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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,439 Download movie subtitles or Load it directly from url on TheSubtitles.net 2 00:00:05,539 --> 00:00:11,139 01 Bridget Jones Diary Comedy 2001 English 3 00:00:11,540 --> 00:00:14,499 [ BRIDGET ] It all began on New Year's Day... 4 00:00:14,540 --> 00:00:17,789 in my thirty-second year of being single. 5 00:00:19,080 --> 00:00:21,449 Once again, I found myself on my own... 6 00:00:21,500 --> 00:00:25,699 and going to my mother's annual turkey curry buffet. 7 00:00:25,750 --> 00:00:27,329 Every year, she tries to fix me up... 8 00:00:27,330 --> 00:00:29,699 with some bushy-haired, middle-aged bore... 9 00:00:29,750 --> 00:00:32,949 and I feared this year would be no exception. 10 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:34,829 There you are, dumpling. 11 00:00:34,870 --> 00:00:36,499 [ BRIDGET ] My mum... 12 00:00:36,539 --> 00:00:37,939 A strange creature from the time... 13 00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:39,289 when pickles on tooth picks... 14 00:00:39,329 --> 00:00:40,929 were still the height of sophistication. 15 00:00:40,950 --> 00:00:42,499 Doilies, Pam? Hello, Bridget. 16 00:00:42,540 --> 00:00:44,659 Third drawer from the top, Una. 17 00:00:44,700 --> 00:00:46,659 Under the mini gherkins. 18 00:00:46,660 --> 00:00:50,869 By the way, the Darcys are here. They brought Mark with them. 19 00:00:50,910 --> 00:00:52,499 [ BRIDGET ] Ah, here we go. 20 00:00:52,540 --> 00:00:53,909 You remember Mark. 21 00:00:53,950 --> 00:00:55,619 You used to play in his paddling pool. 22 00:00:55,660 --> 00:00:57,489 He's a barrister. Very well off. 23 00:00:57,500 --> 00:00:59,539 No, I don't remember. 24 00:00:59,580 --> 00:01:01,499 He's divorced, apparently. 25 00:01:01,540 --> 00:01:03,999 His wife was Japanese. Very cruel race. 26 00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:05,699 Now, what are you going to put on? 27 00:01:05,750 --> 00:01:06,869 This. 28 00:01:06,910 --> 00:01:08,789 [ MUM ] Oh, don't be silly, Bridget. 29 00:01:08,830 --> 00:01:10,070 You'll never get a boyfriend... 30 00:01:10,110 --> 00:01:12,109 if you look like you've wandered out of Auschwitz. 31 00:01:12,130 --> 00:01:12,999 Now, run upstairs. 32 00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:14,989 I've laid out something lovely on your bed. 33 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:18,079 Tsk. [ Sighs ] 34 00:01:18,290 --> 00:01:22,079 [ ANDY WILLIAMS SINGING ] You're just too good to be true. 35 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:24,499 Can't take my eyes off of you. 36 00:01:24,540 --> 00:01:28,909 [ BRIDGET ] Great. I was wearing a carpet. 37 00:01:28,910 --> 00:01:30,749 [ UNCLE GEOFFREY ] There she is. 38 00:01:30,790 --> 00:01:34,749 [ Singing ] My little Bridget. 39 00:01:34,790 --> 00:01:37,289 Hi, Uncle Geoffrey. Ha ha. 40 00:01:37,330 --> 00:01:38,619 - Hmm. Had a drink? - No. 41 00:01:38,660 --> 00:01:39,909 No? Come on, then. 42 00:01:39,950 --> 00:01:41,659 [ BRIDGET ] Actually, not my uncle. 43 00:01:41,700 --> 00:01:43,449 Someone who insists I call him uncle... 44 00:01:43,500 --> 00:01:44,829 while he gropes my ass... 45 00:01:44,870 --> 00:01:47,949 and asks me the question dreaded by all Singletons. 46 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:51,039 [ UNCLE GEOFFREY ] So... how's your love life? 47 00:01:51,080 --> 00:01:53,289 Super. Thanks, Uncle G. 48 00:01:53,330 --> 00:01:55,329 Still no fellow, then, eh? I don't know. 49 00:01:55,330 --> 00:01:57,829 You career girls. Can't put it off forever. 50 00:01:57,870 --> 00:01:59,749 [ UNA ] Tick-tock, tick-tock. 51 00:01:59,790 --> 00:02:02,329 - Hello, Dad. - Hello, darling. 52 00:02:02,370 --> 00:02:03,909 How's it going? 53 00:02:03,950 --> 00:02:05,539 Torture. 54 00:02:05,580 --> 00:02:08,499 [ DAD ] Your mother is trying to fix you up with some divorcee. 55 00:02:08,540 --> 00:02:09,909 Uhh. 56 00:02:09,950 --> 00:02:13,039 Human-rights barrister. Pretty nasty beast, apparently. 57 00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:16,499 [ BRIDGET ] Hoo. Ding-dong. 58 00:02:16,540 --> 00:02:19,369 Maybe this time Mum had got it right. 59 00:02:19,410 --> 00:02:22,739 Come on. Why don't we see if Mark fancies a gherkin? 60 00:02:22,750 --> 00:02:24,749 [ Whispering ] Good luck. 61 00:02:24,830 --> 00:02:26,329 Mark? 62 00:02:26,370 --> 00:02:29,039 [ BRIDGET ] Maybe this was the mysterious Mr. Right... 63 00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:31,869 I'd been waiting my whole life to meet. 64 00:02:31,910 --> 00:02:34,999 You remember Bridget. 65 00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:36,789 [ BRIDGET ] Maybe not. 66 00:02:36,830 --> 00:02:38,579 She's used to run around your lawn... 67 00:02:38,620 --> 00:02:40,789 with no clothes on, remember? 68 00:02:40,830 --> 00:02:42,869 Uh, no, not as such. 69 00:02:44,579 --> 00:02:45,899 Come and look at your gravy, Pam. 70 00:02:45,920 --> 00:02:47,699 I think it's going to need sieving. 71 00:02:47,749 --> 00:02:49,109 Of course it doesn't need sieving. 72 00:02:49,130 --> 00:02:50,879 Just stir it, Una. 73 00:02:52,500 --> 00:02:53,949 Yes, of course. I'll be right there. 74 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:56,949 Sorry. Lumpy gravy calls. 75 00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:59,449 [ ANDY WILLIAMS SINGING ] Let me love you. 76 00:02:59,500 --> 00:03:00,909 [ Sighs ] 77 00:03:00,950 --> 00:03:03,909 - So... ha. - So. 78 00:03:03,950 --> 00:03:07,119 You staying at your parents' for New Year? 79 00:03:07,250 --> 00:03:08,659 - Yes. - Mmm. 80 00:03:08,700 --> 00:03:10,079 - You? - Oh, no, no, no. 81 00:03:10,290 --> 00:03:12,289 I was in London at a party last night... 82 00:03:12,330 --> 00:03:14,619 so I'm afraid I'm a bit hung over. 83 00:03:14,660 --> 00:03:16,699 Wish I could be lying with my head in the toilet... 84 00:03:16,730 --> 00:03:18,179 Like all normal people. 85 00:03:18,290 --> 00:03:20,039 [ Chuckles, sighs ] 86 00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:22,789 New Year's resolution... Drink less. 87 00:03:22,830 --> 00:03:25,789 Oh, and quit smoking. Mmm. Ha. 88 00:03:25,830 --> 00:03:28,499 - Oh. - Oh. Ha. 89 00:03:28,540 --> 00:03:30,909 And keep New Year's resolutions. 90 00:03:32,700 --> 00:03:35,659 Oh. And, uh... 91 00:03:35,660 --> 00:03:38,619 stop talking total nonsense to strangers. 92 00:03:38,660 --> 00:03:40,949 In fact, stop talking, full stop. 93 00:03:40,950 --> 00:03:44,539 Yes, well, perhaps it's time to eat. 94 00:03:44,580 --> 00:03:45,539 Mmm. 95 00:03:45,580 --> 00:03:47,409 [ ANDY WILLIAMS SINGING ] I need you, baby. 96 00:03:47,410 --> 00:03:48,530 [ MRS. DARCY ] Apparently... 97 00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:50,700 she lives just 'round the corner from you. 98 00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:53,039 Mother, I do not need a blind date. 99 00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:55,699 Particularly not with some verbally incontinent spinster... 100 00:03:55,750 --> 00:03:57,669 who smokes like a chimney, drinks like a fish... 101 00:03:57,690 --> 00:03:59,729 and dresses like her mother. 102 00:04:02,290 --> 00:04:03,999 Yummy. 103 00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:05,909 Turkey curry. 104 00:04:05,910 --> 00:04:07,789 My favourite. 105 00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:10,659 [ BRIDGET ] And that was it. Right there. 106 00:04:10,700 --> 00:04:13,619 Right there. That was the moment. 107 00:04:15,830 --> 00:04:19,039 I suddenly realized that unless some thing changed soon... 108 00:04:19,080 --> 00:04:21,699 I was going to live a life where my major relationship... 109 00:04:21,750 --> 00:04:23,619 was with a bottle of wine... 110 00:04:23,660 --> 00:04:26,829 and I'd finally die fat and alone... 111 00:04:26,870 --> 00:04:30,659 and be found three weeks later, half-eaten by wild dogs. 112 00:04:30,660 --> 00:04:33,329 Or I was about to turn into Glenn Close... 113 00:04:33,370 --> 00:04:34,789 in "Fatal Attraction." 114 00:04:36,410 --> 00:04:42,659 [ JAMIE O'NEAL SINGING ] All by myself. 115 00:04:42,700 --> 00:04:44,619 Don't wanna be. 116 00:04:44,660 --> 00:04:48,989 All by myself. 117 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:51,999 Anymore. 118 00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:54,619 [ VOICE ] You have no messages. 119 00:05:18,410 --> 00:05:20,869 [ Guitar plays ] 120 00:05:20,910 --> 00:05:22,829 [ JAMIE O'NEAL SINGING ] When I was young. 121 00:05:24,410 --> 00:05:27,789 I never needed anyone. 122 00:05:30,500 --> 00:05:34,079 And making' love was just for fun. 123 00:05:36,410 --> 00:05:38,949 Those days are gone. 124 00:05:44,330 --> 00:05:49,329 All by myself. 125 00:05:50,500 --> 00:05:52,079 Don't wanna be. 126 00:05:52,290 --> 00:05:56,659 All by myself. 127 00:05:56,700 --> 00:05:57,700 Anymore. 128 00:06:01,700 --> 00:06:05,579 Ohh. 129 00:06:05,580 --> 00:06:07,579 Ohh. 130 00:06:07,620 --> 00:06:08,699 Oh-oh-oh. 131 00:06:17,910 --> 00:06:23,369 All by myself. 132 00:06:24,410 --> 00:06:27,539 Don't wanna live... 133 00:06:27,580 --> 00:06:29,619 [ BRIDGET ] And so I made a major decision. 134 00:06:29,660 --> 00:06:31,100 I had to make sure that next year... 135 00:06:31,130 --> 00:06:34,369 I wouldn't end up shit-faced and listening to sad FM... 136 00:06:34,410 --> 00:06:36,829 easy-listening for the over-thirties. 137 00:06:36,870 --> 00:06:39,789 I decided to take control of my life... 138 00:06:39,830 --> 00:06:41,329 and start a diary... 139 00:06:41,370 --> 00:06:44,039 to tell the truth about Bridget Jones... 140 00:06:44,080 --> 00:06:45,409 the whole truth. 141 00:06:46,830 --> 00:06:48,949 Resolution number one... ohh... 142 00:06:49,540 --> 00:06:50,980 Obviously will I lose twenty pounds. 143 00:06:51,010 --> 00:06:51,699 Number two... 144 00:06:51,750 --> 00:06:54,289 always put last night's panties in the laundry basket. 145 00:06:54,330 --> 00:06:55,699 Equally important... 146 00:06:55,750 --> 00:06:58,369 will find nice sensible boyfriend to go out with... 147 00:06:58,410 --> 00:07:00,409 and not continue to form romantic attachments... 148 00:07:00,450 --> 00:07:01,949 to any of the following... 149 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:04,369 alcoholics, workaholics, commitment-phobics... 150 00:07:04,410 --> 00:07:05,739 peeping-toms, megalomaniacs... 151 00:07:05,750 --> 00:07:07,659 emotional fuck wits, or perverts. 152 00:07:07,700 --> 00:07:10,369 And especially will not fantasize... 153 00:07:10,410 --> 00:07:14,949 about a particular person who embodies all these things. 154 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:18,039 [ ARETHA FRANKLIN ] ♪ [ SINGING ] ♪ What you want. 155 00:07:18,290 --> 00:07:20,369 Baby, I got. 156 00:07:20,410 --> 00:07:22,079 What you need. 157 00:07:22,290 --> 00:07:23,699 Do you know I got it? 158 00:07:23,750 --> 00:07:27,079 [ BRIDGET ] Unfortunately, he just happens to be my boss... 159 00:07:27,330 --> 00:07:29,369 Editor-in-Chief, Daniel Cleaver. 160 00:07:29,410 --> 00:07:31,289 And for various slightly unfair reasons... 161 00:07:31,290 --> 00:07:33,539 relating to this year's Christmas party... 162 00:07:33,580 --> 00:07:37,409 I suspect he does not fantasize about me. 163 00:07:37,450 --> 00:07:39,579 [ BRIDGET DRUNK SINGING ] Oh. 164 00:07:39,620 --> 00:07:43,749 Can't live. 165 00:07:43,790 --> 00:07:47,449 If living is without you 166 00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:52,039 I can't live. 167 00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:53,699 Can't give anymore. 168 00:07:53,750 --> 00:07:56,289 [ BRIDGET ] Or maybe I'm wrong. 169 00:07:56,330 --> 00:07:57,449 Huh? 170 00:07:57,500 --> 00:07:58,949 [ Indistinct chattering ] 171 00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:07,909 [ BRIDGET ] Ah. 172 00:08:07,950 --> 00:08:10,289 Happy New Year, Mr. Fitzherbert. 173 00:08:10,330 --> 00:08:11,659 Happy New Year, Brenda. 174 00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:14,369 [ BRIDGET ] Mr. Fitzherbert... Tits Pervert, more like. 175 00:08:14,410 --> 00:08:16,329 Daniel's boss who stares freely at my breasts... 176 00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:19,109 with no idea who lam or what I do. 177 00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:21,449 Morning. I need that "Kafka's Motor bike" release... 178 00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:22,659 by 11:00. 179 00:08:22,700 --> 00:08:25,329 [ BRIDGET ] Perpetua... Slightly senior... 180 00:08:25,370 --> 00:08:27,369 and therefore thinks she's in charge of me. 181 00:08:27,410 --> 00:08:28,579 Most of the time... 182 00:08:28,620 --> 00:08:31,289 I just want to staple things to her head. 183 00:08:31,330 --> 00:08:32,499 [ Telephone rings ] 184 00:08:32,540 --> 00:08:33,699 Publicity. 185 00:08:33,750 --> 00:08:35,659 [ JUDE ] All I asked... I only asked... 186 00:08:35,700 --> 00:08:38,449 if he wanted to come on a mini-break to Paris... 187 00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:40,409 [ BRIDGET ] Daily call from Jude. Best friend. 188 00:08:40,540 --> 00:08:42,409 Head of investment at Brightlings Bank... 189 00:08:42,450 --> 00:08:43,999 who spends most of her time... 190 00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:46,909 trapped in the lady's toilet, crying over fuck wit boyfriend. 191 00:08:46,910 --> 00:08:48,539 I'm too needy. 192 00:08:48,580 --> 00:08:50,079 [ JUDE ] Am I codependent? 193 00:08:50,290 --> 00:08:51,659 No, you're not. 194 00:08:51,700 --> 00:08:53,789 It's not you. You're lovely. 195 00:08:53,830 --> 00:08:55,749 It's Vile Richard. 196 00:08:55,790 --> 00:08:58,699 Ugh. He's just a big knob head with no knob. 197 00:09:00,620 --> 00:09:05,039 Is some people's opinion of Kafka... 198 00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:06,999 but they couldn't be more wrong. 199 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:08,539 This book is a searing vision... 200 00:09:08,580 --> 00:09:10,699 of the wounds our century has inflicted on... 201 00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:12,619 On traditional masculinity. 202 00:09:12,620 --> 00:09:15,659 It's positively Vonnegut-esque. 203 00:09:15,700 --> 00:09:17,659 Thank you for calling, Professor Leavis. 204 00:09:18,950 --> 00:09:21,739 Guest list for launch party. 205 00:09:21,750 --> 00:09:22,949 Ah. 206 00:09:24,500 --> 00:09:27,909 Was that... F.R. Leavis? 207 00:09:27,910 --> 00:09:30,409 Mm-hmm. 208 00:09:30,410 --> 00:09:31,619 [ DANIEL ] Wow. 209 00:09:31,660 --> 00:09:32,949 Huh. 210 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:34,699 The F.R. Leavis... 211 00:09:34,750 --> 00:09:37,449 who wrote "Mass Civilization and Minority Culture"? 212 00:09:37,500 --> 00:09:38,999 Mm-hmm. 213 00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:42,749 The F.R. Leavis who died in 1978? 214 00:09:45,750 --> 00:09:47,579 Amazing. 215 00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:52,210 [ BRIDGET ] Emergency summit with urban family... 216 00:09:52,234 --> 00:09:54,499 for coherent discussion of career crisis. 217 00:09:54,540 --> 00:09:56,789 Fuck 'em. Fuck the lot of them. 218 00:09:56,830 --> 00:09:58,869 Tell them they can stick fucking Leavis... 219 00:09:58,950 --> 00:10:00,749 up their fucking asses. 220 00:10:00,790 --> 00:10:03,329 Good, good. That's very useful, very useful. 221 00:10:03,450 --> 00:10:04,909 [ BRIDGET ] Shazzer... journalist... 222 00:10:04,910 --> 00:10:06,749 I likes to say "fuck" a lot. 223 00:10:06,790 --> 00:10:09,369 And, Jude, what would you do if one of your assistants... 224 00:10:09,410 --> 00:10:11,619 made a harmless little mistake like that? 225 00:10:11,660 --> 00:10:12,999 I'd fire you, Bridge. 226 00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:14,749 Excellent. 227 00:10:14,790 --> 00:10:16,999 Is that Cleaver chap still as cute as ever? 228 00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:18,449 Oh, God, yes. 229 00:10:18,500 --> 00:10:20,449 Then I think a well-timed blow job's... 230 00:10:20,450 --> 00:10:21,579 probably the best answer. 231 00:10:21,620 --> 00:10:23,060 - [ SHAZZER ] Ohh. - Oh, you love it. 232 00:10:23,084 --> 00:10:25,289 Are you that chap that sang that song? 233 00:10:25,330 --> 00:10:27,039 Yes. Yes, I am. 234 00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:28,749 [ BRIDGET ] Tom... Eighties pop icon 235 00:10:28,790 --> 00:10:30,869 who only wrote one hit record... 236 00:10:30,910 --> 00:10:32,869 then retired because he found that one record... 237 00:10:32,910 --> 00:10:34,369 was quite enough to get him laid... 238 00:10:34,410 --> 00:10:35,869 for the whole of the Nineties. 239 00:10:35,910 --> 00:10:38,539 - Great song. - Thank you so much. 240 00:10:38,580 --> 00:10:39,949 [ BRIDGET ] Total poof, of course. 241 00:10:39,950 --> 00:10:41,949 - More vodka? - No. 242 00:10:41,950 --> 00:10:44,909 Yes. Fill her up, God damn it. 243 00:10:44,910 --> 00:10:46,710 [ BRIDGET ] At least now I'm in my thirties... 244 00:10:46,734 --> 00:10:47,749 I can hold my drink. 245 00:10:47,790 --> 00:10:48,909 [ Laughter ] 246 00:10:48,950 --> 00:10:51,659 Ohh! Whoops. 247 00:10:51,700 --> 00:10:54,949 - Mind the step. - She's fine. Drive on. 248 00:10:55,330 --> 00:10:59,579 [ DANIEL ] Apparently F.R. Leavis is coming. 249 00:11:01,580 --> 00:11:03,579 Afternoon, Bridget. 250 00:11:03,660 --> 00:11:06,749 [ PERPETUA ] What do you mean you're going on holiday? 251 00:11:06,790 --> 00:11:09,699 Well, what about Julia? 252 00:11:11,790 --> 00:11:14,949 Does she have to go to the funeral? 253 00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:32,749 [ Gasps ] 254 00:11:39,290 --> 00:11:41,869 Listen, we got a little problem... 255 00:11:43,790 --> 00:11:46,789 The only problem is the kitchen. 256 00:11:46,830 --> 00:11:48,749 [ PERPETUA ] Quite frankly, there isn't room... 257 00:11:48,790 --> 00:11:51,869 [ BRIDGET ] Message Mr. Cleaver. 258 00:11:51,910 --> 00:11:54,449 Am appalled by message. 259 00:11:54,500 --> 00:11:58,499 Skirt is demonstrably neither sick nor absent. 260 00:11:58,540 --> 00:12:01,579 Appalled by management's blatantly size-ist attitude... 261 00:12:01,620 --> 00:12:02,829 to skirt. 262 00:12:02,870 --> 00:12:06,539 Suggest management sick, not skirt! 263 00:12:06,580 --> 00:12:08,579 [ PERPETUA ] That's quite ridiculous. 264 00:12:08,580 --> 00:12:10,749 Ooh. Oh, I see. 265 00:12:10,790 --> 00:12:12,499 [ DANIEL ] Hang on. Hang on. 266 00:12:19,620 --> 00:12:22,079 Right. Yeah. 267 00:12:22,290 --> 00:12:24,039 No, I understand that. 268 00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:25,829 I understand that perfectly. 269 00:12:31,370 --> 00:12:33,789 [ BRIDGET ] Very bad start to the year. 270 00:12:33,830 --> 00:12:35,659 Have been seduced by informality... 271 00:12:35,700 --> 00:12:38,949 of messaging medium into flirting with office scoundrel. 272 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:43,449 Will persevere with resolution to find a nice sensible man. 273 00:12:43,500 --> 00:12:47,289 Will put a stop to flirting... first thing tomorrow. 274 00:12:47,330 --> 00:12:48,749 Good plan. 275 00:12:55,946 --> 00:12:57,586 [ PRETENDERS SINGING ] Don't get me wrong. 276 00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:59,010 [ DANIEL ] If walking past office... 277 00:12:59,031 --> 00:13:00,910 was attempt to demonstrate presence of skirt... 278 00:13:00,941 --> 00:13:03,039 can only say that it has failed parlously. 279 00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:04,619 Cleave. 280 00:13:04,660 --> 00:13:07,749 [ BRIDGET ] Shut up, please. I'm very busy and important. 281 00:13:07,790 --> 00:13:10,579 P.S. How dare you sexually harass me... 282 00:13:10,620 --> 00:13:12,909 in this impertinent manner. 283 00:13:12,950 --> 00:13:14,409 [ DANIEL ] Message Jones. 284 00:13:14,410 --> 00:13:15,730 Mortified to have caused offence. 285 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:18,129 Will avoid all non-P.C. overtones in future. 286 00:13:18,290 --> 00:13:19,749 Deeply apologetic. 287 00:13:19,790 --> 00:13:22,449 P.S. Like your tits in that top. 288 00:13:24,330 --> 00:13:25,829 I'm thinking about the fire works. 289 00:13:25,870 --> 00:13:27,909 [ BRIDGET ] Mustn't read too much into it, no. 290 00:13:27,950 --> 00:13:29,749 [ Humming Wedding March ] Dum lum dee dum. 291 00:13:29,790 --> 00:13:32,539 Dum dum dee dum, dum dum dee dum dum. 292 00:13:32,580 --> 00:13:33,829 And it all began, of course... 293 00:13:33,870 --> 00:13:35,789 with some very irresponsible e-mailing... 294 00:13:35,830 --> 00:13:38,039 over Bridget's non-existent skirt. 295 00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:41,699 [ PRETENDERS SINGING ] If I split like light refracted 296 00:13:43,410 --> 00:13:45,999 I'm only off to wander 297 00:13:47,450 --> 00:13:50,409 Daniel. The New York office for you. 298 00:13:50,410 --> 00:13:53,289 Yeah, tell them I'll get back to them. 299 00:13:54,660 --> 00:13:56,369 [ PRETENDERS SINGING ] Once in a while. 300 00:13:57,830 --> 00:13:59,079 [ Elevator bell dings ] 301 00:14:03,370 --> 00:14:04,659 [ Ding ] 302 00:14:04,700 --> 00:14:06,369 Daniel. 303 00:14:06,410 --> 00:14:07,579 Jones... 304 00:14:07,620 --> 00:14:09,699 - Evening, Kenneth. - Good evening, Daniel. 305 00:14:11,750 --> 00:14:13,449 [ Ding ] 306 00:14:13,450 --> 00:14:15,449 [ FITZHERBERT ] If you've got a moment... 307 00:14:15,499 --> 00:14:17,139 I'd like a word before you leave tonight. 308 00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:18,449 Yes, certainly. 309 00:14:18,500 --> 00:14:19,659 [ Ding ] 310 00:14:21,620 --> 00:14:23,789 - I'll see you in a sec. - Excellent. 311 00:14:23,830 --> 00:14:25,369 - And, Brenda... - Yes? 312 00:14:25,410 --> 00:14:26,949 At the "Kafka's Motor bike" thing... 313 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:28,999 I thought it might be fun if you introduce me... 314 00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:30,409 before I introduce him. 315 00:14:30,410 --> 00:14:32,369 Add a lovely sense of occasion. 316 00:14:32,410 --> 00:14:34,369 [ Chuckles ] 317 00:14:34,410 --> 00:14:35,999 Certainly, sir. 318 00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:37,869 Hmm. 319 00:14:37,910 --> 00:14:40,499 Tch. Brenda, listen. 320 00:14:40,540 --> 00:14:42,079 What are you doing tonight? 321 00:14:42,290 --> 00:14:43,739 Actually, I'm busy. 322 00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:47,579 All right. Well, that's a shame. I just, uh... 323 00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:49,056 well, I thought it might be a charitable thing... 324 00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:50,520 to take your skirt out for dinner... 325 00:14:50,559 --> 00:14:51,799 and try and fatten it up a bit. 326 00:14:51,820 --> 00:14:54,369 - Hmm. - Maybe you can come, too. 327 00:14:54,410 --> 00:14:56,539 What about tomorrow? 328 00:14:56,580 --> 00:14:58,619 No. Tomorrow's the launch. 329 00:14:58,660 --> 00:15:00,409 Ah, yes, of course. 330 00:15:00,450 --> 00:15:02,499 Possibly the worst book ever published. 331 00:15:02,540 --> 00:15:07,289 Well, in the end, that's not the ad line we've gone for. 332 00:15:07,330 --> 00:15:08,869 Next night? 333 00:15:08,910 --> 00:15:10,369 Let's see, shall we? 334 00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:11,539 ["Peter Gunn" playing ] 335 00:15:11,580 --> 00:15:12,949 Good night, Daniel. 336 00:15:12,950 --> 00:15:15,449 Right. No pressure, Bridge... 337 00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:19,039 but your whole future happiness now depends on how you behave... 338 00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:20,789 on this one social occasion. 339 00:15:20,830 --> 00:15:22,579 Right. What should I do? 340 00:15:22,620 --> 00:15:24,449 First, look gorgeous. 341 00:15:34,790 --> 00:15:35,999 [ Tape rips ] Ohh! 342 00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:39,039 Ow! Gooh! 343 00:15:39,290 --> 00:15:43,659 Two... then totally ignore Daniel and suck up to famous authors. 344 00:15:43,700 --> 00:15:45,369 Salman. 345 00:15:45,410 --> 00:15:47,329 Salman. Salman. 346 00:15:47,370 --> 00:15:49,619 Circulate. 347 00:15:49,660 --> 00:15:51,749 Oozing intelligence. 348 00:15:51,790 --> 00:15:53,869 Isn't it terrible about Chechnya? 349 00:15:53,910 --> 00:15:56,579 Isn't it terrible about Chechnya? 350 00:15:56,620 --> 00:15:57,999 Chech-nya! 351 00:15:58,040 --> 00:15:59,760 Introduce people with thoughtful details... 352 00:15:59,790 --> 00:16:01,909 such as, "Sheila..." 353 00:16:01,950 --> 00:16:04,449 "This is Daniel. Daniel, this is Sheila." 354 00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:07,409 "Sheila enjoys horse-riding and comes from New Zealand." 355 00:16:07,450 --> 00:16:09,539 "Daniel enjoys publishing and comes..." 356 00:16:09,580 --> 00:16:10,749 All over your face? 357 00:16:10,790 --> 00:16:11,909 [ TOM ] Exactly. 358 00:16:11,950 --> 00:16:13,449 Excuse me. 359 00:16:13,500 --> 00:16:15,829 I'm terribly sorry to interrupt you... 360 00:16:15,830 --> 00:16:17,699 when you're having dinner. It's just that... 361 00:16:17,750 --> 00:16:20,579 Yes. Yes, it was me. 362 00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:22,829 Yes. Nine years ago. 363 00:16:22,870 --> 00:16:24,749 No current plans to record anything else. 364 00:16:24,790 --> 00:16:26,039 Thank you so much. 365 00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:27,869 Oh, it's just that, ahem... 366 00:16:27,910 --> 00:16:31,079 your... your chair is on my wife's coat. 367 00:16:31,290 --> 00:16:32,739 [ Laughter ] 368 00:16:32,750 --> 00:16:34,539 Your... your chair on the... 369 00:16:34,580 --> 00:16:36,579 Of course it is. Of course it is. 370 00:16:36,660 --> 00:16:38,289 [ MAN ] Thank you so much. Thank you. 371 00:16:38,330 --> 00:16:40,699 [ BRIDGET ] Hmm. Major dilemma. 372 00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:42,499 If actually do, by some terrible chance... 373 00:16:42,540 --> 00:16:44,039 end up inflagrante... 374 00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:47,539 surely these would be most attractive at crucial moment. 375 00:16:47,580 --> 00:16:49,749 However, chances of reaching crucial moment... 376 00:16:49,790 --> 00:16:52,289 greatly increase by wearing these. 377 00:16:52,290 --> 00:16:54,409 Scary stomach-holding-in panties. 378 00:16:54,450 --> 00:16:56,909 Very popular with grannies the world over. 379 00:16:56,950 --> 00:17:00,579 Ha. Tricky. Very tricky. 380 00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:02,619 ["Peter Gunn" continues playing ] 381 00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:17,579 [ BRIDGET ] Ladies and gentlemen... 382 00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:20,409 welcome to the launch of "Kafka's Motor bike"... 383 00:17:20,450 --> 00:17:21,850 "The Greatest Book of Our Tiime"... 384 00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:24,659 and here to introduce it is Mr. Tits Pervert. 385 00:17:24,700 --> 00:17:27,659 Ooh, Fitzherbert, Fitzherbert, Fitzherbert. 386 00:17:28,830 --> 00:17:32,749 OK, circulate, oozing intelligence. 387 00:17:32,790 --> 00:17:36,079 Ignore Daniel, and be fabulous with everyone else. 388 00:17:36,290 --> 00:17:40,039 I am the intellectual equal of everyone else here. 389 00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:41,369 Ooh. 390 00:17:41,370 --> 00:17:43,619 It's like a whole theory of short fiction... 391 00:17:43,660 --> 00:17:45,409 and of the novella, you know? 392 00:17:45,450 --> 00:17:46,659 And, of course, the problem... 393 00:17:46,700 --> 00:17:48,449 with Martin's definition of the novella... 394 00:17:48,499 --> 00:17:50,019 is that it really only applies to him. 395 00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:52,789 [ Laughter ] 396 00:17:52,790 --> 00:17:54,869 [ MAN ] That doesn't sound like Martin. 397 00:17:54,910 --> 00:17:57,079 Not. [ Laughter ] 398 00:17:57,290 --> 00:17:59,499 [ RUSHDIE ] I could be wrong. What do you think? 399 00:17:59,540 --> 00:18:03,909 Uh... do you know... 400 00:18:03,950 --> 00:18:05,289 [ Inhales ] 401 00:18:05,330 --> 00:18:09,789 Where the toilets are, huh? 402 00:18:09,830 --> 00:18:13,579 [ BRIDGET ] Stay calm. Can't get any worse. 403 00:18:16,540 --> 00:18:18,699 What are you doing here? 404 00:18:18,750 --> 00:18:21,949 I've been asking myself the same question. 405 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:24,039 I came with a colleague. 406 00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:25,449 So how are you? 407 00:18:25,500 --> 00:18:27,409 Well, apart from being very disappointed... 408 00:18:27,450 --> 00:18:30,539 not to see my favourite reindeer jumper again... 409 00:18:30,580 --> 00:18:31,869 I'm well. 410 00:18:31,910 --> 00:18:33,659 Anyone going to introduce me? 411 00:18:33,700 --> 00:18:37,039 [ BRIDGET ] Ah, introduce people with thoughtful details. 412 00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:38,749 Perpetua. Ha. 413 00:18:38,790 --> 00:18:40,579 This is Mark Darcy. 414 00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,699 Mark's a prematurely middle-aged prick... 415 00:18:42,750 --> 00:18:44,539 with a cruel-raced ex-wife. 416 00:18:44,580 --> 00:18:45,909 Perpetua's a fat-ass old bag... 417 00:18:45,950 --> 00:18:47,869 who spends her time bossing me around. 418 00:18:49,620 --> 00:18:51,409 [ BRIDGET ] Maybe not. 419 00:18:51,450 --> 00:18:52,749 Anyone going to introduce me? 420 00:18:52,790 --> 00:18:55,329 [ BRIDGET ] Ah, Perpetua. 421 00:18:55,330 --> 00:18:57,369 Uh, this is Mark Darcy. 422 00:18:57,410 --> 00:18:59,369 Mark's a top barrister. 423 00:18:59,410 --> 00:19:01,619 Oh, he comes from Garth and Underwood. 424 00:19:01,660 --> 00:19:03,619 Perpetua is one of my work colleagues. 425 00:19:03,660 --> 00:19:06,329 Why, Mark, I know you by reputation, of course. 426 00:19:08,410 --> 00:19:09,909 Ah, Natasha. 427 00:19:09,950 --> 00:19:12,579 [ MARK ] This is Bridget Jones. Bridget, this is Natasha. 428 00:19:12,620 --> 00:19:15,869 Natasha is a top attorney and specializes in family law. 429 00:19:15,910 --> 00:19:17,289 Bridget works in publishing... 430 00:19:17,330 --> 00:19:19,749 and used to play naked in my paddling pool. 431 00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:23,539 - How odd. - Ha ha. 432 00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:25,449 Perpetua, how's the house hunt going? 433 00:19:25,500 --> 00:19:27,039 Disaster. 434 00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:29,369 I oughtn't go into it with you. 435 00:19:29,410 --> 00:19:33,369 By the by, that man is gorgeous. 436 00:19:33,410 --> 00:19:34,789 Ah, yes, Mark. 437 00:19:34,830 --> 00:19:37,079 Just give me time. Give me time. 438 00:19:37,290 --> 00:19:38,539 [ Laughs ] 439 00:19:38,580 --> 00:19:40,869 [ DANIEL ] "You've written as earing vision... ". 440 00:19:40,910 --> 00:19:42,579 Can you remember the rest of this? 441 00:19:42,620 --> 00:19:44,220 [ RUSHDIE ] "Of the wounds our century... 442 00:19:44,244 --> 00:19:46,619 "has inflicted on traditional masculinity. 443 00:19:46,620 --> 00:19:48,579 "Positively Vonnegut-esgue." Obviously. 444 00:19:50,700 --> 00:19:52,899 Listen, you don't know where the loos are here, do you? 445 00:19:52,930 --> 00:19:54,699 Uh, yes. In the hallway. 446 00:19:54,750 --> 00:19:55,869 Thanks. 447 00:19:58,750 --> 00:19:59,999 [ Microphone not working ] 448 00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:01,329 One, two. 449 00:20:01,370 --> 00:20:02,539 [ Blows ] 450 00:20:02,580 --> 00:20:04,579 [ People chattering ] 451 00:20:04,580 --> 00:20:06,659 Ladies and gentlemen. 452 00:20:06,700 --> 00:20:08,539 L... 453 00:20:10,620 --> 00:20:12,789 [ BRIDGET ] L-ladies and... 454 00:20:12,830 --> 00:20:14,619 L... 455 00:20:14,660 --> 00:20:15,789 Oi! 456 00:20:15,830 --> 00:20:17,289 Oi! 457 00:20:19,290 --> 00:20:20,789 Sorry. The, uh... 458 00:20:20,830 --> 00:20:24,329 mike's not... work... working. Ahem. 459 00:20:24,370 --> 00:20:26,869 Ladies and gentlemen... 460 00:20:26,950 --> 00:20:32,449 welcome to the launch of "Kafka's Motor bike"... 461 00:20:32,500 --> 00:20:35,499 "The Greatest Book of Our Time." 462 00:20:35,540 --> 00:20:37,409 [ Mild applause ] 463 00:20:39,410 --> 00:20:43,909 Obviously except for your books, Mr. Rushdie... 464 00:20:43,950 --> 00:20:47,539 which are also very good. 465 00:20:50,330 --> 00:20:52,499 And Lord Archer... 466 00:20:52,540 --> 00:20:55,659 yours aren't bad, either. 467 00:20:55,700 --> 00:20:57,079 [ Clears throat ]Anyway... 468 00:20:57,290 --> 00:20:59,539 uh, what I mean is, uh... 469 00:20:59,580 --> 00:21:01,659 welcome, ladies and gentlemen. 470 00:21:01,700 --> 00:21:04,659 Thank you for coming to the launch of... 471 00:21:04,660 --> 00:21:08,619 one of the top thirty books of our time. 472 00:21:08,620 --> 00:21:11,699 Anyway, at least. 473 00:21:11,750 --> 00:21:14,999 And here to introduce it, ha... 474 00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:16,699 properly, ha ha... 475 00:21:16,750 --> 00:21:19,409 is, uh, the man we all call, uh... 476 00:21:19,450 --> 00:21:21,659 [ BRIDGET'S INNER VOICE ] [ Whispering ] Tits Pervert. 477 00:21:21,700 --> 00:21:22,869 Mr... 478 00:21:22,910 --> 00:21:24,070 [ INNER VOICE ] Tits Pervert! 479 00:21:24,094 --> 00:21:25,843 Mr... 480 00:21:27,330 --> 00:21:28,499 [ INNER VOICE ] Tits Pervert. 481 00:21:28,540 --> 00:21:30,409 Fitzherbert, uh... 482 00:21:30,410 --> 00:21:31,999 because... 483 00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:35,579 that is his name. 484 00:21:35,660 --> 00:21:37,869 Mr. Fitzherbert. 485 00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:40,539 Thank you. 486 00:21:42,500 --> 00:21:45,039 [ Mild applause ] 487 00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:46,789 [ FITZHERBERT ] Thank you, Brenda. 488 00:21:46,830 --> 00:21:48,619 [ Sighs ] 489 00:21:48,660 --> 00:21:50,699 Just switch this on. 490 00:21:50,750 --> 00:21:52,079 [ Feedback ] 491 00:21:52,290 --> 00:21:54,829 [ Man laughs, people chattering ] 492 00:21:54,870 --> 00:21:56,449 [ NATASHA ] So how autobiographical... 493 00:21:56,500 --> 00:21:57,949 is your work, Salman? 494 00:21:58,000 --> 00:21:59,800 [ RUSHDIE ] You know, it's an amazing thing... 495 00:21:59,824 --> 00:22:01,329 nobody's ever asked me that question. 496 00:22:01,370 --> 00:22:02,909 Excuse me. 497 00:22:02,950 --> 00:22:05,619 Jones. Sod 'em all. 498 00:22:05,660 --> 00:22:07,999 [ DANIEL ] It was a brilliant... 499 00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:13,409 post-modernist masterpiece of oratorical fireworks, really. 500 00:22:13,410 --> 00:22:14,579 Uhh. 501 00:22:14,620 --> 00:22:16,369 You're looking very sexy, Jones. 502 00:22:16,410 --> 00:22:18,609 I think I'm gonna have to take you out to dinner now... 503 00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:20,579 whether you like it or not, OK? 504 00:22:20,620 --> 00:22:21,789 Come on, get your stuff. 505 00:22:27,580 --> 00:22:29,079 [ Sighs ] 506 00:22:29,450 --> 00:22:31,659 So how do you feel about this whole situation... 507 00:22:31,700 --> 00:22:33,539 in Chechnya? Isn't it a nightmare? 508 00:22:33,580 --> 00:22:34,949 I couldn't give a fuck, Jones. 509 00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:38,869 Now, look, how do you know Arsey Darcy? 510 00:22:38,910 --> 00:22:41,829 Apparently, I used to run 'round naked... 511 00:22:41,870 --> 00:22:43,329 in his paddling pool. 512 00:22:43,370 --> 00:22:45,579 I bet you did, you dirty bitch. 513 00:22:45,620 --> 00:22:47,699 What about you? 514 00:22:47,750 --> 00:22:49,369 Same. Yeah. 515 00:22:50,790 --> 00:22:54,039 No, no, I was best man at his wedding. 516 00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:55,789 Um, knew him from Cambridge. 517 00:22:55,830 --> 00:22:57,039 He was a mate. 518 00:22:57,080 --> 00:22:59,079 And then what? 519 00:22:59,290 --> 00:23:02,499 And then, uh... nothing. 520 00:23:02,540 --> 00:23:05,039 You don't need to protect him. He's no friend of mine. 521 00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:07,619 Well, um, then... 522 00:23:07,660 --> 00:23:09,829 many years later... 523 00:23:09,870 --> 00:23:13,369 I made the somewhat catastrophic mistake... 524 00:23:13,410 --> 00:23:17,789 of introducing him to my fiancee. 525 00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:22,699 And, um... 526 00:23:25,410 --> 00:23:29,329 I couldn't say, in all honesty, I've ever quite forgiven him. 527 00:23:29,370 --> 00:23:31,749 God, so... 528 00:23:31,790 --> 00:23:34,789 he's a nasty bastard. 529 00:23:34,830 --> 00:23:36,579 And a dull bastard. 530 00:23:36,620 --> 00:23:38,829 Yes. Yes, I think that's fair. 531 00:23:38,870 --> 00:23:41,789 Anyway, fuck him. Listen, don't let him ruin our evening. 532 00:23:41,790 --> 00:23:43,539 Why don't you have some more wine... 533 00:23:43,580 --> 00:23:45,476 and tell me more about practising French-kissing... 534 00:23:45,500 --> 00:23:46,820 with the other girls at school... 535 00:23:46,841 --> 00:23:48,161 because that's a very good story. 536 00:23:48,191 --> 00:23:50,499 - It wasn't French-kissing. - Don't care. Make it up. 537 00:23:50,540 --> 00:23:52,449 That's an order, Jones. 538 00:23:52,450 --> 00:23:55,079 [ DANIEL ] So, um, how about a drink at my place? 539 00:23:55,290 --> 00:23:57,579 Totally innocent, no funny business... 540 00:23:57,620 --> 00:23:59,579 just full sex. 541 00:24:00,660 --> 00:24:02,329 No, no, no. 542 00:24:02,370 --> 00:24:04,449 I should get a taxi. 543 00:24:04,500 --> 00:24:07,659 But thank you for the lovely dinner. 544 00:24:09,790 --> 00:24:12,869 It's a pleasure, Jones. 545 00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:19,909 [ ROSEY SINGING ] Oh, love. 546 00:24:19,950 --> 00:24:21,949 Love, love. 547 00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:23,949 Oh. 548 00:24:26,620 --> 00:24:29,369 Ooh. 549 00:24:29,410 --> 00:24:31,369 You're alone. 550 00:24:31,410 --> 00:24:33,449 All the time. 551 00:24:33,500 --> 00:24:36,749 Does it ever puzzle you. 552 00:24:36,790 --> 00:24:40,499 Have you asked why you seem. 553 00:24:40,540 --> 00:24:42,869 To falling love. 554 00:24:42,910 --> 00:24:45,039 And out again. 555 00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:48,869 Do you really ever love. 556 00:24:48,910 --> 00:24:50,539 Or just pretend. 557 00:24:50,580 --> 00:24:52,079 Oh, baby. 558 00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:55,079 Why fool yourself? 559 00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:58,749 Don't be afraid to help yourself. 560 00:24:58,790 --> 00:25:01,749 [ DANIEL ] Now these are very silly little boots, Jones. 561 00:25:01,790 --> 00:25:05,369 And this is a very silly little dress. 562 00:25:05,410 --> 00:25:07,039 And, um... 563 00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:09,619 these are, uh... 564 00:25:09,620 --> 00:25:12,449 fuck me, absolutely enormous panties. 565 00:25:12,500 --> 00:25:14,079 Jesus. Fuck. 566 00:25:14,290 --> 00:25:16,289 No, no, don't apologize. I like them. 567 00:25:16,330 --> 00:25:18,869 Hello, Mummy. 568 00:25:18,910 --> 00:25:22,079 [ ROSEY SINGING ] Love 569 00:25:22,289 --> 00:25:23,849 I'm sorry, I have to have another look. 570 00:25:23,870 --> 00:25:25,449 - They're too good to be true. - No. 571 00:25:25,499 --> 00:25:27,099 There's nothing to be embarrassed about. 572 00:25:27,100 --> 00:25:28,820 I'm wearing something quite similar myself. 573 00:25:28,844 --> 00:25:31,619 - Here, I'll show you. - No. No. 574 00:25:31,660 --> 00:25:33,079 [ ROSEY SINGING ] This time decide. 575 00:25:33,290 --> 00:25:36,749 That you will open up. 576 00:25:36,790 --> 00:25:39,289 Let it in. 577 00:25:39,290 --> 00:25:42,079 There's no shame in sharin' love. 578 00:25:42,290 --> 00:25:45,869 You feel within. 579 00:25:45,910 --> 00:25:48,579 So jump right in. 580 00:25:48,620 --> 00:25:51,369 Head over heels. 581 00:25:51,410 --> 00:25:53,409 And fall right in. 582 00:25:53,500 --> 00:25:54,699 Ha. Huh. 583 00:25:54,750 --> 00:25:55,999 That was fantastic. 584 00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:58,039 Ohh. Mmm. 585 00:25:58,080 --> 00:25:59,619 Ay, ay. 586 00:25:59,620 --> 00:26:01,409 [ BRIDGET ] Ohh. Daniel. 587 00:26:01,450 --> 00:26:02,579 Yeah? 588 00:26:02,620 --> 00:26:05,079 What happens at the office? 589 00:26:05,330 --> 00:26:07,079 Oh. Well, I'm glad you asked that. 590 00:26:07,290 --> 00:26:09,909 You see, it's a publishing house. 591 00:26:09,950 --> 00:26:11,949 So that means that people write things for us... 592 00:26:11,950 --> 00:26:13,579 and then we print out all the pages... 593 00:26:13,660 --> 00:26:14,869 and fasten them together... 594 00:26:14,910 --> 00:26:16,789 and make them into what we call a book, Jones. 595 00:26:16,830 --> 00:26:21,329 No, do you think people will notice? 596 00:26:21,370 --> 00:26:22,539 Notice what? 597 00:26:22,580 --> 00:26:25,699 Us. Working together, sleeping together. 598 00:26:25,750 --> 00:26:26,909 Hang on a minute, Jones. 599 00:26:26,950 --> 00:26:30,289 Just slow down. It started on Tuesday... 600 00:26:30,330 --> 00:26:31,869 and now it's Thursday. 601 00:26:31,910 --> 00:26:33,909 It's not exactly... 602 00:26:33,950 --> 00:26:36,749 um, a long-term relationship, is it? 603 00:26:36,790 --> 00:26:40,369 You're very bad. 604 00:26:40,410 --> 00:26:41,699 [ Telephone rings ] 605 00:26:43,580 --> 00:26:45,699 [ Ring ring ] 606 00:26:45,750 --> 00:26:46,869 Ohh. 607 00:26:46,910 --> 00:26:47,999 [ Ring ring ] 608 00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:50,579 Mmm. 609 00:26:50,620 --> 00:26:52,579 Bridget Jones, want on sex goddess... 610 00:26:52,620 --> 00:26:56,449 with a very bad man between her thighs. 611 00:26:56,500 --> 00:26:58,699 Mum. Hi. 612 00:26:58,750 --> 00:27:00,870 [ BRIDGET ] It's the truth universally acknowledged... 613 00:27:00,910 --> 00:27:04,539 that the moment one area of your life starts going OK... 614 00:27:04,580 --> 00:27:08,659 another part of it falls spectacularly to pieces. 615 00:27:08,700 --> 00:27:10,829 [ PAMELA ] Ah, anyone else want to have it off? 616 00:27:10,870 --> 00:27:12,699 Ha ha. Don't be shy, madame. 617 00:27:12,750 --> 00:27:19,659 French. Have it oeuf. Ha ha! With the wise crack egg peeler. 618 00:27:19,700 --> 00:27:22,579 Now, nice firm grip. 619 00:27:23,910 --> 00:27:26,739 Put it in the hole. And... 620 00:27:26,750 --> 00:27:29,289 up, down, up, down. 621 00:27:29,330 --> 00:27:31,329 And off it comes in your hand. 622 00:27:32,620 --> 00:27:37,079 Oh! Mind the over-spray. Sorry. 623 00:27:38,750 --> 00:27:40,829 Darling, if I came in with my knickers on my head... 624 00:27:40,850 --> 00:27:42,079 he wouldn't notice. 625 00:27:42,290 --> 00:27:44,619 I spent thirty-five years cleaning his house... 626 00:27:44,660 --> 00:27:46,869 washing his clothes, bringing up his children. 627 00:27:46,910 --> 00:27:49,079 I'm your child, too. 628 00:27:49,180 --> 00:27:50,820 To be honest, darling, having children... 629 00:27:50,850 --> 00:27:52,409 isn't all it's cracked up to be. 630 00:27:52,450 --> 00:27:54,909 Given my chance again, I'm not sure I'd have any. 631 00:27:54,950 --> 00:27:57,329 [ MUM ] And now it's the winter of my life... 632 00:27:57,370 --> 00:27:59,619 and I haven't actually got anything of my own. 633 00:27:59,660 --> 00:28:03,369 I've got no power, no real career... 634 00:28:03,410 --> 00:28:05,619 no... no sex life. 635 00:28:05,750 --> 00:28:07,499 I've got no life at all. 636 00:28:07,540 --> 00:28:09,539 I'm like the grasshopper who sang all summer. 637 00:28:09,620 --> 00:28:11,329 I'm like Germaine sodding Geer. 638 00:28:11,370 --> 00:28:12,789 Greer. 639 00:28:12,830 --> 00:28:16,449 Well, anyway, I'm not having it. And I've been talent spotted. 640 00:28:16,500 --> 00:28:19,289 Julian thinks I've got great potential. 641 00:28:19,330 --> 00:28:20,579 Who's Julian? 642 00:28:20,620 --> 00:28:22,539 From the Home Shopping Channel. 643 00:28:22,580 --> 00:28:24,579 Comes into the store to have his colours done. 644 00:28:24,660 --> 00:28:26,369 Potential for what? 645 00:28:26,410 --> 00:28:28,829 As a demonstrator on his cable show. 646 00:28:28,870 --> 00:28:30,539 You know, his assistant. 647 00:28:30,580 --> 00:28:32,869 Apparently, it's the highest- rated show on the channel. 648 00:28:32,910 --> 00:28:34,289 Well, apart from the one... 649 00:28:34,330 --> 00:28:36,449 where the fat people beat up their relatives. 650 00:28:36,450 --> 00:28:37,999 Ooh! I must wiz. 651 00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:41,369 - Have you heard from Mark Darcy? - Goodbye, Mum. 652 00:28:43,910 --> 00:28:45,499 [ THE DRAMATICS SINGING ] Mrs. 653 00:28:45,540 --> 00:28:48,869 Mrs. Jones. 654 00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:51,579 [ MUM ] Julian. 655 00:28:54,830 --> 00:28:57,409 Sorry to keep you waiting. 656 00:28:57,450 --> 00:29:02,909 [ THE DRAMATICS SINGING ] Goin' on and on and on and on. 657 00:29:02,910 --> 00:29:07,329 [ BRIDGET ] And a few weeks later, it got lots worse. 658 00:29:07,370 --> 00:29:08,909 Hello! 659 00:29:08,950 --> 00:29:10,409 Look at this. 660 00:29:10,410 --> 00:29:12,699 [ JULIAN ] Paying off this heart-shaped pendant. 661 00:29:12,750 --> 00:29:15,699 One of my own personal recommendations... 662 00:29:15,750 --> 00:29:18,579 is this absolutely stunning... 663 00:29:18,620 --> 00:29:21,039 matching necklace and earring set. 664 00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:26,699 [ JULIAN ] The earrings measuring just over a centimetre... 665 00:29:26,790 --> 00:29:30,909 in genuine diamond with two pairs in lapis lazuli... 666 00:29:30,950 --> 00:29:33,909 in a lovely mock-gold finish. 667 00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:36,909 [ JULIAN ] The exact replica of those worn at Wimbledon... 668 00:29:36,950 --> 00:29:41,079 in 1993 by Her Royal Highness the Duchess of Kent. 669 00:29:41,290 --> 00:29:43,079 [ Turns off sound ] 670 00:29:43,290 --> 00:29:45,579 Well. 671 00:29:45,620 --> 00:29:47,699 Has she actually moved out then? 672 00:29:47,790 --> 00:29:51,619 Apparently, she and this tangerine-tinted buffoon... 673 00:29:51,660 --> 00:29:52,869 are suddenly an item. 674 00:29:52,910 --> 00:29:55,909 Half our friends have had them around to bloody dinner. 675 00:29:55,950 --> 00:29:58,539 [ DAD ] She's even taking Jaundice Julian... 676 00:29:58,580 --> 00:30:00,369 to Una Alconbury's Tarts and Vicars party. 677 00:30:00,410 --> 00:30:02,869 That's not the Pamela I knew. That's cruel. 678 00:30:02,910 --> 00:30:07,659 [ BRIDGET ] Well, still, could be a golden opportunity. 679 00:30:07,700 --> 00:30:11,789 If you spent the entire party flirting with other women... 680 00:30:11,830 --> 00:30:13,789 it would drive Mum wild with jealousy. 681 00:30:13,830 --> 00:30:14,949 [ DAD ] What? 682 00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:16,789 [ BRIDGET ] That's how I got my man. 683 00:30:16,830 --> 00:30:20,289 Have you got a boyfriend? A real one? 684 00:30:20,330 --> 00:30:23,749 I have, Father. I have. 685 00:30:23,830 --> 00:30:26,749 And he's perfect. 686 00:30:27,750 --> 00:30:29,749 [ Car horn honking ] 687 00:30:42,410 --> 00:30:45,079 [ Revs engine ] 688 00:30:45,290 --> 00:30:49,409 [ BRIDGET ] Hurrah. Am no longer tragic spinster... 689 00:30:49,450 --> 00:30:52,909 but proper girlfriend of bonafide a sex god... 690 00:30:52,950 --> 00:30:55,039 so committed that he's taking me... 691 00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:58,829 on a full-blown mini-break holiday weekend. 692 00:30:58,870 --> 00:31:00,349 [ DANIEL ] Just promise me we don't have to sit... 693 00:31:00,370 --> 00:31:02,909 in any little boats and read poncey poetry to each other. 694 00:31:02,950 --> 00:31:05,289 [ BRIDGET ] He's also protecting me at Uncle Geoffrey's... 695 00:31:05,330 --> 00:31:07,659 hideous Tarts and Vicars fancy dress party. 696 00:31:07,700 --> 00:31:09,619 This can't be just shagging. 697 00:31:09,620 --> 00:31:11,829 A mini-break means true love. 698 00:31:13,700 --> 00:31:16,329 Suddenly feel like screen goddess... 699 00:31:16,370 --> 00:31:19,369 in manner of Grace Kelly. 700 00:31:20,910 --> 00:31:24,909 Though perhaps ever so slightly less elegant under pressure. 701 00:31:29,080 --> 00:31:32,699 It's very quiet here, isn't it? Are we the only guests, or... 702 00:31:32,750 --> 00:31:34,659 We have a wedding this weekend. 703 00:31:34,700 --> 00:31:37,369 I believe there are just four of you not involved. 704 00:31:37,410 --> 00:31:39,539 Oh. Hmm. 705 00:31:39,580 --> 00:31:42,369 [ NATASHA ] You do the boats, I'll do the tea. 706 00:31:43,580 --> 00:31:44,789 Oh, Jesus. 707 00:31:44,830 --> 00:31:47,499 - Hello there. - Hi. 708 00:31:47,540 --> 00:31:49,579 [ MARK ] Well, well. 709 00:31:49,620 --> 00:31:52,659 I take it you're also heading for the Alconbury's rockery. 710 00:31:52,700 --> 00:31:54,079 Yes, that's right. 711 00:31:54,290 --> 00:31:57,619 I brought Natasha. Get a bit of work done. 712 00:31:57,660 --> 00:32:00,659 Thought I might make it a not entirely wasted weekend. 713 00:32:00,700 --> 00:32:02,539 How interesting. 714 00:32:02,580 --> 00:32:03,999 What a gripping life you do lead. 715 00:32:04,040 --> 00:32:07,039 [ DANIEL ] I'll see you upstairs in a second. 716 00:32:21,700 --> 00:32:23,539 Hmm. Well, the weakness of their case... 717 00:32:23,580 --> 00:32:26,409 Lies in the deposition they made on August 30. 718 00:32:26,410 --> 00:32:27,869 [ BRIDGET ] Season of mist... 719 00:32:27,910 --> 00:32:29,749 and... 720 00:32:29,790 --> 00:32:31,579 mellow fruitlessness. 721 00:32:31,620 --> 00:32:33,449 Oh, fuck me, I love Keats. 722 00:32:33,500 --> 00:32:34,909 Have you heard this one? 723 00:32:34,950 --> 00:32:37,039 There was a young woman from Ealing... 724 00:32:37,080 --> 00:32:39,949 "who had a peculiar feeling." 725 00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:42,789 "She lay on her back and opened her crack..." 726 00:32:42,830 --> 00:32:44,539 "and pissed all over the ceiling." 727 00:32:44,580 --> 00:32:45,699 [ Bang ] Oh, bollocks. 728 00:32:45,750 --> 00:32:47,749 [ BRIDGET ] What have you done? 729 00:32:47,790 --> 00:32:50,659 - I'm boarding you, Bridge. - Don't you dare! 730 00:32:50,700 --> 00:32:53,539 - I'm king of the world! - No! 731 00:32:53,580 --> 00:32:55,789 Fuck me. Uhh! 732 00:32:55,830 --> 00:32:57,449 [ BRIDGET ] Aah! 733 00:32:57,450 --> 00:33:00,289 [ Bridget laughs ] 734 00:33:00,330 --> 00:33:01,999 [ DANIEL ] Oh, piss and bollocks. 735 00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:03,789 You stupid ass. 736 00:33:03,830 --> 00:33:06,329 [ Laughing ] 737 00:33:06,370 --> 00:33:08,039 Bollocks. 738 00:33:08,080 --> 00:33:09,619 All right. 739 00:33:09,660 --> 00:33:11,619 Aah! No! 740 00:33:11,620 --> 00:33:13,079 So childish. 741 00:33:13,290 --> 00:33:15,329 [ BRIDGET ] Aah! No! 742 00:33:15,370 --> 00:33:16,789 Yes. 743 00:33:16,830 --> 00:33:18,999 [ DANIEL ] Hey, Darce, come on in! 744 00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:20,869 The water's lovely! 745 00:33:20,910 --> 00:33:22,539 Come on, you're working too hard, mate. 746 00:33:22,580 --> 00:33:23,749 Ha ha! 747 00:33:25,330 --> 00:33:28,289 - Daniel. - Yes, Bridget? 748 00:33:28,290 --> 00:33:30,129 That thing you just did is actually illegal... 749 00:33:30,150 --> 00:33:31,039 in several countries. 750 00:33:31,080 --> 00:33:32,909 Well, that is, of course, the major reason... 751 00:33:32,950 --> 00:33:35,079 I'm so thrilled to be living in Britain today. 752 00:33:35,290 --> 00:33:37,499 Yes. I can't understand... 753 00:33:37,540 --> 00:33:39,539 why the Prime Minister doesn't mention it more... 754 00:33:39,620 --> 00:33:40,869 in his speeches. 755 00:33:40,910 --> 00:33:42,829 You should write to him about it. 756 00:33:42,870 --> 00:33:44,079 [ BRIDGET ] I intend to. 757 00:33:47,450 --> 00:33:49,579 Daniel. 758 00:33:49,620 --> 00:33:50,699 [ DANIEL ] Bridget. 759 00:33:50,750 --> 00:33:53,869 - Do you love me? - Shut up, or I'll do it again. 760 00:33:56,040 --> 00:33:57,579 Do you love me? 761 00:33:57,620 --> 00:33:59,289 Right. You asked for it. 762 00:33:59,330 --> 00:34:02,579 [ DANIEL ] And over we go. 763 00:34:02,619 --> 00:34:04,339 I'm going to give you something to bite on. 764 00:34:04,360 --> 00:34:05,659 Here. 765 00:34:05,700 --> 00:34:08,079 OK? Pop this in your mouth, darling. 766 00:34:08,290 --> 00:34:10,409 [ Bridget laughs ] 767 00:34:10,450 --> 00:34:11,579 You're begging for it. 768 00:34:11,620 --> 00:34:12,829 [ Bridget laughs ] 769 00:34:12,870 --> 00:34:14,539 [ BRIDGET ] Stop it. 770 00:34:14,580 --> 00:34:16,579 [ Laughs ] 771 00:34:17,580 --> 00:34:19,039 No, no. 772 00:34:26,790 --> 00:34:27,909 Hmm. 773 00:34:27,950 --> 00:34:33,409 I got to go back to town. A meeting's come up. 774 00:34:33,410 --> 00:34:34,869 On a Sunday? 775 00:34:34,910 --> 00:34:36,870 [ DANIEL ] No. The meeting's first thing tomorrow. 776 00:34:36,894 --> 00:34:38,369 I've got to work on some figures. 777 00:34:38,410 --> 00:34:43,289 We could just pop into the party for a minute. 778 00:34:43,330 --> 00:34:44,869 [ DANIEL ] Bridget, I'm really sorry. 779 00:34:44,910 --> 00:34:48,449 I just can't do it. I've got to head back. 780 00:34:48,500 --> 00:34:49,949 Listen, Daniel... 781 00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:53,409 if you've changed your mind, you could just say so... 782 00:34:53,450 --> 00:34:55,789 because, honestly, I don't see what could be so important. 783 00:34:55,830 --> 00:34:58,079 No, well, you wouldn't, would you? 784 00:34:58,250 --> 00:35:00,249 Because you don't have the faintest bloody idea... 785 00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:03,289 of just how much trouble the company's in. 786 00:35:03,330 --> 00:35:04,749 You swan in in your short skirt... 787 00:35:04,790 --> 00:35:06,699 and your sexy see-through blouse... 788 00:35:06,750 --> 00:35:08,409 and fanny around with press releases. 789 00:35:08,450 --> 00:35:10,170 You know, this is the Americans flying in... 790 00:35:10,200 --> 00:35:12,079 because they're thinking of shutting us down... 791 00:35:12,100 --> 00:35:13,149 for fuck's sake. 792 00:35:15,910 --> 00:35:17,579 Sorry. 793 00:35:19,580 --> 00:35:21,409 I'm sorry, Bridge. I know I'm being a prat. 794 00:35:29,330 --> 00:35:31,329 Look, I'm going to arrange a lovely car... 795 00:35:31,370 --> 00:35:33,129 to come and pick you up and take you back... 796 00:35:33,150 --> 00:35:34,659 to London after the party, OK? 797 00:35:34,700 --> 00:35:36,789 If you have to travel alone, travel in style. 798 00:35:36,830 --> 00:35:38,869 Hmm. 799 00:35:38,910 --> 00:35:40,869 And, um... 800 00:35:40,910 --> 00:35:42,789 I also think it's very important... 801 00:35:42,830 --> 00:35:46,039 that you win this costume competition. 802 00:35:47,660 --> 00:35:48,869 Good. 803 00:35:48,910 --> 00:35:50,499 Good start. 804 00:35:52,410 --> 00:35:54,999 Now, then, Miss Jones, where does this go? 805 00:35:58,330 --> 00:36:01,289 [ BRIDGET ] Oh, well, here we go. 806 00:36:01,330 --> 00:36:02,829 Trying hard to fight off a vision... 807 00:36:02,870 --> 00:36:06,039 of Mum and Auntie Una in fishnet tights. 808 00:36:06,080 --> 00:36:09,619 Seems unnatural, wrong even, for 60-year-olds to dress up... 809 00:36:09,660 --> 00:36:12,499 as prostitutes and priests on a Sunday afternoon. 810 00:36:12,540 --> 00:36:14,579 [ People chattering ] 811 00:36:14,620 --> 00:36:15,949 [ Laughter ] 812 00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:17,720 [ JULIE LONDON SINGING ] Fly me to the moon. 813 00:36:17,744 --> 00:36:19,743 [ BRIDGET ] Oh, holy Jesus. 814 00:36:21,080 --> 00:36:22,749 Bridget. 815 00:36:22,790 --> 00:36:24,999 Where are all the other Tarts and Vicars? 816 00:36:25,120 --> 00:36:26,800 [ UNA ] Oh, dear. Didn't Geoffrey call you? 817 00:36:26,824 --> 00:36:28,579 Didn't you telephone Colin and Bridget? 818 00:36:28,620 --> 00:36:30,499 How's my little Bridget? 819 00:36:30,540 --> 00:36:31,659 [ GEOFFREY ] Bop, bop. 820 00:36:31,700 --> 00:36:33,079 Oh. 821 00:36:33,080 --> 00:36:34,369 Geoffrey. 822 00:36:34,410 --> 00:36:36,409 So, where's this chap of yours, then, eh? 823 00:36:36,450 --> 00:36:38,039 Ah, yes, well, he had to work, so... 824 00:36:38,080 --> 00:36:40,039 Ha! A likely tale. 825 00:36:40,290 --> 00:36:41,869 Off they run. Whee! 826 00:36:41,910 --> 00:36:43,699 [ Laughs weakly ] 827 00:36:43,750 --> 00:36:45,630 [ JULIE LONDON SINGING ] You are all I long for. 828 00:36:45,654 --> 00:36:48,749 Bizarre what some men find attractive. 829 00:36:48,790 --> 00:36:50,869 Oh, God. 830 00:36:50,910 --> 00:36:53,409 [ MUM ] Darling! Geoffrey! 831 00:36:53,450 --> 00:36:55,039 What on earth are you wearing? 832 00:36:55,080 --> 00:36:57,039 You look like a common prostitute. 833 00:36:57,080 --> 00:36:58,869 Yes, well, that was, actually, the point. 834 00:36:58,910 --> 00:37:00,079 Say hi to Julian. 835 00:37:00,290 --> 00:37:02,329 Hello, Julian. 836 00:37:02,370 --> 00:37:03,539 My dear... 837 00:37:03,580 --> 00:37:05,659 you and your mother could be sisters. 838 00:37:07,450 --> 00:37:09,039 [ JULIAN ] And what a lovely bracelet. 839 00:37:09,080 --> 00:37:10,789 It's what I call an all-a rounder... 840 00:37:10,830 --> 00:37:13,789 The sort of thing one can wear with anything to any occasion. 841 00:37:13,830 --> 00:37:15,539 Oh. 842 00:37:15,580 --> 00:37:17,409 Have you spoken to my dad? 843 00:37:17,450 --> 00:37:20,039 Yes. He's behaving most bizarrely. 844 00:37:20,079 --> 00:37:21,759 I think he was actually trying to flirt... 845 00:37:21,780 --> 00:37:24,039 with Penny Husbands-Bosworth, poor thing. 846 00:37:24,080 --> 00:37:25,539 She was very frightened. 847 00:37:25,580 --> 00:37:27,409 She's only just had her ovaries done. 848 00:37:32,499 --> 00:37:34,019 I don't know what you ever saw in him. 849 00:37:34,040 --> 00:37:36,119 Shh. Bad man. [ Both laugh ] 850 00:37:41,290 --> 00:37:42,499 [ Breathes deeply ] 851 00:37:42,540 --> 00:37:43,659 [ Footsteps ] 852 00:37:43,700 --> 00:37:45,499 Heh heh. 853 00:37:45,540 --> 00:37:47,539 Didn't tell you, either. 854 00:37:47,580 --> 00:37:50,409 [ Laughs ] 855 00:37:50,450 --> 00:37:52,699 No. I didn't spend as much as Bernard, thank God. 856 00:37:57,620 --> 00:37:58,749 [ BRIDGET ] Oh. 857 00:37:59,950 --> 00:38:01,409 I'm sorry, Dad. 858 00:38:01,410 --> 00:38:03,539 The way she looked at me. 859 00:38:04,620 --> 00:38:06,579 Well, she loves you, really. 860 00:38:06,580 --> 00:38:08,749 You love each other. 861 00:38:08,790 --> 00:38:10,079 This is only a temporary glitch. 862 00:38:10,290 --> 00:38:11,949 Is it? 863 00:38:11,950 --> 00:38:14,289 I don't know. 864 00:38:14,330 --> 00:38:16,329 [ DAD ] I don't know. 865 00:38:19,620 --> 00:38:21,579 [ UNA ] Ah, Bridget, there you are. 866 00:38:21,619 --> 00:38:23,059 Don't worry. You're not the only one. 867 00:38:23,080 --> 00:38:25,539 This is Penny. Geoffrey didn't get in touch with her, either. 868 00:38:25,580 --> 00:38:26,749 I'm sorry? 869 00:38:26,790 --> 00:38:28,639 I was just saying Geoffrey didn't contact you, either... 870 00:38:28,660 --> 00:38:30,540 to tell you that the Tarts and Vicars concept... 871 00:38:30,570 --> 00:38:31,859 had gone out of the window. 872 00:38:31,900 --> 00:38:33,449 Oh, yes, he did. 873 00:38:33,500 --> 00:38:34,699 Oh, right. 874 00:38:34,750 --> 00:38:36,409 Lovely dress. 875 00:38:36,450 --> 00:38:37,999 Very exotic. 876 00:38:41,500 --> 00:38:43,739 What a shame you couldn't bring your boyfriend, Bridget. 877 00:38:43,760 --> 00:38:45,099 What's his name? David? Darren? 878 00:38:45,140 --> 00:38:46,329 [ MARK ] Daniel Cleaver. 879 00:38:46,370 --> 00:38:48,079 Oh. Is he a friend of yours, Mark? 880 00:38:48,290 --> 00:38:49,539 Absolutely not. 881 00:38:49,580 --> 00:38:51,909 I hope he's good enough for our little Bridget. 882 00:38:51,950 --> 00:38:54,999 I think I can say with total confidence absolutely not. 883 00:38:55,040 --> 00:38:56,909 Well, I'm sure he'd say the same about you... 884 00:38:56,950 --> 00:38:58,659 given your past behaviour. 885 00:38:58,700 --> 00:39:00,039 Sorry? 886 00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:01,699 I think you know what I mean. 887 00:39:01,750 --> 00:39:02,869 Mark. 888 00:39:17,510 --> 00:39:19,270 [ BRIDGET ] Hmm. Looks like Auntie Shirley... 889 00:39:19,294 --> 00:39:22,083 didn't get the message, either. 890 00:39:24,370 --> 00:39:26,329 [ Doorbell rings ] 891 00:39:29,910 --> 00:39:31,079 Hi. 892 00:39:31,290 --> 00:39:35,539 I really, really wanted to see a friendly face. 893 00:39:35,580 --> 00:39:37,329 Oh, now, listen, I'll tell you what. 894 00:39:37,370 --> 00:39:40,289 I have an idea. Let me finish this... 895 00:39:40,290 --> 00:39:41,970 while you go home, have a long hot bath... 896 00:39:41,994 --> 00:39:45,453 and I'll call round, and we'll have dinner later, OK? 897 00:39:45,500 --> 00:39:46,659 [ Door closes ] 898 00:39:48,370 --> 00:39:50,039 Is there someone here? 899 00:39:50,080 --> 00:39:52,369 Not that I'm aware of. 900 00:39:52,410 --> 00:39:54,329 Unless that Bosnian family has moved in again. 901 00:39:54,370 --> 00:39:55,539 Bastards. 902 00:40:07,660 --> 00:40:09,659 [ Laughs ] Oh. 903 00:40:09,700 --> 00:40:11,499 I'm sorry. 904 00:40:11,540 --> 00:40:12,789 Sorry. 905 00:40:15,410 --> 00:40:16,749 I'm going mad. 906 00:40:16,790 --> 00:40:18,999 Listen, I am feeling really bad, actually. 907 00:40:19,040 --> 00:40:21,000 - I should have been there today. - No, I'm sorry. 908 00:40:21,040 --> 00:40:22,369 No, no, I'm sorry... 909 00:40:22,410 --> 00:40:24,409 but at least I got a hell of a lot of work done. 910 00:40:24,410 --> 00:40:26,409 Just give me one more hour, OK? 911 00:40:26,410 --> 00:40:28,039 Fine. That's fine. 912 00:40:28,080 --> 00:40:30,579 I will go home and de-bunny. 913 00:40:31,950 --> 00:40:33,449 Oh... 914 00:40:33,500 --> 00:40:37,749 and you know last night when I said that I loved you? 915 00:40:37,790 --> 00:40:38,999 Mm-hmm. 916 00:40:39,040 --> 00:40:40,579 I didn't mean it. 917 00:40:40,620 --> 00:40:41,620 I was being ironic. 918 00:40:41,660 --> 00:40:45,499 Oh, God, yeah, I know, I know. 919 00:40:45,540 --> 00:40:46,909 All right. 920 00:40:49,500 --> 00:40:51,499 - Thank you, madam. - Mmm. 921 00:41:00,580 --> 00:41:02,619 [ Drops bag ] 922 00:41:02,660 --> 00:41:05,699 Bridge. 923 00:41:05,750 --> 00:41:07,039 Bridget. 924 00:41:23,500 --> 00:41:27,499 This is Lara from the New York office. 925 00:41:27,540 --> 00:41:29,619 Lara, this is Bridget. 926 00:41:29,660 --> 00:41:31,449 Hey, there. 927 00:41:34,370 --> 00:41:37,329 [ LARA ] I thought you said she was thin. 928 00:42:27,580 --> 00:42:29,980 [ ALEX ] I was hoping that you would want to be a part of it. 929 00:42:30,004 --> 00:42:32,409 [ Bridget sniffles ] 930 00:42:32,450 --> 00:42:34,079 [ DAN ] This is totally insane. 931 00:42:34,290 --> 00:42:37,079 I'm 36 years old. It may be my last chance to have a child. 932 00:42:37,290 --> 00:42:38,449 Alex. 933 00:42:41,620 --> 00:42:43,949 Aah! 934 00:42:54,830 --> 00:42:59,369 [ NARRATOR ] The male penetrates the female and leaves. 935 00:42:59,450 --> 00:43:02,409 Coitus is brief and perfunctory... 936 00:43:02,450 --> 00:43:03,659 and the female... 937 00:43:03,700 --> 00:43:05,579 [ Continues indistinctly ] 938 00:43:07,080 --> 00:43:09,039 That's wonderful. 939 00:43:09,290 --> 00:43:10,850 [ DANIEL ] Well, I don't think it's bad. 940 00:43:15,700 --> 00:43:16,869 [ DANIEL ] Right. 941 00:43:32,410 --> 00:43:34,789 [ BRIDGET ] We've had very good response... 942 00:43:34,830 --> 00:43:36,949 to the Teddy Knows Best teaser campaign 943 00:43:37,000 --> 00:43:39,619 and had various local radio bits for... 944 00:43:39,660 --> 00:43:41,039 Look, Bridge, stop that. 945 00:43:41,290 --> 00:43:44,579 [ DANIEL ] I feel... terrible. 946 00:43:44,620 --> 00:43:46,579 The thing is... 947 00:43:46,620 --> 00:43:48,619 with Lara and me... 948 00:43:48,660 --> 00:43:50,999 well, you know... 949 00:43:51,040 --> 00:43:52,499 No. You'll have to fill me in. 950 00:43:52,580 --> 00:43:54,449 Well, the truth is... 951 00:43:54,500 --> 00:43:56,999 the truth is, we're the same, Bridge, you and me. 952 00:43:57,040 --> 00:43:58,999 You know? We're two people of a certain age... 953 00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:02,699 looking for the moment to commit and finding it really hard. 954 00:44:02,749 --> 00:44:04,149 And I just think that in the end... 955 00:44:04,170 --> 00:44:07,329 it's got to be something extraordinary... 956 00:44:07,370 --> 00:44:09,869 something which makes us go that extra mile. 957 00:44:09,910 --> 00:44:11,079 And I think... 958 00:44:11,290 --> 00:44:13,409 Lara and... 959 00:44:13,500 --> 00:44:15,699 I don't know, being American and all... 960 00:44:15,750 --> 00:44:20,749 it has something to do with confidence and being so... 961 00:44:20,790 --> 00:44:24,329 well, young, you know? 962 00:44:28,410 --> 00:44:31,659 Well, we've... become very close. 963 00:44:31,700 --> 00:44:35,289 Well, you've only just met her. She flew in yesterday. 964 00:44:35,330 --> 00:44:36,699 Uh... 965 00:44:38,950 --> 00:44:40,289 Oh. 966 00:44:41,620 --> 00:44:43,539 Silly Bridget. 967 00:44:43,580 --> 00:44:45,659 You haven't only just met her. 968 00:44:45,700 --> 00:44:47,039 [ DANIEL ] No. 969 00:44:47,080 --> 00:44:49,369 No. I got to know her pretty well... 970 00:44:49,410 --> 00:44:51,619 when we were in the New York office together. 971 00:44:53,080 --> 00:44:54,499 Oh. 972 00:44:54,540 --> 00:44:56,499 Oh, fuck. 973 00:44:56,540 --> 00:45:00,869 There's no easy way to say this, but, um... 974 00:45:00,910 --> 00:45:05,829 I wanted you to be the first to know that... 975 00:45:05,870 --> 00:45:07,829 we're engaged. 976 00:45:26,950 --> 00:45:29,289 [ BRIDGET ] At times like this... 977 00:45:29,330 --> 00:45:32,909 continuing with one's life seems impossible... 978 00:45:32,950 --> 00:45:35,739 and eating the entire contents of one's fridge... 979 00:45:35,750 --> 00:45:38,039 seems inevitable. 980 00:45:38,080 --> 00:45:40,659 I have two choices... 981 00:45:40,700 --> 00:45:44,659 To give up and accept permanent state of spinster hood... 982 00:45:44,700 --> 00:45:48,619 and eventual eating by dogs... or not. 983 00:45:48,660 --> 00:45:49,789 [ Sighs ] 984 00:45:49,830 --> 00:45:51,329 And this time, I choose not. 985 00:45:51,370 --> 00:45:53,079 I will not be defeated... 986 00:45:53,290 --> 00:45:56,869 by a bad man and an American stick insect. 987 00:45:56,910 --> 00:45:59,949 Instead, I choose vodka... 988 00:46:01,410 --> 00:46:02,789 and ChakaKhan. 989 00:46:02,830 --> 00:46:04,829 [ Disco music playing ] 990 00:46:15,040 --> 00:46:17,869 [ CHAKAKHAN ] ♪ [ SINGING ] ♪ I'm every woman. 991 00:46:17,910 --> 00:46:20,999 It's all in me. 992 00:46:21,040 --> 00:46:23,619 Anything you want done, baby 993 00:46:23,660 --> 00:46:25,539 I'll do it naturally. 994 00:46:26,700 --> 00:46:29,699 Mmm 995 00:46:29,750 --> 00:46:32,829 I'm every woman. 996 00:46:32,870 --> 00:46:35,999 It's all in me 997 00:46:36,040 --> 00:46:38,369 I can be the most right now. 998 00:46:38,410 --> 00:46:39,789 Every girl from A to Z. 999 00:46:39,830 --> 00:46:42,749 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 1000 00:46:42,790 --> 00:46:43,999 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 1001 00:46:44,040 --> 00:46:45,329 Whoa. 1002 00:46:45,370 --> 00:46:47,039 Ahh. 1003 00:46:47,080 --> 00:46:48,409 Ohh! 1004 00:46:48,450 --> 00:46:50,370 [ CHAKAKAHN ] ♪ [ SINGING ] ♪ I can cast a spell. 1005 00:46:50,394 --> 00:46:51,449 Fuck. 1006 00:46:51,450 --> 00:46:53,650 [ CHAKAKAHN ] ♪ [ SINGING ] ♪ Of secrets you can't tell. 1007 00:46:53,674 --> 00:46:55,289 Mix a special groove. 1008 00:46:55,330 --> 00:46:57,579 Put fire inside of you. 1009 00:46:57,620 --> 00:46:59,699 Any time you feel danger... 1010 00:46:59,750 --> 00:47:01,739 Why do you want to be in television? 1011 00:47:01,750 --> 00:47:05,699 Well, I've realized that I've become deeply committed... 1012 00:47:05,750 --> 00:47:07,539 to communicating to the public... 1013 00:47:07,580 --> 00:47:09,999 the up-to-the-moment and in-depth news... 1014 00:47:10,040 --> 00:47:11,909 both political and ecological. 1015 00:47:11,950 --> 00:47:14,499 What do you think of the El Nio phenomenon? 1016 00:47:14,540 --> 00:47:17,329 [ BRIDGET ] Um... it's ab lip. 1017 00:47:17,370 --> 00:47:20,369 I think, basically, Latin music is on its way out. 1018 00:47:21,910 --> 00:47:23,590 So, why do you want to work in television? 1019 00:47:23,620 --> 00:47:25,579 Because I'm passionately committed... 1020 00:47:25,620 --> 00:47:27,499 to communicating with children. 1021 00:47:27,540 --> 00:47:28,789 They are the future. 1022 00:47:28,830 --> 00:47:30,789 Do you have any children of your own? 1023 00:47:30,790 --> 00:47:32,409 Oh, Christ, no. Yuck! 1024 00:47:32,450 --> 00:47:34,409 [ Laughs ] 1025 00:47:34,450 --> 00:47:35,539 [ BRIDGET ] Ah. 1026 00:47:35,580 --> 00:47:36,869 Sorry. 1027 00:47:36,910 --> 00:47:39,499 [ MAN ] So, why do you want to work in television? 1028 00:47:39,540 --> 00:47:42,909 I've got to leave my current job because I've shagged my boss. 1029 00:47:42,950 --> 00:47:44,789 Fair enough. Start on Monday. 1030 00:47:44,830 --> 00:47:46,369 We'll see how we go. 1031 00:47:46,410 --> 00:47:47,789 Oh, and... 1032 00:47:47,830 --> 00:47:49,579 incidentally... 1033 00:47:49,620 --> 00:47:50,999 at "Sit Up, Britain"... 1034 00:47:51,040 --> 00:47:53,949 no one ever gets sacked for shagging the boss. 1035 00:47:54,000 --> 00:47:55,789 That's a matter of principle. 1036 00:48:00,370 --> 00:48:01,869 Oh, Bridget. 1037 00:48:01,910 --> 00:48:03,659 Come on, it's... 1038 00:48:03,700 --> 00:48:05,380 I mean, I know it's been awkward as ass... 1039 00:48:05,410 --> 00:48:06,749 but there's no need to leave. 1040 00:48:06,790 --> 00:48:08,789 No, actually, there is. 1041 00:48:08,790 --> 00:48:11,619 I've been offered a job in television. 1042 00:48:11,660 --> 00:48:13,039 Television? 1043 00:48:13,290 --> 00:48:16,499 Mmm. And they want me to start straight away. 1044 00:48:16,540 --> 00:48:20,449 So I've got to leave in about, ooh, three minutes... 1045 00:48:20,450 --> 00:48:22,449 so, um... 1046 00:48:24,410 --> 00:48:27,409 Whoa. Just hold it right there, Miss Jones. 1047 00:48:27,450 --> 00:48:28,659 I'm sorry to inform you... 1048 00:48:28,700 --> 00:48:30,659 but I think you'll find that by contract... 1049 00:48:30,750 --> 00:48:32,789 you're expected to give at least six weeks notice. 1050 00:48:32,830 --> 00:48:34,499 [ BRIDGET ] Ah, yes, well... 1051 00:48:34,540 --> 00:48:36,980 I thought with the company being in so much trouble and all... 1052 00:48:37,020 --> 00:48:38,269 you wouldn't really miss... 1053 00:48:38,310 --> 00:48:40,659 the person who waltzes in in a see-through top... 1054 00:48:40,700 --> 00:48:42,949 and fannies about with the press releases. 1055 00:48:44,580 --> 00:48:45,909 Bridget. 1056 00:48:45,950 --> 00:48:48,949 I want to hear this, because if she gives one inch... 1057 00:48:48,960 --> 00:48:50,959 I'm going to fire her bony little bottom anyway... 1058 00:48:50,980 --> 00:48:53,329 for being totally spineless. 1059 00:48:53,370 --> 00:48:54,619 What? 1060 00:48:54,620 --> 00:48:57,869 Well, I just think you should know that, um... 1061 00:48:57,910 --> 00:49:00,789 there are lots of prospects here for a talented person. 1062 00:49:00,790 --> 00:49:02,630 Just give me a minute, will you, Simon? Thanks. 1063 00:49:02,654 --> 00:49:04,233 Right-o, boss man. 1064 00:49:04,870 --> 00:49:09,079 Lots of prospects for a person who... 1065 00:49:09,290 --> 00:49:10,999 you know, perhaps for personal reasons... 1066 00:49:11,040 --> 00:49:14,909 has been slightly overlooked professionally. 1067 00:49:14,950 --> 00:49:17,909 Thank you, Daniel. That is very good to know... 1068 00:49:17,950 --> 00:49:19,329 but if staying here... 1069 00:49:19,370 --> 00:49:21,829 means working within 10 yards of you... 1070 00:49:21,870 --> 00:49:25,739 frankly, I'd rather have a job wiping Saddam Hussein's ass. 1071 00:49:25,750 --> 00:49:27,670 [ ARETHA FRANKLIN ] ♪ [ SINGING ] ♪ R-E-S-P-E-C-T 1072 00:49:27,694 --> 00:49:29,499 Find out what it means to me. 1073 00:49:29,540 --> 00:49:31,449 R-E-S-P-E-C-T 1074 00:49:31,500 --> 00:49:32,909 Takin' care of T.C.B. 1075 00:49:32,950 --> 00:49:34,659 Sock it to me, sock it to me. 1076 00:49:34,700 --> 00:49:36,579 Sock it to me, sock it to me. 1077 00:49:36,580 --> 00:49:38,539 Well, bye, everyone. 1078 00:49:38,580 --> 00:49:40,539 [ Singing ] Just a little bit. 1079 00:49:40,580 --> 00:49:41,829 Just a little bit 1080 00:49:41,870 --> 00:49:43,409 I get tired. 1081 00:49:43,450 --> 00:49:45,039 But keep on tryin' 1082 00:49:45,080 --> 00:49:46,749 You're runnin' out of fools. 1083 00:49:46,790 --> 00:49:47,869 [ Song stops ] 1084 00:49:47,910 --> 00:49:49,369 Oh, just sod off. 1085 00:49:49,540 --> 00:49:51,829 [ HOST ] Hello and welcome to "Sit Up, Britain." 1086 00:49:51,870 --> 00:49:55,079 OK, everybody, it is bonfire night... 1087 00:49:55,290 --> 00:49:56,909 and we are on fire. 1088 00:49:56,950 --> 00:49:58,869 [ RICHARD ] We have live fire station feeds... 1089 00:49:58,910 --> 00:50:03,369 from Newcastle, Swansea, Sheffield, and Lewisham... 1090 00:50:03,410 --> 00:50:05,079 just poised for tragedy. 1091 00:50:05,290 --> 00:50:07,499 Bridget Jones, where are you? 1092 00:50:09,410 --> 00:50:10,579 I'm here, Richard. 1093 00:50:10,620 --> 00:50:12,749 Put on some more makeup. I want you on-camera. 1094 00:50:12,790 --> 00:50:13,909 But... 1095 00:50:13,950 --> 00:50:15,909 [ RICHARD ] I'm thinking... mini skirt. 1096 00:50:15,910 --> 00:50:17,539 I'm thinking fireman's helmet. 1097 00:50:17,540 --> 00:50:19,409 I want you pointing a hose. 1098 00:50:19,449 --> 00:50:20,849 I want you sliding down the pole... 1099 00:50:20,850 --> 00:50:22,450 and then go straight into the interview. 1100 00:50:22,480 --> 00:50:24,619 Great. 1101 00:50:24,660 --> 00:50:26,369 I'll do it. 1102 00:50:28,620 --> 00:50:30,079 No problem. Fine. Right. 1103 00:50:30,080 --> 00:50:31,619 So, you drop into shot... 1104 00:50:31,620 --> 00:50:33,180 and then interview Chief Fireman Bevan. 1105 00:50:33,204 --> 00:50:34,619 Yep, yep, yep. 1106 00:50:34,660 --> 00:50:35,909 Go, go. Go, go. Go! 1107 00:50:35,950 --> 00:50:37,539 Go? 1108 00:50:37,620 --> 00:50:40,789 [ NEVILLE ] Oh, no. We're going to Newcastle first. 1109 00:50:40,830 --> 00:50:42,409 Stop! 1110 00:50:42,450 --> 00:50:43,789 Climb back up. 1111 00:50:43,830 --> 00:50:44,999 On you in thirty seconds. 1112 00:50:45,040 --> 00:50:46,749 OK. 1113 00:50:46,790 --> 00:50:48,909 [ Grunts ] 1114 00:50:48,950 --> 00:50:51,539 [ RICHARD ] Neville, what the fuck is going on? 1115 00:50:51,579 --> 00:50:53,339 She's supposed to be sliding down the pole... 1116 00:50:53,360 --> 00:50:55,529 - not climbing up it. - Go, go, go, go, go! 1117 00:50:55,570 --> 00:50:56,570 Oh, OK. 1118 00:50:57,580 --> 00:50:59,749 - Oh! - Oh, Jesus Christ. 1119 00:50:59,790 --> 00:51:02,329 Uhh! Uhh! 1120 00:51:02,370 --> 00:51:03,389 OK, we're out of time. We're out of time. 1121 00:51:03,410 --> 00:51:04,829 [ RICHARD ] Just wind 'erupt. 1122 00:51:04,830 --> 00:51:08,079 Well, that seems to be about all we've got time for... 1123 00:51:08,290 --> 00:51:09,949 down here in Lewisham. 1124 00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:13,789 Uh, Chief Officer Bevan, thank you very much. 1125 00:51:13,830 --> 00:51:15,619 Excellent fire station. 1126 00:51:15,660 --> 00:51:17,579 [ BRIDGET ] Uh, and now... 1127 00:51:17,620 --> 00:51:19,909 back to the studio. 1128 00:51:19,950 --> 00:51:21,579 [ BRIDGET ] Whoo! 1129 00:51:21,620 --> 00:51:23,499 Whoo! 1130 00:51:23,540 --> 00:51:25,539 Whoo! 1131 00:51:25,580 --> 00:51:26,869 Whoo! 1132 00:51:26,910 --> 00:51:29,579 [ BRIDGET ] Excellent. Am national laughing stock. 1133 00:51:29,620 --> 00:51:31,829 Have bottom the size of Brazil. 1134 00:51:31,870 --> 00:51:33,449 Am daughter of broken home... 1135 00:51:33,500 --> 00:51:34,999 and rubbish at everything and... 1136 00:51:35,080 --> 00:51:36,369 oh, God. 1137 00:51:36,410 --> 00:51:39,039 I'm having dinner with Magda and Jeremy. 1138 00:51:39,080 --> 00:51:41,949 The only thing worse than as mug married couple... 1139 00:51:41,950 --> 00:51:44,869 Lots of smug married couples. 1140 00:51:44,910 --> 00:51:47,539 Right, everyone. This is Bridget. 1141 00:51:48,910 --> 00:51:50,539 Bridge, this is Hugo and Jane. 1142 00:51:50,580 --> 00:51:52,460 [ MAGDA ] And, obviously, you know, of course... 1143 00:51:52,484 --> 00:51:53,499 Cosmo and Woney. 1144 00:51:53,540 --> 00:51:54,749 - Hi, Bridge. - Hi, Bridge. 1145 00:51:54,790 --> 00:51:57,369 [ MAGDA ] This is Alistair and Henrietta... 1146 00:51:57,410 --> 00:51:58,619 Julia and Michael... 1147 00:51:58,660 --> 00:51:59,749 Joanne and Paul... 1148 00:51:59,790 --> 00:52:01,619 and Jeremy's partners from chambers. 1149 00:52:01,620 --> 00:52:04,449 This is Natasha Glenville and Mark Darcy. 1150 00:52:04,500 --> 00:52:05,619 Hi, there. 1151 00:52:05,660 --> 00:52:07,039 Hello. 1152 00:52:07,080 --> 00:52:09,039 Not in your bunny girl outfit today? 1153 00:52:09,080 --> 00:52:10,409 [ BRIDGET ] No. 1154 00:52:10,450 --> 00:52:15,079 We bunnies only wear our tails on very special occasions. 1155 00:52:15,080 --> 00:52:17,409 - Sit yourself down. - Right. 1156 00:52:20,540 --> 00:52:23,579 Hey, Bridge, how's your love life? 1157 00:52:23,660 --> 00:52:24,999 Oh... 1158 00:52:25,040 --> 00:52:27,449 [ COSMO ] Still going out with that publishing chap pie? 1159 00:52:27,500 --> 00:52:29,789 Uh, no, no. 1160 00:52:29,830 --> 00:52:31,079 Terribly brill. 1161 00:52:31,290 --> 00:52:33,949 [ COSMO ] Never dip your nib in the office ink. 1162 00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:35,499 Right. 1163 00:52:35,540 --> 00:52:37,140 [ COSMO ] You really ought to hurry up... 1164 00:52:37,164 --> 00:52:39,369 and get sprugged up, you know, old girl? 1165 00:52:39,410 --> 00:52:42,909 Time's a-running out. Tick-tock. 1166 00:52:42,950 --> 00:52:44,949 Yes, yes. 1167 00:52:45,000 --> 00:52:47,409 Uh, tell me, is it one in four marriages... 1168 00:52:47,450 --> 00:52:49,409 that ends in divorce now or one in three? 1169 00:52:49,450 --> 00:52:50,749 One in three. 1170 00:52:51,750 --> 00:52:53,039 [ COSMO ] Seriously, though. 1171 00:52:53,080 --> 00:52:56,909 Offices full of single girls in their thirties... 1172 00:52:56,950 --> 00:52:58,869 Fine physical specimens... 1173 00:52:58,910 --> 00:53:02,039 but they just can't seem to hold down a chap. 1174 00:53:02,080 --> 00:53:03,579 [ WONEY ] Yes. Why is it... 1175 00:53:03,580 --> 00:53:05,739 there are so many unmarried women in their thirties... 1176 00:53:05,760 --> 00:53:06,699 these days, Bridget? 1177 00:53:06,750 --> 00:53:07,910 [ Mark sets down silverware ] 1178 00:53:11,580 --> 00:53:12,699 [ Laughs ] 1179 00:53:12,750 --> 00:53:14,909 Oh, I don't know. 1180 00:53:14,950 --> 00:53:17,999 Suppose it doesn't help that underneath our clothes... 1181 00:53:18,040 --> 00:53:20,579 our entire bodies are covered in scales. 1182 00:53:20,620 --> 00:53:23,499 [ Faint laughter ] 1183 00:53:33,500 --> 00:53:34,740 [ MARK ] I very much enjoyed... 1184 00:53:34,764 --> 00:53:38,619 your Lewis ham fire report, by the way. 1185 00:53:38,620 --> 00:53:40,079 Thank you. 1186 00:53:43,660 --> 00:53:45,699 I just... 1187 00:53:45,700 --> 00:53:47,369 yeah, well. 1188 00:53:48,910 --> 00:53:50,369 So. 1189 00:53:51,379 --> 00:53:52,939 It didn't work out with Daniel Cleaver? 1190 00:53:52,960 --> 00:53:55,089 No, it didn't. 1191 00:53:56,410 --> 00:53:57,699 I'm delighted to hear it. 1192 00:53:59,290 --> 00:54:02,449 Look, are you and Cosmo in this together? 1193 00:54:02,499 --> 00:54:04,139 I mean, you seem to go out of your way... 1194 00:54:04,160 --> 00:54:06,369 to try to make me feel like a complete idiot... 1195 00:54:06,410 --> 00:54:11,289 every time I see you, and you really needn't bother. 1196 00:54:11,330 --> 00:54:15,659 I already feel like an idiot most of the time anyway... 1197 00:54:15,700 --> 00:54:18,449 With or without a fireman's pole. 1198 00:54:18,500 --> 00:54:20,909 [ Doorbell buzzes ] 1199 00:54:20,950 --> 00:54:22,449 [ BRIDGET ] That'll be my taxi. 1200 00:54:22,500 --> 00:54:24,909 Good night. 1201 00:54:24,950 --> 00:54:26,409 Look, um... 1202 00:54:26,410 --> 00:54:29,409 I'm sorry if I've been... 1203 00:54:29,450 --> 00:54:30,699 What? 1204 00:54:30,750 --> 00:54:34,619 I don't think you're an idiot at all. 1205 00:54:34,660 --> 00:54:38,659 I mean, there are elements of the ridiculous about you. 1206 00:54:38,700 --> 00:54:40,949 Your mother's pretty interesting. 1207 00:54:40,950 --> 00:54:42,289 And you really are... 1208 00:54:42,330 --> 00:54:44,329 an appallingly bad public speaker. 1209 00:54:44,370 --> 00:54:46,619 And you tend to let whatever's in your head... 1210 00:54:46,660 --> 00:54:47,909 come out of your mouth... 1211 00:54:47,950 --> 00:54:51,329 without much consideration of the consequences. 1212 00:54:51,370 --> 00:54:54,659 I realize that when I met you at the turkey curry buffet... 1213 00:54:54,700 --> 00:54:59,539 that I was unforgivably rude and wearing a reindeer jumper... 1214 00:54:59,580 --> 00:55:01,829 that my mother had given me the day before. 1215 00:55:03,080 --> 00:55:05,079 But the thing is, um... 1216 00:55:05,290 --> 00:55:09,829 what I'm trying to say very inarticulately is... 1217 00:55:11,290 --> 00:55:12,909 that, um... 1218 00:55:12,950 --> 00:55:14,659 infact... 1219 00:55:14,700 --> 00:55:17,909 perhaps, despite appearances... 1220 00:55:17,950 --> 00:55:20,699 I like you very much. 1221 00:55:20,750 --> 00:55:23,949 Ah. Apart from the smoking and the drinking... 1222 00:55:24,000 --> 00:55:26,829 and the vulgar mother and the verbal diarrhea. 1223 00:55:26,870 --> 00:55:30,789 No. I like you very much... Just as you are. 1224 00:55:32,500 --> 00:55:36,079 Mark, we really are making progress on the case in here. 1225 00:55:36,290 --> 00:55:40,079 [ NATASHA ] Jeremy's had the most brilliant idea. 1226 00:55:40,290 --> 00:55:41,869 [ Snaps fingers ] [ MARK ] Right. 1227 00:55:41,910 --> 00:55:43,329 Right. 1228 00:55:45,910 --> 00:55:48,079 I must go, because... 1229 00:55:49,830 --> 00:55:51,829 well... 1230 00:55:51,910 --> 00:55:53,579 bye. 1231 00:55:53,660 --> 00:55:56,909 [ VAN MORRISION ] ♪ [ SINGING ] ♪ Someone exactly like you 1232 00:56:00,950 --> 00:56:05,539 I've been travelin' all around the world. 1233 00:56:05,660 --> 00:56:08,499 Just as you are? 1234 00:56:08,540 --> 00:56:09,999 Not thinner? Not cleverer? 1235 00:56:10,080 --> 00:56:13,329 Not with slightly bigger breasts and a slightly smaller nose? 1236 00:56:13,370 --> 00:56:15,010 [ VAN MORRISON SINGING ] Someone like you. 1237 00:56:15,034 --> 00:56:16,409 [ BRIDGET ] Mm-mmm. 1238 00:56:16,410 --> 00:56:19,449 [ VAN MORRISON SINGING ] To make it all worth while. 1239 00:56:19,500 --> 00:56:21,579 Well... 1240 00:56:21,620 --> 00:56:23,039 fuck me. 1241 00:56:23,080 --> 00:56:24,760 [ VAN MORRISON SINGING ] Keep me satisfied. 1242 00:56:24,790 --> 00:56:26,999 Someone exactly like you. 1243 00:56:27,040 --> 00:56:28,789 But this is someone you hate, right? 1244 00:56:28,830 --> 00:56:30,699 Mmm. Mmm. 1245 00:56:30,750 --> 00:56:32,869 Yes, yes. I hate him. 1246 00:56:32,910 --> 00:56:34,909 [ Laughs ] 1247 00:56:34,910 --> 00:56:36,449 [ Barking ] 1248 00:56:36,500 --> 00:56:39,369 [ VAN MORRISION ] ♪ [ SINGING ] ♪ I've been travelling a hard road. 1249 00:56:39,410 --> 00:56:43,619 [ BRIDGET ] November 9. Weight... 138 pounds. 1250 00:56:43,660 --> 00:56:45,449 Cigarettes... three. 1251 00:56:45,500 --> 00:56:47,699 Birthday... thirty-three. 1252 00:56:48,950 --> 00:56:51,539 OK, Bridget, see if you can get it right this time. 1253 00:56:51,580 --> 00:56:54,749 The verdict in the Aghani-Heaney case is expected today. 1254 00:56:54,790 --> 00:56:55,749 Get yourself down to the high court. 1255 00:56:55,790 --> 00:56:59,369 I want a hard headed interview. 1256 00:56:59,410 --> 00:57:01,289 You do know the Aghani-Heaney case? 1257 00:57:01,290 --> 00:57:04,289 Yes, of course. 1258 00:57:04,330 --> 00:57:06,409 Big case... 1259 00:57:06,450 --> 00:57:09,659 featuring someone called Aghanihini. 1260 00:57:09,700 --> 00:57:13,619 Or two people called Kafir Aghani and Eleanor Heaney. 1261 00:57:13,660 --> 00:57:16,409 That's the one. 1262 00:57:16,410 --> 00:57:19,499 She's a British aid worker. He's a Kurdish freedom fighter. 1263 00:57:19,540 --> 00:57:21,449 The government want to extradite him home... 1264 00:57:21,500 --> 00:57:23,079 where he'll certainly be executed. 1265 00:57:23,290 --> 00:57:24,539 She's married to him... 1266 00:57:24,580 --> 00:57:26,499 and they fought for five years to keep him here. 1267 00:57:26,520 --> 00:57:27,749 Today is the decision. 1268 00:57:27,790 --> 00:57:29,329 Oh, that's exciting. 1269 00:57:29,370 --> 00:57:33,039 Yes, it is... so what are you waiting for? 1270 00:57:33,080 --> 00:57:36,409 [ BRIDGET ] Am suddenly hard-headed journalist... 1271 00:57:36,410 --> 00:57:39,499 ruthlessly committed to promoting justice and liberty. 1272 00:57:39,540 --> 00:57:41,749 Nothing can distract me from my dedication... 1273 00:57:41,790 --> 00:57:43,789 to the pursuit of truth. 1274 00:57:43,830 --> 00:57:46,329 Well, almost nothing. 1275 00:57:46,410 --> 00:57:49,449 Right. I'll just pop to the shop for some ciggies. 1276 00:57:49,500 --> 00:57:53,619 [ BRIDGET ] 14 p for the Polos and packet of Wheat Crunchies. 1277 00:57:53,660 --> 00:57:55,060 [ MARK ] Packet of Embassy, please. 1278 00:57:55,084 --> 00:57:56,659 I'm sorry. I'm not quite fin... 1279 00:57:56,700 --> 00:57:58,579 Good afternoon. 1280 00:58:00,790 --> 00:58:01,909 Hi. 1281 00:58:03,040 --> 00:58:04,949 You like me just the way I am. 1282 00:58:05,000 --> 00:58:06,449 Sorry? 1283 00:58:06,500 --> 00:58:08,699 Nothing. 1284 00:58:08,750 --> 00:58:10,909 Bridget, we've fucked up utterly. 1285 00:58:10,950 --> 00:58:13,659 Eleanor Heaney and Kafir Aghani have come and gone. 1286 00:58:13,700 --> 00:58:16,999 Oh, God. I'll be sacked. 1287 00:58:17,040 --> 00:58:18,369 Did the others get interviews? 1288 00:58:18,410 --> 00:58:20,409 I don't know. I was having a slash. 1289 00:58:20,410 --> 00:58:22,039 Actually, nobody got interviews. 1290 00:58:22,080 --> 00:58:23,369 How do you know? 1291 00:58:23,410 --> 00:58:24,610 Because I was defending him... 1292 00:58:24,640 --> 00:58:26,759 and I told him not to give any interviews. 1293 00:58:27,750 --> 00:58:29,699 Look... 1294 00:58:29,750 --> 00:58:31,949 [ MARK ] I have a plan. 1295 00:58:32,000 --> 00:58:33,619 And action. 1296 00:58:35,620 --> 00:58:38,909 Mr. Darcy, you were defending Mr. Aghani. 1297 00:58:38,950 --> 00:58:41,039 You must be delighted. 1298 00:58:41,080 --> 00:58:43,699 Yes, well, Kafir Aghani has spent his entire life... 1299 00:58:43,750 --> 00:58:45,056 defending the basic human rights... 1300 00:58:45,080 --> 00:58:46,789 of his own people, and today's verdict... 1301 00:58:46,830 --> 00:58:48,789 has been the result of five years of struggle... 1302 00:58:48,790 --> 00:58:50,739 by this woman, Eleanor Heaney... 1303 00:58:50,750 --> 00:58:54,289 to save the man she loves from an extradition order... 1304 00:58:54,330 --> 00:58:57,869 that would've been tant amount to a death sentence. 1305 00:58:57,910 --> 00:58:59,369 Right. 1306 00:58:59,410 --> 00:59:02,409 [ BRIDGET ] And, Eleanor, over to you. 1307 00:59:02,410 --> 00:59:05,499 Did you fancy Kafir the first time that you saw him? 1308 00:59:05,540 --> 00:59:06,699 [ Laughs ] 1309 00:59:08,370 --> 00:59:11,409 This has been Bridget Jones for "Sit Up, Britain"... 1310 00:59:11,450 --> 00:59:15,949 with, let's face it, a bit of a crush now, actually. 1311 00:59:16,000 --> 00:59:17,499 Good afternoon. 1312 00:59:17,540 --> 00:59:21,579 Bridget Jones... Already a legend. 1313 00:59:21,750 --> 00:59:24,190 [ ARTFUL DODGER ] ♪ [ SINGING ] ♪ I feel fantastic, bombastic. 1314 00:59:24,214 --> 00:59:25,699 Ecstatically astounded. 1315 00:59:25,750 --> 00:59:28,869 Got a girl who can really use her brain 1316 00:59:28,910 --> 00:59:31,409 I feel surrounded, confounded. 1317 00:59:31,450 --> 00:59:33,909 Emotionally dumbfounded. 1318 00:59:34,000 --> 00:59:37,949 [ BRIDGET ] Oh, joy. I am broadcasting genius. 1319 00:59:38,000 --> 00:59:41,369 Celebrating by cooking birthday feast for close friends. 1320 00:59:41,410 --> 00:59:42,909 Have sneaking suspicion... 1321 00:59:42,950 --> 00:59:45,829 am also something of a genius in the kitchen as well. 1322 00:59:45,870 --> 00:59:50,539 Tie flavour-enhancing leek and celery together with string. 1323 00:59:50,580 --> 00:59:51,949 Right. 1324 00:59:51,950 --> 00:59:53,329 String. 1325 00:59:53,370 --> 00:59:54,869 String, string, string. 1326 00:59:54,910 --> 00:59:56,909 Perfect. 1327 00:59:56,910 --> 00:59:58,910 [ ARTFUL DODGER ] ♪ [ SINGING ] ♪ I don't think so. 1328 01:00:00,580 --> 01:00:04,449 Finely slice oranges and grate zest. 1329 01:00:04,500 --> 01:00:06,980 [ ARTFUL DODGER ] ♪ [ SINGING ] ♪ Why don't you leave it there? 1330 01:00:07,004 --> 01:00:09,409 I feel fantastic, bombastic, ecstatic... 1331 01:00:09,450 --> 01:00:10,749 Aah! Oh, bugger! 1332 01:00:10,790 --> 01:00:11,790 Oh, bugger, bugger! 1333 01:00:13,366 --> 01:00:15,726 ARTFUL DODGER ♪ [ SINGING ] ♪ I feel surrounded, confounded. 1334 01:00:15,750 --> 01:00:16,869 Emotionally dumbfounded. 1335 01:00:16,910 --> 01:00:18,999 Where the fuck is the fucking tuna? 1336 01:00:19,040 --> 01:00:21,789 Oh, this is Bridget Jones for "Sit Up, Britain"... 1337 01:00:21,830 --> 01:00:23,329 searching for tuna. 1338 01:00:23,410 --> 01:00:25,369 [ Telephone rings ] 1339 01:00:27,789 --> 01:00:28,789 Bridget Jones. 1340 01:00:28,790 --> 01:00:30,369 Hello, darling. 1341 01:00:30,450 --> 01:00:31,619 Hi, Mum. 1342 01:00:31,660 --> 01:00:34,659 I just wanted a bit of a chat. 1343 01:00:34,750 --> 01:00:37,079 Ouch! Careful, you ham-fisted cunt! 1344 01:00:37,290 --> 01:00:39,409 The thing is, darling, I'm... 1345 01:00:39,450 --> 01:00:41,209 Between you and me, I'm not entirely sure... 1346 01:00:41,240 --> 01:00:42,949 that Julian isn't a bit of a shit. 1347 01:00:42,990 --> 01:00:44,510 [ BRIDGET ] Yes, well, you know, Mum... 1348 01:00:44,541 --> 01:00:46,070 I haven't really got time right now. 1349 01:00:46,121 --> 01:00:47,699 Oh, l... 1350 01:00:47,750 --> 01:00:50,539 I can't deny the sex is still very surprising. 1351 01:00:50,580 --> 01:00:52,579 You know, the other night, quite unexpectedly... 1352 01:00:52,620 --> 01:00:54,789 I was just dozing off, and I felt this huge... 1353 01:00:54,830 --> 01:00:56,409 Bye, Mum. 1354 01:00:56,450 --> 01:00:57,829 [ Hangs up ] 1355 01:00:57,870 --> 01:00:58,749 Ecch. 1356 01:00:58,790 --> 01:01:00,039 [ Knock on door ] 1357 01:01:00,080 --> 01:01:01,039 Oh. 1358 01:01:01,080 --> 01:01:03,329 Who can be calling now? 1359 01:01:04,910 --> 01:01:06,039 Oh. 1360 01:01:09,620 --> 01:01:10,999 The door was open. 1361 01:01:11,040 --> 01:01:13,579 [ MARK ] I came to congratulate... 1362 01:01:13,660 --> 01:01:17,039 the new face of British current affairs. 1363 01:01:19,080 --> 01:01:21,449 [ BRIDGET ] Huh. 1364 01:01:21,500 --> 01:01:25,949 But I see I may have come at a bad time. 1365 01:01:26,000 --> 01:01:27,829 How's it look? 1366 01:01:27,870 --> 01:01:30,869 Great. It's, um... blue. 1367 01:01:30,910 --> 01:01:32,749 [ Gasps ] Blue? 1368 01:01:32,790 --> 01:01:34,329 [ MARK ] No, but blue is good. 1369 01:01:34,370 --> 01:01:36,579 If you ask me, there isn't enough blue food. 1370 01:01:36,620 --> 01:01:39,619 Oh, shit. It must've been the string. 1371 01:01:39,660 --> 01:01:41,369 Oh, it's string soup? 1372 01:01:41,410 --> 01:01:42,579 [ Laughs ] 1373 01:01:42,620 --> 01:01:44,499 Oh, God. They're going to be here any minute. 1374 01:01:44,539 --> 01:01:46,659 Well, don't worry. I'm sure they've come to see you... 1375 01:01:46,680 --> 01:01:50,329 and not orange parfait in sugar cages. 1376 01:01:50,370 --> 01:01:51,619 Have a drink. 1377 01:01:51,660 --> 01:01:52,829 Yes. 1378 01:01:56,830 --> 01:01:57,830 Happy birthday. 1379 01:01:57,870 --> 01:01:59,039 Thank you. 1380 01:01:59,080 --> 01:02:00,369 [ Laughs ] 1381 01:02:00,410 --> 01:02:02,289 [ Sighs ] 1382 01:02:02,290 --> 01:02:04,699 Did I really run round your lawn naked? 1383 01:02:04,750 --> 01:02:06,409 Oh, yes. 1384 01:02:06,450 --> 01:02:08,079 You were four, and I was eight. 1385 01:02:08,290 --> 01:02:11,749 Well, that's a pretty big age difference. 1386 01:02:12,790 --> 01:02:14,329 It's quite pervy, really. 1387 01:02:14,370 --> 01:02:16,449 Yes, I like to think so. 1388 01:02:20,080 --> 01:02:22,749 [ BRIDGET ] What are we going to do about this dinner, then? 1389 01:02:24,910 --> 01:02:29,869 We can have blue soup to start, orange pudding to end, and... 1390 01:02:29,910 --> 01:02:31,230 well, for main course, we have... 1391 01:02:31,260 --> 01:02:33,699 uh, congealed green gunge. 1392 01:02:33,750 --> 01:02:37,789 - That is caper berry gravy. - Oh, yes. Yeah. 1393 01:02:37,830 --> 01:02:39,789 - Do you have eggs? - Yes. 1394 01:02:39,830 --> 01:02:40,789 Right. 1395 01:02:40,830 --> 01:02:42,409 - Omelet it is, then. - Ah. 1396 01:02:42,450 --> 01:02:43,869 With caper berry gravy. 1397 01:02:47,790 --> 01:02:52,289 You wouldn't by any chance have any beet root cubes? 1398 01:02:52,330 --> 01:02:55,329 A mini-gherkin, stuffed olive? 1399 01:02:55,370 --> 01:02:57,909 No, Pam, and besides, I'm busy. 1400 01:02:57,950 --> 01:02:59,999 The gravy needs sieving. 1401 01:03:00,080 --> 01:03:01,909 Surely not. Just stir it, Una. 1402 01:03:04,660 --> 01:03:06,539 [ Doorbell buzzes ] 1403 01:03:06,580 --> 01:03:08,949 [ SHELBY LYNNE ] ♪ [ SINGING ] ♪ In the dark 1404 01:03:08,950 --> 01:03:10,949 I can hear. 1405 01:03:11,000 --> 01:03:12,000 [ Bridget opens door ] 1406 01:03:12,080 --> 01:03:14,369 [ SHAZZER ] Happy, happy birthday! 1407 01:03:14,410 --> 01:03:16,789 Hey, TV queen. 1408 01:03:16,830 --> 01:03:20,829 Hey, Bridge, you looked fantastic. 1409 01:03:23,450 --> 01:03:24,499 Hello. 1410 01:03:24,580 --> 01:03:25,789 Hello. 1411 01:03:25,830 --> 01:03:27,079 [ TOM ] Are you joining us? 1412 01:03:27,290 --> 01:03:29,619 Yeah. Yeah, of course. 1413 01:03:29,620 --> 01:03:31,580 [ SHELBY LYNNE ] ♪ [ SINGING ] ♪ What did you say? 1414 01:03:31,604 --> 01:03:34,579 It's OK. 1415 01:03:34,620 --> 01:03:36,449 [ Laughs ] 1416 01:03:36,500 --> 01:03:38,449 [ SHELBY LYNNE ] ♪ [ SINGING ] ♪ Mmm, mmm. 1417 01:03:38,500 --> 01:03:40,289 Did you miss me? 1418 01:03:48,789 --> 01:03:49,789 Excellent. 1419 01:03:49,790 --> 01:03:50,829 Mmm. Yeah. 1420 01:03:50,870 --> 01:03:52,789 Delicious. 1421 01:03:52,830 --> 01:03:54,079 [ TOM ] Really special. 1422 01:03:54,290 --> 01:03:55,909 It's really... really very good. 1423 01:03:55,950 --> 01:03:57,749 [ SHAZZER ] Really. It's very nice. 1424 01:03:57,790 --> 01:03:59,329 [ Laughter ] 1425 01:04:00,410 --> 01:04:01,449 [ SHAZZER ] Say... 1426 01:04:01,500 --> 01:04:02,789 Mmm. 1427 01:04:02,830 --> 01:04:04,329 Mark, why did your wife leave you? 1428 01:04:04,410 --> 01:04:06,369 Mmm. Eat up. 1429 01:04:06,410 --> 01:04:08,869 Eat up. Two more lovely courses to go. 1430 01:04:10,330 --> 01:04:13,409 [ SHELBY LYNNE ] ♪ [ SINGING ] ♪ Make it mine. 1431 01:04:13,450 --> 01:04:15,499 They can talk. 1432 01:04:15,540 --> 01:04:16,749 Mmm, delicious. 1433 01:04:16,790 --> 01:04:18,079 [ Laughter ] 1434 01:04:18,290 --> 01:04:20,489 I have to say, this really is the most incredible shit. 1435 01:04:20,510 --> 01:04:21,969 [ Laughter ] 1436 01:04:24,290 --> 01:04:26,289 This is the worst of the three. 1437 01:04:26,330 --> 01:04:28,079 It does actually remind me of something. 1438 01:04:28,290 --> 01:04:29,079 It tastes like... 1439 01:04:29,290 --> 01:04:30,749 Marmalade. 1440 01:04:30,790 --> 01:04:32,409 [ TOM ] Well done, Bridge. 1441 01:04:32,450 --> 01:04:35,539 Four hours of careful cooking and a feast of blue soup... 1442 01:04:35,580 --> 01:04:37,039 omelet, and marmalade. 1443 01:04:37,080 --> 01:04:38,080 Thank you. 1444 01:04:38,180 --> 01:04:39,820 I think that deserves a toast, don't you? 1445 01:04:39,850 --> 01:04:40,749 To Bridget... 1446 01:04:40,790 --> 01:04:43,949 who cannot cook, but who we love... 1447 01:04:44,000 --> 01:04:45,449 just as she is. 1448 01:04:47,290 --> 01:04:48,539 [ ALL ] To Bridget... 1449 01:04:48,580 --> 01:04:51,039 just as she is. 1450 01:04:51,080 --> 01:04:53,039 [ SHELBY LYNNE ] ♪ [ SINGING ] ♪ Did you miss me? 1451 01:04:54,330 --> 01:04:56,289 Did you miss me? 1452 01:04:58,450 --> 01:04:59,749 [ Doorbell buzzes ] 1453 01:04:59,790 --> 01:05:01,329 I'll go. 1454 01:05:06,290 --> 01:05:08,289 [ Door opens ] 1455 01:05:11,950 --> 01:05:13,289 Who? 1456 01:05:14,500 --> 01:05:17,699 Ah. Sorry, sorry, sorry. 1457 01:05:17,750 --> 01:05:21,539 I'm obviously interrupting a... 1458 01:05:21,580 --> 01:05:23,869 Darcy. 1459 01:05:23,910 --> 01:05:26,369 What brings you here? 1460 01:05:26,410 --> 01:05:28,909 Oh, right. Yeah. 1461 01:05:28,910 --> 01:05:30,329 I should have guessed, shouldn't I? 1462 01:05:30,370 --> 01:05:33,369 Hi. I'm Tom. It's really good to meet you at last. 1463 01:05:33,370 --> 01:05:36,329 Yeah, listen, I just came to, uh... 1464 01:05:36,370 --> 01:05:38,539 [ DANIEL ] I thought you might be on your own. 1465 01:05:38,580 --> 01:05:40,699 Huh. What an idiot. 1466 01:05:44,000 --> 01:05:45,039 Excuse me. 1467 01:05:52,500 --> 01:05:54,449 I've been going crazy. 1468 01:05:54,500 --> 01:05:56,539 I can't stop thinking about you... 1469 01:05:56,580 --> 01:05:59,659 and thinking what a fucking idiot I've been. 1470 01:05:59,700 --> 01:06:02,329 Christ, is that blue soup? 1471 01:06:02,370 --> 01:06:04,039 Yes. 1472 01:06:04,080 --> 01:06:06,039 That Sunday in the country... 1473 01:06:08,410 --> 01:06:10,289 Come outside. 1474 01:06:10,330 --> 01:06:11,699 [ Distant siren ] 1475 01:06:11,750 --> 01:06:14,619 It was all just going so fast... 1476 01:06:14,660 --> 01:06:18,039 The hotel and that weekend, meeting your parents. 1477 01:06:18,080 --> 01:06:20,289 I just panicked. 1478 01:06:20,330 --> 01:06:21,949 You know me. I'm... 1479 01:06:22,000 --> 01:06:23,829 I'm a terrible disaster... 1480 01:06:23,870 --> 01:06:26,749 with a posh voice and a bad character. 1481 01:06:26,790 --> 01:06:28,549 You're the only one who can save me, Bridge. 1482 01:06:28,590 --> 01:06:30,629 I need you. Without you, twenty years from now... 1483 01:06:30,670 --> 01:06:34,909 I'll be in some seedy bar with some seedy blonde. 1484 01:06:34,910 --> 01:06:36,949 Well, what about Lara? 1485 01:06:37,000 --> 01:06:40,079 Oh, over, over. Totally fucking finito. 1486 01:06:40,290 --> 01:06:41,869 Dumped me. 1487 01:06:41,910 --> 01:06:45,869 She realized that I hadn't got over you. 1488 01:06:45,910 --> 01:06:47,909 [ DANIEL ] I know you're thinking... 1489 01:06:47,910 --> 01:06:50,909 it's just a sex thing, but I promise you... 1490 01:06:50,950 --> 01:06:53,869 whenever I see that skimpy little skirt on TV... 1491 01:06:53,910 --> 01:06:55,369 I just close my eyes and listen... 1492 01:06:55,410 --> 01:06:57,749 to all the intelligent things you've said. 1493 01:06:57,790 --> 01:07:00,789 I was thrilled that little Kurdish bloke was set free. 1494 01:07:02,450 --> 01:07:03,699 Bridge... 1495 01:07:04,950 --> 01:07:07,539 I missed you a lot. 1496 01:07:10,599 --> 01:07:11,599 Oh, God. 1497 01:07:11,620 --> 01:07:13,329 I'm going now. Bye. 1498 01:07:14,410 --> 01:07:15,909 Mark, stay. We... 1499 01:07:15,910 --> 01:07:17,369 No, I don't think I will. 1500 01:07:17,410 --> 01:07:20,659 [ DANIEL ] Well, listen, don't leave on my behalf. 1501 01:07:20,700 --> 01:07:25,869 I think it's time you and I put this past behind us. 1502 01:07:25,910 --> 01:07:27,790 [ DANIEL ] At least stay for a birthday drink... 1503 01:07:27,814 --> 01:07:28,869 with me and Bridge, huh? 1504 01:07:28,910 --> 01:07:30,999 Good-bye, Bridget. 1505 01:07:32,830 --> 01:07:34,369 [ BRIDGET ] Mark. 1506 01:07:40,040 --> 01:07:41,040 Why are you here? 1507 01:07:41,080 --> 01:07:43,499 Bridge... 1508 01:07:43,540 --> 01:07:46,039 I just told you why I'm here. 1509 01:07:46,080 --> 01:07:49,079 Why was Mark "Wanker" Darcy here? 1510 01:07:49,290 --> 01:07:51,999 Oh, bloody hell. Wait a minute. He's back. 1511 01:07:52,040 --> 01:07:53,449 All right, Cleaver, outside. 1512 01:07:53,500 --> 01:07:55,039 I'm sorry? 1513 01:07:55,080 --> 01:07:56,659 [ DANIEL ] Outside? 1514 01:07:56,750 --> 01:08:00,499 Uh, should I bring my duelling pistols or my sword? 1515 01:08:03,910 --> 01:08:05,289 All right. Hang on. 1516 01:08:14,580 --> 01:08:15,949 I should have done this years ago. 1517 01:08:16,000 --> 01:08:18,079 Done what? 1518 01:08:18,289 --> 01:08:19,289 This. 1519 01:08:19,290 --> 01:08:21,449 Ooh! Fuck! 1520 01:08:21,500 --> 01:08:23,369 Fuck me, that hurt! 1521 01:08:23,410 --> 01:08:25,289 Ahh! 1522 01:08:25,329 --> 01:08:26,929 What the fuck do you think you're doing? 1523 01:08:26,950 --> 01:08:27,909 - This. - Aah! 1524 01:08:27,950 --> 01:08:30,449 Aah! Oh, Christ, not again. 1525 01:08:30,450 --> 01:08:31,450 Uhh! 1526 01:08:31,500 --> 01:08:33,499 [ Music playing ] 1527 01:08:33,540 --> 01:08:34,659 Fight! 1528 01:08:34,700 --> 01:08:36,579 [ MAN ] What? 1529 01:08:36,620 --> 01:08:38,579 Well, quick! 1530 01:08:38,620 --> 01:08:39,949 It's a real fight! 1531 01:08:39,950 --> 01:08:41,579 [ MAN ] It's a fight! 1532 01:08:43,400 --> 01:08:45,080 [ DANIEL ] All right, all right, all right. 1533 01:08:45,104 --> 01:08:46,039 I give up. I give up. 1534 01:08:46,080 --> 01:08:47,829 Just give me a moment, all right? Just... 1535 01:08:47,870 --> 01:08:51,909 Let me get a moment's break here, OK? 1536 01:08:51,950 --> 01:08:52,909 [ Crowd yells ] 1537 01:08:52,950 --> 01:08:54,869 Cheat! 1538 01:08:54,910 --> 01:08:56,499 [ TOM ] Cheat! Cheat! 1539 01:08:56,580 --> 01:08:58,499 ♪ ["It's Raining Men" playing ] ♪ 1540 01:09:04,620 --> 01:09:06,619 I should have knew it! 1541 01:09:12,290 --> 01:09:14,079 [ Speaking native language ] 1542 01:09:18,830 --> 01:09:20,659 Ow, ow, ow, ow! 1543 01:09:20,700 --> 01:09:21,999 Whose side are we on? 1544 01:09:22,040 --> 01:09:23,329 Mark's, obviously. 1545 01:09:23,370 --> 01:09:25,369 He's never dumped Bridget for some naked American. 1546 01:09:25,390 --> 01:09:27,329 And he said he liked her just the way she is. 1547 01:09:27,370 --> 01:09:29,169 Yeah, but he also shagged Daniel's fiancee... 1548 01:09:29,260 --> 01:09:30,380 and left him broken hearted. 1549 01:09:30,410 --> 01:09:32,619 Good point. It's a very hard one to call. 1550 01:09:32,660 --> 01:09:35,369 [ GERRI HALLIWELL ] ♪ [ SINGING ] ♪ It's raining men. 1551 01:09:35,410 --> 01:09:38,499 Hallelujah, it's raining men. 1552 01:09:38,540 --> 01:09:39,909 No, no, no, no, no, no, no! 1553 01:09:39,950 --> 01:09:41,449 [ TOM ] Oh, yes! 1554 01:09:44,080 --> 01:09:45,579 Mark! 1555 01:09:45,619 --> 01:09:47,099 I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, all right? 1556 01:09:47,120 --> 01:09:48,619 Ohh! Ohh! 1557 01:09:48,660 --> 01:09:50,619 Aah! 1558 01:09:50,660 --> 01:09:52,039 Oh, God, I'm sorry. 1559 01:09:52,080 --> 01:09:53,659 I really am sorry. 1560 01:09:53,700 --> 01:09:54,659 I... I will pay. 1561 01:09:54,700 --> 01:09:56,329 Had enough, Darcy? 1562 01:09:56,370 --> 01:09:58,949 Not quite, if that's all right by you. 1563 01:09:59,000 --> 01:10:01,369 [ DANIEL ] Oh! You broke my bloody jaw! 1564 01:10:01,410 --> 01:10:04,659 Happy birthday to you. 1565 01:10:04,700 --> 01:10:08,369 ALL ♪ [ SINGING ] ♪ Happy birthday to you. 1566 01:10:08,410 --> 01:10:12,909 Happy birthday, dear what's-his-name. 1567 01:10:12,950 --> 01:10:17,949 Happy birthday to you. 1568 01:10:19,500 --> 01:10:21,499 It's raining men. 1569 01:10:21,580 --> 01:10:23,869 Hallelujah, it's raining men. 1570 01:10:23,910 --> 01:10:26,499 - Uh... - Ohh... 1571 01:10:26,540 --> 01:10:27,869 - Uhh. - Uhh. 1572 01:10:31,290 --> 01:10:33,409 Jesus. 1573 01:10:33,450 --> 01:10:34,579 Uhh. 1574 01:10:39,370 --> 01:10:40,619 All right. 1575 01:10:40,660 --> 01:10:42,659 - All right? - Enough. 1576 01:10:42,750 --> 01:10:44,539 Enough. 1577 01:10:44,580 --> 01:10:45,580 Enough. 1578 01:10:45,620 --> 01:10:47,079 Wanker. 1579 01:10:50,080 --> 01:10:51,499 [ All gasp ] 1580 01:11:00,830 --> 01:11:02,699 What is your problem? 1581 01:11:02,750 --> 01:11:04,539 - My problem? - Yes. 1582 01:11:04,580 --> 01:11:08,409 You give the impression of being all moral and noble... 1583 01:11:08,450 --> 01:11:09,869 and normal... 1584 01:11:09,910 --> 01:11:11,909 and helpful in the kitchen... 1585 01:11:11,950 --> 01:11:14,079 but you're just as bad as the rest of them. 1586 01:11:14,290 --> 01:11:16,329 Well, I can see that I've been labouring... 1587 01:11:16,410 --> 01:11:18,909 under a misapprehension. 1588 01:11:18,950 --> 01:11:23,579 A very, very foolish mistake. Forgive me. 1589 01:11:37,790 --> 01:11:40,039 [ DANIEL ] Uhh. 1590 01:11:43,750 --> 01:11:46,539 Let's go back upstairs. 1591 01:11:46,580 --> 01:11:47,999 Come on. 1592 01:11:50,950 --> 01:11:53,039 We belong together, Jones. 1593 01:11:54,500 --> 01:11:56,409 Me, you. 1594 01:11:57,620 --> 01:11:59,499 Poor little skirt. 1595 01:12:01,620 --> 01:12:03,659 Right. 1596 01:12:03,700 --> 01:12:07,619 If I can't make it with you... 1597 01:12:07,660 --> 01:12:10,449 I can't make it with anyone. 1598 01:12:12,790 --> 01:12:13,949 Um... 1599 01:12:19,950 --> 01:12:24,329 That's not a good enough offer for me. 1600 01:12:24,370 --> 01:12:26,289 I'm not willing to gamble my whole life... 1601 01:12:26,330 --> 01:12:27,999 on someone who's... 1602 01:12:28,040 --> 01:12:30,999 well, not quite sure. 1603 01:12:32,500 --> 01:12:34,449 It's like you said. 1604 01:12:34,500 --> 01:12:37,909 I'm still looking for something... 1605 01:12:37,950 --> 01:12:40,039 more extraordinary than that. 1606 01:12:59,370 --> 01:13:01,079 [ Singing ] Ding dong, merrily on high. 1607 01:13:01,290 --> 01:13:03,329 [ BRIDGET ] December 25. 1608 01:13:03,410 --> 01:13:06,449 Weight... 140 pounds... 1609 01:13:06,500 --> 01:13:08,079 Plus forty-two mince pies. 1610 01:13:08,290 --> 01:13:11,539 Alcohol units... 1611 01:13:11,540 --> 01:13:12,579 Oh, thousands. 1612 01:13:12,620 --> 01:13:14,369 Bugger off! 1613 01:13:14,410 --> 01:13:16,079 Come on, kids. 1614 01:13:17,910 --> 01:13:20,789 [ JULIAN ] This baroque carriage clock... 1615 01:13:20,830 --> 01:13:23,409 is a particular festive favourite of mine... 1616 01:13:23,450 --> 01:13:26,409 incorporating the Hallelujah Chorus... 1617 01:13:26,450 --> 01:13:27,869 from Handel's "Messiah"... 1618 01:13:27,950 --> 01:13:30,659 every hour on the hour. 1619 01:13:30,700 --> 01:13:31,749 I don't understand it. 1620 01:13:31,790 --> 01:13:33,619 The man's actually turned red now. 1621 01:13:33,660 --> 01:13:35,579 Merry Christmas, Pamela. 1622 01:13:39,870 --> 01:13:41,539 [ Turns off TV ] 1623 01:13:41,580 --> 01:13:42,829 Well... 1624 01:13:42,870 --> 01:13:45,039 I'm going to Bedfordshire. 1625 01:13:52,080 --> 01:13:53,080 Night, night. 1626 01:13:53,120 --> 01:13:54,579 Night, night. 1627 01:13:54,620 --> 01:13:55,620 [ Door closes ] 1628 01:13:58,870 --> 01:14:00,829 [ Clock chimes ] 1629 01:14:08,620 --> 01:14:10,409 The thing is... 1630 01:14:11,540 --> 01:14:14,499 well, close up, he was almost purple. 1631 01:14:15,950 --> 01:14:19,539 You were such a lovely normal colour. 1632 01:14:19,620 --> 01:14:23,449 He had a filthy temper. 1633 01:14:23,500 --> 01:14:25,739 And, well, the jewellery is fabulous... 1634 01:14:25,750 --> 01:14:28,699 and really very reasonably priced and... 1635 01:14:30,000 --> 01:14:32,999 I thought I might ask if... 1636 01:14:35,040 --> 01:14:36,999 we could have another go. 1637 01:14:38,580 --> 01:14:40,619 I mean, obviously, with some effort on your part... 1638 01:14:40,640 --> 01:14:42,499 to pay a bit more attention to me. 1639 01:14:42,540 --> 01:14:45,499 I do realize what I'm like sometimes. 1640 01:14:45,580 --> 01:14:46,806 It doesn't help that you and Bridget... 1641 01:14:46,830 --> 01:14:48,619 have your lovely grown-up club of two... 1642 01:14:48,660 --> 01:14:49,999 and always saying... 1643 01:14:50,040 --> 01:14:52,499 "What's silly old Mummy gone and done this time?" 1644 01:14:52,540 --> 01:14:55,869 You used to be mad about me. 1645 01:14:55,910 --> 01:14:57,749 You couldn't get enough of me. 1646 01:15:01,660 --> 01:15:03,369 What do you think? 1647 01:15:03,410 --> 01:15:05,369 [ Breathes deeply ] 1648 01:15:06,790 --> 01:15:08,699 I don't know, Pam. 1649 01:15:11,000 --> 01:15:13,579 I just don't know now. 1650 01:15:15,910 --> 01:15:17,579 It's been very hard. 1651 01:15:17,620 --> 01:15:20,539 [ Sobs ] Oh, Colin. 1652 01:15:22,000 --> 01:15:24,409 [ Sobs ] 1653 01:15:24,410 --> 01:15:26,949 I'm joking, you daft cow. 1654 01:15:28,010 --> 01:15:29,010 Oh! 1655 01:15:29,040 --> 01:15:30,040 [ Both laugh ] 1656 01:15:31,580 --> 01:15:34,369 Pam, I just don't work without you. 1657 01:15:34,410 --> 01:15:36,289 [ Both laugh ] 1658 01:15:37,290 --> 01:15:39,829 Awful. [ Laughs ] 1659 01:15:39,870 --> 01:15:42,329 [ Pam laughs ] 1660 01:15:43,540 --> 01:15:46,499 Lovely, lovely, lovely. 1661 01:15:46,540 --> 01:15:48,699 Get back up those stairs, young lady. 1662 01:15:48,750 --> 01:15:49,949 Get dressed. 1663 01:15:50,000 --> 01:15:51,369 [ BRIDGET ] What for? 1664 01:15:51,410 --> 01:15:53,369 The Darcys' ruby wedding party. 1665 01:15:53,410 --> 01:15:54,749 What for, indeed. 1666 01:15:54,790 --> 01:15:57,449 Mark will be there... Still divorced. 1667 01:15:57,500 --> 01:16:00,949 He's also still deranged. I'm not going. 1668 01:16:01,000 --> 01:16:03,869 Poor Mark. It's always a bad time of year for him. 1669 01:16:03,910 --> 01:16:06,069 You know, his Japanese wife left him on Christmas Day. 1670 01:16:06,100 --> 01:16:07,369 Cruel race. 1671 01:16:07,410 --> 01:16:09,050 [ BRIDGET ] Yes, but I'm not quite sure... 1672 01:16:09,074 --> 01:16:10,749 he didn't deserve it, actually. 1673 01:16:10,790 --> 01:16:12,709 She ran off with his best friend from Cambridge. 1674 01:16:12,730 --> 01:16:15,039 Total scoundrel, apparently. 1675 01:16:15,080 --> 01:16:16,579 Best man at his wedding. 1676 01:16:16,620 --> 01:16:18,860 [ PAM ] Christmas Eve, Mark comes home early from work... 1677 01:16:18,884 --> 01:16:21,909 finds the pair of them in a most unorthodox position... 1678 01:16:21,950 --> 01:16:24,369 Stark naked, a tit like rabbits. 1679 01:16:29,370 --> 01:16:31,659 Just give me five minutes. 1680 01:16:31,700 --> 01:16:33,226 ♪ [ SINGING ] ♪ Ain't no mountain high enough. 1681 01:16:33,250 --> 01:16:34,250 [ DIANA ROSS ] Oh, ho. 1682 01:16:34,290 --> 01:16:35,499 Ain't no valley low enough. 1683 01:16:35,540 --> 01:16:36,749 Whoo. 1684 01:16:36,790 --> 01:16:38,749 Ain't no river wide enough. 1685 01:16:38,790 --> 01:16:41,749 Stop. Stop the car. Stop the car. 1686 01:16:41,790 --> 01:16:43,949 Dad, get out. Too slow! 1687 01:16:43,999 --> 01:16:45,079 Ain't no valley low enough. 1688 01:16:45,100 --> 01:16:46,539 Say it again. 1689 01:16:46,580 --> 01:16:47,829 Ain't no river wide enough. 1690 01:16:47,870 --> 01:16:50,449 Hey, to keep me from you. 1691 01:16:50,500 --> 01:16:52,329 Dad, get in. 1692 01:16:52,370 --> 01:16:53,499 - Hurry. - What's your hurry? 1693 01:16:55,580 --> 01:16:57,789 Not too fast. 1694 01:16:57,830 --> 01:17:00,949 Keep me from you. 1695 01:17:07,080 --> 01:17:09,369 A bit snowy, isn't it? 1696 01:17:09,410 --> 01:17:10,909 Ain't no mountain high enough. 1697 01:17:10,950 --> 01:17:12,369 Oh, ho. 1698 01:17:12,370 --> 01:17:13,869 Ain't no valley low enough. 1699 01:17:13,910 --> 01:17:15,329 Whoo. 1700 01:17:15,370 --> 01:17:17,329 Ain't no river wide enough. 1701 01:17:17,370 --> 01:17:19,619 To keep me from you. 1702 01:17:19,660 --> 01:17:21,409 Ain't no mountain high enough. 1703 01:17:21,410 --> 01:17:23,749 Ow, ain't no valley low enough. 1704 01:17:23,790 --> 01:17:25,039 Say it again. 1705 01:17:25,080 --> 01:17:26,449 Ain't no river wide enough. 1706 01:17:26,500 --> 01:17:28,949 Hey, to keep me from you. 1707 01:17:29,000 --> 01:17:31,289 Sorry. One moment. 1708 01:17:34,080 --> 01:17:35,449 Thank you for inviting me. 1709 01:17:35,500 --> 01:17:38,409 I didn't. It must've been my parents. 1710 01:17:42,950 --> 01:17:43,950 So... 1711 01:17:44,000 --> 01:17:46,039 So. 1712 01:17:47,580 --> 01:17:48,659 Hello, Bridget. 1713 01:17:48,700 --> 01:17:50,329 Didn't know you were coming. 1714 01:17:50,370 --> 01:17:54,329 [ NATASHA ] Mark, your father wants to begin A.S.A.P. 1715 01:17:54,370 --> 01:17:55,869 Oh, does he? Right. 1716 01:17:55,910 --> 01:17:57,289 Well, uh... 1717 01:17:57,330 --> 01:17:59,449 Come on, Mark. Be helpful, please. 1718 01:17:59,500 --> 01:18:01,289 The caterers have totally screwed up. 1719 01:18:01,329 --> 01:18:02,769 Does nothing work outside of London? 1720 01:18:02,790 --> 01:18:04,579 Hmm? Apparently not. 1721 01:18:05,950 --> 01:18:07,539 Well, I'd better... 1722 01:18:09,450 --> 01:18:11,579 Listen, uh... 1723 01:18:11,620 --> 01:18:15,699 I owe you an apology about Daniel. 1724 01:18:17,450 --> 01:18:19,749 He said that you ran off with his fiancee... 1725 01:18:19,790 --> 01:18:22,409 and left him broken hearted, he said. 1726 01:18:22,450 --> 01:18:23,749 Ah. 1727 01:18:24,749 --> 01:18:26,029 No, it was the other way around. 1728 01:18:26,050 --> 01:18:29,549 It was my wife... 1729 01:18:30,750 --> 01:18:32,289 my heart. 1730 01:18:33,830 --> 01:18:35,869 Sorry. 1731 01:18:35,910 --> 01:18:39,619 That's why you always acted so strangely around him... 1732 01:18:39,660 --> 01:18:44,329 and beat him to a pulp, quite rightly. 1733 01:18:44,450 --> 01:18:45,699 Well done. 1734 01:18:46,750 --> 01:18:47,869 Well, um... 1735 01:18:47,910 --> 01:18:50,039 [ BRIDGET ] Can we just, um... 1736 01:18:50,080 --> 01:18:52,749 pop out there... 1737 01:18:52,790 --> 01:18:54,329 for a moment? 1738 01:18:56,750 --> 01:18:58,659 [ MAN ] Quite delightful, isn't it, my dear? 1739 01:19:00,580 --> 01:19:02,079 [ BRIDGET ] OK. 1740 01:19:03,910 --> 01:19:07,789 [ BRIDGET ] I just have something that I want to say. 1741 01:19:07,830 --> 01:19:09,369 Um... 1742 01:19:09,450 --> 01:19:11,659 You once said that you liked me just as I am... 1743 01:19:11,700 --> 01:19:16,619 and I just wanted to say... like wise. 1744 01:19:16,660 --> 01:19:18,619 I mean... 1745 01:19:18,660 --> 01:19:20,789 there are stupid things your mum buys you. 1746 01:19:20,830 --> 01:19:22,449 Tonight's another classic. 1747 01:19:22,500 --> 01:19:24,999 You're haughty, and you always say the wrong thing... 1748 01:19:25,040 --> 01:19:26,699 in every situation. 1749 01:19:26,790 --> 01:19:29,949 And I seriously believe that you should... 1750 01:19:30,000 --> 01:19:32,039 rethink the length of your side burns. 1751 01:19:33,870 --> 01:19:36,539 But you're a nice man... 1752 01:19:36,580 --> 01:19:37,699 and... 1753 01:19:39,790 --> 01:19:41,329 I like you. 1754 01:19:44,500 --> 01:19:46,449 So if you wanted to pop by sometime... 1755 01:19:46,500 --> 01:19:47,869 that might be nice. 1756 01:19:51,410 --> 01:19:53,539 More than nice. 1757 01:19:55,790 --> 01:19:56,829 Right. 1758 01:19:58,790 --> 01:19:59,909 Crikey. 1759 01:20:01,040 --> 01:20:02,789 [ Father taps glass with silverware ] 1760 01:20:02,830 --> 01:20:04,699 [ FATHER ] Ladies and gentlemen... 1761 01:20:04,750 --> 01:20:08,409 could I have your attention fora moment, please? 1762 01:20:08,450 --> 01:20:09,869 Excuse me. 1763 01:20:13,410 --> 01:20:14,829 Of course. 1764 01:20:14,870 --> 01:20:17,579 Wife and companion Geraldine. 1765 01:20:17,620 --> 01:20:22,659 A toast to her, my... my wonderful wife Geraldine. 1766 01:20:22,700 --> 01:20:24,909 [ ALL ] To Geraldine. 1767 01:20:24,910 --> 01:20:26,659 And we, in turn... 1768 01:20:26,700 --> 01:20:29,579 have been blessed with our son, Mark. 1769 01:20:29,620 --> 01:20:30,829 He's always made usproud... 1770 01:20:30,870 --> 01:20:33,539 and we couldn't be prouder of him... 1771 01:20:33,579 --> 01:20:34,779 than on this particular day... 1772 01:20:34,800 --> 01:20:37,369 because I'm thrilled to announce... 1773 01:20:37,410 --> 01:20:39,699 he has just been invited to be a senior partner... 1774 01:20:39,750 --> 01:20:41,829 in the firm of Abbott and Abbott in New York. 1775 01:20:41,870 --> 01:20:43,539 [ Light applause ] 1776 01:20:46,410 --> 01:20:47,909 [ FATHER ] He also, incidentally... 1777 01:20:47,950 --> 01:20:50,039 takes with him his brilliant partner in law... 1778 01:20:50,080 --> 01:20:52,039 Natasha. 1779 01:20:52,080 --> 01:20:54,079 And, well, I don't think they'll mind... 1780 01:20:54,290 --> 01:20:55,869 since we're amongst friends... 1781 01:20:55,910 --> 01:21:00,499 if I say that someday this remarkably clever girl... 1782 01:21:00,540 --> 01:21:03,869 is going to be something-else-in-law as well. 1783 01:21:03,910 --> 01:21:07,699 ["Here Comes the Bride" plays ] 1784 01:21:09,700 --> 01:21:11,499 I begged him not to say anything. 1785 01:21:11,540 --> 01:21:12,909 [ FATHER ] So I ask you now... 1786 01:21:12,950 --> 01:21:15,039 to charge your glasses once again... 1787 01:21:15,080 --> 01:21:17,659 to Markandhis Natasha. 1788 01:21:17,750 --> 01:21:20,039 [ ALL ] To Mark and his Natasha. 1789 01:21:20,080 --> 01:21:22,699 [ BRIDGET ] No! No! 1790 01:21:26,790 --> 01:21:29,539 It's just that... 1791 01:21:29,540 --> 01:21:31,949 it's such a terrible pity... 1792 01:21:34,540 --> 01:21:37,829 f-for England... 1793 01:21:37,870 --> 01:21:39,619 to lose... 1794 01:21:39,660 --> 01:21:42,039 such a great legal brain. 1795 01:21:42,080 --> 01:21:44,079 - Is she pissed? - What? 1796 01:21:44,290 --> 01:21:47,329 F-for the people of England... 1797 01:21:48,950 --> 01:21:50,499 I like me and you... 1798 01:21:50,540 --> 01:21:54,699 to lose one of our top people. 1799 01:21:54,750 --> 01:21:55,789 Uh... 1800 01:21:56,790 --> 01:22:00,329 just top person, really. 1801 01:22:03,040 --> 01:22:04,579 [ WOMAN ] Ahem. 1802 01:22:05,910 --> 01:22:08,789 Well... better dash. 1803 01:22:08,830 --> 01:22:12,239 [ BRIDGET ] I've got another party to go to. 1804 01:22:12,250 --> 01:22:14,949 It's single people. 1805 01:22:15,000 --> 01:22:17,749 Mainly... poofs. 1806 01:22:21,080 --> 01:22:22,909 Bye. 1807 01:22:22,950 --> 01:22:24,909 [ Crowd murmurs ] 1808 01:22:37,700 --> 01:22:40,999 [ GABRIELLE SINGING ] Knew the sight. 1809 01:22:41,040 --> 01:22:43,579 Wasn't right 1810 01:22:43,580 --> 01:22:45,869 I was stupid. 1811 01:22:45,910 --> 01:22:48,539 For a while. 1812 01:22:48,580 --> 01:22:51,079 Swept away. 1813 01:22:51,290 --> 01:22:54,079 By you. 1814 01:22:54,080 --> 01:22:56,699 And now I feel. 1815 01:22:56,750 --> 01:22:59,369 Like a fool. 1816 01:23:01,040 --> 01:23:03,659 So confused. 1817 01:23:03,700 --> 01:23:06,369 My heart's bruised. 1818 01:23:06,410 --> 01:23:09,909 Was I ever loved by you? 1819 01:23:09,950 --> 01:23:12,409 Out of reach. 1820 01:23:12,450 --> 01:23:15,329 So far 1821 01:23:15,370 --> 01:23:20,539 I never had your heart. 1822 01:23:20,580 --> 01:23:23,039 Out of reach. 1823 01:23:23,080 --> 01:23:25,659 Couldn't see. 1824 01:23:25,700 --> 01:23:31,039 We were never meant to be. 1825 01:23:31,080 --> 01:23:33,659 Catch myself. 1826 01:23:33,700 --> 01:23:36,409 From the spell 1827 01:23:36,450 --> 01:23:41,579 I could drown if I stay here. 1828 01:23:41,620 --> 01:23:43,699 Keepin' busy. 1829 01:23:43,750 --> 01:23:44,869 Every day. 1830 01:23:44,910 --> 01:23:46,909 [ Doorbell buzzes ] 1831 01:23:46,950 --> 01:23:50,539 I know I will be OK. 1832 01:23:50,580 --> 01:23:51,539 Yes? 1833 01:23:51,580 --> 01:23:53,619 [ ALL ] Hi, it's us! 1834 01:23:53,660 --> 01:23:55,999 Oh. 1835 01:23:56,040 --> 01:23:57,949 Great. Come on up. 1836 01:23:59,950 --> 01:24:01,999 Have we got the most fantastic surprise for you. 1837 01:24:02,080 --> 01:24:03,539 Oh, no. You're not going to sing. 1838 01:24:03,540 --> 01:24:05,909 Not that fantastic, sadly, no, but still pretty good. 1839 01:24:05,950 --> 01:24:08,189 We've decided we're taking you to Paris for the weekend. 1840 01:24:08,220 --> 01:24:10,579 Forget everything... particularly, forget about Mark Darcy. 1841 01:24:10,620 --> 01:24:12,749 I can't believe you said what you said you said. 1842 01:24:12,790 --> 01:24:14,079 I know. 1843 01:24:14,080 --> 01:24:16,539 There goes my invite to the Darcys' next year. 1844 01:24:16,580 --> 01:24:18,419 If he didn't leap over the family heirlooms... 1845 01:24:18,459 --> 01:24:20,139 and whip you up in his arms, then sod him. 1846 01:24:20,160 --> 01:24:24,369 Yes. He's clearly the most dreadful cold fish. 1847 01:24:24,410 --> 01:24:25,909 Exactly. 1848 01:24:25,950 --> 01:24:27,056 I mean, there's been all these bloody hints... 1849 01:24:27,080 --> 01:24:28,829 and stuff, but has he ever actually... 1850 01:24:28,870 --> 01:24:30,869 stuck his fucking tongue down your fucking throat? 1851 01:24:30,890 --> 01:24:32,659 No. Not once. 1852 01:24:32,700 --> 01:24:34,180 I think we should pack, shouldn't we? 1853 01:24:34,210 --> 01:24:35,659 Passport, Bridget. And pants. 1854 01:24:35,700 --> 01:24:37,079 Yep, pants. 1855 01:24:37,290 --> 01:24:38,499 Hurry up, Bridge! 1856 01:24:38,540 --> 01:24:40,369 We're freezing our bollocks off out here! 1857 01:24:40,410 --> 01:24:42,579 Yeah. Just the keys. 1858 01:24:43,620 --> 01:24:45,369 I'm stuck! Oh! 1859 01:24:49,330 --> 01:24:50,829 Come the fuck on, Bridget. 1860 01:24:52,500 --> 01:24:53,539 [ JUDE ] Close the door. 1861 01:24:53,580 --> 01:24:54,869 [ MARK ] Bridget? 1862 01:24:54,910 --> 01:24:56,869 [ TOM ] Stop being so bossy. 1863 01:24:58,450 --> 01:25:00,499 What are you doing here? 1864 01:25:00,540 --> 01:25:02,699 I just wanted to know if you were available... 1865 01:25:02,700 --> 01:25:04,100 for barmitzvahs and christenings... 1866 01:25:04,130 --> 01:25:06,169 as well as ruby weddings. 1867 01:25:06,290 --> 01:25:07,699 Excellent speech. 1868 01:25:07,700 --> 01:25:09,789 I thought that you were in America. 1869 01:25:09,830 --> 01:25:13,329 Well, yes, I was, but, um... 1870 01:25:13,370 --> 01:25:15,869 I realized I'd forgotten something back home. 1871 01:25:17,080 --> 01:25:18,329 Which was? 1872 01:25:19,450 --> 01:25:23,289 Well, I realized I'd forgotten to, um... 1873 01:25:24,540 --> 01:25:25,869 kiss you good-bye. Do you mind? 1874 01:25:28,450 --> 01:25:29,579 Um... 1875 01:25:29,620 --> 01:25:31,369 not really, no. 1876 01:25:34,870 --> 01:25:36,539 So... 1877 01:25:36,580 --> 01:25:39,329 you're not going to America, then? 1878 01:25:39,370 --> 01:25:40,909 - No. - No. 1879 01:25:40,910 --> 01:25:41,910 - Not. - Oh, oh. 1880 01:25:41,950 --> 01:25:44,039 You're staying here? 1881 01:25:44,080 --> 01:25:46,039 So it would seem. 1882 01:25:47,080 --> 01:25:49,539 [ ALL ] Aah! 1883 01:25:49,580 --> 01:25:51,539 [ Yelling, honking car horn ] 1884 01:25:51,580 --> 01:25:52,659 [ SHAZZER ] Go, Bridget! 1885 01:25:52,700 --> 01:25:53,659 Friends of yours? 1886 01:25:53,700 --> 01:25:55,499 [ Laughs ] 1887 01:25:55,540 --> 01:25:58,659 No. I've never seen them before in my life. 1888 01:25:58,700 --> 01:26:00,940 [ SHAZZER ] Look, are you coming to fucking Paris or not? 1889 01:26:02,389 --> 01:26:03,389 Not. 1890 01:26:03,410 --> 01:26:05,499 - No fucking room anyway. - No. 1891 01:26:05,540 --> 01:26:07,869 Maybe we should just go upstairs for a minute. 1892 01:26:07,910 --> 01:26:09,999 Yes. Very good idea. 1893 01:26:10,040 --> 01:26:12,499 [ JUDE ] No. Come on, let's go. No. 1894 01:26:12,540 --> 01:26:15,039 Of course she's not coming. 1895 01:26:15,080 --> 01:26:16,749 [ TOM ] Close it down. 1896 01:26:20,500 --> 01:26:22,119 Uh... 1897 01:26:22,250 --> 01:26:23,699 give me just a minute. 1898 01:26:23,700 --> 01:26:26,449 Um... keep yourself busy. Read something. 1899 01:26:26,500 --> 01:26:29,449 Lots of very high-quality magazines... 1900 01:26:29,450 --> 01:26:33,409 with helpful fashion and romance tips. 1901 01:26:34,410 --> 01:26:36,869 I'll be right with you. 1902 01:26:41,000 --> 01:26:42,909 [ Door closes ] 1903 01:26:42,950 --> 01:26:48,289 Definitely an occasion for genuinely tiny knickers. 1904 01:27:18,370 --> 01:27:19,579 Right. 1905 01:27:24,580 --> 01:27:25,869 Right. 1906 01:27:25,870 --> 01:27:27,869 [ Door closes ] 1907 01:27:32,539 --> 01:27:33,539 Mark? 1908 01:27:33,540 --> 01:27:35,539 Mark? 1909 01:27:39,790 --> 01:27:41,699 Mark! 1910 01:27:41,700 --> 01:27:43,449 Mark! 1911 01:27:48,700 --> 01:27:49,700 Oh. 1912 01:27:51,830 --> 01:27:53,869 Oh, shit. 1913 01:28:00,290 --> 01:28:01,909 Double shit. 1914 01:28:11,580 --> 01:28:13,079 [ BRIDGET ] Bollocks! 1915 01:28:13,290 --> 01:28:14,699 Oh, God. 1916 01:28:20,290 --> 01:28:22,829 [ BRIDGET ] Ooh! Wish me luck! 1917 01:28:22,870 --> 01:28:25,329 Good luck, crazy girl! 1918 01:28:25,370 --> 01:28:26,699 Ain't no mountain high enough. 1919 01:28:26,750 --> 01:28:28,699 - Oh, ho. - Ain't no valley low enough. 1920 01:28:28,700 --> 01:28:31,409 - Ooh. - Ain't no river wide enough. 1921 01:28:31,450 --> 01:28:34,659 Oh - To keep me from you. 1922 01:28:34,700 --> 01:28:36,539 Ain't no mountain high enough. 1923 01:28:36,540 --> 01:28:38,699 Ow, ain't no valley low enough. 1924 01:28:38,750 --> 01:28:40,699 Say it again, ain't no river wide enough. 1925 01:28:40,700 --> 01:28:44,329 Hey, to keep me from you. 1926 01:28:44,370 --> 01:28:48,369 Ain't no mountain high enough. 1927 01:28:48,450 --> 01:28:50,409 Nothing can keep me 1928 01:28:50,450 --> 01:28:51,699 Mark? 1929 01:28:51,700 --> 01:28:53,579 Keep me from you 1930 01:28:56,080 --> 01:28:57,449 Mark! 1931 01:28:59,620 --> 01:29:01,749 Oh, damn. 1932 01:29:03,290 --> 01:29:04,579 Ain't no mountain high enough. 1933 01:29:04,620 --> 01:29:07,039 No, ain't no valley low enough 1934 01:29:07,290 --> 01:29:09,749 I am so sorry. 1935 01:29:09,790 --> 01:29:11,079 I'm so sorry. 1936 01:29:11,290 --> 01:29:12,949 I didn't mean it. 1937 01:29:13,000 --> 01:29:14,579 I mean, I meant it... 1938 01:29:14,620 --> 01:29:19,749 but I was so stupid that I didn't mean what I meant. 1939 01:29:22,950 --> 01:29:25,369 Oh, for Christ's sakes. 1940 01:29:28,040 --> 01:29:30,039 It's only a diary. 1941 01:29:31,450 --> 01:29:34,749 Everyone knows diaries are just full of crap. 1942 01:29:38,410 --> 01:29:39,909 I know that. 1943 01:29:39,950 --> 01:29:42,289 I was just buying you a new one. 1944 01:29:42,330 --> 01:29:43,829 Time to make a new start, perhaps. 1945 01:30:00,760 --> 01:30:03,000 [ VAN MORRISON SINGING ] I've been searchin' a long time. 1946 01:30:03,024 --> 01:30:05,023 [ Laughs ] 1947 01:30:05,910 --> 01:30:10,329 For someone exactly like you 1948 01:30:13,870 --> 01:30:17,829 I've been travelling all around the world. 1949 01:30:20,580 --> 01:30:22,409 Waitin' for you. 1950 01:30:22,450 --> 01:30:23,699 To come through. 1951 01:30:25,500 --> 01:30:28,619 Someone like you. 1952 01:30:28,660 --> 01:30:29,629 Will make it all worth while. 1953 01:30:29,660 --> 01:30:31,039 Wait a minute. 1954 01:30:32,120 --> 01:30:34,699 Nice boys don't kiss like that. 1955 01:30:34,750 --> 01:30:36,289 Oh, yes, they fucking do. 1956 01:30:36,330 --> 01:30:38,010 [ VAN MORRISON SINGING ] Keep me satisfied. 1957 01:30:38,034 --> 01:30:41,873 Someone exactly like you. 1958 01:30:45,040 --> 01:30:48,039 Someone exactly like you. 1959 01:30:51,870 --> 01:30:55,499 Someone exactly like you. 1960 01:30:59,910 --> 01:31:02,369 The best is yet to come. 1961 01:31:05,540 --> 01:31:08,539 The best is yet to come. 1962 01:31:13,330 --> 01:31:15,329 [ New song begins ] 1963 01:31:22,870 --> 01:31:26,449 [ ROBBIE WILLIAMS ] ♪ [ SINGING ] ♪ Have you met Miss Jones? 1964 01:31:26,500 --> 01:31:30,039 Someone said as we shook hands. 1965 01:31:30,080 --> 01:31:33,949 She was just Miss Jones. 1966 01:31:34,000 --> 01:31:36,699 To me. 1967 01:31:38,540 --> 01:31:41,499 And now I've met Miss Jones. 1968 01:31:42,790 --> 01:31:45,539 And we'll keep on meeting. 1969 01:31:45,540 --> 01:31:48,539 Till we're done. 1970 01:31:48,540 --> 01:31:50,909 Miss Jones and I. 1971 01:31:53,370 --> 01:31:54,699 Whoa, fellas. 1972 01:32:23,540 --> 01:32:25,659 And all at once 1973 01:32:25,750 --> 01:32:27,579 I lost my breath. 1974 01:32:27,620 --> 01:32:29,659 And all at once. 1975 01:32:29,700 --> 01:32:31,659 Was scared to death. 1976 01:32:31,700 --> 01:32:33,449 And all at once 1977 01:32:33,500 --> 01:32:36,619 I owned the earth. 1978 01:32:36,620 --> 01:32:38,789 And sky. 1979 01:32:40,870 --> 01:32:44,949 Now I've met Miss Jones. 1980 01:32:45,000 --> 01:32:48,079 And we'll keep on meeting. 1981 01:32:48,290 --> 01:32:51,289 Till we're done. 1982 01:32:51,330 --> 01:32:53,699 Miss Jones and I. 1983 01:32:55,330 --> 01:32:57,659 Miss Jones and I. 1984 01:32:59,080 --> 01:33:06,829 Miss Jones and I. 1985 01:33:10,580 --> 01:33:12,329 How! 1986 01:33:12,370 --> 01:33:15,749 SHELBY LYNNE ♪ [ SINGING ] ♪ I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. 1987 01:33:15,790 --> 01:33:18,039 It was so careless of me. 1988 01:33:20,000 --> 01:33:23,329 I guess I've gone and done it. 1989 01:33:23,370 --> 01:33:25,579 It's just a matter of time. 1990 01:33:27,000 --> 01:33:28,749 Nothing I can do. 1991 01:33:28,790 --> 01:33:31,039 But tell you I'm sorry. 1992 01:33:31,040 --> 01:33:38,079 And that's the hardest part of all. 1993 01:33:38,290 --> 01:33:45,829 'Cause your love's the killin' kind. 1994 01:33:45,870 --> 01:33:53,829 Your love's the killin' kind. 1995 01:33:53,870 --> 01:33:55,999 Yeah 1996 01:33:56,040 --> 01:33:58,579 I'd rather walk on glass. 1997 01:33:58,620 --> 01:34:03,789 Than see tear drops in your eyes. 1998 01:34:03,830 --> 01:34:06,079 And I'd fall to pieces. 1999 01:34:06,290 --> 01:34:07,999 Just to hold you. 2000 01:34:08,040 --> 01:34:10,659 The best thing in my life. 2001 01:34:10,700 --> 01:34:14,829 And it's just luck I get to love you. 2002 01:34:14,870 --> 01:34:18,499 You're the one thing that's right. 2003 01:34:18,540 --> 01:34:22,499 You're the light in my hell's darkness. 2004 01:34:22,540 --> 01:34:29,999 'Cause your love's the killin' kind. 2005 01:34:30,040 --> 01:34:37,909 Your love's the killin' kind. 2006 01:34:37,950 --> 01:34:39,659 Oh, yeah. 2007 01:34:41,500 --> 01:34:43,499 I just might cry now. 2008 01:34:43,540 --> 01:34:44,999 Lie. 2009 01:34:45,040 --> 01:34:47,289 Lay down and die now. 2010 01:34:48,750 --> 01:34:50,949 You've done it to me. 2011 01:34:52,450 --> 01:34:56,829 You're puttin' me under 2012 01:34:56,870 --> 01:34:59,329 I close my eyes at night. 2013 01:34:59,370 --> 01:35:01,579 Sittin' under sky 2014 01:35:01,580 --> 01:35:04,749 I love you and all is pleasures. 2015 01:35:04,790 --> 01:35:06,579 Baby, feels so right. 2016 01:35:06,620 --> 01:35:11,579 My arms won't be of any use at all. 2017 01:35:11,620 --> 01:35:15,949 If I can't hold you. 2018 01:35:16,000 --> 01:35:23,699 'Cause your love's the killin' kind. 2019 01:35:23,700 --> 01:35:27,659 Your love's the killin' kind. 2020 01:35:27,700 --> 01:35:29,699 [ New song begins ] 2021 01:35:36,080 --> 01:35:39,829 [ ROBBIE WILLIAMS ] Not of this earth. 2022 01:35:41,620 --> 01:35:44,949 You've changed places with the sun. 2023 01:35:47,580 --> 01:35:50,369 I know that you're the one. 2024 01:35:52,790 --> 01:35:55,449 I love what we've become. 2025 01:35:57,750 --> 01:36:01,869 Not of this earth. 2026 01:36:03,370 --> 01:36:06,579 Not surprised we're unashamed. 2027 01:36:08,620 --> 01:36:11,789 She's gonna have to change her name. 2028 01:36:14,330 --> 01:36:16,829 Then we'll know they'll be the same. 2029 01:36:19,370 --> 01:36:23,749 She's not of this earth. 2030 01:36:23,790 --> 01:36:29,499 And I believe we've seen the worst. 2031 01:36:29,540 --> 01:36:33,369 If I ever leave this world. 2032 01:36:34,870 --> 01:36:36,949 You will have a song to sing. 2033 01:36:37,000 --> 01:36:40,499 So you know what you're worth 2034 01:36:40,599 --> 01:36:50,599 Download movie subtitles or Load it directly from url on TheSubtitles.net140417