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1
00:00:03,348 --> 00:00:08,851
www.CZHANNES.com proudly presents: Naked Mile!
2
00:00:15,348 --> 00:00:17,851
Oh, honey, you don't look so good.
3
00:00:18,768 --> 00:00:20,353
You should stay home from brunch.
4
00:00:20,436 --> 00:00:22,146
- Are you sure?
- Mmm.
5
00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:23,565
I really want to go.
6
00:00:23,648 --> 00:00:25,608
You stay and rest.
7
00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:28,278
You can see Grandma when we get back.
8
00:00:29,500 --> 00:00:35,574
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
9
00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:08,526
Thank you, Videobarn dumpster.
10
00:01:36,262 --> 00:01:38,180
Wanna fuck me, baby?
11
00:01:38,514 --> 00:01:39,723
Oh, yes. Yeah.
12
00:01:39,807 --> 00:01:41,475
You wanna fuck me?
13
00:01:46,271 --> 00:01:49,483
Hey, Erik. Do you know if your dad
still has my clippers?
14
00:01:49,566 --> 00:01:52,403
I have no idea, Mr. Williams.
15
00:01:52,486 --> 00:01:55,322
All right. Go back to what you were doing.
16
00:01:59,159 --> 00:02:01,161
You wanna fuck me, baby?
17
00:02:05,999 --> 00:02:07,084
Yeah.
18
00:02:18,053 --> 00:02:20,305
Yeah. Fuck me, baby.
19
00:02:20,722 --> 00:02:22,099
Yes, please.
20
00:02:23,976 --> 00:02:25,978
Oh, do me, baby.
21
00:02:26,103 --> 00:02:27,145
Honey.
22
00:02:27,270 --> 00:02:29,106
Yeah, just like that.
23
00:02:29,189 --> 00:02:32,484
Oh, yeah! So good, so good, baby.
24
00:02:32,651 --> 00:02:34,069
Oh, yeah!
25
00:02:36,321 --> 00:02:37,864
I told you I was paying.
26
00:02:37,948 --> 00:02:40,659
So what's the difference
if you forgot the coupon?
27
00:02:40,742 --> 00:02:42,327
Honey, she doesn't like to waste money.
28
00:02:42,410 --> 00:02:44,538
There's no way I'm letting you pay full price
29
00:02:44,621 --> 00:02:48,291
when there's a two-for-one coupon
sitting on the counter.
30
00:02:48,375 --> 00:02:49,501
I'll be right out.
31
00:02:49,584 --> 00:02:51,711
I'm coming, too. Now I gotta pee.
32
00:02:51,795 --> 00:02:52,879
I'll check on Erik.
33
00:02:52,963 --> 00:02:54,047
Oh, yeah.
34
00:02:54,130 --> 00:02:55,882
Oh. Oh, that's good.
35
00:02:55,966 --> 00:02:58,259
- You like that? I like that, too.
- Oh, yeah!
36
00:02:59,469 --> 00:03:00,553
Here we go.
37
00:03:00,637 --> 00:03:01,680
Okay, Mom.
38
00:03:01,763 --> 00:03:03,598
- Harder.
- Harder? Okay.
39
00:03:03,682 --> 00:03:04,808
Oh, yeah! So good.
40
00:03:04,891 --> 00:03:06,685
- Like this?
- Yeah, right there, babe.
41
00:03:06,768 --> 00:03:08,061
- Like this? Like this?
- Yeah.
42
00:03:08,144 --> 00:03:09,687
Baby, do me just like that.
43
00:03:11,064 --> 00:03:12,148
Okay, attagirl.
44
00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:15,401
- From behind?
- Oh, yeah, baby! Harder!
45
00:03:15,485 --> 00:03:16,861
- Okay.
- All right.
46
00:03:17,487 --> 00:03:19,280
- You wanna cum for me, baby?
- Oh, yeah.
47
00:03:19,364 --> 00:03:21,366
- Yeah? Cum for me, baby.
- I'm so close. I will.
48
00:03:21,449 --> 00:03:22,534
We're almost there.
49
00:03:22,617 --> 00:03:23,701
You're gonna cum for me?
50
00:03:23,785 --> 00:03:24,953
I'm about to. I'm about to.
51
00:03:25,036 --> 00:03:26,538
That's it, baby.
52
00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:40,927
Grandma. Grandma.
53
00:03:42,804 --> 00:03:44,347
Grandma.
54
00:03:46,766 --> 00:03:48,935
And that's the day
my grandmother died.
55
00:03:49,018 --> 00:03:52,271
And it's pretty much the story of my life.
But let me back things up a little bit.
56
00:03:59,612 --> 00:04:02,657
That's me. Not exactly the life of the party.
57
00:04:05,826 --> 00:04:07,536
That's my buddy, Mike Coozeman.
58
00:04:07,620 --> 00:04:11,248
Everybody calls him Cooze
'cause that's all he's ever interested in.
59
00:04:11,332 --> 00:04:14,794
Cooze is a self-proclaimed ladies' man
and a legend in his own mind.
60
00:04:14,877 --> 00:04:16,212
Sometimes his methods are...
61
00:04:17,755 --> 00:04:19,215
questionable.
62
00:04:20,925 --> 00:04:22,301
Very smooth.
63
00:04:22,968 --> 00:04:25,179
Oh, please. I consider that foreplay.
64
00:04:25,262 --> 00:04:26,347
Where's Ryan?
65
00:04:26,430 --> 00:04:27,473
I don't know.
66
00:04:27,556 --> 00:04:32,186
Last time I saw him,
he was dancing with Stacey and Shelly.
67
00:04:33,771 --> 00:04:36,398
That's my best friend, Ryan Grimm.
68
00:04:37,274 --> 00:04:39,443
I don't know how he does it.
69
00:04:41,779 --> 00:04:44,823
See, I told you there was enough
for both of you.
70
00:04:44,907 --> 00:04:46,158
He moved here in second grade.
71
00:04:46,242 --> 00:04:50,037
Believe it or not, back then,
I was the one showing him the ropes.
72
00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:51,830
Now he's the quarterback
of the football team,
73
00:04:51,914 --> 00:04:54,166
and the coolest guy in school.
74
00:04:54,249 --> 00:04:57,419
Hey, I brought you a vodka and ginger ale
so it won't upset your stomach.
75
00:04:57,503 --> 00:04:59,797
Oh, thanks.
76
00:04:59,880 --> 00:05:02,841
That's my girlfriend, Tracy.
77
00:05:03,509 --> 00:05:05,094
We met in Biology, junior year.
78
00:05:05,177 --> 00:05:08,138
Now make the first
incision into your frogs.
79
00:05:08,889 --> 00:05:12,518
Cut along the ventral side from the pelvic
to the pectoral girdle.
80
00:05:14,228 --> 00:05:15,312
Oh!
81
00:05:16,772 --> 00:05:18,607
I don't know what she saw in me,
82
00:05:18,690 --> 00:05:22,903
but when I finally got up the nerve
to ask her out, she said yes.
83
00:05:24,488 --> 00:05:27,574
And for some reason,
she kept going out with me.
84
00:05:28,867 --> 00:05:31,119
It's like she totally gets me.
85
00:05:32,996 --> 00:05:35,165
And I try my best to get her.
86
00:05:41,671 --> 00:05:44,257
Come on. Take the low one. It's easy.
87
00:05:47,260 --> 00:05:48,512
Screw it.
88
00:05:54,434 --> 00:05:55,518
Oh!
89
00:05:58,980 --> 00:06:00,690
Are you all right?
90
00:06:01,399 --> 00:06:04,694
I don't know.
Is it possible to break your ass?
91
00:06:04,945 --> 00:06:08,406
Okay, I promise I'll never make you
ride a horse again.
92
00:06:09,407 --> 00:06:13,411
Looks like she's perfect, right?
There's just one problem.
93
00:06:15,830 --> 00:06:20,335
Tracy's not ready to have sex yet,
so that makes me a virgin.
94
00:06:21,211 --> 00:06:24,464
Now, being one of the only virgins in school
is bad enough,
95
00:06:24,964 --> 00:06:27,091
but it's even worse for me.
96
00:06:29,135 --> 00:06:30,303
Yup.
97
00:06:30,595 --> 00:06:31,721
I'm a Stifler.
98
00:06:32,472 --> 00:06:34,974
My cousins are the legendary Stifler boys.
99
00:06:35,058 --> 00:06:39,771
Steve, his brother, Matt,
and our other cousin, Dwight.
100
00:06:40,980 --> 00:06:43,274
You see, with my last name
comes responsibility,
101
00:06:43,358 --> 00:06:46,069
a reputation that I'm supposed to live up to.
102
00:06:46,235 --> 00:06:49,864
Unfortunately, I've let down the family name
on more than one occasion.
103
00:06:49,947 --> 00:06:51,240
What's your problem, Erik?
104
00:06:51,324 --> 00:06:54,285
Your cousin would've helped me
steal this beer.
105
00:06:54,368 --> 00:06:57,997
Dude, a real Stifler
would have totally fucked that goat.
106
00:06:58,081 --> 00:07:02,001
If you were really a Stifler,
you would have nailed Tracy by now.
107
00:07:02,627 --> 00:07:03,878
Stifler.
108
00:07:04,629 --> 00:07:08,424
My name, my legacy, my curse.
109
00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:15,723
I can't believe you killed your grandmother
from jerking off.
110
00:07:15,806 --> 00:07:17,475
The coroner's findings were inconclusive.
111
00:07:17,558 --> 00:07:20,311
Why are you still whacking it
to that dumpster porn?
112
00:07:20,394 --> 00:07:23,397
Yeah, why don't you just go on the Internet
like a normal person?
113
00:07:23,481 --> 00:07:25,358
Well, because my mom
put on that CyberNanny
114
00:07:25,441 --> 00:07:28,402
after you spent the entire night looking up
German fetish porn.
115
00:07:28,486 --> 00:07:30,738
Man, you are pathetic.
116
00:07:31,072 --> 00:07:33,741
You know who I blame for this? Tracy.
117
00:07:33,824 --> 00:07:35,326
What? Why?
118
00:07:35,409 --> 00:07:37,953
Because, if she would just give up
a little ass,
119
00:07:38,037 --> 00:07:42,333
then maybe you wouldn't be killing
your relatives with your money shot.
120
00:07:44,335 --> 00:07:49,298
Erik, you cannot graduate a virgin.
For Christ's sake, you're a Stifler.
121
00:07:56,930 --> 00:07:59,099
Hey, sweetie. How was your math class?
122
00:07:59,183 --> 00:08:01,602
It was all right. How was English?
123
00:08:01,685 --> 00:08:03,729
Pretty interesting, actually.
124
00:08:03,812 --> 00:08:05,397
You know that kid
that I always tell you about?
125
00:08:05,481 --> 00:08:08,650
- He was doing that pencil thing all...
- That's cool.
126
00:08:10,110 --> 00:08:11,320
You okay?
127
00:08:11,403 --> 00:08:12,863
Yeah, I'm fine.
128
00:08:14,490 --> 00:08:18,702
Erik, we've been dating for two years.
I know when something's bothering you.
129
00:08:18,785 --> 00:08:20,078
Nothing's wrong.
130
00:08:20,162 --> 00:08:22,915
I don't know why you think
you have this psychic ability to read me.
131
00:08:22,998 --> 00:08:25,375
Because I do. What is it?
132
00:08:26,335 --> 00:08:29,504
You're gonna think I'm an asshole.
Let's just forget about it.
133
00:08:29,588 --> 00:08:33,258
Come on, Erik, you know you can talk to me
about anything.
134
00:08:34,801 --> 00:08:36,219
All right.
135
00:08:41,391 --> 00:08:42,976
It's the sex.
136
00:08:44,227 --> 00:08:45,312
I mean,
137
00:08:45,395 --> 00:08:48,607
we've been together for two years.
Two years, Trace.
138
00:08:48,690 --> 00:08:51,067
I mean, when we were juniors,
it was one thing,
139
00:08:51,151 --> 00:08:52,819
but we're seniors now,
and this whole virgin thing
140
00:08:52,903 --> 00:08:55,405
is starting to have
some serious consequences.
141
00:08:55,489 --> 00:08:57,491
I mean, people are dying.
142
00:08:58,742 --> 00:09:00,452
I told you, I'm not ready yet.
143
00:09:00,535 --> 00:09:02,579
I am so ready.
144
00:09:02,913 --> 00:09:05,206
Can't I be ready enough for the both of us?
145
00:09:05,290 --> 00:09:07,208
It doesn't work that way.
146
00:09:07,292 --> 00:09:08,877
It should.
147
00:09:09,419 --> 00:09:11,921
I'm sorry, Erik.
I know how patient you've been.
148
00:09:12,005 --> 00:09:14,341
I know. It's just sometimes...
149
00:09:14,841 --> 00:09:15,884
What?
150
00:09:16,176 --> 00:09:20,055
Well, you're a girl.
It's a lot easier for you to be a virgin
151
00:09:20,138 --> 00:09:23,058
because the longer you stay a virgin,
the more pure and innocent you seem.
152
00:09:23,141 --> 00:09:24,517
The longer I stay a virgin,
153
00:09:24,601 --> 00:09:28,188
the more I become the laughingstock
of the entire school.
154
00:09:29,689 --> 00:09:31,566
I'm sorry, but... I mean...
155
00:09:31,649 --> 00:09:33,485
I'm sorry I brought it up.
156
00:09:35,361 --> 00:09:37,739
I gotta go. I'll see you after school.
157
00:09:39,908 --> 00:09:40,992
Okay.
158
00:09:43,328 --> 00:09:44,370
Bye.
159
00:09:50,376 --> 00:09:53,463
I'm telling you, his dick was this big.
160
00:09:55,173 --> 00:09:57,592
What about Erik?
I bet he's got a big one.
161
00:09:57,675 --> 00:09:59,635
Well, Tracy wouldn't know.
162
00:09:59,719 --> 00:10:00,762
Whatever.
163
00:10:01,804 --> 00:10:04,557
Yeah, I guess it's pretty hard
to figure out dick size from dry humping.
164
00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:05,975
Brooke, that's mean.
165
00:10:06,058 --> 00:10:09,103
Just because I don't have a catalog
of the school's dick sizes like you,
166
00:10:09,187 --> 00:10:11,230
doesn't mean I don't know a thing or two.
167
00:10:11,314 --> 00:10:14,233
Okay, so how big is Erik's?
168
00:10:16,944 --> 00:10:18,029
See? Told you.
169
00:10:18,112 --> 00:10:19,488
Come on, Brooke.
170
00:10:19,572 --> 00:10:21,073
It's not like that with us.
171
00:10:21,157 --> 00:10:23,451
I mean, Erik's different.
He respects my boundaries.
172
00:10:23,534 --> 00:10:25,578
Well, you better give that boy
a reason to stick around,
173
00:10:25,661 --> 00:10:28,289
or he's gonna find a girl
with looser boundaries.
174
00:10:28,706 --> 00:10:29,874
Erik would never do that.
175
00:10:29,957 --> 00:10:31,584
Yeah, that's what you said about Trent.
176
00:10:31,667 --> 00:10:35,171
He broke up with you over sex,
and that was sophomore year.
177
00:10:35,254 --> 00:10:38,257
Yeah, this just isn't gonna
work without the sex.
178
00:10:38,924 --> 00:10:42,845
God, Trent is cute,
and I heard he just broke up with Holly.
179
00:10:43,762 --> 00:10:47,892
Look, Tracy, we love you, and we love Erik,
but let's get real.
180
00:10:48,350 --> 00:10:50,853
He's a guy, and guys have certain needs.
181
00:10:50,936 --> 00:10:54,773
They really do.
It's like a caveman thing or something.
182
00:10:54,857 --> 00:10:58,402
Yeah, I can't believe
you've kept him tied up this long.
183
00:10:59,320 --> 00:11:01,488
Hey, Erik, guess who I just talked to?
184
00:11:01,572 --> 00:11:02,656
Who?
185
00:11:02,740 --> 00:11:04,783
Your cousin Stifler up at Michigan.
186
00:11:04,867 --> 00:11:06,285
Why are you talking to my cousin Dwight?
187
00:11:06,368 --> 00:11:08,454
Oh, we talk all the time.
188
00:11:08,537 --> 00:11:09,913
What? We have a lot in common.
189
00:11:09,997 --> 00:11:11,832
What's that crazy bastard up to?
190
00:11:11,915 --> 00:11:15,669
He's in some fraternity,
and all those guys do is drink and fuck.
191
00:11:15,753 --> 00:11:18,505
And it just so happens that they're throwing
a monster party this weekend
192
00:11:18,589 --> 00:11:19,673
for the Naked Mile.
193
00:11:19,756 --> 00:11:20,883
What's the Naked Mile?
194
00:11:20,966 --> 00:11:22,759
Oh, dude, it's this thing
where thousands of students
195
00:11:22,843 --> 00:11:24,219
run naked through campus.
196
00:11:24,303 --> 00:11:26,513
It's the way of blowing off
steam after exams.
197
00:11:26,597 --> 00:11:28,390
Thousands of naked chicks?
198
00:11:28,473 --> 00:11:31,476
Stifler says that this party is gonna be epic.
199
00:11:31,560 --> 00:11:33,729
Bottom line is, this place is played out.
200
00:11:33,812 --> 00:11:35,147
High school's over for us.
201
00:11:35,230 --> 00:11:37,190
It's time to plant our flag in a new land.
202
00:11:37,608 --> 00:11:41,153
Porn, cumshot, dead grandmother,
grounded forever?
203
00:11:41,236 --> 00:11:42,321
Don't worry.
204
00:11:42,404 --> 00:11:45,699
Just tell your parents that, you know,
you're thinking about going to school there.
205
00:11:45,782 --> 00:11:47,701
- I don't know, man.
- Oh, please.
206
00:11:47,784 --> 00:11:50,412
Your mom cried when you told her
you were going to school in Boston.
207
00:11:50,495 --> 00:11:53,206
She'll probably help you pack
if she thinks it'll keep you close to home.
208
00:11:53,290 --> 00:11:54,541
I'll help you pack.
209
00:11:55,041 --> 00:11:56,293
I'll make sandwiches.
210
00:11:56,418 --> 00:11:57,502
Chicken salad?
211
00:11:57,586 --> 00:11:58,670
Of course.
212
00:11:58,753 --> 00:12:00,755
Are you gonna get a chance
to see your cousin?
213
00:12:00,839 --> 00:12:03,717
Yeah. We might stop by and say hello.
214
00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:06,678
Now, there's someone you
should definitely look up to.
215
00:12:06,761 --> 00:12:09,139
I bet he doesn't have time
to blow his load on his family.
216
00:12:09,222 --> 00:12:10,974
- Harry, please.
I don't understand.
217
00:12:11,057 --> 00:12:14,269
When I was your age,
I was up to my neck in poontang.
218
00:12:14,603 --> 00:12:16,813
I didn't have time to spank my monkey.
219
00:12:16,896 --> 00:12:20,275
Thank you for that very
disturbing image, Dad.
220
00:12:20,358 --> 00:12:24,237
I mean, Stiflers do not fake
being sick to stay home and pull dick.
221
00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:25,447
We cut class to get ass.
222
00:12:25,530 --> 00:12:27,907
Yes, I know.
That saying is on our family crest.
223
00:12:27,991 --> 00:12:29,868
Oh, don't let me forget
to pack the Imodium AD.
224
00:12:29,951 --> 00:12:31,286
You know, just in case you get diarrhea.
225
00:12:31,369 --> 00:12:33,288
- Mom.
- I am so excited.
226
00:12:33,371 --> 00:12:34,414
Aren't you excited, Harry?
227
00:12:34,497 --> 00:12:36,207
I'm very excited.
228
00:12:37,167 --> 00:12:38,835
Don't you get excited.
229
00:12:38,918 --> 00:12:40,295
It worked
just like you said.
230
00:12:40,378 --> 00:12:43,339
She's helping me pack,
and she's even making us sandwiches.
231
00:12:43,423 --> 00:12:44,883
- Chicken salad?
- Yup.
232
00:12:44,966 --> 00:12:46,092
Sweet.
233
00:12:46,175 --> 00:12:47,927
See, I told you. Never doubt me.
234
00:12:48,219 --> 00:12:51,723
Man, this weekend is gonna be tits.
I can't wait to see Stifler.
235
00:12:52,432 --> 00:12:55,184
Hey, how come you never call me Stifler?
236
00:12:55,601 --> 00:12:57,186
You're more of an Erik.
237
00:12:58,521 --> 00:12:59,772
Hold on.
238
00:13:00,481 --> 00:13:01,941
That's Tracy. I'd better take it.
239
00:13:02,025 --> 00:13:03,109
All right, later.
240
00:13:06,112 --> 00:13:08,531
Hey, sweetie.
Listen, about today, I'm really...
241
00:13:08,614 --> 00:13:10,741
Erik, I wanna have sex.
242
00:13:11,659 --> 00:13:12,743
Excuse me?
243
00:13:13,244 --> 00:13:15,496
I wanna have sex.
244
00:13:15,580 --> 00:13:16,706
Are you serious?
245
00:13:16,789 --> 00:13:18,124
Absolutely.
246
00:13:18,875 --> 00:13:21,836
Do you have me on a conference call?
Because if you do, that is so not cool.
247
00:13:21,919 --> 00:13:23,588
Erik, this isn't a joke.
248
00:13:24,213 --> 00:13:26,465
I want to have sex.
249
00:13:28,009 --> 00:13:30,594
Yes! Yes, yes.
250
00:13:31,137 --> 00:13:32,221
Tonight.
251
00:13:32,305 --> 00:13:33,389
What?
252
00:13:33,472 --> 00:13:35,891
Tonight. I wanna have sex tonight.
253
00:13:36,475 --> 00:13:37,977
How am I supposed to get out of my house?
254
00:13:38,060 --> 00:13:39,478
That's up to you.
255
00:13:39,603 --> 00:13:43,357
But at midnight, I'll be in my basement
256
00:13:43,441 --> 00:13:45,067
waiting to be ravished.
257
00:13:45,526 --> 00:13:46,777
I'll be there.
258
00:14:09,008 --> 00:14:10,342
Hypocrite.
259
00:14:12,386 --> 00:14:15,180
So you get the beer and the weed,
and I'll handle the nitrous.
260
00:14:15,264 --> 00:14:17,141
You got it. What's Erik bringing?
261
00:14:17,224 --> 00:14:18,392
Sandwiches.
262
00:14:18,475 --> 00:14:22,104
Nice. Chicken salad and college pussy.
263
00:14:22,187 --> 00:14:23,814
My favorite combination.
264
00:14:23,897 --> 00:14:25,691
Yeah, well, at least you'll get to taste
the chicken salad.
265
00:14:25,774 --> 00:14:26,942
Ow.
266
00:14:27,025 --> 00:14:28,861
Hey, what do you think Erik's doing
right now?
267
00:14:28,944 --> 00:14:31,155
Probably beating off to dumpster porn.
268
00:14:31,864 --> 00:14:35,409
No more beating off to dumpster porn.
No more virgin jokes.
269
00:14:35,492 --> 00:14:37,828
Tonight, Erik Stifler becomes a man.
270
00:15:14,990 --> 00:15:16,741
- Hi.
- Come on in.
271
00:15:24,958 --> 00:15:26,209
- All right, listen.
- No.
272
00:15:27,043 --> 00:15:28,461
No talking.
273
00:15:54,821 --> 00:15:55,905
Wait.
274
00:15:55,989 --> 00:15:57,073
What?
275
00:15:57,156 --> 00:15:58,574
Did you hear something?
276
00:15:58,658 --> 00:16:02,328
No. Don't worry, my parents are passed out.
277
00:16:04,706 --> 00:16:07,583
Are you sure?
You know how my stomach gets.
278
00:16:08,376 --> 00:16:10,962
Here, I'll help you relax.
279
00:16:25,601 --> 00:16:27,812
You brought something, right?
280
00:16:29,939 --> 00:16:32,149
Oh, shit. I left it at home.
281
00:16:33,818 --> 00:16:35,861
I can run back and get it.
I'll be back in like five...
282
00:16:35,945 --> 00:16:38,489
No, no, don't worry. I've got one.
283
00:16:42,284 --> 00:16:44,704
Do you wanna put it on or should I?
284
00:16:44,954 --> 00:16:46,747
Let's put it on together.
285
00:17:04,723 --> 00:17:05,975
Are you ready?
286
00:17:06,809 --> 00:17:07,851
Yeah.
287
00:17:09,561 --> 00:17:13,065
Shit. Someone's coming.
Quick, get behind the bar. Now!
288
00:17:24,910 --> 00:17:27,121
Honey, what are you still doing up?
289
00:17:28,205 --> 00:17:29,331
Yoga.
290
00:17:29,832 --> 00:17:31,083
I ate too much at dinner.
291
00:17:31,166 --> 00:17:32,626
Why don't you take an Alka-Seltzer?
292
00:17:32,709 --> 00:17:34,461
Alka-Seltzer is for babies.
293
00:17:34,545 --> 00:17:36,004
I just need a nightcap.
294
00:17:39,341 --> 00:17:40,676
Excuse me.
295
00:17:40,759 --> 00:17:42,970
Sounds like you could use an Alka-Seltzer.
296
00:17:43,053 --> 00:17:45,180
Daddy. Here, let me get you your drink.
297
00:17:45,264 --> 00:17:47,391
No, that's okay, honey.
You go back to your yoga.
298
00:17:47,474 --> 00:17:49,101
No, Daddy, I really want to.
299
00:17:49,184 --> 00:17:52,270
Sweetie, I'm a grown man.
I can make my own drink.
300
00:18:07,285 --> 00:18:08,870
What was that?
301
00:18:09,746 --> 00:18:10,831
What was what?
302
00:18:10,914 --> 00:18:12,123
I didn't hear anything.
303
00:18:12,833 --> 00:18:15,919
There was a noise
coming from the laundry room.
304
00:18:45,615 --> 00:18:46,908
I must be hearing things.
305
00:18:46,991 --> 00:18:50,286
See, Daddy? I told you.
Now, come make your drink.
306
00:18:53,581 --> 00:18:54,666
What the...
307
00:19:10,932 --> 00:19:12,600
You all right, baby?
308
00:19:12,684 --> 00:19:14,185
I'm fine, Daddy.
309
00:19:27,824 --> 00:19:31,118
Oh, that sick bastard took
a shit in our dryer.
310
00:19:32,745 --> 00:19:34,455
I'm calling the police.
311
00:19:49,970 --> 00:19:52,223
Ryan? Ryan?
312
00:19:52,306 --> 00:19:54,350
Ryan, get up man. Ryan!
313
00:19:54,433 --> 00:19:55,976
What the fuck?
314
00:19:56,060 --> 00:19:57,686
It's me. It's Erik.
315
00:19:57,770 --> 00:20:00,648
Dude, why are you naked in my room?
316
00:20:02,274 --> 00:20:04,443
And with a rubber on your dick.
317
00:20:04,527 --> 00:20:06,612
Oh, yeah. Sorry about that.
318
00:20:07,530 --> 00:20:10,491
Look, I'm in serious trouble, okay?
I need your help.
319
00:20:12,451 --> 00:20:14,161
What's that smell?
320
00:20:14,578 --> 00:20:16,580
Did you step in dog shit?
321
00:20:17,247 --> 00:20:18,540
Yeah.
322
00:20:19,416 --> 00:20:22,586
Hey, man, thanks for the clothes.
I'll get them back to you.
323
00:20:22,670 --> 00:20:25,506
No, thanks. Why don't you just burn them?
324
00:20:27,341 --> 00:20:29,802
Wonder if I get a reward for turning you in.
325
00:20:30,052 --> 00:20:32,179
If the alleged
improprieties are confirmed,
326
00:20:32,262 --> 00:20:34,556
it could be devastating for the White House.
327
00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:36,391
Sources near the
administration would neither
328
00:20:36,475 --> 00:20:38,727
confirm nor deny the allegations.
329
00:20:38,811 --> 00:20:42,481
And in local news, a masked burglar broke
into an area residence,
330
00:20:42,564 --> 00:20:46,860
defecated in the family dryer,
and then exposed himself to a teenage girl.
331
00:20:46,944 --> 00:20:48,445
Police are continuing the search,
332
00:20:48,528 --> 00:20:51,406
but the whereabouts and
identity of the perpetrator are unknown.
333
00:20:51,490 --> 00:20:53,116
What is wrong with these people?
334
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:54,785
And now, Dakota Snow
with the weekend forecast.
335
00:20:54,868 --> 00:20:55,953
I don't know.
336
00:21:04,503 --> 00:21:05,629
You scared me.
337
00:21:05,712 --> 00:21:06,963
Sorry.
338
00:21:07,422 --> 00:21:08,548
Listen, about last night...
339
00:21:08,632 --> 00:21:12,219
Yeah, you know,
I'd just really rather not talk about it.
340
00:21:12,427 --> 00:21:14,513
I really think that we should.
341
00:21:15,347 --> 00:21:18,350
Erik, you took a crap in my dryer.
342
00:21:18,475 --> 00:21:20,977
Your dad scared the shit out of me.
343
00:21:21,603 --> 00:21:22,896
- Wait.
- You know, let's just...
344
00:21:22,979 --> 00:21:25,065
Let's forget about it, okay?
345
00:21:27,275 --> 00:21:29,861
Okay, but what about the other thing?
346
00:21:32,822 --> 00:21:34,115
The sex?
347
00:21:34,950 --> 00:21:37,452
I'm taking last night as a sign from above.
348
00:21:37,577 --> 00:21:39,412
But maybe...
I mean, if your dad didn't come down...
349
00:21:39,496 --> 00:21:42,499
Erik, I love you. I'm just...
350
00:21:42,999 --> 00:21:44,584
I'm not ready yet.
351
00:21:45,168 --> 00:21:46,377
Really?
352
00:21:47,921 --> 00:21:49,130
Really.
353
00:21:49,339 --> 00:21:52,675
But I also realized just how ready you are.
354
00:21:53,593 --> 00:21:55,720
I don't wanna break up over sex.
355
00:21:55,804 --> 00:21:57,639
I don't think we have to.
356
00:21:58,598 --> 00:22:03,019
I'm not ready. You are.
It's selfish for me to keep you tied down.
357
00:22:04,854 --> 00:22:07,357
So, this is what I'm proposing.
358
00:22:08,650 --> 00:22:10,944
A guilt-free pass for this weekend.
359
00:22:11,027 --> 00:22:14,197
That means you can do
whatever you want up there
360
00:22:14,489 --> 00:22:16,616
with no consequences.
361
00:22:18,409 --> 00:22:20,161
You're sure about this?
362
00:22:20,411 --> 00:22:23,998
I don't think love and sex
have to be tied to each other,
363
00:22:24,957 --> 00:22:26,918
so I'm okay with this.
364
00:22:27,335 --> 00:22:30,546
One weekend. Get it out of your system,
365
00:22:31,923 --> 00:22:33,716
and come back to me.
366
00:22:35,218 --> 00:22:37,094
Is this some kind of a test?
367
00:22:38,346 --> 00:22:39,680
Not at all.
368
00:22:47,104 --> 00:22:48,856
and one of bomb beer.
Yes.
369
00:22:48,939 --> 00:22:50,191
See, this is perfect.
370
00:22:51,067 --> 00:22:52,693
Hey, we all set?
371
00:22:52,943 --> 00:22:54,403
I don't know.
372
00:22:54,487 --> 00:22:55,571
I told you he'd puss out.
373
00:22:55,654 --> 00:22:58,574
Tell me you at least
brought the sandwiches.
374
00:22:58,741 --> 00:23:00,493
What's the problem?
375
00:23:00,576 --> 00:23:02,286
There is no problem.
376
00:23:02,578 --> 00:23:04,955
Tracy just gave me
a guilt-free pass for the weekend,
377
00:23:05,039 --> 00:23:07,458
which means I can do anything I want.
378
00:23:07,541 --> 00:23:08,834
Anything?
379
00:23:09,919 --> 00:23:11,295
You mean...
380
00:23:11,378 --> 00:23:15,216
Yeah, she said
that love and sex don't have to be linked.
381
00:23:15,299 --> 00:23:16,967
She wants me to get it out of my system.
382
00:23:17,051 --> 00:23:21,889
Dude, your girlfriend just went from
the lamest to the coolest in one shot.
383
00:23:22,723 --> 00:23:24,850
You guys think it could be, like,
some sort of a test?
384
00:23:24,933 --> 00:23:27,186
- No, no.
- No, no.
385
00:23:27,269 --> 00:23:28,729
Tracy's a smart girl.
386
00:23:28,812 --> 00:23:30,522
She's mature enough to see
that you're a man...
387
00:23:30,606 --> 00:23:33,025
- Yeah.
...and you have certain needs.
388
00:23:33,108 --> 00:23:34,193
You think so?
389
00:23:34,276 --> 00:23:35,694
Absolutely.
390
00:23:36,653 --> 00:23:37,696
You're driving.
391
00:23:37,780 --> 00:23:40,282
Now get in the car
so we can go get you some random pussy.
392
00:23:41,450 --> 00:23:45,078
Gentlemen, it's Friday afternoon,
we've got a full tank of gas,
393
00:23:45,162 --> 00:23:47,498
a quarter ounce of weed,
three cases of beer,
394
00:23:47,581 --> 00:23:49,917
a ten-pound tank of nitrous,
we're underage...
395
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:52,544
And I am too drunk to drive.
396
00:23:53,670 --> 00:23:54,713
Hit it.
397
00:24:16,318 --> 00:24:18,445
You sure this shit's safe?
398
00:24:18,570 --> 00:24:22,407
It's as safe as any other chemical
used to freeze-dry animals.
399
00:24:25,577 --> 00:24:27,329
Look at the size of that fucking chicken.
400
00:24:27,412 --> 00:24:28,455
Where?
401
00:24:31,416 --> 00:24:33,919
Whoa, what the fuck?
- What fucking chicken?
402
00:24:34,044 --> 00:24:36,296
Relax, he's hallucinating.
403
00:24:37,505 --> 00:24:39,507
Are you out of your fucking mind?
404
00:24:39,591 --> 00:24:42,427
Yeah, Tracy. What were you thinking?
405
00:24:42,510 --> 00:24:45,221
But you guys told me
I had to give him a reason to stick around.
406
00:24:45,305 --> 00:24:47,182
Yeah, you give him a reason,
407
00:24:47,265 --> 00:24:49,726
not give him a free pass
to go have a weekend orgy.
408
00:24:49,809 --> 00:24:51,144
You've got to stop this.
409
00:24:51,227 --> 00:24:54,647
If he has sex this weekend,
what do you think's gonna happen?
410
00:24:54,731 --> 00:24:55,982
That it will get it out of his system.
411
00:24:56,065 --> 00:24:57,817
Oh, yeah. That's how it works.
412
00:24:57,901 --> 00:25:00,236
He's gonna go from
getting laid back to dry humping.
413
00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:01,988
It's pretty risky, Tracy.
414
00:25:02,071 --> 00:25:05,491
Risky? It's a fucking Pandora's box, literally.
415
00:25:06,284 --> 00:25:10,622
And once he's felt
the soft pink velvet on the inside of the box,
416
00:25:10,705 --> 00:25:14,459
he's not gonna go back
to rubbing his dick on the outside of the lid.
417
00:25:14,542 --> 00:25:16,336
Never thought of it like that.
418
00:25:16,419 --> 00:25:18,630
Tracy, men are like dogs
419
00:25:18,713 --> 00:25:21,424
that run around and hump
anything they see.
420
00:25:21,507 --> 00:25:24,510
Now go and get your dog back on its leash.
421
00:25:47,658 --> 00:25:49,160
Come on, Erik.
422
00:25:55,416 --> 00:25:57,877
I knew it was too good to be true.
423
00:26:03,382 --> 00:26:06,218
Sorry, kids. It's for the best.
424
00:26:33,162 --> 00:26:34,246
Tracy?
425
00:26:35,247 --> 00:26:36,457
Oh, Mr. Levenstein.
426
00:26:36,540 --> 00:26:37,708
- Hi.
- Hi.
427
00:26:37,791 --> 00:26:39,626
You're back for more yoga.
428
00:26:39,710 --> 00:26:41,211
Well, my wife is hooked on it,
429
00:26:41,295 --> 00:26:46,258
and she thinks if I can be
a little more flexible, we can try some new...
430
00:26:47,843 --> 00:26:51,680
Have you ever heard of a book
called the Kama Sutra?
431
00:26:53,515 --> 00:26:54,558
No.
432
00:26:55,017 --> 00:26:56,894
Oh, well, my wife just got it,
433
00:26:56,977 --> 00:27:00,731
and there's some stuff in there that requires
some serious stretching,
434
00:27:00,814 --> 00:27:02,858
if you know what I mean.
435
00:27:03,442 --> 00:27:06,653
Are you okay, honey?
You look a little upset.
436
00:27:07,237 --> 00:27:10,198
Oh, you know, just some boyfriend stuff.
437
00:27:10,282 --> 00:27:12,492
Oh, boyfriend stuff.
438
00:27:13,076 --> 00:27:15,579
Well, if there's anything I can do.
439
00:27:16,496 --> 00:27:20,167
No offense or anything,
but I don't think you'd understand.
440
00:27:20,792 --> 00:27:22,169
Oh, I see.
441
00:27:23,170 --> 00:27:25,547
You know, my son had his fair share
442
00:27:25,630 --> 00:27:29,384
of relationship/sexual/
443
00:27:31,052 --> 00:27:33,305
pastry-related difficulties,
444
00:27:33,388 --> 00:27:37,809
and I think my advice
helped him over the years.
445
00:27:39,311 --> 00:27:42,981
Well, do you have any advice for a girl
dumb enough to give her virgin boyfriend
446
00:27:43,064 --> 00:27:45,567
a guilt-free pass for the weekend?
447
00:27:46,192 --> 00:27:49,112
I'm sorry, a guilt-free pass?
448
00:27:49,446 --> 00:27:52,782
That means he could do whatever he wants
this weekend with no consequences.
449
00:27:52,866 --> 00:27:54,784
Oh my!
450
00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:58,079
Well, that certainly sounds progressive,
451
00:27:58,747 --> 00:28:03,710
and a safe bet on what is probably gonna be
a humdrum weekend.
452
00:28:05,503 --> 00:28:08,089
He's at the Naked Mile this weekend.
453
00:28:08,256 --> 00:28:12,510
You gave your boyfriend a guilt-free pass
to the Naked Mile? Are you kidding me?
454
00:28:12,594 --> 00:28:15,889
Tracy, the Naked Mile is insane. You...
455
00:28:15,972 --> 00:28:19,642
From what I hear.
I wouldn't know from personal experience
456
00:28:19,726 --> 00:28:24,147
because I, you know,
I have nothing whatsoever to do with it.
457
00:28:24,230 --> 00:28:26,858
But, look, Tracy,
458
00:28:26,941 --> 00:28:30,194
even if your boyfriend is at this Naked Mile,
459
00:28:30,278 --> 00:28:33,281
it doesn't mean he's gonna do anything.
460
00:28:34,532 --> 00:28:35,616
Really?
461
00:28:35,700 --> 00:28:38,786
Well, just because he can,
doesn't mean he will.
462
00:28:40,037 --> 00:28:43,082
Relationships are all about trust.
463
00:28:46,294 --> 00:28:48,713
Yeah, I guess you're right.
464
00:28:49,505 --> 00:28:52,383
Well, namaste.
465
00:28:52,884 --> 00:28:54,135
Namaste.
466
00:29:12,111 --> 00:29:14,155
Hey, have you seen my phone?
467
00:29:14,238 --> 00:29:15,406
No.
468
00:29:15,489 --> 00:29:17,450
Maybe you left it back at school.
469
00:29:17,533 --> 00:29:19,493
No, no, I thought I put in my backpack.
470
00:29:23,330 --> 00:29:26,542
Hey, you wanna pull over
at that stop up ahead? I gotta take a piss.
471
00:29:26,625 --> 00:29:29,044
Just piss in a can or something.
472
00:29:30,546 --> 00:29:32,548
Man, I could cut my dick on the lip.
473
00:29:32,631 --> 00:29:34,091
Well, piss out the window.
474
00:30:00,868 --> 00:30:04,079
Love that breeze off the lake.
475
00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:19,011
This place is incredible.
476
00:30:19,261 --> 00:30:22,347
Just think, next year
I'm gonna be going here.
477
00:30:22,431 --> 00:30:25,308
Yeah, thanks to Daddy
and his alumni connections.
478
00:30:25,392 --> 00:30:28,228
Fuck off.
I told you, I got in on my SAT scores.
479
00:30:28,311 --> 00:30:30,772
You scored five points
above being legally retarded.
480
00:30:32,691 --> 00:30:35,193
Whatever. Still got in.
481
00:30:36,361 --> 00:30:38,446
Hey, why does it smell like piss back here?
482
00:30:41,533 --> 00:30:43,702
This is it. Beta Delta Xi.
483
00:30:43,785 --> 00:30:45,620
This is the house?
Yeah.
484
00:30:45,704 --> 00:30:46,746
Cool.
485
00:30:48,665 --> 00:30:49,708
Whoa.
486
00:30:56,214 --> 00:30:57,465
What's going on here?
487
00:30:57,549 --> 00:30:59,175
I have no idea.
488
00:31:07,267 --> 00:31:10,812
Drink. Drink. Drink. Drink.
489
00:31:15,942 --> 00:31:17,902
Drink. Drink. Drink. Drink.
490
00:31:17,986 --> 00:31:19,070
Hold your drink!
491
00:31:22,949 --> 00:31:24,242
Whoa.
492
00:31:30,581 --> 00:31:32,291
Okay.
493
00:31:32,917 --> 00:31:34,335
Yeah.
494
00:31:38,005 --> 00:31:40,466
How you feeling there, Stretch?
495
00:31:40,925 --> 00:31:42,176
Little dizzy?
496
00:31:43,678 --> 00:31:45,096
'Cause guess what?
497
00:31:45,388 --> 00:31:49,433
Stifler can drink this shit all day long.
498
00:31:54,814 --> 00:31:56,190
Stifler!
499
00:31:57,650 --> 00:31:59,944
Your cousin is my hero.
500
00:32:02,697 --> 00:32:05,283
- All right, everybody freeze!
- Oh, shit.
501
00:32:05,366 --> 00:32:06,951
Campus security.
502
00:32:07,910 --> 00:32:09,829
Nobody takes another drink...
503
00:32:14,041 --> 00:32:17,294
...till I got my bet down. I got $200 on Stifler!
504
00:32:21,924 --> 00:32:24,885
Spanky, you had me going,
you silly son of a bitch.
505
00:32:24,969 --> 00:32:26,679
Let's do it. Do it!
506
00:32:26,762 --> 00:32:27,805
Yeah.
507
00:32:44,571 --> 00:32:47,825
You got steel nuts, my man.
I'll give you that much.
508
00:32:47,908 --> 00:32:49,576
But you're no match for the Stif-man.
509
00:32:51,578 --> 00:32:53,330
Fuck you, Stifler.
510
00:32:55,207 --> 00:32:56,333
Yeah.
511
00:32:58,085 --> 00:32:59,211
Yeah.
512
00:33:04,383 --> 00:33:05,717
What's the matter, Boy Band?
513
00:33:05,801 --> 00:33:08,595
You need a little something
to settle your stomach?
514
00:33:18,605 --> 00:33:21,024
Yeah, take in the Stifler essence.
515
00:33:21,692 --> 00:33:23,819
Mighty pungent.
516
00:33:33,912 --> 00:33:34,996
Yeah!
517
00:33:35,080 --> 00:33:38,792
And still Heavyweight Drinking Champion
of the World,
518
00:33:38,875 --> 00:33:43,880
Dwight "The Iron Liver" Stifler!
519
00:33:46,132 --> 00:33:49,344
I'm a bad motherfucker, baby!
520
00:33:57,060 --> 00:33:58,937
He's okay. He's okay.
521
00:34:05,819 --> 00:34:07,821
Hey, cousin.
522
00:34:09,322 --> 00:34:10,698
How you doing?
523
00:34:11,157 --> 00:34:14,202
I'm fine, Dwight. Are you okay?
524
00:34:14,786 --> 00:34:16,121
Oh, yeah, I'm fine.
525
00:34:17,288 --> 00:34:18,540
I'm fine.
526
00:34:19,040 --> 00:34:22,835
Hey, I heard that you killed
Grandma with your cumshot.
527
00:34:24,796 --> 00:34:26,130
That sucks, man.
528
00:34:31,386 --> 00:34:32,804
Should we take him to the hospital?
529
00:34:32,887 --> 00:34:34,555
No, he'll be fine.
530
00:34:34,639 --> 00:34:37,517
He told me he does this, like, once a month.
531
00:34:38,559 --> 00:34:42,855
Okay, well, you guys keep an eye on him.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
532
00:34:59,664 --> 00:35:02,041
So, when are we gonna start partying?
533
00:35:02,333 --> 00:35:04,585
Oh, someone's feeling a little frisky.
534
00:35:04,919 --> 00:35:08,422
Let's just say I finally decided
to live up to the family name.
535
00:35:10,383 --> 00:35:13,594
Stifler? We got a serious problem, man.
536
00:35:14,387 --> 00:35:17,598
Mike and the guys just got arrested
trying to steal a monkey from the zoo.
537
00:35:19,266 --> 00:35:22,186
So what's the problem?
Just take the money out of my bail fund.
538
00:35:22,269 --> 00:35:24,480
They're almost half our football team.
539
00:35:24,563 --> 00:35:27,399
We gotta put a team
on the field, man, or we're done.
540
00:35:27,483 --> 00:35:29,819
- Why?
- 'Cause we're already on probation.
541
00:35:30,152 --> 00:35:32,822
We gotta participate in every intermural event
542
00:35:33,030 --> 00:35:35,241
or we're kicked off campus, man.
543
00:35:35,407 --> 00:35:36,992
We're four guys short.
544
00:35:41,747 --> 00:35:42,831
I play football.
545
00:35:43,916 --> 00:35:45,918
I played freshman year.
546
00:35:47,628 --> 00:35:48,921
What about you?
547
00:35:49,797 --> 00:35:51,215
A little Nerf here and there.
548
00:35:51,298 --> 00:35:53,592
Good enough. Stifler?
549
00:35:53,676 --> 00:35:54,802
Mmm?
550
00:35:54,885 --> 00:35:57,721
Can you play?
551
00:36:03,685 --> 00:36:07,564
Don't ever
552
00:36:07,648 --> 00:36:09,650
ask if Stifler can play.
553
00:36:20,410 --> 00:36:21,495
I'm good.
554
00:36:24,665 --> 00:36:28,919
The team we're playing's
been undefeated five straight years.
555
00:36:29,002 --> 00:36:31,213
These guys must be pretty serious.
556
00:36:31,296 --> 00:36:33,548
Fucking-A-right, they're serious.
557
00:36:33,757 --> 00:36:35,884
Lambda Pi Gamma.
558
00:36:35,967 --> 00:36:39,429
They're our arch rivals in everything:
Sports, women, booze.
559
00:36:40,472 --> 00:36:43,266
These guys are fucking evil.
560
00:36:44,810 --> 00:36:46,019
Get ready!
561
00:36:46,102 --> 00:36:47,437
Come on!
562
00:36:47,938 --> 00:36:49,356
Down!
563
00:36:50,190 --> 00:36:52,400
Blue 42.
564
00:36:52,651 --> 00:36:53,735
They're midgets.
565
00:36:53,818 --> 00:36:54,903
Hut, hut!
566
00:36:58,782 --> 00:37:00,784
Don't let their size fool you.
567
00:37:00,867 --> 00:37:04,621
These guys are fucking animals.
568
00:37:04,746 --> 00:37:07,791
Did I do too much nitrous?
A midget fraternity?
569
00:37:08,041 --> 00:37:12,545
Those rich midgets from those infomercials
gave the school some huge grant,
570
00:37:12,629 --> 00:37:16,341
and started a school
for the vertically challenged and a fraternity.
571
00:37:16,424 --> 00:37:19,177
And this is where every midget
in America wants to be.
572
00:37:19,260 --> 00:37:20,303
Hot feet!
573
00:37:20,386 --> 00:37:21,471
That's right.
574
00:37:21,554 --> 00:37:22,597
Breakdown.
575
00:37:22,680 --> 00:37:25,225
These guys are the best of the best.
576
00:37:26,476 --> 00:37:28,019
Well, well, well.
577
00:37:28,686 --> 00:37:32,649
If it isn't the regular-size retards
and Captain Retard himself.
578
00:37:32,732 --> 00:37:34,651
You ready to get your ass
kicked again, Shitler?
579
00:37:35,610 --> 00:37:38,488
Get back to Oz there
before you get your ass stomped, Toto.
580
00:37:39,739 --> 00:37:43,201
Toto was the dog, you fucking idiot.
581
00:37:43,326 --> 00:37:46,704
Lick my balls, big-wheel-riding,
midget motherfucker.
582
00:37:46,788 --> 00:37:48,664
It's little person, fuck-nut.
583
00:37:48,998 --> 00:37:52,627
This year, I'm gonna take
a chunk out of your other leg.
584
00:37:52,919 --> 00:37:54,170
You little...
585
00:37:58,382 --> 00:38:01,511
- You want it? You want it? Come on.
- Take it easy.
586
00:38:01,594 --> 00:38:03,054
Whoa. Whoa.
587
00:38:03,262 --> 00:38:04,972
Out of my way, assholes.
588
00:38:08,309 --> 00:38:10,269
What's that guy's problem?
589
00:38:10,353 --> 00:38:12,772
That's Rock. He's fucking crazy.
590
00:38:12,855 --> 00:38:14,440
- He plays dirty.
Out of my way, you fucking idiot.
591
00:38:14,523 --> 00:38:17,068
Last year, he bit a chunk out of my thigh.
592
00:38:17,151 --> 00:38:18,569
Jesus!
593
00:38:19,236 --> 00:38:21,364
Hey, his girlfriend's pretty hot.
594
00:38:22,490 --> 00:38:26,285
Yeah. And what's with that regular-size guy?
595
00:38:26,744 --> 00:38:31,123
Oh, it's Rock's cousin.
They had to let him in. Legacy.
596
00:38:33,042 --> 00:38:35,836
What a douchebag.
597
00:38:36,587 --> 00:38:37,755
Can he play?
598
00:38:38,422 --> 00:38:41,383
No, he sucks.
599
00:38:52,978 --> 00:38:54,146
Hey, keep your head up.
600
00:38:54,229 --> 00:38:56,774
Whatever, they're midgets.
How bad can it be?
601
00:39:10,746 --> 00:39:11,830
Holy shit!
602
00:39:21,298 --> 00:39:23,842
Keep your head up, bitch.
603
00:39:29,306 --> 00:39:33,018
I told you, man.
Don't underestimate these little bastards.
604
00:39:34,728 --> 00:39:36,021
Down!
605
00:39:36,104 --> 00:39:37,481
Set!
606
00:39:38,023 --> 00:39:39,066
Hut!
607
00:39:59,252 --> 00:40:00,503
Yeah!
608
00:40:41,628 --> 00:40:43,421
- Beta!
- Come on!
609
00:40:43,504 --> 00:40:45,715
Let's go, fellas. Get on the line.
610
00:40:46,382 --> 00:40:48,134
Down!
611
00:40:48,801 --> 00:40:50,303
How you feeling, Stifler?
612
00:40:50,386 --> 00:40:53,014
I'm 6'1", Frodo. How about you?
613
00:40:57,101 --> 00:40:58,144
Hut!
614
00:41:02,398 --> 00:41:04,317
The little fucker's biting me again.
615
00:41:11,449 --> 00:41:12,950
Not in my eye!
616
00:41:21,417 --> 00:41:24,170
Funny, you don't look 6'1" from here,
shit stain.
617
00:41:53,908 --> 00:41:55,034
God,
618
00:41:55,784 --> 00:41:57,995
I hate that fucking guy.
619
00:41:58,078 --> 00:41:59,788
I'm getting killed out there.
620
00:41:59,872 --> 00:42:01,123
I can't get loose.
621
00:42:01,206 --> 00:42:04,335
They're so fast and small.
I don't know what to do.
622
00:42:04,418 --> 00:42:06,587
Quit crying, you bunch
of bra-wearing pussies.
623
00:42:06,670 --> 00:42:10,382
I just got a hunk taken out of my leg.
You don't hear me crying.
624
00:42:10,466 --> 00:42:12,217
All right, then, let's put
our balls on the table.
625
00:42:12,301 --> 00:42:16,472
Let's go out there and show these little sons
of bitches what being a Beta's all about.
626
00:42:16,555 --> 00:42:18,390
- You understand what I'm saying, fellas?
- Yeah, yeah.
627
00:42:18,474 --> 00:42:20,267
All right, Beta on three.
628
00:42:20,893 --> 00:42:22,603
- One, two, three, Beta!
Beta!
629
00:42:23,854 --> 00:42:25,063
- Down!
- Set!
630
00:42:25,856 --> 00:42:26,982
Hut!
631
00:42:32,487 --> 00:42:33,530
Go!
632
00:42:37,492 --> 00:42:38,618
Go!
633
00:43:24,789 --> 00:43:26,249
Yeah, yeah. Let's go, boys.
634
00:43:27,667 --> 00:43:29,753
All right, we got five seconds left, guys.
635
00:43:29,836 --> 00:43:32,922
If you're about to get
tackled, lateral it to the nearest guy.
636
00:43:33,006 --> 00:43:34,924
It's our only chance.
637
00:43:35,008 --> 00:43:37,719
All right, let's go now.
Come on, Beta on three.
638
00:43:37,802 --> 00:43:38,845
- Beta on three.
- Who's with me?
639
00:43:38,928 --> 00:43:41,431
- One, two, three, Beta!
Beta!
640
00:43:49,814 --> 00:43:51,190
Down!
641
00:43:54,485 --> 00:43:56,738
Set!
642
00:44:10,418 --> 00:44:11,461
Hut!
643
00:45:17,985 --> 00:45:19,403
We kicked your ass!
644
00:45:21,321 --> 00:45:23,991
You're still my bitch, Stifler.
645
00:45:36,587 --> 00:45:38,964
I can't believe we lost to midgets.
646
00:45:39,590 --> 00:45:42,467
Don't let those Oompa Loompa
bastards get to you.
647
00:45:42,759 --> 00:45:46,888
Right now, we have more important matters
to tend to, gentlemen.
648
00:45:47,347 --> 00:45:49,558
From what I understand,
649
00:45:49,641 --> 00:45:52,894
my cousin has a guilt-free pass
650
00:45:52,978 --> 00:45:56,314
to bang all the girls he can find.
651
00:45:56,815 --> 00:45:58,191
That I do.
652
00:45:58,275 --> 00:46:01,111
Oh, that is good news.
653
00:46:02,320 --> 00:46:04,948
Christ, for a while
I was starting to think you were adopted.
654
00:46:15,625 --> 00:46:16,960
Gentlemen,
655
00:46:18,378 --> 00:46:22,257
welcome to paradise.
656
00:46:30,056 --> 00:46:31,599
Boys and girls,
657
00:46:31,683 --> 00:46:34,394
we have a celebrity in our midst.
658
00:46:34,477 --> 00:46:38,273
The Heavyweight Drinking Champion
of the World,
659
00:46:38,356 --> 00:46:42,318
Dwight "Iron Liver" Stifler!
660
00:46:52,412 --> 00:46:55,623
All right, you pussy-wipes,
I'm gonna go find some lady friends.
661
00:46:55,707 --> 00:46:58,918
Try not to blow your wad
in the first minute, huh?
662
00:47:01,212 --> 00:47:04,799
There is no way Allison's
party was better than Jimmy's.
663
00:47:04,882 --> 00:47:06,926
You're nuts. Jimmy's party had two kegs
664
00:47:07,009 --> 00:47:10,346
and those two theater chicks
went down on each other on the pool table
665
00:47:10,430 --> 00:47:12,056
in front of everybody.
666
00:47:12,140 --> 00:47:13,558
What the hell are you two talking about?
667
00:47:13,641 --> 00:47:14,725
What?
668
00:47:14,809 --> 00:47:17,895
Two kegs, theater chicks. Well, guess what?
669
00:47:17,979 --> 00:47:20,857
We're in a college bar
full of unlimited booze and pussy,
670
00:47:20,940 --> 00:47:24,402
and we're sitting
at the bar talking about high-school parties.
671
00:47:31,450 --> 00:47:34,954
Ryan? Ryan! What's your problem?
672
00:47:35,037 --> 00:47:36,789
That Great Falls attitude.
673
00:47:36,872 --> 00:47:39,041
All you guys do is talk about Great Falls
674
00:47:39,125 --> 00:47:41,127
like it's the end-all and be-all of existence.
675
00:47:41,210 --> 00:47:44,797
The place is a fucking trap,
which is why I'm going to California.
676
00:47:44,880 --> 00:47:46,340
I'm not gonna get stuck like the rest of them.
677
00:47:46,424 --> 00:47:47,800
Yeah, I know. I think that's great.
678
00:47:47,883 --> 00:47:51,554
Yeah, but don't you see?
That's what this weekend is about for me.
679
00:47:51,887 --> 00:47:53,722
- What do you mean?
- To see if I can do it.
680
00:47:53,806 --> 00:47:57,351
If I can start over
and accept being low man on the totem pole.
681
00:47:57,434 --> 00:47:58,894
Ryan, it's just a weekend, man.
682
00:47:58,978 --> 00:48:01,814
Maybe to you, but to me
it's a lot more than that.
683
00:48:04,525 --> 00:48:06,026
Man, I sound like a chick.
684
00:48:06,110 --> 00:48:07,152
Mmm-hmm.
685
00:48:07,236 --> 00:48:08,696
I really need to go get some pussy.
686
00:48:08,779 --> 00:48:09,863
Yeah.
687
00:48:12,950 --> 00:48:14,034
Oh, shit.
688
00:48:14,118 --> 00:48:15,911
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
689
00:48:16,120 --> 00:48:19,790
- No, no, no, no. It's fine.
- I can't believe I did that.
690
00:48:19,873 --> 00:48:21,291
Here, come with me.
691
00:48:24,002 --> 00:48:25,129
Quick, take off your shirt.
692
00:48:25,212 --> 00:48:26,380
Excuse me?
693
00:48:26,463 --> 00:48:28,924
- Well, I just... I wanna get the stain out.
- Oh, yeah, right.
694
00:48:29,007 --> 00:48:30,467
I knew that.
695
00:48:33,971 --> 00:48:35,222
Are we allowed to be back here?
696
00:48:35,305 --> 00:48:37,140
Oh, yeah, don't worry. I used to bartend here.
697
00:48:37,224 --> 00:48:38,475
Cool.
698
00:48:39,017 --> 00:48:42,020
Look, I'm really,
really sorry about this. Right.
699
00:48:44,606 --> 00:48:46,275
Accidents happen.
700
00:48:46,858 --> 00:48:48,986
- I'm Brandy, by the way.
- I'm Erik.
701
00:48:49,069 --> 00:48:51,822
You know, any other
frat asshole would bite my head off right now
702
00:48:51,905 --> 00:48:53,198
if I spilled a drink on him.
703
00:48:53,281 --> 00:48:54,324
I'm...
704
00:48:56,284 --> 00:48:57,744
I'm not in a fraternity.
705
00:48:57,828 --> 00:48:59,913
Oh, you're not? So you're independent?
706
00:48:59,996 --> 00:49:01,081
What's that?
707
00:49:01,164 --> 00:49:03,083
You know, a student who's not Greek.
708
00:49:03,667 --> 00:49:07,212
No, I'm just visiting for the weekend.
I'm a senior in high school.
709
00:49:07,295 --> 00:49:08,421
High school?
710
00:49:08,505 --> 00:49:09,756
Yeah.
711
00:49:12,759 --> 00:49:15,887
Really? Most girls slap me
or kick me in the balls when I say that.
712
00:49:15,971 --> 00:49:17,889
Why? It's hysterical.
713
00:49:17,973 --> 00:49:20,350
That's what I say. What are your names?
714
00:49:20,433 --> 00:49:22,269
I'm Jill and this is Alexis.
715
00:49:22,352 --> 00:49:25,021
Hey, this is my buddy Ryan.
716
00:49:25,105 --> 00:49:26,564
- Hey, Ryan.
- Hey, Ryan.
717
00:49:26,648 --> 00:49:28,024
Hey, ladies.
718
00:49:28,692 --> 00:49:31,820
Amnesty International.
Is that some kind of rock band?
719
00:49:33,029 --> 00:49:36,491
It's an organization that works to protect
human rights all over the world.
720
00:49:36,574 --> 00:49:37,659
Oh, yeah.
721
00:49:37,742 --> 00:49:39,953
Hey, get away
from our dates.
722
00:49:40,787 --> 00:49:42,622
Down here, asshole.
723
00:49:43,123 --> 00:49:44,415
What the hell do you want?
724
00:49:44,499 --> 00:49:45,583
Just what he said.
725
00:49:45,667 --> 00:49:47,961
For you two to get away from our dates.
726
00:49:48,044 --> 00:49:50,004
In your dreams, Willow.
727
00:49:50,088 --> 00:49:53,091
There is no way these girls are here with you.
728
00:49:55,134 --> 00:49:56,386
Are you?
729
00:49:58,721 --> 00:50:00,556
- But why?
- They're cool.
730
00:50:00,640 --> 00:50:01,808
And sexy.
731
00:50:02,517 --> 00:50:04,519
You gotta be fucking kidding me.
732
00:50:05,728 --> 00:50:07,730
Ain't nobody kidding around here, punk.
733
00:50:07,814 --> 00:50:10,024
If you got a problem,
we could settle this right here.
734
00:50:10,108 --> 00:50:11,693
Oh, I would love to.
735
00:50:11,776 --> 00:50:13,653
Okay, stop it, you guys.
736
00:50:14,487 --> 00:50:18,908
Listen, it was really nice meeting you two,
but we're spoken for tonight.
737
00:50:19,784 --> 00:50:21,869
Come on, baby, let's dance.
738
00:50:32,880 --> 00:50:34,882
That did not just happen.
739
00:50:39,553 --> 00:50:43,724
Time for a Stifler blowjob!
740
00:50:46,519 --> 00:50:51,440
Oh, get sexy, ladies, I love it.
Oh, I feel a stirring in my loins.
741
00:50:56,737 --> 00:50:58,447
You've gotta meet my roommate.
742
00:51:00,282 --> 00:51:02,576
I would love to.
743
00:51:03,035 --> 00:51:05,829
Dude, the fucking midgets
just stole our women.
744
00:51:05,913 --> 00:51:07,289
Yeah, those fuckers are
out of hand.
745
00:51:07,373 --> 00:51:12,127
I told you guys,
don't underestimate those little bastards.
746
00:51:12,920 --> 00:51:16,340
That midget quarterback
stole my girlfriend last year.
747
00:51:18,634 --> 00:51:19,718
Slut!
748
00:51:19,802 --> 00:51:21,720
Out of my goddamn way.
749
00:51:23,847 --> 00:51:25,391
Holy shit!
750
00:51:26,225 --> 00:51:29,812
I thought this place had a no-loser policy.
What are you assholes doing here?
751
00:51:29,895 --> 00:51:31,313
Fuck off, Mighty Mouse.
752
00:51:31,396 --> 00:51:35,109
Man, don't take it out on me
because your ladies like it short and thick,
753
00:51:35,192 --> 00:51:37,319
rather than tall and skinny.
754
00:51:40,489 --> 00:51:44,284
Rock, don't you know, baby?
This bar is like a roller coaster.
755
00:51:44,409 --> 00:51:45,994
Yeah, it has a height requirement,
756
00:51:46,078 --> 00:51:50,207
- and I'm afraid you just don't measure up!
- Motherfucker.
757
00:51:51,833 --> 00:51:54,378
- Easy! Easy! Easy!
- Whoa!
758
00:51:54,461 --> 00:51:55,754
This isn't over, Shitler.
759
00:51:55,837 --> 00:51:57,714
Oh, you got that right!
760
00:51:59,466 --> 00:52:02,260
Never get in my way, woman.
761
00:52:10,519 --> 00:52:11,895
What's up?
762
00:52:17,025 --> 00:52:18,193
Bitch.
763
00:52:20,862 --> 00:52:22,030
That did not happen.
764
00:52:22,113 --> 00:52:25,325
I swear to God, I was running
through the streets with nylons on my head
765
00:52:25,408 --> 00:52:27,410
and the condom still on.
766
00:52:27,744 --> 00:52:29,454
I can't believe I just told you that story.
767
00:52:29,537 --> 00:52:30,914
I think it's great.
768
00:52:30,997 --> 00:52:34,626
I mean, think of it this way,
you'll never forget your first time.
769
00:52:34,709 --> 00:52:36,336
Well, it wasn't...
770
00:52:36,628 --> 00:52:37,754
Technically...
771
00:52:37,837 --> 00:52:39,339
Oh, no, wait.
772
00:52:39,422 --> 00:52:42,926
- You mean you didn't even get to...
- He came down too fast.
773
00:52:43,510 --> 00:52:46,805
Thank you.
Thank you for laughing at my misfortune.
774
00:52:47,806 --> 00:52:51,559
I think you're a sweetheart.
And you're really cute.
775
00:52:52,727 --> 00:52:54,103
This is me.
776
00:52:55,605 --> 00:52:57,524
So, are you guys
running the Mile tomorrow?
777
00:52:57,607 --> 00:53:01,152
I don't know. There's something about
running naked down the street
778
00:53:01,236 --> 00:53:03,196
while you're still a virgin...
779
00:53:03,279 --> 00:53:04,739
Didn't stop you before.
780
00:53:04,822 --> 00:53:06,282
Touch�.
781
00:53:06,616 --> 00:53:09,327
You never know, that virgin thing,
782
00:53:09,952 --> 00:53:13,164
it could totally change
by the end of the weekend.
783
00:53:15,666 --> 00:53:17,293
Thanks for walking me home.
784
00:53:39,732 --> 00:53:42,568
What the hell happened to you last night?
785
00:53:43,736 --> 00:53:44,904
What's up, fellas?
786
00:53:44,987 --> 00:53:46,197
What's up?
787
00:53:46,280 --> 00:53:49,867
What's up is we got
cock-blocked by some midgets at the bar.
788
00:53:49,950 --> 00:53:53,037
Cooze, never mind that.
Where the hell were you?
789
00:53:53,287 --> 00:53:57,833
Well, Mother,
if you must know, I was with a girl.
790
00:54:01,587 --> 00:54:03,297
Bullshit. What girl?
791
00:54:03,380 --> 00:54:05,966
Her name is Brandy.
She's in a sorority and she's hot,
792
00:54:06,050 --> 00:54:08,469
and I'm supposed to meet her
at the Mile tonight.
793
00:54:09,178 --> 00:54:10,971
Dude, I don't get it.
794
00:54:11,138 --> 00:54:15,434
We come to college,
we get blown off by chicks for midgets,
795
00:54:15,517 --> 00:54:18,395
and you're hanging out with a sorority girl?
796
00:54:18,479 --> 00:54:20,898
What the fuck is going on here?
797
00:54:21,273 --> 00:54:23,651
So, what are you gonna do?
798
00:54:24,610 --> 00:54:27,571
What do you mean?
He's gonna bang that chick.
799
00:54:29,239 --> 00:54:30,532
Aren't you?
800
00:54:30,616 --> 00:54:31,909
What?
801
00:54:34,369 --> 00:54:35,496
Yeah.
802
00:54:35,746 --> 00:54:39,458
Yeah, of course I will.
I'm on a guilt-free pass, why wouldn't I?
803
00:54:39,541 --> 00:54:41,502
Why the hesitation, man?
804
00:54:42,503 --> 00:54:45,589
- Oh, shit! You're not gonna do it.
- I said I'll do it.
805
00:54:45,672 --> 00:54:49,384
Erik, you've been given a gift from above.
Don't fuck it up.
806
00:54:49,509 --> 00:54:50,636
I won't.
807
00:54:50,719 --> 00:54:51,845
Yes, you will.
808
00:54:51,929 --> 00:54:52,971
No.
809
00:54:53,680 --> 00:54:55,933
I... I gotta get out of here.
810
00:55:17,287 --> 00:55:18,413
Hello?
811
00:55:18,497 --> 00:55:20,123
Hey, it's me.
812
00:55:22,167 --> 00:55:24,002
Calling to see how you're doing.
813
00:55:24,085 --> 00:55:25,337
I'm fine,
814
00:55:25,420 --> 00:55:27,547
- I'm just studying.
- Okay.
815
00:55:29,257 --> 00:55:30,300
Cool.
816
00:55:30,383 --> 00:55:33,678
So, did you guys decide
if you're gonna run in the Naked Mile?
817
00:55:34,387 --> 00:55:37,891
No, not yet.
But you know me, I'll probably just wimp out.
818
00:55:38,183 --> 00:55:39,768
I mean, you don't have to.
819
00:55:40,560 --> 00:55:41,895
Yeah, I know.
820
00:55:42,604 --> 00:55:45,065
Are you okay?
I mean, you sound a little weird.
821
00:55:45,607 --> 00:55:46,900
I'm fine.
822
00:55:47,984 --> 00:55:50,487
I'm fine. I just wanted to call and say hello.
823
00:55:50,570 --> 00:55:55,241
Thanks, but you don't need to check in.
I mean, go, have fun.
824
00:55:55,325 --> 00:55:57,702
That's what this weekend's all about.
825
00:55:59,078 --> 00:56:00,330
You're the greatest.
826
00:56:12,383 --> 00:56:13,801
Erik Stifler.
827
00:56:17,347 --> 00:56:19,766
- Hey, Mr. Levenstein.
- Hello, Erik, good to see you.
828
00:56:19,849 --> 00:56:23,478
Yeah. Wow, I haven't seen you
since my parents' New Year's party, right?
829
00:56:23,561 --> 00:56:27,356
Yes, well, your folks really,
really know how to ring in the new year.
830
00:56:27,440 --> 00:56:31,319
Look, I'm sorry about my dad
giving you that wedgie in front of everybody.
831
00:56:31,402 --> 00:56:34,697
Well, your dad's been doing
that to me since we were kids,
832
00:56:34,780 --> 00:56:37,241
and strangely enough, I enjoy it.
833
00:56:40,494 --> 00:56:42,872
So, what are you doing up here?
834
00:56:43,998 --> 00:56:46,667
Oh, well, I went to school here
835
00:56:46,751 --> 00:56:50,546
and, you know, I like to come
back every now and then
836
00:56:51,005 --> 00:56:52,465
and check out the campus.
837
00:56:52,548 --> 00:56:56,761
That's the only reason I'm here.
No other reason that I can think of.
838
00:56:56,844 --> 00:56:59,638
And what about you?
What are you doing here?
839
00:57:00,139 --> 00:57:02,224
Actually, it's kind of personal.
840
00:57:02,308 --> 00:57:04,643
- Oh. Well, say no more.
- Okay.
841
00:57:04,727 --> 00:57:05,895
Okay, listen, good seeing you.
842
00:57:05,978 --> 00:57:07,730
Yeah, for sure.
843
00:57:13,527 --> 00:57:15,779
Mr. Levenstein, you were a counselor
844
00:57:15,863 --> 00:57:18,073
at Tall Oaks Band Camp
with my cousin, Matt, right?
845
00:57:18,157 --> 00:57:21,619
Yes. Yes, I was. And your cousin Matt
needed some counseling...
846
00:57:21,702 --> 00:57:25,497
- Yeah.
...I might add. I gave him some advice.
847
00:57:25,581 --> 00:57:28,542
Advice. Do you think I could
848
00:57:31,045 --> 00:57:33,047
confide something in you?
849
00:57:33,339 --> 00:57:36,175
Well, sure. Yes, Erik, anything. Anything.
850
00:57:36,258 --> 00:57:37,426
Okay.
851
00:57:38,302 --> 00:57:39,344
I'm a virgin.
852
00:57:39,428 --> 00:57:40,763
Okay, can I stop you there?
853
00:57:40,846 --> 00:57:44,016
You're a Stifler and a virgin?
854
00:57:45,559 --> 00:57:46,685
Yeah.
855
00:57:48,645 --> 00:57:52,107
Well, so you're a virgin. What's the big deal?
856
00:57:52,858 --> 00:57:57,404
Well, the other night, my girlfriend and I...
We tried to, you know...
857
00:57:59,531 --> 00:58:03,035
Right. But her father
came down before we had the chance to.
858
00:58:03,118 --> 00:58:05,454
So she changed her mind
completely about the sex,
859
00:58:05,537 --> 00:58:08,623
but she gave me a guilt-free
pass for the weekend.
860
00:58:08,707 --> 00:58:11,043
You got the guilt-free pass?
861
00:58:12,669 --> 00:58:14,296
What do you mean?
862
00:58:14,546 --> 00:58:19,509
Well, I mean,
you've got the old guilt-free pass dilemma.
863
00:58:19,718 --> 00:58:21,386
- Yeah.
- It's a tough one.
864
00:58:21,470 --> 00:58:23,680
I didn't think people your age
knew about that kind of stuff.
865
00:58:23,763 --> 00:58:26,850
I believe I know more
about this than you think.
866
00:58:28,435 --> 00:58:31,229
Good, because I just
don't know what to do here.
867
00:58:31,313 --> 00:58:34,983
I mean, I've got
this smoking-hot sorority girl all over me.
868
00:58:36,067 --> 00:58:39,237
Well, you know, my son Jim
869
00:58:39,321 --> 00:58:41,531
went through kind of a similar dilemma.
870
00:58:41,615 --> 00:58:43,491
He was going out with this very attractive
871
00:58:43,575 --> 00:58:45,535
foreign-exchange student named Nadia.
872
00:58:45,618 --> 00:58:49,039
Right, right, yeah. That's the one he blew his
load too early with, right?
873
00:58:49,122 --> 00:58:50,248
- Yes.
- Twice.
874
00:58:50,331 --> 00:58:51,666
- Yes.
- Over the Internet.
875
00:58:51,750 --> 00:58:53,418
- Yes, that's the one.
- Yeah.
876
00:58:53,501 --> 00:58:56,838
Well, blowing loads aside...
877
00:58:56,921 --> 00:58:58,006
Yeah.
878
00:58:58,089 --> 00:59:00,425
The next summer Nadia came
to visit Jim at the beach,
879
00:59:00,508 --> 00:59:01,968
and he turned her down
880
00:59:02,051 --> 00:59:05,430
because he had fallen in love with Michelle,
881
00:59:06,264 --> 00:59:10,268
who he later married,
and is now the mother of my grandchild.
882
00:59:11,561 --> 00:59:15,356
So you're saying
I shouldn't hook up with this sorority girl?
883
00:59:15,690 --> 00:59:18,860
I'm saying I think
only you know the answer to that, Erik.
884
00:59:21,446 --> 00:59:23,031
Well, gotta run.
885
00:59:26,075 --> 00:59:29,746
Oh, Erik, I was sorry to hear
about your grandmother.
886
00:59:48,848 --> 00:59:50,766
Last night was amazing.
887
00:59:51,309 --> 00:59:53,352
Yeah, it was.
888
00:59:53,436 --> 00:59:56,355
The three of us should
do it again sometime.
889
00:59:56,731 --> 00:59:58,107
Definitely.
890
01:00:00,401 --> 01:00:01,777
Definitely.
891
01:00:09,034 --> 01:00:12,705
Hey, buddy.
You know how to get to Murray Street?
892
01:00:12,788 --> 01:00:16,250
Oh, yeah, man.
Just go right down Maryland, down to...
893
01:00:16,917 --> 01:00:18,335
What the...
894
01:00:20,296 --> 01:00:21,755
What is this? Enter the Midget?
895
01:00:21,839 --> 01:00:24,508
It's little people, asshole.
896
01:00:26,135 --> 01:00:27,845
Come get some.
897
01:00:28,887 --> 01:00:31,181
Come get some, baby!
898
01:00:41,483 --> 01:00:43,360
Midgets jumped Stifler.
899
01:00:43,444 --> 01:00:44,695
- What?
- What?
900
01:00:45,696 --> 01:00:47,865
The midgets jumped Stifler.
901
01:00:48,323 --> 01:00:50,075
He's in the hospital right now.
902
01:00:54,997 --> 01:00:56,331
Oh, shit.
903
01:00:56,415 --> 01:00:58,167
Holy shit.
904
01:00:59,168 --> 01:01:01,044
Man, he is fucked up.
905
01:01:02,004 --> 01:01:03,463
First Grandma, and now this.
906
01:01:03,547 --> 01:01:04,923
All right, we gotta get
those fucking midgets.
907
01:01:05,007 --> 01:01:06,091
Yeah, man.
908
01:01:06,174 --> 01:01:09,678
Jesus, Ryan, keep it down, will you?
I got a huge fucking headache.
909
01:01:09,761 --> 01:01:11,888
We thought this guy was you.
910
01:01:12,973 --> 01:01:14,224
Fuck, no.
911
01:01:15,142 --> 01:01:16,393
I don't know what happened to that pussy.
912
01:01:17,352 --> 01:01:19,312
Hey, man, what the hell happened?
913
01:01:19,396 --> 01:01:23,150
Rock and his boys jumped me,
wearing all black and ski masks.
914
01:01:23,233 --> 01:01:24,651
Like I wouldn't know it was them.
915
01:01:24,735 --> 01:01:28,029
Are you all right?
Are you gonna be able to run in the Mile?
916
01:01:28,113 --> 01:01:29,406
Doesn't look like it.
917
01:01:30,031 --> 01:01:33,535
Doc says the Stif-man's gonna be laid up
for at least a couple of more days.
918
01:01:33,618 --> 01:01:35,871
Hey, don't worry.
We will find those little fuckers.
919
01:01:35,954 --> 01:01:40,834
No. I appreciate it, okay?
Stifler'll think of something.
920
01:01:41,459 --> 01:01:45,005
Now you guys are up here
to do two things: Have fun,
921
01:01:45,088 --> 01:01:47,132
and run naked
922
01:01:47,215 --> 01:01:51,177
with hundreds of hot,
big-breasted, horny women.
923
01:01:51,261 --> 01:01:52,470
You understand?
924
01:01:52,554 --> 01:01:53,680
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
925
01:01:53,763 --> 01:01:57,475
Good. Now get the fuck
out of here so I can get some sleep.
926
01:02:02,564 --> 01:02:05,066
Hey, Erik, stick around for a second.
927
01:02:05,150 --> 01:02:06,192
Yeah.
928
01:02:07,360 --> 01:02:09,571
Listen, I know what you're going through.
929
01:02:10,196 --> 01:02:13,157
- You do?
- Sure, yeah. I had the same problem
930
01:02:13,408 --> 01:02:15,535
when I was in middle school.
931
01:02:15,994 --> 01:02:19,330
But living up to
the family name is not an easy thing, man.
932
01:02:19,414 --> 01:02:22,000
Yeah. What did you do?
933
01:02:24,127 --> 01:02:27,922
Well, I whipped out
my dick in class, stole the principal's car,
934
01:02:28,006 --> 01:02:29,590
and then I fucked a lunch lady.
935
01:02:30,216 --> 01:02:31,259
Oh.
936
01:02:31,718 --> 01:02:33,219
But, hey, that's me.
937
01:02:34,095 --> 01:02:36,097
What do you think I should do?
938
01:02:36,180 --> 01:02:40,768
It's not for me to decide or advise.
You gotta figure that out on your own.
939
01:02:40,977 --> 01:02:44,647
But I will say this.
We got a pretty fucked-up family,
940
01:02:45,356 --> 01:02:47,900
and it's nice having a guy like you around.
941
01:02:51,362 --> 01:02:53,030
Now, seriously, go.
942
01:03:04,250 --> 01:03:06,168
All I have to say is,
943
01:03:06,252 --> 01:03:09,630
thank you, Dad,
for getting my dumb ass into this school.
944
01:03:15,511 --> 01:03:19,098
Gentlemen, we have officially
arrived at our destination.
945
01:03:29,316 --> 01:03:31,652
Look who decided to show up.
946
01:03:31,735 --> 01:03:33,862
I didn't think you guys
would have the balls for this.
947
01:03:33,946 --> 01:03:35,114
I guess I was right.
948
01:03:35,364 --> 01:03:38,742
Check it out. They still got their clothes on.
949
01:03:41,829 --> 01:03:46,792
Where is old Shitler? I guess the king of
the Naked Mile didn't make it this year.
950
01:03:47,835 --> 01:03:51,171
Nobody starts this fucking
Naked Mile without me!
951
01:04:03,350 --> 01:04:07,396
The king has arrived! Bring out your titties!
952
01:04:10,482 --> 01:04:14,403
You really think that little beating
you gave me could keep me away?
953
01:04:14,486 --> 01:04:17,531
You and the Lollypop Guild
punch like a bunch of five-year-olds.
954
01:04:17,614 --> 01:04:20,367
This is my fucking school.
955
01:04:23,662 --> 01:04:24,830
Guys.
956
01:04:25,914 --> 01:04:29,000
Right, screw those guys.
We're here to have fun, right?
957
01:04:29,084 --> 01:04:31,503
Oh, fucking-A-right,
we're here to have some fun.
958
01:04:32,796 --> 01:04:36,383
Hey, why the hell
do you guys still have your clothes on?
959
01:04:37,134 --> 01:04:38,927
Listen, Stifler, we were talking and...
960
01:04:39,010 --> 01:04:41,137
Hey, Stifler. I like your IVs.
961
01:04:42,889 --> 01:04:44,391
Hello, ladies.
962
01:04:45,600 --> 01:04:47,852
Looking sexy as always.
963
01:04:47,936 --> 01:04:49,562
Heard you were in the hospital.
964
01:04:50,105 --> 01:04:52,565
Just a little beating by a bunch of midgets.
965
01:04:52,649 --> 01:04:54,067
Hey, Cooze.
966
01:04:54,150 --> 01:04:57,904
Jill the Thrill. Back on the Cooze radar.
967
01:05:02,617 --> 01:05:03,743
Hey, Erik.
968
01:05:04,452 --> 01:05:05,495
Hey, Brandy.
969
01:05:05,787 --> 01:05:07,497
- Ryan.
- Alexis.
970
01:05:07,580 --> 01:05:09,833
So, you ladies ready to run this Mile
971
01:05:09,916 --> 01:05:13,086
and get extra fucking sexy?
972
01:05:13,253 --> 01:05:14,337
- Hell, yeah!
- Hell, yeah!
973
01:05:14,462 --> 01:05:16,005
What about you guys?
974
01:05:16,089 --> 01:05:18,007
Yeah, what are you guys doing still dressed?
975
01:05:18,299 --> 01:05:20,468
Well, we figured we'd just watch the Mile
976
01:05:20,552 --> 01:05:22,178
and then meet you guys
at the party afterwards.
977
01:05:22,262 --> 01:05:25,890
That's too bad 'cause this
Naked Mile is gonna be crazy.
978
01:05:26,015 --> 01:05:28,559
Really crazy. Right, Brandy?
979
01:05:28,643 --> 01:05:30,144
Absolutely out of control.
980
01:05:47,203 --> 01:05:50,164
Yeah! That's what
I'm fucking talking about, boys.
981
01:05:50,248 --> 01:05:53,543
Set the cocks free!
982
01:05:53,626 --> 01:05:55,962
Let's huddle up over here. Come on, fellas.
983
01:05:57,213 --> 01:05:58,297
Cock huddle.
984
01:05:58,506 --> 01:05:59,840
All right, bitch tits.
985
01:06:00,466 --> 01:06:02,635
I got a little surprise for you fuckers.
986
01:06:02,718 --> 01:06:03,761
What do you got?
987
01:06:04,971 --> 01:06:08,182
Just a little pharmaceutical delight for later.
988
01:06:09,266 --> 01:06:11,852
Stifler! You uncircumcised twat!
989
01:06:11,936 --> 01:06:14,355
Jackson, you little-dicked motherfucker.
990
01:06:14,438 --> 01:06:15,523
What is this?
991
01:06:15,606 --> 01:06:16,982
It looks like some kind of E.
992
01:06:17,066 --> 01:06:19,318
- Should we take it now?
- He said save it for later.
993
01:06:19,402 --> 01:06:21,737
Fuck that!
I'm about to run naked through the streets.
994
01:06:21,946 --> 01:06:23,906
I need all the drug-induced courage
I can get.
995
01:06:26,826 --> 01:06:28,577
I'm so glad you guys decided to run.
996
01:06:28,661 --> 01:06:30,412
You must work out.
997
01:06:30,496 --> 01:06:32,623
Yeah, well, I play football.
998
01:06:32,706 --> 01:06:34,792
I love football players.
999
01:06:34,959 --> 01:06:36,961
Did anybody ever tell you
that you have a nice ass?
1000
01:06:37,962 --> 01:06:39,004
That guy's a prick!
1001
01:06:39,463 --> 01:06:41,882
Hey, Stifler, is this supposed
to be some pretty good E?
1002
01:06:42,299 --> 01:06:43,384
What E?
1003
01:06:43,884 --> 01:06:45,636
The pills you gave us.
1004
01:06:46,595 --> 01:06:48,097
Oh, shit! You retards.
1005
01:06:48,305 --> 01:06:51,475
That's not E.
It's that fucking four-hour hard-on drug.
1006
01:06:51,600 --> 01:06:53,519
- Oh, shit.
I scored some at the hospital.
1007
01:06:53,602 --> 01:06:56,063
I thought you limp-dicked
bitches could use some.
1008
01:06:56,397 --> 01:06:58,315
- Oh, God.
- Holy fuck, you didn't...
1009
01:06:58,399 --> 01:06:59,942
Holy shit!
1010
01:07:00,317 --> 01:07:04,530
I don't think I can talk this one down, man.
It's got a mind of its own.
1011
01:07:04,696 --> 01:07:07,282
Hey, do not run behind me. Okay?
1012
01:07:07,950 --> 01:07:10,536
It's... It's just that we thought that it was...
1013
01:07:10,619 --> 01:07:12,913
Honey, don't apologize.
1014
01:07:12,996 --> 01:07:15,082
Yeah, you guys are running with us.
1015
01:07:15,165 --> 01:07:19,294
Oh, man!
This is going to be the best Naked Mile ever!
1016
01:07:19,586 --> 01:07:20,837
Good evening...
1017
01:07:24,883 --> 01:07:25,967
Who is that guy?
1018
01:07:26,051 --> 01:07:29,805
That is big, bad Noah Levenstein.
1019
01:07:30,764 --> 01:07:34,851
The craziest bastard
this campus has ever known.
1020
01:07:34,935 --> 01:07:36,561
My bad. My bad. Welcome to the Naked Mile.
1021
01:07:42,275 --> 01:07:44,903
Yes, you know, when I started this race
many, many...
1022
01:07:44,986 --> 01:07:46,988
Christ, he started this whole
thing back in the '60s.
1023
01:07:47,072 --> 01:07:50,242
...many years ago.
It was just... Just a passive protest.
1024
01:07:50,492 --> 01:07:54,621
Just a way to "stick it
to the man," so to speak.
1025
01:07:55,997 --> 01:07:57,791
Right on. Right on.
1026
01:07:58,333 --> 01:08:02,253
But over the years,
it's become somewhat less political.
1027
01:08:02,420 --> 01:08:05,715
And now, it's just
1028
01:08:05,799 --> 01:08:08,468
some sort of Roman orgy,
1029
01:08:08,718 --> 01:08:11,513
which I'm down with, by the way.
1030
01:08:11,930 --> 01:08:14,140
But let's keep one thing in mind.
1031
01:08:14,432 --> 01:08:18,853
This is about
showing the world your youthful exuberance,
1032
01:08:19,103 --> 01:08:22,524
and your unabashed commitment
to higher learning,
1033
01:08:22,607 --> 01:08:25,068
and having fun while you're doing it,
1034
01:08:25,151 --> 01:08:29,155
which is where the naked part comes in.
1035
01:08:29,239 --> 01:08:30,865
Yeah!
1036
01:08:34,827 --> 01:08:37,872
And being completely naked is, of course,
1037
01:08:37,956 --> 01:08:39,999
a perfectly natural thing.
1038
01:08:40,166 --> 01:08:43,878
There's not one part of one's body
1039
01:08:43,961 --> 01:08:46,172
one should be ashamed of,
1040
01:08:46,255 --> 01:08:50,885
be it one's pubic region
1041
01:08:51,052 --> 01:08:53,346
or one's breasts,
1042
01:08:53,679 --> 01:08:55,848
as in the case with you young ladies...
1043
01:09:00,436 --> 01:09:03,856
...and a couple of you young men.
1044
01:09:06,359 --> 01:09:09,654
But you should all just revel
in the glory of being seen
1045
01:09:09,862 --> 01:09:11,989
as the people you are.
1046
01:09:12,198 --> 01:09:13,741
Incidentally, if anyone has anything...
1047
01:09:13,824 --> 01:09:15,826
Come on, let's fucking do this!
1048
01:09:19,246 --> 01:09:20,998
I second that motion, young man.
1049
01:09:21,290 --> 01:09:23,834
Okay, everybody ready.
1050
01:09:25,961 --> 01:09:27,630
Get set...
1051
01:09:57,368 --> 01:09:58,702
Still going?
1052
01:09:58,786 --> 01:10:00,662
You know it, baby. Hell, yeah!
1053
01:10:01,705 --> 01:10:03,582
You love the Boss Hogg!
1054
01:10:20,599 --> 01:10:24,102
All right, yeah. Look at this.
Look at all these teats.
1055
01:10:24,186 --> 01:10:28,565
I'm adrift in a sea of boobies,
and my balls are scraping the pavement.
1056
01:10:28,649 --> 01:10:29,733
Oh, heads up.
1057
01:10:33,570 --> 01:10:35,447
Look, its the boner guys.
1058
01:10:36,698 --> 01:10:38,367
Nice cocks.
1059
01:10:38,450 --> 01:10:40,410
Oh, you got that right, sexy.
1060
01:10:40,494 --> 01:10:42,579
Dude, you have serious issues.
1061
01:11:25,622 --> 01:11:27,832
Hey, naked people only!
1062
01:12:01,991 --> 01:12:03,659
Are you all right?
1063
01:12:03,743 --> 01:12:05,203
I'm fine.
1064
01:12:05,453 --> 01:12:07,497
Come on, sweetie. Let's finish this thing.
1065
01:12:17,131 --> 01:12:20,551
I'm standing at the finish
line of a very proud, but strange tradition
1066
01:12:20,635 --> 01:12:21,844
called the Naked Mile.
1067
01:12:21,927 --> 01:12:23,304
Ever year after exams
1068
01:12:23,387 --> 01:12:25,765
hundreds of students
run a mile through campus
1069
01:12:25,848 --> 01:12:27,892
in nothing more than their birthday suits.
1070
01:12:32,146 --> 01:12:35,232
This is the greatest thing ever!
1071
01:12:35,316 --> 01:12:37,359
Hell, yeah!
1072
01:12:37,443 --> 01:12:39,570
I can't believe we did this!
1073
01:12:39,820 --> 01:12:43,073
Yeah! Naked Mile, baby!
1074
01:12:43,532 --> 01:12:45,701
Beta House fucking rules!
1075
01:12:52,583 --> 01:12:56,629
Come on, marathon men.
Let's get ready for the party.
1076
01:12:58,088 --> 01:13:00,090
I did it. I really did it.
1077
01:13:01,800 --> 01:13:04,762
Way to go, Coz. That's my cousin.
1078
01:13:06,180 --> 01:13:08,474
Yeah, buddy!
1079
01:13:08,766 --> 01:13:10,768
Some people call it lewd behavior,
1080
01:13:10,934 --> 01:13:13,812
but the students say it's just
a good way to blow off steam.
1081
01:13:14,104 --> 01:13:15,230
And maybe,
1082
01:13:19,359 --> 01:13:20,652
find love.
1083
01:13:21,028 --> 01:13:23,572
This is Hal Michaels,
reporting from the Naked Mile.
1084
01:13:59,983 --> 01:14:02,819
Stifler has arrived!
1085
01:14:11,828 --> 01:14:13,538
Yeah! Yeah!
1086
01:14:14,831 --> 01:14:17,709
Holy shit! Is this even the same house?
1087
01:14:21,880 --> 01:14:24,674
I think I had a wet dream
that started like this.
1088
01:14:25,091 --> 01:14:26,342
It's those guys.
1089
01:14:31,639 --> 01:14:32,849
And ended like that.
1090
01:14:32,932 --> 01:14:34,267
Wow, taking those pills
1091
01:14:34,350 --> 01:14:37,353
might just be the best thing
you guys ever did for your social lives.
1092
01:14:37,437 --> 01:14:38,563
Oh, yeah.
1093
01:14:38,980 --> 01:14:40,064
You wanna dance?
1094
01:14:40,857 --> 01:14:44,402
Is my dick hard?
Of course the Cooze wants to dance.
1095
01:14:47,363 --> 01:14:48,948
Are you gonna dance, sexy?
1096
01:14:49,032 --> 01:14:51,451
Or are you one of those
football players who's too cool to dance?
1097
01:14:51,534 --> 01:14:54,662
Oh, baby, they don't call me
the White Shadow for nothing.
1098
01:15:00,293 --> 01:15:01,794
Come on, cutie.
1099
01:15:02,420 --> 01:15:03,796
What a bastard.
1100
01:15:03,880 --> 01:15:07,133
I told you to call off
that stupid guilt-free pass.
1101
01:15:07,592 --> 01:15:09,760
I'm so sorry, honey.
1102
01:15:10,052 --> 01:15:11,929
Is there anything we can do for you?
1103
01:15:12,513 --> 01:15:14,599
No, I think I just want to be alone.
1104
01:15:14,682 --> 01:15:17,852
No way. We are not leaving you alone
so you can beat yourself up.
1105
01:15:17,935 --> 01:15:20,730
Yeah, but I told him to do it.
I mean, I can't get mad about it now.
1106
01:15:20,813 --> 01:15:23,774
Would you quit being so logical, Tracy?
We're girls.
1107
01:15:23,858 --> 01:15:26,152
Boys should know better
than to trust us to be rational.
1108
01:15:26,235 --> 01:15:27,320
It's not in our nature.
1109
01:15:27,403 --> 01:15:29,030
It's really not.
1110
01:15:29,113 --> 01:15:32,825
So, you are going to get dressed.
1111
01:15:32,908 --> 01:15:34,660
Then, we're going to Allison's party.
1112
01:15:35,244 --> 01:15:37,496
That will get your mind off of Erik.
1113
01:15:37,580 --> 01:15:39,248
I don't want to.
1114
01:15:39,331 --> 01:15:42,751
Well, you don't have a vote in this.
Now get dressed.
1115
01:15:55,055 --> 01:15:58,309
Check out our boy.
Think he's going to lose it tonight?
1116
01:15:58,392 --> 01:16:02,271
Nope. Bet he screws it up
and ends up jerking off in the bathroom.
1117
01:16:02,354 --> 01:16:03,939
I'll bet 20 bucks says he nails her.
1118
01:16:05,190 --> 01:16:06,400
Oh, you're on.
1119
01:16:09,737 --> 01:16:11,739
Hey, hard-on brothers.
1120
01:16:11,822 --> 01:16:15,242
Do you guys have any idea how much
everybody here has been talking about you?
1121
01:16:15,325 --> 01:16:16,952
I was getting that feeling.
1122
01:16:17,035 --> 01:16:18,120
Yeah!
1123
01:16:19,163 --> 01:16:21,665
Okay, listen up, 'cause I got a plan
1124
01:16:21,748 --> 01:16:25,669
that's gonna make you guys legends.
1125
01:16:31,925 --> 01:16:33,677
Ladies and gentlemen!
1126
01:16:33,969 --> 01:16:38,390
Give a big Beta House welcome
to Ryan "Steel Rod" Grimm
1127
01:16:38,682 --> 01:16:43,520
and Mike "Everhard" Coozeman!
1128
01:16:43,603 --> 01:16:45,480
Yeah, Cooze!
1129
01:16:49,359 --> 01:16:52,821
Tonight is the dawning of a new era
1130
01:16:52,904 --> 01:16:55,031
in meaningless male competition.
1131
01:16:55,115 --> 01:17:00,078
The Heavyweight Hard-On
Championship of the World!
1132
01:17:05,292 --> 01:17:07,794
For the first phase of the competition,
1133
01:17:07,878 --> 01:17:11,339
a bucket will be hung
on the dong of each of our contestants.
1134
01:17:11,423 --> 01:17:14,759
That bucket will be filled
with a pitcher of beer.
1135
01:17:14,843 --> 01:17:18,805
First person to drop the bucket is the loser.
1136
01:17:20,515 --> 01:17:22,559
So let the penis games begin!
1137
01:17:34,362 --> 01:17:37,699
Commence the pouring!
1138
01:17:43,913 --> 01:17:45,081
You like that?
1139
01:17:45,164 --> 01:17:46,583
Oh, yeah, baby!
1140
01:18:04,767 --> 01:18:08,062
Oh, I am so sorry about that!
1141
01:18:11,816 --> 01:18:13,192
Still good.
1142
01:18:30,459 --> 01:18:32,712
Next competition.
1143
01:18:35,089 --> 01:18:37,049
The ring toss.
1144
01:18:37,591 --> 01:18:39,468
- Let's have it, girls.
- Come on.
1145
01:18:43,973 --> 01:18:46,350
That's right! On that penis!
1146
01:18:46,434 --> 01:18:48,436
Come on, baby, just like Six Flags.
1147
01:18:51,522 --> 01:18:52,898
Wrong head!
1148
01:18:57,194 --> 01:18:59,029
Ring around the cocksy.
1149
01:19:01,031 --> 01:19:03,158
You needed an extra inch on that one.
1150
01:19:12,876 --> 01:19:14,420
Can you believe this?
1151
01:19:15,337 --> 01:19:17,005
Do not let Cooze win.
1152
01:19:21,552 --> 01:19:23,470
Next competition!
1153
01:19:29,852 --> 01:19:32,229
I got a nine-inch strike zone, baby.
1154
01:19:32,312 --> 01:19:34,857
- You cocky prick.
- You can't miss it!
1155
01:19:40,654 --> 01:19:42,155
It's a hardball, son!
1156
01:19:42,239 --> 01:19:43,657
Hey, boner, boner, boner.
1157
01:19:44,199 --> 01:19:45,534
Swing, boner!
1158
01:19:45,617 --> 01:19:47,160
Deep center, baby!
1159
01:19:52,916 --> 01:19:54,626
Foul ball!
1160
01:20:08,807 --> 01:20:09,850
Bunt.
1161
01:20:20,527 --> 01:20:23,363
That is it. We're calling it a tie.
1162
01:20:23,446 --> 01:20:26,074
Your Co-Hard-on Champions of the World,
1163
01:20:26,157 --> 01:20:29,911
Ryan "Steel Rod" Grimm
and Mike "Everhard" Coozeman!
1164
01:20:46,803 --> 01:20:51,140
Fifty-six, fifty-seven, fifty-eight, fifty-nine...
1165
01:20:56,396 --> 01:20:58,856
Who's the fuckin' champ, baby?
1166
01:22:17,893 --> 01:22:19,395
Boys are a bad influence.
1167
01:22:19,478 --> 01:22:22,773
I mean, you have no idea
what he's doing or who he's doing it with.
1168
01:22:22,856 --> 01:22:25,692
This guilt-free pass thing?
Completely ridiculous.
1169
01:22:25,776 --> 01:22:29,696
The bottom line is this. You two will never be
on the same level again.
1170
01:22:29,780 --> 01:22:33,200
You're a virgin and he's not.
It's just not gonna work.
1171
01:22:33,784 --> 01:22:35,869
So, what?
I'm supposed to break up with him?
1172
01:22:35,953 --> 01:22:38,664
No, but you need to get back
on the same level.
1173
01:22:40,123 --> 01:22:42,793
You need to sleep with somebody. Tonight.
1174
01:22:42,876 --> 01:22:45,003
- Brooke.
- Shut up, Natalie.
1175
01:22:45,087 --> 01:22:47,798
It's the only way.
Imagine a month from now,
1176
01:22:47,881 --> 01:22:49,633
you decide to do it with Erik.
1177
01:22:49,716 --> 01:22:53,845
All you're going to be thinking is that he's
already had sex with some other girl.
1178
01:22:53,929 --> 01:22:56,640
The relationship will not be
equal unless you do this.
1179
01:22:56,723 --> 01:22:59,226
Oh, look. There's Trent.
1180
01:23:05,023 --> 01:23:06,233
Perfect.
1181
01:23:16,493 --> 01:23:19,287
Hey, cool. A pool table. Do you play?
1182
01:23:20,622 --> 01:23:22,123
Sometimes.
1183
01:23:22,415 --> 01:23:24,292
Well, what do you want to play?
1184
01:23:24,376 --> 01:23:25,710
I don't care.
1185
01:23:25,794 --> 01:23:29,798
Okay. Well, how about nine-ball?
Look, nine-ball.
1186
01:23:30,131 --> 01:23:33,760
It's... It's easy. You just have to get the balls
in order from one through nine.
1187
01:23:33,843 --> 01:23:38,598
I'll show you. I'll break right now.
You'll be good at it.
1188
01:23:41,309 --> 01:23:42,727
- Erik.
- Yeah.
1189
01:23:45,688 --> 01:23:47,065
Come here.
1190
01:24:01,996 --> 01:24:06,709
This is special to you, right?
I mean, this weekend, this night?
1191
01:24:07,794 --> 01:24:09,295
- Erik?
- Yes?
1192
01:24:09,587 --> 01:24:12,006
This is sex, not Shakespeare.
1193
01:24:13,633 --> 01:24:16,844
Are you sure you want to?
Because I doubt I'll be very good.
1194
01:24:16,928 --> 01:24:20,056
Don't worry.
I know how to handle guys like you.
1195
01:24:21,224 --> 01:24:22,517
Guys like me?
1196
01:24:22,600 --> 01:24:24,185
Virgins.
1197
01:24:24,477 --> 01:24:26,604
I can take care of virgins.
1198
01:24:28,022 --> 01:24:30,525
You mean, I'm not your first virgin?
1199
01:24:31,025 --> 01:24:33,236
I have a bit of a confession.
1200
01:24:34,320 --> 01:24:37,198
Some girls like blonds, some like muscles.
1201
01:24:38,532 --> 01:24:40,076
I like virgins.
1202
01:24:42,370 --> 01:24:44,830
Are you ready for a special night?
1203
01:25:01,263 --> 01:25:05,059
Hey there, beautiful.
Didn't expect to see you here tonight.
1204
01:25:05,476 --> 01:25:08,187
I came to apologize.
I heard about what happened,
1205
01:25:08,270 --> 01:25:11,857
and I wanted to let you know
that I didn't know anything about it.
1206
01:25:11,941 --> 01:25:14,276
You're not just here to set me up?
1207
01:25:14,360 --> 01:25:17,863
I would never want
to let anything happen to that gorgeous face.
1208
01:25:20,240 --> 01:25:23,911
You sure you're supposed
to be dancing on enemy territory like this?
1209
01:25:23,994 --> 01:25:27,664
I dance where I want, with who I want.
1210
01:25:29,375 --> 01:25:31,043
I like your style.
1211
01:25:33,170 --> 01:25:34,630
And your ass.
1212
01:25:48,060 --> 01:25:50,270
You know, I don't usually go for
1213
01:25:50,354 --> 01:25:53,523
suburban, jock, Abercrombie clones,
1214
01:25:53,649 --> 01:25:56,318
- but there is something about you.
- Yeah?
1215
01:25:56,401 --> 01:26:00,197
Well, I tend to have
that effect on pacifist, vegan bisexuals.
1216
01:26:10,791 --> 01:26:13,293
This guy's got good taste.
1217
01:26:13,668 --> 01:26:16,797
You sure you're up for this
after that little incident downstairs?
1218
01:26:16,880 --> 01:26:21,718
They don't call me "Everhard" because
I've only got one bullet in the chamber.
1219
01:26:21,801 --> 01:26:23,637
But just to be sure...
1220
01:26:24,179 --> 01:26:26,514
Should you be taking more of that?
1221
01:26:26,640 --> 01:26:30,226
More? I didn't take it the first time.
1222
01:26:32,270 --> 01:26:34,397
- You mean...
- That's right, baby.
1223
01:26:34,481 --> 01:26:37,067
We're gonna have a good time tonight.
1224
01:26:38,860 --> 01:26:43,782
Now get your worthless ass
on the bed, you peasant.
1225
01:26:44,491 --> 01:26:45,867
Excuse me?
1226
01:26:45,950 --> 01:26:47,952
I said, get on the bed
1227
01:26:48,036 --> 01:26:49,996
you worthless peasant!
1228
01:26:50,955 --> 01:26:53,958
What is your problem?
Whoa, what's that? What...
1229
01:26:54,042 --> 01:26:56,961
- Oh, God!
- I said, get on the bed,
1230
01:26:57,712 --> 01:26:59,797
and I meant it.
1231
01:27:01,382 --> 01:27:04,844
Oh, yeah, baby. I get it.
1232
01:27:05,929 --> 01:27:07,555
And I'm into it.
1233
01:27:08,431 --> 01:27:09,641
Shut up!
1234
01:27:12,894 --> 01:27:15,396
All right! All right! All right!
1235
01:27:33,372 --> 01:27:34,624
Brandy.
1236
01:27:35,917 --> 01:27:39,712
Look, I can't do this. I'm really sorry, okay?
1237
01:27:40,129 --> 01:27:42,173
I mean, you're really gorgeous
and really cool,
1238
01:27:42,256 --> 01:27:44,592
and I'm sure that every single
guy on this planet
1239
01:27:44,675 --> 01:27:47,595
would love to sleep with you, including me.
1240
01:27:47,928 --> 01:27:49,597
But I just can't.
1241
01:27:51,807 --> 01:27:53,225
I'm in love.
1242
01:27:56,729 --> 01:27:59,482
I hope this girl knows how lucky she is.
1243
01:27:59,565 --> 01:28:01,025
I seriously doubt that.
1244
01:28:12,328 --> 01:28:15,456
Got to say it again. It's a very nice surprise.
1245
01:28:16,457 --> 01:28:18,042
What can I say? I'm full of them.
1246
01:28:18,125 --> 01:28:19,460
So, what about Erik?
1247
01:28:20,461 --> 01:28:22,922
We're on a weekend guilt-free pass.
1248
01:28:23,464 --> 01:28:26,008
We can do anything we want.
1249
01:28:26,383 --> 01:28:28,093
Anything?
1250
01:28:28,385 --> 01:28:29,428
Anything.
1251
01:28:29,511 --> 01:28:30,929
I like the sound of that.
1252
01:28:47,779 --> 01:28:49,031
Is this your room?
1253
01:28:49,114 --> 01:28:51,742
Why, yes, it is, my diminutive goddess.
1254
01:28:53,243 --> 01:28:56,997
Good, because we are going to need
1255
01:28:57,080 --> 01:28:58,874
a little bit of privacy.
1256
01:29:09,885 --> 01:29:13,096
That's it, you pathetic slave. Keep doing that.
1257
01:29:14,014 --> 01:29:16,475
Don't you think this is
getting a little out of hand?
1258
01:29:16,558 --> 01:29:19,561
Oh, you haven't even seen
"out of hand" yet.
1259
01:29:19,644 --> 01:29:21,354
I didn't mean we had to stop.
1260
01:29:21,438 --> 01:29:25,066
Oh, we're not stopping.
We're just getting started.
1261
01:29:26,193 --> 01:29:28,028
You ready to get kinky?
1262
01:29:28,111 --> 01:29:30,071
Whoa, this isn't kinky yet?
1263
01:29:30,947 --> 01:29:32,490
Not even close.
1264
01:29:36,703 --> 01:29:38,455
What is that noise?
1265
01:29:45,920 --> 01:29:47,422
What the hell?
1266
01:29:53,511 --> 01:29:55,513
You got to be kidding me.
1267
01:30:24,959 --> 01:30:27,462
So, you wanna go upstairs?
1268
01:30:30,047 --> 01:30:32,592
Yeah, I do.
1269
01:30:47,523 --> 01:30:50,568
Hi, Mr. Sterling. Is Tracy home?
1270
01:30:51,152 --> 01:30:53,279
Hello, Erik. No, she's not.
1271
01:30:53,487 --> 01:30:56,532
She's gone to a party
with Brooke and Natalie.
1272
01:30:56,615 --> 01:30:57,658
Oh.
1273
01:30:58,659 --> 01:31:01,662
Okay. Well, sorry to disturb you, then.
1274
01:31:01,829 --> 01:31:03,080
Have a good night!
1275
01:31:07,752 --> 01:31:09,503
Crazy little fucker.
1276
01:31:14,842 --> 01:31:17,261
We gotta find Tracy. We gotta find Tracy.
1277
01:31:17,344 --> 01:31:19,805
We gotta find Tracy.
Where the fuck is Tracy?
1278
01:31:20,389 --> 01:31:23,642
I don't think sex has to be just one-on-one.
1279
01:31:24,852 --> 01:31:26,353
What the hell?
1280
01:31:28,230 --> 01:31:31,191
Tracy!
1281
01:31:32,818 --> 01:31:33,861
Hey!
1282
01:31:37,489 --> 01:31:38,657
Trace!
1283
01:31:38,991 --> 01:31:40,492
What the hell are you doing here?
1284
01:31:40,576 --> 01:31:42,453
And on a horse!
1285
01:31:42,661 --> 01:31:44,663
Where's Tracy? I have to see her.
1286
01:31:44,747 --> 01:31:47,499
We think it's best if you just leave her alone.
1287
01:31:47,583 --> 01:31:49,042
What? Why?
1288
01:31:49,126 --> 01:31:52,004
Because we know about
your little sorority slut.
1289
01:31:52,087 --> 01:31:55,966
- What are you talking about?
- She saw you kiss that girl on TV.
1290
01:31:56,425 --> 01:32:00,095
Shit. Wait a second. So what?
I was on a guilt-free pass.
1291
01:32:00,178 --> 01:32:02,890
Wake up, Erik. There is no such thing.
1292
01:32:03,932 --> 01:32:04,975
Where is Tracy?
1293
01:32:05,058 --> 01:32:09,146
Oh, we gave Tracy a guilt-free pass,
and she's using it right now.
1294
01:32:13,191 --> 01:32:15,193
Tracy! Trace!
1295
01:32:19,656 --> 01:32:22,492
Hey, hey. Tracy Sterling.
Have you seen her?
1296
01:32:22,576 --> 01:32:25,745
I think she went upstairs with Trent a little...
1297
01:32:26,204 --> 01:32:27,372
Tracy!
1298
01:32:29,166 --> 01:32:30,375
Tracy.
1299
01:32:36,673 --> 01:32:39,467
Trace, can you hear me? Are you in there?
1300
01:32:39,676 --> 01:32:42,512
Trace, if you can hear me, I am sorry.
1301
01:32:42,596 --> 01:32:44,723
I am really sorry about everything, okay?
1302
01:32:44,806 --> 01:32:48,059
I know you gave me this pass,
but I didn't use it.
1303
01:32:48,226 --> 01:32:50,603
I mean I did use it,
but it was only for a few seconds.
1304
01:32:50,687 --> 01:32:53,982
I couldn't go through with it,
so I came here looking for you, okay?
1305
01:32:54,065 --> 01:32:57,318
Look, I don't care about the sex.
I really don't.
1306
01:32:58,027 --> 01:33:00,864
It's not the most important thing. You are.
1307
01:33:01,406 --> 01:33:03,324
Trace, I love you.
1308
01:33:04,868 --> 01:33:06,452
Can you hear me? I love you!
1309
01:33:06,536 --> 01:33:09,289
Do you mind? I'm trying to get laid here.
1310
01:33:12,292 --> 01:33:14,294
You rode
a horse for me?
1311
01:33:23,636 --> 01:33:26,723
When I heard her, I thought...
1312
01:33:27,807 --> 01:33:29,809
I couldn't do it, either.
1313
01:33:33,396 --> 01:33:35,022
I love you, too.
1314
01:34:02,842 --> 01:34:04,176
Should we?
1315
01:35:13,829 --> 01:35:15,872
I'm telling you, man.
I parked the car right here.
1316
01:35:15,956 --> 01:35:20,043
Well, obviously, you didn't,
because then it would be right here.
1317
01:35:20,794 --> 01:35:22,462
Where the hell is Erik?
1318
01:35:22,546 --> 01:35:26,216
Dude, I don't even know
where my underwear is.
1319
01:35:27,968 --> 01:35:29,261
Somebody call a taxi?
1320
01:35:29,344 --> 01:35:30,804
Where the fuck did you go?
1321
01:35:30,887 --> 01:35:32,013
To get some breakfast.
1322
01:35:32,097 --> 01:35:34,182
Oh, sweet. I'm starving.
1323
01:35:41,481 --> 01:35:42,941
I take it you guys had a good night.
1324
01:35:43,024 --> 01:35:45,026
Oh, completely out of hand, bro.
1325
01:35:45,110 --> 01:35:46,778
Where are the girls?
1326
01:35:46,861 --> 01:35:50,824
They all split this morning. Said they had to
drive to State for some big party.
1327
01:35:50,907 --> 01:35:52,534
That must make you feel pretty special.
1328
01:35:52,617 --> 01:35:54,995
"Special"? Who cares about special?
1329
01:35:55,078 --> 01:35:57,205
All I care about is the sex.
1330
01:35:57,288 --> 01:36:01,334
And, baby, I had plenty. Yeah.
1331
01:36:01,793 --> 01:36:04,629
And just how out of hand
was this sex, Cooze?
1332
01:36:04,712 --> 01:36:07,215
I don't wanna talk about it. Ever.
1333
01:36:09,551 --> 01:36:14,264
Speaking of which,
did you seal the deal with that Brandy chick?
1334
01:36:16,766 --> 01:36:18,059
No.
1335
01:36:18,142 --> 01:36:20,103
I told you. Pay up.
1336
01:36:20,853 --> 01:36:23,648
But I did have sex with Tracy last night.
1337
01:36:27,944 --> 01:36:29,153
What are you talking about?
1338
01:36:29,237 --> 01:36:30,697
Tracy.
1339
01:36:31,030 --> 01:36:33,533
I drove home
in the middle of the night, I ran out of gas,
1340
01:36:33,616 --> 01:36:36,828
stole a horse, rode over to Allison's party...
1341
01:36:36,911 --> 01:36:39,080
- We had sex in the guest room.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
1342
01:36:39,163 --> 01:36:40,873
- You stole a horse?
- Yup.
1343
01:36:40,957 --> 01:36:42,792
A real horse?
Like the kind you ride and shit?
1344
01:36:42,875 --> 01:36:44,293
Yeah, a real horse.
1345
01:36:44,377 --> 01:36:45,670
That's fucking fantastic.
1346
01:36:45,753 --> 01:36:47,588
I didn't think you had the
balls for something like that.
1347
01:36:47,672 --> 01:36:50,174
- Neither did I.
- Where did you find a horse?
1348
01:36:50,258 --> 01:36:52,426
Are there horses in Great Falls?
1349
01:36:54,595 --> 01:36:56,055
Proud of you,
1350
01:36:57,056 --> 01:36:58,266
Stifler.
1351
01:36:59,809 --> 01:37:02,895
Thanks, man. I appreciate it.
But call me Erik.
1352
01:37:11,737 --> 01:37:14,657
So, how do you feel?
- Best night of my entire life.
1353
01:37:14,740 --> 01:37:17,159
See you in a year,
college pussy!
1354
01:37:33,342 --> 01:37:35,094
Mail call, bitches.
1355
01:37:36,679 --> 01:37:37,846
Scooter.
1356
01:37:39,014 --> 01:37:40,224
Scratchy.
1357
01:37:41,308 --> 01:37:42,518
Tripod.
1358
01:37:47,856 --> 01:37:48,941
What the hell?
1359
01:37:49,024 --> 01:37:50,484
What is it, man?
1360
01:37:51,443 --> 01:37:52,903
I don't know.
1361
01:38:04,790 --> 01:38:06,875
Smile for the camera, baby.
1362
01:38:15,259 --> 01:38:17,928
Oh, man. That is fucked up.
1363
01:38:20,847 --> 01:38:22,349
Stifler!
1364
01:38:22,805 --> 01:38:29,171
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