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1
00:00:02,200 --> 00:00:03,567
( Michael Jackson's
"Annie" playing )
2
00:00:03,567 --> 00:00:05,567
CHRIS:
Before Cops was a show on TV,
3
00:00:05,567 --> 00:00:07,701
I saw cops chasing
criminals every day
4
00:00:07,701 --> 00:00:09,701
on the streets in Bed-Stuy.
5
00:00:09,701 --> 00:00:11,701
Some of the criminals
were fast.
6
00:00:11,701 --> 00:00:13,701
Come on. Let's go!
7
00:00:13,701 --> 00:00:16,534
( gasping )
8
00:00:16,534 --> 00:00:18,234
# Annie, are you okay? #
9
00:00:18,234 --> 00:00:19,901
# So, Annie, are you okay #
10
00:00:19,901 --> 00:00:21,501
Some of them were fast,
11
00:00:21,501 --> 00:00:23,434
then slow.
12
00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:26,501
And no matter what you saw,
13
00:00:26,501 --> 00:00:28,501
the most important thing
was to not get involved.
14
00:00:28,501 --> 00:00:30,801
( siren blaring )
15
00:00:30,801 --> 00:00:33,667
# Annie, are you okay?
Are you okay, Annie? #
16
00:00:33,667 --> 00:00:35,000
# Annie, are you okay? #
17
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:37,000
Hold this.
What is it?
18
00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:38,100
What you think it is?
19
00:00:38,100 --> 00:00:40,501
And you better have it
when I get back!
20
00:00:40,501 --> 00:00:42,934
# He came into
your apartment #
21
00:00:42,934 --> 00:00:44,467
# Left the bloodstains
on the carpet #
22
00:00:44,467 --> 00:00:46,133
Hey, where's
the weed, T.J.?
23
00:00:46,133 --> 00:00:47,267
I ain't got no weed, man!
24
00:00:47,267 --> 00:00:48,300
Yeah, right.
25
00:00:48,300 --> 00:00:50,767
Where's the weed, T.J.?
26
00:00:50,767 --> 00:00:52,834
I had never actually
seen real marijuana.
27
00:00:52,834 --> 00:00:56,167
But after having a bag of it
shoved into my hands,
28
00:00:56,167 --> 00:00:57,968
I knew onething:
Where's the weed, T.J.?
29
00:00:57,968 --> 00:01:00,300
if that's what happened to the
guy who didn't have the weed,
30
00:01:00,300 --> 00:01:02,334
I didn't want to know
what would happen
31
00:01:02,334 --> 00:01:04,767
to the guy who did have it.
32
00:01:04,767 --> 00:01:06,701
( funky hip-hop theme playing )
33
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:19,267
# Oh, make it funky now #
34
00:01:37,767 --> 00:01:40,601
A bag of weed can cause you
all kinds of problems:
35
00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:42,601
big ones,
like losing your job;
36
00:01:42,601 --> 00:01:45,100
and little ones, like trying
to figure out where to hide it.
37
00:01:45,100 --> 00:01:48,601
I thought about hiding it
in the bathroom.
38
00:01:48,601 --> 00:01:52,033
( Rick James'
"Mary Jane" playing )
39
00:01:54,267 --> 00:01:57,801
Who's hiding $27 worth of weed
in the toilet?!
40
00:01:57,801 --> 00:01:59,667
# I'm in love
with Mary Jane #
41
00:01:59,667 --> 00:02:01,334
I thought about hiding it
in my room.
42
00:02:01,334 --> 00:02:03,601
# She's my main thing #
43
00:02:03,601 --> 00:02:05,267
Mama!
44
00:02:05,267 --> 00:02:07,968
Somebody hid some weed
in Chris' sock drawer!
45
00:02:07,968 --> 00:02:10,968
I even thought about hiding it
in the kitchen.
46
00:02:10,968 --> 00:02:13,801
# She comes as no surprise #
47
00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:17,133
Who hid weed in my cereal?!
48
00:02:17,133 --> 00:02:20,133
But I decided the
safest place to hide it
49
00:02:20,133 --> 00:02:23,000
was on me.
50
00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:26,000
Even though I hid the weed,
I couldn't hide the smell.
51
00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:28,000
( sniffing )
52
00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:29,801
What is that?
53
00:02:29,801 --> 00:02:31,167
What is what?
54
00:02:31,167 --> 00:02:32,734
That smell.
55
00:02:32,734 --> 00:02:34,734
I don't smell
anything.
56
00:02:34,734 --> 00:02:36,367
Maybe it's the greens.
57
00:02:36,367 --> 00:02:37,567
If you can't smell
anything,
58
00:02:37,567 --> 00:02:39,000
how do you know
it's the greens?
59
00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:40,234
( sniffing )
60
00:02:40,234 --> 00:02:41,501
That's not greens.
61
00:02:41,501 --> 00:02:43,000
Oh, it's greens, all right.
62
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:45,667
It smells like it's coming
from under the table.
63
00:02:45,667 --> 00:02:49,601
( sniffing )
64
00:02:49,601 --> 00:02:51,133
It smells like weed.
65
00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:54,133
( dramatic theme playing )
66
00:02:55,901 --> 00:03:00,601
( heart beating )
67
00:03:00,601 --> 00:03:02,067
How do you know
what weed smells like?
68
00:03:02,067 --> 00:03:03,634
Scratch 'n sniff
Rick James sticker?
69
00:03:03,634 --> 00:03:05,968
I think I might have smelled
it at the record store.
70
00:03:05,968 --> 00:03:07,267
What record store?
71
00:03:07,267 --> 00:03:08,601
The Jamaican record store.
72
00:03:08,601 --> 00:03:10,934
I went there to get
the new Lisa Lisa album.
73
00:03:10,934 --> 00:03:13,868
( coughing )
74
00:03:15,934 --> 00:03:18,334
Ya, mon, check
back next week!
75
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,067
How many times do I have
to tell you kids,
76
00:03:22,067 --> 00:03:23,834
the Jamaicans
do not sell records?
77
00:03:23,834 --> 00:03:26,200
Or if they do,
they're Sean Paul.
78
00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:27,767
What were you doing
over there anyway?
79
00:03:27,767 --> 00:03:29,267
Andrea is having
a listening party
80
00:03:29,267 --> 00:03:31,200
for the new Lisa Lisa
and Cult Jam album.
81
00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:33,133
And I wanted the album
so I would know the songs.
82
00:03:33,133 --> 00:03:34,534
But it's not out yet.
83
00:03:34,534 --> 00:03:36,334
She was such a big fan
of Lisa Lisa,
84
00:03:36,334 --> 00:03:38,868
for a while we had to call her
Tonya Tonya.
85
00:03:38,868 --> 00:03:40,100
Party? When?
86
00:03:40,100 --> 00:03:41,334
Wednesday
after school.
87
00:03:41,334 --> 00:03:43,067
Can I go?
No.
88
00:03:43,067 --> 00:03:46,000
My father hardly ever said no
to Tonya,
89
00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:47,667
so we were more shocked
than she was.
90
00:03:47,667 --> 00:03:49,501
What?
What?
91
00:03:49,501 --> 00:03:51,000
Tonya, change your tone.
92
00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:52,033
How come I can't go?
93
00:03:52,033 --> 00:03:53,234
It's just Andrea's.
94
00:03:53,234 --> 00:03:55,133
I can't sleep if I know
you're not home.
95
00:03:55,133 --> 00:03:57,033
I said no. That's it.
96
00:03:57,033 --> 00:03:59,400
That look means,
"We'll see about that."
97
00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:01,901
Keeping weed on me
98
00:04:01,901 --> 00:04:03,934
didn't seem like
such a great idea,
99
00:04:03,934 --> 00:04:06,868
so I decided to just
keep it near me.
100
00:04:09,634 --> 00:04:11,601
( comic theme playing )
101
00:04:25,434 --> 00:04:28,434
Back at school,
I had Jamaican Gold in my shoe
102
00:04:28,434 --> 00:04:30,434
and Italian Greg on my case.
103
00:04:30,434 --> 00:04:32,434
Are you crazy
bringing that here?
104
00:04:32,434 --> 00:04:33,901
I couldn't
leave it at home.
105
00:04:33,901 --> 00:04:35,801
Well, you're gonna be
leaving everything at home
106
00:04:35,801 --> 00:04:37,267
when you end up in jail.
107
00:04:37,267 --> 00:04:38,734
Why didn't you
just throw it away?
108
00:04:38,734 --> 00:04:40,734
( school bell rings )
109
00:04:40,734 --> 00:04:43,734
Because he knows who I am,
and knows where I work--
110
00:04:43,734 --> 00:04:45,767
plus he said that
when he comes back,
111
00:04:45,767 --> 00:04:47,100
I better have it.
112
00:04:47,100 --> 00:04:49,000
What difference does
it make what he says?
113
00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:50,601
He's going to jail.
And when he gets out,
114
00:04:50,601 --> 00:04:52,868
this weed's gonna be right
there at Doc's waiting for him.
115
00:04:52,868 --> 00:04:54,334
I don't care if it
takes 20 years.
116
00:04:54,334 --> 00:04:55,667
It might be legal by then.
117
00:04:55,667 --> 00:04:57,300
Well, you can't
keep it in that sock.
118
00:04:57,300 --> 00:04:58,334
You smell like the ocean.
119
00:04:58,334 --> 00:04:59,567
I have no where
else to put it.
120
00:04:59,567 --> 00:05:01,567
Some drug mules
would beg to differ.
121
00:05:01,567 --> 00:05:03,567
I'll get you
something.
122
00:05:03,567 --> 00:05:06,300
Meet me in the
bathroom before lunch.
123
00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:09,901
Hey, girl.
124
00:05:09,901 --> 00:05:10,901
Hey!
125
00:05:10,901 --> 00:05:12,167
What's all this?
126
00:05:12,167 --> 00:05:13,567
I got you a computer.
127
00:05:13,567 --> 00:05:15,434
A computer? For what?
128
00:05:15,434 --> 00:05:17,467
To keep the salon organized.
129
00:05:17,467 --> 00:05:20,133
It holds customer
information, appointments,
130
00:05:20,133 --> 00:05:22,601
calculate our accounts
receivable and payable.
131
00:05:22,601 --> 00:05:24,133
It does just about
everything but hair.
132
00:05:24,133 --> 00:05:25,934
Oh, I don't need a computer.
133
00:05:25,934 --> 00:05:27,467
Girl, I'm a walking computer.
134
00:05:27,467 --> 00:05:28,801
But I'm not.
135
00:05:28,801 --> 00:05:30,434
Girl, I don't even
know what's going on
136
00:05:30,434 --> 00:05:31,767
in my own salon anymore.
137
00:05:31,767 --> 00:05:33,367
Sounds like my father.
138
00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:35,300
Try it! You'll like it.
139
00:05:35,300 --> 00:05:37,234
That sounds like
my father, too.
140
00:05:38,934 --> 00:05:41,434
While my mom was entering
the computer age,
141
00:05:41,434 --> 00:05:44,434
Greg was contemplating
the stoned age.
142
00:05:44,434 --> 00:05:46,267
Chris?
143
00:05:46,267 --> 00:05:47,634
Yeah?
144
00:05:47,634 --> 00:05:49,634
Hey, up top.
145
00:05:49,634 --> 00:05:51,667
What's this?
146
00:05:51,667 --> 00:05:53,467
It's a kitchen
container.
147
00:05:53,467 --> 00:05:54,734
It's airtight.
148
00:05:54,734 --> 00:05:56,567
That way it keeps
all the freshness in,
149
00:05:56,567 --> 00:05:58,934
but it keeps the smells
from getting out.
150
00:05:58,934 --> 00:06:00,100
Hey, by the way.
151
00:06:00,100 --> 00:06:01,601
I got an idea.
152
00:06:01,601 --> 00:06:03,100
Maybe we should just smoke it.
153
00:06:03,100 --> 00:06:04,667
You know, get rid
of all the evidence.
154
00:06:19,634 --> 00:06:21,234
Are you high?
155
00:06:21,234 --> 00:06:22,501
I'm trying to hide
the evidence,
156
00:06:22,501 --> 00:06:23,634
not be the evidence.
157
00:06:23,634 --> 00:06:25,167
What about T.J.?
158
00:06:25,167 --> 00:06:28,000
Look, every moment you have
that weed in your possession,
159
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:30,834
you increase the statistical
chances of getting caught.
160
00:06:30,834 --> 00:06:32,300
You could go to jail.
161
00:06:32,300 --> 00:06:33,968
If we smoke it,
it's gone.
162
00:06:33,968 --> 00:06:35,467
I'm gonna not do
that, all right?
163
00:06:35,467 --> 00:06:37,133
I'm gonna take my
chances not being high.
164
00:06:37,133 --> 00:06:39,567
Somewhere, Bobby Brown said,
"This show is ridiculous,"
165
00:06:39,567 --> 00:06:41,567
and changed the channel.
166
00:06:41,567 --> 00:06:43,100
While I was holding weed,
167
00:06:43,100 --> 00:06:45,133
my mother was about
to hold a grudge.
168
00:06:45,133 --> 00:06:47,167
Hey, Peaches.
169
00:06:47,167 --> 00:06:48,334
Hi!
170
00:06:48,334 --> 00:06:50,133
Whatcha you doing here?
171
00:06:50,133 --> 00:06:51,467
Vanessa said
172
00:06:51,467 --> 00:06:54,400
that she would give me a
discount on my next touch-up
173
00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:56,534
if I showed you all your
way around the computer.
174
00:06:56,534 --> 00:06:58,834
Rochelle, this girl, she
knows what she is doing.
175
00:06:58,834 --> 00:07:00,300
Most people, they get
out of prison--
176
00:07:00,300 --> 00:07:01,634
they end up
back in jail.
177
00:07:01,634 --> 00:07:03,601
This girl is gonna
end up running a company.
178
00:07:03,601 --> 00:07:07,300
Well, it can't be too hard
if you learned it in prison.
179
00:07:07,300 --> 00:07:09,467
You know, a lot
of people think
180
00:07:09,467 --> 00:07:10,901
when you're in prison,
all you learn
181
00:07:10,901 --> 00:07:12,334
is how to be
a better criminal.
182
00:07:12,334 --> 00:07:13,934
But if you stay positive
and motivated,
183
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,300
you can learn anything
in there.
184
00:07:15,300 --> 00:07:17,801
You could become a lawyer.
You could get in shape.
185
00:07:17,801 --> 00:07:19,834
I'm telling you, my prison
was better than school.
186
00:07:19,834 --> 00:07:21,000
How would she know?
187
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:22,434
She's never been to school.
188
00:07:22,434 --> 00:07:23,801
Well, that's okay.
189
00:07:23,801 --> 00:07:25,667
I could do it.
You know, uh, Ow. Ooh.
190
00:07:25,667 --> 00:07:27,901
I like to get a feel
for things myself.
191
00:07:27,901 --> 00:07:30,067
I'm more of a...
a hands-on type.
192
00:07:30,067 --> 00:07:32,033
She's more
the hands-on-your-neck type.
193
00:07:33,901 --> 00:07:35,300
( computer whirring )
Oh!
194
00:07:35,300 --> 00:07:37,968
While the weed was burning
a hole in my gym bag,
195
00:07:37,968 --> 00:07:40,133
I was hoping
not to burn my lasagna.
196
00:07:40,133 --> 00:07:41,634
Remember:
197
00:07:41,634 --> 00:07:45,467
this dish will count as 50%
towards your final grade.
198
00:07:45,467 --> 00:07:46,734
How's your lasagna, Chris?
199
00:07:46,734 --> 00:07:48,567
Great. I'm just putting
the finishing touches
200
00:07:48,567 --> 00:07:49,734
on the sauce.
201
00:07:49,734 --> 00:07:50,834
How's your angel food cake?
202
00:07:50,834 --> 00:07:53,801
It's gonna be
just like me...
203
00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:57,434
...sweet and light
204
00:07:57,434 --> 00:07:59,467
and everybody'll
want a piece.
205
00:07:59,467 --> 00:08:00,834
If everyone is George Michael.
206
00:08:00,834 --> 00:08:02,601
( dog barking in distance )
Whatever you say.
207
00:08:02,601 --> 00:08:04,300
Ay bendito,
208
00:08:04,300 --> 00:08:05,834
hold me!
209
00:08:05,834 --> 00:08:08,000
Angel, please let me go.
210
00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:10,167
I'm sorry. I'm scared.
211
00:08:10,167 --> 00:08:11,434
So am I.
212
00:08:11,434 --> 00:08:12,701
Please let me go.
213
00:08:12,701 --> 00:08:14,701
MAN: Ma'am.
WOMAN: Oh, come on in.
214
00:08:14,701 --> 00:08:16,701
( dog barks )
What's going on?
215
00:08:16,701 --> 00:08:18,868
Oh, looks like a
random drug raid.
216
00:08:18,868 --> 00:08:20,634
Drug raid?
217
00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:23,501
There's a lot of people getting
high in school these days.
218
00:08:23,501 --> 00:08:25,868
That's why they call it
high school.
219
00:08:25,868 --> 00:08:27,767
But they didn't announce
they were gonna do this.
220
00:08:27,767 --> 00:08:29,767
That's why it's
called a raid, papi.
221
00:08:29,767 --> 00:08:31,534
Class,
222
00:08:31,534 --> 00:08:33,634
this is K-9
Officer Kilo.
223
00:08:33,634 --> 00:08:36,234
Now, there's no reason
to be afraid.
224
00:08:36,234 --> 00:08:38,267
He doesn't bite
unless he's ordered to.
225
00:08:38,267 --> 00:08:40,100
He's better behaved
than Naomi Campbell.
226
00:08:40,100 --> 00:08:42,601
We're just here
to do a walk-through.
227
00:08:42,601 --> 00:08:44,701
Just keep your places.
We'll be done in a sec.
228
00:08:44,701 --> 00:08:47,634
( students screaming )
229
00:08:47,634 --> 00:08:51,133
They either had weed or John
Mayer was playing outside.
230
00:08:51,133 --> 00:08:52,968
( overlapping yelling )
231
00:08:52,968 --> 00:08:54,901
OFFICER:
Get him!
232
00:08:56,334 --> 00:08:58,534
Hold on here.
Get back here!
233
00:09:01,567 --> 00:09:05,200
This was gonna be the lasagna
that bakes you back.
234
00:09:13,901 --> 00:09:15,133
Now I had two problems.
235
00:09:15,133 --> 00:09:17,133
The guy's weed was
in a lasagna.
236
00:09:17,133 --> 00:09:19,067
And I had a lasagna
full of weed.
237
00:09:19,067 --> 00:09:21,100
Ooh, that looks
delicious!
238
00:09:21,100 --> 00:09:23,267
I would've thought you would
fry up some chicken,
239
00:09:23,267 --> 00:09:24,634
but this is a real surprise.
240
00:09:24,634 --> 00:09:26,667
( school bell rings )
241
00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:28,334
Leave your dishes
at your stations.
242
00:09:28,334 --> 00:09:29,634
I'm gonna wrap
and label this
243
00:09:29,634 --> 00:09:31,667
and keep them in the
freezer for Friday.
244
00:09:31,667 --> 00:09:33,133
Friday? What's Friday?
245
00:09:33,133 --> 00:09:35,968
It's a movie about weed with
Ice Cube and Chris Tucker.
246
00:09:35,968 --> 00:09:38,334
The faculty will be judging
your dishes this year.
247
00:09:38,334 --> 00:09:40,167
And you're
representing your class.
248
00:09:40,167 --> 00:09:41,801
And that's my ass.
249
00:09:41,801 --> 00:09:43,467
While I worried
about prison bars,
250
00:09:43,467 --> 00:09:46,334
my mother struggled
to become Bill Gates.
251
00:09:46,334 --> 00:09:48,334
Hey, Mom.
Hey!
252
00:09:48,334 --> 00:09:50,367
Hey!
253
00:09:50,367 --> 00:09:52,501
What are you guys doing here?
254
00:09:52,501 --> 00:09:53,734
Peaches told us
we can come
255
00:09:53,734 --> 00:09:55,400
and she'll show us how
to work the computer.
256
00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:57,167
One day, everybody is
gonna have one of these.
257
00:09:57,167 --> 00:09:58,801
No reason they
can't get a head start.
258
00:09:58,801 --> 00:10:01,167
Um, I'm a little
busy right now.
259
00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:02,834
Oh, come on, Ma.
Can we try it, please?
260
00:10:02,834 --> 00:10:04,501
Girl, go ahead.
Let 'em try.
261
00:10:04,501 --> 00:10:05,834
After a few minutes
with Peaches,
262
00:10:05,834 --> 00:10:07,434
they'll be
teaching you things.
263
00:10:09,234 --> 00:10:10,968
Go on. But
just a minute.
264
00:10:10,968 --> 00:10:12,133
Oh, what are
you doing
265
00:10:12,133 --> 00:10:13,467
with these manuals?
266
00:10:13,467 --> 00:10:15,400
Funny!
267
00:10:17,701 --> 00:10:19,667
Can I talk you
for a minute?
268
00:10:24,167 --> 00:10:26,100
Do you have a
problem with me?
269
00:10:26,100 --> 00:10:27,968
What? No.
270
00:10:27,968 --> 00:10:29,467
Why would you
ask me that?
271
00:10:29,467 --> 00:10:31,868
Because you keep embarrassing
me in front of people.
272
00:10:31,868 --> 00:10:33,267
And Peaches is
in there acting like
273
00:10:33,267 --> 00:10:35,701
she's Albert Einstein
with my kids.
274
00:10:35,701 --> 00:10:36,868
Now, if you want
to replace me,
275
00:10:36,868 --> 00:10:38,100
then just say so.
276
00:10:38,100 --> 00:10:40,234
Rochelle, you're
being ridiculous.
277
00:10:40,234 --> 00:10:42,267
How would you feel if I
bought a computer here that
278
00:10:42,267 --> 00:10:45,234
knew how to do hair and she knew
how to work it and you didn't?
279
00:10:45,234 --> 00:10:48,167
Rochelle, you sound
like a crazy woman.
280
00:10:48,167 --> 00:10:50,400
Now, if you don't want her
helping with the computer, fine.
281
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,434
But you better learn it
fast, 'cause the person that
282
00:10:52,434 --> 00:10:55,367
manages this store is going to
be working on that computer.
283
00:10:55,367 --> 00:10:58,567
While my mother was getting
the lowdown from Vanessa,
284
00:10:58,567 --> 00:11:01,000
I was trying not to get
the whole faculty high.
285
00:11:02,167 --> 00:11:03,801
Hey, I know you.
You're that black kid.
286
00:11:05,367 --> 00:11:08,801
How'd you like to
make a five spot?
287
00:11:08,801 --> 00:11:09,868
I'd like that.
288
00:11:09,868 --> 00:11:11,200
I need to get
into the Home Ec room.
289
00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:12,834
I left something in there.
Sure.
290
00:11:12,834 --> 00:11:14,367
What'd you leave?
291
00:11:14,367 --> 00:11:17,033
I'd rather not say.
292
00:11:17,033 --> 00:11:18,767
Let's just say
293
00:11:18,767 --> 00:11:21,467
we left five bucks in there.
Oh.
294
00:11:21,467 --> 00:11:22,834
( chuckles ):
Five bucks.
295
00:11:22,834 --> 00:11:24,601
That's good.
That's very clever.
296
00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:32,100
Hey, where are you going?
297
00:11:32,100 --> 00:11:33,834
I'm going to Andrea's
listening party.
298
00:11:33,834 --> 00:11:35,200
Dad said you couldn't go.
299
00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:36,868
( mocking ):
"Dad said you couldn't go."
300
00:11:36,868 --> 00:11:38,200
Dad is asleep
and Mama's at work.
301
00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:40,033
As long as I get home
before Daddy wakes up,
302
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:42,367
and you keep your mouth shut
and stay out of my business,
303
00:11:42,367 --> 00:11:44,033
then we shouldn't
have a problem.
304
00:11:44,033 --> 00:11:45,400
A'ight.
305
00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:46,734
When a person says "a'ight,"
306
00:11:46,734 --> 00:11:48,501
that means,
"Do what you want,
307
00:11:48,501 --> 00:11:50,801
but I'm telling you
it's a bad idea."
308
00:11:50,801 --> 00:11:53,200
Mr. President, I'm telling you,
I think hiring
309
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:57,200
this Lewinsky girl
is a bad idea.
310
00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:59,133
CLINTON ( on phone ):
I don't care what you think.
311
00:11:59,133 --> 00:12:01,334
I want her on the clock
Monday morning.
312
00:12:01,334 --> 00:12:02,501
Got me?
313
00:12:02,501 --> 00:12:04,501
A'ight.
314
00:12:04,501 --> 00:12:07,834
While Tonya was breaking out,
I was breaking in.
315
00:12:07,834 --> 00:12:09,501
Oh, man,
where's all the food?
316
00:12:09,501 --> 00:12:11,767
Mrs. Williams had me move it
over to the cafeteria freezer.
317
00:12:11,767 --> 00:12:14,501
Why didn't you tell
us this before?
318
00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:17,167
Listen here,
Mr. I'd-Rather-Not-Say,
319
00:12:17,167 --> 00:12:18,834
how do I know
what you're looking for?
320
00:12:18,834 --> 00:12:20,167
Blame yourself.
321
00:12:20,167 --> 00:12:22,033
Well, can you let us
into the cafeteria kitchen?
322
00:12:22,033 --> 00:12:24,367
No, only the chef
has those keys now.
323
00:12:25,601 --> 00:12:27,467
I think you're going
to need a Plan B.
324
00:12:27,467 --> 00:12:29,167
As in "bail" money.
325
00:12:32,734 --> 00:12:35,000
I always believed that drugs
could destroy your life
326
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:36,501
because I wasn't even
using them
327
00:12:36,501 --> 00:12:38,400
and my life was getting worse
by the day.
328
00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:40,133
The next time we're
going to see that lasagna
329
00:12:40,133 --> 00:12:41,701
is when the faculty
is eating it.
330
00:12:41,701 --> 00:12:43,667
If only we could pull
an Indiana Jones,
331
00:12:43,667 --> 00:12:45,534
like Raiders of the Lost Ark.
332
00:12:45,534 --> 00:12:47,534
You mean when he swaps the
bag of sand for a statue?
333
00:12:47,534 --> 00:12:48,868
Yeah, the old bait-and-switch.
334
00:12:48,868 --> 00:12:50,133
All right,
I guess I can make
335
00:12:50,133 --> 00:12:52,133
another lasagna, but how
are we going to switch that
336
00:12:52,133 --> 00:12:53,968
with the weed lasagna
without anybody seeing?
337
00:12:53,968 --> 00:12:57,601
See the answer in Indiana
Jones and the Temple of Weed.
338
00:12:57,601 --> 00:12:59,133
Hey.
# Baby, I think I love you #
339
00:12:59,133 --> 00:13:01,267
Hey, what's up, Julius?
# From head to toe #
340
00:13:01,267 --> 00:13:02,434
Have you heard
341
00:13:02,434 --> 00:13:04,467
of Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam?
Oh, that's it.
342
00:13:04,467 --> 00:13:07,734
Ooh, that song is hotter
than grits on Al Green, baby.
343
00:13:07,734 --> 00:13:09,701
Look, I need that
album for Tonya.
344
00:13:09,701 --> 00:13:11,334
She wanted to hear it
at a listening party,
345
00:13:11,334 --> 00:13:12,601
but I wouldn't let her go.
346
00:13:12,601 --> 00:13:14,434
I can't let her be
the only girl on the block
347
00:13:14,434 --> 00:13:16,801
that hasn't heard it.
Oh, man, you're in luck.
348
00:13:16,801 --> 00:13:18,100
( tape stops )
349
00:13:18,100 --> 00:13:21,701
Shoot, this came out
yesterday in limited release.
350
00:13:21,701 --> 00:13:23,200
He released it
from the back of a truck.
351
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:25,434
And the only people
that are listening to it
352
00:13:25,434 --> 00:13:27,200
are listening parties and me.
353
00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:29,100
And you're lucky.
354
00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:32,801
I love $12 more
than I love Lisa Lisa.
355
00:13:32,801 --> 00:13:34,400
My dad was wondering
if he could just have
356
00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:36,167
one Lisa for half the price.
357
00:13:36,167 --> 00:13:37,434
# From head to toe #
358
00:13:37,434 --> 00:13:38,834
Ha-ha! Here you go.
359
00:13:38,834 --> 00:13:40,367
All right, thank you.
Enjoy, brother.
360
00:13:40,367 --> 00:13:41,701
# I love you
from head to toe #
361
00:13:41,701 --> 00:13:44,033
Back at home, my mother
was about to find out
362
00:13:44,033 --> 00:13:45,968
about something
she didn't know.
363
00:13:45,968 --> 00:13:47,567
Mmm, that smells good.
364
00:13:47,567 --> 00:13:49,868
It's lasagna.
Chris made it.
365
00:13:49,868 --> 00:13:51,300
I didn't know he
could make lasagna.
366
00:13:51,300 --> 00:13:53,300
Yeah, he learned
in Home Ec.
367
00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:54,868
One is for us,
and the other,
368
00:13:54,868 --> 00:13:56,601
he has to take
back to his school.
369
00:13:56,601 --> 00:13:58,300
So don't eat it.
370
00:13:58,300 --> 00:13:59,601
Where are you going?
371
00:13:59,601 --> 00:14:00,968
I'm going to register
372
00:14:00,968 --> 00:14:03,934
for computer class
at the Learning Skills Annex.
373
00:14:03,934 --> 00:14:06,567
How much is that going to cost?
Not much.
374
00:14:06,567 --> 00:14:09,167
Drew and Tonya said Peaches
was teaching them the computer.
375
00:14:09,167 --> 00:14:10,634
How come she can't teach you?
376
00:14:10,634 --> 00:14:13,167
( singing ): # Ooh, baby,
I think I love you #
377
00:14:13,167 --> 00:14:15,667
# From head to toe.#
Peaches only knows a little.
378
00:14:15,667 --> 00:14:17,534
I need to learn
about programming.
379
00:14:17,534 --> 00:14:19,400
Oh, no, she knows
all about that.
380
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:21,334
She designed this program
that lets her log in
381
00:14:21,334 --> 00:14:23,801
all her community
service hours.
382
00:14:23,801 --> 00:14:26,400
Baby, if Peaches can
teach you for free,
383
00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:27,868
how come I'm paying
for classes?
384
00:14:27,868 --> 00:14:29,367
'Cause you're not
married to Peaches.
385
00:14:29,367 --> 00:14:31,100
Now, can I take my class
or would you rather
386
00:14:31,100 --> 00:14:33,167
me get locked up
and learn in jail?
387
00:14:33,167 --> 00:14:35,267
He's seriously
thinking about this.
388
00:14:35,267 --> 00:14:37,033
Hey, it's okay.
389
00:14:37,033 --> 00:14:38,300
Take your classes.
390
00:14:40,601 --> 00:14:43,033
At school the next day,
I had to stop the cook-off
391
00:14:43,033 --> 00:14:44,367
from turning into a bake-off.
392
00:14:44,367 --> 00:14:45,968
We have to create
a diversion.
393
00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:48,300
Nobody will be paying attention
and it'll be the perfect time
394
00:14:48,300 --> 00:14:49,767
to switch the lasagnas.
395
00:14:54,033 --> 00:14:55,033
You serious?
396
00:14:55,033 --> 00:14:56,200
As a heart attack.
397
00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:57,968
Wait for my signal.
398
00:15:00,968 --> 00:15:03,767
And now, I'd like
to begin the tasting.
399
00:15:03,767 --> 00:15:05,801
Come on.
400
00:15:13,601 --> 00:15:14,701
I bet you
you would've.
401
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,467
( fire alarm rings )
402
00:15:20,634 --> 00:15:22,167
Okay, this is not
a scheduled alarm.
403
00:15:22,167 --> 00:15:23,834
I need everyone
to evacuate
404
00:15:23,834 --> 00:15:27,300
in an orderly fashion.
405
00:15:27,300 --> 00:15:29,234
( indistinct shouting )
406
00:15:39,267 --> 00:15:40,667
Chris, come on!
407
00:15:40,667 --> 00:15:42,567
You might be black,
but you're not fireproof.
408
00:15:42,567 --> 00:15:44,734
Leave that bag there.
409
00:15:47,767 --> 00:15:49,033
( horn honking )
410
00:15:49,033 --> 00:15:50,367
GREG:
Chris!
411
00:15:51,534 --> 00:15:52,767
What took you so long?
412
00:15:52,767 --> 00:15:54,400
Just wanted to make
sure nobody saw me.
413
00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:56,334
Cool.
414
00:15:58,133 --> 00:16:00,767
Meanwhile, my mother was
paying for computer classes
415
00:16:00,767 --> 00:16:02,300
to save her pride.
416
00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:05,934
Hi, class!
417
00:16:07,033 --> 00:16:09,601
Welcome to
Computer Love Lesson.
418
00:16:09,601 --> 00:16:11,167
I Peaches!
419
00:16:11,167 --> 00:16:13,300
Y'all know y'all don't
know nothing, right?
420
00:16:13,300 --> 00:16:15,501
I managed to get the lasagna
out of school.
421
00:16:15,501 --> 00:16:19,033
Now all I had to do was make
sure me and T.J. were cool.
422
00:16:19,033 --> 00:16:20,300
T.J.:
Hey!
423
00:16:20,300 --> 00:16:22,133
I want my stuff.
424
00:16:22,133 --> 00:16:23,901
And you bet not have
smoked none.
425
00:16:23,901 --> 00:16:26,601
Oh, I didn't smoke it.
426
00:16:26,601 --> 00:16:28,734
I, uh, baked it.
427
00:16:34,968 --> 00:16:36,133
There you go.
428
00:16:37,834 --> 00:16:40,100
Hmm-hmm...
429
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:41,601
So let me get
this straight.
430
00:16:41,601 --> 00:16:44,067
You didn't want to learn
the computer from me,
431
00:16:44,067 --> 00:16:46,534
but then I catch you
432
00:16:46,534 --> 00:16:48,701
trying to learn it
from somebody else.
433
00:16:48,701 --> 00:16:50,167
Peaches, you're
the one teaching me.
434
00:16:50,167 --> 00:16:52,100
You didn't know
it was going to be me.
435
00:16:52,100 --> 00:16:53,367
How could you do this, Rochelle?
436
00:16:53,367 --> 00:16:55,200
I am your friend.
437
00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:56,901
I didn't want
you to think
438
00:16:56,901 --> 00:16:58,834
that I wasn't smart
enough to learn it.
439
00:16:58,834 --> 00:17:00,167
Why come?
440
00:17:00,167 --> 00:17:01,601
'Cause I learned
it in a prison?
441
00:17:01,601 --> 00:17:03,167
No.
Yes!
442
00:17:03,167 --> 00:17:04,300
Tell the truth.
443
00:17:04,300 --> 00:17:06,367
Tell the truth
and set your mind free.
444
00:17:06,367 --> 00:17:07,968
Okay, I was jealous.
Jealous of who?
445
00:17:07,968 --> 00:17:09,133
You. Me?
Yeah. Why?
446
00:17:09,133 --> 00:17:10,601
Because I didn't
want people to think
447
00:17:10,601 --> 00:17:11,701
that you were better than me.
448
00:17:11,701 --> 00:17:12,734
Better than you?
Yeah.
449
00:17:12,734 --> 00:17:13,834
I'm a felon.
450
00:17:13,834 --> 00:17:15,834
I have a parole officer.
I can't vote.
451
00:17:15,834 --> 00:17:18,434
I have a tattoo
on my back
452
00:17:18,434 --> 00:17:19,901
made with a safety pin.
453
00:17:19,901 --> 00:17:21,400
And it says "Larry."
454
00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:23,567
And it's misspelled,
L-A-R-Y-R.
455
00:17:23,567 --> 00:17:24,567
And Larry did it.
456
00:17:24,567 --> 00:17:26,033
Oh.
Rochelle, I'm not
457
00:17:26,033 --> 00:17:28,033
better than you,
I want to be just like you.
458
00:17:28,033 --> 00:17:29,534
How many times I
gotta tell you that?
459
00:17:29,534 --> 00:17:30,734
The only thing
460
00:17:30,734 --> 00:17:33,601
I got going for me
is these computers.
461
00:17:33,601 --> 00:17:35,367
And last week,
I was this close
462
00:17:35,367 --> 00:17:36,868
to stealing each
and every one of them.
463
00:17:36,868 --> 00:17:40,367
Every day is a struggle,
Rochelle, every day.
464
00:17:40,367 --> 00:17:42,000
But I keep going and I
keep going,
465
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:45,300
because someday I hope I can
be half as good as you are.
466
00:17:47,634 --> 00:17:49,734
You are.
467
00:17:49,734 --> 00:17:50,901
I am what?
468
00:17:50,901 --> 00:17:51,901
Half as good as me.
469
00:17:51,901 --> 00:17:53,734
Thank you.
470
00:17:56,267 --> 00:17:57,834
( sotto voce ):
Sorry.
471
00:17:57,834 --> 00:17:58,934
What? What was that?
472
00:17:58,934 --> 00:18:01,734
What? I didn't
hear that one.
473
00:18:01,734 --> 00:18:03,367
( hushed ): I'm sorry.
No, you know what?
474
00:18:03,367 --> 00:18:05,534
You really, you're mumbling
and you really need to turn
475
00:18:05,534 --> 00:18:07,467
the volume up like this:
what, what?!
476
00:18:07,467 --> 00:18:08,701
Okay, I said
I was sorry.
477
00:18:08,701 --> 00:18:11,334
Sorry!
Sorry! Sorry!
478
00:18:11,334 --> 00:18:12,334
Thank you.
479
00:18:12,334 --> 00:18:13,767
Now, sit down.
480
00:18:13,767 --> 00:18:16,234
Two weeks later,
Malvo stole all the computers
481
00:18:16,234 --> 00:18:19,133
and used the money to have
her tattoo removed.
482
00:18:19,133 --> 00:18:20,901
Back at home,
my father was doing
483
00:18:20,901 --> 00:18:22,234
some computing of his own.
484
00:18:22,234 --> 00:18:24,100
# from head to toe #
485
00:18:24,100 --> 00:18:25,601
Catchy little tune,
isn't it?
486
00:18:25,601 --> 00:18:26,868
Huh?
487
00:18:26,868 --> 00:18:29,100
You went to Andrea's
house, didn't you?
488
00:18:29,100 --> 00:18:30,100
Don't lie.
489
00:18:30,100 --> 00:18:31,501
I'm sorry, Daddy.
490
00:18:31,501 --> 00:18:32,667
No, she's not.
491
00:18:32,667 --> 00:18:34,167
Tonya, come here.
492
00:18:36,033 --> 00:18:38,501
Tonya, I know
you're growing up,
493
00:18:38,501 --> 00:18:40,234
and you can't be
my little girl forever.
494
00:18:40,234 --> 00:18:41,667
So throw her out the house.
495
00:18:41,667 --> 00:18:44,133
But you've got junior high and
high school in front of you.
496
00:18:44,133 --> 00:18:46,567
And a foot coming up
fast behind you.
497
00:18:46,567 --> 00:18:48,934
That's the time when most
kids make bad decisions.
498
00:18:48,934 --> 00:18:50,701
I'm here to help
you make good ones.
499
00:18:50,701 --> 00:18:52,234
By choking some sense into you.
500
00:18:52,234 --> 00:18:53,467
You understand?
501
00:18:53,467 --> 00:18:55,067
I understand, Daddy.
502
00:18:58,801 --> 00:19:00,434
For me?!
Yup.
503
00:19:00,434 --> 00:19:01,667
Thank you!
504
00:19:05,734 --> 00:19:07,367
You did something
I didn't like,
505
00:19:07,367 --> 00:19:09,133
now I'm doing something
you don't like.
506
00:19:09,133 --> 00:19:11,734
You're lucky he didn't
make you pay $12.
507
00:19:12,801 --> 00:19:14,367
Man, that was
such a close call.
508
00:19:14,367 --> 00:19:15,968
It's a good thing I
was able to get in there
509
00:19:15,968 --> 00:19:17,234
and switch those lasagnas.
510
00:19:17,234 --> 00:19:19,634
What? I switched
the lasagna.
511
00:19:19,634 --> 00:19:22,100
When?
Right before I left the room.
512
00:19:22,100 --> 00:19:23,634
What did you do?
513
00:19:23,634 --> 00:19:25,601
Chris, come on!
514
00:19:25,601 --> 00:19:27,367
You might be black,
but you're not fireproof!
515
00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:28,934
Leave that bag there.
516
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:31,934
( exciting theme playing )
517
00:19:48,467 --> 00:19:50,334
Wait a minute--
so that means that
518
00:19:50,334 --> 00:19:52,434
I gave the lasagna with
no weed in it to T.J.
519
00:19:52,434 --> 00:19:53,868
That would be correct.
520
00:19:53,868 --> 00:19:55,133
So if that went to T.J...
521
00:19:55,133 --> 00:19:56,734
Who's got the lasagna
with the weed in it?
522
00:20:00,234 --> 00:20:06,167
# The tide is high,
but I'm holding on... #
523
00:20:06,167 --> 00:20:09,100
Feed me some more lasagna.
524
00:20:09,100 --> 00:20:10,501
Mmm...
525
00:20:10,501 --> 00:20:11,868
( giggles )
526
00:20:11,868 --> 00:20:13,601
# I'm not the kind of girl #
527
00:20:13,601 --> 00:20:15,801
# Who gives up just #
528
00:20:15,801 --> 00:20:17,801
# Like that #
529
00:20:17,801 --> 00:20:20,767
# Everybody hates Chris. #
530
00:20:28,934 --> 00:20:30,868
( upbeat theme playing )
37616
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