All language subtitles for My.Favorite.Martian.S01E14.Blood.Is.Thicker.Than.the.Martian.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-NTb

(light music)

- Uncle Martin, I'm home.

Hey I thought you
were gonna fix lunch.

How long do you think it
will be before earth people

can do tricks like that?

- Oh I don't know, maybe
30,000 years from now.

- Oh, I can hardly wait.

Oh hey are you gonna
wear the blue suit today?

- I hadn't planned on it.

You know it was a lucky day
for me when we got together.

In all my previous
visits to your planet,

I've never met any one whose
clothes fit me so well.

- Well the name O'Hara fits
you pretty well too you know.

You are almost handsome enough
to be a member of the family.

Matter of fact I wish you were.

- Thank you, Tim.

Sometimes I feel that I am.

Who's Harvey O'Hara?

- Oh, well he's my cousin.

You know it's funny
you should mention him,

I haven't thought
about him in years.

- He sent you a special
delivery letter.

(knocking on door)

There it is now.

- Well you're right.

It's from Harvey.

- Mhm, I'm not in the
habit of making mistakes.

And before you
finish reading it,

I can also tell you that
he's coming for a visit.

- Uncle Martin.

- I know Tim, your cousin
Harvey is not aware

that you have an Uncle Martin.

(beeping)

(cheerful music)

- You know I don't remember
very much about him,

except that he was a moocher.

I remember once
when I was a kid,

now if I had an all-day
sucker, I had to finish it

before he showed up.

I set a record once,
six and a half minutes.

But you know the one thing
I can never forgive him for,

he made off with
my Boy Scout knife.

- I wish you earth people
would learn to be more explicit

in your communications.

He says he's going
to, "Drop in on you."

Now in your binocular
that could mean anything

from a quick hello and goodbye

to taking up
permanent residence.

- Well you don't think he
wants to move in here, do you?

- I don't know.

Relatives seem to feel that
they have inalienable rights.

Even on Mars.

- But he can't stay here.

I mean even if you
were invisible he'd
find out about you.

You got the spaceship
down in the garage.

Your manuscript for your book

is sitting over
there on the desk.

And then there's Mrs. Brown.

How are we going to keep
him from Mrs. Brown?

She's sure to spill the beans.

- Tim, there is no
reason to panic.

- [Tim] But Uncle Martin.

- We are forewarned.

Which means we have time to
enumerate all the problems

which could possibly arise
from your cousin's presence.

Then we solve them one by one.

Now, the first thing we do is.

(dramatic music)

Panic.

Cousin Harvey's
coming up the stairs.

That was supposed
to be the mail.

Uncle Martin what
are we going to do?

Oh now Uncle Martin,
wait a minute.

- You know we can't let
your cousin Harvey see me.

And he's practically
coming in the door.

With two very large suitcases.

(knocking on door)

- Uncle Martin, the burger.

(knocking on door)

Thanks Uncle Martin.

- Tim O'Hara.

My favorite cousin.

You're a sight
for sore eyes cuz.

- Hi Harvey.

Listen, I wish you'd
let me know sooner

that you were coming.

- What?

And given you a
chance to leave town?

Not on your life cuz.

Now don't let me stop
you from whatever it was

you were doing.

Come on I'll join ya.

(laughs)

Where's yours?

- Oh mine?

Oh yes, well uh, mines
in the kitchen, Harv.

(kicks suitcase)

- [Uncle Martin] That
happens to be my lunch.

- Not anymore.

- Psst, psst.

What do you propose
to do about him?

- Well I thought you were
gonna solve our problems

one by one.

- Well here's another one.

He wants you to get
him a job on The Sun.

- Well how am I supposed
to get him a job?

- I don't know.

I only read minds, I
don't preform miracles.

(food crunching)

- Where you been?

- Well I was in the kitchen.

- Of course you were.

- What's this?

- Read it.

- "Is Marriage Hereditary?"
by Harvey O'Hara.

- Yeah that's a little
editorial I wrote.

Won a blue ribbon at
the Tyler County Fair.

Polls picked up all
over the whole stage,

every newspaper reran it.

- Well that's just great.

Congratulations Harvey.

- Yeah well there's
nothing to it,

if you've got the old touch.

And Tim, I've got it.

I'm ready.

- Oh that's good.

Ready for what?

- The big time, the
big city newspaper.

I've had it with the
ice cream socials

and the hog calling contests.

I wanna cover
important stories like

kidnapping, robbery, and murder.

- Yeah, there's nothing
like a good murder, Harv.

- Yeah.

And look Tim what
I want you to do

is just get me in the door.

You don't even have
to give me a push.

I guarantee that in no
time at all I'll be as big

on The Sun as I was on

The Old Grove Weekly
Gazette and Advertising.

Yes sir, and I, all I
want you to do today is

go down to the office
and just look around.

I mean to drop a couple
of hints to the publisher

that you know where he
can get a cracker jack

all around newspaper man.

(laughter)

And meanwhile I'll just
spend the day getting settled

in the apartment.

- It's nothing to get
alarmed about Harv,

it's just instant rheumatism,
it acts up every now and then.

The medicine is in the bathroom.

- I was afraid of
that, he's moving in.

- Look Uncle Martin,
I didn't invite him.

- Well you can't leave him
here for me to entertain.

- What do you want me
to do take him down

to The Sun and babysit?

- I don't care if you strap him
on your back like a papoose,

only get him out of here.

- Uncle Martin, look I
have got a great idea.

Now you sneak out, then
you come back in again,

and I'll tell him that
you're already living here,

and that there's
no room for him.

And he won't know who you are.

- No but Mrs. Brown would.

She's coming out of her
kitchen door right now

with a plate of fudge brownies.

- Fudge brownies.

- They were only an excuse.

She evidently saw him coming in.

She's on her way up to meet him.

- Oh fudge brownies,
especially Mrs. Brown's.

You know when I was a kid,
I made better mud pies.

- I'm so hungry right
now, a mud pie would taste

like a delicacy.

- So long.

(cheery music)

- Now what in the
world made it do that?

I've heard of Mexican
jumping beans.

Oh well it just couldn't.

Martin, now where on
earth did you come from?

- From the other side
of the moon, dear lady.

Drawn inexorably by the piquant
aroma of fudge brownies.

- Oh you.

- May I?

- Well certainly.

You know, I've always had
the uncomfortable feeling

that you didn't really
like my fudge brownies.

- Now whatever gave you
that idea, Mrs. Brown?

These are delicious.

I could make a meal of them.

- Oh well certainly
help yourself, Martin.

I was just bringing
them up to you and Tim,

and that nice young man
I couldn't help noticing

going into your going
into your apartment

with two suitcases.

- That's Tim's cousin.

- Oh I'm just dying to meet him.

- Oh, well he was on a bus
all night, he's very tired.

I'm sure that he'll
sleep all day.

- So, I'll meet him tomorrow.

- Are those for us?

- Oh, well yes.

I was just gonna
bring these up to you.

- Oh how very thoughtful
of you, Mrs. Brown.

Thank you very much.

- How long is your
nephew planning to stay?

- Oh I don't know.

I haven't had a
chance to ask him yet.

- I'm still looking
forward to meeting him.

- Wouldn't it be nice if
I took these up to him?

Good heavens, my
roast is burning.

(phone ringing)

- Hello?

Hello?

(beeping)

Operator?

Operator?

Can you hear me?

Operator I think our phone is.

Operator?

- [Voice On Phone]
This is repair service,

we're checking your telephone.

(siren)

- I wasn't cooking a roast.

- You weren't?

Well, oh I'll take those.

Thank you very much.

You are three minutes late.

- Oh well the going home
traffic was a little slower

than usual, is anything wrong?

- Is anything wrong?

Is anything right?

I haven't spent such
a hectic afternoon

since I supervised the
launching of Cleopatra's barge.

- Well I've got some
good news for ya,

looks like Mr. Burns is
gonna give Harvey a job.

I have to take him down
first thing in the morning.

- Well then he'll be moving out.

- Well not for a few months.

- I can't stand this
for a few months.

I have a headache from appearing
and disappearing so much.

- You don't think Harvey
suspects anything, do you?

- Harvey doesn't suspect
anything except that

he's the world's
greatest reporter.

He spent the whole afternoon
rehearsing his acceptance

speech for the Pulitzer Prize.

When he wasn't doing
that, he was nosing around

the apartment as if
he had lost something.

He found my manuscript.

Fortunately it was beyond
his feeble comprehension.

And then, then he
tried to jimmy the lock

on the garage door.

- He didn't see the spaceship?

- No.

Somehow the hammer came down
and hit him on the thumb.

- Uncle Martin, don't you
think that's a little drastic?

- Drastic?

What do you call that?

I was trying to get
a piece of cheese

out of the refrigerator
and your cousin Harvey

slammed the door.

And another thing, where
is he going to sleep?

(snoring)

- Tim.

Tim.

Will you wake up and roll over?

You're snoring.

- Hm?

- You were snoring.

- Oh.

(snoring)

- What, what, what, what?

- Shh.

- That what you woke me up for?

To tell me shh?

- You were snoring.

- I never snore.

- What's going on?

What are you doing?

- Well I, I, thought you'd
like a nice glass of warm milk

to put you to sleep.

- I thought I was asleep.

- Hm.

(snoring)

- How much money have you got?

- Bout a dollar and a half.

- That wouldn't be enough.

I was thinking of
going to a hotel.

But for a dollar and a
half you can't even sleep

in Griffith Park.

- Well look if you
wanna trade places,

I'll sleep in the rocking chair.

- I'm afraid you'd have a hard
time explaining to Harvey.

No, I'll just find someplace
else to be uncomfortable.

(snoring)

- Hold up on my breakfast
a few minutes will ya Tim?

I wanna grab a quick shower.

- Oh, well hurry up.

You don't wanna be late
your first day at work.

(shower running)

Uncle Martin, you weren't.

- Would you please get
him out of this house?

Good morning Mrs. Brown,
how nice to see you.

Won't you come in?

- Well thank you.

My you're in a happy mood
this morning aren't we?

- Why not?

God is in his heaven and
all is right with the world.

Temporarily at least.

- I tried to catch Tim
and his cousin as they

were driving out, I
wanted to invite you all

for dinner this evening.

I found a new recipe
for rabbit stew using

tuna fish instead of rabbit.

And I am just dying to
try it out on company.

- That sounds delicious.

However I have other
plans for this evening.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

Well perhaps Tim and
his cousin can join me.

- My other plans included you.

- Me?

- Mrs. Brown, would
you do me the honor

of dining and attending
a cinema afterwords?

- Would I?

(stuttering)

I mean I would.

I think that would
be most enjoyable.

- Well I suggest we
get an early start.

Say, 4:30 or 5 at the latest.

- Oh yes, I'll be ready.

I better get started right now.

Let's see, I've got to sew
a button on the blue dress

or do you think the green
one would be prettier?

- Oh I'm sure whatever you
choose will be most charming.

- Oh yes, I'm sure
it will be too.

Now let's see, if I wear
the blue dress I could

wear that rhinestone necklace.

Oh but that always gets
caught in the collar

of my jacket.

I'm not sure where the
belt is to the green dress.

Now if I wore the belt
to the green dress,

if I found that that's be
marvelous because I could

wear it around, I
wouldn't have to wear

any rhinestones then.

- Oh what a tangled
web we weave.

When first we
practice to deceive.

And to think, I gave that
line to Sir Walter Scott.

A little up on the shoulder,

a little on the shoulder.

- Well how much longer
do you think you can

hold out, Uncle Martin?

- I don't know.

Actually this is an
impossible situation.

You know, sleeping on that
rocking chair is bad enough.

But now Mrs. Brown is beginning
to think of orange blossoms

and wedding bands.

- Yeah, well you
can't blame her.

You've taken her out
every night this week.

- Well I had to didn't I?

I couldn't let her
meet Harvey, could I?

I tell you I deserve
a metal for bravery

above and beyond
the call of duty.

- You know my savings
account is draining away,

you can't afford to be brave.

(neck cracks)

- I'll spend that money
on a nice quiet hotel room

that Mrs. Brown.

Listen a little bit up on
the neck, on the neck higher.

Higher, higher right there.

Careful, careful, you're
shaking up the antennae.

You know something Tim?

The greatest
generals in history,

when faced with an
impossible situation

struck out boldly.

That's what we
need to do, attack.

- Mrs. Brown?

- No, Harvey.

- How?

- I don't know yet.

Look out.

- Practicing playing the piano.

- Without a piano?

- It's harder that way.

Do you know how long
that interviewer of yours

would last on the old Grove
Gazette and Advertiser?

I'd give him about one week.

He's too nervous Tim, he's
always hollering at everybody.

- Well it's a pretty
important job,

he's under a lot of pressure.

It must be quite a come
down for you, Harvey.

- [Harvey] Well it
is, it definitely is.

(knocking on door)

- Hi, I'm glad I
caught you at home.

Don't you remember me?

Marty.

Used to work on The Trib.

(stuttering)

- Marty.

Marty.

Oh you meant from The Tribune.

I'd like you to meet
my cousin, Harvey.

This is Marty, used to
be with The Tribune.

- Hello, glad to
meet you, Marty.

- Hello Harv.

You know where I can get a job?

- A job?

Well no, not offhand.

You see Harvey just started
working down at The Sun,

and well I'm afraid
they're just not taking on

any more help right now.

- Where'd you work before Harv?

- Oh just a little two bit
weekly back in the Midwest.

It wasn't much, but well
you gotta start somewhere.

- Now don't knock small
town papers to me, Harv.

They're the backbone
of this country.

- Oh well I wasn't knocking
The Gazette, I mean

it was all right for a while.

But well, when you've
got the old know how,

you gotta move on
to the big time.

- It's a shame.

It's a dirty shame,
that's what it is.

This kid reminds me so much
of myself when I was young.

I was going to conquer the
world, I couldn't wait.

And within one week after
going to work on a big paper

I had my first hallucination.

- I don't think you ever told me

about your
hallucinations, Marty.

- It was tension that did it.

I was working at a job
where I didn't belong.

I imagined things just
moved all by themselves

from one place to another.

You know just floating
through the air.

- Yeah, what's the matter?

- Well, didn't you see?

Well the matches
just kind of floated,

they were, I dropped
the matches on my foot.

- I made my big
mistake a long time ago

when I left the Full
River Independent.

Small paper like yours Harv.

I guess you had to
sell advertising

in your spare time too, huh?

- Oh sure they wouldn't let
you just be a star reporter.

You couldn't just be a
star reporter like I was.

I mean you had to
do a lot of stuff,

you had to do a lot
of other stuff...

We had to run the press.

And and stack and bind.

I mean we covered
all the stories from

the Strawberry Festival to
the wreck of the Hesperus.

I mean on weekends you
had to sell subscriptions

and foot stools.

- Hey Harv, is that
job still open?

- Uh job?

- The one you left
on The Gazette.

I could use a spot like that.

That's where I belong.

On a small town paper.

I was like everybody else,

I didn't know what
really made me happy.

Please Harv, see if you
can get that job for me.

I need it.

- Yeah I'll...

(dialing phone)

Hello, Mr. Humphreys?

This is Harvey O'Hara,
have you gotten anyone

to take my place at Oak Grove?

You haven't?

Uh Mr. Hat Humphreys I
can get a bus out of here

first thing in the morning.

I'll be home early Tuesday.

Thank you, bye.

I'm sorry Marty,
the job's taken.

Oh uh, incidentally Tim,
here's your Boy Scout knife.

(car driving)

* Jeanie with the
light brown hair

- Yoohoo Martin, Tim.

I've been looking for you,

your cousin's upstairs.

- But that is impossible.

We just took him to the
bus station and waited

until the bus disappeared
in the distance.

- Ah, but it isn't a him.

- Do we have a
cousin named Margie?

- Uhuh.

- You wanna take a ride?

- Where to?

- Honolulu.

(cheery music)