All language subtitles for My.Favorite.Martian.S01E01.My.Favorite.Martian.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-NTb

(alarm buzzing)

(canned laughter)

(alarm ringing)

(canned laughter)

(alarm buzzing)

(frenetic orchestral music)

(canned laughter)

("My Favorite Martian
Theme" by George Greeley)

(majestic orchestral music)

(phone buzzing)

- Did you O'Hara yet?

What do mean his line's busy?

I know that character,

he's just left the phone
off the hook again.

I gotta get him,

he's gotta rush out to
Edwards Air Force Base

right away.

The weather's changed
and they've booked

the X-15 test flight
up ahead a whole day.

Oh, never mind,

I know where I can get him.

(phone rings)

- [Lorelei] Will
somebody get the phone?

- Hello?

- You're just
visiting Annabelle.

- Hello?

Oh, good morning, Mr. Burns.

Uh huh.

Yes, sir, I'll tell
Tim right away.

- Angela, halt.

- Mother, you're not
in the waves anymore,

I've got to wake Tim up.

- Oh, I'll wake him
up, Aunt Lorelei.

- Well, Annabelle dear,

you'll not only wake him up,

you'll shake him up.

(canned laughter)

(giggles)

- I forgot.

- Yes, well don't
forget again, dear.

Especially in the morning

when a man's metabolism
is just starting to do

whatever it is a
man's metabolism does.

(door knocks)

- Who's the matter?
What happened? What?

- You see, girls,
he's wide awake.

It's best to be brutal.

- Tim your editor called

and he wants you to cover
the flight of the X-15.

It's been moved up a day.

- Thanks, Angie.

Annabelle.

- Now that's what I
was telling you girls

about a man's metabolism.

Tim?

Get dressed.

(engines roar)

- [Radio] Level and wide open.

Speed is Mach 4.4,

.7,

.9.

- Come on, boys, stay with it.

- [Radio] Mach 5.3,

little trouble with
vertical stability.

- Hey, there's an
unknown on my radar.

A blip on a collision
course for the X-15.

And gaining on it fast!

- Overtaking it? Impossible!

- Look I'm tracking it now.

- [Radio] Mach 5.4.

- Whatever it is,

it's going over
9000 miles an hour.

- Oh, come on, it
just must be something

wrong with this
thing that's all.

(canned laughter)

- [Radio] .9.

What was that?

Something just went past me

like I was standing still!

A flying saucer!

- Oh, no, no.

Not those things again.

Sommermeyer, check
your oxygen supply

and stop babbling that nonsense

about flying saucers.

It's probably just
a speck in your eye.

- [Radio] Yes, sir.

I'm turning now for the landing.

- Afraid he needs a rest.

- Blip's off my scope now.

- Oh good, shut it off.

Darn thing probably
doesn't work anyway.

I'm just happy that that
reporter wasn't around

to start splashing
it over the papers

that our pilots are
seeing flying saucers

and the radar's picking up stuff

that isn't even there.

- Maybe it was a meteorite

or a piece of a satellite.

- Yeah, maybe.

- Oh hi, Colonel. Am I late?

- Oh, O'Hara, afraid so,

the show's over.

But it was just
a routine flight.

- If you could just
give me the speed

and let me interview the pilot.

- I'm sorry I can't
give you any information

right now.

- You're pushing me.

- Am I? How about that?

- Wait a minute.

Why so much secrecy if this

is just a routine flight?

Why can't I interview someone?

Why are you sweating in
an air conditioned room?

What happened?

(sighs)

(ominous theremin sounds)

(frantic string music)

(ominous orchestral music)

Something's going on inside.

- Are you through?

Now what are you
waiting for me to say?

Take me to your leaders?

- Who are you?

- Well,

I could give you some wild tale

of being a Russian astronaut

or the designer of an
experimental spacecraft

but the plain fact
of the matter is,

I'm from Mars.

- Mars?

- Mars.

Now don't look so astonished.

I'm a professor of
Anthropology from Mars

specializing in this
primitive planet.

- Mars?

I'm afraid you got
hit a little harder

than you think.

- That idiot in your
antique rocket plane

almost ran into me.

- You mean the X-15?

- Now I'm marooned on
this backward planet

until I can repair my ship.

- Now hold it, hold it, hold it.

You mean the X-15
almost ran into your...

that thing?

- Precisely.

It was lumbering along

at barely 4000 miles an hour.

Had to strain my ship

to get out of its way.

- You know how
fast it was going?

- I can tell you to the
fifth decimal place.

That idiot at the
controls reported me

to his base as a flying saucer.

(groans)

Well just don't sit there.

I've been hurt.

(canned laughter)

- We'll go to my car.

- You'll have to carry me.

Takes me a little while

to get used to the
Earth's gravity.

I weigh so much more here.

(cheerful orchestral music)

- Well it isn't Mars

but it's home.

(canned laughter)

Now the question is,

how are we going
to get you inside

without Mrs. Brown spotting us.

- Uh, just give me a second.

(canned laughter)

Nobody will see me now

but you'll still
have to carry me in.

Alright, come on, come on.

- How did you do that?

- It isn't easy.

If I have to do it
again in my condition,

you're gonna have
a very sick Martian

on your hands.

(canned laughter)

Let's go, let's go.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

Give me your hand.

(canned laughter)

(dog barks)

Scram!

Beat it!

Go away, go away.

- [Martian] I'll
take care of him.

(canned laughter)

Stop gawking and get me to bed.

- Tim!

What in the world are you doing?

- Well, it's kind of a charade.

I'm pretending I'm carrying an

invisible man into the house.

(canned laughter)

(chuckles)

How do you feel now?

- Oh, better thanks.

Oh, your atmosphere,

so rich in oxygen.

It's like breathing in

a thick chocolate malted milk.

- Malted milk!

Malted milk!

How would a martian
know about that?

- Now since modesty forbids
my calling attention

to my superior intellect,

I'll confine myself to saying

that I am the greatest
living authority

on the subject of your planet.

I've visited here many times.

Especially in the
last 150 years.

- 150 years?

How old are you?

- Let's just say I'm approaching

the prime of my life.

(canned laughter)

- But if you've been here before

how come there
haven't been headlines

about you all over the world?

- As long as I don't
wear a sign on my back,

saying "I am a Martian."

Who would ever know?

- And no one you
met ever suspected?

- Not even Thomas Jefferson.

And he was a fairly
bright fellow.

For a native that is.

You know,

you Earth people
are handicapped.

You only use a small
portion of your brain.

We Martians use all of ours.

- I can't believe it.

- The trouble is,

you're too intelligent
to believe it.

You people baffle me,

so illogical,

so emotional.

Earth's alright for a visit

but I wouldn't
want to live here.

(canned laughter)

- Well you gotta live here now

whether you like it or not.

I'm afraid you're stuck.

- Only temporarily.

I'll leave as soon as I
can repair my spaceship

and no one will be
the wiser but you.

- No, no, no.

You're not leaving until
I get a story on this

and the pictures.

I'm gonna get the
Pulitzer Prize for this.

- I'm sorry,

but you're not gonna be
able to write that story.

- But I've got to write it,

I'm a newspaperman.

- You wouldn't be for long.

Nobody would believe you.

Pick up the phone,

call your editor,

tell him you found
a real life Martian.

Go ahead.

- But it's the truth.

- No, no, no.

They wouldn't believe you.

- I'll prove it.

I'll bring them here,

and I'll show you to them.

- I'll disappear,

and you know I can do it.

- Is that how a...

person from a...

superior planet
shows his gratitude?

- I may seem ungrateful,

but I believe I know
what would happen.

Suppose you did win
the Pulitzer Prize,

you wouldn't deserve it,

and you wouldn't be
able to live up to it.

You'd be a one day wonder

and that's all.

And you wouldn't
want that, would you?

Incidentally,

there's a very
attractive brunette

walking up your steps right now.

- It's Annabelle.

How'd you know that?

- She's thinking very
warm thoughts about you.

- How do you know that?

- You mean you can read minds?

- Unless there's
a conscious effort

to shut me out.

For instance,

I know exactly what
you're thinking

about the young lady.

tsk tsk tsk.

Oops, you shut me right out.

- Well that's personal.

After all I'm only human.

- And just remember,

I'm more than human.

Now, answer the door.

- If there's anything I hate

it's a smart alecky Martian.

(canned laughter)

(victorious orchestral music)

- [Annabelle] By Tim O'Hara.

- Well, well.

- Gosh, I'm proud of you.

- How nice for me.

- [Martian] Excuse
me for butting

in one of your thoughts again.

But you're about
to have visitors.

- Hey!

Hey, what is this?

- Murphy.

The Air Force wants to know

where you got your information

on the X-15 flight.

Who's this?

- He's a Martian.

- A what?

- Martin, Martin, Martin!

That's his name.

Martin, my uncle.

My uncle Martin,

he's here after a long trip

and he's not feeling very well.

- Let's go.

- Hold it. He, um,

well he might need something,

so just help yourself,
Uncle Martin.

Here you might
need a little cash,

I know you might be short.

And the keys are in the car.

- Thank you.

- I may not be back

by the time you leave so,

it's been very nice seeing you.

I hope you have a
very pleasant trip

and happy landing.

Take good care of
him, Annabelle.

- He must be a pretty nice boy.

- He is.

I mean you're his uncle,

you ought to know.

- Oh, well I haven't
seen much of him

and my home is a long,
long way from here.

- We'll take care of you,

my aunt and I.

Is your aunt the woman next door

who gives bridge lessons,

and is taking a
course in real estate,

and sells Christmas
cards and beauty creams,

and is studying the stock market

with a ouija board?

- Mmhm, Tim must have
talked to you about her.

- Yes, yes, yes.

Well, I'll be able to
take care of myself,

thank you.

I'll be up and around tomorrow.

- We'll take care of you anyway.

- I said no interruptions

until I call you back.

I don't care who it is,

nobody at all.

And now O'Hara,

this is your last chance.

Now I don't care anything

about this flying saucer jazz,

it crops up every year

at the beginning of
the hay fever season.

But you are not
getting out of here

until I find out
which one of my men

is passing out information

to the fifth decimal place.

- I refuse to reveal
my sources of news.

- [Colonel] Why, you?!

- Colonel.

Colonel, I've got to admit

that I admire this
young man's principles.

- What?

- And with your permission,

I'd like to do
something for him.

For starters I'd like
to throw him in jail.

I'm very happy to look
after him personally.

- Good, I'll drop
by and see you.

Every month or so.

- Well let me call my attorney.

Please.

- Here you go, O'Hara.

A lovely three course lunch.

- A three course lunch?

It looks like hamburger.

- No, no.

You've got hamburger,

coffee,

and sugar.

You've got any words
for the Colonel?

- Yes.

Yes, I have several
words for the Colonel.

But I wouldn't use any of them

in mixed company.

- Murphy stole your pickle.

- How'd you get in here?

- I arrived with the lunch.

I realize you don't
have visiting hours

but I wanted to
thank you personally

for your kindness.

- Oh, that's alright.

- You're in a lot of trouble

because of me, aren't you?

- Well, I'll live through it.

- Why'd you let
yourself in for it?

- I guess I'm a little
stupid sometimes.

Anyway you're the nicest
Martian I've ever met.

- Thank you.

And thank you for these clothes.

Now, how are going to
get you out of here?

Let me think.

Suppose we tell them
that you picked up

their control center
on your car radio.

- No, that's impossible,

my radio wouldn't pick
up their frequency.

- Blame it on sunspots,

freak reception.

An ionization shift in
the upper atmosphere.

That's your story
and stick to it.

- I'll try, but.

- Excuse me a moment.

Murphy's coming back.

Eat your lunch.

- Excuse me.

- Who you talking to in there?

- One of my favorite people,

myself.

- I heard two different voices.

- Well sure, one voice
would be monotonous,

and besides I couldn't
tell which of me

was saying what to whom.

(canned laughter)

- Wow.

The voice I heard

didn't sound
anything like yours.

- [Martian] Why should it?

Charlie McCarthy doesn't sound

anything like Edgar Bergen.

- Hey!

You're a ventriloquist,
aren't ya?

- [Martian] I'm practicing
throwing my voice

while I'm eating.

- Hey, you know something?

You're very good.

- Thank you.

- [Martian] I thank you too.

We both thank you.
- [Tim] We both thank you.

- Both at once.

Fantastic!

- Yes, well, that's
enough for now

you don't want to
spend too much time

with the prisoner.

Now, here you go.

And next time don't
steal my pickle.

- What makes you think

I'd do a thing like that?

- Your face.

It's got pickle stealer
written all over it.

- If you've got anything
to say to the Colonel

you let me know.

- Yes, I may do that.

- [Martian] Good bye, Tim.

See you later.

- Sensational!

- Now remember, Colonel.

It might have been a freak thing

that made the car radio pick up

the control center that day.

- I say it's impossible

and I'm calling your bluff.

- Tim, you're back.

- It might have been sunspots,

or upper atmosphere ionization,

or something like that.

Maybe it's a holiday
for sunspots.

Later, Annabelle, later.

- If it doesn't work,

- Back you go!

- Well if it doesn't work

be reasonable, Colonel.

- [Colonel] Quiet!

- [Radio] Hello, Edwards.

Hello, Edwards.

Are you still receiving me?

- [Radarman] Like a bell.

- [Radio] We're
ready for the launch.

Event A will be a test of the.

- Yeah, how about that?

- They'll be no more
of that, Colonel.

- Hey, hey, that's my radio.

- Keep your hands off that!

You've got some gadget in here

that's bringing
in our frequencies

and the laboratory's
gonna find it.

- [Murphy] Colonel,

maybe we oughta keep him on ice

until we get the
lab report, huh?

- That won't be necessary,

we know where to find him.

But if there is any
unauthorized equipment

of any kind in this.

You are gonna get
free room and board

in a federal prison!

And don't you forget it!

- [Murphy] Are you
alright, Colonel?

- [Colonel] Yes, yes.

- Well we got all
of it, Colonel.

- The laboratory technicians

will find out exactly
how this could happen.

- Somehow I doubt it.

I simply don't understand.

Why didn't you tell me

you could gimmick up my radio?

You just let me sweat it out.

- Exactly.

If I hadn't you
would have been smug

and overconfident.

And the Colonel
might have detected

a fishy aroma.

- Well, I suffered
it was very painful.

- Well, a little
pain is good for you.

As one of your
playwrights observed,

"Pain makes man think,

"thinking makes man wise,

"and wisdom makes
live endurable."

Next problem.

My little spaceship
is down in the garage

and I've gotta
start repairing it

so I can get back to Mars.

We need a number of
very scarce items

most of which haven't
been invented yet.

- That sounds pretty expensive.

What are you gonna
use for money?

- I've been reading about

an interesting place called

Las Vegas.

With you rolling the dice

and with my special talents,

we ought to do all right there.

- No, no, no.

I've been in nothing but trouble

since I met you.

- And I imagine
that will continue.

But it won't be dull.

And a friend who can read minds

can be an enormous help

to a young reporter.

I can get you a
lot of information

straight from the horse's head.

(canned laughter)

Now, what do you say?

- It's a deal.

Welcome to the O'Hara family.

- Thank you, my boy.

Well,

I guess that makes
me the first Irishman

from the planet Mars.

("My Favorite Martian
Theme" by George Greeley)