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What's up, Marlon-nation.
Welcome to "The Marlon Way."
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00:00:05,157 --> 00:00:07,205
Today I'm talking about
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00:00:07,206 --> 00:00:09,507
appreciating the things you love
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00:00:09,508 --> 00:00:10,875
while they're still here.
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00:00:10,876 --> 00:00:13,144
Take for example, the McRib.
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00:00:13,145 --> 00:00:16,181
I thought the McRib
would be around forever,
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00:00:16,182 --> 00:00:18,483
till one day I pulled up
to the drive-through,
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I had my $3.83 ready.
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00:00:20,553 --> 00:00:23,088
Dude was like, "Nah, bruh.
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00:00:23,089 --> 00:00:24,489
They gone."
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00:00:24,490 --> 00:00:27,092
My point is, you can't
take things for granted,
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00:00:27,093 --> 00:00:28,593
because you never know
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00:00:28,594 --> 00:00:31,563
when they gon' be
gone gah-gone gone gone.
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00:00:31,564 --> 00:00:33,231
♪ Marlon, Marlon, Marlon,
Marlon, Marlon, Marlon ♪
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00:00:33,232 --> 00:00:35,166
♪ Marlon, Marlon, Marlon,
Marlon, Marlon, Marlon ♪
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00:00:35,167 --> 00:00:37,002
♪ Marlon, Marlon, Marlon,
Marlon, Marlon, Marlon ♪
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00:00:37,003 --> 00:00:38,737
♪ Marlon, Marlon
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00:00:38,738 --> 00:00:41,172
♪ Marlon, Marlon, Marlon,
Marlon, Marlon, Marlon ♪
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ALL: Marlon!
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[UPBEAT MUSIC]
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All right, girl! [GIGGLES]
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00:00:47,179 --> 00:00:50,782
Saturday night, we got plans.
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00:00:50,783 --> 00:00:54,218
Damn it, Yvette, you haven't
even asked me if I'm free.
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00:00:54,986 --> 00:00:56,588
- Yeah, I'm free.
- [CHUCKLES]
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00:00:56,589 --> 00:01:00,545
We are going to rock out
to Lenny Kravitz at the Greek!
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00:01:00,546 --> 00:01:02,280
Whoo!
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00:01:02,281 --> 00:01:04,516
And I splurged on good seats,
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00:01:04,517 --> 00:01:05,984
just in case his little Kravitz
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00:01:05,985 --> 00:01:07,753
wants to pop out his pants again.
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00:01:07,754 --> 00:01:09,921
Oh, my goodness, well, if he does,
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guess who's going to catch it!
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[BOTH YELL, LAUGH]
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00:01:13,259 --> 00:01:16,428
Okay, so, when Marlon and
Stevie get back from Frankie's,
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I'll make sure to tell Marlon
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00:01:17,851 --> 00:01:20,185
he's on kid duty Saturday night.
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00:01:21,103 --> 00:01:22,626
- Hi, Ashley.
- Hi.
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00:01:22,627 --> 00:01:25,435
Hi, Nikki "Mi-Nah."
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00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:30,010
Ashley, Department of
"Yvetterans" Affairs. Ha.
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00:01:30,011 --> 00:01:31,297
Don't do that.
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00:01:31,298 --> 00:01:32,720
Just...
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00:01:32,721 --> 00:01:35,057
you stay the hell the way
from the jokes.
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00:01:35,058 --> 00:01:37,394
Anyway, so, I just went to Frankie,
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and he gave me a little fresh fade,
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00:01:38,885 --> 00:01:41,594
and the brother gave me 20% off.
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00:01:41,595 --> 00:01:44,832
Oh, is that because you only
got 20% of your hair left?
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Ah-ha!
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Oh, really?
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Is this coming from somebody
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who got no percent of their hair left?
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Huh? Oh, is this coming from the girl
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00:01:56,486 --> 00:02:01,125
whose hair once placed
at the Kentucky Derby?
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00:02:01,126 --> 00:02:04,442
What is it, Seabiscuit
or Seattle Sleuth?
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00:02:05,968 --> 00:02:08,170
Yeah, Frankie hooked me up.
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00:02:08,171 --> 00:02:10,643
He gave me a 20% birthday discount.
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Oh, my God...
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your birthday is this Saturday.
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I'm sorry, it totally slipped my mind.
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00:02:15,555 --> 00:02:17,654
Yvette got us tickets
for Lenny Kravitz.
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00:02:17,655 --> 00:02:20,601
We'll celebrate your birthday
on Sunday, I promise.
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00:02:20,602 --> 00:02:23,412
On Sunday? No, no way,
my birthday is Saturday.
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00:02:23,413 --> 00:02:26,359
You don't celebrate things
the day after it happens, okay?
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00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:29,678
You don't celebrate Valentine's
Day on February 15th,
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00:02:29,679 --> 00:02:31,711
I mean, unless you a sidepiece.
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00:02:31,712 --> 00:02:35,502
But Yvette likes 50% discount
on her candy, right, Yvette?
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Come on, guys, this is a big year.
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And you know I always do it big.
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Remember that one birthday?
Remember that?
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"Come as Your Favorite Prince" party.
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Remember that? [CHUCKLES]
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All I remember is you walking around
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with your nasty butt cheeks
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hanging out of them ass-less pants.
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Oh, yeah, I remember.
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00:02:56,066 --> 00:02:58,232
And remember you came as Apollonia,
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00:02:58,233 --> 00:03:02,398
but you left as "Apol-lonelier"?
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00:03:02,399 --> 00:03:03,685
Ha-ha!
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'Cause once again,
you didn't get a man!
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00:03:05,650 --> 00:03:07,140
Ha-ha!
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00:03:07,141 --> 00:03:09,341
My favorite party was
the White People party,
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00:03:09,342 --> 00:03:11,543
where everybody had to show up
wearing Crocs,
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00:03:11,544 --> 00:03:13,203
clap on the one and the three,
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and whisper what we don't like
about black people.
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[LAUGHTER]
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00:03:17,641 --> 00:03:19,774
You ruin the steak
when you order it well-done.
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00:03:19,775 --> 00:03:21,636
[LAUGHTER]
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How come they can say it and we can't?
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[LAUGHS]
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White people crazy, man.
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00:03:29,867 --> 00:03:32,645
Kids, your mama would
rather spend my birthday
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00:03:32,646 --> 00:03:34,846
with Lenny Kravitz, so, uh...
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00:03:34,847 --> 00:03:36,404
what we gonna do?
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00:03:36,405 --> 00:03:38,437
Uh, it's your birthday already?
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00:03:38,438 --> 00:03:40,672
Wasn't your New Jack City party
like a month ago?
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[CHUCKLES]
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Yeah. Remember?
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We CMB!
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We all we got! We CMB!
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- We all we got! We CMB!
- Okay.
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Am I my brother's keeper?
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Come on, does anybody care
about my birthday?
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00:03:57,982 --> 00:04:00,284
- I do, Dad.
- My guy.
102
00:04:00,285 --> 00:04:01,385
But...
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00:04:02,011 --> 00:04:03,942
Tanner and I are playing Xbox
on Saturday.
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00:04:03,943 --> 00:04:05,974
I'm sorry, Pops.
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00:04:05,975 --> 00:04:10,104
Wow, so, nobody's
gonna be around on Sat...
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00:04:11,529 --> 00:04:14,341
Oh... [CHUCKLES]
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00:04:14,342 --> 00:04:17,897
All y'all are trying to
make me feel unappreciated,
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00:04:17,898 --> 00:04:19,320
so all y'all can slip in and throw me
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00:04:19,321 --> 00:04:21,826
a little surprise party this Saturday.
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00:04:21,827 --> 00:04:24,231
I got you, you slicky-slickies.
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00:04:24,232 --> 00:04:26,602
Marlon, I know what you're thinking.
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00:04:26,603 --> 00:04:28,803
There's no surprise party.
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00:04:28,804 --> 00:04:31,683
There's no surprise party?
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00:04:31,684 --> 00:04:33,610
No, there isn't.
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00:04:39,337 --> 00:04:43,165
There's no surprise party?
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00:04:43,166 --> 00:04:46,180
Please don't do it three times.
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00:04:46,181 --> 00:04:50,275
There's no surprise party?
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00:04:51,599 --> 00:04:55,528
Oh, my God, there's really
not a surprise party.
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Oh, my. Really?
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00:04:58,442 --> 00:04:59,660
Wow.
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00:04:59,661 --> 00:05:01,319
This is worse than the Father's Day
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00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:03,556
when the kids hit me up on Instagram,
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00:05:03,557 --> 00:05:06,841
talking about, "Thank you
for all your hard work.
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00:05:06,842 --> 00:05:09,246
# HFD."
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00:05:09,247 --> 00:05:11,176
Took me two days to figure out
they wasn't shouting out
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00:05:11,177 --> 00:05:14,394
the Houston Fire Department.
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00:05:14,395 --> 00:05:16,969
All right, fine,
we'll all cancel our plans
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00:05:16,970 --> 00:05:18,324
Saturday night to be available.
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00:05:18,325 --> 00:05:21,369
Oh, no, no, don't do me no favors.
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00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:25,369
Marlon, I just got a
voicemail from the barbershop.
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00:05:25,370 --> 00:05:26,470
Apparently, Frankie...
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00:05:26,791 --> 00:05:28,180
Wants to know about my birthday.
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00:05:28,181 --> 00:05:30,348
See, that's a good friend.
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00:05:30,349 --> 00:05:32,482
No, Marlon, Frankie's passed.
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00:05:32,483 --> 00:05:35,801
Passed on every other
invitation for Saturday night.
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00:05:35,802 --> 00:05:38,815
Man, see, that's a good brother.
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Marlon, he's dead.
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Is dead set on making sure
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he makes my birthday party.
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00:05:46,944 --> 00:05:49,789
You mean Frankie's,
like... really dead?
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00:05:49,790 --> 00:05:51,856
He had a heart attack.
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00:05:51,857 --> 00:05:55,175
Oh, man, Frankie's dead.
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00:05:55,176 --> 00:05:56,327
[SIGHS]
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00:05:56,328 --> 00:05:59,170
I'm so glad I got my haircut today.
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00:06:06,087 --> 00:06:08,382
My cousin Frankie
had the biggest heart
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00:06:08,383 --> 00:06:09,568
of anyone I've ever known.
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00:06:09,569 --> 00:06:11,171
We're not here to mourn him.
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00:06:11,172 --> 00:06:13,339
We're here to celebrate his life!
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00:06:13,340 --> 00:06:15,270
ALL: Amen!
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00:06:15,271 --> 00:06:16,322
His kids ran to him
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00:06:16,323 --> 00:06:19,064
every time he walked through the door!
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Everybody loved Frankie.
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00:06:21,265 --> 00:06:22,823
ALL: Amen.
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I wish he were still here,
so he could know
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00:06:24,145 --> 00:06:26,786
how much we all loved him.
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00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:29,225
Damn, Stevie, listen to all that love.
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00:06:29,226 --> 00:06:30,647
People never appreciate someone
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00:06:30,648 --> 00:06:32,375
until they're at their funeral.
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00:06:32,376 --> 00:06:33,696
You're damn right.
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00:06:33,697 --> 00:06:34,915
Take my family for example.
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00:06:34,916 --> 00:06:37,388
They don't even care
about my birthday.
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00:06:37,389 --> 00:06:39,352
I bet you they'd appreciate
me if I was laid up
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00:06:39,353 --> 00:06:41,690
in that casket with a tacky shirt on.
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00:06:41,691 --> 00:06:43,078
[SHUSHES]
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00:06:43,079 --> 00:06:45,111
I'm gonna miss me some Frankie.
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00:06:45,112 --> 00:06:47,176
You see, this is the type of
stuff that people need to hear
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00:06:47,177 --> 00:06:50,225
- while they're still alive.
- Yeah.
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00:06:50,226 --> 00:06:52,460
Wait... Stevie...
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00:06:52,461 --> 00:06:54,086
I got it.
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00:06:54,087 --> 00:06:55,678
Ha!
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00:06:55,679 --> 00:06:57,406
- Ashley?
- Hm?
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00:06:57,407 --> 00:07:01,572
I know what the theme of
my birthday party's gonna be.
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00:07:01,573 --> 00:07:03,197
Marlon, no.
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00:07:03,198 --> 00:07:05,365
Marlon, yes.
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00:07:05,366 --> 00:07:08,414
We are having a funeral party. Aww!
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00:07:08,415 --> 00:07:10,310
We're going to turn up,
turn up, turn-turn...
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00:07:10,311 --> 00:07:11,460
[ALL SHUSHING]
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00:07:12,512 --> 00:07:14,002
Told y'all about shushing me.
Don't be shushing me.
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00:07:14,003 --> 00:07:17,996
[HIP-HOP MUSIC]
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00:07:19,659 --> 00:07:22,064
So glad...
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00:07:22,065 --> 00:07:24,604
you all could be here
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00:07:24,605 --> 00:07:26,603
to mourn the passing
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00:07:26,604 --> 00:07:28,601
of good brother Marlon.
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00:07:28,602 --> 00:07:30,430
[CHUCKLES] Oh, my God.
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00:07:30,431 --> 00:07:33,410
Marlon, this is the most
ridiculous birthday party
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00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:34,968
you have ever thrown.
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00:07:34,969 --> 00:07:37,238
You only die once. YODO!
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00:07:37,239 --> 00:07:39,202
[CHUCKLES]
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00:07:39,203 --> 00:07:40,351
Whoa.
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00:07:41,268 --> 00:07:43,030
I see you decided to go with
traditional funeral red.
191
00:07:43,031 --> 00:07:44,757
Black is for mourners.
192
00:07:44,758 --> 00:07:46,789
The only problem with this funeral is
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00:07:46,790 --> 00:07:49,194
the death isn't real.
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00:07:49,195 --> 00:07:50,988
[SIGHS]
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00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:55,597
All right, folks, folks,
settle down, settle down.
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00:07:55,598 --> 00:07:57,019
Please, take your seats.
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00:07:57,020 --> 00:08:00,609
We are about to celebrate
198
00:08:00,610 --> 00:08:02,607
the life
199
00:08:02,608 --> 00:08:05,080
of Mr. Marlon Wayne.
200
00:08:05,081 --> 00:08:08,772
What's his name?
I said Mr. Marlon Wayne.
201
00:08:08,773 --> 00:08:10,429
♪ Wayne ♪
202
00:08:12,023 --> 00:08:14,463
He was a great man.
203
00:08:14,464 --> 00:08:17,477
He was a magnificent man.
204
00:08:17,478 --> 00:08:19,442
He was a worthy man.
205
00:08:19,443 --> 00:08:22,083
He was a philanthropicalistical man.
206
00:08:22,084 --> 00:08:24,082
He was a... ♪ holy man ♪
207
00:08:24,083 --> 00:08:26,419
He was... ♪ hilarious ♪
208
00:08:26,420 --> 00:08:27,673
Yes, he was.
209
00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:29,095
Ah, Sister Veronica,
210
00:08:29,096 --> 00:08:31,805
you and him had
some good times together.
211
00:08:31,806 --> 00:08:34,040
Ah, his back is still hurting
212
00:08:34,041 --> 00:08:36,783
from all those times.
213
00:08:36,784 --> 00:08:38,070
But he got you up.
214
00:08:38,071 --> 00:08:39,798
Ah, he was well endowed.
215
00:08:39,799 --> 00:08:41,458
Can I get an Amen?
216
00:08:41,459 --> 00:08:42,813
ALL: Amen.
217
00:08:42,814 --> 00:08:44,438
Uh, from the sisters?
218
00:08:44,439 --> 00:08:45,539
ALL: Amen.
219
00:08:46,336 --> 00:08:48,943
We could barely close
the casket, you know?
220
00:08:48,944 --> 00:08:51,518
We could barely close the casket.
221
00:08:51,519 --> 00:08:52,974
Had to get on top.
222
00:08:52,975 --> 00:08:55,785
We had Sister Veronica
put her ass up on it.
223
00:08:55,786 --> 00:08:57,479
And they would just get me down.
224
00:08:57,480 --> 00:09:00,189
"Come on, get down!"
225
00:09:00,190 --> 00:09:03,305
And finally, the Lord blessed him...
226
00:09:03,306 --> 00:09:05,978
Cha-ching! Pow!
227
00:09:06,726 --> 00:09:09,402
With magic in his pants.
228
00:09:09,403 --> 00:09:11,400
It's like "Jack and the Beanstalk."
229
00:09:11,401 --> 00:09:13,196
Yeah, he put the beans down there,
230
00:09:13,197 --> 00:09:15,464
and they just grew and grew and...
231
00:09:15,465 --> 00:09:18,310
and all the ladies
just climbed on next to it.
232
00:09:18,311 --> 00:09:21,493
We ain't got all day, Jessie Jackass.
233
00:09:21,494 --> 00:09:23,289
[LAUGHTER]
234
00:09:23,290 --> 00:09:25,558
Oh, I... I see somebody's upset,
235
00:09:25,559 --> 00:09:28,573
'cause we got the same wig on. Hello!
236
00:09:28,574 --> 00:09:29,961
[LAUGHTER]
237
00:09:29,962 --> 00:09:31,791
Now, fellas, that right there
238
00:09:31,792 --> 00:09:34,433
is quicksand in a dress.
239
00:09:34,434 --> 00:09:36,261
"Let me help you? Oh, Lord!
Where am I going?
240
00:09:36,262 --> 00:09:38,768
I have no idea! Lord have mercy!"
241
00:09:38,769 --> 00:09:40,156
[LAUGHTER]
242
00:09:40,157 --> 00:09:44,018
Now I'd like to open the floor
243
00:09:44,019 --> 00:09:46,863
to Marlon's love-dee-dee-dee-dee ones.
244
00:09:46,864 --> 00:09:48,659
Yes, so that they can...
245
00:09:48,660 --> 00:09:51,876
♪ Shower him with love ♪
246
00:09:51,877 --> 00:09:54,044
I said they going
to shower him with...
247
00:09:54,045 --> 00:09:55,501
what they going to shower him with?
248
00:09:55,502 --> 00:09:57,499
- ♪ Say, "Love"
- ALL: ♪ Love
249
00:09:57,500 --> 00:09:58,955
♪ Yeah, with love ♪
250
00:09:58,956 --> 00:10:00,276
ALL: ♪ Love ♪
251
00:10:00,277 --> 00:10:02,681
Won't you say appreci... ♪ ation ♪
252
00:10:02,682 --> 00:10:04,680
ALL: Appreci... ♪ ation ♪
253
00:10:04,681 --> 00:10:06,881
Yes!
254
00:10:06,882 --> 00:10:08,812
Oh!
255
00:10:08,813 --> 00:10:11,962
Please, all, be quiet...
256
00:10:11,963 --> 00:10:15,177
[SOFTLY]... and let's
all hear the love.
257
00:10:15,756 --> 00:10:17,649
Amen.
258
00:10:19,075 --> 00:10:23,272
I was married to Marlon Wayne
for 16 years.
259
00:10:24,427 --> 00:10:26,696
And then I kicked his ass to the curb!
260
00:10:26,697 --> 00:10:29,979
[LAUGHTER]
261
00:10:30,896 --> 00:10:33,504
But if he were here,
I'm sure he'd say...
262
00:10:33,505 --> 00:10:34,994
That you got a white girl butt.
263
00:10:34,995 --> 00:10:36,823
[LAUGHTER]
264
00:10:36,824 --> 00:10:38,179
Right?
265
00:10:38,180 --> 00:10:41,159
That, or he'd say
I was too light-skinned,
266
00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:44,004
or as he'd like to put it,
light-skin-dee-dee-dee-dee.
267
00:10:44,005 --> 00:10:46,138
[LAUGHTER]
268
00:10:46,139 --> 00:10:48,034
Oh... [STAMMERS]... that Marlon,
269
00:10:48,035 --> 00:10:50,846
he sure had a way with words, right?
270
00:10:50,847 --> 00:10:53,692
Yes, he did. [CHUCKLES, CLEARS THROAT]
271
00:10:53,693 --> 00:10:56,333
You know, Marlon always had
colorful nicknames for me.
272
00:10:56,334 --> 00:10:58,738
[CHUCKLES]
Here's a few of my favorites:
273
00:10:58,739 --> 00:11:02,531
Troll, Gremlin, ASAP Nappy.
274
00:11:02,532 --> 00:11:04,191
[LAUGHTER]
275
00:11:04,192 --> 00:11:06,359
SnapChat Filter Face!
276
00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:07,782
You know, the one with the big mouth.
277
00:11:07,783 --> 00:11:10,762
[JABBERING]
278
00:11:10,763 --> 00:11:14,048
At my basketball games,
my dad would yell stuff like,
279
00:11:14,049 --> 00:11:16,656
"Are you allergic to winning?"
[LAUGHTER]
280
00:11:16,657 --> 00:11:19,874
Okay, okay, now... now...
now get to the good stuff, huh?
281
00:11:19,875 --> 00:11:21,161
[MUTTERING]
282
00:11:21,162 --> 00:11:22,685
Tell them about how your daddy
283
00:11:22,686 --> 00:11:24,717
used to take you down
to the Cheesecake Factory
284
00:11:24,718 --> 00:11:25,937
after the game.
285
00:11:25,938 --> 00:11:26,953
- Yeah.
- Win or lose, right?
286
00:11:26,954 --> 00:11:28,240
Okay. [CHUCKLES]
287
00:11:28,241 --> 00:11:30,170
Hey, talk about that, okay.
288
00:11:30,171 --> 00:11:31,931
My dad called me a nerd
289
00:11:31,932 --> 00:11:34,100
every day for the last 16 years.
290
00:11:34,101 --> 00:11:35,658
Thanks to him, I'll be in therapy
291
00:11:35,659 --> 00:11:37,656
every day for the next 16 years.
292
00:11:37,657 --> 00:11:38,977
[LAUGHTER]
293
00:11:38,978 --> 00:11:40,569
Well, tell 'em about the good stuff,
294
00:11:40,570 --> 00:11:44,160
like, your daddy paid for
all your nerd paraphernalia.
295
00:11:44,161 --> 00:11:45,650
You remember he bought you
that Kindle?
296
00:11:45,651 --> 00:11:47,005
- Huh? Huh?
- Yep.
297
00:11:47,006 --> 00:11:47,987
Now, you... yeah, tell 'em about that,
298
00:11:47,988 --> 00:11:49,342
tell 'em about that.
299
00:11:49,343 --> 00:11:51,544
Yep, he bought me a Kindle.
300
00:11:51,545 --> 00:11:54,118
[LAUGHTER]
301
00:11:54,119 --> 00:11:55,811
But what else can I say about Marlon?
302
00:11:55,812 --> 00:11:57,504
[STAMMERS] How 'bout you tell them
303
00:11:57,505 --> 00:11:59,029
how generous he was,
304
00:11:59,030 --> 00:12:00,858
you know, with him allowing you
305
00:12:00,859 --> 00:12:03,703
to sleep on his couch all those years?
306
00:12:03,704 --> 00:12:04,888
♪ Tell them ♪
307
00:12:04,889 --> 00:12:06,345
♪ Tell the people ♪
308
00:12:06,346 --> 00:12:08,377
Will do, Reverend Snoop.
309
00:12:08,378 --> 00:12:11,188
[LAUGHTER]
310
00:12:11,189 --> 00:12:12,916
All right, well,
311
00:12:12,917 --> 00:12:15,896
he's not here to defend himself,
312
00:12:15,897 --> 00:12:19,047
so let's raise a glass to Marlon.
313
00:12:19,048 --> 00:12:21,045
He's probably upstairs right now,
314
00:12:21,046 --> 00:12:23,077
mocking Jesus for his open-toed shoes.
315
00:12:23,078 --> 00:12:25,211
[LAUGHTER]
316
00:12:25,212 --> 00:12:27,650
So, basically,
he's on his way downstairs
317
00:12:27,651 --> 00:12:29,377
by the end of this party.
318
00:12:29,378 --> 00:12:31,376
[LAUGHTER]
319
00:12:31,377 --> 00:12:34,018
Wait, did these bastards
just say I'm going to hell
320
00:12:34,019 --> 00:12:35,914
at my own funeral?
321
00:12:35,915 --> 00:12:37,913
Put gasoline in this boss.
322
00:12:37,914 --> 00:12:38,963
To Marlon.
323
00:12:38,964 --> 00:12:40,386
Now that he's gone,
324
00:12:40,387 --> 00:12:42,824
we'll all feel a lot better
about ourselves.
325
00:12:42,825 --> 00:12:45,229
[LAUGHTER]
326
00:12:45,230 --> 00:12:47,363
♪ Hallelujah ♪
327
00:12:47,364 --> 00:12:49,531
- What the hell is that?
- What?
328
00:12:49,532 --> 00:12:52,410
That's not how it went down
at Frankie's funeral.
329
00:12:52,411 --> 00:12:53,832
Where's all the good stuff about me?
330
00:12:53,833 --> 00:12:55,695
Like... what about me as a father
331
00:12:55,696 --> 00:12:57,897
or as a friend?
332
00:12:57,898 --> 00:13:00,031
As a partner?
333
00:13:00,032 --> 00:13:02,603
I'm just some kinda joke to you guys?
334
00:13:03,350 --> 00:13:05,552
You know, I thought I meant
more to this family,
335
00:13:05,553 --> 00:13:07,889
but I guess I was wrong.
336
00:13:07,890 --> 00:13:10,929
♪
337
00:13:16,018 --> 00:13:19,843
[HIP-HOP MUSIC]
338
00:13:25,170 --> 00:13:27,939
Marlon, I saw you come in here.
339
00:13:27,940 --> 00:13:30,507
I don't know what just
happened back there.
340
00:13:30,508 --> 00:13:32,941
Will you please just talk to me?
341
00:13:32,942 --> 00:13:36,042
[TOILET FLUSHES]
342
00:13:38,811 --> 00:13:41,512
Girl, who are you talking to?
343
00:13:41,513 --> 00:13:43,813
I assumed you were in the casket.
344
00:13:43,814 --> 00:13:47,115
What kinda lunatic
would get in a casket?
345
00:13:47,116 --> 00:13:49,617
The same lunatic
who would throw a damn funeral
346
00:13:49,618 --> 00:13:52,084
for his birthday party.
347
00:13:52,085 --> 00:13:54,419
True, true.
348
00:13:54,420 --> 00:13:56,787
Marlon, we all feel horrible.
349
00:13:56,788 --> 00:14:00,489
I didn't realize that you were
feeling so unappreciated.
350
00:14:00,490 --> 00:14:02,457
We thought you were
just having one of your,
351
00:14:02,458 --> 00:14:04,091
you know, fun parties.
352
00:14:04,092 --> 00:14:06,025
What's going on with you?
353
00:14:06,026 --> 00:14:07,926
I don't know, Ash.
354
00:14:07,927 --> 00:14:09,994
It's just, my birthday comes around
355
00:14:09,995 --> 00:14:12,095
and nobody wants to celebrate?
356
00:14:12,096 --> 00:14:13,796
And I got to thinking,
357
00:14:13,797 --> 00:14:15,064
"How 'bout I have a funeral party,
358
00:14:15,065 --> 00:14:16,898
"so I can hear all the great things
359
00:14:16,899 --> 00:14:19,266
that people have to say about
me, like Frankie's funeral?"
360
00:14:19,267 --> 00:14:20,800
Marlon...
361
00:14:20,801 --> 00:14:23,635
Frankie was actually dead.
362
00:14:23,636 --> 00:14:26,503
I know.
363
00:14:26,504 --> 00:14:27,937
But if stupid jokes is
364
00:14:27,938 --> 00:14:29,638
all you guys gonna remember about me,
365
00:14:29,639 --> 00:14:30,938
then...
366
00:14:30,939 --> 00:14:33,974
maybe I gotta rethink who I am.
367
00:14:33,975 --> 00:14:35,975
Because if I die,
I wanna leave you guys
368
00:14:35,976 --> 00:14:38,142
with something real.
369
00:14:38,143 --> 00:14:39,643
You don't think we'll remember you
370
00:14:39,644 --> 00:14:41,142
for something real?
371
00:14:48,014 --> 00:14:51,049
Marley, if Daddy calls you
a nerd so often,
372
00:14:51,050 --> 00:14:54,618
why are you always so excited
to show him your report cards?
373
00:14:54,619 --> 00:14:57,553
Because he always posts
cool videos about them.
374
00:14:57,554 --> 00:14:59,521
I know that when he calls me a nerd,
375
00:14:59,522 --> 00:15:01,121
he's really saying he's proud of me.
376
00:15:01,122 --> 00:15:02,889
And when I do call you a nerd,
377
00:15:02,890 --> 00:15:06,291
I... I don't mean old-school,
378
00:15:06,292 --> 00:15:08,158
pocket-protecting nerd.
379
00:15:08,159 --> 00:15:10,126
I mean, like, the new cool nerd.
380
00:15:10,127 --> 00:15:13,494
You know, Marvel Comic, Creator app,
381
00:15:13,495 --> 00:15:15,595
hack a presidential election.
382
00:15:15,596 --> 00:15:18,096
- That... that type of nerd.
- [MOUTHS WORD]
383
00:15:18,898 --> 00:15:22,499
And, Zack, what did you say
when I offered to give your dad
384
00:15:22,500 --> 00:15:23,900
a fake basketball schedule,
385
00:15:23,901 --> 00:15:26,501
so he wouldn't embarrass you
at the games?
386
00:15:26,502 --> 00:15:28,002
I said no.
387
00:15:28,003 --> 00:15:30,436
A lot of dads don't even show up.
388
00:15:30,437 --> 00:15:31,838
Yeah, he embarrasses me,
389
00:15:31,839 --> 00:15:33,938
but he's always there...
390
00:15:34,705 --> 00:15:36,573
At least until they drag him out.
391
00:15:36,574 --> 00:15:37,874
[ALL LAUGH]
392
00:15:37,875 --> 00:15:39,341
Hey... hey, I was telling that ref,
393
00:15:39,342 --> 00:15:41,376
"Three steps is not a travel.
394
00:15:41,377 --> 00:15:42,844
That's a Euro-Step."
395
00:15:42,845 --> 00:15:44,278
- I know, right?
- My guy.
396
00:15:44,279 --> 00:15:45,745
They don't even...
they don't even know, man.
397
00:15:45,746 --> 00:15:48,880
They don't know.
398
00:15:48,881 --> 00:15:49,981
Marlon...
399
00:15:50,848 --> 00:15:52,515
even though you make comments
about my appearance,
400
00:15:52,516 --> 00:15:54,149
you still give me a place every night
401
00:15:54,150 --> 00:15:57,552
to lay my, quote-unquote,
"turn the lights out" body.
402
00:15:57,553 --> 00:15:59,986
You lost weight. I see you.
403
00:15:59,987 --> 00:16:02,753
Now you got the "T-shirt
in the Jacuzzi" body.
404
00:16:06,489 --> 00:16:08,856
- Yvette?
- Hm?
405
00:16:10,791 --> 00:16:14,160
Girl, bye, he ain't never
done nothing for me.
406
00:16:14,161 --> 00:16:15,761
Really?
407
00:16:15,762 --> 00:16:17,929
So, you never told me that
408
00:16:17,930 --> 00:16:20,196
Marlon clowning all your dates
409
00:16:20,197 --> 00:16:23,065
saved you from a few bad choices?
410
00:16:23,066 --> 00:16:24,098
Fine.
411
00:16:24,099 --> 00:16:26,199
Marlon's jokes may have illuminated
412
00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:29,835
the suspect behavior
of a few of my suitors.
413
00:16:29,836 --> 00:16:31,870
Yeah, like that one shady guy.
414
00:16:31,871 --> 00:16:33,871
He used to live at the 24 Hour Fitness
415
00:16:33,872 --> 00:16:35,705
but showered at the YMCA,
416
00:16:35,706 --> 00:16:38,373
and only pooed at your house.
417
00:16:38,374 --> 00:16:41,575
Yes, Angelo was a mistake.
418
00:16:41,576 --> 00:16:45,942
Marlon's not entirely... useless.
419
00:16:49,278 --> 00:16:53,048
Marlon, the night we separated
420
00:16:53,049 --> 00:16:55,814
was one of the saddest nights
of my life...
421
00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:58,884
But then, I got this text from you,
422
00:16:58,885 --> 00:17:01,818
- which I have saved.
- [CHUCKLES]
423
00:17:02,953 --> 00:17:05,853
"You up? JK.
424
00:17:07,355 --> 00:17:09,389
"Now that we're not having sex,
425
00:17:09,390 --> 00:17:11,557
"or sleeping in the same bed,
426
00:17:11,558 --> 00:17:13,558
"and I'm on your last nerve,
427
00:17:13,559 --> 00:17:15,225
it'll be like we're still married."
428
00:17:15,226 --> 00:17:17,359
[CHUCKLES]
429
00:17:18,328 --> 00:17:20,227
"We're gonna be all right, Ash."
430
00:17:21,429 --> 00:17:23,463
Marlon...
431
00:17:23,464 --> 00:17:25,931
from the moment I met you,
432
00:17:25,932 --> 00:17:29,200
every bit of sadness
that I have ever felt
433
00:17:29,201 --> 00:17:31,501
has been short-lived,
434
00:17:31,502 --> 00:17:35,136
because you always make me laugh.
435
00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:38,171
That's what your stupid jokes
do for us.
436
00:17:39,973 --> 00:17:44,075
I'm sorry you didn't feel appreciated.
437
00:17:44,076 --> 00:17:46,309
But I promise,
438
00:17:46,310 --> 00:17:48,377
from now on,
439
00:17:48,378 --> 00:17:51,977
we'll do our best to make sure
that you always do.
440
00:17:53,479 --> 00:17:56,114
That was...
441
00:17:56,115 --> 00:17:58,682
that was like a closing
argument speech right there.
442
00:17:58,683 --> 00:18:00,483
That was...
443
00:18:00,484 --> 00:18:02,216
"that negro's guilty."
444
00:18:07,487 --> 00:18:09,288
I love you, guys. Come here.
445
00:18:09,289 --> 00:18:10,488
I love you too, Pop.
446
00:18:10,489 --> 00:18:11,889
What would I do without you guys?
447
00:18:11,890 --> 00:18:13,890
- I love you so much.
- We're here.
448
00:18:13,891 --> 00:18:16,125
I'm glad you guys
appreciate my jokes...
449
00:18:16,126 --> 00:18:17,826
[CHUCKLING]
450
00:18:17,827 --> 00:18:19,460
'Cause I got a whole lot
of 'em coming.
451
00:18:19,461 --> 00:18:20,893
- [GROANING]
- Oh, no.
452
00:18:24,032 --> 00:18:28,367
ALL: ♪ I'm coming up, I'm coming up ♪
453
00:18:28,368 --> 00:18:30,967
♪ On the rough side ♪
454
00:18:30,968 --> 00:18:33,035
♪ Of the mountain ♪
455
00:18:33,036 --> 00:18:34,904
It is a mountain, not a hill.
456
00:18:34,905 --> 00:18:37,671
♪ I'm doing my best ♪
457
00:18:37,672 --> 00:18:39,273
♪ To make it in ♪
458
00:18:39,274 --> 00:18:41,707
You know I'm gonna...
I'm gonna kick the door down.
459
00:18:41,708 --> 00:18:43,141
Yeah!
460
00:18:43,142 --> 00:18:45,643
♪ Marlon has taught me and told me ♪
461
00:18:45,644 --> 00:18:48,043
♪ To give you all some messages ♪
462
00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:49,978
♪ Straight from his heart ♪
463
00:18:49,979 --> 00:18:52,746
♪ So, uh, he wants me to start ♪
464
00:18:52,747 --> 00:18:55,047
♪ With you, lovely Ashley ♪
465
00:18:55,048 --> 00:18:56,548
♪ Yes, he do ♪
466
00:18:56,549 --> 00:18:58,216
♪ He said... he said
you remind him of ♪
467
00:18:58,217 --> 00:19:01,551
♪ The white thang in pork and beans ♪
468
00:19:01,552 --> 00:19:03,485
♪ Can I get an Amen? ♪
469
00:19:03,486 --> 00:19:06,887
♪ Now-now-now he gonna
talk about the baby ♪
470
00:19:06,888 --> 00:19:08,888
♪ He told me to tell your son ♪
471
00:19:08,889 --> 00:19:10,889
♪ You better learn karate ♪
472
00:19:10,890 --> 00:19:12,890
♪ You got to learn karate ♪
473
00:19:12,891 --> 00:19:14,424
♪ Because you're gonna be
fighting off ♪
474
00:19:14,425 --> 00:19:16,659
♪ A lot of prisoners
when you go to jail ♪
475
00:19:16,660 --> 00:19:18,660
♪ Eventually ♪
476
00:19:18,661 --> 00:19:22,295
♪ If you don't work on
those math grades ♪
477
00:19:22,296 --> 00:19:24,963
♪ Okay, Marley, your daddy ♪
478
00:19:24,964 --> 00:19:26,997
♪ He said give up on social media ♪
479
00:19:26,998 --> 00:19:28,832
♪ It's no hope ♪
480
00:19:28,833 --> 00:19:30,233
♪ Cancel your accounts ♪
481
00:19:30,234 --> 00:19:31,900
♪ Don't put up no more pictures ♪
482
00:19:31,901 --> 00:19:33,267
♪ Ain't nobody gonna follow you ♪
483
00:19:33,268 --> 00:19:35,802
♪ But guess what,
God's gonna follow you ♪
484
00:19:35,803 --> 00:19:37,570
♪ Oh, wait, hold on ♪
485
00:19:37,571 --> 00:19:39,237
♪ He just unfollowed you too ♪
486
00:19:39,238 --> 00:19:40,772
[LAUGHTER]
487
00:19:40,773 --> 00:19:42,072
♪ Now-now, brother Stevie ♪
488
00:19:42,073 --> 00:19:43,673
♪ He said that your hair ♪
489
00:19:43,674 --> 00:19:47,109
♪ Look like the inside
of John Denver's coat ♪
490
00:19:47,110 --> 00:19:49,276
♪ When he hosted "The Muppet Show" ♪
491
00:19:49,277 --> 00:19:51,911
♪ On Christmas ♪
492
00:19:51,912 --> 00:19:53,812
[HIGH-PITCHED] ♪ Yes, he did ♪
493
00:19:53,813 --> 00:19:55,747
♪ And now it's time ♪
494
00:19:55,748 --> 00:19:57,748
♪ For me to talk to you, Yvette ♪
495
00:19:57,749 --> 00:19:59,281
♪ First thing he said ♪
496
00:19:59,282 --> 00:20:01,649
♪ He's up there talking
to God right now ♪
497
00:20:01,650 --> 00:20:02,950
♪ He's talking to God ♪
498
00:20:02,951 --> 00:20:04,118
♪ He said, "God?" ♪
499
00:20:04,119 --> 00:20:05,651
♪ God said, "What?" ♪
500
00:20:05,652 --> 00:20:08,253
♪ Marlon said,
"God, can you get her a man?" ♪
501
00:20:08,254 --> 00:20:12,188
♪ He said, "Negro, I'm only God" ♪
502
00:20:12,189 --> 00:20:14,957
[LAUGHTER]
503
00:20:14,958 --> 00:20:18,358
♪ "I can't work
those kinds of miracles" ♪
504
00:20:18,359 --> 00:20:20,426
♪ He said, "You talking about Yvette ♪
505
00:20:20,427 --> 00:20:22,660
♪ The one that look like
a swap meet model?" ♪
506
00:20:22,661 --> 00:20:24,862
♪ I said, "Yes, God, that is her" ♪
507
00:20:24,863 --> 00:20:26,096
[CHUCKLES]
508
00:20:26,097 --> 00:20:27,697
♪ He said, "I can't help her ♪
509
00:20:27,698 --> 00:20:31,465
♪ She looks like the alien
in 'A Quiet Place'" ♪
510
00:20:31,466 --> 00:20:34,100
[SHUSHING]
511
00:20:34,101 --> 00:20:36,268
♪ He gonna get us ♪
512
00:20:36,269 --> 00:20:39,770
[LAUGHTER]
513
00:20:39,771 --> 00:20:41,337
♪ Yes, ha-ha ♪
514
00:20:41,338 --> 00:20:43,671
♪ Do y'all feel the love? ♪
515
00:20:43,672 --> 00:20:45,973
♪ I know I do ♪
516
00:20:45,974 --> 00:20:47,640
♪ I'm coming up ♪
517
00:20:47,641 --> 00:20:49,674
ALL: ♪ I'm coming up ♪
518
00:20:49,675 --> 00:20:53,444
♪ On the rough side ♪
519
00:20:53,445 --> 00:20:56,645
♪ Of the mountain ♪
520
00:20:56,646 --> 00:20:59,614
♪ I'm doing my best ♪
521
00:20:59,615 --> 00:21:01,448
♪ To make it in ♪
522
00:21:01,449 --> 00:21:03,282
♪ Make it in ♪
523
00:21:03,283 --> 00:21:05,950
♪ I'm doing my best ♪
524
00:21:05,951 --> 00:21:07,918
♪ To make it in ♪
525
00:21:07,919 --> 00:21:14,922
♪ Make it ♪
526
00:21:14,923 --> 00:21:16,790
♪
527
00:21:16,791 --> 00:21:19,590
♪ In ♪
528
00:21:19,591 --> 00:21:20,792
Ahh!
529
00:21:20,793 --> 00:21:21,893
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
530
00:21:34,499 --> 00:21:41,086
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