Original subtitles

25.000

Dedicated to the first post communist generation

BELGRADE, SERBIA AUTUMN, 1 996.

Together again, eh paI?

shvaba's voice sounded like it was coming from under water.

The wounds had started to bleed again.

l felt they were biting their way through the bandages.

A matter of calibre, folks.

A calibre from which wounds barely heal.

shvaba liked that calibre. A guy with taste.

Good to see you again, paI.

shvaba, my buddy.

Never mind the... what do you caII it? -Consequences.

No, when the situation is reaIIy fucked. -Circumstances.

That's the word. Fuck it,

The important thing is that we're together again.

I've always believed that shvaba would've been able

to say lots of funny and interesting things...

Get the fuck out of the way, you mice!

...if it hadn't been for his war with words.

That's why l guess, it's up to me to tell this story.

Let's go back five years. Buckle up, folks, we're off.

BELGRADE, SERBIA.. AUTUMN, 1 991 .

Starring:

W o U N D S

shvaba and me grew up in a really dodgy area.

Breeze blocks, folks, if you know what I mean?

If you don't, who gives a fuck?

We have to decide who pIays who.

Why do I aIways have to be the Croat?

Your oId man was a Croat.

A Slovenian. -Same shit, different wrapping.

What's wrong with you?

DiaboIa... -We're not kids any more to be throwing

stones at each other. -Your Mum's Slovenian, isn't she?

I've heard that SIovenians fuck themseIves senseIess.

Shvaba's joking, they onIy give good head.

Suck my dick!

Ustashan cunt!

Ustashan cunt!

Kosovian!

Kosovian!

Kosovian...

Cunt!

Kosovian!

DiaboIa.

Cunt!

I'm not a Croat!

You're not a Serb either! Serbs don't cry Iike pussies.

Get it? -Yes.

Bro', d'you hear that? ours are coming! Serbia!

Now you're fucked!

That autumn, everyone in our neighbourhood was

into watching the tanks on their way to croatia.

Well, almost everyone.

Those damn tanks, Iook at the fiIth!

My Mum wasn't to keen on them.

It's a shame about aII those fIowers...

My dad was angry with the army for forcing him into

early retirement. Thirty fucking years waiting for war

and he didn't even get a look in.

Granny, they're great, eh?

shvaba's Granny wasn't very keen on them either.

Of course, for Granny the war was just a re-run.

Good morning, neighbour.

If you spiII that pigs swiII down here again, you'II have

to give me head and Iick the terrace at the same time!

You bitch! This isn't your shithoIe Dubrovnik,

this is Serbia! -Whimp! -Serbia, you trash!

Learn what's Iaw and order!

You've mixed it aII up. Her Iate husband was a Croat,

she's our. -ours, my arse, with such behaviour!

You'd be better off getting your gun and defending those

peopIe there. -Fuck you!

But they retired you, whimp.

Because you're not right in the head. -Fuck you!

Besides the tanks and the news,

everyone in the neighbourhood was into dijabola's Mum.

Lydia works on TV, folks.

she'll be important for our story much later.

For now, remember her well, just like l did.

What are you doing, you idiot! -Son!

somehow it happened that l started wanking that year.

At the same time we were shelling Vukovar.

Go for it... Go for it.

They'II destroy the town.

When we get rid of the Ustasha's,

we'II buiId a nicer one, Iike Paris.

The liberation of serbian Vukovar

from the jaws of the Ustashan monster

is becoming an inevitable reality.

Paris, my arse. Even better. Isn't that right, UgIjesha?

The citizens are coming out of their cellars

greeting their liberators with flowers, tears of joy

and a thousand and one thanks.

A year later we were shelling sarajevo.

And we were put under sanctions.

You'II see! When the CIA get their sateIIite pictures

and see that we've piIed the beef on under sanctions!

CIington!

One of the greatest crimes in the history of civilisation:

Yugoslavia has been severely punished

by the international police.

But unjust and unprovoked sanctions won't brake serbia,

whose people are fond of saying:

No one can harm us, we are stronger than destiny,

let them hate us, those who don't like us...

The wisdom fo the people is much more powerful

than American forces.

He's Iocked himseIf in again! Son...

When I put the toiIet under sanctions, you'II shit

outside the buiIding. Come out of there!

l couldn't have given a toss about sanctions or the war.

Literally, folks.

l was wanking five times a day at least!

Come out of there! -Son, are you aII right?

What does life has to offer a thirteen-year-old lad?

Just wanking!

Come out of there before you faII down the bog!

ABoUT IDoLS

My dad had idols, too.

At first he slobbered over some croat Tito.

Then he had a thing for Milosevic,

like everyone else in our neighbourhood.

Neighbour be quiet! -Come and see what I'm hanging up.

If you don't Iike it, I'II hang you on my todger, mate!

BIoody oppositionist!

Son, have you got a bad stomach again?

Fucking democrats! Is that quiet enough, eh?!

The things us kids loved were a lot more down to earth.

Our only hero was the neighbour from across the way.

How was it?

crazy Kure! Just back from a business trip to Germany.

The West is a miracIe. I'II take you there sometime.

I want to go to Munich.

Munich, Frankfort, DusseIdorf, CoIogne...

Shvaba, come here!

Did anyone pick on you, eh? Look at this!

Thanks, uncIe Kure! -UncIe Kure!

ShaII I wash your car for you?

Take a hike, four eyes!

What are you staring at, Shvaba? Take that in!

Can Pinki give us a hand? -Him?

Versace...

Yeah, aII right. Come on, Shvaba.

Pinki, your Dad wants you. -Don't worry Mrs,

I'II make them some custard. Who gave you that siIIy name?

My oId man.

As a child, my dad was into partisans, revolution,

take an oath, child-warriors...

That gets to you, you know?

Bandits!

Bandits!

Bandits! shit!

comrade Pinki...

suck my dick, comrade Stojan!

They say that real Pinki was good with bombs. Maybe.

This one prefers shooters, folks!

Where was I...?

Oh yes, how did l get my name.

l was born on 4th May 1 980,

the same day that croat Tito croaked.

We bawled our eyes out, folks.

Go on son, have a god cry.

We'II name you after him:

Tito... S. Mucibabic.

Luckily, they were shocked in the city hall.

They wanted to arrest him for insulting the dead President.

AII right comrades, I've changed my mind,

Let's caII him Ramiz.

No, Pinki, caII him Pinki!

Pinki!

l was marked for life, folks!

l knew l was destined for great deeds.

That reaIIy suits you.

Hey, kid! Take that off and come here.

Get a good Iook, eh?

It seems you'd shag my IittIe girI, wouIdn't you?

Come on now, Kure.

of course you wouId.

Kure, send the kids home. -What for?

Let them Iearn something. -Come on!

D'you know how to treat this sort of bird?

D'you take her to a museum, eh?

What wouId you do in a museum, you IittIe trash?

Have you ever wondered why there's no shagging

in oId American fiIms? That's because Kagny and Bogy

didn't want to give away their trade secrets.

Spit your gum out!

Shagging is an art. Pay attention! First stage:

the neck. A serious job, three to eight seconds.

Kure... -Come on! Look here...

PIease don't, not in front of the kids.

Second stage, the anaesthetic.

The ear: ten to fifteen seconds!

What are you staring at, you IittIe bastards?

Get off!

Don't interrupt me! Where was I?

Where was I?! -The anaesthetic.

Third stage, fantasy!

Hand... crowIing, crowIing... -Fuck you.

Look, the anaesthetic's aIready working. -Fuck you.

You fucking bustard, Kure!

Look what you've done, you wanker!

What a temper!

I'm gonna marry her, reaIIy I am. -ReaIIy?

You cow! Come here.

ReaIIy? -Come here.

Does it hurt?

Don't be ridicuIous.

But why didn't you teII me it was bothering you?

You're so strange.

Look how stressed out I am, I'm aII shaky. -CooI down.

Kids, go home.

UncIe Kure, are you gonna fuck now?

Kevin Keegan!

Kure isn't a maniac. Shut the door... My sweetie.

My wounded hand is crowIing... -You're tickIing me.

Shagging is an art.

Of course Uncle Kure was a maniac, someone who lives

at a hundred miles an hour,

who doesn't give a fuck about anything.

Mother, buy me a gun, to kiII my man,

who cheats on me every night.

Mother, buy me a syringe, to overdose my man.

shvaba was also a bit like that - a maniac. A quiet lad,

but there was no screwing around with him.

KiII him Shvaba, kiII him, bash his brains out!

HeeI, Shvaba, heeI!

That's probably why Kure liked him.

Drop it!

To cut my man's throat, 'cos he cheats on my every night,

mother, buy me a knife.

Mother, a knife!

Go on, sing!

Carry on!

Keep going!

You see, in school l had all A's.

That's why for me weapons took second place!

Even third. ln first place were...

That's the most important thing for business.

Pepper's a reaI geezer!

As if, you know! Take this shit away.

And there was work all over Europe.

You're Iying through your fucking teeth. Get Iost, Rex!

A few of us were in fact representing serbian culture.

CooI down, Kure. -Shut it!

We were building up this country's image.

Listen to this cant taIking out of this arse!

We used to watch ''The Beat of the Street''

every Wednesday at Kure's. For us kids it was

as popular as ''Beverly Hills'', even more than ''Red Star''.

l still have fond memories of some of those trips.

Frakfort on Mine, Munich, dusseldorf, Bundesbank,

Offenbach, piggy bank, dortmund...

He's the biggest fucking cunt grass.

Grassing peopIe up took first, second and third

pIace with you, mate! -You know, in the West,

a serb was treated like a gentleman.

I'II put an end to this boIIocks, you cunt!

SEVEN DAYS LATER

78, 79, 80...

And now our neighbour Lydia returns to our story.

Here she is, foIks, isn't she a star?

Lydia used to bring all the top criminals, mobsters,

our idols in fact, onto her programme.

Let's see which sIime-baII's on this week.

Look at him! Are you counting, Shvaba?

Who, l hope, would open his heart to you and to me.

Stole, draw!

Where did she get this peasant from?

He shouIdn't be on a kids show!

Are you counting, Svaba?

At that time we fought according to a certain code,

fists only, but it wasn't always fair play.

Here's an example for your viewers.

Stole, you cant! What a gentleman!

And what about poor Zvonce, whom you shot from behind!?

God rest his souI.

Don't upset yourseIf Kure, pIease! -Who's getting upset?

Who? -Don't, Kure!

Give us a fag, kid!

Once me and my friend Zvonce fell out

and agreed to settle things in a civilised way...

Give us a fag!

...with fists, just the two of us!

Robber! Knight, my arse!

When l get there l see two parked cars and say to myself:..

Shvaba, have I reached hundred and fifty yet?

Even more!

l say to myself: Well done, but that's impossible.

sounds exciting.

Hey kids, wouId you give Lydia one?

I heard that! -Quiet, in there.

of course not, she's DiaboIa's Mum.

Why d'you fantasise about her when you wank, then?

That's not the same, is it, uncIe Kure?

WeII, Iads, that's a phiIosophicaI question.

Bring that kid aIong, I want to meet him.

You go on, he is asIeep!

oh, no, not that camoufIage business again.

Don't go, Kure, it's dangerous!

What's wrong with you, I'm onIy going hunting...

for bunny rabbits!

Be brave... Heroes,

let's finish them off.

They won't surrender.

show them all your strength and power,

as you did all along.

Be brave, they're definitely broken!

Get up, you Iazy sods!

I'm bIeeding whiIe you're sIeeping!

I'II draft you aII! You Iazy bastards!

Everybody down in five minutes!

Inspection! Fitness training for the body. And the spirit!

Kure! Ugh, bIood!

It's not mine, it's from the bunny rabbit.

A souvenir for you... Shvaba, come here!

What d'you want? -You said there'd be an inspection.

Get the fuck out of here.

Shvaba, take this in.

Kure, where's my microwave? -Give us a Iist next time!

Neighbour, how was the weekend?

Was there any fighting?

Everything for mother Serbia, everything!

My universities: M. Gorki G. Pinki (G = Giza)

Come on. Put your head here.

Don't breathe.

Can you here anything? -Yes, I can, uncIe Kure.

What can you hear? You can hear my arse!

Listen. It's on and you can't hear it.

Kure's bought a BMW, folks.

GoIden hands! Give us that!

Not that... I'II make a man out of you yet.

It's a miracIe what a man can do with his ten fingers!

And remember, every skiII is worth its weight in goId!

How could l explain to him,

that me and shvaba were already learning our trade?

Shitting yourseIves, eh? Watch this, you pussies!

Like in ''The BattIe of Neretva''.

When the Chetniks rode into battIe

and those partisan cunts hid behind the gravestones!

There goes SIy. -UncIe Kure...

Come here. Have you ever seen ''The BattIe of Neretva''?

You arsehoIes haven't got a cIue!

D'you think I couId shoot a bit?

What did your Mum say, when am I gonna be on the show?

She said that Rat, Pepper and Bones are on first.

of course, if they survive that Iong. -of course.

And me? When's my turn?

Go on, spit it out! -WeII... She says...

you're not in the same cIass.

That's what she says, is it?

Have you seen ''The Godfather''?

You haven't got a cIue!

Go home!

Rat, Pepper...

So you think that's funny?

Do you, you cunts?

That's not very nice, is it?

You're my friends, your Iaughter hurts me.

I've decided to share the pain with you. Shvaba...

Lets pIay... ''steeI fists''.

D'you want it now or straight away? -Straight away.

Who's a hard nut then? ''Enter the Dragon'', eh?

Want some more? -Yes.

You do, do you?

Come on, then. -No probs, uncIe Kure.

Is that enough for you, peasant?

Not yet! -Not yet!

Hang on, there's no hurry.

Right, now... off you go.

Come on, Shvaba.

That's right, you're reaIIy hard, Shvaba.

A beating can be a good thing, foks.

lt is a good way of checking if you're a man or a pussy.

The problem is that most people find out

they're a pussy.

You want be seeing that bastard any more!

Do you wanna be a criminaI?

Stojan, you've Iost count! -No, I'm counting to myseIf.

That's fifty, Stojan!

Kevin Keegan!

Kevin Keegan! Kevin Keegan!

That was the end of wanking, real life had begun.

Kevin, d'you want a Iick?

Kure, how many more of these morons do I have to do

for hundred marks. I didn't know it'd be such hard work.

Let the kid enjoy himseIf and stop taIking crap.

How did I do it, uncIe Kure? -Very good, peasant.

Shagging's an art. Go on, give it a wash.

Get a move on, kid.

What's up with you, you cunt, shitting yourseIf, eh?

Thank God for that. Next!

WeII done, Iad.

What are you staring at? Go for it!

Come on, kid, you're the Iast one.

Have you faIIen in Iove?

Come cIoser.

What're you doing, eh?

Kure, he can't do it! -What d'you think, he can't do it?

Get Iost, geek!

UnbeIievabIe! What are we gonna do about it?

Get your pants off!

oK, no probIems.

Don't worry, Kure'II sort you out!

Be quiet!... AIternative medicine!

Come here. -Don't, uncIe Kure...!

Concentrate, stand up straight... Shut up!

SureIy we won't go to the doctor's because of this.

This isn't America. ProbIem soIved.

Wow, a shish kebab! Come on, go for it!

Kure, the kid's is doing it! -Give it to her, Iad.

Go on, cunt! Sing! -Kevin Keegan!

l'd be lying to you if l didn't tell you

that at one moment l felt sorry for diabola.

But that was just for a short, fleeting moment.

As Kure says, you're either fucking or being fucked,

there's nothing in-between.

A rebeIIion of mice, foIk. This isn't our war.

Did you watch the Iatest ''The Beat of the Street''?

LittIe Lemon sIagged us off.

Kids are getting nasty these days.

I'm sorry that Kure never made it on the show.

He was reaIIy into the idea.

Who gives a fuck about him, the cunt.

Get the fuck out of the way, bIoody mice!

If onIy the sanctions wouId Iast a bit Ionger,

we'd be made.

Look at that beauty, eh?

What's going on here?

Look at Peppers's Merc. -500 E, hand made. -Shut it!

Did you watch the Iatest ''The Beat of the Street''?

Wasn't Bones fuII of shit?

Pepper, mate, this is a highway robbery!

What're you doing?!

You're a fast one, kid. -Give me that gun!

Haven't I toId you before

not to interrupt me whiIe I'm taIking!

Sorry, Pepper. -Let's caII Bones and have some fun.

What the fuck are you pIaying at?

D'you know who I am? -I do.

Here's five grand now. Come and get the rest tomorrow.

Why are you fucking with me? I'm not one of your jerks!

Come out and Iets fight for it Iike in the good oId days!

Keep this shit.

AII that taIks about good oId days!

The nostaIgia'II kiII you.

HeIIo? Bones?

I couId've bIown that cunt's brains out, uncIe Kure.

He deserved it!

I'II beat the shit out of you in two years!

There's not enough time, son. 1 995 is a Iong way off.

Let's do it now! - Fuck off! Go home!

That petroI's dodgey, get the hose and suck it out!

Dodgy, ah? Here you are, drink it!

What're you pIaying at, stop it!

PIaning a budget is the art of survivaI in the difficuIt

circumstances our country is facing.

Pension, five hundred and sixty four biIIion,

eight hundred and thirty two miIIion,

four hundred and thirty five thousand,

four hundred and seventy five and a haIf dinars.

Write this down: CounciI tax, one biIIion,

TV Iicence, five biIIion,

food, not a Iot, but heaIthy, twenty eight biIIion...

Cross out UgIjeshas eight miIIion.

EIectricity, twenty five biIIion. Heating...

What heating, fucking bastards! !

That's impossibIe! You and your maths!

Do it again!

Something's wrong. Do it again.

EIectricity...

Do it again, but without the eIectricity.

Pension, five hundred and sixty four biIIion...

Golden Hand used to bullshit that '93 was the worst year

in the history of the serbian nation.

l couldn't've give a toss about the nation, folks.

For me and shvaba it was the best year.

ln one summer we grew ten centimetres.

Just the right amount, folks!

dope, folks! An expanding market economy.

lt was a great year for this line of work.

lnflation at fuck knows what percent.

People lost everything they had.

It's ready, uncIe Kure!

Kure, the kid said that the scag's ready.

compared to others, Kure was lucky.

He only become smack head.

Shut up! Use your wiIIpower! Count to twenty.

one, two, three... eight...

It's about Ninana. Thirty five stab wounds.

Your first Iove has gone.

Not so fast.

Don't Kure, why're you being Iike that?

Pinki, come on.

Look at the tits I bought her, two grand each.

Suzy, show the kids the Grand Canyon.

Can I go first, Kure?

I've got a concert tonight, how am I gonna sing?

oK scum, shoot her up!

Sing, Suzy, sing!

Thanks, Kure.

Look at my Suzy, the first vein of BeIgrade. And wider.

l put a gun in his mouth, he started mumbling...

How can you be bothered?

l told him, you should see a speech therapist, mate.

Sing!

''For the Serbian forces, that was the onIy way...''

Bravo! See you, peasants!

Let's go.

Don't. -Look at the state of him!

Look at him!

ln serbia, in this trade, you graduate by shooting

your teacher. We didn't have a hope in hell of graduating.

Kure was making sure of that.

Mr. Pinki, how's schooI going?

Suck my dick, you oId fart.

slowly we've been taking over the whole neighborhood.

Nevenka, come and watch the news!

lt took my stupid dad ten years to make it

from a first sergeant to a sergeant mayor.

And look at me, folks, then judge who got it right!

So you're moving to SIovenia, eh?

No, to the posh part of town.

Give us a ring sometime.

We've got a job for you. -oK -See you.

Darko, Iet's get out of here. Get that Iorry moving.

What are you offering that pratt a job for,

he'II have the pigs onto us!

Who's there?

The big bad woIf and the LittIe Red Riding Hood!

Where've you been 'tiII now? -At schooI, on detention.

Gran, give us something to scoff!

Get Iost! -Don't pick on Madonna.

Our base was at shvaba's, he lived alone with his Granny.

lf you don't count the hens.

In '41 in the middIe of the night, Ustashas came into

Crnici and cut the throats of about two hundred peopIe.

The murdering bustards!

Somehow I managed to escape, got to the river,

jumped into the water, Iooked and sow...

What did you see, Granny?

Kids have you got a cigarette for Granny?

Here you are, Granny, an American one.

AngIo-American?

WeII, Granny, where were we? -oh, yes, Ustashas!

TeII us, Granny, did they cut your throat or not?

I saw them running after me.

Somehow I managed to swim across the Rzava.

Shit, what a name - Rzava! -Rzava, I aImost drowned.

Where's that, is it in DisneyIand?

There was a fuII moon, wouId you fucking beIieve it,

everything was Iit up!

And Ustashas, with those big knives in their theets...

Wow, Granny, Iook at that. A Jedi!

What a story, Granny! We'II get you some coke tomorrow.

I'd rather have a cock, son.

Look at the way they're pIaying... Like red-Indians!

Indians! Gimme a bear.

And you're red-Indians, too. Brought up

on this reservation, in this condom of a country!

And you strike fucking attitudes. Doing a job, eh?

What d'you think you're doing, you fucking cant!

What the fuck d'you want?

UncIe Kure, there's a fat faggot here

wants a word with you.

Where is he, the pig?

Did I get him?

of course, uncIe Kure, you're the bizz!

of course I am, you Apache!

When I remember... DusseIdorf, Bundesbank,

in the middIe of the day...

I just went in, good morning, three grand better off...

Do you know how much is it? I mean... quantitative?

The pigs came, speciaI branches...

I jumped out of the widow, somersauIted,

open fracture, didn't feeI a thing!

What's that? -A fIy, uncIe Kure.

That was business.

Not Iike you, drug pushing.

In my time that was dishonourabIe.

They knew what honour was then.

Now there's onIy shit Ieft.

Pinki, get rid of those fIies that are pestering

uncIe Kure! Show some respect!

Good morning, uncIe Kure. -Red-Indians!

Bogi, Kagny, CIint

and UncIe Kure'II aIways be cowboys for you!

At your age, I screwed a bIack girI in Amsterdam.

It's not worth mentioning the EiffeI Tower.

D'you Comanches know how a reaI bIack girI shag?

The fuck you do!

A fIy, eh!

Pepper!

Where are you, pussy? I've been waiting for you.

Hide and seek, eh?

one, two, three...

Neighbour...

You'II wake everyone up.

When the Serbian peopIe were going through hard times,

Kure feIt their pain Iike reaI patriotic Serb.

Like many of us, he decided to heIp our peopIe to defend

hearth and home, aIong with our ancestor's graves.

Ljubisa Kurcubic Kure, in a word, a knight

in a shining armour, a true patriot!

He was a good man. Handsome. -And Serb. -Tosser.

Not an ordinary man, a big man!

He had a great heart. -Here's our obituary:

''UncIe Kure, up there from the HoIIy Iand,

you'II see us with his baIIs in hand''.

You're a poet, Pinki. Who d'you think did it?

The one who wrote the Iongest obituary...

or the one who's making the speech.

Good bIess him.

''BIack Raven''.

Hey, Ljubisa, BIack Raven,

you've found a home forever.

We're Iate! You're in deep shit now!

Get a move on, pratts!

Look, the coffin's gone!

Excuse me, I'm from the TV, we're Iate.

WouId it be a probIem to dig him up again,

so I can fiIm it. -Look it's her from the teIIy!

Pepper, so you're stiII aIive then!

oh, it's you, Liki, you scam bag!

Fuck yourseIf! My condoIences.

I'm reaIIy sorry he didn't make it onto my show.

Another time.

Wreath, cIose up on the cross, and make your own way home.

You've reaIIy grown, now you're reaI young man.

Did you ask her? -Ask what?

Which one of us was the better fuck? -Yes I did.

She said we were very different. -That's no answer.

I agree... But I won't be abIe to ask her again.

The Iast round, Kure!

I'II find that cunt!

You'II kiII the bastard.

Thanks, uncIe Pepper. -See you.

Come on, you junkie scum!

D'you know why they caIIed him crazy Kure?

They say that when he was on ''The Beat of the Street''

he grabbed one of Lydia's tits! -Kure was never

on ''The Beat of the Street''. Get Iost!

Come on, scumbag. Look at the state of you.

I'II take to the raiIway station

and Iet aII the deadbeats screw you.

or I'II screw you with an eIectric saw.

HeIIo, uncIe Pepper. -HeIIo.

Who are they? -Kures's kids.

AII these new kids are the same? AwfuI!

Shvaba, are you mad or what? Come on!

Is he different? -What's the fuck with you?!

Is he different? -What do you care?

I've got rid of aII the geer.

You're not the same, reaIIy you're not.

Am I the same? -Look at Shvaba, producing eggs.

Am I the same?!

Why don't you have more faith in yourseIf?

You can't come if you don't respect yourseIf.

You'II end up with an inferiority compIex.

Go and keep Gran company for a bit.

Let's ask Granny if she thinks you're the same.

Gran!

Gran, this here is a naturaI remedy for bIocked sinuses.

Is it that ''UncIe Joe's'' cure''?

No, I got it straight from JaiIbird himseIf.

It feeIs good, eh Granny? Sweet marjoram.

l looked at shvabas Gran.

she looked really sweet at that moment.

And then l thought of another old woman,

some shit from the school.

That famous murder of an oId Iady, and her kiIIer,

RaskoInikov, entered the history books

in the way the American fiIm never wiII. Dostoyevsky...

For two months, leper face talked bollocks about some

fella who did some granny in. And then he apparently

wondered if he should've done it in the first place.

Man, a whole book about doing some old woman in!

What if he'd bumped off some great-looking chick?

Would they fuck've put that on the curriculum!

Then the first time l killed someone came into my mind...

There was no should l, shouldn't l,

l just went for it. But l didn't feel the need

to write a book about it. Me and writing...

What a strange smell a gun has when you kill someone with it,

or am l imagining things...

Here l go again, telling the story from the end...

instead of how it all started.

Quiet Nevenka, the kid'II hear us!

Shut up whiIe I'm fucking you.

Eh, Bertha... Good Iuck on our first break-in!

diabola had tipped us off about some old guy, Stubac,

one of his Mum's friends, a news presenter.

Look, he's fIoating!

What did DiaboIa say the combination was?

23rd September,'87. Two...three...nine...

What's that? The Iast time he got his and away?

The date of some congress, who gives a toss?

23.9.1 987 - SIobodan MiIosevic comes to power in Serbia.

A great combination!

Readies!

WouId you fuck me, eh, mate? -of course.

Fat head, switch that off, I can't see a bIoody thing!

SiIver medaI for you, Granddad! -Who are you?

Hoards of Ustashan cut-throats and MusIim fanatics.

We've come to brake your baIIs for sIagging

us off on the news! Take your cIothes off!

Who d'you work for? It's not about money, is it?

What they say about my visits to Knin is aII rubbish.

I'm IoyaI! Can I invite Zikica?

Is he the one I fucked? -Look at the swan, Granddad!

Kid, give me the gun!

This is real killing!

Look at him, mate. Dead!

Are you interested to know who Zikica is?

Let her have it!

You're on ''The Beat of the Street'' next Wednesday, oK?

Us?

Yes. Why?

oK. -Now one practicaI advice.

Shoot him in the head to make it Iook Iike a cop kiIIing.

Did you hear that, you fat head!

D'you know haw IoveIy the MaIdives are,

even IoveIier than Dubrovnik! -LoveIier than what?

I'II see you on Wednesday.

Fuck it, man!

We're on the show, us! !

Look at the swan!

Are you hungry? Gran, have you been to the shops?

What's the matter with you?

You didn't find the stash under the mattress, did you?

Gran, do you hear me?

Didn't I teII you to keep the drugs away from her!

It's not that, Iook at the teIIy.

She's in a state 'cos of the Ustashas.

Knin is now under the control of croatian Troops.

civilians and serbian army left the city.

serbian soldiers offer heavy resistance

in this area. croatian forces in Kraina...

There were others who didn't take the fall of Kraina well.

This is a betrayaI, you bastards!

You betrayed the sacred Serbian Iand of Kraina!

Don't, Stojan! -You're disturbing the neighbours!

BetrayaI! -Someone'II caII the poIice!

Let them caII! This is for poIice!

CaIm down, neighbour, everything'II be oK!

You don't give a toss about the sacred Iand of Kraina!

Half a million people have left their homes

and are on their way to serbia...

Have you got any pictures of that traitor?

Which one, Dad? -You've got it easy?

lt's nice to see people not afraid to show their feelings,

especially when he's your dad!

Good evening viewers. Tonight, on the program,

we have two unusual guests. Unusual because of...

...their age.

Pinki...

Stojan! our Pinki's on the teIIy!

...would you like to tell us how old you are?

1 7... next month.

While most kids your age are at school,

you've chosen a different path. Why?

Life forced it on us. -What do you mean?

l'm winding you up.

Funny. Have you ever been even slightly wounded?

cat got your tongue? -No, l mean, not yet.

That's the truth! We've never been wounded.

What the fuck are you on, put it back.

Everything's cool, mate, keep rolling.

We don't use guns here... -When you said

that we'd never been wounded, it sounded like

you were trying to slag us off. -calm down, mate!

l didn't come here for someone to take the piss!

don't give me that, you didn't mean it!

There, l'm wounded now. ls that OK?

What a great feeling, pal.

Really great!

do you want us to call a doctor?

d'you wanna have a go, pal? -Why not?

d'you want it in the head? -Yeah? OK, but just a bit...

l'm stopping the programme!

Go on, you little shits, go home! -sit down!

What d'you mean, stop the program?!

l'll fucking well show you lot!

Leave her alone... lt's time for some refreshment.

shvaba, don't embarrass me on the telly.

Want some? -No, thanks.

What's up with you, mice, shitting yourself, eh?

Western economists are pilling their hair out

and asking themselves how it is possible that serbia

has the largest growing economy in Europe...

Let's see the report...

What's wrong, Dad?

I thought you couId take me into action sometimes.

I'm good with weapons. That's my profession.

But Nevenka mustn't find out.

Great! Your dad wants to be a criminal!

ToiIet - 1 50 marks, pipe - thirty marks.

Pension - 35 marks. If I save up,

in 8 months I'II be shitting Iike a gentIeman again.

That's not bad, not bad at aII...

Get a hoId of yourseIf, Pinki.

l felt like crying. And l did cry, mates,

but you want see that. Pinki's not whimp.

PINKI CRIES

Moneeeeey!

D'you know me? -I do! -I don't know you!

What're you on?

See, mate, he knows me, but I don't know him!

Hey, you reaIIy did the biz. -Who's this faggot?

Hey, geezer. You're the best, go for it!

And he knows me, but I don't know him.

Who's that?

Even he knows me and I don't know him! -Fuck off!

What do you mean, fuck off! I know you, you know me!

And they aII know you. D'you know them!?

I don't know you!

Good evening! -Is there a probIem with this invaIid?

Which invaIid? -ReIax.

Let's pIay red gIoves!

You sing Iike MichaeI Jackson.

I'II pay up. The money's under the veaI!

Mistreating people helped me not to think about

my stupid dead father or my mother. lt's better to treat

other people badly rather than yourself, isn't it?

I hope I wasn't in the way.

I've been doing a programme about this for three years

and I've never seen this Iive! -It's the best when it's Iive.

Money? Is this about money? I have money.

WouId you Iike this RoIex... Merc... What?

No, what is then? You want a gIory, eh?

This isn't a quiz show, you faggot!

You've seen a murder. What eIse are you interested in?

Lots of things. Thanks for the entertainment. Bye, kids.

Thanks for the information, mate!

Bosnian send his regards, that's a bad sigh!

And the cops are asking about us. I've ordered passports.

We couId go away for a bit, Germany.

Shag a few bIack girIs, eh?

What the fuck are you on?

Get on with your drawing, you moron!

I'm not running away Iike a fucking whimp!

And I don't Iike bIack girIs, get it?

Get it? -I get it.

Am I interrupting? -Come in.

Why're you so untidy?

I hear you're skipping the country. Wise move.

Whoever said that can suck my dick! -I sad it.

I know!

Come on kids, why are you arguing?

How's the wound? Let me have a Iook at it.

I'm off. I've got something to do. -Bye, Pinki.

Here you are, sir. -Why're you shitting yourseIf?

D'you know what I'm gonna do to you?

You've got no idea what I'm gonna do to you.

Don't you know what you are? A whore, that's what!

That's right, I'm a whore. And what now?

What are we gonna do now, me and you?

Why don't you answer?

Your friend might be caIIing.

Answer the phone. -I wiII.

They're fitting our car up! D'you know how cIose I was?

We've gotta get out of here!

Put it down, further down...

Set it off, Pinki.

Kids are turning really nasty these days,

especially those two puffs from those breeze blocks.

l've got a song for them. ''Give her my regards!''

But it isn't a love song. Think about it, kids!

A bullet in the arse is the movie. We're more creative!

We've got a guest, Granny.

You're dead.

The sponsors of the murder which was just announced

is democracy Lights. -What do I owe you?

Another appearance on the show in '97.

'97 is a long way off. -Don't taIk boIIocks.

What're you doing here?

Pinki caIIed me. He's got a surprise for you.

Pinki, you cunt!

That's not fair!

She's mine!

What's the matter with you?! Fuck it!

Fuck it...

Sonny! It's just been on the teIIy!

The sanctions have been Iifted! Thanks God!

l managed to smile, folks.

l guess that's a sure sign that you're gonna croak.

Four strait through and one near the heart.

What's your name, kid?

My name is Bond. James Bond.

Suck my dick, you oId git!

You might have noticed that l lied. My name is Pinki.

But it's nice to die like James Bond, isn't it?

ln every American movie there's that really

sickly bit. When the hero has just narrowly escaped death

and outside it's apparently a beautiful day.

l suppose they want to say that life's a wonderful thing.

lt was a shitty day outside,

but at least there's a couple of doves.

And the same dream every night, folks.

We'll meet in the better world, pal.

Get a move on, cunts!

CarefuI, you bastards! If he dies, you're dead, get it!?

Let's start from the beginning.

Just whisper the name of whoever shot you!

I've aIready toId you. I was cIeaning Dad's gun

and it went off. -So how come you've got five wounds?

I don't give up easiIy.

Leave the sun of the God in peace. Can't you see,

they're God's wounds. The wounds of our Lord

Jesus Christ! Look! They're sacred wounds!

We'II taIk again. -Look, he can't do anything to you!

Thanks, Granddad. -Those wounds...

are the sign from God. You've been chosen.

Touch me, HoIIy Man, heaI me. You can see I'm dying!

The streets of Belgrade are today flushing with shame.

The citizens of our capital city, are victim of terror,

due to a handful of fascist hooligans who for the last

few days have been throwing thousands of eggs

at the facades of our city's buildings.

Are you going to start throwing bread tomorrow?

something's going on outside. someone stole someone's votes.

lt wasn't me, l swear on my Mom's life.

l've got an alibi, as you can see.

HoIy Man... pIease take me with you.

There's nothing Ieft for me here.

You're my onIy hope, pIease, HoIy Man!

You're confusing me with someone eIse.

You're back, then?

I came to see you in the hospitaI,

but you were in a coma.

You Iook oK. -Give me the piece. -I haven't got it.

You're Iooking for Shvaba?

He's a reaI cunt. I'II teII you where he is.

No, thanks. What did you caII Shvaba? A cunt, eh?

Sorry.

As Shvaba says... Serbs don't cry Iike pussies!

Did you understand? -Yes, I did.

No, you didn't.

It's onIy a joke.

oh, it's you, sweetie!

Now it fits you just weII.

DiaboIa can't get it up, eh?

Who cares, he Iooks after me. -I appreciate that.

What're you Iooking at? My impIants, eh?...

I've soId them. I'm not in a show business any more.

Anyway, naturaI's more beautifuI.

He toId you to give him a ring.

Is Shvaba there?

I was waiting for you to caII.

You know what we have to do. -I know, paI. Thanks.

Have you got everything we need? -I wiII have.

Pinki? -What?

What about Lydia? -Nothing, paI. TeII her heIIo.

l shouldn't say that.

What did he say?

To teII heIIo. -That was nice of him.

of course, he's a poIite Iad.

You haven't been arguing, have you?

Cat got your tongue?

shvaba's a bit of a strange guy.

He thought l was to shy to say it. so he killed her

in any case, to show me his appreciation.

lt's nice to have that sort of friend.

Now I'm demonstrating as weII!

cat got your tongue?

Go on, tell me.

Your guests kill for money or revenge. l don't see the...

Attraction, eh? What about Ninana?

Stabbed, 35 times, Mum. You can't tell me

that was for revenge. -You're a real daftie.

How d'you expect to become a criminal when you're ticklish?

You'll end up like Ninana, Mummy! -Me! You'll see!

What're you gonna do to DiaboIa now?

Why? -WeII, 'cos of Kure.

So, he kiIIed uncIe Kure! WeII, he never Iet on.

Are you gonna kiII him?

Don't be daft.

Come by.

Who's gonna demonstrate if you youngsters don't!

Come on! Lets drown on the TV news!

Commie bastards!

lf dad were alive,

would he be faffing around with pots and pans?

No, he wouldn't, he wasn't that type.

Times have changed, but as far as l'm concerned,

a gun's better than a pot or a whistle any day!

A man can't change at my age!

I'm sorry about Granny.

Fuck it, the first time she voted against MiIosevic,

she went to bed and died. She must have been scared.

ShaII we do it straight away?

Let's drive around the town for a bit.

Like we used to do, eh, paI?

Buy some aIcohoI, bandages, gauze... and some pIasters.

Very considerate paI, I wouIdn't've remembered.

Thanks.

Don't mention it.

Excuse me... -We're cIosed. You'II have to come tomorrow!

It's urgent, Mrs, I need some things.

Someone's been wounded. -Who's wounded?

Fuck you, bitch! open up!

Nice Iady. -Yeah.

Nice to see you again, paI. Never mind the...

What d'you caII it... -Consequences?

I reaIIy got you, eh paI?

It's not too bad. Where're we gonna do it?

our there. A fIood Iit finaI, paI...

it'd be a shame to strain your eyes!

ShaII we start?

You choose the weapon, it's onIy right.

You choose. -The TT's better.

It depends. The TT is better for under the shouIder,

for the rest, we can use yours.

Are you scared?

TeII me. -I couIdn't give a toss, Iets get on with it!

What're you doing?

Five'd be enough. -Why? In case you get carried away

and keep on shooting?

Last shooting, paI.

What eIse is there? -Nothing, probabIy.

oK, you can start, paI. -ShaII we roII up, first?

Not now paI, better at haIftime.

Where d'you want it first? -Where did it heaI fastest?

Nowhere. ShaII we start with the Ieg?

Maybe that's not such a good idea 'cos of footbaII.

Never mind, we'II pIay the tabIe footbaII.

Look what you've done to me, I've started hiccuping.

Now you'II have to give my a fright!

Did that do it?

I've stopped hiccuping, thanks paI!

You're doing weII.

What's next? -Warm up a bit,

so that you don't miss the one near the heart.

I'm on top form, paI!

Trust me! -oK... Here'II do.

A good choice, paI. SteeI yourseIf!

It's oK, paI. I'm getting used to it. -So am I!

I'm stiII Ieading 5:3, paI. ShaII we carry on?

5:5.

Yeah, 5:5 is a good resuIt!

Then you know that it was a great match.

Have ''Red Star'' scored 5 recentIy?

I don't foIIow any more. It's a crap game.

I guess they're Iacking that...

Motivation. -Yeah, that shit.

onIy morons are stiII into footbaII these days, paI!

You've gotta be into something.

What happens when you can't find anything?

Then you're fucked, I reckon.

Fuck it, take your Dad, for instance.

What did he get out of it?

We're better of Iike this. What's wrong with us?

You Iike my cross, eh, paI?

It's yours.

It's just a cross. Now it's time for the bizz.

I'II give you a discount.

one wound. -Thanks paI, but you don't have to.

After aII, you are my best mate.

Choose which one you want. Let's make it the other hand!

So I won't be abIe to wank, eh, paI?

No, Iet's go for the bizz, near the heart!

Come on, cIose your eyes, wiII you!

Are your hands shaking? -No.

Get on with it, mate. -Stop farting around!

You, cunts!

Why her, why d'you have to kiII her!

I'II fucking weII have you for that!

This is a Iaugh!

Pretending to be an Ustasha, again, eh!?

I'II decide who I'm gonna be, not you!

Go on then, decide!

Just don't pretend to be a geezer 'cos you're a cunt!

Why don't you pretend to be your Mum so we can shag you!

one buIIet, paI. Now, he's for it!

Come on, Iets do it together!

so here we are at the end of our story, folks.

You, mice,

if you wanna be cool, then l'm definitely your idol.

l'm only sorry that l haven't been abroad,

but you can't do everything in life, can you?

There're bustards everywhere, what difference does it make?

l also wish l could've shagged that black girl.

As for the Eiffel Tower that Kure used to talk about,

well l couldn't give a toss. l swear on my Mom's life.

This is the end, folks.

And, you know, l'm better off that you lot!

DVD Authoring DiMEDIA Group

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