Original subtitles

(enigmatic music)

(playful music)

- Does everyone on Mars have all of your powers?

- Of course.

On Mars, powers are merely the facts of life.

- On Earth, we have the facts of life, too.

But, compared to yours, the birds and bees

are for the birds.

- I know what you're thinking, Tim.

But you just can't have one.

You're not ready yet.

- Oh, have you ever given a power to someone on Earth?

- Of course not.

- Well then, how do you know we're not ready?

- Now you're always telling me not to prejudge,

and you're prejudging now.

- No, I'm not.

- Yes, you are.

Now you say the people on Earth are not ready

for Martian powers, and yet no one on Earth

has ever had a Martian power.

- I just couldn't do it.

- Well I'd like to prove to you that we are mature enough.

- Well, uh, what power would you take?

- Well,

you, uh,

you talk to animals.

- (laughs) You make me sound neurotic.

- You read minds.

- And now you make me sound like a nightclub act.

- Well, you make things rise up and float around.

- It's called levitation, learn the terms.

- Oh, sorry.

Well, let's see, you, uh, you can disappear.

That's it, disappear!

I bet being invisible would be a ball!

Especially in certain places.

- You should have your thoughts washed out with soap.

- I've never asked anything of you before.

I mean, didn't I take you in?

Like a brother?

(playful music) (audience laughs)

- Like an uncle.

- Well what's wrong with trying a little thing like that?

- Well, nothing, I suppose.

Maybe I could let you have levitation for a little while.

- Oh, that'd be great!

For how long?

- One day.

- One day?

- [Martin] Take it or leave it.

- I'll take it.

- All right, let me see your index finger.

- My right or my left?

- Right, of course, the left is for something else.

Ah, now if I told you that, you'd want it instead.

- How do you know?

- I read your mind.

Now, place your finger against my finger.

- What are you gonna do?

- Come on, come on, come on, don't be frightened.

Now, close your eyes.

Take a deep breath.

Think of nothing but your finger.

(enigmatic music)

There.

You've got it.

(tense music) (audience laughs)

(climactic music)

(enigmatic music)

(Martian beeps)

(Martian beeps)

(cheerful playful music)

(playful music)

(audience laughs)

- I've got it.

- Yes, you've got it, but you've gotta be careful with it.

(tense music)

(playful music)

- Hey, look at that.

- Put that fish back!

(water splashes)

(audience laughs)

Let me see that finger.

Well, it looks fine.

- What's wrong?

- Did you ever break that finger?

- Well, yeah, I broke it once playing football, why?

- It never set right.

All your levitation will be at an angle.

There are people like that, you know.

- Yes, Uncle Martin.

(enigmatic music)

Hey, this is great!

- Watch your control.

Hold that finger straight.

That's it now.

Compensate, compensate for that angle.

Try a landing.

Never take your eye off of what you're levitating.

- Oh, well.

Watch this, Uncle Martin.

(enigmatic music)

- Ease up on that middle joint.

Now, now, now, bend the knuckle on that base.

(dish crashes)

(audience laughs)

What's so funny?

It's not a toy, Tim.

- I'm sorry, Uncle Martin, but I,

I'm just afraid it's not right for me.

- Mm-hm, well, you are not really trying.

- No, you were right, Uncle Martin.

Levitation is a toy to me.

Now, this would be great if I was a,

a piano mover, or a bank robber, even a street sweeper, but

I'm afraid being a reporter,

I picked the wrong power.

- You can't change powers in midstream

- Oh, why not?

So I made a mistake.

Look, if I, I should've picked something that was

a little more helpful in my work.

- I never should've started this.

- Uncle Martin, look.

There's this reporter that has a city hall beat

and he's on vacation,

and I have an interview tomorrow

with a bigshot councilman.

- I can't.

- Uncle Martin, if I could find out how he really thinks,

how he's gonna vote on particular issues,

it would help me a great deal.

Come on, Uncle Martin, give me a transfer?

- I'm not a street car conductor.

- Please.

- Well, uh,

not now, anyway.

- [Tim] Why not?

- Well, before I give you mind reading,

I'll have to take back levitation.

- All right, swell, take it back.

- All right.

Hold out your finger.

(enigmatic music)

All right, there, it's gone.

- So fast?

Up, chair.

(audience laughs)

Up, telephone.

- Up Donder, up Blitzen.

It's gone, Tim, really.

- That's great, now where's the mind reading?

- Tomorrow.

- All day, can I have it all day?

- Until midnight.

- Gee, I feel like Cinderella.

(audience laughs) (gentle music)

Why didn't you wake me earlier?

I only have one day for mind reading.

- You have plenty of time, Tim, until midnight.

(someone knocks)

- Is it connected?

You know, does it work?

Can I read minds?

- Open the door and see.

- Good morning, Mr. O'Hara, nice day.

- [Tim] What was that?

- I just said it's a nice day.

- There's two cents postage due on my letter, right?

- Well, how'd you know?

- [Tim] Just a wild guess.

- Oh.

(dog barks)

- [Tim] Yes, you're right.

That's not our dog.

We don't have a dog.

- That's funny, that's just what I was thinking.

- And I bet I can tell you what you think

is the worst kind of dog.

- What?

- A Pekingese.

- Yeah!

- They're so small they come up and bite you on the ankle

before you even notice 'em.

- They're so small they come up and bite you in the.

(audience laughs)

Here's your letter.

(audience laughs)

- He came in as clear as a bell!

- What did you expect, static?

- It's fantastic.

- Now, Tim, you can't tease people with their own thoughts.

It's not a game.

Uh, do me a favor, huh?

Go back to levitation.

- Oh no.

I'm just warming up to mind reading.

- Well, after what I've just seen,

I'm worried about what might happen the rest of the day.

- Oh, all right, Uncle Martin, I was showing off.

But, but, well, he was my first case.

I mean, how did you do your first time?

- Well, it's hard to remember.

I was a baby.

(someone knocks)

- [Both] Mrs. Brown.

(audience laughs)

- Oh, good morning, Tim.

- It certainly is a gorgeous morning.

- Oh, why, that's just what I was gonna say.

- Good morning, Mrs. Brown.

- Oh, good morning, Martin (laughs).

Oh, I, uh, I brought some chocolate chip cookies up

for you, Tim, I know they're your favorite.

- Uh, you mean you know

that they're Uncle Martin's favorite.

- Oh, his favorite, too.

Really?

Oh, well now, that's a surprise.

- Uh-uh-uh, Mrs. Brown.

You mean, he loves chocolate chip.

- Well, I baked them for you, Tim, but if,

if Martin really likes them.

- Oh, I, uh, I do, indeed, Mrs. Brown.

Uh, it was very nice of you to think of us.

- Oh, I hope you like them.

Most people do like my chocolate cook chippies.

I mean, my chocolate chit choppies.

Uh, my, my chocolate chop, uh (laughs).

Oh dear, maybe I shoulda made peanut broodle,

uh, brittle.

- That was very nice of you, Mrs. Brown.

(stutters) I know we will enjoy these.

- You're absolutely right, Mrs. Brown,

he doesn't look his age at all.

- No, he certainly doesn't.

Did I say that?

- No, Mrs. Brown.

Tim said that.

- Oh, good.

For a minute I thought--

- Thought you said what you were thinking.

- Well, yes, that's right, I thought that.

Oh, enjoy the chookies, oh, cookies!

(audience laughs) (playful music)

- She came in clearer than the mailman!

(audience laughs)

I'm a what?

- A blabbermouth.

One of the first rules of mind reading is

don't be a blabbermouth!

Don't blab!

- I just said what she was thinking.

- That's blabbing.

(audience laughs)

- No, no, thank you, no coffee now.

As a matter of fact, the lady would like milk later.

Isn't that right, Daphne?

- I was just gonna say that.

(audience laughs)

- Now, where were we?

- Mm, about your interview with Councilman Gramby

this afternoon, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

- No, you don't have to, this is my lucky day.

- Oh.

- What's the matter?

- Well, um, there's something I'm gonna have to tell you.

Uh, you see I got this telegram.

- You mean telephone call.

- Um, yes, telephone call.

You see I have this aunt from New Jersey.

- Really?

Your aunt?

- Uh-huh, from Brown Brook.

- And he.

- No, he, she,

well she's coming into town this weekend, and

I'm afraid I'm gonna have to break our Saturday night date.

- Do you know how much extra I had to pay

for those tickets to a broker?

- Oh, I can't be rude to my aunt.

- Your aunt, huh?

- Mm-hm.

- The tall aunt?

- Well she's not that tall.

- Well this 6'2" tall aunt with the, uh,

broad shoulders and the big blue eyes, that aunt?

- My father's younger sister.

- Your father's younger sister

who played tackle at Purdue?

- I don't know what you mean, Tim.

- Your Aunt Bronco!

- Have you been spying on me?

Have you had my phone tapped?

Had me followed?

- Really, your aunt?

Couldn't you have said your grandmother who died, or,

or a story you had to go on out of town?

- Well, well,

I've just never been so insulted in all my life.

- Uh, who gets the salad?

- Oh, he does, and allow me to give it to him.

(audience laughs)

- Roe for it, please.

(audience laughs)

Well, I'm off to interview Gramby,

but first I'm gonna stop by

and get last-minute instructions from Burns.

- Tim,

maybe we should--

- Call the whole thing off?

Don't forget, I can read your mind, too.

- Well, then you know what I'm thinking.

When I gave you the power of mind reading,

it was like opening Pandora's box.

Nothing but trouble has come out.

- Well, I, uh,

I'll admit that maybe I acted foolish with the mailman and

with, uh, Mrs. Brown.

And maybe even a little with Daphne, too.

- From what you told me, that was quite a lunch date

you had with Daphne.

- Yes, I, I, uh.

(playful music)

That's not funny.

- What?

- That joke you're thinking.

It must've been a tossed salad,

because she really tossed it.

- I'm sorry.

But I'm really concerned about your interview.

This power could get you into lots of trouble.

- Once I read Gramby's mind, I am going to write

the interview of the year.

Now will you please stop worrying.

- I can't help it.

It's my responsibility.

I never should've given you mind reading, and, uh--

- You might take it back?

- I might.

I might!

- Oh, no you wouldn't.

I just looked in there,

and you'd never go back on a promise.

Besides, I know how to use it better now.

- Oh, no, you don't.

I just looked in there, and you don't.

- I think--

- That's not true.

Besides--

- You never did.

Just this morning--

- That doesn't count, you were--

- I was not!

- Tim--

- Oh no.

You said till 12 midnight, not till 12 noon.

Anyway--

- You wouldn't dare.

I could--

- Oh, but you wouldn't (laughs).

You know, I sorta hate to leave now.

You and I could have a wonderful conversation

and not even say a word.

(audience laughs) (playful music)

(inspiring music)

Oh, come on, Uncle Martin, what are we doing,

playing follow the leader?

- I can't help it, Tim, I'm concerned.

- But I'm a big boy now.

- I know, I know, but I gave you dynamite to play with,

and I'd feel better if I went along with you.

- Oh, that's swell, that sure makes me a bigshot reporter.

What am I supposed to say?

Councilman Gramby, I'd like you to meet my Uncle Martin.

He's here to keep an eye on me, just to make sure

that I don't do anything silly?

- Yeah, yeah.

You've got a point there.

I know what I'll do.

(enigmatic music)

There, now I won't embarrass you by my presence,

but I'll be there in case you need me.

- All right, I can't stop you now.

Join the fun, see if I care.

- Say, Jean, uh, give me a rundown on that new reporter

I gotta talk to, will you?

- Oh, it's all here on a set of four by five cards, Jack.

He's a real lightweight.

He's a fast replacement for Eddie.

His name's O'Hara, and he's a real nothin', he's nobody.

- Good. (phone buzzes)

Oh.

Yes?

- [Receptionist] Tim O'Hara.

- Uh, send him in.

What was his name again?

- O'Hara, Tim,

Tim O'Hara. - Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim.

How are you, my boy?

- Can we get you something?

- Well, uh, no, no, thank you, I'm fine.

- Good, let's go, I like a reporter

who wants to get to work fast.

That's what we've heard about you.

Oh, we've heard a lot about you, uh, uh, Tom.

- Tim.

- Tim, yes, of course, how, how could I forget?

You've got some reputation, my boy.

Real heavyweight.

I've been looking forward to this interview.

Shall we, uh, sit on the couch?

(audience laughs)

- Uh, no, I'd rather not sit on the couch.

- Well, sure, fine, we'll sit over.

- On second thought, let's sit on the couch.

- Yeah, whatever you say, my boy.

Uh,

where shall we start?

- Oh, uh, well, Councilman Gramby--

- Uh, Jack.

- Everybody calls him Jack, part of the new breed, you know?

- Yeah.

- Fire away.

- Yes, well I, uh, I know the council

will be voting next week.

- Oh-ho-ho, I love being interviewed by a reporter

who's bothered to check the facts.

Congratulations, my boy.

- Uh, well thank you very much.

Now there seems to be some concern about the new freeway

going through your district.

- Right.

- Yes, well, have you made up your mind yet?

I mean, are you going to vote for it or against it?

- Is that your full question?

- Yes.

- (laughs) It's a hot potato, all right (laughs).

- Will you vote for it or against it?

- You've gotta face issues.

- Jack always says that.

(audience laughs)

- If you were to ask me what advice I would give

to a young man or a young woman

starting out in politics today,

I would sum it up in two words, face issues.

Now what's your next question?

(audience laughs)

- My next question?

- A councilman's a busy man, Tom,

oh, uh, Tim.

Uh, let's get on with the interview.

I don't mean to rush you, my boy,

but I'm interested in your next question.

- Yes, well.

Uh, now I know the new high school bond issue

was coming up before the council--

- We owe a great responsibility to the youth.

They are the voters of tomorrow.

- Oh, well, then you'll support the new bond issue.

- A lot of the voters of today aren't interested

in the voters of tomorrow.

- You won't support it?

- (laughs) Isn't he a peach of an interviewer, Jean?

- He sure is, Jack.

(audience laughs)

- If you were to ask me what advice I would give

to a young man or a young woman starting out

in journalism today, I would sum it up in two words,

clear questions.

Now do you have a third question?

- [Tim] But I haven't.

- Yes?

Oh, right away.

The mayor wants you on your private line.

- Uh, he always wants me when I'm tied up (laughs).

I'll, uh, take it inside.

Uh, you think up some more good questions, my boy.

I'll be back in five minutes.

Make yourself at home.

Be my guest.

- Fine.

All right, where are you?

(arms slam)

- [Martin] Here, in Jack's chair.

- Okay, wise guy, what did you do

with my mind reading power?

- [Martin] I didn't do anything.

- Never trust a Martian, that's my motto.

Uh, uh-uh, where are you sneaking off to?

You just can't face me, can you?

Now we made a deal, and you spoiled it

just when I really needed it.

First I read his mind, yes.

Then I read his mind, no.

Then yes,

then no.

All right, where are you?

(enigmatic music)

- Here. (Tim cries out)

You've still got the power, Tim.

- Well then why couldn't I read his mind clearly?

- Nobody can read a politician's mind

while he's deciding which side he's on.

- Why not?

- He's playing mental ping-pong.

Politicians won't commit themselves even to themselves.

- Hey, there's the angle for my story.

The politician's game, mental ping-pong.

- Now, just a minute, Tim.

- [Tim] What's the matter?

- Not only did I give you a stick of dynamite to play with,

but it looks as though I just lit the fuse.

- Gee, but this will be the greatest story

I've ever written!

- Yes, yes, but think of the consequences.

- Sure.

I might just end up the official

political reporter for the Sun!

I'm gonna send that story right now.

(gentle music)

Great, isn't it?

- The ping-pong ball mind of Jack Gramby,

one of our well-known councilmen,

bounces for and against the following issues of the day.

- Provocative, isn't it?

- I must've been out of my mind to run it.

Gramby's been calling this office for hours

and so has his lawyer, and I've bee ducking them.

If we're lucky, mind you, if we're lucky,

this libel suit will only cost us a million dollars.

Our city's most ardent issue dodger, who's been playing

both sides of the fence for years.

Oh no.

Make it two million.

Do you know your next job?

- The obituary column?

- The obitu,

say how the devil did you know I was thinking that?

- Well, I don't know.

Let's just say I had a feeling I was a dead duck.

(playful music) (audience laughs)

(hooves clatter) (men holler)

(guns fire) (adventurous music)

- Where have you been?

It's almost, it's almost 12 o'clock.

Everybody's been looking for you.

- Well I've been out thinking of nice, neat, clean ways

to kill myself.

- [Martin] Why?

- Oh, Uncle Martin, you were right.

A hundred and one percent right.

Earth men just aren't ready for Martian powers!

I'm childish, I'm immature.

Will you please take back mind reading

before I do any more damage with it?

I've insulted enough people already!

I'm being sued for libel,

I've almost lost my job,

I have lost my new redhead.

Uncle Martin, will you please take it back?

I only wanna know what people tell me.

Will you take it back before whoever's coming up here

gets up here?

(someone knocks)

- Come in!

- Where is he?

Haha, there you are.

- When do I start delivering newspapers?

- No, boy.

You're covering city hall forever.

We're gonna do an expose series

about all of the city council,

and the mayor, and maybe even the governor, too.

- What?

- Haha, we've sold every newspaper we printed.

We're back being a crusading newspaper.

- Oh no!

- And you're getting a raise, my boy.

You know, I finally took that call from Gramby,

and he told me that seeing all his double talk in print

convinced him that he had to take a stand against issues

and not duck them.

And you, my boy, you Tim, you're the one that changed him!

- Me? - Yeah.

You know, he said that it was just if

you were reading his mind.

Now that's the kind of reporter I need,

a reporter who can get a politician's innermost thoughts.

- Well, you see, Mr. Burns,

I'm afraid I can't do that for you any more,

unless,

Uncle Martin, can I just have it for a little bit longer?

- Now, we got meetings set up with every councilman.

- For a week.

- And the mayor called, he wants to go on record with you.

- Three days, two days?

- Are you listening to me?

- It's too dangerous.

You don't know how to use it properly.

- What do you mean it's too dan,

what do you want a pistol permit?

You got it!

You know, I hear the governor's scared, too (laughs).

Unless we've got a reporter who's in there for answers.

- Yeah, please, Uncle Martin.

- [Harry] What does he want?

- He wants something I, uh,

loaned him.

- Oh, forget it, I'll buy you new one.

Look, I wanna keep you happy, my boy!

- Uncle Martin, it's almost 12!

- You can do a story without it.

Dig for your facts, and push for the answers.

- What the devil did you give him?

- Well I can't write one without it!

- An electrical typewriter, is that what you want?

You got it!

- Please, Uncle Martin, it's almost midnight.

- What is this midnight?

What are you, afraid of turning into a pumpkin?

- My head might!

- What the devil did you give him?

Won't you tell me?

Give me a hint.

Is it bigger than a breadbox?

Animal, vegetable, or mineral?

Do men use it more than women?

- [Tim] 10, it's going.

- Oh, what's the matter with you, Tim?

- 11, nothing's coming in clear now.

- I'm gonna call a doctor, I'll get the old man's doctor,

he's the biggest man on the coast!

- 12, it's gone.

- Whadda ya mean it's gone?

Now what the devil did you give him?

- You'd never believe it, Mr. Burns.

Never.

(playful music) (audience laughs)

(someone knocks)

- Oh, hello, I'm Daphne Joyce.

- How do you do?

- Hi.

- I'm Tim's Uncle Martin.

- Oh!

Well, is Tim home?

I have something important I wanna tell him.

- Well he, uh,

he's in the other room.

Uh, oh, uh.

- Tim, darling.

- Hi.

I, uh, I'd like to introduce my Uncle Martin.

- Oh, we've met.

Oh, Tim, dear, I was so wrong yesterday.

I'm sorry, darling.

- Oh, well, that's all right.

- Will you forgive me for being such a fool,

such an adolescent?

- Well, of course.

- Well I acted like a child.

Well I called Bronco and I told him it was immature

and unethical to make two dates on the same night,

and I broke my date with him so I could go out with you.

- Really?

- Mm-hm.

Well, that's the way I feel about you, Tim darling.

You still have the tickets, don't you?

- Oh yes, as a matter of fact, I have.

(Daphne sighs)

- You're an angel (laughs).

Pick me up early?

- Yes, well let me walk you down to your car.

- All right, yeah.

(audience laughs)

- Oh, if Tim could only read minds today.

You see, it was Bronco who switched her date to Sunday.

But that's our little secret, isn't it?

(audience laughs) (playful music)

(cheerful playful music)