All language subtitles for Mans.Favorite.Sport.1964.720p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H264-FGT

♪ Some men are
good at hunting quail

♪ Some like to sail
while others like to box

♪ Some men prefer to surf

♪ While others like the turf

♪ And lose a lot
of money on the jacks

♪ Some men say
judo is their dish

♪ While others fish
where mountain waters swirl

♪ But let a girl appear

♪ He'll pursue her

♪ And run his
fingers through her curls

♪ And that's the way it's been
since the world began

♪ The favorite
sport of man is girls

♪ Some men put on an aqualung

♪ And swim above
the barnacles and pearls

♪ But let a girl appear,
he'll pursue her

♪ And run his
fingers through her curls

♪ And that's the way it's been
since the world began

♪ The favorite
sport of man is girls ♪

Sorry. I wasn't looking.

Hey, you can go now.

I beg your pardon.

Oh, well, hi.

Um, I...
I was going
to park here.

How can you?
I'm already here.

Well, I can see that
but you'll have to move.
This is my place.

How can it be your place
when I'm already in it?

Lady, I park here
every day.

Hey, buddy,
is this your car?

Yes, it is.

Can't leave it here.

Uh, I'll move it
in a minute.

You don't,
you'll find
a ticket on it.

Right away, officer.
Look, young lady...

You better
move your car.

Do you see
that number?

Of course.

It's 19.
Well, I'm 19.

You look older
than that to me.

We're not talking
about my age.

But we've already
discussed the parking.

I shouldn't be in
a spot like this.

I don't think so either.

Couldn't you
find a better place
to propose to her?

I am not
proposing to her.

Are we late?
Not if we hurry.

Better luck next time.

You can't leave
your car here.

I already have.
But if you want to
move it, go on ahead.

I don't want to
move your car.

Good. Leave it right
where it is.

She's not going
to get away with this.

I'll fix her.

Hi, Officer.

Find what you're
looking for?

I wasn't looking
for anything.

You weren't?

Trying
to start this car.

Interesting way
of doing it.

Why?

So I could move it.

This isn't your car,
is it?

No. It belongs
to the girl.

But she's your friend.

I never saw her
before in my life.

This is getting
more interesting.

Better let me
see your license.

I, um, must
have dropped it
or something.

Here it is.

Well, well...

Would you mind hurrying?

I'm late enough
as it is.

Simmer down, Abigail.

Abigail?

It's what it says
right here.

Let me see that.
This isn't mine.

You don't know
how happy I am
to hear that.

Here it is.

Roger Willoughby,
hmm?

Yeah.

You say you don't know
this Abigail Page?

No, I don't. Officer,
this is all very simple.

The lady parked
in my parking space.

I work here,
Abercrombie & Fitch.
I tried to get her to move.

Then things got confused.

You said it was simple.

You know women.
She's the kind that
gets you confused.

I meet 'em every day.
Then you should know.

She was in a hurry.
They started talking.

They?
By then,
there were two of them.

Two of them?

She said
I could move the car
if I wanted to.

But she left both
the doors locked.

Screwy story.

You think
I made it up?

No, it's too real
for that.

I've got no reason,
but I believe you.

If I could have
my driver's license...

I'll need it for
another minute.

What for?

I can't give you
a ticket without it.

A ticket for what?

For leaving that
car over there.

That's the one
you should've moved.

Roger? There are
some customers
waiting for you.

Who's first?

Major Phipps has
been in Rods & Reels
since the store opened.

Mr. Willoughby.
Good morning, Mr. Bush.

I wanted to ask you
the best way to
catch northern pike.

Well, sir, uh... Joe.
I'll be with you
in just a minute.

Why don't you let Joe
show you the new nylon
lines that came in?

I think they'll be
well worth your while.

Good morning,
Major Phipps.

14 minutes
and 30 seconds.

I beg your pardon?

That's how long
I've waited for you.

I'm sorry.
A problem in the parking...

Then let's stop
wasting time.

I can get out of a couple
of meetings next week

and make
the tournament at...

Lake Wakapoogee? Splendid.
What can I help you with?

Rods, reels,
lines, lures,
spinners,

flies, bugs, spoons,
the whole mess.

I see. Well, then, let's...
Let's start with the rods.

The cornerstone
of the outfit,
you know.

Let's see here.
Going to win
this year, Major?

I intend to keep
on trying.

Good. Here we are.

This is the one
I would recommend.
Good morning, Tom.

It's light,
flexible, strong,
perfectly balanced.

How does it feel?
It feels light.

Would you like to
try to make a cast?

Yes, I think I would.

Look at that.
It's my arm.

Machine gun bullets
during the war.

I can't get
any movement.

I'm ashamed of you.
Why?

Haven't you read my book?
Of course I have,
every word of it.

It says here on
page 21, I think.

Yes. "You need very
little movement

"to make a good cast
with a spinning reel."

I must've missed that.

Tom, you read the book.

Show the major
a couple of casts

and I'll explain it
to him.

Now, remember, Major.

10 o'clock
position first.
Then 11 o'clock.

11 o'clock, higher.

Then forward
to 9 o'clock.

9 o'clock.
Try it, Tom.

You see?
Isn't that pretty?

10 o'clock.
10 o'clock.

11 o'clock.
11 o'clock.

9 o'clock.
Try it again.

See. Very little
wrist movement.

Would you
like to try?

I certainly would.

Now remember, gently.

10 o'clock,
11 o'clock,
9 o'clock.

Gently.

10 o'clock, 11 o'clock,
9 o'clock.

Hey, look at that!
Good.

What would
I do without you?

I wish you were
staying at the lake
during the tournament.

Why haven't you ever
entered the tournament?

I... don't seem
to have enough time.

You should.
Well, it's a rod,
all right.

What kind of fish
should I go after?
Bass, trout, bluegills?

Let's see, last year
the Wakapoogee
was won with a bass.

Six pounds, eight ounces.

I know. I saw that
old goat Harvey Skaggs
land the fish.

He used a plug,
a green plunking
dingbat.

That's not what I ask you,
and this isn't last year.

I want to know what
to use this year.

Let's see...
Roger? Phone.

Oh, thank you.
Excuse me, Major.
I'll be right back.

Willoughby speaking.

Roger, this is Stern,
Jim Stern.

Yeah, Jim.

I'm up here at
Lake Wakapoogee.

I wanted to tell you
that I got the doggone-dest
string of fish.

Well, good for you.

Um...
Say, Jim, what kind of fish did you go after?

Trout, just like
you suggested.

And what would you say
is the best time of day?

Between 10 and 11
in the morning.

Between 10 and 11
in the morning. A-ha.

What was the water
temperature?

68 degrees.

68 degrees.
And how deep
did you go?

I started with
a Colorado spinner

and ended
with a super-duper.

I see.

Thank you, Jim.

I appreciate
your calling.

Bye.

Major Phipps, what were
we talking about?

What kind of fish
I should go after
at the lake.

I suggest you
go for trout.
Trout.

10 or 11 in the morning
would be your best time.

The water should be
around 68 degrees.

68 degrees.

What kind of a lure,
and how deep?

Just under the surface
and use either
a Colorado Spinner

or a Super-duper.

Amazing.
A Colorado Spinner
or a Super-duper.

Morning, Maggie.

Morning, Roger.
Go right on in.

Oh, thank you.

Hi.
Hello.

Good morning, sir.

Willoughby, come in,
come in.

Miss Perkins, send in
the young ladies, please.
Yes, sir.

Fine morning, isn't it?
I want you to...
Here they are now.

Miss Page and Miss Mueller.
Mr. Roger Willoughby.

Yep, I knew it.

We've met.

Yes, in the parking lot.

Oh, fine. Please sit down
and we'll get on with this.

Miss Mueller
is the daughter
of Mr. Mueller,

who owns the Lodge
at Lake Wakapoogee.

Miss Page is sort of
Director of Public Relations

for the Lodge.

I see.
Willoughby,
this is your lucky day.

It is?

Absolutely.

You are entering
the fishing tournament
at Lake Wakapoogee.

Sir?
Stuns you, doesn't it?

You want... me to fish
in the tournament?

That's right, as
the official representative
of Abercrombie & Fitch.

Mr. Cadwalader...
Don't thank me.

Thank Miss Page.
It was all her idea.

You know,
the more I think of it,
the more excited I become.

Your reputation
will have influence

on the publicity
for the tournament,
which benefits the Lodge.

Beaver.
Oh, thank you.

And will benefit us,
of course.
I tell you, Willoughby...

What's the matter?
Something bothering you?

Mr. Cadwalader,
it's just that I...

Just what?

I don't think I should enter
the fishing tournament.

Why not?
Give us
one good reason.

Because I...

That's certainly
no reason.

I didn't give
a reason.

Why?

Come on, now,
we're waiting.

Now, I think
I know what's
bothering Willoughby.

You don't think it's fair
for the teacher to
compete with pupils.

Exactly. They might
resent me.

That defeats
your whole purpose.

Oh, horsefeathers.

Oh, my goodness!

Let me have
your handkerchief.

It's perfectly all right.

Sorry.

Don't worry a bit.
It'll dry out right away.

Good.

Silly, isn't it?
My wife makes me
wear it.

Well, let's get on
with it, shall we?

Yes, Mr. Cadwalader.

Let me see, where...
Where were we?

Mr. Willoughby felt
the other fishermen
might resent

his entering
the tournament,

then I hit the ashtray.

That's exactly
what I said.

I don't agree.
It would be flattering.

Like playing on
the same team
with Mickey Mantle.

It's not the same!

It's exactly the same!

Good thing you
didn't hit an ashtray.

Stop being so modest.

I'm not being modest.

They're right.
It's your modesty talking.

I don't want
to hear any more.

Yes, Miss Perkins.

It's 11.30,
Mr. Cadwalader.

Thanks.

I have an appointment
and I'm tied up
the rest of the afternoon.

Willoughby,
take the ladies to lunch

and explain all
the details to them.

Miss Page,
it was a great idea.

Mr. Cadwalader,
didn't you forget
something?

Hmm?

Your thingamajig.

Oh.

Oh. No, I didn't forget it.
Good excuse not to wear it.

Miss Mueller,
thank you very much.

It was a pleasure, sir.

Ah, by the way, Willoughby,
how is your fishing gear?

Well, sir,
with so little chance I...

Just as I thought.
We'll get together
in the morning

and pick out all
the equipment you need.

Goodbye.

Look, Miss Page...

Please.

Please, I didn't realize
that I had taken
your parking space.

I didn't know
that you were
Roger Willoughby.

I mean, I thought
that some nut...

Abby.
Well, I'm sorry.

So please forgive me,
please.

Well, I...
Please?

I can't really
blame you, Miss Page.
But there is one thing...

I know. You couldn't
move my car because
I locked the doors.

That's not what I want
to talk to you about.

You'd have had a hard time
getting into that car.

Easy, he almost
got a ticket.

I got a ticket!

From the policeman?

That's right.

Oh, no. I told you
you better do
what he said.

Didn't I?
Don't you remember?

I remember distinctly.
You have the faculty...

Come on, you two.
You have to work together.

That's what
I want to talk
to her about.

I just want to get
one thing straight.

Do you feel that
you are too good

to enter our
fishing tournament?

No, I don't!

That's what
I want to hear.

Let's have some lunch.

Miss Page...

Don't hold a grudge.
I'll make you a deal.

If you buy us
two martinis

then I'll pay for
your ticket, okay?

Oh, hell.

I should've thought
that you would jump
at the chance to go fishing.

Well, ordinarily I...

What is it? Your wife?
Doesn't she want you to go?

I don't have a wife.

Then your fiancee,
your girlfriend.

The girl I'm engaged to
has nothing to do

with my not wanting
to enter the tournament.

At least we know
you're engaged,

and don't want to
enter the tournament.

That's right.

We'll just have
to keep on wondering why.

I have no intention
of discussing
the reasons with you.

Step right in, please.

You better keep on trying.

I will.

But hurry up.

Mr. Will...

Oh, no.

What?

Well, I was just thinking.

If you're up at the lake,
you'll be away from the store.

Yes, that's right.

You don't
want to risk that.

Why? It's only a job.

You're afraid
of the auditors.

I mean, the auditors
may come in and go
over your books

and find out that
you've been playing
with the store funds.

What?

Roger, how much
are you short?

I'm not short anything!

Shh, shh.

I have nothing to
do with store money.

She's just
talking nonsense!

How can you say such
a thing with all those
people hearing you?

They might believe you.

Well, I just
didn't think.

I really can't
figure you out, Miss Page.

Either you don't know
what you're doing,
or you just don't care.

"Miss Page."
You're so formal.
Call me Abigail.

I don't want to
know you that well.

Even as a stranger,
you're trouble.

What will it be?

Martini. Make mine
a double.

A thing like that
could ruin
a man's reputation.

Do you have
a light, Roger?

You can't really believe
I'm committing... larceny.

You made those
people think so.

Before I met you,
my life was
uncomplicated, peaceful.

Everything was fine.
Didn't have any trouble.

Even with this lighter,
I didn't have any trouble.

Are you always in the habit
of ruining men's lives?

It's not really a habit.
I just try to do my share.

Who are you?

I'm confused.

Who is he?
I don't know.

He's got
a new approach.

Hi. We thought
we lost you.

That was a pretty girl.
Who is she?

I don't know.

Here you are.

Aren't you going
to sit down, Roger?

I'd rather walk.

Come on,
don't get mad.
Sit down.

Come.

I'll have another.
Yes, sir.

Roger,
we were talking,

and we couldn't
remember a tournament
that you'd ever entered.

Miss Page...
Abigail.

Miss Page, I don't
compete with other
fishermen because I...

Forget it.

Can't you speak English?
I'm confused enough.

Here you are, sir.

Roger, please.
What?

Don't.
Don't what?

Don't take it.
Don't take
another drink.

I mean, it must be terrible
having a drinking problem.

We should've known
that liquor was
your failing.

Just a minute...

You're afraid that
when you go away
from home

you can't trust
yourself.

That's why you never
enter any competition.

Ready for another?

No.

Go ahead.
Don't torture yourself.

I'm not torturing myself.

I don't compete
with other fishermen
for a simple reason.

What is it?

If I tell you, do you promise
never to breathe a word of it?

I don't...

That'll be $5.40,
please.

Let's get out of here.

Where are we going?

We're going someplace
where no one will hear
what I have to say.

Roger,
what on earth...?

Never mind. Come on.

Roger, what...?

Do you have any
nickels or dimes?
Yes.

Get 'em out, will you?

He's crazy.
What?

He's crazy.

You're right.

If I tell you,
do you promise never
to tell anybody?

Do you? All right.

I cannot fish
in your tournament

because I have
never been fishing
in my life!

What? You mean
you have...

...never been fishing...
Oh, no, no, no.

I can't believe...
Shh, shh, shh.

You promised
to be quiet.

Mmm.

But, Roger...
Remember.

Did I hear you right?

I said...

I said I have
never been fishing
in my entire life!

It's just because
you're a phoney!

I am not!

Of course
you're a phoney!

Come on.

Don't run off, folks.
The lights will
be on in a minute.

Coming to this place
wasn't such a good idea,
was it?

Anyway, now you know.

You've never
been fishing...
Never.

No wonder you don't want
to enter the tournament.

It was your idea,
Abigail.

Sorry, I was thinking.

I said, he was your idea.
You better decide what to do.

I may shoot him
or myself.

I suggest the latter.

You better figure it out.
I have a lot of things
to do.

Taxi!

Goodbye, Roger.
and don't worry,
I'll keep your secret.

Now you know
I no longer
can help you,

you better
tell Mr. Cadwalader

you've changed
your mind.

Have I, hmm?
Have I changed
my mind?

Now, just a minute...

Roger, if you'll buy me
some lunch, we'll discuss
the whole thing.

Come on. I know
a nice little place.

You know, you don't
look like
a phoney, Roger.

How did it all start?

I got a job.

Mmm-hmm.

Selling fishing tackle
in a little place.

I listen
to my customers.

Fishermen love to talk.

What one customer told me,
I told the next one.

Then I got a job at
Abercrombie & Fitch.
I read up on fishing.

Why didn't you
just fish?

Because I happen to hate fish,
to handle them, to smell them.

Oh, no,
and I brought you
to this fish place.

I don't even
like 'em on a plate.
Order ham and eggs.

Listen,
it still seems
dishonest to me.

Dishonest? Does a man
who sells canaries
have to learn to fly?

I never claimed
to be a fisherman.

You never un-claimed it.

It never seemed important.

I'm glad I didn't pay
$1.50 for your book.

$2. People won cups
from what they've
learned in my book.

You better start
studying it.
Why?

You're entering
our tournament.

I have no intention
of fishing in your...
tournament.

Roger, it's up to you.
But you'd look
pretty silly...

Silly? I'd look like...

A phoney.

I don't like that word.

But it's true,
isn't it?

No. But if customers
learned the truth

I'd lose them,
I'd lose my job.

Cadwalader would
have me thrown out.

And if I entered,
they'd know.

Maybe they would,
but they'd be sure
to know if you didn't.

Do you mean...?

I'd tell 'em.

I believe you would.

You know I would.

Roger, you don't have
to win the tournament.

You just have to make
a good showing.

How? You tell me how.

Millions of people
know how to fish.

I figure that you could learn
with the right incentive,

like... keeping your job.

Did you take
a special course
in blackmail

or is it
a natural talent?

Now, it won't do
either one of us
any good to be bitter.

I know that you're a phoney
and you know that you are.

Let's see,

the tournament
begins on Friday,
and today's Monday.

So, if you could be
up there tomorrow,

then we'll have almost
three days to teach you.

Who's "we"?

Easy and I.
We're pretty good.

You don't
have anything
to worry about.

Well, maybe one thing.
What?

The girl you're
engaged to,

did you tell her
you don't know
how to fish?

It never came up.

Wouldn't you feel better
if you told her?

I'll decide
what I'll tell her.

It's risky.
She may throw you out.

Is she rich?
Miss Page,
I don't think...

It's up to you.

But you better bring
a copy of your book.

You might learn
something from it.

What about lunch?

I never eat lunch. Bye.

Tuesday, Wednesday,
Thursday, Friday, Sat...

Six days.
I'm liable to kill her.

I'll be with you
in just a minute, mister.

White Man have
long journey?

Just from San Francisco.

Heap big place.
Many moon ago I
take trail to Frisco.

What tribe
are you from?

Me Chief,
Wakapoogee tribe.

My name
John Screaming Eagle.

My people own this lake
before white man come.

Is that so?
Hmm.

Sir, have you
a reservation?

I believe so.
I'm Roger Willoughby.

Of course.

Your name
Willoughby?
Mmm.

My great-grandfather,
Roaring Buffalo,

once scalped man
named Willoughby.

Please, you not
be angry.

Well, I...
I glad you no angry.

You ever fish
Wakapoogee before?

No.

You, uh,
want win tournament?

Yes.

See this? Genuine
Screaming Eagle
bass plug. Only $6.

This is a cheap imitation
of the Chugger Spook.

It's made in Japan
and sells for 68 cents.

John, you picked
the wrong man.

This is Roger Willoughby,
the famous fisherman.

Miss Page has
a reservation for you,
cabin number five.

Oh, I'm sorry.
I don't want a cabin.
I'd like a campsite.

Let me see
what I have.

You'd be more
comfortable in a cabin.

They've been re-decorated,
air conditioning, television,

Gideon Bible,
the whole works.

Red man speak
with strange tongue.

I just talk that way
for the tourists.

Now, why don't
you take the cabin?

Oh, no, I...

Why not?

Well, because my boss
wants me to camp.

Well, in the words
of our great
Chief Confucius,

"Man is much better off
if he obeys the voice
that feeds him."

Confucius? I thought
he was Chinese.

Chinese-Indian.

I can let you
have campsite C-11.
Nice place by the lake.

How do I get there?

Follow the road
and bear to the left.

Campsites are well marked.
You can't miss it.

When do you expect
the rest of your party,
Mr. Willoughby?

I'm alone.

All this equipment
just for you?

That's right.

How long do you
intend to stay?

Six days.

Six days?
It'll take him
that long to unpack.

Miss Page! Miss Page!

Yeah?

I have a message.
Roger Willoughby
isn't coming to the Lodge.

He's at campsite C-11.

Thank you!

What would he be
doing there?

I don't know.
We better go see.

Oh, we can go by water.
It's faster.

Okay.

Why should this
be happening to me?

Holy smoke.

Look at that camp.

"Step six,
grasp tent
at point X and Y...

"...except for model 42-B.

"See illustration 13
for further information."

"Model 42-B discontinued."

This must go
somewhere inside.

Hi.

Where did you come from?

Down at the lake.

What are you doing?

I am setting up a tent.

Are you?

After which I shall
try making a bed.

Can we help?

Yes. Go away.

Listen, I am curious.
What is all this about?

This is Mr. Cadwalader's idea

of what a well-equipped
camper should have.

Well, why are
you camping?

Again, Mr. Cadwalader's idea.

He seemed to be
almost inspired
since he met you.

Oh, now don't
be angry, Roger.
It wasn't my idea.

Miss Page,
I had time to think
while driving up here.

I don't think
you can ever get
me angry again.

Oh, great.

I'm glad you've come
to your senses because
this isn't going to work.

What isn't?
Your camping.

You've never
been camping before,
have you?

I'm doing a lot of things
I've never done before.

Are you supposed to be out
of the water with those on?

We're not supposed
to take them off
before we get out.

You don't have time
to learn camping.

It's enough trouble
learning to fish.

After the tournament
you can learn how
to make your bed.

Mr. Cadwalader...
Phooey on Mr. Cadwalader.

What do I tell him?

What do you tell him
when he sees you?

He isn't going to see me.

Oh, yes, he is.

He phoned for a reservation.
He'll be up here tomorrow.

Roger, there's
only one thing
for you to do

and that's move back
to the Lodge.

But before he comes.

Then what do
I tell him?
You can say that...

What?

I'll think of something.

Roger, if anybody
sees you here camping...

They'll know
you've never been out
of a hothouse before.

We'll help you get
all your stuff packed...

All right,
John Screaming Eagle,
come here.

How long have you been,
uh, standing over there?

There? I stand there
long enough

to know he never
been out of hothouse.

"Only for tourists."

Will $10 make you
forget it?

For $20,
Screaming Eagle
was never there.

Five.

She said ten.
Five and you can
help pack this stuff.

As the great Chief
Confucius say...

"Five birds in hand
worth 20 who fly away."

You knew him
better than I did.

Willoughby, did you see this?
I didn't know you entered.

A sudden decision.

You might've
warned your customers.

It'll make
the competition
stiff for us.

That's the way
you feel?

You won last year,
Mr. Skaggs.

I beat Phipps hands down.
I could do it again.

You just got lucky.

I still think
I can do it.

But with you in it,
it's a different matter.

Then the only sporting thing
would be for me to withdraw.

You see,
they consider it
unfair competition.

Gentlemen,
I feel that...

Hold it, Willoughby.
Withdraw nothing.

Yay.

I've got my 10 o'clock,
11 o'clock, 9 o'clock.

I've got it down pat
and I'm going after you.

If Skaggs is afraid to,
let's let him withdraw.

Who said I was?
I'm glad he's here.
You are?

If I lose to you,
I'm losing to a master.
I don't mind.

But if I beat you,
there'd be much more glory
than beating Phipps.

"10 o'clock,
11 o'clock..."
Stop it.

Just like I said, like
playing on the same team
with Mickey Mantle.

If you'll excuse us,
we have a little
business to talk over.

What?
Come on, Roger.

Excuse us.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Well, you two go ahead.

Come on.
What for?

Dinner. We're going
to buy you dinner.

Is that what
she said?

There, now isn't that nice?
Just for the three of us.

Very nice.
Glad you like it.
Come on, sit down.

Come on.

Roger, I shouldn't be
so nice to you

after that trick you tried
to pull out there.

Why don't you just
make up your mind
that you're stuck,

make the best of it?

Mmm-hmm.

You and I will have
to work together
quite a bit of the time...

Why must we
be together?

I have to teach you
how to fish.

You don't want to do it
on your own, do you?

No.

Well, then we have
to be together.

We don't want anybody else
to find out anything about it.

Oh, say, did you
tell your girlfriend,

Miss, uh, Connors,
that you can't fish?

I told you that was...
She made a reservation.

I know.
I forgot to tell you.

She is coming up Friday.
Would you like a roll?
No.

Are you sure
you wouldn't?
No, thank you.

I'll give you one anyway.

I don't want to
make any trouble

by saying
the wrong thing to her.

You didn't tell her,
or you'd say so.

No, I didn't tell her.

Is that all right
with you?
Sure, sure.

Hi. Dinner's ready.
How are you doing?

Just fine.
Making Roger mad again.

But before
you make him too mad.

You better figure out
where you'll take him
tomorrow for his lesson.

Yes, a quiet place
where murder
wouldn't be noticed.

Don't be silly.
But that's a good idea.

I know.
No, there is a cove
at the north end.

Nobody would
see you there.

But you better
not go together.

I better take
the boat up at 8.00.

Meet me at the end
of the north trail.

Where's that?

Start at the ranger station
and go all the way to the end.

But it's too narrow
for a car.

You better take
that little red thing
that you had up at the camp.

The trail bike.
Yes, that'd be just perfect.

Uh... Can you ride it?

It just so happens
that I can.

Well, you're just
full of surprises.

Oh, ah, eugh...

Roger.

What's the matter?

Never mind.
It's too late.
What do you mean?

It's just too late.
What are you
talking about?

Does your salad
taste good?

Mmm-hmm.

It tasted very good.
Why?

Well, because...

Nothing. I...
I can't tell you.

What are you
laughing at?

Do you really
want to know?

Yes, I want to know
what I'm talking...
laughing about.

Well, you know,
just before you
took that first bite...

Yeah, go on.

Well, a caterpillar
fell out of the tree
right onto your plate.

Ahh... It was
a fuzzy one.

He was crawling around
the plate for a while.

Listen, cheer up.
Have some wine.

Hi, there.
Have you a motorcycle,
just went up the road?

Yes, I did.

Did it take you long
to teach the bear
how to ride it?

It just took a minute.

Well, it fell off
right around the turn.

Thank you very much.

That's all right.
So long.

Hey, Roger.
I'm sorry I'm late.
Good morning.

Good morning.

It looks like we're going
to get to use all this part
of the lake.

What on earth
are you wearing?

They're inflatable waders.

They're what?

Inflatable waders.
They have a built-in
life-preserver.

You pull this cord
and the gas bottle

inflates the thing
and you don't sink.

Well, do they work?

I don't know.
I'm testing them
for the store.

You don't need waders
to get into the boat.

I do, too.
I can't swim.
Oh, no.

You can't run
a boat either?

I've never felt the need.

Well, the need's
caught up with you.
Come on, get in here.

It won't tip.

Uh?
Uh-uh.

Now, just relax.
Nothing's going
to happen.

You get back in there
and sit on that third seat.

That's a boy.
Go all the way back.

Even if I don't want to?

Okay, now stay
right there.

Now, you be careful!

The first thing you have
to learn to do

is to start the motor.

I thought you were
gonna teach me
how to fish.

Sometimes it's necessary
to run the boat

out to where
the fish are.

All right, all right.

It's just as easy
as starting a lawnmower.

First take a hold
of the start rope handle.

Where is that?
It's that thing right there.

This?
Uh-huh.

You just yank that back
as hard as you can.

But before you
do that...

Roger, pull the cord
on that thing!

Roger?

Roger, are you okay?

Are you all right?

Bring that boat over...

Oh!

You're getting
too much air!
Turn it off!

Oh!

Turn it off!

Hold your breath!

Hey, Roger, you've got
to let the air out!

Help me!

Hold your breath
for a minute.

There we are!

Lift yourself up!

Abby! Please! Abby!

Please!
Roger, hold your breath.

- Abigail, stop!
- Stop, stop!

Hang on, now!

Isn't that fun, Roger?
Hang on!

Here, drink some of this.
This'll warm you up.

Abby?
Hmm?

Let me see the soles
of your shoes.

Why?

Hmm, that's it.

What?

I saw the same marks
on my back

when I was changing
my clothes.

I was jumping up
and down on you.

Why? Just why?

That's the only way
I could get all
the water out of you.

You were full of it.
Gallons and gallons.

Excuse me,
I have to answer.

Hello?

Mr. Willoughby, please.

Mmm-hmm,
just a minute.

Here, it's for you.
Who is it?

Cadwalader.
Hello?

I just checked in.
What are you doing
in your cabin?

Well, sir... The reason
I'm not camping is because...

Miss Page explained
all that to me.

I mean, why aren't you
at the lake?

Well, sir,
I've been at the lake.

Studied it thoroughly?

Yes, sir,
from top to bottom.

Excellent.

Now, how about
our equipment?
You want some?

I tested
the inflatable waders
this morning.

How did they work?

I... couldn't
recommend them
to our customers.

Very well.
I'll make a note
of that, Willoughby.

Just a minute, please.

Willoughby,
I have to ring off now.

I have an appointment
with an interesting man.

Perhaps you know him,
John Screaming Eagle?

Who?

He's the head of
the Wakapoogee tribe.

He's got some
valuable historical
relics to show me.

I'll call you
later on tonight.

How.
Good afternoon.

Did you bring them?
Shh.

Oh, this is
very exciting.

Is this really
General Custer's scalp?

Great-grandfather
Roaring Buffalo

take in battle
Little Big Horn.

Oh, then it
must be real.

Screaming Eagle
give white chief
a present.

I couldn't accept it
as a gift.

Old Indian custom.
I give you gift,
you give me gift.

Well, what would
you like?

$20.

That's reasonable enough.

Hi.

Hi.

What have you
been up to?

Oh, I went over
to see Roger
for a minute.

He'd had dinner
in his cabin.

And how is he?

Oh, he's all right.

I offered to help him
with the fire,

but he said
that I'd helped him
enough for one day.

He didn't want me
to get all worn out.

He's just fine.

Oh, I got so
scared today, Easy.

I almost
let him drown.

He can't swim
and he got
all full of water

and I had to drag
him up on the shore

and sit down on him
to pump him out.

And that's when I...

When you what?

Gee, I did a silly thing.

I kissed him.
Why? I do not know.

What did Roger do?

Well, he didn't
kiss me back.

But what did he do?
Nothing.

Why?
Because he was
still unconscious.

You're a fool. You better
try again when he's conscious.

Find out what he does.

Oh, yeah? Okay.

Are you going out
with him tomorrow?

Well, eight o'clock
in the morning.

Only this time, no boats
and no trick waders.

This is a nice place.

It's gonna be better
than fishing from a boat.

You've got to wade
out into the lake.

Why do I have to
go out in the lake?

The fish aren't
liable to come
this close to shore.

Come on. It's okay.

Well, you remember,
I can't swim.

Roger, the tournament
starts tomorrow. Come on.

Now, let's see.
Cast out there
about 30 feet.

Yeah, but, uh...

Just pretend
you're Major Phipps.

Oh, yeah.
Let's see.

Okay?
Yeah.

10 o'clock.

Oh, yeah, 10 o'clock.

11. 11.

Oh, yeah, 11.

And 9.

Yeah, 10 o'clock,
11 o'clock, 9 o'clock.

That's very good,
Roger.

Oh! You hooked a fish!
Watch him, he's running!

Here! Here!
No, Roger, now stop him!

How do I do it?
Blow a whistle?

Set the drag.

Oh, come on.
Okay, now reel him in.

Pull up!
Pull up and then
reel him in! Good.

Come on,
even it off, Roger.

I am.

Please,
a little faster.

Good. Not so fast.

You want it slow
and fast. You do it.

You take
a hold of that thing
and bring him in.

Just do it evenly.
That's good. Come on.

That's good.
Watch the fish,
would you?

Okay, pull up. That's it.
Now reel him in.

Come on, Roger.
Easy. Easy! There!

He's not very big.

He's a fish, Roger.

Take him
off the hook.

I'm not gonna
touch that thing.

Why not?
It won't bite.

I can't stand the feel.
You take it off.

You must take your
own fish off the hook
in the tournament.

Take him off.
Every fish I catch
I have to take...?

Nobody else can.

Hold him
and get the hook
out of his mouth.

That's good.

Here, hold it.

Now, stick your
finger in there.
That's good.

There.
Now hold
onto him, Roger.

Oh! He's slippery.
Don't let go!

Roger, don't lose him!
Come on!

He got away.

Oh, I got him! Yes!

Roger, help me!
Not me!

Oh!

Roger,
are you all right?

Hey, I got him.
There he is.

What's the matter?
What's the matter?

Abby, I got one!

What are...?

Oh! Help me!

Don't come near me!

Forget it. You didn't
give me one teeny
bit of help.

Oh, I'm gonna...

Roger, don't you
dare throw him away.

Hold onto that fish.
I mean it.

Roger.

Yeah.

How long do I have
to hold this thing?

Until I tell you
you can put it down.

Hey, there's Easy.
Hi, Easy.

Now it's going to rain.
I guess we can go in.

Roger, you are going
to learn how to fish.

You just sit there
and hold that thing.
Hi, Easy.

- Hi, everybody.
- What's up?

I brought you some...
I brought you some rain

and I brought you
some news.

What are you doing
with that fish?

He's learning
to hold onto it.

Did he catch a fish?

He caught two.
One.

The other one
I caught is against
all rules of fishing.

So he caught it
in his pants.

Oh, no.

He can catch fish,
but he just can't
stand to touch them.

I thought if he sat here
holding one for a while,
he'd get used to it.

I could hold this until
it turns into a fossil.

I still wouldn't
get used to it.

You don't have to anymore,
and you don't have to worry.

That's why I came.
Mr. Kilroy's coming.

The Chicago champ?
Right.

How do you know?
The wire just came.

They called off
the Oregon tournament.
Bad storm.

He's driving up here
this afternoon.

Hoo-hoo, hallelujah!

Roger, our problems
are over.

Oh, yeah?

We don't need you
anymore.

"We don't
need you anymore."

You can get out
of the tournament.
How?

Walk up
to Cadwalader
and say,

"Look, Joe Kilroy's
in town and I quit".

Just that simple, huh?
No, you can't
do it that way.

Let me think.

Ah... You know,
the rain is making
your shirt...

I've got it!
What?

Roger, if you're
not able to fish,

you won't be able
to enter the tournament.

I was saying...
Did you hear me?

If you're not able
to fish you won't be able
to enter the tournament!

You can break your leg.

I'd rather fish.

Or an arm.
I'd rather fish.

I don't mean really
break your arm.

But what happens when
you break your arm?

It snaps and it hurts.

What happens
when you have
to treat it?

You put a cast on it.

You've got it, Abby.

Anybody who sees a cast
on somebody's arm

assumes they've got
a broken arm.

We know
a little first aid,

we can get some
plaster of Paris

and go into that woodshed,
get that stuff
and put it on him.

Are you paying
any attention?

Yes, I am.

Why aren't you
looking at us then?

Because you look like
you haven't any clothes on.

That's what I've been
trying to tell you.
Let's get out of here.

Let's go change
and meet in Roger's cabin.

Roger, are you
going to carry that
thing with you?

Well, too bad,
because you were just
learning to pick it up.

I'm really going to kill her.
I'm really gonna do it.

Hey, Easy?

Look what I found.
Just exactly
what we need.

They are perfect.
Roger, please hold
your arm up.

What are you going
to do with those?
Hold still.

What for?

Well, because we can't
let all that plaster
stick to you.

Do you have a pair
of scissors?

I've got a knife.
Don't! Stop that!

Don't make
so much trouble.

That's my only pair
of long underwear.

They're still good.
One leg is shorter
than the other.

Take off your shirt.

What are you doing
with my shirt?

We can't put the cast
on over your shirt.
Easy, are you ready?

Yes, I'm ready.

Here now,
put this leg on.

And tell me,
how do you want
to wear your arm?

What do you mean,
how am I going
to wear my arm?

In what position
do you want
to hold your arm?

I don't know.
In a sling, I guess.
Like that.

Okay, that's
all right, Roger.
Now, hang on.

There. Does that seem
like the same position
to you, same angle?

I think that's
all right.

Hold it exactly like that.

Let me put this here
so you don't
get too dirty.

You start
with the plaster

and I'll start
with the bandage.

Come on, put your arm down.
Come on.

You just told me
to keep it up.

We'll come back
to that later.

Oh, boy. Hey, this stuff
is getting all squishy.

This is all there is left.
Should I make some more?

No, I think
that's enough.

Exactly what am
I supposed to do

after I get
this thing on?

Weren't you listening
to us out there?

I was a little bit distracted
with the rain and everything.

I'm not sure I understand
what I'm supposed to do.

Would you please
tell him, Easy?

Roger, after we're
through with the cast

we'll explain that
you broke your arm.

How?

You fell out of
this tree.

That's a good idea.
That's the way my
brother broke his arm.

What was I doing
in the tree?

Well...
What was I doing?

I know.

Well, there was
this little, teeny bird

that had fallen
out of its nest.

And you were taking it
back to its mother.

And you're going
to tell people that?

Don't you think I should?

Don't you think
they'll cry?

I'll think
of something, Roger.

I hope so.

Oh, you just
don't move.

I'll get it.

It may be Tex.

I don't want her finding
a strange woman's voice
in my cabin.

Oh, I can take
care of that.

Big Chief
Screaming Eagle here.
Who speak other end?

Who is it?

Harry? It's me.

Relax. It's just
the desk clerk.
What do you want?

The ranger just called.

He said to tell
you that Mr. Kilroy
was on his way.

Oh, okay, thanks, Harry.

What is it, Abby?

Mr. Kilroy,
the Chicago champion,

just passed by
the ranger station.

We must clean up
before we meet him.

We better go.

You're not
leaving me like this.

We have to.
We'll be back.

We have to wait
till the cast hardens.

How long will it take?

I don't know.
If you don't
have a watch,

let me set this thing
for ten minutes.

When the bell goes off,
you'll know that our cast
is all done.

Just stay there
until the bell rings.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

"How did it happen there,
Willoughby?"

"Well, an itty bitty bird
fell on the ground

"and I was taking it back
to its mother."

Oh, no.

Oh, this is all wrong.

It ought to be like this.

It's all this up here.

What did they have to put it
on the shoulder for?

You'd think they were
plastering a house.

They've got
to get me
out of this.

Here comes
your friend.

Evening, Major.

Evening.

First time I've
been saluted in years.
That really felt good.

Nice boy.
Very thoughtful.

Yes, he is.

Attention.

See that guy?
What about him?

Roger, thank goodness.
We were looking for you.

I was looking for you.

Look at this arm.
Look how I
have to hold it.

It doesn't make
any difference.
It does to me.

No, it doesn't.
Come here.
Why?

You see that man over there
with the cast on his arm?

Yeah.
Well,
that is Joe Kilroy.

He had an
automobile accident.

You can't both
have broken arms.
His really is broken.

I can't tell people about
the itty bitty bird that
fell out of its nest?

I could have thought
of something better.

Now, come on.
We have to get that
thing off your arm.

Ho-ho, this saw
will be just the thing.
Put your arm down there.

If we use that saw
we couldn't tell

where the cast stops
and the arm begins.

You're right.

How about
these snippers?
Let's try those.

Put your arm down.

There's not
enough room.

Doesn't work.

I'm going
to call a doctor.

Wait a minute, Roger.
Hold still.

That's pretty hard.
A chisel and hammer
ought to do it.

Put your arm
right down there.

Come on,
put your arm
down there.

Now, lean over
this way. Good.
That's it.

Oh, ah...

Ooh! Ooh!

That isn't going
to work! I know!

Put his arm over
there in that vice.

I'll get a doctor.

You're not
going anywhere.

Do you want that
thing off or not?

Yes...

Then put your arm
in here.

That's good, now,
wind him up tight.

I'll get it.
You have
to get it off.

Oh, ah, I...

Hey, this is gonna
work fine.

No! You're not
using that thing!

You said you
wanted it off.

But not with
that thing!

It'll be all over
in a moment.

That's what
I'm afraid of!

You'll never even
know it happened.

Oh, please, Abby!

Shh, Roger.

Hello?

- Hello, Roger?
- Hmm?

I can't sleep.

Who is this?

This is Abigail.
I can't sleep.

Do you know what time it is?

Just a minute.

I don't...
I know what...

Hello? Hello?

I had to go
into the other room

to look at the clock.
It's 1.30.

I know it's 1.30.

You do?
Of course I do.

Well, why did you ask?

I just wanted
to see if you knew.

I just told you. It's 1.30.

What is it
that you want?

You don't happen
to have any sleeping
pills on you, do you?

Yes.

Good. I'll be right over.

Hey, wait a minute!

Say, ah, when
will you be back?

I don't know.

Just a minute.

Hi.
Here's your
sleeping pill.

This is better than
the corner drugstore.

Thanks.

Roger, could I have
a glass of water?
I can't take these dry.

I suppose so.

I'm so glad
that you hadn't
gone to bed yet.

I couldn't sleep
and I thought...

What are you doing?

I'm taking
my coat off.

Why?
Because it's warm
in here.

I was thinking, maybe
you'd be awake thinking
about tomorrow

and you might want
to play gin rummy.

I do not want
to play any gin rummy.

My, you're grumpy.
Is something
bothering you?

What would people think,
you wandering over here
dressed like that?

They might think
I had funny-looking
legs or something.

Yours are
funny-looking too.

Ha ha.

Here's your water.
Take your pill.

Thank you.

My, that's an
ugly-looking pill.
I don't think I want it.

What? Didn't you
just ask...?

I asked, but
I changed my mind.

Don't you ever
change your mind?

Like sometimes
you want somebody
to do something.

When they do it you find out
you don't want 'em to do it.

Like what?

- Well, like, uh...
- Go on.

I'm thinking about it.

Tell me.

Like, uh, kissing.

What has kissing
got to do with
a sleeping pill?

Very little. We were
talking about asking
someone to do something

and changing
your mind.

Do you see?
No.

Let me put it this way.
Sometimes you meet somebody.

You start wondering
what it would be
like if he kissed you.

You can hardly stand it
until he does kiss you,

and then when he does,
you expect maybe bells
are going to ring.

You think maybe you'll come
all unglued at the seams.

You know what happens?

I can't imagine.

Nothing.
Nothing?

You don't want him
to kiss you anymore

because you've
changed your mind.

Do you see why I do
not want to take
the sleeping pill?

It's not too clear.
Are you gonna take
that thing or not?

Oh, well, I guess
it wouldn't kill me,
would it?

What are you holding
your nose for?

Oh, because I cannot
stand the taste.

What does holding your nose
got to do with tasting it?

Oh, say, that's
a great idea, Roger.

Are you hungry?
No.

I could fix us
some sandwiches
and coffee.

I am not hungry and you
should not take coffee
with a sleeping pill.

Why?

Because it's a stimulant.

Oh. What should
I take?

Uh, milk, hot milk.

Have you got some?
No.

Why did you
suggest it?
I didn't...

You said that coffee
would be the thing
I shouldn't take...

I don't have
any coffee or milk
and it's after 2.00.

I know. I know.

I am keeping you awake

and you have
to fish tomorrow
in the tournament.

That's right.

I don't know, Roger.

Everything I do
seems to be wrong.

Well, I got the idea
of getting you up here.

It seemed to be just the way
to help Easy and her father.

I've given you
nothing but trouble

and you've been
so sweet about it.

I haven't been.

You've been a stinker
some of the time

but that's because
I was wrong.

I deserved it.

I don't think you'd
believe me if I told you
I was sorry.

But I really am.

Now, Abigail...

You're not angry?

Well, no. I mean...

Oh, Roger,
when you're sweet to me
like this it just...

Oh...

What's the matter?

Roger?
What is it?

You know what
we were talking
about before?

Ah, sleeping pills.

No, no.

You remember
what we were
talking about,

about wanting someone
to do something

and then wondering
what it would be
like if he did it?

You mean kissing?
Yes.

Roger, I have
to ask you
a question.

What is it?

Would... you... please...
like to kiss me?

Would you?

Uh, that's
the telephone.

Shh.

All right. All right.

Hello?

Hello. This is
Major Phipps.

Oh, yes, Major.
What can
I do for you?

I'm here with your boss,
Harvey Skaggs, and Jim Bush.

We want
to ask you questions
before the tournament.

We'll be over
right away.

What did you say?

I said, we'd be over
right away.

Major, just a minute.
Where are you?

Having a drink
at the Lodge.

Good. I could use
a nightcap myself,
so I'll come over there.

Well, hurry up.
Yes, right away.

Now, I have to get over
to the Lodge.

If they were
coming over here,

it wouldn't do
for you to be found here.

Now I've got to
get over there.
I'll see you tomorrow.

Where do you keep
your cigarettes?

Are you still there?

Yes. I wanted to
ask you something.

Oh, I found the cigarettes.

Abby, I've got
to get over
to the Lodge.

I know.
But the phone rang.

You didn't get a chance
to answer me.

I had asked if you'd
like to kiss me.

Oh, for Pete's sake.

I haven't got time.

I ask him
if he would like
to kiss me and...

...he says he hasn't
got time.

Well, he could've
meant it that way.

It might have been nice.

If you specialize
on trout or bass,

you have more chance
of getting the big one.

Usually the big one
wins the tournament.

Makes sense.
It's good enough for me.

You've been
a lot of help.

It's all in the book.

Why don't you dig up $2
and buy one?

All your money,
you can't take it with you.

I can buy another drink
for everybody but you.

None for me.
I'm too tired.

I'm going to turn in.
Good night.

Good night, Willoughby.

He's a great guy,
a real sportsman.

Not many people
would help out
a competitor.

Cadwalader,
you're lucky to
have a man like that.

We at the store
feel very fortunate.

Abigail?

Abigail, w... wake up.

Abigail, wake up.

Abigail, wake up.
You can't stay here.
Wake up.

Abigail, wake up.

Abigail, wake up.

She's out cold.
Must be that
sleeping pill.

I gotta
get some sleep.

I've got to be
up in three hours.

I'll bet you $50
I top you.

I'll take it.
And another $25
a day additional.

I beg your pardon.
I'm the desk clerk.

Have you seen
Mr. Willoughby?

He just left here.

That's why his cabin
didn't answer.

What did you
want with him?

Miss Connors called him.

Miss Connors?

The Texas girl
he's engaged to.

Was the message
important?

She was spending
the night at Green Valley

but she'd arrive
in the morning.

I wouldn't
wake him for that.

Why not let Miss
Connors surprise him?

Why not?

How about another drink?
Charlie, come in here.

Who is it?

It's me, Easy.
Let me in.

What do you want?

I am looking
for Abigail.

She's not...

Who did you say it was?

Easy. Can't you hear me?

Yes, I heard you.
Just a minute.

Roger, are you
going to let me in?

Yes, just a minute.
As soon as I can.

Good morning, Roger.
I was...

What are you doing
in that thing?

The zipper's stuck.
Help me.

But first,
where is Abigail?

Abigail?
How should I know?

She came
over here last night.
She didn't come back.

She didn't?
No. Now, where is she?

In there.
Well, Roger...

No, I didn't
have anything
to do with it.

She took a pill,
I went out and came back,
she was in my bed.

I slept out here
on the floor.

What a pity.
Don't you believe me?

Sure. But I better
wake her up and get her
out of here.

First, help me
out of this thing.
I think the zipper's jammed.

Let's see. Well, it...
Wait a minute,
it is stuck, isn't it?

I'm trying to find
Mr. Roger Willoughby.
He's in cabin number five.

Yes, ma'am.
That's right
over there.

Oh, thank you kindly.

Don't be so rough.

I told you before
to hold still.

It is not my fault
that the zipper is stuck.

I didn't say it
was your fault.

I just want to get
out of this thing.

Put your hands up on top here
and hold on and I'll pull.

I'll try but...

Good morning.

Tex, I didn't expect
to see you.

Obviously.

Didn't you get
my message?

No, I didn't.

I reckon you didn't.

Who's this?

This is Miss...

Mueller.
And Miss...

I guess
you're getting
awfully mixed up.

Connors.
How do you do?

So, you're Easy.

Ja. His zipper
got stuck and...

If you're wondering
what I'm doing...

What could you be doing
in a thing like that?

I slept in it.

Why?
What do you mean,
why?

It seems a funny thing
to do. Don't they have
beds in these cabins?

Of course.
I was trying out
new equipment.

Trying out some
new equipment?

Yes, for the store.

And Miss Mueller just
happened to come by
and find you?

Exactly.

Isn't that nice?
And she was helping you
with your zipper?

It was stuck before.

Good morning.

Willoughby, do you know
what time it is?

You have less
than ten minutes
before starting time.

Yes, Mr. Cadwalader.
I'll get dressed
right away.

Before y'all start,
may I use your bedroom?

Oh, no, Tex!

I feel all dusty.

Yes, but... But Easy
can take you over
to the Lodge.

Of course.
I'd be glad
to show you.

Thank you very much.
Roger, I'll see...

Oh, good morning,
everyone.

Roger, is this some
of the equipment
you're trying out? I hope...

Tex, she came in
last night just to borrow
a sleeping pill.

Roger, there is no
use your explaining.

She's never going
to believe you.

I certainly won't
believe you. Goodbye!

But... But...
But... Tex!

Just a minute, Miss Connors.
Don't do anything foolish.

Be thankful that Willoughby
has sown his wild oats
before you were married.

He's got them all out
of his system, haven't you?

I did not sow
any wild oats.

Then what...?

You mean that zipper
was really stuck,

and all she wanted
was a sleeping pill?
Oh!

Wait! Tex,
you've got
to listen to me.

There's a simple
explanation.

I don't want
to hear it.

That's not fair...

Willoughby, only got
five more minutes.

All the other fishermen
will be wearing pants.

I've got to go
or I'm going
to lose my job.

You've got to
wait until tonight

so I can explain
everything.

Will you do that?

Do you think
you can explain?

I can if you'll listen.

All right.
Good.

I don't know why,
but I'll be here.
I'll call you.

It will be sometime
after 6.00.

Okay.

I don't mind you
having fun

but remember you're
representing the store...

Mr. Cadwalader,
I've taken just about
all I'm going to take.

You're not concentrating
on this tournament.

Shut up!

Very well, Willoughby.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
I didn't mean to
make all this trouble.

Everything you
do makes trouble.

I fell asleep.

Why come out and
act as though...?

As though what?

Make Tex think
what she did?

Wasn't she mad?

She was about
the maddest woman
I've ever seen.

"Is this
some new equipment that
you are trying out?"

"Well, I do not believe it."
Don't hit me, Roger.

I'm going in there
and get dressed.

If you're still here
by the time I...

Willoughby!

Yes, Mr. Cadwalader,
I'm coming.

You've got three minutes.
Hmm, okay, good. All right.

Gentlemen, welcome
to the 36th Annual

Wakapoogee Fishing Tournament.

Printed copies
of the rules
are available,

but I'll run over them again

in case some of you
missed a few.

There'll be
three days fishing.

Your best fish of
each day will count
in your total points.

The tournament day will start
at the sound of this bell.

All fish must be
weighed in
by sundown.

Are there any questions?

In that event, gentlemen,
the best of luck
to all of you.

Well, Willoughby,
I see you decided to
wear pants after all.

The fish might have gone
for those pajamas.

May the best man win.
Good luck.

He'll need it.

I'll beat you.
I've got his book.

10 o'clock,
11 o'clock,
9 o'clock.

The man with
this book wins it.

Come along, Napoleon.
This way to Waterloo.

You just read
the book. He wrote it.

"Fish are likely to be found
about 20 yards from shore."

"When casting, always aim
the hook at one
particular spot."

Ow!

Oh.

Oh.

Read this...

"Fishing Reel."

Now...

"Fish..."

Ah!

Oh, my Lord!
Come back here!

Eugh.

To think they call
this fishing fun.

I suppose you saw
the whole thing.

Amazing,
absolutely amazing.

Not even Confucius
could comment
on what I saw.

You want $5 not
to tell people about it?

No, this one's on the house.
Nobody'd believe it anyway.

That's quite
a fish you caught.
Yeah.

It would take
a real big one
to beat you today.

White man
turning blue.

White man need fire inside,
make white man warm.

When red man talk
like that, white man knows
something's coming.

All right, go ahead.

Want a drink?

What is it?

Old Indian drink,
formerly made
from moose blood

till we ran out
of moose.

What's in it now?

Low cholesterol
tribal herbs,
safflower oil,

a little alcohol,
120 proof.

Very good.

How much?

$5.

For one drink? Ha!

One drink,
whole bottle,
$5 minimum.

As the great
Chief Confucius...
Never mind. Too cold.

Pretty good.

Roger Willoughby,
five pounds,
eight ounces.

I've got you beat.

Nice fish, but Major Phipps
leads you by three ounces.

The Major and I...?

We're ahead of
the whole bunch.

Unless somebody else comes in
with a bigger one soon.

Never thought
I'd beat you.

Well, Major, you're one of
the few that can say it.

I just went
by your book.

Keep it up.

Told you, Skaggs, the man
with the book wins it.

How much did
that little sardine
you caught weigh?

Never mind.
I'll pay you
the $50

if you'll stop
talking about it.

Well, why don't
you pay me now?

- Hello?
- Hello.

Hello, Roger.
How'd y'all do
in the tournament?

Pretty well. I got a big one.
I guess I'm in second place.

Well, good for you.

You don't sound
as mad as you were.

Well, it could be
I cooled off a bit.

When I thought about it,
it didn't seem quite like you.

Just how
did you mean that?

Not like you think.

I'll come by
and pick you up.

Roger, I'm just up
to putting on my dress.

Why don't you
go to the Lodge.

I'll meet you there
in a few minutes. Okay?

All right, hurry up.

Bye.

I hear you were second.

I was lucky.
Would you like
a drink out here?

Yes, thank you very much.
I'd like a vodka martini
on the rocks.

Make it two of 'em.

Yes, sir.

Congratulations, Roger.
You had a great day.

- Or is that the usual?
- The unusual.

Keep it up.
I'm betting on you.

Roger, we are
so proud of you!

We're all excited.
Abby couldn't believe it.

Know what she said?
No.

She said, "I knew
Roger could do it."
Hmm?

Well, she said it.

It doesn't
sound like her.

Are you still mad
at her? Why?

Because of what
she said to Tex.

You speak as though Abby
meant to make trouble.

Trouble? That girl is
a walking disaster.

Every time I'm near her,
something awful happens.

Is that why you...
Why you kissed her?

What? When?
Last night.

She asked me to.
She doesn't know
what she's doing.

Do you always know
what you're doing?

Of course.

And last night
you kissed her.

Well, I'd hardly
call it a kiss.

That's what Abby said.
But you did kiss her.

Yes, I did.

You see,
that's a beginning.

Ah, two drinks.
Are you expecting
somebody?

Is... Is Tex coming?

Yes, she is.

Then I better
make it quick.

We were talking about,
ah, you kissed Abby.

I say this is some kind
of a beginning.

Beginning? Of what?

Don't you know what
psychiatrists say?

No.

The love impulse...

Love impulse?

...especially in
a male, shows itself
first in conflict.

That's probably why Abby
and you fight all the time.

What! Are you nuts?
You're as crazy as she is.

After all we
have done for you,

and Abby worked so
hard to teach you...

You catch one fish
and now start
talking like this.

It just makes me mad!

Ah, Easy, wait!

I don't want
to talk to you.
I'm mad.

Don't turn around.

Take off your hands.

What's the matter
with you?

Feel the back
of your dress.

What?
Your dress.

Roger, did you do that?

I didn't. You must've
caught it on the back
of the chair.

Do something.
But don't go away.

I won't.
I've got to
get out of here.

Just walk.
Okay.

Start with
your right foot.
Ready, okay.

Willoughby,
look I want to
tell you something.

Willoughby?

Willoughby,
I've been
looking for you.

I'll be with you
in a minute,
Cadwalader.

I'm afraid that boy's
in trouble again.

Phew, I thought we'd never
get out of there.
Let me have a look.

I can't see here.
Let's go to the light.

Better hurry.
Somebody's liable
to come along.

Roger, I think
this thing is stuck.

Do you think
you can fix it?

Roger, you better hurry.
I am hurrying.

Roger, somebody
is coming!

Oh, ah! My tie!

Wait a minute...
As soon as we
get around the...

Well, Roger, just how
do you explain this?

Tex, I...

Every time I see you,
you're up to your
neck in zippers.

It was an accident. My...
She sat in a wicker chair...

And you just got your tie
caught in her zipper.

It was an accident!

I don't want to marry
a man who has as many
accidents as you do.

Goodbye, Roger,
and don't bother
to call me!

Get this tie
out of here.

Ah... I... I...

You... fish.

Major Phipps,
four pounds,
three ounces.

Good, good.

Congratulations, Major.
That's the high so far.

Skaggs, pay up.

I'll give you the 50.

If you mention that book,
I'll make you eat it.

What about Willoughby?

He hasn't checked in yet.
There's still 20 minutes left.

Still think you can beat him?

I did yesterday.

Want to bet
on today?
Certainly.

Here comes Willoughby.

What kind of luck
did you have?
Oh, just fair.

Hey, hey.

Wow! Fair, he said.
You still want to bet?

Roger Willoughby,
four pounds, eight ounces.

Congratulations,
Willoughby!
Fine work.

You two are
in front again.
Willoughby,

you lead the Major
by, three or two?

Two ounces.
I'm sorry, Major.

I'm tickled to death
to be that close.

Two ounces isn't much.
I might make it up tomorrow.

You might just do that.
I'll see you.

You want to bet
on tomorrow?

Against Willoughby? What for?
I make enough money off you.

Hi, there.

Hmm.

Well, now, that is
an enthusiastic greeting.

I was going to
ask you a question.
I'll ask anyway.

Did you ever dream
that on the second day

of the tournament
you'd be first?

That's an intelligent
question.

I thought you'd say
something like that.

How did you
catch that fish?

You didn't tell me
about the first one.

How did you
catch this one?

I was climbing up a tree...

Please don't give me
that stuff about the bird.

You're not going
to answer me?

No.
Why? What's
the matter, Roger?

Nothing. Let me
have another drink.

No, thanks.

You sure?
Positive.

Is it Tex?
You couldn't
convince her?

Not in two words.
What two words?

"Hello, Tex."
Then she hung up.

Did you
call her back?
Four times.

"Hello, Tex", hang up,
"Hello, Tex."

I couldn't get
past "Hello, Tex."

Now she's going
to have to call me.

She will.
Yeah.

Yes, aha, she'll make up
some kind of an excuse.

"Roger, did y'all leave
your cigarette lighter

"in my apartment?"

"Oh, you didn't? I guess
it was some other
gentleman caller then."

She'll, uh, make you
call her back somehow.

She's going
to have to wait
a long time.

How many drinks
have you had, Roger?

Confucius say,
"Woman who stick nose
in other's peoples' drink

"is liable
to get it punched."

Confucius also say

"Fisherman who have
too many martinis
only catch olive."

I suppose you're right.
Let me have the check.

Come on,
I'll walk you home.

I hate domineering females.

I'll walk you home.

Okay.

Roger?
Mmm?

You know, last night,
when Easy's dress
came unzipped,

did you tell her
that you thought
I was crazy?

Yes, I did.

I was kind of upset
by the way everything
was happening.

It's all right.
I don't mind.

After all the trouble
I made for you,

I don't blame you
if you don't like me.

Oh, it isn't I don't
like you, Abigail.

Matter of fact,
there are times...
What kind of times?

Times
when I find you...

...strangely attractive.

"Strangely attractive"?

What do you mean?
What's "strangely
attractive?"

Like a...
bird watching a snake.

Now I'm a snake.
That's good.
Go right in there.

I didn't mean it like that.
I mean, it's kind of
a fascination.

I never know
what you'll do next.

Yeah?

Like living on the slopes
of a live volcano.

I like being a live volcano
better than being a snake.

That's a pretty good line.

I mean, you're exciting.

Roger, do you mean
that there're times
when you like me?

Yes.

Why not just come
right out and say it?

I just did.

You said
"strangely attractive".

That's something you say
to the bearded lady
at the circus.

All right, Abigail.

There are times
when I like you.

Is this one of them?

I guess it must be,
because right now...

Right now, I'm wondering
what it would be like
if I kissed you.

You're wondering?
Yes.

Well, for Pete's sake,
don't just... stand there.

I mean, do something.

I mean, don't
just stand there.

You gonna do it or not?

I go out of my mind...

Shut up.
Mmm-hmm.

Whoo...

Mmm.
What's the matter?

Well, no.

What?
That wasn't any good.

What wasn't?
The kiss.

What?
The kiss wasn't
any good.

You shouldn't
waste your time

if you want
to kiss me again,
it won't ever work out.

I'll always look
at you as a friend.
Yeah.

Even though you can't kiss,
it doesn't make
any difference. I'm sorry.

But what else...

Oh, hell!

I wasn't finished, Roger.
I had a few other... Hmm...

Oh, got it snarled again.

Ow!

Oh, ah...

Oh, uh...

Better pull him
up on the bank.

Roger, look behind you!

I will in a minute!

Roger, you dope!

Would you please look
where you're going!

Come on, you get out
of there! Come on!

Go on, get going!

Hey, Roger! Hurry up,
you've got a fish!

A big one!

Well, you get him.

I can't,
it's against the rules!
You've got to get him!

No, no, Roger,
get the net!
Oh.

Oh, Roger!

Oh, that's a beauty,
a real big one.

Oh, I bet nobody...

Jeepers.

What's the matter?
My goodness.

I never thought
it'd happen.

You're liable to
win this tournament.

Probably.

And then what?

And then what?

Then I'll write a new book
on how to catch a fish.

You know how you do it?

You sit on a log
and turn your
back to the fish,

or climb up
a tree and fall on it
or drag it up onshore

until a bear tells you
that's far enough.

That's a fine
way to catch fish.

Yeah. Fine way
to catch fish.

Well, it's... all my fault.
I got you into this mess.

Well, at least
I don't have to
catch anymore.

What do you mean?

I mean,
the tournament's over.

After I turn this one in,
I don't want to
see another fish.

No, I suppose you don't.

I suppose you don't.
I'll see you.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah?

Willoughby,
this is Cadwalader.

Well, boy, I always knew
you had it in you.

Mr. Bagley just came in
with the final score.

You are now
officially the winner

of the Wakapoogee
tournament.

Willoughby, do you
hear me?

Yes, Mr. Cadwalader,
I heard you.

Is there something wrong?

No.

Come over here now,
have a drink with
us and celebrate.

Yes.

Willoughby, I...

Unpredictable fellow.
Real genius.

Something's wrong with him.

Celebrate.

Who is it?

Roger, it's me, Abby.

Come on in.

I have to talk to you.

I don't feel
like talking, Abby.

I know, but I've got
something I have
to tell you,

and I know you're
not going to like it
and I don't like saying it,

but if you let me
say it I'll go away
and won't bother you anymore.

Now, let me finish,
Roger, please.

Actually,
there are two
things I have to say.

The first is that
this has all been my fault

and I'm sorry,
I'm very sorry.

Because I won
the tournament?

That's the second
thing I have to say.

You can't take that trophy.
You just can't take it.

Abigail.

Now, please, let me finish!

You can't take that!

Tell them the truth!

Do you know
what'll happen?

You'll lose your job,
your customers
and everything,

but you've got to do that.

Once you start
fooling people,

you have to keep
on fooling them.

And you're too
nice a guy to-to-to...

...be a phony
and keep on being a phony.

Now, that's all
I'm going to say.

If you'll just go ahead
and do that.

I just couldn't tell her
I've already decided
to do it.

It's funny.

She makes it easier for me.

Hi. Congratulations.

Thanks.

Willoughby.
Here's the champion.

What'll you have?

Make it expensive.
Skaggs is buying.

Not for you.

I'm buying this one.

Before we have a drink,

I'd like to
tell you something.

Excuse me just a minute.

Mr. Bagley, would you mind

coming over here
for a minute?

Glad to.

I'd like to have
you hear this.

All right.

There's the trophy,
all shined up for you.

That's just what
I want to talk
to you about.

That trophy isn't mine.

You're the winner.

Major Phipps is the winner.

Willoughby,
I didn't win.
Yes, you did.

Phipps didn't win.
Have you been drinking?

Not enough to
make any difference.

You feel all right?

Willoughby, I weighed
those fish myself.

I saw it.
Please, let me talk.

I-I-I owe you
an explanation. I...

I want to apologize.

You all took it for granted

that I knew all there was
about fishing.

I-I-I wrote a book on it.

I must be a fisherman.

Yeah.

Up until this tournament,

I've never been
fishing in my life.

Are you telling
the truth?

Yes, I am.

Then you must be a...

A fraud.

Probably the word
you're looking for.
Maybe you're right.

I never said I
was a fisherman.

No, you didn't.

I only told you
how to fish.

You told it good.

What about the three fish
you won with?

Well, now...
You didn't catch
them out of a book.

That was dumb luck,
it was sheer accident.

No relation to fishing
as you all know it.

But you caught them.

One of them caught me.

The second one
committed suicide

while my line was
hung over a tree.

What about
the third one?

I hooked that one.

Then why were
you disqualified?

Isn't there a rule that
says a fisherman can't
get any outside help?

Yes, there is,
from any living source.

Well, this one
was living, all right.

I got help from a bear.

Which disqualifies me.

Look, fellas,
I didn't earn the trophy.

Major Phipps did.

Well, by George.

This never happened before.

Willoughby, I'm stunned,
completely stunned.

You're fired, of course.

I expected to be.

Congratulations, Major.
Thank you.

Good night, gentlemen.

Good night, Willoughby.

Well?

Well, I don't know
what to say.

Don't fall on
your sword about it.

What?
That's a joke, son.

I just won a tournament.

I don't feel much
like celebrating,
but I'll try.

Make mine a triple,
because I understand
you're buying.

Good company, isn't he?

Easy, I thought you
were never coming.

You wanted to see me?

The desk clerk told me...

That was a half hour ago.

I was wondering if
you'd disappeared

off the face of
the earth too.

Who's disappeared?
Abigail.

I looked all over
the place for her.
Where is she?

Well, she... She's gone.

What did you
want with her?

I want to talk to her.

She doesn't want
to talk to you.

How do you know?

That's what she said.

How does she know
until she hears what I say?

I don't know but
that's what she said.

Easy, I want to see her.

Why?

Because.

Well, you'll have to
give me a better
reason than that.

Well, I...

What? Go ahead.

I'm in love with her.

After all she's
done to you?

Yes, and don't
ask me why.

Well, I don't know
what to do.

I'll come back.

What do you mean,
you don't know
what to do?

Well, Abby made me promise

not to tell anyone
where she has gone to.

I can't break
that promise.

That's silly.
Tell me, where is she?

Well, I'll do
what I can.

You know
I can't speak German.

Roger, I'm sorry, but...

White man
want translation?

Here it comes. How much?

In the mood
you're in,

it would be easy
to put the bite on you,

but I don't want
anybody to think
I'm mercenary. $5 okay?

Go ahead.

Miss Page is
camping by the waterfall

at the east end
of the lake.

How do you know German?

I don't.
I just took her there.

Well, you can
take me, too.

One other item.

I know. I'll give you $10
more if you hurry up.

That's the item.
Meet me at the dock.

Hey, better be quiet.
She's camped behind
those trees.

See that light?
Yeah, I see it.

You want me to wait?
No.

There's no way
to get back...

That's perfectly all right.

Want me to pick you up
tomorrow morning?

I'll send up
a smoke signal.

Keep some wood dry.
It looks like a storm's
coming up.

One other thing.

What'll it cost me?

This one is
on the house.

A squaw never knows
what she wants
until you tell her.

Is that from Confucius?

No, from me.

Confucius didn't get
around as much as I do.

Be careful getting out.

Will you give me
a shove-off?

Happy hunting.

Roger,
what are you doing here?

I just wanted to...

I don't want to talk to you,
I don't want to see you.

I want to be by myself.

So please
go and get in your
boat and go home.

Roger,
I thought I told
you to go away.

I can't.

Why?

I must have left
the boat untied.
It's gone.

Well, that's just like you.

And I can't swim either,
remember.

I suppose
you'll just have
to stay then.

But just don't talk to me.

All right, I won't.

You don't mind
if I sit down?

I don't really
care what you do.

Just don't talk to me.

Just wait till
I get a hold of Easy.

I told her I
didn't want to see you.

I told her I didn't
want to see anybody.

Don't talk to me.

That was an owl.

Roger,

did you tell the tournament
committee that you're a fake?

Yes, I did.

Did you get fired?

Yes, I did.

And I talked to Tex.
We're finished.

For good.

And then it was all my fault.

Look, why don't you
just go away,

somewhere, so I don't
have to see you?

What are you doing?

Getting in out of the rain.

Well, you just get
right out of here.

I will not!
This is my
sleeping bag!

You think I want
to be in here?

Oh, you mean you don't?

No.

I'm just not going
to stay out there
and get wet.

Well, all right.
Then just don't
talk to me.

What is it that
you're doing?

You're too far over.

I'm what?
Move over here.

I will not.

I'm... trying to
get this zipper shut.

I can't do it if you keep
pulling the cover.

Oh.

Is that all right?

Thank you.

Roger...

If I have to stop talking,
why don't you stop?

All right,
I certainly will.

I can't see why Cadwalader
would fire Willoughby.

It isn't clear
to me, either.

What will I do
without him?

Lose more money to me.

I don't care
if he is a fraud.

He knows more about
fishing than any man.

Willoughby is no fraud.
He's an honest man.

And he just proved that.

So what if he
can't fish?

It's whether I can fish
that's important.

I don't want to
lose him.

I agree. But Suffering Sam
will never change his mind.

Bleeding from
a mortal wound.

Thinking about the
thousands who will
read about it.

It's bound to
hit the papers.

Thousands of people.
That's it!
What's it?

What you said. You gave me
the inspiration of my life.
Come on.

Cadwalader, I want
to talk to you.
Huh?

I said, I want to
talk to you.

What about?
Well, I, uh...

First, do something
with that thatched roof.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Cadwalader, you're an ass.
An utter ass.

Why?
For firing Willoughby.

He can't fish.

That's what I
want to talk about.

I don't follow you.

This was a tournament,
so he disqualified himself.

But he caught
the winning fish.
Does that mean anything?

It doesn't.
You mutton-head.

It means any fool
can catch a record fish

if he's using
the right equipment.

Thousands will
read about it.

Yes, isn't it horrible?

Horrible nothing. I know
these amateur fishermen.

Willoughby will
be an inspiration.

Everyman Jack will say,
"If Willoughby can do it,

"just give me the right rod,
reel and lure and so can I."

A million dollars
of free publicity
and you fired him.

My goodness...

You want me to set him
up in business in
competition to you?

No! No! No!
If you don't,
somebody else will.

You better hire him back
before he gets away.
Fix that roof.

I must hurry.
I've got to find him.
Thank you, gentlemen.

Oh, Willoughby! Willoughby!

Oh, Willoughby!

What do you want?

Hold it. I think
I hear them.

What is it? What...

Sounds like Cadwalader.
Oh! Look out, Abigail!

What? What's the matter?
Don't move!

What! Where are we?

Well, we're out
in the middle of the lake.

What... What are we
doing here?

Willoughby! Can you
hear me, Willoughby?

Yes, I hear you!

I made a mistake!

We need you back,
Willoughby!

Hey, Roger!

You got your
job back, I think!

Lie still! Look, we're
gonna tip over, I tell you.

We'll give you a raise!

How much
will you give him?

I'll talk to you later.

Will you come back?

Yes, Mr. Cadwalader!

That's fine, Willoughby!
Do you want us to
send you any help?

Never mind, Mr. Cadwalader!

Do you think
he's in trouble?

Yes, but it's too late
to help him.

Listen.
Hmm?

Do you think you could
like me the way you did
that night?

What night?

You know,
when you kissed me.

You said that
kiss was no good.

Oh, I'm sorry
I said that, Roger.

I'd prefer to forget
that night ever happened.

I was lying when I said
the kiss wasn't any good.

You were...
Sure. Honest, I was.

I was just pretending.

Do you...
Do you think that

you could find me
strangely attractive
again, hmm?

Well, I don't know, I...

Well, maybe if you
kiss me, just a little.

Hmm?

Well, if you didn't
like it, you could stop.

Maybe you would like it
but sometimes when people...

Will you shut up?
Mmm-hmm.

Oh, John, you shouldn't
have done that.

Why, Marcia?

Because this
picture is over.

This is the end.