Original subtitles

(upbeat playful music)

- Say, Uncle Martin.

You know, I always thought

it'd take a much larger spaceship to get here from Mars.

- Well, we have larger models

but a compact is all you need to drop in on a neighbor.

- A neighbor?

Now frankly, I never felt exactly chummy about Mars.

- Why not?

Every 17 years, we're only 35 million miles apart.

(audience laughs)

- Oh well, practically across the street.

(audience laughs)

- Ah, there we are.

Once I get this repaired,

I'll really be able to make some progress.

- Now, how are you gonna get that engine fixed?

It looks like a mess.

- No problem. All I need's a little glink.

- Glink?

- Glink.

- What's glink?

- It's a basic ore. The Earth is loaded with it.

You just haven't discovered it yet.

I don't know.

Tom Edison asked me the same thing about uranium.

- You knew Tom Edison?

- Who do you think gave him the idea for the light bulb?

(audience laughs)

- Well, where do you find blink?

- Glink.

- Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, where do you find it around here?

- Well, if my calculations are correct, Sunset Mountain.

How about driving me up there this afternoon?

- Oh, I'm sorry, Uncle Martin.

Look, this is my only day off the paper.

I sorta thought I'd go over to...

(dramatic music)

- We've got a snooper.

(mysterious music)

(joyful music)

- Well, who are you?

- I'm Zeno, and I just got here from Mars.

(audience laughs)

- It's the tourist season.

- Well, welcome to Earth, Zeno.

How'd you like the trip?

- It's okay. It took me three days.

- Okay, that's pretty good.

Beats the old record by a month and a half.

(audience laughs)

How are things back on Mars?

- I can't tell you.

- Why not?

- 'Cause I'm sworn to secrecy by the High Council.

- Oh, come on, you can trust us.

- Well, the Zodos and the Grapidos got together

and captured all the Poodle people

and turned them into Brangels.

- Oh no.

- Yeah.

- Well, serves them right.

Those Poodle people always were persnickered.

- Biggest story of the year, I can't print it.

- I sure envy you, Beno.

- Zeno.

- Zeno.

Living on a wonderful place like Mars.

When you go back, how about taking me along?

- Well, I'd have to think about it.

But if you do, you have to bring your own sandwiches.

(audience laughs)

- [Jennifer] Steven.

- Oh, shucks. It's my sister.

- There you are. Didn't you hear me calling?

- How could I? I was busy parking my saucer.

- Now, don't you start

with any of your wild stories, Steven Richmond.

- That's the name I use when I'm visiting Earth.

- Steven, have you been bothering these gentlemen?

- No. No bother.

We've enjoyed it, especially now.

Why, I'm Tim O'Hara, and that's my Uncle Martin.

- Hello, I'm Jennifer Richmond.

- Oh, well, how come I haven't seen you before?

- Oh, we just moved to Los Angeles.

- From Mars.

(audience laughs)

- By way of Cincinnati.

Our folks bought the little yellow house down at the corner.

- Oh, well, now look, if there's anything I can do to help,

like, well, bring over a bucket of ice cubes

or a couple bobby pins or...

- You're very kind, but we're getting along fine.

- Tim, don't you think we ought to get back to work?

- Yes, that's a good idea.

Uncle Martin and I are going up to Sunset Mountain today.

- We are?

- It would be awfully nice if you could come along.

We could make a picnic out of it.

- Hey, I love picnics.

- Tim, uh...

- Can't we go, Jen, please?

- I don't think it'd be right, Steven.

- It certainly wouldn't.

- Why not? Mom says we gotta meet people,

and they're people.

- Yeah, if you'd like any proof, I have a birth certificate.

- Please, Jen, I haven't had any fun since I got here.

Please?

- Well, alright.

Mr. O'Hara, we'd love to go.

- Yippee.

- Uh yes, that's all very well,

but Tim's car won't hold four people.

- Well, that's alright.

We can use ours, can't we, Jen?

- Of course.

(bright music)

Steven, that's your fourth sandwich.

You'll be so sick tomorrow,

you won't be able to go to school.

- School, Martians don't have to go to school.

- They don't?

- They don't have to.

They take shots.

(audience laughs)

- Would you stop making up those wild stories?

- How do you know they're wild?

She's never been to Mars.

- Well, this is all very fascinating,

but if you good people will excuse me,

I think I'll shake the cobwebs off my feet.

- Can I go too?

- Well I'm sure your sister would rather have you stay here.

- Oh no, she doesn't mind.

No, you just go ahead and take a nice long walk.

Goodbye, Uncle Martin.

(playful music)

Happy glink.

- Happy what?

- Glink, that's an old family joke.

- Oh, Tim, maybe we should take a little walk.

- Oh, oh well, I'd love to, really,

but you see, I have a very, very bad knee,

backgammon, you know.

- Oh no, I didn't know.

- Yes, yes, and right now, it hurts.

It hurts so much.

Pain, throbbing.

(playful music)

- Wait a second, Uncle Martin.

I can't keep up with you.

- Well, Zeno, I'm surprised.

What's a little speed to a Martian?

I thought you fellows could do

all sorts of incredible things.

- Oh, I can.

Like what?

- Well, the way I heard it, gravity's so low on Mars

that you fellows could scoot up the highest mountain

like a fly, leap the widest river,

or whiz through the air like a blazing meteor.

- I do that all the time, that's when I'm back home.

Sure do miss the old place.

Hey, wait for me.

- I don't know what to do about Steven.

- Oh, he'll be alright.

Jennifer, do you believe in fate?

- He's developed the wildest imagination.

- Yes, well, I'm getting a pretty good one myself right now.

- He's gotten so he doesn't know what's real

and what's make-believe.

- Well, now, who does know what's real

and what's make-believe?

Why, a month ago, you and I were thousands of miles apart,

and yet, here we are, together.

Why, yesterday, you and I were total strangers to each other

and yet, here we are, sharing this fleeting moment

in the wilderness.

And wilderness, we're a paradise anew.

- Why, Tim, that was lovely.

You say things so beautifully.

- Why, do you really think so?

- I certainly do.

Tim?

- Yes?

- Would you have a little talk with Steven?

- Steven.

Jennifer did you hear what I just said about the wilderness?

Well, the other night on television,

Charles Boyer said practically the same thing to Irene Dunne

and she plopped right into his arms, yes.

- She probably didn't have a kid brother.

(audience laughs)

(sultry music)

- [Steven] Uncle Martin.

- What is it, Steve?

- Uncle Martin, you trying to lose me?

- Steve, would I do a thing like that?

- I don't know.

I'm hot.

- Naturally.

It's a lot warmer here than it is on Mars.

Haven't you noticed?

- Oh sure.

It's just that...

Uncle Martin, can you keep a secret?

- Steve, anyone who can't keep a secret can't keep a friend.

- Well, I'm really not from Mars.

(audience laughs)

- You aren't?

- Mm-mm. I just pretend.

You see, you have to do things like that

when you don't have anybody to play with.

- Yeah, I know what you mean, Stevie.

I guess the kids on Mars have a tough time too

when they move.

- You sure know a lot about Mars, don't you?

- Know it like a native.

- Boy, you must have read a pile of comic books.

I wonder what Mars is really like.

- It's a beautiful place, Stevie.

A wonderful place to live.

They call it the Red Planet, but it's really pink.

Lovely pink valleys, shaded by tall pink trees.

- The trees are pink? Why?

- Why not?

- I don't know.

Are the kids pink too?

- No, I guess children are the same

all over the universe, Steve.

Say, would you like me to show you

how they play hide and seek on Mars?

- Hide and seek? That's for kids.

- Oh, yes? Not like they play it on Mars.

Stand up, yeah, stand right there.

Now, turn around, turn around.

Close your eyes.

Now, count to five.

- Okay.

(dramatic music)

Ready or not, here I come.

Gee, he sure got away quick.

(audience laughs)

(suspenseful music)

- Bingo.

(audience laughs)

(mood music)

- I see you. You're under that rock.

Gee whiz, Uncle Martin, this isn't any fun.

Aw, come on, Uncle Martin.

Wow, climbing up mountains like a fly.

I'll show those Martian kids.

(suspenseful music)

Oh boy, what did I ever come up here for?

(dramatic music)

(romantic music)

- So anyhow, Mr. Burns was so doggone impressed

that he gave me a byline.

- Isn't that terrific?

- Yeah. Hi Uncle Martin.

Hey, how was hunting?

- It's in the bag.

- Where's Steven?

- Hasn't he come back yet?

We were playing hide and seek.

I thought he was headed for here.

- Oh no, I hope he hasn't gotten lost.

- I doubt it.

- Oh, don't worry.

Uncle Martin will find him.

(dramatic music)

- Uh oh.

- What's the matter?

- Trouble.

- Hey, did you hear about the kid?

- What kid?

- There's a boy stuck halfway up the top of the mountain.

- Steven.

- There's a kid stuck up on a mountain.

- Steven! That's my brother up there.

You've gotta get him down.

- How? There's no way to reach him.

- We've gotta do something.

You can't just let him stay there.

- Look, lady, I'm a plumber, not a mountain climber.

Don't worry, my wife went to get help.

- Boy, a great help you turned out to be.

You know, we may be a backward planet,

but at least, we know how to take better care of our kids.

- There's no problem.

You're gonna climb up there and get him.

- You know, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

I mean, letting a little boy climb like that,

hundreds and hundreds of feet up...

I'm gonna what?

- You're gonna be a hero, especially in Jennifer's eyes.

Your name will be a household word.

- Yeah, just like Humpty Dumpty.

Now, Uncle Martin, I can't climb up that mountain.

I'm terrified of heights.

Why, I get dizzy looking at tall girls.

- Remember my levitator?

If I turn that on, it'll be impossible for you to fall.

- It will?

- Climbing that mountain will be like

going up a flight of stairs.

- Well, I have news for you.

That makes me dizzy too.

Now, show me how that levitator works.

- I left it at the apartment.

But I'll take Jennifer's car and I'll be back before...

- Well, now, wait a second, I haven't promised anything.

- Tim, poor Stevie must be terrified.

- Aw hon, well, look, don't worry about it.

It's going to be alright.

Well, come on, hurry up.

(sad music)

(audience laughs)

(lively music)

- Levitator.

Levitator, where did I put my levitator?

Human beings, 0.1.

Animals, 0.8.

Material objects, 0.2.

Testing, testing.

Good.

(suspenseful music)

(fast music)

(police sirens)

(fast action music)

(audience laughs)

(audience laughs)

- Steve, just sit still.

Where's your uncle?

- Oh, hon, he'll be here soon, don't worry.

(mood music)

(triumphant music)

- Alright, come on boy, let's...

- Oh no, Uncle Martin, I've had a lot of time to think

and to look, and that's one heck of a steep mountain.

- With this little jewel, gravity doesn't stand a chance.

You couldn't fall if you wanted to.

- Show me.

(action music)

- Alright, little hero.

Up you go.

- Oh, Uncle Martin, I...

- Just a couple of feet.

- Huh?

Oh.

Well, okay.

(suspenseful music)

Well, now what? I don't feel a thing.

- Try to jump down.

- It works.

Look, Uncle Martin, no hands.

(audience laughs)

- See what I mean?

You make Sir Hillary look like a groundhog.

- Hey, how about that?

Well, come on, let's go, put it in high.

- Now, if you don't look down, you won't get dizzy.

And don't make it look too easy.

- Don't worry about me.

Just don't forget to keep your eyes on me, that's all.

Well, let's go.

(dramatic music)

- Holy cow.

- Tim.

- What's the matter? You some kind of nut?

Come down off of there.

- Tim, what are you doing?

- [Tim] It's okay, I'm going up after Steve.

- You'll both be killed.

- Oh, don't worry.

I've had more trouble on an escalator.

(audience laughs)

- Mr. O'Hara, do something.

- Well, I'm doing all I can.

- [Tim] Don't let go, Steve.

Hang on, atta boy, I'm coming, don't worry.

(suspenseful music)

- Why did you ever let him do it?

- Jennifer, Jennifer, would you please stop worrying?

He'll bring the boy back to you in great shape.

I give you my personal guarantee.

- There he is.

- Gotcha. - Come on.

- Tim.

Tim, come back.

- Oh, don't worry, Uncle Martin.

I'll be careful.

Boy, is he a showman.

(audience laughs)

- Okay, hot rod, let's see how fast you can do 30 days.

- Wait, wait, you can't.

- You leave him alone.

- What's up, officer? What did he do?

- What did he do? I'll tell you what he did.

He...

He...

Hey Joe, what did he do?

- He...

I don't know.

(audience laughs)

- Gee, I'm sorry, Mack.

Hey, what's that guy doing up there?

- My little brother's stuck on a ledge,

and he's going after him.

- He'll break his neck.

Hey Joe, call headquarters

and tell them to get a rescue squad here right away.

- Right.

(upbeat music) (audience laughs)

(dramatic music)

- (laughs) That Martin.

Trying to make it look tough. (laughs)

(suspenseful music)

Oh boy.

- Hey Tim, it's high up here.

- Hang on, Stevie. I'm almost there.

- Mr. O'Hara, he made it.

He's gonna get Steven. He made it.

(audience laughs)

- Hi Stevie. You alright?

- I'm scared, Tim.

You're gonna stay up here with me, aren't you?

- Oh, heck no. I'm gonna take you down on my back.

- Don't make me, Tim. We'll both fall off.

- Oh, we'll be okay, Stevie, don't worry about it.

(people talking)

Boy, you sure managed to climb awful high.

Come on now, on my back, get a good grip and hang on.

Get this leg over here.

Atta boy, atta boy, now hold on tight, okay?

You all set?

- Lord, I guess so.

- Okay.

(descending music)

Okay, Uncle Martin, put it in reverse.

(audience laughs)

(playful music)

- I still can't figure out why I grabbed that guy.

- What did he do?

- I don't know.

(audience laughs)

- Tim.

- Oh come on, Uncle Martin, cut it out, will you?

- What?

- Oh nothing, you just hang on, okay, Stevie?

- Tim, my arms hurt.

- Oh, how'd you like to hop off and walk?

- Hey, we're almost there.

Either way, you scoot up and down mountains,

anybody would think you came from Mars.

You don't, do you?

- No, but I've got connections.

(audience laughs)

(people clapping and cheering)

- Congratulations, Mack, he did it.

(audience laughs)

(people clapping and cheering)

- Oh, Steven.

- That was fun.

- Tim, you angel.

What can I ever do to thank you?

- Well, I'm not sure, but you're off to a very good start.

(audience laughs)

- That was terrific. Greatest thing I've ever seen.

- Well, thank you very much.

It was nothing, really.

Uncle Martin?

Uncle Martin, I can't tell you...

Why that was just...

- Stupendous.

Why, to conquer that mountain with raw nerve and grit.

- Well, look, I wasn't that great, you know.

If you hadn't been for you and this...

What happened to that?

- What didn't happen to it?

It's been broken more times than a Russian promise.

(audience laughs)

- When did this happen?

- Right after you started your climb.

You see, you didn't need any help.

All you had to do was to try a little bit.

As one of your great philosophers said,

"Wondrous things occur when man and mountain meet."

Tim?

(audience laughs)

Tim?

(audience laughs)

- Alright, alright, stand back everybody, stand back.

Give him a little air.

He just fainted, that's all.

(mood music)

(light music)

- Mr. O'Hara, thank goodness you're home.

Could you give me a hand with Tim?

He's had an accident.

- Accident?

Tim, what happened to you?

- Oh it's all my fault, Mr. O'Hara.

He was helping me put up the kitchen curtains, and he...

- I fell off the stool.

(audience laughs)

- Wondrous things when man and woman meet.

(audience laughs)

(playful music)