All language subtitles for My.Favorite.Martian.S01E07.A.Loaf.of.Bread.a.Jug.of.Wine.and.Peaches.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-NTb

(upbeat music)

- But as the reader
might expect living

among the natives was
fraught with privation.

The real hazard however is
not physical but mental,

earths whole atmosphere is
permeated by raw naked emotions.

Hmm no strike that naked.

I don't want to sound
like a movie ad.

Sometimes my head throbs from
reading earth peoples minds.

Such brutal passion.

Such a fight Tim
and Dolores had.

- Wanna buy five pounds
of peanut brittle cheap?

- You and Dolores fought.

- It should have been
on closed-circuit TV.

Uncle Martin could you please
get your own typewriter,

now I know that this
sounds silly to you

but after you've
used mine in bucks.

- Nonsense you're just
upset over Dolores.

- You don't understand
that was the real thing.

- Why because she was a redhead?

- No because it was
love at first sight.

Well at least I thought it was.

- Love at first sight,
sounds fascinating.

I've read about it.

But it's an emotion
we don't have on Mars.

- Don't have?

- Either it wasn't
worth bothering about,

or was jettisoned back
in the dusky ages.

- You the dark ages.

- Tim we were never
that primitive.

Wait a minute,

what a fabulous chapter an
unknown emotion could make

for my book.

Tell me about me it.

- Me?

- Well it's sort of a,

no it's not like that at all.

No it's, it's a,

what it is, it's more of a,

no no.

Uncle Martin look,

even the poet's
can't do it justice.

It's not something
that you tell.

It's something that you feel.

An emotion

- Mm-hmm.

I wonder if I could--

- Uh, now wait a minute

you make me nervous when you

hmm like that.

If you could what?

- Could experience
the emotion myself.

(upbeat music)

He just a scars that
never felt a wound

but soft what light through
yonder window breaks

it is the east and
Juliet is the Sun.

- Morning uncle Martin.

- He speaks, yet
he says nothing.

What about his eye discourses

I will answer him.

Good morrow Tim.

- Gadzooks Shakespeare.

- An amazing fellow
the only subject he

didn't cover with a
quotation is Mars.

- He retired early.

- I still can't find

whoever loved, that
loved not at first sight.

- That was Marlo.

Uncle Martin I hope you're
not still on that kick.

- I've been priming all morning.

Oh by the way Tim do
you have a torn t-shirt

I could borrow?

I'm beginning to feel earthy.

- I'm afraid uncle Martin
I misled you last night

because this emotion is not
all that it's cracked up to be.

You know something
you people are very

wise not to have it up there.

- But some of your greatest
literature is based on

love at first sight.

Romeo and Juliet,

Hero and Leander,

Tarzan and Jane.

- It's not all cloud nine.

People suffer.

Look at Dante.

Look at me.

- You seem to have
slept alright.

- Wait 'till I wake up?

You'll see some suffering,
that will tear your heart out.

Now just suppose you fell in
love with a married woman.

- That possibility
doesn't stop you people.

- Now I'm serious.

There could be repercussions.

This, this emotion
carries you away.

You become captive,

you become helpless.

Powerless.

- From your point of view yes.

But that's because you
people are never in complete

control of yourselves.

With me it's only an experiment.

Once I experienced a feeling
I write it in my chapter

and that's the end of it.

I feel earthy.

I feel earthy.

I feel earth...

I feeling must have
been bred out of us.

I was just leaving.

(upbeat music)

- Uh-huh, so here you
are, you didn't tell me

you were going to bench hop.

We were supposed to
have lunch together

remember and boy we got
something to celebrate,

Deloris and I are
back together again.

- Mhmm.

- What's the matter
uncle Martin,

you look a little peakid.

Uncle Martin.

Did it happen?

Well how do you feel?

Who is she?

- I don't know.

It all happened so fast.

I never had a chance.

Tim I know nothing about her.

Tim, Tim we have to find her.

- Well uncle Martin you've
already experienced the feeling.

- So I want to savor
the feeling a little.

(upbeat music)

- I've had it.

I mean Sunset Boulevard
is 18 miles long.

- Well we've only
come short way.

- I know uncle Martin but look,

well maybe she
took a cab or bus.

- I guess you're right Tim,

but it would have been
nice knowing her name.

Look Tim.

It's her.

- That, that's her?

Peaches and cream?

Boy when you fall you
sure do it literally.

- Oh nonsense,
nonsense it was hot.

We did a lot of walking

and the mixture of your oxygen
smog was too rich for me.

- Will you please stop that.

- Well anyway you know her name.

Boy I'm glad that's over.

- Yes but I've got to see
miss Peaches again Tim.

Talk to her and have
her to dinner and,

don't look so bewildered.

I'm in complete control.

- Oh sure just like when
you're talking Martian.

- I spoke...

- Mhmm, you sounded just
like Alvin chipmunk.

- Well I think in
my native tongue

and I just didn't
bother to translate.

In any case your
fears are unfounded.

I'm not suffering.

I feel wonderful.

Just like I did at 80.

- Don't push your luck.

- Tell me Tim,

why was her picture in
front of that building?

And why did she have
on that that costume?

- Oh well you see we,

you,

you mean you've never...

Up there that they don't have...

That's interesting.

You see we,

we have an art form in which

bits of clothing
are removed during

rhythmic dance.

- I'll have to include
that in my book.

- Think it's worth a footnote.

- Tim would you do me a favor?

I've always been
intimidated by artists.

Would you be kind enough
to ask miss Peaches

if she will have dinner with me?

- Uncle Martin I am your friend.

- Please Tim I'd rather
not do it myself.

- Absolutely no.

- Now the first thing I'd
like to get squared away

is my name.

It's real.

My daddy was the comic
of his cellblock.

He was a guard.

Tell me have you
ever interviewed an

(muffled talking) before?

- Actually no.

- I didn't think so.

- Relax I'm a very human being.

- Yes I can see that.

- Did you know that the
word (muffled talking)

was claimed by a newspaper man.

- No I didn't.

- I'm fond of little scraps
of knowledge like that.

My problem is putting
them together.

- Any hobbies?

- Reading, every
afternoon in the park.

I'm concurrently wading through

Roger the (muffled
talking) book.

- Do you have any pet peeves?

- Dishonesty.

Maybe it's an
occupational hazard,

but nobody tells me the truth.

I get lied to about
things like the time.

- [Male] Peaches
rehearsal in two minutes.

- See what I mean.

I've got three minutes easy.

And it makes a difference.

Those wings are drafty.

- Miss And Cream I have an
uncle who very much like to

have dinner with you tonight.

- Boy are you a disappointment.

- No really.

I'm not asking for myself
it's my uncle Martin.

He's very nice person.

- Where would the dinner
be, your apartment?

- Yes.

Oh he lives there too.

You see, he would
have asked himself,

but he's very shy guy.

- He's shy?

- Uh huh.

- I like shy men.

Okay so Radisson,

I meet so few.

- Then you'll come?

- Okay, but if you
just got a bunch of

etchings you want me to look at.

- [Male] Peaches last stage.

- You can call me about
the details later.

Even if you're
lying, the uncle bit

is kind of a cute pitch.

- Wait a minute
the flag's not up.

- Defective windshield wipers.

- Oh now come on,

this is California.

It hasn't rained in
here in nine months.

- It's about due, isn't it.

- Well I never thought
that I would be the victim

of police brutality.

- You gotta press sticker if you

don't like the
way I run my beat,

write an editorial.

- Now wait a minute is
something personal in this?

- I thought you'd never ask.

- What'd I do?

- Look playboy I'm not
a bachelor by choice,

Peaches and I almost--

- Peaches.

- You got her pretty shook up,

but don't count me out.

I can get these by the gross.

- Who's the first
lover in history with a

rival from outer space.

- Surely I'm not losing control.

All the same I
better be on guard.

- Uncle Martin.

Miss And Cream, may I
represent my uncle Martin.

- How do you do?

- I'm so glad you could come.

- You didn't tell me
he was a foreigner.

- Well he watches
the late show a lot.

Well I think I just
better be going.

Goodnight.

- Marty, you haven't
touched a thing.

Do you feel alright?

- Wonderful.

- As a little girl I was
taught to clean my plate.

I had everything because
other kids were starving.

I never did figure out
how that would help them.

And as you can see
the habit persisted.

- I'm delighted you
had a good time.

Tell me more about yourself.

- Well my big goal in life.

is to have my own
TV exercise show.

- Oh I imagine you'd
be very good at that.

You seem to be quite supple.

- Well it's really
a public service,

as it is now, whole set of
muscles are being neglected.

But first I want
to write a book.

I already have a great title.

Life is just one
great big runway.

- Something about aviation?

- Marty, I like you.

You have a wonderful
sense of humor,

but I hardly know
anything about you.

- Well I'm writing a book too.

- Oh good, what kind?

What's it about?

- Oh it's about people
like you and me,

in some circles I suppose
it would be considered

science fiction.

- I love the stars,

you know without them

we'd have no astrology.

- Peaches I wonder if I
could see you again sometime?

- My horoscope says
would be seeing a

great deal of each other.

Tell me which of
my routines do you

like the best?

- I'm afraid I've
never seen you perform.

- Really Marty, you're
the first man who has ever

asked me out before.

- But I'll make up for it.

From now on I'll be
in the front row at

every performance.

- Oh please don't.

That'll spoil everything.

- Shall we keep it this way?

- Could you?

- I'll never know
what I'm missing,

but you have my promise.

- Thank you.

(car hooter honking)

- Is that your cab?

Already?

- Marty I've had a
very nice evening.

- Not half as nice as mine.

- Marty if I didn't know
better I think I was

hearing bells.

- Uncle Martin?

Uncle Martin, what are
you doing standing around

in the dark?

- Waiting for you Tim.

You're the only real
friend I have on

earth.

Would you do us the
honor of being best man.

- Oh sure I'd be glad,

best man.

- Is wonderful I lost control.

- You lost your mind.

- I'm in love, deeply in love.

- So am I,

but I don't want to get married.

- I know Felicia
will understand.

- Do you mean you're
already married?

- No, no Felicia's my sister

and I know she'll love Peaches.

- Oh Martin come down to earth,

now be reasonable.

You are a Martian.

- I see no reason why
mixed marriage can't work.

- But not you and Peaches.

You are an anthropologist
and she is a peeler.

- Do I detect a
note of snobbery?

- Well perhaps so,

but the point still remains
that you have nothing in common.

- We're both writing books.

- Even if you were one of us,

that combination
just wouldn't work.

- Forget what Peaches does,

I love her for what she is.

- But you're worlds apart.

And by this I mean it
just isn't fair to her.

- She has everything to gain.

She has a bright quick mind

and I can help her
realize her potential.

Look how much you've improved

since I've been around.

- But Pygmalion
didn't marry the girl.

- He had no confidence.

- Uncle Martin how can a guy

become such a
romantic in one day.

- I was born romantic.

Did you know that we
have two moons and

that one of them rises and
sets three times a day.

There's romance for you.

Why I'll show Peaches the
wonders of the universe,

the aurora borealis up close.

Star clusters and
galaxies that she's

never dreamed of.

We'll honeymoon
in the Big Dipper.

Incidentally her
horoscope says that I'm

very good for her.

- Are you gonna tell Peaches
that you're a Martian?

- Hmm?

- Are you going to tell
Peaches that you are a Martian?

- Well there I'll follow
the Earthian pattern.

Doesn't the husband always tell

the wife after the marriage
that they've been fired?

- Uncle Martin it's unfair.

- Now aren't you
people always saying

that all's fair in love and war.

Well Mars is a war plant.

- Hello Marty.

- Hello Peaches.

Please forgive me if
I do this wrong but--

- Before you say anything more,

I have a confession to
make about last night.

- There's no need really.

- I'll remember
this day on my life

so I want it to be right.

You see I liked you
almost from the very first

and I wanted to make a
good impression on you.

- You did more than that.

- But not with the truth.

I thought about a
book but I'll never,

I mean well I'm
no Gypsy Rose Lee,

she can spell anything.

- So can I,

we'll collaborate.

- And my own TV exercise
show is a pipe dream too.

Camera's scare me.

I even freeze up for snap shots.

There I feel better now
that I've been honest.

- Peaches you make
me feel very ashamed

there were things
that I wasn't going to

tell you.

- You're out of work.

- That too.

What I have to say to you,

may seem fantastic,
bizarre, incredible,

only, only trust me.

- You're giving me goosebumps.

- Where to begin actually
I'm not really Tim's uncle.

- You mean one of those
adoption situations.

- In a manner of speaking yes.

You see I'm really from Mars

and when my saucer
crashed Tim found me.

I can show you the saucer,

it's at home in the garage.

- I bet it's still
right under the cup.

Look I don't expect to
know all about your past.

I've got a couple
of skeletons myself.

- But it's all true.

- Marty I love your
sense of humor,

but well enough's enough.

The truth is essential to our
whole future relationship.

I'll settle for a little thing.

Where were you born?

- Why that?

- Well I've only been
proposed to once before

and he told me six
different places.

- The translation
is Canal Fulton.

- Canal Fulton Ohio why
didn't you say so in the

first place.

I played there
for 16 weeks once.

It's a lovely town.

- Peaches, Canal Fulton Mars.

- Marty don't horse around.

You're gonna spoil everything.

Don't do it, don't.

- Hey is this guy
bothering you Peaches?

- Yes just the way you did,

only he's got more imagination.

- I thought it was a
guy with a sports car.

- You two guys aught
to form a club.

- Peaches I want
you to marry me.

- I asked her first.

- Go solve a crime.

- Peaches look I know I told

you I was born in
Denver, and then I

forgot and said I
was born in Boston.

- Some honest cop you are.

my daddy'd turn
over in his grave.

- I don't know where I was born.

I was brought up
in an orphanage.

Now you know.

- Well now we're
getting somewhere.

Marty which Canal Fulton?

- The one you didn't play.

- Goodbye Marty.

Do you want to walk back
to the theater with me?

- Goodbye Peaches.

- Dig in.

- You and Delores
had another fight?

- She is impossible.

- Tim I'm afraid
I've never given

you Earthmen enough credit.

- That's what I've been trying
to tell you all the the time.

- It takes a real talent to
understand an earth woman.

- Do you know what
makes me miserable?

- What?

- This stuff.

I'm hooked on it.

- You know something Tim,

I don't think I'll ever be
able to face another peach.

(upbeat music)