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1
00:00:10,176 --> 00:00:12,554
[rocket engine whooshing]
2
00:00:16,433 --> 00:00:18,435
[suspenseful music playing]
3
00:00:19,561 --> 00:00:20,561
Do you see it?
4
00:00:20,603 --> 00:00:21,438
[Chan] No.
5
00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:24,774
No mention of rats, mice, rodents,
6
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:26,943
rodent blood pressure tests?
7
00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:28,027
None.
8
00:00:28,903 --> 00:00:29,903
Wait.
9
00:00:29,946 --> 00:00:31,948
Oh, that says "House appropriations."
10
00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:33,992
So close to "mouse appropriations."
11
00:00:34,075 --> 00:00:36,119
This is an affront.
12
00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:53,469
Is he in?
13
00:00:53,511 --> 00:00:54,596
Yes. Yes, he is.
14
00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:58,808
What is this regarding?
15
00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:02,729
I am testifying with General Naird today
16
00:01:02,812 --> 00:01:04,898
at the budget hearing in Washington,
17
00:01:04,981 --> 00:01:08,777
and I would like to know
why my science budget
18
00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:11,112
pales in comparison
19
00:01:11,196 --> 00:01:16,701
to the riches devoted
to turning space into an orgy of death.
20
00:01:19,162 --> 00:01:20,162
ID?
21
00:01:20,997 --> 00:01:23,625
I left my ID at the lab.
22
00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:26,086
No one gets in without ID.
23
00:01:26,169 --> 00:01:31,549
Brad, will you tell this
prepubescent killing machine who I am?
24
00:01:31,883 --> 00:01:34,260
Uh, Duncan, this is Dr. Adrian Mallory.
25
00:01:35,261 --> 00:01:37,931
Well, I could confirm that
if he presented some ID.
26
00:01:38,348 --> 00:01:41,434
I entered the building without ID.
27
00:01:43,144 --> 00:01:44,145
Oh, wow.
28
00:01:44,604 --> 00:01:45,980
They should not have allowed that.
29
00:01:46,815 --> 00:01:47,815
[safety clicks]
30
00:01:53,696 --> 00:01:55,698
[stomping]
31
00:01:57,784 --> 00:02:01,412
[Mallory yelling] The village idiot
is hiding in Naird's office!
32
00:02:04,999 --> 00:02:05,999
Anything?
33
00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:08,586
The project where I grow fur on plants
is gone.
34
00:02:09,045 --> 00:02:10,839
Well, that one was weird.
35
00:02:12,924 --> 00:02:13,925
You're weird.
36
00:02:26,187 --> 00:02:27,187
[Mallory pops mouth]
37
00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:34,821
Thank you. Doctor... Mallory.
38
00:02:35,613 --> 00:02:36,613
You knew that.
39
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:39,826
- Sorry, uh, he's in a meeting now.
- What meeting?
40
00:02:39,909 --> 00:02:41,786
Last-minute media prep with Fuck Tony.
41
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:45,915
Fuck Tony says it's the most important
single hour of the general's life.
42
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:46,999
Ugh.
43
00:02:47,041 --> 00:02:49,627
General Naird, you disgust me.
You're disgusting.
44
00:02:49,711 --> 00:02:50,711
Nobody's gonna say that.
45
00:02:50,753 --> 00:02:53,214
This is a congressional budget hearing,
not a roast.
46
00:02:53,298 --> 00:02:54,978
Yeah, well, as your head media consultant,
47
00:02:55,049 --> 00:02:57,609
I wouldn't be doing my job
if I didn't prepare you for the worst.
48
00:02:57,635 --> 00:03:00,180
General Naird, you steaming pile of vomit!
49
00:03:00,263 --> 00:03:01,556
I hope you die!
50
00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:02,557
Okay, stop.
51
00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:06,060
Space Force is a bright, shiny new object
52
00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:08,247
that is asking for
the least amount of money
53
00:03:08,271 --> 00:03:09,351
of any of the armed forces.
54
00:03:09,397 --> 00:03:10,690
We haven't started any wars.
55
00:03:10,773 --> 00:03:12,525
We haven't had a My Lai yet.
56
00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:14,736
They're gonna embrace us with open arms.
57
00:03:15,403 --> 00:03:17,405
General Naird,
I did not say you could step down!
58
00:03:17,488 --> 00:03:21,242
Stop! I'll be back at 2100 hours.
Hold down the fort.
59
00:03:21,326 --> 00:03:23,995
Does all your authority on base
transfer to me while you're gone?
60
00:03:24,078 --> 00:03:25,914
All my responsibility. Half my authority.
61
00:03:25,997 --> 00:03:28,625
Oh. Is it okay if I still call you
in case anything...
62
00:03:28,708 --> 00:03:31,044
Brad, come on, dude. You're a general.
63
00:03:31,127 --> 00:03:32,545
- Come...
- [Brad] Okay.
64
00:03:33,087 --> 00:03:34,589
See you on the flip, mustache.
65
00:03:34,672 --> 00:03:37,050
Hey, candies are for my visitors.
66
00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:38,384
Oh, I'm sorry.
67
00:03:38,468 --> 00:03:40,929
Do you also own a van, you fucking creep?
68
00:03:41,846 --> 00:03:45,016
Yes, I do. And when my snoring
wakes my wife, I sleep in it.
69
00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:50,897
Where is my
rat blood pressure research funding?
70
00:03:50,980 --> 00:03:52,065
Do you hear yourself?
71
00:03:52,148 --> 00:03:54,609
And why are all my pages redacted?
72
00:03:54,692 --> 00:03:59,072
What, you don't think I could have
any valid thoughts about expenditures?
73
00:03:59,155 --> 00:04:01,741
Perhaps, but as a scientist,
you have a loyalty to reason.
74
00:04:01,824 --> 00:04:03,144
Makes you a little untrustworthy.
75
00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:04,327
Scientists are weird.
76
00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:06,472
It's why you're the only Muppet
that speaks nonsense.
77
00:04:06,496 --> 00:04:07,789
Even Animal uses words.
78
00:04:07,872 --> 00:04:08,915
Adrian, here's the deal.
79
00:04:09,332 --> 00:04:11,560
We are testifying
for the House Armed Services Committee.
80
00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:13,670
They are not going to give us
a billion dollars
81
00:04:13,753 --> 00:04:17,423
if we tell them we're going to use it
to give rats stomachaches.
82
00:04:23,846 --> 00:04:25,223
Sir, ready to go to the tarmac?
83
00:04:25,723 --> 00:04:26,963
Oh, good, you didn't leave yet.
84
00:04:27,016 --> 00:04:29,018
Hey, bug! What are you doing?
85
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:31,104
Ditching first period just to see me off?
86
00:04:31,187 --> 00:04:33,481
No. Got suspended.
Gave a teacher the finger.
87
00:04:33,564 --> 00:04:34,564
[Tony] Nice!
88
00:04:34,607 --> 00:04:36,734
You know, one time,
my history teacher gave me a "C,"
89
00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:38,611
so I planted drugs in his desk.
90
00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:41,489
And now,
he lives under a bridge like a troll.
91
00:04:41,572 --> 00:04:43,241
What do you mean, you got suspended?
92
00:04:43,324 --> 00:04:46,035
Yeah. My day's wide open,
so I can go to DC with you.
93
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:48,705
You know, since you're responsible
for moving us to this hellhole
94
00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:49,622
and ruining my life.
95
00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:52,208
I mean, the least you could do
is let me see my old friends
96
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:55,420
and shop at stores that don't, like,
exclusively sell Wrangler jeans.
97
00:04:55,503 --> 00:04:56,337
[inhales sharply]
98
00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:57,338
- Captain Ali?
- Yes, sir?
99
00:04:57,422 --> 00:05:00,675
Change of plans. I would like you
to keep an eye on my daughter today.
100
00:05:00,758 --> 00:05:03,803
Yes, sir. That is something
I'm capable of doing, sir,
101
00:05:03,886 --> 00:05:08,057
in addition to flying helicopters
in war zones, which is my job.
102
00:05:10,184 --> 00:05:12,770
Rat hemoglobins are substantially...
103
00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:14,981
Jesus, just let him fly the fucking thing!
104
00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:18,484
You're talking! He's gotta fly!
105
00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:21,529
[rattling]
106
00:05:21,612 --> 00:05:23,781
- Whoops.
- What do you mean, "whoops"?
107
00:05:25,616 --> 00:05:28,137
- So, what are we gonna do?
- I don't know, same thing I always do.
108
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:30,955
Go to the gym, walk the base a little,
maybe get some soft serve.
109
00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:32,290
Probably hit the gym again.
110
00:05:32,373 --> 00:05:33,249
[moaning]
111
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,978
Oh, I'm sorry. I bet you wish
you didn't flip off your teacher now, huh?
112
00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:38,731
Oh, and I bet you wish you didn't either.
Or worked a little harder in high school.
113
00:05:38,755 --> 00:05:39,922
Bitch, I got straight A's
114
00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:42,800
and a math degree
from the University of Hawaii, so back up.
115
00:05:42,884 --> 00:05:43,884
[chuckles]
116
00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:49,891
How big is this stupid base?
117
00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:51,559
Government waste.
118
00:05:51,642 --> 00:05:54,604
No wonder my high school
is just a row of portables by the highway.
119
00:05:54,687 --> 00:05:56,540
What are you talking about?
The gym is right up there.
120
00:05:56,564 --> 00:05:57,648
Or don't you live here?
121
00:05:57,732 --> 00:05:58,775
No, I live in DC.
122
00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:02,028
Ah, that's right, yes.
All right, that's the Pickering Building.
123
00:06:02,111 --> 00:06:05,323
Sometimes I take my lunch over there
and watch them build rocket engines.
124
00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:09,243
And that is where Dr. Banner works
with the gamma rays.
125
00:06:09,660 --> 00:06:12,914
Oh, and that's where we store
the vibranium that we stole from Wakanda.
126
00:06:12,997 --> 00:06:14,749
- Cool.
- Hey, what's up, Scraps?
127
00:06:14,832 --> 00:06:16,292
[men laughing]
128
00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:17,459
You know those clowns?
129
00:06:18,127 --> 00:06:19,253
And what's "Scraps"?
130
00:06:19,837 --> 00:06:21,964
Uh, yeah, I go to school with them.
131
00:06:24,675 --> 00:06:25,675
'Kay.
132
00:06:26,677 --> 00:06:30,139
[Mallory] Is it ironic we're taking
an empty C-130
133
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:32,475
to a hearing on military waste?
134
00:06:32,558 --> 00:06:33,893
[Mark] Adrian, stop spitting.
135
00:06:39,774 --> 00:06:40,900
[groaning]
136
00:06:40,983 --> 00:06:41,983
What?
137
00:06:42,026 --> 00:06:44,404
I feel you overthinking this hearing.
138
00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:47,949
Isn't any thinking to you "overthinking"?
139
00:06:48,032 --> 00:06:52,995
"A good plan, violently executed now,
is better than a perfect plan next week."
140
00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:54,163
General Patton.
141
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:57,208
"A pint of sweat
will save a gallon of blood."
142
00:06:57,291 --> 00:06:58,291
General Patton.
143
00:06:58,334 --> 00:07:01,587
"Someone needs to lead,
and someone needs to follow,
144
00:07:02,046 --> 00:07:04,590
but they are both equally
on the same team."
145
00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:05,674
General Naird.
146
00:07:07,176 --> 00:07:09,387
No, no, no! Not you. Joint Chiefs only.
147
00:07:15,768 --> 00:07:17,186
Ah, these hearings are bullcrap.
148
00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:19,915
We don't come clean about half our
defense spend, so what's the point?
149
00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:22,150
Well, it's not bullcrap for Space Force.
150
00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:24,152
First time
with your keister in the hot seat.
151
00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:25,235
Might be your last.
152
00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:28,448
[all laughing]
153
00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:29,574
Hey, guys!
154
00:07:29,657 --> 00:07:30,992
- What are you doing?
- Get out!
155
00:07:31,075 --> 00:07:32,577
- [all] Out!
- No Coast Guard!
156
00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:34,662
Oh, come on, man.
157
00:07:35,079 --> 00:07:36,706
- [Marine general] Hey, Naird?
- Hmm?
158
00:07:36,789 --> 00:07:38,749
If you need any help
getting back at the Chinese
159
00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:42,086
for what they did to your satellite,
a little ground-and-pound...
160
00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:45,965
Whatever, I don't know. Let me know.
161
00:07:46,048 --> 00:07:47,800
Marines at your disposal.
162
00:07:47,884 --> 00:07:49,927
I appreciate the offer, but we're good.
163
00:07:50,344 --> 00:07:53,764
In fact, this little dust-up
with the Chinese made us even stronger.
164
00:07:53,848 --> 00:07:55,057
I'm kinda glad it happened.
165
00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:59,604
I just hope that our monkey
doesn't crack under Chinese interrogation.
166
00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:01,021
What?
167
00:08:01,772 --> 00:08:04,609
Never mind.
My main concern is our head scientist.
168
00:08:04,692 --> 00:08:06,861
He is just a pain in the ass.
169
00:08:06,944 --> 00:08:08,404
Yeah, I don't know how you do it.
170
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:11,073
Imagine lab coats
telling us how to invade Iraq.
171
00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:14,452
"Oh, you can't bomb there,
that's an endangered yak."
172
00:08:14,535 --> 00:08:15,535
[chuckling]
173
00:08:15,703 --> 00:08:17,788
You seem pretty calm, Naird.
174
00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:18,872
Why wouldn't I be?
175
00:08:19,373 --> 00:08:22,210
Pentagon's got
a record-high budget request.
176
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:23,711
And all because of you.
177
00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:27,757
A new branch that's done nothing
but blow up on launchpads
178
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:30,968
and let the Chinese
slide their chopsticks up our buttholes.
179
00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:32,303
That's disgusting.
180
00:08:32,386 --> 00:08:34,013
Oh, it's disgusting, all right.
181
00:08:34,805 --> 00:08:38,518
Disgusting that Space Force
was taken from me
182
00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:41,395
and handed to a New Jersey nincompoop.
183
00:08:41,479 --> 00:08:43,624
But I'm sure the committee
will come to that conclusion
184
00:08:43,648 --> 00:08:44,941
after we testify.
185
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:46,901
Get your junk out of my face, please.
186
00:08:48,069 --> 00:08:49,654
- Kneel.
- What?
187
00:08:49,737 --> 00:08:54,659
Kneel before me and pledge loyalty
to the great General Kick Grabaston,
188
00:08:54,742 --> 00:08:56,953
and I'll show mercy to you at the hearing.
189
00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,997
Space Force isn't going anywhere.
190
00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:02,208
And neither am I.
191
00:09:02,625 --> 00:09:04,770
Oh, you're going somewhere, Naird.
By the end of this hearing,
192
00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:07,630
I'm going to reabsorb Space Force
and its budget,
193
00:09:07,713 --> 00:09:10,007
like the world's most powerful tampon.
194
00:09:10,091 --> 00:09:11,342
[sucking]
195
00:09:11,425 --> 00:09:14,470
I always thought that you were a tampon.
196
00:09:15,471 --> 00:09:19,475
Tampons spend all day in vaginas.
197
00:09:20,518 --> 00:09:22,562
Nothing manlier, if you ask me.
198
00:09:23,479 --> 00:09:25,565
All day? Five hours, tops.
199
00:09:26,190 --> 00:09:29,610
Three if you have uterine fibroids.
She knows what I'm talking about.
200
00:09:30,444 --> 00:09:33,614
Acknowledge my gender again,
and I will fuck you in the ass.
201
00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:35,825
Duly noted.
202
00:09:37,618 --> 00:09:40,121
Duly noted.
203
00:09:40,621 --> 00:09:42,248
[grunting]
204
00:09:42,915 --> 00:09:45,001
["I Can't Wait" by Nu Shooz
playing over speakers]
205
00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:49,380
I can't believe
this is how you spend your free time.
206
00:09:49,463 --> 00:09:51,143
You know,
you don't have to just sit there.
207
00:09:51,173 --> 00:09:53,968
You could maybe work out, or anything.
208
00:09:54,051 --> 00:09:56,220
No, I'm very aware of my options.
Thank you.
209
00:09:57,305 --> 00:10:00,141
Hey, Scraps. See any joints laying around
that we could smoke?
210
00:10:00,224 --> 00:10:01,475
That was a great one, Julio.
211
00:10:02,143 --> 00:10:03,263
[Julio] I fucking nailed it!
212
00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:06,105
Hey. You two. Get back here.
213
00:10:07,481 --> 00:10:08,481
Now.
214
00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:12,361
Yeah, you, uh... you said
something disrespectful to my guest,
215
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,822
so you're gonna take a little run.
East launchpad.
216
00:10:15,239 --> 00:10:17,199
- That's very far, ma'am.
- And back.
217
00:10:17,658 --> 00:10:20,953
- That's almost twice as far, ma'am.
- Yes, ma'am, right away. Running now.
218
00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:28,127
So, the story behind "Scraps" is...
219
00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:30,129
Oh, hey, I don't need to know.
220
00:10:39,138 --> 00:10:40,431
[laughing]
221
00:10:40,514 --> 00:10:43,225
So, I thought you'd be
Miss Popular in school.
222
00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:47,146
Well, uh, "DC popular" is very different
223
00:10:47,229 --> 00:10:48,981
- from "Wild Horse popular."
- Ah.
224
00:10:49,065 --> 00:10:53,444
In Wild Horse, what matters
mostly relates to, uh, dirt bikes.
225
00:10:53,527 --> 00:10:56,197
- [laughs]
- Yeah. Ability to chug Mountain Dew.
226
00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:58,783
Okay, but did you even give anyone
at school a chance,
227
00:10:58,866 --> 00:11:01,577
or did you just stroll in there
like a white Malia Obama?
228
00:11:01,994 --> 00:11:03,746
They didn't give me a chance.
229
00:11:03,829 --> 00:11:05,790
Okay? I even pretended to like hunting.
230
00:11:06,290 --> 00:11:07,541
But they asked, "Hunting what?"
231
00:11:07,625 --> 00:11:09,877
- And then I panicked and said "whales."
- You did not.
232
00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:12,088
- Yeah.
- [laughs]
233
00:11:17,718 --> 00:11:19,428
Dr. Mallory, is it?
234
00:11:20,596 --> 00:11:23,015
General Grabaston. Hi.
235
00:11:23,849 --> 00:11:24,892
Big fan.
236
00:11:25,476 --> 00:11:26,769
- Thank you.
- Big fan.
237
00:11:27,895 --> 00:11:29,980
So, how's it going at Space Force?
238
00:11:30,564 --> 00:11:31,774
Could be better.
239
00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:33,150
[chuckling] I bet.
240
00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:34,694
Naird is a brute.
241
00:11:35,194 --> 00:11:36,194
Mm.
242
00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:41,659
Damn shame about the ice.
243
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:44,537
What ice?
244
00:11:45,162 --> 00:11:47,456
The ice that's melting
everywhere on Earth.
245
00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:50,126
Uh... yes.
246
00:11:50,209 --> 00:11:53,629
Yeah, I... I care about the ice...
247
00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:57,883
and the animals
that depend on that ice to live.
248
00:11:58,342 --> 00:11:59,510
Ice birds.
249
00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:01,178
Ice bears.
250
00:12:03,180 --> 00:12:04,180
Hmm.
251
00:12:04,348 --> 00:12:05,391
You know...
252
00:12:06,851 --> 00:12:09,687
if the committee loses faith
in Naird today,
253
00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:11,814
I would run Space Force.
254
00:12:13,357 --> 00:12:15,943
And I would have you operating
with twice the funding
255
00:12:16,026 --> 00:12:17,486
and none of the oversight.
256
00:12:18,362 --> 00:12:21,949
I'm not sure
we should be having this conversation.
257
00:12:22,783 --> 00:12:24,744
Oh, we're not having this conversation.
258
00:12:25,953 --> 00:12:27,371
I'll see you at the hearing.
259
00:12:34,003 --> 00:12:36,213
Prepare to have your mind blown.
260
00:12:36,714 --> 00:12:38,257
Please be aliens. Please be aliens.
261
00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:40,468
Okay, well, not quite.
But like our aliens,
262
00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:43,012
we do keep it frozen
and in locked containers.
263
00:12:43,554 --> 00:12:44,930
Meal Armstrong's?
264
00:12:45,014 --> 00:12:48,934
"One small snack for a man,
one large soda for mankind."
265
00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:49,852
- Wow.
- Yes!
266
00:12:49,935 --> 00:12:51,937
It is the best acai in Wild Horse.
267
00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:53,939
Well, I mean,
it's the only acai in Wild Horse.
268
00:12:54,023 --> 00:12:55,483
But it is so, so good.
269
00:12:55,983 --> 00:12:58,152
Hey. I know you.
270
00:12:58,235 --> 00:12:59,737
I've seen you taking a bath.
271
00:13:00,154 --> 00:13:01,154
- Mm...
- What?
272
00:13:01,822 --> 00:13:03,866
Your dad has photos of you on his desk.
273
00:13:04,325 --> 00:13:05,993
One when you're little and in the tub.
274
00:13:06,410 --> 00:13:07,970
You're General Naird's daughter, right?
275
00:13:08,412 --> 00:13:10,748
Although you look, um,
different in person.
276
00:13:11,499 --> 00:13:12,541
Less happy?
277
00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:14,668
No, I think you changed your hair.
278
00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:16,337
Duncan Tabner.
279
00:13:16,420 --> 00:13:17,505
Sweetwater, Alabama.
280
00:13:18,464 --> 00:13:19,507
Erin Naird.
281
00:13:19,590 --> 00:13:20,674
Abortionville, Blue State.
282
00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:21,967
Whoo! There she goes.
283
00:13:22,051 --> 00:13:23,844
That was a joke. She's joking, of course.
284
00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:24,970
And I got it.
285
00:13:26,847 --> 00:13:28,599
Uh, well, ladies.
286
00:13:28,682 --> 00:13:29,975
Enjoy your "ack-eye."
287
00:13:30,351 --> 00:13:33,145
It'll put that two-year-old's grin
right back on your puss.
288
00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:34,229
My puss?
289
00:13:35,022 --> 00:13:36,106
Southern for "face."
290
00:13:36,190 --> 00:13:38,108
Well, it's Northern for "pussy."
291
00:13:38,776 --> 00:13:40,736
So I wouldn't go around
saying that to people.
292
00:13:42,071 --> 00:13:43,071
Erin Naird.
293
00:13:43,405 --> 00:13:44,405
Ma'am.
294
00:13:46,992 --> 00:13:47,910
Okay.
295
00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:50,246
No. Okay, I'm not mad at that.
No, he's cute, right?
296
00:13:50,329 --> 00:13:51,872
And he's about your age, so...
297
00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:56,043
I'm seeing someone.
And, uh, "my age," too young for me.
298
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:04,844
Congressman Schugler.
299
00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:06,303
What, no hug?
300
00:14:06,387 --> 00:14:07,387
[chuckles]
301
00:14:12,476 --> 00:14:15,187
Well, that was awkward and horrible.
302
00:14:15,729 --> 00:14:18,649
The man is about to grill you.
Let him bring it in for the real thing.
303
00:14:18,732 --> 00:14:21,986
Remember, you gotta embrace
to get those dollars for space.
304
00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:24,530
Representative Pitosi.
305
00:14:26,073 --> 00:14:27,074
What are you doing?
306
00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:30,202
I was just greeting you.
307
00:14:30,286 --> 00:14:32,288
We don't have that kind of relationship,
General.
308
00:14:32,371 --> 00:14:33,455
Yes, understood.
309
00:14:34,915 --> 00:14:35,916
Well done.
310
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,334
Earning your pay.
311
00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:39,753
Maybe just play on your phone
for the rest of the day.
312
00:14:41,463 --> 00:14:42,756
He doesn't know how to hug.
313
00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:45,467
Why am I in trouble
because boomers are weird around women?
314
00:14:47,011 --> 00:14:48,011
Okay.
315
00:14:48,345 --> 00:14:49,179
You were right.
316
00:14:49,263 --> 00:14:52,057
- This acai is crazy good. Mm-hmm.
- Right? [chuckles]
317
00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:54,184
About as healthy
as a bowl of grape ice cream, too.
318
00:14:54,643 --> 00:14:55,895
[Yuri] Hey, baby!
319
00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:58,230
You came to see Daddy at work?
320
00:14:59,148 --> 00:15:00,148
And also, your father?
321
00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:01,692
Hey.
322
00:15:01,775 --> 00:15:02,776
- Hi.
- Give me a hug.
323
00:15:03,277 --> 00:15:04,111
- Okay.
- [kisses]
324
00:15:04,194 --> 00:15:07,031
- Eh...
- Oh, uh, this is... this is Angela.
325
00:15:07,114 --> 00:15:09,909
Oh, are, um... are you guys doing this?
326
00:15:09,992 --> 00:15:12,286
- [Yuri] Exactly, uh, right.
- Okay.
327
00:15:12,369 --> 00:15:14,496
We have much cultural exchange.
328
00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:15,664
- Yeah.
- [Erin] Okay.
329
00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:18,584
Yeah, sure. I'm gonna...
I'm gonna call you later.
330
00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:19,877
Okay.
331
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:20,878
Okay. Bye.
332
00:15:20,961 --> 00:15:22,129
Yeah. Bye.
333
00:15:24,548 --> 00:15:25,548
Bye.
334
00:15:30,179 --> 00:15:31,347
[clears throat]
335
00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:34,683
- Nice guy.
- Don't.
336
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:37,937
- Yeah, no, feels like a good match.
- Shut up.
337
00:15:38,020 --> 00:15:40,665
I mean, he's gotta be the nicest
of all the creepy older Russian dudes
338
00:15:40,689 --> 00:15:42,816
that you could be ruining your life with,
right?
339
00:15:44,068 --> 00:15:45,319
And, uh, who are you dating?
340
00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:47,404
The clutch on your helicopter?
341
00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:49,406
What? No, girl, I'm just jealous, okay?
342
00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:53,410
Look, if I could get some super
snappy-dressing foreign guy to like me
343
00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:55,454
because of my proximity
to classified information,
344
00:15:55,496 --> 00:15:57,331
I would totally jump at it.
345
00:15:57,414 --> 00:15:58,457
[sighs]
346
00:16:04,338 --> 00:16:08,926
Hmm. No panty lines
on the angry young congresswoman.
347
00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:11,011
You know what that means.
348
00:16:11,345 --> 00:16:12,554
No panties.
349
00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:15,849
They actually make panties
that don't show panty lines.
350
00:16:17,017 --> 00:16:19,478
Oh, you think
she's wearing those types of panties?
351
00:16:19,561 --> 00:16:22,606
I believe
there's a higher degree of probability
352
00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:25,818
she's wearing those type of panties
than no panties at all.
353
00:16:25,901 --> 00:16:28,070
Would you two stop saying "panties"?
354
00:16:28,153 --> 00:16:30,114
You can't give me an order, Naird.
355
00:16:30,197 --> 00:16:31,197
Gentlemen...
356
00:16:32,408 --> 00:16:33,408
they're ready for you.
357
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:35,827
Panties.
358
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:40,332
Since when did you and Kick Grabaston
start hanging out
359
00:16:40,416 --> 00:16:42,584
and talking about women's underwear?
360
00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:44,920
He wanted my input. I gave it to him.
361
00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:47,756
That reminds me. Keep quiet in there,
unless I give you a signal.
362
00:16:48,507 --> 00:16:51,010
Did we agree on a signal?
I don't think so.
363
00:16:51,093 --> 00:16:54,596
How about, "Dr. Mallory will now explain
364
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:57,141
how man and his barbaric nature
365
00:16:57,224 --> 00:17:00,144
will destroy space, as he has the Earth."
366
00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:01,770
Too wordy.
367
00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:03,694
I'll just tap on the table twice
with a pencil.
368
00:17:03,731 --> 00:17:04,731
Mm.
369
00:17:23,333 --> 00:17:24,333
Uh...
370
00:17:24,543 --> 00:17:25,753
General Naird,
371
00:17:26,503 --> 00:17:30,632
{\an8}you're asking for a 150% increase
372
00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:33,969
in the budget for Space Force?
373
00:17:34,636 --> 00:17:36,972
Uh, and that will be used...
374
00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:39,933
{\an8}To defend America.
375
00:17:42,144 --> 00:17:43,144
Chairwoman,
376
00:17:44,271 --> 00:17:47,149
I, uh, yield the rest of my time.
[chuckles]
377
00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:50,069
This, uh, budget looks A-OK to me!
378
00:17:50,652 --> 00:17:52,237
And, uh, General Naird,
379
00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:53,780
{\an8}thank you.
380
00:17:53,822 --> 00:17:57,284
{\an8}I feel safer
knowing that we have satellites
381
00:17:57,367 --> 00:17:58,535
{\an8}that can rain
382
00:17:58,619 --> 00:18:03,332
God's holy hellfire upon our enemies
383
00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:08,128
on this majestic, flat Earth of ours.
384
00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:10,255
{\an8}Yes, Congressman,
385
00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:12,674
{\an8}this Earth is certainly majestic.
386
00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:14,468
And flat.
387
00:18:14,802 --> 00:18:17,262
{\an8}Well, jury's still out on that one.
388
00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:18,222
[snickers]
389
00:18:18,305 --> 00:18:22,559
General Naird, I'll take some of
the gentlemen from Oklahoma's time
390
00:18:22,643 --> 00:18:25,896
that he yielded
to ask you one brief question.
391
00:18:26,980 --> 00:18:28,524
Why do you exist?
392
00:18:29,441 --> 00:18:32,611
The Yankees won the 1961 World Series
393
00:18:32,694 --> 00:18:35,614
and my parents got a little carried away
with their celebration.
394
00:18:35,697 --> 00:18:37,509
- [Tony laughing loudly]
- [scattered laughter]
395
00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:38,700
Okay!
396
00:18:39,076 --> 00:18:41,328
[Pitosi] Charming, but no.
397
00:18:42,037 --> 00:18:43,580
I mean Space Force.
398
00:18:43,914 --> 00:18:47,417
It was much cheaper
under General Grabaston and the Air Force.
399
00:18:48,001 --> 00:18:50,045
Cheap generals are like cheap enchiladas.
400
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:51,797
You end up paying for it on the back end.
401
00:18:52,631 --> 00:18:55,134
All due respect,
but under General Grabaston,
402
00:18:55,217 --> 00:18:59,304
our supremacy in space was eclipsed
by the Russians and the Chinese.
403
00:18:59,930 --> 00:19:01,431
It is my job
404
00:19:01,932 --> 00:19:04,268
{\an8}to keep space safe for American interests.
405
00:19:04,351 --> 00:19:06,562
{\an8}In order to do that, I need money.
406
00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:09,106
How exactly have you been making it safe?
407
00:19:09,189 --> 00:19:11,775
{\an8}-That is top secret.
- Yes, I can see that.
408
00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:15,529
Or should I say... I can't see that.
409
00:19:16,780 --> 00:19:18,574
Well, we are making
410
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:22,369
{\an8}scientific leaps that are not top secret.
411
00:19:22,786 --> 00:19:27,833
{\an8}Making the world
a better and cleaner place.
412
00:19:29,042 --> 00:19:30,043
Great.
413
00:19:30,961 --> 00:19:32,045
Tell us about that.
414
00:19:34,715 --> 00:19:35,716
[taps table twice]
415
00:19:35,799 --> 00:19:37,551
Mm. Mm-hmm.
416
00:19:41,138 --> 00:19:42,639
{\an8}[clears throat]
417
00:19:44,474 --> 00:19:45,517
{\an8}[grunts softly]
418
00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:47,978
{\an8}-[Pitosi] I'm all ears.
- Yeah.
419
00:19:48,061 --> 00:19:50,981
{\an8}[Pitosi] Yeah.
Well, if you're at a loss for words,
420
00:19:51,064 --> 00:19:54,026
I can yield to our youngest member,
421
00:19:54,109 --> 00:19:55,319
who rarely is.
422
00:19:56,486 --> 00:19:59,531
The committee recognizes
the congresswoman from New York,
423
00:20:00,073 --> 00:20:01,950
Anabela Ysidro-Campos.
424
00:20:03,660 --> 00:20:04,660
Yes.
425
00:20:04,828 --> 00:20:06,246
- General Naird.
- Hello.
426
00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:08,874
Your entire attitude seems to be,
427
00:20:08,957 --> 00:20:12,377
"Give us money
and don't look while we militarize space."
428
00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:15,923
[clears throat]
Your head scientist is nodding.
429
00:20:16,006 --> 00:20:17,925
It is a condition.
430
00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:19,885
Drinking Bird Syndrome.
431
00:20:20,510 --> 00:20:21,887
Look, space...
432
00:20:23,555 --> 00:20:24,973
is hard.
433
00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:28,894
[Anabela] "Space is hard."
434
00:20:30,854 --> 00:20:32,773
If you haven't settled on a motto yet,
435
00:20:32,856 --> 00:20:35,359
may I suggest that
that become the new Space Force motto.
436
00:20:35,442 --> 00:20:36,485
[laughter]
437
00:20:36,568 --> 00:20:38,278
Well... exactly.
438
00:20:38,362 --> 00:20:39,571
[clears throat] Tap-tap.
439
00:20:39,821 --> 00:20:40,989
[clears throat] Tap-tap.
440
00:20:42,449 --> 00:20:43,449
Tap!
441
00:20:44,159 --> 00:20:45,159
[coughing] Tap-tap!
442
00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:49,831
{\an8}Mmm. Tap-tap. Tap-tap.
443
00:20:51,291 --> 00:20:52,291
{\an8}Tap-tap.
444
00:20:58,131 --> 00:20:59,132
{\an8}[Anabela] Are you okay?
445
00:20:59,466 --> 00:21:00,466
{\an8}Tap-tap.
446
00:21:01,176 --> 00:21:02,302
Just gentle. Gentle.
447
00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:06,098
Look... Just gentle!
448
00:21:06,181 --> 00:21:07,724
What the fuck am I supposed to do?
449
00:21:07,808 --> 00:21:09,935
- Uh...
- No, seriously.
450
00:21:10,018 --> 00:21:11,520
What am I supposed to do here?
451
00:21:12,312 --> 00:21:14,564
Do you know what it's like
to have no one to talk to?
452
00:21:15,357 --> 00:21:18,986
I mean, if you don't have a dirt bike here
or you're not sniffing glue...
453
00:21:20,821 --> 00:21:21,821
Forget it.
454
00:21:25,826 --> 00:21:26,910
Get a job.
455
00:21:28,829 --> 00:21:29,829
Like where?
456
00:21:31,081 --> 00:21:33,083
I'm a high school junior with no skills.
457
00:21:33,917 --> 00:21:35,168
Well, okay, off base,
458
00:21:35,252 --> 00:21:37,629
we've got the cowboy boot store
down by the highway.
459
00:21:37,713 --> 00:21:39,381
Uh, the best restaurant in town,
460
00:21:39,464 --> 00:21:40,924
also known as the strip club.
461
00:21:42,009 --> 00:21:44,469
Actually, I know a place
that is closer to your house
462
00:21:44,553 --> 00:21:46,930
that needs
a sustenance procurement coordinator.
463
00:21:47,639 --> 00:21:48,473
What?
464
00:21:48,557 --> 00:21:51,476
It's just military
for "soft serve slinger."
465
00:21:51,893 --> 00:21:53,979
Yeah, I mean,
it's either that or the strip club.
466
00:21:54,062 --> 00:21:56,624
With your skinny butt, you're probably
gonna make more selling soft serve.
467
00:21:56,648 --> 00:21:58,650
Oh, that is until you
eat enough soft serve
468
00:21:58,734 --> 00:22:00,235
to make more at the strip club.
469
00:22:00,402 --> 00:22:03,488
It's kind of a
"eat for the job you want" kind of vibe.
470
00:22:03,572 --> 00:22:04,572
Mmm.
471
00:22:04,948 --> 00:22:06,158
[Anabela] General Naird,
472
00:22:06,992 --> 00:22:07,993
what is this?
473
00:22:09,453 --> 00:22:10,454
{\an8}An orange?
474
00:22:10,537 --> 00:22:12,080
How much do you think it costs?
475
00:22:12,622 --> 00:22:13,457
{\an8}A dollar?
476
00:22:13,540 --> 00:22:15,459
How much do you think it costs
Space Force?
477
00:22:15,542 --> 00:22:18,837
- Dollar-fifty?
- It costs $10,000.
478
00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:20,005
- Oh, shit.
- [murmuring]
479
00:22:20,088 --> 00:22:23,633
{\an8}[Anabela] As part of your resupply launch
to the ISS last month,
480
00:22:23,717 --> 00:22:26,928
you sent up a variety of fresh,
non-dehydrated foods,
481
00:22:27,012 --> 00:22:31,725
including one orange,
at the transport cost of $10,000.
482
00:22:31,808 --> 00:22:36,104
Yeah, yes. It's been our policy since NASA
to allow astronauts one pound
483
00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:38,148
of the food of their choice
at each resupply.
484
00:22:38,231 --> 00:22:39,941
Even if it's a $10,000 orange?
485
00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:42,527
{\an8}Well, sometimes
it's just not about saving money.
486
00:22:42,611 --> 00:22:45,822
Sometimes it is,
when it's a budget hearing.
487
00:22:45,906 --> 00:22:47,449
But, please, defend it.
488
00:22:47,532 --> 00:22:50,869
I wanna be able
to tell my constituents on food stamps
489
00:22:51,286 --> 00:22:54,748
why your agency needs a $10,000 orange.
490
00:22:58,668 --> 00:22:59,878
All right, I'll try.
491
00:23:03,131 --> 00:23:06,385
One thing you learn in the military
is that money doesn't matter.
492
00:23:07,427 --> 00:23:08,470
People matter.
493
00:23:10,263 --> 00:23:13,725
Thousands of people working tirelessly,
day and night.
494
00:23:13,809 --> 00:23:16,353
And we may have spent a billion dollars
495
00:23:16,436 --> 00:23:18,313
to put one astronaut in a position
496
00:23:18,397 --> 00:23:20,816
where they can do something
that'll benefit everybody.
497
00:23:21,566 --> 00:23:25,362
And that one astronaut
may be a human being
498
00:23:25,821 --> 00:23:28,949
who is risking her life
in a very dangerous pursuit.
499
00:23:29,491 --> 00:23:33,245
A human being who is not doing it
for the money, by the way.
500
00:23:34,079 --> 00:23:38,250
A human being who is battling fear
501
00:23:38,834 --> 00:23:42,087
and exhaustion and uncertainty.
502
00:23:43,213 --> 00:23:46,299
And who has been eating
dehydrated mac and cheese,
503
00:23:46,716 --> 00:23:49,719
mixed with her own filtered urine,
for the last month.
504
00:23:52,139 --> 00:23:54,558
I want her to have a taste of the Earth.
505
00:23:55,517 --> 00:23:57,394
And remember what she's fighting for.
506
00:24:02,315 --> 00:24:04,776
I see billionaires in the news
507
00:24:04,860 --> 00:24:09,156
who look at space
like it's where we're all going to go
508
00:24:09,239 --> 00:24:10,574
when we trash this planet.
509
00:24:10,657 --> 00:24:15,120
Well, there is no substitute in space
for this planet.
510
00:24:16,455 --> 00:24:19,332
You cannot make an orange
out of powder and urine,
511
00:24:19,416 --> 00:24:20,750
no matter how hard we try.
512
00:24:20,834 --> 00:24:22,669
Only God can make an orange.
513
00:24:22,752 --> 00:24:24,504
{\an8}Well, whoever made it,
514
00:24:24,588 --> 00:24:27,007
{\an8}we're the only place in the universe
you can get it.
515
00:24:27,090 --> 00:24:30,260
{\an8}We better take care of this planet
and the people who live here.
516
00:24:32,429 --> 00:24:35,474
And what better reminder of the Earth
than an orange.
517
00:24:36,141 --> 00:24:38,727
Because an orange, like the Earth itself,
518
00:24:38,810 --> 00:24:41,271
is perfect and round.
519
00:24:41,771 --> 00:24:43,106
It's a flat rectangle!
520
00:24:43,190 --> 00:24:45,859
[Mark] No, Bob, not really.
521
00:24:45,942 --> 00:24:49,696
Come on.
We are putting people's lives at risk
522
00:24:49,779 --> 00:24:53,200
in the pursuit of science
to solve our many problems.
523
00:24:53,283 --> 00:24:55,243
[women chanting]
You don't get to drive my vulva!
524
00:24:55,327 --> 00:24:57,662
You don't get to drive my vulva!
525
00:24:57,746 --> 00:25:01,541
You don't get to drive my vulva!
You don't get to drive my vulva!
526
00:25:01,625 --> 00:25:04,794
No, no! This is Space Force!
527
00:25:05,462 --> 00:25:09,799
The Supreme Court nomination hearing
is Wednesday.
528
00:25:10,926 --> 00:25:12,677
[whispers] What the fuck was that?
529
00:25:13,553 --> 00:25:15,138
All right, sorry. Sorry.
530
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:17,724
- [Tony's camera clicking]
- Got it.
531
00:25:17,849 --> 00:25:19,017
To sum up,
532
00:25:21,645 --> 00:25:23,104
this country has enough wealth
533
00:25:23,772 --> 00:25:27,943
that we can give an astronaut
who is risking her life for all of us
534
00:25:28,193 --> 00:25:30,362
an orange every once in a while.
535
00:25:31,530 --> 00:25:32,697
Pretty words,
536
00:25:33,031 --> 00:25:37,285
but I'm still not hearing any specifics
about the science.
537
00:25:37,494 --> 00:25:41,122
How do you help
my constituents on food stamps?
538
00:25:41,206 --> 00:25:44,417
{\an8}Maybe it would be cheaper to give
your constituents a nutritional paste,
539
00:25:44,501 --> 00:25:45,794
{\an8}if all you care about is money.
540
00:25:45,877 --> 00:25:47,587
{\an8}Would you like us to work on that?
541
00:25:48,004 --> 00:25:49,756
{\an8}Dr. Adrian Mallory,
542
00:25:49,839 --> 00:25:51,841
Chief Scientist, Space Force.
543
00:25:52,300 --> 00:25:57,055
If you want specifics,
we are developing a new climate satellite
544
00:25:57,556 --> 00:26:00,850
that will provide such precise forecasts
545
00:26:00,934 --> 00:26:05,272
that the advance warning times
for tornadoes and hurricanes
546
00:26:05,355 --> 00:26:06,439
will be tripled,
547
00:26:06,523 --> 00:26:11,736
potentially saving tens of thousands
of American lives
548
00:26:11,820 --> 00:26:16,950
and hundreds of billions
of American dollars in disaster relief.
549
00:26:17,534 --> 00:26:18,660
Sounds wonderful.
550
00:26:19,035 --> 00:26:20,120
It is.
551
00:26:20,203 --> 00:26:24,791
But what if a foreign aggressor
shoots that satellite down?
552
00:26:25,750 --> 00:26:29,462
Not every country with a presence in space
553
00:26:29,546 --> 00:26:32,465
believes in "good for all."
554
00:26:35,135 --> 00:26:36,135
[softly] Tap-tap.
555
00:26:40,140 --> 00:26:44,227
Dr. Mallory came to me recently
with a project near and dear to his heart.
556
00:26:45,061 --> 00:26:47,564
Something that could benefit
all humankind.
557
00:26:47,897 --> 00:26:50,150
I believe it involved rat diarrhea.
558
00:26:50,942 --> 00:26:54,029
And I would like him to be able
to continue his experiments
559
00:26:54,112 --> 00:26:56,156
without fear of them being destroyed.
560
00:26:56,239 --> 00:26:57,324
Wouldn't you agree?
561
00:26:59,117 --> 00:27:02,912
General Naird, Dr. Mallory,
you may step down.
562
00:27:06,166 --> 00:27:07,876
{\an8}Not you, General Grabaston.
563
00:27:08,376 --> 00:27:10,462
I have questions for you.
564
00:27:12,213 --> 00:27:16,968
{\an8}Why did you spend eight million
to upgrade the F-22
565
00:27:17,052 --> 00:27:19,387
with ostrich leather seats?
566
00:27:22,557 --> 00:27:26,811
[Kick] Because ostriches are... feathery,
567
00:27:27,145 --> 00:27:29,356
like the magical Earth.
42378
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