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1
00:00:02,242 --> 00:00:04,275
It feels like it
wasn't that long ago
2
00:00:04,277 --> 00:00:06,544
we were here doing
this for Halley.
3
00:00:06,546 --> 00:00:09,080
'Cause it wasn't.
4
00:00:09,082 --> 00:00:10,982
Which reminds me,
before we leave,
5
00:00:10,984 --> 00:00:13,117
let's get you a vasectomy.
6
00:00:13,119 --> 00:00:17,889
Oh, that's sweet, but
today is all about you.
7
00:00:19,592 --> 00:00:22,527
So, you two ready to find
out the sex of this baby?
8
00:00:22,529 --> 00:00:23,795
Yeah.
Absolutely.
9
00:00:23,797 --> 00:00:25,263
Is Halley hoping
10
00:00:25,265 --> 00:00:27,065
for a little brother
or a little sister?
11
00:00:27,067 --> 00:00:28,399
Well, she's nine months old,
12
00:00:28,401 --> 00:00:32,470
so unless it jingles or is
in my bra, she doesn't care.
13
00:00:32,472 --> 00:00:35,840
And how about you two?
14
00:00:35,842 --> 00:00:39,077
You know, for the first one,
we really wanted a girl,
15
00:00:39,079 --> 00:00:41,779
but this time around, we
don't have a preference.
16
00:00:41,781 --> 00:00:44,849
Yeah. Boy, girl,
as long as it's healthy.
17
00:00:44,851 --> 00:00:46,985
Well, it's a boy.
18
00:00:46,987 --> 00:00:48,753
(heartbeat pulsing)
19
00:00:48,755 --> 00:00:51,522
Oh.
Oh.
20
00:00:51,524 --> 00:00:55,093
Come on, you can't
really be disappointed.
21
00:00:55,095 --> 00:00:57,095
Hey, I barely know
how to be a man myself.
22
00:00:57,097 --> 00:00:59,097
Now I have
to teach someone?
23
00:00:59,099 --> 00:01:03,134
As the saying goes,
“Those who can't do, teach”"
24
00:01:04,170 --> 00:01:06,204
Don't you want a little
version of Howard?
25
00:01:06,206 --> 00:01:09,540
I already have a little
version of Howard.
26
00:01:10,477 --> 00:01:12,110
Now I'm having a son?
27
00:01:12,112 --> 00:01:14,912
I'll have to teach him
how to play sports,
28
00:01:14,914 --> 00:01:17,382
and-and watch sports
29
00:01:17,384 --> 00:01:20,351
and-and-and-and-and-and...
30
00:01:20,353 --> 00:01:23,521
He just ran out of man things.
He's in trouble.
31
00:01:25,625 --> 00:01:27,492
It's okay. We're
all here to help.
32
00:01:27,494 --> 00:01:31,062
Yes. And this baby will have
plenty of manly role models.
33
00:01:31,064 --> 00:01:33,398
Now, I'm certain that whatever
Bernadette can't teach him,
34
00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:34,665
Penny can.
35
00:01:36,002 --> 00:01:38,102
Uh, she can pee into a bottle.
36
00:01:38,104 --> 00:01:39,170
Mm-hmm.
37
00:01:39,172 --> 00:01:41,406
Anything with a neck
wider than a nickel.
38
00:01:43,343 --> 00:01:46,778
Howie, there's a lot of amazing
things you can teach a son.
39
00:01:46,780 --> 00:01:50,048
Yeah. You do always know how
to pick just the right antacid.
40
00:01:50,050 --> 00:01:53,051
I don't know if
I can teach that.
41
00:01:53,053 --> 00:01:55,520
It's just something
I was born with.
42
00:01:55,522 --> 00:01:57,555
Come on. You can build things.
43
00:01:57,557 --> 00:01:59,090
You were an astronaut.
44
00:01:59,092 --> 00:02:00,558
That's true.
45
00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:02,894
You know, as a kid,
I used to make model rockets.
46
00:02:02,896 --> 00:02:04,729
That'd be pretty cool
to do with a son.
47
00:02:04,731 --> 00:02:07,365
Model rockets. Finally,
something interesting.
48
00:02:07,367 --> 00:02:10,635
What is your preferred
mode of recovery?
49
00:02:10,637 --> 00:02:12,870
Sheldon, we're helping
our friends.
50
00:02:12,872 --> 00:02:16,107
And we got to model
rockets, yeah?
51
00:02:16,109 --> 00:02:19,310
It was a tedious road,
but well worth the effort.
52
00:02:19,312 --> 00:02:21,979
- So, have you thought of any names?
- Amy.
53
00:02:21,981 --> 00:02:23,147
We finally got
to model rockets.
54
00:02:23,149 --> 00:02:24,582
Why are you
turning back?
55
00:02:25,919 --> 00:02:29,320
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
56
00:02:29,322 --> 00:02:32,924
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
57
00:02:32,926 --> 00:02:34,459
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
58
00:02:34,461 --> 00:02:37,395
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
59
00:02:37,397 --> 00:02:39,697
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
60
00:02:39,699 --> 00:02:42,300
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
61
00:02:42,302 --> 00:02:44,235
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
62
00:02:44,237 --> 00:02:45,270
♪ Bang! ♪
63
00:02:45,271 --> 00:02:49,271
♪ The Big Bang Theory 11x04 ♪
The Explosion Implosion
Original Air Date
64
00:02:49,272 --> 00:02:55,072
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
65
00:02:55,469 --> 00:02:56,802
Hey, where are you going?
66
00:02:56,804 --> 00:02:58,570
Back to the dry cleaner.
Look at this.
67
00:02:58,572 --> 00:03:01,040
They didn't get the stain
out of my Starfleet uniform.
68
00:03:01,042 --> 00:03:04,076
Well, if you didn't make me wear
the green body paint in bed,
69
00:03:04,078 --> 00:03:07,079
you wouldn't have to get it
dry-cleaned so much.
70
00:03:07,081 --> 00:03:08,981
Nah, it's worth it.
71
00:03:10,351 --> 00:03:11,583
(Skype ringtone playing)
72
00:03:11,585 --> 00:03:12,951
Hey, wait, it's your mom.
73
00:03:12,953 --> 00:03:15,888
Oh, too bad.
She just missed me!
74
00:03:19,327 --> 00:03:20,659
Hey, Beverly.
75
00:03:20,661 --> 00:03:22,161
Oh, hello, Penny.
76
00:03:22,163 --> 00:03:23,362
Uh, Leonard just left.
77
00:03:23,364 --> 00:03:25,664
He's gonna be so upset
he missed your call.
78
00:03:25,666 --> 00:03:27,399
Why?
79
00:03:27,401 --> 00:03:29,268
Because he...
80
00:03:29,270 --> 00:03:30,602
Yeah, I don't know.
81
00:03:30,604 --> 00:03:32,638
How are you?
82
00:03:32,640 --> 00:03:35,074
Did you mean personally
or professionally?
83
00:03:35,076 --> 00:03:36,575
Um, personally?
84
00:03:36,577 --> 00:03:38,644
Like, what'd you do last night?
85
00:03:38,646 --> 00:03:40,913
I had Cuban food
at the home of a man
86
00:03:40,915 --> 00:03:44,917
with whom I shared
unsatisfying intercourse.
87
00:03:46,754 --> 00:03:49,321
Wow. Okay.
88
00:03:51,058 --> 00:03:53,459
And to anticipate
your next questions,
89
00:03:53,461 --> 00:03:56,729
roasted pork
and sideways missionary.
90
00:03:59,266 --> 00:04:02,735
Sure. Sure.
'Cause you were full.
91
00:04:04,839 --> 00:04:07,606
I haven't looked
at all this stuff in years.
92
00:04:07,608 --> 00:04:08,941
Had it.
93
00:04:08,943 --> 00:04:10,476
Had it.
94
00:04:10,478 --> 00:04:13,379
Burnt down my garage with it.
95
00:04:13,381 --> 00:04:15,447
I had three model rockets
as a kid,
96
00:04:15,449 --> 00:04:18,450
and that was the largest
space program in India.
97
00:04:18,452 --> 00:04:22,054
You have a replica Saturn V?
98
00:04:22,056 --> 00:04:25,057
Yeah. My dad bought it
before he, you know,
99
00:04:25,059 --> 00:04:26,992
abandoned our family.
100
00:04:26,994 --> 00:04:29,094
Lucky duck.
101
00:04:29,096 --> 00:04:33,899
Could never bring myself to
open it without him. (chuckles)
102
00:04:33,901 --> 00:04:35,501
It's silly.
103
00:04:35,503 --> 00:04:36,635
No, it's not silly.
104
00:04:36,637 --> 00:04:38,704
I always wanted my dad
to build rockets with me,
105
00:04:38,706 --> 00:04:41,039
but he wasn't interested.
106
00:04:41,041 --> 00:04:42,508
Ah, yes, disappointing
fathers.
107
00:04:42,510 --> 00:04:43,909
Tell me about it.
108
00:04:43,911 --> 00:04:46,979
I remember for my 16th birthday,
my dad bought me a Mercedes.
109
00:04:46,981 --> 00:04:50,182
Like, a little one,
like a starter Mercedes.
110
00:04:51,619 --> 00:04:52,785
He had barely handed me the keys
111
00:04:52,787 --> 00:04:54,520
before he had
to rush back to work.
112
00:04:54,522 --> 00:04:57,790
I didn't see him again till,
like, pretty late that night.
113
00:05:00,594 --> 00:05:02,461
Anyway...
114
00:05:03,864 --> 00:05:07,566
...as angry as I was
with him leaving,
115
00:05:07,568 --> 00:05:09,735
building this stuff
is probably what led me
116
00:05:09,737 --> 00:05:11,270
to become an engineer.
117
00:05:11,272 --> 00:05:13,505
I suppose, in his own way,
118
00:05:13,507 --> 00:05:15,507
my dad also encouraged me
to pursue science.
119
00:05:15,509 --> 00:05:17,342
I mean, he is the one
that taught me
120
00:05:17,344 --> 00:05:19,611
that flatulence
is combustible.
121
00:05:20,681 --> 00:05:24,616
And also, polyester
gym shorts don't burn.
122
00:05:24,618 --> 00:05:26,118
They melt.
123
00:05:27,822 --> 00:05:29,855
Yeah, I guess I'm an
astrophysicist because,
124
00:05:29,857 --> 00:05:32,324
as a kid, I said I like
to look at the stars,
125
00:05:32,326 --> 00:05:35,527
so my dad sent me to Hawaii
to visit the Keck telescope.
126
00:05:38,332 --> 00:05:40,499
Screw you. My pain is real.
127
00:05:44,205 --> 00:05:46,805
You know what?
Forget the past.
128
00:05:46,807 --> 00:05:50,075
What do you say you and
me build this rocket?
129
00:05:50,077 --> 00:05:51,810
That sounds like
it could be
130
00:05:51,812 --> 00:05:53,645
a real bonding
experience for us.
131
00:05:53,647 --> 00:05:54,680
Right?
132
00:05:54,682 --> 00:05:55,647
Oh, I see.
133
00:05:55,649 --> 00:05:57,850
Oh, you think
that's a positive.
134
00:06:01,989 --> 00:06:04,756
So, you don't want to hang out
with Sheldon and Howard?
135
00:06:04,758 --> 00:06:07,292
No, they were bonding
over their sad childhoods,
136
00:06:07,294 --> 00:06:11,163
and my stupid parents
were always there for me.
137
00:06:12,399 --> 00:06:13,732
What's all this?
138
00:06:13,734 --> 00:06:15,934
I'm just boxing up all
the clothes Halley's outgrown.
139
00:06:15,936 --> 00:06:17,903
Guess we won't
need them anymore.
140
00:06:17,905 --> 00:06:19,238
Oh, well, slow down.
141
00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:21,240
I'm sure there's some
you could reuse for a boy.
142
00:06:21,242 --> 00:06:24,409
“Daddy's little girl”?
143
00:06:24,411 --> 00:06:27,079
Okay, well, what if we, uh,
change it to say,
144
00:06:27,081 --> 00:06:29,548
“Daddy's little girl magnet”?
145
00:06:29,550 --> 00:06:31,350
Boom! Boy shirt.
146
00:06:33,220 --> 00:06:34,386
What about this?
147
00:06:34,388 --> 00:06:35,754
Uh, okay.
148
00:06:35,756 --> 00:06:38,257
Uh, pull off the skirt, slap
a lightning bolt on the front,
149
00:06:38,259 --> 00:06:39,992
and you got baby Flash.
150
00:06:39,994 --> 00:06:41,193
Ooh.
151
00:06:41,195 --> 00:06:42,394
Stick a long sleeve under it.
152
00:06:42,396 --> 00:06:44,763
Boom! Baby Sheldon.
153
00:06:46,300 --> 00:06:47,966
Wow, you're really good at this.
154
00:06:47,968 --> 00:06:49,101
Oh, please.
155
00:06:49,103 --> 00:06:50,335
This isn't my first time
156
00:06:50,337 --> 00:06:53,005
turning girl clothes
into boy clothes.
157
00:06:53,981 --> 00:06:56,915
Why? You got your sister's
hand-me-downs?
158
00:06:56,917 --> 00:07:00,252
Yeah, that.
159
00:07:02,557 --> 00:07:05,525
Oh. I should've
brought peanuts.
160
00:07:05,527 --> 00:07:07,560
You can't eat peanuts.
You're allergic.
161
00:07:07,562 --> 00:07:10,763
If you die, who's going
to drive me home?
162
00:07:10,765 --> 00:07:12,331
I'm not gonna eat them.
163
00:07:12,333 --> 00:07:13,866
It's a thing
they do at JPL.
164
00:07:13,868 --> 00:07:15,935
When the Ranger mission finally
had a successful launch,
165
00:07:15,937 --> 00:07:17,236
there were peanuts
in the room.
166
00:07:17,238 --> 00:07:20,006
Ever since then,
they have them at every launch.
167
00:07:20,008 --> 00:07:22,608
That sounds like
a silly superstition.
168
00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:25,077
It's more of a tradition.
169
00:07:25,079 --> 00:07:27,513
Oh! I do love a tradition.
170
00:07:27,515 --> 00:07:31,183
Could you pull over
at the next peanut store?
171
00:07:31,185 --> 00:07:34,153
I don't think
that's a real thing.
172
00:07:34,155 --> 00:07:35,521
Oh, don't be pedantic.
173
00:07:35,523 --> 00:07:37,156
Any nut store will do.
174
00:07:37,158 --> 00:07:41,594
I-I don't think we can
get peanuts out here.
175
00:07:41,596 --> 00:07:44,931
Ah, well, then
this whole day's ruined.
176
00:07:44,933 --> 00:07:48,935
Now that I think about it, maybe
it is more of a superstition.
177
00:07:48,937 --> 00:07:50,670
Whew! That was close.
178
00:07:55,310 --> 00:07:57,443
(ringtone playing)
179
00:07:59,247 --> 00:08:02,214
Oh, uh, hey, Beverly, you called
my phone, not Leonard's.
180
00:08:02,216 --> 00:08:05,284
Actually, I was hoping
to speak with you.
181
00:08:05,286 --> 00:08:06,919
Is this a good time?
182
00:08:06,921 --> 00:08:08,754
Uh, that depends.
183
00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:10,456
What time is it where you are?
184
00:08:10,458 --> 00:08:11,624
Uh, just after 5:00.
185
00:08:11,626 --> 00:08:13,926
(clears throat)
Yeah, that counts.
186
00:08:13,928 --> 00:08:16,462
What's up?
187
00:08:16,464 --> 00:08:19,799
Well, I enjoyed our conversation
the other day,
188
00:08:19,801 --> 00:08:21,867
and I was hoping to continue it.
189
00:08:21,869 --> 00:08:23,069
Really?
190
00:08:23,071 --> 00:08:25,371
Uh, yes. You may
find this surprising,
191
00:08:25,373 --> 00:08:28,641
but I don't have a lot of
what you would call girlfriends.
192
00:08:28,643 --> 00:08:32,511
(exaggerated):
What?
193
00:08:32,513 --> 00:08:35,915
Of course, there are
my female colleagues,
194
00:08:35,917 --> 00:08:37,850
but, uh, they're all Freudians,
195
00:08:37,852 --> 00:08:41,354
so the only boy that I can
dish about is my father.
196
00:08:41,356 --> 00:08:43,656
(laughs)
197
00:08:47,562 --> 00:08:48,824
Uh, well, you know,
I'm here for you.
198
00:08:48,825 --> 00:08:50,224
What do you want to talk about?
199
00:08:50,226 --> 00:08:53,427
Well, last time,
we focused on my life.
200
00:08:53,429 --> 00:08:55,296
If we're going to be
real girlfriends,
201
00:08:55,298 --> 00:08:56,997
we should talk about you
as well.
202
00:08:56,999 --> 00:08:58,432
Well, you know,
if we're gonna be
203
00:08:58,434 --> 00:09:00,468
real girlfriends,
we should get a third girl
204
00:09:00,470 --> 00:09:03,270
we can trash behind her back.
205
00:09:03,272 --> 00:09:06,107
Oh, so we'd be catty.
206
00:09:06,109 --> 00:09:08,843
Oh, I like it.
207
00:09:08,845 --> 00:09:10,911
What about Sheldon's fiancée?
208
00:09:10,913 --> 00:09:13,881
She seems a bit dour.
209
00:09:13,883 --> 00:09:16,584
Ooh, “dour.”
210
00:09:16,586 --> 00:09:18,285
Meow.
211
00:09:23,125 --> 00:09:24,424
All right.
212
00:09:24,426 --> 00:09:25,792
Here we go.
213
00:09:25,794 --> 00:09:28,061
L-minus ten, nine...
214
00:09:28,063 --> 00:09:30,297
Wait, what are you doing?
It's “T-minus”"
215
00:09:30,299 --> 00:09:32,866
I was an astronaut.
We used L-minus.
216
00:09:32,868 --> 00:09:34,868
But this is a Saturn V,
217
00:09:34,870 --> 00:09:36,403
and when they launched those,
they said “T-minus”"
218
00:09:36,405 --> 00:09:39,673
It's my rocket!
We're doing it my way.
219
00:09:39,675 --> 00:09:42,175
Fine.
220
00:09:43,612 --> 00:09:45,512
I'm not saying
I know why your dad left,
221
00:09:45,514 --> 00:09:47,814
but I think I'm getting an idea.
222
00:09:49,685 --> 00:09:50,784
L-minus
223
00:09:50,786 --> 00:09:52,719
ten, nine, eight,
224
00:09:52,721 --> 00:09:53,987
seven, six...
225
00:09:53,989 --> 00:09:57,691
'Cause you're
kind of bossy.
226
00:09:57,693 --> 00:10:00,727
...five, four, three, two,
227
00:10:00,729 --> 00:10:02,195
one...
228
00:10:06,201 --> 00:10:09,336
I remember them
going up higher.
229
00:10:17,977 --> 00:10:19,043
Well, that's perfect.
230
00:10:19,045 --> 00:10:21,011
I mean, the one thing
I thought I could
231
00:10:21,013 --> 00:10:23,748
do with my son,
I can't even do that right.
232
00:10:23,750 --> 00:10:27,218
Well, if you want to see it
again, I got it on video.
233
00:10:27,220 --> 00:10:30,054
Looks pretty cool
in slow motion.
234
00:10:30,056 --> 00:10:31,756
Thank you for
your support.
235
00:10:31,758 --> 00:10:34,024
You're welcome.
I was being sarcastic.
236
00:10:34,026 --> 00:10:35,659
How dare you!
237
00:10:37,730 --> 00:10:39,997
Sheldon, what am I
gonna do?
238
00:10:39,999 --> 00:10:44,068
I mean, what do I know
about raising a boy?
239
00:10:44,070 --> 00:10:48,005
What do you know
about raising a girl?
240
00:10:49,342 --> 00:10:52,109
Oh, my God, you're right.
241
00:10:52,111 --> 00:10:55,312
Well, I don't know if
that was sarcasm or not.
242
00:10:55,314 --> 00:10:58,749
So, either you're welcome,
or hey!
243
00:11:03,389 --> 00:11:05,523
(phone chimes)
244
00:11:07,293 --> 00:11:09,093
Leonard, did you really
just text me from the couch
245
00:11:09,095 --> 00:11:11,695
to put extra mustard
on your sandwich?
246
00:11:11,697 --> 00:11:14,832
I was worried you might not
check your e-mail.
247
00:11:17,336 --> 00:11:18,335
(phone chimes)
248
00:11:18,337 --> 00:11:20,471
I swear to God,
I will throw this out.
249
00:11:20,473 --> 00:11:22,206
That one was not me.
250
00:11:22,208 --> 00:11:24,041
Oh, wait, it was just your mom.
251
00:11:24,043 --> 00:11:25,676
My mother's texting you?
252
00:11:25,678 --> 00:11:27,778
Yeah. We've been talking
a lot lately.
253
00:11:27,780 --> 00:11:29,847
Why?
254
00:11:29,849 --> 00:11:33,751
She sick of talking to
the magic mirror on the wall?
255
00:11:33,753 --> 00:11:36,120
No, I think she's lonely.
256
00:11:36,122 --> 00:11:37,755
She's been reaching out.
257
00:11:37,757 --> 00:11:41,192
Okay, just be careful.
258
00:11:41,194 --> 00:11:42,793
You think you're
getting close to her,
259
00:11:42,795 --> 00:11:45,229
and the next thing you know,
you're featured in a book
260
00:11:45,231 --> 00:11:49,867
called He's Doing It On Purpose:Raising a Teenage Bed-Wetter.
261
00:11:49,869 --> 00:11:51,802
No, it's not like that.
262
00:11:51,804 --> 00:11:54,004
You know, she's been
opening up about her life,
263
00:11:54,006 --> 00:11:56,607
and she's actually been
really supportive about mine.
264
00:11:56,609 --> 00:11:58,008
Really?
Yeah.
265
00:11:58,010 --> 00:11:59,243
I've been telling her
about my job,
266
00:11:59,245 --> 00:12:01,312
and she said
she was proud of me.
267
00:12:01,314 --> 00:12:04,682
Well, that's great.
268
00:12:05,751 --> 00:12:08,752
Never told me
she was proud of me.
269
00:12:10,289 --> 00:12:13,924
Even when I stayed dry
for a whole month.
270
00:12:13,926 --> 00:12:17,061
Do you not want me
to be friends with your mom?
271
00:12:17,063 --> 00:12:18,696
Well, let's be clear.
272
00:12:18,698 --> 00:12:21,765
I-I married you to hurt her.
273
00:12:24,403 --> 00:12:26,704
You're kind of ruining it.
274
00:12:29,075 --> 00:12:32,476
Reason number 13
to feel good:
275
00:12:32,478 --> 00:12:34,712
as a launch, it was bad,
276
00:12:34,714 --> 00:12:37,615
but as an explosion,
it was glorious.
277
00:12:39,252 --> 00:12:40,684
Reason 14:
278
00:12:40,686 --> 00:12:43,420
you still have
all your fingers,
279
00:12:43,422 --> 00:12:46,523
and boys prefer
a dad with fingers.
280
00:12:46,525 --> 00:12:47,925
Thanks for trying,
281
00:12:47,927 --> 00:12:50,227
but you're not gonna be able
to cheer me up.
282
00:12:50,229 --> 00:12:52,296
Well, how about
this, then?
283
00:12:52,298 --> 00:12:54,031
You quit your whining
before I give you
284
00:12:54,033 --> 00:12:56,100
something to cry
about, young man.
285
00:12:56,102 --> 00:12:58,235
What?
286
00:12:58,237 --> 00:13:02,206
Those are comforting words
my father would often say.
287
00:13:02,208 --> 00:13:04,041
Did it help?
288
00:13:04,043 --> 00:13:05,976
I turned out great.
289
00:13:05,978 --> 00:13:07,478
You tell me.
290
00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:10,080
Let's get going.
291
00:13:10,082 --> 00:13:12,950
Are you gonna be this
mopey all the way home?
292
00:13:12,952 --> 00:13:14,485
I don't know, maybe.
293
00:13:14,487 --> 00:13:16,153
There any chance
you'd be cheered up
294
00:13:16,155 --> 00:13:18,422
by an amazing
trigonometry riddle?
295
00:13:20,059 --> 00:13:21,725
Well, if you can't
answer that,
296
00:13:21,727 --> 00:13:23,827
there's no way you're
gonna get this riddle.
297
00:13:30,736 --> 00:13:33,570
Oh, hey, hey,
what do you think?
298
00:13:33,572 --> 00:13:35,940
Just because it's a boy,
I don't think you need to
299
00:13:35,942 --> 00:13:38,409
put a picture of
genitals on his shirt.
300
00:13:38,411 --> 00:13:42,179
But that's a baseball bat
with two little baseballs.
301
00:13:42,181 --> 00:13:44,949
Okay, and now I see it.
302
00:13:46,686 --> 00:13:49,086
So, you know,
I understand why
303
00:13:49,088 --> 00:13:51,055
Howard is nervous
about having a son,
304
00:13:51,057 --> 00:13:53,023
but are you really
upset about it?
305
00:13:53,025 --> 00:13:54,658
No, I'm fine.
306
00:13:54,660 --> 00:13:56,627
It's just, I grew up
with a bunch of brothers,
307
00:13:56,629 --> 00:13:59,296
so I thought it'd be nice
for Halley to have a sister.
308
00:13:59,298 --> 00:14:00,431
Is that wrong?
309
00:14:00,433 --> 00:14:02,366
Of course it's wrong.
310
00:14:02,368 --> 00:14:03,901
You don't know what this
little boy's gonna be like.
311
00:14:03,903 --> 00:14:06,303
Maybe he'll be rough and tumble,
312
00:14:06,305 --> 00:14:08,605
or maybe he'll be sweet
and sensitive,
313
00:14:08,607 --> 00:14:12,209
or maybe he'll be
all those things, like me.
314
00:14:14,313 --> 00:14:16,280
You're rough
and tumble?
315
00:14:17,883 --> 00:14:20,951
You bet I am, bitch.
316
00:14:22,088 --> 00:14:26,623
But I'm also sensitive
and regret saying that.
317
00:14:29,495 --> 00:14:30,928
(knock on door)
318
00:14:30,930 --> 00:14:33,063
Hey.
Hello.
319
00:14:33,065 --> 00:14:35,532
You got a sec?
320
00:14:35,534 --> 00:14:36,500
Sure. What's up?
321
00:14:36,502 --> 00:14:38,836
Penny's been talking
to my mother
322
00:14:38,838 --> 00:14:41,972
like they're best friends, and
it's kind of freaking me out.
323
00:14:41,974 --> 00:14:44,575
Okay...
324
00:14:44,577 --> 00:14:48,746
I'm pretty sure
they're not best friends.
325
00:14:51,117 --> 00:14:54,251
'Cause you can only have
one best friend.
326
00:14:55,821 --> 00:14:59,189
And Penny has that,
and (clicks tongue) it's me.
327
00:15:00,860 --> 00:15:03,293
Oh, really? Is she FaceTiming
with you right now?
328
00:15:03,295 --> 00:15:05,229
Because she's FaceTiming
with my mom, and believe me,
329
00:15:05,231 --> 00:15:08,699
that is not a face
you want to spend time with.
330
00:15:08,701 --> 00:15:12,369
Hmm. Well, I have been
pretty busy lately.
331
00:15:12,371 --> 00:15:14,438
Maybe I've been
neglecting our friendship.
332
00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:16,506
Penny knows I have
a complicated relationship
333
00:15:16,508 --> 00:15:18,374
with my mother;
it's like she doesn't even care.
334
00:15:18,376 --> 00:15:19,543
And with everything
going on at the lab
335
00:15:19,545 --> 00:15:20,711
and planning the wedding,
336
00:15:20,713 --> 00:15:23,347
I just, I have
so little free time.
337
00:15:23,349 --> 00:15:26,150
Penny doesn't know how
manipulative my mother can be.
338
00:15:26,152 --> 00:15:27,451
Did you know
there's such a thing as
339
00:15:27,453 --> 00:15:29,319
reverse, reverse,
reverse psychology?
340
00:15:29,321 --> 00:15:32,656
Because... there is.
341
00:15:32,658 --> 00:15:34,158
I mean, she must feel
so abandoned.
342
00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:36,026
She's used to me
being there all the time,
343
00:15:36,028 --> 00:15:37,428
but now I have my own life,
344
00:15:37,430 --> 00:15:39,496
and she's just gonna
have to accept it.
345
00:15:39,498 --> 00:15:42,299
And why is my mom
proud of Penny and not me?
346
00:15:42,301 --> 00:15:44,368
I mean, the real question is:
why is Penny so afraid of me
347
00:15:44,370 --> 00:15:45,469
growing as a person?
348
00:15:45,471 --> 00:15:46,670
I'm good at stuff, too!
349
00:15:46,672 --> 00:15:49,139
I deserve my own life!
350
00:15:51,310 --> 00:15:52,876
Okay, well, thanks.
351
00:15:52,878 --> 00:15:54,445
Good talk.
352
00:16:00,419 --> 00:16:02,252
You know,
studies have shown
353
00:16:02,254 --> 00:16:05,389
that people distracted
by emotional issues
354
00:16:05,391 --> 00:16:07,357
are poor drivers.
355
00:16:07,359 --> 00:16:12,162
What about people distracted
by irritating passengers?
356
00:16:13,099 --> 00:16:14,598
That would be hard to test,
357
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:17,768
because irritating is
a subjective quality.
358
00:16:17,770 --> 00:16:20,637
Strongly disagree.
359
00:16:25,511 --> 00:16:26,810
Can I drive?
360
00:16:26,812 --> 00:16:28,412
No. (chuckles)
361
00:16:28,414 --> 00:16:29,546
You can't drive.
362
00:16:29,548 --> 00:16:31,615
You don't even have a license.
363
00:16:31,617 --> 00:16:32,816
Actually, I do.
364
00:16:32,818 --> 00:16:36,086
Really? Since when?
365
00:16:36,088 --> 00:16:37,521
Three years ago.
366
00:16:37,523 --> 00:16:40,124
I went on a bit
of a license kick.
367
00:16:40,126 --> 00:16:43,093
I'm also
a commercial fisherman.
368
00:16:43,996 --> 00:16:46,663
Then why don't you ever
drive yourself?
369
00:16:46,665 --> 00:16:48,532
Honestly, I barely
passed my test.
370
00:16:48,534 --> 00:16:50,434
And the one time
I drove on my own,
371
00:16:50,436 --> 00:16:55,005
I made a U-turn, got dizzy,
threw up and walked home.
372
00:16:56,242 --> 00:16:58,142
You really want to drive?
373
00:16:58,144 --> 00:17:00,277
It seems like
the perfect time.
374
00:17:00,279 --> 00:17:03,013
The roads are straight,
there's no one around,
375
00:17:03,015 --> 00:17:06,283
and you don't seem to care
if you live or die.
376
00:17:06,285 --> 00:17:09,820
Live, Sheldon.
I want to live.
377
00:17:09,822 --> 00:17:11,488
That makes things
a little trickier,
378
00:17:11,490 --> 00:17:13,123
but I'll do my best.
379
00:17:15,461 --> 00:17:17,161
(line ringing)
380
00:17:17,163 --> 00:17:18,195
BEVERLY:
Hi, Pen...
381
00:17:18,197 --> 00:17:20,964
Oh, hello, Leonard.
382
00:17:22,635 --> 00:17:23,967
Hello, Mother. How are you?
383
00:17:23,969 --> 00:17:26,103
Fine. And you?
I'm great.
384
00:17:26,105 --> 00:17:28,272
Well, it's been lovely
catching up.
385
00:17:28,274 --> 00:17:30,908
Wait. Hang on.
We need to talk.
386
00:17:30,910 --> 00:17:33,677
Oh, brother.
387
00:17:33,679 --> 00:17:37,414
I want to know,
why aren't you proud of me?
388
00:17:37,416 --> 00:17:39,616
Well, isn't the real question,
389
00:17:39,618 --> 00:17:41,785
“Why aren't you proud
of yourself?”
390
00:17:41,787 --> 00:17:47,357
No, that is a question--
and I ask it a lot--
391
00:17:47,359 --> 00:17:49,660
but let's stick
with the one I asked you.
392
00:17:49,662 --> 00:17:52,429
But why do you think
I'm not proud of you?
393
00:17:52,431 --> 00:17:54,865
Because you never say it.
394
00:17:54,867 --> 00:17:56,567
But two days into
chatting with Penny,
395
00:17:56,569 --> 00:17:58,936
and you can't stop
telling her how great she is.
396
00:17:58,938 --> 00:18:00,170
She is great.
397
00:18:00,172 --> 00:18:03,240
Honestly, of all
of my children's spouses,
398
00:18:03,242 --> 00:18:05,742
she's the one
that I'm most impressed by.
399
00:18:05,744 --> 00:18:07,744
Seriously?
400
00:18:07,746 --> 00:18:08,845
Yes.
401
00:18:08,847 --> 00:18:11,248
She's confident,
she's thoughtful,
402
00:18:11,250 --> 00:18:13,450
and she never complained
about you once.
403
00:18:13,452 --> 00:18:16,787
I know what kind of strength
that takes.
404
00:18:16,789 --> 00:18:20,224
So, Penny's your favorite?
405
00:18:20,226 --> 00:18:22,693
I suppose she is.
406
00:18:22,695 --> 00:18:27,097
You married well, Leonard,
and for that I am proud of you.
407
00:18:29,768 --> 00:18:32,336
I don't... I don't...
I don't know what to say.
408
00:18:32,338 --> 00:18:36,306
I'm also proud of how hard
you're trying not to cry.
409
00:18:38,143 --> 00:18:39,476
(choked up):
Thank you.
410
00:18:39,478 --> 00:18:41,278
Would you like to hang up now?
411
00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:42,980
Yeah, here it comes.
412
00:18:50,256 --> 00:18:52,422
Your hands are at
10:00 and 2:00.
413
00:18:52,424 --> 00:18:55,359
Good.
Steady on the gas.
414
00:18:55,361 --> 00:18:57,160
Okay.
415
00:18:57,162 --> 00:19:00,831
Now you're gonna want
to slowly switch lanes.
416
00:19:00,833 --> 00:19:01,832
Why?
417
00:19:01,834 --> 00:19:03,700
Because there are only two,
418
00:19:03,702 --> 00:19:06,136
and you're not
in either of them.
419
00:19:10,342 --> 00:19:12,442
Attaboy. Well done!
420
00:19:12,444 --> 00:19:13,744
Thank you.
421
00:19:13,746 --> 00:19:16,246
The last time I drove,
I was terrified,
422
00:19:16,248 --> 00:19:17,848
but this is fun.
423
00:19:17,850 --> 00:19:19,716
You're doing great.
424
00:19:19,718 --> 00:19:21,885
You're a good teacher.
425
00:19:24,423 --> 00:19:28,158
Your son is going to be lucky
to have you as a father.
426
00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:30,394
Thanks.
427
00:19:33,198 --> 00:19:37,067
Do you think I could try
going a little faster?
428
00:19:37,069 --> 00:19:38,568
Go for it, champ.
429
00:19:38,570 --> 00:19:40,637
Ow.
430
00:19:40,639 --> 00:19:42,072
Sorry.
431
00:19:42,074 --> 00:19:44,241
Just ease on the gas, and...
432
00:19:44,243 --> 00:19:45,709
(engine revving)
Oh, too much! Too much!
433
00:19:45,711 --> 00:19:48,378
Why was I scared of this?
This is exhilarating!
434
00:19:48,380 --> 00:19:49,746
No, it's not! Slow down!
435
00:19:49,748 --> 00:19:51,648
Don't tell me what to do!
You're not my father!
436
00:20:05,255 --> 00:20:07,288
Do you know how fast
you were going?
437
00:20:07,290 --> 00:20:09,724
112.
438
00:20:11,161 --> 00:20:13,094
Let me see your license.
439
00:20:14,664 --> 00:20:17,131
- Okay, here's the plan.
-No.
440
00:20:18,835 --> 00:20:19,834
Fine.
441
00:20:19,836 --> 00:20:21,903
There you go.
442
00:20:24,241 --> 00:20:26,874
You know what,
you can just keep it.
443
00:20:29,114 --> 00:20:36,014
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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