All language subtitles for How.to.Train.Your.Husband.2018.HDTV.x264-W4F

Okay, please don't
forget to remind him, okay?

Thank you.

Would you sign it?

It was by far your best one.

Oh, you didn't
like the others?

No, I did.

Alive in five, four.

Well, we are thrilled to have
Jillian James back with us,

with her new book.

It's called How to Pick
Your Second Husband.

Hey Jillian,
welcome to the show.

Thank you for having me.

Now you take a
very practical look

at picking your husband.

What inspired you to write this?

Well, every 36 seconds

there's a divorce
happening in America,

which tells me
there's a problem,

and we could be doing
something better.

Are you suggesting
that we pick a husband

the same way we might
write out a grocery list?

Well, when you go
out to buy a car,

you know what options you want.

You ask to see a report to make
sure it hasn't been damaged.

Yes.

When we go out to dinner,

we only go to places
with good reviews.

Well, you know, that's true.

I live on my Yelp.

Exactly, and in the most
important decision of our life,

we rely on feelings.

Yes, but come on.

Don't you think the heart
wants what the heart wants?

All right, well, I'm gonna
tell you what my viewers want.

They wanna know, is this
how you picked your husband?

Justin and
I met in grad school.

We had a lot in common.

We had the same
friends, same goals.

So yes, I would say so.

He fit into the profile
of what I needed.

Good, this is good stuff,

and I'm so sorry
we're out of time,

but I do have to offer
you a congratulations.

You are getting a very
special award tonight.

Thank you.

All right, well,
thanks so much for this,

and if you haven't gotten
your copy of the book,

you need to.

All right, we'll be
back right after this.

That was great. Thank you.

- Good luck, on everything.
- Oh, thank you.

Oh, you know what? I referred you
to two of my friends, Lauren and Jack Murray.

Oh.

You know, they were
the perfect couple until,

I don't know, it sort
of all just blew up.

Wow, that's too bad.

Well actually, if you ask me,

they are so busy playing
the blame game that they

they just oughta look in the
mirror, you know what I mean?

All right, come on.

You're fine.

You're doing great.

Remember what we talked about.

You know, when Harry
brought me out here,

all he did was yell at me.

Do this, do that.

Yeah, well at
least Harry came.

Could you imagine

Bob out here?

You're in some

- Whoa.
- Cart to drive around in

all day,

or some cute little
girl serving snacks.

Forget about it.

- Hey, Hudson.
- Hi, Justin.

I'm confirming you'll
be there before seven.

Be where?

Justin,
don't do this to--

I don't, uh--

The
dinner for Jillian.

I'm kidding.

I wouldn't forget that.

Good.

Okay, seven o'clock
at St. James' Room.

Suit and tie.

Jillian laid them out for you.

Please don't be late.

Got it, boss.

Whoa.

Would you excuse
me for a second?

Hi.

Mm,
you look great.

Where's your suit?

I'm happy to see you too.

No one's looking at me.

They're all looking at you.

You're wearing your boots.

I promise no one's
looking at my feet.

You would
have looked so perfect.

Let it go.

It was a nice evening,

you gave a great speech,

and it's over now.

Just once, I wish
things would go as planned.

Sorry, I was running
a few minutes behind.

Forget
it, it's fine.

I'm not the therapist,

but that sounds a little
passive-aggressive.

You're right.

You're not the therapist.

Keep it all bottled
in, someday it's

it's gonna spew.

I think your words
were, let it go.

I get it.

You're not changing.

What's wrong with me?

I'm tired.

I'm going to sleep.

Good Wednesday to you.

I'm meteorologist
Cindy Fitzgibbon.

Probably one of the nicest
days of the entire summer.

Wall-to-wall sunshine
and low humidity.

Look at these high temperatures.

Low to a few mid-80s

through the Merrimack
Valley metro west.

A little cool around the
Cape today in the upper 70s,

but really the key here is
the dry, comfortable air,

pleasant overnight
temperatures, nice afternoons.

It's all courtesy of high
pressure bringing down

that dry air from the north,

but the humidity is
to our south and west,

You're still mad I didn't
wear a suit last night?

See, when you say it like
that, you make me sound petty.

Well, then what is it?

I feel like you
don't respect me enough

to be there for me when I ask.

Jill,

I was there.

You were barely there.

Don't even know
what that means.

Well, it means that I

I would like to depend
on you once in a while.

Mm-hmm.

Well, I have an early
anniversary gift for you.

What, are you gonna wave
something shiny in front of me?

No, I know better than to
pick out jewelry for you.

I booked us that trip
we always talk about.

We'll be in Paris
for our anniversary.

Wow.

That's very sweet of you.

You know, it's you that
always talks about that trip,

and you know I can't go.

Not now.

You
can't, or you won't?

No, I can't.

My publisher needs the
first draft of my next book

by the end of the month.

If only there was some kind of

mobile device that you
could take with you and

write while you're away.

I don't
even have an idea yet.

You know, a lot of people
think that's my best one.

Make a list.

Your ideal husband would...

Okay, can we not do this now?

My ideal husband would...

Wear suits and
always be on time.

That's what you thought
you were getting.

But
you weren't happy.

Yeah, now you're not happy.

You can't
make me happy or unhappy.

You don't have that power.

I have
a nine o'clock.

You always conveniently
have an appointment

whenever we start to talk.

We just talked.

Justin
dropped this by

while you were with someone.

Dinner, 6:00
p.m. at the Oak Room.

I'll be right back
with the dessert menu.

Thanks.

Those are the best
short ribs I ever had.

I'm ready to go home and pack.

How 'bout you?

I told you I can't go.

I know you don't
love surprises.

This is the only way --

Look, how can I go when
I have so much going on?

Just 'cause you can't go,
doesn't mean I can't go, right?

You wanna go on
our trip without me?

Well, uh...

Thanks.

Anything else? Coffee?

No, we're fine.

Just the bill.

You think you can fix
something with a trip?

You can't.

So you're saying you
want me to stay, as in

as in not go?

Well, just because I can't go

doesn't mean I want
you to go without me.

Well yeah, then come with me.

No, I have a deadline.

Your life
is one big deadline.

Well, somebody has
to pay the bills.

There it is.

What should I tell everyone?

Whatever you want.

If you could go back in time
and do it all over again,

would you choose me?

It's a simple question, Jill.

You shouldn't have to think.

Just go.

Good boy.

Isn't he cute?

Think I oughta put
on some sad music

to go with those sad eyes.

Look, he likes you.

Are we doing this again?

You ask me to take one
of these sad little dogs

just because they
don't have a home.

You are in a great mood.

Oh, well you wouldn't
believe what Justin did.

Well, unless he's
peeing on your carpet,

I don't think I can help you.

No, he expected me
to just drop everything

and go on some
stupid trip with him.

But you didn't wanna go?

I can't, so he just
packed his bag and left.

That doesn't
sound like Justin.

Okay, why does everyone think

that he's the cool,
easygoing one, and I'm the--

Maybe it's wanderlust.

That's a thing, you know,

or he could be going through
a midlife crisis early.

Okay, we're not midlife.

I said early.

I can't
just leave on a whim.

You know, they do say
absence makes the heart grow...

What is it?

Closer?

You know what, though?

I'm not the problem.

It's him.

We used to want the same things,

and now I can't even get him
into a suit without a fight.

Tell me this
isn't about clothes.

What happened to the
guy I married, huh?

I feel like I don't
even know him anymore.

You know, this probably
isn't even about you.

He's gonna come back,
and everything is gonna be just fine.

What if it isn't?

Wanna go get some food?

No, I'm not hungry.

You can watch me eat, mm?

No, I gotta get
back to the office,

so other people can tell me

all about their
terrible problems.

Oh, hi.

Please.

So, how did it go this week?

Jack, why don't you go first?

Okay, well, I tried to
do everything she wanted.

That's the problem.

I don't want you to
try to do what I want.

I want you to want
to do those things.

See, you'd think she'd
be happy I'm even trying.

What's my motivation?

You need motivation?

Okay, let's

let's just back up.

Let's agree that you two
being here this week is good.

Thank you.

And we can agree that
there's still work to do.

Let's look at your
marriage as a team sport,

and you two are teammates.

You're not competing
against each other.

I don't play team sports.

I run.

Can you say that
you can trust Jack?

Can you depend on him?

Not really.

Okay, well we have
to talk about that,

because without trust--
- Whoa,

what did I ever do?

This doesn't have
to be about you, Jack.

Look, you two have gone
through a lot of experiences,

in childhood, in
past relationships,

that shape who you are.

This is you, Lauren,

and this is Jack.

See, you're filled with marbles,

otherwise known as, uh, baggage,

and when we start dating,
you guys are so polite

that you keep your
marbles to yourself,

but in an intimate relationship,
you just start bumping

into each other.

It's only natural.

We, we can't keep from it.

This is the stuff
that we have in us.

It's going to come out,

and you have to deal
with this stuff!

Are you okay?

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

I think we should
continue this next week.

Okay.

You are the most
married person I know.

How are you guys still happy?

How is your me time?

Oh, it's very quiet.

That is
something it is not around here.

Hello.

Hello, hello.

I wish someone was that excited to see me
when I get home.

Well, if you had a dog...

Well, except I
don't want a dog.

Come to the park with us.

It's Saturday.

You're allowed to have fun.

Well, I'm working
on my new book.

Oh, now that does sound fun.

Hey, it is.

I finally have an idea.

It's called How to Unlock the
Secret to a Happy Marriage.

You know, if I can give
people something quantitative,

something that they can
just check off a list,

So have you found
the secret yet?

Not yet, but I'm compiling
a list of the traits

of my relationships of the
clients that I work with,

or the couples that I know,

like you guys, on
the success side.

Once I find the common denominator,
well, that's a secret,

but you guys have fun.

Thanks, 'bye honey.

- 'Bye.
- 'Bye.

Thanks for brunch.

Hey Jill, come on, let
your grandpa finish that.

It's gonna rain.

It's gonna rain.

I'll be in there.

You look like you have
the weight of the world

on your shoulders.

You know, I'm
writing a new book.

It's called How to Unlock the
Secret to a Happy Marriage.

That's wonderful.

Yeah, it's a great
title, but it's all I have.

So this is where I get to
impart my words of wisdom?

Yep.

I'm gonna tell you
what my mother told me.

Find someone you love,

and then hold on 'cause
it's gonna be a bumpy ride.

You know, I was kinda hoping

that you'd give me a
list of dos and don'ts,

you know, secrets.

You're overthinking it.

It's not that hard.

Or that easy.

I know it's hard.

I'm not sure about easy.

I mean, you found the right guy.

How did you do that?

Found him?

There were two boys my
age, and he had the car.

My family grew up
in a small town,

and he lived right
down the road.

You picked Grandpa
because he had a car?

Hey, things were a lot more
pragmatic back in those days,

and he's really cute too.

He was cute and he had a car.

You got it.

Hey.

Hey, hi, hi.

Hi.

Mm, so you find
that secret sauce yet?

You guys make it look so easy.

Anyone that thinks
relationships are easy

hasn't been in one.

What are you talking about?

Hey,
you need any help?

No, I think I have
it under control.

I love her.

Aaron, you want a taste?

Yeah.

Yeah, okay.

Mm.

All right, that's all
you get until dinner.

Will you do me a favor

and finish putting
ice in the glasses,

and also light the candles?

I'm on it.

Thanks, babe.

Huh, well, you obviously
have it all figured out.

What's that?

You literally have Aaron
eating out of your hand.

Very funny.

No, I'm serious.

Like, he would do
anything for you,

and he'd be happy to do it.

He adores you.

Anything else, honey?

Uh, maybe some music, thanks.

Go get your toy and
take it to Daddy.

You are a puppet master.

I just know what they want.

I'll get it.

♪ I don't know why

Unbelievable.

♪ It's so funny, but it seems

♪ I get so high in springtime

Okay, seriously?

I thought you guys
had something rare,

something that I wanted.

That's no gift.

You, you burst my bubble.

Aaron is the best thing
that's ever happened to me,

and we're both very happy.

Your bubble is fine.

Did you have him neutered too?

Stop it.

You know, maybe
there is no secret.

Maybe it's like Al Capone's
vault: nothing there.

You know, I spend my day

listening marriage
problems that I can't fix,

and all I wanna say to them is,

like, why did you
ever get married?

Maybe you should
take some time off.

You know, people, they think,

they expect that
they're gonna be

in some part of very small,
exclusive group of the people

that found the right
person, but there's what?

There's what, seven billion
people in the world?

Okay, yeah, those
are great odds.

Hey, how many of
those have you had?

Have you slept?

No, I have to finish the book

that unlocks the secret to
happiness in a relationship,

and when Justin get home,

if Justin ever gets home,

I need to know the secrets.

This stays between the
two of us, you understand?

I treat my husband

the way I wanna be treated.

Okay, see that's not funny.

No, you can see how
vulnerable I am.

What do you want?

Why is it that people that
know exactly what it takes

to have a successful marriage

don't wanna tell you?

Like what?

There's only enough happiness?

Is that it?

If you breathe a word of
this to anyone, I will deny it.

So we hadn't been married for
very long, and we were fine.

We were adjusting
to married life,

and I decided that I wanted
a puppy, and so we got one,

and he was adorable,
and a handful,

and we read all of the books,
and nothing was working.

So we decided to go to a class.

The woman was amazing.

She was a miracle worker,
and she made it look so easy.

She suggested that
we get another dog

to keep our dog
company during the day

when we weren't there,

and I asked, with this one,
if I could train, you know,

'cause I wanted to learn
how to do it myself.

Oh, so she taught you
to be the dog whisperer.

She taught me everything
about training a dog.

Huh,

so you accidentally
trained your husband?

No, I just realized
how good dogs have it.

All right, so you're
saying that walks and treats

are the secret to your marriage?

Does that sound silly?

No, no.

No, it doesn't
sound silly, that's

It's ridiculous.

I mean, I know that it was
another woman, but was that all?

Is that not enough?

Well, I mean, an affair
is normally a symptom,

not a problem.

We didn't communicate,

grew apart,

had nothing in common,

yadda-yadda-yadda.

That's helpful.

Did Justin?

No, no, no, no, no.

You are an accomplished,
independent woman,

and you don't need a man.

But don't you miss
the companionship?

I have a cat.

Don't look at me like that.

I just have one cat.

And that's your dream in life?

Just a cat to live
happily ever after with?

I am not wasting my time

chasing something
that doesn't exist.

Yeah see, but it does exist.

I've seen it.

It's rare, but I've seen it.

And look, you've seen it too.

Grandma and Grandpa have it.

They're happy.

Okay, it exists, but
it's extremely rare,

and my mother made her
whole life about my father.

Is that what you wanna do?

Can I help you find something?

Yes, hi.

I was looking for a book
on training a puppy.

Oh,
what kind is he?

I don't know yet, just
thinking about getting one.

Oh, well you know
they're a lot of work.

I'd recommend getting one
that's already been trained.

We had an awful time.

We had to replace the carpet.

Oh.

Right here.

Let's see.

Oh, here.

This one, and

You know, take your time,

and pick the one
that's right for you.

I will.

Thank you so much.

You're welcome.

So, about our
talk last week...

I went to the library

and checked out some
books on the subject.

Surprisingly, it parallels
with some behavioral studies

that have already been done.

I'd like to try some of
those for my new book.

Hi.

Who wants a treat?

Who wants a treat?

I got some treats for you.

Yeah.

Oh, you're the best.

Come on.

See?

That's unbelievable.

You want one?

No, you know I
don't eat cookies,

but I will take
one of those dogs

you're always trying
to get rid of.

But just a loaner.

Are you serious?

Mm-hmm.

Let's go.

♪ I think it's meant to be

Come here, little munchkin.

Um...

Yeah?

Well, is he trained?

Oh, Henry will be easy.

He's smart.

You think he looks smart?

You two are perfect
for each other.

No, no.

Okay, come on, Henry.

Come on.

I'll take you outside.

Let's go do that.

All right, you ready?

You gotta walk.

Henry, walk.

Come on.

Okay.

Okay, we got you.

Henry, come on.

All right, well take your time.

You probably need
to get acclimated.

Did she give me
a dog with fleas?

Hey, Henry.

Henry, do you need to go?

I wonder if there's an
app for bathroom breaks

so we don't have
another little accident.

Puddle and Pile, huh.

Planning is the
key to everything.

You'll see, Henry.

So about Joanne.

What's that?

Nothing.

Sorry, it's

It's a puppy.

Go on.

Can we get him out?

I'm afraid that will
send the wrong message.

I don't think
it'll hurt just once.

Look at him.

Aw, come here.

You just want someone to pick
you up, don't you?

This isn't very professional.

You should charge
extra for puppy therapy.

Well, he's not mine, but
I'll take a note of that.

How's he doing
through the night?

I'm sure he'll do fine.

Well, some of the
nights are rough.

I have him on a schedule.

So about Joanne.

Nothing I do seems
to make her happy.

Well no, you can't.

You can do things with her

that you think that
she might enjoy,

but ultimately it's up to her.

She's responsible
for her own feelings.

I know.

Just wish there was something.

Why don't we try
and get her in again.

You should come home with me.

That might make her happy.

Okay, I'll see you next week,

hopefully with Joanne.

Okay, bye-bye.

Hey, what am I
gonna do with you?

Are you hungry?

I don't understand why Justin
is out traveling the world,

and you got a dog.

What's going on?

I didn't get a dog.

I'm just, uh,

I'm just helping Nicole out.

This is temporary, that's all.

You don't think you're
trying to cover up the fact

that your biological
clock is ticking away

and your husband's out
having the time of his life?

I'm sorry, did you learn that
in one of your classes too?

I'm not sharing my
personal relationship,

or my reproductive life
plan with you, Hudson.

A dog is just that: a dog.

Well, your doctor's office
keeps leaving you messages.

I don't know what
to say, that's all.

Okay, so you're obviously
aware that Justin is gone now.

But I thought it was you.

I will be making
my own doctor's appointment from now on.

Sorry.

Didn't know you were
so sensitive about it.

Oh, I'm not, I'm not.

I'm fine, I'm fine.

You know, I could really
use a coffee run right now.

Hudson doesn't know what
she's talking about, does she?

I mean, what does she know?

What does she know
about having a baby?

I mean, I'm not one of those
women that has to have a baby.

I have a career.

What would I do with a baby?

I can't just put a baby
in a crate in a corner.

I'm surprised Nicole even
trusted me to take care of you.

Hi buddy, what's wrong?

Are you afraid of the dark?

Okay, I'm only negotiating
this once with you.

I'm only doing it once, okay?

But you have to
stay in the kennel.

I don't wanna send
the wrong message.

Hey, let me finish.

You can sleep by my bed, okay?

I know, you're probably lonely,

and I'm tired if
you keep doing that.

Let's go to bed, Henry.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh no!

Oh no, no, no, no!

We gotta go outside.

Nyuugh!

Oh God!

Ow!

Ow!

Okay, come on.

Hi, I'm returning the dog.

I showed it where it's
supposed to go to the bathroom,

and it's going
everywhere but there.

And also, I didn't know dogs
were supposed to be nocturnal.

I didn't read that anywhere.

He's a puppy.

It takes time.

You just have to be consistent.

Well, when am I
supposed to go to sleep?

What if I fall asleep while
listening to a client?

How are you gonna
do research for your book

if I take--

Okay, well that's not fair.

You have to help me.

Come to class.

We'll start on some
basic commands.

All right, looking
good, mm-hmm, very good.

Good sit.

Good sit.

Good sit.

Oh, hey.

Hi.

Well, we don't beg when we
want our dog to do something.

We use a voice

that's easy for them to
understand the command.

Henry, sit.

Oh, okay,
I've seen that before.

Good sit.

Practice with him a
few more times, okay.

Okay.

Um, these are for Henry.

All right, Henry.

Thank you so much
for being here.

We'll see you next week.

Remember, short
leash, close to you.

He's good, right?

Yeah, he is.

He is a good boy.

Well, you make
it look so easy.

Just give them praise when
they learn something new.

I'll use that in my book.

Have you heard from Justin?

No, not a word.

I thought he would
text or something,

let me know he's alive, but--

Did you reach out?

My assistant follows
him on Instagram.

You could call.

You think?

Well, seeing as we're
not in junior high,

and we're married: yeah.

Okay, but don't you
think he would call

if he'd wanna talk?

Do you wanna fix things?

Take the first step.

And what should I say?

Well, you're the
marriage therapist,

so you probably
know better than me,

but maybe you could start
with something like,

how are you?

Where are you?

Lead with that.

Okay, yeah, I could do that.

Hi, hope you are doing well.

I'm fine, it's beautiful here.

How are you?

I'll send you a picture.

Talk soon.

Love you.

Good night, Justin.

I love you.

Oh.

I assumed something was
wrong when you didn't show up.

Oh, um, Henry, this is Mona.

Mona, Henry.

Cats are so much
more civilized.

I'm sorry.

I completely forgot about today.

Did your housekeeper quit?

Uh no, I'm trying
to bake cookies.

You don't eat cookies.

Well, I thought
it would be nice

for when Justin gets home.

Gets home?

From where?

He's in Europe.

Europe?

Yeah, he's working.

He wanted me to go with him,
but, you know, just, I'm busy.

Shouldn't he be European
to be a European tour guide?

He's an adventure/expedition
specialist.

I'm sorry, how is that
different from a tour guide?

Well, the way you
say it, it's demeaning.

Well, how else to say it?

He went to law school,
and now he climbs rocks.

He wasn't happy.

Everybody thinks
they need to be happy.

Happiness is elusive.

I mean, how would you possibly
even know if you found it?

I just find it exhausting.

Well, at least one of
you is still working.

What is this?

It's called How to Unlock
the Secret to a Happy Marriage.

Good, then you can read it.

Oh, I think Henry needs to...

Henry!

I hate to say this,

but people do not
buy weight-loss books

from overweight writers.

Today, we
are going to teach down,

which is why we
first taught sit.

He's clearly an overachiever.

He shouldn't be in
the beginner's class.

You're doing fine.

Self-esteem, very important.

All right, when you
want your dog to go down,

you simply hold the treat
in front of their nose,

lead them down to the ground,

and when their belly
touches the ground, you say,

yes!

Good down, and give
them a treat, okay?

Okay, yes, this is wonderful.

Keep practicing.

Great, that looks great.

All right everyone,
practice for next week,

and we will see you then.

All right, take care.

Yes, you've been practicing.

Good.

Thanks.

I was talking about
Henry, but you too.

Great job.

I texted Justin last night.

Oh, and how is he?

Good, I think.

He didn't say a lot.

Okay, well, that's
a start, right?

Yeah.

I bet he's your best student.

Well, I'm not supposed to
choose favorites, but, uh,

yeah, he's the best.

I knew it.

Yeah, he is.

I have an exercise I'd like
for you guys to try this week.

Will you try?

Sure.

I bet you used to do
this when you were dating.

I want you to say thank
you and you're welcome,

like you would to
a total stranger.

It's easy for us to take
each other for granted,

but a simple thank you--

Why would I thank him?

It's just as much his
trash as it is mine.

It's not all my trash.

I do more around the
house than he does.

If you tell me what it is
you want me to do, I'll do it.

Often, we want our spouses
to know what it is we want

without telling them,

which is extremely difficult.

I mean, if we're being
honest with ourselves,

we may know what we don't want,

but we don't know what we want.

I know what I want,
but I'm not telling him.

Why can't you tell
Jack what it is you want?

He can't read your mind.

What are you afraid of?

Give Jack the opportunity
to meet your needs.

He's not the enemy.

He's such a good boy.

You are such a good boy.

Yes, you are.

You were so good outside.

Okay, go get a treat.

Jill,
just made it to the summit,

and it's, it's beautiful.

I keep thinking about
the way I left, and

I'm sorry.

I need to know

what you're thinking.

Okay, Justin
isn't just working.

Of course he's not.

I think he wants to come home.

He wants to know
what I'm thinking.

Well I'm sure he does.

He's testing the waters.

He want to see if it's
safe to come home.

Safe?

You have to set him straight

that he can't just take off
whenever he feels like it,

while you stay home
and bake cookies.

No, no, it's not like that.

Look, he just

he just needed some time away.

Oh, grow up.

Why do you think he left?

You think I
should go meet him?

No, relax.

You have the upper hand.

No Mom, we're 50/50.

Do you want him to think
you've been sitting around

waiting for him to come home,

or do you want him to wonder

what he missed out
on while he was gone?

Justin is not Dad.

But he's a man,

and he'll use your weaknesses
against you if you let him.

No, hey, hey, no.

That's not yours, that's Mona's.

You know, I don't think
Justin's the enemy here.

I didn't say he was,

but that doesn't mean you
can trust him, either.

Come on.

Come on, Henry, let's go.

It's okay.

Oh, so gorgeous.

It's beautiful.

So I texted Justin last night.

I told him that I missed him,
and that he should come home.

And what did he say?

Nothing.

He said nothing.

I think I just

I waited too long to respond.

You don't know that.

Well no, he doesn't like
it when I'm indecisive,

and he knows what he wants.

He's decisive.

Well, you said what you
felt, and that's good.

I'm really proud of you.

Maybe my mother's right.

Maybe he's not alone.

What if he never got the call?

What if he had no cell service?

What if he was stuck
on top of a mountain,

caught in a snowstorm,

and he had to fight off a pack
of wild mountain goats, hmm?

What if he dropped his phone?

What I'm saying is, I think
he's gonna be in touch.

Well I hope so.

So you guys remember
my friend from work,

Jess, the pretty blond.

Yeah.

Well, we're not
friends anymore.

Why?

She seemed so nice.

Yeah, I thought so too,

until she and Larry announced
that they're in love--

...I mean, I introduced them.

- No.
- Really?

That sucks.

You think you've got
it all figured out,

and then you have to start
over with half of what you had,

minus what the lawyers took,

and then you lose
all of your friends

because they're
your couple friends,

and they just feel
uncomfortable having to choose,

so they just disappear.

He won't lose us.

I know, Larry won't want you.

Are you sure
he's still working?

Oh, I trust Justin.

How's Henry?

Oh, he's so good.

He did the funniest
thing the other day.

Really?

So cute--

Good seeing you, man.

Look who I found wandering
outside our apartment.

Justin, what are
you doing here?

I didn't wanna just
crawl into bed and

you come home and
not know I was there.

Why didn't you call?

Uh, battery's dead.

Hey Justin, can I
get you some food?

I'm really tired, but thanks.

Of course.

Hey Aaron, help me
with these dishes, huh?

Hi.

Hi.

How was your trip.

Oh, I

I'll tell you about it later.

You look good.

You want a ride home?

Who's Henry?

What?

Henry.

Nicole asked you how he was.

Oh, um...

Henry, he's a

he's a friend.

Oh.

Where'd you meet?

A group thing.

He's a client?

Uh-huh.

I didn't know you talked to
Nicole about your clients.

Oh well sometimes.

You're not jealous, are you?

Uh-uh, no, I'm just
curious what I missed out on.

Oh, well you know me.

Not much.

You ready to go home?

Yeah, I'm so ready.

I'm exhausted.

Okay.

Yeah.

Let's go, then.

Yes, let's.

I'm so tired I wanna...

What?

Hey.

Oh, whose dog is this?

It's mine.

Oh, it's ours.

What?

You always said they were messy

and that you didn't want one.

Yeah, and I was right,

but I mean, come on,
look how cute he is.

Oh, what's his name?

It's, uh, George.

I never guessed
you for a dog person.

Me neither, but I guess I am.

He suits you.

I'm gonna

take a shower, though,
and get a little sleep,

but I'd like to take
you out tonight.

Okay, sounds nice.

Hey, you don't mind if I
call you George, do you?

It's only for a little while.

You didn't have to wear a suit.

I though if I looked good

you might go dancing
with me after dinner.

Now you dance?

Wow, that must have
been some trip.

It was incredible.

Look at this.

Wish you were there.

Oh, that looks beautiful.

It was.

I though a lot about
us while I was gone,

and about where we're headed.

Me too.

Hey, I need to know
if you want this,

and not out of some
obligation to your career,

what people might think, but

because you're committed to us.

I do.

I really, really do.

Look at this.

Oh, hey.

- Hi.
- Hi.

You look a lot better
since last time I saw you.

Aw, man, I

I slept like a rock.

What
do you think of--

George!

So were you all turned
around on your times?

Oh yeah, I am.

I was so exhausted
from the travel.

Oh man, so

what time is it there now?
- What am I...

- Uh, eight hours...
- What am I supposed

to call him?

Oh man.

I get so confused.

We're just, uh, we're, uh,

we're walking George to teach
him how to be on the leash.

He just

He still doesn't love it.

Okay, well make sure you
keep him on a short leash

so that he stays
close by your side.

Sure.

You've done a great
job with George.

Thank you.

Who's George?

- The dog.
- The dog.

Dog.

I thought his name was--

George, 'cause remember

you called him King
George that one time.

Oh yeah, we did

you did, yeah.
- Oh yeah, because--

Jillian treats him
like he's the king.

Uh-huh.

And these dogs
have it so good.

Well, on that note,
we'd better get going,

because I'm gonna bake cookies.

You know how to bake?

Yeah, Nicole gave me a recipe.

Mm, they have some
secret ingredient.

So good, just you wait.

All right.

All right guys,
we'll see you later.

- Okay.
- Bye-bye.

- See you.
- Bye.

Come on George.

Come on, buddy.

Oh look, he's
pretty good right now.

I woke up and thought
I was dreaming.

Those smell so good.

Ah, mm

Hm?

Mm.

I was homesick before, but

this is better than I remember.

I've been thinking

maybe an office job wouldn't
be such a bad thing.

I'd have a set schedule,

and I wouldn't have
to work weekends.

Get to spend more time with you.

Wait, wait.

You don't want an office job.

A climbing equipment company

has approached me several times.

I don't know, maybe I
should give it a try.

Well, I guess it wouldn't
hurt to explore your options.

Yeah.

Oh, what's the new book about?

Oh, you don't wanna
talk about that.

Oh I do, I do.

What is it?

A sequel?

How to pick your third husband?

Do you wanna go outside?

Come on, George,
I'll take you outside.

Does he do that to you?

Do what?

I don't get it.

Why are you calling
Henry, George?

Well, it's hard to explain.

I'm not really sure myself,

but when Justin walked
in, and he surprised me,

he overheard you ask
how Henry was doing.

Yeah, and?

And then he asked
who Henry was,

but I didn't wanna tell
him I got a dog right away.

Why?

Well, it just

it didn't feel like I
should lead in with that

after he'd been gone for so
long, and, you know, I just

I didn't want him to think
that I was just waiting around,

and then Carla texted and
said that he reeked of guilt,

and I just

I panicked.

Honey, I think
what she smelled

was two days worth of travel.

Regardless, you thought naming
your dog George would help?

Well, I assured him
Henry was just a friend.

Henry's not a friend.

Henry is your dog.

Well, I know, so
when we got home,

I couldn't very well tell him
that our dog's name was Henry,

so I just

I just called him George.

It's no big deal.

Jill, you're the therapist.

You don't see something wrong

with making your husband
jealous of your dog?

Okay, weren't you listening?

It wasn't my intention.

It just happened.

I'm sure he's
forgotten all about it.

Okay, well, besides that,

how are things
going with Justin?

After dinner, we went dancing.

Justin doesn't like dancing.

I know, I
know, and it was his idea.

That's impressive.

I can't even get
Aaron to go dancing.

Okay, I have to go because
I have a client coming--

No no!

Then what happened?

I want one.

I think we're gonna
start trying again.

Are you sure you're ready?

We'll we're finally
in a really good place.

And he hasn't asked
you about Henry?

No, no.

I told you he'd
forget all about it.

Hey, where's Jill?

I wanted to surprise her and
see if she had time for lunch.

Uh, she had an
appointment: hair, nails--

I'll leave a note on her desk.

I'm so jealous.

I wanna do that.

Hm?

Your trip.

Instagram.

Oh yeah, that was great,
but it's nice to be home.

Probably best you
came home when you did.

Man, what's wrong with you?

I don't know.

Jillian's baking cookies and
wants to spend time together.

Pssh!

Aw man, that's rough.

Swear she's not the
same person I left.

Something happened
while I was gone.

Maybe you shouldn't have left.

She was saying she was with
someone while I was away?

I don't blame her.

If you up and left me...

I found a note.

You coulda left me a
note before you left.

Sorry.

I shoulda told
you I was leaving.

All right, was that so hard?

Want me to just ask Nicky
what she knows about Jillian?

No, no, don't ask Nicole.

She'll tell Jill.

Then man up and
ask her yourself.

I did.

She said that they're friends.

Yeah, that's never good.

Dude, this is not cool.

If Nicky finds out I'm here,
she's not gonna be happy.

All I need is his address.

She's picking him up at seven.

Hurry!

I need a password.

Okay, we tried.

Let's go.

Oh, someone's coming.

Wait, I found the
notes to her new book.

I don't even know
what it's about.

Wait and read
it when it comes out.

What should we say?

Uh, be cool.

We have every right to be here.

Uh, okay.

I'll do the talking.

Hey, uh, sorry.

Office is closed.

We're just here fixing

computer.

Oh, I just left
my glasses here

and Ms. James said
that she'd meet me.

- Oh, uh, yeah.
- Uh...

Yeah, sorry, I
don't, I don't see them.

Oh, that's okay.

I'll, I'll wait for her.

Oh.

Okay.

Right there, okay.

Uh, we're not expecting
her anytime soon.

Oh, here it is.

Oh, my glasses?

Something about
Henry, and me, and you.

About me?

Why would there be
anything about you?

Oh, I'm Henry.

Hank's just a nickname.

You're Henry,

and you're being picked up at...

seven?

Oh, what's it say about me?

Oh, you don't wanna know.

Yuh-huh, I wanna see.

Similarities between training
your husband and your puppy?

I think these are
Nicole's books.

She must have borrowed
them for George.

No, they're for us.

We've been trained.

I thought
I had problems.

Hey!

Where are you going?

You're not leaving
till I figure out

what's going on between
you and my wife.

Your wife?

Yeah, I mean

how long you been seeing her?

Ms. James?

I don't know, maybe
two or three months,

I
mean, we actually--

...and your wife's brilliant.

Justin.

Aaron.

What are you doing here?

Oh, I just stopped by
to check out a few things.

I just came by
to get my glasses.

In my office?

Yeah, maybe you can help me.

Regarding what?

I can come back.

No, no, no, no, no.

I'm sorry.

Here you go.

Uh, see you next week?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, you're not leaving.

Not until my wife tells me
what's going on with you two.

Justin!

I don't know what
you're talking about.

No, that's okay.

I will clear it up.

I, I'll see you next week.

Nah, that's okay, um, I
can deal with my own stuff.

Justin!

Good news.

Henry's the dog, not the dude.

Okay, see, I,

I was gonna tell you about that.

Good.

You were gonna tell
me that I was research

to see if I could be
trained as well as your dog?

It's not like that.

Well, then what's
it like, Jill?

'Cause I can't wait to hear.

Well, I, I'm

I'm researching the

the, the social
compatibilities and differences

between the two
species, okay?

If you think about it, it's...

Okay, I can see why
you're confused, but it's

it's actually really funny.

You let me think
there was another guy.

That was not my fault.

That just happened.

That, that was a mistake.

I was a wreck thinking
of you with someone else.

I told you he was a friend.

That's, that's not a
friend, that's a dog, Jill.

Why would you do that?

Okay, when you thought
there was someone else,

did you--
- You think you know

all about men, don't you?

That we're just
simple creatures?

We just go around peeing
on whatever belongs to us?

Justin, I'm sorry.

It was just a complete
misunderstanding.

Attuned to the emotional
state of their masters,

they express contrition
when the owner is annoyed,

and the capacity to express
affection unconditionally

makes them a valued

companion.

Which one of us are
you referencing here?

Yeah.

If Henry knew better,
he'd be out, too.

No wait, Justin.

Please, come on, just...

Hey Justin, it's me.

Um, I'm sorry.

Can you please call me back?

Can we talk?

Okay, bye.

Hey.

Hey, come here, Henry.

I really messed
this one up, huh?

Yeah, you did.

What are we gonna do, Henry?

I'd like to start today
by getting to know you,

and what your goals
are for our session,

but before I do, I'd like
to record our sessions.

It gives us a reference
to get back to.

Is that okay with you?

I guess so.

Why don't you tell
me what's going on?

I've been married
for 12 years.

Last five years have
been downward spiral,

and I'm pretty sure

my husband is in a relationship

with other woman.

Have you asked him?

Ask him what?

If he's
having an affair.

Don't care anymore.

I'm gonna ask you
to give me three words

to describe what you would
like your marriage to be like.

Different, that's all.

I'm gonna ask you
to do some homework

before we have your
husband come in.

Doubt he'll come.

Why not?

I'm not gonna ask him.

Why are you here, Joyce?

For me.

Fair enough.

We'll focus on you.

How could you
let me do this to him?

You didn't do anything to him.

You made him some cookies.

No, I took his manhood.

I, I, I,

I turned him into whatever it
is that I wanted him to be.

You didn't take his manhood.

He's still intact.

Would you sit down?

Look, all he
wanted was to make me happy.

But you can't make
someone happy, right?

I mean, I want him to be happy,
but I wanna be happy too.

I...

It doesn't matter.

He's broken.

His pride might
be a little broken, maybe.

That's all.

I'm not eating
your cookies.

This has nothing
to do with Justin.

Yes, it does.

I, I, I trained him, and now
he's not even Justin anymore.

He's, he's

He's Aaron.

It never had anything to
do with Justin or Aaron.

It's about you.

Yes, I know.

It's about what I did to Justin.

You're the one who
changed, not Justin.

I can't believe
you did this to me.

You're my best friend.

You were desperate,

and you wouldn't take
my relationship advice.

That's not true.

I asked you and my grandmother.

Yeah, and we both told
you, and you wouldn't listen.

Okay, just because
you have a good marriage

doesn't make you an
expert in relationships.

Oh, he was
so mad at me, I...

Of course he was.

You tried to make him
jealous of your dog.

Well

I

I was afraid that he
was cheating on me.

I just

I wanted to get his attention.

Well, you got it.

I finally had him
back, and now I lost him again.

You didn't lose him.

Give him a little while
to blow off some steam.

They'll remember how good
they had it.

I'm taking the bed tonight.

It's my bed.

Well, I wouldn't be here
if it weren't for you.

You've forgotten.

It was your brilliant wife's
idea that started this.

Hey, you can't talk
about my wife like that.

Well, maybe you
wanna sleep in a bed,

and be treated like a dog,

but not me.
- No, it smells here,

and not like cookies.

Have you ever tasted Nicole's
chocolate chip cookies?

Oh.

She gave Jillian the recipe.

I think the secrete
ingredient's a drug.

They were drugging us to get
us to do what they wanted.

You should see how Nicole
treats our dogs.

Jill won't even drink out
of the same glass as me,

but she picks up his poop.

You're actually jealous
of your dog for real now?

Yeah, yeah I know,

and I know who's sleeping
with Jill every night.

It's George, or Henry,
whatever his name is.

I don't know if this helps,

but 40% of the dog owners

identify their dog
as a family member,

meaning they're
socially compatible.

Hm? No, it doesn't help.

I was
treated amazing.

I ran away

to this.

I wanna go home.

Hey, hey, hey!

Be cool.

Can't just go home.

We have to go on our terms.

Really?

Do we?

'Cause after smelling your feet,

I think you should beg
Jillian to take you back.

You may not have
any dignity, but I do.

You can hold
onto your dignity.

I'm going home to my wife
and telling her I'm sorry.

What
are you sorry for?

Doesn't matter.

Hey, babe.

Look so pretty

reading your little
book.

Love you.

I'm sorry.

and I don't ever wanna leave.

Welcome home.

Mm.

You're gonna have to
get them back together.

He's not as
domesticated as I am.

♪ Oh how I love

♪ How the sun lays upon us

♪ Staining the inches of skin

♪ Oh, says the clouds

♪ As they whisper above us

♪ Oh, what a life it's been

There you are.

Boundaries, Mom!

You gave me a key.

Yes,
for emergencies.

Well, you haven't
answered the phone in days.

Well, I've been busy.

You look busy.

Things haven't been
turning out the way I planned.

What's wrong with me?

Nothing's wrong with you.

I thought things
were going so well.

Well, it was

until it wasn't.

So fix it.

I think it's too late.

Have you forgotten
people come to you

for advice about relationships?

People all over the world
read your books about them.

I can't imagine why.

I mean, my own husband
won't even talk to me.

What, you're gonna
let that stop you?

I don't know,
maybe you were right.

Maybe I don't need anyone.

I've got Henry.

Why would you listen to me?

What do I know?

I just didn't want you to
make the same mistakes I did.

You have to make
your own mistakes.

Okay, where's my mother, and
what have you done with her?

Well, I've been doing
a bit of soul-searching.

I realized what I don't have.

We all want the ever-after,

People can change.

You wouldn't do what you do
if you didn't believe that.

This isn't coming off.

What are we gonna do?

It's been on for
like an hour now.

You're gonna need
the sandblaster.

Probably.

Thank you.

You did it!

You have no idea how happy I am.

For you.

I'm, I'm

I'm happy for you.

Henry, up.

Henry, stand.

Henry, stand.

Well, I guess he's
not feeling it today.

Well, this might be
a good time to tell you

that we found a
family for Henry.

They're gonna move into a house

with a fence and a big backyard.

I mean, I know that you
only wanted to keep him

until he found a home, so...

Well, they can't have him.

I'm gonna keep him.

Well, I already
promised him to them.

Well, I don't care.

I mean, he's mine.

I trained him.

Jill, it's not a big deal.

We'll get another one
that looks just like him,

and I'll help you train him,

and honestly, it'll
probably be better.

You can call him
whatever you want:

George, Henry,
Charles, who cares?

No, you can't replace him.

It's not, It's not that easy.

It wouldn't be the same.

Look, just tell them that

to get another dog.

Okay, I'll pay them
whatever they want.

Look, they don't know him.

They wouldn't even
know what he likes.

And you'd do
anything to keep him?

I gotta go.

Henry, come on.

Come on.

Henry, come on.

Henry, let's go.

Let's go.

Okay, okay fine.

You know what?

I'll, I'll,

I'll do the running.

Patio Bistro.

Let's go home.

Come on.

Henry!

Henry!

I'm sorry, can you
give us a moment?

This isn't a good time.

You can't
not talk to me forever.

Okay, why did
you come down here?

I wanna explain.

And why were you
treating me like a dog?

What do you mean?

Giving you positive
reinforcement?

I mean, spending time with
you, baking you cookies?

Exactly.

It was Nicole.

Still blaming other people.

Justin, wait.

Okay, um,
thank you so much.

Oh yeah, no problem.

I'll speak to you soon.

Yeah, we'll talk soon.

All right, thanks.

She seems nice.

She is.

Are we done?

Almost.

Look, I want you to know I...

You weren't the one
that was being trained.

It was me.

I never asked you to change.

I just

I had

I had this fantasy of what
I thought I needed, and--

And I wasn't it.

It might be too late,

but I choose you.

If I had to do it all over
again, I'd choose you.

You're the one I want.

Susan was offering me a
job in the legal department.

You were jealous?

There's no one I'd
rather be with.

My life is better with
you than without you,

even as a dog.

I promise I won't
leave you again.

So your second husband?

Yeah?

What would he look like?

Well, he's very handsome.

Oh yeah.

And he hardly wears a tie.

Oh, in that case.

What about a jacket?

Um,

meh.

'S what I thought.

Just to get one thing straight.

What?

We calling him George,
or we calling him Henry?

Henry.

I'm so excited to
have her back in studio.

It's Jillian James, and
her new book is called

How to Pick Your Second Husband,
get this, First.

Jillian, thank you,
and you know what?

I'm excite to hear, how
did you come up with this?

Well, if you
read the first one,

this is all-new material

I found through a
personal experience,

and I can't wait to
share it with my readers.

You blew my mind.

I did read your first
book, and I will tell you,

what's in here, this book is
gonna change people's lives.

Am I right?

That's the idea.

It's not always
about who you choose,

so choosing someone new

isn't necessarily gonna
be the best answer.

Well, but in
your previous book,

you did say that women
are often smarter

when they're picking
their second husband.

True/not true?

Uh, it might be true,

and if we treated
our first husbands

the way we would
treat our second,

and decided to hold
on through the bumps,

it might just be the best
decision for a lot of us.

Well, for so many
considering divorce,

I'll tell you what, that
might sting a little bit.

Mm, I know, but

the truth always does.

Jillian, thank you
so much for being here,

and I can't wait to see
what's next for you.

Ah, thank you so
much for having me.

Oh, you were great.

Everything's
exactly the same.

No, it's not.

We have three kids.

Oh.

It's entirely
different.

You think dogs have it good?

Wait until you have kids.

You get moved to the
bottom of the ladder.

The kids,

the dogs,

and me.

Nobody cares that
you're on the bottom.

All they wanna know about

is whether I gave away Jillian
and Justin's beloved Henry.

Did you?

No!

There were no owners.

I made it up.

You're awful.

I got them back together.

That's right.

Uh-huh.

- Aw.
- Mm.

So we've expanded our family.

And Jill's using puppy
therapy in her sessions now.

Yes, these little guys

help us focus on
the relevant issues,

rather than fear or anger.

And Jill
even comes with me

a couple times a year
on my expeditions.

It's always an adventure.

I taught her how to
jump once in a while,

and she taught me how to stay.

Okay, stop.

That's not funny.

It's
funny, come on now.

Aw.