All language subtitles for the.new.york.times.presents.s01e01.web.h264-trump_Subtitles01.ENG

ARIYA: Say, "Smile!"
No, no smile.

‐ So I pressed on the video.
‐ He swiped; hold on.

‐ I'm, uh, ooh,
not using my microphone.

Go on.
‐ Yes.

[soft dramatic music]

♪ ♪

‐ I'll be heading
into my shift.

‐ We're gonna do glasses
for a second

so I can make sure
I'm not blocking the camera.

‐ This is what we need
so we can stay awake

when to go to work, right?

Otherwise we're tired.

‐ Gonna shut everything off
and go to bed.

♪ ♪

‐ A lot of people got sick.
A lot of people
are doing worse.

‐ Trying to calm the knot
in my stomach right now.

‐ All of this is so scary
because it's not even bad yet.

Like, it hasn't...

‐ Thank you so much.
KELLEY: ...started yet.

JESSICA: Oh, no, no,
go‐‐go‐‐go back there.

Can't touch Mommy right now.

It's a really
difficult situation.

I really think that
people need to see
what we're going through.

♪ ♪

SALEENA: Once you see what
we're seeing and what we're
experiencing,

it's hard to not
feel anxious or upset,

because the cost of human life
is too great.

SAMEER: We'll see
how this goes.

♪ ♪

Headed into work.
I'm about to drop Ariya off
at her daycare.

It's basically just children
of physicians right now.

Ariya, say hi.
‐ Hi.

‐ Um,
so we're gonna drop her off.

We're gonna get started
for the day.

REPORTER:
A mysterious new coronavirus

was identified
from Wuhan, China.

REPORTER: The virus
now in 16 other countries.

TRUMP: We think we have it
very well under control.

REPORTER: 50,000 people
in Northern Italy
essentially trapped.

DR. REDFIELD:
The risk at this time is low.

The American public needs to
go on with their normal lives.

REPORTER: Officials here
in New York have been testing

for suspected cases
of coronavirus and they'd
all come back negative

until tonight.

‐ Mic check, mic check.
March 2, 2020.

‐ There is no doubt that there
will be more cases.

‐ We have two new cases
confirmed this morning
in New York City.

REPORTER: New warnings
about the coronavirus outbreak

as it rapidly takes hold here
in the tristate.

REPORTER: For weeks,
doctors and nurses
have been sounding the alarm

that they will be running out
of personal protective
equipment.

REPORTER: The CDC now
advising health care workers

to keep working even
if exposed to the virus

and suggests they reuse
face masks or use scarves
as a last resort.

♪ ♪

KELLEY:
It's Sunday, March 22nd.

We're still not sure if we're
gonna have supplies to last us
to the end of the week.

What can we do?

People are talking
about microwaving their masks.

I'm like, "I don't know
if that's safe. Probably not."

I don't doubt
that there will be people
that will risk their lives

because that's just what a lot
of us instinctively want to do.

We just want to help so badly
that we end up

going into situations where
they are dangerous to us.

It puts us
in such a difficult spot.

It's like, I don't think
that we should be martyrs.

I mean, this
current situation we're in,

if we don't push or fight
for anything,
we're just being set up to die.

I grew up first‐generation.
My parents are from Ecuador.

My mom's a housekeeper.
My dad drives school buses.

I actually was
on the phone last night
with some of my coworkers.

We were on the phone till,
like, two in the morning.

We were all talking about how
we're children of immigrants

and how a lot of this
is affecting our families.

KELLEY: The rates of mortality
are very high.

People that keep getting
infected happen
to be people of color

'cause they happen
to be people that cannot
stay home for work

and also, at baseline,
have a lot more medical
conditions that go untreated.

They don't have insurance.
Like, it's what happens.

Like, of course
our communities
are gonna suffer the most.

Like, what else is new?

I need to protect my coworkers
so that they can protect
their families.

Like, if they're not safe,
their families aren't safe.

SAMEER:
Ariya, what does that say?

ARIYA:
[fusses]

SAMEER: It says, "Not all
superheroes wear capes."

Thank you.
But what did you say?

‐ I said, uh, uh...

[whispers]
My daddy's a doctor.

‐ Ariya, do you know what
kind of doctor Daddy is?

‐ A lung doctor.
‐ A lung doctor. That's right.

‐ Yeah.
And what about Mommy?

‐ [giggles]

‐ Cancer?

‐ Yeah, Mommy's
a cancer doctor.
[chuckles]

SAMEER: I do this because
I think I can help, you know?

I'm not an athlete.
I'm not LeBron James.

I can't entertain people
on TV.

I'm not a politician, um...

You know,
I'm also not a soldier, right?

I can't help our country
by protecting our country,

but what I can offer
is medical care.

That's what I do.

That's what I trained to do,
that's what I learned to do,

and that's what I'm good at.

Thank you.

So this is our PACU that's been
created into a makeshift unit.

We won't show any patients
in this, obviously, for HIPAA.

It's 25 beds.

A computer station
for people to work.

And then I'll make
a tour as we go through.

My family's what I lean on.
They're what keep me grounded.

They're what allow me
to go to work each day.

Into the house.

Here is this one.
She's not allowed to touch me.

‐ Hi.
SAMEER: I'll see you soon?

‐ See you soon.
PRAGATI: Ariya, come here,
baby.

SAMEER: Okay, love you.
‐ Bye.

SAMEER: And then we get
decontaminated in here.

When Pragati and I had Ariya,

the first thing we did
was we got life insurance

for each of us
just in case one of us,

God forbid, wasn't there.

Do you ever get scared that
I'll being coronavirus home?

‐ I'm n‐‐less worried
about you getting coronavirus
specifically

versus now I'm more worried
that we'll both get it.

So I'm worry more so what would
happen to Ariya.

SAMEER:
I've been looking into,

you know,
making a will for myself,

which at, you know, 37,
I never really expected to do.

Ariya, and what does Daddy do
at work?

Does Daddy see people
with coronavirus?

‐ Yeah.
SAMEER: Yeah?

And does Daddy get scared?
‐ Yeah.

SAMEER:
Yeah?

And what Daddy do
when he's scared?

‐ He‐‐he‐‐he‐‐he‐‐he‐‐he, um,

he gets brave.

SAMEER: He gets brave?
‐ Yeah.

[train tracks clacking]

SALEENA: Fear is not
a normal feeling you feel
in the emergency department.

You walk right past fear.

And even in the moments
that are a little bit scary,

we've been trained for them.

I am an epidemiologist.

I spent a year in Kenya
doing public health work

and I did a project in Laos on
vaccine‐preventable diseases.

I worked in a cholera outbreak
in Haiti in the middle of a‐‐

after a hurricane
decimated part of the country.

We had to be evacuated out.

It was a very stressful and
scary and dangerous situation,

and it feels nothing like this

because we could go home.

♪ ♪

I've been poring through
the literature,
reading as much as I can,

and there's nothing out there

for how an emergency
department physician
should handle a COVID patient.

♪ ♪

There's something
about watching people
struggling for air.

Like, "I don't know
what's gonna happen to you."

We are facing something
that we have just
not been prepared for.

And you know what?
Like, I'm a little scared.

♪ ♪

WORKER:
What's mortality look like?

WORKER: I have no idea.

WORKER:
Pick it up, pick it up.
That might be x‐rays.

‐ Running an ABG to determine
if we need to make changes
to our vent settings.

We shall see.

The goal for us is‐‐
to keep us safe‐‐

is to spend as little time
in the room as we can.

So I try to maximize my time
when I'm in there.

These patients are sedated,
often paralyzed.

I certainly can't imagine
what that feels like.

I try to be as calm
and as comforting

and I do try to talk to them.

And one of the questions I
always ask of patients, like,
as soon as I meet them,

is "Where are you from?"

So I still do that
with patients.

Obviously, they don't answer
me right now.

I'm like,
"Oh, I'm from Virginia."

Like, I kind of act like
they are answering me

even though they're not.

♪ ♪

I grew up in a small town.

The whole county had 12,000
people and about 45,000 cows,
to put it into perspective.

♪ ♪

My mom is a nurse and both
of my grandmothers are nurses.

My family has
this small nursing home,

so I kind of, like,
grew up there.

So I've been kind of around the
dying process my whole life,

and I think it's an honor
to be there and to be invited
to be a part of that.

♪ ♪

JESSICA: Okay.

He's still very sick.
He's very critical.

We have him in the
intensive care unit right now.

I actually started
as a volunteer.

I was about 16 years old.

Today, we have 11 patients.

We just got another
new patient.

I mentally feel like
I can't even sit down
in the break room.

I just want to stay next
to my patients.

In previous situations,
we see progress.

With COVID‐19 patients,
we don't see that.

It's, like, this
up and down, up and down,

that we don't have, like,
a clear picture
of how they're going to do.

Hi, Jerry.

‐ [chuckles]

We're so happy
to see you so much better.

‐ Yeah.
‐ From this morning?

From 8:00 in the morning
until now?

Your numbers were 90, 89.
Now‐‐

‐ Go up?
‐ Everything's looking
a little better.

‐ Right.

‐ Your oxygenation
is now up to 94.

You were saying
you were a little hot?

‐ I'm gonna check
your temperature, okay?

‐ Sure, sure.

‐ Under your tongue.

One of the major successes
that we consider

is not putting in the
breathing tube to begin with,

and this is what is happening
with Jerry.

No fever. 97.1.

‐ Preventing intubation
is really what is helping him
at this point.

So we're so happy that
everything that we've been
doing is improving.

‐ And we've been able to keep
that breathing tube away.

‐ Yes.

‐ Everything is working.
‐ That's right.

‐ Together,
we've been a great team.

JESSICA: I have
to think positive for them,
because they need me.

They need me to stay this way
so that they have a better
outcome.

DE BLASIO:
Where the hell
is the federal government?

We don't have masks,
we don't have ventilators.

TRUMP:
We have millions of masks
being donated.

We have a lot of things
happening right now.

DE BLASIO: The national
supply chain is totally
roiled at this point.

TRUMP: We're
a country not based
on nationalizing our business.

CUOMO: We do not yet
have secured a supply
for three weeks from now,

four weeks from now,
five weeks from now,

but we are still shopping.

KELLEY: Watched part of
the governor's daily briefing.

Yeah, we're still screwed.
Um, that's basically
what I learned today.

I have my mask from today.

We've officially started
doing the one mask a week.

There's gonna be germs
on the outside of my mask,

and no matter how often
I wash my hands,

like, by virtue of taking it
off and putting it back on,
and taking it‐‐

like, there will be
some transmission

where that is going to get
on my face somewhere

and it just makes it
that much more risky.

Like, that's just the truth.

[soft dramatic music]

♪ ♪

We have a group
of nurses that wanted
to participate in an action.

We're not walking out.
We're not going on strike.
That's now what this is.

It is just that
we all push together
for the stuff that we need.

Found out two of our nurses
are intubated, so that sucks.

Uh, that's why we need
to do this,

and we just need to all get
on the same page.

and I have to plan something
to say tomorrow to that effect.

PERSON: Yeah, what are we gonna
say?

‐ We need to make
a statement collectively,

asking the powers that be
that have the stuff,
that have the supplies,

BOTH: That have
the capabilities...

‐ Of providing us the stuff

and the supplies
and the resources to act quick.

We want
to get through this whole thing
as safely as possible

and all of us just are out here
asking the government for help.

PERSON: That's awesome.
That's super good.
That's a great statement.

‐ I'm gonna throw up.
[chuckles]

♪ ♪

[mumbling]

‐ [purrs]
‐ Missy, you're too cute
right now.

I am scared,
and you're just chillin'.

I wanna be you.

KELLEY'S HUSBAND:
You should eat something.
Or go to bed.

‐ I'm not hungry.

[takes deep breath]

CUOMO:
New York is in crisis.

The system is over capacity.

REPORTER: Hospitals
are running out of space,

out of equipment,
and even out of personnel.

♪ ♪

[ventilator whooshing]

[ventilator chimes]

‐ There are just seas of people
on breathing tubes

in the emergency department,
like, dozens of them.

‐ I can't imagine what these
patients are experiencing.

The panic
that you must experience
when you cannot take a breath.

SAMEER: Patients in all of
these beds, ventilators, ready.

[ventilator chimes]

SALEENA: They almost kind
of look like drowning victims,

where they need a bunch
of sedation

and sometimes, even,
they need to be paralyzed

so they can stay
on the ventilator safely.

COLE:
It's like I'm in some sort
of weird parallel universe.

[ventilator chimes
melodically]

‐ And then there's the sound
of vents.

You know, they have
a very specific melody.

[ventilator chimes]

‐ It's, like, hissing
as it, like,
blows air into the patient.

[ventilator hissing, whooshing]

♪ ♪

‐ I just need to take,
like, a couple deep breaths

just because I felt like

I was, like, literally
suffocating in those rooms.

♪ ♪

SALEENA:
We were really struggling
with a younger patient

and at one point there were
eight doctors around his bed,
just being like, "What is"‐‐

like, he was clearly, clearly,
very, very, sick
and, like, not getting better,

and we were doing all sorts
of, like,

um, techniques
to improve breathing.

Like, we're flipping people on
their stomachs and...

we're just‐‐
we're‐‐we're trying‐‐

everyone's trying
everything they can do.

♪ ♪

There's a lot of controversy
on, like, types of
medications to use,

and it's, like, really hard
when you have someone
who's young and dying

and you're like,
"Well, I have this set of
papers that say 'don't do it'

and I have this set of papers
that say 'do do it.'"

You don't know if what
you're giving someone

is going to result
in them dying or saving them.

'Cause, like, how can we do our
best when we don't even know
what we're fighting?

[chuckles]

[indistinct voice]

COLE: My patient
is very critically ill.

Um, he's almost died twice.

We've brought him back
both times.

But he's very sick.
He's not doing well.

So he may pass away tonight.

We're obviously doing literally
everything that we can for him.

♪ ♪

After a patient dies,
it's just you.

Everyone quickly
leaves the room.

The lights are on.
It's fully bright.

[ventilator chimes
melodically]

But the monitor's
still beeping,

the ventilator's
still going off,
you're just standing there

in all of your PPE, you know,
you're hot, you're sweating
under all of that.

So the first thing that I do
is I, you know,

kind of just
shut everything off

and just try
to turn the lights down.

I have the opportunity
to make the room
completely silent.

I do talk to them
like they're alive.

I like to tell everybody,
you know,

"Everything's gonna be
all right, everything's okay."

I like to give everybody
a bath, you know,
kind of wrap them.

And then we cover them with
a sheet, turn the lights off,

and we just wait
for the transport service
to come get them

and take them to the morgue.

It has to be done.
It's what we do.

And to do the best job that we can,

knowing that no one
is there to help us.

ORGANIZER: Welcome, everybody.

[horn honks]

[indistinct chatter]

‐ Can you guys hear me?
ALL: Yeah!

‐ Okay!

We're here to show the federal
government that we exist

and yes, we are here
in protest of the fact

that they have the capabilities
and the resources to help us

and they sadly
have chosen not to do so.

If we get sick,
our community gets sick.

And I want us
to take this time right now

to have a moment of silence
for Kious Kelly,

the nurse that passed away
at Mount Sinai

due to COVID earlier this week.

[camera shutters click,
horn honks]

‐ Nurses here
at Jacobi Medical Center
just held a press conference.

They say the hospital is
putting their lives at risk.

‐ The masks are supposed
to be one‐time use.

The ventilators, the PPE,
the IV pumps, we need them now,
we needed them before.

And it's unacceptable.

I didn't expect to talk to that
many news people. [chuckles]

I gotta go to work.

NURSE: I heard them saying
they're gonna dock people
or something.

‐ Yeah, yeah.
I'm going.

And then ever since then,

a bunch of people wanted
to talk to me.

We're being
exposed over and over again,
and it is criminal.

[speaking Spanish]

Sunday night,
I was on "60 Minutes."

BILL WHITAKER:
Do you have enough masks?

‐ No.

WHITAKER: Do you have enough
face shields?

‐ No.

There's times
where I'm definitely, like,

"Should I be saying all
of this?"

[tense music]

I have worked for the largest
public hospital system
in the country.

I fully support
a public health care system.

It's the reason why I'm
at a safety‐net hospital.

A lot of these health care
issues have been here forever,
for years, you know?

ORGANIZER: What do we need?
ALL: PPE!

KELLEY: On Monday night,
I spoke to my dad
for a really long time.

He said, "When you know
something, don't doubt it.

Don't ever doubt doing it."

This feels like
the right thing to do.

Speaking out feels like
the right thing to do.

[soft dramatic music]

♪ ♪

‐ It's 12:30 in the morning.

My mom sent me a care package
a couple days ago,

so I'm super excited
to dig into that
and see what she sent.

Some serious tape for sure.

Some homemade masks.

Essential Girl Scout cookies.

Two rolls of TP.

So thanks for this, Mom.
This is super helpful.

And it looks like there's
a little handwritten card.

This has got Grandma written
all over it and I love it.

"Cole, I have prayed
for angels to pick up
your feet when you are weary,

"for God to hold you
in the hollow of his hand,

"peace when you are walking
through the valley of death.

"I am so very proud of you,
your dedication
and compassion.

Be safe
and know you are loved."

♪ ♪

‐ Hi.
So again, it's Easter Sunday.
‐ Hi.

‐ Thursday‐‐sorry, Saturday,
Sunday‐‐Sunday, right?

Sunday?
‐ Yeah.

‐ Sunday, April 12th.

Ariya's riding her scooter.

Sometimes going fast
since Mommy's at work today.

‐ I can't know if coronavirus
is done or not.

‐ Yeah, I don't know yet,
either.

♪ ♪

I started a little bit late
today in terms of videotaping

because I walked in the door
and it was just
an absolute madhouse.

Dialysis machine,
as we're about
to start dialysis.

More staff, working hard.

There is one patient that came
to us a couple days ago‐‐

we'll call him Mr. T‐‐um,
who is young in his mid‐50s,

slowly been getting worse.

SALEENA: We had a couple
of critical cases

and, you know, the one
that stands out the most to me

was someone who was younger
than myself come in

and he was, you know,
really, really, really sick.

And I called
my respiratory therapist.

And in normal circumstances,

my respiratory therapist
will come down

in, I don't know,
like, five minutes.

SAMEER: Today was a bad day.

Three people died.

Seven new patients
came to our ICU.

SALEENA: I waited
and I waited and I waited.

I just wasn't sure what to do.

SAMEER: But this is unlike
anything I've ever seen
in my career.

Just an endless onslaught
of people

and people
that were just dying.

‐ I just am so sick of watching
people fight for their life.

[unsettled music]

♪ ♪

REPORTER: For doctors
and nurses at crowded ERs,

no rest for the weary.

CUOMO: It's like
the entire hospital

has turned into
an ICU facility.

REPORTER: The staggering
death toll has led

to more burials
on Hart Island.

CUOMO: It's gotten
to the point, frankly,

that we're gonna bring in
additional funeral directors.

to deal with the number
of people who have passed.

♪ ♪

COLE: Normally, whenever
someone passes away,

you always have time to stop
and debrief after it.

Like, that's kind of
part of the process.

But we don't have time
to do that.

You then have to run away
and go to your other patients.

And I don't have time
to spend an hour

preparing a body
like I used to be able to do.

It definitely makes me sad.

It makes me feel like
I'm not caring for the person

just because they're dead.

Um, you know, and that's not
the kind of nurse I am.

[tragic music]

SAMEER: The truth is,
once they get

into the intensive care unit
setting,

there's not much
that can be done.

[device dings]

WORKER: Oh, is that true?
85%?

SAMEER: We have wins,

but when we're looking to pick
out the wins as one patient

among a crowd of 30,

that's 29 losses.

WORKER: Yay!
Someone's going home.

BOTH: Whoo!

SAMEER: The losses far
outnumber the victories.

♪ ♪

Death is everywhere.

Um, and we do our best
to fight it.

We do our best to stave it off.

But we're having
a hard time right now.

[unsettling music]

SALEENA: I have never been
so in doubt

of being a doctor right now

because sometimes you
feel completely helpless.

Like, I felt helpless
last night.

When you feel like
you've lost your function

in your work,

how could you not question
your work?

Your function is to save lives.

Save lives.

SALEENA: And we're checking on
our sign.

[chuckles] He signed it
"COVID‐19 survivor."

ALI VELSHI: New Yorkers across
the city took two minutes

to clap for health workers
and first responders.

CHRIS CUOMO: This happens
in the city every night.

A citywide clap at 7:00 p.m.
eastern.

[cheers and applause]

[cheers and applause continues]

NEW YORKER: What do you think?

NEW YORKER: I think it's great.

[cheers and applause]

It is really awesome.

[laughs]

That's nice.

COLE: Last night,
I was asleep.

That was my alarm clock.
It was at 7:00,

and I heard the horn honking.

Hi, neighbor.
‐ Hey!

COLE: Thank you.
NEIGHBOR: This is for you, man.

COLE: We appreciate it.
Thank you very much.

[horns honk]

SAMEER: This is what
lines the hallway.

Very sweet and very touching.

CHRIS CUOMO: A citywide clap
at 7:00 every night.

I'm gonna play it
for you every damn night.

♪ ♪

‐ I guess that's me.

Do you wanna Facetime your wife
before you get some rest?

JERRY: Mm‐hmm.

JESSICA: Oh! Hi, Luz.

LUZ: Hi!
JESSICA: Hi! It's‐‐

‐ We wanted to update you
on how Jerry was doing.

We just gave him
a little bit of morphine

just to help
with his breathing.

But I wanted to let you know

that his vital signs
are stable.

His oxygenation is 98%.

So everything's looking good.

‐ Aw. Don't worry.

Get some rest now, okay?

JERRY: Hi, sweetie.

‐ Bye.
Bye, Luz.

She's such a sweetheart.
JERRY: Mm‐hmm.

Mm‐hmm.

JESSICA: All right.
Perfect.

All right.
Do you need anything?

JERRY: No, I think I'm good.
‐ No?

Okay.
JERRY: Nothing yet.

‐ All right.
Perfect.

‐ Good news: Mr. T,
the patient I had told you

about previously

was extubated today,

meaning the breathing tube
was taken out.

He's actually breathing
on his own.

He's awake, he's talking,

and seems to be pretty with it,
which is good.

It's nice to see
some good things.

[tense music]

♪ ♪

‐ So unfortunately,
despite our best efforts,

Jerry got intubated.

This is what happens
with COVID‐19

and many of the complications.

Despite our best efforts,

our patients just deteriorate.

♪ ♪

SAMEER: Some bad news first.

Mr. T, the gentleman
that we were so happy about

that had been
extubated last week

was reintubated again
overnight,

meaning the breathing tube
was put back in.

And this is probably
a very bad sign.

I think the truth
of the fact is

that, um, I'm tired.

I can keep doing this,
but I'm tired.

Like, I‐‐I'm‐‐you know,
I'm worn down.

It's been the same thing
over and over again.

♪ ♪

SALEENA: [whispering]
Hi, Josie. Shh.

Josie, no.
No, don't come near me.

Go, go.
Inside. Inside, Josie.

No, not outside.

I think, like, I hit‐‐like,
really hit rock bottom today.

I was so sick of wearing PPE

that I just, like,
ripped my mask off,

and, like, my attending,
who was with me,

she's like,
"Put your mask on."

I'm like,
"I cannot wear this anymore."

I was, like,
completely out of my mind.

Like, I literally took
everything off, you know?

I just snapped.

And then I woke up today
and I laid in bed,

and I was like,
"Oh, my God."

Like, "I‐‐
this does not feel right."

I‐‐I think I'm, like...
[sighs]

I think I'm really
not okay right now.

[sniffles] And‐‐and I've said
it's okay to not be okay

because I've, like,
always known what my core is

and I feel like I've always
been a strong person,

and today was
the first day that...

[sniffles]

♪ ♪

I just don't know that anymore.

And I feel so guilty
for not being stronger.

[sniffles]

JESSICA: All right.
Let's go.

I just got a message from one
of my friends in AID‐ICU

who's taking care of Jerry.

Jerry?

FRIEND: Hi!
JESSICA: Hi!

Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my goodness!

JERRY: Hello!

How're you doing?
JESS: Oh, my gosh!

Jerry just got extubated!

FRIEND: Aww.
‐ You look so good.

Oh, my‐‐I got you pudding.

ALL: [laugh]

JESSICA: You look amazing.

This is a miracle.
This is a miracle.

It takes time to heal.

‐ Yeah?

JESSICA: So far, so good.

JESSICA: Your body has
been through so much.

‐ [exhales forcefully]

[exhales]

[exhales again]
JESSICA: Perfect, Jerry.

JESSICA: I'm gonna always
remember you.

[cheers and applause]

Yay, Jerry!
[laughs]

‐ It's amazing.
JESSICA: Yes, it is.

[cheers and applause]

[siren wails]

KELLEY: Most of my life now
is‐‐is this

and the response to this.

We're trying to figure out
how to reverse this‐‐

or what to do to reverse
this sick‐time policy.

We're in a tough spot now,

from having critiqued
our system.

I worry that if I choose
to leave this job

and look for another one,

I'm not sure how many
facilities will want

someone that has been critical
on national television.

So...

yeah.

That's been...getting harder
and harder to realize.

That really sucks...

'cause I love taking care
of patients.

So...

[voice shaking] Um...yeah.

I have to get on a call.

♪ ♪

COLE: In the past,
if I knew

that a death was imminent,

I would try to be
with the patient

as much as I possibly could.

And now that's just stopped
entirely.

Like, they're,
for the most part,

completely alone
when they die.

I don't think that anyone dies
well when they die alone.

This whole experience
is really,

as frustrating as it can be‐‐

and it doesn't really
necessarily feel rewarding‐‐

I think it makes you realize
how important it is

that you're here
in this moment,

that you're doing
what you're doing,

and I feel like
if I left this job,

then I would, like,
kind of forever regret it.

♪ ♪

SALEENA: Just received some
really hard news

that my mentor
committed suicide,

seemingly as a result of being
super stressed out from COVID.

Gravity of the loss
is so magnified.

You just wonder how many other
people feel...

as bad as she did.

Not knowing when
it's gonna end,

I think,
is adding another layer,

because now
we're sort of like,

"Well, now what?"

So, our numbers went down,
our admissions are going down.

The hospital's emptying,
either through people dying

or people getting off the vent
or people being discharged.

But then the question is,

"Well, what does
the new normal look like?"

And as long as I take care
of COVID patients,

my life will never be normal.

I think now what's happening
is we're bracing ourselves

for the next wave,

and I just don't know life is
gonna look like, honestly.

♪ ♪

SAMEER: Good morning.

I worry a little bit more now
than maybe a few weeks ago

that this image of people
just dying around me

is going to be hard
to get rid of.

I think more and more about
the long‐term consequences

of this.

Um, I also think a lot
about my family these times‐‐

what my wife
and my daughter will do.

When Ariya is grown up,
you know,

my plan is to talk to her

about everything
that we're seeing.

You know, we'll tell her

about the number
of people that died

and we'll talk about how
people were on life support

and how her mommy and daddy
were in the hospital,

taking care of people.

But I hope she does not see me
as a memory.

Because if she sees me
as a memory,

that means I didn't make it
through this.

This is from when
Mommy and Daddy got married.

‐ Can you hold it up higher so
we can see?

‐ Yeah.
‐ That's better.

SAMEER: Yeah, I wanna show you
a picture of Mommy in a mask.

‐ [giggles, smooches]

SAMEER: Here.
Is that Daddy and Ariya?

ARIYA: Yeah.
SAMEER: We try and be
proactive

about printing out
picture books.

‐ Dada, Ariya, Mama.

SAMEER: God forbid, should
I get sick, or, God forbid,

should I die,

I hope she sees
the pictures of me

and knows that I‐‐I loved her.

ARIYA: Daddy.
SAMEER: What are you doing
there?

I‐‐you know,
I don't wanna die.

Um, I don't wanna not make it
through this.

I don't wanna not come home
to my wife and my daughter...

um, because, although
I'm losing all my hair,

I'm still young.

And I think there's
a lot of life left in me.

I think there's a lot
of things that I can do,

but really, I wanna be
there for my family.

I wanna be able
to provide for my family,

to care for my family...

and keep‐‐keep moving forward.

So I‐‐you know,
I'm not ready to die.

I'm not going to die.

I...I'm not planning to die.

Um...sorry.

[exhales heavily]