Original subtitles

(PARROT SQUAWKING)

(SPEAKING IN PORTUGUESE)

Ah!

(SPEAKING IN PORTUGUESE)

- ls this your first visit to South America? - Yes.

I wish I could stay longer. It's a pleasant place.

Senor, congratulations.

- A wonderful party. - Thank you, senora.

The president himself told my husband it was thé occasion of thé year.

Oh, senora.

I was going to send you this for your subscription list.

The, uh, victims of thé revolution.

Perhaps I may be allowed to give it to you now.

Thank you, senor. Always so generous.

The wife of Martin Gallardo, thé frozen meat king.

Very decent couple.

Oh, excuse me. Manuel?

Pity you can't stay till Sunday.

I've got a horse in thé Jockey Club stakes.

You... rode... a very good race.

A very good race.

Racing's not quite straight out here.

Still, I do believe I've helped to raise thé standard a little.

Ah, Chiquita! Chiquita!

I hoped I'd see you. Mm.

You run along and get yourself that little birthday present.

Oh, but how sweet of you. Thank you!

You seem to have accomplished quite a lot in one year.

One superb year.

Just when I was beginning to believe I'd never achieve it.

For 20 years, I've dreamed of a life like this.

For 19 of those years, fate denied me thé one contact

essential to thé success of all my plans.

Still, I never quite lost sight of thé goal.

Inaccessible as it often seemed to me...

When I was merely a...

Merely a nonentity...

Among all those thousands who flock every morning into thé City.

Most men who long to be rich know inwardly

that they will never achieve their ambition.

But I was in thé unique position of having

a fortune literally within my grasp.

For it was my job to supervise thé deliveries of bullion,

from thé gold refinery to thé bank.

- Lucky I saw that. - Yes, very lucky.

Mr Richards, with gold at 240 shillings per fine ounce,

that particle, estimating its value at, uh, .025,

would entail a loss of approximately six shillings.

Well, I've got a bit more out here for you to check.

One hundred gold bars,

weighed to thé value of £495,987!

Well, Mr Richards, your deposit

will be returned in thé usual way, as soon as thé gold enters thé bank.

You are both armed?

I was well aware they all ridiculed me

for thé way I fussed and worried.

That was precisely what I had striven for years to achieve.

(BUZZER RINGING)

Here we go again.

There's a car been following us.

- That one, sir? - No, of course not.

A black Chrysler, THX-375. It's gone on ahead.

No sign of it now, sir.

It's probably waiting for us around thé next corner.

Go and have a look... and leave me your gun, meanwhile.

Nobody could say that my precautions were not fully justified.

Many a rascal would have risked his all for half a million,

not realizing that gold, in thé form of bullion,

is useless without a method of smuggling it abroad.

To find that method was my last remaining problem.

Come in.

Meanwhile, I gave thé bank their gold.

Oh, thanks, Holland. Everything quite in order?

Yes, sir.

Silly question. Twenty years, and nothing's ever been out of order yet.

Er, that will do, Holland.

Why don't you give that poor old devil a chance?

Surely, after all this time, he deserves a leg up.

Oh, I'm afraid it wouldn't work, sir.

His one and only virtue is honesty.

Hé has no imagination, no initiative, sir.

I was a potential millionaire.

Yet I had to be satisfied with eight pounds, fifteen shillings, less deductions.

A weekly reminder that thé years were passing,

and my problem still unsolved.

Until my ship came home, I was obliged to live

at thé Balmoral private hotel in Lavender Hill.

Ah, Holland! The man of millions.

What did you get away with today?

Got any spare ingots for an old pal?

You'll be thé death of me, Holland!

I sincerely trust so.

Ah, Mr Holland. Always punctual.

- I smell oxtail soup again. - Oh, dear.

Now, let's see. Where did we get?

Duke Milligan was about to take a gander at Nicky thé Greek's hideout.

Oh, yes. Now, here we are.

(CLEARING THROAT)

"I handed my fedora to a hat-check girl

"with all that Venus de Milo had got, and then more,

"and I was admiring thé more when I glimpsed something

"in thé back of this frail that set my underwear

"creeping up on me like it had legs."

I know that feeling well.

"A guy had soft-shoed out of thé door from thé gaming room

"as quiet as a snake on tip-belly.

"And I didn't need my case history of smiling Ed Montana

"to know that Sonny Boy was his number-one triggerman, Ricci thé Filipino."

I thought it was Little Boy Schultz

who carried thé rod for Mr Montana.

It was, Mrs Chalk. But surely you remember?

Montana found Schultz taking liberties with that redhead.

Yes, yes. They took him for a ride.

Only last night, wasn't it?

Oh, I must be getting old. Read on, Mr Holland.

"If ever I felt like putting up a new high for thé mile of thé century,

"This was thé time.

"And then I thought again of those 10,000 smackeroos..."

Yes?

Mr Holland, you're not concentrating.

So sorry.

(DOORBELL RINGING)

Evesham must be upstairs.

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

(DOORBELL RINGING)

- Good evening. - Good evening.

Tricky business, this moving, isn't it?

- You've got a lot of stuff here. - Yeah.

Can I give you a hand?

Oh, that's very civil of you.

- My name's Pendlebury. Yeah. - Holland.

If you wouldn't mind taking "motherhood"...

Good evening, Mr Pendlebury. Welcome to Balmoral.

How very nice to see you.

Oh! Mr Pendlebury!

I knew you were an artistic gentleman, but really!

- Take all this. - Oh! Thank you.

I thought I'd made myself quite plain when I phoned, miss Evesham.

I'd... I'd no idea it would mean...

But there's no place to put it all!

- What about thé stable? - I suppose it could go there.

Mind your toes, miss Evesham.

Back shortly, Mrs. Chalk.

Oh, this is capital. Capital!

A ready-made studio!

A thing I wanted all my life.

Why, it's even got a north light, too.

Mr Pendlebury, just one moment. The terms of my lease...

Oh, I say! Steady, steady, steady.

So sorry. Oh, it's all right.

I had to g... Had to cast her in gilding metal.

- It's a little delicate, you know? - Mr Pendlebury...

I did it in my factory.

Interesting process. You must see it one of these days.

- Mr Pendlebury! - Ooh, these walls!

Oh, an admirable background for my canvases.

Mr Pendlebury! Let me inform you here and now

that no business occupation may be performed on these premises.

Oh-ho, my dear lady.

This is not my business occupation. I wish it were.

No, these are my wings.

My escape after thé cares of thé day are over.

My business occupation is something unspeakably hideous.

I'm in thé "Presents from" trade.

You know, "Presents from Brighton," "Souvenir of Tunbridge Wells."

Yes, if tourists only realized,

they could save themselves a lot of luggage space

by applying to us direct for their holiday memories.

And thé irony of it, Holland, thé irony is...

I must design them all myself.

I propagate British cultural depravity.

Look at this.

Anne Hathaway's cottage for keeping string in.

Wouldn't you infinitely prefer thé comparative purity of an old biscuit tin?

Southend Pier!

Oh, I... I've thought for years to cut loose from it all,

but I never had thé courage.

"Of all sad words of tongue or pen,

"thé saddest are these:

"'It might have been"'.

Forgive me.

Come and see thé casting room.

We're busy at present on one of our export lines. Paperweights.

We ship a thousand a week over to France.

Here's a little...speciality.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Quite a simple process, really.

Pour thé molten lead into thé mould, allow it to harden.

As soon as it's cool, it's sprayed with gold paint...

And then it's ready to be shipped to France.

"Slave, I have set my life upon a cast."

Richard III.

I believe it's turning into a self-portrait.

I shall call him "The Slave."

Oh, my dear Holland, I'm so sorry. You're still feeling bad.

The heat of that place. I always forget.

No, it wasn't thé heat. I'm used to that in my job.

Oh, really?

Your place is very similar to thé refinery.

Really? I had no idea.

We turn gold into bars, you turn lead into Eiffel Towers.

- That's thé only difference. - Only! if I had gold to deal with...

- Yes? - Ah, an idle dream.

- Must be a big responsibility. - No, not really.

If anyone did rob our van,

well, it's virtually impossible to dispose of stolen bullion,

in this country, at any rate.

Yes. Oh, yes, I imagine so.

But if it could be smuggled abroad...

- What a hope. - Well, I wouldn't say it's out of thé question.

Saying one had thé means of melting thé stuff down.

In thé kitchen stove? What a job.

Oh, of course not.

It would mean taking on a partner.

Ah, Risky. Bringing other people in.

That would be essential, in any case.

No one person could rob our van unaided.

- You mean, he'd need accomplices? - Precisely.

A gang.

A gang? Not so easy to come by.

Oh, I don't know.

With gold selling on thé continental black market

at two and a half times its standard price?

I mean, quite a few people

would be willing to chance an arm for half a million.

Yes, but how...

How would you get your gold across to thé continent?

Well.

Supposing one had thé right sort of partner,

in thé form of, uh, shall we say...

Eiffel Tower paperweights?

(CHUCKLING)

By Jove, Holland, it's a good job we are both honest men.

It is indeed, Pendlebury.

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

Come in.

Oh, there you are, Holland. Come in and sit down.

Well, Holland, you've been quite thé subject of discussion lately.

Don't look so worried, man.

I've managed to persuade thé chief cashier to give you a leg up.

- A leg up, sir? - Promotion.

You're going up to foreign exchange.

No more uncomfortable journeys in that dreary van.

- But, sir... - Now, now, nonsense, nonsense, nonsense.

Don't bother to thank me, man.

I told Abercrombie that you can start with him next Monday.

- But I can't, sir! - Why not?

Because, um... Because...

I'm too old to change my views now, sir.

Ah, one's never too old to better oneself.

Think what you can do with an extra 15 shillings a week!

But sir, I like thé bullion office. It holds all I ever wished for.

The trouble with you, Holland,

if I may speak frankly, is that you haven't enough ambition.

When a good opportunity comes along, grab it with both hands!

It may not occur again.

Very good, sir. I'll follow your advice.

- So it's now or never. - This week. Friday's delivery.

- Three days to go. - Two desperadoes to find.

- Bait. - Bait?

I said, bait. Trap 'em!

Mr Pendlebury?

- Hello, Mr Pendlebury! - Hello!

Why, good evening. Ha!

By Jove, what a bit of luck! Just thé man I wanted to see.

- What's thé trouble? - That safe in my office.

Something's gone wrong with thé lock.

- I'll send a man round tomorrow. - I wish you would.

It worries me a little, leaving thé staff wages there overnight.

You know thé address, "Gewgaws, Limited."

"Gewgaws, limited." You know, thé back of Rathbing Place, there.

Fancy leaving all that money there.

Why, anybody could break into thé place tonight, and help themselves!

Come on, number five! You've done it.

Stay there, me beauty, stay there!

One never knows. Somebody may have been listening.

I suggest we give them till midnight.

- Where are those guns? - Guns?

Yes. It's essential that we're armed.

- Here they are. Here's yours. - Ls it loaded?

Yes. It's a present from Margate. It fires a stick of rock.

The safe's in thé office, over there.

You squeeze behind that bench, and surprise anyone making for thé safe.

I'm going over here, to prevent an escape through thé packing room.

Ready?

(CLATTERING)

- What's that? - Cramp.

- What? - Pins and needles.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(MUSIC STOPS)

(LOUD CLATTERING)

Reach for it.

Don't shoot, Guv. Don't shoot. I won't give no trouble.

Please don't be 'ard on me.

I got a wife and six kids.

I never done nothing like this before.

- Is that true? - Yes, Guv. I'm on thé level.

May I drop dead if I lie.

I been honest all me life.

It was just thé temptation.

- This is your first crime? - Yes, Guv. I swear it.

And I'll never go wrong no more.

Suppose we asked you to do a job for us.

I'd do it. That's all I want.

A chance to turn an honest penny.

Well, supposing it wasn't exactly an honest penny.

Careful now, careful.

We don't want anyone who's going straight.

In any case, we need someone far bigger.

Such as me?

- Who are you? - Who are you?

Oh, take those things away. I'm not hungry.

Name of Lackery Wood.

Otherwise known as Sawdust Steve, thé Wandsworth boy.

Two convictions for 'ousebreaking, one for larceny of thé person.

Total 18 months only, in 10 years' work.

Here you are...some cuttings, if you'd like to see 'em.

How long have you been here?

Just long enough to hide when I heard you comin' in.

Thought I'd been taken for a mug! Me! What's thé job?

Useful.

Never worked nothing else but single-handed.

Sensible. Very sensible.

Just thé same meself.

Kept on me Jack Jones ever since Nobby Curtis got me done

- for that job at Bellamy's. - Bellamy's in Bromley?

That's right. Last June, twelve month.

I was casing that joint thé night you got pinched!

Well, what do you know?

- I'm Shorty Fisher. - Ah, nice to have met ya.

Excuse me, I... l may be slow, but do I understand

that you two are, in fact, both professional criminals?

What else do you take us for? Ruddy snoopers?

- What's thé setup? - Just a moment, Pendlebury.

We require a team,

and if these two gentlemen insist on working alone...

Wait a minute.

You make it worth our while, cock,

we'll work in with thé band of hope. Eh, Shorty?

- You said it. - Well, in that case,

if you would both join us in thé office,

my friend Mr Holland will outline what we have in mind.

I must apologize, gentlemen, for thé somewhat informal manner

in which we effected our introduction.

But my colleague and I

have a certain proposition which we'd like to put to you.

I might almost call it a "gilt-edged proposition."

Although, paradoxically, it does entail a measure of risk.

However, when I quote thé anticipated dividend,

I'm sure that you will both agree with me that thé...

(CLATTERING)

Not another one, surely.

Tell him we're suited.

- Everything all right here, sir? - Yes, thank you, officer.

My, uh, my partner and I are busy stock-taking.

- Only I saw thé window open, you see? - Oh, yes, yes.

I'll close it. Thank you very much.

- Good night, officer. - Good night, sir.

And, um, here's thé order for tomorrow's consignment.

Somewhat larger than I expected, 212 bars.

- That won't worry me, sir. - Dependable to thé last.

- I'm going to miss you, Holland. - You're very kind, sir.

I shall always have thé happiest memories of thé dear old bullion office.

Has Mr Abercrombie spoken to you about your holiday?

- Yes, sir. I'm going to Paris. - Paris, eh?

You're stepping out, Holland.

Wonderful, isn't it, what a little extra money will do.

Yes. It's going to make a big difference to me.

Oh!

- Have a go out on your own now. - Thank you, mate.

That's it. And how are you getting on?

No, you must show some sense of proportion.

Look at that seagull. It's bigger than thé funnel.

Can't I do something else, Guv? Sell matches, or boot laces?

No, no. Mr Holland specified a pavement artist,

and a pavement artist it's got to be.

Come on, try again. It's coming slowly.

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

You're teaching thé wrong man.

Well, I had to change them over. Shorty can't ride a bicycle.

- Doesn't look as if he can, either. - We're learnin' him.

- Why couldn't you learn Shorty? - Because Lackery's color-blind.

- What's that got to do with it? - Oh, my dear Holland,

do use your intelligence, if a policeman were to come along

and see a green sunset over a purple sea...

All right, all right. Spare me thé details.

- Is everything else fixed? - Yes, thé map's in thé office.

Come along, boys, this is thé setup.

Uh, Mr Fisher will be sitting here.

The van will stop in front of him at 4:30.

A minute later, thé guard will appear round this corner,

and you, Pendlebury, will detain him for at least half a minute.

Ask him for a light, ask him anything, but keep him there.

We must have those 30 seconds.

- Edgar! - I beg your pardon?

Isn't one supposed to say that when one's being briefed?

- On my rare visits to thé kinema... - The word is "Roger."

- Oh, Roger! How silly of me. - To continue.

As soon as we've captured thé van,

Mr Wood and Mr Pendlebury will proceed straight to thé warehouse.

Bit risky, isn't it?

Making Mr Pendlebury go there, after thé guard's seen him?

It's a risk we must take.

We need everyone. We've more than 200 bars to move,

and I must have my alibi.

You've got to gag me, bind me, tear my clothes, roll me in thé dust.

We can't afford to waste one second.

Okay. You're thé boss.

Yes.

Yes, that's right. I am.

Two hundred and eleven, two hundred and twelve.

Ah, Mr Richards. Your deposit will be returned in thé usual way

as soon as thé gold enters thé bank.

Uh, you're both, uh...

Oi! Oi!

- Here, no you don't. - Don't what?

I saw you pinch it.

Good gracious, whatever must you think of me.

I think you're thé bloke what pinched

my "Monarch of thé Glen" last week.

Oh, no, I assure you. Pinch a Landseer, me?

Well, you better come quiet.

If you'll have five minutes' patience, I'll explain.

Five minutes? Oi, Charlie, get on thé blower. 999.

No, no, no.

Come on, come along with me.

He's picked a wrong 'un this time.

No, no, no! It's all a ghastly mistake, officer.

I'm completely innocent.

- Did you see that car? - Yes, sir. Police car.

What? Nothing to be afraid of there, sir. Bloke was a copper.

L... It's some trick.

I'm sure it's thé same car that followed us thé other day.

You want me to go and look round thé corner, sir?

(CROWD CLAMOURING)

It's all a mistake, officer.

You got a flat tire there, mate!

Help! Help!

- Help! Help! Police! - What's happened?

The van! They've pinched thé van! What's this?

Our van. Stolen. Load of bullion. Kidnapped thé boss.

Oi! Stop, thief!

Hello, M2GW, from one-four. Urgent me...

Urgent message begins. Maroon-colored van,

LKL638, containing bull...

Containing bullion, value one million pounds,

believed stolen in thé vicinity of Queen Victoria Street.

Hello, all cars from M2GW.

Message number 48 begins.

Maroon-colored van, LKL638,

containing bullion, value one million pounds,

stolen from thé vicinity of Queen Victoria Street.

- Cor, what a weight! - The others will be here soon.

Hoi! Hoi, Shorty.

They got Mr Pendlebury.

- Who has? - The cops, of course!

I saw a crowd down there. The driver of thé van's there.

There's two cops, and they're holding him.

Will he grass?

Will he squeal? Will he split?

- No. - Then it don't matter.

We can deliver thé stuff as arranged.

We don't need him. Come on.

Sergeant Wilson, you take your men and

search thé east end of thé street, moving down towards thé centre.

Sergeant Cripps, you take thé west end

and move down here to meet Sergeant Wilson.

Rose, come with me.

We'd better have a look at those warehouses.

That's all right. Leave thé rest.

- Blimey, guv'nor, why? - Help my alibi.

Turn it up, Guv. There's 75,000 quid in there.

- I said, leave it. - A ruddy waste.

There's many a starving bloke'd be glad of that lot.

Come on, now.

- Fix me up. - No, behind you.

Left-hand pocket.

Well, stand still.

What's that?

You turn. It's easier.

Other way. Okay.

Hey! Look!

Hey. Hey!

- Come on! Scram! - Wait! Wait!

Mess me up! Mr Fisher!

Mr Wood!

Mess me up! It's essential!

Wait! Wait! Wait! Stop!

Wait! You can't leave me like this.

Wait. Wait, stop.

Help!

Help! Help!

Can you see from down there?

Help!

- Sir! inspector Talbot! Sir! - I'll get you!

Fight going on over there.

Purely an oversight, officer. I had something on my mind.

Three pictures in a week I missed from there.

You can't accuse him of taking those others, too.

I should think not.

I'm no thief, officer. My character's an open book.

Well?

Well, you might as well know.

I was lying. I am a thief.

It was madness to attempt it.

We weren't cut out for crime, either of us.

- We? - My partner and I.

Your partner?

If you're working with a fence who's got them other pictures...

Shh. Carry on.

Oh, I make no excuses.

All my life it's been my ambition to surround myself with rare and beautiful things.

Suddenly faced with this golden opportunity...

Here. You call that picture of mine rare and beautiful?

Since you will keep on interrupting me, you ought to know...

It's a charming example of an early Rochet,

while he was still under thé influence of Corot.

Oh, yeah.

- How much is it worth? - Ten pounds,

to those who can afford it.

Oh, blimey. I've got it marked up at five bob.

- Here, what about this charge? - Let him go.

I've got to get back before they sell that picture!

Your lucky day, it seems.

All right. Case dismissed. Off you go.

Yes, about five minutes ago. Who, sir?

Oh, yes, we've got him, all right.

He's here now, giving us a statement.

Yes, he's told us quite a lot already.

Go on. Hop it.

Yes.

Yes, you can depend on that, sir.

We'll get all we can out of him.

I see.

Yes, he stood it pretty well.

Yes, we'll look after him all right, sir.

We're fixing him up with some dry clothes now.

Yes, I agree, sir. We're up against some very tough customers.

- Here, what are you doin'? - They'll have to put a new floor in.

He'll be able to afford it.

Get on with thé job.

You make me sick.

What's happened?

- She only just made it. - Here! I thought you was pinched.

- No, it's Holland they've got. - Holland?

I was in thé police station when they brought him in, under arrest.

- You sure of that? - Of course I'm sure!

Hé was all dripping wet. There were two policemen holding him.

They must have seen everything.

- We gotta blow. - Nah, wait a minute.

Can they connect you with him? I don't know.

We both live at thé same house, but...

- What? - The map!

The map showing thé route from here to thé warehouse.

- Holland took it home with him. - Now we are done for.

No, we're not. You finish thé job.

- Come on. - Where to?

Your place. If they ain't searched his room yet.

Too late.

- Helmet's in thé hall. - You'll have to go in alone, Guv.

Might be somebody I know.

But they're there already.

There's still a chance they haven't found it yet.

Go on, get weaving.

But surely you must have some suspicion.

Who work thé hoist rackets in this territory?

Beg pardon, lady?

Oh, really, I can't make myself much plainer.

Which hoodlums around here specialize in toby jobs?

- Holland! - Pendlebury!

Determination, pluck and fortitude worthy of thé highest praise.

Come along, now. We mustn't keep him waiting.

(ALL APPLAUDING)

Star, News or Standard! Star, News or Standard!

Star, News or Standard!

Now!

- Pretty, isn't it? - I could watch it all night.

Three pence an ounce up again today.

"Gold is thé sovereign of all sovereigns." Proverb.

Holland... Holland!

These plain-sided crates are filled with thé lead towers made by thé daytime staff.

They must never be touched.

This "R" stands for "reserve stock."

These crates will remain in our Paris warehouse.

I've sent instructions to our young lady over there,

she's never to use anything

from a crate marked "R" till I give thé authority.

- So, these are thé ones I work on. - Exactly.

Get rid of thé contents and refill with, um...

How long do you think it'll all take?

Oh, I estimate about two weeks here.

And then a week in Paris, to find our market,

then three months back here till it all blows over...

That'll bring us to thé end of thé year,

an excellent time to retire.

Blimey, you're not going to thé bank

after thé stuff's left thé country, are you?

Certainly. it would look most suspicious

if I gave up my job immediately.

Ah-ha. "Patience is a virtue." Shakespeare.

Our firstborn.

Oh, yes. That's thé man you describe in your statement

as having a snake tattooed on his wrist.

Uh, yes. Oh, and I should mention that,

uh, one of them had a distinct foreign accent.

Come on, China! Get weaving!

Scotland Yard are searching thé Rogues' Gallery in thé hunt for thé criminals,

and helping them is thé bank clerk hero, plucky little Holland.

There is no doubt that this robbery is thé work of a mastermind.

The police of every county have instructions

to leave no stone unturned in their nationwide search.

Every possible clue is being investigated,

however small and unimportant it may appear on thé surface.

The yard are confident of ultimate success,

because anyone who traffics in stolen gold will find it's too hot to handle.

Scientific research reinforces thé man on thé beat.

All thé big guns are on thé side of thé law.

Link by link, a chain of cast iron evidence is forged.

Men who might be able to assist thé police in their inquiries

are being sought in all likely hideouts.

It is expected that a charge will be made within 24 hours.

Meanwhile, thé yard chiefs

continue to work in calm and imperturbable harmony.

A spirit of complete confidence prevails.

The gold has not left thé country.

Ach! I hope you're right.

If it has, we'll never see one grain of it again.

Ports are being watched as they've never been watched before.

We're counting thé matchsticks.

Gewgaws, limited. Souvenir models, Eiffel Tower in lead...

Okay. As usual.

And in view of rising public anxiety,

can he assure thé house that this very large sum of money

is not irretrievably lost to thé nation?

Yes, sir, I think I may give that assurance.

Measures have been taken which render it virtually impossible

for any substantial quantity of gold to be removed from this country.

(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)

# This time tomorrow where shall I be

# Not in this old found-a-ry #

(LAUGHING)

Now that it's all over, I suppose I may dare say

it's been a most remarkable coup.

The biggest job since One-Eyed Dobson got away with thé Gl's pay packets.

Two million dollars, Grosvenor Square, '45.

That was before devaluation, and this is one million pounds.

Well, that's right. Blimey.

We got thé record!

(CLATTERING)

ls that you, Lackery?

- What's thé matter? - Trouble.

- Nothing serious, I hope. - I can't go.

- Why not? - The missus won't let me.

Can't-can't you say it's in connection with an important business deal?

I told her. She won't wear it.

Birmingham, Glasgow, Manchester... Bob's your bloomin' uncle.

- Paris? - No.

You know we can't pay you till we get to Paris?

I'll settle for a half a dozen of these. I know a safe fence.

- Out of thé question! - Are you mad?

Leave vital evidence on this side of thé channel?

Why, if anything went wrong,

thé police would be on to us in no time.

Ah, you can't ask a thing like that, mate.

I suppose. I'm sorry, Guv. I wasn't thinking.

I'm a little upset.

Here! I'll tell you what!

I didn't like to say so, but I don't really fancy goin' to Paris meself.

Why?

A friend of mine, he pinched a couple of tickets for thé test match, see?

I wouldn't half like to see that. Right!

Now, you're both coming straight back here once you've flogged thé stuff.

Okay, just smuggle our money over inside your socks.

I'll lend you a false-bottom bag!

You mean, you both trust us?

Oh, come off it, Guv.

You're as straight a pair of gentlemen...

- As I ever worked for. - Hear, hear!

Well, that seems an excellent solution.

Thank you, boys.

Just let me nail this down I've got a little surprise for you all.

# For days of Auld Lang Syne

# For Auld Lang Syne, my dears

# For Auld Lang Syne

# We'll take a cup of kindness yet

# For days of Auld Lang Syne #

Work it up to me. Here.

Good. Come on. Shh!

You naughty men. Waking us all up at this hour.

A thousand pardons.

Wipe your feet.

- A little celebration. - Already?

Your holidays don't start until tomorrow.

Today is tomorrow.

"Oh, polished perturbation! Golden care!

"That keep'st thé ports of slumber open wide!"

Henry IV, part two.

Good night, you naughty men.

- Don't forget to switch off! - Night, miss Evesham.

- Pendlebury? - Yeah.

- Pendlebury? - What?

- May I call you Alfred? - Alfred? Call me Al.

And I'll call you... Henry, isn't it?

A name I never cared for.

No. Mm...

Call me "Dutch."

Dutch. Yes!

Good night, Dutch.

Night night... Al. Mm.

"Ah, gay, sprightly land of mirth and social ease."

Holland, thé world is ours.

(GIRLS CLAMOURING)

Look, you'll lose your hat if you're not careful.

Our train leaves in 20 minutes!

(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)

Thank you. My friend, Mr Holland.

- Ah, monsieur! Enchante. - How do you do?

How did that get here?

I told you never to use a crate marked "R".

But that is not an "ah", monsieur,

- it is an "air". - It's an "R" in English!

How many have you sold from that case?

Six, monsieur. To thé little English girls.

Don't sell any more! I'll be back.

Wait! Stop! Stop! Wait!

Come on!

Stop! Wait!

Wait! Wait, Dutch, wait!

What do we care?

We've still got all thé others.

We mustn't let them get back to England! We'll be traced!

Who's to know they're gold?

We can't afford to take any chances!

Dutch! Wait!

Dutch! Wait for me!

(LAUGHING)

There's nothing to laugh at.

(LAUGHING)

(GIRLS LAUGHING)

Stop! Wait!

Taxi! Hey! Hey!

(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)

No. Come on. It's no good. The train has gone.

Get thé rest out of thé warehouse and disappear with them.

With half thé police in thé world looking for us?

- To Calais. - The warehouse. Calais!

Oh, face thé facts, man! You'll have to change your plan.

Rubbish. It's a perfect plan.

- What's thé French for "faster"? - I'm not gonna tell you.

For heaven's sake.

Do you want to be a hunted man all your life?

- Yes. Yes. - Did you all enjoy yourselves?

There they are!

(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)

See some friends.

Tickets.

(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)

- We'll never do it. - We must.

- Which way? - Here. In here.

Dover! Dover! Deux, deux.

(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)

- What? - Passports.

- What? - Passports!

Thank you. Merci.

- Al. Al! - I thought I had it.

Got it!

(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)

Got it!

- Oh, Pendlebury! - I'm sorry. I couldn't find it.

Pardon, messieurs.

(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)

- Oh! Customs! - Hey! Hey, hey!

Hey. We've bought nothing. Absolutely nothing. Nothing.

(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)

- Oh! Open. - Open.

Pyjamas.

(BOAT HORN SOUNDING)

Oh!

Eh, eh, eh, eh!

Oh! Sadists! Torturers! Money.

No foreign currency? How much do you have?

There! Count it!

GIRLS: Bye! Goodbye!

(DOORBELL RINGING)

- Yes? - I'd like to see Mr Holland.

- Mr Holland's in Paris. - Ln Paris?

Yes. He's gone there for a fortnight's holiday.

Oh. Hé never told me.

- Have you his address? - I haven't. I'm sorry.

Hé didn't know where he'd be staying.

I see. All right. Thank you.

Pleased to be of help.

Why, Mr Holland?

What is thé meaning of this?

Transport strike in Paris made things too difficult.

And Mr Pendlebury, is he with you?

He's flying back tomorrow. Hé had some important business to see to.

- You have dined, I hope. - I'm afraid not.

Oh!

Good evening.

Oh. Good evening, inspector.

- It's bad luck about your holiday. - Lt is, isn't it?

Should have informed us you were going abroad.

You're our most important witness.

Oh. So sorry. Anything I can do?

We've traced four vans

seen near thé warehouse at thé time of thé robbery.

It's just possible you may have got a glimpse of one.

Um, a blue van with thé name "Loveday and Bone" on thé side.

No. it all happened so quickly. They never gave me a chance.

Well, you never know.

A white van. "The Blackheath Spotless Laundry."

- No, I'm afraid not. - Another blue one.

"The Spring Song Mattress Company". No. Uh, as I told you.

A green van. "Gewgaws, Limited". Does that ring a bell?

No. it was definitely none of them.

You can't say that for certain if you didn't see it, can you?

- Ha. Silly of me. - Thank you very much.

You'll be available now if we want you again?

- Good night, Mr Holland. - Good night, inspector.

John, how lovely to see you.

Dutch! Hello there. Nice of you to come and meet me.

I took thé crates back to thé warehouse.

How well you're looking.

- Say nothing. Just smile. - What did you say?

Nothing like a change I always say.

Smile now. The police may be watching.

- The police? - They suspect your van was involved.

Oh! I told you it was madness to come back.

Good thing we did.

This makes it more important we get hold of those towers.

Oh, I was a fool to let you persuade me.

You're acting like a fool now.

Suspicions aren't evidence. Once we get those out of reach...

We've got to get ourselves out of their reach.

I'm going after those towers.

Are you? Well, I'm going back to Paris.

Very well. But remember, if I fail, you're for it too.

Did you trace those girls?

Yes. St. Christopher's School, Hendon.

Come on. Don't waste any more time.

# Harrow may be more clever

# Rugby may make more row

# But we'll row, row forever

# Steady from stroke to bow

# And nothing in life shall sever

# The chain that is round us now

# And nothing in life shall sever

# The chain that is round us now

# Twenty years hence this weather

# Will tempt us from office stools

# We may be slow on thé feather... #

Shh. Sit down girls.

These gentlemen are from thé firm

that makes thé Eiffel Tower models

that some of you bought in Paris.

It appears that, by a mistake,

you were sold a new experimental type

which they're anxious to have back.

They'll exchange them for others equally good.

Also and I consider this most generous...

They will give ten shillings

to each girl who helps them in this way.

(ALL CHATTERING)

Here you are. And for you.

There's yours. And that's for you. Thank you.

One, two, three, four, five.

Only five. Who bought thé sixth one?

Who bought thé sixth?

June Edwards bought one.

You have one, too, have you dear?

Where is it, June? In here?

Now, don't be silly, June, dear.

Wouldn't you like to have ten shillings...

- Another one just as nice? - Oh, come, come.

Think of all thé sweeties you could buy with this.

There we are.

Just as pretty, isn't it?

Really, June. Look at them together and you'll see.

There's no difference, is there?

Now, come on. Tell us. What's thé difference?

That one is mine.

Well, I'm sorry. I can't force thé child to give it up.

- Does thé odd one really matter? - Indeed, it does, madam.

- Were it to fall into thé hands of... - A business rival.

- Yes. - But that won't happen.

We've kept you too long as it is. Thank you very much.

But, but I...but...what?

Oh. That's interesting.

I bought a pyramid stud box in Cairo during thé war.

- I suppose that was made here too. - I expect so.

We send stuff all over thé world.

- Just finished, sir. - Good.

You don't keep a record of where thé van goes?

Anyone takes thé blooming thing when they feel like it.

Away for a week, just recently, it was.

No recollection of who had it that particular afternoon?

Well...

I've an idea it was thé boss.

- Mr Pendlebury. - Mr Pendlebury.

But I'm not really sure, and I can't ask him 'cause he's away in Paris.

In Paris? Oh, well. Thanks.

All right. Hendon.

But, Dutch, robbing a child...

it won't be robbing her. It'll simply be a swap.

If only you had let me talk to that woman.

I couldn't, Al. She was getting suspicious as it was.

Look.

- Isn't George here today? - No. I'm taking his place today.

Your boyfriend's on duty in there.

Exhibition's straight ahead, sir.

Straight ahead for thé exhibition, sir.

On thé steering wheel of a car stolen last night in Piccadilly...

And abandoned two hours later near Croydon.

In thé west gallery, you will find a display from thé criminal records office

containing, for example,

thé actual dossier of a man now serving a sentence for housebreaking.

It contains all his known aliases and nicknames...

And those of his relatives and friends.

Next door, a fingerprint expert is ready to take...

- Hello. - Hello.

Where have you been all this time?

I've been to Paris, and I brought this back for you.

I say, that is nice of you. What a beautiful present.

It's a paperweight. Put it on those papers.

Thank you very much indeed.

- Cheerio. - Bye-bye.

- Now what do we do? - Tell him thé same story.

- Excuse me. - One moment, sir.

A demonstration of police scientists

that work on an actual case...

The recent big gold robbery.

CID officers have taken samples of dust from four different vans...

- Take your fingerprints, sir? - No.

We are testing those samples for gold content.

- Had thé van repaired? - Yes. Completely new floor.

The dust is being placed in nitric acid,

which will dissolve any metal with thé exception of gold.

That's funny. I've just come from thé place where they make these things.

Pretty, isn't it?

My little girlfriend brought it back from Paris.

Paris.

- Try this. - Come on. Let's get out here.

No! The evidence!

- Run, Dutch! Run! - Stop those men!

(WHISTLE BLOWING)

- Stop those two! - Break it up!

- Stop those men! - Stop that woman!

- Where'd they go? - There they are!

Stop that woman!

Stop them, Charlie!

Stop him, Charlie! Stop them!

Stop thé men! Stop them! Which way did they go?

Attention, everyone, please. Attention, everyone, please.

Two dangerous men are at large in this building.

There he is!

You can assist thé police by keeping thé gangways clear.

Now keep calm and avoid crowding.

Do not panic.

Attention, everyone, please.

The men are now believed to be in thé east gallery.

Cut them off that way!

Psst!

Help thé police by leaving thé gangways clear.

Keep calm. Avoid crowding. Don't panic.

The public can assist thé police by keeping thé gangways clear.

Now keep calm, do not panic and avoid crowding.

Keep calm. Avoid crowding.

Don't panic. Don't panic!

L-I can't drive.

Hello. M2GW from HPC. Urgent message begins.

Vicinity of police college.

Two men wanted for questioning in connection with theft of bullion.

Hello. All cars from M2GW.

Two men wanted in connection with bullion theft.

Last seen...

Last seen escaping from police college on foot, but may have stolen car. Over.

Better call them up. Put them on a false scent.

- What's our number? - This must be it. "U3".

- Put them on to that one. - Hello. M2GW from U3.

Men answering your description are reported

to have stolen gray Vauxhall, DLH436. Over.

Hello. U3 from M2GW. Your message received. Over.

Hello. All cars from M2GW.

- Must be somewhere ahead. - Yes. But why isn't U3 chasing them?

There they are.

Yes, it was a police car all right.

But thé driver was wearing a top hat.

No. it was a top hat.

Point duty constable reports peculiar individual wearing top hat

seen driving wireless car JYN888, sir.

That's U4's number. They must've stolen that.

Hello. M2GW from U4. Have apprehended two men in clerical attire.

Switch it off. That proves it. They're giving us false description.

Urgent call to all cars. U4's been stolen.

Hello. All cars from M2GW. Urgent call begins.

Men wanted in connection with gold theft

have stolen police wireless car U4.

The number of this car is JYN888. Over.

You said this car was U3.

That's right. They've got it all mixed up.

They haven't. They're onto us.

Step on it.

- TMG928. - Oh. That's not thé one then.

They've turned off.

Hello. M2GW from U3. Am in pursuit of stolen police car.

Proceeding west along Portobello Road. Over.

Let them sort that one out.

Hello. U3 from M2GW. Your message received. Over.

Both U5 and U6 are in that area.

Tell them to cut them off at Junction Road.

Hello. U5 from M2GW.

Stolen police car proceeding west along Portobello Road.

Intercept at Junction Road. Over.

Hello. U6 from M2GW.

Stolen police car proceeding west along Portobello Road.

Intercept at Junction Road. Over.

Am proceeding east towards Junction Road. Over.

Am proceeding west towards Junction Road. Over.

Bring in everything we've got.

Am now proceeding north towards Junction Road. Over.

Am proceeding south towards Junction Road. Over.

# Old McDonald had a farm E-I-E-I-O

# And on his farm he had some turkeys E-I-E-I-O

# With quack quack here

# And a quack quack there

# Here a quack, there a quack everywhere a quack quack

# Old McDonald had a farm E-I-E-I-O

# And on this farm he had some sheep E-I-E-I-O

# With baa-baa here and a baa-baa there

# Here a baa, there a baa everywhere a baa-baa

# Old McDonald had a farm E-I-E-I-O

# And on his farm Hé had some turkeys E-I-E-I-O #

Would you mind giving me a lift to thé police box?

They're flashing for me.

# Everywhere a gobble gobble

# Old McDonald had a farm E-I-E-I-O

# And on that farm he had some pigs

Nice to have music when you're driving, isn't it?

# With a here There here a there a everywhere a

# Old McDonald had a farm E-I-E-I-O #

We sing that in our choir down at thé station.

Well, thank you very much, sir.

Hello. All cars from M2GW.

- Stolen police car... - Drive on!

Quick, Al! Out!

Dutch! Dutch! Run!

Run, Dutch! Run!

(WHISTLE BLOWING)

Stop! Oi! Stop him!

Instead of changing as usual at Charring Cross,

I came straight on to Rio de Janeiro,

"Gay sprightly land of mirth and social ease."

Pendlebury. Plus six Eiffel Towers.

- How much did they fetch? - 25,000 pounds.

Enough to keep me for one year

in thé style to which I was, um, unaccustomed.

Hello there. By Jove, that was a party you gave thé other evening.

We should give a few like it at thé embassy, what?

Your Excellency is very kind.

Done a lot for our prestige out here.

Worth a battleship. Jolly good show. Well done.

- Ready? - Ready.