All language subtitles for Me.MYSELF.and.I.S01E10.Video Games.TBS

It's important in life to have
things to look forward to.

Sometimes, anticipation
gets the better of you.

Behold, this year's
Christmas gift hiding spot.

I don't know,
this feels like a breach of trust.

Plus, aren't we kind of ruining
the magic and spirit of...

A Super Nintendo Entertainment System?

No way!

16-bit graphics? 16?

I mean, can a human eye
even see that much detail?

I used to be a critic

of the crass commercialism
of this holiday,

in which parents think
they can just buy love,

but this?

This buys my love.

We have to wait three weeks
until Christmas to play with it?

- It'll be torture.
- We could open it up,

play a game, you know,
just to make sure it works,

then put it right back
where we found it.

Okay.

Just one game.

Okay, but just one game,

and then I gotta get back to work.

I love how dedicated you are.
It's very impressive.

Well, sleeping
next to Darryl's leaf blower

- is a powerful motivator.
- It's all gonna pay off.

You're very talented. You work hard.

You can do anything,

except beat your girlfriend
in Death Grudge".

- Oh!
- Oh, no!

Oh, come on, don't rip my spine out!

Oh, and then strangle me with it?

Oh, my God, you are a horrible person.

Also, how did you do that?
Is there, like, a code?

But no matter how old you get,

you can still find new
things to get excited about.

Back on D! Let's go! Come on!

Good job. Protect the lane!

- Watch your man.
- Get your assignment.

Ref! That was a travel. He walked!

Time out. Time out!

Come on. Huddle up, huddle up.

All right, look, this next play
is gonna be huge for us.

I need to go to the bathroom.

This VR stuff is insane.

Oh, um...

this may be a minute,
so stay loose, guys.

Maybe do a little stretching.

And instead of Mario's shirt
looking like two red blocks,

on the Super Nintendo,
it looks like four red blocks.

Whoa!

Big deal.
I've had my console for a month.

My dad's stationed in Japan,

so I get all the latest gadgets
as soon as they come out.

It's pretty sweet, and totally makes up

for us finding out he has a
secret second family there.

- How does that make up for...
- The point is,

my Nintendo's not stuck in some
closet till after Christmas.

Nori, you should come over
and play sometime.

Yeah, I don't think so, Phil.

You sure? I can show you the blue Yoshi.

Gross.

It's not gross. It's from the game!

It sounded gross when you said it, Phil,

like most things.

You really didn't have to drive me home.

Oh, come on, we're two weeks in,

and I still haven't seen your place.

Plus, it's the gentlemanly thing to do.

Totally not because there's
a fancy new donut place

- around the corner.
- Here we are.

Oh, my God...

Do you live with your parents?

And are your parents Jay-Z and Beyonc�?

Nope.

I live alone.

The rest of the rooms are for my dolls.

I'm just kidding.
My dolls sleep in my room.

I'm still kidding.

You're weirded out
by how big it is, aren't you?

I just had no idea social
workers raked it in like this.

No, it's family money.
I didn't say anything,

because guys can get
intimidated, you know?

Kinda like you are right now...

not saying anything.

I'm sorry, I'm just taking it in.

So, my super cool girlfriend,
who loves video games,

is also super rich.

Yeah. I can do it. I'm still in.

Yay!

Okay, so, listen, I've been playing

this VR basketball game in coach mode,

and I discovered something
very interesting.

- Coach mode?
- Yes.

Well, I was in player mode,

but I did a windmill dunk,
fell on the coffee table,

hurt my back, so now I'm coaching.

Is this really the best way
to spend your time?

I am retired. I can do whatever I want,

as long as it's low-impact
and before 10:00 p.m.

But I discovered something

you're gonna be very interested in.

Is it sunlight?
'Cause you need sunlight.

I found the missing piece for the Bulls.

- Xavier Murray.
- Xavier Murray?

The journeyman forward for the
Heat that can't go to his left

or his right or shoot?

- He's terrible.
- Uh-uh.

He was just a bad fit in Miami.

When I put him on the Bulls,
he was incredible.

He won us the championship.
You gotta trade for this kid.

Okay, Dad, I'm glad
that he won your fake team

- a pretend trophy.
- You know that you can

literally feel the
confetti when it falls,

and you get to go to fake Disneyland.

But I am the actual General Manager
of the real Bulls,

and I can't listen to every
fan who has a great idea,

particularly when it's a terrible one.

I taught you everything
you know about basketball.

When you were eight,
and I was coaching your team,

you listened to every word I said.

You mostly just shouted,
"Score more points."

And you're gonna argue
with that strategy?

Dude, you took the console out again?

That is so irresponsible.

I'm proud of you.

Wait, why are you playing
with the sound off?

So our parents won't hear.

Where has this evil genius
little brother been?

Hey, boys!

It's getting kinda late,
don't you think?

Maybe it's time to turn off...

Charlie Rose?

Oh, yeah, you know,

I... I really wanted to see
his interview with, uh...

"former Israeli Deputy
Prime Minister Abba Eban."

Yeah.

Okay...

We'll see you in the morning.

That was too close.

We need to put this thing
back until Christmas.

Fine. I'll box it up.

Just let me play one more game.

Okay.

Little bro?

Just five more minutes.

Hold on...

Lisa lives in a mansion?

That woman brought a $9 bottle
of wine to Thanksgiving.

Wait, Wendy really never told
you that Lisa was loaded?

You know, she was probably worried
I'd do something inappropriate,

like ask Lisa to finance
one of our projects.

You know, we should ask Lisa
to finance one of our projects.

We are not hitting my
girlfriend up for money.

Alex...

You came to me two months
ago with a game-changer.

You had figured out the missing element

to making home-based water reclamation
economically feasible.

- Do you remember what you said?
- I mean, yeah.

I was watching "Back to
the Future" on my phone

while I was going to the bathroom,

and I stood up and hit my
head on the stupid cabinet.

That's right, and when you came to,

you had a vision for
how to make it all work.

- The Flush Capacitor.
- It's genius.

The only thing standing
in our way is financing.

Investors just don't
think people will drink

recycled toilet water.

After the process, it's totally clean.

Our water would have
the same amount of poop

as any other water, which is zero,

which is probably how
I should've started that sentence.

This thing could be huge, man.

We just need an investor
who believes in us.

Fine. Um, I'll talk to Lisa,
but I'm not gonna push it.

Hey, look, all's I'm saying is
we know she's got the money,

'cause she sure ain't
spending it on wine.

Incoming call from Abby.

Hi, sweetie.

Hey, Dad.
You'll never guess what happened.

I just got out of a
meeting with my owner,

who independently brought up
trading for Xavier Murray.

What a crazy coincidence!

I know you called Mr. Joseph, Dad.

All you billionaires are friends.

Oh, no... no.

He's not my friend.

I mean, uh, occasional golf buddy,

who I accidentally butt-dialed...

don't know how that's still a thing...

and when I had him on the phone,

the subject of Xavier
Murray naturally came up.

I can't believe you'd go
behind my back like this.

And now, I'm on my way to stupid Miami,

because Mr. Joseph is
intrigued by the idea.

Really?

Yeah. This scrub
could end up on my team,

all because of your dumb video game.

Sweetheart, hate the player,
not the game.

Oh, I have some thoughts
on the player as well.

Abby, I'm sorry.

I did not mean to undermine you.

Oh, but if you win a championship,

will I get a ring?

I'm sure I'll get a ring.

Dinner is served.

I call this "stuff I got from
the Thai place that delivers

that I put on a plate".

You are too good to me.

So, how was your day?
What are you and Darryl working on?

Eh, nothing too exciting.

It's actually very exciting!

Sorry.

Wait, why am I apologizing?
This is my house.

So, what is it?

Uh, so it's basically
this box that recycles

and cleans household waste
water so you can drink it.

So you mean like poop water?

Why does everyone go right to that?

Alex, that sounds awesome.

Do you have it? Does it work?

I mean, we're still in the early stages,
you know.

We still don't have a prototype,

but yeah, I think it'll work.

We're just having trouble
finding investors.

- I'm in.
- What?

- I'm in.
- You are?

- She is?
- Darryl...

My house.

Are you sure about this?
I don't want you to feel weird.

Alex, believe me,
I would never invest in something

just to be nice. I'm not that nice.

Don't you remember

when I ripped your spine out
and strangled you with it?

Yeah, I did not like
the gleam in your eye

when you did that.

- So, you're in?
- I'm in.

Thank you so much.
You are not gonna regret this.

- I guess this calls for a toast.
- Oh, why don't we open

- the bottle of wine I brought?
- Okay.

Oh, wow, uh, Walgreens
has a store brand now.

Mm-hm.

Good for them.

Justin, we have a problem.

The Nintendo,
not in the Christmas closet.

I hid it.
Now, can we talk about this later?

Charlie Rose is interviewing
George Plimpton.

- You hid it?
- Hey, he was just about

to talk about the early days
of "The Paris Review".

Where'd you put it?
Why would you do this to me?

It's for your own good, little bro.

- You have a problem.
- I do not.

Remember last month, when Officer Dave

talked to the school
assembly about addiction?

You show all the classic signs.

- You're an addict.
- I'm not an addict.

Boom, number one on the list:
"Denies they're an addict".

Justin, just tell me where you hid it!

Oh, hello!
Number two: "Flashes of anger".

- Ah-ha-ha!
- Oh, no, no, leave it alone!

- Ha!
- Don't touch that!

Give it! Give it!

I won't let you do this to yourself.

No!

I... I... I can fix it.

I... I... I can, I can.
I can... I can fix it.

Shh...

She's gone. She's not coming back.

But everything is gonna be okay.

Actually, we're in big trouble.

What are we gonna do?

If Christmas morning comes around,

and... and that box is empty,
we're in big trouble.

Hey, we can figure this out.

We can accomplish anything
we set our minds to.

You heard Alan Alda on Charlie Rose.

I'm hooked. What can I say?

The long-form interview is a lost art.

This is the gift of the season.

Even if we had the money,
all the stores are sold out.

I think I know where we
might be able to find one,

but you're not gonna like it.

Well, well, well...

I knew something like this would happen.

You knew that we would destroy our SNES

and have to come to you
to get a replacement?

I said "something like this".

Phil, buddy, pal, we just need to borrow
your console for a couple of weeks,

until after Christmas break.

Tell you what, I'll give you mine...

dramatic pause...

if you get me a date with Nori Sterling.

What?

What does that have to do with anything?

I don't know, you guys
seem to be friends with her,

and I get the sense that
she doesn't like me at all.

Right, so how are we supposed
to get her to go out with you?

Yeah, assuming we even wanna
go along with the stupid plan,

which we don't.

Oh, I'm sorry,
is that a Phil Ricozzi problem?

No, it's a kids
with no Nintendo problem.

I hate that guy.

Gotta hand it to him, though,

he really recognizes leverage.

All right, now that Lisa's investing,

we can get serious about prototyping,

and if all goes well,
in six to nine months,

we will be drinking reclaimed waste.

From your lips to God's ears.

Or my butt to your mouth.

Wait, did we just come up
with a new tagline?

- We did not.
- No, we did not.

- Hey, guys. Hey.
- Oh, there she is.

Hey. I said Lisa could come by
and see what she's paying for.

I hope I'm not stepping on any toes.

I don't wanna interrupt your process.

Hey, you are the money...

and the money can look
at whatever it likes.

Could you not refer to my
girlfriend as "the money"?

Wow, are these the plans?

Yeah, here it is.

The Flush Capacitor.
What do you think?

Wow, so cool. You guys are gonna come up

with a different name for it,
though, right?

What? No, it's a great name.

It's a reference to
"Back to the Future."

Oh, no, I get it. I just don't care for

movies and TV shows that
jump back and forth in time.

Oh, I upset you. You're upset.

- No.
- I'm sorry.

- I shouldn't have said anything.
- No, no, no, no, it's fine.

You're the investor, and you get a say,

- right, Alex?
- Yep.

Okay, phew. Uh, I'm gonna go inside
and say hi to Wendy,

but I just wanna say, guys,
everything looks really great,

and I'm so excited to be a part of it.

We are excited to have you.

And, hey...

no rush on getting that list
of new names together for me.

You know, whenever you get the chance.

Suggestion? H-number-two-O.

- Get it?
- Yeah, sure do.

Oh, I do not like this.
I don't like this at all.

Well, you asked her what she thought.

Yeah, and she's my girlfriend.

I thought she would lie to me
and say everything was amazing,

- like she does after sex.
- Well, she's also an investor,

and investors always have thoughts.

Yeah, and I always resent them for it.

It just feels unhealthy
to have one person

in the relationship giving
orders to the other.

You should tell Wendy that.

Yeah, I'm not gonna tell Wendy that.

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

All right, all right.

You ready to get your butt
kicked in virtual basketball?

Bring it on, old man.

Loser buys dinner.

Tonight, I'm planning
on both surfing and turfing.

All right, fine, fine, fine.
I gotta warn you, though.

- I've got a secret weapon.
- Oh, yeah, what's that?

Xavier Murray.
I traded him to the Bulls.

Now he is incredible.

Because of me,
he may get on the real Bulls.

Alex, the only reason he's
good in the video game

is because I goosed
his performance ratings

the last time I was here.

I gave him super jumping
and super speed.

Why? Why?
Why... why... Why would you do that?

I wanted him to be
more fun to play with,

'cause in the video game, he sucks,

like he does in real life.

Oh, no.

Oh, let's go see the new
"Justice League" movie.

Really?

What about this Nancy Meyers film?

It's a love story set in a nursing home

that has the most amazing kitchen.

That sounds terrible.

Okay.

How 'bout this: We go see your film,

and we don't call your
invention the Flush Capacitor?

- Nancy Meyers it is.
- Okay.

First of all, I wanna say,
there's a lot of

- really great stuff here...
- Okay. Thank you?

But I do have a few notes.

Could this blue be bolder?
How about a round edge there?

Is this the most effective font?

It's like the kitchen was
a character in the movie.

Hey, guys. What's going on?

Uh, nothing.
Uh, we were just talking about

how weird it is that
Phil Ricozzi's single.

I'll say. It's just a matter of time
before some lucky girl snatches him up.

I'll say.
Have you ever looked into his eyes?

They're so piercing, yet inviting.

- I'll say.
- What's going on?

This is weird.

- I can't do this.
- Can't do what?

We destroyed our brand new Nintendo,

and Phil said that we could have his,

if we get you to go on a date with him.

But... I don't care

how much trouble we get
into on Christmas morning.

I'm not gonna try and trick you.

I appreciate you being honest, Alex,

and I know how much
that game meant to you.

Tell you what, if it'll get it back,

I'll go to the movies with Phil.

- You would do that for me?
- It'll be annoying,

but consider it a Christmas present.

Maybe it won't be that annoying.

His hair does smell like lavender,

- and his teeth are just so...
- You can stop selling.

Right, thanks.

Working with Lisa is just
putting a real strain

on our relationship.

She just keeps noting me
to death about the project,

and last night, I kinda snapped.

That was incredible.

Yeah.

I have some notes.

You know, Alex,
your mother and I met working together.

It can be difficult,

- but also very rewarding.
- Ugh.

As always, Ron, I request
that you leave any discussion

of sex with my mother out of this.

Well, that's the end of my story.

Someone else say something,
and I'll have some thoughts

- in a bit.
- I feel bad, man.

Like, I pressured you into
this-having-Lisa- invest situation.

No, man, I agreed, okay?

I'm still really excited
about the invention,

but I'm also really excited about Lisa.

It's just, combining them seems
like it's jeopardizing both.

Well, it seems to me that you
have a choice to make then,

like the one your mother
and I had to make

one late night at the Denver airport.

Oh, stop.
This is going in a bad direction.

Someone else talk.

She just has so many thoughts, you know.

It's constant.

"Change the name.
Make the casing ceramic".

Oh, my God.
The casing should be ceramic.

- That changes everything.
- Uh, I know.

It's a great idea. She's really smart.

But she literally said this
right as we were about to have sex.

Oh, so Alex is the only one
who gets to tell racy stories?

I'm confused about the rules here,
gentlemen.

Look, obviously I want
the invention to work out,

but the most important thing
to me is that you're happy.

So, what's your gut telling you?

My gut told me to do it
right there on the runway.

Oh, grow up.
We're all sexual beings, Alex,

especially that mother of yours.

Abby, you've gotta kill that trade.

I was wrong, you were right.
Murray's the worst.

Dad, calm down. We didn't trade for him.

I told ownership it was a bad idea,

and they listened to me,
because they respect me.

Sweetheart, I'm sorry.

I respect you.

And it's true.
I haven't been spending my time well.

Retirement's been harder
than you expected, huh?

Yeah, I mean, I got used
to working and being the boss,

having my opinion valued.

I go from that to a guy
who spends his afternoons

playing video games?

You're just going through
an adjustment period.

Yeah, well, I gotta find a
better way to spend my days.

Well, I think I have a good idea.

Are you gonna hire me
to coach the Bulls?

No. I said a good idea.

Alex, what are you doing here?

We need to talk.

You don't wanna keep working together,
but you do wanna keep dating.

How did you know?

Because I feel the exact same way.

Alex, you're an amazing guy,
and I love to spend time with you,

but you are really
annoying to work with.

Oh, my God. You are too.

Bye.

So, how was your date from hell?

It wasn't all that bad.

What are you smiling about?

Nothing. It was fun.

You don't have to lie
to make us feel better.

Please stop lying to
make us feel better.

I'm not lying.

I never spent any alone
time with Phil before,

but he was funny and kinda sweet.

Gentlemen, a deal's a deal.

Enjoy the most powerful gaming
system the world will ever see.

Might I escort my lady to English class?

You're so funny.

That's not funny.
There was literally no joke.

Video games are fun,

but they are nothing
compared to the real world.

Oh! Are you kidding me?

He got mugged.
What are you looking at, ref?

Time out. Time out!

Come on. Bring it in. Bring it in.

All right, look, for the last time,

who's guarding the girl with the braces?

She is killing us.

See? Doesn't this beat virtual reality?

Oh, just FYI,

I think if you work the ball into Levi,

he's got a bit of a height
advantage on his guy.

Hey, I don't tell you
how to do your job.

All right...
all right, work the ball into Levi.

He's got a height advantage on his guy.

All right, win on three!

- One, two, three...
- Win!

- Go!
- Because if you don't spend

enough time in reality,

you lose track of what's important.

But at the end of the day,
it's not the game that matters.

It's who you play it with.

Oh, my God, this is so much
better than working together.

I'm really glad we worked things out.

- You're such a great guy.
- Aw. Yeah, great guy

who just decapitated you
with your own femur.

Oh, my God, that's disgusting!

Oh, God, why would they animate that?

- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com