Original subtitles

I am a doctor, with no license. An underground surgeon.

My job is to examine heretical sicknesses where the commonsense of medicine

cannot be applied. Huh? My name? Can't tell you that.

But my patients call me Devil Woman Doctor. I am not a devil, I think they are.

This video is my examination history, bloody kertes from hell.

Sick family!

What!

Dad, don't get upset.

Right, right. -The most disgraceful family in Japan.

Hey, what! -Dad !

Yes, right. -Nuisance to the neighbors!

Nuisance? Don't you understand ! You're upsetting me!

Please don't get upset. If you don't get a hold of yourself, what'll happen to us?

Right, I can't be upset. Gotta keep it together.

That's right. Haste makes waste. Endurance is the greatest virtue.

Yes, you're right, Mother. We have keep enduring it now

or all the tolerance will have been a waste. All right, everybody!

From now on, whatever she says or however she insults us, don't get upset. Promise!

Useless family!

You are all bastards!

Ok, ok. Good job. You did it. Really good job.

This family, everyone of them, has a sickness or rather I should say diathesis.

Congenital Brain Explosion Disease. When excited, the brain fluid reaches

the boiling point and exceeds its limitation. Bluntly put, you all have

a sickness that makes your head blow up when you get upset.

Doctor.

Can you save us?

Yes. You can depend on me. Now I'll test each one of you separately.

You must bear it! Do you understand?

You, bald piece of shit!

What!

You, indigent!

What did you say!

You... Pretty baby! Are you an ape's baby?

There must be something wrong with your methods, doctor.

What do you mean? The something wrong is with your brain.

I'm sorry. -Ready? You, impotent dick.

It's too bad that just these words made you upset. You guys have no patience.

This patient also has a hereditary disease. Her heart is very weak, or I should say

it is in a very dangerous condition. Hereditary Heart Blast Disease.

When she is surprised, the heart blasts. The heart of her father blasted

when startled by an alarm clock. Her mother's was blasted when the phone rang.

That was a wrong number too.

It is tragedy. But this child is ok. Her heart has been trained repeatedly.

Isn't that right?

Yes! -This is the final test. Are you ready!

Oops, a bit ill-trained. I am sorry.

The name of this patient's condition is Jekyll and Hyde disease.

As the name explains, two personalities live in one person. Double personality.

In Hitchcock's classic ''Psycho'', as I remember, the main character

had two personalities too, didn't he? Rationality and rusticity.

Composure and violence. Indulgence and daintiness. I think every human being

has some kind of double personality, but this patient's case was more complex.

Doctor! Please do something. -Another personality is controlling

your right hand. Interesting. Let's leave it and see a little while.

It hurts...

It's becoming more violent.

Doctor, please stop it. It hurts...

Doctor, what the heck you doing?

I was trying to help you.

But...

Stop it!

See, look. It's getting more violent.

What do you think, huh?

Doctor, stop it. -Calm down! You're a big boy now.

You're going too far now, doctor.

Oh my god. It's the discontinuous muscle contraction.

What's that? -Nervous shaker, you know.

The right leg has started to have a personality.

Stop it! -Nothing I can do.

Doctor, help me! -Hold on!

Almost there!

Finally it's calming down.

But if the stuff, the anesthesia, runs out...

You're right. If we leave like this...

What's going to happen?

Do you want to know what happened to him? It's amazing how the world works.

He found a job that requires both of those personalities. He is enjoying it

and doing it well. He runs Jekyll and Hyde show and became a popular guy in town.

Life is great. Frankly, this one is my type.

Do you know a disease called human face whitlow?

It's human face shaped malignant tumor.

Do whatever you can do. Please get rid of this thing.

Huh, this is the human face whitlow.

Hi, nice to meet you. I'm the human face whitlow.

You don't have to introduce yourself. -But it is polite to introduce yourself

at the first meeting.

Shut up, you nasty thing. Doctor, please get rid of it from my belly.

But you don't have to hate that much. It's a polite human face whitlow.

Why don't you become a friend?

Are you kidding ! -But, it's better for your occupation,

because this one is more impressive than your weenie tattoo.

This thing has a scary face, but he doesn't know how to talk.

Ouch. You bit me. You son of a bitch.

You are the one who doesn't know how to talk.

When you talk to people, be more polite please.

Shut up, you stupid shit. I'm a gangster, don't you know?

Doctor, please do something before my guys find out about this.

Then, let me examine more closely. Well?

You have bad breath.

He doesn't brush my teeth. -Yeah? Could you do what I ask you to do?

Understand?

Yes.

You voice is pretty loud.

Pretty voice you have. This time we're going to try mimicry.

Hi, I'm Shinichi Mori.

Good evening, I'm Shinichi Mori.

Close.

You pitch is higher than mine.

Then, try. Good evening, I'm Kenichi Mikawa.

Good evening, I'm Kenichi Mikawa.

Doctor, what are you doing?

I wonder if this human face whitlow could become a TV talent.

Oh, I'm flattered. -Doctor, could you examine it seriously?

Ok. The name of this disease is, let's call it, doggydog frog disease.

What's that? -Doggydog frog disease. That's the name.

If you don't know what it means, ask the TV animation fanatics.

Doctor!

All right, then I will come up with some other good name for it. Trust me.

Well, I'll tell you what happened to this patient. He left the gangster group

and now everybody loves him. It won't be long before he becomes a celebrity.

Hi, this is the scene and this is Tamio Kageyama, TV writer, reporting.

Here we are at a tasting party of human flesh for the first time ever.

I'm going to introduce the various items on the menu in detail. What I have

in front of me is a brain. It is pickled in soy sauce and vinegar. This one is,

as you can see, eyeballs. The eyeballs are placed on a chicory, and dressed

with blood sauce. They said when they were making the jellied eyeball, a cockroach

jumped into it. The just left the cockroach in the jelly. And, this is the same

as the jelly, except that in this one a fly flew into it. So they left it in the jelly.

I think this dish should be pretty good. These are the intestines, as you can see.

It's like sausage. This is a salad of fingers and eyeballs. The fingers and

eyeballs are mixed and served as a salad with fresh vegetables.

We know what they are. They are the testicles. Bluntly put, it is a pussy.

The testicles were boiled in soy sauce and the vagina has just a blood sauce.

I suspect that it was dismembered during a menstruation.

It looks like they had some trouble with this ingredient. They have used a liver

with cancer and stewed it with curry sauce.

This liver wouldn't have lasted 3 weeks due to the severe cancer.

It's heavily affected. I see some polyps too, but it is basically a liver cancer.

Those are the dishes presented in this party. They wanted to make more dishes

using human flesh but they didn't have enough time. So some human body parts

are served raw. Those dishes are for people who prefer raw meat. Human parts are served

as they appear. What do you think about these human dishes? Have you tried any?

I'm thinking about it. But I don't have enough courage.

How do you feel about these dishes? -Gross. I try to keep distance from them.

There's a lady who doesn't belong here. I think she is a cleaning lady here.

I will go and ask her.

Excuse me, but can I talk to you a while? -Oh, I don't belong here.

Oh no. I just want to talk to you a little. -No, I have to go clean some stuff.

Did you see all the food? -I don't like it.

Why don't you try some? -I told you, I don't have taste for it.

You haven't tried human flesh before?

Maybe my father has eaten some during the war. But I never have.

Please give me your impression of seeing these human flesh dishes.

I think it's vulgar.

Huh? Me? My name is Katsuko Ohata. Everybody calls me Katchan. My occupation?

I'm a cleaner. Sometimes I do secretary work for the Devil Woman Doctor on a side.

What? No, I'm not he same person. I don't have that kind of vulgar taste.

Please don't think I'm the same person. I'm just a cleaning lady. Oh, it's ok.

The next case was unfortunatcly too late when I examined him.

But this is a record of marital love, fought against their fate.

Sorry. It was a nice bath. Did you wait?

No, I didn't.

Let's go home before we get cold. Honey, didn't you take a bath?

Why?

I feel bad for other customers.

You don't have to feel that way. If you pay, you're a good customer, you know.

It was all right just after the death, a fresh dead.

But now my body is all rotten. The water gets dirty, too.

Wash your body before getting in the tub. -But if I wash it, chunks of meat fall off.

Last time, I felt dizzy and passed out in the tub.

People thought I was a drowned John Doe. I was embarrassed.

Thank you for being so concerned about me. I'm sorry I was a little selfish.

That's ok. Let's go home.

Am I dead or alive? Or am I sick?

You can't be sick when you are dead.

I guess so. -I think so.

How about this one? Too plain?

Doesn't suit you?

What do you think? -That's enough!

Come on.

I'm not the type of person to dress up. -Oh, looks good.

Don't worry about what people think. Hey, relax. Don't be so stiff.

Isn't there anything more cheerful.

You can't tell me no to be stiff. Rigor mortis has set in.

Don't you like this bar? It's has a grown-up atmosphere.

Drinking together like this reminds me of before we got married.

What's wrong? You are awfully quiet?

I'm not used to this kind of place. I'm more used to low class drinking bars.

I don't belong here.

What are you talking about? You look much better than those punk rockers!

You think so? -Yes!

This cocktail tastes good at first, but it smells too strong.

Smell? I knew it.

I didn't mean that. I'm sorry. -It's my fault. I didn't want you

to have a hard time, so I put on too much eau de Cologne.

The croquette looks good too.

Honey, Sukiyaki or Korean barbecue? -Whichever you like.

Then, let's have sukiyaki. 500 g of the best meat, please.

The regular meat is fine. -Why?

Because this expensive meat is left-over from yesterday.

I don't know why, but I'm getting sensitive about these things.

You have a special talent.

It's a detour, but do you want to take a walk and watch the moon then go home?

Ok.

Do you love me?

Of course!

Do you love me to your death? -Death? Of course!

Will you be with me until you die? -Till I die? Of course!

Please don't die before me. -Yeah... Yes.

Promise!

Hook your little finger with mine!

Oops, it came off...

Excuse me! -A bottle of beer, please!

Ok, one second. -It's so good. Here you go.

Eat as much as you like, please. -Are you sure?

Here is your beer! -Thank you.

For this gentleman here.

Ok. Cheers!

My gums are smarting. Recently my gums are...

Eve told me a lot of things about you guys...

She is very kind. She takes good care of me. Drink up!

You have to take good care of her. She is such a sweet girl!

She works hard and she is beautiful too.

My gums are smarting ! Recently my hair too! Look!

I'm losing a lot of hair. -I feel sorry for you.

My skin looks awful too.

I brought something for you.

You're really smelly. You know, this smell? I brought you a deodorizer.

Put it in there! Here you go.

Well, please drink up. -Ah, thank you.

I've heard a lot about you too from Eve. You're getting up there,

but you still love men, don't you?

I have no money. -Have more.

I don't have any money. So I shouldn't... -I'll pay for it, tonight.

You shouldn't do that. I feel bad. -It's all right.

I've gone through many occupations, but cleaning lady is my job now.

Oh, so many things happened in my life. Still poor...

But humans are... They all...

Keep living. -Let's drink.

Look, you have flies around you. I'll give you this bug spray. Put it there.

You! You are really kind !

Can I have some ice? -Yes. Here you go.

It's hot! -Here is more.

Look.

Are you serious?

My gums must hurt. -I can't stand it.

Tonight was wonderful.

Do you want to go home? -Check please!

Oh, I feel bad to make you pay for all. -The total is 1,000 yen.

I don't have any money. -1,000 yen!

Altogether. -1,000 for all this? Isn't more like 300?

Thank you.

1,000 yen! -Thank you very much. It was good.

Ah, whatever. -Thank you. -Yeah, thank you.

Abundant cats, dogs, alligators, piranhas, there are many different kinds

of pets in this big town. We sympathize with these poor pets,

but among them are violent animal, I've heard. Please be cautious with them.

Everybody, please watch out for the internal organ abandoned on the street.

The name of his disease is bloody face disease.

It's a disease that causes blood to secrete from his sweat glands when he gets exited.

Here you go. -Thank you.

You have a typical body type which has higher perspiration, in other words,

you sweat a lot. However, in your case, blood, instead of sweat,

pumps out from the glands. -Yes. That's why I can't go to a sauna.

I never get to be married with this body. Doctor, I want to be normal!

Ok, I can handle this. Since you have too much blood,

all we have to do is to get rid of the extra blood.

Are you going to withdraw my blood? -No, that's too much work.

Here, spew it up. Spew it up as much as you can.

With my occupation, it is the surgery I find the most joy in.

This patient is suffering from a tattoo he had just for fun in his school days.

Now, it has started to move around on his body and it also changes its shape.

Hey, hey, where are going ! Stay here.

Hey, where did you go?

You, facetious little tattoo.

Doctor, please don't play with it, just rip the tattoo off me right away.

Ok. Too bad, poor little tattoo. You must say bye-bye to your master now.

Ouch!

How abont some anesthesia? -What are you talking about.

I can't use anesthesia for this exciting surgery.

Hey, where did you go? Here you are.

Hey, you started moving again. It's coming this way.

You can't move around like that. Ready?

Hey, are you coming this way again? Stay still.

Now where are you? You can't go there.

You surprised me, please don't do that. Now it's over. The surgery

was completed successfully! You don't have to suffer from that tattoo anymore.

How's this?

How's this? -It was successful.

Some patients are proud of their sickness. However, for those patients,

their sickness is most of times not so severe.

Why do I have this disease? I'm so unlucky.

To tell you the truth, I have a disease that causes my body to decompose.

You look healthy. -I've told you. I'm decomposing inside.

Stinks! -Isn't it just your bad breath?

No, no. Look at my foot!

Gross. -There are strings between your toes.

Aren't they just some fermented soybeans? -No it's decomposing !

It's not a big deal. -What?

I'm not boasting but my body stretches.

Please look. What do you think it is? It's a nipple. This one is a mole.

And this one, look, look.

Hey, your penis! Does you penis stretch? -I envy you. Isn't it great it stretches?

It'd be wonderful if the whole thing stretches. But it's just the skin.

Woo, yacht. -And it's got a lot of smegma.

Not so severe! Your sicknesses are not so severe.

Compared to my sickness, they are cheap tricks.

Mine is a disease that causes the air to leak from the body. Check this out.

See. Since the air leaks from my body, I can't enjoy smoking, you know.

Thank you for showing me your interesting disorders.

As small token of my gratitude, I would like to show you my problem.

To tell you the truth, I'm in a critical condition.

I have heart disease. -Is something wrong with your heart?

Yes. It's disease that causes my heart to move around in my body.

Usually the heart sits right here.

But this is...

Look, it's at your throat. Your throat!

Now, it's in your mouth!

Look at the nose! Your nose is beating !

It moved again! Huh, where did it go?

How about it? Isn't it something?

You have a strong heart. It's got to be strong, moving around like that.

I have another disease too.

As you know, I love drinking. It is terrible when I have a hang-over

since my body is decomposing...

Please don't throw up here! -It's all right. My vomit comes out

rapped inside of a shell. -A shell?

Yes, this is the shell. -Egg? It looks like an egg at first glance.

Don't you think it's pretty? -But...

Once you crack it, it's, of course, vomit inside.

Gross. -What's that?

I have this alien. Isn't it great?

Compared to my excrement, your alien is... -Your excrement?

This is the shit I finally got out this morning. Everyone,

please examine it carefully. Ready, I am going to get it out. Look!

Wow, it's moving. It's alive!

I'm afraid it's going to bite my ass every time I take a shit. I'm risking my life.

Why don't you just let it? -Two of you, your diseases are

very unpleasant to deal with, excrement and vomit. Mine is a beautiful disease.

It's in a higher state of artistry. -Well, it must be another stupid trick.

But go ahead, it's your turn. Show it to us.

My disease causes my tongue to become a pigeon. Are you ready?

Wow, it's a pigeon! -Oh my god, I'm having a spasm ! Help me.

I think he should shut his mouth when his tongue goes back.

I think you're right. -But it would be a disaster

if his timing is off. -I'll try.

Oops! Sorry!

It hurts. I'm going to die. -Congratulation.

Your dreams would come true if you could die.

I'm really impressed with your diseases. But my disease is contagious.

I hope is hasn't gotten you.

The disease is called cuckoo disease. Even as I speak, I'm having...

Hey, don't do that.

From shadow of lakeshore in a calm forest, a cuckoo whispers to wake me up.

Cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo.

There is nothing I can do for these patients.

Did you enjoy the Devil Woman Doctor's kertes. Would you like to become

my patient? I will examine you anytime. I have a present for you

as the curtain falls. An iron pie. The finale must have cheer and merriment!

Let's have an iron pie throwing party!