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1
00:00:17,951 --> 00:00:20,186
- Oh hi, Sally.
2
00:00:20,220 --> 00:00:21,121
It's Mary.
3
00:00:23,323 --> 00:00:26,359
Well, actually I was
wondering whether
4
00:00:26,393 --> 00:00:30,096
we should take the Brownies
somewhere else this weekend.
5
00:00:30,130 --> 00:00:31,231
Oh, no reason.
6
00:00:32,265 --> 00:00:34,467
No, nothing to do with work.
7
00:00:35,502 --> 00:00:36,369
Oh gosh.
8
00:00:37,637 --> 00:00:40,373
Well, anywhere really.
9
00:00:40,407 --> 00:00:43,410
(instrumental music)
10
00:00:45,578 --> 00:00:47,113
Shetland?
11
00:00:47,147 --> 00:00:50,517
(indistinct radio chatter)
12
00:00:54,621 --> 00:00:57,657
(indistinct chatter)
13
00:00:59,192 --> 00:01:01,227
- And in short, that's
why I have to sleep
14
00:01:01,261 --> 00:01:02,462
completely naked.
15
00:01:04,497 --> 00:01:06,199
- Well, that's good to know.
16
00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:07,500
Okay, so just to
remind everyone,
17
00:01:07,534 --> 00:01:09,202
we're still on Amber
alert following
18
00:01:09,235 --> 00:01:10,470
the poisoned water attacks
19
00:01:10,503 --> 00:01:12,405
that took place in
Paris over the weekend.
20
00:01:12,439 --> 00:01:14,174
- How far is Paris?
21
00:01:14,207 --> 00:01:15,575
- Aside from Paris, what
else is going on, Joseph?
22
00:01:15,608 --> 00:01:17,143
Do we have a systems update?
23
00:01:17,177 --> 00:01:18,745
- Yes, not great I'm afraid.
24
00:01:18,778 --> 00:01:20,647
Tuva's already looking into
who might be behind it.
25
00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:22,515
But we had an attack on one
of our own servers last night.
26
00:01:22,549 --> 00:01:24,217
- Oh, fucking tense!
27
00:01:24,250 --> 00:01:25,218
- I know.
28
00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:26,219
- When exactly did it happen?
29
00:01:26,252 --> 00:01:28,355
(alarm blaring)
- No!
30
00:01:28,388 --> 00:01:29,522
- [Intercom] Attention please.
31
00:01:29,556 --> 00:01:30,523
This is a test.
32
00:01:30,557 --> 00:01:33,159
Please take no action.
33
00:01:33,193 --> 00:01:34,394
- What on earth are you doing?
34
00:01:34,427 --> 00:01:35,295
- Sorry.
35
00:01:36,529 --> 00:01:39,466
I still get PTSD from
my time in Afghanistan.
36
00:01:39,499 --> 00:01:40,767
- You never served
in Afghanistan.
37
00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:42,369
- Yeah, I know.
38
00:01:42,402 --> 00:01:44,337
But the drone footage I
saw was very realistic.
39
00:01:44,371 --> 00:01:45,739
- How much data was compromised?
40
00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:47,774
- Yeah, it may sound
insulting really.
41
00:01:47,807 --> 00:01:50,443
Macedites from
the middle server.
42
00:01:50,477 --> 00:01:51,711
They did manage to
capture a tiny bit
43
00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:53,546
of Mary's internet
browsing history, sadly.
44
00:01:53,580 --> 00:01:54,814
- Oh no.
45
00:01:54,848 --> 00:01:56,449
- Please tell me none
of that was sensitive.
46
00:01:56,483 --> 00:01:57,684
- No, apart from
47
00:01:59,352 --> 00:02:02,422
I have been looking
online for a new bra.
48
00:02:02,455 --> 00:02:03,556
- Really, what type?
49
00:02:03,590 --> 00:02:05,358
- Just a brown one.
50
00:02:05,392 --> 00:02:06,393
- Yeah baby.
51
00:02:06,426 --> 00:02:07,627
- Found him.
52
00:02:07,660 --> 00:02:08,728
This is our hacker.
53
00:02:08,762 --> 00:02:11,498
(intense music)
54
00:02:15,402 --> 00:02:16,469
- Fuck me.
- Oh my gosh.
55
00:02:16,503 --> 00:02:18,238
- Gosh, what a dick.
56
00:02:18,271 --> 00:02:20,340
- Sorry, Jerry, do you mind
using less bad language?
57
00:02:20,373 --> 00:02:21,341
- Seriously?
58
00:02:22,542 --> 00:02:23,476
- Shit is fine
thought, isn't it?
59
00:02:23,510 --> 00:02:24,778
Now I say shit all the time.
60
00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:25,879
- No you just talk shit.
61
00:02:25,912 --> 00:02:27,480
There's a difference.
62
00:02:27,514 --> 00:02:28,682
Oh yeah!
63
00:02:28,715 --> 00:02:29,849
(laughter)
64
00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:31,751
No, you have to let go.
- Sorry.
65
00:02:31,785 --> 00:02:32,819
- This guy is good.
66
00:02:32,852 --> 00:02:34,854
He once hacked the NSA database.
67
00:02:34,888 --> 00:02:36,790
- NSA database, really?
68
00:02:38,258 --> 00:02:40,293
You know maybe we should
bring this guy in.
69
00:02:40,326 --> 00:02:41,327
Make him part of the team.
70
00:02:41,361 --> 00:02:42,429
- Absolutely not.
71
00:02:42,462 --> 00:02:43,697
- I'm serious.
72
00:02:43,730 --> 00:02:46,232
I mean Tuva used to
be a hacker, right?
73
00:02:46,266 --> 00:02:48,401
- I don't know if I
appreciate the term hacker
74
00:02:48,435 --> 00:02:50,537
because I'm also a singer.
75
00:02:50,570 --> 00:02:52,639
- The only reason Tuva is here
76
00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:54,741
is because she made a bargaining
plea with the government
77
00:02:54,774 --> 00:02:57,877
in exchange for some
highly sensitive intel.
78
00:02:57,911 --> 00:02:59,412
Please don't say--
79
00:02:59,446 --> 00:03:00,647
- It was about the
Brexit campaign.
80
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:02,649
- What that was about.
81
00:03:02,682 --> 00:03:05,418
- My point is we should
keep our enemies close.
82
00:03:05,452 --> 00:03:07,253
Surely we can agree on that.
83
00:03:07,287 --> 00:03:09,422
Look, give me 48 hours with him.
84
00:03:09,456 --> 00:03:10,657
If it doesn't work out,
85
00:03:10,690 --> 00:03:12,926
I'm willing to take
the hit on this.
86
00:03:12,959 --> 00:03:14,494
- Fine.
87
00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:15,362
- Really?
88
00:03:15,395 --> 00:03:16,363
- Why not?
89
00:03:16,396 --> 00:03:19,299
I have complete faith in you.
90
00:03:19,332 --> 00:03:22,869
- Ah, looks like I'm
finally rubbing you off
91
00:03:22,902 --> 00:03:23,770
on me.
92
00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:25,538
Finally--
93
00:03:25,572 --> 00:03:26,439
- Rubbing off on you.
94
00:03:26,473 --> 00:03:27,340
- Rubbing?
95
00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:28,274
- Rubbing off on you.
96
00:03:28,308 --> 00:03:29,409
- I'm finally--
97
00:03:29,442 --> 00:03:30,877
- Yes.
98
00:03:30,910 --> 00:03:31,845
- Rubbing off on you.
- Yes, that's the saying.
99
00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:32,846
You're rubbing off on me.
100
00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:33,713
- You wish.
101
00:03:33,747 --> 00:03:35,482
(upbeat music)
102
00:03:35,515 --> 00:03:36,750
- Oh, one final thing.
103
00:03:36,783 --> 00:03:38,752
Barnaby Bailer will be
delivering his seminar
104
00:03:38,785 --> 00:03:41,321
on the politics of
cyber security this week
105
00:03:41,354 --> 00:03:42,455
to which you're all invited.
106
00:03:42,489 --> 00:03:43,423
- Bailer?
107
00:03:43,456 --> 00:03:44,824
The middle east attache?
108
00:03:44,858 --> 00:03:46,359
I love that guy!
109
00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:48,528
He and I used to make
these cupcakes together
110
00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:50,764
when he was over for nine 11.
111
00:03:52,365 --> 00:03:53,767
Who's running his
protection detail?
112
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:55,902
'Cause last time
got pretty rowdy.
113
00:03:55,935 --> 00:03:57,404
- Oh, I'm sure his
people will run it
114
00:03:57,437 --> 00:03:59,372
given his somewhat
contentious legacy.
115
00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:01,374
- Well, I'll pop down
there just to be sure.
116
00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:02,742
Know what I'm saying?
117
00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:04,978
- I can't hear you.
118
00:04:05,011 --> 00:04:06,946
- Just in case it
should come up,
119
00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:09,949
I actually used to
date Barnaby Bailer.
120
00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:11,418
- What the fuck?
121
00:04:11,451 --> 00:04:12,619
- Jerry, please.
122
00:04:12,652 --> 00:04:14,587
- When we were in
university together.
123
00:04:14,621 --> 00:04:16,623
I don't suspect he'll
remember me, though.
124
00:04:16,656 --> 00:04:18,825
It was all, you
know, very brief.
125
00:04:18,858 --> 00:04:21,928
- What, like in a premature
ejaculation kind of way?
126
00:04:21,961 --> 00:04:24,497
- Sorry, I really don't
know what that is.
127
00:04:24,531 --> 00:04:25,865
- Well, I'm sure
Joseph can show you.
128
00:04:25,899 --> 00:04:28,368
(laughing)
129
00:04:30,637 --> 00:04:31,871
Well, what is it?
130
00:04:33,740 --> 00:04:34,908
- Jerry?
131
00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:35,975
- I don't know,
should we look it up?
132
00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:43,583
- Thank you very much.
133
00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:44,484
- Thank you.
134
00:04:44,517 --> 00:04:46,886
(upbeat music)
135
00:04:51,524 --> 00:04:52,625
- My contact at
the NSA has agreed
136
00:04:52,659 --> 00:04:54,627
to let me view
Jerry's internal file.
137
00:04:54,661 --> 00:04:56,496
Can you save it onto
the private server?
138
00:04:56,529 --> 00:04:57,831
It's important.
139
00:04:57,864 --> 00:05:00,667
- Sure, do you
want an ice cream?
140
00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:03,603
- Did you get
anything I just said?
141
00:05:03,636 --> 00:05:04,537
- No.
142
00:05:06,906 --> 00:05:09,976
(indistinct chatter)
143
00:05:12,912 --> 00:05:15,081
- Is everything okay?
144
00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:18,118
- Yeah, I don't know where
Jerry got to, that's all.
145
00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:21,688
Oh, he and I usually have
a coffee around this time.
146
00:05:21,721 --> 00:05:25,859
Well, I'd bring him a coffee
and just watch him drink it.
147
00:05:25,892 --> 00:05:27,727
- Thanks Mary.
148
00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:28,595
(gasping)
149
00:05:28,628 --> 00:05:30,063
- Oh, Quentin.
150
00:05:30,096 --> 00:05:30,964
Hello.
151
00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:35,935
Sorry, I picked up mom's glasses
by accident this morning.
152
00:05:35,969 --> 00:05:37,904
- I thought you said
you couldn't see.
153
00:05:37,937 --> 00:05:40,540
- Oh well, she can't at night.
154
00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:44,010
- What are you up
to this evening?
155
00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:48,615
- Well, I usually help mom
with her bath on Wednesdays.
156
00:05:49,916 --> 00:05:53,086
- Let me know if I can
ever be of service.
157
00:05:53,119 --> 00:05:56,056
- Oh, I don't think
mom would like that.
158
00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:59,025
- She wouldn't know
if she can't see.
159
00:05:59,059 --> 00:06:02,829
- She would know if there
were four hands in the bath.
160
00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:03,763
- Yes.
161
00:06:05,965 --> 00:06:07,934
Half an octopus.
162
00:06:07,967 --> 00:06:08,835
- Yes.
163
00:06:11,838 --> 00:06:12,706
- See you later.
164
00:06:12,739 --> 00:06:13,606
- Okay.
165
00:06:17,510 --> 00:06:18,178
- So I thought I'd start out
166
00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:19,946
by giving you like a quick tour
167
00:06:19,979 --> 00:06:21,181
and then I don't know.
168
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:23,717
Probably just hang
out, grab a drink.
169
00:06:23,750 --> 00:06:24,984
Maybe some tail.
170
00:06:25,018 --> 00:06:27,087
Guys, this is Tom.
171
00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:29,155
He's the one that hacked
our server the other night.
172
00:06:29,189 --> 00:06:30,123
- [Group] Hey Tom.
173
00:06:30,156 --> 00:06:30,990
- Hi.
174
00:06:31,024 --> 00:06:32,559
- This is Mary.
175
00:06:32,592 --> 00:06:34,861
Mary's been with GCHQ
from the beginning.
176
00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:36,129
- When was it founded, Mary?
177
00:06:36,162 --> 00:06:37,030
- 1919.
178
00:06:38,031 --> 00:06:38,965
- Right, so then.
179
00:06:38,998 --> 00:06:40,967
- Well, not quite.
180
00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:42,936
I'm actually a lot
younger than I look.
181
00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:44,604
- Really, by how much?
182
00:06:44,637 --> 00:06:47,140
- Gosh, no one's ever
asked me that before.
183
00:06:47,173 --> 00:06:49,876
- Plus she's absolutely
filthy, you know what I mean?
184
00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:51,144
The mouth on her.
185
00:06:51,177 --> 00:06:52,679
- This is Tuva.
186
00:06:52,712 --> 00:06:54,014
What'd you get up
to this weekend?
187
00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:55,815
- Not much.
188
00:06:55,849 --> 00:06:57,984
I just went to a club, got
with couple of salty jerks.
189
00:06:58,018 --> 00:06:59,652
- Your accent's really fresh.
190
00:06:59,686 --> 00:07:00,587
Who is not to use it?
191
00:07:00,620 --> 00:07:01,855
- It's a mix.
192
00:07:01,888 --> 00:07:04,090
So you hacked the GCHQ server?
193
00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:05,658
- Yep.
194
00:07:05,692 --> 00:07:08,661
- I don't know whether
to be impressed, annoyed
195
00:07:08,695 --> 00:07:09,596
or aroused.
196
00:07:10,897 --> 00:07:11,898
- Probably annoyed.
197
00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:13,566
- Annoyed.
- Aroused.
198
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,835
- I could sell the
sprinters off if you like.
199
00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:17,203
- Hey Tom, this is Joseph.
200
00:07:17,237 --> 00:07:18,204
- Yeah I'm sorry, I'm Joseph.
201
00:07:18,238 --> 00:07:19,673
How are you?
202
00:07:19,706 --> 00:07:20,140
I'm actually
Jerry's best friend.
203
00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:21,041
- PA.
204
00:07:21,074 --> 00:07:21,908
- Sorry, no, you go.
205
00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:23,843
- Colleague.
206
00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:25,011
- Do you always dress like that?
207
00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:25,979
- Yes, why?
208
00:07:27,681 --> 00:07:29,082
- No, that's cool.
209
00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:31,084
I was just wondering if it
was for a bet or something.
210
00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:33,720
- I can't even tell
if he's joking.
211
00:07:33,753 --> 00:07:35,855
- Are you joking?
212
00:07:35,889 --> 00:07:39,192
(upbeat jazzy music)
213
00:07:39,225 --> 00:07:40,260
- Do you work out?
214
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:43,063
'Cause your traps are amazing.
215
00:07:43,096 --> 00:07:45,699
- No, just came out like this.
216
00:07:47,867 --> 00:07:49,202
- Let me introduce
you to Christine.
217
00:07:49,235 --> 00:07:52,972
She's like the scary
Mary Poppins of the team.
218
00:07:55,675 --> 00:07:57,277
- He seems nice.
219
00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:59,713
- I just think he finds me
a little bit intimidating,
220
00:07:59,746 --> 00:08:01,281
which is a shame really.
221
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,750
(upbeat music)
222
00:08:03,783 --> 00:08:05,018
- You know, he's
hiding something,
223
00:08:05,051 --> 00:08:06,186
I'm sure of it.
224
00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:07,954
- Our hands are tied, Chris.
225
00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:09,723
Sorry.
226
00:08:09,756 --> 00:08:12,926
Whitehall don't want us
digging around about Jerry.
227
00:08:12,959 --> 00:08:14,894
- What's that noise?
228
00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:17,030
Are you still on
the Anthrax case?
229
00:08:17,063 --> 00:08:18,765
- Sort of.
230
00:08:18,798 --> 00:08:20,266
Phantom of the Opera, Damascus.
231
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:22,002
It's just starting.
232
00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:24,137
(beeping)
233
00:08:28,975 --> 00:08:30,977
(techno beeping)
234
00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:32,645
- Well hey, just
out of interest.
235
00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:34,247
Is it possible for
someone like you
236
00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:37,250
to hack into say, I don't know,
237
00:08:37,283 --> 00:08:39,753
the NSA database?
238
00:08:39,786 --> 00:08:42,922
Have a look around,
delete the odd file?
239
00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:43,890
- You know someone's
actually trying
240
00:08:43,923 --> 00:08:46,092
to access your file right now.
241
00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:47,827
- What?
242
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,696
Oh, that's uh, yeah.
243
00:08:49,729 --> 00:08:51,931
Can you abort that transfer?
244
00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:52,999
Just for fun?
245
00:08:54,167 --> 00:08:56,036
- Yeah, I can just do,
246
00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:58,004
aborted.
247
00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:00,140
(beeping)
248
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:05,211
(instrumental music)
249
00:09:05,245 --> 00:09:06,112
Uh...
250
00:09:06,146 --> 00:09:07,781
- What's happening?
251
00:09:07,814 --> 00:09:08,782
- It's uploading again.
252
00:09:08,815 --> 00:09:09,716
- What the?
253
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,819
- I could just permanently
delete the file.
254
00:09:12,852 --> 00:09:16,756
- I would love to see
what that looks like.
255
00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:18,792
(sniffs)
256
00:09:18,825 --> 00:09:20,960
I love your cologne, by the way.
257
00:09:20,994 --> 00:09:23,697
- I'm not wearing any.
258
00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:24,831
- Still.
259
00:09:24,864 --> 00:09:25,899
- [Man] Done.
260
00:09:25,932 --> 00:09:28,935
(upbeat jazzy music)
261
00:09:46,152 --> 00:09:46,986
Jerry.
262
00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:48,254
- Yeah?
263
00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:50,156
- Should I clean up
your browsing history?
264
00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:51,825
- Yeah, please.
265
00:09:51,858 --> 00:09:53,760
That would be great.
266
00:09:53,793 --> 00:09:55,762
(knocking on door)
267
00:09:55,795 --> 00:09:57,230
I'll be back.
268
00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:58,164
Hey.
269
00:09:58,198 --> 00:09:59,366
- Hey man.
270
00:09:59,399 --> 00:10:00,333
I just wondered
if you would fancy
271
00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:01,868
going to the canteen together.
272
00:10:01,901 --> 00:10:03,103
I do know that curly
sausage you like.
273
00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:04,838
- Oh man, I'd love
to but actually
274
00:10:04,871 --> 00:10:07,340
Tom and I are going
out for T-bones later.
275
00:10:07,374 --> 00:10:08,908
- Tonight?
276
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:09,976
Oh, 'cause I'm not
doing anything.
277
00:10:10,010 --> 00:10:11,945
- You know, I look at this guy
278
00:10:11,978 --> 00:10:14,948
and I can't help but
think about that saying,
279
00:10:14,981 --> 00:10:17,751
you hang around with
chickens, you cluck.
280
00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:20,754
You hang around with
eagles, you fly.
281
00:10:22,188 --> 00:10:23,356
- Yeah, I know but the main
thing with eagles though
282
00:10:23,390 --> 00:10:25,392
is that they all have
mental health problems.
283
00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:26,793
- [Tom] All done.
284
00:10:26,826 --> 00:10:29,929
- So when is actually--
- Excuse me.
285
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:31,197
Yeah, thank you.
286
00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:35,068
(upbeat music)
287
00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:38,805
Dude, seriously, how
do you stay in shape?
288
00:10:38,838 --> 00:10:40,373
- Well, I used to be a gymnast
289
00:10:40,407 --> 00:10:42,142
but I just got too big.
290
00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:43,943
- Yeah, I know, me too.
291
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:45,211
So what kind of stuff?
292
00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:47,113
I mean, can you
show me something?
293
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:47,981
- It's been a while.
294
00:10:48,014 --> 00:10:48,915
- Come on man.
295
00:10:48,948 --> 00:10:49,983
- I'm out of practice.
296
00:10:50,016 --> 00:10:50,884
- Come on.
297
00:10:50,917 --> 00:10:52,118
- Oh, hey guys.
298
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:53,086
Come on yeah!
299
00:10:53,119 --> 00:10:54,788
- Okay, watch this.
300
00:10:58,024 --> 00:10:59,225
(gasping)
301
00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:00,126
- Oh!
302
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,828
Wow, what the fuck!
303
00:11:02,929 --> 00:11:03,797
- That was great.
304
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:04,998
That was--
305
00:11:05,031 --> 00:11:06,399
- Did you see that?
- Yeah, I did.
306
00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:07,434
Well, I used to do that all the
time when I was in gym club.
307
00:11:07,467 --> 00:11:09,903
- What, you were a gymnast?
308
00:11:09,936 --> 00:11:11,037
- Oh, it was mostly
combat rolls,
309
00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:11,905
that kind of thing.
310
00:11:11,938 --> 00:11:13,406
- What's combat roll?
311
00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:14,441
- Oh well, hang on let me just,
312
00:11:14,474 --> 00:11:16,376
I just need a bit of space to...
313
00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:17,277
Thank you.
314
00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:20,847
It's sort of like,
315
00:11:23,983 --> 00:11:25,919
get your leg over
316
00:11:25,952 --> 00:11:27,253
sort of like this.
317
00:11:28,488 --> 00:11:30,256
- You paid someone
to teach you that?
318
00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:31,124
- Yeah.
319
00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:35,195
- Isn't that just
a teddy bear roll?
320
00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:36,963
- Yeah, combat roll.
321
00:11:36,996 --> 00:11:37,430
But we used to practice a
lot more complicated stuff
322
00:11:37,464 --> 00:11:39,232
in my bedroom.
323
00:11:39,265 --> 00:11:41,101
- [Men] Like what?
324
00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:42,268
- Oh, I can't really
demonstrate here
325
00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:43,136
because it's not the space,
326
00:11:43,169 --> 00:11:44,070
and it's not the height?
327
00:11:44,104 --> 00:11:44,938
- For you?
328
00:11:44,971 --> 00:11:45,839
- Come on.
329
00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:46,439
- I just can't really.
330
00:11:46,473 --> 00:11:47,941
I'm not warmed up.
331
00:11:47,974 --> 00:11:50,143
- Joseph, Joseph,
Joseph, Joseph!
332
00:11:51,978 --> 00:11:52,946
- Okay, okay!
333
00:11:52,979 --> 00:11:54,914
- Joseph, Joseph, Joseph!
334
00:11:58,251 --> 00:12:00,520
(indistinct shouting)
335
00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:03,089
(screaming)
336
00:12:06,860 --> 00:12:07,494
- You hungry?
337
00:12:07,527 --> 00:12:08,928
- I could eat.
338
00:12:24,511 --> 00:12:26,980
(laughing)
339
00:12:28,014 --> 00:12:29,249
- Oh man!
340
00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:30,083
(knocking on door)
341
00:12:30,116 --> 00:12:31,017
Yeah?
342
00:12:32,952 --> 00:12:34,487
- [Joseph] Hey.
343
00:12:34,521 --> 00:12:36,389
- Hey, what the fuck?
344
00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:38,291
Is everything okay?
345
00:12:38,324 --> 00:12:39,592
- Yeah, why?
346
00:12:39,626 --> 00:12:41,428
You know I got tased, right?
347
00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:42,562
- No I know that,
but what are you,
348
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:43,997
what happened?
349
00:12:45,165 --> 00:12:46,499
- Just fancied a change.
350
00:12:46,533 --> 00:12:48,068
- What, from man to woman?
351
00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:49,469
What'd you do to your hair?
352
00:12:49,502 --> 00:12:50,337
- I wanted to make it blonde.
353
00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:51,571
- No.
354
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,106
- No?
355
00:12:53,139 --> 00:12:54,341
- No, that would never
work with someone
356
00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:55,508
of your coloring.
357
00:12:55,542 --> 00:12:58,278
And you end up
looking like a bee.
358
00:12:58,311 --> 00:12:59,212
Buddy.
359
00:13:01,481 --> 00:13:03,249
- So have you,
360
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:04,150
you're finished with Tom now.
361
00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:05,418
Is he gone back,
362
00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:06,619
where is he?
363
00:13:06,653 --> 00:13:08,355
- He'll be in later
this afternoon.
364
00:13:08,388 --> 00:13:10,557
We got totally shit
faced last night.
365
00:13:10,590 --> 00:13:13,026
(giggling)
366
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:17,297
What's up?
367
00:13:17,330 --> 00:13:18,198
- Oh, nothing.
368
00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:20,467
- Wait, wait a minute.
369
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,569
Dude, is this because of Tom?
370
00:13:22,602 --> 00:13:26,106
- (laughs) No.
371
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:28,274
- Listen, you need to relax
372
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:30,276
and just be your own man.
373
00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,012
Okay, you do you.
374
00:13:32,045 --> 00:13:33,446
That's the coolest
thing you could do.
375
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:34,314
- Yeah.
376
00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:35,215
- Okay?
377
00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:36,149
- Yeah.
378
00:13:37,117 --> 00:13:38,451
Well yeah, just as long as
379
00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,120
you and I get to--
380
00:13:41,087 --> 00:13:42,055
- What?
381
00:13:42,088 --> 00:13:44,290
- Well, you know, remain--
382
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:46,459
- Oh, what like this?
383
00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:48,028
- Yeah.
384
00:13:48,061 --> 00:13:50,563
- Yeah, no this
will never change.
385
00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:53,133
- All right, thank you, good.
386
00:13:56,269 --> 00:13:57,470
So what are you doing tonight?
387
00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:58,705
Do you want to go out to
the cinema or something?
388
00:13:58,738 --> 00:14:01,274
- No, I'm out again
tonight with Tom.
389
00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:06,246
- So when was the last
time you saw Barnaby?
390
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:08,648
- Gosh, maybe 40 years ago now.
391
00:14:10,617 --> 00:14:13,153
I still think about
him every day, though.
392
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:14,688
- Can I ask,
393
00:14:14,721 --> 00:14:17,323
are you still a virgin?
394
00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:18,191
- Oh, yes,
395
00:14:20,293 --> 00:14:22,228
but only fairly recently.
396
00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:28,234
- And when was the last
time you washed your wig?
397
00:14:28,268 --> 00:14:29,536
- It's not a wig.
398
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:32,405
- Tommy, hey.
399
00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:39,212
So listen, I was just
thinking of having
400
00:14:39,245 --> 00:14:40,246
some birthday drinks.
401
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:42,215
- I can't, I'm sorry.
402
00:14:42,248 --> 00:14:43,450
- No, it's not tonight.
403
00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:45,085
Sorry, I should
have been clearer.
404
00:14:45,118 --> 00:14:46,219
I know you and Jerry
got a thing tonight,
405
00:14:46,252 --> 00:14:47,220
which is fine.
406
00:14:47,253 --> 00:14:48,221
- No, I just mean in general.
407
00:14:48,254 --> 00:14:49,756
I probably can't make it.
408
00:14:49,789 --> 00:14:50,690
- Well, that's cool.
409
00:14:50,724 --> 00:14:52,359
That's cool.
410
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:53,326
I'm not really flexible anyway.
411
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:55,495
I'm booked anyway 'cause yeah.
412
00:14:55,528 --> 00:14:56,730
Just let me know.
413
00:14:56,763 --> 00:14:59,099
- I am letting you know.
414
00:14:59,132 --> 00:15:00,767
I can't make it.
415
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:02,302
- Well, let's not
rule anything out.
416
00:15:02,335 --> 00:15:04,371
I mean it's not for
eight months, Tom.
417
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,106
- Okay, I want you guys here.
418
00:15:06,139 --> 00:15:09,409
Here, here, here,
and here throughout.
419
00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:10,677
Got it?
420
00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:12,212
Also, I'm gonna
need you to clear
421
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:13,713
a little more space
over here just in case
422
00:15:13,747 --> 00:15:15,749
I need to do karate.
423
00:15:15,782 --> 00:15:17,684
I had a bodyguard buddy
424
00:15:17,717 --> 00:15:20,720
who lost his job because
there wasn't enough space
425
00:15:20,754 --> 00:15:23,156
for him to do karate
at a key moment.
426
00:15:23,189 --> 00:15:24,190
All right, back up a bit.
427
00:15:24,224 --> 00:15:25,558
Little more, little more.
428
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:28,161
(grunts)
429
00:15:28,194 --> 00:15:30,230
Yeah, another two or three
feet, right over there.
430
00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:33,400
- So, are there any areas
you'd like me to accentuate?
431
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:34,334
- Oh well.
432
00:15:35,335 --> 00:15:37,370
The vicar at church,
433
00:15:37,404 --> 00:15:40,240
he always says that I
have lovely cheek bones.
434
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,642
- My only worry is that if
I bring those out any more,
435
00:15:42,676 --> 00:15:45,245
you're going to look like
a skull on a broomstick.
436
00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:46,179
- Right.
437
00:15:47,380 --> 00:15:48,381
- Cigarette?
438
00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:51,217
- Yeah, all right.
439
00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:07,701
- Go on ahead.
440
00:16:09,736 --> 00:16:11,371
I'll have this one.
441
00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:15,408
- You got a light?
442
00:16:18,211 --> 00:16:20,347
- Are you still lighting
your cigarettes?
443
00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:21,581
I just chew mine.
444
00:16:50,744 --> 00:16:51,711
- Lips?
445
00:16:51,745 --> 00:16:53,446
- Oh, yes please.
446
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:56,216
I'd really like him
to tight up lips.
447
00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:58,218
- I'd go for bright pink.
448
00:16:58,251 --> 00:16:59,853
If it's the first time
you've seen each other
449
00:16:59,886 --> 00:17:01,388
in a while,
450
00:17:01,421 --> 00:17:03,857
then you want your
lips to look like a,
451
00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:05,458
cat's butt hole.
452
00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:06,359
- Oh.
453
00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:11,431
And do lots of men
find that attractive?
454
00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:12,665
- No.
455
00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:14,501
But, Barnaby will.
456
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:15,535
Let's start.
457
00:17:16,636 --> 00:17:17,504
- Guest list.
458
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:19,873
(jazzy music)
459
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:24,444
No, the whole thing
needs to be redone.
460
00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:25,645
If I can't pronounce
a last name,
461
00:17:25,679 --> 00:17:26,780
I want them off the list.
462
00:17:26,813 --> 00:17:27,781
Woo, ha, ha.
463
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:30,517
Good.
464
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:31,384
Good.
465
00:17:34,788 --> 00:17:35,689
- Oh wow.
466
00:17:36,790 --> 00:17:38,358
- Ow!
467
00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:39,859
- Did you do that
piercing yourself?
468
00:17:39,893 --> 00:17:40,794
- No,
469
00:17:41,861 --> 00:17:43,596
I just slept awkwardly.
470
00:17:43,630 --> 00:17:45,832
- I actually see a
bit of blood, though.
471
00:17:45,865 --> 00:17:46,833
Are you coming?
472
00:17:46,866 --> 00:17:47,734
- Oh no, I think me and Tom
473
00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:48,702
are just gonna hang.
474
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:49,703
- Cool.
475
00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:52,272
- No, where are you going?
476
00:17:52,305 --> 00:17:53,707
- To the Barnaby Bailer thing.
477
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:55,675
- Barnaby Bailer's here?
478
00:17:55,709 --> 00:17:56,943
Politician?
479
00:17:56,976 --> 00:17:59,479
- Yeah, I know, what
a fucking nickhead.
480
00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:00,814
- I should go.
481
00:18:00,847 --> 00:18:01,715
Be fun.
482
00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:02,549
- That's what I meant.
483
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:03,616
Be fun.
484
00:18:03,650 --> 00:18:05,185
Should go.
485
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:09,622
- I need you in that corner.
486
00:18:11,491 --> 00:18:12,559
Bailer!
487
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:13,460
- Hi.
488
00:18:13,493 --> 00:18:14,627
- Jerry Bernstein, NSA.
489
00:18:14,661 --> 00:18:16,429
We did nine 11 together.
490
00:18:16,463 --> 00:18:17,764
Can I get you a little cupcake?
491
00:18:17,797 --> 00:18:19,833
You fucking maniac?
492
00:18:19,866 --> 00:18:21,968
- I'd love a glass
of milk, please.
493
00:18:22,002 --> 00:18:24,771
- Right, can someone get
Barnaby a glass of milk?
494
00:18:24,804 --> 00:18:26,172
- Hi, Barnaby.
495
00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:26,973
Would you mind just
taking a quick pic
496
00:18:27,007 --> 00:18:28,541
for our social media?
497
00:18:28,575 --> 00:18:29,509
- No, of course not.
498
00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:30,443
- Would you like me in it again?
499
00:18:30,477 --> 00:18:31,411
- No, of course not.
500
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:32,612
- You know, let me do this.
501
00:18:32,645 --> 00:18:34,681
I'm really good at
wildlife photography.
502
00:18:34,714 --> 00:18:35,682
How do you?
503
00:18:35,715 --> 00:18:36,583
Right.
504
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:37,784
Okay, one, two,
505
00:18:39,219 --> 00:18:40,653
Chris, you may
wanna try to smile.
506
00:18:40,687 --> 00:18:42,489
You know just imagine
there's been an attack
507
00:18:42,522 --> 00:18:43,590
on U.S. soil.
508
00:18:46,393 --> 00:18:47,627
Still no good.
509
00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:49,195
Why don't we sex
this up a little.
510
00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:50,897
Tom, leave that, come here!
511
00:18:50,930 --> 00:18:52,499
Throw your arm
around Bailer, yeah.
512
00:18:52,532 --> 00:18:54,701
Oh this is, yeah, this
is better right away.
513
00:18:54,734 --> 00:18:55,602
Here we go.
514
00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:56,603
- Sorry Jerry.
515
00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:57,804
Hi, I'm Barnaby Joseph Harry.
516
00:18:57,837 --> 00:18:58,838
I'm not sure if
your concerned about
517
00:18:58,872 --> 00:18:59,906
having a natural mouth shape.
518
00:18:59,939 --> 00:19:01,241
But if you say wagamama a lot,
519
00:19:01,274 --> 00:19:02,609
it gives you a very kind of
520
00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:03,677
honest look.
521
00:19:03,710 --> 00:19:04,744
- Shall we try that?
522
00:19:04,778 --> 00:19:06,680
One, two, three.
523
00:19:06,713 --> 00:19:08,448
- [Group] Wagamama.
524
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:09,716
- I've actually
never been to one.
525
00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:10,950
- Oh, it's really great.
526
00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:11,818
The only thing is the
food always arrives
527
00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:12,519
at different times.
528
00:19:12,552 --> 00:19:13,253
- Why?
529
00:19:13,286 --> 00:19:14,654
- No one knows.
530
00:19:14,688 --> 00:19:15,722
- Chris, take a look at this.
531
00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:16,856
I think it's terrific.
532
00:19:16,890 --> 00:19:18,558
Evelyn looks rough.
533
00:19:19,592 --> 00:19:20,860
- Oh hi, Barnaby.
534
00:19:20,894 --> 00:19:22,028
How are you?
535
00:19:22,062 --> 00:19:23,596
- Hi, I'm good, thanks.
536
00:19:23,630 --> 00:19:26,966
- Mary Needham, we were
at Oxford together.
537
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:28,535
- St. Johns?
538
00:19:28,568 --> 00:19:30,670
Right, are you the
one that had a stroke?
539
00:19:30,704 --> 00:19:31,971
- Oh gosh, no.
540
00:19:32,005 --> 00:19:33,940
It's just make up.
541
00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:35,975
- Right, lovely
to see you again.
542
00:19:36,009 --> 00:19:37,911
- I'm surprised you
even remember me.
543
00:19:37,944 --> 00:19:40,013
- I don't remember you.
544
00:19:40,046 --> 00:19:40,947
- Okay, shall we start?
545
00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:41,948
- Yes.
- Great.
546
00:19:41,981 --> 00:19:44,517
Everyone, we're gonna start.
547
00:19:44,551 --> 00:19:46,453
- Just so you know
I'm gonna be up top
548
00:19:46,486 --> 00:19:48,755
in case anyone tries to poof!
549
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:54,761
- Did you see where Tom went?
550
00:19:54,794 --> 00:19:55,695
- Sh!
551
00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:03,670
- Right, well, hello everyone.
552
00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:05,705
Thanks so much for having me.
553
00:20:05,739 --> 00:20:08,875
In an increasingly digital world
554
00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:11,745
cooperation between
intelligence agencies
555
00:20:11,778 --> 00:20:13,279
has become vital.
556
00:20:13,313 --> 00:20:17,584
And never has politics
played such an important role
557
00:20:17,617 --> 00:20:19,619
in how we view cyber security
558
00:20:19,652 --> 00:20:20,553
as a society.
559
00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:26,059
In 1997, I started
a very long journey
560
00:20:28,928 --> 00:20:30,830
together with my wife, Samantha.
561
00:20:30,864 --> 00:20:32,699
We moved into Downing Street
562
00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:35,702
with a promise to the
people of Britain.
563
00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:36,703
(alarm blaring)
564
00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:38,938
- No wait, what, what, what!
565
00:20:38,972 --> 00:20:42,075
(screaming)
566
00:20:42,108 --> 00:20:46,046
- Okay, our friends
from Greenpeace in?
567
00:20:46,079 --> 00:20:48,782
(laughing)
568
00:20:48,815 --> 00:20:51,685
Sorry, anyways
onwards and upwards.
569
00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:54,521
Good.
570
00:20:54,554 --> 00:20:57,857
Either we treat hacking
offenses as serious crimes or
571
00:20:57,891 --> 00:21:00,627
(beeping and screeching)
572
00:21:00,660 --> 00:21:03,663
or face the consequences of...
573
00:21:03,697 --> 00:21:06,866
Has someone hacked the system?
574
00:21:06,900 --> 00:21:08,668
I expected better than
this, to be honest.
575
00:21:08,702 --> 00:21:11,037
(pop music)
576
00:21:11,071 --> 00:21:14,007
Excellent, now it's
all over Twitter.
577
00:21:15,041 --> 00:21:16,810
Anyone know who's responsible?
578
00:21:16,843 --> 00:21:17,977
- I must say I'm looking forward
579
00:21:18,011 --> 00:21:19,879
to explaining to
Rupert which one of us
580
00:21:19,913 --> 00:21:24,017
decided to invite a random
hacker into the building.
581
00:21:24,050 --> 00:21:25,885
- Go ahead, there's nothing here
582
00:21:25,919 --> 00:21:27,987
that says this was
the work of Tom.
583
00:21:28,021 --> 00:21:29,122
- Let's get this sorted.
584
00:21:29,155 --> 00:21:31,991
(monitor beeping)
585
00:21:37,030 --> 00:21:37,997
- Could be a different Tom.
586
00:21:38,031 --> 00:21:40,867
(loud pop music)
- Oh my God.
587
00:21:40,900 --> 00:21:45,005
* This is Ground
Control to Major Tom *
588
00:21:45,038 --> 00:21:49,976
* You've really made the grade
589
00:21:50,010 --> 00:21:54,014
* And the papers want to
know whose shirts you wear *
590
00:21:54,047 --> 00:21:55,415
- Wanna go get some T-bones?
591
00:21:55,448 --> 00:21:57,083
- Yeah.
592
00:21:57,117 --> 00:22:01,788
* Now it's time to leave
the capsule if you dare *
593
00:22:03,123 --> 00:22:05,625
(slow guitar music)
594
00:22:05,658 --> 00:22:09,362
(singing in foreign language)
595
00:22:12,832 --> 00:22:13,767
- Very nice.
596
00:22:14,734 --> 00:22:15,869
Cat bum.
597
00:22:15,902 --> 00:22:17,070
- Oh, thank you.
598
00:22:18,438 --> 00:22:22,108
(singing in foreign language)
599
00:22:25,679 --> 00:22:27,714
* Hooray hooray hooray
600
00:22:27,747 --> 00:22:29,449
* Misery is on the way
601
00:22:29,482 --> 00:22:30,784
* There are bad times
602
00:22:30,817 --> 00:22:33,119
* Just around the corner
603
00:22:33,153 --> 00:22:34,654
* There are dark clouds
604
00:22:34,688 --> 00:22:37,057
* Hurtling through the sky
605
00:22:37,090 --> 00:22:39,059
* It's as clear as crystal
606
00:22:39,092 --> 00:22:41,094
* From Bridlington to Bristol
607
00:22:41,127 --> 00:22:43,063
* That we can't save democracy
608
00:22:43,096 --> 00:22:44,964
* And we don't much care
609
00:22:44,998 --> 00:22:46,833
* We better all
learn the merits *
610
00:22:46,866 --> 00:22:48,968
* On the old red flag
611
00:22:49,002 --> 00:22:53,606
* And wait till we
drop down dead *
40065
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