Original subtitles

♪ Some men are good at hunting quail

♪ Some like to sail while others like to box

♪ Some men prefer to surf

♪ While others like the turf

♪ And lose a lot of money on the jacks

♪ Some men say judo is their dish

♪ While others fish where mountain waters swirl

♪ But let a girl appear

♪ He'll pursue her

♪ And run his fingers through her curls

♪ And that's the way it's been since the world began

♪ The favorite sport of man is girls

♪ Some men put on an aqualung

♪ And swim above the barnacles and pearls

♪ But let a girl appear, he'll pursue her

♪ And run his fingers through her curls

♪ And that's the way it's been since the world began

♪ The favorite sport of man is girls ♪

Sorry. I wasn't looking.

Hey, you can go now.

I beg your pardon.

Oh, well, hi.

Um, I... I was going to park here.

How can you? I'm already here.

Well, I can see that but you'll have to move. This is my place.

How can it be your place when I'm already in it?

Lady, I park here every day.

Hey, buddy, is this your car?

Yes, it is.

Can't leave it here.

Uh, I'll move it in a minute.

You don't, you'll find a ticket on it.

Right away, officer. Look, young lady...

You better move your car.

Do you see that number?

Of course.

It's 19. Well, I'm 19.

You look older than that to me.

We're not talking about my age.

But we've already discussed the parking.

I shouldn't be in a spot like this.

I don't think so either.

Couldn't you find a better place to propose to her?

I am not proposing to her.

Are we late? Not if we hurry.

Better luck next time.

You can't leave your car here.

I already have. But if you want to move it, go on ahead.

I don't want to move your car.

Good. Leave it right where it is.

She's not going to get away with this.

I'll fix her.

Hi, Officer.

Find what you're looking for?

I wasn't looking for anything.

You weren't?

Trying to start this car.

Interesting way of doing it.

Why?

So I could move it.

This isn't your car, is it?

No. It belongs to the girl.

But she's your friend.

I never saw her before in my life.

This is getting more interesting.

Better let me see your license.

I, um, must have dropped it or something.

Here it is.

Well, well...

Would you mind hurrying?

I'm late enough as it is.

Simmer down, Abigail.

Abigail?

It's what it says right here.

Let me see that. This isn't mine.

You don't know how happy I am to hear that.

Here it is.

Roger Willoughby, hmm?

Yeah.

You say you don't know this Abigail Page?

No, I don't. Officer, this is all very simple.

The lady parked in my parking space.

I work here, Abercrombie & Fitch. I tried to get her to move.

Then things got confused.

You said it was simple.

You know women. She's the kind that gets you confused.

I meet 'em every day. Then you should know.

She was in a hurry. They started talking.

They? By then, there were two of them.

Two of them?

She said I could move the car if I wanted to.

But she left both the doors locked.

Screwy story.

You think I made it up?

No, it's too real for that.

I've got no reason, but I believe you.

If I could have my driver's license...

I'll need it for another minute.

What for?

I can't give you a ticket without it.

A ticket for what?

For leaving that car over there.

That's the one you should've moved.

Roger? There are some customers waiting for you.

Who's first?

Major Phipps has been in Rods & Reels since the store opened.

Mr. Willoughby. Good morning, Mr. Bush.

I wanted to ask you the best way to catch northern pike.

Well, sir, uh... Joe. I'll be with you in just a minute.

Why don't you let Joe show you the new nylon lines that came in?

I think they'll be well worth your while.

Good morning, Major Phipps.

14 minutes and 30 seconds.

I beg your pardon?

That's how long I've waited for you.

I'm sorry. A problem in the parking...

Then let's stop wasting time.

I can get out of a couple of meetings next week

and make the tournament at...

Lake Wakapoogee? Splendid. What can I help you with?

Rods, reels, lines, lures, spinners,

flies, bugs, spoons, the whole mess.

I see. Well, then, let's... Let's start with the rods.

The cornerstone of the outfit, you know.

Let's see here. Going to win this year, Major?

I intend to keep on trying.

Good. Here we are.

This is the one I would recommend. Good morning, Tom.

It's light, flexible, strong, perfectly balanced.

How does it feel? It feels light.

Would you like to try to make a cast?

Yes, I think I would.

Look at that. It's my arm.

Machine gun bullets during the war.

I can't get any movement.

I'm ashamed of you. Why?

Haven't you read my book? Of course I have, every word of it.

It says here on page 21, I think.

Yes. "You need very little movement

"to make a good cast with a spinning reel."

I must've missed that.

Tom, you read the book.

Show the major a couple of casts

and I'll explain it to him.

Now, remember, Major.

10 o'clock position first. Then 11 o'clock.

11 o'clock, higher.

Then forward to 9 o'clock.

9 o'clock. Try it, Tom.

You see? Isn't that pretty?

10 o'clock. 10 o'clock.

11 o'clock. 11 o'clock.

9 o'clock. Try it again.

See. Very little wrist movement.

Would you like to try?

I certainly would.

Now remember, gently.

10 o'clock, 11 o'clock, 9 o'clock.

Gently.

10 o'clock, 11 o'clock, 9 o'clock.

Hey, look at that! Good.

What would I do without you?

I wish you were staying at the lake during the tournament.

Why haven't you ever entered the tournament?

I... don't seem to have enough time.

You should. Well, it's a rod, all right.

What kind of fish should I go after? Bass, trout, bluegills?

Let's see, last year the Wakapoogee was won with a bass.

Six pounds, eight ounces.

I know. I saw that old goat Harvey Skaggs land the fish.

He used a plug, a green plunking dingbat.

That's not what I ask you, and this isn't last year.

I want to know what to use this year.

Let's see... Roger? Phone.

Oh, thank you. Excuse me, Major. I'll be right back.

Willoughby speaking.

Roger, this is Stern, Jim Stern.

Yeah, Jim.

I'm up here at Lake Wakapoogee.

I wanted to tell you that I got the doggone-dest string of fish.

Well, good for you.

Um... Say, Jim, what kind of fish did you go after?

Trout, just like you suggested.

And what would you say is the best time of day?

Between 10 and 11 in the morning.

Between 10 and 11 in the morning. A-ha.

What was the water temperature?

68 degrees.

68 degrees. And how deep did you go?

I started with a Colorado spinner

and ended with a super-duper.

I see.

Thank you, Jim.

I appreciate your calling.

Bye.

Major Phipps, what were we talking about?

What kind of fish I should go after at the lake.

I suggest you go for trout. Trout.

10 or 11 in the morning would be your best time.

The water should be around 68 degrees.

68 degrees.

What kind of a lure, and how deep?

Just under the surface and use either a Colorado Spinner

or a Super-duper.

Amazing. A Colorado Spinner or a Super-duper.

Morning, Maggie.

Morning, Roger. Go right on in.

Oh, thank you.

Hi. Hello.

Good morning, sir.

Willoughby, come in, come in.

Miss Perkins, send in the young ladies, please. Yes, sir.

Fine morning, isn't it? I want you to... Here they are now.

Miss Page and Miss Mueller. Mr. Roger Willoughby.

Yep, I knew it.

We've met.

Yes, in the parking lot.

Oh, fine. Please sit down and we'll get on with this.

Miss Mueller is the daughter of Mr. Mueller,

who owns the Lodge at Lake Wakapoogee.

Miss Page is sort of Director of Public Relations

for the Lodge.

I see. Willoughby, this is your lucky day.

It is?

Absolutely.

You are entering the fishing tournament at Lake Wakapoogee.

Sir? Stuns you, doesn't it?

You want... me to fish in the tournament?

That's right, as the official representative of Abercrombie & Fitch.

Mr. Cadwalader... Don't thank me.

Thank Miss Page. It was all her idea.

You know, the more I think of it, the more excited I become.

Your reputation will have influence

on the publicity for the tournament, which benefits the Lodge.

Beaver. Oh, thank you.

And will benefit us, of course. I tell you, Willoughby...

What's the matter? Something bothering you?

Mr. Cadwalader, it's just that I...

Just what?

I don't think I should enter the fishing tournament.

Why not? Give us one good reason.

Because I...

That's certainly no reason.

I didn't give a reason.

Why?

Come on, now, we're waiting.

Now, I think I know what's bothering Willoughby.

You don't think it's fair for the teacher to compete with pupils.

Exactly. They might resent me.

That defeats your whole purpose.

Oh, horsefeathers.

Oh, my goodness!

Let me have your handkerchief.

It's perfectly all right.

Sorry.

Don't worry a bit. It'll dry out right away.

Good.

Silly, isn't it? My wife makes me wear it.

Well, let's get on with it, shall we?

Yes, Mr. Cadwalader.

Let me see, where... Where were we?

Mr. Willoughby felt the other fishermen might resent

his entering the tournament,

then I hit the ashtray.

That's exactly what I said.

I don't agree. It would be flattering.

Like playing on the same team with Mickey Mantle.

It's not the same!

It's exactly the same!

Good thing you didn't hit an ashtray.

Stop being so modest.

I'm not being modest.

They're right. It's your modesty talking.

I don't want to hear any more.

Yes, Miss Perkins.

It's 11.30, Mr. Cadwalader.

Thanks.

I have an appointment and I'm tied up the rest of the afternoon.

Willoughby, take the ladies to lunch

and explain all the details to them.

Miss Page, it was a great idea.

Mr. Cadwalader, didn't you forget something?

Hmm?

Your thingamajig.

Oh.

Oh. No, I didn't forget it. Good excuse not to wear it.

Miss Mueller, thank you very much.

It was a pleasure, sir.

Ah, by the way, Willoughby, how is your fishing gear?

Well, sir, with so little chance I...

Just as I thought. We'll get together in the morning

and pick out all the equipment you need.

Goodbye.

Look, Miss Page...

Please.

Please, I didn't realize that I had taken your parking space.

I didn't know that you were Roger Willoughby.

I mean, I thought that some nut...

Abby. Well, I'm sorry.

So please forgive me, please.

Well, I... Please?

I can't really blame you, Miss Page. But there is one thing...

I know. You couldn't move my car because I locked the doors.

That's not what I want to talk to you about.

You'd have had a hard time getting into that car.

Easy, he almost got a ticket.

I got a ticket!

From the policeman?

That's right.

Oh, no. I told you you better do what he said.

Didn't I? Don't you remember?

I remember distinctly. You have the faculty...

Come on, you two. You have to work together.

That's what I want to talk to her about.

I just want to get one thing straight.

Do you feel that you are too good

to enter our fishing tournament?

No, I don't!

That's what I want to hear.

Let's have some lunch.

Miss Page...

Don't hold a grudge. I'll make you a deal.

If you buy us two martinis

then I'll pay for your ticket, okay?

Oh, hell.

I should've thought that you would jump at the chance to go fishing.

Well, ordinarily I...

What is it? Your wife? Doesn't she want you to go?

I don't have a wife.

Then your fiancee, your girlfriend.

The girl I'm engaged to has nothing to do

with my not wanting to enter the tournament.

At least we know you're engaged,

and don't want to enter the tournament.

That's right.

We'll just have to keep on wondering why.

I have no intention of discussing the reasons with you.

Step right in, please.

You better keep on trying.

I will.

But hurry up.

Mr. Will...

Oh, no.

What?

Well, I was just thinking.

If you're up at the lake, you'll be away from the store.

Yes, that's right.

You don't want to risk that.

Why? It's only a job.

You're afraid of the auditors.

I mean, the auditors may come in and go over your books

and find out that you've been playing with the store funds.

What?

Roger, how much are you short?

I'm not short anything!

Shh, shh.

I have nothing to do with store money.

She's just talking nonsense!

How can you say such a thing with all those people hearing you?

They might believe you.

Well, I just didn't think.

I really can't figure you out, Miss Page.

Either you don't know what you're doing, or you just don't care.

"Miss Page." You're so formal. Call me Abigail.

I don't want to know you that well.

Even as a stranger, you're trouble.

What will it be?

Martini. Make mine a double.

A thing like that could ruin a man's reputation.

Do you have a light, Roger?

You can't really believe I'm committing... larceny.

You made those people think so.

Before I met you, my life was uncomplicated, peaceful.

Everything was fine. Didn't have any trouble.

Even with this lighter, I didn't have any trouble.

Are you always in the habit of ruining men's lives?

It's not really a habit. I just try to do my share.

Who are you?

I'm confused.

Who is he? I don't know.

He's got a new approach.

Hi. We thought we lost you.

That was a pretty girl. Who is she?

I don't know.

Here you are.

Aren't you going to sit down, Roger?

I'd rather walk.

Come on, don't get mad. Sit down.

Come.

I'll have another. Yes, sir.

Roger, we were talking,

and we couldn't remember a tournament that you'd ever entered.

Miss Page... Abigail.

Miss Page, I don't compete with other fishermen because I...

Forget it.

Can't you speak English? I'm confused enough.

Here you are, sir.

Roger, please. What?

Don't. Don't what?

Don't take it. Don't take another drink.

I mean, it must be terrible having a drinking problem.

We should've known that liquor was your failing.

Just a minute...

You're afraid that when you go away from home

you can't trust yourself.

That's why you never enter any competition.

Ready for another?

No.

Go ahead. Don't torture yourself.

I'm not torturing myself.

I don't compete with other fishermen for a simple reason.

What is it?

If I tell you, do you promise never to breathe a word of it?

I don't...

That'll be $5.40, please.

Let's get out of here.

Where are we going?

We're going someplace where no one will hear what I have to say.

Roger, what on earth...?

Never mind. Come on.

Roger, what...?

Do you have any nickels or dimes? Yes.

Get 'em out, will you?

He's crazy. What?

He's crazy.

You're right.

If I tell you, do you promise never to tell anybody?

Do you? All right.

I cannot fish in your tournament

because I have never been fishing in my life!

What? You mean you have...

...never been fishing... Oh, no, no, no.

I can't believe... Shh, shh, shh.

You promised to be quiet.

Mmm.

But, Roger... Remember.

Did I hear you right?

I said...

I said I have never been fishing in my entire life!

It's just because you're a phoney!

I am not!

Of course you're a phoney!

Come on.

Don't run off, folks. The lights will be on in a minute.

Coming to this place wasn't such a good idea, was it?

Anyway, now you know.

You've never been fishing... Never.

No wonder you don't want to enter the tournament.

It was your idea, Abigail.

Sorry, I was thinking.

I said, he was your idea. You better decide what to do.

I may shoot him or myself.

I suggest the latter.

You better figure it out. I have a lot of things to do.

Taxi!

Goodbye, Roger. and don't worry, I'll keep your secret.

Now you know I no longer can help you,

you better tell Mr. Cadwalader

you've changed your mind.

Have I, hmm? Have I changed my mind?

Now, just a minute...

Roger, if you'll buy me some lunch, we'll discuss the whole thing.

Come on. I know a nice little place.

You know, you don't look like a phoney, Roger.

How did it all start?

I got a job.

Mmm-hmm.

Selling fishing tackle in a little place.

I listen to my customers.

Fishermen love to talk.

What one customer told me, I told the next one.

Then I got a job at Abercrombie & Fitch. I read up on fishing.

Why didn't you just fish?

Because I happen to hate fish, to handle them, to smell them.

Oh, no, and I brought you to this fish place.

I don't even like 'em on a plate. Order ham and eggs.

Listen, it still seems dishonest to me.

Dishonest? Does a man who sells canaries have to learn to fly?

I never claimed to be a fisherman.

You never un-claimed it.

It never seemed important.

I'm glad I didn't pay $1.50 for your book.

$2. People won cups from what they've learned in my book.

You better start studying it. Why?

You're entering our tournament.

I have no intention of fishing in your... tournament.

Roger, it's up to you. But you'd look pretty silly...

Silly? I'd look like...

A phoney.

I don't like that word.

But it's true, isn't it?

No. But if customers learned the truth

I'd lose them, I'd lose my job.

Cadwalader would have me thrown out.

And if I entered, they'd know.

Maybe they would, but they'd be sure to know if you didn't.

Do you mean...?

I'd tell 'em.

I believe you would.

You know I would.

Roger, you don't have to win the tournament.

You just have to make a good showing.

How? You tell me how.

Millions of people know how to fish.

I figure that you could learn with the right incentive,

like... keeping your job.

Did you take a special course in blackmail

or is it a natural talent?

Now, it won't do either one of us any good to be bitter.

I know that you're a phoney and you know that you are.

Let's see,

the tournament begins on Friday, and today's Monday.

So, if you could be up there tomorrow,

then we'll have almost three days to teach you.

Who's "we"?

Easy and I. We're pretty good.

You don't have anything to worry about.

Well, maybe one thing. What?

The girl you're engaged to,

did you tell her you don't know how to fish?

It never came up.

Wouldn't you feel better if you told her?

I'll decide what I'll tell her.

It's risky. She may throw you out.

Is she rich? Miss Page, I don't think...

It's up to you.

But you better bring a copy of your book.

You might learn something from it.

What about lunch?

I never eat lunch. Bye.

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Sat...

Six days. I'm liable to kill her.

I'll be with you in just a minute, mister.

White Man have long journey?

Just from San Francisco.

Heap big place. Many moon ago I take trail to Frisco.

What tribe are you from?

Me Chief, Wakapoogee tribe.

My name John Screaming Eagle.

My people own this lake before white man come.

Is that so? Hmm.

Sir, have you a reservation?

I believe so. I'm Roger Willoughby.

Of course.

Your name Willoughby? Mmm.

My great-grandfather, Roaring Buffalo,

once scalped man named Willoughby.

Please, you not be angry.

Well, I... I glad you no angry.

You ever fish Wakapoogee before?

No.

You, uh, want win tournament?

Yes.

See this? Genuine Screaming Eagle bass plug. Only $6.

This is a cheap imitation of the Chugger Spook.

It's made in Japan and sells for 68 cents.

John, you picked the wrong man.

This is Roger Willoughby, the famous fisherman.

Miss Page has a reservation for you, cabin number five.

Oh, I'm sorry. I don't want a cabin. I'd like a campsite.

Let me see what I have.

You'd be more comfortable in a cabin.

They've been re-decorated, air conditioning, television,

Gideon Bible, the whole works.

Red man speak with strange tongue.

I just talk that way for the tourists.

Now, why don't you take the cabin?

Oh, no, I...

Why not?

Well, because my boss wants me to camp.

Well, in the words of our great Chief Confucius,

"Man is much better off if he obeys the voice that feeds him."

Confucius? I thought he was Chinese.

Chinese-Indian.

I can let you have campsite C-11. Nice place by the lake.

How do I get there?

Follow the road and bear to the left.

Campsites are well marked. You can't miss it.

When do you expect the rest of your party, Mr. Willoughby?

I'm alone.

All this equipment just for you?

That's right.

How long do you intend to stay?

Six days.

Six days? It'll take him that long to unpack.

Miss Page! Miss Page!

Yeah?

I have a message. Roger Willoughby isn't coming to the Lodge.

He's at campsite C-11.

Thank you!

What would he be doing there?

I don't know. We better go see.

Oh, we can go by water. It's faster.

Okay.

Why should this be happening to me?

Holy smoke.

Look at that camp.

"Step six, grasp tent at point X and Y...

"...except for model 42-B.

"See illustration 13 for further information."

"Model 42-B discontinued."

This must go somewhere inside.

Hi.

Where did you come from?

Down at the lake.

What are you doing?

I am setting up a tent.

Are you?

After which I shall try making a bed.

Can we help?

Yes. Go away.

Listen, I am curious. What is all this about?

This is Mr. Cadwalader's idea

of what a well-equipped camper should have.

Well, why are you camping?

Again, Mr. Cadwalader's idea.

He seemed to be almost inspired since he met you.

Oh, now don't be angry, Roger. It wasn't my idea.

Miss Page, I had time to think while driving up here.

I don't think you can ever get me angry again.

Oh, great.

I'm glad you've come to your senses because this isn't going to work.

What isn't? Your camping.

You've never been camping before, have you?

I'm doing a lot of things I've never done before.

Are you supposed to be out of the water with those on?

We're not supposed to take them off before we get out.

You don't have time to learn camping.

It's enough trouble learning to fish.

After the tournament you can learn how to make your bed.

Mr. Cadwalader... Phooey on Mr. Cadwalader.

What do I tell him?

What do you tell him when he sees you?

He isn't going to see me.

Oh, yes, he is.

He phoned for a reservation. He'll be up here tomorrow.

Roger, there's only one thing for you to do

and that's move back to the Lodge.

But before he comes.

Then what do I tell him? You can say that...

What?

I'll think of something.

Roger, if anybody sees you here camping...

They'll know you've never been out of a hothouse before.

We'll help you get all your stuff packed...

All right, John Screaming Eagle, come here.

How long have you been, uh, standing over there?

There? I stand there long enough

to know he never been out of hothouse.

"Only for tourists."

Will $10 make you forget it?

For $20, Screaming Eagle was never there.

Five.

She said ten. Five and you can help pack this stuff.

As the great Chief Confucius say...

"Five birds in hand worth 20 who fly away."

You knew him better than I did.

Willoughby, did you see this? I didn't know you entered.

A sudden decision.

You might've warned your customers.

It'll make the competition stiff for us.

That's the way you feel?

You won last year, Mr. Skaggs.

I beat Phipps hands down. I could do it again.

You just got lucky.

I still think I can do it.

But with you in it, it's a different matter.

Then the only sporting thing would be for me to withdraw.

You see, they consider it unfair competition.

Gentlemen, I feel that...

Hold it, Willoughby. Withdraw nothing.

Yay.

I've got my 10 o'clock, 11 o'clock, 9 o'clock.

I've got it down pat and I'm going after you.

If Skaggs is afraid to, let's let him withdraw.

Who said I was? I'm glad he's here. You are?

If I lose to you, I'm losing to a master. I don't mind.

But if I beat you, there'd be much more glory than beating Phipps.

"10 o'clock, 11 o'clock..." Stop it.

Just like I said, like playing on the same team with Mickey Mantle.

If you'll excuse us, we have a little business to talk over.

What? Come on, Roger.

Excuse us.

- Bye. - Bye.

Well, you two go ahead.

Come on. What for?

Dinner. We're going to buy you dinner.

Is that what she said?

There, now isn't that nice? Just for the three of us.

Very nice. Glad you like it. Come on, sit down.

Come on.

Roger, I shouldn't be so nice to you

after that trick you tried to pull out there.

Why don't you just make up your mind that you're stuck,

make the best of it?

Mmm-hmm.

You and I will have to work together quite a bit of the time...

Why must we be together?

I have to teach you how to fish.

You don't want to do it on your own, do you?

No.

Well, then we have to be together.

We don't want anybody else to find out anything about it.

Oh, say, did you tell your girlfriend,

Miss, uh, Connors, that you can't fish?

I told you that was... She made a reservation.

I know. I forgot to tell you.

She is coming up Friday. Would you like a roll? No.

Are you sure you wouldn't? No, thank you.

I'll give you one anyway.

I don't want to make any trouble

by saying the wrong thing to her.

You didn't tell her, or you'd say so.

No, I didn't tell her.

Is that all right with you? Sure, sure.

Hi. Dinner's ready. How are you doing?

Just fine. Making Roger mad again.

But before you make him too mad.

You better figure out where you'll take him tomorrow for his lesson.

Yes, a quiet place where murder wouldn't be noticed.

Don't be silly. But that's a good idea.

I know. No, there is a cove at the north end.

Nobody would see you there.

But you better not go together.

I better take the boat up at 8.00.

Meet me at the end of the north trail.

Where's that?

Start at the ranger station and go all the way to the end.

But it's too narrow for a car.

You better take that little red thing that you had up at the camp.

The trail bike. Yes, that'd be just perfect.

Uh... Can you ride it?

It just so happens that I can.

Well, you're just full of surprises.

Oh, ah, eugh...

Roger.

What's the matter?

Never mind. It's too late. What do you mean?

It's just too late. What are you talking about?

Does your salad taste good?

Mmm-hmm.

It tasted very good. Why?

Well, because...

Nothing. I... I can't tell you.

What are you laughing at?

Do you really want to know?

Yes, I want to know what I'm talking... laughing about.

Well, you know, just before you took that first bite...

Yeah, go on.

Well, a caterpillar fell out of the tree right onto your plate.

Ahh... It was a fuzzy one.

He was crawling around the plate for a while.

Listen, cheer up. Have some wine.

Hi, there. Have you a motorcycle, just went up the road?

Yes, I did.

Did it take you long to teach the bear how to ride it?

It just took a minute.

Well, it fell off right around the turn.

Thank you very much.

That's all right. So long.

Hey, Roger. I'm sorry I'm late. Good morning.

Good morning.

It looks like we're going to get to use all this part of the lake.

What on earth are you wearing?

They're inflatable waders.

They're what?

Inflatable waders. They have a built-in life-preserver.

You pull this cord and the gas bottle

inflates the thing and you don't sink.

Well, do they work?

I don't know. I'm testing them for the store.

You don't need waders to get into the boat.

I do, too. I can't swim. Oh, no.

You can't run a boat either?

I've never felt the need.

Well, the need's caught up with you. Come on, get in here.

It won't tip.

Uh? Uh-uh.

Now, just relax. Nothing's going to happen.

You get back in there and sit on that third seat.

That's a boy. Go all the way back.

Even if I don't want to?

Okay, now stay right there.

Now, you be careful!

The first thing you have to learn to do

is to start the motor.

I thought you were gonna teach me how to fish.

Sometimes it's necessary to run the boat

out to where the fish are.

All right, all right.

It's just as easy as starting a lawnmower.

First take a hold of the start rope handle.

Where is that? It's that thing right there.

This? Uh-huh.

You just yank that back as hard as you can.

But before you do that...

Roger, pull the cord on that thing!

Roger?

Roger, are you okay?

Are you all right?

Bring that boat over...

Oh!

You're getting too much air! Turn it off!

Oh!

Turn it off!

Hold your breath!

Hey, Roger, you've got to let the air out!

Help me!

Hold your breath for a minute.

There we are!

Lift yourself up!

Abby! Please! Abby!

Please! Roger, hold your breath.

- Abigail, stop! - Stop, stop!

Hang on, now!

Isn't that fun, Roger? Hang on!

Here, drink some of this. This'll warm you up.

Abby? Hmm?

Let me see the soles of your shoes.

Why?

Hmm, that's it.

What?

I saw the same marks on my back

when I was changing my clothes.

I was jumping up and down on you.

Why? Just why?

That's the only way I could get all the water out of you.

You were full of it. Gallons and gallons.

Excuse me, I have to answer.

Hello?

Mr. Willoughby, please.

Mmm-hmm, just a minute.

Here, it's for you. Who is it?

Cadwalader. Hello?

I just checked in. What are you doing in your cabin?

Well, sir... The reason I'm not camping is because...

Miss Page explained all that to me.

I mean, why aren't you at the lake?

Well, sir, I've been at the lake.

Studied it thoroughly?

Yes, sir, from top to bottom.

Excellent.

Now, how about our equipment? You want some?

I tested the inflatable waders this morning.

How did they work?

I... couldn't recommend them to our customers.

Very well. I'll make a note of that, Willoughby.

Just a minute, please.

Willoughby, I have to ring off now.

I have an appointment with an interesting man.

Perhaps you know him, John Screaming Eagle?

Who?

He's the head of the Wakapoogee tribe.

He's got some valuable historical relics to show me.

I'll call you later on tonight.

How. Good afternoon.

Did you bring them? Shh.

Oh, this is very exciting.

Is this really General Custer's scalp?

Great-grandfather Roaring Buffalo

take in battle Little Big Horn.

Oh, then it must be real.

Screaming Eagle give white chief a present.

I couldn't accept it as a gift.

Old Indian custom. I give you gift, you give me gift.

Well, what would you like?

$20.

That's reasonable enough.

Hi.

Hi.

What have you been up to?

Oh, I went over to see Roger for a minute.

He'd had dinner in his cabin.

And how is he?

Oh, he's all right.

I offered to help him with the fire,

but he said that I'd helped him enough for one day.

He didn't want me to get all worn out.

He's just fine.

Oh, I got so scared today, Easy.

I almost let him drown.

He can't swim and he got all full of water

and I had to drag him up on the shore

and sit down on him to pump him out.

And that's when I...

When you what?

Gee, I did a silly thing.

I kissed him. Why? I do not know.

What did Roger do?

Well, he didn't kiss me back.

But what did he do? Nothing.

Why? Because he was still unconscious.

You're a fool. You better try again when he's conscious.

Find out what he does.

Oh, yeah? Okay.

Are you going out with him tomorrow?

Well, eight o'clock in the morning.

Only this time, no boats and no trick waders.

This is a nice place.

It's gonna be better than fishing from a boat.

You've got to wade out into the lake.

Why do I have to go out in the lake?

The fish aren't liable to come this close to shore.

Come on. It's okay.

Well, you remember, I can't swim.

Roger, the tournament starts tomorrow. Come on.

Now, let's see. Cast out there about 30 feet.

Yeah, but, uh...

Just pretend you're Major Phipps.

Oh, yeah. Let's see.

Okay? Yeah.

10 o'clock.

Oh, yeah, 10 o'clock.

11. 11.

Oh, yeah, 11.

And 9.

Yeah, 10 o'clock, 11 o'clock, 9 o'clock.

That's very good, Roger.

Oh! You hooked a fish! Watch him, he's running!

Here! Here! No, Roger, now stop him!

How do I do it? Blow a whistle?

Set the drag.

Oh, come on. Okay, now reel him in.

Pull up! Pull up and then reel him in! Good.

Come on, even it off, Roger.

I am.

Please, a little faster.

Good. Not so fast.

You want it slow and fast. You do it.

You take a hold of that thing and bring him in.

Just do it evenly. That's good. Come on.

That's good. Watch the fish, would you?

Okay, pull up. That's it. Now reel him in.

Come on, Roger. Easy. Easy! There!

He's not very big.

He's a fish, Roger.

Take him off the hook.

I'm not gonna touch that thing.

Why not? It won't bite.

I can't stand the feel. You take it off.

You must take your own fish off the hook in the tournament.

Take him off. Every fish I catch I have to take...?

Nobody else can.

Hold him and get the hook out of his mouth.

That's good.

Here, hold it.

Now, stick your finger in there. That's good.

There. Now hold onto him, Roger.

Oh! He's slippery. Don't let go!

Roger, don't lose him! Come on!

He got away.

Oh, I got him! Yes!

Roger, help me! Not me!

Oh!

Roger, are you all right?

Hey, I got him. There he is.

What's the matter? What's the matter?

Abby, I got one!

What are...?

Oh! Help me!

Don't come near me!

Forget it. You didn't give me one teeny bit of help.

Oh, I'm gonna...

Roger, don't you dare throw him away.

Hold onto that fish. I mean it.

Roger.

Yeah.

How long do I have to hold this thing?

Until I tell you you can put it down.

Hey, there's Easy. Hi, Easy.

Now it's going to rain. I guess we can go in.

Roger, you are going to learn how to fish.

You just sit there and hold that thing. Hi, Easy.

- Hi, everybody. - What's up?

I brought you some... I brought you some rain

and I brought you some news.

What are you doing with that fish?

He's learning to hold onto it.

Did he catch a fish?

He caught two. One.

The other one I caught is against all rules of fishing.

So he caught it in his pants.

Oh, no.

He can catch fish, but he just can't stand to touch them.

I thought if he sat here holding one for a while, he'd get used to it.

I could hold this until it turns into a fossil.

I still wouldn't get used to it.

You don't have to anymore, and you don't have to worry.

That's why I came. Mr. Kilroy's coming.

The Chicago champ? Right.

How do you know? The wire just came.

They called off the Oregon tournament. Bad storm.

He's driving up here this afternoon.

Hoo-hoo, hallelujah!

Roger, our problems are over.

Oh, yeah?

We don't need you anymore.

"We don't need you anymore."

You can get out of the tournament. How?

Walk up to Cadwalader and say,

"Look, Joe Kilroy's in town and I quit".

Just that simple, huh? No, you can't do it that way.

Let me think.

Ah... You know, the rain is making your shirt...

I've got it! What?

Roger, if you're not able to fish,

you won't be able to enter the tournament.

I was saying... Did you hear me?

If you're not able to fish you won't be able to enter the tournament!

You can break your leg.

I'd rather fish.

Or an arm. I'd rather fish.

I don't mean really break your arm.

But what happens when you break your arm?

It snaps and it hurts.

What happens when you have to treat it?

You put a cast on it.

You've got it, Abby.

Anybody who sees a cast on somebody's arm

assumes they've got a broken arm.

We know a little first aid,

we can get some plaster of Paris

and go into that woodshed, get that stuff and put it on him.

Are you paying any attention?

Yes, I am.

Why aren't you looking at us then?

Because you look like you haven't any clothes on.

That's what I've been trying to tell you. Let's get out of here.

Let's go change and meet in Roger's cabin.

Roger, are you going to carry that thing with you?

Well, too bad, because you were just learning to pick it up.

I'm really going to kill her. I'm really gonna do it.

Hey, Easy?

Look what I found. Just exactly what we need.

They are perfect. Roger, please hold your arm up.

What are you going to do with those? Hold still.

What for?

Well, because we can't let all that plaster stick to you.

Do you have a pair of scissors?

I've got a knife. Don't! Stop that!

Don't make so much trouble.

That's my only pair of long underwear.

They're still good. One leg is shorter than the other.

Take off your shirt.

What are you doing with my shirt?

We can't put the cast on over your shirt. Easy, are you ready?

Yes, I'm ready.

Here now, put this leg on.

And tell me, how do you want to wear your arm?

What do you mean, how am I going to wear my arm?

In what position do you want to hold your arm?

I don't know. In a sling, I guess. Like that.

Okay, that's all right, Roger. Now, hang on.

There. Does that seem like the same position to you, same angle?

I think that's all right.

Hold it exactly like that.

Let me put this here so you don't get too dirty.

You start with the plaster

and I'll start with the bandage.

Come on, put your arm down. Come on.

You just told me to keep it up.

We'll come back to that later.

Oh, boy. Hey, this stuff is getting all squishy.

This is all there is left. Should I make some more?

No, I think that's enough.

Exactly what am I supposed to do

after I get this thing on?

Weren't you listening to us out there?

I was a little bit distracted with the rain and everything.

I'm not sure I understand what I'm supposed to do.

Would you please tell him, Easy?

Roger, after we're through with the cast

we'll explain that you broke your arm.

How?

You fell out of this tree.

That's a good idea. That's the way my brother broke his arm.

What was I doing in the tree?

Well... What was I doing?

I know.

Well, there was this little, teeny bird

that had fallen out of its nest.

And you were taking it back to its mother.

And you're going to tell people that?

Don't you think I should?

Don't you think they'll cry?

I'll think of something, Roger.

I hope so.

Oh, you just don't move.

I'll get it.

It may be Tex.

I don't want her finding a strange woman's voice in my cabin.

Oh, I can take care of that.

Big Chief Screaming Eagle here. Who speak other end?

Who is it?

Harry? It's me.

Relax. It's just the desk clerk. What do you want?

The ranger just called.

He said to tell you that Mr. Kilroy was on his way.

Oh, okay, thanks, Harry.

What is it, Abby?

Mr. Kilroy, the Chicago champion,

just passed by the ranger station.

We must clean up before we meet him.

We better go.

You're not leaving me like this.

We have to. We'll be back.

We have to wait till the cast hardens.

How long will it take?

I don't know. If you don't have a watch,

let me set this thing for ten minutes.

When the bell goes off, you'll know that our cast is all done.

Just stay there until the bell rings.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

"How did it happen there, Willoughby?"

"Well, an itty bitty bird fell on the ground

"and I was taking it back to its mother."

Oh, no.

Oh, this is all wrong.

It ought to be like this.

It's all this up here.

What did they have to put it on the shoulder for?

You'd think they were plastering a house.

They've got to get me out of this.

Here comes your friend.

Evening, Major.

Evening.

First time I've been saluted in years. That really felt good.

Nice boy. Very thoughtful.

Yes, he is.

Attention.

See that guy? What about him?

Roger, thank goodness. We were looking for you.

I was looking for you.

Look at this arm. Look how I have to hold it.

It doesn't make any difference. It does to me.

No, it doesn't. Come here. Why?

You see that man over there with the cast on his arm?

Yeah. Well, that is Joe Kilroy.

He had an automobile accident.

You can't both have broken arms. His really is broken.

I can't tell people about the itty bitty bird that fell out of its nest?

I could have thought of something better.

Now, come on. We have to get that thing off your arm.

Ho-ho, this saw will be just the thing. Put your arm down there.

If we use that saw we couldn't tell

where the cast stops and the arm begins.

You're right.

How about these snippers? Let's try those.

Put your arm down.

There's not enough room.

Doesn't work.

I'm going to call a doctor.

Wait a minute, Roger. Hold still.

That's pretty hard. A chisel and hammer ought to do it.

Put your arm right down there.

Come on, put your arm down there.

Now, lean over this way. Good. That's it.

Oh, ah...

Ooh! Ooh!

That isn't going to work! I know!

Put his arm over there in that vice.

I'll get a doctor.

You're not going anywhere.

Do you want that thing off or not?

Yes...

Then put your arm in here.

That's good, now, wind him up tight.

I'll get it. You have to get it off.

Oh, ah, I...

Hey, this is gonna work fine.

No! You're not using that thing!

You said you wanted it off.

But not with that thing!

It'll be all over in a moment.

That's what I'm afraid of!

You'll never even know it happened.

Oh, please, Abby!

Shh, Roger.

Hello?

- Hello, Roger? - Hmm?

I can't sleep.

Who is this?

This is Abigail. I can't sleep.

Do you know what time it is?

Just a minute.

I don't... I know what...

Hello? Hello?

I had to go into the other room

to look at the clock. It's 1.30.

I know it's 1.30.

You do? Of course I do.

Well, why did you ask?

I just wanted to see if you knew.

I just told you. It's 1.30.

What is it that you want?

You don't happen to have any sleeping pills on you, do you?

Yes.

Good. I'll be right over.

Hey, wait a minute!

Say, ah, when will you be back?

I don't know.

Just a minute.

Hi. Here's your sleeping pill.

This is better than the corner drugstore.

Thanks.

Roger, could I have a glass of water? I can't take these dry.

I suppose so.

I'm so glad that you hadn't gone to bed yet.

I couldn't sleep and I thought...

What are you doing?

I'm taking my coat off.

Why? Because it's warm in here.

I was thinking, maybe you'd be awake thinking about tomorrow

and you might want to play gin rummy.

I do not want to play any gin rummy.

My, you're grumpy. Is something bothering you?

What would people think, you wandering over here dressed like that?

They might think I had funny-looking legs or something.

Yours are funny-looking too.

Ha ha.

Here's your water. Take your pill.

Thank you.

My, that's an ugly-looking pill. I don't think I want it.

What? Didn't you just ask...?

I asked, but I changed my mind.

Don't you ever change your mind?

Like sometimes you want somebody to do something.

When they do it you find out you don't want 'em to do it.

Like what?

- Well, like, uh... - Go on.

I'm thinking about it.

Tell me.

Like, uh, kissing.

What has kissing got to do with a sleeping pill?

Very little. We were talking about asking someone to do something

and changing your mind.

Do you see? No.

Let me put it this way. Sometimes you meet somebody.

You start wondering what it would be like if he kissed you.

You can hardly stand it until he does kiss you,

and then when he does, you expect maybe bells are going to ring.

You think maybe you'll come all unglued at the seams.

You know what happens?

I can't imagine.

Nothing. Nothing?

You don't want him to kiss you anymore

because you've changed your mind.

Do you see why I do not want to take the sleeping pill?

It's not too clear. Are you gonna take that thing or not?

Oh, well, I guess it wouldn't kill me, would it?

What are you holding your nose for?

Oh, because I cannot stand the taste.

What does holding your nose got to do with tasting it?

Oh, say, that's a great idea, Roger.

Are you hungry? No.

I could fix us some sandwiches and coffee.

I am not hungry and you should not take coffee with a sleeping pill.

Why?

Because it's a stimulant.

Oh. What should I take?

Uh, milk, hot milk.

Have you got some? No.

Why did you suggest it? I didn't...

You said that coffee would be the thing I shouldn't take...

I don't have any coffee or milk and it's after 2.00.

I know. I know.

I am keeping you awake

and you have to fish tomorrow in the tournament.

That's right.

I don't know, Roger.

Everything I do seems to be wrong.

Well, I got the idea of getting you up here.

It seemed to be just the way to help Easy and her father.

I've given you nothing but trouble

and you've been so sweet about it.

I haven't been.

You've been a stinker some of the time

but that's because I was wrong.

I deserved it.

I don't think you'd believe me if I told you I was sorry.

But I really am.

Now, Abigail...

You're not angry?

Well, no. I mean...

Oh, Roger, when you're sweet to me like this it just...

Oh...

What's the matter?

Roger? What is it?

You know what we were talking about before?

Ah, sleeping pills.

No, no.

You remember what we were talking about,

about wanting someone to do something

and then wondering what it would be like if he did it?

You mean kissing? Yes.

Roger, I have to ask you a question.

What is it?

Would... you... please... like to kiss me?

Would you?

Uh, that's the telephone.

Shh.

All right. All right.

Hello?

Hello. This is Major Phipps.

Oh, yes, Major. What can I do for you?

I'm here with your boss, Harvey Skaggs, and Jim Bush.

We want to ask you questions before the tournament.

We'll be over right away.

What did you say?

I said, we'd be over right away.

Major, just a minute. Where are you?

Having a drink at the Lodge.

Good. I could use a nightcap myself, so I'll come over there.

Well, hurry up. Yes, right away.

Now, I have to get over to the Lodge.

If they were coming over here,

it wouldn't do for you to be found here.

Now I've got to get over there. I'll see you tomorrow.

Where do you keep your cigarettes?

Are you still there?

Yes. I wanted to ask you something.

Oh, I found the cigarettes.

Abby, I've got to get over to the Lodge.

I know. But the phone rang.

You didn't get a chance to answer me.

I had asked if you'd like to kiss me.

Oh, for Pete's sake.

I haven't got time.

I ask him if he would like to kiss me and...

...he says he hasn't got time.

Well, he could've meant it that way.

It might have been nice.

If you specialize on trout or bass,

you have more chance of getting the big one.

Usually the big one wins the tournament.

Makes sense. It's good enough for me.

You've been a lot of help.

It's all in the book.

Why don't you dig up $2 and buy one?

All your money, you can't take it with you.

I can buy another drink for everybody but you.

None for me. I'm too tired.

I'm going to turn in. Good night.

Good night, Willoughby.

He's a great guy, a real sportsman.

Not many people would help out a competitor.

Cadwalader, you're lucky to have a man like that.

We at the store feel very fortunate.

Abigail?

Abigail, w... wake up.

Abigail, wake up.

Abigail, wake up. You can't stay here. Wake up.

Abigail, wake up.

Abigail, wake up.

She's out cold. Must be that sleeping pill.

I gotta get some sleep.

I've got to be up in three hours.

I'll bet you $50 I top you.

I'll take it. And another $25 a day additional.

I beg your pardon. I'm the desk clerk.

Have you seen Mr. Willoughby?

He just left here.

That's why his cabin didn't answer.

What did you want with him?

Miss Connors called him.

Miss Connors?

The Texas girl he's engaged to.

Was the message important?

She was spending the night at Green Valley

but she'd arrive in the morning.

I wouldn't wake him for that.

Why not let Miss Connors surprise him?

Why not?

How about another drink? Charlie, come in here.

Who is it?

It's me, Easy. Let me in.

What do you want?

I am looking for Abigail.

She's not...

Who did you say it was?

Easy. Can't you hear me?

Yes, I heard you. Just a minute.

Roger, are you going to let me in?

Yes, just a minute. As soon as I can.

Good morning, Roger. I was...

What are you doing in that thing?

The zipper's stuck. Help me.

But first, where is Abigail?

Abigail? How should I know?

She came over here last night. She didn't come back.

She didn't? No. Now, where is she?

In there. Well, Roger...

No, I didn't have anything to do with it.

She took a pill, I went out and came back, she was in my bed.

I slept out here on the floor.

What a pity. Don't you believe me?

Sure. But I better wake her up and get her out of here.

First, help me out of this thing. I think the zipper's jammed.

Let's see. Well, it... Wait a minute, it is stuck, isn't it?

I'm trying to find Mr. Roger Willoughby. He's in cabin number five.

Yes, ma'am. That's right over there.

Oh, thank you kindly.

Don't be so rough.

I told you before to hold still.

It is not my fault that the zipper is stuck.

I didn't say it was your fault.

I just want to get out of this thing.

Put your hands up on top here and hold on and I'll pull.

I'll try but...

Good morning.

Tex, I didn't expect to see you.

Obviously.

Didn't you get my message?

No, I didn't.

I reckon you didn't.

Who's this?

This is Miss...

Mueller. And Miss...

I guess you're getting awfully mixed up.

Connors. How do you do?

So, you're Easy.

Ja. His zipper got stuck and...

If you're wondering what I'm doing...

What could you be doing in a thing like that?

I slept in it.

Why? What do you mean, why?

It seems a funny thing to do. Don't they have beds in these cabins?

Of course. I was trying out new equipment.

Trying out some new equipment?

Yes, for the store.

And Miss Mueller just happened to come by and find you?

Exactly.

Isn't that nice? And she was helping you with your zipper?

It was stuck before.

Good morning.

Willoughby, do you know what time it is?

You have less than ten minutes before starting time.

Yes, Mr. Cadwalader. I'll get dressed right away.

Before y'all start, may I use your bedroom?

Oh, no, Tex!

I feel all dusty.

Yes, but... But Easy can take you over to the Lodge.

Of course. I'd be glad to show you.

Thank you very much. Roger, I'll see...

Oh, good morning, everyone.

Roger, is this some of the equipment you're trying out? I hope...

Tex, she came in last night just to borrow a sleeping pill.

Roger, there is no use your explaining.

She's never going to believe you.

I certainly won't believe you. Goodbye!

But... But... But... Tex!

Just a minute, Miss Connors. Don't do anything foolish.

Be thankful that Willoughby has sown his wild oats before you were married.

He's got them all out of his system, haven't you?

I did not sow any wild oats.

Then what...?

You mean that zipper was really stuck,

and all she wanted was a sleeping pill? Oh!

Wait! Tex, you've got to listen to me.

There's a simple explanation.

I don't want to hear it.

That's not fair...

Willoughby, only got five more minutes.

All the other fishermen will be wearing pants.

I've got to go or I'm going to lose my job.

You've got to wait until tonight

so I can explain everything.

Will you do that?

Do you think you can explain?

I can if you'll listen.

All right. Good.

I don't know why, but I'll be here. I'll call you.

It will be sometime after 6.00.

Okay.

I don't mind you having fun

but remember you're representing the store...

Mr. Cadwalader, I've taken just about all I'm going to take.

You're not concentrating on this tournament.

Shut up!

Very well, Willoughby.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to make all this trouble.

Everything you do makes trouble.

I fell asleep.

Why come out and act as though...?

As though what?

Make Tex think what she did?

Wasn't she mad?

She was about the maddest woman I've ever seen.

"Is this some new equipment that you are trying out?"

"Well, I do not believe it." Don't hit me, Roger.

I'm going in there and get dressed.

If you're still here by the time I...

Willoughby!

Yes, Mr. Cadwalader, I'm coming.

You've got three minutes. Hmm, okay, good. All right.

Gentlemen, welcome to the 36th Annual

Wakapoogee Fishing Tournament.

Printed copies of the rules are available,

but I'll run over them again

in case some of you missed a few.

There'll be three days fishing.

Your best fish of each day will count in your total points.

The tournament day will start at the sound of this bell.

All fish must be weighed in by sundown.

Are there any questions?

In that event, gentlemen, the best of luck to all of you.

Well, Willoughby, I see you decided to wear pants after all.

The fish might have gone for those pajamas.

May the best man win. Good luck.

He'll need it.

I'll beat you. I've got his book.

10 o'clock, 11 o'clock, 9 o'clock.

The man with this book wins it.

Come along, Napoleon. This way to Waterloo.

You just read the book. He wrote it.

"Fish are likely to be found about 20 yards from shore."

"When casting, always aim the hook at one particular spot."

Ow!

Oh.

Oh.

Read this...

"Fishing Reel."

Now...

"Fish..."

Ah!

Oh, my Lord! Come back here!

Eugh.

To think they call this fishing fun.

I suppose you saw the whole thing.

Amazing, absolutely amazing.

Not even Confucius could comment on what I saw.

You want $5 not to tell people about it?

No, this one's on the house. Nobody'd believe it anyway.

That's quite a fish you caught. Yeah.

It would take a real big one to beat you today.

White man turning blue.

White man need fire inside, make white man warm.

When red man talk like that, white man knows something's coming.

All right, go ahead.

Want a drink?

What is it?

Old Indian drink, formerly made from moose blood

till we ran out of moose.

What's in it now?

Low cholesterol tribal herbs, safflower oil,

a little alcohol, 120 proof.

Very good.

How much?

$5.

For one drink? Ha!

One drink, whole bottle, $5 minimum.

As the great Chief Confucius... Never mind. Too cold.

Pretty good.

Roger Willoughby, five pounds, eight ounces.

I've got you beat.

Nice fish, but Major Phipps leads you by three ounces.

The Major and I...?

We're ahead of the whole bunch.

Unless somebody else comes in with a bigger one soon.

Never thought I'd beat you.

Well, Major, you're one of the few that can say it.

I just went by your book.

Keep it up.

Told you, Skaggs, the man with the book wins it.

How much did that little sardine you caught weigh?

Never mind. I'll pay you the $50

if you'll stop talking about it.

Well, why don't you pay me now?

- Hello? - Hello.

Hello, Roger. How'd y'all do in the tournament?

Pretty well. I got a big one. I guess I'm in second place.

Well, good for you.

You don't sound as mad as you were.

Well, it could be I cooled off a bit.

When I thought about it, it didn't seem quite like you.

Just how did you mean that?

Not like you think.

I'll come by and pick you up.

Roger, I'm just up to putting on my dress.

Why don't you go to the Lodge.

I'll meet you there in a few minutes. Okay?

All right, hurry up.

Bye.

I hear you were second.

I was lucky. Would you like a drink out here?

Yes, thank you very much. I'd like a vodka martini on the rocks.

Make it two of 'em.

Yes, sir.

Congratulations, Roger. You had a great day.

- Or is that the usual? - The unusual.

Keep it up. I'm betting on you.

Roger, we are so proud of you!

We're all excited. Abby couldn't believe it.

Know what she said? No.

She said, "I knew Roger could do it." Hmm?

Well, she said it.

It doesn't sound like her.

Are you still mad at her? Why?

Because of what she said to Tex.

You speak as though Abby meant to make trouble.

Trouble? That girl is a walking disaster.

Every time I'm near her, something awful happens.

Is that why you... Why you kissed her?

What? When? Last night.

She asked me to. She doesn't know what she's doing.

Do you always know what you're doing?

Of course.

And last night you kissed her.

Well, I'd hardly call it a kiss.

That's what Abby said. But you did kiss her.

Yes, I did.

You see, that's a beginning.

Ah, two drinks. Are you expecting somebody?

Is... Is Tex coming?

Yes, she is.

Then I better make it quick.

We were talking about, ah, you kissed Abby.

I say this is some kind of a beginning.

Beginning? Of what?

Don't you know what psychiatrists say?

No.

The love impulse...

Love impulse?

...especially in a male, shows itself first in conflict.

That's probably why Abby and you fight all the time.

What! Are you nuts? You're as crazy as she is.

After all we have done for you,

and Abby worked so hard to teach you...

You catch one fish and now start talking like this.

It just makes me mad!

Ah, Easy, wait!

I don't want to talk to you. I'm mad.

Don't turn around.

Take off your hands.

What's the matter with you?

Feel the back of your dress.

What? Your dress.

Roger, did you do that?

I didn't. You must've caught it on the back of the chair.

Do something. But don't go away.

I won't. I've got to get out of here.

Just walk. Okay.

Start with your right foot. Ready, okay.

Willoughby, look I want to tell you something.

Willoughby?

Willoughby, I've been looking for you.

I'll be with you in a minute, Cadwalader.

I'm afraid that boy's in trouble again.

Phew, I thought we'd never get out of there. Let me have a look.

I can't see here. Let's go to the light.

Better hurry. Somebody's liable to come along.

Roger, I think this thing is stuck.

Do you think you can fix it?

Roger, you better hurry. I am hurrying.

Roger, somebody is coming!

Oh, ah! My tie!

Wait a minute... As soon as we get around the...

Well, Roger, just how do you explain this?

Tex, I...

Every time I see you, you're up to your neck in zippers.

It was an accident. My... She sat in a wicker chair...

And you just got your tie caught in her zipper.

It was an accident!

I don't want to marry a man who has as many accidents as you do.

Goodbye, Roger, and don't bother to call me!

Get this tie out of here.

Ah... I... I...

You... fish.

Major Phipps, four pounds, three ounces.

Good, good.

Congratulations, Major. That's the high so far.

Skaggs, pay up.

I'll give you the 50.

If you mention that book, I'll make you eat it.

What about Willoughby?

He hasn't checked in yet. There's still 20 minutes left.

Still think you can beat him?

I did yesterday.

Want to bet on today? Certainly.

Here comes Willoughby.

What kind of luck did you have? Oh, just fair.

Hey, hey.

Wow! Fair, he said. You still want to bet?

Roger Willoughby, four pounds, eight ounces.

Congratulations, Willoughby! Fine work.

You two are in front again. Willoughby,

you lead the Major by, three or two?

Two ounces. I'm sorry, Major.

I'm tickled to death to be that close.

Two ounces isn't much. I might make it up tomorrow.

You might just do that. I'll see you.

You want to bet on tomorrow?

Against Willoughby? What for? I make enough money off you.

Hi, there.

Hmm.

Well, now, that is an enthusiastic greeting.

I was going to ask you a question. I'll ask anyway.

Did you ever dream that on the second day

of the tournament you'd be first?

That's an intelligent question.

I thought you'd say something like that.

How did you catch that fish?

You didn't tell me about the first one.

How did you catch this one?

I was climbing up a tree...

Please don't give me that stuff about the bird.

You're not going to answer me?

No. Why? What's the matter, Roger?

Nothing. Let me have another drink.

No, thanks.

You sure? Positive.

Is it Tex? You couldn't convince her?

Not in two words. What two words?

"Hello, Tex." Then she hung up.

Did you call her back? Four times.

"Hello, Tex", hang up, "Hello, Tex."

I couldn't get past "Hello, Tex."

Now she's going to have to call me.

She will. Yeah.

Yes, aha, she'll make up some kind of an excuse.

"Roger, did y'all leave your cigarette lighter

"in my apartment?"

"Oh, you didn't? I guess it was some other gentleman caller then."

She'll, uh, make you call her back somehow.

She's going to have to wait a long time.

How many drinks have you had, Roger?

Confucius say, "Woman who stick nose in other's peoples' drink

"is liable to get it punched."

Confucius also say

"Fisherman who have too many martinis only catch olive."

I suppose you're right. Let me have the check.

Come on, I'll walk you home.

I hate domineering females.

I'll walk you home.

Okay.

Roger? Mmm?

You know, last night, when Easy's dress came unzipped,

did you tell her that you thought I was crazy?

Yes, I did.

I was kind of upset by the way everything was happening.

It's all right. I don't mind.

After all the trouble I made for you,

I don't blame you if you don't like me.

Oh, it isn't I don't like you, Abigail.

Matter of fact, there are times... What kind of times?

Times when I find you...

...strangely attractive.

"Strangely attractive"?

What do you mean? What's "strangely attractive?"

Like a... bird watching a snake.

Now I'm a snake. That's good. Go right in there.

I didn't mean it like that. I mean, it's kind of a fascination.

I never know what you'll do next.

Yeah?

Like living on the slopes of a live volcano.

I like being a live volcano better than being a snake.

That's a pretty good line.

I mean, you're exciting.

Roger, do you mean that there're times when you like me?

Yes.

Why not just come right out and say it?

I just did.

You said "strangely attractive".

That's something you say to the bearded lady at the circus.

All right, Abigail.

There are times when I like you.

Is this one of them?

I guess it must be, because right now...

Right now, I'm wondering what it would be like if I kissed you.

You're wondering? Yes.

Well, for Pete's sake, don't just... stand there.

I mean, do something.

I mean, don't just stand there.

You gonna do it or not?

I go out of my mind...

Shut up. Mmm-hmm.

Whoo...

Mmm. What's the matter?

Well, no.

What? That wasn't any good.

What wasn't? The kiss.

What? The kiss wasn't any good.

You shouldn't waste your time

if you want to kiss me again, it won't ever work out.

I'll always look at you as a friend. Yeah.

Even though you can't kiss, it doesn't make any difference. I'm sorry.

But what else...

Oh, hell!

I wasn't finished, Roger. I had a few other... Hmm...

Oh, got it snarled again.

Ow!

Oh, ah...

Oh, uh...

Better pull him up on the bank.

Roger, look behind you!

I will in a minute!

Roger, you dope!

Would you please look where you're going!

Come on, you get out of there! Come on!

Go on, get going!

Hey, Roger! Hurry up, you've got a fish!

A big one!

Well, you get him.

I can't, it's against the rules! You've got to get him!

No, no, Roger, get the net! Oh.

Oh, Roger!

Oh, that's a beauty, a real big one.

Oh, I bet nobody...

Jeepers.

What's the matter? My goodness.

I never thought it'd happen.

You're liable to win this tournament.

Probably.

And then what?

And then what?

Then I'll write a new book on how to catch a fish.

You know how you do it?

You sit on a log and turn your back to the fish,

or climb up a tree and fall on it or drag it up onshore

until a bear tells you that's far enough.

That's a fine way to catch fish.

Yeah. Fine way to catch fish.

Well, it's... all my fault. I got you into this mess.

Well, at least I don't have to catch anymore.

What do you mean?

I mean, the tournament's over.

After I turn this one in, I don't want to see another fish.

No, I suppose you don't.

I suppose you don't. I'll see you.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah?

Willoughby, this is Cadwalader.

Well, boy, I always knew you had it in you.

Mr. Bagley just came in with the final score.

You are now officially the winner

of the Wakapoogee tournament.

Willoughby, do you hear me?

Yes, Mr. Cadwalader, I heard you.

Is there something wrong?

No.

Come over here now, have a drink with us and celebrate.

Yes.

Willoughby, I...

Unpredictable fellow. Real genius.

Something's wrong with him.

Celebrate.

Who is it?

Roger, it's me, Abby.

Come on in.

I have to talk to you.

I don't feel like talking, Abby.

I know, but I've got something I have to tell you,

and I know you're not going to like it and I don't like saying it,

but if you let me say it I'll go away and won't bother you anymore.

Now, let me finish, Roger, please.

Actually, there are two things I have to say.

The first is that this has all been my fault

and I'm sorry, I'm very sorry.

Because I won the tournament?

That's the second thing I have to say.

You can't take that trophy. You just can't take it.

Abigail.

Now, please, let me finish!

You can't take that!

Tell them the truth!

Do you know what'll happen?

You'll lose your job, your customers and everything,

but you've got to do that.

Once you start fooling people,

you have to keep on fooling them.

And you're too nice a guy to-to-to...

...be a phony and keep on being a phony.

Now, that's all I'm going to say.

If you'll just go ahead and do that.

I just couldn't tell her I've already decided to do it.

It's funny.

She makes it easier for me.

Hi. Congratulations.

Thanks.

Willoughby. Here's the champion.

What'll you have?

Make it expensive. Skaggs is buying.

Not for you.

I'm buying this one.

Before we have a drink,

I'd like to tell you something.

Excuse me just a minute.

Mr. Bagley, would you mind

coming over here for a minute?

Glad to.

I'd like to have you hear this.

All right.

There's the trophy, all shined up for you.

That's just what I want to talk to you about.

That trophy isn't mine.

You're the winner.

Major Phipps is the winner.

Willoughby, I didn't win. Yes, you did.

Phipps didn't win. Have you been drinking?

Not enough to make any difference.

You feel all right?

Willoughby, I weighed those fish myself.

I saw it. Please, let me talk.

I-I-I owe you an explanation. I...

I want to apologize.

You all took it for granted

that I knew all there was about fishing.

I-I-I wrote a book on it.

I must be a fisherman.

Yeah.

Up until this tournament,

I've never been fishing in my life.

Are you telling the truth?

Yes, I am.

Then you must be a...

A fraud.

Probably the word you're looking for. Maybe you're right.

I never said I was a fisherman.

No, you didn't.

I only told you how to fish.

You told it good.

What about the three fish you won with?

Well, now... You didn't catch them out of a book.

That was dumb luck, it was sheer accident.

No relation to fishing as you all know it.

But you caught them.

One of them caught me.

The second one committed suicide

while my line was hung over a tree.

What about the third one?

I hooked that one.

Then why were you disqualified?

Isn't there a rule that says a fisherman can't get any outside help?

Yes, there is, from any living source.

Well, this one was living, all right.

I got help from a bear.

Which disqualifies me.

Look, fellas, I didn't earn the trophy.

Major Phipps did.

Well, by George.

This never happened before.

Willoughby, I'm stunned, completely stunned.

You're fired, of course.

I expected to be.

Congratulations, Major. Thank you.

Good night, gentlemen.

Good night, Willoughby.

Well?

Well, I don't know what to say.

Don't fall on your sword about it.

What? That's a joke, son.

I just won a tournament.

I don't feel much like celebrating, but I'll try.

Make mine a triple, because I understand you're buying.

Good company, isn't he?

Easy, I thought you were never coming.

You wanted to see me?

The desk clerk told me...

That was a half hour ago.

I was wondering if you'd disappeared

off the face of the earth too.

Who's disappeared? Abigail.

I looked all over the place for her. Where is she?

Well, she... She's gone.

What did you want with her?

I want to talk to her.

She doesn't want to talk to you.

How do you know?

That's what she said.

How does she know until she hears what I say?

I don't know but that's what she said.

Easy, I want to see her.

Why?

Because.

Well, you'll have to give me a better reason than that.

Well, I...

What? Go ahead.

I'm in love with her.

After all she's done to you?

Yes, and don't ask me why.

Well, I don't know what to do.

I'll come back.

What do you mean, you don't know what to do?

Well, Abby made me promise

not to tell anyone where she has gone to.

I can't break that promise.

That's silly. Tell me, where is she?

Well, I'll do what I can.

You know I can't speak German.

Roger, I'm sorry, but...

White man want translation?

Here it comes. How much?

In the mood you're in,

it would be easy to put the bite on you,

but I don't want anybody to think I'm mercenary. $5 okay?

Go ahead.

Miss Page is camping by the waterfall

at the east end of the lake.

How do you know German?

I don't. I just took her there.

Well, you can take me, too.

One other item.

I know. I'll give you $10 more if you hurry up.

That's the item. Meet me at the dock.

Hey, better be quiet. She's camped behind those trees.

See that light? Yeah, I see it.

You want me to wait? No.

There's no way to get back...

That's perfectly all right.

Want me to pick you up tomorrow morning?

I'll send up a smoke signal.

Keep some wood dry. It looks like a storm's coming up.

One other thing.

What'll it cost me?

This one is on the house.

A squaw never knows what she wants until you tell her.

Is that from Confucius?

No, from me.

Confucius didn't get around as much as I do.

Be careful getting out.

Will you give me a shove-off?

Happy hunting.

Roger, what are you doing here?

I just wanted to...

I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to see you.

I want to be by myself.

So please go and get in your boat and go home.

Roger, I thought I told you to go away.

I can't.

Why?

I must have left the boat untied. It's gone.

Well, that's just like you.

And I can't swim either, remember.

I suppose you'll just have to stay then.

But just don't talk to me.

All right, I won't.

You don't mind if I sit down?

I don't really care what you do.

Just don't talk to me.

Just wait till I get a hold of Easy.

I told her I didn't want to see you.

I told her I didn't want to see anybody.

Don't talk to me.

That was an owl.

Roger,

did you tell the tournament committee that you're a fake?

Yes, I did.

Did you get fired?

Yes, I did.

And I talked to Tex. We're finished.

For good.

And then it was all my fault.

Look, why don't you just go away,

somewhere, so I don't have to see you?

What are you doing?

Getting in out of the rain.

Well, you just get right out of here.

I will not! This is my sleeping bag!

You think I want to be in here?

Oh, you mean you don't?

No.

I'm just not going to stay out there and get wet.

Well, all right. Then just don't talk to me.

What is it that you're doing?

You're too far over.

I'm what? Move over here.

I will not.

I'm... trying to get this zipper shut.

I can't do it if you keep pulling the cover.

Oh.

Is that all right?

Thank you.

Roger...

If I have to stop talking, why don't you stop?

All right, I certainly will.

I can't see why Cadwalader would fire Willoughby.

It isn't clear to me, either.

What will I do without him?

Lose more money to me.

I don't care if he is a fraud.

He knows more about fishing than any man.

Willoughby is no fraud. He's an honest man.

And he just proved that.

So what if he can't fish?

It's whether I can fish that's important.

I don't want to lose him.

I agree. But Suffering Sam will never change his mind.

Bleeding from a mortal wound.

Thinking about the thousands who will read about it.

It's bound to hit the papers.

Thousands of people. That's it! What's it?

What you said. You gave me the inspiration of my life. Come on.

Cadwalader, I want to talk to you. Huh?

I said, I want to talk to you.

What about? Well, I, uh...

First, do something with that thatched roof.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Cadwalader, you're an ass. An utter ass.

Why? For firing Willoughby.

He can't fish.

That's what I want to talk about.

I don't follow you.

This was a tournament, so he disqualified himself.

But he caught the winning fish. Does that mean anything?

It doesn't. You mutton-head.

It means any fool can catch a record fish

if he's using the right equipment.

Thousands will read about it.

Yes, isn't it horrible?

Horrible nothing. I know these amateur fishermen.

Willoughby will be an inspiration.

Everyman Jack will say, "If Willoughby can do it,

"just give me the right rod, reel and lure and so can I."

A million dollars of free publicity and you fired him.

My goodness...

You want me to set him up in business in competition to you?

No! No! No! If you don't, somebody else will.

You better hire him back before he gets away. Fix that roof.

I must hurry. I've got to find him. Thank you, gentlemen.

Oh, Willoughby! Willoughby!

Oh, Willoughby!

What do you want?

Hold it. I think I hear them.

What is it? What...

Sounds like Cadwalader. Oh! Look out, Abigail!

What? What's the matter? Don't move!

What! Where are we?

Well, we're out in the middle of the lake.

What... What are we doing here?

Willoughby! Can you hear me, Willoughby?

Yes, I hear you!

I made a mistake!

We need you back, Willoughby!

Hey, Roger!

You got your job back, I think!

Lie still! Look, we're gonna tip over, I tell you.

We'll give you a raise!

How much will you give him?

I'll talk to you later.

Will you come back?

Yes, Mr. Cadwalader!

That's fine, Willoughby! Do you want us to send you any help?

Never mind, Mr. Cadwalader!

Do you think he's in trouble?

Yes, but it's too late to help him.

Listen. Hmm?

Do you think you could like me the way you did that night?

What night?

You know, when you kissed me.

You said that kiss was no good.

Oh, I'm sorry I said that, Roger.

I'd prefer to forget that night ever happened.

I was lying when I said the kiss wasn't any good.

You were... Sure. Honest, I was.

I was just pretending.

Do you... Do you think that

you could find me strangely attractive again, hmm?

Well, I don't know, I...

Well, maybe if you kiss me, just a little.

Hmm?

Well, if you didn't like it, you could stop.

Maybe you would like it but sometimes when people...

Will you shut up? Mmm-hmm.

Oh, John, you shouldn't have done that.

Why, Marcia?

Because this picture is over.

This is the end.