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1
00:00:00,167 --> 00:00:02,417
Well, which one is it?
2
00:00:02,503 --> 00:00:03,503
[inhales deeply]
3
00:00:03,587 --> 00:00:06,167
Hmm...
4
00:00:06,256 --> 00:00:08,336
This one?
5
00:00:08,425 --> 00:00:10,965
Are you asking me or are you telling me?
6
00:00:11,053 --> 00:00:12,723
-Trust myself.
-Mm-hmm.
7
00:00:12,804 --> 00:00:14,974
Trust myself, okay.
[inhales deeply]
8
00:00:15,057 --> 00:00:17,057
Hmm.
9
00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:18,482
This one.
10
00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:20,350
That is Navajo sand.
11
00:00:20,437 --> 00:00:22,017
-I don't even know why I'm here.
-Yes?
12
00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:23,435
You should be doing this yourself.
13
00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:24,574
[laughing]:
Oh, stop it!
14
00:00:24,650 --> 00:00:25,610
No, don't you leave me.
15
00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:26,822
[both laughing]
16
00:00:26,902 --> 00:00:28,032
I'm not leaving you,
17
00:00:28,111 --> 00:00:29,951
-I'm showing you.
-What?
18
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:32,120
¡No mames!
19
00:00:32,199 --> 00:00:33,779
My good-- This is crazy.
20
00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:35,487
-This is cuckoo.
-Mm-hmm.
21
00:00:35,577 --> 00:00:38,207
What you guys have done in seven weeks
is just incredible.
22
00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:39,578
Like, what are you... are you witches?
23
00:00:39,665 --> 00:00:41,115
Are you witches?
Where's your broom?
24
00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:42,788
Well, I tell you what,
that's what your plumber's
25
00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:44,126
been calling me all week.
26
00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:45,711
-How rude!
-I don't blame him.
27
00:00:45,796 --> 00:00:47,836
Hey, who's having fun without me?
28
00:00:47,923 --> 00:00:49,723
-Get in here!
-[gasps] Get in here.
29
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:50,840
Is this it?
30
00:00:50,926 --> 00:00:52,846
-What is, what is this?
-Diego?
31
00:00:52,928 --> 00:00:55,848
On our show, we were always
going to hand-craft
32
00:00:55,931 --> 00:00:58,231
a personalized memento
for the new homeowner.
33
00:00:58,308 --> 00:01:00,138
-No...
-CRICKET: Yeah.
34
00:01:00,227 --> 00:01:01,767
And when we demolished
your old out-buildings,
35
00:01:01,854 --> 00:01:04,654
we reclaimed some beautiful rustic pine
36
00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:06,401
and we made this box with it.
37
00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:08,153
Ah, guys, you did not have to do that.
38
00:01:08,235 --> 00:01:10,395
You stop this right now.
[chuckles]
39
00:01:10,487 --> 00:01:12,487
Now, I covered the box
in molted snake skins,
40
00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:14,163
you know, that I found
around the property.
41
00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:16,371
Mostly rattlers and copperheads,
42
00:01:16,451 --> 00:01:18,081
which I think is appropriate
because you were in
43
00:01:18,161 --> 00:01:19,541
the Culebra drug cartel,
44
00:01:19,621 --> 00:01:21,501
and culebra in Spanish
45
00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:23,462
means s-s-s-snake!
[hisses]
46
00:01:23,542 --> 00:01:27,172
Ow! Ow, you almost bit me!
Of course, of course.
47
00:01:27,254 --> 00:01:29,014
No, that makes so much sense.
To be honest,
48
00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:30,969
we do have a lot
of snakes on the property.
49
00:01:31,049 --> 00:01:33,179
-Oh, tell us about it!
-Yeah.
50
00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:35,510
Oh, and the initials, D.S.-- Diego Santos.
51
00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:38,056
We recovered from an old Dos Equis box
52
00:01:38,140 --> 00:01:39,600
we found in the garage,
53
00:01:39,683 --> 00:01:41,643
because we know that's your drink.
54
00:01:41,727 --> 00:01:42,767
[laughs]
You know me too well.
55
00:01:42,853 --> 00:01:44,313
Don't tell anybody, huh?
56
00:01:44,396 --> 00:01:47,186
Now, I lined the inside
with crushed red velvet...
57
00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:49,114
a classic-- so you can use this box
58
00:01:49,193 --> 00:01:51,073
for anything special you see fit.
59
00:01:51,153 --> 00:01:52,653
That's right-- anything important to you.
60
00:01:52,738 --> 00:01:53,988
-Yeah.
-You know, loose change,
61
00:01:54,072 --> 00:01:55,992
car keys-- I don't know-- dominoes.
62
00:01:56,074 --> 00:01:57,664
Um, I think I know
63
00:01:57,743 --> 00:02:00,083
exactly what I'm gonna use it for.
64
00:02:00,162 --> 00:02:02,042
[all laughing]
65
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:03,792
You rascals.
66
00:02:03,874 --> 00:02:05,544
Guys, this is too much.
67
00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:08,456
You know, this and...
68
00:02:08,545 --> 00:02:11,335
Wow, wow, wow, wow.
I... I feel seen.
69
00:02:11,423 --> 00:02:14,723
I feel looked after and, and heard.
70
00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:16,971
It's all because of you two.
Thank you so much.
71
00:02:17,054 --> 00:02:20,394
It's what we do, okay?
It's who we are.
72
00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:22,314
Don't tell anybody,
'cause I will deny it, okay?
73
00:02:22,392 --> 00:02:24,482
But I am so happy that I did not kill you.
74
00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:27,311
It's a, like, good decision,
organically, it feels that way.
75
00:02:27,397 --> 00:02:29,937
-That means a lot, Diego.
-Thank you so much.
76
00:02:30,025 --> 00:02:31,985
But listen, we're not done yet.
We got to put
77
00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:34,489
the finishing touches on this.
Get it ready for your big night.
78
00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:36,571
You guys have to come tomorrow night.
Please, please?
79
00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:37,907
-Where we gonna go?
-Uh...
80
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:39,541
-CRICKET: Don't have a choice.
-Oh!
81
00:02:39,618 --> 00:02:41,448
-[laughter]
-Let's get ready for a party, huh?
82
00:02:41,537 --> 00:02:42,867
You put these on us!
83
00:02:42,955 --> 00:02:44,245
-I know...
-So we're stuck!
84
00:02:44,331 --> 00:02:45,371
Don't you try to run, 'cause...
85
00:02:45,457 --> 00:02:46,417
[imitates gun firing]
86
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,130
[both shouting]
87
00:02:48,210 --> 00:02:50,630
[all laughing, clamoring]
88
00:02:50,712 --> 00:02:52,262
CRICKET:
Hands up!
89
00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:54,089
[all laughing hysterically]
90
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:57,644
[Spanish music]
91
00:02:57,719 --> 00:02:59,849
DIEGO:
Ooh, if only I had something to drink.
92
00:02:59,930 --> 00:03:01,770
Oh, where could I find something to...?
93
00:03:01,849 --> 00:03:03,519
-[oohs and aahs]
-Uh-oh.
94
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:05,100
Very cool, very cool.
95
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:07,435
Okay, ooh, but my hands hurt, you know?
96
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:09,191
Maybe from all the killing, you know?
97
00:03:09,273 --> 00:03:11,823
What could I do about that?
98
00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:13,490
[opener whirring]
99
00:03:13,569 --> 00:03:15,319
[Spanish music]
100
00:03:15,404 --> 00:03:18,034
I'm not doing anything...
101
00:03:18,115 --> 00:03:20,025
but holding the bottle.
102
00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:25,460
[speaking Spanish]
103
00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:27,499
Oh, you're looking good--
don't outshine me!
104
00:03:27,583 --> 00:03:28,883
-Okay.
-You think now?
105
00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:30,169
Yeah, there's no better time than now.
106
00:03:30,252 --> 00:03:31,382
-Yeah, you're right.
-We-we can do this.
107
00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:33,011
-You're right, okay.
-Okay.
108
00:03:33,088 --> 00:03:34,588
[laughs]:
It's my suit! It's mine.
109
00:03:34,673 --> 00:03:38,183
Oh, my goodness,
my celebrity designers-- hi!
110
00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:39,600
My goodness, can you believe this?
111
00:03:39,678 --> 00:03:41,428
I have been living in this house
for five years.
112
00:03:41,513 --> 00:03:43,023
This is the first party I've ever thrown.
113
00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:44,518
-It's crazy.
-Well, I've got
114
00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:47,020
a feeling there's gonna be
so many more parties here.
115
00:03:47,102 --> 00:03:49,402
Oh, my God, do you mean that?
Thanks so much for saying that.
116
00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:51,189
And you know, you wouldn't
believe who's here.
117
00:03:51,273 --> 00:03:53,113
Oh, just everybody
who's anybody, you know?
118
00:03:53,192 --> 00:03:55,902
Okay, so that guy over there
with the red tie?
119
00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:58,656
That's Armando, okay?
He used to work for me,
120
00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:00,869
and now because he's
the deputy mayor of Ensenada...
121
00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:02,529
doesn't return my phone calls.
122
00:04:02,618 --> 00:04:03,578
What a dick.
123
00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:06,160
And right behind me...
124
00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:08,166
Whew, don't freak out, okay?
125
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,918
That is Charlette Gutierrez, you guys.
126
00:04:12,503 --> 00:04:14,173
Please tell me
you watch Secretos y Sangre?
127
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,344
-No. Yeah.
-[stammering] I-I think we may...
128
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:18,013
-May...
-...have seen it.
129
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:19,841
Oh, no big deal,
she's only the biggest TV star
130
00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:20,927
in all of Mexico!
131
00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:24,181
She's here in my house.
132
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,024
Hola. ¿Cómo estás?
133
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,099
She just waved at me!
Let's go outside.
134
00:04:28,185 --> 00:04:29,435
There's many more people to meet.
135
00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:31,650
Yeah, but, oh, oh-- real quick, though.
136
00:04:31,730 --> 00:04:33,980
-[grunting rhythmically]
-Diego? Diego?
137
00:04:34,066 --> 00:04:36,566
Diego, just real-real quick.
[stammers]
138
00:04:36,652 --> 00:04:39,492
We just wanted to put a teeny,
tiny, little bug in your ear.
139
00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:42,161
You know, since we're
kind of all wrapped up...
140
00:04:42,241 --> 00:04:43,621
here with this project.
141
00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:45,910
Yeah, and just, uh, floating a-a balloon--
142
00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:48,664
a minor balloon-- uh, do you
think we can figure out
143
00:04:48,747 --> 00:04:52,037
a-a timetable for Cricket and I
heading back...
144
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:54,705
MAN:
San Diego Diego!
145
00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:57,045
Oh, jefe, thank you so much for coming.
146
00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:58,670
That's so sweet of you.
Welcome.
147
00:04:58,757 --> 00:05:00,297
You have a very nice place here.
148
00:05:00,384 --> 00:05:02,344
I'm thinking perhaps I might be
paying you a little bit
149
00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:04,047
-too much.
-[chuckling nervously]
150
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:05,427
No, there's no such thing.
151
00:05:05,514 --> 00:05:06,474
Have you met my designers?
152
00:05:06,557 --> 00:05:08,767
This is Jann and Cricket Melfi.
153
00:05:08,851 --> 00:05:11,101
And this is Rumualdo Vasco... my boss.
154
00:05:11,186 --> 00:05:12,306
"San Diego Diego"?
155
00:05:12,396 --> 00:05:14,226
That's a fun nickname.
156
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:15,364
Oh, he hasn't told you, eh?
157
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,440
Diego here grew up in San Diego.
158
00:05:17,526 --> 00:05:19,146
He's not a true Mexicano.
159
00:05:19,236 --> 00:05:21,276
Very close, very close to the border...
160
00:05:21,363 --> 00:05:23,663
Well, San Diego is a beautiful
city, and there are
161
00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:26,330
-worse cities to be...
-Did you do that banner?
162
00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:28,120
Oh, please, that was all
Cricket's vision, okay?
163
00:05:28,203 --> 00:05:30,753
She wanted to accentuate
the entrance, like a castle.
164
00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:33,331
It was a real bugger to hang,
and I, that was...
165
00:05:33,417 --> 00:05:35,497
Yeah, I-I-I had an artist from Guadalajara
166
00:05:35,586 --> 00:05:37,706
hand-craft it from virgin alpaca wool.
167
00:05:37,796 --> 00:05:40,216
-Very majestic.
-Thank you.
168
00:05:40,299 --> 00:05:42,759
Have you seen that show, uh,
Pros & Connellys?
169
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:45,603
Because I'm a big fan
of Chazz and Tiffany's designs.
170
00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:46,639
Hmm...
171
00:05:46,722 --> 00:05:48,472
-Never seen it.
-Mm-mm.
172
00:05:48,557 --> 00:05:49,927
DIEGO:
Are you kidding me? These two
173
00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:51,937
are so busy, in order to work
for me, I practically
174
00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:53,479
had to drag them down here
kicking and screaming!
175
00:05:53,562 --> 00:05:55,812
Oh, I'm sorry.
176
00:05:55,898 --> 00:05:57,108
Too soon?
[laughing]
177
00:05:57,191 --> 00:05:58,531
I did do that.
178
00:05:58,609 --> 00:06:00,239
He was very afraid, in particular.
179
00:06:00,319 --> 00:06:02,489
And they put this whole thing
together in just seven weeks.
180
00:06:02,571 --> 00:06:03,741
Can you believe that?
181
00:06:03,822 --> 00:06:05,162
That's very impressive.
182
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:06,870
I've been trying to remodel my beach house
183
00:06:06,950 --> 00:06:08,370
for two years now.
184
00:06:08,452 --> 00:06:12,292
And I had to get rid of, uh, three people.
185
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:14,252
You mean, you-you fired them or...?
186
00:06:14,333 --> 00:06:15,583
It's just very difficult to find
187
00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:18,087
passionate designers like yourselves.
188
00:06:18,170 --> 00:06:19,550
Oh, say no more, jefe.
189
00:06:19,630 --> 00:06:20,840
Please, it would be my honor.
190
00:06:20,923 --> 00:06:22,553
My designers are your designers.
191
00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:23,883
Consider them a gift
192
00:06:23,967 --> 00:06:25,297
-from me to you.
-I'm sorry...
193
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:26,925
-Uh...
-I'm sorry, what-what was that?
194
00:06:27,012 --> 00:06:28,262
Are you sure about this,
195
00:06:28,347 --> 00:06:29,467
-San Diego Diego?
-Yes, of course!
196
00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:30,636
Cricket was just telling me that she's
197
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:31,984
completely done with my house.
198
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:34,479
And we have a very
special agreement, right?
199
00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:37,271
So they are all yours, jefe, all yours.
200
00:06:37,356 --> 00:06:39,226
-Oh, buenísimo.
-Just invite me
201
00:06:39,316 --> 00:06:40,396
to the housewarming party, huh?
202
00:06:40,484 --> 00:06:42,404
You have great booze. Marco!
203
00:06:42,486 --> 00:06:44,656
What's happening...?
204
00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:46,818
Please drive the Melfis over to
Rumualdo's house and make sure
205
00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:49,077
they have everything they need
to get started, okay?
206
00:06:49,159 --> 00:06:50,369
-No...
-No problema. Vamos.
207
00:06:50,452 --> 00:06:51,952
-No, no, no. Diego!
-[shushing]
208
00:06:52,037 --> 00:06:53,077
[Marco speaking Spanish]
209
00:06:53,163 --> 00:06:54,293
[Cricket whimpers]
210
00:06:54,373 --> 00:06:56,123
Wait, h-hold on a second!
211
00:06:56,208 --> 00:06:57,418
Marco, what just happened?
212
00:06:57,501 --> 00:06:58,541
You just got a promotion.
213
00:06:58,627 --> 00:07:00,247
Congratulations.
214
00:07:00,337 --> 00:07:02,417
Working for Rumualdo's a big deal.
215
00:07:02,506 --> 00:07:05,006
No, no, no, no. See,
we finished Diego's house,
216
00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:06,552
-so we're done.
-Yeah.
217
00:07:06,635 --> 00:07:08,425
No, no, no. You'll know
when you're done.
218
00:07:08,512 --> 00:07:09,812
CRICKET:
Okay, well, listen.
219
00:07:09,888 --> 00:07:11,808
Real quick, Rumualdo said
that he "got rid"
220
00:07:11,890 --> 00:07:14,020
of his last interior designers, right?
221
00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:17,731
Did he get rid of them
or did he get rid of them?
222
00:07:17,813 --> 00:07:19,193
-Well...
-There's a reason
223
00:07:19,273 --> 00:07:21,193
Rumualdo is called Pesadilla.
224
00:07:21,275 --> 00:07:23,815
Pasadena-- like where
the Rose Bowl Parade is?
225
00:07:23,902 --> 00:07:25,202
Pesadilla.
226
00:07:25,279 --> 00:07:26,859
It means "nightmare."
227
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:28,947
Like, a nightmare that a lot of people
228
00:07:29,032 --> 00:07:31,372
don't wake up from.
229
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,331
So you better not fuck it up, eh?
230
00:07:33,412 --> 00:07:34,662
[sighs]
231
00:07:34,746 --> 00:07:37,166
Not-- yes, I get it!
16808
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