Original subtitles

(orchestral music)

(audience laughing)

- Why this is pretty sharp.

Are all spaceships on Mars like this?

- No this is a little foreign sports job, great mileage,

10,000 miles to an atom.

Once I repair this hull I can plan my flight back to Mars.

- Well the electronic stabilizer is perfect now.

- Yeah well I finally fixed this ionic stabilizer

and the power reactor,

but look how long it's taken me.

Serves me right for not trading this one in

for one of those later models with the new attachment.

- What new attachment?

- Oh if you'd damage one of the new ones,

it repairs itself.

It's optional equipment, but well worth it.

- Boy would I be a big man in Detroit if I had one of those.

- Well I certainly hope this new silicone plastic

will seal those tears.

- Well according to the newspaper

it will withstand 500 degrees more

than any other known material.

- Well we'll find out tomorrow, where's the hammer Tim?

- Oh it's over there, I'll get it for you.

- No no, it's easier for me.

(mysterious whooshing)

(audience laughing)

- You know every time I see you do that I am fascinated.

You martians can do the most amazing things.

- Well don't forget Jim, our civilization on Mars

is much more advanced than yours.

We know so much more about philosophy and geology

and physics and,

(clanging) (audience laughing)

pain. (audience laughing)

(electronic beeping)

(mysterious music)

(theme music)

(door buzzer buzzing)

- [Lorelei ] Who is it?

- It's the junk man,

I stopped by this morning and you told me to come back.

- Oh yes, I put some things in the garage for you.

You know it's amazing,

nobody outgrows toys faster than children.

- Yeah, yeah I guess you're right lady.

- I'll show you where it,

oh dear I've got a cake in the oven,

would you mind getting it yourself?

- Well I, it's just that--

- It's right there in the middle of the garage.

Now this is the key to my garage,

or is it this one?

No no that's the key to Tim's apartment.

Or is it the key to Tim's garage.

Oh you see I'm Tim O'Hara's landlady

and he rents the apartment up there and--

- Please lady we've got a lot of stops, please.

- Oh I'm sorry, here, oh I'm sure the right one will fit.

- Yeah it usually does.

I'll bring them right back lady.

Hey pretty good junk. (audience laughing)

We ought to be able to get a couple of bucks for this.

- It's solid, they don't make toys like this no more.

- You can say that again. (audience laughing)

Hey, this is why she's throwing it away.

Look at them dents and rips.

- You know, the only difference between a toy and junk,

15 minutes with a kid. (audience laughing)

- You can say that again.

Hey let's get going.

(suspenseful music)

(barking)

(orchestral music)

- Oh good morning I'm glad you're back.

This package arrived for you by special messenger.

Dinner will be ready in 20 minutes.

- Dinner, who can think of anything as mundane as dinner?

This may be my ticket back to Mars.

- Oh is that that new silicone plastic?

- Right, now we'll find out

if it's as heat resistant as they claim.

I'm going down to work on my spaceship.

- [Tim] Well I'll call you when dinner's ready.

- [Martin] Right.

(orchestral music)

- Uncle Martin, dinner is served sir.

Uncle Martin?

Hey Uncle Martin.

Uncle Martin dinner's ready.

It's gone.

His spaceship's gone.

He didn't even say goodbye.

(groaning)

Uncle Martin I thought you'd gone.

- No, no I'm still here.

- Well what happened to the spaceship?

- I don't know,

when I opened the garage it was gone.

- Well it couldn't just leave on its own, could it?

- No, no it couldn't.

- It's been stolen, that's the only answer.

Come on let's report it.

- Good idea, good idea we'll call the police.

- Right.

- Tell them there's been a robbery.

- Yeah.

- Tell them somebody broke into the garage

and stole my spaceship. (audience laughing)

- Oh.

- The one I was repairing so that I could fly back to Mars.

Then both of us can spend the rest of our time

in a nice padded cell. (audience laughing)

- You're right, they'd think we were a couple of kooks.

- The kookiest.

- Well this is ridiculous, we've been robbed

and we can't even report it to anybody.

- For the first time since I landed here

I have no way to get back home.

(audience laughing)

- Can you imagine they left those old toys

right in the middle of my garage.

- Difficult to face,

but I may have to spend the rest of my life

right here on Earth.

- I suppose it wasn't good enough for them,

some junk man.

- Junk man?

Toys, garage?

- Yes would you believe it?

A snob junk man. (audience laughing)

I gave him the key to my garage

and I told him to pick up those things

and they're all still there.

- Mrs. Brown what was the name of that junk man?

- What's the difference?

Even if they gave me a card

I'd never call them again anyway.

- But you didn't get his name?

- Certainly not.

- Didn't you get a receipt?

- What for he didn't take anything.

- Do you know what kind of truck it is?

- Oh yes.

It was one of those trucks with, it was four wheels.

(audience laughing)

- Four wheels, that's all?

- Oh and driver's seat, well you know how it is

when you've seen one truck you've seen them all.

- There are exceptions.

- Oh those men upset me so much

I almost forgot dinner was on the stove.

If you hear of a reliable junk dealer let me know.

- Well now we know what happened.

Somehow she gave those junk men the wrong key

to the wrong garage.

But which junk men, that's the question.

- Well couldn't you read her mind?

- Tim trying to read Mrs. Brown's mind

is like trying to read a can of alphabet soup.

All the letters are there, but they don't spell anything.

(audience laughing)

I'll have to get on the phone

and call every junk dealer in the city.

- Well let's get started.

- Well how many junk dealers do you think there are?

- Oh hundreds, there must be at least 50

to pick the fenders up off the freeway.

Dinner is getting cold.

- [Martin] Let it.

- Oh no not now Booboo, huh go away.

- Hey,

Booboo you got a minute? (dog barking)

- Do you think he might know something?

- Possibly, he's always outside,

he knows more about what's going on in the neighborhood

than Mrs. Brown. (audience laughing)

Booboo, Booboo I've got a problem

and maybe you can help me.

(barking)

I knew you would.

Now what time did they let you out this morning?

(barking)

(laughing)

- What's so funny?

- He says they let him out early enough

to shake up the mailman. (audience laughing)

Listen Booboo, you didn't happen to see a truck

in the driveway did you?

(barking)

Can you describe it?

(barking)

It had four wheels and a driver's seat and a,

oh come on now Booboo.

- Swell, he's been talking to Mrs. Brown.

Well ask him if he got the license number.

(barking)

(audience laughing)

Oh did I say something wrong?

- You embarrassed him a little.

Booboo never learned how to read.

- I'm sorry.

(barking)

- Well he forgives you. (audience laughing)

Now Booboo is there anything else you can tell me?

- [Tim] Well what's a matter?

- Shh he's thinking. (audience laughing)

(barking)

Uh huh, it was a gray flatbed truck with one white wheel

and the junk men's names were Mike and Bruno.

- Mike and Bruno who?

(barking)

- They only called each other by their first names.

- Alright so we know what the truck looked like.

That doesn't help us at all,

we're no further ahead now than we were before.

- I don't know about that, I've got an idea.

Now, Booboo listen to me it's very important.

I must locate that truck that you saw this morning.

Now, how many friends do you have?

(barking)

Only two?

(barking)

Oh, oh, two pals,

but you've got a lot of acquaintances.

(barking) (audience laughing)

If you can tell five of your acquaintances

what the truck looks like

and then have each of them

tell five of his acquaintances

one of your acquaintances has got to spot the truck.

(barking)

You will?

Booboo what can I say?

(barking)

Alright, alright I'll wait to hear from you.

(barking) (audience laughing)

- Hey that's a crazy idea, a dog chain letter.

- Well call it what you will, I only hope it works.

I'll keep my fingers spread just for luck.

- Spread, on Earth we keep them crossed.

- Backward planet. (audience laughing)

(barking)

- Pacing isn't gonna hurry things along.

- I don't know of any substitute for pacing

other than scratching and I don't itch.

- Oh be calm will you, the dogs won't let you down.

- No I hope not.

You know on Mars we have a saying,

dogs are a martian's best friend.

- That's original. (audience laughing)

(barking)

Booboo?

- Yes I'd recognize his voice anywhere.

Here Booboo sit down, you must be very tired.

(barking)

Am I glad to see you?

(barking)

Well why shouldn't I be?

(barking)

Are you sure?

(barking)

You've had reports from where?

(barking)

Tujunga? (barking)

Las Fuentes? (barking)

Sardina? (barking)

And none of your friends have seen the truck?

(barking)

Well, it was a good try anyhow.

(barking)

- What'd he say?

- He told me to keep my chin up.

(barking) (audience laughing)

The reports still haven't come in

from the outlying districts. (audience laughing)

(suspenseful music)

(audience laughing)

- Coffee?

- No no no no.

(audience laughing)

(barking)

Yes Booboo what is it?

- What'd he say?

- Shh, give him a chance to catch his breath.

Yes? (barking)

Oh you've got a friend? (barking)

Well bring him in.

(audience laughing)

(barking)

Yes? (barking)

Yes?

(barking) (audience laughing)

You did?

Oh thanks Booboo and thank all your friends for me.

Maybe I'll be able to help you out some day.

- Well come on Uncle Martin,

you know I don't speak dog. (audience laughing)

- We're off to San Pedro.

- Like this?

- Yes. - No I gotta change first.

It'll take two seconds.

- Well let's go, let's go.

Are you ready? (audience laughing)

(orchestral music)

- Can I help you fellas?

- Do you know a Mike and Bruno?

- Yeah sure, they were here first thing this morning,

dropped up a load of stuff.

- Well can you tell us where? - Yeah back in the yard.

- Do you mind if we look it over?

- No go ahead, help yourself.

(orchestral music)

- I don't see it. - Nor do I.

- I don't know what you're looking for,

but whatever it is I hope it didn't go to the crusher.

- The crusher, what's the crusher?

- Excuse me there's another load coming in.

- What is a crusher?

- This is your planet. (audience laughing)

(crunching)

- So that's how they make a compact.

- Your humor leave much to be desires.

- Look the spaceship. (audience laughing)

Oh I was wrong, well it looked like it.

- Did you fellas find what you were looking for?

- No, where's that load that Mike and Bruno brought in?

- Ah there it is.

- Is that all of it? - Yes.

Except for a thing that looked like a toy airplane

that I got rid of.

- A toy airplane? - That you got rid of?

- A guy came around and gave me five bucks for it.

- Who was he?

- Where can we get in touch with him?

- You ever hear Carter's Kiddie Land?

- Sure.

- Well that's where he took it but I got something for you--

(suspenseful music)

(cirus music)

(audience laughing)

- Look at that.

- [Tim] It's your spaceship.

- Juvenile delinquent.

That spaceship has a built in defense against radar,

missiles and even gamma rays,

but against ice cream cones it's helpless.

- Well let's see if we can find Mr. Carter.

- Yeah and quickly.

- Could you tell us where we'll find Mr. Carter?

- You've found him.

- I'd like to talk to you about your airplane ride.

- 10 cents a ticket, how many do you want?

- I don't want to buy a ticket, I want to buy an airplane.

- Look you're holding up the line,

now how many tickets do you want for your kids?

- No no I'm serious, how much do you want

for that one that's marked rocket to Mars?

- It's not for sale.

10 cents sweetheart.

- Well I know that you just picked it up this morning.

- We'll give you twice what you paid for it.

- I don't need 20 bucks, I need the plane.

- Alright 10 cents then, another nickel darling.

Kids today try to get away with anything.

- I tell you what,

it doesn't look like it's in very good shape

or anything like that,

we'll give you three times what you paid for it.

- Oh get off my back will you?

That plane will bring in six to eight bucks a day

and the way it's built it will last a lifetime.

- Several. (audience laughing)

- Huh?

- Son you forgot your change.

(audience laughing)

- Buster,

buy a ticket or beat it, you're beginning to bother me.

(throat clearing)

- One. - 15 cents for adults.

Can I have a nickel? (audience laughing)

- Two for a quarter? - One.

- Here you are sport. (audience laughing)

- Excuse me.

- What'd you buy a ticket for?

- Do you know of any other way

to find out what condition it's in?

- No I don't.

(audience laughing)

- Son, why don't you ride in the next one huh?

- I rode on all the little ones,

I was saving the big one for last.

(audience laughing)

- Yeah, yeah well.

- Hey buster, you're costing me money.

Get in an empty airplane the kids want to take off.

- Yeah I know but this is my--

- You got your ticket, get in.

(circus music)

- I just sent myself back 1,000 years.

(audience laughing)

Bon voyage.

- Coffee, tea or milk? (audience laughing)

- Fasten your seat belt. (audience laughing)

(circus music)

(audience laughing)

Hey buster?

I know this is none of my business,

but isn't he a little old for this kind of thing?

- Oh, well yes, but you see,

well he's taking his first real airplane ride next week

and we want to break him in nice and easy.

(audience laughing)

- What do you?

There you are sonny. (audience laughing)

- Did Uncle Martin have a nice ride?

(audience laughing)

(circus music)

Yeah what's a matter?

- Tim, I want you to do me a favor before I take off.

- Take off you're gonna try and fly that thing out of here?

What about the tear in the hull,

I thought you wouldn't fly it like that?

- Into outer space no,

but it's perfectly safe for a short hop.

- Oh Uncle Martin forget it.

- Now Tim, it's obvious Mr. Carter hates,

just what I want you to do

is go and buy me one ticket on the ride

and then some how pay him $10 for the spaceship.

- Oh no, no don't disappear on me now.

Please can't you and I just stand here and discuss this

like two reasonable human beings?

Correction, one reasonable human being.

- [Martin] Go buy the ticket.

- Another ticket please.

- For your flying friend? - Yeah.

- 15 cents.

- Well before you said they were two for a quarter.

- That's if you buy them at the same time.

(audience laughing)

(audience laughing)

- I want to ride in that one.

- Alright here I'll.

- [Martin] Ouch.

- Hold still Harold.

- I can't get my feet in.

- [Martin] Ouch.

- What'd you say dear?

- I didn't say anything.

- Boys.

Now put your feet in Harold.

- [Martin] This is a recording,

you have reached a disconnected spacecraft,

please move to the next one, thank you.

- Oh they're all full,

we'll have to wait for the next one.

(high tech whirring)

(gasping)

(whooshing)

Look Harold, it really was out of order.

(audience laughing)

- I wish you could've seen Carter's face when you took off.

- I was too busy adjusting my controls,

there was cotton candy in my stabilizer

and a jelly apple in my jet. (laughing)

- When he told the police that his spaceship just flew off

they thought he was kook. (laughing)

- Well like said before, the kookiest.

- At least it's back in the garage now.

- Well I'm terribly disappointed

in that new silicone plastic.

It won't stick to our martian metal.

- Well it looks like you're just stuck here

for a little while longer.

- Yeah, well this looks like it ought to be enough.

- Yep. - There you are.

- Thank you. - Here we go.

(orchestral music)

(audience laughing)

Alright, dig in.

(growling)

(barking)

By the way fellas,

for desert there's bones. (audience laughing)

(theme music)