Original subtitles

- Here, chick!

Come on, Buck.

Here, come on.

Let's go.

Here you go.

Here you are.

Here you go, 'DOV-

Here you go.

- This is the bloodiest mess I've ever seen.

- Oh come on, boy, you aint seen nothing.

When that ax murderer was running loose back in '62,

we was finding pieces of everything.

Heads, arms, legs.

You hadn't seen anything so disgusting as a torso

laying there in front of you.

- Come on, Don, this is bad enough.

- You big baby, why don't you quit your whining.

- What kind of person could be responsible for this?

- I can tall you who done it.

- Now hold on just a minute, Buford.

You don't have any business talking to the press.

You can't even speak good English.

- You stay out of this, Don.

If I got something to say, I'm gonna say it.

And I got something to say, I'm gonna say it.

- So why don't you say it, Buford,

before we fall off the edge of our seat?

- You and your chicken shit newspaper buddies

and print any kind of junk you want to

but I know who done this!

It was them devil worshiping homos

from over on Hatchet Creak.

You can't expect their kind to act like normal folk.

- Now come on, Buford, I know for a fact

them boys are Presbyterians.

- What's the difference? They still homos.

- Homos or not, we don't have an evidence

leading us to believe they had anything to do with this.

- Well I'll tell you one thing,

I never thought I'd see the day when elected officials

in the US ofAwould be taken over by a bunch of homos!

That's the whole problem with the economy.

The government is so worried

about all the niggers and the homos

but they pay no attention to us regular folk.

- Buford, you are absolutely the ugliest gomer

I've ever seen in my life!

You make me want to throw up.

Why don't you go home?

- I am home!

This is my property, by God!

- Go some place else then.

You make me sick.

- I bet you're all homos!

- Hey, Sam, don't pay any attention to him.

He's lost his mind.

Tell me, man, honestly. What's going on here?

- Look, don't try to use our friendship

to get information I can't give out.

- I won't quote you.

- You can't print opinion without quoting somebody.

- All right, I won't...

I won't write anything.

I just wanna know.

- They both been sucked.

- Oh yeah, you mean like some kind of pervert or sex fiend?

- No, no, no.

Their blood was sucked.

Basically, what we've got here

are two bodies drained of blood.

And maybe two quarts of blood scattered around the area.

Now what happened to the other six quarts?

Somebody or something sucked it out.

- That's outrageous, you're talking about vampires.

That's impossible, there's gotta be a logical explanation.

- Look, I work in law enforcement.

I'm supposed to be logical

but I'm sure this is no ordinary crime.

- If this is no ordinary crime,

don't you think the people have a right to know?

- A right to know what?

I don't have any facts,

any real idea of just what's going on here

and I'm really not anxious to start a wide scale panic

based on my speculation.

- All right.

So what do I write?

- Bob and Rose Waters

of Hasse

abandoned their stalled automobile

about 2AM today.

Got lost

and subsequently died due to exposure to the elements.

- "Subsequently died due to exposure to the elements."

You gotta be kidding me, man.

I can just see the headlines now.

"Killer Elements At Large."

- Look, this is gonna be a hard enough thing to deal with

without getting the citizens in an uproar.

You understand, don't you?

- Yeah.

- Listen, don't think about it.

We'll talk later.

- You get that boy straightened out, Sam?

- Yes, sir.

- I knew I could count on you.

- Something weird is going on here.

Something really weird is going on here!

- What do you make of all this?

- As the working fluid is introduced in system A,

a vacuum is being generated in system B.

When this reaches 29 and a half inches of mercury,

steam is introduced

which lowers the pressure and cooling begins.

- I've had about enough of your shit,

you disgusting Blood Sucker.

- If you don't shut up, I'll beat you to a pulp!

- Come on, Ralph.

You're a research scientist.

You've got to start acting like one.

Here, try one of these.

This will snap you back into position.

- Thanks, B.J.

That's a real pretty one.

- Go ahead, take two. They're small.

Here, use this to wash it down.

- You're a real pall, B.J.

I don't think I could make it without you.

- All right, Dr. Pace, mellow out.

I don't like the tone of your voice.

- Unstrap me.

- You just change the relative pitch, not the tone.

- Oh, look at the mess you've made.

There's no need for that.

I don't know why you're so upset.

We don't want to hurt you.

We just want to study you.

- You should understand that, Dr. Pace.

I mean, you are the head of Research City.

- You unstrap me!

- I don't think you're capable of making that decision

in your current condition.

Now you're only making it harder on yourself

by not cooperating.

Just help us understand what this is all about.

- Let me handle this.

All right!

Are you gonna talk or do we have to make you talk?!

Don't we have another barium enema for Dr. Pace?

- I'll talk.

- Oh hi, Jeff, it's so good to see you, darling.

Won't you come on in?

- Well son, I'm glad to see you could make it.

You know, you and your worthless brother of yours

don't seem to stop by the house too often anymore.

- Ralph is not worthless.

He's devoted his life to science.

- Science my ass.

He's over at "Research City"

with the rest of those warped individuals

wasting the government's money.

- Let's not talk about Ralph.

He's not here to defend himself.

I noticed you put a parabolic dish out in the front yard.

- Hell yes, we're talking about satellite city, USA, son.

- We get a lot of that foreign stuff too.

But Joe won't let me watch it.

He's afraid I might get brainwashed.

- You know how those communists are.

Let them on TV and first thing you know,

they're looking right back at you through the picture tube.

- And Joe won't even let me watch them Mexican shows

and they're not even communist.

- Yeah, okay, they're Catholics.

What's the difference?

- I don't suppose you invited me over here

to talk about the parabolic dish.

- Come on over and have a seat.

Kate, why don't you get Jeff a DP?

- Okay-

- Jeff, I wanna jump into this head first.

- Jump

- I need to talk to you about your future, son.

- Listen, we have this talk all the time.

I'm not your son.

My name is Jeff, my parents are dead.

- Ever since your parents died

I've felt responsible for you.

Your father was a like a brother to me.

- My father was your brother.

- Well, I guess that it explains it then.

- So what do you want me to do now?

- Now son, you can't go around taking pictures

for that sorry excuse of a newspaper all your life.

- Uncle Joe, I'm an artist.

I'm doing what I have to do.

- When you're gonna learn that art is shit?

Nobody understands it.

I shoulda never bought you that lnstamatic camera

when you were six years old.

- Well, I wish you could understand but obviously you can't.

- So just keep your seat.

I haven't told you what I wanna tell you yet.

I want you to come to work for me.

- Plowing fields and milking cows just isn't for me.

I could never express myself doing those things.

- Express yourself?

I thought that was something you'd outgrow?

Now son, some day all of this could be yours.

This house, the land,

the cow.

- What about the parabolic dish?

Are you gonna throw that in too?

- I don't think you understand.

You're either gonna work for me

or you lose your inheritance.

How about that, son?

- Well,

as long as you put it that way.

How long do I have to make a decision?

- What time is it right now?

- Jeff, why don't you come over for supper this evening?

- Yeah, okay.

- We need to give the boy time to make his own decision.

- Okay, son.

I guess your aunt is right.

So we'll see you around five o'clock

and I know you won't be late.

- Goddamn it!

Shit!

- I had a blow out.

- Do you need a ride?

- Yeah, sure.

Where you headed?

- I'm not going anywhere.

- Does that mean you're going nowhere?

- Is that where you're going?

- Exactly where I'm going

unless I can take control of my own life.

- Is there some place you'd like me

to drop you off along the way?

- Hazeldale.

- ls that where you live?

- Yes but it's not my fault, I promise.

Where you from?

- Dallas.

- What're you doing out here?

- Getting away.

I'm tired of watching my home turn into another Houston.

It's depressing.

- Sounds to me like you're not using enough drugs.

- I'm sure I've used enough to last me a lifetime.

- I could use some right now.

- There's a tank of nitrous in the back if you'd like some.

- Thanks a lot.

Good shit.

- Just what do you want, sir?

- We're from the United States Army.

We came to see Dr. Pace and his research team.

- How do I know you're from

the United States Army, sir?

- We're driving a black four door Sedan with black tires

and little American flags flying in the front.

Who else would do that?

Besides, we've got official papers.

- So what?

Everybody's got official papers!

That don't prove nothing, sir!

- General Sanders of the United States Army is in this car.

Now let us in.

- General who?

- General Sanders.

He's a very good general.

Now let us in.

- What's the password, sir?

- Does anybody know the password?

- Nobody told me anything about a password.

Now listen to me, you useless slug.

I am General Sanders of the United States Army

and I command you to open that gate.

- What makes you think you can command me

to do anything, sir?

You think you're a big deal just because

you've got on a silly uniform.

Big deal.

I've got on a uniform too, so get lost, sir.

- How would you like to have your brains

splattered all over this pavement?

- That's the password.

Carry on, sir.

- Hi, Norman.

- I expect something weird is about to happen.

I've been having the weirdest feelings lately,

like something weird is about to happen

and when I get those weird feelings,

something weird usually happens.

- Well let us know when it happens, Norman.

- I'll tell you what.

This world's getting to be a weird place to live in.

It didn't used to be this weird.

- What do you suppose happened?

- Too many weirdos, that's the problem.

Weirdos get together and they have weird babies

and they grow up to be weirdos.

It's an endless cycle.

- Have a good day, Norman.

- Weirdos.

- This place looks like a morgue.

Where is everybody?

- General funding to the center

was cut almost entirely last year.

Now a handful of researches and some maintenance personnel

have the run of this facility.

- Officially, sir, they do a little more

than keep the building in order.

- Seems like a waste of taxpayer's money to me.

Can you imagine the number of weapons

that could be built with the amount of money

the government spends on this place?

- General Sanders, Major Hood.

B.J. Barton, Ralph Rhodes and Richard Wainscott.

- Where is Dr. Pace?

I'd like to know why I show up at his request

and he can't bring himself to make it on time.

- Dr. Pace is tied up and--

- Actually, he's strapped down.

- General Sanders, this is a complicated matter.

I was hope that this could be a sort of

preliminary orientation session for you and your colleagues,

then we could set up a series of meetings

to get a bit of a handle on

what's going on and what should be done.

- What the hell are you talking about?

I understand there is a serious problem

that threatens the national security

of the Unites States of America.

- I'm afraid it's not quite as simple as that.

- Would you just tell me what you idiots know

about this situation?

- In general terms, General,

several days ago, an energy field from beyond our atmosphere

descended upon on us and has had some rather bizarre effects

on some of our local residents.

- What kind of effects?

- Ralph Rhodes is our molecular structure

and related effects specialist.

I'll let him explain it to you.

Ralph?

Ralph?

- Huh?

- Would you explain the effects?

- Effects?

Oh, yeah.

Well,

we're not really sure about the molecular makeup

of the energy field or life force

as it is from outer space

and no research as yet been done on it.

But we do know that it's

colorless, odorless, tasteless

and invisible.

- And also very windy.

- Yes, it manifests itself in a strong gust of wind.

- That is the most ridiculous thing

I have ever heard.

- Would you like to hear the rest?

- I think it's obvious General Sanders has heard enough.

- Wait a minute,

I'm here, I can sit through the rest.

- This life force is taken into the bodies of its victims

through the respiratory system

and is almost immediately assimilated into the blood stream

at which time it expands tremendously.

- Of course, then, massive internal hemorrhaging begins

and the victim loses most of its blood

through the natural orifices.

- That's totally disgusting.

- Oh, and then the body of the victim is reanimated

by the alien presence.

- And I guess it just goes out and bites people on the neck

to get more blood.

- That's a good guess, General.

In fact, that's exactly what happens.

- What do we do now?

Track down these blood suckers

and drive wooden stakes through their hearts?

- General Sanders,

we're not dealing with some supernatural beings

from Eastern European folklore popularized by horror cycles

in American, European and British cinema.

We're up against a super intelligent life form

from another world.

- Blood Suckers

from outer space.

- Okay, you scientific smart ass.

What do you propose we do to destroy this thing

and monsters it creates?

- Destroy, destroy, destroy.

Death, destruction, devastation.

That's all you military people think about.

- What else did you wimps have in mind?

- I have a proposal here for a two year study

which has been broken down into four independent stages.

- Studies are not worth a shit.

I have got weapons.

- How rude.

- I've got it!

- Those lunatics are gonna screw it all up.

We've got to calm this thing down

before they do something drastic.

- Hey B.J., I think you're a little confused

about what's going on here.

The public is in grave danger.

- Come on.

The public doesn't give a damn about whether or not

they turn into Blood Suckers as long as they have cable TV.

- Sure, maybe it's not so bad

being a Blood Sucker from outer space.

But what about the people that are gonna get sucked?

- Yeah, they don't even get to be Blood Suckers.

They just get to be dead.

- We all have to make compromises.

That's what life's all about.

This is the most important scientific discovery

since cancer.

We can't let it slip through our fingers.

If they destroy this thing,

we'll probably all be sent to do some ridiculous

medical research in some place like Oklahoma.

- Okay, okay, you've made your point

but I still think we should've told

General Sanders about Dr. Pace.

- And have him shove some hand grenade

down Dr. Pace's throat?

No way.

- This whole thing makes me ready to get blown away.

Let's go to the supply room and see what's on special.

I know there's some things we haven't experimented with yet.

- Why do we always have to use something

that hasn't even been tested on laboratory animals?

There's no telling what it's doing to us.

Let's try something completely different.

- What do you mean?

- Let's go get drunk.

- I'm ready.

- Come on, Ralph,

you look like your brain could use a good dose of alcohol.

- No thanks, I'm really not feeling very well right now.

You two go ahead.

I think I'm gonna stay here and lie down for awhile.

- This is it.

Thanks a lot for the ride.

- Maybe we could do it again sometime?

- I'm ready for it.

Would you like to come in and look at my stamp collection?

- I'd love to.

- You'll have to excuse the--

- Clutter?

- Yeah.

- Sit down.

- You live here alone?

- Yeah.

It's my grandmother's house.

She's in a nursing home

and I'm sorta holding down the fort

until my uncle can decide

what he wants to do with the place.

I've had a lot of good times here.

Been spending time here ever since I was a little kid.

- Does your family live in town?

- My parents were killed when I was five.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

- My brother and I lived with our aunt and uncle

until we were old enough to escape.

- That bad, huh?

- Mhmm.

My uncle's insane and my aunt's brain ceased to function

sometime shortly after birth.

- Well, what about your brother?

- I don't get to see Ralph very much.

He's really wrapped up in his work

and right now he's involved

in some top secret government project at Research City.

Hey, I don't know why I'm doing this to you.

I'm getting really depressing.

- It's all right.

You're just being honest.

- You don't mind?

- Not at all.

Honesty is sort of a curiosity for me.

It's so rare.

- Well, honestly,

right now I'm faced with a major decision.

I can either keep doing what I wanna do

and try to make some sense out of all this,

in which case I'll lose all outside financial assistance

or I can become a dairy farmer.

- I think you're making something complicated

out of something that's very simple.

- Maybe you're right.

I just have so many questions about everything right now.

I'm confused.

- Well don't be confused.

There's only one answer to all our questions.

- Bye the way, I'm Julie.

- I'm Jeff.

It's nice to meet you.

- So what do you think?

- I think it's time to redecorate.

Shit.

My uncle.

I'll be late.

He'll be pissed.

- Lawrence,

daddy's home and look what he brought for you.

Blood plasma.

Lawrence?

Lawrence?

Lawrence?!

- Uncle Joe?

How's it going?

- Well, Jeff, it's going great.

I've never felt better.

It's a new world and I'm enjoying every minute of it.

I'm particularly interested ininvesfigafing

this piece of farm machinery.

- Uncle Joe, are you all right?

- All right, well no I'm not.

I'm better than all right.

I've found the answer to everything.

- What happened? Did you find Jesus or what?

- Oh, much more than that, Jeff.

Very soon, you'll find it too.

- Is Aunt Kate in the house?

- Yes, I believe she's in the house cooking supper.

I don't think you should go in there.

The place is a mess.

- I'm gonna go see Aunt Kate.

- Go on in.

I'll be in directly.

- Okay, I want you to stay out here and keep and eye on him.

- No way in hell I'm gonna stand out here.

Your uncle's insane!

- That's exactly why I don't want you

to stay inside the house.

- You mean you think your aunt is?

- I think maybe he's axed her to death

or beaten her to death with a lamp or something!

- Jeff?

I think you better come in here.

- Oh god.

How could he do this?

- Jeff, I'm so glad you made it.

I was so afraid you wouldn't come.

I've prepared a wonderful meal for you.

- Looks like part of the preparation took place in here.

- What did you say, Jeff?

- I said it looks like you

slaughtered a cow in the living room!

- I'm sorry the house is such a mess.

The funniest thing happened this afternoon.

- Cut it out, Uncle Joe, you're scaring me!

- Don't be scared, Jeff, I won't hurt you.

- Get out of my way.

- I've got to keep you here.

Soon you'll be one with us

and then you'll understand.

- Understand what?

- I'm an entirely new creature, Jeff.

Just relax.

- Don't tell me to relax!

You're monsters, both of you!

- Does this mean you're not gonna stay for supper?

- Jeff, I think we're on the menu.

- I'm giving you just one more chance

to get out of my way!

- Just be patient.

Very soon you'll be ready.

Ready to feel the urge

and then you'll love to satisfy the urge.

Your upwards passion needs time,

you'll suck the warm life from your prey,

holding it in your arms, caressing it

as you suck, suck, suck.

- Why don't you make up your mind?

First you want me to be a photographer

then you don't want me to be a photographer.

Then you want me to be a dairy farmer

then you don't want me to be a dairy farmer

and now you want me to become a Blood Sucker!

I can't deal with this!

- You cut my fucking arm off.

- I've got a recipe for spaghetti I know you'll love.

- First time, every time.

- General Sanders, I've prepared these briefs for you.

- The whole world's gone insane.

Blood Suckers from outer space,

wimpy research scientists

and my wife spending my life savings on a fucking facelift.

And this coffee tastes like shit.

Why don't you sit down and say something

instead of just standing there like a goddamn Gomer Pyle?

I told you before, Harry,

you're gonna have to assert yourself!

Now speak up!

- Sir, I've received reports of unusual activity

in Comanche and Erath counties.

I think these activities could be linked

to this Blood Sucker problem.

- That's pretty smart, major.

I guess you'd have to have a masters degree

to figure that kind of thing out.

I'm glad I've got somebody with a brain like yours

to help me figure it out.

You were any brighter, you'd blind yourself.

Now if it's not too much to ask,

what do you propose we do about it?

- Well, sir,

I thought maybe we could send out scouts.

Some privates and maybe a few corporals,

you know, men that are expendable.

- I see.

You mean those people who were drafted.

- Right.

If they get killed, nobody has to worry about it.

- Good job, Major.

Get those troops out there and get this thing taken care of.

- Yes, sir.

Right away, sir.

- I guess nobody's home.

Well this is an emergency.

Maybe they'll forgive me if I just make one telephone call.

Would you like to come in?

- No thanks, I'll stay out here where it's safe.

- Where the hell do we go now?

Those things are everywhere.

- I know once place we'll be safe and can get help.

- I'm ready for it.

- Research City, my brother's there.

Maybe he knows what's going on.

- Hey Ralph,

don't you think it's about time you took a break?

- Ralph?

Ew.

- My friends.

I think we have some business to discuss.

- Damn, that incidental music is scary.

- What're you trying to do, scare me to death?

- Who are you?

- I'm Norman the janitor.

You kids shouldn't be hanging around

a weird place like this.

- Listen, what the hell is going on around here?

- Weird things! Very weird things!

Too many weirdos!

- Can you be a little more specific?

- Leave now or you'll die.

- Look, I trust yourjudgment but I'm not leaving here

until I find my brother, Ralph Rhodes.

- Ralph Rhodes?

He's a weirdo!

- Yeah, that's him.

Could you tell me where he is?

- You don't wanna find that weirdo.

- Listen here, you janitor!

I'll admit this is "Weird City,"

just tell us where he is.

- The intrinsic quality of life is energy.

We are the energy.

The energy is us.

After eons of motion

through the void of time and space,

we found this place.

A place to be.

A place to live.

A place to experience.

We found physical embodiment,

a new existence

in a place where there's time

with an end.

At last, death.

A stopping point.

First, we must live.

We must gain knowledge.

The final knowledge.

The knowledge of pleasure and pain.

You, Jeff, will be one of us very soon.

You will be a part of the whole,

a pusher of our energy.

You will feed as wee feed.

You will live as we live.

You will learn the pain, hunger,

the excitement of feeding on

all pulsating life.

Stay close to your Julie.

Feel her warm body.

Soon

it will satisfy

your hunger.

Can not run away from it, Jeff.

The decision has already been made!

- I hate to bring up a bad subject

but we just ran out of gas.

- I guess that means

we'll be spending the night in the car.

- I'm sorry about your brother.

I wish there was something I could do.

- Maybe there is.

Could you scoot a little closer?

- I can't.

The gear shift's in the way.

- It's not the gear shift.

Julie?

- Hmmm?

- Julie, wake up, it's morning.

Listen,

I'm gonna go see if I can

get some gasoline.

- I'm going with you.

- Okay, it's a long walk.

You sure you wanna go?

- Walking is good.

I like to Walk.

- Come on.

- Wait!

That's barren wasteland out there.

- It's a shortcut.

Trust me.

- Hello?

Hello?

- I think we're in serious trouble, Jeff.

- Don't panic.

Maybe everybody is on a picnic or something.

- That's what I'm afraid of.

- Listen,

take this can and fill the gasoline.

I'm gonna make a telephone call.

- Don't answer it.

- Turn that way.

No, that's not it.

Wait.

Oh yeah.

Yeah.

Now just a little to the left.

I've gotta stop.

- Out of breath?

- No.

The phone.

Hello?

- Sam?

Thank God you're still alive.

Listen, something really strange is going on.

- I know, you just interrupted it.

- No, I'm serious.

I don't have time to explain right now.

Just grab everything you can

and get as far away as possible.

- What are you on, Jeff?

- Look, I'll be over there as soon as I can

and I'll try to explain.

- No, don't come over right now.

We're busy.

- I'll be there in 30 minutes, goodbye.

- Get up, Pam.

- Come back to bed.

- We're gonna have to postpone this.

I'm sorry but Jeff's wound up about something.

He's gonna be here shortly to tell us about it.

Come on, we still have time for a shower.

- Good, get the ducky.

- No, we don't have time for the ducky.

- Did you get it?

- Yeah, the pumps were on.

- Great, let's get the hell out of here.

- That's gross!

- Let's go! Go!

- Come on, boys.

I've got something for all of you.

I just know you'll like it.

Come on, don't be shy.

- Why don't you go ahead and give me your keys

and I'll get your stuff out?

- But I can't leave my car here.

- Do you wanna push it?

Wait a minute.

- General Sanders, sir,

I just received word that we've lost contact

with the three men we've sent to the northeast quadrant

of the search area.

We suspect they may have fallen victim to Blood Suckers.

- What are you gonna do about it?

Don't you think it's time we take evasive action?

I'm tried of watching you dummies twiddle your thumbs.

I think it's about time we do something about it

and I think I oughta do something about it.

- Excuse me, sir, but I don't understand what you're saying.

- I'm saying I remember a time in the United States Military

when we knew how to bomb people

and we didn't worry about military protocol.

Let's nuke 'em!

- Sir, in the military regulation book,

it clearly states that you can not use nuclear weapons

within the boundaries of the continental United States.

- I don't give a shit about military regulations.

We got the weapons, we need to use the weapons.

That's what the weapons are there for,

so why don't we use them damn things?

Get out of my office!

I'm busy!

- Sam?

It's me, Jeff, open up!

Sam!

Sam!

- We've been expecting you.

- Get out of my way!

- But Jeff, you just got here.

- There's no need to rush off.

- You repulsive blood sucking zombies!

- You won't get any blood from us.

- I know, that's not part of the plan.

- That's really too bad.

You both look delicious.

- Mhmm.

I'd just love to eat you, Julie.

- You don't even know me.

- I know all about you, Julie.

But don't be afraid of me.

- We're saving you for Jeff.

- That's right, Jeff.

Very soon you will be one of us

and Julie will satisfy you in a very new and exciting way.

- I'll never be like you.

There's nothing you can do to change me into what you are.

- You can't stop breathing, Jeff.

Anytime now you're gonna have to take a deep breath.

- And that will be the breath that changes your life.

You'll lose the essence of your old life,

but you'll gain knowledge beyond the limits

of your imagination.

- Knowledge is great but why do you have to

suck the blood out of everybody?

- It's an uncontrollable urge

but it's really not as bad as you think it is.

I guess we all have to learn to adjust

to the constraints of physical reality.

- Oh no.

I can't take another Kung Fu scene.

- Hello?

- Mr. President, General Sanders is calling.

He says it's urgent and he must speak to you immediately.

- I hope it's as urgent as this cupcake

I got in my lap here.

- Sir, it's concerning

the Blood Sucker situation in Texas.

- All right, put him through.

- Yes, sir.

- General Sanders.

- Mr. President.

I hate to disturb you

but I'm calling about an urgent matter

that could endanger the national security.

- Cut the crap Sanders and just tell me what you want.

- I think we've isolated the Blood Sucker problem.

- Why're you calling me for?

- Sir, I've decided the best course of action

is to use nuclear weapons.

- How many times have I told you,

we do not drop a nuclear bomb within our own country.

That'd be crazy, wouldn't it?

- But sir, there aren't that many people

in this particular part of Texas.

Besides, we can get rid of the Blood Suckers

swiftly and effectively.

- The answer is no, Sanders.

We're not gonna use nuclear weapons

to deal with this problem.

- Mr. President, I'm concerned these Blood Suckers

are part of communist conspiracy.

- You think everything is part of a communist conspiracy.

You just want an excuse to drop a bomb.

- They trying to take our freedom away by sucking us dry.

You've got to let me drop the bomb.

- Look, asshole, I don't have to let you do anything.

I'm the President of the United States.

The people elected me.

I'm supported by the asses... the masses.

- There won't be any masses

if you don't let me do this.

- Okay, if I let you drop the bomb,

you promise you aren't gonna call me or try to see me again?

- Oh yes, yes, yes.

I promise, Mr. President.

- Okay, then you should take care of the matter, all right?

- I can drop the bomb?

- Just make sure it's a small bomb, okay?

All right.

Back to work.

- Which way?

- Where do you wanna go?

- I just wanna get away.

- We can't get away.

It's gonna find us wherever we go.

- Not if we go far enough.

- It wants me.

I don't understand this thing.

I don't know what it is.

But it wants me.

It's out there now, I can feel it.

- It was the nitrous oxide.

It neutralized the life force.

Jeff, you saved mankind!

- Well, it was really nothing.

- Sir, what are you doing?

- I'm not sure.

I guess if I'm a little off in my coordinates

and the initial blast doesn't get 'em,

the fallout will.

- Fallout?

What do you mean?

I told you, we can't use a tactical nuclear weapon

in the middle of our own country.

Look, right here in the book.

Page 622, section three, paragraph--

- If you don't shut up

you're gonna eat that book for lunch.

Now sit down.

Makes you proud to be an American.

- Mr. President, I thank you for...

No.

Thank you, Mr. President.

No, that's not it.

Mr. President.

- No, sir, it's me.

Major Hood!

- Harry, you should feel proud,

mighty proud.

I feel confident we're both gonna be justly rewarded

for the heroic act we just performed.

- Sir, the bomb exploded on a Methodist encampment

at least 60 miles from any Blood Sucker sighting.

- Maybe a parade.

What?!

- I'll tell you what, you idiot!

You maniac!

We'll both be shot for this!

- Good morning, Joe.

- Boy, it's a pretty one!