Original subtitles

(dramatic music)

(screaming)

(dramatic music)

- Thank God you took off that shirt.

- I like that shirt.

- I can't believe you wear it in public.

- Whatever.

- You think he'll go right to sleep?

- Don't know.

Whenever my parents took me on a trip, I couldn't sleep.

Something about not being in my own bed.

- Maybe I should stay with him till he goes to sleep.

- He'll be fine.

You and I are gonna relax, watch a great movie.

- We're not watching Aliens again.

- Chill, okay, I have other movies.

- Thank God.

- Still the greatest movie of all time.

Just admit it.

- It's okay, but it gets old on like the tenth viewing.

- But fucking Twilight doesn't?

The worst written, worst directed movie since Plan 9,

but you can watch that like a hundred times.

- Are we relaxing yet, or...

- Okay, so here's what I got.

Oh, you're fucking kidding me.

It'll probably come back on soon.

- I'm gonna go check on him.

Can you see if you can get some like candles or something?

- Yeah, I know there's one in the bathroom,

and I'll see if I can find some more.

- Ah, Jesus, another one.

I mean, how many do they have?

- I don't know.

- It's creepy.

I mean, who the hell collects life sized dolls.

- Whoever owns this house, huh.

- He couldn't mention that to you

before you rented the house?

- Probably slipped his mind.

Like, if you entered our house,

you'd tell everybody about your bubble fairy collection.

(laughing)

Here, I can find the candles without it.

Go look in on Davey.

- Fine.

(ominous music)

(ominous music)

- I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing.

- What?

- They seem awfully prepared for power outages.

I'm gonna take a couple of these upstairs

in case Davey needs to get up to pee.

(liquid pouring)

(ominous music)

What happened to your beer?

- You can have it if you want, I just needed wine.

What did you do that for?

- It felt right.

- So...

What do you wanna do to pass the time?

- We could have sex.

- What's in it for me?

- Ouch.

I can tell ya some scary stories.

- What, like ghost stories?

- More like urban legends.

It's about this area.

- What do you mean?

- This house, it's in the Terrortory.

- The Terrortory?

- That's what they call it.

It's a stretch of land in Maryland,

I don't know, like 10 square miles or so.

They say strange things happen there.

Here.

- You're joking.

- Am I?

I'm gonna tell you one story.

It's gonna scare your panties off.

- You wish.

(ominous music)

(phone ringing)

- Hello.

Hey buddy.

Yeah, I just got here.

It's beautiful.

Yeah, well in a couple years you'll be old enough

for me to bring you out here.

Uh huh.

I'll get you a big one.

Tell Mommy we're having venison for dinner tonight, okay?

Venison.

Okay.

Well, just tell her Daddy guarantees it.

Uh huh.

All right, thanks buddy.

I'll call you when I get 'em.

I love you too.

(dramatic music)

Hello.

Are you okay?

Are you hurt, do you need me to call somebody for you?

Do you understand English?

- Did you bring me meat?

- You're hungry?

- Did you bring me meat?

- 9-1-1, do you need fire, ambulance or police?

- Police.

- Thank you.

What's your emergency?

- I'm in the woods, there's a woman out here,

she seems disoriented.

She's not wearin' much.

- Can you tell me where you are?

- I'm in the woods.

There's dirt road off of route one,

about a half a mile past mile marker 43.

Yeah, just tell 'em to go straight back there

and I'll bring her out to my truck,

we'll wait for the police there.

- Okay, I'm dispatching a car now.

Can I get your name?

- Marshall Trayger.

- Let me ask you, does she have any visible injuries?

- Not that I can see.

- Has she told you her name?

- No.

- Okay, one last question.

Did you bring her meat?

- What?

- Did you bring me meat?

(ominous music)

(gasping)

(dramatic music)

- It's not real.

What the hell is happening?

(lively suspenseful music)

(groaning)

(ominous music)

(grunting)

(ominous music)

(grunting)

(groaning)

(dramatic music)

(grunting)

(groaning)

(screaming)

(ominous music)

- Did you bring me meat?

- What the hell are you?

- Feed me.

(gun firing)

(lively suspenseful music)

(engine accelerating)

- Hey buddy.

My God I missed you.

- Did you bring me meat?

- What?

- Did you bring me meat?

- Did you bring me meat?

(screaming)

- That's bullshit, it didn't happen.

No, it's not, you can look it up on the internet.

- Oh, well, if it's on the internet...

(laughing)

So, what's that?

- Don't know.

It's a security light, motion sensor.

- How did it come on when there's no electricity?

- It's solar power, it recharges during the day.

- Okay, so then why did it go off?

- I'm gonna go upstairs, look out the kitchen window,

see if I can see anything.

- Maybe it's just broken.

- I'll be right back.

(ominous music)

I don't see anything.

- Don't wake Davey.

- It keeps going on and off.

- Just come back down.

(ominous music)

- I don't know.

It could be the wind.

A cat.

Or it's broke.

Come on, I'll tell ya another story.

I'll make it a good one this time, I promise.

- First get rid of that doll.

- What?

- It's freaking me out.

- Better?

- Much.

- All right.

Now get ready for something really freaky.

- Hey, what are we doing out here?

- There's a clearing I want to show you.

- You've been acting kind of strange lately.

- What do you mean?

- I mean, why are you taking me out here?

- God, you're so paranoid.

- You know the reason why I came out here, right?

- I guess.

I know.

(music drowns out dialogue)

Oh God.

I mean.

Okay.

It's Uncle Pat.

I'm here for you.

- It's been really tough on me lately.

- I'm so sick of seeing other girls

hurting you all the time.

- I know.

You've always been there for me.

- Yes, of course.

- Hey, where you goin'?

- What?

- What if somebody sees us?

Did you hear that?

- Don't be so paranoid.

(ominous music)

(screaming)

Oh my God!

- God damn it, what the fuck?

Lexi, what the hell is that?

You all go cross eyed, with your throat slit?

Not believable!

Totally not believable.

- Yeah, and two people fucking in the woods

out here in the open is totally believable.

- Nowhere in the script,

does it say that Lexi goes full retard

with her throat slit.

No one's buying that.

You serious?

- All right, that's it.

I'm out of here.

I'll be in my luxurious room.

I mean, my tent.

- So, uh, about that sex scene.

I think it needs another girl.

- Steady, Hollywood, we have other shots

to take care of and all that,

so we're gonna have to push yours to tomorrow,

so just, you know, you'll be fine.

- So what you're saying is

the girls are out of the question?

- Yeah, I think.

- Oh, wonderful.

Another night in the fucking tent.

- Fucking prima donnas.

Where's Ian?

Ian!

- Hey buddy, yeah, what's up?

- Easy, easy.

What don't you just do me a favor

and help me pack the rest of this stuff up.

- Okay.

- And we got an hour and a half about, tops.

- Hey man, yeah dude, no problem.

- Hey baby, the effects makeup was great.

- Thanks.

- Motherfucker.

I don't get paid enough for this shit, I want a raise.

That's some fucking...

- So, uh, what do you wanna do?

(ominous music)

- After you.

(ominous music)

- Whoa.

- What?

This is what you wanted, right?

- Yeah, but, you know, I'm excited.

- Good.

(ominous music)

(moaning)

(ominous music)

- Oh God.

Hello guys.

They're dead, they're fucking dead!

- Who, who is dead?

- Lexi, and I think they got Mike.

- And you're sure this isn't some sort...

- Fuck, man, no, fuck, I saw it all.

I saw everything.

- All right, all right.

Cindy, stay right here with Ian,

I'm gonna go get Eric from the effects tent, all right?

Be right here, I'll be right back.

Son of a bunch.

Yo E.

- What?

- Yo, let me holler at you for a second.

- What do you want?

- Yo, Ian said some shit went down at the tent.

Come check it out with me.

Now, let's go.

Something crazy's going on.

- Hey man, are you sure about this?

I mean, we're probably being tricked, playing a joke.

- I know when Ian is lying.

He was genuinely scared.

Oh fuck, Adam was right, dude.

- No, no way.

- What the fuck am I lookin' at?

What the fuck are you lookin' at?

- Yeah, if we're in the woods

making a damn horror flick, Russ.

I'm telling you, it's a joke.

(screaming)

- What the fuck?

That's Cindy, man.

Come on.

Shit.

He Dead?

- He's just knocked out, he's alive.

- So what the fuck do we do now?

- Come on, let's get to my tent.

- Oh, just be cool, man, I'll be right back.

I'll be right back, I promise.

- Come on, man.

- Whoa, hey man, we can't just bounce.

Leave it everybody.

What are you doin'?

- We're not.

- Where the hell did you get that?

- 9 millimeters's fake,

this is the one I casted for your movie.

This, this is real.

This is the one I'm holding to make fate catch.

(dramatic music)

- Hey, hey, she's right here.

Come on.

Eric, get the hatchet.

(dramatic music)

- Behind you!

(ominous music)

(groaning)

(sobbing)

- We gotta get you to the hospital.

Calm down.

Eric.

Eric!

Come on, let's get the fuck up out of here now.

Let's go!

Come, we gotta get the fuck up out of here now, man.

Let's go, let's go.

Come on.

You're good, you're good, you're gonna be fine.

Eric, we goin' in the right direction?

- I'm positive.

- Are you sure?

- It's right over here.

(screaming)

(ominous music)

- Cindy, Cindy, Cindy.

(screaming)

- No!

I'm fucking gonna die out here.

- Fuck.

- Get behind me, just get behind me Cindy.

Get behind me.

Just stay where you are.

Stay where you are, you're fine.

Fuck sakes.

(suspenseful music)

- Russel.

What's happening, Russel?

(suspenseful music)

- Damn, I made it.

A brother never makes it.

(ominous music)

Ah shit.

- Russel.

(laughing)

You came back.

You actually came back.

(sobbing)

(screaming)

- What?

- So, seriously, none of these are gonna have happy endings?

- I'm hoping our story is, baby, know what I mean?

- God.

- I'm hoping for at least a hand job after this.

Although, obviously, a BJ is much preferred.

And a happy ending, is me cumming.

- I get it.

- I'm gonna get a beer, you want anything?

- No.

- Okay.

- Hey Tray.

- Yeah?

- You shut that, didn't you?

- Yeah.

(dramatic music)

I thought I did.

It's an old door, that's probably why they have this stick.

C'mere.

- I don't like that.

- It's fine, don't freak out.

I'm gonna go get another beer, check on the kid.

- Fuck that, you're not leaving me alone down here.

(door creaking)

- All right.

- No more scary stories, huh.

- What?

Come on, this is perfect.

Now we really got the mood.

- Well, just so you know, your chances of happy ending

are plummeting.

- Ouch!

Maybe this will help.

Come on, I was gonna save it for later,

but, no time like manana.

- Manana means tomorrow.

- I know, but I don't know what the word for immediately is,

so, what do you say?

- Fine.

All right, go.

(ominous music)

- Beautiful.

- My ass.

- Yeah, that too.

(laughing)

But I meant the woods.

- Make camp here?

- Ah, no, a little further.

(ominous music)

- I've got warm clothes, a lighter, bug spray.

What am I forgetting?

- Condoms.

Like ten packs.

- Don't be crude, our kids might see this someday.

- Not if Smiling Jack gets us first.

- That's not funny.

(laughing)

- Oh stop, I'll protect you.

Come on, it's urban legend, it's bullshit.

- So you're not at all worried

that we'll be out there alone,

miles from civilization?

- I'm not ten, babe.

I don't believe in the boogie man.

(ominous music)

(clears throat)

(laughing)

- Oh, thanks.

- Hey.

(ominous music)

- This look good?

- Good as any.

Want me to set up a tent

or shall we make love in the open like Adam and Eve?

- Put up the tent.

I get one mosquito bite,

these clothes go back on permanently.

(ominous music)

- That wasn't that hard.

Hey, thanks.

I worked up a sweat.

- So what are we gonna do now?

- Ah, don't say it like that.

Are you missing Facebook already?

- No.

- You updated your status when I was

setting up the tent, didn't you?

- No!

Yes.

(laughing)

- You're gorgeous, but you're a terrible liar.

See him?

- Yeah, he's real.

- I know, he's been following us for a mile.

Keep alert.

I'm not ten, babe.

I don't believe in the boogie man.

- How's that, like that?

- It was good, it's real good.

But remember when we're out there, you gotta stay focused.

You can not break character.

We have to draw him out.

- I heard you.

- I mean, he's probably seen a ton of people out there.

So he's gonna sense that we're not like legit campers.

- Okay David.

- We just catch this fucking guy.

Citizens arrest and bam, we're instant celebrities.

Be like catching Bigfoot or the chupacabra.

- Are you sure citizens arrest is even a real thing?

- Yes.

Did you dump the beer out and you put water in?

- Yes.

- Good.

Yeah, we gotta look like we're partying,

but we gotta stay sober.

- How dangerous is this though, really?

- It's probably just some old man

that gets his kicks off scaring kids.

- And what about the kids who disappeared?

- Nobody really disappeared.

Besides, I got this from my brother.

We're gonna be famous.

You ready?

(camera shutter clicking)

Ah nice.

Reception's for shit out here.

- You don't have anybody to call.

At least not for a little while.

(ominous music)

- You nervous?

- Yeah.

- Don't be.

Come on, we'll be fine.

Look, even if we don't find 'im,

it'll still be a special weekend.

I promise.

But if we do find 'im, lots of photos and video.

Or we get him.

- What happens if you point the gun at him

and he refuses to come?

- If I point the gun at him, he's gonna rip his mask off,

then he's gonna start screaming, stop, please,

come on, it was all a big joke.

Then, you know, you slap the cuffs on him

and hello book deal.

- I hope so.

- Positive thoughts, babe.

Positive thoughts.

Oh, you charged the camera's batteries, right?

(laughing)

(moaning)

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's it, baby.

(screaming)

(gun firing)

- You aren't supposed to shoot him!

- I didn't mean to.

He scared the shit out of me.

Wait, I don't think I hit him.

Keep going.

- David!

Wait!

(ominous music)

(birds squawking)

(ominous music)

(grunting)

David.

(grunting)

(coughing)

(dramatic music)

- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

- What?

- So he's just holding a ring out to the guy

who just stabbed him?

- Yeah.

- What, so he's like proposing to the pumpkin guy?

- No, he's holding the ring out like, dude,

I got so much to live for,

I'm about to propose to my girl.

Like he's trying to get some sympathy.

- That doesn't make any sense.

- Dude's dying, he's lost tons of blood.

- Okay.

- I hope you make perfect sense when you're dying.

- Oh, I will.

(birds squawking)

(ominous music)

(suspenseful music)

(lively suspenseful music)

(gun firing)

(suspenseful music)

(birds squawking)

- So, really, none of these are gonna end on a good note?

- You're just gonna have to wait and see.

- Ugh, Davey's up.

Can you make sure he's okay?

- Hold on, let's not baby him.

- He's in a strange house with no lights.

- Just wait, he's got glow sticks.

- Go check on him.

- See, he's fine.

(ominous music)

- So how long till we get to the waterfall?

- Half hour, 45 minutes.

- Yeah, if you guys don't keep up the pace,

it's gonna be more like an hour and a half.

- Whatever, we'll run circles around you.

- Yeah right.

That's why I brought Eric here,

to carry all my light work.

- Nah, I gotta save my strength for the cliff.

Besides, this one right here...

She looks like she might be able to hurt me.

- If you're lucky, she just might.

- Girl.

- You get it, son.

(gentle dramatic music)

- Hello there.

- How's it goin'?

- Can't complain.

Nice day for a hike.

- Do you know how far to the waterfall?

- Maybe a half an hour.

- You said half an hour like 20 minutes ago.

- I'm sorry.

- It might be less.

You probably hike faster than I do.

Did you put your bug spray on?

- Bug spray?

- Yeah, this is prime time tick season out here.

You get bit by a tick and you get the lime disease,

that's bad news.

- Yeah, we got bug spray.

- Good.

Put a lot on.

And watch out for the brown recluse spiders too.

Try and stay away from the logs.

- The logs?

- Yeah, that's where the snakes live.

- Oh.

- Yeah, okay, we gotta go.

- Hey, it's not funny.

You get hit by a venomous snake out here,

you're not making it back to the hospital in time.

- Okay, well, thanks mister.

Thank you very much, we really gotta get going though.

- Yeah, have a good day.

(gentle dramatic music)

- Fuckin' young people.

- That guy was so fucking weird.

- Worried?

I mean, if you're gonna be afraid of everything,

stay of the fucking woods.

I don't get it.

- Hold on, stop.

You hear that?

(ominous music)

There's a fucking drone following us.

- What the fuck?

That's awesome.

- Who's flying it?

Do you guys see anybody?

- No, they could be anywhere.

- Do you think it was that old man?

(laughing)

- No.

I don't even think that old man knows what a drone is.

God that thing's pissing me off.

It's startin' to get annoying.

It's got a camera on it.

- They can see us?

- Yeah, somebody's watching us.

Hey asshole.

- Oh cute.

Let's give 'em a shout.

(groaning)

- Are you all right?

- What was that?

- Chris, Kelly!

Come back!

(ominous music)

(sobbing)

- What the fuck happened?

- Fucking drone shot something.

Are you okay?

What the fuck?

- Was it a dart?

(groaning)

(gagging)

(dramatic music)

- What the fuck do you want?

Fuck this thing, man.

What the fuck is this thing?

- Guys, she's really messed up,

we need to get her to the hospital.

Did you get her?

- Get her up.

- I got her.

- All right, you got her?

(dramatic music)

- What the fuck is going on?

- Fuck.

Run!

(lively suspenseful music)

(groaning)

(choking)

(ominous music)

Shit.

Shit.

(yelling)

(suspenseful music)

(lively electronic music)

(whimpering)

- Chris.

Oh shit.

You okay?

- Come on, come on, come.

See if that building's unlocked.

What the fuck do you want?

- Chris!

(beeping)

(rapid beeping)

- Stop!

(rapid beeping)

(explosion rumbling)

- Chris!

(sobbing)

(ominous music)

Help!

Hello!

Is anyone here?

Hello!

(dramatic music)

(ominous music)

Got you, motherfucker!

(screaming)

(laughing)

- What?

- Ugh, nothing.

I don't know.

This is ridiculous.

Why didn't we go to the beach?

- I don't know.

(laughing)

- Let's just watch Netflix on the iPad or something.

- We can't.

No internet, no signal, we don't even have 4G.

I got one more story.

- Ugh, fine.

One more.

Stop it.

God, every time.

- Yeah, buddy.

Behind the scenes on the Woodsman Choppeth.

Herr director Joseph.

- Writer and director.

- Of course.

And Darla over here.

Yeah, and Tammy and Laura.

Got the actresses.

And got Walter over here.

He does a bunch of stuff.

- Actually, I'm director of...

- Okay, just got here.

- Come on, man.

Not till we get on the trail.

- Here we are.

Walking into the legendary Terrortory.

Have to shoot some classic, found footage horror.

- What?

We're not shooting found footage.

- Yeah we are.

- You don't bring a goddamn DOP out

to shoot a found footage movie.

- What's a DOP?

- Director of photography.

- DP of director of photography.

- I think DP means double penetration.

Am I right Tammy?

- Shut up, Alan.

- So Walter, what have you been DOP of lately?

- A lot of stuff.

Just check IMDB, okay.

- I would if I had internet.

Hey guys, wait, stop.

Are those balloons?

- So what?

There's some balloons.

- How did they get back here?

- I don't know.

They floated or somebody lost 'em.

- They look tied to the branch.

- Stop dickin' around.

We need to get to the site before it gets dark

or we're fucked.

- So Darla, tell me about your character.

- I play Anita, she's this rebellious chick

and she really likes Donny,

but Donny likes Sharon...

- You do a topless scene right?

- Jesus, Alan, they're just tits.

Here.

Now can we talk about the story?

- I love you.

- Did you look in all the bags?

- Yes!

- How did you not bring the fuckin' tents?

They're in the goddamn script.

- Don't blame me, I'm not the props person.

- Prop master.

And better question is, where we gonna sleep tonight?

- Why the fuck are you filmin' this?

- Adversity.

People wanna see you suffer for your art.

- Fuck the people.

- Well, that'll get ya some fans.

- We got sleeping bags, right?

- Yes.

- All right, let's build a fire

and put the bags around it.

I'll rewrite the scenes.

- Why don't we just send somebody back to get them?

'Cause it's gonna get cold as shit out here.

- No time.

We gonna start filming at sunrise.

We're gonna lose light fast.

Hey, keep it small.

Don't wanna burn down the forest while we're still in it.

Stop wasting tape, Walter.

You're not using a tripod.

- I'm not shooting a bunch of spastic, shaky cam footage,

just because...

- They're filming their own shit anyway.

- On what?

We only have two cameras and...

- Yeah, two camcorders, and the actors have their iPhones.

- What?

How am I supposed to edit that?

There's mixed formats, different pixel aspect ratios.

- Ain't you got CC Suite?

That can do all that shit.

- I use Final Cut Pro.

- Bro, that shit is done.

- We're supposed to have go pros.

- Go pros?

You should've just told me

that you wanted it to look like shit.

- No, no, no no, fuck no!

If you're gonna pretend your phone's a camera,

at least hold it the right fuckin' way.

(fire crackling)

- Okay, everybody's sleeping.

We gotta get up early tomorrow.

Hopefully this fire doesn't go out

or be cold as shit.

- Alan, shut the fuck up and go to sleep.

(dramatic music)

- Hey.

Guys.

- Shut up.

- Did you hear that?

- All I hear is you, dip shit.

- I'm serious, get the fuck up.

What the fuck, Walter?

- What?

- Why are you recording us while we're sleeping?

- I'm not.

What the...

- You didn't do that?

- No.

Somebody walked around us

and taped us while we were sleeping.

- What do you mean someone?

- Look.

- All right, Joe, who'd you get to follow us?

- Hey, it's Joseph, and I wouldn't do anything like that.

- Bullshit, this is just like you.

- Look, I didn't bring anybody out here.

- You swear?

- I hate improv.

What the fuck would I wanna go off book?

- Whoa, what the fuck?

- What?

- There was someone behind Laura.

- What?

- Alan, you're not messin' with us, you swear?

- I'm not, just give me the other camera, I'll show you.

- Is that a clown?

- Yeah, that's what I thought.

- Okay, that's really creepy.

- Okay, no shit, straight up.

Did you get someone to follow us?

- No.

- The Midnight Clown.

- The what?

- I wanna go home.

I wanna go home now.

- What the hell is a Midnight Clown?

- It's an urban legend.

- I've heard of it.

- He only let's one live.

- What's that supposed to mean?

- He's a clown, he comes out after midnight,

he kills campers, he leaves one alive.

- And you didn't think to mention that

when you suggested this fuckin' location?

- There's a million stories about the Terrortory,

should I have mentioned the Crybaby Bridge

or a Smiling Jack,

or Rape Claws, I mean...

- What claws?

- I mean it's like going to Scotland

and warning people about the loch ness monster.

It's fake.

- We just saw it!

- Someone's fucking with us, all right.

He'd left as soon as I saw.

- Well, whatever it is, there's a grown ass man

dressed as a clown following kids around the woods at night.

- He's here.

(sobbing)

- I don't know who the fuck you think you are,

but you better get the fuck out of here.

- What the hell?

I think he wants you to keep filming.

- Fuck him.

I'm not gonna make him famous.

(groaning)

- Oh my God!

(screaming)

- Oh my fucking God.

- Fuck man.

- What?

- This guy's not fuckin' around.

Get your cameras out or I'll fuckin' kill you.

- Maybe he won't come back.

- You wanna bet your life on that?

Get your camera out.

- This one's busted.

- Fuck it, man, use your phone.

- Not enough battery life.

Wait, okay, okay, I got it, I got it.

Okay.

- Does anyone have any bars?

You know, to call somebody.

- We have to get to the car.

We have to leave.

- We'd never find it in the dark.

In the morning we...

- We'll all be dead.

- Not all of us.

- Oh quit with the whole only one lives bullshit.

(screaming)

- Darla!

(screaming)

Darla!

(sobbing)

We should run, we should go the other way.

- No, we'll just get lost.

- He's killing us one at a time.

- Fuck it, man.

I say let's go for it.

- Oh man.

- Well?

You ready?

- Ah man, I don't know.

- Oh shit.

- No.

Please, please go away.

- What the fuck?

(screaming)

- Oh my God.

Shit.

Oh my fucking God.

Fuck this.

- No, don't!

- We have to run.

- The clown's out there.

- He went that way.

- It doesn't matter.

- No, this is not how I'm goin' out.

A fuckin' clown?

No, no, no fucking way.

Shit.

No!

I'm still rollin'.

I'm still recording.

- What are we gonna do?

- Just wait.

I'll talk to him.

Laura.

Just listen, listen for a minute.

Since you don't have to do this...

You can let both of us go.

You want your story to be told, right?

That's what you want, right?

Imagine all the people coming out to see you.

Imagine how many more...

If you let both of us go...

Please, just this once.

(sobbing)

- What?

- Where did you hear all these stories?

- Mikey told me most of 'em.

- Mikey's an idiot.

- Hmmm...

I'm gonna get another beer, you want one?

- Sure.

And uh...

Then what do you wanna do?

- Oh, I'm sure we'll figure something out.

- I can't believe people used to live like this.

- Like what?

- No TV, no internet.

It's barbaric.

- You are really baked, aren't you?

(laughing)

(dramatic music)

(ominous music)

- Tray.

Tray?

Tray.

Tray?

If you're messing with me...

(ominous music)

Hey buddy.

Davey.

(ominous music)

(ominous music)

- No, no!

Don't open it!

He's out here!

- Where's Davey?

(ominous music) What?

Tray!

(whimpering)

(dramatic music)

(suspenseful music)

(ominous music)

Where's my son?

Where is he?

What did you do to my son?

- Gotz.

- What?

- Gotz.

(grunting)

(grunting)

What did you do to my son?

(ominous music)

(screaming)

- Hey, let's go.

Hey.

What, you fall asleep?

- Yeah, yeah.

- Come on, car's packed, Davey's ready to go.

What's the matter?

- Let me see your wallet.

- Why?

- Just give it to me.

- I got plenty of cash for the trip.

(ominous music)

I was gonna surprise you.

Come on, I'm lookin' forward

to gettin' away from civilization.

Just me, you, Davey, out in the wilderness

like Daniel Boone.

- No.

- No?

- Change of plans.

- What do you mean?

- We're goin' to the beach.

- I really wanna go camping.

- Did you really want a blow job?

- Davey, come get your bathing suit,

we're going to the beach.