Original subtitles

[muffled grunting, whimpering]

[ominous music]

Are you messing with me right now?

There are, like, a thousand bottles of wine down here.

It's very cuckoo.

[mariachi flourish plays]

No way.

[chuckles]

Château Margaux?

You know, this is my favorite Bordeaux.

And you can't get this stuff in stores.

Now, where did you get it?

[muffled speaking]

Oops, sorry. That's rude of me.

[speaking in Spanish]

-Oh! -Please, go ahead.

There's an importer in Riverside called the French Connection.

They specialize in Bordeauxs

and Burgandies, you know.

It's a little pricey, but the customer service is just...

-It's really good, -Yes.

so we, we... we-we think it's worth it.

Oh, you best believe I'm gonna get that number from you.

If I have to torture you for it.

[laughs] Uh, wine opener? Do you...

Oh, right over there.

It's the wood panel right by the refrigerator.

-That thing? -Mm-hmm.

There's a little switch down at the bottom.

[exclaims in Spanish]

Now, that is slick.

It's Pottery Barn.

You know, people underestimate the Barn.

They underestimate the Barn all the time.

-So, what do you...? -Oh, simply place

the hands-free mechanism over the neck of the bottle.

-I'm not touching it! -Ta-da! [chuckles]

DIEGO: Wait, what's it doing with the cork?

It's spinning it back out! How polite.

CRICKET: Oh, yes, get ready to receive the cork

to keep your wine fresh for seven to ten days.

[sighs]

You know...

I have to say it...

I have to say it. It must be said.

I am intrigued, you know?

[exhales] People steal from me all the time.

I mean, you know, it's, like, the cost of doing business.

In the grocery business they call it "breakage."

Okay, thank you.

But the smart ones, you see,

they steal from me, and boom, they take off, right?

Yeah, they leave the country, they disappear.

Very time-consuming to find them.

More than you would think.

-I bet, I bet. -But the two of you...

you steal half a million dollars from my stash house,

and not only do you not run,

but you spend every last cent in the exact place

in which you found it?

Who does that?

And I should be so fucking mad at you right now.

My fucking money.

But the cajones that it takes

to pull something like this off...

I... my mind is blown right now. It is blown.

Oh, my goodness-- I'm gonna be telling this story at parties forever.

It's gonna outlive you two...

by a lot.

-Oh... -[shuddering inhale]

You'll be long dead

when I tell the story.

[laughs]: Fantastic.

[loud whirring]

Marco, I'm trying

to enjoy my wine, man. What the fuck?

Just turn that shit off, please?

You can't, boss.

That's what's amazing.

-It never stops sucking. -Yeah.

What is this?

It's the SwissVac central vacuuming system.

It-it gives 24-7 cleaning power.

[laughs nervously]

[stammers] Walk me through this.

So how much was the SwissVac?

$3,400.

Oh, wow.

Oh, and-and-and the wine opener?

How much is that?

$900 with installation.

Ooh, Spendy McSpenderson.

I hear that it's a lot when I say it out loud.

DIEGO: Yeah, that's a lot of money.

Fuck it, let's just ask.

How about that computer system?

15,000 American dollars.

That is an expensive computer system, my friend.

But you know what, I...

at least I can see where my money went.

You know, I appreciate that.

[clicks tongue] It's a shame.

Shame, shame, shame, shame, shame, shame, shame.

Okay.

Javi, go get the shovels.

Marco, help me bury these two

[speaks Spanish] in the fucking ground.

-No! Wait, no... -Wha..? No. Uh, but...

[both clamoring]

No, no, no! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

Wait! Okay, just a second!

You have to kill us, all right?

We accept that.

We stole from you and we have to pay.

But please listen

and understand that this...

this is our life's work.

This is our dream.

And, and if you kill us now,

you'll be robbing the world of-of our vision.

And we'll never know if our dreams were worth dying for.

So, please, I beg of you!

Before you put us in the ground,

just do one thing, please?

I need you to be the eyes and ears of the world.

Watch our sizzle reel

and tell us what you think.

Well?

Just press the space bar.

Hey, y'all! I'm Cricket!

And I'm Jann, and welcome to

BOTH: Flip It and Gone with Cricket and Jann!

We are here in the beautiful California desert

for the challenge of our artistic lives.

We'll try to transform this hopeless, historic hovel...

Into a diamond-encrusted desert delight, ah...

Okay, I have to say it: you two are very charismatic.

You know, it's very engaging.

CRICKET [on TV]: Jann and I agree

on almost everything.

Emphasis on "almost."

[both laughing]

But one feature about this renovation

really put us on the ropes.

This one wanted a wood-burning pizza oven.

Guilty.

Now, Cricket chose a model that

would have dominated the kitchen space.

Also, it puts out about 1,200 degrees

of heat and would have made the house unbearably hot.

Well, yeah, but... pizza!

[both laugh]

I knew she wasn't gonna budge,

so it was time for a compromise.

This smarty-pants had a much smaller version

handcrafted from Italy to fit our space.

-[oven dings] -Pizza's done.

Ah...

Mmm.

Now, that smells like compromise.

Yeah, and that is about as much pizza as I ever eat, anyway.

You know, it's so sensible.

-[rock music playing] -When I'm watching sports

and listening to rock and roll,

I need state-of-the-art sound!

So we installed a 1,000-watt surround sound system

throughout the whole house.

Now, excuse me while I get my air guitar on.

Can I hook up that system to my Xbox?

You'd need an HDMI adapter, but sure, yeah.

-[speaks Spanish] -Excuse me,

-do you mind? -So-Sorry.

Okay, thank you so much.

A front yard water feature

was a must-have, but we couldn't find anything

that got us excited.

And we looked forever.

But then, on one of his frequent

research trips to Palm Springs,

Jann found something that rounded out our vision

for this property perfectly.

I saw this, and it was all I could think about.

I just knew this feature would amp up curb appeal

and be a focal point for neighbors

and prospective buyers.

We hope you love this little desert Shangri-la.

We found so much joy

in manifesting your next dream home.

And thanks to Home Renovation TV

for this opportunity.

We hope you love us as much as we love you.

See you in your fall lineup.

She's Cricket.

He's Jann.

We flipped it.

BOTH: And now we're gone.

It is very, very good.

[both laugh]

Thank-thank you...

[muffled shout]