant
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at the Manhattan Institute
for Psychological Research.
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I don't doubt your qualifications.
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Thank you, sir.
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00:07:55,641 --> 00:07:57,844
And now, about Bixby. Cigarette?
145
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No, thank you.
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00:08:00,780 --> 00:08:02,915
If you'll notice, this graph represents
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00:08:02,949 --> 00:08:04,183
the last 17 months
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00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:05,918
of Private Bixby's service record.
149
00:08:05,952 --> 00:08:08,721
A steadily declining
pattern, as you can see.
150
00:08:09,422 --> 00:08:11,390
That's because Private Bixby
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was at first in the Field Artillery.
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He was then transferred
to the Signal Corps,
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and from there he was transferred again
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to a tank battalion.
155
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However, when he lost a tank, we decided...
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Lost a tank?
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00:08:25,104 --> 00:08:28,174
Yes, sir. He, um, he was sent out one day
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to camouflage it,
and... we never found it again.
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00:08:32,912 --> 00:08:35,548
And so the tankers transferred
him to the infantry.
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00:08:35,581 --> 00:08:37,216
Yes, sir. Fort MacArthur.
161
00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:39,418
And this part will amaze you.
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Well, you can see here,
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there's a definite rise in the graph.
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That's because Private Bixby demonstrated
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an unbelievable mechanical aptitude.
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General, Private Bixby
single-handedly reassembled
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a rapid-fire remote
control anti-tank cannon.
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Lost a tank.
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00:09:01,507 --> 00:09:03,109
And this sudden drop?
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He didn't know it was loaded.
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00:09:06,279 --> 00:09:10,816
Blew up two garbage trucks in the
center of Los Angeles, 30 miles away.
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00:09:12,685 --> 00:09:15,688
Apparently this Bixby is quite a sad sack.
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00:09:15,721 --> 00:09:19,325
Yes, sir, he... He is that, indeed.
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Well, you see,
that's why Washington has selected him
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for this psychological experiment.
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General, there'll always be a Bixby.
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But we feel that if we can make a soldier
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out of a man with...
with that kind of record,
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well, it'll pave the way
for the Bixbys of tomorrow.
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00:09:36,208 --> 00:09:37,610
Yes?
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00:09:40,513 --> 00:09:43,082
This is the information you wanted, sir.
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Company B of the 345th battalion
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00:09:45,618 --> 00:09:46,986
has the best training record.
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According to its commanding officer,
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his best potential squad
leader is Corporal Dolan.
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00:09:53,292 --> 00:09:54,393
With your permission, sir,
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00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:55,962
I'd like to speak to the corporal.
188
00:09:55,995 --> 00:09:58,197
I'll have him report immediately, sir.
189
00:10:12,144 --> 00:10:13,846
Excuse me, is Major Shelton here?
190
00:10:13,879 --> 00:10:15,815
Soldier, come here. What do you want?
191
00:10:15,848 --> 00:10:17,049
Uh, I'm Private Bixby.
192
00:10:17,083 --> 00:10:19,418
I was told to report to Major Shelton.
Is he in?
193
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:20,553
Yes, she's in.
194
00:10:20,586 --> 00:10:21,654
Right through that door.
195
00:10:21,687 --> 00:10:23,689
Thank... She's in?
196
00:10:23,723 --> 00:10:25,358
Yes, right through the door.
197
00:10:26,726 --> 00:10:29,829
No, I was told to report to Major Shelton.
198
00:10:29,862 --> 00:10:32,932
That's right. She's right in there.
199
00:10:33,599 --> 00:10:34,900
She's...
200
00:10:39,438 --> 00:10:40,673
Well?
201
00:10:42,875 --> 00:10:44,577
Pri-Private Bixby.
202
00:10:44,610 --> 00:10:46,012
Oh, Private Bixby.
203
00:10:46,045 --> 00:10:48,748
Of course. I've been waiting for you.
204
00:10:48,781 --> 00:10:50,783
Oh, thank you.
205
00:10:50,816 --> 00:10:53,519
You are a she.
206
00:10:53,552 --> 00:10:54,854
He said you're a she,
207
00:10:54,887 --> 00:10:56,822
and you're a she if I ever saw one.
208
00:10:56,856 --> 00:10:58,891
Private Bixby reporting, ma'am.
209
00:10:58,924 --> 00:11:01,827
At ease, Private,
and welcome to Camp Calhoun.
210
00:11:01,861 --> 00:11:03,829
Thank you very much,
and I apologize, ma'am.
211
00:11:03,863 --> 00:11:06,165
It's just that I never
saw a girl major before.
212
00:11:06,198 --> 00:11:07,466
West Point?
213
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:10,269
No, the Manhattan Institute
214
00:11:10,302 --> 00:11:11,804
for Psychological Research.
215
00:11:11,837 --> 00:11:14,173
Why don't you sit down? Oh.
216
00:11:14,206 --> 00:11:16,876
No, not there. Over there. Yes, thank you.
217
00:11:16,909 --> 00:11:18,711
Oh.
218
00:11:18,744 --> 00:11:21,647
You know somethin' funny?
You remind me of my sister.
219
00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:23,482
She's also very pretty.
220
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:25,217
Oh, well, thank you.
221
00:11:25,251 --> 00:11:26,385
Except she's...
222
00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:29,755
She doesn't have, uh...
You know.
223
00:11:29,789 --> 00:11:30,956
Yes, I know.
224
00:11:30,990 --> 00:11:32,992
Um, Private, why don't you
225
00:11:33,025 --> 00:11:34,326
make yourself more comfortable?
226
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:35,861
Lie down.
227
00:11:35,895 --> 00:11:37,530
To tell you the truth, Major,
228
00:11:37,563 --> 00:11:39,699
I'm not very tired.
229
00:11:39,732 --> 00:11:42,735
Lie down, Private. I'll bring you a pillow.
230
00:11:43,636 --> 00:11:44,904
Thank you.
231
00:11:45,571 --> 00:11:48,174
Now... Isn't that better?
232
00:11:50,076 --> 00:11:52,144
I hardly even know you, Major.
233
00:11:52,178 --> 00:11:55,181
Well, you see,
our getting to know each other better
234
00:11:55,214 --> 00:11:56,715
is why you're here.
235
00:11:56,749 --> 00:11:59,518
We like to extend a personal welcome
236
00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:01,987
to our new men here at Camp Calhoun,
237
00:12:02,021 --> 00:12:03,823
Sort of have them get to know us
238
00:12:03,856 --> 00:12:06,425
and give us a chance to get to know them.
239
00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:08,661
That's very nice. Ohh.
240
00:12:08,694 --> 00:12:10,029
Why don't you relax?
241
00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:11,697
Well,
to tell you the truth, Major,
242
00:12:11,730 --> 00:12:13,199
you're a girl and I'm a boy,
243
00:12:13,232 --> 00:12:15,334
and-and according to the army training film
244
00:12:15,367 --> 00:12:17,303
number 6235... Oh!
245
00:12:17,336 --> 00:12:20,539
But I only want to ask you a few questions.
246
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:21,807
Oh, okay.
247
00:12:21,841 --> 00:12:24,009
Now, Private Bixby,
248
00:12:24,043 --> 00:12:25,978
how do you like the army?
249
00:12:26,011 --> 00:12:28,013
Up to now it's been pretty dull.
250
00:12:28,047 --> 00:12:30,316
No, I mean, how do you really like it?
251
00:12:30,349 --> 00:12:31,717
Oh, I-I like it.
252
00:12:31,750 --> 00:12:33,252
I-I like the army.
253
00:12:33,285 --> 00:12:35,254
I like...
I like... I really like...
254
00:12:35,287 --> 00:12:36,288
I like the army.
255
00:12:36,322 --> 00:12:38,491
Have you been happy in it? No.
256
00:12:38,524 --> 00:12:39,692
Why not?
257
00:12:39,725 --> 00:12:41,727
Well, I guess because every time
258
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:44,897
I get settled and happy, I get transferred.
259
00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:47,733
And you feel that there might be
260
00:12:47,766 --> 00:12:49,602
something personal about this.
261
00:12:49,635 --> 00:12:51,370
Oh, no. No, on the contrary.
262
00:12:51,403 --> 00:12:54,807
As a matter of fact,
Everyone is very sad when I leave.
263
00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:57,776
My last commanding officer
was in tears when I left.
264
00:12:57,810 --> 00:12:59,311
What about friends?
265
00:12:59,345 --> 00:13:01,981
Do you feel that you've made many friends?
266
00:13:02,014 --> 00:13:04,049
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
267
00:13:04,083 --> 00:13:05,785
Oh, I made a lot of... lot of...
268
00:13:05,818 --> 00:13:07,820
Oh, I got... I made a lot of friends.
269
00:13:07,853 --> 00:13:10,256
How many? One.
270
00:13:11,323 --> 00:13:13,058
A friend of mine, a real close buddy,
271
00:13:13,092 --> 00:13:14,326
in the Field Artillery.
272
00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:17,129
We were very close,
very, very good buddies,
273
00:13:17,163 --> 00:13:20,099
Until one day I shot his
toe off accidentally,
274
00:13:20,132 --> 00:13:22,301
and that kind of cooled things a little.
275
00:13:22,334 --> 00:13:25,604
Then there was the sergeant
in the Signal Corps.
276
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:28,541
Yes? No, he hates me.
277
00:13:29,575 --> 00:13:31,010
Come to think of it,
278
00:13:31,043 --> 00:13:34,079
I haven't made many friends at all.
279
00:13:34,113 --> 00:13:37,116
I guess it's because I'm
always being transferred.
280
00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:39,952
Well, of course, that is possible.
281
00:13:41,053 --> 00:13:43,789
Let's... Let's talk about your family.
282
00:13:43,822 --> 00:13:46,759
Um, do you have any brothers or sisters?
283
00:13:46,792 --> 00:13:49,228
Oh, yeah, I have four sisters. All girls.
284
00:13:49,261 --> 00:13:51,597
How do you get along with them?
285
00:13:51,630 --> 00:13:53,132
Oh, fine.
286
00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:56,535
Uh, what about your mother and father?
287
00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:58,003
Oh, I have one of each.
288
00:13:58,037 --> 00:13:59,138
No, no, no. I mean,
289
00:13:59,171 --> 00:14:00,940
how do you get along with them?
290
00:14:00,973 --> 00:14:03,209
I imagine they're very fond of
you, aren't they?
291
00:14:03,242 --> 00:14:05,144
Oh, yeah. Oh, yes, they are.
292
00:14:05,177 --> 00:14:07,146
As a matter of fact,
my mother's always saying,
293
00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:11,116
"Meredith,
We're very fond of you."
294
00:14:11,150 --> 00:14:13,152
She always says that.
295
00:14:13,185 --> 00:14:14,687
What about your father?
296
00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:16,755
Would you say that you and your father
297
00:14:16,789 --> 00:14:18,190
are very good pals?
298
00:14:18,224 --> 00:14:20,559
Oh, yeah. Oh, sure, we're pals.
299
00:14:20,593 --> 00:14:22,094
My father always says,
300
00:14:22,127 --> 00:14:25,397
"Well, I wanted a son,
301
00:14:25,431 --> 00:14:26,999
"and I've got one."
302
00:14:27,032 --> 00:14:28,867
That's his favorite expression.
303
00:14:36,075 --> 00:14:38,310
Excuse the interruption,
Major, but I had to meet
304
00:14:38,344 --> 00:14:40,312
this young man who loses tanks.
305
00:14:40,813 --> 00:14:42,481
Oh, at ease.
306
00:14:42,514 --> 00:14:43,882
Thank you very much, sir.
307
00:14:43,916 --> 00:14:46,118
It-It's a...
308
00:14:46,151 --> 00:14:47,419
It's a strange thing about,
309
00:14:47,453 --> 00:14:51,156
uh, that tank disappearing, uh, because...
310
00:14:53,359 --> 00:14:54,560
Oh, uh...
311
00:14:55,694 --> 00:14:56,795
Excuse me, sir,
312
00:14:56,829 --> 00:14:59,164
but there's a loose thread hanging.
313
00:14:59,198 --> 00:15:01,967
We can't have, uh...
314
00:15:02,001 --> 00:15:04,470
We can't have generals walking around
315
00:15:04,503 --> 00:15:06,538
with a loose thread.
316
00:15:08,007 --> 00:15:10,042
Buckled... a little.
317
00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:13,112
Just straighten that out.
318
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:15,547
And we...
319
00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:18,484
Uh, it was hanging.
320
00:15:18,517 --> 00:15:21,854
I thought that it shouldn't
be good to hang...
321
00:15:21,887 --> 00:15:23,922
On a general.
322
00:15:48,380 --> 00:15:49,448
Schultz!
323
00:15:50,549 --> 00:15:51,483
What goes here?
324
00:15:51,517 --> 00:15:53,285
Why haven't you got that truck loaded yet?
325
00:15:53,319 --> 00:15:54,920
Well, I've been askin' them to hurry.
326
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:57,289
You don't ask 'em, you tell 'em!
327
00:15:57,323 --> 00:16:00,092
When I was soldiering in
Panama, it was a...
328
00:16:11,837 --> 00:16:13,539
How long those two been here?
329
00:16:14,173 --> 00:16:15,741
All morning, I guess.
330
00:16:16,308 --> 00:16:17,409
You guess?
331
00:16:19,545 --> 00:16:21,046
Wait a minute.
332
00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:23,482
Morning, Sergeant. Morning, huh?
333
00:16:23,515 --> 00:16:25,317
Don't you feel well?
You sounded kind of weak
334
00:16:25,351 --> 00:16:27,286
at reveille this morning. Hangover?
335
00:16:27,319 --> 00:16:28,787
Now, don't start that, fellas.
336
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,956
I called both your names nice and loud,
337
00:16:30,989 --> 00:16:32,891
and I didn't hear either of you answer.
338
00:16:32,925 --> 00:16:34,360
He didn't hear us.
339
00:16:34,393 --> 00:16:36,428
Well, I told you we should've shouted it.
340
00:16:36,462 --> 00:16:38,530
That's right, Larry, you did.
341
00:16:38,564 --> 00:16:40,065
"Shout," you said.
342
00:16:40,099 --> 00:16:42,368
I distinctly remember that.
343
00:16:42,401 --> 00:16:44,436
All right, fellas, all right!
344
00:16:44,470 --> 00:16:47,373
But one of these days,
I'm gonna get you two!
345
00:16:49,074 --> 00:16:51,543
Private Bixby reporting for duty, sir.
346
00:16:51,577 --> 00:16:52,978
Hi, fellas.
347
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:54,913
I was told to find the first sergeant.
348
00:16:54,947 --> 00:16:56,782
Well, you found him. If you're reporting,
349
00:16:56,815 --> 00:16:58,350
why weren't you here for reveille?
350
00:16:58,384 --> 00:16:59,952
Oh, well, you don't understand, sir.
351
00:16:59,985 --> 00:17:01,286
I'm not due to report until tomorrow.
352
00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:02,821
I came on a train with them.
353
00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:04,957
Did you hear that? A day early.
354
00:17:04,990 --> 00:17:07,159
Now, that's the kind of
soldier we need in...
355
00:17:08,093 --> 00:17:09,395
You came on the train with them?
356
00:17:09,428 --> 00:17:11,130
Yes, sir. What time?
357
00:17:11,163 --> 00:17:12,831
Oh, uh, let me see.
358
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:14,933
I think we left Memphis about 6:30.
359
00:17:14,967 --> 00:17:16,668
Thanks, son.
360
00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:18,137
You were right, fellas.
361
00:17:18,170 --> 00:17:19,705
You should've shouted.
362
00:17:19,738 --> 00:17:21,373
Memphis is 90 miles away!
363
00:17:21,407 --> 00:17:23,976
We'd have been here, Sarge,
but that walkin' field manual
364
00:17:24,009 --> 00:17:25,377
forgot to wake us up.
365
00:17:25,411 --> 00:17:27,579
Oh, he forgot to wake you up.
366
00:17:27,613 --> 00:17:30,015
Now, won't that sound
nice at the court martial!
367
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:31,316
Wait a minute, Sergeant, really.
368
00:17:31,350 --> 00:17:33,419
It wasn't their fault.
I have to take all the blame.
369
00:17:33,452 --> 00:17:35,354
Look, Bixby, don't front for these guys.
370
00:17:35,387 --> 00:17:38,090
They're not worth it. Come on, you two!
371
00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:41,593
Boo!
372
00:17:45,063 --> 00:17:46,331
Thank you.
373
00:17:50,803 --> 00:17:52,638
Fellas, wait for me.
374
00:17:52,671 --> 00:17:55,574
Oh, come on, Sarge,
give us a break, will ya?
375
00:17:55,607 --> 00:17:58,544
Who's drivin' this truck?
Give us a...
376
00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:01,280
Hey! Get this truck outta here!
377
00:18:01,313 --> 00:18:03,248
Bixby, move this truck.
378
00:18:03,282 --> 00:18:05,284
What? Move the truck!
379
00:18:05,317 --> 00:18:07,453
Oh, well, Sergeant,
I don't think I know how...
380
00:18:07,486 --> 00:18:08,620
Move it!
381
00:18:08,654 --> 00:18:10,589
Well, sir, I don't think you understand...
382
00:18:10,622 --> 00:18:14,793
That's an order! Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
383
00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:16,228
Sarge, I'm tellin' you.
384
00:18:16,261 --> 00:18:18,230
We did everything we could.
385
00:18:18,263 --> 00:18:20,399
This guy was
supposed to wake us up
386
00:18:20,432 --> 00:18:22,234
on the train. No kidding.
387
00:18:26,338 --> 00:18:27,506
Oh, come on, Sarge,
388
00:18:27,539 --> 00:18:29,174
you can't do a thing like that to us.
389
00:18:29,208 --> 00:18:30,476
Boy, what a guy you are.
390
00:18:30,509 --> 00:18:32,177
Ain't that sad
sack from on the train?
391
00:18:32,211 --> 00:18:33,412
You can ask him now.
392
00:18:33,445 --> 00:18:34,713
I'm tellin' you, he told us...
393
00:18:34,746 --> 00:18:37,049
Look, Sarge,
you can't do this to us.
394
00:18:37,082 --> 00:18:39,184
Just for once in your life, be a good guy.
395
00:18:44,756 --> 00:18:45,858
Let me see.
396
00:18:45,891 --> 00:18:48,694
Now wait a minute, Sergeant.
"For being AWOL..."
397
00:18:48,727 --> 00:18:50,829
That guy said he was gonna wake us...
398
00:18:52,631 --> 00:18:54,766
You're trying to pull a
fast one on your poor,
399
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:55,767
stupid old sergeant.
400
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:57,769
Extra duty every night
for the next three weeks.
401
00:18:57,803 --> 00:19:00,973
Oh, listen, Sarge.
Ask Bixby, he'll tell you.
402
00:19:01,006 --> 00:19:02,841
And for sinking so low as to take
403
00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:04,943
a nice, innocent kid like Bixby
404
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:07,579
and try and use him to
cover up your shenanigans,
405
00:19:07,613 --> 00:19:09,915
extra duty for another three weeks.
406
00:19:25,631 --> 00:19:26,565
Hey, Sarge, I...
407
00:19:26,598 --> 00:19:30,302
Oh.
Uh, Sarge, I'd like to report
408
00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:32,838
a mistake in the truck manual.
409
00:19:32,871 --> 00:19:35,507
The hoist button is where
410
00:19:35,541 --> 00:19:37,476
the starter button ought to be.
411
00:19:37,509 --> 00:19:39,378
We could've told you, Sarge.
412
00:19:39,411 --> 00:19:40,812
All right, Bixby.
413
00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:45,050
I want every piece of
gravel out of this jeep,
414
00:19:45,083 --> 00:19:46,885
motor and all.
415
00:19:46,919 --> 00:19:48,787
Start shovelin'! Yes, sir.
416
00:19:50,923 --> 00:19:52,758
And you two help him!
417
00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:57,963
And I'll just sit right here and watch.
418
00:19:57,996 --> 00:19:59,698
Now, hit it!
419
00:19:59,731 --> 00:20:02,401
Here you are, Stan. Here you are, Larry.
420
00:20:02,434 --> 00:20:04,336
Let's give those old muscles a workout!
421
00:20:04,369 --> 00:20:06,738
Ah, let him do his share first.
422
00:20:10,442 --> 00:20:12,611
Hey, Dolan. Yeah.
423
00:20:12,644 --> 00:20:14,646
Report to division headquarters.
424
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:15,714
Major Shelton.
425
00:20:16,415 --> 00:20:17,749
Oh, isn't that too bad?
426
00:20:17,783 --> 00:20:20,218
Just a minute, Dolan.
Get me outta here first.
427
00:20:20,252 --> 00:20:22,321
Sorry, Sarge. Major callin'.
428
00:20:26,992 --> 00:20:28,393
Come in.
429
00:20:36,301 --> 00:20:39,071
Maybe you can tell me why it is that fans
430
00:20:39,104 --> 00:20:41,940
always tilt too much or not at all.
431
00:20:45,043 --> 00:20:46,712
Let me fix that for you, baby.
432
00:20:46,745 --> 00:20:47,813
What?
433
00:20:49,681 --> 00:20:52,818
Oh. Thank you.
434
00:20:52,851 --> 00:20:54,052
No trouble.
435
00:20:56,655 --> 00:21:00,192
You know, honey,
you're too pretty to be a mechanic.
436
00:21:00,225 --> 00:21:02,327
You need a man around to...
437
00:21:04,429 --> 00:21:06,131
You, honey... Um...
438
00:21:06,164 --> 00:21:07,599
I mean, you, sir.
439
00:21:08,233 --> 00:21:10,969
I mean, uh, you, uh...
440
00:21:11,003 --> 00:21:12,671
At ease, Corporal.
441
00:21:13,705 --> 00:21:15,340
Sit down.
442
00:21:15,374 --> 00:21:18,110
Corporal, there's something
I want you to do for me.
443
00:21:18,143 --> 00:21:19,611
Well, sit down.
444
00:21:19,645 --> 00:21:20,979
Now, it's strictly voluntary,
445
00:21:21,013 --> 00:21:23,348
and you can say yes or
no exactly as you please.
446
00:21:23,382 --> 00:21:26,084
Well, I wouldn't say no.
What is it?
447
00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:29,955
It concerns an experiment
which the army is undertaking.
448
00:21:29,988 --> 00:21:32,291
Uh, it's a kind of salvage job.
449
00:21:32,324 --> 00:21:36,094
Making good soldiers out
of congenital inferiors.
450
00:21:36,128 --> 00:21:37,162
Huh?
451
00:21:37,195 --> 00:21:39,631
Goof-offs. Oh.
452
00:21:39,665 --> 00:21:41,633
I want you to take one of these men
453
00:21:41,667 --> 00:21:43,502
and see if you can do something with him.
454
00:21:43,535 --> 00:21:45,070
Well, anything to help.
455
00:21:45,103 --> 00:21:46,738
The army.
456
00:21:46,772 --> 00:21:47,973
Uh, who is it?
457
00:21:48,006 --> 00:21:51,610
Bixby. Private Meredith C. Bixby.
458
00:21:51,643 --> 00:21:53,578
Bixby?
459
00:21:53,612 --> 00:21:56,014
Bye-bye, Major. See you around the PX.
460
00:21:56,048 --> 00:21:57,382
Why? Have you met him?
461
00:21:57,416 --> 00:21:59,451
Twice, and that's enough for a lifetime.
462
00:21:59,484 --> 00:22:02,421
Corporal Dolan,
I also have met Private Bixby,
463
00:22:02,454 --> 00:22:05,424
and I feel that potentially
he is a very good soldier.
464
00:22:05,457 --> 00:22:07,559
The fact that he's been
misunderstood in the past...
465
00:22:07,592 --> 00:22:10,028
Aren't you being overly sentimental, Major?
466
00:22:10,762 --> 00:22:12,097
Sentimental?
467
00:22:12,130 --> 00:22:14,199
Yes. After all, you are a woman.
468
00:22:14,232 --> 00:22:15,901
Corporal Dolan,
469
00:22:15,934 --> 00:22:19,371
it happens to be my job to evaluate people.
470
00:22:19,404 --> 00:22:21,273
At the time I was offered my commission,
471
00:22:21,306 --> 00:22:22,908
I happened to be senior consultant
472
00:22:22,941 --> 00:22:26,478
at the Manhattan Institute
for Psychological Research.
473
00:22:26,511 --> 00:22:28,080
But still a woman.
474
00:22:29,481 --> 00:22:31,516
About Private Bixby.
475
00:22:33,085 --> 00:22:36,021
Now, of course,
if you really think he's a hopeless case,
476
00:22:36,054 --> 00:22:39,157
I wouldn't dream of asking
you to accept this assignment.
477
00:22:39,191 --> 00:22:41,460
Well, I wouldn't say he's hopeless.
478
00:22:41,493 --> 00:22:44,296
Um, he is eager.
479
00:22:44,329 --> 00:22:46,665
I think he'd be willing to learn.
480
00:22:46,698 --> 00:22:49,701
As an example, in 17 months,
481
00:22:49,735 --> 00:22:52,904
Private Bixby has not
qualified with the rifle.
482
00:22:52,938 --> 00:22:55,273
Now, that may be just what he needs
483
00:22:55,307 --> 00:22:57,542
to give him a sense of accomplishment.
484
00:22:57,576 --> 00:23:00,479
Well, it, uh, it wouldn't be a cinch.
485
00:23:00,512 --> 00:23:03,215
It'd probably take all of my spare time.
486
00:23:03,248 --> 00:23:05,117
Then you'll accept the assignment?
487
00:23:05,150 --> 00:23:07,552
Anything to help the army.
488
00:23:07,586 --> 00:23:10,122
Wonderful. Thank you, Corporal.
489
00:23:13,525 --> 00:23:16,461
Hey, guess who's gonna bunk between us?
490
00:23:16,495 --> 00:23:18,263
It ain't against army regulations
491
00:23:18,296 --> 00:23:20,298
to dream, is it? Who?
492
00:23:20,332 --> 00:23:22,234
Bixby.
493
00:23:22,267 --> 00:23:24,169
Typhoid Meredith? I fixed it.
494
00:23:26,037 --> 00:23:27,205
You fixed it?
495
00:23:27,239 --> 00:23:30,242
Stanley, we have just latched
onto the softest touch
496
00:23:30,275 --> 00:23:32,110
in the whole United States Army.
497
00:23:32,144 --> 00:23:35,113
We're gonna teach Bixby
how to be a soldier.
498
00:23:35,147 --> 00:23:36,748
You've got combat fatigue.
499
00:23:36,782 --> 00:23:38,717
Don't you get it? He's our pigeon.
500
00:23:38,750 --> 00:23:40,619
If anything goes wrong, he gets the blame.
501
00:23:40,652 --> 00:23:42,654
If anybody starts
throwing extra duty at us,
502
00:23:42,687 --> 00:23:45,323
we refer 'em to our darlin' major.
503
00:23:45,357 --> 00:23:47,526
Darlin' major?
504
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:50,295
Lawrence!
505
00:23:50,328 --> 00:23:51,863
The major is a girl.
506
00:23:51,897 --> 00:23:54,900
Now, tonight, instead of massaging
the jeep for the sergeant,
507
00:23:54,933 --> 00:23:57,469
we're gonna teach Bixby
how to assemble the M-1.
508
00:23:57,502 --> 00:23:59,938
Oh,
a night in the barracks with that guy!
509
00:23:59,971 --> 00:24:01,740
Does it have to be the barracks?
510
00:24:01,773 --> 00:24:04,576
Maybe someplace with a
nice musical background.
511
00:24:05,577 --> 00:24:07,546
Oh. Come on, let's go.
512
00:24:13,685 --> 00:24:15,787
Japan, Korea, Iceland,
513
00:24:15,821 --> 00:24:19,491
but to me, there's nothing like a
fresh, wholesome American girl.
514
00:24:19,524 --> 00:24:20,892
That's what I always say.
515
00:24:20,926 --> 00:24:22,561
Yeah, every time.
516
00:24:22,594 --> 00:24:26,064
Oh, Larry,
if I only thought you were sincere.
517
00:24:26,097 --> 00:24:28,400
Sincere? Oh, baby.
518
00:24:28,433 --> 00:24:30,302
A man spends his life
searching for something.
519
00:24:30,335 --> 00:24:31,803
He doesn't know what it is.
520
00:24:31,837 --> 00:24:35,307
And then one day,
he looks into a pair of bottomless pools,
521
00:24:35,340 --> 00:24:37,409
and suddenly the search is over.
522
00:24:37,442 --> 00:24:39,177
He's found paradise.
523
00:24:39,211 --> 00:24:41,847
"And if the weapon is
not to be used at once,
524
00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:44,316
"It is imperative that the safety
525
00:24:44,349 --> 00:24:46,384
"be firmly set into position."
526
00:24:46,418 --> 00:24:48,753
Hello, soldier. Got a match?
527
00:24:50,155 --> 00:24:53,124
Uh... well, I don't know.
528
00:24:54,059 --> 00:24:55,427
Oh, there's one.
529
00:24:55,460 --> 00:24:58,230
Yes, ma'am. At your service.
530
00:24:58,263 --> 00:25:00,699
I'm very happy to oblige.
531
00:25:04,302 --> 00:25:06,571
Say, uh, ma'am, um...
532
00:25:07,305 --> 00:25:08,673
I was just wondering,
533
00:25:08,707 --> 00:25:10,542
would you like to dance with me?
534
00:25:10,575 --> 00:25:13,378
Well, we haven't been properly introduced,
535
00:25:13,411 --> 00:25:15,080
but I guess it'd be all right.
536
00:25:24,055 --> 00:25:26,625
Hey, Larry, when the safety catch is on,
537
00:25:26,658 --> 00:25:28,260
is it forward or back?
538
00:25:28,293 --> 00:25:29,995
Back. Thank you.
539
00:25:34,633 --> 00:25:36,501
Well, thank you very much.
540
00:25:36,534 --> 00:25:37,802
What?
541
00:25:38,270 --> 00:25:39,838
Oh. Oh, I'm sorry.
542
00:25:39,871 --> 00:25:41,640
Would you like a soft drink?
543
00:25:43,675 --> 00:25:45,410
Martini.
544
00:25:45,443 --> 00:25:47,279
Martini, please, soft.
545
00:25:49,314 --> 00:25:50,782
Hey, Joe.
546
00:25:51,416 --> 00:25:52,951
Ain't that Millie?
547
00:25:55,020 --> 00:25:56,054
Yeah.
548
00:26:00,225 --> 00:26:03,328
So you stayed home with your
sick grandmother tonight.
549
00:26:03,361 --> 00:26:06,998
So I exercised the prerogative
of changing my mind.
550
00:26:07,032 --> 00:26:09,734
If you don't like it,
take it up with my escort.
551
00:26:10,535 --> 00:26:12,837
Oh, you can have her back now.
552
00:26:12,871 --> 00:26:14,906
I-I was just using her for a few minutes.
553
00:26:14,940 --> 00:26:17,108
Steal my girl and make jokes.
554
00:26:17,142 --> 00:26:18,143
Look, buster...
555
00:26:18,176 --> 00:26:20,345
What's the trouble, buddy?
What's the trouble?
556
00:26:20,378 --> 00:26:21,913
No trouble. Butt out.
557
00:26:21,947 --> 00:26:23,782
Look, he's with us. We wouldn't
want anything to happen to him.
558
00:26:23,815 --> 00:26:26,151
Nothing's gonna happen to him, except this!
559
00:26:26,184 --> 00:26:27,319
No!
560
00:26:30,288 --> 00:26:32,324
I learned that in a judo manual.
561
00:26:40,732 --> 00:26:42,968
Ooh!
562
00:27:05,724 --> 00:27:07,058
Excuse me, ma'am.
563
00:27:23,141 --> 00:27:24,042
Oh!
564
00:27:24,075 --> 00:27:25,577
That's in the judo manual, too.
565
00:27:25,610 --> 00:27:26,978
Oh, no!
566
00:27:34,052 --> 00:27:35,754
Ah! Whoa!
567
00:27:53,271 --> 00:27:55,206
Oh!
568
00:27:57,742 --> 00:27:58,943
Oh, wait.
569
00:27:59,844 --> 00:28:01,312
What's goin' on here?
570
00:28:01,346 --> 00:28:03,048
All right. Break it up.
571
00:28:03,081 --> 00:28:05,183
Come here! BIXBY: Oh!
572
00:28:12,690 --> 00:28:15,727
Come on outside. Outside, come on.
573
00:28:16,828 --> 00:28:18,596
Come on, come on.
574
00:28:18,630 --> 00:28:20,665
Move it! Come on!
575
00:28:20,698 --> 00:28:22,167
Get out of here!
576
00:28:27,906 --> 00:28:28,973
I'll take care of these two guys.
577
00:28:29,007 --> 00:28:30,341
They need you over there!
578
00:28:33,378 --> 00:28:35,080
You know the way back to the
camp, don't you?
579
00:28:35,113 --> 00:28:37,315
Sure. I'll just follow any army car.
580
00:28:37,348 --> 00:28:40,185
And remember, our barracks number is D-362.
581
00:28:40,218 --> 00:28:42,153
I know it's 362.
582
00:28:52,263 --> 00:28:53,398
Oh, there's one!
583
00:29:24,295 --> 00:29:25,797
Hey, Dolan.
584
00:29:26,231 --> 00:29:27,899
Hey, Stan. Stan.
585
00:29:27,932 --> 00:29:29,167
Hey, keep it quiet, fellas.
586
00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:31,035
Pulley's a light sleeper. Come on.
587
00:29:40,912 --> 00:29:42,380
He's sleepin' like a baby.
588
00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:58,062
Hey, fellas.
589
00:29:58,096 --> 00:30:00,665
Schultz uses nail polish on his toe nails.
590
00:30:10,175 --> 00:30:13,011
Okay, roll out. On your feet.
591
00:30:13,044 --> 00:30:14,546
Make it snappy.
592
00:30:19,017 --> 00:30:21,052
Oh, them boys.
593
00:30:21,486 --> 00:30:23,087
Ooh. Roll out.
594
00:30:29,494 --> 00:30:31,262
I don't think I can
stand much more of this.
595
00:30:31,296 --> 00:30:34,465
I don't either. WOMAN 2: Oh, boy.
596
00:30:35,300 --> 00:30:37,068
Hey, new recruits.
597
00:30:37,101 --> 00:30:39,170
Must have come in during the night.
598
00:30:40,471 --> 00:30:41,606
Reveille.
599
00:30:44,042 --> 00:30:45,276
Get up, sister.
600
00:30:46,744 --> 00:30:49,714
Oh! Whoo! Get up, gal.
601
00:30:49,747 --> 00:30:51,015
Come on, get up.
602
00:31:51,042 --> 00:31:53,311
Hey, pick up the soap, Mabel.
603
00:32:06,257 --> 00:32:08,192
Larry, do we have any girls in our platoon?
604
00:32:08,226 --> 00:32:10,361
Yeah, yeah. Thousands of 'em.
605
00:32:10,395 --> 00:32:13,698
Didn't you know the army
had gone co-educational?
606
00:32:13,731 --> 00:32:16,934
No, no, no.
Larry. It's just not right.
607
00:32:16,968 --> 00:32:18,970
We-we can't take a shower while they do.
608
00:32:19,003 --> 00:32:21,439
We-we can't take a shower while they do.
609
00:32:26,210 --> 00:32:28,346
Come on, let's get outta here!
We're in the WAC barracks!
610
00:32:28,379 --> 00:32:29,614
What?
611
00:32:40,258 --> 00:32:42,160
Uh-oh, Captain Blye!
612
00:32:47,231 --> 00:32:50,301
Come on, come on, let's get out of here!
613
00:32:51,069 --> 00:32:52,470
Sarge, there were men in here!
614
00:32:52,503 --> 00:32:55,506
They were right there in the shower.
Men! Huh?
615
00:32:55,540 --> 00:32:56,574
Are you sure?
616
00:32:56,607 --> 00:32:59,043
I've got two brothers.
I can tell the difference.
617
00:32:59,077 --> 00:33:02,580
Hey, Sarge! Look! Pants.
618
00:33:10,788 --> 00:33:12,557
Well, there's nobody under there.
619
00:33:15,159 --> 00:33:18,096
Any of you girls know
how these men got here?
620
00:33:19,097 --> 00:33:21,566
Don't look at me, Sarge.
I'm from Philadelphia.
621
00:33:24,969 --> 00:33:27,505
You know anything about
this, Donnelly?
622
00:33:27,538 --> 00:33:30,007
Okay, Sarge, you got me.
623
00:33:30,041 --> 00:33:33,978
You see, I'm sittin' in this
corner booth at the PX last night,
624
00:33:34,011 --> 00:33:35,880
and those two generals
and a colonel come up
625
00:33:35,913 --> 00:33:37,081
and ask me what I'm doin' later.
626
00:33:37,115 --> 00:33:39,183
Don't get smart.
627
00:33:39,217 --> 00:33:42,420
Now, these men had to have
some help to get in here.
628
00:33:42,453 --> 00:33:44,455
Who's responsible for this?
629
00:33:46,858 --> 00:33:48,326
What's all the excitement?
630
00:33:48,359 --> 00:33:49,894
Three soldiers slept here last night.
631
00:33:49,927 --> 00:33:53,164
Oh,
everything happens when I'm on furlough.
632
00:33:53,197 --> 00:33:55,066
Hey, where are they? We don't know.
633
00:33:55,099 --> 00:33:57,402
They must have gotten away.
634
00:33:57,435 --> 00:33:58,736
Wait a minute.
635
00:33:58,770 --> 00:33:59,971
They didn't pass me,
636
00:34:00,004 --> 00:34:02,340
and they couldn't be wandering
round the area in their shorts.
637
00:34:02,373 --> 00:34:03,775
They must still be around here.
638
00:34:06,043 --> 00:34:07,412
Split up and look into everything
639
00:34:07,445 --> 00:34:09,814
that might be a place to hide.
640
00:34:09,847 --> 00:34:11,983
Psst. Psst. Hey.
641
00:34:12,016 --> 00:34:14,152
Hey. We got one chance.
642
00:34:14,185 --> 00:34:15,620
Scoot the bed over by the door.
643
00:34:15,653 --> 00:34:17,221
We'll get out of here
before they recognize us.
644
00:34:17,255 --> 00:34:19,157
Oh, and pull down the blanket.
645
00:34:21,459 --> 00:34:24,362
Hey hey, hey, Sarge, look.
646
00:34:43,347 --> 00:34:46,617
Thank you. Are you the house mother?
647
00:34:46,651 --> 00:34:47,885
No!
648
00:34:47,919 --> 00:34:49,187
Oh, I didn't think you were.
649
00:34:49,220 --> 00:34:50,655
Sarge, shall I go get the MPs?
650
00:34:50,688 --> 00:34:53,624
Oh, no. I've got a better idea.
651
00:34:53,658 --> 00:34:55,126
Get over in the corner
and put your clothes on!
652
00:34:55,159 --> 00:34:57,028
You too! On the double! BIXBY: Yeah.
653
00:34:57,061 --> 00:34:58,529
Come on, on the double! Get movin'!
654
00:34:58,563 --> 00:35:00,131
Go on, get a move on!
Hurry up!
655
00:35:00,164 --> 00:35:01,666
Come on, girls, have a look.
656
00:35:03,201 --> 00:35:05,803
Ha! This is supposed
to be the stronger sex.
657
00:35:05,837 --> 00:35:07,071
This is very embarrassing.
658
00:35:07,104 --> 00:35:09,407
Hey, the chubby one's kinda cute.
659
00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:11,409
Oh,
I like the one with the knobby knees!
660
00:35:11,442 --> 00:35:14,145
Oh, they're all...
They're all kinda cute.
661
00:35:16,547 --> 00:35:18,850
When you get to the rifle
range, report to Captain Ward.
662
00:35:18,883 --> 00:35:19,917
Right.
663
00:35:20,852 --> 00:35:22,320
I don't believe it.
664
00:35:22,353 --> 00:35:24,288
Hut, two, three, four.
665
00:35:24,322 --> 00:35:26,457
Hut, two, three, four.
666
00:35:26,491 --> 00:35:27,758
Hut, two...
667
00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:30,795
Shut up!
668
00:35:31,796 --> 00:35:35,433
Hut, two, three, platoon, halt!
669
00:35:36,400 --> 00:35:37,435
At ease.
670
00:35:40,338 --> 00:35:42,607
These are the men that
Captain Saunders called about.
671
00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:45,743
Well, thank you, Sergeant.
We'll take care of 'em.
672
00:35:45,776 --> 00:35:47,512
You three girls step out.
673
00:35:48,045 --> 00:35:49,680
Ten-hut!
674
00:35:50,014 --> 00:35:51,649
Forward!
675
00:35:52,383 --> 00:35:55,419
March! Hut, two, three, four.
676
00:35:55,453 --> 00:35:56,754
Hut, two, three, four.
677
00:35:56,787 --> 00:35:59,056
Don't be strangers now.
- Drop in anytime.
678
00:35:59,090 --> 00:36:00,424
Yeah, we will. Good-bye.
679
00:36:00,458 --> 00:36:02,026
Nice seein' ya. So long.
680
00:36:02,059 --> 00:36:03,261
They're... They're really...
681
00:36:04,495 --> 00:36:07,031
Now, why did you fellas
stay away all night?
682
00:36:07,064 --> 00:36:09,167
You know how I worry.
683
00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:11,302
If you wanted to join the WACs,
684
00:36:11,335 --> 00:36:12,537
Why didn't you put in for 'em?
685
00:36:12,570 --> 00:36:14,639
Oh, well, we couldn't do that, Sergeant.
686
00:36:14,672 --> 00:36:16,707
You see, according to the
War Department regulations...
687
00:36:16,741 --> 00:36:17,909
Quiet! Yes, sir.
688
00:36:17,942 --> 00:36:19,744
You two got anything to say?
689
00:36:19,777 --> 00:36:21,279
Is one enough, Sarge?
690
00:36:22,647 --> 00:36:24,081
One's all I got.
691
00:36:24,115 --> 00:36:25,850
I'll have to owe you one.
692
00:36:25,883 --> 00:36:26,951
Thank you.
693
00:36:26,984 --> 00:36:28,286
He trusts me.
694
00:36:28,319 --> 00:36:30,421
Sergeant, I'll have to take
complete responsibility
695
00:36:30,454 --> 00:36:32,056
for this unfortunate episode. You see...
696
00:36:32,089 --> 00:36:33,691
Fifty push-ups!
697
00:36:33,724 --> 00:36:35,226
Yes, sir. Thank you. You're very lenient.
Another sergeant would...
698
00:36:35,259 --> 00:36:37,028
Now! Yes, he wants it now.
699
00:36:37,061 --> 00:36:38,863
Yeah. Oh.
700
00:36:43,534 --> 00:36:45,836
Ladies, I accept your resignation.
701
00:36:45,870 --> 00:36:47,705
But that ain't all that's
gonna happen to ya.
702
00:36:47,738 --> 00:36:50,107
You know that cushy assignment in Morocco
703
00:36:50,141 --> 00:36:51,475
we all been droolin' about?
704
00:36:51,509 --> 00:36:53,244
Well, we got our orders.
705
00:36:53,277 --> 00:36:55,346
But you two can tear up your travel folders
706
00:36:55,379 --> 00:36:56,514
'cause you ain't goin'!
707
00:36:56,547 --> 00:36:59,216
Aw, Elmer, you can't do this to us.
708
00:36:59,250 --> 00:37:01,285
We got us a phone number over there.
709
00:37:01,319 --> 00:37:03,921
Yeah, Casablanca, sank,
quarter, neff, neff.
710
00:37:03,955 --> 00:37:07,291
A couple of snake dancers,
but from very good families.
711
00:37:07,325 --> 00:37:09,293
Well, I'll personally extend my regrets.
712
00:37:09,327 --> 00:37:11,395
The fact that I hate you has
got nothin' to do with it.
713
00:37:11,429 --> 00:37:12,697
Hey, Dolan! Yeah?
714
00:37:12,730 --> 00:37:14,398
Major Shelton wants to see you.
715
00:37:14,432 --> 00:37:16,534
There goes the other stripe.
716
00:37:16,567 --> 00:37:18,336
...Hundred and one,
717
00:37:19,003 --> 00:37:20,771
hundred and two...
718
00:37:24,175 --> 00:37:26,010
Come in.
719
00:37:26,043 --> 00:37:27,812
Good morning, Corporal.
720
00:37:27,845 --> 00:37:29,213
Good morning, Major.
721
00:37:29,247 --> 00:37:30,648
Major, before you say a word,
722
00:37:30,681 --> 00:37:32,083
I wanna tell you that that Bixby is...
723
00:37:32,116 --> 00:37:33,551
Bixby is what I wanna ask you about.
724
00:37:33,584 --> 00:37:34,619
How are you getting
along with his training?
725
00:37:34,652 --> 00:37:36,821
Well, you can take that Bixby and...
726
00:37:37,788 --> 00:37:39,523
You mean you don't know?
727
00:37:39,924 --> 00:37:41,659
Know about what?
728
00:37:42,526 --> 00:37:44,996
About his training?
729
00:37:45,029 --> 00:37:48,466
Oh, uh, he's fine. Fine.
730
00:37:48,499 --> 00:37:50,234
Oh, good. I was just beginning
731
00:37:50,267 --> 00:37:53,471
to prepare my weekly report to
Washington on Private Bixby.
732
00:37:53,504 --> 00:37:56,874
Is there any favorable
progress that I can include?
733
00:37:56,907 --> 00:38:00,011
Well, now,
I saw him do a demonstration of judo
734
00:38:00,044 --> 00:38:02,079
that just made an MP flip.
735
00:38:02,113 --> 00:38:03,314
Oh, he didn't.
736
00:38:03,347 --> 00:38:04,548
Yes, he did,
737
00:38:04,582 --> 00:38:06,584
and as far as his push-ups are concerned,
738
00:38:06,617 --> 00:38:08,319
why, that boy never stops.
739
00:38:08,352 --> 00:38:12,356
Corporal, you don't know
how happy you've made me.
740
00:38:12,390 --> 00:38:14,592
You don't know how happy you've made me.
741
00:38:16,861 --> 00:38:18,329
Is something wrong?
742
00:38:18,362 --> 00:38:20,598
Are those shoes regulation?
743
00:38:20,631 --> 00:38:24,535
Oh.
Oh, well, I'm having the others...
744
00:38:24,568 --> 00:38:26,637
I'm having the others half-soled.
745
00:38:26,671 --> 00:38:27,938
Oh. Yes.
746
00:38:29,240 --> 00:38:31,175
Congratulations, Corporal.
747
00:38:31,208 --> 00:38:32,777
You're really beginning to give Meredith
748
00:38:32,810 --> 00:38:35,813
a sense of belonging, of being accepted.
749
00:38:36,614 --> 00:38:38,416
That's important, eh?
750
00:38:43,788 --> 00:38:44,922
Well, it's...
751
00:38:44,955 --> 00:38:47,158
It's the most important
thing in the whole world,
752
00:38:47,191 --> 00:38:48,592
the feeling of being wanted.
753
00:38:48,626 --> 00:38:50,061
Well, according to...
754
00:38:50,094 --> 00:38:51,495
According to Professor Adler
755
00:38:51,529 --> 00:38:53,631
and even to Freud to some extent,
756
00:38:53,664 --> 00:38:54,765
the feeling of being needed
757
00:38:54,799 --> 00:38:57,268
is one of the most basic human emotions.
758
00:38:57,301 --> 00:38:59,937
Yeah. Adler, Freud, and Dolan.
759
00:38:59,970 --> 00:39:01,539
We all feel the same.
760
00:39:01,572 --> 00:39:04,075
Yes. Of course, I'm sure you've heard
761
00:39:04,108 --> 00:39:06,477
of the classic experiment at Zurich.
762
00:39:06,510 --> 00:39:08,012
That's the one where they established
763
00:39:08,045 --> 00:39:11,649
that even mice responded
to impulses of affection.
764
00:39:11,682 --> 00:39:14,752
They were right. Rats, too.
765
00:39:14,785 --> 00:39:16,287
You know, even Sergeant Pulley's
766
00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:17,855
got a girl that likes him.
767
00:39:17,888 --> 00:39:19,590
Oh, of course.
768
00:39:19,623 --> 00:39:21,692
Well, affection or, uh,
769
00:39:21,726 --> 00:39:23,260
the feeling of being needed,
770
00:39:23,294 --> 00:39:25,696
or love, no matter what words you use,
771
00:39:25,730 --> 00:39:27,465
the effect on the human ego
772
00:39:27,498 --> 00:39:29,033
is still the same.
773
00:39:32,303 --> 00:39:33,971
I'd like to call it love.
774
00:39:35,306 --> 00:39:39,377
Love? Well, yes, "love" is one of those
775
00:39:39,410 --> 00:39:40,945
kind of catch-all...
776
00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:44,815
words that...
777
00:39:47,218 --> 00:39:48,753
that seem to apply...
778
00:39:53,290 --> 00:39:55,626
Well, in other words, the...
779
00:39:55,659 --> 00:40:01,098
general emotional factors involved...
780
00:40:01,132 --> 00:40:05,569
Don't... don't seem
to be overwhelmed by the...
781
00:40:05,603 --> 00:40:07,438
You've got the most beautiful blue eyes
782
00:40:07,471 --> 00:40:08,839
in the entire division.
783
00:40:12,042 --> 00:40:14,578
What's that? What?
784
00:40:14,612 --> 00:40:16,580
That sound.
785
00:40:16,614 --> 00:40:20,050
Love. It makes bells ring even for mice.
786
00:40:20,084 --> 00:40:21,519
Remember Zurich?
787
00:40:28,659 --> 00:40:30,761
That's the telephone.
788
00:40:37,668 --> 00:40:39,203
Major Shelton speaking.
789
00:40:40,104 --> 00:40:41,972
Oh, yes, Captain Saunders.
790
00:40:43,007 --> 00:40:44,208
Yes.
791
00:40:46,210 --> 00:40:47,244
Yes.
792
00:40:49,880 --> 00:40:52,950
Oh, I see.
793
00:40:54,819 --> 00:40:57,221
Oh, they didn't.
794
00:40:59,256 --> 00:41:02,226
Ah, yes.
795
00:41:03,060 --> 00:41:05,763
Yes. Thank you very much.
796
00:41:07,598 --> 00:41:09,500
I think this is where we were.
797
00:41:09,533 --> 00:41:11,302
Stand at attention. Hmm?
798
00:41:11,335 --> 00:41:13,804
Stand at attention.
799
00:41:13,838 --> 00:41:16,640
Corporal Dolan, I have just
been informed on the telephone
800
00:41:16,674 --> 00:41:18,075
that you and Private Bixby
801
00:41:18,108 --> 00:41:20,678
spent the entire night in a WAC barrack.
802
00:41:20,711 --> 00:41:23,247
Is that your idea of the proper place
803
00:41:23,280 --> 00:41:24,782
to teach someone marksmanship?
804
00:41:24,815 --> 00:41:26,484
Now wait a minute, Major.
You haven't heard my side of the...
805
00:41:26,517 --> 00:41:28,152
I know your side of the story.
806
00:41:28,185 --> 00:41:29,820
I've met people like you before.
807
00:41:29,854 --> 00:41:32,790
You never intended to help
Private Bixby at all, did you?
808
00:41:32,823 --> 00:41:34,325
Now listen... No, you didn't.
809
00:41:34,358 --> 00:41:35,726
You simply saw this whole assignment
810
00:41:35,759 --> 00:41:38,128
as a kind of opportunity to use him.
811
00:41:38,162 --> 00:41:40,664
Now if you'll just let me try...
To use both of us.
812
00:41:40,698 --> 00:41:43,100
I've let you enough. Get out!
813
00:41:45,870 --> 00:41:46,770
Oh!
814
00:41:46,804 --> 00:41:48,439
I knew you didn't mean it.
815
00:41:48,472 --> 00:41:50,641
Get out!
816
00:42:07,091 --> 00:42:08,959
Go away!
817
00:42:20,838 --> 00:42:21,939
All right, start packin',
818
00:42:21,972 --> 00:42:23,440
you're goin' along with us.
819
00:42:23,474 --> 00:42:25,075
We're goin'?
820
00:42:25,109 --> 00:42:27,311
I told you he was a sentimental slob!
821
00:42:27,344 --> 00:42:28,412
Pal!
822
00:42:28,445 --> 00:42:29,613
I had nothin' to do with it.
823
00:42:29,647 --> 00:42:30,814
Major Shelton just called
824
00:42:30,848 --> 00:42:32,650
with orders to get you shipped fast.
825
00:42:32,683 --> 00:42:33,751
Now, what goes?
826
00:42:33,784 --> 00:42:35,619
Aw, she's in love with a guy named Freud.
827
00:42:35,653 --> 00:42:38,155
Freud? Is that that fella
in headquarters company
828
00:42:38,188 --> 00:42:39,323
who wears a moustache?
829
00:42:40,124 --> 00:42:41,458
Yeah, that's the guy.
830
00:42:41,492 --> 00:42:43,694
He invited my girl to a ballet.
831
00:42:43,727 --> 00:42:46,196
Before we take off,
I'll slug him for both of us!
832
00:42:46,897 --> 00:42:48,299
Wha-hoo!
833
00:42:49,667 --> 00:42:51,068
Come on, Larry, get dressed.
834
00:42:51,101 --> 00:42:52,269
I'm comin'.
835
00:42:53,304 --> 00:42:54,705
Hey, guys.
836
00:42:56,874 --> 00:42:58,342
Bix! BIXBY: Oh!
837
00:42:59,443 --> 00:43:00,544
Aw, you shouldn't do that.
838
00:43:00,577 --> 00:43:03,580
You know I'm ticklish. That's not funny.
839
00:43:03,614 --> 00:43:05,215
Here, you can have one anyhow.
840
00:43:05,249 --> 00:43:06,584
Here you are, Steve.
841
00:43:06,617 --> 00:43:11,388
Bobby, Eddie, Bill, Ralph.
842
00:43:12,523 --> 00:43:14,825
Here's one for you, Artie.
843
00:43:16,226 --> 00:43:17,661
Here you are, Larry.
844
00:43:18,095 --> 00:43:19,163
Stanley.
845
00:43:19,196 --> 00:43:20,230
What's this?
846
00:43:20,264 --> 00:43:21,832
"Memories of Camp Calhoun"?
847
00:43:21,865 --> 00:43:23,701
Yeah, that's a souvenir.
848
00:43:23,734 --> 00:43:27,604
That's a going-away present, so you guys
shouldn't get lonesome in North Africa.
849
00:43:27,638 --> 00:43:30,407
Hey, I hear that the
sandstorms and the girls over there
850
00:43:30,441 --> 00:43:31,575
can drive you crazy.
851
00:43:31,609 --> 00:43:33,043
Really?
852
00:43:35,446 --> 00:43:37,114
Well, I'm sure gonna miss you guys.
853
00:43:37,147 --> 00:43:39,750
Boy, I really wish I was going with you.
854
00:43:39,783 --> 00:43:41,819
You know, a guy gets kind of tired
855
00:43:41,852 --> 00:43:43,287
of waving good-bye all the time.
856
00:43:43,320 --> 00:43:45,389
Especially to his best
pal, like you, Larry.
857
00:43:45,422 --> 00:43:46,657
Yeah, well. Look, Bix...
858
00:43:46,690 --> 00:43:48,292
Well, no, what I mean to say is, you know,
859
00:43:48,325 --> 00:43:50,661
this is the closest I
ever came to shipping out.
860
00:43:50,694 --> 00:43:52,029
And it's kind of exciting,
861
00:43:52,062 --> 00:43:54,031
like the night before the big game.
862
00:43:55,733 --> 00:43:57,868
Although I never played football.
863
00:43:57,901 --> 00:44:00,170
I was a cheerleader,
and I broke my leg once
864
00:44:00,204 --> 00:44:01,672
leading a sis-boom-bah!
865
00:44:02,573 --> 00:44:03,874
We're gonna miss you, boy.
866
00:44:03,907 --> 00:44:05,943
Yeah, we sure will, pal.
867
00:44:06,210 --> 00:44:07,511
Yeah.
868
00:44:12,349 --> 00:44:13,984
You know something...
869
00:44:14,018 --> 00:44:16,954
I promised that female efficiency chart
870
00:44:16,987 --> 00:44:19,957
I'd qualify Bixby on the M-1.
871
00:44:19,990 --> 00:44:23,293
And we're gonna do it,
first thing in the morning.
872
00:44:23,327 --> 00:44:25,195
We're gonna do it?
873
00:44:25,229 --> 00:44:28,499
We're goin' out on the
rifle range with Bixby?
874
00:44:28,532 --> 00:44:29,867
And we're gonna give him a gun
875
00:44:29,900 --> 00:44:32,469
that fires live ammunition?
876
00:44:33,370 --> 00:44:35,906
We ain't gonna qualify Bixby,
877
00:44:35,939 --> 00:44:37,808
and you ain't gonna do it.
878
00:44:37,841 --> 00:44:38,909
Not in a year,
879
00:44:38,942 --> 00:44:41,245
and you only got one day.
880
00:44:42,112 --> 00:44:45,215
We'll qualify him, dead or alive.
881
00:44:56,827 --> 00:44:59,496
Your left arm through here.
882
00:44:59,530 --> 00:45:01,398
A half-roll to the left.
883
00:45:01,432 --> 00:45:02,833
Put your hand on there.
884
00:45:02,866 --> 00:45:05,302
Pull it into here. Now...
885
00:45:10,040 --> 00:45:13,177
All right. All nice and comfy?
886
00:45:14,711 --> 00:45:17,214
I say, are you all nice and comfy?
887
00:45:22,419 --> 00:45:24,288
Are you nice and comfortable?
888
00:45:24,321 --> 00:45:26,423
Oh, yeah, I'm-I'm physically relaxed,
889
00:45:26,457 --> 00:45:27,858
but mentally, I don't think
890
00:45:27,891 --> 00:45:30,060
I'm quite ready to pull the trigger yet.
891
00:45:30,094 --> 00:45:32,229
Oh, well, we just have to pull the trigger,
892
00:45:32,262 --> 00:45:33,630
because if we don't pull the trigger,
893
00:45:33,664 --> 00:45:35,532
the gun won't go boom boom.
894
00:45:35,566 --> 00:45:38,368
And we gotta have the gun go boom boom.
895
00:45:38,402 --> 00:45:39,870
Boom boom.
896
00:45:43,807 --> 00:45:45,676
Stan, ready on 10?
897
00:45:45,709 --> 00:45:48,011
I been ready for two hours.
898
00:45:48,846 --> 00:45:50,447
Okay, open the breech.
899
00:45:52,583 --> 00:45:55,986
Now, watch it. Let it go.
900
00:45:58,822 --> 00:46:00,824
Pull it off easy.
901
00:46:00,858 --> 00:46:03,527
Easy, now. Hold your breath.
902
00:46:03,560 --> 00:46:05,429
Squeeze...
903
00:46:19,343 --> 00:46:21,245
You're getting closer to 10, Meredith.
904
00:46:21,278 --> 00:46:23,747
Oh, that's good. Only seven targets away.
905
00:46:23,780 --> 00:46:25,482
Oh. Let's go again.
906
00:46:25,516 --> 00:46:27,818
Well, maybe this time
I'll keep my eyes open.
907
00:46:27,851 --> 00:46:29,853
Yeah. Oh, that'd help no end.
908
00:46:29,887 --> 00:46:31,255
Get in the sling.
909
00:46:31,288 --> 00:46:33,123
Open the breech.
910
00:46:33,157 --> 00:46:35,359
Watch it. Let her forward.
911
00:46:36,360 --> 00:46:38,028
All right, now...
912
00:46:38,061 --> 00:46:39,596
Pull it into the shoulder.
913
00:46:39,630 --> 00:46:41,131
Squeeze it off.
914
00:46:41,165 --> 00:46:43,400
Squeeze it... Just a minute.
915
00:46:45,035 --> 00:46:47,838
Squeeze... Squeeze...
916
00:46:47,871 --> 00:46:50,274
Squeeze, squeeze
917
00:47:09,593 --> 00:47:10,594
Let me see.
918
00:47:14,431 --> 00:47:17,701
Hey, what's a Double
Ring-necked Widgeon doin' here?
919
00:47:17,734 --> 00:47:19,203
They should be in Peru this time of year.
920
00:47:19,236 --> 00:47:20,504
I don't know about the bird,
921
00:47:20,537 --> 00:47:23,273
but we're here to get
you a marksmanship medal.
922
00:47:26,043 --> 00:47:27,544
Open the breech.
923
00:47:32,916 --> 00:47:34,151
Only one man, Dolan?
924
00:47:34,184 --> 00:47:37,120
Yes, sir, but we weren't
expecting you till 4:00.
925
00:47:37,154 --> 00:47:39,256
If you can't make it then,
I'll be glad to handle things.
926
00:47:39,289 --> 00:47:40,857
One man. Let's fire him now.
927
00:47:40,891 --> 00:47:42,759
Ever shoot for qualification before?
928
00:47:42,793 --> 00:47:44,127
Uh, no, sir.
929
00:47:44,595 --> 00:47:45,662
At ease.
930
00:47:45,696 --> 00:47:46,897
Thank you, sir.
931
00:47:46,930 --> 00:47:48,865
Oh, uh, if you'll permit me, Captain, sir,
932
00:47:48,899 --> 00:47:52,302
I'd like to make mention the fact
that you have a loose thread here.
933
00:47:52,336 --> 00:47:53,437
I'll just...
934
00:47:55,606 --> 00:47:57,641
Uh... That's...
935
00:47:58,642 --> 00:48:01,011
That's very bad workmanship.
936
00:48:01,044 --> 00:48:02,646
Your tailor is very bad, also.
937
00:48:02,679 --> 00:48:04,381
I could... Never mind!
938
00:48:04,414 --> 00:48:05,782
Corporal, come here.
939
00:48:05,816 --> 00:48:06,917
Should I come, also?
940
00:48:06,950 --> 00:48:08,685
No! I'll wait here.
941
00:48:10,420 --> 00:48:12,856
Where did you get that character?
942
00:48:12,890 --> 00:48:15,192
For your information, sir,
943
00:48:15,225 --> 00:48:18,829
the Pentagon is greatly
interested in that man.
944
00:48:18,862 --> 00:48:20,797
The Pentagon?
945
00:48:20,831 --> 00:48:22,232
Yeah. I think they'd appreciate it
946
00:48:22,266 --> 00:48:24,501
if you'd qualify him personally.
947
00:48:25,535 --> 00:48:27,537
Oh, well, I see.
948
00:48:27,571 --> 00:48:28,805
Take a break, Dolan.
949
00:48:28,839 --> 00:48:30,340
Thanks, Captain.
950
00:48:33,243 --> 00:48:35,279
The Captain's here to check Bixby.
951
00:48:35,312 --> 00:48:37,414
Get ready to mark the bull's-eye.
952
00:48:37,447 --> 00:48:38,649
Bull's-eyes?
953
00:48:38,682 --> 00:48:40,117
That guy couldn't hit the target
954
00:48:40,150 --> 00:48:42,252
with a Howitzer at 10 feet!
955
00:48:42,286 --> 00:48:44,621
Mark 'em. They'll be there.
956
00:48:50,661 --> 00:48:51,862
One, two, three.
957
00:48:51,895 --> 00:48:54,064
All right, soldier. At ease.
958
00:48:54,097 --> 00:48:55,465
Let's get started.
959
00:48:55,499 --> 00:48:57,067
Sitting position.
960
00:49:03,874 --> 00:49:05,442
You may need this.
961
00:49:05,475 --> 00:49:06,977
Oh. Thank you, sir.
962
00:49:07,010 --> 00:49:08,578
Now, remember, don't jerk.
963
00:49:08,612 --> 00:49:09,646
No, sir.
964
00:49:11,148 --> 00:49:12,916
Got the bull's-eye
on top of your sight?
965
00:49:12,950 --> 00:49:14,217
Yes, sir.
966
00:49:19,389 --> 00:49:21,124
I'm sorry, sir, but it's not my fault.
967
00:49:21,158 --> 00:49:22,426
The government got cheated.
968
00:49:22,459 --> 00:49:24,728
They spent $10 million on
a gun that wouldn't kick,
969
00:49:24,761 --> 00:49:26,163
and this one kicks.
970
00:49:29,633 --> 00:49:31,201
Bull's-eye?
971
00:49:31,234 --> 00:49:32,970
Yeah? Let me see.
972
00:49:33,003 --> 00:49:34,705
I'm-I'm sorry, Captain.
973
00:49:34,738 --> 00:49:35,939
It is a bull's-eye.
974
00:49:35,972 --> 00:49:37,741
I guess before this I wasn't checking
975
00:49:37,774 --> 00:49:39,176
on the left windage.
976
00:49:39,209 --> 00:49:41,244
Yeah, well,
let's make sure that one wasn't luck.
977
00:49:41,278 --> 00:49:42,846
Squeeze off another one.
978
00:49:42,879 --> 00:49:43,914
Yes, sir.
979
00:49:43,947 --> 00:49:45,682
Oh, Captain, could...
980
00:49:45,716 --> 00:49:47,184
Could I move over, please?
981
00:49:47,217 --> 00:49:48,251
What's the matter?
982
00:49:48,285 --> 00:49:51,154
Well, I keep landing on this.
983
00:49:52,255 --> 00:49:53,623
All right. All right.
984
00:49:54,124 --> 00:49:57,494
Remember, easy. Easy.
985
00:49:57,527 --> 00:49:58,762
Got the target?
986
00:49:58,795 --> 00:50:01,264
Yes, sir, I got it zeroed in. Fire.
987
00:50:05,669 --> 00:50:09,506
Boy, I never even felt that one.
988
00:50:11,508 --> 00:50:12,843
Another bull's-eye.
989
00:50:12,876 --> 00:50:15,245
Yeah? Another bull's-eye!
990
00:50:15,278 --> 00:50:17,114
Well, like I say, I never even felt it.
991
00:50:17,147 --> 00:50:18,548
I just squeezed as easy...
992
00:50:35,932 --> 00:50:37,434
Fire!
993
00:50:39,403 --> 00:50:40,604
Bull's-eye.
994
00:50:42,072 --> 00:50:44,608
Ready, fire!
995
00:50:46,743 --> 00:50:48,145
Bull's-eye.
996
00:50:49,346 --> 00:50:52,048
Ready, fire!
997
00:50:53,884 --> 00:50:55,252
Bull's-eye.
998
00:50:56,620 --> 00:50:59,289
Bull's-eye.
999
00:51:00,590 --> 00:51:01,758
Bull's-eye.
1000
00:51:06,430 --> 00:51:09,399
Bull's-eye. Bull's-eye.
1001
00:51:12,969 --> 00:51:14,471
Bull's-eye. Standing position.
1002
00:51:21,678 --> 00:51:22,846
Bull's-eye.
1003
00:51:26,950 --> 00:51:28,151
Bull's-eye.
1004
00:51:35,725 --> 00:51:37,127
Bull's-eye.
1005
00:51:39,729 --> 00:51:41,932
That's great shooting. Thank you, sir.
1006
00:51:41,965 --> 00:51:44,534
You've already qualified for
expert without the last shot.
1007
00:51:44,568 --> 00:51:46,470
I'll shoot another one.
Never mind. Take a break
1008
00:51:46,503 --> 00:51:47,771
while I recheck your score.
1009
00:51:47,804 --> 00:51:49,072
Thank you very much, sir.
1010
00:51:49,106 --> 00:51:51,441
And you were very good, also.
1011
00:51:54,377 --> 00:51:55,946
Pretty good, huh, Corporal?
1012
00:51:55,979 --> 00:51:57,347
I guess it's like anything else.
1013
00:51:57,380 --> 00:51:59,449
You just have to have the knack for it.
1014
00:52:35,352 --> 00:52:37,220
Rear tire, sir.
1015
00:52:41,358 --> 00:52:42,893
Seems to be a bullet hole.
1016
00:52:43,693 --> 00:52:44,895
A bullet hole?
1017
00:52:47,063 --> 00:52:48,932
Where would a bullet come from?
1018
00:52:48,965 --> 00:52:52,636
Well, the rifle range is
three-quarters of a mile that way, sir.
1019
00:52:52,669 --> 00:52:55,405
But the targets are in the
opposite direction from us.
1020
00:52:55,438 --> 00:52:56,873
A soldier'd have to be shooting backwards
1021
00:52:56,907 --> 00:52:58,375
to hit this road.
1022
00:52:59,175 --> 00:53:00,544
That's right, sir.
1023
00:53:01,311 --> 00:53:02,512
I wonder...
1024
00:53:05,182 --> 00:53:07,817
No, no, not even him.
1025
00:53:13,456 --> 00:53:16,359
...bags in the
truck, personal items...
1026
00:53:16,393 --> 00:53:18,261
I'd like to say good-bye to you, Corporal.
1027
00:53:18,295 --> 00:53:19,563
Good-bye, Major.
1028
00:53:19,596 --> 00:53:20,764
I also want to thank you.
1029
00:53:20,797 --> 00:53:23,567
You've made Meredith a
very happy young man.
1030
00:53:23,600 --> 00:53:25,335
Well, I kept my word. I qualified him.
1031
00:53:25,368 --> 00:53:26,570
So long, Major.
1032
00:53:26,603 --> 00:53:27,637
Very grateful to you, Corporal,
1033
00:53:27,671 --> 00:53:29,439
and Washington is very pleased, too.
1034
00:53:29,472 --> 00:53:30,874
Well, I'm glad for you.
1035
00:53:30,907 --> 00:53:32,075
So long, Major.
1036
00:53:32,108 --> 00:53:34,744
I hope that gold turns to silver.
1037
00:53:34,778 --> 00:53:36,446
Hiya, Major. Look.
1038
00:53:36,479 --> 00:53:38,148
I see you know my buddy here.
1039
00:53:38,181 --> 00:53:39,549
Oh, yes. Very well.
1040
00:53:39,583 --> 00:53:42,118
The Corporal's just said
good-bye to me three times.
1041
00:53:42,152 --> 00:53:44,154
So long, Bixby. Nice soldierin' with you.
1042
00:53:44,187 --> 00:53:45,589
Gonna miss you, boy.
1043
00:53:45,622 --> 00:53:47,791
Tell him, honey. Uh, sir.
1044
00:53:50,994 --> 00:53:52,529
Tell him what?
1045
00:53:52,562 --> 00:53:54,998
Well, you see, you've accomplished
much more than you realize.
1046
00:53:55,031 --> 00:53:56,499
Thanks to all your hard work,
1047
00:53:56,533 --> 00:53:58,435
Meredith now has his marksmanship medal,
1048
00:53:58,468 --> 00:53:59,536
and what's more important,
1049
00:53:59,569 --> 00:54:01,104
he qualifies as a soldier.
1050
00:54:01,137 --> 00:54:02,706
With only one month to serve,
1051
00:54:02,739 --> 00:54:05,508
do you know what that boy's gone and done?
1052
00:54:05,542 --> 00:54:07,377
You mean... He's re-enlisted.
1053
00:54:07,410 --> 00:54:09,579
And what's more, he specifically requested
1054
00:54:09,613 --> 00:54:11,715
to be assigned to your squad.
1055
00:54:11,748 --> 00:54:13,750
He's going to Africa with us?
1056
00:54:13,783 --> 00:54:15,151
I'm deserting.
1057
00:54:15,185 --> 00:54:17,354
Tough, cynical, and hard-hearted.
1058
00:54:17,387 --> 00:54:18,888
Well, you're still very sweet.
1059
00:54:18,922 --> 00:54:21,591
I'll be seeing you in North
Africa, Corporal.
1060
00:54:21,625 --> 00:54:24,828
The general is coming over
for an inspection tour.
1061
00:54:32,435 --> 00:54:34,504
Stan. Stan. Huh?
1062
00:54:34,537 --> 00:54:36,072
Bixby's going to Africa with us.
1063
00:54:36,106 --> 00:54:37,240
Let's hit sick call.
1064
00:54:40,210 --> 00:54:42,379
Sarge, we can't go to Africa with you.
1065
00:54:42,412 --> 00:54:43,546
We're both very sick.
1066
00:54:43,580 --> 00:54:44,681
Yeah, it hit us like this, right here.
1067
00:54:44,714 --> 00:54:46,383
Yeah, yeah.
1068
00:54:46,416 --> 00:54:47,617
Guess you ought to go to the hospital.
1069
00:54:47,651 --> 00:54:48,885
Yeah. Right away.
1070
00:54:48,918 --> 00:54:50,320
Get on the bus!
1071
00:54:53,823 --> 00:54:56,826
So, there we were,
on our way to Morocco
1072
00:54:56,860 --> 00:54:58,561
with Bixby aboard.
1073
00:54:58,595 --> 00:55:01,298
Halfway across the ocean,
Stanley tried to push him
1074
00:55:01,331 --> 00:55:02,832
through the emergency exit,
1075
00:55:02,866 --> 00:55:07,003
and that's where I made the
biggest mistake of my life.
1076
00:55:07,037 --> 00:55:08,371
I stopped him.
1077
00:55:24,587 --> 00:55:26,956
All right, line up here on me.
1078
00:55:31,461 --> 00:55:33,630
All right, hurry it up.
1079
00:55:33,663 --> 00:55:36,266
This is exotic Morocco?
1080
00:55:36,299 --> 00:55:37,701
Aw, don't get panicky, Stan.
1081
00:55:37,734 --> 00:55:39,202
The plane's gotta stop somewhere.
1082
00:55:39,235 --> 00:55:41,137
Hey, Sarge, how much further we gotta go?
1083
00:55:41,171 --> 00:55:42,238
About 100 feet.
1084
00:55:42,272 --> 00:55:43,773
And you'll have to carry your own bags.
1085
00:55:43,807 --> 00:55:46,209
All the bellboys are out playing polo.
1086
00:55:48,378 --> 00:55:49,779
And to think I saved his life.
1087
00:55:49,813 --> 00:55:51,314
If I'd known about that joke, I'd...
1088
00:55:51,347 --> 00:55:53,616
"Almond-eyed beauties lend enjoyment
1089
00:55:53,650 --> 00:55:56,486
"to your Arabian nights come true."
1090
00:56:00,156 --> 00:56:01,624
Ten-hut!
1091
00:56:02,325 --> 00:56:03,526
At ease.
1092
00:56:03,560 --> 00:56:05,261
This is it, men.
1093
00:56:05,295 --> 00:56:06,930
We're an infantry unit
assigned to the air base
1094
00:56:06,963 --> 00:56:09,232
as a security detachment. Any questions?
1095
00:56:09,265 --> 00:56:10,767
Oh, yes, sir. I'd like to know how long
1096
00:56:10,800 --> 00:56:12,268
we're going to be stationed in Morocco.
1097
00:56:12,302 --> 00:56:13,670
Well, I don't know, Bixby.
1098
00:56:13,703 --> 00:56:15,772
Certain supplies are missing
and they suspect bandit tribes.
1099
00:56:15,805 --> 00:56:17,640
We'll be here until we've
stopped the pilfering.
1100
00:56:17,674 --> 00:56:19,576
All right, Sergeant,
you can take the men to the tent area.
1101
00:56:19,609 --> 00:56:20,810
Yes, sir.
1102
00:56:22,679 --> 00:56:23,880
Ten-hut!
1103
00:56:24,280 --> 00:56:25,682
Left face!
1104
00:56:28,551 --> 00:56:30,587
Forward march!
1105
00:56:36,493 --> 00:56:37,527
You got it.
1106
00:56:37,560 --> 00:56:39,562
Two passes and a jeep.
1107
00:56:39,596 --> 00:56:41,431
Oh, man, how you operate!
1108
00:56:41,464 --> 00:56:42,665
We gotta pick up potatoes
1109
00:56:42,699 --> 00:56:44,367
in Port Oulet for the mess.
1110
00:56:44,401 --> 00:56:45,435
How'd you swing it?
1111
00:56:45,468 --> 00:56:46,836
I reminded Sergeant Grimes
1112
00:56:46,870 --> 00:56:48,605
of the cute little Fraulein
1113
00:56:48,638 --> 00:56:51,074
we lined up for him in Munich.
1114
00:56:51,107 --> 00:56:52,475
That dog?
1115
00:56:52,509 --> 00:56:56,146
Stanley, for every man there's a woman.
1116
00:56:56,179 --> 00:56:57,781
Here. Let's go.
1117
00:56:59,983 --> 00:57:02,519
Somebody has to pick up
the potatoes for breakfast.
1118
00:57:02,552 --> 00:57:05,021
And here we were,
all set for a night of fun
1119
00:57:05,054 --> 00:57:06,322
playing ping-pong.
1120
00:57:06,356 --> 00:57:08,224
Hurry up, Bixby! Doubles.
1121
00:57:08,258 --> 00:57:10,560
Yes, sir! PULLEY: Move over!
1122
00:57:12,962 --> 00:57:15,932
You men would be lost in
Port Oulet without Meredith.
1123
00:57:15,965 --> 00:57:17,033
He speaks Arabic.
1124
00:57:17,066 --> 00:57:19,536
Yeah.
1125
00:57:19,569 --> 00:57:21,004
That means, "Here we go."
1126
00:57:21,037 --> 00:57:22,405
Potato depot and back!
1127
00:57:22,438 --> 00:57:23,673
Yes, sir!
1128
00:57:42,759 --> 00:57:44,494
Come on, let us through there!
1129
00:57:47,030 --> 00:57:49,632
I'll tell him we're on a military mission.
1130
00:58:03,546 --> 00:58:05,281
Let me see what I said.
1131
00:58:07,383 --> 00:58:09,352
I just made him the African distributor
1132
00:58:09,385 --> 00:58:11,254
for Paramount pictures.
1133
00:58:18,394 --> 00:58:20,396
Hey, stop the jeep. Stop it! Hold it!
1134
00:58:20,430 --> 00:58:21,898
What's the matter?
1135
00:58:21,931 --> 00:58:23,633
I think something's
wrong with the left front tire.
1136
00:58:23,666 --> 00:58:25,535
Take a look, will you, Bix?
1137
00:58:27,804 --> 00:58:30,640
Get a load of that sign up there.
1138
00:58:31,274 --> 00:58:33,743
Sixty dancing girls. 60, pal!
1139
00:58:33,776 --> 00:58:36,179
Thirty each. That oughta be fair enough.
1140
00:58:36,212 --> 00:58:38,114
Hey, there's nothing
wrong with the front tire.
1141
00:58:38,147 --> 00:58:41,317
Oh? Well, uh,
why don't you stick around here
1142
00:58:41,351 --> 00:58:43,019
while we reconnoiter the area?
1143
00:58:43,052 --> 00:58:44,687
Yeah, we'll find that potato depot
1144
00:58:44,721 --> 00:58:45,788
if it takes all night.
1145
00:58:45,822 --> 00:58:47,223
Yeah, you ain't foolin' me.
1146
00:58:47,257 --> 00:58:48,424
You're not lookin' for no potatoes,
1147
00:58:48,458 --> 00:58:49,525
you're lookin' for tomatoes.
1148
00:58:49,559 --> 00:58:52,161
Aww!
1149
00:59:05,408 --> 00:59:06,609
♪ Why you pay?
1150
00:59:06,643 --> 00:59:08,611
♪ Da, da, da, da, da
1151
00:59:08,645 --> 00:59:10,413
♪ You don't pay the cow for giving milk
1152
00:59:10,446 --> 00:59:11,681
♪ Giving milk
1153
00:59:11,714 --> 00:59:13,349
♪ The silkworm for giving up her silk
1154
00:59:13,383 --> 00:59:14,450
♪ Up her silk
1155
00:59:14,484 --> 00:59:15,551
♪ And when you buy the fruit
1156
00:59:15,585 --> 00:59:16,886
♪ You don't pay the trees
1157
00:59:16,920 --> 00:59:19,355
♪ There's only one thing
that's troubling me
1158
00:59:19,389 --> 00:59:22,225
♪ Who started charging for
the things that are free?
1159
00:59:22,258 --> 00:59:23,493
♪ Why you pay?
1160
00:59:23,526 --> 00:59:25,862
♪ Da, da, da, da, da ♪ Why you pay?
1161
00:59:25,895 --> 00:59:27,864
♪ Da, da, da, da, da
1162
00:59:27,897 --> 00:59:30,199
♪ You pay for the gold down in the mines
1163
00:59:30,233 --> 00:59:31,234
♪ In the mines
1164
00:59:31,267 --> 00:59:32,702
♪ For grapes, do you ever pay the vines?
1165
00:59:32,735 --> 00:59:33,937
♪ Pay the vines
1166
00:59:33,970 --> 00:59:36,205
♪ For honey and such you don't pay the bee
1167
00:59:36,239 --> 00:59:39,442
♪ You don't pay the ocean
for the fish in the sea ♪
1168
00:59:42,278 --> 00:59:43,346
What?
1169
00:59:43,379 --> 00:59:44,714
Your order, monsieur.
1170
00:59:44,747 --> 00:59:45,782
Oh, thank you.
1171
00:59:45,815 --> 00:59:48,151
Uh, I'd like to have a malt, please.
1172
00:59:49,686 --> 00:59:52,322
Um, a malt. A malt.
1173
00:59:52,355 --> 00:59:53,723
Milk shake?
1174
00:59:54,290 --> 00:59:55,858
Malt.
1175
00:59:55,892 --> 00:59:58,528
Ah, yes, a Moroccan delight.
1176
00:59:59,829 --> 01:00:02,932
Oui. Yeah. Thank you.
1177
01:00:02,966 --> 01:00:05,068
This is a very nice place you've got here.
1178
01:00:05,101 --> 01:00:05,969
Thank you, monsieur.
1179
01:00:06,002 --> 01:00:07,971
I see you get all the convention business.
1180
01:00:26,956 --> 01:00:29,158
Oui. Merci. Pardon.
1181
01:00:33,029 --> 01:00:35,198
Hey, she sure is beautiful.
1182
01:00:35,231 --> 01:00:36,666
She's our featured singer.
1183
01:00:36,699 --> 01:00:37,767
Oh, really?
1184
01:00:37,800 --> 01:00:39,869
Perhaps monsieur would like a table?
1185
01:00:39,902 --> 01:00:42,138
Oh, yeah, could I get one?
1186
01:00:42,171 --> 01:00:43,072
Oh, thank you.
1187
01:00:43,106 --> 01:00:45,775
Would you send my Moroccan thing over?
1188
01:00:54,283 --> 01:00:56,119
Yes? Zita: Zita.
1189
01:01:02,191 --> 01:01:04,427
I have just come from
the steamship company.
1190
01:01:04,460 --> 01:01:07,463
You did not send the money for
my passage as you promised.
1191
01:01:07,497 --> 01:01:09,198
I changed my mind.
1192
01:01:09,732 --> 01:01:11,134
I'm selfish.
1193
01:01:11,167 --> 01:01:13,202
I like beautiful things around me.
1194
01:01:13,236 --> 01:01:15,738
I want the money
that is coming to me.
1195
01:01:15,772 --> 01:01:19,142
I have accepted that offer in Mexico City.
1196
01:01:19,175 --> 01:01:22,512
You will go to Mexico City when I say so.
1197
01:01:22,545 --> 01:01:24,680
Meanwhile, sing pretty.
1198
01:01:24,714 --> 01:01:27,850
I'll get the money. From someone.
1199
01:01:29,352 --> 01:01:30,420
Let her out.
1200
01:01:39,429 --> 01:01:40,763
Beauty often gives women
1201
01:01:40,797 --> 01:01:42,765
a false sense of security.
1202
01:01:44,300 --> 01:01:45,134
Abdul tells me
1203
01:01:45,168 --> 01:01:46,803
an American infantry company
1204
01:01:46,836 --> 01:01:48,838
has arrived to guard the supplies.
1205
01:01:48,871 --> 01:01:50,973
This weapon, how many more parts
1206
01:01:51,007 --> 01:01:53,009
must we obtain before it is complete?
1207
01:01:53,042 --> 01:01:54,944
The Americans are a little late.
1208
01:01:54,977 --> 01:01:56,312
This is the last we need.
1209
01:01:57,747 --> 01:01:59,148
Good.
1210
01:02:01,484 --> 01:02:03,586
Contact Sheik Djilali.
1211
01:02:03,619 --> 01:02:05,188
Tell him we are ready to make delivery
1212
01:02:05,221 --> 01:02:07,356
on the big gun he ordered. Yah.
1213
01:02:23,940 --> 01:02:26,442
♪ Who started charging for
the things that are free?
1214
01:02:26,476 --> 01:02:29,378
♪ Who started charging for
the things that are free?
1215
01:02:29,412 --> 01:02:31,881
♪ Who started charging for
the things that are free?
1216
01:02:31,914 --> 01:02:35,418
♪ Da, da, da, da, da ♪ Why you pay?
1217
01:02:35,451 --> 01:02:38,421
♪ Da, da, da, da, da ♪ Why you pay?
1218
01:02:38,454 --> 01:02:42,859
♪ Da, da, da, da, da ♪ Why you pay? ♪
1219
01:02:47,730 --> 01:02:49,465
How do you like that?
1220
01:02:49,499 --> 01:02:52,201
Sixty dancing girls. Sixty!
1221
01:02:52,235 --> 01:02:55,138
Well, at least they were telling
the truth about their ages.
1222
01:02:56,105 --> 01:02:59,175
Hey, what happened to our boy Bixby?
1223
01:02:59,208 --> 01:03:02,011
First night in a strange
town, where would he be?
1224
01:03:02,044 --> 01:03:04,380
At the library, naturally.
1225
01:03:05,047 --> 01:03:07,016
Memorizing something.
1226
01:03:12,088 --> 01:03:14,457
♪ Here comes Zita
1227
01:03:15,825 --> 01:03:18,494
♪ Here comes Zita ♪
1228
01:03:33,509 --> 01:03:34,544
Peter.
1229
01:03:35,044 --> 01:03:36,045
Tom.
1230
01:03:38,014 --> 01:03:39,081
You.
1231
01:03:40,950 --> 01:03:42,952
♪ It's the same ♪ It's the same
1232
01:03:42,985 --> 01:03:44,387
♪ It's the same ♪ It's the same
1233
01:03:44,420 --> 01:03:47,356
♪ It's the same the whole world over
1234
01:03:47,390 --> 01:03:51,160
♪ It's exactly the thrill
on a hill in Brazil
1235
01:03:51,194 --> 01:03:54,297
♪ That it is in a cove in Dover
1236
01:03:54,330 --> 01:03:56,065
♪ It's the same ♪ It's the same
1237
01:03:56,098 --> 01:03:58,334
♪ It's the same
1238
01:03:58,367 --> 01:04:01,304
♪ For a dame all the world is clover
1239
01:04:01,337 --> 01:04:05,274
♪ For the thing that you
seek in Tahiti or Rome
1240
01:04:05,308 --> 01:04:08,911
♪ Is the same thing you seek
on the back porch at home
1241
01:04:08,945 --> 01:04:12,715
♪ Let his hair be straight or curled
1242
01:04:12,748 --> 01:04:16,652
♪ It's the same all over the world
1243
01:04:16,686 --> 01:04:19,755
♪ It's the same all over
1244
01:04:19,789 --> 01:04:22,592
♪ It's the same all over
1245
01:04:23,859 --> 01:04:27,396
♪ It's the same all over
1246
01:04:27,430 --> 01:04:29,031
♪ It's the same ♪ It's the same
1247
01:04:29,065 --> 01:04:31,000
♪ Oh, it's the same ♪ It's the same
1248
01:04:31,033 --> 01:04:34,170
♪ It's the same the whole world over
1249
01:04:34,203 --> 01:04:36,239
♪ Things you thought you would learn
1250
01:04:36,272 --> 01:04:37,840
♪ From Pierre and Antoine
1251
01:04:37,874 --> 01:04:39,742
♪ Seems you'd already learned
1252
01:04:39,775 --> 01:04:41,377
♪ Thanks to Tom, Dick, and Jon
1253
01:04:41,410 --> 01:04:45,348
♪ Let his hair be straight or curled
1254
01:04:45,381 --> 01:04:49,685
♪ It's the same all over the world
1255
01:04:49,719 --> 01:04:53,022
♪ It's the same all over
1256
01:04:53,055 --> 01:04:55,958
♪ It's the same all over ♪
1257
01:05:03,766 --> 01:05:07,970
Oh.
1258
01:05:30,359 --> 01:05:31,894
Yay, yay, yay!
1259
01:06:01,290 --> 01:06:07,596
♪ Let his hair be straight or curly
1260
01:06:09,298 --> 01:06:11,434
♪ It's the same ♪ It's the same
1261
01:06:11,467 --> 01:06:13,703
♪ It's the same ♪ It's the same
1262
01:06:13,736 --> 01:06:19,208
♪ Love's the same all over the world ♪
1263
01:06:41,263 --> 01:06:42,398
Well?
1264
01:06:42,431 --> 01:06:45,234
Hello. Are you cute little Rosie Callahan
1265
01:06:45,267 --> 01:06:46,836
who lived over her father's grocery store
1266
01:06:46,869 --> 01:06:48,337
in Scranton, Pennsylvania?
1267
01:06:48,371 --> 01:06:50,806
Well, that's a new approach.
1268
01:06:50,840 --> 01:06:52,208
Well, are ya? 'Cause if you are,
1269
01:06:52,241 --> 01:06:54,677
I'd like to buy you one of
those pleasurable Monacos,
1270
01:06:54,710 --> 01:06:56,078
that drink they sell.
1271
01:06:56,112 --> 01:06:58,481
You mean, there is really a Rosie Callahan?
1272
01:06:58,514 --> 01:07:01,217
Oh, yeah, she was a scrawny little thing,
1273
01:07:01,250 --> 01:07:05,054
and boy, am I glad she
grew up to look like you.
1274
01:07:05,087 --> 01:07:06,956
I do not appear scrawny to you?
1275
01:07:06,989 --> 01:07:08,057
Oh, no.
1276
01:07:08,090 --> 01:07:10,259
As a matter of fact, the other way around.
1277
01:07:12,795 --> 01:07:15,398
Yes, I'll have a drink with you.
1278
01:07:15,431 --> 01:07:16,465
Oh!
1279
01:07:24,740 --> 01:07:26,108
Oui. Oui.
1280
01:07:28,644 --> 01:07:30,079
Here we are.
1281
01:07:30,112 --> 01:07:31,947
Merci. You're welcome.
1282
01:07:31,981 --> 01:07:33,549
Oh, waiter!
1283
01:07:33,582 --> 01:07:36,152
Two more of these pleasurable
Monacos, please.
1284
01:07:36,185 --> 01:07:37,653
Oui, monsieur.
1285
01:07:37,686 --> 01:07:40,456
And bring a larger table. Oui, monsieur.
1286
01:07:40,756 --> 01:07:41,924
Tell me,
1287
01:07:41,957 --> 01:07:44,827
how did I remind you of that girl Rosie?
1288
01:07:44,860 --> 01:07:47,062
Oh. Well, you're both very much alike.
1289
01:07:47,096 --> 01:07:48,798
You're both very nice kids.
1290
01:07:48,831 --> 01:07:51,934
And a guy would never dream
of ever makin' a pass at you.
1291
01:07:51,967 --> 01:07:54,937
And you'd probably be wonderful
mothers to your children.
1292
01:07:54,970 --> 01:07:57,173
When you're married, that is.
1293
01:07:57,206 --> 01:07:59,341
I envy your Miss Callahan.
1294
01:07:59,375 --> 01:08:00,443
Oh, yeah.
1295
01:08:01,077 --> 01:08:03,312
Say, would you like to dance?
1296
01:08:03,345 --> 01:08:05,581
Yes! Tonight I'll be Rosie.
1297
01:08:05,614 --> 01:08:08,083
Oh! Well, crazy, baby.
1298
01:08:17,860 --> 01:08:19,128
Well, this joint looks like
1299
01:08:19,161 --> 01:08:21,430
it's got a little more life to it.
1300
01:08:22,665 --> 01:08:24,934
Hey, we better start lookin'
for Bix pretty soon, huh?
1301
01:08:24,967 --> 01:08:27,603
He might be in trouble. Yeah.
1302
01:08:27,636 --> 01:08:30,439
Well, let's sit here and worry
about it for a couple of hours.
1303
01:08:30,473 --> 01:08:32,541
Oui, monsieur.
1304
01:08:34,343 --> 01:08:36,712
Get a load of that!
1305
01:08:43,118 --> 01:08:45,888
No doll should be put together like that.
1306
01:08:45,921 --> 01:08:47,256
It's illegal.
1307
01:08:52,361 --> 01:08:55,397
Some jerk's got all the luck.
1308
01:09:02,204 --> 01:09:05,608
Stan, that jerk happens
to be our bosom buddy.
1309
01:09:19,188 --> 01:09:20,389
Oh, hi, fellas.
1310
01:09:20,422 --> 01:09:22,191
Hey, I want you to meet my friends.
1311
01:09:22,224 --> 01:09:24,059
Wait! I would love to meet your friends,
1312
01:09:24,093 --> 01:09:25,594
but after I change.
1313
01:09:25,628 --> 01:09:26,862
Oh, okay.
1314
01:09:30,766 --> 01:09:33,469
This is for making me
feel like Rosie Callahan.
1315
01:09:34,069 --> 01:09:35,437
Thank you.
1316
01:09:37,072 --> 01:09:38,741
Let me see, now.
1317
01:09:38,774 --> 01:09:41,877
I have, uh, excuse me.
1318
01:09:41,911 --> 01:09:45,848
$72.50 in the First National Bank
1319
01:09:45,881 --> 01:09:47,683
in Scranton.
1320
01:09:47,716 --> 01:09:50,953
And then, uh, $37
1321
01:09:50,986 --> 01:09:54,490
my Uncle Herman left me,
1322
01:09:54,523 --> 01:09:58,794
and if I cash in my savings bonds,
1323
01:09:58,827 --> 01:10:00,196
I'll just have enough.
1324
01:10:00,229 --> 01:10:02,531
Enough for what? Well, for Zita.
1325
01:10:02,565 --> 01:10:04,733
I'm lending her the money so
she can have her passage back
1326
01:10:04,767 --> 01:10:05,801
to Mexico City.
1327
01:10:05,834 --> 01:10:07,136
Now, look, Bix,
1328
01:10:07,169 --> 01:10:08,804
we don't have to tell you about girls,
1329
01:10:08,837 --> 01:10:11,273
but it's not smart to
lend money to strangers.
1330
01:10:11,307 --> 01:10:13,709
Stranger? She's no stranger.
I'm gonna marry her.
1331
01:10:13,742 --> 01:10:14,743
You're gonna what?
1332
01:10:14,777 --> 01:10:16,745
I'm gonna marry her. Aw, now, look, Bix...
1333
01:10:16,779 --> 01:10:18,047
No, we're engaged,
1334
01:10:18,080 --> 01:10:19,415
and I feel that she should be entitled
1335
01:10:19,448 --> 01:10:21,150
to wear my fraternity pin.
1336
01:10:21,183 --> 01:10:23,752
And then all I have to do is find out
1337
01:10:23,786 --> 01:10:26,222
if Zita's her first name or her last name.
1338
01:10:26,255 --> 01:10:27,389
For the Scranton papers.
1339
01:10:27,423 --> 01:10:28,958
I'll see you later, fellas.
1340
01:10:30,059 --> 01:10:31,694
We better break this up.
1341
01:10:31,727 --> 01:10:33,062
I say we pass.
1342
01:10:33,095 --> 01:10:34,797
That boy's a walking booby-trap.
1343
01:10:34,830 --> 01:10:35,764
You don't get it.
1344
01:10:35,798 --> 01:10:37,833
I don't like to see a guy
taken, even Bixby.
1345
01:10:39,235 --> 01:10:40,369
You pick up the potatoes, Stan,
1346
01:10:40,402 --> 01:10:42,071
and you and Bix head back to the base.
1347
01:10:42,104 --> 01:10:43,739
And what're you gonna do?
1348
01:10:43,772 --> 01:10:45,140
Break this up.
1349
01:10:45,174 --> 01:10:47,977
And you know, that could be fun.
1350
01:10:52,748 --> 01:10:56,619
Okay. Okay, then it's settled, darling.
1351
01:10:57,253 --> 01:10:58,954
Zita if it's a boy,
1352
01:11:00,089 --> 01:11:01,991
Meredith if it's a girl.
1353
01:11:09,098 --> 01:11:12,835
Oh, those musical chimes.
1354
01:11:14,136 --> 01:11:15,738
Rise and shine, Larry.
1355
01:11:20,843 --> 01:11:22,578
Larry? Hey, Larry,
1356
01:11:22,611 --> 01:11:24,113
your squad's on guard duty today.
1357
01:11:24,146 --> 01:11:25,381
Larry?
1358
01:11:25,414 --> 01:11:26,949
Pulley make bed check?
1359
01:11:26,982 --> 01:11:28,951
Uh-uh. Hey, where's our boy
1360
01:11:28,984 --> 01:11:30,686
been all night, hey, kid?
1361
01:11:30,719 --> 01:11:32,321
Yeah, where've you been all night, Larry?
1362
01:11:32,354 --> 01:11:33,789
Ah, doing a little research
1363
01:11:33,822 --> 01:11:37,393
for the Dolan Institute for
Brotherhood and Sisterhood.
1364
01:11:38,160 --> 01:11:40,095
I like your taste, kid.
1365
01:11:40,129 --> 01:11:43,599
Thank you. My taste in what?
1366
01:11:43,632 --> 01:11:45,334
In dolls.
1367
01:11:45,367 --> 01:11:49,638
Uh... this is yours, Bix.
1368
01:11:55,978 --> 01:11:59,381
Around 2:00 a.m.
Zita called off your engagement.
1369
01:12:03,052 --> 01:12:05,020
I was doing you a favor, Bix.
1370
01:12:05,054 --> 01:12:07,823
Listen, she'd have taken
you for every dime you got.
1371
01:12:07,856 --> 01:12:10,025
She's not for Scranton, she's not for you.
1372
01:12:12,194 --> 01:12:13,896
Aw, now. Listen, Bix...
1373
01:12:19,134 --> 01:12:20,502
Rough, but I had to do it.
1374
01:12:20,536 --> 01:12:22,638
Poor kid. It hit him like a ton of bricks.
1375
01:12:22,671 --> 01:12:24,606
Voom! Tell me everything.
1376
01:12:24,640 --> 01:12:26,775
Stop drooling, boy. Nothing happened.
1377
01:12:26,809 --> 01:12:27,743
You struck out?
1378
01:12:27,776 --> 01:12:30,179
On three pitches. You're kidding.
1379
01:12:30,212 --> 01:12:31,580
Would I kid about striking out?
1380
01:12:31,613 --> 01:12:33,182
How'd you get the fraternity pin?
1381
01:12:33,215 --> 01:12:36,418
Oh, I made up a story about
Bixby getting cold feet.
1382
01:12:36,452 --> 01:12:39,321
She burst into tears and threw it at me.
1383
01:12:39,355 --> 01:12:40,456
Figure dames.
1384
01:12:40,489 --> 01:12:42,124
She really likes the guy.
1385
01:12:42,157 --> 01:12:44,059
So, what were you doing all night?
1386
01:12:44,093 --> 01:12:45,627
Hitchhiking back to the base.
1387
01:12:45,661 --> 01:12:47,162
Three ox carts, two burros,
1388
01:12:47,196 --> 01:12:49,798
and a camel that made all stops.
1389
01:12:49,832 --> 01:12:50,999
Ground all planes.
1390
01:12:51,033 --> 01:12:52,568
I gotta get some sleep.
1391
01:12:55,304 --> 01:12:57,706
Up, lambkins, we're playing soldier today
1392
01:12:57,740 --> 01:13:00,109
and you're corporal of the guard. Come on.
1393
01:13:13,455 --> 01:13:14,690
A normal human being
1394
01:13:14,723 --> 01:13:16,992
would've had a normal, human reaction,
1395
01:13:17,025 --> 01:13:21,263
like killing himself. But not Bixby.
1396
01:13:21,296 --> 01:13:23,966
He had to do something drastic.
1397
01:13:58,567 --> 01:14:01,703
Hey, hey, hey.
1398
01:14:03,572 --> 01:14:05,007
Thank you.
1399
01:14:09,211 --> 01:14:10,245
Thank you.
1400
01:14:43,078 --> 01:14:45,080
Ou est everyone?
1401
01:14:59,628 --> 01:15:01,129
Attencion!
1402
01:15:02,498 --> 01:15:03,966
What do you want?
1403
01:15:03,999 --> 01:15:06,134
I'm looking
for Mademoiselle Zita.
1404
01:15:06,168 --> 01:15:08,537
Why do you wish to see Mademoiselle Zita?
1405
01:15:08,570 --> 01:15:10,906
I just want to give her my fraternity pin.
1406
01:15:11,540 --> 01:15:12,774
Oh.
1407
01:15:14,309 --> 01:15:15,878
I shall give it to her.
1408
01:15:15,911 --> 01:15:18,647
Oh. Thank you very much.
1409
01:15:18,680 --> 01:15:19,982
Give her my fraternity pin
1410
01:15:20,015 --> 01:15:21,817
and tell her I was here, would you, please?
1411
01:15:21,850 --> 01:15:24,887
And tell her that I went
to join the Foreign Legion.
1412
01:15:25,487 --> 01:15:26,989
Suicide Squad.
1413
01:15:27,522 --> 01:15:29,091
Hey, la boite!
1414
01:15:29,558 --> 01:15:31,660
Oh, la boite!
1415
01:15:31,693 --> 01:15:33,929
I'm sorry. I almost left with your boite.
1416
01:15:35,531 --> 01:15:40,068
Oh, the L-47 resistors.
1417
01:15:40,102 --> 01:15:43,071
Looks to me like you're puttin'
together the R-2 cannon.
1418
01:15:43,105 --> 01:15:45,173
Hey, I gave him his boite back!
1419
01:15:47,476 --> 01:15:49,244
It's only war surplus.
1420
01:15:49,278 --> 01:15:50,445
You see, my friend,
1421
01:15:50,479 --> 01:15:51,647
I have a youngster.
1422
01:15:51,680 --> 01:15:53,148
He's only six years old,
1423
01:15:53,181 --> 01:15:54,316
but he's very intelligent,
1424
01:15:54,349 --> 01:15:55,450
and he likes to tinker
1425
01:15:55,484 --> 01:15:56,585
with these mechanical things.
1426
01:15:56,618 --> 01:15:59,621
Oh. That's very nice,
1427
01:15:59,655 --> 01:16:00,989
but I hope your son is a genius
1428
01:16:01,023 --> 01:16:03,892
because there's only a
handful of army specialists
1429
01:16:03,926 --> 01:16:06,261
that can put the R-2 together.
1430
01:16:06,295 --> 01:16:07,963
Only a handful?
1431
01:16:07,996 --> 01:16:11,066
Why, yes, and they're all in America.
1432
01:16:11,533 --> 01:16:12,901
All in America?
1433
01:16:13,802 --> 01:16:15,571
Yeah, all except me,
1434
01:16:15,604 --> 01:16:17,572
and I'm here.
1435
01:16:17,606 --> 01:16:20,575
You can assemble the R-2 rapid-fire cannon?
1436
01:16:20,609 --> 01:16:21,877
Oh, sure.
1437
01:16:23,178 --> 01:16:26,014
Oh, yeah. I-I can put it together,
1438
01:16:26,048 --> 01:16:28,617
except it is very, very complicated.
1439
01:16:28,650 --> 01:16:29,851
If I may show you.
1440
01:16:29,885 --> 01:16:33,088
You see, there's various elements involved.
1441
01:16:33,121 --> 01:16:36,124
For instance,
like the 209 tube sets in easy enough,
1442
01:16:36,158 --> 01:16:38,927
but not everyone knows that
it's a turn to the right.
1443
01:16:38,961 --> 01:16:40,729
Now, if you don't do this correctly,
1444
01:16:40,762 --> 01:16:41,897
the thing can blow up,
1445
01:16:41,930 --> 01:16:43,699
and there's hundreds of various elements
1446
01:16:43,732 --> 01:16:46,335
such as this that you have
to be aware of.
1447
01:16:46,368 --> 01:16:47,936
Well, I'll see you around.
1448
01:16:47,970 --> 01:16:49,972
Excellent! You passed the test!
1449
01:16:50,005 --> 01:16:51,807
I wished I flunked. What test?
1450
01:16:51,840 --> 01:16:53,642
The test of supreme courage.
1451
01:16:53,675 --> 01:16:56,011
Monsieur, you are standing now
1452
01:16:56,044 --> 01:16:59,281
in the headquarters of the
Foreign Legion Secret Service.
1453
01:16:59,314 --> 01:17:00,415
If you wish to join,
1454
01:17:00,449 --> 01:17:02,117
you can join immediately.
1455
01:17:02,150 --> 01:17:03,218
Oh, thank you.
1456
01:17:03,251 --> 01:17:05,620
I didn't know there was a Secret Service.
1457
01:17:05,654 --> 01:17:08,290
Oh, that's because we
wish to keep it a secret.
1458
01:17:08,323 --> 01:17:11,660
Oh. Well, I won't say nothing.
Honor bright.
1459
01:17:11,693 --> 01:17:13,695
May I present, Colonel Dubois
1460
01:17:13,729 --> 01:17:15,430
and his staff.
1461
01:17:15,464 --> 01:17:17,699
Major Andre, Sergeant Durande.
1462
01:17:17,733 --> 01:17:18,834
I'm glad to see...
1463
01:17:18,867 --> 01:17:20,502
Come. We leave at once
1464
01:17:20,535 --> 01:17:22,871
for your first assignment to an oasis.
1465
01:17:22,904 --> 01:17:24,706
Two days' ride in the desert.
1466
01:17:24,740 --> 01:17:26,608
There, you can assemble the cannon.
1467
01:17:26,642 --> 01:17:29,111
Oh,
I can assemble the cannon?
1468
01:17:30,278 --> 01:17:31,813
For your son?
1469
01:17:31,847 --> 01:17:34,783
Yes, for my son. Oh.
1470
01:17:34,816 --> 01:17:36,818
You are now one of us mon capitane.
1471
01:17:36,852 --> 01:17:39,054
I'm a captain. Do I get a uniform?
1472
01:17:39,087 --> 01:17:40,455
Later. Come!
1473
01:17:42,090 --> 01:17:43,125
Colonel.
1474
01:17:44,393 --> 01:17:47,295
Major. Thank you.
1475
01:17:47,329 --> 01:17:49,431
Uh, Sergeant,
1476
01:17:49,464 --> 01:17:50,766
let's not forget the rank.
1477
01:17:50,799 --> 01:17:52,934
Sergeant, Captain.
1478
01:17:55,771 --> 01:17:57,873
Patience, my angel.
1479
01:17:58,540 --> 01:18:00,242
We will not lose him.
1480
01:18:03,879 --> 01:18:05,714
Hey, Dolan,
the singer at the Pink Camel
1481
01:18:05,747 --> 01:18:06,948
asked me to deliver this to you.
1482
01:18:06,982 --> 01:18:10,018
What were you doin' in
the Pink Camel, Sarge?
1483
01:18:10,052 --> 01:18:11,620
The same as you guys were doing.
1484
01:18:11,653 --> 01:18:13,021
Looking for the potato depot.
1485
01:18:15,057 --> 01:18:17,025
Hey, this is a note from Zita.
1486
01:18:17,059 --> 01:18:18,760
Says Bixby's life's in danger.
1487
01:18:18,794 --> 01:18:20,462
Hey, that's tough.
1488
01:18:20,495 --> 01:18:22,597
How about a little ping-pong?
1489
01:18:22,631 --> 01:18:25,133
Hey, "Notifying the police
1490
01:18:25,167 --> 01:18:26,935
"means certain death for Meredith,
1491
01:18:26,968 --> 01:18:29,438
"but three people traveling
under cover of night
1492
01:18:29,471 --> 01:18:31,406
"have a chance to rescue him."
1493
01:18:32,674 --> 01:18:33,742
Come on.
1494
01:18:33,775 --> 01:18:35,844
We're going? No, Stanley.
1495
01:18:35,877 --> 01:18:38,447
First, we're gonna list all
the reasons why we shouldn't,
1496
01:18:38,480 --> 01:18:39,648
then we're going.
1497
01:18:39,681 --> 01:18:41,116
But wait!
1498
01:18:42,718 --> 01:18:44,519
Well, what can happen?
1499
01:18:44,553 --> 01:18:46,054
We get killed.
1500
01:19:33,401 --> 01:19:34,436
Sergeant!
1501
01:19:35,837 --> 01:19:37,072
Mon capitane!
1502
01:19:37,572 --> 01:19:38,807
Screwdriver.
1503
01:19:42,677 --> 01:19:43,912
Pliers.
1504
01:19:48,083 --> 01:19:49,117
Wrench.
1505
01:20:00,195 --> 01:20:03,832
Please, can I kill him now?
1506
01:20:03,865 --> 01:20:06,568
Not until he has completed the assembly.
1507
01:20:07,469 --> 01:20:09,171
He's mad with power.
1508
01:20:09,204 --> 01:20:11,640
This morning, I forgot to salute him.
1509
01:20:11,673 --> 01:20:13,308
Fifty push-ups!
1510
01:20:14,476 --> 01:20:16,311
I know, mon petit.
1511
01:20:17,746 --> 01:20:19,514
Well, that does it! It's finished.
1512
01:20:20,549 --> 01:20:22,551
Now? Now.
1513
01:20:27,222 --> 01:20:28,423
Doggone it!
1514
01:20:28,456 --> 01:20:29,724
Something wrong?
1515
01:20:29,758 --> 01:20:32,894
Yeah. This is supposed
to elevate the muzzle.
1516
01:20:32,928 --> 01:20:35,096
I must have my stabilizer wires crossed.
1517
01:20:35,130 --> 01:20:37,299
Sergeant. Mon capitane?
1518
01:20:37,332 --> 01:20:39,301
Hand me that galvanometer, will you?
1519
01:20:42,637 --> 01:20:44,539
Where's your knife?
1520
01:20:44,573 --> 01:20:46,575
Why isn't it in its proper place?
1521
01:20:46,608 --> 01:20:47,876
You're out of uniform.
1522
01:20:47,909 --> 01:20:49,544
Fifty more push-ups!
1523
01:20:49,578 --> 01:20:50,979
Hit the sand!
1524
01:20:52,948 --> 01:20:55,383
He's a very nice fella,
but he needs discipline.
1525
01:20:55,417 --> 01:20:57,352
We've have word from Sheik Djilali.
1526
01:21:23,078 --> 01:21:28,049
Double S 0-0-5, double S 0-0-6,
1527
01:21:28,083 --> 01:21:29,651
which completes the assembly.
1528
01:21:30,652 --> 01:21:32,454
Well, you're all finished, baby.
1529
01:21:33,622 --> 01:21:35,123
Fire when ready!
1530
01:21:36,491 --> 01:21:38,159
Hey, hey, hey!
1531
01:21:39,094 --> 01:21:41,096
The cannon is completed.
1532
01:21:41,129 --> 01:21:43,298
Can I kill him now?
1533
01:21:43,331 --> 01:21:44,332
Why not?
1534
01:21:44,366 --> 01:21:47,669
A thousand thanks. No, no, no, wait.
1535
01:21:47,702 --> 01:21:50,171
Djilali will want a demonstration.
1536
01:21:50,205 --> 01:21:52,574
Who will explain this intricate mechanism,
1537
01:21:52,607 --> 01:21:53,642
a dead man?
1538
01:21:57,178 --> 01:21:59,547
Do not weep, my little one.
1539
01:21:59,581 --> 01:22:02,217
Monsieur Bixby will dine with us tonight,
1540
01:22:02,250 --> 01:22:04,452
and tomorrow you can kill him.
1541
01:22:06,821 --> 01:22:09,057
Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow!
1542
01:22:09,090 --> 01:22:12,193
And the dinner must be
an epicurean delight.
1543
01:22:12,227 --> 01:22:13,962
I understand the last meal
1544
01:22:13,995 --> 01:22:16,598
is quite a tradition in his country.
1545
01:22:16,631 --> 01:22:20,168
Go. Extend the invitation
to Monsieur Bixby.
1546
01:22:26,608 --> 01:22:28,843
Oh. Hello.
1547
01:22:28,877 --> 01:22:31,413
I think
we're in terrible trouble.
1548
01:22:31,446 --> 01:22:34,282
This cannon won't work for
at least a couple of months.
1549
01:22:34,316 --> 01:22:36,084
Well, that doesn't matter.
1550
01:22:36,117 --> 01:22:37,452
Aren't you hungry?
1551
01:22:37,485 --> 01:22:39,821
Dinner's almost ready.
1552
01:22:39,854 --> 01:22:42,090
Oh. Oh, no, thank you, very much.
1553
01:22:42,123 --> 01:22:43,558
I'm not hungry.
1554
01:22:43,591 --> 01:22:44,893
Oh, I know.
1555
01:22:44,926 --> 01:22:47,028
You don't want to eat with me
1556
01:22:47,062 --> 01:22:49,664
because... Because you don't like me.
1557
01:22:49,698 --> 01:22:52,233
Oh, oh, no! No! That's not the case at all.
1558
01:22:52,267 --> 01:22:54,836
On the contrary,
I've grown to like you very much.
1559
01:22:54,869 --> 01:22:56,104
Oh? Oh, yeah,
1560
01:22:56,137 --> 01:22:58,740
and I think that that
rank business is silly.
1561
01:22:58,773 --> 01:23:01,042
Sergeant and captain.
1562
01:23:01,076 --> 01:23:02,344
We should both be the same.
1563
01:23:02,377 --> 01:23:03,912
Would you like me to do push-ups for you?
1564
01:23:03,945 --> 01:23:06,014
No, no, I like the push-ups.
1565
01:23:06,047 --> 01:23:07,182
They make my wrists strong.
1566
01:23:07,215 --> 01:23:09,684
I'll show you. Watch.
1567
01:23:13,688 --> 01:23:15,023
Let's prepare for dinner.
1568
01:23:15,056 --> 01:23:16,491
Well, I'm not very hungry, honest.
1569
01:23:16,524 --> 01:23:19,561
B-but I'm not too hungry... Let's prepare.
1570
01:23:34,509 --> 01:23:35,643
Wait!
1571
01:23:39,581 --> 01:23:41,016
Stan! Larry!
1572
01:23:41,049 --> 01:23:42,450
Gee, am I glad to see you guys.
1573
01:23:42,484 --> 01:23:43,818
They're gonna kill me tomorrow.
1574
01:23:43,852 --> 01:23:46,054
This is no time for good news.
We gotta get outta here.
1575
01:23:46,087 --> 01:23:47,389
Yeah, let's get moving. We can't.
1576
01:23:47,422 --> 01:23:48,890
I just assembled the R-2 cannon.
1577
01:23:48,923 --> 01:23:49,958
It's all ready to go.
1578
01:23:49,991 --> 01:23:51,426
You put that together in two days?
1579
01:23:51,459 --> 01:23:52,927
Don't forget, he memorizes.
1580
01:23:52,961 --> 01:23:54,763
Okay, so we'll take the R-2 with us.
1581
01:23:54,796 --> 01:23:56,331
You wait out by the camels.
1582
01:23:56,364 --> 01:23:59,300
If we're not there in 10 minutes,
head out for Port Oulet, okay?
1583
01:24:01,169 --> 01:24:03,171
Now, look, we gotta move fast and quiet.
1584
01:24:03,204 --> 01:24:05,140
Don't use these unless we have to.
1585
01:24:05,173 --> 01:24:07,075
Mmm. These are good. What are they?
1586
01:24:07,108 --> 01:24:08,410
They got such a nice flavor.
1587
01:24:08,443 --> 01:24:10,245
Oh, they're stuffed with goats' eyes.
1588
01:24:10,278 --> 01:24:11,813
We had 'em for supper.
1589
01:24:12,447 --> 01:24:13,615
I had to ask.
1590
01:24:15,917 --> 01:24:17,318
Where's the cannon?
1591
01:24:19,587 --> 01:24:21,556
Here we are,
1592
01:24:21,589 --> 01:24:25,760
and just 100 yards is the palm grove,
1593
01:24:25,794 --> 01:24:27,395
and right over there is the cannon.
1594
01:24:27,429 --> 01:24:28,296
Got it.
1595
01:24:28,329 --> 01:24:30,465
Keep 10-yard intervals, and follow me.
1596
01:24:30,498 --> 01:24:33,568
Keep low and watch out for sentries.
1597
01:25:14,576 --> 01:25:16,211
The American.
1598
01:25:16,244 --> 01:25:18,213
He is to live until tomorrow.
1599
01:25:18,246 --> 01:25:20,215
But he's headed for the big gun.
1600
01:25:20,248 --> 01:25:21,583
We follow him.
1601
01:25:32,727 --> 01:25:34,963
You guys are
goin' around in circles.
1602
01:25:34,996 --> 01:25:36,865
Follow me. I'll get you there.
1603
01:26:23,978 --> 01:26:25,313
Uh-oh.
1604
01:26:27,015 --> 01:26:28,249
Trouble.
1605
01:26:28,816 --> 01:26:30,451
Couple of guards.
1606
01:26:30,485 --> 01:26:32,120
But don't worry about it.
1607
01:26:32,153 --> 01:26:34,422
They know me. I'll get rid of 'em.
1608
01:26:39,727 --> 01:26:41,696
Where were you? Where you been?
1609
01:26:41,729 --> 01:26:44,632
Stan, Larry.
I-I thought you guys were with me.
1610
01:26:44,666 --> 01:26:46,200
I was talking all the time,
1611
01:26:46,234 --> 01:26:47,535
and I thought that you were...
1612
01:26:47,569 --> 01:26:49,437
And I didn't know... What's with the hands?
1613
01:26:49,470 --> 01:26:51,940
There's nothin' to worry because...
1614
01:26:51,973 --> 01:26:54,275
Yeah, I think they got us.
1615
01:27:11,993 --> 01:27:14,562
Meredith! Meredith!
1616
01:27:19,601 --> 01:27:21,736
Here's the key.
1617
01:27:22,637 --> 01:27:23,538
Zita!
1618
01:27:23,571 --> 01:27:24,939
Can you reach it, Larry?
1619
01:27:24,973 --> 01:27:26,708
I can't even reach myself.
1620
01:27:35,149 --> 01:27:36,618
Let me try.
1621
01:27:39,621 --> 01:27:41,656
Let me try it this way.
1622
01:27:41,689 --> 01:27:44,058
No, that ain't it!
That ain't it.
1623
01:27:44,092 --> 01:27:46,828
No, let's try over again. BIXBY: No?
1624
01:27:46,861 --> 01:27:50,665
Wait, Larry,
turn over on your right.
1625
01:27:50,698 --> 01:27:52,800
Try it on your right, Larry.
Yeah? Like this?
1626
01:27:54,402 --> 01:27:55,903
No, Larry.
1627
01:27:55,937 --> 01:27:59,507
That's no good.
I ain't breathin'.
1628
01:28:02,377 --> 01:28:04,312
I think I can reach it over here.
1629
01:28:04,345 --> 01:28:05,546
All right.
1630
01:28:13,421 --> 01:28:15,657
I'll get it. I'll get it.
1631
01:28:15,690 --> 01:28:17,959
Wait, Stan. DOLAN: I'll get it!
1632
01:28:17,992 --> 01:28:20,328
I got it. Stan...
1633
01:28:20,361 --> 01:28:21,596
A little more!
1634
01:28:21,629 --> 01:28:22,997
I can't give you anymore.
1635
01:28:23,031 --> 01:28:25,133
Stan, Larry. Wait.
1636
01:28:25,166 --> 01:28:26,334
Hey, wait a minute.
1637
01:28:26,367 --> 01:28:27,468
No, wait, fellas.
1638
01:28:27,502 --> 01:28:29,871
Wait. No, this... This is no good.
1639
01:28:29,904 --> 01:28:31,139
Well, you try it.
1640
01:28:31,172 --> 01:28:32,874
Let me just sit up.
1641
01:28:32,907 --> 01:28:34,475
All right,
you see if you can do it.
1642
01:28:34,509 --> 01:28:36,344
Let me clear some of these...
1643
01:28:36,377 --> 01:28:38,413
Give him some slack.
1644
01:28:38,446 --> 01:28:41,182
Wait, Larry,
1645
01:28:41,215 --> 01:28:42,850
Let me... That's it.
1646
01:28:44,385 --> 01:28:47,388
Ooh!
1647
01:28:48,656 --> 01:28:50,992
Just move up a little, Larry.
1648
01:28:51,759 --> 01:28:54,595
Stan, can you move up a little?
1649
01:28:56,264 --> 01:28:58,333
I...
1650
01:28:58,366 --> 01:29:00,601
Ah, Bix! Got it?
1651
01:29:08,409 --> 01:29:09,977
Got it, Bix? Come on.
1652
01:29:10,011 --> 01:29:12,914
Come on, Bix! That a boy.
1653
01:29:12,947 --> 01:29:14,549
I got it!
1654
01:29:14,949 --> 01:29:15,817
I lost it.
1655
01:29:15,850 --> 01:29:17,819
Oh, you idiot!
1656
01:29:21,189 --> 01:29:22,557
I couldn't help it.
1657
01:29:22,590 --> 01:29:25,126
I think maybe if we would
have pulled the, uh...
1658
01:29:25,159 --> 01:29:26,828
If this...
1659
01:29:27,929 --> 01:29:29,063
Hey, it's open!
1660
01:29:33,134 --> 01:29:35,670
Wait, wait. Yeah, I'll get it.
1661
01:29:35,703 --> 01:29:38,439
Oh! I'm loose!
1662
01:29:38,473 --> 01:29:40,742
Wait.
1663
01:29:42,110 --> 01:29:43,544
Ooh!
1664
01:29:44,779 --> 01:29:47,181
That worked on that one, too.
1665
01:29:58,359 --> 01:29:59,727
Don't shoot!
1666
01:30:04,532 --> 01:30:06,801
What should I do with him? DOLAN: Drop him.
1667
01:30:10,004 --> 01:30:12,073
There are four more of
them right out there.
1668
01:30:13,441 --> 01:30:14,642
Come here, Bix.
1669
01:30:14,675 --> 01:30:16,310
Larry, give me a hand.
What are you gonna do?
1670
01:30:16,344 --> 01:30:17,945
Let's get the clothes off this guy.
1671
01:30:45,473 --> 01:30:47,241
Oh, fleas. Fleas!
1672
01:30:47,275 --> 01:30:49,410
Oh, fleas. Fleas.
1673
01:30:49,443 --> 01:30:52,013
Hmm! Go away!
1674
01:30:52,046 --> 01:30:53,281
Oh, go away!
1675
01:30:56,417 --> 01:30:58,085
Fleas.
1676
01:31:04,559 --> 01:31:06,928
The coast is clear! BIXBY: Help!
1677
01:31:06,961 --> 01:31:09,197
Wait, Stan, Larry!
1678
01:31:09,230 --> 01:31:10,932
Larry, Stan!
1679
01:31:10,965 --> 01:31:12,533
Larry! Wait!
1680
01:31:12,567 --> 01:31:13,935
Stan! Larry!
1681
01:31:13,968 --> 01:31:15,536
No, open it.
1682
01:31:15,570 --> 01:31:18,206
Open up! Larry, Stan! Please!
1683
01:31:25,613 --> 01:31:27,081
Hold it. Hold it.
1684
01:31:27,114 --> 01:31:29,717
Get this uncovered and
hooked onto the cannon.
1685
01:31:34,722 --> 01:31:36,157
Zita's in trouble!
1686
01:31:40,962 --> 01:31:43,998
Admit it,
you brought the two Americans here.
1687
01:31:44,031 --> 01:31:45,199
Admit it!
1688
01:31:45,233 --> 01:31:47,535
This camel driver saw you.
1689
01:31:47,568 --> 01:31:49,470
Did you go to the police, too?
1690
01:31:49,503 --> 01:31:50,838
Did you?
1691
01:31:55,576 --> 01:31:57,211
Are you going to talk?
1692
01:32:09,223 --> 01:32:10,525
Run for the tractor. Quick!
1693
01:32:10,558 --> 01:32:12,226
The Americans have escaped!
1694
01:32:37,718 --> 01:32:40,121
You can't do it up there,
but when I let you down,
1695
01:32:40,154 --> 01:32:41,889
50 more push-ups!
1696
01:33:19,160 --> 01:33:21,228
Hip-hup! Hip-hup!
1697
01:33:21,262 --> 01:33:22,630
What a sloppy outfit!
1698
01:33:22,663 --> 01:33:25,166
Let's keep in step, you fat anteater!
1699
01:33:25,199 --> 01:33:26,934
You pig! You swine!
1700
01:33:26,968 --> 01:33:29,003
May you live to die a thousand deaths!
1701
01:33:29,036 --> 01:33:31,472
No profanity there.
There's a lady in the desert.
1702
01:33:31,505 --> 01:33:34,542
May your wife be as... I'll kill you!
1703
01:33:34,575 --> 01:33:36,310
Come on and suck in that stomach,
1704
01:33:36,344 --> 01:33:37,745
you yellow bellies!
1705
01:34:00,735 --> 01:34:02,336
A happy day, mon general.
1706
01:34:02,370 --> 01:34:04,672
The capture of Ali Mustapha
and those renegades
1707
01:34:04,705 --> 01:34:06,774
is welcome news to my people.
1708
01:34:06,807 --> 01:34:08,142
For two years now,
1709
01:34:08,175 --> 01:34:11,412
that outlaw has immobilized
my finest regiment.
1710
01:34:11,445 --> 01:34:14,582
Your three soldiers have
accomplished a magnificent feat.
1711
01:34:14,615 --> 01:34:15,916
Thank you, gentlemen,
1712
01:34:15,950 --> 01:34:18,386
but they'll still have
to answer for going AWOL.
1713
01:34:18,419 --> 01:34:21,489
Get me out of here!
Get this thing off me!
1714
01:34:21,522 --> 01:34:23,858
Here they come.
1715
01:34:23,891 --> 01:34:26,360
Bring your companies to attention!
1716
01:34:26,394 --> 01:34:28,362
Company, attention!
1717
01:34:35,369 --> 01:34:36,704
Help! My foot!
1718
01:34:36,737 --> 01:34:38,372
I can't get my foot...
1719
01:34:38,406 --> 01:34:39,640
My foot is stuck!
1720
01:34:39,673 --> 01:34:41,409
Bixby, look out!
1721
01:34:50,551 --> 01:34:51,619
Larry!
1722
01:34:51,652 --> 01:34:53,854
Stan, lift... Give me a hand. Help!
1723
01:34:56,791 --> 01:34:59,727
Ooh! Did you cut yourself?
1724
01:35:00,494 --> 01:35:01,962
Oh, it's just a little nick.
1725
01:35:01,996 --> 01:35:03,164
Just a scratch. Here.
1726
01:35:03,197 --> 01:35:04,865
Keep your finger here on the artery.
1727
01:35:04,899 --> 01:35:06,067
And don't worry about it.
1728
01:35:06,100 --> 01:35:07,968
The human body has six quarts of blood.
1729
01:35:08,002 --> 01:35:10,204
Let me kill him now! Please, Larry!
1730
01:35:10,237 --> 01:35:12,940
Too many witnesses. I'll help you later.
1731
01:35:12,973 --> 01:35:14,842
I'm sorry, sir, but the rubber on my heel
1732
01:35:14,875 --> 01:35:16,744
melted and stuck to the accelerator.
1733
01:35:16,777 --> 01:35:17,945
Somehow, Bixby,
1734
01:35:17,978 --> 01:35:20,014
I knew there would be
a logical explanation.
1735
01:35:20,047 --> 01:35:23,084
I remember you when I was
commanding general at Camp Calhoun.
1736
01:35:23,117 --> 01:35:24,118
Yeah. Now,
1737
01:35:24,151 --> 01:35:26,854
may we get on with the ceremony?
1738
01:35:26,887 --> 01:35:29,423
Oh, yes. Oh, yes, sir.
1739
01:35:30,424 --> 01:35:31,625
I'm-I'm sorry.
1740
01:35:31,659 --> 01:35:33,828
You know what happened? Oh.
1741
01:35:35,863 --> 01:35:37,164
Allons ici.
1742
01:35:38,265 --> 01:35:42,103
Corporal Dolan, Private
Wenaslawsky, Private Bixby.
1743
01:35:47,641 --> 01:35:51,245
In awarding you the Foreign
Legion Citation of Gallantry,
1744
01:35:51,278 --> 01:35:54,882
we pay tribute to a
magnificent type of bravery
1745
01:35:54,915 --> 01:35:58,552
by three brave men of the American army.
1746
01:35:58,586 --> 01:36:01,655
So to you, Corporal Dolan,
1747
01:36:01,689 --> 01:36:03,491
Private Wenaslawsky,
1748
01:36:04,158 --> 01:36:05,493
Private Bixby...
1749
01:36:10,831 --> 01:36:12,800
We express our gratitude.
1750
01:36:13,334 --> 01:36:14,668
By your coolness,
1751
01:36:14,702 --> 01:36:16,270
your audacity,
1752
01:36:17,238 --> 01:36:19,006
your intelligence,
1753
01:36:19,039 --> 01:36:21,342
you have performed a deed of valor
1754
01:36:21,375 --> 01:36:24,678
which contributed greatly to our cause.
1755
01:36:24,712 --> 01:36:28,983
So the French gave
us each a medal and a kiss.
1756
01:36:29,016 --> 01:36:31,452
And we were ready for the MPs.
1757
01:36:31,485 --> 01:36:33,587
They weren't going to kiss us.
1758
01:36:47,802 --> 01:36:48,969
And you, Major,
1759
01:36:49,003 --> 01:36:51,906
just had to be in at the finish.
1760
01:36:51,939 --> 01:36:54,742
Why did they have to waste a beautiful body
1761
01:36:54,775 --> 01:36:56,210
on a senior consultant
1762
01:36:56,243 --> 01:37:00,247
from the Manhattan Institute
for Psychological Research?
1763
01:37:00,281 --> 01:37:01,482
And why did I...
1764
01:37:03,584 --> 01:37:04,919
How about that, Larry?
1765
01:37:04,952 --> 01:37:06,187
With a medal! Isn't that terrific?
1766
01:37:06,220 --> 01:37:08,155
I got the same medal.
Stanley, congratulations.
1767
01:37:08,189 --> 01:37:09,890
You got a medal just like I got a medal.
1768
01:37:09,924 --> 01:37:11,926
Isn't that terrific? You know, Larry...
1769
01:37:11,959 --> 01:37:13,661
Oh, listen, you know what?
1770
01:37:13,694 --> 01:37:15,729
Ah, democracy.
1771
01:37:15,763 --> 01:37:17,464
It is wonderful.
1772
01:37:18,699 --> 01:37:20,501
Would you gentlemen care to join me?
1773
01:37:20,534 --> 01:37:21,602
On, certainly.
1774
01:37:21,635 --> 01:37:23,103
Major. Excuse me, please.
1775
01:37:23,137 --> 01:37:24,205
I don't like to interrupt the kissing,
1776
01:37:24,238 --> 01:37:25,673
but could you be good enough to tell me
1777
01:37:25,706 --> 01:37:27,041
what happened to Zita?
1778
01:37:27,074 --> 01:37:29,510
Oh, she sailed from
Port Oulet this morning.
1779
01:37:29,543 --> 01:37:31,846
Oh. For Mexico City, huh?
1780
01:37:31,879 --> 01:37:33,447
No, Scranton.
1781
01:37:33,480 --> 01:37:35,849
Oh, Scranton! Oh, Scranton!
1782
01:37:35,883 --> 01:37:38,219
That's where I live! That's my hometown!
1783
01:37:40,321 --> 01:37:41,822
Oh! Oh, no!
1784
01:37:41,856 --> 01:37:43,090
Hey, no, no, wait!
1785
01:37:43,123 --> 01:37:44,959
Don't you know that's
no way to carry a gun?
1786
01:37:44,992 --> 01:37:46,527
According to the army manual,
1787
01:37:46,560 --> 01:37:48,429
You hold the gun correct...
1788
01:37:54,068 --> 01:37:57,238
There is only one man who
could have possibly...
1789
01:37:58,172 --> 01:37:59,640
My apologies, gentlemen.
1790
01:37:59,673 --> 01:38:02,543
♪ I'm the genuine original
1791
01:38:02,576 --> 01:38:06,347
♪ First edition copy of Sad... ♪
123954
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