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1
00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:09,837
All right, folks.
Can we all settle down for a sec?
2
00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:12,005
I know that you...
3
00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:13,632
- Hey, you settle down.
- No.
4
00:02:13,716 --> 00:02:16,343
Come on, everybody, settle down.
Sandy, come on.
5
00:02:16,427 --> 00:02:17,678
So... No, none of that.
6
00:02:17,762 --> 00:02:21,557
This is not a time to make silly jokes.
It's the time for a little bit of talking
7
00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:23,517
before we really get to the important part.
8
00:02:23,601 --> 00:02:26,228
Here we go. Well, it's been
another great year here at JAMS.
9
00:02:27,063 --> 00:02:29,273
Who can forget
Mr. Pinkus' Haunted Classroom?
10
00:02:29,357 --> 00:02:32,234
- Thank you, Sandy, for that.
- Yeah, I ain't afraid of no ghost.
11
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:37,614
Or the wild success of the book drive
for the women's prison,
12
00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:40,325
which Miss Pavicic's class sponsored?
13
00:02:40,952 --> 00:02:44,163
Thank you, Beth.
But, as summer draws upon us,
14
00:02:44,247 --> 00:02:47,082
it's time not only to say goodbye
to another school year,
15
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:50,794
but, sadly, also to say goodbye
to one of our faculty members.
16
00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:52,337
Yes. Elizabeth?
17
00:02:53,214 --> 00:02:55,257
Is Elizabeth Halsey here? There she is.
18
00:02:55,341 --> 00:02:56,508
Elizabeth, can you come on up here?
19
00:02:57,510 --> 00:03:00,762
Yes, that's appropriate, applause, I think.
20
00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:06,185
Elizabeth, even though you were
only with us for one short year,
21
00:03:07,145 --> 00:03:11,273
please know that we will always consider you
part of the JAMS family.
22
00:03:11,357 --> 00:03:13,734
- That's sweet.
- And we got you a little something.
23
00:03:15,403 --> 00:03:16,486
Thank you.
24
00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:20,741
Almost $40.
25
00:03:21,117 --> 00:03:23,368
- Thank you.
- You're very welcome. Speech.
26
00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:28,457
Okay, well, I'm really terrible at these
types of things, so I'll make it quick.
27
00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:33,212
I know I've only been here a year,
but there's so much I will miss.
28
00:03:33,296 --> 00:03:34,880
My students probably most.
29
00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:43,972
And I wish that I had gotten to know
all of you better.
30
00:03:49,145 --> 00:03:50,520
Happy birthday!
31
00:03:50,605 --> 00:03:54,858
But between four classes
and planning a wedding, my plate was full.
32
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,653
Still, I know our students are in good hands.
33
00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:03,158
And even though
I'll never teach again professionally,
34
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:07,120
I've realized that I don't need a blackboard
or a classroom
35
00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:09,831
to set an example.
36
00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:29,935
Adiós, bitches.
37
00:04:40,822 --> 00:04:44,241
Baby doll? I'm home.
38
00:04:44,325 --> 00:04:45,534
In here.
39
00:04:45,618 --> 00:04:49,621
Get yourself hard, 'cause I'm gonna suck
your dick like I'm mad at it.
40
00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:55,294
Look, your mom's here. Hi, Mom.
What a fun surprise.
41
00:04:55,378 --> 00:04:57,879
Suitcases. Honey, are we going on a trip?
42
00:04:57,964 --> 00:05:01,591
- Elizabeth, we need to talk.
- Sure.
43
00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:05,053
I'm starting to think that maybe
we need to take a break.
44
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:06,430
- Forever.
- Mom.
45
00:05:06,514 --> 00:05:08,682
- Tell her what the accountant said.
- Mom.
46
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:13,645
Steven said that you spent
$16,000 last month.
47
00:05:14,397 --> 00:05:15,731
He thinks you're bad news.
48
00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:18,150
- I know women like you.
- Damn it, Mom.
49
00:05:18,234 --> 00:05:21,945
- I told you I could handle this.
- I just want to ask her something.
50
00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:24,197
You truly love my son?
51
00:05:24,657 --> 00:05:27,075
I love him so much it hurts.
52
00:05:27,785 --> 00:05:31,204
- All right, then. When is his birthday?
- Mom.
53
00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:37,586
I'm not, you know... That is just offensive
that you would even ask me that.
54
00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:38,920
It's today.
55
00:05:40,798 --> 00:05:43,675
I know. God.
56
00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:46,845
That's why I got you this.
57
00:05:46,929 --> 00:05:49,389
Okay? Honey, happy birthday.
58
00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:52,351
- Boston Market?
- And I was gonna suck his dick.
59
00:05:52,435 --> 00:05:53,518
So two presents.
60
00:05:54,687 --> 00:05:57,314
Okay, fine. I'll sign the prenup.
61
00:05:57,857 --> 00:05:59,733
It's over, Elizabeth.
62
00:06:00,401 --> 00:06:01,693
Mark, I'm pregnant.
63
00:06:01,778 --> 00:06:03,195
- Bullshit.
- No, you're not.
64
00:06:03,905 --> 00:06:05,822
Okay, fine, I'm not actually pregnant.
65
00:06:05,907 --> 00:06:08,158
You know what, I'm starting to wonder
66
00:06:08,242 --> 00:06:10,869
whether this has always been
about the money.
67
00:06:10,953 --> 00:06:13,205
- You never loved me.
- I don't love you?
68
00:06:13,289 --> 00:06:16,708
I have been listening to you whine
about opera for the last year.
69
00:06:17,001 --> 00:06:21,671
Okay. If the younger generation
doesn't get into opera, then guess what?
70
00:06:21,756 --> 00:06:24,633
No more opera. An art form has died.
71
00:06:24,717 --> 00:06:27,427
If opera goes away, we're fucked.
72
00:06:28,179 --> 00:06:29,346
I want my ring back.
73
00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:32,641
What am I supposed to do, huh?
Where am I supposed to go?
74
00:07:07,718 --> 00:07:11,346
There she is. Elizabeth Halsey.
75
00:07:14,058 --> 00:07:17,102
I am so excited we're gonna be
across-the-hall mates,
76
00:07:17,186 --> 00:07:20,897
but I am so sad
it's because your relationship ended.
77
00:07:21,566 --> 00:07:23,692
- Who are you, again?
- Amy Squirrel.
78
00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:27,904
- Squirrel?
- Yeah. You know...
79
00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:33,827
Don't worry,
you were kind of a lone wolf last year
80
00:07:33,911 --> 00:07:36,913
and so busy planning the wedding.
81
00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:40,250
- I found him in bed with somebody else.
- Oh, my gosh.
82
00:07:40,334 --> 00:07:43,378
- It was another man.
- Shut the front door.
83
00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:46,965
Somebody needs a hug.
84
00:07:47,049 --> 00:07:48,258
Somebody doesn't.
85
00:07:48,843 --> 00:07:54,222
Look. I know you kind of skated by last year,
doing the bare-minimum thing,
86
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:57,017
but I just want to say, now you're back,
87
00:07:57,101 --> 00:08:01,313
I just know
you are gonna get your teaching on.
88
00:08:05,568 --> 00:08:08,528
I thought the teachers
were supposed to get the apples.
89
00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:12,282
Well, I think the students teach me
at least as much as I teach them.
90
00:08:14,076 --> 00:08:15,911
That's just something I say sometimes.
91
00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:17,245
Stupid.
92
00:08:33,262 --> 00:08:37,891
Sorry. I just wanted to know
if you wanted to grab some lunch.
93
00:08:38,434 --> 00:08:40,018
I'm kind of in the middle of something, Lynn.
94
00:08:40,102 --> 00:08:41,228
My treat.
95
00:08:42,980 --> 00:08:45,440
You know, Lynn, when I first started teaching
96
00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:48,276
I thought that I was doing it
for all the right reasons.
97
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,862
Shorter hours, summers off,
no accountability.
98
00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:53,907
I love my summers. Fresh corn.
99
00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:59,037
From now on, my full-time job is finding
a guy who's gonna take care of me.
100
00:08:59,121 --> 00:09:00,622
God, I pray for that.
101
00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:04,251
You know, I spent my entire summer hanging
out at bars near where the Bulls practice.
102
00:09:05,002 --> 00:09:07,295
I had some fun, got some cool souvenirs,
103
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:09,297
but those guys
are not looking to settle down.
104
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:11,508
I mean, they all wear condoms,
105
00:09:11,592 --> 00:09:14,719
then they take the condoms with them.
That's how paranoid they are.
106
00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:18,306
Like it's so easy to get pregnant
from some dude nutting into a condom.
107
00:09:18,766 --> 00:09:20,809
Yeah. Yeah.
108
00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:23,937
You're gonna find someone great. You are.
109
00:09:24,021 --> 00:09:27,899
I've been thinking about it a lot.
I'm like an eight, eight and a half.
110
00:09:28,609 --> 00:09:31,236
But if I got a new pair of tits, right?
111
00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:34,197
You don't wanna do that.
You're already so pretty.
112
00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:39,619
You have no idea how difficult it is to
compete against these Barbie doll types.
113
00:09:40,204 --> 00:09:44,040
Yeah, that's true.
And we're not getting any younger.
114
00:09:44,166 --> 00:09:46,918
Yeah. Though we should finish up.
115
00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:51,506
Wally's got that big orientation
in the auditorium.
116
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:54,718
- Yeah, I'm not gonna go to that.
- But it's mandatory.
117
00:09:59,098 --> 00:10:01,474
I probably won't go either.
118
00:10:02,101 --> 00:10:03,768
No, I might.
119
00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:07,314
I'll probably go and just sit in the back.
Maybe leave early.
120
00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:13,278
Maybe stay to the end.
Play it by ear, orjust stay to the end.
121
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:16,156
I don't know.
122
00:10:17,325 --> 00:10:19,576
Okay, well, this was fun, huh?
123
00:10:25,249 --> 00:10:30,629
You, me, Aruba, my boat, this weekend,
what do you say?
124
00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:32,881
You think I don't see that faint tan line
on your finger
125
00:10:32,965 --> 00:10:34,883
where your wedding band usually is?
126
00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:37,427
This is not my first rodeo, Sarge.
127
00:10:37,511 --> 00:10:40,347
Why don't you introduce me
to your single co-worker?
128
00:10:40,431 --> 00:10:41,931
One o'clock.
129
00:10:42,933 --> 00:10:45,060
- Hey, I'm Jason.
- Hi.
130
00:10:45,394 --> 00:10:49,564
- So that's where I learned to water ski.
- I fucking love Lake Geneva.
131
00:10:54,737 --> 00:10:57,822
I love your belt! Who makes it?
132
00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:02,202
We should do something next weekend.
You should take me somewhere.
133
00:11:02,286 --> 00:11:05,038
- You don't have a plane, do you?
- Yeah, right. I'm just a trainee.
134
00:11:07,291 --> 00:11:09,501
- A what?
- A trainee.
135
00:11:09,585 --> 00:11:12,128
- How much more time are we talking here?
- Tomorrow's my last day.
136
00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:14,089
Okay.
137
00:11:16,425 --> 00:11:18,635
The second I finish,
I'm going to my boss's office,
138
00:11:18,719 --> 00:11:21,179
and I'm telling that motherfucker
to go fuck himself.
139
00:11:21,263 --> 00:11:23,723
See, I wanna do something that matters.
140
00:11:24,058 --> 00:11:27,977
I'm going back to school
and becoming an occupational therapist.
141
00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:31,231
I wanna do something important,
just like you.
142
00:11:34,151 --> 00:11:35,652
An occupational therapist?
143
00:11:36,821 --> 00:11:40,156
Do I look like I wanna marry
a fucking occupational therapist?
144
00:11:54,296 --> 00:11:55,964
Fuck my ass.
145
00:11:59,343 --> 00:12:02,512
Welcome to
Air Seventh Grade Social Studies.
146
00:12:02,847 --> 00:12:05,390
I'll be your captain, Miss Squirrel.
147
00:12:05,474 --> 00:12:09,352
Cruising altitude for the year will be
world geography through current events.
148
00:12:09,478 --> 00:12:11,229
We may have a layover in civics,
149
00:12:11,313 --> 00:12:14,733
so buckle up,
'cause it's gonna be a crazy ride.
150
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:20,613
The photographer was, like, so nice.
151
00:12:20,698 --> 00:12:23,658
He made me feel,
like, really, really comfortable.
152
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:26,578
I might get flown to Kansas City
for their fashion week.
153
00:12:26,662 --> 00:12:28,329
Kansas City!
154
00:12:29,206 --> 00:12:30,331
Stalk much?
155
00:12:32,376 --> 00:12:33,835
Loser.
156
00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:58,610
Hi. I'm Sasha Abernathy.
My mother baked these cookies for you.
157
00:12:59,111 --> 00:13:00,737
Just leave 'em on the desk.
158
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:06,868
You need something?
159
00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:14,209
Anyone seen Stand and Deliver?
Show of hands.
160
00:13:15,377 --> 00:13:18,797
You kidding me? Edward James Olmos?
161
00:13:20,966 --> 00:13:22,091
Lou Diamond Phillips?
162
00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:25,929
Wow. All right.
163
00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:30,016
You and you, grab the TV and roll it up front.
164
00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:32,143
We're watching a movie on the first day?
165
00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:34,437
I think it's awesome. You rock.
166
00:13:39,985 --> 00:13:41,110
These cookies suck.
167
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,957
Would everyone please try to find a seat?
168
00:13:57,586 --> 00:13:58,753
Incoming.
169
00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:05,343
Garrett, honey?
170
00:14:06,428 --> 00:14:09,848
Elizabeth. Hey. Russell.
171
00:14:11,308 --> 00:14:12,767
Russell Gettis, gym teacher.
172
00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:16,396
- We did bus duty together last spring.
- Yeah.
173
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:19,941
So, I heard about
the whole engagement thing. That blows.
174
00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:23,027
Did you know I walked in on him
trying to fuck his dog?
175
00:14:23,112 --> 00:14:26,447
- Peanut butter everywhere.
- That's gross.
176
00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:29,617
Anyway... Hey, might be too soon,
177
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:32,787
but you wanna, like, grab a bite
or something sometime?
178
00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:35,206
- You still a gym teacher?
- I am, yeah.
179
00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:36,708
Then no.
180
00:14:37,793 --> 00:14:40,795
- I don't date co-workers.
- I won't tell anyone.
181
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,797
I also said no.
182
00:14:43,173 --> 00:14:46,050
Okay, cool. Well, this has been awesome.
183
00:14:48,470 --> 00:14:50,847
Somebody's got a case of the sleepies.
184
00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:53,683
- What?
- Did you see the coleslaw altercation?
185
00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:58,980
Yeah. That one kid hit the other kid
with some coleslaw.
186
00:14:59,815 --> 00:15:03,026
You weren't at the orientation
the other day. Okay.
187
00:15:03,152 --> 00:15:06,195
Boy, Elizabeth,
you missed a boatload of stuff.
188
00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:12,535
Anyways, at the orientation, I suggested
a new system for supervising lunch.
189
00:15:12,828 --> 00:15:14,454
It's a quadrant system.
190
00:15:14,538 --> 00:15:17,123
I tell you what,
why don't you just send me a memo,
191
00:15:17,207 --> 00:15:19,167
and, if I have any questions, I'll find you.
192
00:15:21,837 --> 00:15:23,171
Yeah. Meant to ask,
193
00:15:23,255 --> 00:15:28,176
did I hear you were showing a movie
this morning on the first day of school?
194
00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:30,303
How do I know what you heard?
195
00:15:30,387 --> 00:15:33,723
Listen, I don't wanna tell you
how to run your class,
196
00:15:33,849 --> 00:15:37,518
but maybe it might be fun
to try some ice breakers.
197
00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:40,021
Like telephone charades or the string game.
198
00:15:43,692 --> 00:15:45,360
Are we gonna have a problem, me and you?
199
00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:48,279
God, no.
200
00:15:49,865 --> 00:15:55,620
If I gave you that impression,
well, I'm so sorry because, actually,
201
00:15:55,704 --> 00:15:59,207
I was really hoping we could be
more than just across-the-hall mates.
202
00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:02,794
I don't know what you heard,
but I don't eat muff pie.
203
00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:07,674
No, of course not.
I don't even know what that is.
204
00:16:07,758 --> 00:16:10,760
I just meant friends.
205
00:16:10,886 --> 00:16:14,263
Tell you what, friend, I've gotta get going.
Cover me.
206
00:16:16,475 --> 00:16:19,102
Elizabeth, lunch doesn't end
for another seven minutes.
207
00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:21,604
Who's gonna watch your quadrant?
208
00:16:30,781 --> 00:16:33,658
Hi, there. You look like Losty McLosterson.
209
00:16:34,326 --> 00:16:37,620
I know, right?
Can you tell me where Room 107 is?
210
00:16:37,746 --> 00:16:39,580
I'll do you one better. I'll take you there.
211
00:16:40,124 --> 00:16:43,418
- You don't have to do that.
- Stop it. Be my pleasure.
212
00:16:43,919 --> 00:16:45,586
- Scott Delacorte.
- Elizabeth Halsey.
213
00:16:46,088 --> 00:16:48,589
- I'm the new sub.
- Welcome, welcome.
214
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:51,259
- Thank you.
- Is that a Jaeger-LeCoultre?
215
00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:53,803
- Good eye.
- Thanks.
216
00:16:53,929 --> 00:16:55,847
I love men's watches. It's kind of a hobby.
217
00:16:55,931 --> 00:17:00,226
You know, sometimes I get self-conscious
about it, but my grandfather made it, so...
218
00:17:00,310 --> 00:17:03,521
- Your grandfather designs watches?
- The family business.
219
00:17:03,605 --> 00:17:05,273
Yeah, my mother's maiden name
is LeCoultre.
220
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:08,693
Shut up.
221
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:11,237
So, did you and your wife just move to town?
222
00:17:11,321 --> 00:17:15,324
I'm not married.
I actually just got out of a relationship.
223
00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:17,368
Catherine. Yeah.
224
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:20,663
It's been a year
and she's still the wallpaper on my phone.
225
00:17:20,998 --> 00:17:26,294
- She has such a big heart.
- Looks like enormous.
226
00:17:30,215 --> 00:17:34,969
As you can see, the weight is evenly
distributed and there's minimal scarring.
227
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:37,180
Dr. Vogel, best hands in Chicago.
228
00:17:38,807 --> 00:17:42,143
- May I?
- Absolutely. Take 'em for a spin.
229
00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:45,646
God.
230
00:17:46,523 --> 00:17:48,149
- Wow.
- Yeah.
231
00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:50,318
- These are amazing.
- Thank you.
232
00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:53,863
- And the nipples.
- I know.
233
00:17:54,573 --> 00:17:55,698
I'll take two.
234
00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:04,415
The total is $9,300 for the surgery,
235
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:06,501
plus one night stay at our facility.
236
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:09,212
- How would you like to pay?
- That's absurd.
237
00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:11,756
I'm a teacher, not a drug dealer.
238
00:18:12,007 --> 00:18:14,217
We accept all major credit cards.
239
00:18:14,343 --> 00:18:18,930
Yeah, well, my credit situation
is a little complicated.
240
00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:22,350
I'm sorry, but if you can't pay,
then I can't schedule the appointment.
241
00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:25,394
I just really need some money.
242
00:18:26,688 --> 00:18:29,440
As a matter of fact, it is about my tits, Dad.
243
00:18:30,859 --> 00:18:33,694
Well, maybe if I had gotten yours
and not Mom's...
244
00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:36,864
Look, I'm not gonna beat around the bush,
Grandma.
245
00:18:37,199 --> 00:18:39,033
I'm dying and I need money for surgery.
246
00:18:42,704 --> 00:18:44,580
Really? Nothing!
247
00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:48,042
I'm rooming with a guy I met on Craigslist.
248
00:18:48,418 --> 00:18:50,920
All I'm asking you for is $10,000.
249
00:18:51,630 --> 00:18:56,384
You owe me for breaking off the engagement.
You know how humiliating that was?
250
00:18:57,469 --> 00:18:58,553
Okay.
251
00:18:59,263 --> 00:19:02,056
Lover, lover, look, I don't wanna fight.
252
00:19:02,266 --> 00:19:04,976
It's only $10,000.
It would mean the world to me.
253
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:07,061
Lover?
254
00:19:08,397 --> 00:19:09,564
Are you there?
255
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:12,483
Fucking troll!
256
00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:15,111
- Did you call my name?
- No.
257
00:19:15,445 --> 00:19:18,948
- I said, "Fucking troll."
- I thought you said "Kirk."
258
00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:22,493
Do you have 10 grand?
259
00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:24,579
Nope.
260
00:19:25,289 --> 00:19:28,624
And, also, I might be a little short
on rent this month.
261
00:19:29,084 --> 00:19:30,126
Like a lot short.
262
00:19:31,128 --> 00:19:32,170
This might help.
263
00:19:34,798 --> 00:19:37,675
- You wanna get wasted?
- Yeah.
264
00:19:37,926 --> 00:19:39,302
Cool. See you.
265
00:19:42,139 --> 00:19:45,766
We are in a state of emergency
and my word is law.
266
00:19:46,143 --> 00:19:48,477
There's only one boss in this place
and that's me.
267
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:51,856
The HNIC.
268
00:19:53,483 --> 00:19:56,319
All right. We'll pick this up again tomorrow.
269
00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:01,157
Can I help you?
270
00:20:13,003 --> 00:20:14,045
What?
271
00:20:14,129 --> 00:20:16,005
I'm the student leader
for the trip to Springfield.
272
00:20:16,298 --> 00:20:18,883
- Shocker.
- We're having our car wash this weekend.
273
00:20:19,176 --> 00:20:20,801
If you're around,
maybe we could wash your car.
274
00:20:20,969 --> 00:20:23,304
I got some Mexicans
that already do it for nothing.
275
00:20:23,513 --> 00:20:26,182
Well, the Springfield trip's
the best part of seventh grade.
276
00:20:26,642 --> 00:20:28,976
Last year's car wash raised $6,000.
277
00:20:32,648 --> 00:20:34,106
Bringing these magazines to school
278
00:20:34,191 --> 00:20:35,816
is not the way
you're gonna make friends, Arkady.
279
00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:37,360
Those eighth grade boys are just using you.
280
00:20:37,986 --> 00:20:39,737
So I go now?
281
00:20:40,155 --> 00:20:44,450
Yes, you go now, but if I see these again,
I'm going to call your parents.
282
00:20:44,534 --> 00:20:45,660
Do you understand?
283
00:20:47,746 --> 00:20:48,913
Go to class.
284
00:20:50,707 --> 00:20:52,166
Hey, hey. Hey.
285
00:20:54,336 --> 00:20:55,378
Go to class!
286
00:20:59,716 --> 00:21:01,509
Another exciting day at the principal's office.
287
00:21:02,594 --> 00:21:04,470
- Do you have a second?
- Yeah.
288
00:21:04,554 --> 00:21:06,389
Oh, you know what,
I wanted to talk to you, too.
289
00:21:06,515 --> 00:21:09,767
Did I hear that right,
that you were showing movies all last week?
290
00:21:11,061 --> 00:21:12,353
Some clips, maybe.
291
00:21:12,896 --> 00:21:16,857
But, you know, in a lot of ways,
I think that movies are the new books.
292
00:21:27,536 --> 00:21:28,619
Is this new?
293
00:21:29,371 --> 00:21:31,372
God, I love it.
294
00:21:31,873 --> 00:21:35,459
You know, I've always said that dolphins
are the humans of the sea.
295
00:21:36,378 --> 00:21:38,045
I have a bumper sticker that says that.
296
00:21:38,755 --> 00:21:40,923
- No way.
- I'm not kidding.
297
00:21:41,883 --> 00:21:43,134
It's on my car.
298
00:21:44,386 --> 00:21:45,386
Come on.
299
00:21:46,888 --> 00:21:47,930
Hold on a sec.
300
00:21:55,605 --> 00:21:57,106
His name is Simon,
301
00:21:57,566 --> 00:22:04,238
and he lives in the Cayman Islands
with his brother, Ajax.
302
00:22:04,740 --> 00:22:05,740
Wow.
303
00:22:06,783 --> 00:22:08,075
What a great story.
304
00:22:09,786 --> 00:22:10,911
What did you wanna talk about?
305
00:22:11,496 --> 00:22:13,622
I was thinking
that I wanna get more involved.
306
00:22:13,915 --> 00:22:16,042
You know, I don't know, something like
307
00:22:16,126 --> 00:22:19,837
maybe supervising the seventh grade
car wash.
308
00:22:21,089 --> 00:22:23,674
You know, Amy has been running that
for like two years.
309
00:22:23,925 --> 00:22:27,428
Yeah, but she does so much already.
It might be nice to give her a little rest.
310
00:22:29,139 --> 00:22:33,309
It's so nice to see you
becoming a real member of the JAMS family.
311
00:22:34,770 --> 00:22:36,020
Just feels so good to help.
312
00:22:54,498 --> 00:22:55,956
Holy shit!
313
00:22:56,625 --> 00:22:58,626
All right. Let's do this.
314
00:23:54,057 --> 00:23:56,434
Hey, Mr. Delacorte. Yes!
315
00:23:58,854 --> 00:24:01,564
Hey, kids. Hey. Hey.
316
00:24:02,232 --> 00:24:03,607
Hey, you better not take it for a joyride.
317
00:24:03,692 --> 00:24:04,859
- Are you sure?
- I'm watching you.
318
00:24:06,027 --> 00:24:07,027
- Miss Halsey.
- Hey.
319
00:24:07,112 --> 00:24:08,946
- I'm impressed.
- Thanks. I've been working out.
320
00:24:09,030 --> 00:24:10,114
What a turnout.
321
00:24:11,366 --> 00:24:13,451
Oh, yeah, and the kids
are just having a blast.
322
00:24:13,952 --> 00:24:15,119
Well, that's what it's all about.
323
00:24:15,579 --> 00:24:16,954
God, you know, we should
go get a drink tonight.
324
00:24:17,038 --> 00:24:18,289
I feel like getting drunk.
325
00:24:19,791 --> 00:24:23,878
I mean, not "drunk" drunk. Strong buzz.
Still be able to drive.
326
00:24:24,463 --> 00:24:25,713
I'm sorry.
327
00:24:26,256 --> 00:24:27,882
I can't yet. I'm just not ready.
328
00:24:28,216 --> 00:24:31,427
But, if you're patient,
I think I might be worth your while.
329
00:24:31,803 --> 00:24:32,887
You're worth the wait.
330
00:24:34,055 --> 00:24:35,055
I think so, too.
331
00:24:48,069 --> 00:24:49,487
Shish kebabs.
332
00:24:59,581 --> 00:25:01,916
Wally? It's Amy Squirrel.
333
00:25:02,667 --> 00:25:05,961
Amy? What are you... Get out of here!
334
00:25:06,505 --> 00:25:07,922
This'll just take a sec.
335
00:25:08,256 --> 00:25:12,718
I happened to be pedaling past
the seventh grade car wash this Saturday.
336
00:25:12,802 --> 00:25:14,637
Can we talk about this later?
337
00:25:15,013 --> 00:25:17,681
"Later, we'll all die," said the gator to the fly.
338
00:25:18,850 --> 00:25:20,267
What the fuck? What?
339
00:25:21,686 --> 00:25:22,770
Just go.
340
00:25:25,273 --> 00:25:29,318
Now, I don't wanna speak out of school,
but, from where I was sitting,
341
00:25:29,611 --> 00:25:30,778
I think...
342
00:25:31,780 --> 00:25:36,784
It seemed like Miss Halsey
was getting pretty chummy with the money.
343
00:25:37,619 --> 00:25:43,457
Are you accusing Elizabeth of embezzling
from the seventh grade car wash?
344
00:25:43,959 --> 00:25:47,836
Wally, we barely know anything about her.
345
00:25:48,046 --> 00:25:50,297
Hey, you know what?
They raised almost $7,000,
346
00:25:50,465 --> 00:25:52,007
so whatever she did worked.
347
00:25:52,467 --> 00:25:53,842
Viet Huynh's dad called.
348
00:25:54,135 --> 00:25:56,136
He said the car wash was a raging success.
349
00:25:56,346 --> 00:25:57,638
And Lauren Rissman's dad called.
350
00:25:57,722 --> 00:25:59,723
He said we should have a car wash
every weekend.
351
00:26:00,642 --> 00:26:03,644
So instead of accusing her,
you might wanna ask her for some pointers.
352
00:26:04,229 --> 00:26:09,149
Well, if those pointers include
wearing provocative beachwear for money,
353
00:26:09,818 --> 00:26:11,777
- I think I'll pass.
- This is ridiculous.
354
00:26:11,861 --> 00:26:13,821
This is the one place in this building
355
00:26:13,905 --> 00:26:15,990
where I'm allowed
to be alone with my thoughts.
356
00:26:16,408 --> 00:26:19,702
I only have this once a day. If I'm lucky.
357
00:26:20,537 --> 00:26:23,038
Next time you accuse
one of my teachers of stealing,
358
00:26:23,164 --> 00:26:26,000
you better have some evidence. God damn it.
359
00:26:26,418 --> 00:26:27,501
We are done here.
360
00:26:30,672 --> 00:26:31,672
All righty.
361
00:26:33,091 --> 00:26:35,175
Have a super awesome day, you two.
362
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:43,851
Holy fuck, I thought
she was never gonna leave.
363
00:26:55,530 --> 00:26:57,531
How are things going with Scott?
364
00:26:57,782 --> 00:27:00,326
Jesus Christ, Lynn.
The guy just went through a terrible breakup.
365
00:27:00,410 --> 00:27:02,202
- Yeah.
- What he needs now more than ever
366
00:27:02,287 --> 00:27:04,663
- is a friend.
- You know, I think that's really smart.
367
00:27:04,748 --> 00:27:05,789
- Build a foundation...
- Yeah,
368
00:27:05,874 --> 00:27:08,917
build a foundation
and then after my surgery, we fuck.
369
00:27:10,545 --> 00:27:12,421
I don't know. I think love should be about...
370
00:27:12,547 --> 00:27:15,215
- I gotta go, Lynn. Here, hold this for me.
- Okay.
371
00:27:15,550 --> 00:27:16,550
Thanks.
372
00:27:20,764 --> 00:27:22,389
Are we starting School Ties today?
373
00:27:26,895 --> 00:27:29,313
Okay. Today we're starting School Ties.
374
00:27:29,731 --> 00:27:32,316
Brendan Fraser plays a Jew. Classic.
375
00:27:34,736 --> 00:27:38,656
- Okay, who has the answer?
- Here it is. Good luck.
376
00:27:38,740 --> 00:27:39,823
Here "what" is?
377
00:27:39,908 --> 00:27:42,284
It's the pre-test
for the state standardized test.
378
00:27:42,619 --> 00:27:43,786
It was in the memo.
379
00:27:45,789 --> 00:27:47,247
Yes, the memo.
380
00:27:51,795 --> 00:27:54,588
Hey, zip it. Zip your shit.
381
00:27:59,427 --> 00:28:02,429
Okay, look.
We all know that these tests are gay.
382
00:28:04,516 --> 00:28:05,641
Hey.
383
00:28:06,768 --> 00:28:08,477
According to this memo,
384
00:28:08,603 --> 00:28:11,105
I'm supposed to give you guys
45 minutes per section.
385
00:28:12,649 --> 00:28:16,819
Okay. Clear your desks, everybody.
Pencils out.
386
00:28:18,029 --> 00:28:19,113
Begin.
387
00:28:23,201 --> 00:28:24,451
What's going on with you?
388
00:28:25,328 --> 00:28:26,704
You need a tissue, huh?
389
00:28:28,164 --> 00:28:31,458
- She is such a phony.
- Yeah, a major phony.
390
00:28:31,835 --> 00:28:34,420
Yeah, but she also cares a lot, too.
391
00:28:38,883 --> 00:28:41,677
I love how his eyes sparkle when he smiles.
392
00:28:41,761 --> 00:28:43,220
I wanna sit on his face.
393
00:28:43,638 --> 00:28:45,180
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.
394
00:28:45,598 --> 00:28:48,267
- Hey.
- You are just making a habit out of this,
395
00:28:48,351 --> 00:28:49,393
aren't you?
396
00:28:49,477 --> 00:28:51,520
Actually, Sandy Pinkus
in the math department,
397
00:28:52,021 --> 00:28:55,232
I guess someone slashed his tires.
And his wife's, too.
398
00:28:56,109 --> 00:28:57,443
That is awful.
399
00:28:57,610 --> 00:29:00,904
- Lynn, will you go grab me some milk?
- What kind of milk do you want?
400
00:29:01,281 --> 00:29:05,617
- Skim, whole, 2 %, chocolate?
- Surprise me.
401
00:29:05,910 --> 00:29:08,746
Okay, I'll get you skim. No, 2 %.
402
00:29:11,124 --> 00:29:12,416
- So?
- So?
403
00:29:13,042 --> 00:29:15,294
Hola, fellow educators.
404
00:29:17,964 --> 00:29:20,299
- Is everything okay with Gaby?
- She'll be fine.
405
00:29:20,508 --> 00:29:23,177
I told her, "Gaby,
if you're not happy with yourself,
406
00:29:23,261 --> 00:29:25,679
"you can't expect others
to be happy with you.
407
00:29:25,972 --> 00:29:27,681
"It starts with you."
408
00:29:27,849 --> 00:29:29,558
- I'm sure she appreciated that.
- Yeah.
409
00:29:31,311 --> 00:29:32,811
And it's exactly what I told Elizabeth
410
00:29:32,896 --> 00:29:35,647
when she told me
about this upcoming fake breast job.
411
00:29:39,277 --> 00:29:42,571
Sorry. Sorry, I thought
you were telling everyone.
412
00:29:43,156 --> 00:29:45,282
- Did you?
- Well, I'm pro choice.
413
00:29:45,366 --> 00:29:48,368
I believe everyone should choose
whatever makes them happiest.
414
00:29:48,995 --> 00:29:50,329
Except abortion, of course.
415
00:29:50,413 --> 00:29:51,580
- Of course.
- Obviously.
416
00:29:52,540 --> 00:29:55,918
Well, it looks like algebra is calling.
I hate math.
417
00:29:56,211 --> 00:29:57,544
- Wish me luck.
- Hi.
418
00:29:57,629 --> 00:30:00,964
I'm a math terrorist,
with close ties to Aljaybra.
419
00:30:01,674 --> 00:30:04,301
I have weapons of math instruction.
420
00:30:12,393 --> 00:30:13,435
Here, I'll walk you.
421
00:30:13,686 --> 00:30:16,605
- Man, everyone is so nice around here.
- Of course.
422
00:30:16,940 --> 00:30:18,273
Hey, watch my quadrant.
423
00:30:19,484 --> 00:30:21,693
Here you go, 1 %. Surprise.
424
00:30:22,737 --> 00:30:27,157
Hi. My name is Elizabeth Halsey.
Any questions?
425
00:30:28,284 --> 00:30:30,160
Hi. I'm Sasha's mother.
426
00:30:30,703 --> 00:30:34,623
I'm a little concerned at the importance
you're placing on movies.
427
00:30:35,083 --> 00:30:38,001
I was just wondering
what your plans were for the state test.
428
00:30:38,586 --> 00:30:42,464
Listen, the school hired me
because I'm amazing at what I do.
429
00:30:42,966 --> 00:30:44,550
I use movies as one of my tools,
430
00:30:44,634 --> 00:30:48,720
but I also use a variety
of other multimedia techniques.
431
00:30:49,472 --> 00:30:52,057
Listen, I could take you day-by-day
through my entire syllabus,
432
00:30:52,141 --> 00:30:53,559
but that's just not how I do things.
433
00:30:54,519 --> 00:30:58,689
So that's my spiel, as the Jews say.
434
00:30:59,816 --> 00:31:03,193
Please, help yourself to some delicious
snacks and drinks in the back.
435
00:31:05,238 --> 00:31:06,405
Class dismissed.
436
00:31:06,865 --> 00:31:10,284
Excuse me, Miss Halsey?
Hi, I'm Morgan's dad.
437
00:31:11,661 --> 00:31:12,911
Morgan.
438
00:31:14,289 --> 00:31:16,540
Great kid. So precocious.
439
00:31:16,916 --> 00:31:18,709
I just wish Morgan's grades would reflect it.
440
00:31:19,252 --> 00:31:24,548
If I know Morgan, and I think I do,
Morgan'll get there.
441
00:31:24,841 --> 00:31:28,176
Listen, I'm sure you have a full plate,
along with a rocking hot body,
442
00:31:28,553 --> 00:31:31,013
but if you could just keep an eye on Morgan,
443
00:31:31,097 --> 00:31:32,890
my wife and I would really appreciate it.
444
00:31:33,433 --> 00:31:36,435
For supplies and whatever.
445
00:31:38,938 --> 00:31:40,188
For supplies.
446
00:31:41,316 --> 00:31:44,276
- You're Chase's parents.
- Hi.
447
00:31:44,402 --> 00:31:45,861
You know, a student like Chase
448
00:31:45,945 --> 00:31:48,780
would benefit so much
from some extra attention.
449
00:31:49,407 --> 00:31:51,408
So you think we should hire a tutor?
450
00:31:51,492 --> 00:31:52,951
You know, I'd be happy to do it myself,
451
00:31:53,036 --> 00:31:58,206
but it's just so hard with a class
of 20, 25, or 30, or whatever.
452
00:31:58,875 --> 00:32:00,125
To be a teacher.
453
00:32:00,209 --> 00:32:05,005
God, it is so hard on my salary to have to pay
for my own supplies, and my fiancé,
454
00:32:05,089 --> 00:32:06,590
he cheated on me with his sister.
455
00:32:08,176 --> 00:32:12,512
As her personal tutor, I guarantee personally
that she will get an A,
456
00:32:12,805 --> 00:32:15,223
or your money back.
457
00:32:16,517 --> 00:32:19,311
Well. Say no more.
458
00:32:22,398 --> 00:32:23,690
Make it out to "cash."
459
00:32:44,087 --> 00:32:45,128
Is that true?
460
00:32:45,213 --> 00:32:47,506
But when I go to my grave,
my head will be high.
461
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:50,926
There are no victims in this classroom.
462
00:33:10,905 --> 00:33:14,366
Scott? Scott? Scott?
463
00:33:15,118 --> 00:33:16,368
- Amy.
- Hi.
464
00:33:16,536 --> 00:33:18,620
- Hi.
- I got you something.
465
00:33:19,247 --> 00:33:21,707
What? You didn't have to do that.
466
00:33:21,791 --> 00:33:24,543
It's nothing. Well, it's my favorite book.
467
00:33:27,213 --> 00:33:28,255
Eat, Pray, Love.
468
00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:29,881
Yeah.
469
00:33:31,968 --> 00:33:33,510
This is my favorite book, too.
470
00:33:34,887 --> 00:33:36,388
What's your favorite part?
471
00:33:38,641 --> 00:33:39,683
Love.
472
00:33:54,907 --> 00:33:57,409
- What do you want?
- Is that marijuana?
473
00:33:58,119 --> 00:34:01,747
No, it's medicinal marijuana.
I have a prescription and everything.
474
00:34:02,540 --> 00:34:05,250
But I'm not gonna tell you why,
because it's between me and my doctor.
475
00:34:06,627 --> 00:34:09,046
Okay, well, feel better.
476
00:34:09,672 --> 00:34:10,714
Thanks.
477
00:34:11,507 --> 00:34:13,216
My mom and I made you
some holiday cookies.
478
00:34:14,469 --> 00:34:16,511
- Are those oatmeal raisin again?
- Gingerbread.
479
00:34:19,974 --> 00:34:21,516
Let me see it. Have it.
480
00:34:22,018 --> 00:34:23,185
Watch the bow.
481
00:34:27,231 --> 00:34:28,273
Do you have anything to drink?
482
00:34:30,234 --> 00:34:32,319
Listen, word to the wise,
483
00:34:33,404 --> 00:34:35,363
stop dressing
like you're running for Congress.
484
00:34:36,199 --> 00:34:38,658
I don't wanna run for Congress.
I wanna be president.
485
00:34:39,243 --> 00:34:40,452
See, that's what I'm talking about.
486
00:34:41,162 --> 00:34:42,788
Keep saying shit like that
and you're gonna get punched.
487
00:34:44,707 --> 00:34:47,292
Do you really wanna be president
or is that something your parents want?
488
00:34:50,922 --> 00:34:53,882
Look, you don't have to decide right now.
You know, who knows?
489
00:34:53,966 --> 00:34:56,176
One day you wake up, you decide
you wanna be a masseuse.
490
00:34:57,011 --> 00:34:59,638
Salary plus tips. Think about it.
491
00:35:01,390 --> 00:35:03,850
If I think about it, will I get extra credit?
492
00:35:04,936 --> 00:35:06,061
Hopeless.
493
00:35:06,896 --> 00:35:11,233
All right. I'm high as fuck.
I gotta get outta here. Watch your feet.
494
00:35:30,878 --> 00:35:33,255
This is indeed a winter wonderland.
495
00:35:38,803 --> 00:35:40,554
- Wanna go get high?
- Yeah.
496
00:35:41,264 --> 00:35:43,014
Give me a nug. I'll smoke it in my car.
497
00:35:44,183 --> 00:35:45,475
Wow. No.
498
00:35:45,935 --> 00:35:48,520
I meant, do you wanna get high with me?
499
00:35:49,897 --> 00:35:53,441
- Eight, six, seven, five, three, oh, nine
- Nine
500
00:35:53,526 --> 00:35:57,195
- Eight, six, seven, five, three, oh, nine
- Eight, six, seven, five, three, oh, nine
501
00:35:57,488 --> 00:36:00,157
- I got it, got it
- I got it
502
00:36:00,241 --> 00:36:02,868
Hey. They don't make songs
like this anymore, right?
503
00:36:03,244 --> 00:36:04,953
You know, that's actually not true, Scott.
504
00:36:05,079 --> 00:36:10,709
I'm writing a song right now called
855-824-1777,
505
00:36:11,085 --> 00:36:12,836
extension 777.
506
00:36:16,465 --> 00:36:17,966
- So you guys having an awesome time?
- Yes.
507
00:36:18,050 --> 00:36:21,011
Oh, my God, I love to dance.
I could dance all night.
508
00:36:21,429 --> 00:36:25,056
- Hey, could we go somewhere and talk?
- Totally go for a talk right now.
509
00:36:30,062 --> 00:36:31,104
What's up?
510
00:36:33,065 --> 00:36:34,232
Okay.
511
00:36:35,151 --> 00:36:37,527
I don't know how to say this.
I'm kind of nervous.
512
00:36:37,612 --> 00:36:39,321
It's all just happening so quickly.
513
00:36:39,405 --> 00:36:42,073
You can tell me anything, Scott.
You're one of my best friends.
514
00:36:43,159 --> 00:36:44,367
I'm crushing on someone.
515
00:36:45,494 --> 00:36:48,371
- I think you're pretty great, too.
- Thanks. It's Amy.
516
00:36:50,208 --> 00:36:52,209
No running in the hall!
517
00:36:54,795 --> 00:36:55,879
Kids.
518
00:36:55,963 --> 00:36:58,256
She's been amazing
helping me deal with my break-up.
519
00:36:58,549 --> 00:36:59,758
Yeah, I don't know her that well.
520
00:36:59,842 --> 00:37:01,885
I know all the other teachers
really hate her fucking guts,
521
00:37:01,969 --> 00:37:03,303
but I stay above all that stuff.
522
00:37:04,347 --> 00:37:06,014
Can I be honest with you?
523
00:37:06,557 --> 00:37:07,599
Of course.
524
00:37:08,226 --> 00:37:13,647
It's nothing personal,
but I don't think that you're Amy's type.
525
00:37:14,857 --> 00:37:16,024
- Really?
- Yeah.
526
00:37:16,943 --> 00:37:20,654
We seem so, I don't know, simpatico.
527
00:37:21,239 --> 00:37:23,031
How do I put this politely?
528
00:37:23,407 --> 00:37:26,451
She's a lesbian. She hates cock.
529
00:37:29,038 --> 00:37:30,914
She's only using you for your money.
530
00:37:31,874 --> 00:37:32,916
What?
531
00:37:35,503 --> 00:37:36,878
Well, I feel stupid.
532
00:37:37,171 --> 00:37:40,715
No, Scott. Scott. Look at me.
533
00:37:41,300 --> 00:37:43,301
I'm gonna get my breasts enlarged
in a couple of months,
534
00:37:43,427 --> 00:37:46,554
and when I recover from my surgery,
you and I are gonna go out
535
00:37:46,639 --> 00:37:49,015
and we are gonna find awesome people
for each other.
536
00:37:50,268 --> 00:37:51,434
That sounds nice.
537
00:37:51,894 --> 00:37:53,770
You're out of your mind.
538
00:37:53,980 --> 00:37:56,314
There is no way
that LeBron will ever be Jordan.
539
00:37:56,399 --> 00:37:58,108
Nobody will ever be Jordan, okay?
540
00:37:58,192 --> 00:38:00,193
Okay, LeBron's a better rebounder
and passer.
541
00:38:00,444 --> 00:38:03,363
Will you let me finish? Can you let me finish?
542
00:38:03,656 --> 00:38:05,657
Call me when LeBron has six championships.
543
00:38:05,741 --> 00:38:08,910
- Is that your only argument?
- It's the only argument I need, Shawn.
544
00:38:13,541 --> 00:38:14,666
Let's get baked...
545
00:38:16,794 --> 00:38:19,337
...goods. We're gonna go get
some baked goods.
546
00:38:22,883 --> 00:38:23,925
You got this?
547
00:38:26,470 --> 00:38:28,555
Just try it. Try it.
548
00:38:28,639 --> 00:38:30,890
Please, don't... Stop pressuring her.
549
00:38:30,975 --> 00:38:33,351
How does she know she doesn't like it
if she's never tried it before?
550
00:38:33,436 --> 00:38:35,854
You know, we should probably
be getting back.
551
00:38:35,938 --> 00:38:38,106
Just fucking do it. Weed is awesome.
552
00:38:49,869 --> 00:38:51,494
- Hold it in.
- Just blow it out.
553
00:38:51,579 --> 00:38:52,912
- Hold it in.
- Blow it out.
554
00:38:55,207 --> 00:38:58,168
Okay. Lynn, I'm gonna take this.
555
00:38:59,295 --> 00:39:01,379
I'm gonna go find a hot dog.
556
00:39:03,174 --> 00:39:04,215
Shit.
557
00:39:04,884 --> 00:39:07,594
- Well, that was deeply unimpressive.
- Like you can do better.
558
00:39:07,803 --> 00:39:09,346
- Really? You sure you wanna do this?
- Yeah.
559
00:39:09,430 --> 00:39:10,472
Gym teacher.
560
00:39:13,934 --> 00:39:15,810
- You understand this is what I do?
- Yeah, I got it.
561
00:39:15,978 --> 00:39:17,228
Like, for a living?
562
00:39:18,230 --> 00:39:19,272
All right.
563
00:39:30,117 --> 00:39:32,535
- You have no upper-body strength.
- Yes, I do.
564
00:39:32,787 --> 00:39:37,248
Just not in my arms or my chest.
But I have cat-like reflexes. Makes up for it.
565
00:39:50,346 --> 00:39:53,598
So, all this is mine, by the way,
as far as the eye can see.
566
00:39:54,517 --> 00:39:56,309
Really love what you've done with the place.
567
00:39:56,560 --> 00:39:59,771
Don't know if you noticed the nets,
but those are brand-new nets I had installed.
568
00:40:00,314 --> 00:40:01,439
This is original wood.
569
00:40:02,400 --> 00:40:03,900
See those championship banners?
570
00:40:04,610 --> 00:40:06,486
When I first came to the school,
they weren't here.
571
00:40:07,655 --> 00:40:08,780
They were over there.
572
00:40:09,615 --> 00:40:11,241
I had them moved over there.
573
00:40:13,786 --> 00:40:15,245
So, Russell,
574
00:40:16,163 --> 00:40:17,414
what has to go wrong in someone's life
575
00:40:17,498 --> 00:40:20,041
for them to end up
being a middle school gym teacher?
576
00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:23,211
Well, granted, it wasn't the original plan.
577
00:40:23,295 --> 00:40:27,757
As a young boy, I wanted to be a professor
of Physical Education.
578
00:40:29,260 --> 00:40:30,343
At Harvard.
579
00:40:30,469 --> 00:40:33,805
But I don't know. I like it here.
580
00:40:34,515 --> 00:40:37,767
What went so wrong in your life
that you ended up educating children?
581
00:40:38,436 --> 00:40:41,980
I don't know.
Maybe I was a bad person in another life.
582
00:40:44,567 --> 00:40:47,527
We should, like, go have a drink sometime.
Together.
583
00:40:47,987 --> 00:40:49,737
- Like over winter break.
- Nah.
584
00:40:50,656 --> 00:40:53,700
- Got something brewing.
- Can I say something, for the record?
585
00:40:54,118 --> 00:40:56,744
- Fine.
- It's about your, the...
586
00:40:59,457 --> 00:41:01,958
The big, fake titties.
Are you really gonna do that?
587
00:41:03,502 --> 00:41:05,295
Why would you do that? Your tits are fine.
588
00:41:05,421 --> 00:41:07,005
I like your tits. Ask my roommate.
589
00:41:16,348 --> 00:41:17,724
Seriously?
590
00:41:19,268 --> 00:41:21,227
Fuck. Seriously?
591
00:41:24,899 --> 00:41:26,024
Come on!
592
00:41:27,359 --> 00:41:28,735
Seriously?
593
00:41:31,155 --> 00:41:32,197
Hey!
594
00:41:32,490 --> 00:41:34,699
- Why are they closed?
- It's Christmas.
595
00:41:35,534 --> 00:41:37,494
Whatever. Hey, you got a lighter?
596
00:41:38,662 --> 00:41:41,456
Hey, Miss Halsey.
It's me, Garrett, from school.
597
00:41:41,540 --> 00:41:44,083
It's Garrett! Having a nice Christmas?
598
00:41:44,543 --> 00:41:46,586
- Aces.
- What are you doing the rest of the day?
599
00:41:46,670 --> 00:41:47,795
You gonna go see your family?
600
00:41:48,631 --> 00:41:53,885
You know, I'm gonna go see some people.
We're having like a big potluck. So...
601
00:41:54,970 --> 00:41:56,304
Miss Halsey.
602
00:41:56,388 --> 00:41:58,765
Would you like to come
and spend Christmas with us?
603
00:42:03,229 --> 00:42:06,606
Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
604
00:42:06,690 --> 00:42:10,777
'Tis the season to be jolly
605
00:42:10,861 --> 00:42:14,781
Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
606
00:42:15,032 --> 00:42:17,283
- Don we now our yuletide carol
- Deck the something else
607
00:42:17,368 --> 00:42:20,703
We never remember it.
Every year we forget. What is that?
608
00:42:20,788 --> 00:42:24,457
Listen, I'm really sorry I have to eat and run.
I gotta head over to the shelter. So...
609
00:42:25,459 --> 00:42:28,211
The shelter? That's so inspiring.
610
00:42:28,587 --> 00:42:30,296
Yeah. I really love helping bums.
611
00:42:31,382 --> 00:42:33,925
But you have to wait for dessert.
We have a real treat.
612
00:42:34,134 --> 00:42:36,427
Garrett, why don't you run
and get some of your new poetry?
613
00:42:36,804 --> 00:42:38,805
God. No one wants to hear it.
614
00:42:39,139 --> 00:42:42,725
- Oh, God, I'm so embarrassed.
- Don't be shy, Marbles.
615
00:42:43,394 --> 00:42:45,979
This is called "The Chase," by Garrett Tiara.
616
00:42:48,107 --> 00:42:53,278
"X-O, X-O
My love for you is X-O, X-O
617
00:42:53,654 --> 00:42:56,823
"About her smile,
that I would walk a mile for
618
00:42:57,408 --> 00:43:01,828
"About her personality,
that makes me see the best in me
619
00:43:02,621 --> 00:43:09,586
"One glance, one dance
Because together, we can achieve balance"
620
00:43:10,796 --> 00:43:11,838
Thank you.
621
00:43:14,967 --> 00:43:17,677
I loved it, and I usually hate poetry.
622
00:43:18,012 --> 00:43:20,513
Oh, Philip. "Hate" on Christmas?
623
00:43:20,931 --> 00:43:23,182
Sorry, Santa. Sorry, Jesus.
624
00:43:25,519 --> 00:43:27,687
Why don't you two give me a hand
with dessert
625
00:43:27,813 --> 00:43:30,023
and we can let these two discuss?
626
00:43:30,774 --> 00:43:32,025
Oh, fuck.
627
00:43:33,694 --> 00:43:36,279
So the poem's about that girl?
628
00:43:36,947 --> 00:43:38,031
Yeah, Chase.
629
00:43:39,325 --> 00:43:42,702
If I could just talk to her
and tell her how I feel,
630
00:43:42,786 --> 00:43:44,370
I know she'd understand.
631
00:43:45,539 --> 00:43:48,207
Listen, it's not gonna happen, buddy.
632
00:43:48,876 --> 00:43:51,336
I was that hot girl. Hotter, even.
633
00:43:51,712 --> 00:43:55,048
And I would never have gone out with you.
And I'm not saying that to be mean.
634
00:43:55,132 --> 00:43:56,466
I'm saying that to be helpful.
635
00:43:56,800 --> 00:43:59,010
What do you know?
You don't even know our names.
636
00:43:59,136 --> 00:44:00,136
I'll tell you what I know.
637
00:44:00,220 --> 00:44:02,055
A kid who wears
the same gymnastics sweatshirt
638
00:44:02,139 --> 00:44:04,349
three days a week
isn't getting laid until he's 29.
639
00:44:04,475 --> 00:44:05,516
That's what I know.
640
00:44:06,060 --> 00:44:09,312
This sweatshirt was my dad's.
It's all he left me when he left me.
641
00:44:09,980 --> 00:44:11,356
There's a reason he didn't pack it.
642
00:44:13,067 --> 00:44:14,150
Just saying.
643
00:44:14,860 --> 00:44:19,405
Welcome to the number one
New Year's Eve party in the entire world.
644
00:44:19,531 --> 00:44:22,325
This is literally the biggest party on Earth.
645
00:44:22,409 --> 00:44:23,910
Aren't you going out with the other nurses?
646
00:44:25,329 --> 00:44:26,579
I'm not a nurse.
647
00:44:27,414 --> 00:44:28,539
I thought you were a nurse.
648
00:44:29,333 --> 00:44:30,500
I'm a teacher.
649
00:44:38,092 --> 00:44:42,428
...Lionel Richie, so don't even think about
going anywhere else.
650
00:44:42,721 --> 00:44:43,846
We'll have the Jonas Brothers.
651
00:45:06,286 --> 00:45:08,371
Hey. Welcome back.
652
00:45:09,957 --> 00:45:13,543
Bunch of us are going out tonight to see
Period 5 play. Do you wanna come?
653
00:45:14,294 --> 00:45:16,546
- Period 5?
- Yeah, the teacher band.
654
00:45:18,132 --> 00:45:19,799
I'd rather get shot in the face.
655
00:45:22,302 --> 00:45:25,304
- Hey.
- Hey.
656
00:45:26,056 --> 00:45:28,099
So are you guys
coming to the Palace tonight?
657
00:45:28,392 --> 00:45:31,644
- My band's gonna do a few songs.
- You're in Period 5?
658
00:45:31,812 --> 00:45:35,064
You're looking at the new rhythm guitarist
and backup vocalist.
659
00:45:35,315 --> 00:45:37,316
- Should be fun.
- Should be amazing.
660
00:45:37,443 --> 00:45:40,403
- Lynn, you wanna come?
- Yes, yes.
661
00:45:41,822 --> 00:45:44,365
A lullaby. I said...
662
00:45:44,450 --> 00:45:48,494
Everything gonna be all right
663
00:45:48,579 --> 00:45:52,665
Rockabye, rockabye
664
00:45:53,917 --> 00:45:58,004
Everything gonna be all right
665
00:45:58,088 --> 00:46:02,341
Rockabye, rockabye
666
00:46:02,926 --> 00:46:04,093
Rockabye
667
00:46:07,014 --> 00:46:08,347
Lot of cute guys.
668
00:46:09,016 --> 00:46:13,352
- You should go talk to someone, Lynn.
- I'm fine here. I'm fine.
669
00:46:13,479 --> 00:46:16,022
Come on, Lynn.
You need to loosen up and live a little.
670
00:46:16,190 --> 00:46:17,690
When was the last time
you had a good dicking?
671
00:46:17,941 --> 00:46:19,317
"A good dicking."
672
00:46:19,610 --> 00:46:24,113
- Look, go talk to those guys over there.
- In the cowboy hats?
673
00:46:24,198 --> 00:46:25,782
- Yeah.
- What?
674
00:46:26,492 --> 00:46:28,284
- Oh, come on.
- You come on.
675
00:46:28,452 --> 00:46:31,370
- Now, go talk to them.
- What am I gonna talk about?
676
00:46:31,538 --> 00:46:33,289
It doesn't matter, Lynn.
677
00:46:33,373 --> 00:46:36,626
Look, you go and you start with one of them,
then you start talking to the other one,
678
00:46:36,710 --> 00:46:40,046
and then you go back to the first one
but still be touching the other one,
679
00:46:40,130 --> 00:46:42,215
and then you just choose. Textbook.
680
00:46:42,382 --> 00:46:45,384
Yeah. From the world's weirdest textbook.
681
00:46:45,552 --> 00:46:48,387
- Let me finish my drink.
- Now, Lynn.
682
00:46:48,472 --> 00:46:49,889
- In a second.
- No, go.
683
00:46:50,015 --> 00:46:52,642
- I like it here.
- It is really fun over here.
684
00:46:52,726 --> 00:46:55,311
Lynn. Get your ass over to those cowboys.
685
00:46:56,855 --> 00:47:00,191
Well, I'm glad I wore my fun underwear.
686
00:47:00,526 --> 00:47:01,567
Okay.
687
00:47:01,652 --> 00:47:07,740
Everything gonna be all right
Rockabye
688
00:47:07,866 --> 00:47:11,661
So, call me crazy, but this might be the best
Period 5 show of all time.
689
00:47:12,246 --> 00:47:13,913
What are you doing here, anyway?
690
00:47:14,373 --> 00:47:16,374
I thought it was poetry slam night.
691
00:47:17,251 --> 00:47:18,751
I was gonna get drunk and mock them.
692
00:47:19,086 --> 00:47:22,338
- That sounds fun, actually.
- I'll let you know next time I go.
693
00:47:22,422 --> 00:47:23,923
Not that fun.
694
00:47:24,258 --> 00:47:25,341
Okay.
695
00:47:25,425 --> 00:47:28,594
Just so you know,
that shit does not faze me at all.
696
00:47:29,012 --> 00:47:32,682
I'm like the fucking Terminator, dude.
I'm just gonna keep coming after you.
697
00:47:33,100 --> 00:47:35,768
- Just so we're clear.
- Good luck with that.
698
00:47:37,396 --> 00:47:40,231
Oh, shit. Check it out.
699
00:47:42,109 --> 00:47:43,442
I'll be damned.
700
00:47:44,403 --> 00:47:45,444
That shit worked.
701
00:47:46,572 --> 00:47:47,864
Super fast.
702
00:47:55,956 --> 00:47:58,708
Wow. Thank you guys for coming out.
What a turnout.
703
00:47:59,209 --> 00:48:05,631
Right? I just wanna take this opportunity
to thank the guys from Period 5
704
00:48:05,757 --> 00:48:09,886
for letting me join the band, and also, I...
705
00:48:09,970 --> 00:48:15,141
I have an original song. It is my first crack
at songwriting, so be kind.
706
00:48:17,936 --> 00:48:20,813
And it goes out to someone very special.
707
00:48:23,483 --> 00:48:28,487
There was a girl I met some time ago
708
00:48:29,239 --> 00:48:30,990
Simpatico
709
00:48:32,117 --> 00:48:35,912
She helped me heal
She helped me grow
710
00:48:36,747 --> 00:48:38,164
Simpatico
711
00:48:38,665 --> 00:48:43,419
How do you know when you know?
I guess you just know
712
00:48:44,129 --> 00:48:55,181
Simpatico
713
00:48:55,349 --> 00:48:59,018
Exotico, erotico
714
00:48:59,937 --> 00:49:03,481
You're my narcotico
715
00:49:04,191 --> 00:49:09,820
Ask me how much I feel,
I'll say, "A lotico"
716
00:49:11,448 --> 00:49:15,451
There can never in the world be too much
717
00:49:16,453 --> 00:49:20,623
Before I met you
I was a ship out at sea
718
00:49:20,707 --> 00:49:23,042
Fuck! What, is it me?
719
00:49:23,460 --> 00:49:25,544
- No, I...
- I mean, is there something wrong with me?
720
00:49:25,629 --> 00:49:28,881
I don't think so.
I mean, sometimes, you talk to people in a...
721
00:49:29,007 --> 00:49:30,967
- Thank you.
- Forget him.
722
00:49:31,218 --> 00:49:33,386
At least now you can stop
worrying about him
723
00:49:33,470 --> 00:49:35,805
and be the best teacher you can be.
I mean, who knows?
724
00:49:35,889 --> 00:49:37,306
Maybe you'll win the bonus.
725
00:49:39,393 --> 00:49:40,726
Fuck!
726
00:49:41,019 --> 00:49:43,312
- What bonus?
- For the state test.
727
00:49:43,397 --> 00:49:48,567
Whichever teacher has
the highest-scoring class gets a bonus.
728
00:49:48,986 --> 00:49:52,071
- How much?
- $5,700.
729
00:49:53,240 --> 00:49:55,408
- Son of a bitch!
- $5,700?
730
00:49:55,492 --> 00:49:57,326
- Yeah.
- God damn it, Lynn.
731
00:49:57,744 --> 00:49:59,370
- You never tell me anything.
- Yeah.
732
00:50:05,919 --> 00:50:07,253
Come on.
733
00:50:07,921 --> 00:50:09,547
Come on, come on, come on.
734
00:50:10,757 --> 00:50:13,509
Let's go, we have a lot to go over.
Everybody sit down. Come on.
735
00:50:14,386 --> 00:50:15,553
Where's the TV?
736
00:50:15,929 --> 00:50:19,265
Now, everybody, open your
To Kill a Mockingbirds to page one.
737
00:50:21,268 --> 00:50:22,351
Good.
738
00:50:22,686 --> 00:50:24,937
Now who can tell me why Jem cries
739
00:50:25,022 --> 00:50:26,939
when the hole in the tree
is filled with cement?
740
00:50:27,691 --> 00:50:29,066
Because she's a cry-baby?
741
00:50:30,610 --> 00:50:31,777
Get out.
742
00:50:36,116 --> 00:50:37,450
We're here to learn.
743
00:50:38,702 --> 00:50:40,119
Anybody else have a problem with that?
744
00:50:42,039 --> 00:50:44,540
Good. Now, who has the answer
to my question?
745
00:50:47,461 --> 00:50:48,627
Nobody's read this book?
746
00:50:50,130 --> 00:50:51,213
It's on the syllabus.
747
00:50:51,298 --> 00:50:54,550
- Well, you never assigned it to us.
- Well, now I am.
748
00:50:55,218 --> 00:50:56,635
And we have a quiz tomorrow.
749
00:50:56,762 --> 00:50:57,803
- What?
- What?
750
00:50:57,888 --> 00:50:59,305
On the first hundred pages.
751
00:51:03,560 --> 00:51:06,937
You can't do that.
I have band and jazz band tonight.
752
00:51:07,147 --> 00:51:08,731
We haven't had homework all year.
753
00:51:11,318 --> 00:51:16,155
Things are about to change around here.
Recess is over.
754
00:51:17,783 --> 00:51:19,325
Because birds symbolize freedom?
755
00:51:20,786 --> 00:51:22,244
Good. Good, okay.
756
00:51:22,329 --> 00:51:24,747
Does anyone have anything
to add to what that girl just said?
757
00:51:28,502 --> 00:51:31,670
So, what are the limitations
of having Scout as the narrator?
758
00:51:33,256 --> 00:51:35,966
- You, Chubs.
- Because he...
759
00:51:39,805 --> 00:51:42,181
Focus. You know this shit. Come on.
760
00:51:42,933 --> 00:51:44,100
Okay, go.
761
00:51:48,522 --> 00:51:49,939
Don't flinch. Seriously.
762
00:51:50,023 --> 00:51:51,440
You and you, hold his arms down.
763
00:51:53,360 --> 00:51:55,194
Next question. Come on.
764
00:51:55,654 --> 00:52:00,533
Because Atticus is always
the voice of reason and justice?
765
00:52:02,494 --> 00:52:04,036
Correct. Here.
766
00:52:05,539 --> 00:52:06,664
Nothing in the face.
767
00:52:09,042 --> 00:52:10,209
Wait.
768
00:52:11,378 --> 00:52:14,130
Miss Halsey. Really?
769
00:52:14,631 --> 00:52:16,215
Wow. I never.
770
00:52:16,550 --> 00:52:18,467
- We're in the middle of a lesson.
- Wow.
771
00:52:19,219 --> 00:52:23,222
Twilight, look at me.
What did we talk about in class?
772
00:52:25,016 --> 00:52:28,310
Your weight should be evenly distributed.
You gotta throw off the back foot.
773
00:52:29,020 --> 00:52:31,230
Don't throw at her, throw through her.
774
00:52:31,398 --> 00:52:32,731
- Hit her.
- Hit her.
775
00:52:34,025 --> 00:52:35,067
Nail her.
776
00:52:36,903 --> 00:52:39,738
Hey, what do you think of me
with Jessica Simpson's tits?
777
00:52:40,073 --> 00:52:41,198
Go bigger.
778
00:52:43,201 --> 00:52:45,536
What do you think of me
with Pamela Anderson's tits?
779
00:52:45,912 --> 00:52:47,413
Go bigger.
780
00:52:50,834 --> 00:52:55,921
It's just so funny, 'cause I...
I love raisins, and he hates raisins.
781
00:52:56,006 --> 00:52:57,506
Yin and yang.
782
00:52:57,757 --> 00:52:59,508
You guys are so cute.
783
00:52:59,843 --> 00:53:02,678
So cute. It's like too cute, almost.
784
00:53:03,096 --> 00:53:05,181
Last weekend, we went for a drive.
785
00:53:06,892 --> 00:53:09,602
We had no idea where we were going.
786
00:53:09,728 --> 00:53:11,103
We left the maps at home.
787
00:53:11,438 --> 00:53:13,439
What? No way!
788
00:53:13,690 --> 00:53:16,233
It was fine. I have a GPS navi system.
789
00:53:17,068 --> 00:53:18,110
Thank God.
790
00:53:18,236 --> 00:53:22,281
And we discovered
this new Ethiopian restaurant.
791
00:53:22,532 --> 00:53:25,284
They finally got their own cuisine. Progress.
792
00:53:28,872 --> 00:53:31,457
- Hey, Miss Halsey.
- Hey.
793
00:53:31,958 --> 00:53:34,501
Your shirt's mis-buttoned.
Her shirt's mis-buttoned.
794
00:53:36,296 --> 00:53:39,465
- Thank you, Amy, for pointing that out.
- You're so welcome.
795
00:53:40,300 --> 00:53:43,010
God, I've just been...
Been such a mess this week, you know.
796
00:53:43,094 --> 00:53:44,970
Just working myself to the bone.
797
00:53:45,388 --> 00:53:47,514
Yeah. It's been quite a change.
798
00:53:47,807 --> 00:53:49,975
- Well, I think it's great.
- Yeah, it's great.
799
00:53:50,143 --> 00:53:52,770
I just love people who are so passionate
about what they do.
800
00:53:52,854 --> 00:53:54,396
It's so inspirational.
801
00:53:54,773 --> 00:53:55,981
Thanks.
802
00:53:56,066 --> 00:53:59,026
Yeah, you know, some teachers just sail by
doing that bare-minimum thing?
803
00:53:59,444 --> 00:54:00,694
I don't know, it's just not me.
804
00:54:02,280 --> 00:54:04,531
It's good to know
there's still some actual educators out there.
805
00:54:07,494 --> 00:54:08,744
What else, Sasha?
806
00:54:09,204 --> 00:54:10,871
I think I've told you everything.
807
00:54:10,956 --> 00:54:12,706
Anyone know where Daddy Warbucks is?
808
00:54:12,874 --> 00:54:16,252
- No more movies in class?
- No. We're actually learning.
809
00:54:16,419 --> 00:54:19,088
Hey, did you know that Animal Farm
isn't even really about animals?
810
00:54:19,798 --> 00:54:23,842
Animal Farm?
Sasha, that's not even on the syllabus.
811
00:54:24,344 --> 00:54:26,762
Yeah. I know you're forgetting something.
812
00:54:29,349 --> 00:54:31,350
You want extra credit on your diorama
or not?
813
00:54:31,434 --> 00:54:33,394
- I do, I want it.
- Okay, think.
814
00:54:33,728 --> 00:54:35,271
Let me think.
815
00:54:36,481 --> 00:54:37,815
- Well, there was...
- What?
816
00:54:37,983 --> 00:54:39,441
- Never mind.
- What?
817
00:54:39,526 --> 00:54:41,277
Well, it was okay. It was medicinal.
818
00:54:45,156 --> 00:54:49,368
And if she claims it's "medicinal",
I would demand to see a prescription.
819
00:54:49,995 --> 00:54:51,287
That's what I would do if I were you, Wally.
820
00:54:51,746 --> 00:54:55,374
Do you have any proof other than
what one student thought she saw?
821
00:54:56,126 --> 00:55:01,380
Wall, this one student is in line to be editor
of The Daily Musket nextyear.
822
00:55:02,299 --> 00:55:04,300
She's got a lot to lose going public with this.
823
00:55:04,509 --> 00:55:07,469
If the Teachers' Union found out
that I was administering a drug test
824
00:55:07,554 --> 00:55:11,390
to a teacher with this little proof,
they would make my life a living hell, Amy.
825
00:55:11,933 --> 00:55:13,309
So we're just gonna let her walk free?
826
00:55:15,312 --> 00:55:17,187
That's it? That's bonkers!
827
00:55:18,857 --> 00:55:19,982
Ame, Amy.
828
00:55:21,192 --> 00:55:24,028
Amy, stop that. Stop it.
829
00:55:24,112 --> 00:55:25,779
Sorry. Sorry.
830
00:55:25,947 --> 00:55:27,114
Sit down.
831
00:55:29,492 --> 00:55:30,534
Amy,
832
00:55:31,911 --> 00:55:34,830
do you see this beautiful, little,
glass dolphin figurine?
833
00:55:35,582 --> 00:55:36,665
Look at it.
834
00:55:37,709 --> 00:55:39,293
- Yep.
- Look at it.
835
00:55:39,377 --> 00:55:40,836
I'm looking at it.
836
00:55:41,171 --> 00:55:42,629
Elizabeth gave this to me.
837
00:55:43,340 --> 00:55:46,884
She is a thoughtful young woman,
and she is teaching for all the right reasons.
838
00:55:47,010 --> 00:55:48,218
Wally!
839
00:55:48,887 --> 00:55:53,140
Can't you see she is manipulating you
through the use of dolphins?
840
00:55:53,308 --> 00:55:56,060
No, what I see is that you are getting
worked up.
841
00:55:56,311 --> 00:56:01,523
And what I would hate to see
is for you to get overwhelmed,
842
00:56:02,650 --> 00:56:04,360
like you did in 2008.
843
00:56:06,196 --> 00:56:08,530
Got you. Thanks, Wally, for bringing that up.
844
00:56:10,825 --> 00:56:12,076
Forgotten all about that.
845
00:56:16,081 --> 00:56:17,373
Don't do that with your mouth.
846
00:56:19,751 --> 00:56:20,793
Regular mouth.
847
00:56:27,217 --> 00:56:33,055
Atticus Finch is a good lawyer
because he's a good person who's a lawyer.
848
00:56:35,725 --> 00:56:39,728
Stupid point. Misspelled.
849
00:56:45,110 --> 00:56:47,903
Is this English?
850
00:56:52,951 --> 00:56:58,705
Are you fucking kidding me?
851
00:57:01,584 --> 00:57:02,626
Pathetic.
852
00:57:02,961 --> 00:57:06,171
This is why the Japs are overtaking us.
And, believe me, I don't mean you.
853
00:57:08,466 --> 00:57:10,467
But we're working really hard.
854
00:57:12,095 --> 00:57:15,139
You're not working hard enough.
I need results.
855
00:57:15,348 --> 00:57:16,598
Class dismissed.
856
00:57:28,403 --> 00:57:29,695
I need that test.
857
00:57:37,829 --> 00:57:39,496
Hey, it's Elizabeth Halsey.
858
00:57:40,081 --> 00:57:41,957
Unfortunately, I'm not
gonna make it in today.
859
00:57:42,167 --> 00:57:43,375
Tom Sawyer!
860
00:57:43,793 --> 00:57:47,838
My grandmother took a turn for the worse
and it looks like she's dead,
861
00:57:48,381 --> 00:57:50,883
so I'm off to the funeral. Wish me luck.
862
00:57:52,427 --> 00:57:53,844
Yo, Bitch Tits.
863
00:57:54,304 --> 00:57:57,181
I'm not gonna ask you again, dude.
I need those coupons mailed today.
864
00:57:57,724 --> 00:57:59,224
Consider it already done.
865
00:58:01,478 --> 00:58:03,437
- Hi.
- Back here. Come on.
866
00:58:05,773 --> 00:58:10,068
This is GHB.
You take one capful before you go to sleep.
867
00:58:10,278 --> 00:58:13,447
And you won't believe the difference
it'll make in your workouts.
868
00:58:13,948 --> 00:58:16,533
- You'll look even more amazing.
- What are the side effects?
869
00:58:17,076 --> 00:58:19,703
Diarrhea, heart palpitations, nothing major.
870
00:58:20,205 --> 00:58:22,789
Just don't take it during the day,
you'll be out like a light.
871
00:58:23,708 --> 00:58:25,083
Out like a light.
872
00:58:25,585 --> 00:58:27,503
Hey, Bitch Tits,
you send out those coupons?
873
00:58:27,754 --> 00:58:29,880
I was not told about any coupons.
874
00:58:30,632 --> 00:58:33,634
Well, I can't wait to get buff.
875
00:58:33,968 --> 00:58:37,513
How about you send me some JPEGs,
so I can monitor your progress?
876
00:58:37,680 --> 00:58:38,889
You got it, boss.
877
00:58:40,808 --> 00:58:43,060
Good afternoon,
Illinois Standardized Testing.
878
00:58:43,144 --> 00:58:44,436
How may I direct your call?
879
00:58:45,063 --> 00:58:48,357
Hi, my name is Marjorie Goodman
and I'm calling from The Chicago Tribune.
880
00:58:49,275 --> 00:58:50,567
Who could I speak to regarding
881
00:58:50,652 --> 00:58:53,987
the allegations of racial bias
on your standardized tests?
882
00:58:54,739 --> 00:58:56,031
Please hold.
883
00:59:06,626 --> 00:59:07,709
Marjorie?
884
00:59:08,836 --> 00:59:09,878
You must be Carl.
885
00:59:11,214 --> 00:59:13,173
Thank you for meeting me
on such short notice.
886
00:59:13,550 --> 00:59:14,925
Of course. Sure.
887
00:59:15,969 --> 00:59:18,679
Hey. So did you find the place okay?
It was a good drive?
888
00:59:18,763 --> 00:59:19,805
Great drive.
889
00:59:19,889 --> 00:59:22,808
Listen, Carl, I know
that you're a very busy man,
890
00:59:22,892 --> 00:59:24,851
so I'm just gonna get right down to it.
891
00:59:25,436 --> 00:59:29,940
I've been speaking to various black citizens
892
00:59:30,024 --> 00:59:34,528
who allege that your tests are biased
towards white people and Orientals.
893
00:59:34,988 --> 00:59:37,197
Okay. Let me tell you something right away.
894
00:59:37,490 --> 00:59:39,575
A, Orientals test better.
895
00:59:40,493 --> 00:59:44,830
B, every couple of years,
we get these cockamamie charges
896
00:59:44,914 --> 00:59:46,707
coming in from various parts of the state.
Let me...
897
00:59:47,041 --> 00:59:48,834
You should hear the things that they call me.
898
00:59:49,335 --> 00:59:52,963
Racist, I'm fagatron, I'm faggy Hitler,
dick-breath.
899
00:59:53,423 --> 00:59:56,174
Okay? But I am not a racist.
900
00:59:56,718 --> 00:59:59,469
I voted for Obama.
You can quote me on that in your article.
901
00:59:59,637 --> 01:00:01,263
You know what I think would help, Carl?
902
01:00:02,265 --> 01:00:04,474
For me to see one of this year's tests.
903
01:00:05,518 --> 01:00:07,728
Sure, I can get you one easy. No problem.
904
01:00:07,854 --> 01:00:09,187
Great. Great.
905
01:00:09,272 --> 01:00:11,523
On the day after the schools
administer them,
906
01:00:11,608 --> 01:00:13,609
I will shoot one right over to you.
907
01:00:14,068 --> 01:00:16,903
I was hoping to see it sooner.
I'm on a bit of a deadline.
908
01:00:17,238 --> 01:00:19,823
So, no, that is absolutely classified, unless...
909
01:00:20,325 --> 01:00:22,159
Unless you have one of these bad boys
right here.
910
01:00:22,535 --> 01:00:24,953
Wow. You know, Carl?
911
01:00:25,955 --> 01:00:28,332
Enough business for one night.
Don't you think?
912
01:00:28,458 --> 01:00:29,833
Tell me about it. Yeah.
913
01:00:30,126 --> 01:00:32,419
I think I'm gonna have another drink
before I hit the road.
914
01:00:33,379 --> 01:00:36,465
You know, it's like the freedom
and the wind in your hair, and the...
915
01:00:36,549 --> 01:00:38,675
Obviously, the image that I wanna...
916
01:00:38,760 --> 01:00:42,220
But then the other side is, like,
mopeds are scary, so I...
917
01:00:42,388 --> 01:00:45,140
- Count me out.
- But you seem like such a wild man, Carl.
918
01:00:45,224 --> 01:00:46,433
Yeah, I mean...
919
01:00:48,186 --> 01:00:49,936
What turns you on, Carl?
920
01:00:52,649 --> 01:00:53,690
Everything.
921
01:00:54,192 --> 01:00:55,817
You wanna know what turns me on?
922
01:00:56,903 --> 01:00:58,612
Sex in an office.
923
01:00:59,113 --> 01:01:02,157
Getting fucked really hard
against a wooden desk.
924
01:01:04,869 --> 01:01:05,952
Mine's metal.
925
01:01:06,245 --> 01:01:07,329
Even better.
926
01:01:08,539 --> 01:01:11,583
And voilà. So...
927
01:01:14,754 --> 01:01:15,962
This is the desk.
928
01:01:17,548 --> 01:01:18,924
Do you have anything to drink?
929
01:01:20,009 --> 01:01:22,302
Yes, I do.
930
01:01:24,931 --> 01:01:26,014
Voilà!
931
01:01:26,891 --> 01:01:29,893
White wine in the office. Bad boy.
932
01:01:30,561 --> 01:01:33,563
- Do you have any music, Carl?
- I have the Internet radio.
933
01:01:34,065 --> 01:01:36,650
I love Internet radio.
934
01:01:37,735 --> 01:01:41,238
You've come to the right place,
because I have that.
935
01:01:42,949 --> 01:01:45,784
See, I am not a whiz at this computer here.
936
01:01:45,993 --> 01:01:49,454
It's relatively new, and Grace, who is...
937
01:01:50,498 --> 01:01:53,333
...works with me on Mondays
and Wednesdays, and Thursdays,
938
01:01:53,418 --> 01:01:55,961
and I share her with Greg across the way.
939
01:01:56,504 --> 01:01:59,548
Greg, across the hall, is actually the guy
who got me into spinning.
940
01:02:00,216 --> 01:02:01,258
Oh, here we go.
941
01:02:05,680 --> 01:02:07,055
Shall we toast?
942
01:02:07,849 --> 01:02:10,142
- To new friends.
- And new lovers.
943
01:02:27,493 --> 01:02:29,536
- I'm gonna take off my shoes. Is that okay?
- Whatever, man.
944
01:02:29,620 --> 01:02:31,747
- I'm gonna go hit the ladies' room.
- Okay.
945
01:02:31,831 --> 01:02:35,375
There's a handicapped one, it's way closer.
Use the handicapped one, it's way closer.
946
01:03:02,779 --> 01:03:05,947
- I took off my shoes.
- Carl.
947
01:03:06,032 --> 01:03:08,992
I wanna fuck you up against the desk.
948
01:03:09,076 --> 01:03:10,911
I wanna fuck you against the desk!
949
01:03:10,995 --> 01:03:13,580
Carl, I'm gonna need you to pass
the fuck out.
950
01:03:13,664 --> 01:03:19,753
Marjorie. I am going to rock your vagina.
951
01:03:22,006 --> 01:03:26,802
That wine is good. Marjorie, let's do this.
952
01:03:27,261 --> 01:03:28,595
Fuck me.
953
01:03:35,353 --> 01:03:36,812
Hello, titties.
954
01:03:39,482 --> 01:03:44,027
If anyone has any information
regarding the missing Annie wig,
955
01:03:44,111 --> 01:03:46,154
please let me know ASAP.
956
01:03:47,198 --> 01:03:49,950
Come on, guys. There's a wig missing.
957
01:03:50,034 --> 01:03:52,744
Because if that wig isn't found,
958
01:03:52,829 --> 01:03:56,665
you can bet your bottom dollar,
the sun will not come out tomorrow.
959
01:03:58,209 --> 01:04:01,419
- Back to you, Wally.
- Okay. Thank you, Amy.
960
01:04:01,504 --> 01:04:03,672
I'm sure everybody wants to get home,
so I'm gonna be quick.
961
01:04:03,756 --> 01:04:06,424
Four score and seven years ago...
962
01:04:12,431 --> 01:04:15,809
God damn it, Sandy. Sandy's so funny.
963
01:04:18,980 --> 01:04:22,232
I have here the results of the state exam.
964
01:04:22,316 --> 01:04:26,778
And I'm happy to announce that
the John Adams Middle School, that's us,
965
01:04:26,863 --> 01:04:29,197
scored in the top 5 %
of the whole state.
966
01:04:32,493 --> 01:04:33,702
Nice.
967
01:04:33,786 --> 01:04:35,537
Good job, guys.
968
01:04:36,163 --> 01:04:39,207
And I wanna single out one of our own
969
01:04:39,292 --> 01:04:42,252
who showed that
with hard work and dedication,
970
01:04:42,336 --> 01:04:45,714
one teacher can make a difference.
971
01:04:45,798 --> 01:04:49,593
And this teacher is now $5,700 richer,
972
01:04:49,677 --> 01:04:54,306
with the highest scores in Cook County,
that's the whole county,
973
01:04:55,057 --> 01:04:58,268
I want everyone to give
a big round of applause
974
01:04:58,352 --> 01:04:59,561
to Elizabeth Halsey.
975
01:05:07,236 --> 01:05:08,820
- Well done.
- Thank you.
976
01:05:13,409 --> 01:05:16,995
- Congratulations, Miss Halsey.
- Thanks, dude.
977
01:05:18,915 --> 01:05:21,291
Well, if it isn't Professor Smartypants.
978
01:05:21,375 --> 01:05:23,668
Don't mess with me.
I'm a lot stronger than I look.
979
01:05:24,337 --> 01:05:29,382
Hey. Elizabeth, I am so proud of you.
980
01:05:29,508 --> 01:05:33,136
I mean, if someone told me
at the beginning of the year that you...
981
01:05:33,220 --> 01:05:35,305
You would get the bonus,
982
01:05:35,389 --> 01:05:41,478
well, I think I would've said to whomever
it was, "No way. Absolutely not."
983
01:05:41,562 --> 01:05:45,357
And now, here we are.
984
01:05:45,691 --> 01:05:48,026
We should go out and celebrate.
Your treat?
985
01:05:48,569 --> 01:05:50,862
Yeah, unfortunately, Elizabeth,
986
01:05:50,947 --> 01:05:54,366
Scott and I have to go over the itinerary
for the Springfield trip.
987
01:05:54,742 --> 01:05:57,535
Yeah. We're the chaperones,
we're going together.
988
01:05:58,746 --> 01:06:01,873
We're dating, so it'll also be romantic.
989
01:06:02,541 --> 01:06:04,626
- How fun.
- Yeah.
990
01:06:04,710 --> 01:06:06,086
You're not seeing anyone now, right?
991
01:06:06,629 --> 01:06:09,422
Got my eye on someone,
but he's dating a major cunt.
992
01:06:11,717 --> 01:06:15,220
- Pardon my French.
- No, no. She sounds terrible.
993
01:06:16,722 --> 01:06:19,265
Almost done.
994
01:06:20,059 --> 01:06:21,685
Okay, so that's endorsed.
995
01:06:21,769 --> 01:06:23,561
And put the rest on these.
996
01:06:25,314 --> 01:06:27,857
- Split it.
- All righty.
997
01:06:27,942 --> 01:06:29,067
Book it.
998
01:06:55,261 --> 01:06:56,302
Okay.
999
01:06:56,637 --> 01:06:58,972
Take your seat. Thank you.
1000
01:07:02,810 --> 01:07:04,102
Who did this?
1001
01:07:06,480 --> 01:07:08,273
Come on.
1002
01:07:08,357 --> 01:07:10,775
No one wants an extra sticker
on their all-star board?
1003
01:07:11,652 --> 01:07:16,031
Who brought you to me, Mr. Apple?
1004
01:07:19,952 --> 01:07:22,203
What was that, Mr. Apple?
1005
01:07:23,456 --> 01:07:25,623
You want me to take a bite?
1006
01:07:26,333 --> 01:07:27,959
All righty-roo.
1007
01:07:33,132 --> 01:07:35,592
And, Elizabeth, I just want to thank you
again for stepping in today.
1008
01:07:35,676 --> 01:07:38,011
- You really saved us here.
- No problem.
1009
01:07:38,137 --> 01:07:41,014
- Hey, is Amy gonna be okay?
- Yeah, Amy's gonna be fine.
1010
01:07:41,140 --> 01:07:42,724
Well, let her know she's in my thoughts.
1011
01:07:48,689 --> 01:07:50,648
Hey, Arkady
1012
01:07:50,733 --> 01:07:52,567
Someone's calling my name
1013
01:07:52,902 --> 01:07:54,402
Hey, Arkady
1014
01:07:54,487 --> 01:07:57,864
- I dare you.
- I'm not afraid of your dares, Rodrigo.
1015
01:07:59,241 --> 01:08:00,658
Do it.
1016
01:08:02,578 --> 01:08:04,579
That's really dangerous, Russell.
1017
01:08:05,039 --> 01:08:07,749
- I'll call you from the hotel.
- Bye, Amy.
1018
01:08:08,542 --> 01:08:10,376
Yeah, she's sitting right next to me.
1019
01:08:11,003 --> 01:08:13,379
- No.
- Thanks for calling again.
1020
01:08:16,342 --> 01:08:19,385
- Amy says hi.
- Wow, she sure calls a lot.
1021
01:08:19,512 --> 01:08:22,097
So, are you excited about your surgery?
1022
01:08:23,432 --> 01:08:25,391
I've never been more excited about anything.
1023
01:08:26,185 --> 01:08:31,189
It's a pretty inspiring message to the kids.
We should never stop working on ourselves.
1024
01:08:32,358 --> 01:08:36,611
Like you with your little boobs
or me experimenting with ethnic food.
1025
01:09:19,405 --> 01:09:22,574
Gosh. I never lose my keys.
1026
01:09:23,909 --> 01:09:25,743
Such a ding-a-ling.
1027
01:09:26,662 --> 01:09:27,787
What's wrong with your face?
1028
01:09:27,955 --> 01:09:29,330
What is wrong with your face?
1029
01:09:30,082 --> 01:09:32,584
Hey, I'm just trying to make conversation.
1030
01:09:32,710 --> 01:09:35,920
- You're all done.
- Super. Thanks a bunch, Amos.
1031
01:09:45,764 --> 01:09:47,056
I knew it.
1032
01:09:59,778 --> 01:10:03,239
Well, that is definitely Marjorie,
only with kind of weird hair here.
1033
01:10:03,324 --> 01:10:05,074
In real life, she's actually very pretty.
1034
01:10:05,159 --> 01:10:07,285
- She in some kind of trouble?
- Marjorie?
1035
01:10:07,995 --> 01:10:10,622
I think you're the one who might be
in some kind of trouble.
1036
01:10:11,123 --> 01:10:14,459
Did you or did you not give her
a copy of the state test?
1037
01:10:16,128 --> 01:10:19,797
No, no, no. Absolutely not.
1038
01:10:19,924 --> 01:10:23,593
No, I did give her some quotes for her article.
1039
01:10:24,011 --> 01:10:25,178
What article?
1040
01:10:25,304 --> 01:10:27,847
Her article for the Tribune.
She's a reporter there, right?
1041
01:10:32,937 --> 01:10:35,521
Test tampering? At JAMS?
1042
01:10:35,648 --> 01:10:39,192
This time I have a witness, and, like I said,
Wally, she stole the Annie wig.
1043
01:10:39,526 --> 01:10:41,986
We're dealing with a criminal mastermind.
1044
01:10:42,947 --> 01:10:48,326
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, Wall.
You know how much we all love her.
1045
01:10:50,996 --> 01:10:53,373
Okay, well, you know,
I have to call the superintendent.
1046
01:10:53,499 --> 01:10:56,876
We're gonna have to crosscheck
her entire class's scores.
1047
01:10:57,169 --> 01:10:59,837
This is a real shit sandwich.
1048
01:11:00,506 --> 01:11:02,674
Of course, you know
what scares me the most, Wall?
1049
01:11:02,800 --> 01:11:05,009
This is just what we know, right?
1050
01:11:05,678 --> 01:11:08,346
Who knows what else she's capable of?
1051
01:11:11,850 --> 01:11:14,060
It's so awful.
1052
01:11:21,568 --> 01:11:23,152
Fruit Roll-Up?
1053
01:11:23,237 --> 01:11:26,030
You know, when President Lincoln
abolished slavery,
1054
01:11:26,156 --> 01:11:28,533
it was not a popular opinion.
1055
01:11:29,535 --> 01:11:32,662
God, I just hate slavery so, so much.
1056
01:11:33,497 --> 01:11:35,873
Slavery's the worst.
1057
01:11:36,000 --> 01:11:40,420
If I could go back in time
and undo slavery, I would.
1058
01:11:41,672 --> 01:11:42,755
I hate it.
1059
01:11:44,008 --> 01:11:45,800
Hey, I'm sorry to interrupt, guys,
1060
01:11:45,884 --> 01:11:49,053
but I couldn't help
but overhear your conversation.
1061
01:11:49,179 --> 01:11:50,763
Can I tell you guys what I hate?
1062
01:11:51,348 --> 01:11:52,974
Sharks.
1063
01:11:53,058 --> 01:11:56,185
Well, sharks can tear families apart.
1064
01:11:56,895 --> 01:12:00,398
- But they're also so majestic.
- They are beautiful creatures.
1065
01:12:00,524 --> 01:12:03,526
- But they're also so ferocious.
- So ferocious.
1066
01:12:04,361 --> 01:12:06,946
One of nature's cruel jokes, I guess.
1067
01:12:08,073 --> 01:12:09,407
Okay.
1068
01:12:12,036 --> 01:12:14,620
Thank you, Elizabeth, for listening.
1069
01:12:15,205 --> 01:12:18,791
Scott, I want you to know
you can talk to me about anything.
1070
01:12:41,440 --> 01:12:43,316
Yourjeans feel so good against my jeans.
1071
01:12:44,276 --> 01:12:45,651
Totally.
1072
01:12:46,403 --> 01:12:48,446
Hey, your body feels so good.
1073
01:12:48,781 --> 01:12:50,573
I need some water.
1074
01:13:13,514 --> 01:13:14,764
I'm dry-humping the shit out of you.
1075
01:13:14,848 --> 01:13:17,809
Yeah, dry-fuck the fuck out of me, Scott!
1076
01:13:18,102 --> 01:13:19,143
Just stop talking.
1077
01:13:22,773 --> 01:13:25,483
I've been fantasizing about this
ever since we got to Springfield.
1078
01:13:26,819 --> 01:13:28,277
- This?
- Oh, yeah.
1079
01:13:31,448 --> 01:13:32,698
Me, too.
1080
01:13:34,535 --> 01:13:36,160
I'm close.
1081
01:13:36,829 --> 01:13:38,496
Don't move.
1082
01:13:39,498 --> 01:13:40,998
Here I go.
1083
01:13:41,834 --> 01:13:43,042
Almost.
1084
01:13:44,044 --> 01:13:45,336
Wait for it.
1085
01:13:47,673 --> 01:13:49,340
Really close. Ready?
1086
01:13:49,967 --> 01:13:51,843
- Yeah.
- Just stop talking.
1087
01:13:53,053 --> 01:13:56,013
Oh, yeah. Almost there.
1088
01:14:06,692 --> 01:14:09,360
- That was great.
- More like amazing.
1089
01:14:10,195 --> 01:14:12,905
Well, I'm gonna get going.
1090
01:14:13,031 --> 01:14:15,116
I don't want the kids to see me
leaving your room.
1091
01:14:15,200 --> 01:14:16,576
Yeah.
1092
01:14:17,244 --> 01:14:18,369
God.
1093
01:14:19,538 --> 01:14:21,247
We are so simpatico.
1094
01:14:22,249 --> 01:14:26,169
Maybe next time,
we can dry-hump without our clothes on.
1095
01:14:26,712 --> 01:14:29,380
- I'm pretty sure I'd like that.
- Yeah.
1096
01:14:38,056 --> 01:14:42,560
Even your forehead is sexy.
Well, time for bed.
1097
01:14:45,022 --> 01:14:48,441
- All right, then.
- See you in the mañana.
1098
01:14:50,569 --> 01:14:53,404
Elizabeth, don't let the bedbugs bite.
1099
01:15:02,289 --> 01:15:05,333
Hey.
1100
01:15:05,417 --> 01:15:08,294
I was just going over some stuff
for tomorrow.
1101
01:15:09,087 --> 01:15:10,630
Yeah, cool.
1102
01:15:12,424 --> 01:15:13,883
I'm serious.
1103
01:15:14,092 --> 01:15:15,384
Okay.
1104
01:15:16,428 --> 01:15:17,720
Cheers.
1105
01:15:18,764 --> 01:15:20,097
Hey.
1106
01:15:20,933 --> 01:15:24,810
They forgot to restock my mini bar.
How's yours looking?
1107
01:15:25,896 --> 01:15:29,106
You know what, I'm super tired.
I'm just gonna hit the sack.
1108
01:15:31,276 --> 01:15:33,778
- I'll see you tomorrow, then.
- Good night.
1109
01:15:37,241 --> 01:15:39,116
And 17.
1110
01:15:41,119 --> 01:15:42,745
All done.
1111
01:15:43,163 --> 01:15:44,455
Shelly?
1112
01:15:45,958 --> 01:15:47,959
Shelly, someone's got a message.
1113
01:15:51,630 --> 01:15:56,425
- I'm dry-humping the shit out of you.
- Yeah, dry-fuck the fuck out of me, Scott!
1114
01:15:58,303 --> 01:16:01,806
I wasn't always president. Oh, no.
1115
01:16:01,932 --> 01:16:05,893
I had many jobs
when I lived here in New Salem.
1116
01:16:05,978 --> 01:16:10,982
My favorite job was splitting rails,
1117
01:16:11,483 --> 01:16:13,985
which is why they called me Railsplitter.
1118
01:16:16,113 --> 01:16:19,490
Anybody know any of my other nicknames?
1119
01:16:20,117 --> 01:16:22,159
- Honest Abe!
- Yes.
1120
01:16:22,703 --> 01:16:26,831
Obviously. Honest Abe.
That was the big one. Honest Abe.
1121
01:16:26,957 --> 01:16:30,334
They always called me that
because I said what was on my mind.
1122
01:16:30,877 --> 01:16:33,004
Even if it made me unpopular.
1123
01:16:33,630 --> 01:16:39,677
Remember, a great man always has
the courage to say what is in his heart.
1124
01:16:41,346 --> 01:16:42,638
Yeah?
1125
01:16:45,183 --> 01:16:47,310
I love Chase Rubin-Rossi.
1126
01:16:49,521 --> 01:16:50,688
Great.
1127
01:16:51,815 --> 01:16:54,650
Who would like to see
Mary Todd churn butter? Churn butter?
1128
01:16:54,735 --> 01:16:57,862
I love you, Chase.
I wanna yell it from the mountaintops.
1129
01:16:58,739 --> 01:17:02,325
And even though you pretty much
stopped talking to me in fifth grade,
1130
01:17:02,868 --> 01:17:04,368
I don't care.
1131
01:17:05,370 --> 01:17:09,123
I remember the Chase that wrote me a card
when my dad was overweight
1132
01:17:09,207 --> 01:17:11,083
and had to go to the hospital
because of his heart.
1133
01:17:12,252 --> 01:17:15,630
And a year later when he left my mom
and moved in with his trainer,
1134
01:17:15,714 --> 01:17:18,758
you wrote me another card.
What happened to us?
1135
01:17:20,260 --> 01:17:24,221
Remember in the second grade when we had
a sleepover and you wet the bed,
1136
01:17:24,348 --> 01:17:25,973
and you were so embarrassed?
1137
01:17:26,058 --> 01:17:29,060
And you made me promise
never to tell anyone?
1138
01:17:29,186 --> 01:17:32,063
Well, I never have and I never will.
1139
01:17:33,440 --> 01:17:36,734
So there it is. My heart on a sleeve.
1140
01:17:37,861 --> 01:17:40,071
- Don't let me leave.
- No, please, don't.
1141
01:17:40,197 --> 01:17:42,740
Always believe.
1142
01:17:44,576 --> 01:17:45,743
Gross.
1143
01:17:47,371 --> 01:17:49,455
Loser.
1144
01:17:49,581 --> 01:17:51,749
- Dork.
- Hey. All right, guys.
1145
01:17:51,875 --> 01:17:53,542
- Come on, settle down.
- Okay.
1146
01:17:53,627 --> 01:17:56,295
Let's see how Mary Todd's doing
with that butter.
1147
01:17:57,381 --> 01:17:59,882
Okay, that's enough. We get it, you're crying.
1148
01:17:59,966 --> 01:18:02,593
She just laughed at me and called me gross.
1149
01:18:02,719 --> 01:18:06,055
Well, yeah, did you hear your speech?
Come on, let's go back.
1150
01:18:06,139 --> 01:18:07,848
No. No, I'm not going back.
1151
01:18:07,933 --> 01:18:10,267
- Come on.
- Just leave me alone.
1152
01:18:11,061 --> 01:18:12,103
Shit.
1153
01:18:12,437 --> 01:18:13,896
Garrett.
1154
01:18:17,401 --> 01:18:19,151
Get your ass back here.
1155
01:18:28,620 --> 01:18:31,747
- We done running?
- Everything okay in here?
1156
01:18:32,416 --> 01:18:35,000
It's okay. I'm his teacher.
1157
01:18:35,127 --> 01:18:37,294
Okay. Take your time.
1158
01:18:38,171 --> 01:18:41,340
- She's never gonna like me, is she?
- Are we still on this?
1159
01:18:41,466 --> 01:18:42,925
She's my everything.
1160
01:18:45,303 --> 01:18:48,681
Okay, here's the deal, man.
I cannot keep sugar-coating this for you.
1161
01:18:48,807 --> 01:18:53,227
This girl is never gonna be
interested in you. Never.
1162
01:18:53,311 --> 01:18:58,649
You clearly have a rich interior life,
with the poems and the whatever,
1163
01:18:58,775 --> 01:19:02,236
but she wants a guy like lan what's-his-face.
1164
01:19:02,320 --> 01:19:05,656
lan Mendelbaum, the rapper? He's an idiot.
1165
01:19:05,782 --> 01:19:09,201
Yeah, he's a fucking moron.
But she doesn't care.
1166
01:19:09,327 --> 01:19:12,955
She's superficial and her priorities
are all fucked up.
1167
01:19:14,958 --> 01:19:17,543
She likes him
because he's hot and popular, dude.
1168
01:19:17,669 --> 01:19:20,629
You are sensitive.
1169
01:19:20,964 --> 01:19:22,506
Yes, thank you.
1170
01:19:22,674 --> 01:19:24,383
It's not a compliment.
1171
01:19:25,677 --> 01:19:29,221
You have some rough road ahead of you.
Seventh grade is not your moment.
1172
01:19:29,806 --> 01:19:33,434
- Yeah. Eighth grade will be better.
- Probably not.
1173
01:19:33,518 --> 01:19:37,897
I'm thinking college. That's your window.
Be ready.
1174
01:19:42,360 --> 01:19:45,196
If I go back out there,
everyone's gonna laugh at me.
1175
01:19:54,039 --> 01:19:55,289
Maybe this will help.
1176
01:19:55,373 --> 01:19:58,042
- What are you doing?
- I'm giving you a gift.
1177
01:20:00,504 --> 01:20:03,255
We are gonna change the news cycle.
1178
01:20:05,217 --> 01:20:06,383
Trust me on this.
1179
01:20:09,930 --> 01:20:12,348
- I thought it would be heavier.
- Don't be weird.
1180
01:20:12,432 --> 01:20:14,391
And take this off,
and never fucking wear it again.
1181
01:20:14,518 --> 01:20:16,227
What, are you crazy?
1182
01:20:21,233 --> 01:20:23,734
- Everything okay with Garrett?
- No, it's not.
1183
01:20:24,402 --> 01:20:27,238
I found him hooking up with
an eighth grader from another school.
1184
01:20:27,364 --> 01:20:30,032
She was jerking him off. Yeah.
1185
01:20:30,116 --> 01:20:31,909
I'm gonna give him detention
when we get back.
1186
01:20:32,577 --> 01:20:34,411
- That's probably a good idea.
- Yeah.
1187
01:20:34,746 --> 01:20:37,456
Garrett probably made out with a kid
from an all boys' school.
1188
01:20:37,582 --> 01:20:39,959
Yeah. And he was wearing this.
1189
01:20:40,627 --> 01:20:43,295
- What?
- Awesome.
1190
01:20:43,421 --> 01:20:45,256
- Yep. It's real.
- Let me see it.
1191
01:20:48,552 --> 01:20:50,761
That's a nice thing you did.
1192
01:20:51,596 --> 01:20:54,181
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- Really?
1193
01:20:54,266 --> 01:20:57,601
'Cause I couldn't help but notice
that you're not wearing a bra.
1194
01:20:58,311 --> 01:21:01,939
And those kids over there
are playing with one.
1195
01:21:02,774 --> 01:21:06,485
- Lots of people don't wear bras.
- Definitely. Lots of teachers.
1196
01:21:07,571 --> 01:21:10,406
Well, if you must know, I was helping
a student through a tough time.
1197
01:21:10,490 --> 01:21:14,660
I'm going through such a tough time.
Can I have your panties?
1198
01:21:15,120 --> 01:21:16,954
I'm not wearing any.
1199
01:21:26,923 --> 01:21:29,967
- Amy. What are you doing here?
- Scott, talk to the hand.
1200
01:21:31,136 --> 01:21:35,973
- Amy.
- I know everything.
1201
01:21:36,808 --> 01:21:39,351
Carl Halabi? The state test?
1202
01:21:39,477 --> 01:21:41,520
The blatant disregard
for the school syllabus?
1203
01:21:42,439 --> 01:21:45,316
And let's not forget,
the sleeping with my boyfriend.
1204
01:21:47,360 --> 01:21:49,486
Scott, your phone accidentally called me
last night.
1205
01:21:51,031 --> 01:21:54,909
I can't believe you'd let her take advantage
of you like that.
1206
01:21:54,993 --> 01:21:57,661
You are too trusting.
1207
01:21:58,038 --> 01:21:59,163
I am.
1208
01:21:59,497 --> 01:22:00,998
I didn't know what was happening.
1209
01:22:01,124 --> 01:22:02,833
I hope you haven't spent that bonus check
or anything,
1210
01:22:02,959 --> 01:22:04,293
because you're about to give it back.
1211
01:22:04,377 --> 01:22:09,673
And then some. Jail time. Jail time.
1212
01:22:10,342 --> 01:22:13,302
- Did you ever think that maybe...
- Save it, doll face.
1213
01:22:13,386 --> 01:22:17,681
You can explain it all tomorrow
to the principal and the superintendent,
1214
01:22:17,807 --> 01:22:19,516
when you've got your meeting
with the principal
1215
01:22:19,643 --> 01:22:23,020
and the superintendent tomorrow,
at the meeting.
1216
01:22:23,730 --> 01:22:25,064
Tomorrow.
1217
01:22:34,866 --> 01:22:37,868
I need you to go to this guy's office
and scare the shit out of him.
1218
01:22:38,870 --> 01:22:41,330
Tell me my mission again.
1219
01:22:41,414 --> 01:22:45,709
- Hand him the envelope.
- I'm gonna need a couple bucks for gas.
1220
01:22:49,756 --> 01:22:52,049
And a couple bucks for snacks.
1221
01:23:16,616 --> 01:23:17,908
Oh, my God.
1222
01:23:18,868 --> 01:23:21,370
Sir? Oh, my God, are you okay?
1223
01:23:21,454 --> 01:23:24,957
- I think I fucked up my knee.
- Okay. Easy, easy does it.
1224
01:23:25,083 --> 01:23:27,084
- Easy. Easy.
- Hey.
1225
01:23:27,711 --> 01:23:28,752
Do you need an ambulance?
1226
01:23:28,878 --> 01:23:31,213
An ambulance is not necessary.
I just wanna walk it off.
1227
01:23:31,297 --> 01:23:33,757
Okay, walking on it's number one
worst thing you could probably do.
1228
01:23:36,636 --> 01:23:38,971
Please don't touch my mirror. Please, sir.
1229
01:23:39,097 --> 01:23:41,765
What the fuck? Who does that?
1230
01:23:41,891 --> 01:23:43,976
I'm a friend of Marjorie's. Yeah.
1231
01:23:45,270 --> 01:23:46,311
A friend of Marjorie's?
1232
01:23:46,438 --> 01:23:47,813
- Well, then fuck you, man.
- Hey!
1233
01:23:47,939 --> 01:23:49,815
- No, shit, fuck you.
- No, fuck you.
1234
01:23:49,941 --> 01:23:51,233
- Fuck you.
- You like that?
1235
01:23:51,317 --> 01:23:52,526
Stop kicking it! Stop!
1236
01:23:52,610 --> 01:23:55,279
You stop fucking kicking it!
Fuck your scooter, and fuck Marjorie.
1237
01:23:55,405 --> 01:23:57,114
She drugged me, and she stole from me,
1238
01:23:57,240 --> 01:23:58,949
- and she's going down.
- Let me think.
1239
01:24:05,623 --> 01:24:08,292
Take it. Go ahead and open it.
1240
01:24:09,294 --> 01:24:10,419
Open it.
1241
01:24:13,131 --> 01:24:17,593
Yeah, not bad for a camera phone, huh?
You can keep those, too.
1242
01:24:17,677 --> 01:24:18,969
Fuck.
1243
01:24:19,846 --> 01:24:22,264
And I was never here, you hear me?
1244
01:24:22,766 --> 01:24:23,932
Fuck.
1245
01:24:26,144 --> 01:24:27,936
Don't... Stop fucking with my car!
1246
01:24:33,276 --> 01:24:34,485
They're ready for you.
1247
01:24:37,947 --> 01:24:39,990
"Learning is Fun-tastic."
1248
01:24:41,034 --> 01:24:43,368
- What'd you say to me?
- Your desk.
1249
01:24:47,707 --> 01:24:50,000
Yeah. I forgot that was there.
1250
01:24:51,169 --> 01:24:53,128
I'm such a ditz sometimes.
1251
01:24:54,839 --> 01:24:58,008
This is very, very bad, Elizabeth.
1252
01:24:58,134 --> 01:25:00,928
Incredibly, very bad, Elizabeth!
1253
01:25:01,012 --> 01:25:04,640
- Amy, you said you wouldn't speak.
- That doesn't sound like observing.
1254
01:25:04,724 --> 01:25:05,849
Bring him in.
1255
01:25:14,025 --> 01:25:17,569
- Mr. Halabi. Thank you for your time.
- You're most welcome.
1256
01:25:18,029 --> 01:25:21,490
I guess I should begin by saying
that my statement
1257
01:25:21,574 --> 01:25:25,035
from earlier in the week was not true.
1258
01:25:26,663 --> 01:25:28,664
What part of it, exactly?
1259
01:25:29,749 --> 01:25:32,167
All of it. Pretty much.
1260
01:25:33,211 --> 01:25:35,462
I've never seen this woman before in my life.
1261
01:25:35,547 --> 01:25:36,839
Baloney.
1262
01:25:36,923 --> 01:25:39,675
You seemed very certain
a couple of days ago.
1263
01:25:40,385 --> 01:25:41,718
I did, because...
1264
01:25:46,599 --> 01:25:51,186
I am a casual drug user.
That's my thing and everybody knows it.
1265
01:25:51,729 --> 01:25:56,692
So that explains me making
absolutely no sense.
1266
01:26:00,029 --> 01:26:01,572
Thank you.
1267
01:26:01,698 --> 01:26:05,492
You realize that if we find out you're lying,
you're gonna lose yourjob?
1268
01:26:05,577 --> 01:26:08,620
- Plus jail time.
- Yes, I understand.
1269
01:26:09,414 --> 01:26:14,084
I just don't want to see
an innocent teacher get hurt.
1270
01:26:14,627 --> 01:26:15,794
Thank you, sir.
1271
01:26:15,920 --> 01:26:20,215
I don't want to see anybody get hurt.
1272
01:26:29,100 --> 01:26:32,519
- What the hell was that?
- So there you go.
1273
01:26:32,604 --> 01:26:33,937
I guess that explains everything.
1274
01:26:34,063 --> 01:26:38,650
- Retest! Retest! Retest!
- Damn it, Squirrel!
1275
01:26:38,776 --> 01:26:42,112
I am not going to have a repeat of 2008.
Sit your ass down.
1276
01:26:45,325 --> 01:26:46,617
A retest, Don?
1277
01:26:46,743 --> 01:26:50,245
Come on, do we really wanna tell
our young people that if they study,
1278
01:26:50,330 --> 01:26:53,707
sacrifice, and achieve the highest scores
in the state,
1279
01:26:53,791 --> 01:26:56,501
that they're rewarded with suspicion?
1280
01:26:58,171 --> 01:27:03,300
I don't.
I find these kinds of accusations troubling.
1281
01:27:03,426 --> 01:27:06,261
And, quite frankly, reckless.
1282
01:27:07,347 --> 01:27:11,850
I work my ass off for this school,
and I know I am not perfect.
1283
01:27:11,976 --> 01:27:15,729
But show me the perfect teacher. You can't.
1284
01:27:15,813 --> 01:27:20,442
There are even teachers
in this very school who use drugs.
1285
01:27:21,486 --> 01:27:23,362
They do. They do use drugs.
1286
01:27:23,488 --> 01:27:25,239
- They do.
- They do.
1287
01:27:25,323 --> 01:27:26,531
They do.
1288
01:27:26,866 --> 01:27:28,325
Wally, do you remember how I told you
1289
01:27:28,451 --> 01:27:32,204
there are teachers here
who use and abuse drugs?
1290
01:27:32,330 --> 01:27:35,624
God damn it.
And I'm hearing about this now?
1291
01:27:41,172 --> 01:27:42,923
What is it, Axel? Where is it, boy?
1292
01:27:43,007 --> 01:27:44,508
No, no, no. That's my class.
1293
01:27:44,634 --> 01:27:46,510
Axel's barking up the wrong tree there.
1294
01:27:46,886 --> 01:27:49,096
Ma'am. Please, don't touch the dog.
1295
01:27:49,180 --> 01:27:51,181
Your dog is mistaken.
1296
01:27:52,850 --> 01:27:56,144
- What do you got, Axel?
- He's not gonna find anything in here.
1297
01:28:02,318 --> 01:28:05,529
- It's clean.
- I told you.
1298
01:28:05,989 --> 01:28:07,406
Maybe there's a false bottom.
1299
01:28:19,669 --> 01:28:21,169
That is not mine.
1300
01:28:22,880 --> 01:28:25,257
This isn't even my desk. It's hers.
1301
01:28:25,383 --> 01:28:27,884
Don't worry, Amy.
We'll get you the help you need.
1302
01:28:31,222 --> 01:28:34,057
- You monster!
- Lady.
1303
01:28:34,559 --> 01:28:37,311
- Calm down, lady.
- Fucking damn it.
1304
01:28:37,395 --> 01:28:41,106
What the fuck? I stole her desk!
1305
01:28:41,232 --> 01:28:46,403
You can check my urine. Check it!
Check my urine!
1306
01:28:47,405 --> 01:28:51,074
Well, it's been another great year here
at JAMS.
1307
01:28:51,409 --> 01:28:52,743
With summer around the corner,
1308
01:28:52,869 --> 01:28:55,329
it's time to say goodbye
not only to another school year,
1309
01:28:55,413 --> 01:28:57,581
but also to one of our own.
1310
01:28:58,624 --> 01:29:00,292
Amy Squirrel.
1311
01:29:00,418 --> 01:29:05,380
After six short years,
Amy is transferring out of the district.
1312
01:29:05,465 --> 01:29:07,090
- Speech, speech.
- Well...
1313
01:29:09,218 --> 01:29:13,430
Wally, thank you for those kind words,
and thank you all.
1314
01:29:13,556 --> 01:29:17,684
My decision that I made myself to leave
was super difficult,
1315
01:29:17,769 --> 01:29:22,522
but when the superintendent personally
asks you to work at one of the worst schools
1316
01:29:22,607 --> 01:29:26,610
in the state, well, you say, "Yes."
1317
01:29:27,612 --> 01:29:32,699
And, boy, I am looking forward to bringing
my brand of zany energy
1318
01:29:32,784 --> 01:29:36,453
to those underprivileged students
at Malcolm X High School.
1319
01:29:38,623 --> 01:29:39,915
Thank you.
1320
01:29:40,958 --> 01:29:46,254
Hey, Elizabeth.
Listen, since Amy's transferring,
1321
01:29:46,339 --> 01:29:48,673
maybe the two of us can start over.
1322
01:29:53,471 --> 01:29:55,847
Hey, there. Scott Delacorte. And you are?
1323
01:29:57,308 --> 01:29:58,809
Leaving.
1324
01:30:15,326 --> 01:30:16,660
Elizabeth.
1325
01:30:17,954 --> 01:30:19,121
Here.
1326
01:30:20,665 --> 01:30:23,667
- Sign my yearbook.
- Hold my ball sack.
1327
01:30:26,045 --> 01:30:31,174
I'm gonna write my number down just
in case you need a lift after the surgery
1328
01:30:31,300 --> 01:30:34,594
orjust, like, an extra set of hands to make
sure the implants are settling properly.
1329
01:30:34,679 --> 01:30:36,138
Thanks.
1330
01:30:36,222 --> 01:30:39,766
Hey, you're not gonna teach again
next year, are you?
1331
01:30:39,851 --> 01:30:42,185
I don't know. It's the only thing I'm good at.
1332
01:30:42,311 --> 01:30:45,730
I'm just saying maybe you should consider
doing something else.
1333
01:30:45,857 --> 01:30:49,568
Like, anything else.
Like, any otherjob in the entire world.
1334
01:30:52,655 --> 01:30:57,742
You know, the two of us?
It's never gonna happen.
1335
01:30:58,703 --> 01:31:01,288
- Clearly.
- I mean, how would that even work?
1336
01:31:01,372 --> 01:31:03,373
Where do you even live?
1337
01:31:03,499 --> 01:31:05,709
In some weird apartment
with some creepy roommate?
1338
01:31:05,835 --> 01:31:10,255
No, my creepy roommate moved out,
so now it's just me and the dogs.
1339
01:31:10,840 --> 01:31:12,299
- How many dogs do you have?
- Four.
1340
01:31:12,383 --> 01:31:13,842
- Four dogs?
- Yeah.
1341
01:31:13,926 --> 01:31:15,218
Four Dobermans.
1342
01:31:15,553 --> 01:31:18,138
- Any family money?
- Yeah, you bet.
1343
01:31:18,222 --> 01:31:22,601
We're talking like three figures.
Almost 700 bucks.
1344
01:31:23,728 --> 01:31:27,189
So, basically, if I was gonna go out with you,
I would be making the conscious choice
1345
01:31:27,273 --> 01:31:30,942
to be dating a gym teacher
who lives in a shack with four dogs.
1346
01:31:31,527 --> 01:31:35,989
I prefer to think of it as two people
with amazing bodies
1347
01:31:36,073 --> 01:31:38,450
sharing those bodies with each other.
1348
01:31:39,577 --> 01:31:41,536
Giving each other the gift of these bodies.
1349
01:31:43,581 --> 01:31:46,750
Anyway, actually, none of this really matters.
1350
01:31:47,585 --> 01:31:50,295
I sort of started seeing somebody.
1351
01:31:53,633 --> 01:31:57,761
Really? Congratulations.
I didn't realize that, so...
1352
01:31:58,221 --> 01:32:00,555
- Yeah.
- I feel stupid.
1353
01:32:00,765 --> 01:32:02,265
- So...
- I'm just fucking with you.
1354
01:32:05,061 --> 01:32:08,104
- I guess I deserved that one.
- Yeah, you most certainly did.
1355
01:32:08,564 --> 01:32:12,442
I think it's about time you realize
that the whole world doesn't just...
1356
01:32:20,910 --> 01:32:22,118
See you around, gym teacher.
1357
01:32:32,964 --> 01:32:35,507
Hey. Let's do that again.
1358
01:32:55,861 --> 01:32:57,362
Hey, Elizabeth.
1359
01:32:57,488 --> 01:32:59,322
Hey, Lynn. How was your summer?
1360
01:32:59,490 --> 01:33:02,951
It was great.
I went to the zoo almost every weekend.
1361
01:33:03,035 --> 01:33:04,995
Wow, that sounds great.
1362
01:33:05,496 --> 01:33:08,248
You didn't get your tits.
1363
01:33:08,332 --> 01:33:11,543
Yeah, I thought about it and, you know,
realized I don't even need them.
1364
01:33:11,669 --> 01:33:13,878
Plus, they're really expensive, you know,
per tit.
1365
01:33:14,005 --> 01:33:16,047
Yeah, and you gotta get two of 'em.
1366
01:33:18,884 --> 01:33:21,636
- And I met a guy.
- Tell me everything.
1367
01:33:21,721 --> 01:33:23,555
Did you find your Prince Charming?
1368
01:33:25,683 --> 01:33:27,142
Something like that.
1369
01:33:29,353 --> 01:33:33,148
- Hey, you wanna grab lunch later?
- Sure, yeah, my treat.
1370
01:33:33,232 --> 01:33:35,233
You got it last time. We'll split it.
1371
01:33:35,359 --> 01:33:36,985
Oh, okay. Yeah.
1372
01:33:40,906 --> 01:33:44,534
Hey. You in the cape. You're up first, let's go.
107889
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