Original subtitles

Previously on "Dietland"...

What in the hell's going on here?

No!

A coed walked

into a locker room with a bomb!

We're gonna stop those bitches.

A basement with a porn room?

They're recruiting you.

You went on television and aligned us with terrorists.

I'm afraid we're looking at a regime change.

I'm having you assigned to Austen's security department.

'Cause you're gonna help me bring Stanley down.

Dear Kitty's Girls, my name is Plum.

You've been writing to me all along.

The die was cast

with Adam and Eve.

One's an innie, one's an outtie.

The outie acts all "outtie."

It kills things and builds fires and stuff,

while the innie gathers and communicates effectively.

Oh, and makes people. Literally.

They both have essential skills.

They need each other.

I should mention that some people are born outtie

but with innie parts, or the other way around,

or sometimes no parts,

and in a huge range of colors and...

It gets complicated.

Let's just say that outtie stands for

"They with all the power."

Because like Maslow said, after air, food, and water,

it's all about safety.

So brute force wins "most essential for human survival,"

and for years we celebrate the outtie.

All hail the outtie!

Until somebody invents machines.

Now, machines do a lot of what the outtie used to do,

including killing people.

Suddenly, penis power isn't so essential,

so undeniable.

None of this escapes the innies,

and frankly, all the gathering,

it's starting to get old.

The innies want more.

They start howling about how they want equality

and about some of the really bad crap

that the outties have been getting away with for years.

And yeah, a few of the very worst outties

get sent to think about their wrongs on their own personal iceberg.

But the iceberg has cable and a five-star chef.

What a reckoning, huh?

Think that kind of so-called punishment is gonna make lasting change?

What changes things is power...

who has it and how you use it.

_

Are you a good witch or a bad witch?

Jennifer knows this.

Lasting change only happens

when the baddies are running scared.

Their latest message was to the top 100 worst outties,

or, as Jennifer affectionately refers to them,

the Penis 100.

It calls for a sex strike

against the world's abusers.

Lysistrata for the modern age.

I'll pause if you need to look it up.

_

Anyway, Jennifer has decreed that from this day forward

these bad penises shall not enter any woman, anywhere.

And for women who choose not to cooperate with their demands,

there will be consequences.

And believe me, you do not want these consequences.

Isn't it amazing?

Even Stanley Austen is on the list.

Plum, it's Jack.

I'm mortified. I'm an idiot,

and so sorry for the way I acted.

Can we please be friends?

Bitch, please.

Excuse me?

- Oh, not you. - Well, good,

because we gotta talk strategy, baby girl.

- Why? - Ira M. III retweeted your "I Am Kitty" rant

and posted it on the Daily Beast.

Are you kidding me?

Girl, it's everywhere. Refinery, Bustle...

Oh, my God. This is incredible!

Which brings us to Cheryl Crane-Murphy,

who called for an interview.

Again.

No! No.

I'm not going to Austen Media. I know how they roll.

Over me.

Fine. But you can't just catch lightning in a bottle

and throw it in the garbage can.

I'm not catching lightning.

I'm just trying to help empower some messed-up girls.

That's it.

I don't want this all to be about me.

It's already been about you, baby girl.

Ever since you started blogging every thought in your busy head.

I didn't! I... I wrote a post,

as in a singular post, about how it was me,

big, fat angry chick, responding to Kitty's emails.

Plum!

Hey, there's a messenger for you downstairs.

- You gotta sign for it. - What is it?

- Ms. Kettle? - Yeah.

Hey. I... I loved your piece.

- Oh. Thank you. - You're the bomb.

Yeah. You're, like... You're, like, one of them, right?

Jennifer?

N-No. I... I... I'm just a woman who thinks.

Too bad. I was looking for a Jennifer hookup.

You know? Thinkin' about joining.

You're served. Sorry.

Court finds damages in the amount of $15 million

shall be awarded to Austen Media,

Stanley Austen and Kitty Montgomery.

I don't even have a job anymore!

Who's fault is that, big-mouth?!

Hey.

You look... nice.

You look like a guy in a suit.

Yeah.

I guess we both dressed for it, huh?

You on a new job?

Yeah. At Austen.

So...

can't stay long.

But I owe ya.

Yeah, you do.

What's up?

Kitty's suing me.

I don't have any money.

She can't get blood from a stone. But this stuff?

Never blogging again?

Never addressing Kitty's Girls?

A public retraction?

She's trying to silence me.

Huh.

I just figured out what I'm doing, you know?

I just started saying what I want to say.

Well, I'll talk to her, but she's, uh..

she gets worked up.

And she's got a lot of time on her hands

since Stanley kicked her upstairs.

Stanley kicked her in the face.

Took away her girls.

I gotta go.

Hey.

They're your girls now.

No matter what Kitty pulls, they're yours.

Some women married to men

on Jennifer's so-called Penis 100

have, shockingly, separated from their husbands.

Still others are taking a stand

and defending the men they married.

Nobody tells me who I sleep with.

This is the USA.

Gays have sex together here, and some nasty feminists

are telling me who I can go to bed with?

You bet your skinny white ass they are.

Need some help?

That's very kind. Thank you.

- You have three minutes. - We paid for more than that.

I'll let customer service know you're not happy.

Two weeks!

We have been trying to call you people for two weeks.

- We deserve to be heard! - We don't want your opinion, Julia.

- But you took our money. - We don't need your money, either. Not anymore.

You think you can find anyone else to back you?

Have you seen the news? It's working.

So what's next? You go after women who don't follow your demands?

Every revolution has its martyrs.

We did not sign off on a full-scale rampage.

I've got blood on my hands. Stella Cross's blood.

You didn't seem to have a problem after the Dirty Dozen.

Don't forget I know who you are.

And we know where you are.

You and your sisters and their kids.

You act like this is easy.

I was raped, multiple times,

by men who were supposed to protect me.

And it's happening to women right now

all over the world, every day.

It is easy.

Seven!

I am penis number seven.

Oh, that's beautiful.

The man in the White House, number one.

Can't fault 'em there, I guess.

Walter Erickson? Number four?

My God. Brave new world.

The man's penis hasn't had contact

with anything but a catheter for 20 years,

and yet he's number four.

- Jealous, sir? - A little bit, maybe.

I must say, all these whiney lesbos...

have given me my first unmedicated erection in some time.

If they want a fight, I'll give 'em a fight.

What?

It's just, I have a daughter, sir,

- and some of those men... - Of course.

Absolutely. Lock them up.

But I have never hit a woman in my life.

Never raped anybody, no roofies.

And now I can't smile at a girl.

Even if her tits are hanging in my face.

You pat an ass, a nice little, tight, "Hi. How are you doing?

You're doing a great job." No. Now it's groping.

Take a walk, will ya?

- Go on. - Yes, sir.

No. You. New guy.

Come over here, will ya?

- O'Shea, right? - Yes, sir.

Well, your father-in-law didn't do much for you, did he?

How do you mean?

I mean he hung you out to dry.

Big man over there at One Police Plaza, and you get no cover.

I don't need other people fighting my battles.

Yeah. That's where you're wrong.

That is the wealthy man's secret, my friend.

Always let other people fight your battles.

Yeah, it gets you cover. Plausible deniability.

There you go.

Every man who has made something of himself...

is now being torn down.

Because what?

At a party, maybe in an office,

he actually acted... oh! like a man.

Men take. That's nature.

I get the sense you're trying to ask me something, sir.

There are a few reports scattered over the years,

I'd rather them not surface.

So what do you think your father-in-law... needs?

Yankees tickets?

A new kitchen?

Just reports, no, uh, charges filed?

No charges.

But, given the current climate,

I don't want loose ends, right?

I can ask.

No. Convince him.

Don't ask.

I don't make enough to be convincing.

Well, why don't you show me what you're worth...

then I'll see that you get it.

Oh, hello.

Is Stanley without his Manny?

You're suin' Plum?

Oh. Is that your business?

Are you representing her?

What will you settle for?

Hmm. Let me think.

I'd love an apology...

in the form of an interview with Daisy Chain.

Wouldn't that be fab?

Clarifying that she views the magazine and me in a positive light.

Why didn't you just ask her?

I don't ask questions I don't know answers to.

And she already turned Cheryl Crane-Murphy down.

I wanted a little insurance.

Let's just say we didn't end things on a positive note.

And now Plum is, for the moment...

shockingly, an It Girl.

It Girls sell magazines, and I sure as hell

wasn't gonna let her get to Elle or, God forbid, Marie Claire.

And nothing says "Let's make up" like a lawsuit.

So, you'll pass my offer on to Plum?

It's simple, really.

Nothing is simple with you.

But yeah.

How's your first week in a suit?

He's not pleased with Jennifer.

I can imagine. Erickson, number four?

That grim reaper's less interested in sex than you are.

He's worried about some reports surfacing?

Oh, I forgot about that.

Dig those reports up for me, will you?

What else?

Plum.

Plum!

Plum!

You have a visitor.

She's suing me to get an interview?

It was either that or a cookie basket.

Look, my gut?

She's not gonna go through with this legal action.

Bad optics, huh?

Well, you're a con man. What would you do?

OK.

That depends. What do you want?

Do you want to be famous?

Sorry. More famous?

I want to help people. I'm not famous.

You have a Wikipedia page as of today.

Yeah, I might have Googled ya.

And the consensus is, you've got balls.

So I'm famous on the internet.

Which means I was famous two minutes ago.

And feminists don't say "balls" to indicate bravery.

Noted.

Kitty's gonna try to humiliate me with this.

She can try.

But it's an interview.

You think you can control your mouth?

- Nice. - You know what I mean.

Nobody makes a living off a blog.

You're a writer, yeah? You sell words.

Seems to me this could be good for business.

Everything's a negotiation, right?

Tell 'em I'll do it.

But I get to choose the interviewer.

And I won't bash Daisy Chain, but I want it to stream live

so they can't edit me so I look like a tool.

I like it. Done.

And I want hair and makeup.

I want to look good.

OK.

Aw, Jesus. Hold on.

Hello?

Yeah.

Hey, kid. What's the problem?

She just texted you. Her car broke down, so she's sending Auntie.

Because the car is old, and...

OK, we're not getting into what the other kids have, OK?

We... I...

I gotta go. Yeah.

I don't understand why they're saying it's fake news,

especially the ending.

What, the new ending or the old ending?

What new ending?

From the last notes. I'll just show ya.

No one knows how long they've been doing these secret meetings.

Nobody even knew that they met in that room.

It's just, it's messed up.

They killed my friends.

Hey, come here.

This is Cheryl Crane-Murphy reporting.

I want a sort of "out at the opera in Venice" vibe.

- Hmm. Pomegranate. - Darker.

Is Advil a hue?

It should be.

Huh.

Perfect.

Crackers?

- Is bloated in now? - They were Julia's.

Hmm?

You know, it's strange.

- I miss her. - Excuse me?

Both of them, actually.

It's not like I can confide in anyone who actually works here.

I need the basement people.

I'm lost.

Another reason why I miss them.

Plum and Julia could keep up.

Kitty. What is going on?

- Excuse me? - My college bomber piece.

Stanley made it look like those coeds were Al Qaeda.

- Stanley did? - Yeah. Stanley.

What is he doing?

I haven't the slightest.

We don't have much of a relationship anymore, in case you haven't noticed.

Yes, but you know him. You understand him.

When has he ever made a call like this?

He doesn't micromanage.

Well, you know these older men.

Lots of skeletons.

He's scared,

and he doesn't want to admit it, so instead...

He's selling lies... that could kill people.

I tried talking to him before our falling out.

Cheryl, I've never seen him like this.

He threatened me. Physically.

You're Kitty Montgomery's

eyes and ears,

but you're also her voice.

Not her body?

She put you in a position to represent her to young girls,

but isn't your perspective antithetical to hers?

Well, it's antithetical to magazine culture.

But Kitty's Girls always knew that they were good enough.

I think Kitty wants her girls to be happy...

even if they're not a size zero blonde with perfect nostrils.

- You don't look like that. - I don't look like that.

I'm fat. And I'm OK with that.

I don't look like the magazines tell me I need to look.

But, you know, magazines are part

of the global dissatisfaction- industrial complex.

Huh. Is that a radical notion?

No. You know what is radical?

Women just accepting what they look like.

Do you think that's part of Jennifer's message?

Is that why they went after Stella Cross,

because she represented some impossible beauty standard?

I... I don't speak for Jennifer just because I'm a feminist.

I mean, I can believe in their manifesto without being a murderer.

Like Calliope House... they have all of the same basic tenets of Jennifer,

but they are non-violent.

What's Calliope House?

It's Verena Baptist's collective of women.

I have some friends doing some amazing work there.

Their emphasis is more on healing

and creating bold new leaders that are interested in peaceful resistance.

- Cut. - All right, we're off the air.

I've love to hear more about Calliope House.

Maybe even do an article.

Oh. Hm. I don't think Kitty would be into that.

Kitty has no say.

Daisy Chain is fully doing the socially conscious thing now.

Send me an email.

I will. Bye!

OK, maybe take a second to answer.

Can we please just be friends?

Smiley face emoji.

That wasn't so bad, was it?

I... I think it went OK.

I've been watching it. It was fabulous.

That's it? No lawsuit?

Oh! No, no, no, no.

We had a gentlewoman's agreement.

You are glowing. You really are.

Thank you... Kitty.

Careful.

Even 15 minutes of fame...

can do strange things to people's heads.

So, what are your plans for your future?

Just not being here.

It's probably why I'm glowing.

- This Jennifer thing never would have happened if... - I know, Jillian. I know.

People are dead. I'm guilty. I'm stupid. What do you want me to say?

We are dead. We all are. My poor kids...

Jacintha, calm down. God, you're like Mom.

- Shut up, Jill. - You really are.

Let me think for a second.

This can't take us down. It can't.

What would the Koch brothers do? The Mercers?

We obviously aren't them, and this debacle proves it.

No, no, no, no. You're right.

That's the game we're playing.

Fight dirty or go home.

That's how the big boys do it.

I regret the day you talked me into this.

We are going to die.

Shh!

Ramji, this healer? A-mazing.

He told me he felt negative energy trapped in my spleen,

and he released it with a moon stone.

What?! Stop it!

I want that. How much?

Four-fifty. I felt super-giddy after.

Oh!

I know what the big boys would do.

We have contacts.

We get some guys, we track 'em down,

we take 'em out... before they come for us.

Hi.

- You guys see the A New You? - We did.

Would you join us?

- Uh-oh. - You're not in trouble,

but we'd appreciate you joining us.

The women who live and work here

have a reasonable expectation of privacy.

What did I say?

Exposing them, exposing me, even,

especially by name, is dangerous and destabilizing.

I-I was using you as an example of peaceful resistance.

OK. That... That's your prerogative.

- But by drawing attention to Calliope... - Look,

you said abused women live here.

If my ex-boyfriend found out about this place...

- There's a reason there's no sign on the door. - Exactly.

I have ignored all of your micro-aggressions up this point,

but this affects all of us.

I'm sorry. I'm...

I should have chosen my words more carefully.

I'm so sorry.

Thank you, and I hear you,

but it's only fair to let everyone express themselves, OK?

Sana?

I'm just confused.

Why would you draw attention to us

when there's all this violence out there?

No. I said I understand it. I get it.

I've been abused by men.

Join the club, Plum!

What do you want to do, compare battle scars?!

- 'Cause I will smoke you. - Rubi.

I'm sorry. I... I really am.

If you look at the comments on the story,

people are so supportive.

Verena, there's a link to your book.

We all understand that your intent was to do good.

It was. Barbara, you told me to do this.

You told me to build a platform and they would come.

I didn't tell you to give away the coordinates to the house.

- Ohh, please. - Plum, you need to listen

to what is being said without attacking.

I was a baseball player before my surgery.

I got press attention.

Love from strangers feels so good

when you're so used to feeling ashamed.

That's what you think this is about?

That I'm getting high on my own supply?

Come on, I've done one interview. I wrote one blog!

Yeah, and look what it did.

And how many comments have you read?

It's a dopamine thing.

Plus, you made us feel unsafe!

- Unsafe? - Everyone,

let's take the temperature down.

No, Verena, no.

This is what you wanted.

You wanted me to feel my anger,

find my voice.

I did it, and now you're punishing me!

OK. I am struggling with some anger of my own,

but I will say this with respect:

if you want to be part of this community,

you need to respect our beliefs,

and if not, maybe you belong somewhere else.

Lock the door.

Here's the thing.

My sisters and I, we have our pet projects.

Mine is exposing the beauty industry.

Jillian and Jacintha, they have their things.

You see, she who has the most money has the most influence.

And she who has the most influence, wins.

We have both.

I was all for hiring some badass assassins to take you ladies out.

- Badder than the FBI? - Way.

Way.

My mom was the corporate genius in the family.

Married to a black man...

you think she didn't have a few guys taken out?

We will if we have to.

But we've decided to give you one more chance

to see the light.

Stop the violence, and your families will receive

a half a million dollars in trust.

Jennifer is not for sale.

Should be. You're at the peak of the market.

Women coming out against bad bosses and rapists,

well, that's one thing.

But Jennifer...

you really dotted the "i."

Real change only happens

when the stakes are life and death.

The problem is, there's an inevitable end to your story:

death or life on the run.

Now, surely you must love someone.

Someone you want to be secure when you're gone.

Take our offer to the others.

The whole point of my edit

was that the Botha University group

were not affiliated with Jennifer in any way.

They're not terrorists!

And the point of my edit is that half of the country

gets their news from Facebook and Twitter.

I thought we might try to compete, just this one time.

I think you know I'm competitive.

I'm rabid. Look at my ratings.

That's why I hired you.

But the story you wanted to go with

might have gotten, what, 700,000 views?

But it's the truth.

Truer than two million hits? I don't think so.

Look, I'm sorry for steppin' on your toes, honey,

but I figured Kitty broke you in.

This situation is incredibly volatile.

- We could get nailed. - We won't get nailed.

You know why? Because I know what I'm doing.

But if you want to work at NPR...

I'd just appreciate a heads-up.

Next thing I want you to dig into is this Penis 100 situation.

I need to finish my follow-up piece.

Give whatever you have to Bob. I need you on the Penis 100.

- I'd really rather not... - Because woman are disappearing.

Maybe they took off. Went into hiding.

Yeah. David Metzger? His girlfriend went to the gym, never came back.

Dad White hasn't seen his wife since Wednesday.

- But keep it to yourself. - Do the police know about this?

Yeah, yeah, but we're not publicizing it right now.

I need you to cover the husbands.

Look, most of the men on that list,

they are honest, upstanding,

job-creating Americans.

I need you to show that.

If anything happens to their wives,

maybe someone will give a damn.

OK? Understood?

Understood.

Thank you.

"I'm a serious journalist!"

They watch you for your tits, honey.

Did you talk to your father-in-law yet?

We've havin' coffee. I'll bring it up then.

Oh. Good man.

Could be worth something to you.

Yeah, everything's a negotiation, right?

Hey,

let me buy you a beer?

Show you I'm not a bad person? Please?

I mean, I get it, I did something

that I thought I was totally in the right to do, but...

And you were.

What does that name mean, anyway? Calliope.

It's hard to say.

- I think of clowns. - Clowns?

- Mm-hm. - Definitely.

So, like, when you said that about

giving you a second chance

and not just judging you on one mistake, I...

It was so weird,

because that's exactly what I was going through, you know?

Like, I made one mistake and suddenly all the good I wanted...

I mean, I'm furthering their flippin' cause, right?

It's their cause.

Do you know how many comments I got?

I mean, some of them are vile, but mostly they love it.

Mm-hm.

They love it.

I did want something good.

And I thought I read your signals, but...

it was uncool of me to assume, you know?

I got the wrong message. For that, I'm...

I'm truly sorry.

Really.

Well, thank you.

Apology accepted.

Mm.

It feels so good to be out of Clown House.

I feel like I'm always watching every word I say,

like I have to pass this purity test.

Yeah, I know, it's like, I'm all for justice, but...

But not every coffee has to be fair trade, you know?

I mean, some guy opens the door for me.

Maybe he's not trying to diminish me. Maybe he just is polite.

Yeah, try genuinely preferring the company of larger women.

That is what is known as a quagmire, my friend.

I'll bet.

Hey, how many Twitter followers did you gain in the last hour?

You're a star, Plum.

And if the people don't see the caliber of brains and beauty

that they have found, and what that can do for Clown House...

...screw 'em.

Screw 'em.

Baby placenta.

I do not understand

the words you are saying to me right now.

Baby placenta. Women buy it.

All ground up.

And then they put it...

- Thank you. - Mm-hm.

...on their faces,

so they have baby skin.

That is insane. People are crazy.

This is really nice.

Hm. Thank you. I am... I am...

I'm glad you like it.

- It's very cozy. - Mm-hm.

Are we really gonna watch a movie right now

or are you gonna fall asleep on my couch?

I should go.

I don't, um...

I don't want to pursue anything,

but, um...

...but before you go, I...

would really like to kiss you.

Part of me feels like that would be really nice,

and part of me is very scared.

May we try it?

See how it goes?

Verena says it's a human need to want to be touched.

I finally agree with Verena.

- Hi. - Hi.

Hi.

You...

You are stunning.

Whoa. Hey, I...

- Let's... slow down a little bit. - OK. OK.

It's gonna feel so good.

Trust me.

OK.

Oh, God.

- Oh. Hey... - Mm.

I don't like that. I don't like that.

Stop. Come on.

I don't like that. I don't like that.

Where you want me to do you?

What?

I wanna do you from behind.

Whoa. Hey.

Stop. Hey.

Uh...

I'm sorry. I'm...

- I'm gonna go. I'm just... - Hey.

- Hey, wait. Wait. - I'm just gonna go.

Wait. No. Wait. Don't.

- Don't. Don't. - I didn't... I thought that...

- I'm sorry, it's just... - No. Don't.

Don't.

Doesn't this feel good?

Whoa.

- Whoa. S-Stop. - It's OK.

- Shh! - Hey.

Shh. Shh!

I love your fat ass.

Ohh. That was great.

Ohh.

Hey, you wanna sleep over?

The die was cast with Adam and Eve.

Kicked out of paradise, and she took all the blame.

She had to. Safety was the coin of the realm,

and the outties had that market cornered.

The innies had to suck it up, play along.

Until the innies screamed that they'd had enough with that world

and blew it the hell up.

- synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com