All language subtitles for Quantum Leap - 4x14 - The Last Gunfighter - November 28 1957.DVD.en

[ Woman ]
Theorizing that one could time travel
within his own lifetime,

Dr. Sam Beckett stepped
into the Quantum Leap accelerator...

and vanished.

He awoke to find himself
trapped in the past,

facing mirror images
that were not his own...

and driven by an unknown force
to change history for the better.

His only guide on this journey is Al,
an observer from his own time,

who appears in the form of a hologram
that only Sam can see and hear.

And so, Dr. Beckett finds himself
leaping from life to life,

striving to put right
what once went wrong...

and hoping each time
that his next leap...

will be the leap home.

[ Groans ]
[ Horses Whinny ]

[ Neighing ]

You killed
my three brothers, Tyler.

That just leaves you and me.

[ Man ]
Take him, Tyler.

And this town ain't big enough
for the two of us.

Oh, boy.

The question is, Tyler,
who's it gonna be...

me... or you?

[ Man ]
Put him away, Tyler.
Couldn't we just, uh,

talk about- about this?

The time for talkin' is through.

Now's the time for hot lead.

- [ Groans ]
- [ Women Gasping ]

I'm sorry, I-
I didn't think that- he-

He- He would, uh-

Thank you! Thank you, all!
Now, let's give a big round of applause...

for the man who single-handedly
cleaned up Coffin, Arizona.

Tyler Means!

And for those of you
who missed it,

Mr. Means will be reenacting
his legendary shootout,

in which he shot and killed
the four Claggett Brothers,

tomorrow at high noon!
[ Applause ]

Until then,
well, I hope you all...

eat, drink and spend lots of money!
[ Laughs ]

Thank you!
Thank you, all!
* [ Honky Tonk Piano ]

[ Man Laughs ]
You okay, Tyler?

[ Sam ] Oh, I-I-I'm okay.
I just, uh- My spurs-

My spurs got caught on the steps, uh-
[ Chuckles ]

Mr. Means,
can we have your autograph?
Uh, sure.

"The Last Gunfighter:
The Life and Times of Tyler Means. '"

That's-
W-Well, what's your name?

Cindy and Kyle.
All right.

To Cindy and Kyle.

Hey.
Tyler... Means-
That's me.

Okay, there you go.
Thanks.

Have a good time.

Grandpa T. Grandpa T.

Can I carry your gun?
No, you may not.

Stevie,
guns aren't things to fool around with,
even if they're loaded with blanks.

Aw, Mom! Grandpa T.
had a gun when he was 1 2.

I'll tell you what, uh, Stevie-
T., you've told
enough stories already.

One of these days, I wish
you'd get started on the truth.
But they were true!

Or else they wouldn't have been printed
in that Reader's Digest, would they?

Stevie, not everybody can tell when T.'s
tellin' a story and when he's not.

It's just too bad that fellow
happened to be from Reader's Digest.
Lucy?

We've got tables
that need waitin' on.
Okay,just a minute.

T., please don't let him play
with your gun, okay?

Just take it home
and put it away someplace.
Okay.

Okay.
As soon as you wash up, come back.
I'll get you both some lunch.

Love you.
And you- love you too.

Come on, Grandpa T.

I just don't understand why you
got to have a gun when you were a kid-

I can't.

Well, times have changed a lot
since I was a kid.

Stevie, you know,
you don't need a gun nowadays.

[ Groans ]

That's easy, Stevie.

You just make it up
like your granddaddy did.

But he didn't make it up.
D-Did you?
Uh-

Well, I might have maybe
exaggerated a little bit, but-
And the rest he just lied about.

[ Chuckles ]
See, Stevie, you can't believe
everything you hear.

Now, if the town wasn't
makin' money building a hero
for this centennial celebration,

why your granddaddy'd
be over at Mr. East's hotel,

having drinks
and telling stories...

and goin' to sleep
with a glass in his hand,

instead of parading around
in some dime-store outfit,

pretending to be
a gunslinger for a bunch of tourists.

But he wasn't pretending.
He really was one!

You're the one who's a liar.

Now, Stevie, is that the way
your granddaddy told you
to speak to me?

No, sir.

He said never waste your breath
on anyone who's dumber than a mule.

And that any sheriff that fat and slow
wasn't worth gettin' to know,

'cause he'd he dead
before he knew it.

We don't wanna be late for lunch.
Will you excuse us, Sheriff?

Thank you.

Hey, Grandpa,
can I wear your gun belt after lunch?

Uh-
I mean,
I'll stay out of Mom's sight.

I think maybe today we should
just do what she says, okay?

Well, you want me to take this up
to your room?

Okay.
[ Chuckles ]

All right. But, listen.
You be careful with this, okay?

You be very careful.
A gun is not a toy,
you know.

I don't know why Mom's got to go
ruin all the fun all the time.

[ Portal Opening ]
Nice hat. Nice.!

Really stylish. Awesome.
Fantastic outfit too.

What happened-
Did Tonto and Bill Hickok
have a collision?

Very funny.
I happen to be a local hero
or somethin' like that.

You sure you're not
a walking ad for a fringe company?

It's, uh, November 28,
1 957,

and your name is-
Tyler Means.

Yeah. Ty-
Tyler Means.

You're 82 years old,
and you live in Coffin, Arizona.

Isn't that a nice name- Coffin.

This place started out
as a robbers' hangout,

and then it took off when-
When they discovered silver
in the mid-1 87 0s.

Hey, you want me to tell you
this stuff or you want to read it?

All right. Back then,
this place was wide open,

and it was controlled
by four vicious gunslingers...

by the name of the Cl-Cl-
Claggett brothers.

Anyway, apparently,
you rode into town...

with an old gunfighter partner
of yours,

and the next thing you know-
We got into a shootout
with the Claggett boys.

Yeah, and you saved the town.

But then, you settled down.

You're the B.M.O.C.,
and all the townsfolks,

they're very amused
by your wild stories...

and your boasting
and your bragging...

and your gambling
and your drinkin', but...

after a couple of decades
of sponging,

the townsfolk kind of get sick of it,
and your tales get wilder,

and you become a local joke-
the town drunk.

You're weaving your tales
and mooching drinks.

Until I met
this magazine writer.
Mmm.

And Ziggy doesn't have
anything more than that,

because these little towns
didn't keep good records.

But when something comes up-

[ Sighs ]
you'll be the first to know.

Uh, in the meantime,

Hi-ho, Silver! Oy vey.

-* [ Honky Tonk Piano ]
- [ Laughter, Chattering ]

Ladies and gentlemen,
the hero of Coffin. Arizona,

Mr. Tyler Means!
[ Applause ]

Thank you. Thank you.
No-no. No. No, thanks.

Oh, since when?
Since, uh, now.

T.,you want to come over here?

I swear, I don't know who's
a bigger handful-Stevie or him.

You know, the boy has something
we can incorporate into the series.

It could be very interesting.

T., Mr. Steiner here
wants to write up your life story
for the television.

He's from Hollywood.
How you doin'?

How does that idea
strike you, Mr. Means?

You two sit yourself
down here with Mr. Steiner
while I get you some lunch.

And, Stevie, mind your manners.
It's T. Mr. Steiner wants to talk to.

Let me lay it out for you,
Mr. Means.

NBC's been looking for a good idea
for a new Western.

Th-They're very popular
right now.

Now we read your story
in the magazine,

and it gave us an idea.

"The Last Gunfighter:
The Life and Times ofTyler Means.''

Grandpa T.,
you're gonna be on TV.
Oh, I-I don't think...

that's exactly what he meant,
Stevie.

[ Laughs ]
No. We were thinking of having someone
play him when he was younger.

Uh, Randolph Scott, Robert Taylor,
uh, maybe Dana Andrews?

Now, what I'd like to do,
Mr. Means,

is have some of the people
who handle the business affairs for us...

talk to you and work out a contract that
would cover the rights to your life story.

And then we would sit down,
and you would tell me your history.

Oh, Grandpa T.'s
got lots of' stories.

And that's just what
they are to0- stories.

Well, that's what TV is all about.

Now, of course,
we'd have to fictionalize somewhat.

[ Chuckles ]
Ain't no need to do that. mister.

Tyler's already done it.
[ Laughs ]

That all sounds all right.
That sounds fine.

Um, as long as it's fair,
and you'd take care of my family.

Oh, I don't think
that'll be a problem.

Wow, Grandpa T.,
you're gonna be famous.

Well, I'll tell you right now.
It don't matter who plays him.

Nobody in his right mind's
gonna watch it.

You gonna make book on that,
are you, Sheriff?

What kind of odds you givin'?
[ Steiner Laughs ]

[ Lucy ]
Here we go.
The sheriff's the local bookie?

Ah, he's more like
our local cynic, I think.
It comes with the job.

The badge doesn't pay enough
for a man to live on.

- The West has always been like that.
- Well, you're right.

Wyatt Earp was a gambler
while he wore the star.

Okay, Mr. Means.
Do we have a deal?

All right. Yeah.

Then we've got ourselves
a television series.
Yeah.

And the pilot will be the story
about how you cleaned up this town.

Oh, uh-Well, uh-
Sam. Sam.
You've got to get out of town.

- What?
- Oh, it's a great way to start the series.

We got to talk.
Now meet me outside.

I'd like to start right away.
We can clear up some
of the background while you eat.

Yeah, listen, uh, tell you what.

Could we, uh, maybe do that
a little bit later, all right?
I gotta go right now,

if you'll excuse me
and go take a nap.
A-A nap?

Yeah. When you get to be my age,
you gotta store energy, and sometimes-

Are you feeling okay?
Oh, I'm fine.
I'll see you later.

I think
I've had enough too, Mom.
No, no.

You come sit down.
Finish your lunch.

Hey! You look familiar.
[ Horse Sputters, Whinnies ]

Didn't you come out
on Bonanza?

[ Man ] Whee.!
[ Al ]
That was Hoss.

Oh, Sam, I just saw
that guy from Bonanza.

What?
Yeah. He's drivin' that pair of-
pair-

pair-pair-

There, now, that's a pair.!

Ay-yi-yi.
[ Whistles ]

Al?
What? Huh? Oh!
Oh, listen-

Listen. I've been talkin' to you
in the waiting-

Uh, to-to Tyler,
the guy you leaped into,
in the waiting room.

And Ziggy rates the chances
of this guy telling a straight story...

at 1 6% or less.

I don't think the guy
knows what really happened.

He-He spins yarns,
and he likes to be the hero.

So, he likes to tell stories.
What's that have to do
with me leaving town?

Tomorrow, at high noon-
Yeah?

you get killed in a shootout.
In a shootout?

Yes.
You got to be kidding me.
Who would want to shoot me?

Well, I-I-
[ Man ]
Me.

Oh, boy.

[ Nickers ]
[ Spurs Clinking ]

T.?
[ Sighs ]

I don t know what's gotten into you.
But you shouldn't have just left...

- Mr. Steiner hangin' there like that.
- I just needed to get some air.

I'll give you some air.
[ Cocks Pistol ]

Uh, be cool, Sam.
Nothing happens
until tomorrow.

Russ, don't just stand there.
Arrest him!
It's a centennial play.

I'm kind of curious to see
where this is goin'.

Pardon me, ma'am, for distressin' you.
My business is with this...

lyin', double-faced cardsharp.

I think he's talkin'
about you, Sam.

So you killed the Claggett boys,
did you?

Uh, yeah, I-I think so. Yeah.

The mistake you made, mister,
was in assuming I was dead.

I'm alive, Tyler.

Outlivin' you is gonna be easy.

I'm sorry. Um-

I'm not quite getting
what's going on here.

Uh, I'm Ben Steiner.
And you are?

Tell him.

- Tell all of'em.
- [ Ziggy Beeping ]

Yeah, Ziggy says
there's a 96% chance
this is your old partner,

uh, Pat Knight.

This is, uh-
[ Clears Throat ]

- Pat Knight.
- Kinda like seein' Lazarus, isn't it?

This guy's killed more men
than Clint Eastwood.
[ Lucy ]
It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Knight.

But I would appreciate it
if you would just put your gun away...

and-and leave.

I didn't come here to leave.

Of course not.
You come here for the centennial,

He knows why I'm here.
[ Resets Hammer]

Tomorrow there's
gonna be a reckoning.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I need to see about a room and a...

bath.

Ma'am.
[ Spurs Clinking ]

Well, now,

looks like our local hero's
been called out for real.

Wonder what's
he gonna do about it.

What's it all about,
Tyler?

Uh, it's just a kind of
a little misunderstanding is all.

Uh, Mr. Means.

I hate to say this,
but I've got a network...

and an awful lot of money
riding on you.

Does this have something
to do with your story
in the Reader's Digest?

Oh, Sam, uh,
in the original history,

you get killed
before you make the deal,

and that leaves Lucy and Steve
in a big jam.

So I think you better talk
about this a little bit.
[ Clears Throat ]

Get away from here
and talk about it.

I think, Mr. Steiner, if you just go ahead
and have your business people
draw up the contracts,

I will take care
of any little misunderstandings.

Yeah, Grandpa T.!
Bam, bam, bam!
Shhh.

Yeah. I tell you what.
I'll lay 3-to-1 odds...

Tyler either crawfishes
or Pat Knight shoots him
deader'n a dog.

No way.
I'll take a little piece of that.
Let's make it 4-to-1 .

There's not gonna be any shooting.
Guns don't solve anything.

Unless you're the last man standing.
[ Laughs ]

Sorry.

Now if you'll excuse me.

Gentlemen, I'm gonna go home
and get some rest.

If I were you, Sheriff,
I wouldn't bet on any fight happening.

So what is this Tyler guy sayin'
anyway back in the waiting room?

Hm, he says he wants a drink,
and he wants another physical.

Another?
He likes the nurses.

Ohh.
Outside of that, nothing.

Do you have anything more
on Stevie and Lucy?

No,just-just what I said before-
it's tough times.

Uh, Lucy's having trouble
making ends meet now.

And when you get killed,
the TV deal gets canceled.

And Stevie grows up,
runs away from home
and becomes a hood.

Spends the rest of his life
in and out of jail.

Well, where's his father
in all of this?
Uh-

Peter Means is his father's name,

and he was killed in action
in World War II.

So then,
I'm-I'm his only father image.

Yeah.
And he's counting on me...

to be the hero that
I always told him I was,

but when I'm not then-
Then the bubble burst,
and he lashed out on his own.

That sounds kind of simple,
but you get the gist of it.

All right.
So what am I supposed to do?
Am I supposed to kill Pat Knight?

Can I have his gun
when you shoot him?
Stevie, don't talk like that.

Now, go wash up for dinner.
Go on. [ Clucks Tongue ]
Aw, Mom.

T.?
Hmm?

What's going on?

Nothin'.
I was just talking to myself.
About killing Pat Knight?

Nobody's gonna kill anybody.
Well. then, why are you
even talking about it?

Because I was remembering
a-a story-

a time when I used to ride
with Pat, you know, and-and-

And somebody came up to me
and offered me money to kill him,

- but I turned him down.
- Ooh, Sam, that's pretty good.

I don't remember
you telling me that story...

or even talking about him.

Well, there are a lot of things
I haven't... told you about.

I bet there are.
Mmm.
[ Laughs ]

But, T., this-this man,
he wasn't kidding around.

Lucy, please.

I'm gonna be okay.
I won't do anything foolish.

Good. 'Cause I couldn't stand
it if something happened to you.

I swear to you.
I won't let you and Stevie down.
[ Sighs ]

T., you always say that,
but it never happens.

Like when this Mr. Steiner showed up
and offered to pay you for your stories,

I thought,
"Now we can send Stevie to college.

He can- He can be somebody
when he grows up.''

But now...

I have a bad feeling about all this.

[ Sighs ]

You gonna change before dinner?

Yeah, in a minute.
Okay.

Where are you going?
I'm gonna settle this
once and for all.

You said in a minute.

-* [ Blues Piano ]
- It'll be just fine.

* [ Continues ]

About time there, Tyler.

I was afraid you weren't
gonna stop by this evening.

Thanks.
I'm still not drinking.

[ Knight ]
Runnin'out of spending money, Tyler?

Evenin'.

Be happy to buy you a drink.

Just make sure you pay me back
before noon.

Mr. Means.

Mr. Knight has been telling me
some very interesting stories.

Wish I could have been here.

Yeah, that way, we'd all know
what we're talking about.

[ Bartender ] Mr. Steiner,
long distance phone call for you.

It's from, uh,
Hollywood in California.
I'll take it in my room.

Gentlemen.

I don't recall
askin' you to join me.

Look, Pat.

I gotta be honest here.
My mind's not as good
as it used to be, so I-

I don't remember why you're here.

[ Knight Laughs ]

Uh-uh. Not this time.

I can see it in your eyes.

You know exactly why I'm here.

We're gonna settle it
at noon tomorrow.

Look, whatever I did-
whatever happened- okay?

I'm sorry, okay?
Uh, I'm sorry.

That mean you're gonna give up
the TV deal too?

What would I do that for?

[ Laughs ]

You haven't changed a bit.

No, no, you-
You don't understand.

I'm not interested
in the TV deal for myself.

See, the TV deal
is for Lucy and Stevie.

You know,
so he can go to college.

Remember that night
in Abilene?
Abilene.

Uh, Abilene.

I'm-
I'm a little hazy on that.
[ Beeping ]

- Uh, no. Nada. Zip. Zilch.
- Patience, that was her name.

Patience.
[ Laughs ]

And she was anything but.

You and I almost drew
down on each other then,

but we settled it another way.

And I'm glad we did.
I am very glad that we did.

[ Raps Glass On Table ]

Once partners,

always partners.

Once partners, always partners.

Last man standing
is the winner.

You better do it.
You better do it.

Uh, it's better than swapping lead.

[ Inhales, Exhales Deeply ]

To Patience.

- [ Liquid Pouring ]
- [ Scoffs ]

[ Drunken Laughter ]

And then,
what about that bank...
[ Laughing ]

they hired us to guard
up in... Hoffberg.

Hoffberg?
That was great.
Yeah.

We stole all them sacks
of gold dust...

and found out
they were filled with sand!

[ Laughing ]
[ Laughing ]
That was great.

Too bad-
Too bad if I'd had to kill all them folks.

Uh, yeah.

Hey. Hey, how about that time when-
[ Laughs ]

when we stole those horses from
that guy with the cute daughters?
[ Laughs ]

I don't know- I don't know...

what tired us out more
ridin'-wh-which one.

[ Drunken Laughter ]
Sam,
what are you talking about?

[ Laughing ]
Wait a minute.

I- I don't remember no daughters.

[ Laughing Subsides ]

Maybe I saw that in a movie
or somethin'.

[ Chuckles ]
Yeah.
[ Wheezing Laugh ]

Ooh, whoo-whoo-whoo.

You know, Ty?
Mm?

I sure am gonna hate havin' to kill you.

Well, I tell you, why don't we-

why don't we have another drink
and just forget the whole thing?

Just forget it right now.
[ Chuckles ]
Oh, no. I can't do that.

Mm-hmm.
Gotta uphold my honor.

Besides,
I've got a side bet with the sheriff...

on which way you're gonna fall.

I'm sayin' face up.

That, of course,
is assuming you can hit me.
[ Wheezing Laugh ]

Hey, what the-
Hey!

I reckon I can do that.

[ Sam: Drunkenly ]
Har-har. You'll have to walk
the plank if you're-

[ Coughing ]

[ Laughing ]

Sam, you are gonna be
a mess in the morning.
[ Muttering ]

And probably a dead mess.
[ Sam ]
Quiet.

[ Ziggy Beeping ]
Nobody's gonna get killed.

Shh, shh, shh.
You're gonna shoot him,
though, aren't you?

Ohh, boy.

Stevie, there's a hole right there.

Watch that hole.

Stevie.
[ Exhales Sharply ]

This isn't a game
that we're talkin' about,
you know.

You know,
guns kill people.

You're not afraid
to face him, are you?

Afraid to-
Yeah, I'm afraid to face him.

Anybody who says they're not afraid
to stand in front of a loaded gun...

is either crazy or stupid...

or suicidal
or nuts or out of their-
[ Stevie ] But we can't back down.

Everybody'll make fun of us.
And-

An-An-And the kids'll go back
to teasin' me all over again.

Oh, wait a second.
Wait a second.

Sit down here.
Sit down.

[ Sighs ]
Now listen to me.

I know this may sound corny
to you probably, but...

life is precious.

And, you see, once you're dead,

you're... dead.

But everybody's gonna laugh at us.

Th-They're gonna say
you're just a drunk.

[ Sam Clears Throat ]

It doesn't really matter
what other people do or say.

What matters
is what you know in here...

about yourself
and about others.

Because the most important person
you have to listen to...

is you.

Right?
I- I guess so.

Well, you guess right.

So come on, come on.
Give your ol' grandpa a kiss
good night. huh?

Okay.
[ Kissing Sound ]

Now get some sleep, 'cause it's late.
I'm sure of it.

Okeydokey.
Okay. Sleep tight.

[ Door Creaking ]
[ Sam ]
Whew.!

- A lot of pride in that boy.
- [ Door Closes ]

Yeah, well, there's a lot of pride
in Pat Knight too.

You know, Sam, uh,

it might not be a bad idea
for you to, uh,

familiarize yourself with Tyler's gun.

No.

No?
No, don't you see?

There aren't gonna be any gunfights.

See, I got it all figured out.
[ Chuckles ]
Wh-

Listen to this.
I'm gonna get him thrown in jail, see?

That way, there-
there won't be any gunfights.
[ Ziggy Beeps ]

No gunfights.
Yeah.

No.
You still get killed tomorrow.

But, you know,
it only takes one guy...

to decide
to have a gunfight.

In the Old West,
they were really ambushes.

Ambushes?
Yeah,
in the back kind of stuff.

Ambushes?

Yeah, ambushes.
I better see if there
are some bullets in the house.

I didn't think-Ambushes.
All right, fine.

[ Rooster Crowing ]

[ Al ] Now, are we in
the head-pounding stage...

or in the spinning,
rising waves of nausea?

Hmm?
Take your pick.

That's impressive.
Yeah, I just...

hope that Pat Knight
feels worse than I do.

[ Cylinder Clicking ]
Oh, my gosh.

Don't tell me you were a gunslinger
in the navy.

Well, back in the old days,

they were called
"gunfighters'' or "pistoleros''...

or, uh, " shootists.''
Mm-hmm.

And I had the best quick-draw artist
in America teach me.

Really?
Yes, really.

Her name was...
Her name-

Fifi " Boom-Boom'' LaRue.

Al.
She was a stripper
in New Orleans.

She had the finest
matched pair-
Al!

[ Groans ]
Matched pair of.44 pistols.

She had 'em
in little secret holsters-
real cute.

It was part of her act.
But she could draw,
lemme tell you.

I know.
'Cause I studied her-

Yeah, I bet you-
very closely.

Yeah, I bet you did.
[ Hammer Clicks ]

Now come with me.
You gotta learn this.
Wow!

Fifi taught you that?
Yes.
She taught me a lot of stuff.

Wait a second.
Wait-wait-wait-
Now you're gonna learn.

This is too close.
Wait, wait, wait?
It's not too close!

I wanna be back there.
It's farther back there.
No-no-no.

Fifteen to 20 feet,
that was normal for gunfighters.
Huh?

Anything farther than that,
that's just Hollywood.

Now, line yourself up.

No, face the target, Sam.
Turn this way. Face the-

You're gonna
shoot over there, okay?
Okay.

Hang your hand down here,
nice and loose, loose, loose.

[ Groans ]
You're gonna catch the hammer
of the gun with the inside of your thumb,

and as you pull up,
you cock that sucker like that-
Bang!

Okay, try it.
[ Exhales ]
Okay.

Yeah. You almost got it.
Now try it again.
[ Grunts ]

Not bad. Not bad.
But don't rush it.
Come on. Let's see you do it.

You gotta catch the hammer
with the inside of your thumb
as you're drawin' the gun up.

Clear the holster,
and you're rea-That's it.

Pull the trigger!

[ Al ] Good.!
Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi.

"Ay-yi-yi'"?
That was a pretty good shot.
I was aiming for the one on the right.

Shhh.
Oh. Oh, well, at least
you're in the neighborhood.

[ Laughs ]
Al, this is impossi-

[ Three Gunshots ]

Huh, huh, huh-

[ Groans ]

Don't do to talk to yourself
while you're shootin'.
Breaks your concentration.

So much for him havin'
a hangover too.

It's awful decent of you
to give your opposition
shooting tips.

What kind of opposition is that?

I was just out takin' some air.
I heard the noise.

You are pitiful, T.

Look, Pat.

You're better at this
th-than, uh, I am.
We both know that.

But doesn't it seem that...

two reasonable men should
be able to figure out a solution...

to all this without havin' to-

Only one of us is reasonable.
The other's a liar.

Look.
I know you don't believe me,
but I don't know...

what you're talking about.

I was the one
who walked out into the street
and fought the four Claggett boys...

face-to-face
and shot 'em all... dead.

Not you.

Well, I guess Tyler
omitted that from his article.

Look. I can understand
now why you're so angry at me,

what-what with the article
and-and all.

Angry doesn't begin
to describe it.

No man likes to have his reputation
bushwhacked... by his partner.

Oh, hey! Maybe-
Maybe he ambushed the Claggetts.

Try that.
Wait a second.

I was just thinkin' that maybe-

Ambush-
Wait, I remember.

You ambushed a couple
of the Claggett boys, didn't ya?

I caught Elwyn
comin' off his horse.
[ Laughs ]

But Wendell had a gun
when he came out of that outhouse.

And Jonah and Jamie,
I faced-off fair and square.

Yeah,
with a little help from you.
With a little help from me.

[ Laughs ]
All you ever did
was make 'em duck.

Yeah, but the point is,
you didn't do it alone...
or face-to-face.

You bent your story,
same way I did.

It-It's not so terrible.

I didn't bend my story.
You outright lied.

You said you did it alone.

Yeah, well, if you wanted
to be such a big hero,
why didn't you stick around?

Good one.

You know why?

Someone had to ride out
to the Claggett place
and break the news to Ruthie.

[ Together]
Ruthie?

Someone had to...
comfort that poor girl.
[ Ziggy Beeping ]

Ruthie Claggett, younger sister
of the Claggett boys- Ruthie.
Uh-

Must've been some comforting,
considering that you never came back.

Well, let's just say
it took longer than I expected.

Oh, that sounds like
an interesting story.
Look, Pat.

If I change my story now,
I'll lose everything.

You made the problem, mister,
and it's up to you to make it right.

Yeah, but the only thing
that's at stake here is-is your pride.

Now you can't believe
that it's worth killin' somebody
over a matter of pride.

What the hell else
did we ever have?

I think we'd better
get some more bottles and...

work on your fast draw.
[ Hammer Clicks ]

I'm not gonna go out there
and play his stupid game, Al.

Well, you gotta do something.
We're running out of time.
[ Sighs ]

You're not gonna run away,
are you, Grandpa?

Look, Stevie, in the Old West,

when there were few laws
and even fewer lawmen,

people wore guns
as-as part of their wardrobe.

They used them
to defend themselves.
But not anymore.

Yeah, well, that's not what you said
before he came to town.

Don't you remember
what we were talkin' about last night?

Yeah, but a man doesn't quit!

A man just doesn't run away!

[ Breathlessly ]
You see, you-
you always told me that.

And now
you're gonna run away.

And the whole town's
gonna know you're just a coward.

[ Sighs ]

If Knight wants to kill me,
he's gonna have to do it in cold blood,

because I'm not goin', Al.

I am not goin'.

[ Clock Ticking ]

[ Ziggy Beeping ]
[ Al ]
Sam, sitting there isn't gonna do it.

Ziggy says you still get killed.

Okay, okay. Then maybe
I should do what Stevie said.
[ Ziggy Squealing ]

Maybe I should just run away.
[ Beeping, Twittering Continue ]

Yeah. Bingo!

Sam, that's it.
What?

You run away.
You live to be 95,

and you die of natural causes
in your sleep, peacefully.
Great. Great.

What about Stevie?
Uh-
[ Beeping ]

Stevie-
Well, he still grows up.
Yeah.

Uh, he runs away,
and he still does jail time like before.

But it gets worse.
He picks a fight in some bar
and gets killed.

Al, I can't stand by
and watch this kid ruin his life,
damn it!

Well, it's better than
committing suicide facing off
this guy Pat Knight.

He could shoot your eyes out
before you blink.

[ Beeping, Twittering ]
Could he?

Huh?
What?

Outdraw me.
Could-

I mean,
the guy is 82 years old, right?

Now, granted,
he-he's more accurate than I am,

but- but my reflexes
have gotta be faster.
Sam.

My synapses have gotta be quicker,
because I'm 50 years younger!
Get real!

What?
Ziggy only gives you
a 1 7% chance...

of drawing
as fast as this guy.

He's old, but he's still good.

[ Clock Ticking ]

I'm gonna get my gun.

Well, since I got some time to kill,
anybody interested in a hand?

[ Ticking Continues ]

Aren't you going to do something?

No law against playin' poker,

even if you are
playin' by yourself.

[ Ticking Continues ]

[ Footsteps ]

[ Door Creaks Open ]

Morning, Stevie.

My grandpa's not a liar.

Kind of heavy,
the way it hangs there,
isn't it?

It's not that heavy.

Sheriff.
Mr. Knight.

- How old are you, son?
- Twelve.

- Bu-But I'm gonna be 1 3 in December.
- [ Ticking Continues ]

I was 1 5 before I killed my first man.
[ Smacks Lips ]

But I guess, uh,
today you grow up faster.

Al, have you seen my gun?
What do you mean,
have I seen your gun?

I can't find my gun.
[ Lucy ]
Stevie?

You can't find your gun?
Stevie?

Where did you leave it?
T., have you seen Stevie?

Uh-oh.

[ Ziggy Beeps ]
I gotta go to the saloon.

You can't go to that fight!
Sam, Stevie is gonna try
and quick draw with Pat Knight,

and he's gonna get killed.
If I don't go,
Stevie's gonna do it for me.

[ Gasps ]
My Lord!
Come on.

- [ Shuddering ]
- Stevie, don't do anything stupid.

Tell me, Stevie.
Your grandpa send you,

- or did you come on your own?
- I came on my own.

Got no quarrel with you, Stevie.

You said you cleaned up the town.

But you didn't.

He did.

No, Stevie. He didn't.

- Yes, he did!
- [ Running Footsteps ]

Stevie-

[ Bonging ]

You're on time.
Underdressed, as usual.

[ Bonging Continues ]
Give me the gun, Stevie.

No, no, no.
You're just going to run away again.

No, I'm not.
Now, give me the gun.

[ Bonging Continues ]

Now don't you think
there's been enough killing already?

Easy to say when you're livin'
on another man's reputation.

You just gonna hold that thing?

Sam, this is completely loony.

I guess sometimes you can't run away
from your fate, can you?

Sometimes I guess you can't.
I'll be waiting.

[ Lucy ]
No.!

I'm not going to let you
get yourself killed!

Tyler, I guess you'll be wantin'this.

[ Spurs Clinking ]
[ Door Creaking ]

Uh, Sam, don't worry, okay?

'Cause I-I'm gonna think
of somethin' clever
to get you out of this.

Mom, what's he doin'?

Sometimes there isn't a clever way out.

Praying, I hope.

Uh-
See, I think you're too close.

Anything closer than 20 yards,
and h-he can't miss.

Anything over 20 feet,
and I don't stand a chance.

[ Chattering, Laughing ]

Ladies and gents,
the drinks are on the house!

[ Cheering ]
Come over here.
Let me buy you a drink.

How about a big round
of applause for our hero,
Mr. Tyler Means!

Whoo!

You did it. You sign the deal.
Everything turns out great
for Lucy and Stevie.

Great.

Excuse me.
I'll be right back.

You know,
that didn't mean anything.
It did to them.

Tell you what, uh-

Give me- Give me a chance
to make it up to you, all right?

Hey, Mr. Steiner,
come over here
for a second, would ya?

Listen, Mr. Steiner.

I was wonderin' if maybe, uh-
maybe we could find...

a consulting job or something
like that for Pat on my TV show.

'Cause he would
really help me keep
my memory fresh.

- [ Ziggy Beeping ]
- Mr. Means, he just tried to kill you.

I know that.

But once partners,
always partners.

[ Laughing ]
Well, sure.

All right. Why not?
All right.

Get ready to leap,
partner.
Hey, wait a second.

Maybe we could
give him a part in the show.

In the show?
Yeah,
isn't that a good idea?

You got a problem with that?

* [ Singing '60s Pop ]

[ Cheers, Applause ]
[ Groans ]

[ Muttering ]

Oh, God. They love us!
'Cause we're bad,
girlfriend!

They want an encore.
What are we gonna do, Cherea?

Let's go! Let's go!
Let's go do it!
We don't have any more songs.

Just do a reprise.
Come on. Cherea!
No, no. I don't- I don't-

- [ Man ] Let's go.!
- Oh, boy!