Original subtitles

[man grunting]

MAN: No. No...

How was your meeting?

Very productive.

I love working in the greenhouse.

Your orchids?

They're so beautiful.

Gracias.

You know, how about getting some azaleas

and putting them in the planters against the pool house?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Did you want my opinion on something?

You know I love your opinions.

I always want your opinions.

Oh, really? Okay, well,

here's an opinion for you.

It's my opinion that the Melfis are a sham.

And that they're taking advantage of you.

Oh, come on.

No, I want them out of my house now!

One thing, one thing for me.

Everything here is for you.

I live...

to let you have the life you want.

You have the house, you have the money.

Can you please let me have the designers?

I like my designers.

Well, your designers

ripped out my birds-of-paradise.

They did what?

[door slides open]

Oh!

Oh, my...

-Which episode are you on? -CRICKET: Uh, seven.

Esmeralda's about to tell Martín that his brother's alive.

Oh, yeah, that's a good one, because Martín,

-he runs the modeling agency... -No!

-Don't tell us anything! -Okay, okay, I'm sorry.

No spoilers, come on!

Welcome to the world of Secretos...

y Sangre.

This is the most addictive thing that we produce here in Mexico.

It's literally the best show we've ever seen.

[stammers] We can't stop watching.

And all seven seasons are on Roku.

You can stream it anywhere.

-Seven seasons? -Seven seasons.

Well, now I'm never gonna get that pool cabana done.

Don't worry about it-- this is more important.

-Ah, okay, I'll leave you to it. -Okay.

-Great. -Enjoy.

Oh, one last thing.

You need to replant those birds-of-paradise.

No problem.

Okay, enjoy.

-[sighs] -[door slides closed]

That was cutting it way too close.

Just send it as is.

[stammers] What about the sound mix?

I haven't done any effects.

Jann, come on, use your head, okay?

If Rumualdo finds this on his computer...

You're right-- let's not take any more chances, okay.

And... send.

[exhales sharply]

Hey, partner?

We're back in business.

You know, when those bags

were on our head that night?

For the briefest of moments, I thought...

we'd never get a video of our work submitted.

Oh...

O ye of little faith.

[both laugh quietly]

I do want to see if Esmeralda

is gonna take over that modeling agency.

Oh, yeah, right, like Martín would ever allow it.

[gasps]

¡Qué maravilloso!

I can't believe what you've done in two weeks.

Well, it-it wasn't, it was ten days, but it...

My little closet seems so much bigger!

How did you do that?

Well, now you know a magician never gives away her secrets.

[laughs]

But... it could have something to do with this.

Abuelito, por favor.

[Mrs. Ortega exclaims]

Are you kidding me?

-I'm in love with you. -Aw!

Well, there was no way we were gonna let

your Chanel and Givenchy

waste away in a broom closet, huh?

-No way. -So, you just

type in the outfit you want,

and the carousel will deliver it right to you.

CRICKET: That's right.

Now, this holds up to 500 pieces.

So, your little closet just turned into

the biggest closet in Tijuana.

[laughs]

I have to call my sister.

She's going to hate me so much.

Oh, good!

Oh, that would've been great for the video.

Right? Oh!

Do you think we could check?

-Yeah. -Okay.

Okay, guys, thank you so much.

It's, uh, time for lunch. You can take your break.

Abuelito, could you pick up two Americanos, please?

Nonfat.

Por supuesto, mi corazon.

Oh, so sweet. [giggles]

Do I got to worry about you and Abuelito?

Well, you know, we did want to run away together,

but our parents forbid it.

Oh, let me guess, it only made your love grow stronger?

-You know it. [laughs] -Let's go.

Oh, my God.

-What? -We got something!

An e-mail from HRTV.

CRICKET: "Dear Mr. and Mrs. Melfi,

"Thank you for your video submission.

"We are delighted to inform you that you are our finalist

for HRTV's Next Home Renovation Super Couple contest."

"We invite you to be at the HRTV studio headquarters

"in Los Angeles, California this Friday

"to shoot promotional materials for the show

and begin planning your production."

This Friday-- that's three days from now!

"Please confirm your attendance for this important meeting.

"We look forward to meeting you. Sincerely, Leonard Spivey,

Head of Programming, HRTV Networks."

Oh, my God-- destiny!

Destiny!

I never doubted, not for one single second!

You just got to believe!

[Jann and Cricket clamoring]

What's wrong?

Is everything okay?

[stammering]

We j-just... uh, heard...

We got the towel heaters for your bathroom!

-Yeah! -They were on back order!

We thought they had stopped making them!

Yay!

[whooping]

[laughing]

Oh... hot towels!

They're gonna be so warm!

[Jann whooping]

Jorge, my friend, I like you very much.

But if you take Ibañez,

I'm gonna kick you right in the dick.

[laughter]

You know I will. You know I will do that.

Hey, Jann, my friend, grab a cerveza!

Your pick is about to come up.

Well, you know I'm auto-drafting.

[others groaning and booing]

All right, fine, just grab a beer, sit down with us, chill.

[sighs] I'm sorry, Diego.

I'm just so tired, you know?

I've been putting in insulation since 9:00 a.m.

and I'm all itchy.

I got to go get in the shower.

Okay, Mr. Lame-o Pants.

I'll try to keep it down, okay?

No, you won't.

[laughs]: No, I won't!

How does he know?

It must've been 'cause I was smiling.

Seriously, don't fucking touch that.

I will cut your dick off.

Ooh, I got Ibañez!

[chuckles]

Be happy for me.

Happier.

This is very fun, guys.

Thank you so much for coming over.

[sighs]

All right, sleep good.

Oh, don't worry-- I'm about to slip into a coma.

[chuckles] Good night.

MARCO: Ah.

[dramatic music]

Did you get it?

[gasps] How much?

-A thousand bucks. -Dollars or pesos?

-Dollars. -Damn, girl!

Ready?

Here we go.

All right, got it.

Yeah, okay... [grunts]

Okay, okay, pull, pull, pull!

-Oh... -Oh, great.

I already took mine off earlier.

-Oh, nice. -Safekeeping.

Yep.

Okay, lights.

[indistinct whispering]

[whispers]: I'll get this for you.

CRICKET: Are you ready?

Yes, ready.

One, two, three.

[device beeps]

-Whew, nice. -Got it.

I'll get the bags.

Okay.

Here we go.

[upbeat music]

Okay. Okay, here we go.

Okay, I'll keep a lookout.

Yeah, please do.

I just have to get the bottom here.

It's all about the leverage. [grunts]

A little faster, sweetie, a little bit faster.

[Jann mutters]

I'm empowering you to go

a little bit faster, please.

[Jann grunting]

-You got it, you got it... -I did, I did.

-[shushing] -Here we go.

-After you, my love. -Okay. Thank you.

We got this.

Good job.

We're free!