Original subtitles

[ Author's Voice ] DEAR READER, THIS LITTLE BOOK IS DESIGNED TO EXPLAIN...

EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE SCIENCE OF GETTING AHEAD IN BUSINESS.

YOUR FIRST STEP IS TO MEMORIZE ALL THE SIMPLE RULES IN THE CHAPTERS WHICH FOLLOW.

IF YOU HAVE EDUCATION, INTELLIGENCE AND ABILITY, SO MUCH THE BETTER.

BUT REMEMBER THAT THOUSANDS HAVE REACHED THE TOP WITHOUT ANY OF THESE QUALITIES.

IF YOU ARE ANXIOUS TO RISE QUICKLY AND EASILY TO THE TOP OF THE BUSINESS WORLD,

THE TIME IS NOW-- STRIKE WHILE THE IRON IS HOT.

ARE YOU READY ? I'M READY !

GOOD. YOU ARE ABOUT TO BEGIN YOUR SWIFT AND DARING RISE TO THE TOP !

?? HOW TO APPLY FOR A JOB ??

?? HOW TO ADVANCE FROM THE MAIL ROOM ??

?? HOW TO SIT DOWN AT A DESK ??

?? HOW TO DICTATE MEMORANDUMS ??

?? HOW TO DEVELOP EXECUTIVE STYLE ??

?? HOW TO COMMUTE IN A THREE-BUTTON SUIT ??

?? WITH THAT WEARY EXECUTIVE SMILE ??

?? THIS BOOK IS ALL THAT I NEED ??

?? HOW TO, HOW TO ??

?? SUCCEED ??

?? HOW TO OBSERVE PERSONNEL ??

?? HOW TO SELECT WHOM TO LUNCH WITH ??

?? HOW TO AVOID PETTY FRIENDS ??

?? HOW TO BEGIN MAKING CONTACTS ??

?? HOW TO-- ?? [ Author ] HOW TO CHOOSE THE RIGHT COMPANY.

BEFORE APPLYING FOR A JOB, MAKE SURE THE COMPANY IS A LARGE ONE.

THIS IS ESSENTIAL. IT SHOULD BE AT LEAST LARGE ENOUGH...

SO THAT NOBODY QUITE KNOWS WHAT THE OTHER FELLOW IS DOING. [ Elevator Bell Dings ]

HERE ! HERE ! SOMEBODY, HERE, HERE ! YOU FELLAS.

DENVER HAS RUN OUT OF WICKETS ! CALL THE WORLD WIDE WICKET FACTORY...

HAVE THEM SEND 50,000 TWO-TONED WICKETS AT ONCE ! [ All Exclaiming ]

DON'T ARGUE WITH ME ! DO YOU WANT ME TO HAVE ANOTHER NERVOUS BREAKDOWN ?

WHO IN THE HELL IS THAT ? WHERE THE HELL IS THE FACTORY ?

WHAT THE HELL IS A WICKET ?

THE RIGHT COMPANY !

?? THIS BOOK IS ALL THAT I NEED ??

?? HOW TO, HOW TO ??

?? SUCCEED ????

[ All Exclaiming ] NEVER MIND, NEVER MIND !

LEAVE ME ALONE. I'M ALL RIGHT. EVERYBODY BACK TO WORK.

BACK TO WORK. BACK TO WORK !

DID YOU HEAR ME ? I SAID EVERYBODY BACK TO WORK !

SORRY THAT I BUMPED INTO YOU, SIR,

BUT I'D LIKE TO APPLY FOR A JOB. A JOB. DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM ?

NO, SIR, I-- I'M J.B. BIGGLEY, THE PRESIDENT OF THIS COMPANY.

THAT'S WHY I'M-- THAT'S WHO THE HELL I AM.

OH, MY. HOW DARE YOU COME TO THE PRESIDENT AND ASK FOR A JOB ?

WHY DO YOU THINK I HAVE A PERSONNEL MAN ?

WHY DO YOU THINK I HAVE A WHOLE DAMN PERSONNEL DEPARTMENT ?

YOU BUMPED INTO THE WRONG MAN. DAMN, DAMN, COAL-BURNING, DITHERING, DING, DING, DING.

DING, DING, DING, DING, DING, DING.

YOU JUST COMMITTED INDUSTRIAL SUICIDE, BOY. THAT'S THE BIG FELLA.

OH ! HELLO.

HELLO. DID YOU HURT YOURSELF ?

NO, NO. I'M ALL RIGHT. I KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO--

WHAT ? I KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND A JOB.

I'VE BEEN THROUGH THAT KIND OF THING MYSELF.

THANK YOU, YOU'RE VERY KIND. COULD YOU TELL ME WHERE THE PERSONNEL OFFICE IS ?

PERSONNEL ? WELL, IT'S RIGHT THERE. OH. THANK YOU.

WELL, LISTEN !

YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT DISCOURAGED ? OH, NO, NOT AT ALL.

I'M PREPARED FOR EXACTLY THIS SORT OF THING.

SAY, MY FRIEND SMITTY WORKS IN PERSONNEL. MAYBE SHE CAN HELP YOU.

SHE'S AROUND SOMEWHERE. I'LL FIND HER. NO ! THAT'S NOT NECESSARY.

PLEASE ! YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO THROUGH, UH--

[ Sighs ]

WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING ? TO SEE THE PERSONNEL MANAGER.

I'M THE MANAGER. WE'RE NOT HIRING ANYONE.

WELL, I WAS JUST SPEAKING TO MR. BIGGLEY. BIGGLEY ? J.B. BIGGLEY ?

YES, SIR. HE TOLD ME TO SEE YOU.

YOU WERE SPEAKING TO J.B. BIGGLEY HIMSELF ? I JUST BUMPED INTO HIM.

HE'S A FRIEND OF YOURS ? I DON'T THINK A MAN SHOULD TRADE ON FRIENDSHIP TO GET A JOB.

BY GEORGE, I LIKE A MAN WHO STANDS ON HIS OWN TWO FEET.

MY NAME IS BRATT. YOU'RE-- FINCH, SIR. PIERREPONT FINCH.

PIERREPONT. COME IN. YOU KNOW, MAYBE THAT OUGHT TO BE J. PIERREPONT FINCH !

[ Laughs ]

AS A MATTER OF FACT, SIR, IT IS. OH !

GOOD GAD, ROSEMARY. YOU COULD AT LEAST LET ME FINISH MY METRECAL.

WHAT'S THE BIG URGENT URGENCY ? OH, HE HAS THAT WOEBEGONE LOOK. A PUPPY DOG.

WELL, YOU COULD JUST TELL HE'LL NEVER GET ANYWHERE.

I FIGURED YOU COULD INTRODUCE-- WHERE'D HE GO ?

HOW SHOULD I KNOW ? ROSEMARY, WHAT'S GOT INTO YOU ?

WHERE IS THIS CREEP DIFFERENT FROM ALL OTHER CREEPS ? HE'S NOT A CREEP !

SMITTY, HE HAS A SORT OF UNDAUNTED SORT OF NOBLE COURAGE.

YET DEEP DOWN, YOU SENSE HE'S A HELPLESS LITTLE MUFFIN.

[ Laughing ] ...THE MAN IN THE MANHOLE COVER.

THAT'S A GOOD ONE. IT'S ALL SETTLED, THEN.

NICE TO HAVE YOU ABOARD, FINCH. WELL, I'M HAPPY TO SHIP OUT WITH YOU, SIR. REALLY.

YOU DON'T HAVE A-- OH, YES, YES. LET ME DO THAT FOR YOU.

IS THAT THE-- HELPLESS LITTLE MUFFIN.

MY SECRETARY WILL FILL OUT THE FORMS. OH, SMITTY ?

YES, MR. BRATT ? THIS IS OUR NEW MR. FINCH.

HELLO. MY NAME IS PILKINGTON. ROSEMARY PILKINGTON.

HELLO. HI. I'M LUCILLE KRUMHOLTZ.

MR. FINCH WILL BE STARTING OUT IN OUR MAIL ROOM. GLAD YOU DON'T MIND THAT, FINCH.

OH, SIR, IN A BIG POND LIKE THIS, EVERYONE MUST BEGIN AS A LITTLE FISH.

EVEN A BARRACUDA. WHAT'D YOU SAY ?

SAY, BUD. HAVE YOU GUYS IN THE MAIL ROOM SENT OUT THOSE NEW WICKET CATALOGS YET ?

I DON'T KNOW. I'M GOING TO THE BARBER SHOP TO GET A SCALP MASSAGE.

AT THIS TIME OF THE MORNING ? WHY ? BECAUSE I'M THE BOSS'S NEPHEW.

[ Mutters ]

[ Laughing, Chatting ]

EXCUSE ME. OH, BUD.

THIS IS BUD FRUMP, MR. BIGGLEY'S NEPHEW. SAY HELLO TO OUR NEW MR. FINCH.

HE'LL BE WORKING WITH YOU IN THE MAIL ROOM.

HELLO, FINCH. I'M BUD FRUMP, MR. BIGGLEY'S NEPHEW.

HOW DO YOU DO ? SMITTY ?

YES, MR. BRATT ? GET MR. FINCH'S VITAL STATISTICS.

YES, MR. BRATT. NICE TO HAVE YOU ON THE TEAM, FINCH.

GOOD TO BE PLAYING WITH YOU, SIR. ARE YOU AMBITIOUS ?

NO, NOT NECESSARILY. GOOD. YOU JUST KEEP THAT IN MIND.

IF YOU JUST REMEMBER WHO I AM AND WHO YOU ARE, WE'LL GET ALONG FINE. IF NOT--

YOU'LL GO CRYING TO YOUR UNCLE. I BEG YOUR PARDON !

I DO NOT GO CRYING TO MY UNCLE !

IT JUST HAPPENS THAT MY MOTHER IS MRS. BIGGLEY'S SISTER.

IF SOMETHING IS WRONG, I PHONE MY MOTHER. SHE PHONES MRS. BIGGLEY,

AND MRS. BIGGLEY PHONES MR. BIGGLEY.

THAT'S THE DEMOCRATIC WAY.

[ Chuckles ] YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT BUD FRUMP.

EVERY COMPANY HAS A COUPLE OF RELATIVES FLOATING AROUND.

SMITTY, YOU WERE GOING TO GET MR. FINCH'S VITAL STATISTICS.

OH, YES. THE FIRST QUESTION IS-- MARRIED ?

MARRIED ? NO. I'M NOT, AND I DON'T EVEN HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.

GOOD ! GOOD. I MEAN, IT'S GOOD YOU ANSWERED WITH THE RIGHT ANSWER.

FOR THE QUESTIONNAIRE, THAT IS. IT'S NOT VERY WISE TO HAVE A GIRL.

NO, IT ISN'T. I'M GLAD YOU UNDERSTAND THAT. SOME WOMEN WOULDN'T.

I FEEL THAT WHEN A MAN WANTS TO RISE IN THE WORLD OF BUSINESS,

A GIRL, OR LET'S SAY AN EMOTIONAL INVOLVEMENT,

CAN ONLY LEAD TO GETTING INVOLVED... EMOTIONALLY.

WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT ? THAT'S VERY INTELLIGENT, MR. FINCH.

ARE YOU QUITE FINISHED WITH MR. FINCH ? FOR THE MOMENT.

IRVING ! TAKE MR. FINCH TO THE MAIL ROOM AND INTRODUCE HIM TO MR. TWIMBLE.

YOU CAN FILL IN THE PERSONNEL FORMS LATER.

COME ON, FINCH.

OH, WELL, GOOD LUCK, MR. FINCH.

THANK YOU, UH, MISS--

PILKINGTON. ROSEMARY PILKINGTON.

PILKINGTON. ROSEMARY PILKINGTON.

COME ON, FINCH.

POOR BABY. HE LOOKS SO UTTERLY VULNERABLE.

THEY'LL EAT HIM ALIVE IN THIS JUNGLE.

- COFFEE BREAK ! - WELL, IT'S ABOUT TIME !

[ Everyone Exclaiming ]

[ Machinery Whirring ]

JUST TAKE CARE OF THE EXECUTIVE MAIL ! THAT'S ALL YOU GOTTA TAKE CARE OF !

LOOK, LOOK, DON'T WORRY ! I'M DOING THE VERY BEST I CAN, MR. TWIMBLE !

WELL, DON'T ARGUE ! JUST GET THE EXECUTIVE MAIL OUT. THAT'S ALL YOU'VE GOT TO WORRY ABOUT !

LEMON DROPS ? WHERE DID THESE LEMON DROPS COME FROM ?

OH, THEY'RE MINE, MR. TWIMBLE.

I JUST THOUGHT I'D SHARE THEM WITH OUR MAIL ROOM FAMILY.

LEMON IS MY FAVORITE DROP. OH, I'LL BE DARNED.

UH, FINCH ? YES, SIR ?

I'VE BEEN WATCHING YOU THIS FIRST MORNING, AND I'M VERY PLEASED WITH YOUR WORK.

THANK YOU, SIR. THAT'S EXCEPTIONALLY KIND.

I-- WELL, I TRY TO FIT IN.

NO, NO, IT'S MORE THAN THAT, FINCH. YOU HAVE AN INBORN GIFT FOR "MAIL ROOMERY."

[ Phone Rings ] THANK YOU-- OH, EXCUSE ME, SIR.

HELLO, MAIL ROOM. HOLD THE LINE.

MR. TWIMBLE, IT'S FOR YOU. IT'S MR. BRATT, IN PERSONNEL.

THIS MAY BE AN IMPORTANT CALL FOR SOME OF US ! HELLO ?

GOOD MORNING, MR. BRATT ! OH, YES, YES.

HEY, WHAT'S THE IDEA ? THE IDEA OF WHAT, BUD ?

YOU'RE TRYING TO BUTTER UP MR. TWIMBLE. WELL, IT WON'T DO YOU ANY GOOD.

GOOD GOSH ! JUST BECAUSE I'M BEING NICE TO AN OLDER MAN-- I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE UP TO,

AND IF ANYBODY'S GONNA GET HIS JOB-- MR. BRATT. THANKS VERY MUCH.

WELL, BOYS, THEY'RE FINALLY GONNA PROMOTE OLD TWIMBLE TO THE SHIPPING DEPARTMENT.

CONGRATULATIONS. UH, YEAH, CONGRATULATIONS.

WHO'S GONNA BE NEW HEAD OF THE MAIL ROOM ?

MR. BRATT IS GONNA LEAVE THE CHOICE TO ME.

"TWIMBLE," HE SAID, "THE MAIL ROOM IS THE NERVE CENTER OF THIS MIGHTY ORGANIZATION.

"YOU'VE BEEN AN OUTSTANDING MAIL ROOM HEAD. WE WANT YOU TO CHOOSE YOUR SUCCESSOR.

"WE WANT YOU TO CHOOSE HIM ON MERIT.

ON MERIT ALONE."

THAT'S NOT FAIR !

I'M GOING OUT TO HAVE A SMOKE.

SMOKE ? HE'S GONNA CALL HIS MOTHER.

IT WON'T DO HIM ANY GOOD. BRATT SAID I WAS GONNA SELECT THE NEW HEAD.

[ Scoffs ] MR. TWIMBLE ?

YEAH ? YOU'VE BEEN WITH THIS COMPANY A LONG TIME NOW, HAVEN'T YOU ?

A LONG TIME. LAST MONTH I BECAME A QUARTER-OF-A-CENTURY MAN.

OH, THAT'S BEAUTIFUL. A QUARTER OF A CENTURY ? QUARTER OF A CENTURY.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN IN THE MAIL ROOM ? TWENTY-FIVE YEARS.

IT'S NOT EASY TO GET THIS MEDAL. TAKES A COMBINATION OF SKILL, DIPLOMACY...

AND BOLD CAUTION.

?? WHEN I JOINED THIS FIRM ??

?? AS A BRASH YOUNG MAN ??

?? WELL, I SAID TO MYSELF NOW BRASH YOUNG MAN ??

?? DON'T GET ANY IDEAS ??

?? WELL, I STUCK TO THAT AND I HAVEN'T HAD ONE IN YEARS ??

YOU PLAY IT SAFE. ?? I PLAY IT THE COMPANY WAY ??

?? WHEREVER THE COMPANY PUTS ME THERE I'LL STAY ??

?? BUT WHAT IS YOUR POINT OF VIEW ?? ?? I HAVE NO POINT OF VIEW ??

?? SUPPOSING THE COMPANY THINKS ?? ?? I THINK SO TOO ??

WELL, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY IF-- I WOULDN'T SAY. I WOULDN'T SAY.

?? YOUR FACE IS A COMPANY FACE ??

?? IT SMILES AT EXECUTIVES THEN GOES BACK IN PLACE ??

?? THE COMPANY FURNITURE ?? ?? OH, IT SUITS ME FINE ??

?? THE COMPANY LETTERHEAD ?? ?? A VALENTINE ??

IS THERE ANYTHING YOU'RE AGAINST ? UNEMPLOYMENT.

?? WHEN THEY WANT BRILLIANT THINKING ??

?? FROM EMPLOYEES ?? ?? THAT IS NO CONCERN OF MINE ??

?? SUPPOSE A MAN OF GENIUS MAKES SUGGESTIONS ??

?? WATCH THAT GENIUS GET SUGGESTED TO RESIGN ??

?? SO YOU PLAY IT THE COMPANY WAY ??

?? OH, COMPANY POLICY IS BY ME OKAY ??

?? YOU'LL NEVER RISE UP TO THE TOP ??

?? BUT THERE'S ONE THING CLEAR WHOEVER THE COMPANY FIRES ??

?? ?? I WILL STILL BE HERE

OH, YOU CERTAINLY FOUND A HOME. IT'S COZY.

?? YOUR BRAIN IS A COMPANY BRAIN ??

?? THE COMPANY WASHED IT NOW I CAN'T COMPLAIN ??

?? THE COMPANY MAGAZINE ?? ?? BOY, WHAT STYLE WHAT PUNCH ??

?? THE COMPANY RESTAURANT ?? ?? EVERY DAY, SAME LUNCH ??

THEIR HADDOCK SANDWICH, IT'S DELICIOUS. OH, I MUST TRY IT.

EARLY IN THE WEEK.

? ?? DO YOU HAVE ANY HOBBIES ?

?? I'VE A HOBBY I PLAY GIN WITH MR. BRATT ?? MR. BRATT !

?? AND DO YOU PLAY IT NICELY ?? ?? PLAY IT NICELY ??

?? STILL, HE BLITZES ME IN EVERY GAME LIKE THAT ?? WHY ?

?? 'CAUSE I PLAY IT THE COMPANY WAY ?? THE COMPANY WAY. YES !

EXECUTIVE POLICY. ?? EXECUTIVE POLICY IS BY ME OKAY ??

?? HOW CAN YOU GET ANYWHERE ?? ?? JUNIOR, HAVE NO FEAR ??

?? WHOEVER THE COMPANY FIRES I WILL STILL BE HERE ??

?? YOU WILL STILL BE HERE ?? ?? YEAR AFTER YEAR AFTER FISCAL ??

?? NEVER TAKE A RISK-AL YEAR ???? ?? OH, YEAH ????

ALL RIGHT. I'LL GET THIS OUT AS SOON AS I CAN.

NOT AS SOON AS YOU CAN ! I WANT IT BY NOON, MISS PILKINGTON !

YES, SIR. [ Slams ]

WOW. HI. DO YOU WORK FOR MR. OVINGTON, MISS--

PILKINGTON. YOU CAN CALL ME ROSEMARY.

OKAY, HI, ROSEMARY. HI. HOW'S IT GOING, MR. FINCH ?

OH, WHY DON'T YOU CALL ME, UH, PONTY.

OKAY, PONTY. I LIKE THAT. HOW'S IT GOING ?

OH, PRETTY GOOD. I'M JUST DELIVERING THE EXECUTIVE MAIL.

SORT OF GETTING THE FEEL OF THE PLACE.

EVERYBODY'S SO BUSY. THEY DON'T EVEN NOTICE ME.

OH, THEY WILL. YOU JUST BE PATIENT. PATIENT ?

DO YOU REALIZE THAT I'VE BEEN WORKING HERE FOR, UH, TWO FULL HOURS NOW.

[ Laughs ] I KNOW, PONTY. I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN.

OH, HERE. HAPPY TWO-HOUR ANNIVERSARY.

THANK YOU. AT LEAST YOU NOTICED ME.

WELL, I WISH I WERE AN EXECUTIVE. I'D--

[ Woman ] MR. ANDREWS-- UH-OH, HERE COMES THE MOTHER OF US ALL.

THAT'S MISS JONES, MR. BIGGLEY'S SECRETARY !

THE MEETING MAY BE DELAYED. I'LL CHECK WITH J.B. AND LET YOU KNOW.

[ Man ] THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER, ALL RIGHT ? OKAY. BYE-BYE.

GOOD MORNING. GOOD MORNING, PONTY.

PARDON ME, MA'AM, BUT YOU SHOULD BE WEARING THIS.

IT-- WELL, IT GOES WITH YOUR HAIR.

YOUNG MAN. YES ?

YOU JUST WANT ME TO HAVE THIS FLOWER ? YOU DON'T KNOW WHO I AM ?

IT DOESN'T MATTER. WHAT MATTERS IS THE FLOWER. IT SEEMED TO CRY OUT TO BE WORN.

BY YOU. YOUNG MAN.

I'M MISS JONES, MR. J.B. BIGGLEY'S SECRETARY.

[ Gasps ] OH, NO ! NO. YOU COULDN'T BE.

WHY NOT ? WELL, FROM BUD FRUMP'S DESCRIPTION OF YOU.

I'D NEVER HAVE-- WELL, YOU--

YOU'RE NOT A FRIGHTENING PERSON. THANK YOU.

AND IF IT'S NOT OUT OF PLACE FOR ME TO SAY SO, MISS JONES,

I THINK YOU'RE VERY ATTRACTIVE, NO MATTER WHAT BUD FRUMP SAYS.

WHAT DID YOU SAY YOUR NAME WAS ? FINCH. F-I-N-C-H.

FINCH. PIERREPONT FINCH. WHY HAVEN'T I SEEN YOU AROUND HERE BEFORE ?

I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO DELIVER THE EXECUTIVE MAIL.

THAT'S HIS JOB. BUD FRUMP. F-R-U-M-P.

HMM. WELL, THANK YOU FOR THE FLOWER, FINCH.

YOU'RE A VERY INTERESTING YOUNG MAN. YOU'RE WELCOME, MISS JONES.

JONESIE, I'D LIKE AN APPOINTMENT WITH THE BOSS AT AROUND 3:00. I'LL LET YOU KNOW, MILT.

AH, FLOWERS. GOT A NEW BOYFRIEND, JONESIE ?

THIS WAS GIVEN TO ME BY A VERY NICE YOUNG MAN. YOU SHOULD KNOW HIM. FINCH ?

YES, MA'AM ? FINCH, THIS IS MR. GATCH.

HOW ARE YOU, SON ? MR. GATCH IS GOOD TO KNOW. HIS DEPARTMENT IS VERY IMPORTANT.

I KNOW ALL ABOUT MR. GATCH. HE'S MANAGER OF EXECUTIVE PERSONNEL PLACEMENT.

WONDERFUL MEMO THAT YOU PUT OUT THIS MORNING, SIR,

ABOUT THAT, UH, EXECUTIVE PERSONNEL PLACEMENT SERVICE.

YOU READ THE MEMOS ? AND YOUR NAME IS--

FINCH. F-I-N-- C-H.

C-H. YES. SAY, JONESIE, THIS IS A SMART ONE.

WE'LL HAVE TO KEEP AN EYE ON HIM.

AH, THAT'S A VERY FINE MAN, MR. GATCH.

I HEAR HE HAS A FINE OPENING IN HIS DEPARTMENT.

BUT HE HASN'T BEEN ABLE TO MAKE UP HIS MIND.

WELL, AGAIN, THANKS FOR THE FLOWER, YOUNG MAN.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

I CAUGHT YOU ! YOU GIVE ME THAT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING ? A FELLA CAN'T GO FOR A SMOKE WITHOUT GETTING STABBED !

IT'S THE EXECUTIVE MAIL ! THE EXECUTIVE MAIL IS MY JOB.

MR. TWIMBLE TOLD ME-- IF YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS ABOUT CLIMBING THE LADDER HERE,

THE VIEW IS GONNA GET AWFULLY MONOTONOUS.

EVERY TIME YOU LOOK UP, YOU'RE GONNA SEE THE SEAT OF MY PANTS.

HIYA, JONESIE. "MISS JONES" TO YOU, IF YOU DON'T MIND.

[ Phone Rings ]

MR. BIGGLEY'S OFFICE. ONE MOMENT, PLEASE. [ Buzz ]

YES, MISS JONES. WHAT IS IT ? YOUR WIFE IS ON LINE TWO.

TELL HER I'M BUSY. TELL HER I'M IN A MEETING. TELL HER I'M OUT.

DAMN IT. PUT HER ON.

HELLO, GERTRUDE. GLAD YOU CALLED.

DEAR, I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT BUD. I'M BUSY.

NOW, JASPER, THIS IS IMPORTANT. WHAT IS IT THIS TIME ?

HE'S HEARD THERE'S GOING TO BE AN OPENING IN THE MAIL ROOM MANAGEMENT.

I CAN'T HELP BUD THERE. THE HEAD OF THE MAIL ROOM SHOULD CHOOSE HIS OWN SUCCESSOR.

YOU'RE THE HEAD OF THE COMPANY. I CAN'T SWITCH SIGNALS IN THE MIDDLE OF A PLAY.

IT WOULD UPSET THE TEAM. IF YOU WANTED TO, YOU COULD !

IF I INTERFERED, IT'D BE NEPOTISM. IT WOULD BE WHAT ?

NEPOTISM ! WHAT'S NEPOTISM ?

THAT'S WHEN YOUR NEPHEW IS A DAMN POOP. NOW, LOOK HERE, JASPER--

I'LL DO SOMETHING. I'LL DO SOMETHING.

DAMN, DAMN COAL-BURNING, DITHERING, DING, DING. MISS JONES.

YES, MR. BIGGLEY ? YOU KNOW THAT TALKING TO MY WIFE UPSETS ME.

YOU SAID TO PUT HER ON. NEVER MIND THAT. I NEED SOMETHING TO CALM MY NERVES !

WHERE IS MY-- YOU KNOW.

[ Softly ] I PUT IT IN THE BACK OF YOUR RIGHT-HAND DRAWER.

AH, YES, YES, YES.

HERE IT IS.

[ Author's Voice ] CONGRATULATIONS.

YOU HAVE FOLLOWED INSTRUCTIONS AND HAVE MADE IT TO THE FIRST RUNG OF THE LADDER.

YOU ARE WORKING IN THE MAIL ROOM.

ONE WORD OF CAUTION ABOUT THE MAIL ROOM.

IT IS A PLACE OUT OF WHICH YOU MUST GET.

WELL, TWIMBLE, WE'VE GOT GREAT NEWS FOR YOU !

YES, MR. BRATT ? BOYS, BOYS, GATHER ROUND. GATHER ROUND.

BOYS, AS OF TODAY YOUR BOSS IS BEING PROMOTED TO HEAD OF THE SHIPPING DEPARTMENT.

ALL RIGHT, BOYS. BACK TO WORK. BACK TO WORK.

NOW LET'S TALK ABOUT YOUR SUCCESSOR. OH, SAY, MR. BRATT !

HAVE YOU HEARD FROM MY UNCLE TODAY ? NO, BUD.

ALL RIGHT, TWIMBLE, YOUR SHOES ARE GOING TO BE HARD TO FILL, BUT WHO HAVE YOU PICKED ?

I'VE GIVEN IT A GOOD DEAL OF THOUGHT,

AND I THINK THIS IS OUR MAN.

CONGRATULATIONS, FINCH ! I'M GOING OUT FOR A SMOKE.

THANKS. NO, I CAN'T ACCEPT. ARE YOU TURNING THIS JOB DOWN ?

YES, SIR. I THINK THERE'S A MAN WHO'S BETTER QUALIFIED,

AND A MAN WHO'S BEEN HERE LONGER THAN I HAVE.

GENTLEMEN, I RECOMMEND BUD FRUMP FOR THIS JOB. YOU'RE KIDDING.

NO. BUD FRUMP. YECH.

AS LONG AS HE FEELS SO STRONGLY, I'LL GO WITH THE RECOMMENDATION. I GOTTA CALL MY MOTHER !

SHE'LL BE SO HAPPY ! I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

YES, UH, WELL, MR. TWIMBLE, LET ME EXPLAIN.

KNOWING YOU HAS TAUGHT ME A LOT ABOUT-- WELL, THE CORPORATE SETUP.

HELLO, MAIL ROOM. OH, YES, J.B.

THIS IS BRATT. THAT'S THE BIG BOSS.

THAT SISTER-IN-LAW OF MINE HAS BEEN CALLING MY WIFE AND GIVING ME A BAD TIME ABOUT BUD FRUMP.

I UNDERSTAND YOUR PROBLEM, J.B. ACTUALLY WE HAD PICKED SOMEONE ELSE, BUT IT'S TURNED OUT FINE.

THE YOUNG FELLOW TURNED THE JOB OVER TO BUD.

HE THINKS BUD'S BETTER QUALIFIED.

NO, HE DOESN'T SEEM TO BE OUT OF HIS MIND.

HE WAS EXPLAINING WHEN YOU CALLED. GO AHEAD, FINCH.

MR. TWIMBLE, THE GREAT THING THAT YOU'VE TAUGHT ME...

IS THAT NO INDIVIDUAL IS AS IMPORTANT AS THE WHOLE COMPANY.

NO INDIVIDUAL IS AS IMPORTANT AS THE COMPANY.

THE WHOLE TEAM IS GREATER THAN ANY SINGLE PLAYER. THE WHOLE TEAM IS GREATER.

THE WHOLE CREW IS GREATER THAN ANY ONE OARSMAN. THE WHOLE CREW IS GREATER !

THE WHOLE SALAD IS LARGER THAN ONE PIECE OF LETTUCE.

THE WHOLE SALAD-- OH, YOU CAN HEAR HIM. THE WHOLE OMELET...

IS LARGER THAN ONE EGG THAT YOU MIGHT--

SEE-- ISN'T THAT GREAT, J.B. ?

SORT OF CHOKES YOU UP. HIS NAME'S FINCH.

F-I-N-C-H. F-I-N-C-H.

WHAT IT MEANS IS-- I WAS JUST GOING TO SAY THAT SAME THING, J.B. !

WE SHOULD KEEP AN EYE ON THAT YOUNG LAD.

NICE TO CHAT WITH YOU, J.B. SEE YOU LATER.

OH, FINCH, YOU GOT ME OFF THE SPOT WITH MR. BIGGLEY.

I'M GLAD TO BE OF HELP, SIR. OH, THAT FEELS GOOD.

WELL, TWIMBLE, GOOD LUCK IN THE NEW JOB, SIR. THANKS, MR. BRATT.

KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK. MR. TWIMBLE ?

DON'T I HAVE TO TAKE THIS MAIL UP TO MR. GATCH ? GATCH ?

GATCH. GATCH ! SAY, I JUST REMEMBERED SOMETHING.

GATCH IS LOOKING FOR A BRIGHT YOUNG FELLOW TO FILL A JUNIOR EXECUTIVE VACANCY.

HE IS ? FINCH, I'M GOING TO TALK TO HIM ABOUT YOU.

YOU KNOW, FINCH, YOUR GENEROSITY AND THOUGHTFULNESS MAY HAVE PROVEN A GOOD THING FOR YOU.

BY GEORGE, ETHICAL BEHAVIOR ALWAYS PAYS, SIR.

BOYS AND GIRLS ! BOYS AND GIRLS !

I WANT YOU ALL TO MEET THE NEW HEAD OF THE MAIL ROOM, BUD FRUMP !

[ All Exclaiming ]

I STILL THINK MY ORIGINAL CHOICE WAS BETTER.

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE, MR. TWIMBLE. PONTY OKAYED IT.

COME ON, EVERYBODY. IT'S A CELEBRATION !

WE'RE ALL GONNA GO HAVE LUNCH, AND IT'S ON ME !

[ All Cheering ]

BOYS AND GIRLS, MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE ? I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.

MR. GATCH IS TAKING YOUNG FINCH INTO HIS DEPARTMENT AS A JUNIOR EXECUTIVE.

[ Cheering ]

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE. JUST A MINUTE. LUNCH IS DUTCH.

IN FACT, IT'S CANCELLED ! WAIT ! LET ME DOWN.

CONGRATULATIONS. THANK YOU.

OH, PONTY, THAT'S WONDERFUL ! SEE, I TOLD YOU TO BE PATIENT.

YOU SURE WERE RIGHT, ROSEMARY. YOU SHOULD HAVE SOMEONE AROUND TO HELP YOU THINK THINGS OUT.

WELL, MAYBE I SHOULD. I'M ALWAYS AVAILABLE.

OH, LISTEN. YOU SURE ARE WONDERFUL, ROSEMARY,

AND ONE OF THESE DAYS I HOPE THAT I CAN SHOW--

LUNCH. I SAID LUNCH.

WHAT ABOUT LUNCH ? I'D LOVE TO !

YOU'D LOVE TO WHAT ? YOU SAID WHAT ABOUT LUNCH. I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK ME.

LET'S SEE, WHERE SHALL WE GO ? OH ! I KNOW THIS LITTLE TEA ROOM.

WAIT, YOU SAID LUNCH-- AND IT'S VERY REASONABLE.

I'LL GET MY THINGS AND MEET YOU AT THE ELEVATOR.

ROSEMARY, LOOK ! I DIDN'T MEAN WHAT ABOUTLUNCH, I MEANT WHATABOUTLUNCH.

FINCH. COME ALONG. I'LL SHOW YOU TO YOUR NEW DESK.

YES, IF YOU WORK HARD, AND KEEP YOUR NOSE TO THE GRINDSTONE,

THERE'S NO TELLING HOW FAR YOU CAN GO WITH THIS COMPANY.

BY THE WAY, THIS'LL BE YOUR NEW DESK, RIGHT HERE.

ALL RIGHT, MEN. YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE.

I'D LIKE TO HAVE YOU MEET THE NEWEST MEMBER OF THE JUNIOR EXECUTIVE POOL.

J. PIERREPONT FINCH.

THESE ARE THE FELLOWS YOU'LL BE WORKING WITH. HI.

COME ALONG FINCH. I'LL BUY YOU LUNCH IN THE EXECUTIVE DINING ROOM ON THE ROOF.

WANNA HAVE LUNCH, ROSEMARY ? NO, THANKS. I'M BUSY.

OKAY, SEE YOU LATER.

ROSEMARY, THE MOST WONDERFUL THING HAS HAPPENED. MR. GATCH, HE'S TAKING ME TO EAT WITH HIM,

UP IN THE EXECUTIVES' DINING ROOM.

COULD WE MAKE OUR DATE SOME OTHER TIME ? SURE, PONTY. ANY TIME.

THANKS. HEY, HOW DO I LOOK ? YOU LOOK FINE, PONTY.

YOU LOOK FINE TOO. YOU'RE JUST FINE.

YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME, OKAY ? OH. THANK YOU.

BUT THOSE WICKETS OUGHT TO BE SHIPPED.

ROSEMARY, SEEING YOU ALWAYS BRIGHTENS MY DAY.

PLEASE ! MR. GATCH !

I'LL HAVE TO STOP READINGPLAYBOY.

[ Author's Voice ] IF YOU HAVE FOLLOWED THE SIMPLE INSTRUCTIONS...

EXACTLY AS OUTLINED, YOU SHOULD BY NOW BE A JUNIOR EXECUTIVE.

CONGRATULATIONS.

GOOD MORNING, MR. BIG SHOT. HELLO, MRS. NEEDLEMAN. HOW ARE YOU ?

NEW SUIT ? [ Wolf Whistle ]

[ Author's Voice ] YOU HAVE NOW OCCUPIED THIS POSITION LONG ENOUGH.

THE TIME HAS ARRIVED FOR YOU TO SET YOUR SIGHTS ON YOUR NEXT ESCALATION.

BE ALERT. OFTENTIMES IT IS SOMEONE ONLY REMOTELY CONNECTED WITH YOUR COMPANY...

WHO MAY LAUNCH YOU INTO YOUR NEXT PROMOTION.

???? [ Humming ]

[ Ringing ]

MR. BIGGLEY'S OFFICE. HE'S BUSY ON ANOTHER LINE RIGHT NOW. WHO'S CALLING, PLEASE ?

YES, YES. BUT, DAMN IT, GERTRUDE, I HAVEN'T GOT TIME FOR THIS NONSENSE ABOUT BUD.

MM-HMM. YES, I KNOW THAT BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER.

BUT BUD FRUMP IS THICKER THAN ANYTHING.

I'LL PROMOTE HIM WHEN I'M READY. THE NEXT TIME BUD COMPLAINS TO HIS MOTHER, AND SHE CALLS YOU...

AND YOU CALL ME, YOU'RE ALL FIRED.

[ Buzz ] YES, MISS JONES. WHAT IS IT ?

A YOUNG LADY ON LINE THREE, MR. B. SHE INSISTS ON SPEAKING TO YOU. SAYS IT'S PERSONAL.

WHAT DOES SHE WANT ? I CAN'T TALK TO EVERY SILLY WOMAN WHO CALLS THE COMPANY.

WHAT'S HER NAME ? SHE SAID YOU'LL KNOW.

OH.

HELLO. YOU KNEW I WOULDN'T FORGET.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING. JUST A MOMENT.

MISS JONES, GET ME BRATT IN PERSONNEL RIGHT AWAY.

THERE, YOU SEE, IT'S ALL SET. COME IN ANY TIME.

ASK FOR THE PERSONNEL MANAGER. HIS NAME IS BRATT.

HE'LL TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING. ?? GOOD-BYE ????

BRATT, THIS IS J.B.

I'D LIKE YOU TO DO ME A FAVOR. I WONDER IF YOU COULD FIND A SPOT FOR A YOUNG LADY ?

SHE WANTS TO BE A SECRETARY. SHE'S AN OLD FRIEND OF THE FAMILY.

DAD WAS A CLASSMATE OF MINE AT OLD IVY.

SHE'S A BRIGHT GIRL, GOT A GOOD HEAD ON HER SHOULDERS.

HER NAME ?

LaRUE. HEDY LaRUE.

UH, MAY I HELP YOU, HONEY ?

"SCA-ROO." [ Everyone Gasps ]

DID YOU WISH TO SEE SOMEONE, MISS ? OH, HOW DO YOU DO ?

I'M SUPPOSED TO SEE A MR. BRATT.

I'M A SECRETARY. OH, I SPOTTED THAT THE MINUTE SHE CAME IN.

OH, MISS LaRUE. YES ?

[ Squeaky Voice ] I'M BERT BRATT. [ Clears Throat ]

I'M BERT BRATT, PERSONNEL. SORRY TO HAVE KEPT YOU WAITING.

OH, NOT AT ALL, SIR. IT IS I WHOM AM LATE. [ Men Chuckle ]

OH, NO, NOT REALLY. OH, YES. I WAS VERY NAUGHTY THIS MORNING.

I'M STILL NOT ACCUSTOMED TO EARLY "ARISAL."

[ Chuckling ] OH, I UNDERSTAND.

WELL, WHY DON'T WE MOVE UP TO MY OFFICE, MISS LaRUE.

I HOPE YOU DIDN'T HAVE ANY TROUBLE FINDING THE BUILDING ?

OH, NO, THE TAXI DROPPED ME RIGHT OFF DOWNSTAIRS. THIS IS MY SECRETARY.

MISS, UH-- MISS-- SMITH.

HOW ARE YOU, DEAR ? OH, FINE, DEAR.

MR. BRATT, I HAVE TO GO DOWN TO ACCOUNTING-- MR. BRATT ?

YES, SMITTY ? I HAVE TO GO DOWN TO ACCOUNTING AND GET SOME WITHHOLDING BLANKS.

YES, YES, YOU DO THAT. JUST THROUGH HERE, MISS LaRUE.

AND WE'LL GET ALL OF YOUR VITAL STATISTICS.

39-22-38.

OH, I WIN THE POOL ! YEAH, YOU ALWAYS DO.

BERT, I REALLY NEED A NEW SECRETARY.

GENTLEMEN, MISS LaRUE WILL BE ASSIGNED ACCORDING TO NORMAL PROCEDURES...

AS SOON AS HER QUALIFICATIONS HAVE BEEN DETERMINED.

I'LL DETERMINE 'EM. COUNT ME IN.

GENTLEMEN !

?? A SECRETARY IS NOT A TOY ??

?? NO, MY BOY NOT A TOY ??

?? TO FONDLE AND DANDLE ??

?? AND PLAYFULLY HANDLE ??

?? IN SEARCH OF SOME PUERILE JOY ??

?? NO ??

?? A SECRETARY IS NOT ??

?? DEFINITELY NOT A TOY ????

YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, MR. BRATT.

WE WOULDN'T HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAY, MR. BRATT.

IT'S THE COMPANY RULE, MR. BRATT.

[ Typewriter Keys Tapping ]

????

?? ?? A SECRETARY IS NOT A TOY

?? NO, MY BOY NOT A TOY ??

?? SO DO NOT GO JUMPING FOR JOY ??

?? BOY, A SECRETARY IS NOT ? ? [ Typewriter Bells Ding ]

?? A SECRETARY IS NOT ?? [ Ding ]

?? A SECRETARY IS NOT ?? ?? A TOY ??

?? A SECRETARY IS NOT TO BE USED FOR PLAY THERAPY ??

?? BE GOOD TO THE GIRL YOU EMPLOY, BOY ??

?? REMEMBER NO MATTER WHAT ??

? ?? NEUROTIC TROUBLE YOU'VE GOT ?

?? A SECRETARY IS NOT A TOY ??

????

???? [ Whistling ]

?? A SECRETARY IS NOT A TOY ??

? ?? AND WHEN YOU PUT HER TO USE ?

?? OBSERVE WHEN YOU PUT HER ??

?? TO USE ??

?? THAT YOU DON'T FIND THE NAME LIONEL ??

?? ON HER CABOOSE ??

?? A SECRETARY IS NOT A THING ??

?? WOUND BY KEY PULLED BY STRING ??

?? HER PAD IS TO WRITE IN ??

?? AND NOT SPEND THE NIGHT IN ??

?? IF THAT'S WHAT YOU PLAN TO ENJOY ??

?? NO ??

????

?? A SECRETARY IS NOT ??

?? IS DEFINITELY NOT ??

?? EMPLOYED TO DO A GAVOTTE OR YOU-KNOW-WHAT ??

? ?? BEFORE YOU JUMP FOR JOY ?

?? REMEMBER THIS, MY BOY ??

????

?? A SECRETARY IS NOT ??

?? A TINKERTOY ????

[ Bell Dinging ]

[ Chattering ]

MISS JONES, BE SURE THAT I CALL KIMBALL IN OUR TEXAS OFFICE MONDAY MORNING.

PUSH THAT BOARD MEETING UP TO 10:00. AND DID YOU CALL MRS. BIGGLEY...

AND TELL HER I WOULDN'T BE HOME FOR DINNER ? YES, SIR.

INCIDENTALLY, YOU LEFT YOUR GOLF CLUBS IN THE OFFICE. TOMORROW'S SATURDAY.

REMEMBER YOU'RE PLAYING GOLF WITH THE CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD.

YES. I'M STAYING IN TOWN. I'LL COME DOWN TO THE OFFICE AND PICK UP THE CLUBS.

YOU ASKED TO BE REMINDED ABOUT YOUR COLLEGE ALUMNI ASSOCIATION.

SEND THEM THAT SAME CHECK. I GET A KICK OUT OF THINKING OF THEIR FACES...

WHEN THEY GET THAT FAT CHECK FROM OLD LEAST-LIKELY- TO-SUCCEED.

J.B., THERE'S A PHONE CALL FOR YOU. YOUR WIFE.

MY WIFE. DAMN IT. I'LL TAKE THE CALL IN YOUR OFFICE.

THAT'S ALL, MISS JONES. HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND.

THANK YOU. SAME TO YOU, SIR. HI, MISS JONES.

HELLO, PONTY. HOW'S THE YOUNG JUNIOR EXECUTIVE ?

JUST FINE. THANKS TO THE HELPFUL ADVICE THAT I'VE BEEN GETTING FROM YOU.

GLAD OUR LITTLE TALKS HAVE PROVED VALUABLE. THEY SURE HAVE.

BY THE WAY, GOOD LUCK TONIGHT AT THE BOWLING TOURNAMENT.

I HEAR YOU'RE THE BEST BOWLER ON THE COMPANY TEAM.

HOW SWEET OF YOU TO BE INTERESTED IN A LITTLE THING LIKE THAT.

OH, WELL, I'M FASCINATED BY THE HOBBIES OF PEOPLE THAT I LIKE.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO WATCH US BOWL TONIGHT ?

I'D LOVE THAT, BUT I SHOULD GET TO BED EARLY.

SEE, I HAVE TO WORK TOMORROW. ON SATURDAY ?

YES. PONTY, YOU'RE A VERY UNUSUAL BOY.

YOU'LL GO FAR. MISS JONES, THAT MEANS A LOT, YOUR SAYING THAT.

YOU'RE MR. BIGGLEY'S SECRETARY. HE'S THE MAN THAT I MOST WANT TO EMULATE.

HE'S SO CAPABLE, AND HE'S THOUGHTFUL.

I HEARD HIM REMEMBERING TO SEND A CHECK TO HIS OLD SCHOOL AND ALL.

HARVARD, ISN'T IT ? HARVARD ?

DON'T EVER LET J.B. HEAR YOU SAY THAT. HE'S A GROUNDHOG.

BUT WHERE'D HE GO TO COLLEGE ? OLD IVY.

OLD IVY. THEY'RE THE GROUNDHOGS.

WELL, GOOD NIGHT. SEE YOU MONDAY. GROUNDHOGS.

WITH PIN CURLS. I CAN'T BELIEVE HER !

HELLO, STRANGER.

OH, HI, ROSEMARY. HI, PONTY.

HELLO, PONTY.

LOOK, I WAS-- GOOD NIGHT, ROSEMARY.

OH. SEE YA MONDAY.

IT'S BEEN A LONG DAY, HASN'T IT ? IT SURE HAS.

HAVEN'T SEEN MUCH OF YOU SINCE YOU GOT YOUR NEW JOB.

OH, YES. WELL, I'VE BEEN PUNCHING PRETTY HARD.

IT'S A NEW JOB AND ALL. NEW PEOPLE TO MEET.

[ Laughs ] LISTEN-- GOOD NIGHT, ROSEMARY.

GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT.

MY ! IT'S BEEN A LONG DAY.

OH ! REALLY LONG.

IT HAS BEEN A LONG ONE.

SAY, ROSEMARY. YES ?

WHERE ARE YOU HAVING DINNER TONIGHT ?

OH. I DON'T KNOW.

THAT DEPENDS. ON WHAT ?

ON WHERE I'M HAVING DINNER.

OH. [ Muttering ] OH, NO.

?? WELL, HERE IT IS 5:00 P.M. ??

?? THE FINISH OF A LONG DAY'S WORK ??

?? AND THERE THEY ARE BOTH OF THEM ??

?? THE SECRETARY AND THE CLERK ??

?? ?? NOT VERY WELL ACQUAINTED

?? NOT VERY MUCH TO SAY ??

?? BUT I CAN HEAR THOSE TWO LITTLE MINDS ??

?? TICKIN' AWAY ??

?? NOW SHE'S THINKING ??

?? I WONDER IF WE TAKE THE SAME BUS ??

?? AND HE'S THINKING ??

?? THERE COULD BE QUITE A THING BETWEEN US ??

? ?? NOW SHE'S THINKING ?? ?? HE REALLY IS A DEAR ?

?? AND HE'S THINKING ?? ?? BUT WHAT OF MY CAREER ??

?? THEN SHE SAYS ?? [ Yawn ]

?? AND HE SAYS ?? UH--

?? WELL, IT'S BEEN A LONG DAY ??

?? WELL, IT'S BEEN A LONG BEEN A LONG, BEEN A LONG BEEN A LONG DAY ??

? ?? NOW SHE'S THINKING ?? ?? I WISH THAT HE WERE MORE OF A FLIRT ?

?? AND HE'S THINKING ?? ?? I GUESS A LITTLE FLIRTING WON'T HURT ??

?? NOW SHE'S THINKING ?? ?? FOR DINNER WE COULD MEET ??

?? AND HE'S THINKING ?? ?? WE BOTH HAVE GOTTA EAT ??

?? THEN SHE SAYS ?? [ Sneezes ]

?? AND HE SAYS ?? GESUNDHEIT. THANK YOU.

?? WELL, IT'S BEEN A LONG DAY ??

?? WELL, IT'S BEEN A LONG BEEN A LONG, BEEN A LONG BEEN A LONG DAY ??

HEY ! ?? THERE'S A YUMMY FRIDAY SPECIAL AT STOUFFER'S ??

?? IT'S $1.90 VEGETABLE PLATE ??

?? AND AT THE BOTTOM OF THE AD ??

?? NOT BAD SERVICE FOR TWO THREE FIFTY-EIGHT ??

?? TO MAKE A BARGAIN MAKE A DATE ??

WONDERFUL. IT'S FATE.

?? NOW SHE'S THINKING ??

?? WHAT FEMALE KIND OF TRAP COULD I SPRING ??

?? AND HE'S THINKING ??

?? I MIGHT AS WELL FORGET THE WHOLE THING ??

?? NOW SHE'S THINKING ?? ?? SUPPOSE I TAKE HIS ARM ??

?? AND HE'S THINKING ?? ?? WELL, REALLY WHAT'S THE HARM ??

?? THEN SHE SAYS ?? YA HUNGRY ?

?? AND HE SAYS ??

YEAH. YEAH ! YEAH !

?? WELL, IT'S BEEN A LONG DAY ??

? ?? WELL, IT'S BEEN A LONG BEEN A LONG, BEEN A LONG ?

?? BEEN A LONG DAY ??

? ?? WELL, IT'S BEEN A LONG BEEN A LONG, BEEN A LONG ?

?? BEEN A LONG DAY ????

J.B. ! BLITHERING, BLATHERING ! YOU'VE BEEN CALLING YOUR MOTHER.

SHE WANTS YOU PROMOTED. WHY NOT ? OTHER PEOPLE ARE BEING PROMOTED.

I TOLD YOUR AUNT-- OH, THERE YOU--

GOOD EVENING, MR. BIGGLEY. GOOD EVENING, MISS LaRUE.

UNCLE JASPER, I WANT-- I TOLD YOU NEVER TO CALL ME THAT AROUND HERE.

HAVEN'T YOU SOMETHING TO DO ?

I WAS JUST GONNA GET MY HAT AND GO HOME. GOOD. DO IT !

HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR NEW JOB, MISS LaRUE ? IT'S A BIG FAT NOTHING.

DON'T TALK LIKE THAT HERE ! I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA HELP ME BE A BIG BUSINESS WOMAN...

LIKE HELENA RUBENSTEIN OR FANNIE FARMER.

SO WHAT HAPPENS ? I'M STUCK IN THE LOUSY STENOGRAPHIC POOL...

WITH NO ONE TO FISH ME THE HELL OUT.

BUT ANGEL, THESE THINGS TAKE TIME. YOU HAVE TO LEARN--

YES, MISS LaRUE, IN A LARGE OPERATION LIKE WORLD WIDE WICKETS,

THERE ARE MULTIPLE FACETS WHICH ARE VERY IMPORTANT TO THE SCHEME OF THINGS.

I GAVE UP A WONDERFUL JOB. HEAD CIGARETTE GIRL AT THE COPA.

I THOUGHT YOU HATED ALL THOSE MEN STARING AT YOU, MAKING ADVANCES.

WELL, IT'S NO DIFFERENT HERE IN BIG BUSINESS.

AT LEAST AT THE COPA, WHEN I GOT PINCHED, I GOT TIPPED.

AROUND HERE, A GIRL CAN'T EVEN BEND DOWN TO PICK UP A PENCIL WITH CONFIDENCE.

YOU MEAN SOMEBODY'S BEEN BOTHERING YOU ? WHO ? JUST LET ME KNOW WHO HE IS--

YES ! MISS LaRUE, IN A LARGE OPERATION LIKE WORLD WIDE FACETS THERE ARE MULTIPLE WICKETS--

WHO PINCHED YOU ? I DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT. LOOK.

YOU DID NOT KEEP YOUR PART OF MY BARGAIN. BUT DARLING, I MEANT EVERY WORD.

TELL YOU WHAT. I'LL MEET YOU AT YOUR PLACE IN TEN MINUTES. WE'LL TALK EVERYTHING OVER.

NO. BUT ANGEL--

YES, MISS LaRUE, IN A LARGE OPERATION--

WHY DON'T YOU GO HOME ? I'M WAITING FOR THE ELEVATOR.

WHY DON'T YOU WALK DOWN ? IT'S 30 FLOORS.

WHY DON'T YOU JUMP ? [ Giggles ] OH, J.B.

A VERY ATTRACTIVE GIRL, MISS LaRUE. YES, SHE IS.

I WAS JUST TRYING TO PUT HER AT EASE. SHE'S A VERY SHY PERSON.

YES. WELL, YOU JUST GO AHEAD, J.B.

I'M MEETING MOTHER FOR DINNER.

MOTHER JUST LOVES HAVING DINNER WITH ME.

I TELL HER EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS ALL DAY AT THE OFFICE.

?? NOW HE'S THINKING ??

?? THE KID COULD REALLY PUT ME THROUGH HELL ??

?? AND SHE'S THINKING ??

?? THE KID COULD EVEN NAME THE HOTEL ??

? ?? NOW HE'S THINKING ?? ?? I WONDER IF HE'D DARE ?

?? AND SHE'S THINKING ?? ?? THERE'S BLACKMAIL IN THE AIR ??

?? AND HE SAYS ?? IT'S A HOLDUP.

?? AND SHE SAYS ?? DOWN !

WAIT A MINUTE. OKAY, YOU'RE PROMOTED.

? ?? WELL, IT'S BEEN A LONG BEEN A LONG, BEEN A LONG ?

?? BEEN A LONG DAY ??

? ?? WELL, IT'S BEEN A LONG BEEN A LONG, BEEN A LONG ?

?? BEEN A LONG DAY ???? HAH !

REALLY, I MEAN IT.

YOU'VE GOTTA SEE THIS. THIS IS MY OLDER SISTER, BERNICE.

THE ONE THAT GOT MARRIED AT 17. AND THAT'S SAM AND THE SEVEN CHILDREN.

YES. PRETTY. SEVEN !

TOO MANY ? I DIDN'T SAY THAT.

NOT ENOUGH ? NO, I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING--

YOU DON'T LIKE CHILDREN. ACTUALLY, I COME FROM A RATHER LARGE FAMILY MYSELF.

I KNOW. SIX.

HOW'D YOU KNOW THAT ?

SMITTY HAD YOUR PERSONNEL FILE OUT, AND, UH, SHE WAS JUST CHECKING OFF A FEW--

MAYBE WE BETTER ORDER. HUH ?

MAYBE WE BETTER ORDER.

OKAY.

ACTUALLY, IT'S INCUMBENT ON BIG CORPORATIONS TO FIND BRIGHT, YOUNG MEN.

I SUPPOSE YOU'RE RIGHT. BUT IT'S VERY DIFFICULT, BECAUSE ONCE--

HOW DO YOU LIKE THOSE VEGETABLES ? WELL, IT'S DELICIOUS.

I DO MY CARROTS IN A BOUILLON WITH JUST A DOLLOP OF WORCESTERSHIRE.

DOLLOP ? JUST GREAT. I WOULD REALLY LOVE YOU TO HAVE IT SOMETIME.

WHAT WAS I TALKING ABOUT ? BEFORE THE DOLLOP.

YOU TAKE THE AVERAGE YOUNG PERSON TODAY. THE TROUBLE IS THEY'RE LOOKING FOR...

INSTANT POETRY, INSTANT PSYCHOANALYSIS, INSTANT MASHED POTATOES...

AND INSTANT OLD-FASHIONED LOVE.

I MEAN, THEY DON'T REALIZE THAT IT TAKES--

TAKES, UH, TIME TO ESTABLISH A MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIP.

DON'T YOU AGREE ? WELL, NO. I AGREE WITH SOME OF THAT, ROSEMARY.

BUT IN THE WORLD OF BUSINESS, I-- I SEE NO REASON...

WHY A PERSON HAS TO WAIT YEARS TO BECOME A SUCCESS.

I DON'T KNOW. IN THE WORLD OF BUSINESS WHERE OLDER AND MORE SOPHISTICATED--

WHAT'S THE MATTER ? THIS IS WHERE I LIVE.

OH ! I'VE GOT MY KEY IN HERE SOMEPLACE.

HERE YOU GO.

THERE. THANK YOU.

OH, YOU BETTER GIVE ME THOSE. THAT HAS THE KEY TO MY DESK, AND I LOST IT TWICE...

...IN THE LAST-- OH, HERE, HERE. LET ME. LET ME GET THOSE.

THANK YOU. I LOVE TO CURL UP IN BED WITH A GOOD MAGAZINE. DON'T YOU ?

ROSEMARY, THIS IS THE DARNDEST THING !

YOU'RE THE FIRST GIRL THAT I'VE MET THAT I-- THAT I FEEL I CAN TRUST.

ANYONE WHO CAN CURL UP IN BED WITHFORTUNEANDBUSINESS WEEK--

WELL, THAT'S SUBSTANCE. THANK YOU.

LISTEN, I WANNA-- HERE. I WANNA THANK YOU FOR A VERY STIMULATING EVENING.

I DON'T KNOW. I'VE BEEN ENJOYING MYSELF SO MUCH THAT I FORGOT THAT I WAS DEPRESSED.

DEPRESSED ABOUT WHAT ? I'VE BEEN WORKING SO HARD, TRYING TO DO MY BEST,

AND I DON'T EVEN HAVE MY OWN OFFICE YET.

[ Chuckles ] YOU'VE ONLY BEEN WORKING THERE TWO DAYS.

YES, BUT...

I FEEL I'M NEVER GONNA GET ANY PLACE.

SOME MEN SPEND YEARS TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH WHAT YOU'VE JUST DONE IN TWO DAYS.

YES, BUT I'M 27 YEARS OLD,

AND I'M ONLY A JUNIOR EXECUTIVE.

I'M NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER. YOU'VE GOT A WONDERFUL CAREER AHEAD OF YOU.

[ Moans ] OH, NO.

I'VE LOST THE VISION.

WELL, I HAVEN'T. NOW, YOU LISTEN TO ME,

J. PIERREPONT FINCH.

?? YOU HAVE ??

?? THE COOL ??

?? CLEAR EYES ??

?? OF A SEEKER OF WISDOM AND TRUTH ??

?? YET THERE'S THAT UPTURNED CHIN ??

?? AND THE GRIN OF IMPETUOUS YOUTH ??

?? OH, I BELIEVE IN YOU ??

?? I BELIEVE IN YOU ??

?? I HEAR THE SOUND ??

?? OF GOOD SOLID JUDGEMENT ??

?? WHENEVER YOU TALK ??

?? YET THERE'S THE BOLD, BRAVE ??

?? SPRING OF A TIGER THAT QUICKENS YOUR WALK ??

?? OH, I BELIEVE IN YOU ??

?? I BELIEVE IN YOU ??

?? AND WHEN MY FAITH IN MY FELLOW MAN ??

?? ALL BUT FALLS APART ??

?? I'VE BUT TO FEEL YOUR HAND GRASPING MINE ??

?? AND I TAKE HEART ??

?? I TAKE HEART ??

?? TO SEE ??

?? THE COOL, CLEAR EYES ??

?? OF A SEEKER OF WISDOM AND TRUTH ??

?? YET WITH THE SLAM-BANG TANG ??

?? REMINISCENT OF GIN AND VERMOUTH ??

?? OH, I BELIEVE IN YOU ??

?? I BELIEVE IN YOU ????

ROSEMARY. YES ?

YOU'VE GIVEN ME A GREAT IDEA.

GOOD NIGHT, ROSEMARY. I'LL SEE YOU MONDAY AT THE OFFICE.

[ Door Closes ] UH, GOOD NIGHT.

[ Elevator Bell Dings ]

[ Snoring ]

GOOD MORNING !

OH. OH, MY GOSH.

IS IT MORNING ALREADY, SIR ? GOOD HEAVENS, HAVE YOU BEEN WORKING ALL NIGHT ?

YES. I-- I JUST, UH-- I HAD SOME WORK I HAD TO FINISH UP.

I SHOULDN'T BE HERE MUCH LONGER, SIR.

BY GEORGE, YOUR NAME ESCAPES ME. FINCH. F-I-N-C-H.

OH, YES. I'VE BEEN HEARING GOOD THINGS ABOUT YOU FROM MY SCOUTS.

OH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, SIR. GOOD TO SEE A MAN CARRYING A BALL. MAKES ME FEEL GUILTY.

I JUST CAME IN TO PICK UP MY GOLF CLUBS. HAVE TO PLAY WITH OLD WALLY WOMPER.

HE'S CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD, YOU KNOW. I SUPPOSE WE ALL...

HAVE TO DO THAT SORT OF THING ONCE IN A WHILE.

I'LL JUST GET THOSE CLUBS. RIGHT, SIR.

???? [ Humming ]

???? [ Continues ]

WHAT'S THAT YOU'RE HUMMING ? HMM ?

I-- I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT I WAS HUMMING, SIR.

YOU WERE HUMMING THE OLD IVY FIGHT SONG.

DID YOU GO THERE ? WERE YOU A GROUNDHOG ? OH, WELL--

SAY IT. OUT WITH IT ! YOU'RE NOT ASHAMED OF OLD IVY, ARE YOU ?

NO, SIR ! NOT A BIT ! THAT'S THE GROUNDHOG SPIRIT.

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN YOU WERE OLD IVY ! WHAT YEAR ?

WHAT ? UH-- WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE ?

OH, I'M SORRY, SIR. I-- I WAS THINKING ABOUT THE BIG GAME TODAY.

I'M SORRY I HAVE TO MISS IT, BUT, UH-- WE'RE PLAYING THE CHIPMUNKS.

YES. I CAN'T MAKE IT EITHER. I HOPE THOSE DAMNED CHIPMUNKS DON'T GIVE US TOO MUCH TROUBLE.

NO, I THINK WE'LL TAKE 'EM, SIR. CHARNOWSKY'S KNEE, YOU KNOW, IS--

IT'S MUCH BETTER. YES, WITH CHARNOWSKY BACK, THE TEAM'S MORALE SHOULD PICK UP.

HE'S THE DIRTIEST PLAYER WE'VE GOT.

YES. AND EVEN THOUGH WE'RE NOT THERE IN PERSON, WELL,

WE'LL BE ROOTING FOR 'EM, RIGHT ? RIGHT !

GROUNDHOG. GROUNDHOG.

?? STAND, OLD IVY ??

?? STAND FIRM AND STRONG ??

?? GRAND OLD IVY ??

?? HEAR THE CHEERING THRONG ??

?? STAND, OLD IVY ??

?? AND NEVER YIELD ??

?? RIP, RIP, RIP ??

?? THE CHIPMUNK OFF THE FIELD ??

?? WHEN YOU FALL ON THE BALL ??

?? WHEN YOU'RE DOWN THERE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE HEAP ?? ?? THE BOTTOM OF THE HEAP ??

?? WHERE THE MUD IS, OH SO VERY, VERY DEEP ?? ?? THE CRUDDY, MUDDY DEEP ??

?? DON'T FORGET, BOYS THAT'S WHY THEY CALL US ??

?? THEY CALL US GROUNDHOG GROUNDHOG ??

?? ?? STAND, OLD IVY ?? ?? GROUNDHOG, GROUNDHOG

?? STAND FIRM AND STRONG ?? ?? RIP, RIP THE CHIPMUNK ??

?? GRAND OLD IVY ??

?? ?? HEAR THE CHEERING THRONG

?? STAND, OLD IVY ?? ?? GROUNDHOG, GROUNDHOG ??

?? GOD BLESS YOU ?? ?? AND NEVER YIELD ??

?? RIP, RIP RIP THE CHIPMUNK ??

?? OFF THE FIELD ????

OH !

OH, I-- I ENJOYED THAT, SIR.

SO DID I. I'LL GO ALONG AND GET MY CLUBS. OH, YES. YES, SIR.

GOOD-BYE, FINCH. HAVE A NICE DAY, SIR.

[ Softly ] TWENTY-FIVE, TWENTY-SIX, TWENTY-SEVEN,

TWENTY-EIGHT-- WHAT'S THAT YOU'RE DOING ?

I'M SORRY, SIR. I JUST WANT TO, YOU KNOW, FINISH THIS ROW.

I GUESS THIS LOOKS PRETTY SILLY, BUT,

WELL, I FIND THAT KNITTING HELPS ME THINK MORE CLEARLY.

WELL, I'LL BE DAMNED ! YES ?

[ Softly ] TWENTY-NINE, THIRTY.

I KNIT TOO ! YOU KNIT ? YOU DO ?

YES, I'VE BEEN DOING IT FOR YEARS. I FIND IT'S GOOD FOR MY NERVES.

WHAT'S THIS GOING TO BE ? OH, YES. WELL, I THOUGHT I'D--

UH, WHAT'S IT-- WELL, I THOUGHT I'D MAKE A, UH--

[ Stuttering ] A BIRDCAGE COVER.

A BIRDCAGE COVER ? YES, BIRDCAGE COVER.

NEVER MADE ONE OF THOSE, BUT HOW DO YOU LIKE THIS ? OH, MY GOODNESS.

THAT IS GORGEOUS. REALLY IS BEAUTIFUL. DID IT ALL MYSELF !

MADE THE COVERS FOR THE GOLF CLUBS. POM-POM STITCH !

WHAT WORK. THAT'S LOVELY.

OH, GOSH. YOU KNOW, MR. BIGGLEY, I DON'T--

YOU KNOW, AH-- I FEEL SORRY FOR MEN WHO DON'T KNIT.

THEY LEAD EMPTY LIVES.

I LIKE THE WAY YOU THINK, FINK.

[ Sighs ] NO, IT'S, "THINK, FINCH."

THINK FINCH, THINK FINCH. WHERE ARE YOU HEADED FOR ?

WHAT'S YOUR AMBITION IN THIS OUTFIT ?

SMART FELLOW LIKE YOU MUST HAVE IT ALL FIGURED OUT. SIR, I DON'T KNOW.

I'D LIKE TO BE WHERE A MAN COULD GET HIS TEETH INTO SOMETHING.

WHERE HE COULD, UH-- DO SOMETHING REAL, SOLID, YOU KNOW--

DOWN-TO-EARTH. I'D LIKE THE, UH, ADVERTISING DEPARTMENT.

YES ! ADVERTISING ? WOULDN'T DO FOR AN OLD SCHOOLMATE OF MINE.

TOO ROUGH, TOO INSECURE. OH.

WHY, WE'VE HAD 15 NEW ADVERTISING MANAGERS HERE IN THE PAST YEAR ALONE.

THE POOR DEVILS DISAPPEAR AT THE RATE OF ONE A MONTH. WHY IS THAT ?

I FIRE 'EM. BUT, SIR--

IF YOU HAD A MAN WITH IDEAS-- IDEAS ? THAT'S WHAT I LOOK FOR.

I KEEP HIRING A LOT OF FELLOWS WHO ARE SUPPOSED TO HAVE BRILLIANT IDEAS,

BUT NOT ONE OF THEM WILL EVER DO WHAT I TELL HIM.

NO, SON, YOU STICK TO WHAT YOU ARE DOING.

DAMN FINE DEPARTMENT ! BY THE WAY, WHERE ARE YOU ? WHERE AM I ?

I'M-- WHERE AM I ? I'M-- WHAT IS-- IT'S MR. GATCH'S DEPARTMENT !

DAMN FINE MAN, GATCH. STICK WITH HIM, AND I'LL KEEP AN EYE ON YOU.

THANK YOU, SIR. HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY ON THE LINKS, ALL RIGHT ?

I HAVE TO FINISH THIS WORK BEFORE MIDNIGHT. MIDNIGHT ?

THAT'S THE GROUNDHOG SPIRIT !

?? GROUNDHOG ?? ?? GROUNDHOG ??

?? STAND, OLD IVY ??

?? AND NEVER YIELD ??

?? RIP, RIP, RIP ??

?? THE CHIPMUNK OFF THE FIELD ????

GOOD MORNING, SIR. GOOD MORNING, YOUNG MAN. HOW DO YOU FEEL ?

WELL, A LITTLE FUZZY. BUT DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME. I'LL BE FINE.

KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK. WELL, THANK YOU.

?? STAND, OLD IVY STAND FIRM AND STRONG ??

???? [ Continues ] WHY DON'T WE HAVE LUNCH SOME DAY, FINCH ?

?? OFF THE FIELD ????

GOOD MORNING, J.B. DAMN IT, BRATT. WHAT ARE WE RUNNING HERE, A SWEATSHOP ?

A SWEATSHOP ? WE'RE WORKING THAT BOY TOO HARD.

WHO ? WHO ? FINCH. F-I-N-C-H.

OH, FINCH. I HAD NO-- POOR DEVIL WORKED HERE ALL WEEKEND.

ALL WEEKEND ? I OUGHT TO KNOW. I WAS WITH HIM,

WORKING SIDE BY SIDE !

I HAD NO IDEA, SI-- THE LAD NEEDS HELP. AND FIRST OF ALL,

I WANT HIM TO HAVE AN OFFICE OF HIS OWN. AN OFFICE, SIR ?

HE DESERVES THE BEST YOU HAVE AVAILABLE. I'LL GET ON IT RIGHT AWAY.

BUT NOTHING FANCY. DON'T WANT HIM GETTING IDEAS. NO, NO.

[ Executives Chattering ]

SO LONG, FELLAS. I'LL NEVER FORGET THIS JUNIOR EXECUTIVE POOL.

I'VE SPENT SOME OF THE HAPPIEST MINUTES IN MY LIFE HERE.

[ Junior Executives Grumbling ]

WHERE'S MR. FINCH ?

PONTY, YOU'VE GOT YOUR FIRST OFFICE, AND--

AND-- AND IT'S JUST BEAUTIFUL !

OH, THANK YOU. [ Giggling ] HERE !

OH, THAT'S SWEET. HERE. OH, PLEASE. PLEASE.

SIT. SIT. [ Chuckles ] WELL, THANK YOU.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ? I MEAN IT'S-- IT'S--

IT'S NOT BAD CONSIDERING. I DID WANT MY NAME ON THE OFFICE DOOR,

BUT I DECIDED NOT TO ASK, 'CAUSE THERE'S NO DOOR.

[ Laughing ] WELL, IT'S BEAUTIFUL, AND IT'S YOURS.

OH, YES. LISTEN, PONTY, I JUST CAME BY TO TELL YOU THAT...

I HAD A REAL GOOD TIME THE OTHER NIGHT.

OH, ME TOO. LISTEN, I-- [ Chuckles ]

I ENJOYED THE CONVERSATION.

I GUESS I TALK TOO MUCH. WELL, I LIKED IT.

BUT JUST ONE THING, PONTY, SORT OF BOTHERS ME. WHAT ?

ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED LATER. I MEAN, YOU KNOW, WHEN WE SAID GOOD NIGHT.

I KNOW IT WAS OUR FIRST DATE, AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET THE WRONG IMPRESSION,

BUT WELL,

I GUESS IT'S ONLY NATURAL FOR A FELLA TO TRY TO GET A LITTLE FRESH WITH A GIRL...

AND MAKE A PASS AT HER.

BUT YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING !

[ Clears Throat, Sighs ]

WELL, I HAD TO GET UP EARLY--

SIR, UH, MISS--

I'M MISS LaRUE, HONEY.

YES, WELL, I DON'T, UH-- WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU ?

A SECRETARY WAS ORDERED TO BE ASSIGNED TO YOU.

I'M YOUR ASSIGNATION.

[ Moans ] YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOU WERE GETTING A SECRETARY.

I JUST FOUND OUT MYSELF. I DON'T KNOW--

- ROSE-- - WELL, HAPPY DICTATION, PONTY.

BYE.

ROSE-- [ Chuckles Uneasily ]

OH. [ Clears Throat ]

UM-- [ Coughs ]

UM-- [ Sighs ]

I DON'T KNOW. OH.

W-WON'T YOU SIT DOWN, MISS LaRUE ?

THANK YOU. YES.

YES, NOW-- [ Coughing ] MISS LaRUE--

OH, JUST CALL ME HEDY. WELL, YES, BUT I THINK THAT PERHAPS, YOU KNOW,

IN A BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP-- YOU'RE CUTE.

EXCUSE ME A MOMENT.

[ Author's Voice ] CHOOSING A SECRETARY CAN BE FRAUGHT WITH PERIL.

TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT THE YOUNG LADY WHO HAS BEEN ASSIGNED TO YOU.

IF SHE IS SO ATTRACTIVE THAT YOU FEEL THINGS ARE TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE,

BE VERY CAREFUL.

IT MAY BE THAT ONE OF THE BIG MEN IN THE COMPANY IS INTERESTED IN HER CAREER.

THERE'S A SIMPLE TEST FOR THIS: CHECK ON HER SECRETARIAL SKILL.

THE SMALLER HER ABILITIES, THE BIGGER HER PROTECTOR.

[ Sighs ] YES.

UH, MISS LaRUE, LET'S TRY SOME DICTATION. TAKE A LETTER FOR ME.

SHOOT. YES, UH, THIS IS TO MR. GATCH.

UH, "DEAR... MISTER... GATCH.

UM--

[ Pencil Scratching ]

[ Scratching Continues ]

"PURSUANT...

TO OUR DISCUSSION OF--" WAIT A MINUTE. YOU TRYING TO CATCH A TRAIN ?

MISS LA-- HEDY. WHAT--

WHAT ARE YOU TAKING THIS DOWN IN ?

LONGHAND. IT'S SAFER. I MAKE UP FOR IT WHEN I TYPE.

OH, I SEE. OH, YOU TYPE FAST, HUH ? LIKE A JACKRABBIT.

TWELVE WORDS A MINUTE.

MISS LaRUE. HEDY. TELL ME SOMETHING. I'D LIKE TO KNOW.

WHAT-- NOW-- WHAT--

WAS YOUR LAST... POSITION ?

HMM ?

I WAS IN THE TOBACCO BUSINESS. IN THE TOBACCO BUSINESS.

- BUT THEN MR. BIGGLEY... - MR. BIGGLEY ?

WAS INTERESTED IN WICKETS, SO I MATRICULATED MYSELF INTO BUSINESS SCHOOLING.

WELL, HERE I AM. OH, YES, YOU ARE. YES, YES.

GO AHEAD, DICTATE SOME MORE, I'M GONNA LIKE THIS JAZZ. MISS LaRUE. HEDY.

LOOK, PUT THE LETTER ASIDE FOR A MOMENT. I WANT YOU TO DO ME A FAVOR.

I HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT JOB FOR YOU NOW. OH, GOOD !

I WANT YOU TO TAKE THIS IN TO MR. GATCH.

MR. GATCH. NOW, MR. GATCH, HE'S MY BOSS.

Y-YEAH. WAIT A MINUTE. I WANT YOU TO GIVE IT...

TO MR. GATCH HIMSELF, ALL RIGHT, HEDY ?

DID YOU GET THAT ? FINE.

H-HEDY !

- [ Chuckling ] PERSONALLY. - OKAY, CHARLIE.

MR. GATCH. I'M MR. FINCH'S SECRETARY.

HE ASKED ME TO GIVE YOU...

THIS.

[ Stuttering ] MISS ! MISS ! MISS, UH--

WHAT ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT ? I'VE GOT A DATE WITH MY GENTLEMAN FRIEND.

OH, COME ON. YOU'RE IN THE BIG TIME NOW.

DON'T FOOL AROUND WITH SMALL FRY.

-[ Telephone Ringing ] - HELLO, MR. FINCH'S OFFICE.

IT'S THE PRODUCTION DEPARTMENT. OH.

HELLO. FINCH. N-NO, NO.

I'M RUNNING EXECUTIVE PERSONNEL PLACEMENT DEPARTMENT NOW.

OH, Y-YOU WANT TO SPEAK TO MR. GATCH ?

WELL, UH-- NO, HE'S BEEN TRANSFERRED...

TO ONE OF OUR-- OUR OUT-OF-TOWN OFFICES.

VENEZUELA.

[ Author's Voice ] VERY WELL. IT IS TIME TO LOOK TO YOUR NEXT STEP UP THE LADDER.

THIS IS AN IMPORTANT STEP.

WEIGH CAREFULLY THE NEXT POSITION YOU WANT TO OBTAIN.

MISS KRUMHOLTZ, TAKE A MEMO FOR ME, PLEASE.

YES, I WAS JUST STRAIGHTENING UP YOUR DESK. THAT'LL WAIT.

THIS IS AN INTEROFFICE MEMO TO ALL DEPARTMENTS: "WE ARE REASSIGNING...

"MR. J. PIERREPONT FINCH TO THE WORLD WIDE WICKET ADVERTISING DEPARTMENT.

SIGNED, UH, MANAGER, EXECUTIVE PERSONNEL PLACEMENT."

WHO THE HELL PUT THROUGH THIS ASSIGNMENT ? I DIDN'T ORDER ANY HELP.

WHO ARE YOU, ANYWAY ? WELL, UH, FINCH, SIR. J. PIERREPONT FINCH.

IAM THE ONE WHO DECIDES IF THIS DEPARTMENT NEEDS REPLACEMENT PERSONNEL.

AND IF I NEED THEM, I PICK THEM. ME. PERSONALLY.

SOME SILLY BOOB SENDS THROUGH A DAMN MEMO AND JUST DUMPS YOU IN MY LAP.

WELL, NO, THANK YOU ! WATCH IT ! EXCUSE ME.

HI, ROSEMARY. WHAT ARE YOU PLAYING, MUSICAL OFFICES ?

LISTEN, I CAN'T EXPLAIN NOW, BUT I WON'T BE ABLE TO HAVE LUNCH WITH YOU TODAY.

- FINCH ! ARE YOU LISTENING ? - YES, SIR, MR. OVINGTON.

I HEARD EVERY WORD, SIR. WHO THE HELL TRANSFERRED YOU INTO THIS DEPARTMENT ?

WELL, IT WAS THE MANAGER OF EXECUTIVE PERSONNEL PLACEMENT.

WHO IS HE ? WHAT'S HIS NAME ? NO ! HE--

SIR, HE'S NOT THERE ANYMORE. HE'S BEEN, UH-- [ Whistles ] TRANSFERRED TO--

DAMN SYSTEM. [ Slamming Down Phone ]

DAMN CORPORATE PROCEDURES. I AGREE WITH YOU, MR. OVINGTON.

WHY, IT'S CRIMINAL THE WAY THEY SHIFT PERSONNEL WITHOUT CHECKING.

BUT I JUST WANTED TO SAY SINCE THEY HAVE MADE THIS-- THIS DREADFUL REASSIGNMENT,

I PROMISE YOU I'LL-- I PROMISE. I'LL DO MY BEST...

TO MAKE YOU HAPPY WITH ME, SIR.

[ Snoring ]

[ Snoring Continues ]

OH, REALLY. [ Laughs ]

[ Man ] ...PLANNED SO THAT IT WILL TAKE IN ALL COUNTRIES IN EUROPE AND THE NEAR EAST.

[ Man Continues, Indistinct ]

HEDY ? PERSONALLY.

OKAY, CHARLIE. [ Chuckles ]

HELLO THERE. WHO SENT YOU WITH THIS ?

WHAT HAPPENED ? HE WANTS TO SEE YOU. PERSONALLY.

[ Coughs ] SIT DOWN, FINCH.

OH. THANK YOU, SIR.

YES ? FINCH, I'VE BEEN WATCHING YOU FOR THESE LAST TWO DAYS.

OH, WELL-- WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW MY APPRAISAL OF YOU ?

WELL, YES, I WOULD, SIR. FINCH, YOU REMIND ME OF MYSELF WHEN I WAS A YOUNG MAN.

WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. SO BEFORE YOU TRY TO TAKE OVER MY JOB,

I'M FIRING YOU.

- FIRING ME ? - I'VE PUT THE PAPERS THROUGH AND NOTIFIED PERSONNEL.

YOU'LL GET THE NORMAL TWO WEEKS SEVERANCE PAY. OH, AND THE PARTY.

I'VE SCHEDULED YOUR FAREWELL PARTY FOR TOMORROW AFTERNOON ON THE ROOFTOP GARDEN.

WELL, I BELIEVE THAT'S EVERYTHING, FINCH.

YOU MAY SPEND THE REST OF THE AFTERNOON CLEANING OUT YOUR PERSONAL BELONGINGS.

GOOD-BYE, FINCH.

[ Mumbles ]

UH, DON'T YOU FEEL-- GOOD-BYE.

FINCH.

PONTY, I'M TERRIBLY SORRY. I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

[ Stammering ] HE JUST FIRED ME. JUST LIKE THAT.

EVERYONE IS JUST SHOCKED. ABSOLUTELY STUNNED.

YOU WERE ADVANCING SO NICELY. I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.

DO YOU KNOW, HE WAS SO DISPASSIONATE AND COLD. HE'S-- OH.

HE'S THE ONLY ONE THAT I COULD NEVER GET AN ANGLE ON.

LOOK. LOOK, YOU'RE HIS SECRETARY. YOU MUST KNOW...

ONE WEAKNESS THAT HE HAS, SOME LITTLE ANGLE THAT I COULD WORK ON.

PONTY, I SWEAR TO YOU, WE HARDLY KNOW HIM.

NO ONE KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT HIM. HE'S THE COMPANY MYSTERY MAN.

BUT, HEY, WHAT ABOUT HIS PERSONAL PHONE CALLS ?

NO, NO, NO. HE HAS A PRIVATE TELEPHONE HE KEEPS LOCKED UP IN A CABINET,

AND HIS PERSONAL PHONE CALLS NEVER GO THROUGH ME OR THE SWITCHBOARD.

PONTY, YOU'D HAVE TO BE A FLY ON THE WINDOWSILL TO LEARN ANYTHING ABOUT HIM.

BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I'D DO ANYTHING IN THE WORLD TO HELP.

SAY THAT AGAIN.

I SAID I'D DO ANYTHING IN THE WORLD TO HELP YOU.

NO, BEFORE THAT. WHAT DID YOU SAY ? I SAID,

[ Speaking Together ] "YOU'D HAVE TO BE A FLY ON HIS WINDOWSILL."

YEAH.

IT SHOULD BE DE-ACCENTUATED. I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU.

HE MISSED THE WHOLE POINT. HE ALWAYS DOES.

HERE'S A NEW APPROACH TO WHAT WE'VE BEEN SAYING. WELL, THAT IS MORE--

[ Phone Ringing ] OH, GENTLEMEN, WOULD YOU LEAVE ME ALONE FOR A FEW MOMENTS ?

[ Chattering ]

[ Man ] WE'LL BE OUTSIDE, BURTON, IF YOU NEED US.

[ Door Closing ] [ Phone Continues Ringing ]

[ Ringing Continues ]

- HELLO ? YES ? -[ Voice On Phone, Indistinct ]

-BEEN WAITING FOR YOUR CALL. YES, TONIGHT. - [ Indistinct ]

I'LL SEE YOU RIGHT AFTER WORK. TOODLE-OO.

[ Party Horns Squealing ]

HAPPY REUNION.

[ Chattering, Laughing ]

[ Horn Blasting ] [ Cheering, Applauding ]

ALL TOGETHER NOW !

?? CHIPMUNKS, CHIPMUNKS RAH-RAH-RAH ??

?? CHIPMUNKS, CHIPMUNKS SIS-BOOM-BAH ??

?? CHIP, MUNK, MUNK CHIPMUNK, CHIPMUNK ????

OVINGTON, I'M NOT A BIGOT. I'VE HIRED MEN FROM ALL COLLEGES.

TIGERS, BULLDOGS, TROJANS, BEARS, GOPHERS, BADGERS,

BUT NEVER, NEVER A CHIPMUNK !

YOU MAY CALL THE SHOTS AROUND HERE, BIGGLEY.

BUT THE IMPORTANT THING IS, WE CHIPMUNKS MURDERED YOU GROUNDHOGS....

IN LAST SATURDAY'S BIG GAME. [ Laughing ]

- EASY. EASY, J.B. ! -GET HIM OUT OF HERE !

?? CHIPMUNK, RAH, CHIPMUNK, RAH CHIP, CHIP, CHIP, CHIP CHIPMUNK ????

[ Blustering ] IT'S ALL RIGHT. TAKE IT EASY. TAKE IT EASY, J.B.

THAT WAS A NARROW SQUEAK. IMAGINE, A DAMN CHIPMUNK WORKING HERE IN THE BUILDING.

IT WAS A BIG SHOCK TO ME, SIR, WHEN I FOUND OUT. I KNOW THAT.

FINCH, IT'S A GOOD THING YOU'RE ON THE BALL WHEN IT COMES TO ADVERTISING.

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO FOR A NEW ADVERTISING MANAGER ?

FINCH, IT COULD BE FATE THAT YOU DISCOVERED THIS BEFORE OVINGTON FIRED YOU.

WHY, SIR ? YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED THIS ROTTEN JOB.

YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE IT ? WELL, I-- I DON'T KNOW, SIR.

I'VE NEVER HAD-- IF THERE'S ONE THING I ADMIRE IN A MAN, IT IS HUMILITY !

UM, WELL, HMM.

FINCH, I'M MAKING YOU VICE PRESIDENT IN CHARGE OF ADVERTISING.

VICE PRESIDENT ? EASY, J.B. I DON'T WANT TO QUESTION YOUR DECISION.

FINCH IS BRIGHT, BUT HE'S HAD NO EXPERIENCE--

[ Shouting ] I LIKE HIM ! I LIKE HIM !

[ Together ] WE LIKE HIM !

LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN. THE FAREWELL PARTY'S READY, J.B.

UP ON THE ROOF, EVERYBODY. HURRY, BEFORE THE ICE MELTS. [ Smooching Sound ]

SEE YOU UP THERE, PONTY. [ Laughing ]

???? [ Big Band ]

BRATT, WHY IS FINCH SMILING ?

HAVEN'T YOU HEARD THE NEWS ? OH, NO. I DON'T WANNA HEAR.

ALL RIGHT, THE HELL WITH YOU. OVINGTON'S OUT. FINCH IS IN.

OH, I KNEW I DIDN'T WANT TO HEAR. I KNEW I DIDN'T WANT TO HEAR !

BOYS AND GIRLS, YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE.

MOST OF YOU KNOW THAT THIS WAS TO HAVE BEEN A FAREWELL PARTY FOR MR. FINCH.

BUT I'M HAPPY TO INFORM YOU THAT MR. FINCH IS STILL WITH US.

NOT ONLY STILL WITH US, BUT HE IS THE NEW VICE PRESIDENT IN CHARGE OF ADVERTISING.

LET THE FUN AND MERRIMENT CONTINUE. ON WITH THE DANCE !

I TOLD YA. THAT'S MY BOY.

WHO WANTS TO DANCE WITH HEDY LaRUE ?

I DON'T THINK SHE'S FEELING TOO WELL. HAVE BUD TAKE HER HOME IN THE COMPANY CAR.

HEY, BUDDY-BUD. LET'S DANCE.

NO, NO, NO, HEDY, NO.

J.B. SAYS YOU'RE TO TAKE MISS LaRUE HOME. WHY ?

"SHE DOESN'T FEEL WELL." MM-HMM.

OKAY, COME ON, HEDY. COME ON. I FEEL FINE !

- NO, YOU FEEL TERRIBLE. - FINCH !

HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE A VICE PRESIDENT ?

WELL, SIR, I FEEL IT'S ONE OF THE BIGGEST CHALLENGES I'VE EVER HAD IN MY CAREER.

I THINK WE'VE HIT ON SOMETHING HERE, BRATT. THIS BOY IS LOADED WITH IDEAS.

- IDEAS ? TELL US ABOUT THEM, FINCH. -WHAT HAVE YOU GOT, FINCH ?

[ Man ] YES, LET'S HEAR YOUR IDEAS. YEAH, SPEAK UP, SON.

WHERE ARE THOSE IDEAS ? PUT UP OR SHUT UP, SON.

GET ON THE BALL OR YOU'RE OUT OF HERE LIKE A SHOT !

WELL, UH, WHEN I PRESENT MY IDEAS TO YOU, SIR,

I WANT TO PRESENT A WHOLE, CLEAR-CUT CAMPAIGN.

NOT JUST ONE LITTLE SILLY LITTLE IDEA, SIR.

AHA, WELL THOUGHT OUT, FINCH. SAY, J.B.

THE BOARD MEETING IS SET FOR NEXT MONDAY.

- FINCH COULD PRESENT HIS WHOLE CLEAR-CUT CAMPAIGN. - BY MONDAY ?

FINCH, I'LL GIVE YOU 48 HOURS TO COME UP WITH YOUR ADVERTISING PRESENTATION.

BETTER GET GOING, FINCH. YOU ARE NOW VICE PRESIDENT IN FULL CHARGE OF ADVERTISING.

FRANKLY, UP TO NOW, I'M PRETTY DISSATISFIED WITH YOUR WORK.

[ Executives Chuckling ]

[ Elevator Dings ] OOH ! OOH, I LOVE THIS FLOOR !

HEDY, NO, IT'S THE WRONG FLOOR.

NOW, LOOK WHAT YOU DID. CATCH ME IF YOU CAN.

[ Chattering ] I DON'T THINK THIS IS VERY FUNNY.

THERE IS A CAB WAITING DOWNSTAIRS.

OOH, LOOK, A TELEPHONE. UPSY-DAISY !

HELLO, I'D LIKE A DOUBLE MARTINI, PLEASE.

WITH TWO OLIV-- J.B. SAYS YOU HAVE TO GO HOME.

[ Hangs Up Receiver ] NO, NO, NO. I'M NOT GOING HOME.

I'M GOING TO J.B.'S OFFICE, BECAUSE HE HAS A PRIVATE SHOWER,

AND I'LL TAKE A NICE, COOL SHOWER AND THEN I'LL FEEL FINE,

AND I'LL COME BACK TO THE PARTY.

CHA-CHA-CHA ! [ Laughs ] A SHOWER.

A SHOWER ! YEAH, UH, HEY, WHY DON'T YOU DO THAT, HEDY ?

YOU GO TAKE A NICE SHOWER IN J.B.'S OFFICE, HUH ?

OH, THANKS, BUDDY-BUD. YOU KNOW, YOU'RE CUTE. [ Chuckles ]

NOT AS CUTE AS FINCH, [ Clicks Tongue ] BUT YOU'RE CUTE !

CHA-CHA-CHA ! [ Chuckles ]

?? CHA, CHA, CHA-CHA-CHA ??

THAT'S THE MOST FLAGRANT THING I EVER HEARD.

OH, YEAH. COME ON, GIRLS.

J.B. WANTS YOU TO GO DOWN TO HIS OFFICE. HE'LL MEET YOU THERE IN TWO MINUTES.

I WAS JUST WITH J.B. WHY DON'T-- SHH !

HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING TO-- THERE'S SOMETHING BIG IN THE WIND.

HE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT IN FRONT OF ALL THESE PEOPLE.

HE SAID IT'S VERY IMPORTANT.

WELL, I'VE NEVER SEEN J.B.'S OFFICE, ANYWAY. [ Simpers ]

WELL, THANKS, BUD.

???? [ Cha-cha ]

[ Laughing Uncontrollably ] SHH !

GUESS WHO ? UH--

MR. BIGGLEY, IS IT-- SURPRISE !

HEDY ? WH-WHAT ?

LISTEN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING DOWN HERE ? OH ! I CAME DOWN...

TO TAKE A SHOWER, BECAUSE-- [ Giggles ] YOU--

I GOT A LITTLE DRUNKIE UP THERE. YES, WELL, I THINK I BETTER GET BACK THEN.

WHAT'S YOUR HURRY ? IT IS MUCH MORE FUN DOWN HERE.

HEDY, LOOK. I THINK I SHOULD GET BACK-- DON'T YOU WANT TO STAY WITH ME ?

J.B. IS COMING-- ?? CHA-CHA-CHA ??

CHA-CHA-CHA. HEDY, PLEASE. HE'S GONNA WALK IN THAT DOOR.

I'VE BEEN WATCHING YOU, BUSTER. I'M SURE YOU BEEN WA--

YOU'RE A CUTIE PIE. YES, HEDY, LISTEN--

IF YOU WANT MY OPINION, YOU'RE GOING PLACES.

WELL-- [ Coughs ]

YEAH, VENEZUELA. HEDY, PLEASE, LISTEN--

WOULDN'T J.B. DIE IF HE CAME IN AND FOUND YOU KISSING ME ?

WELL, I'D RATHER HE DIDN'T, HEDY. COME ON, LET'S TRY IT.

HEDY, NO KISSES. HE'S GONNA WALK-- YOU BETTER, FINCH.

IF YOU DON'T KISS ME, I'LL TELL J.B. YOU DID. HE'S GONNA WALK--

[ Sighs ] OKAY, LOOK. JUST ONCE, THEN.

[ Whimpering ]

MM-MM. MM. MM.

MMM. [ Sighs ]

?? ROSEMARY ??

HUH ? LISTEN. LISTEN. CAN'T YOU HEAR IT ?

?? ROSEMARY ?? ROSEMARY ?

[ Gasps ] THAT KISS ! WHAT ABOUT THAT KISS ?

- I DON'T KNOW. ROSEMARY ! - FINCHIE, THINKING OF TWO BROADS...

IN THE MIDDLE OF ONE KISS IS DIRTY.

I'M SORRY, HEDY, I-I-- SOMETHING MUST HAVE HAPPENED.

I DON'T KNOW, I CAN'T EXPLAIN !

FINCH, YOU ARE IN LOVE !

[ Laughing ]

[ Makes Popping Sound ] YES ! YOU'RE RIGHT !

YOU'RE RIGHT. FINCH IS IN LOVE. IT'S THE-- IT'S--

IT'S LIKE MUSIC ALL AROUND ME. IT'S LIKE A SYMPHONY.

I MUST HAVE BEEN IN LOVE WITH HER ALL ALONG !

YOU FOUND OUT YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH ROSEMARY BY KISSING ME ?

- YES, YES. - "IT IS A FAR, FAR BETTER THING I DO...

THAN I HAVE EVER DID BEFORE."

[ Tapping Imaginary Baton ]

???? [ Orchestra ]

???? [ Cymbals Crash ]

?? ?? SUDDENLY, THERE IS MUSIC

?? IN THE SOUND OF YOUR NAME ??

?? ROSEMARY ??

?? ROSEMARY ??

?? WAS THE MELODY LOCKED INSIDE ME ??

?? TILL AT LAST OUT IT CAME ??

?? ROSEMARY ??

?? ROSEMARY, JUST IMAGINE ??

?? IF WE KISSED ??

?? WHAT A CRESCENDO ??

] ???? [ Piano Plays Dramatically

?? NOT TO BE MISSED ??

?? AS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFETIME PROGRAM ??

?? GIVE ME MORE OF THE SAME ??

?? ROSEMARY ??

?? ROSEMARY ??

?? ?? THERE IS WONDERFUL MUSIC

?? IN THE VERY SOUND ??

?? OF YOUR NAME ????

PONTY ?

PONTY, I HEARD BUD FRUMP TALKING AT THE PARTY. WHERE IS SHE ?

ROSEMARY, LISTEN. THE MOST WONDERFUL THING HAS HAPPENED.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ? CAN'T YOU HEAR IT ?

I DON'T HEAR A THING. IT'S ALL AROUND ME. IT'S-- OH !

IT'S LIKE A BEAUTIFUL PINK SKY. NOW LOOK HERE, J. PIERREPONT.

HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND ? ROSEMARY, DARLING. WILL YOU MARRY J. PIERREPONT FINCH ?

NOW I HEAR IT. [ Laughs ] I HEAR IT !

OH-- GEE, I'VE BEEN SO WRAPPED UP IN-- I DON'T KNOW.

JUST TRYING TO GET AHEAD. I JUST NEVER REALIZED.

IT'S ALMOST AS THOUGH I'M SEEING YOU FOR THE FIRST TIME.

HI, ROSEMARY !

OH--

[ Chuckles ] WELL, WHAT'S THE MATTER ?

ROSEMARY. DON'T LET ME KEEP YOU. GO ON !

GO BACK TO MAKING LOVE TO HER. KISS HER ! TAKE HER HOME FOR THE WEEKEND !

I DON'T CARE. ALL RIGHT, NOW WHAT'LL I DO ?

LET'S DO WHAT SHE SAID. [ Clicks Tongue ]

HEDY, WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP-- YOU ! GET BACK IN THE SHOWER !

[ Both Chattering ]

GET BACK IN THERE. I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE.

OH, YES, YOU HAVE, AND YOU KEEP IT HIDDEN.

YOU SNAKE, KISS ME ! LET ME EXPLAIN.

KISS ME ! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ?

[ Moans ]

I BEG YOUR PARDON. I THOUGHT I WAS LOOKING--

BUD FRUMP SAID-- IT'S ALL MY FAULT, MR. BIGGLEY.

I, UH-- I INSISTED THAT MR. FINCH SHOW ME YOUR OFFICE.

I SEE. ACTUALLY, I JUST CAME IN TO, UH-- TO WASH UP !

OH ! EXCUSE ME !

FINCH, I GUESS I OWE YOU AN APOLOGY.

Y-YOU DO, SIR ? FOR WHAT ? NEVER MIND.

I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I DO NOT APPROVE...

OF WHAT YOU WERE DOING WHEN I WALKED IN.

I DON'T CARE FOR THAT BETWEEN AN EXECUTIVE AND HIS SECRETARY.

BUT MISS PILKINGTON WON'T BE MY SECRETARY UNTIL MONDAY.

THAT'S A GOOD POINT !

[ Knocking ] YOU CAN COME OUT NOW, GIRLS.

[ Chattering ] ROSEMARY, I WANT TO THANK YOU SO--

[ Chattering Continues ] I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR--

ROSEMARY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING ? I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

ROSEMARY, COME HERE. LISTEN. YOU'RE GOING TO BE MY SECRETARY.

I WOULDN'T BE YOUR SECRETARY IF WILD HORSES DRAGGED ME. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ?

I'LL TAKE THE JOB ! HEDY, HEDY. I WOULD LOVE THAT.

I REALLY WOULD. BUT ROSEMARY'S GOING TO BE MY SECRETARY.

NOW, LISTEN TO ME. HEY.

I CAN EXPLAIN EVERYTHING LATER ABOUT HEDY. ABOUT EVERYTHING.

DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND ? I'VE JUST BEEN MADE VICE PRESIDENT.

IN CHARGE OF ADVERTISING. NOW, YOU KNOW WHAT A TOUGH JOB THAT IS.

HEY ! AND I CAN ONLY DO IT IF I HAVE YOUR HELP.

ROSEMARY, I NEED YOU.

WELL, WHEN YOU PUT IT THAT WAY--

GUESS I'LL WAIT FOR THAT PIGEON TILL AFTER HE'S MARRIED.

[ Door Closes ]

[ Chattering ]

SURE A LOT OF WHISPERING GOING ON. IT'S THE MERCHANDISE MAFIA AT WORK.

EVER SINCE FINCH BECAME VICE PRESIDENT, THEY'RE ALL SCARED OUT OF THEIR WITS.

THEY CAN'T WAIT FOR HIM TO LAY AN EGG. [ Groans ]

WHAT TIME IS THE BIG MEETING THIS AFTERNOON ? 4:30.

[ Author's Voice ] SO, YOU ARE NOW A VICE PRESIDENT.

YOU HAVE CLIMBED THE LADDER OF SUCCESS, RUNG BY PAINFUL RUNG,

UNTIL YOU'VE ALMOST SCALED THE TOP.

YOU HAVE DONE BEAUTIFULLY-- UNLESS YOU ARE VICE PRESIDENT IN CHARGE OF ADVERTISING.

IN THAT CASE, YOU'RE IN TERRIBLE TROUBLE.

THERE IS ONE THING THAT CAN SAVE YOU.

YOU MUST GET A BRILLIANT IDEA.

NOW, THE QUICKEST WAY TO GET A BRILLIANT IDEA...

IS TO STEAL SOMEONE ELSE'S !

HI, PONTY. I HAD TO TALK TO YOU.

- HI, BUD. - HEY, FIRST TIME I'VE SEEN YOUR NEW OFFICE.

HEY, QUITE A LAYOUT. MY FAVORITE STYLE.

CHINESE PROVINCIAL.

PONTY, I WANT YOU AND ME TO BE FRIENDS. OH, BUD. NOW, COME ON.

YOU KNOW, "SMOKE-UM PEACE PIPE." OH, LOOK, WOULD YOU--

YOU NEVER LIKED ME. BUD, NOW DON'T--

DON'T DENY IT. IT'S TRUE, AND I DON'T BLAME YOU.

I'VE BEEN A NO-GOOD, BACKBITING FINK ! OH, NOW BUD, COME ON.

I THINK THAT PUTS IT A BIT STRONG.

HOW WOULD YOU PUT IT ?

I GUESS YOUR WAY IS BEST. I WANT TO CHANGE ALL THAT.

NOW, I KNOW YOU'RE STUCK FOR AN IDEA, SO-- I-- WAIT A MINUTE !

I'M NOT STUCK FOR AN IDEA. I KNOW YOU'RE STUCK FOR AN IDEA.

YOU'RE STUCK FOR AN IDEA, AND I WAS THINKING THAT GIVEAWAY SHOWS ARE COMING BACK.

I DON'T NEED ANYONE ELSE'S IDEA. WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT A GIVEAWAY SHOW ?

I HAVE THIS DANDY IDEA FOR A GIVEAWAY PROGRAM. A GIVEAWAY PROGRAM.

YEAH. IT'S CALLED THE WORLD WIDE WICKET TREASURE HUNT.

A TREASURE HUNT. WE HIDE A $1,000 SAVINGS BOND SOMEWHERE.

AND EACH WEEK ON TELEVISION, WE GIVE CLUES TO WHERE IT'S HIDDEN.

LOOK, LIKE YOU SAY, YOU DON'T NEED AN IDEA. NO, I DON'T NEED IT.

LET ME LEAVE IT WITH YOU, AND IF YOU GET A CHANCE, LOOK IT OVER.

YEAH. BECAUSE THE MEETING'S IN A FEW LITTLE WHILE.

I MEAN, IT'S SOON. [ Makes Cutting Sound ]

WHAT DID YOUR UNCLE SAY WHEN, UM-- WHEN YOU TOLD IT TO HIM ?

I HAVEN'T TOLD IT TO J.B. IF I BROUGHT IT TO HIM, HE WOULDN'T LISTEN.

THAT'S WHY I BROUGHT IT TO YOU.

YOU NEVER MENTIONED THIS TO YOUR UNCLE AT ALL ? NO, PONTY.

BUT HOW CAN I BELIEVE THAT ? AN IDEA LIKE THIS ? NO, PONTY.

IF YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED, THAT'S ONE THING-- NO, ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL-- HMM.

WELL, I'LL GIVE IT A BIT OF A THINK THING.

MULL IT AROUND A BIT. FEEL FREE TO USE IT.

"TREASURE HUNT."

ARE YOU PREGNANT OR SOMETHING ? HEDY, I TOLD YOU NEVER TO COME--

I DID NOT INTEND TO EMBARRASS YOU, I JUST CAME FOR A BUSINESS PURPOSE.

BUSINESS ? I WISH TO TENDER YOU WITH MY RESIGNATION.

YOUR RESIGNATION ? I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

HEDY ! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME.

J.B., J.B., J.B. !

OH, I'M SORRY. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT ?

J.B., DO YOU REMEMBER THAT TELEVISION IDEA I TOLD YOU ABOUT,

THE TREASURE HUNT ? I'VE TOLD YOU WHAT I THOUGHT OF THAT STUPID IDEA.

I JUST WANTED TO REMIND YOU THAT YOU HATED IT. OUT !

YOU DO HATE IT. I'M GOING, I'M GOING, I'M GOING. I SAID, OUT !

NOW, WHAT IS THIS RESIGNATION NONSENSE ? WHERE ARE YOU GOING ?

I DON'T KNOW. ALL I KNOW IS, I AM CLEARING OUT OF HERE !

I AM BEGINNING TO ROT IN THAT SECRETARIAL POOL.

NOT ONE PERSON WILL USE ME AS HIS SECRETARY.

THEY STAY AWAY FROM ME, LIKE I HAD AN EXTREMELY TROPICAL DISEASE.

JUST BE PATIENT. I PROMISE WE'LL FIND A SPOT FOR YOU.

PROMISES, PROMISES, PROMISES. BUT NO ACTION.

NO, NO, NO. I AM FED UP WITH THAT SECRETARIAL POOL.

I'LL GIVE YOU 24 HOURS. AFTER THAT, IT'S GOOD-BYE WICKETS,

HELLO SOMEBODY WHO CAN DO ME SOMETHING FOR REAL !

HEDY, ON MY WORD OF HONOR AS A GENTLEMAN,

I PROMISE YOU'LL BE OUT OF THAT SECRETARIAL POOL BY TOMORROW !

YOU BETTER, OR ELSE !

[ Ringing ]

EXECUTIVE WASHROOM. YEAH, WE'RE ALL DOWN HERE.

THE MEETING'S AT 4:30. COME ON DOWN. WE'LL MAKE PLANS.

[ Hangs Up Receiver ] BIG MEETING TODAY, HUH ?

HEAR ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT FINCH IS PLANNING ? J.B. SET THE BOARD MEETING,

SO HE MUST HAVE COME UP WITH SOMETHING.

YOU KNOW, FELLAS, I'M GETTING A LITTLE AFRAID OF FINCH.

ME TOO. IF WE DON'T STOP HIM, PRETTY SOON--

HE'LL PROBABLY HAVE US ALL WORKING IN THE MAIL ROOM. GOOD LUCK TO US.

HI, MEN ! HELLO, BUD. HI, BUD. DID YOU HEAR ANYTHING ?

CHAPS, OUR WORRIES ARE OVER. WHAT DO YOU MEAN ?

OH, I'M SO HAPPY I COULD CRY ! FINCH IS GOING AHEAD WITH--

WHAT ? WELL, BELIEVE ME, HE'S DEAD, DEAD, DEAD.

OH, I'M GLAD TO HEAR THAT. I DON'T KNOW.

FINCH HAS A WAY OF BOUNCING. I WOULDN'T BELIEVE HE WAS DEAD EVEN IF I READ HIS OBITUARY.

OH, YOU MAY BE RIGHT. ORDINARILY, I'D AGREE WITH YOU.

FINCH IS VERY SMART. BUT LET'S NOT FORGET THAT HE'S NOW INADVERTISING.

[ Chuckles ] AND THAT DOES SOMETHING TO MEN'S BRAINS.

UH, FRED ! FRED, I'LL SEE YOU AT THE BUS STOP.

HAS ANYBODY SEEN MY WILDROOT CREAM OIL ?

[ Chattering ]

HI, MEN. [ Chuckles ] [ Men ] HELLO, FINCH.

ALL SET FOR THE BIG MEETING ? WELL, COULD BE. WISH ME LUCK.

GOOD LUCK. GO GET 'EM, BABY.

GOOD LUCK. ALL THE BEST.

LOTSA LUCK !

[ Executives ] ?? GOTTA STOP THAT MAN ??

?? I GOTTA STOP THAT MAN ??

?? COLD ??

?? OR HE'LL STOP ME ??

?? BIG DEAL BIG ROCKET ??

?? THINKS HE HAS THE WORLD IN HIS POCKET ??

?? GOTTA STOP GOTTA STOP ??

?? GOTTA STOP THAT MAN ??

?? THAT MAN ??

?? NOW THERE YOU ARE ??

?? YES, THERE'S THAT FACE ??

?? THAT FACE THAT SOMEHOW I TRUST ??

?? IT MAY EMBARRASS YOU ??

?? TO HEAR ME SAY IT ??

?? BUT SAY IT I MUST ??

?? SAY IT I MUST ??

?? YOU HAVE THE COOL, CLEAR ??

?? EYES OF A SEEKER OF WISDOM AND TRUTH ??

?? YET THERE'S THAT UPTURNED CHIN ??

?? AND THE GRIN OF IMPETUOUS YOUTH ??

?? I BELIEVE IN YOU ??

?? I BELIEVE IN YOU ??

?? I HEAR THE SOUND OF ??

?? GOOD SOLID JUDGMENT WHENEVER YOU TALK ??

?? YET THERE'S THE BOLD BRAVE SPRING ??

?? OF THE TIGER THAT QUICKENS YOUR WALK ??

[ Growling ]

?? OH, I BELIEVE IN YOU ??

?? I BELIEVE IN YOU ??

?? AND WHEN MY FAITH IN MY FELLOW MAN ??

? ?? ALL BUT FALLS APART ?

?? I'VE BUT TO FEEL YOUR HAND ??

?? GRASPING MINE ??

?? AND I TAKE HEART ??

?? I TAKE HEART ??

?? TO SEE THE COOL, CLEAR ??

?? EYES OF A SEEKER OF WISDOM AND TRUTH ??

?? YET WITH THE SLAM-BANG TANG ??

?? REMINISCENT OF GIN AND VERMOUTH ?? [ Hiccups ]

?? ?? OH, I BELIEVE IN YOU

?? I BELIEVE IN YOU ??

?? GOTTA STOP THAT MAN ??

?? GOTTA STOP THAT MAN ??

???? [ Buzzing Electric Razors ]

?? OR HE'LL STOP ME ??

???? [ Razors Continue ] ?? BIG WHEEL, BIG BEAVER ??

?? BOILING HOT WITH FRONT-OFFICE FEVER ??

?? GOTTA STOP, GOTTA STOP ??

- ?? GOTTA STOP THAT MAN ?? - ?? OH, I BELIEVE IN YOU ??

?? DON'T LET HIM BE SUCH A HERO ??

?? I BELIEVE IN YOU ??

?? STOP THAT MAN GOTTA STOP HIM ??

- ?? YOU ?? -?? STOP THAT MAN GOTTA STOP HIM ??

?? YOU ?? ?? STOP THAT MAN GOTTA STOP THAT ??

?? YOU ?? ?? MAN ??

[ Blows Kiss ]

?? GOTTA STOP THAT MAN ??

?? I'VE GOTTA STOP THAT MAN ??

?? COLD ??

?? OR HE'LL STOP ME ??

?? I BELIEVE IN YOU ??

?? I BELIEVE ??

?? IN YOU ????

[ Chattering ]

RIGHT IN HERE, BOYS. PUT THE PROJECTION OVER ON THE RACK.

FOLLOW HIM. GOOD AFTERNOON.

UH, THANK YOU. GENTLEMEN, I'D LIKE TO PRESENT...

MY NEW APPROACH TO WICKET ADVERTISING,

WHICH IN MY HUMBLE OPINION-- I THINK IT'S BRILLIANT !

SOUNDS PROMISING. PROCEED, FINCH. THANK YOU.

[ Clicking ] [ J.B. ] WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ?

THAT IS A PICTURE OF MOUNT VESUVIUS IN ERUPTION,

WHICH GIVES YOU THE IMPACT THAT OUR NEW TELEVISION SHOW IS GOING TO HAVE.

NOW, J.B., THE TYPE OF NATIONAL PUBLICITY THAT YOU...

AND, WELL, YOU ALONE CAN LOOK FORWARD TO:

[ Finch ] THE COVER OFTIMEMAGAZINE. [ J.B. ] OH, YES, YES !

YES, AND THE COVER OFNEWSWEEK. DELIGHTFUL !

AND FINALLY, J.B., THE GOLFER OF THE YEAR.

BRAVO, J.B., YOU'VE DONE IT AGAIN. THANK YOU.

NOW, GENTLEMEN, THIS IS A MAP OF THE POTENTIAL WICKET MARKET.

IT'S DIVIDED INTO SOCIAL, GEOGRAPHIC AND ETHNIC GROUPS.

[ Executives ] ETHNIC ? ETHNIC. IT SHOWS HOW...

WE WILL MAKE DEEP PENETRATION, OVERWHELMING SATURATION INTO THOSE AREAS...

WHICH HAVE LONG REMAINED, UH, PEAKIEST !

[ J.B. ] I LIKE THIS THINKING ! NOW, THIS IS A SALES CHART.

THIS IS A SALES CHART OF THE PAST FISCAL YEAR,

WHICH REFLECTS THE DISASTROUS EFFECT OF OUR FORMER ADVERTISING POLICY...

IN TERMS OF PER CAPITA CONSUMPTION OF WICKETS.

NOTE, GENTLEMEN, THE SHARP DECLINE FROM NORMAL REGULARITY.

DOWN, DOWN, DOWN.

BUT THIS IS WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO OUR SALES...

AFTER MY NEW TELEVISION PROGRAM SEEPS INTO THE PUBLIC MIND.

- [ Clicking, Roaring ] - UP, UP, UP !

UP, UP, UP.

AND THERE YOU HAVE IT. WHOO !

[ Executives Grumbling ]

FINCH, I THINK YOU'VE DONE IT. VERY GOOD. THANK YOU, SIR.

YES, YES, YES. CAN I ASK A QUESTION, J.B. ?

NOT "CAN I," DAMN IT, "MAY I." YOU WENT TO COLLEGE.

MAYI ASK A QUESTION ?

YOU MAY. WHAT'S HIS IDEA ?

YOU HEARD. IT'S A TELEVISION SHOW, DESIGNED TO GIVE US PENETRATION AND PEAK REACTION.

DON'T YOU EVER LISTEN ? SOUNDS GREAT, FINCH, GREAT. DOESN'T IT, MEN ?

[ Executives Agreeing ] [ Clanging ]

[ Chuckling ] BUT WHAT IS HISIDEA FOR THE SHOW ?

I DON'T SEE WHY YOU HAVE TO BE SO DAMNED NEGATIVE.

THE ONLY THINGS YOU EVER COME UP WITH ARE LOUSY IDEAS LIKE TREASURE HUNTS !

ALL RIGHT, FINCH, WHAT IS THE IDEA FOR THE SHOW ?

I DON'T THINK I'M GOING TO TELL IT TO YOU.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN ? - YOU KNOW, J.B., LOOK, I'VE--

I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT OF YOU AS A MAN OF, UH--

A MAN OF PERSPICACITY AND VISION.

OPEN TO NEW IDEAS ! BUT NOW I-- [ Chuckles ] I DON'T KNOW.

I'M THROWN. BY WHAT ?

THE WAY YOU TALKED TO BUD ! ABOUT HIS IDEA.

FOR A TREASURE HUNT. YOU DISMISSED IT.

THERE ARE TREASURE HUNTS AND TREASUREHUNTS.

AND AT FIRST-- AT FIRST I THOUGHT BUD'S IDEA...

WAS A ROTTEN IDEA MYSELF.

BUT GENTLEMEN, IN THE FIELD OF MEDICINE, THERE WERE MEN LIKE...

HIPPOCRATES, UH, LOUIS PASTEUR,

SIGMUND FREUD, JONAS SALK.

GENTLEMEN, THEY ALL HAD BRILLIANT IDEAS, BUT IT TOOK MODERN TECHNOLOGY...

TO TAKE ALL THESE IDEAS AND DEVELOP THEM INTO A GREAT TELEVISION PROGRAM.

- LIKEDR. KILDARE. - [ Chuckling, Chattering ]

THE PUBLIC ALWAYS LOVES A SHOW WHERE SOMEONE WINS A LOT OF MONEY.

AND THE FIRST ONE WHO COMES UP WITH A--

WITH A NEW, AN UNRIGGED, AN UNFIXED WAY TO GIVE AWAY SOMETHING FOR NOTHING...

IS GOING TO SWEEP THE AIRWAVES.

IT CAN'T BE DONE, J.B. [ J.B. ] CAN'T BE DONE.

BUT IF IT COULD, J.B. IF IT COULD.

WOULDN'T IT CREATE TREMENDOUS EXCITEMENT ? IT CAN'T BE DONE !

BUT IF IT COULD ! BUT IT CAN'T.

JUST FOR A MOMENT, SAY, "IT COULD BE DONE."

NOW, WHAT IS YOUR ANSWER ? I FORGOT THE QUESTION !

[ Chuckling, Chattering ]

I HATE GIVEAWAY SHOWS. THEY LACK DIGNITY.

PLEASE, BE PATIENT. GENTLEMEN. [ Clicking ]

THE WORLD WIDE WICKET TREASURE GIRL.

[ Chattering, Wolf Whistling ]

WHAT IS THIS ? THIS IS THE SECRET INGREDIENT.

IT CAN'T MISS. I'M COMBINING GREED WITH SEX. GO AHEAD, HEDY.

HELLO THERE. I'M YOUR WORLD WIDE WICKET TREASURE GIRL.

OOH.

EACH WEEK, I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU A-- CLUE.

CLUE... TO WHERE THE WORLD WIDE TREASURE HAS BEEN STASHED.

BURIED ! BURIED TREASURE. OH, YEAH. BURIED.

THIS EYE PATCH GETS ME MIXED UP.

J.B., MISS LaRUE IS, WELL, SHE'S JUST HELPING ME WITH THE IDEA.

SHE WILL NOT BE OUR REGULAR TREASURE GIRL.

ACTUALLY, WHEN WE GO ON THE AIR, WE'RE GOING TO NEED A--

YOU KNOW, WE'LL NEED A BIG NAME PERSONALITY.

SOMEONE LIKE, UH, ELIZABETH TAYLOR.

WHY DON'T YOU GET QUEEN ELIZABETH ? THIS IS AN AMERICAN PROGRAM.

THIS IS INSANITY, J.B. ! LET'S TELL THIS MANIAC OFF AND GET ON WITH BUSINESS !

I'LL HANDLE THIS. WILL YOU GENTLEMEN AND MISS LaRUE...

KINDLY LEAVE ME ALONE WITH MR. FINCH.

I CAN EXPLAIN THIS, SIR. I KNOW IT TAKES--

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE ! THAT'S NOT TRUE AT ALL.

BUT GENTLEMEN, UH, SIR-- [ Muttering ]

GIVEAWAY SHOW. I'LL HAVE TO MULL THIS OVER.

WHERE IS THE TREASURE GOING TO BE HIDDEN ?

SIR, THIS IS A COMPLETELY HONEST SHOW. NOT EVEN THE TREASURE GIRL...

IS GOING TO KNOW WHERE THE TREASURE IS HIDDEN.

I MEAN, WHOEVER SHE MAY BE. I'M THE ONLY ONE THAT WILL KNOW, SIR.

AS PRESIDENT OF THE COMPANY, DON'T YOU THINK I SHOULD KNOW ?

YES. WELL, I'M GONNA HIDE 5,000 SHARES OF STOCK...

IN EACH OF THE TEN WORLD WIDE WICKET BUILDINGS THROUGHOUT THE WORLD.

NOW-- WELL, NOW YOU KNOW, SIR.

BUT IT JUST MUST BE A SECRET BETWEEN YOU AND ME.

FINCH, YOU'RE A BRILLIANT YOUNG MAN, BUT I'M AFRAID YOU'VE LET US DOWN.

[ Sighs ] YOU'VE MISSED THE BOAT !

HAVEN'T THOUGHT THIS OUT PROPERLY.

WHY, SIR ? I DON'T--

TELL ME, WHY DOES THIS TREASURE GIRL HAVE TO BE A BIG-NAME PERSONALITY ?

[ Traffic Roaring, Horn Beeping ]

RIGHT THIS WAY, SIR. [ Chattering ]

DRESS REHEARSAL WENT EXCEEDINGLY WELL.

[ Man On P.A. ] QUIET, PLEASE. FIVE SECONDS TO AIR.

[ Man ] FIVE, FOUR, THREE-- I THINK YOU'LL BE ABLE TO SEE IT ALL FROM HERE, SIR.

[ Man, Continuing ] ONE--

[ Applauding ]

[ Male Announcer ] LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE WORLD WIDE WICKET...

MASTER OF CEREMONIES, MR. GEORGE FENNEMAN.

[ Applauding Continues ]

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE WORLD WIDE WICKET COMPANY,

WHOSE SLOGAN FOR OVER 100 YEARS OF SERVICE TO YOUR COMMUNITY...

HAS BEEN, "A DAY WITHOUT A WICKET IS LIKE A DAY WITHOUT SUNSHINE,"

BRINGS YOU NOW, IN LIVING COLOR,

THE WORLD WIDE WICKET TREASURE HUNT.

HERE WITH US TONIGHT, TO INSURE ABSOLUTE INTEGRITY TO OUR GIVEAWAY SHOW,

WE WELCOME THE DISTINGUISHED SUPREME COURT JUSTICE,

LELAND ANTHONY HOWSMEYER,

UNITED STATES SENATOR WELLINGTON WASHBURN...

AND DR. STANTON J. NOBLE OF THE AMERICAN UNIVERSITY ADVISORY COMMITTEE.

AND YOUR JOB, GENTLEMEN: TO ENSURE AN ABSOLUTELY...

UNRIGGED, UNFIXED GIVEAWAY OF MONEY TONIGHT.

GOOD TOUCH, FINCH. NICE TONE OF DIGNITY AND DISTINCTION.

AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE MOMENT YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR:

THE WORLD WIDE WICKET TREASURE GIRL !

???? [ Fanfare ] HELLO THERE !

I'M YOUR WORLD WIDE WICKET TREASURE GIRL !

OOH !

I'M HERE TO GIVE YOU THE FIRST CLUE...

TO WHERE 50,000 SHARES OF STOCK ARE HIDDEN.

- OOH ! - [ Drum Roll ]

SAY, I'M BEGINNING TO WONDER WHERE THE TREASURE IS MYSELF.

YEAH, PONTY, WHERE IS IT HIDDEN ? NO, NO.

NOBODY IN THE WORLD KNOWS BUT J.B. AND MYSELF.

RIGHT, J.B. ? RIGHT, FINCH.

ALL RIGHT, TREASURE GIRL.

- MAY WE HAVE THE FIRST CLUE, PLEASE ? - [ Together ] THE FIRST CLUE.

OOH !

THE FIRST CLUE IS-- ONE MOMENT, MISS TREASURE GIRL.

THIS MAN IS CARRYING A BIBLE.

WOULD YOU PLACE YOUR RIGHT HAND ON THE BIBLE, PLEASE ?

NO, YOUR OTHER RIGHT HAND.

DO YOU SWEAR THERE HAS BEEN NO FIXING OR RIGGING IN CONNECTION WITH THIS SHOW ?

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH HER ? SHE LOOKED SURPRISED.

YES, SHE IS. HEDY DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT THIS.

I WANTED THIS PART OF THE SHOW TO BE COMPLETELY SPONTANEOUS AND SORT OF UNREHEARSED.

THAT CAN BE VERY DANGEROUS.

DO YOU SWEAR THAT YOU YOURSELF DO NOT KNOW...

WHERE THE TREASURE IS ACTUALLY HIDDEN ?

IS THIS A REAL BIBLE ?

[ Audience Gasping ] YES, THIS IS A REAL BIBLE.

YOU SEE, WE'RE GOING TO GET INTO TROUBLE.

WHY, J.B. ? YOU AND I ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO KNOW WHERE THE TREASURE IS HIDDEN.

I MEAN, SHE DOESN'T KNOW, DOES SHE ?

[ Fenneman ] PLEASE. TIME IS SLIPPING BY. DOES SHE ?

UH, TREASURE GIRL. THE ENTIRE NATION IS WAITING.

-I'LL REPEAT THE QUESTION. - NOBODY TOLD ME ABOUT THIS.

MISS TREASURE GIRL-- I DO NOT WISH TO TAKE A BUM RAP.

MISS TREASURE GIRL-- MY MOMMY AND DADDY TOLD ME NEVER...

TO SWEAR FALSE WITNESS AGAINST PERJURY.

IDOKNOW WHERE THE TREASURE IS HIDDEN.

I FOUND OUT LAST NIGHT !

THERE IS TREASURE HIDDEN IN ALL THE WORLD WIDE WICKET BUILDINGS.

- RIGHT NOW. - [ Clamoring ]

[ Fenneman ] PLEASE, FOLKS, COME BACK. EVERYONE TAKE A SEAT.

[ Continues, Indistinct ]

[ Clamoring Continues ]

SAM, STOP THAT ! WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?

IT'S ANOTHER TREASURE HUNTER. THIS LITTLE CREEP TRIED TO SNEAK PAST ME THREE TIMES !

TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF HIM ! I'M TERRIBLY SORRY, SIR.

THIS IS THE LITTLE CREEP WHO HAPPENS TO BE THE CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD.

CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD ? THEY ALL LOOK ALIKE TO ME. OH !

I'M VERY SORRY, MR. WOMPER. IF YOU'LL COME WITH ME, MR. BIGGLEY'S WAITING.

MISS JONES, HAVE YOU SEEN PONTY ? NO. EVERYBODY'S LOOKING FOR HIM.

OH, POOR BABY. I'VE GOT TO FIND HIM.

HE WAS A NICE BOY, BUT SOMEBODY'S HEAD HAS TO ROLL.

[ Author's Voice ] HOW TO HANDLE A DISASTER.

IN EVERY BUSINESSMAN'S CAREER, THERE ARE TIMES WHEN EVERYTHING GOES WRONG.

THIS IS A TIME FOR MAINTAINING A COOL HEAD...

AND FOLLOWING THE ONE, SIMPLE RULE:

PUT THE BLAME ON SOMEBODY ELSE.

OH, PONTY ! I'VE BEEN WORRIED TO DEATH.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT ? WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ?

I'VE BEEN JUST WALKING THE STREETS.

I'VE JUST BEEN THINKING, THINKING-- WELL--

OH, YOU'VE GOT A BRUISE ON YOUR HEAD. I KNOW !

I KNOW, I GOT IT LAST NIGHT. THEY--

WELL, THEY THREW ME OUT OF A SALOON. WHY'D THEY DO THAT ?

I DIDN'T BUY ANYTHING. THE BRUTES.

OH, PONTY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT ? I WAS SO WORRIED, AND EVERYONE'S LOOKING FOR YOU.

YES, I BET. I'M GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.

BUT BEFORE THEY FIND ME, I HAVE TO READ UP ON HOW TO HANDLE THIS DISASTER.

READ UP ? WELL, WHAT DO YOU MEAN ?

WELL, I MIGHT AS WELL TELL YOU. SEE, BEFORE I CAME TO THIS COMPANY,

I WAS A-- WHAT WERE YOU ?

I WAS A WINDOW WASHER.

THEN I CAME ACROSS THIS BOOK.

HOW TO SUCCEED IN BUSINESS.

IT JUST MUST EXPLAIN HOW TO PUT THE BLAME ON SOMEONE ELSE.

OH, PONTY, YOU WOULDN'T. THAT'S DISHONEST.

IT WAS YOUR IDEA. YOU'VE GOT TO GO IN THERE AND FACE THE MUSIC.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT IT'S LIKE IN BIG BUSINESS.

THEY-- THEY'D FIRE ME. I'D HAVE TO GO BACK TO WASHING WINDOWS.

PONTY, I COULDN'T LOVE A MAN WHO WASN'T HONEST.

IF YOU DON'T MAKE A CLEAN BREAST OF EVERYTHING,

I'LL NEVER HAVE ANY RESPECT FOR YOU. ROSEMARY, LOOK.

IT'S NO LIFE FOR YOU, BEING MARRIED TO A-- A WINDOW WASHER.

PONTY,

ARE YOU GONNA GO IN THERE AND FACE THEM HONESTLY OR NOT ?

GOOD-BYE, PONTY.

[ Footsteps Receding ]

ROSEMARY, WAIT !

ROSEMARY, WAIT ! ROSEMARY !

AHA ! FINCH, YOU'RE WANTED IN J.B.'S OFFICE.

YEAH, WELL, I THOUGHT I'D WASH UP FIRST. THEY WANT YOU NOW.

THAT'S WHAT I FIGURED.

LET ME TELL YOU BEFORE WE GO ANY FURTHER. I'M THE PRESIDENT OF THIS COMPANY,

THE MAN WHO'S RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYTHING THAT GOES ON HERE.

I WANT TO STATE RIGHT NOW THAT ANYTHING THAT HAPPENED IS NOT MY FAULT !

[ Sighs ] THERE'S ONE BRIGHT SIDE TO THIS THING, WALLY.

YOU'LL BE HAPPY TO KNOW WE'VE SOMEONE WE CAN PIN IT ON.

YOU'LL SOON SEE WHERE THE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THIS WHOLE THING LIES.

WHEN FINCH GETS HERE, I'LL DO ALL THE TALKING.

THIS IS A VERY SLICK YOUNGSTER, WALLY.

[ Chattering ] HERE HE IS NOW.

ALL RIGHT. MR. BIGGLEY, PLEASE-- I'LL DO ALL THE TALKING.

BY THE WAY, YOU HAVEN'T MET MR. WOMPER. THIS IS THE CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD.

HOW DO YOU DO, MR. WOMPER. MR. WOMPER-- NO SPEECHES.

IT'S ALL SETTLED. I WANT YOU TO SIGN A LETTER OF RESIGNATION...

IN WHICH YOU ACCEPT ALL THE BLAME FOR WHAT HAPPENED.

[ Whispering ] ROSEMARY. WHAT ?

ALL RIGHT, MR. BIGGLEY, I-- ALL RIGHT. I'LL BE GLAD TO SIGN THE RESIGNATION.

IS THIS ONE OF YOUR TRICKS ? NO, MR. BIGGLEY.

I'M THROUGH WITH ALL THAT. TH-THIS FIRM HAS BEEN PRETTY GOOD TO ME.

NOW, I'M JUST GOING TO RESIGN. I'M GONNA TAKE THE BLAME...

AND GO BACK TO WHAT I DID BEFORE I CAME HERE.

- WHAT DID YOU DO, FINCH ? - [ Sighs ]

- I WAS A WINDOW WASHER. - NO KIDDIN' !

I STARTED AS A WINDOW WASHER MYSELF !

[ Chattering ]

YOUWERE A WINDOW WASHER ?

WHAT THE HELL DID YOU THINK I WAS, A RAIL-SPLITTER ?

[ Chuckles ] COLLEGE MAN.

SO YOU WERE A WINDOW WASHER ? CALL ME WALLY. YES, MR. WOMPER.

OKAY, WALLY. WHY DON'T YOU CALL ME PONTY ? TELL ME, FINCH--

OKAY, PONTY. IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I HAD ANYBODY AROUND HERE I COULD TALK TO.

HOW'D YOU HAPPEN TO GO INTO THIS BUSINESS ? WELL, SIR--

LET ME TELL YA, I HAD A BOOK-- ME TOO.

IT WAS A BOOK ON HOW TO SUCCEED IN BUSINESS.

MY BOOK WAS MORE USEFUL. I BOOKED BETS FOR ALL THE OTHER WINDOW WASHERS.

CLEANED UP A BUNDLE. SHOULD HAVE STOOD IN THAT BUSINESS.

EIGHT BUILDINGS WRECKED, OUR STOCK IS DOWN FIVE POINTS !

- WE'RE THE LAUGHINGSTOCK OF THE INDUSTRY. - UGH ! I KNOW, WALLY.

- IT'S GHASTLY. - PONTY, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN ?

I COULD UNDERSTAND A COLLEGE MAN PULLING A BONER LIKE THIS, BUT NOT NO WINDOW WASHER !

NOW, THIS IDEA OF YOURS ABOUT A TREASURE HUNT--

NOW, HOLD IT, WALLY. LOOK, IF THERE'S ONE THING THAT I WON'T DO,

IT'S TAKE CREDIT FOR ANOTHER MAN'S IDEA.

ESPECIALLY WHEN HE'S THE BOSS'S NEPHEW.

[ Nonchalant Chattering ]

YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU HIRED YOUR NEPHEW.

NEPHEW ? OH, NEPHEW. HE'S NOT REALLY MY NEPHEW, HE'S MY WIFE'S NEPHEW.

I NEVER SHOWED HIM ANY FAVORITISM. IN FACT, I HATE HIM.

BUT YOU LOVE HIS IDEAS. NO, WHEN HE TOLD ME THE IDEA, I THOUGHT IT WAS A LOUSY IDEA.

WHEN FINCH BROUGHT IT TO ME, I STILL SAID IT WAS A LOUSY IDEA.

IN FACT, I TOLD FINCH IT WAS A LOUSY IDEA !

WHY DID YOU BUY IT ? SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA.

TREASURE HUNT, TREASURE GIRL. FINCH DRESSED IT ALL UP.

HE CAN'T DENY THAT THE IDEA OF THE TREASURE GIRL... WAS HIS !

[ Executives Agreeing ]

WALLY, THAT WAS MY IDEA. AND NOT A BAD ONE, PONTY.

BUT WHO THE HELL PICKED THAT BUBBLE-HEADED TOMATO ?

[ Executives Murmuring ]

[ Clears Throat ]

AHA ! DON'T GET ANY WRONG IDEAS, WALLY. SHE'S A FINE GIRL.

YOU SHOULD HAVE A TALK WITH HER.

I INTEND TO.

WELL, I THINK I GOT THE WHOLE PICTURE.

NOW, THE QUESTION IS WHAT TO DO AND WHO TO DO IT TO.

WALLY, BEFORE YOU MAKE ANY HASTY DECISIONS, I'D--

WELL, I'D LIKE TO SAY A FEW WORDS. ABOUT WHAT ?

ABOUT, WELL-- ABOUT HUMANITY. OH !

NO, LOOK, EVEN THOUGH WE'RE ALL PART OF THE COLD, CORPORATE SETUP,

DEEP DOWN UNDER OUR SKINS THERE'S FLESH AND BLOOD.

- WE'RE ALL BROTHERS. - BUT SOME OF US ARE UNCLES !

?? NOW YOU MAY JOIN THE ELKS, MY FRIEND ??

?? AND I MAY JOIN THE SHRINERS ??

?? AND OTHER MEN MAY CARRY CARDS ??

?? AS MEMBERS OF THE DINERS ??

?? STILL OTHERS WEAR A GOLDEN KEY ??

?? OR SMALL GREEK LETTER PIN ??

?? BUT I HAVE LEARNED THERE'S ONE GREAT CLUB ??

?? THAT ALL OF US ARE IN ??

?? THERE IS A BROTHERHOOD ??

?? OF MAN ??

?? ?? A BENEVOLENT BROTHERHOOD

?? OF MAN ??

?? A NOBLE TIE THAT BINDS ??

?? ALL HUMAN HEARTS AND MINDS ??

?? INTO A BROTHERHOOD OF MAN ??

?? YOUR LIFELONG MEMBERSHIP ??

?? IS FREE ??

?? KEEP A-GIVIN' EACH BROTHER ALL ??

?? YOU CAN ??

?? OH, AREN'T YOU PROUD TO BE ??

?? IN THAT FRATERNITY ??

?? THE GREAT BIG BROTHERHOOD OF MAN ??

NOW, WALLY, I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER THAT BEFORE YOU CONSIDER FIRING MR. BIGGLEY.

WHO'S CONSIDERING THAT ? GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE !

YOU SEE, I KNOW WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND. YOU'D LIKE TO CLEAR OUT THE WHOLE PLACE.

FROM TOP TO BOTTOM.

IT'S THE OBVIOUS MOVE, BUT STOP AND THINK.

?? ONE MAN MAY SEEM INCOMPETENT ??

?? ANOTHER NOT MAKE SENSE ??

?? WHILE OTHERS LOOK LIKE QUITE A WASTE ??

?? OF COMPANY EXPENSE ??

?? THEY NEED A BROTHER'S LEADERSHIP ??

?? SO PLEASE DON'T DO THEM IN ??

?? REMEMBER MEDIOCRITY ??

?? IS NOT A MORTAL SIN ??

?? THEY'RE... IN... THE ?? [ Executives ] ?? WE'RE... IN... THE ??

[ Executives ] ?? BROTHERHOOD OF MAN ??

?? DEDICATED TO GIVING ALL ??

?? WE CAN ??

?? OH-H, AREN'T YOU PROUD TO BE ??

?? IN THAT FRATERNITY ??

[ All ] ?? THE GREAT BIG BROTHERHOOD OF MAN ??

OW ! WHAT'D I DO ?

NO KIDDIN' ! ?? IS THERE REALLY A BROTHERHOOD ??

?? OF MAN ?? ?? YOU ARE A BROTHER ??

?? A BENEVOLENT BROTHERHOOD OF MAN ??

?? OH, YES, OH, YES A NOBLE TIE THAT BINDS ??

?? ALL HUMAN HEARTS AND MINDS ??

?? INTO ONE BROTHERHOOD OF MAN ??

?? OH, YES OUR LIFELONG MEMBERSHIP ??

?? IS FREE ??

?? KEEP GIVIN' EACH BROTHER ALL YOU CAN ??

?? OH, AREN'T YOU PROUD TO BE ?? [ Miss Jones ] ?? YOU, YOU GOT ME ??

?? IN THAT FRATERNITY ?? ?? ME, I GOT YOU ??

?? THAT GREAT BIG BROTHERHOOD OF MAN ?? ?? YOU ??

[ Miss Jones ] ?? OH, THAT NOBLE FEELING ??

?? FEELS LIKE BELLS ARE PEALING ??

?? DOWN WITH DOUBLE-DEALING OH, BROTHER ??

?? YOU, YOU GOT ME ??

?? ME, I GOT YOU ??

?? YOU ??

[ All ] ?? OH, THAT NOBLE FEELING ??

?? ?? FEELS LIKE BELLS ARE PEALING

?? DOWN WITH DOUBLE-DEALING ??

?? OH, BROTHER ??

?? YOU, YOU GOT ME ??

?? ME, I GOT YOU ??

?? YOU ??

?? OH ?? ?? OH, THAT NOBLE FEELING ??

?? FEELS LIKE BELLS ARE PEALING ??

?? DOWN WITH DOUBLE-DEALING ??

?? OH, BROTHER ??

?? YOU, YOU GOT ME ME, I GOT YOU ??

?? YOU ?? ?? YOUR LIFELONG MEMBERSHIP ??

?? IS FREE ??

?? KEEP A-GIVIN' EACH BROTHER ALL ??

?? YOU CAN ??

?? OH, AREN'T YOU PROUD TO BE ??

?? IN THAT FRATERNITY ??

?? THAT GREAT BIG BROTHERHOOD OF MAN ????

OH, MATT, MATT. OH, MATT. ANY WORD ?

SOMETHING BIG IS BREWING. OH, MISS JONES. WHAT'S UP ?

ALL I CAN SAY IS THERE ARE GOING TO BE SOME CHANGES. OH.

[ Whimpering ] YOU HEAR THAT ? CHANGES.

BOYS AND GIRLS, BOYS AND GIRLS.

MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE ? GATHER ROUND.

GATHER ROUND. I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.

AS YOU KNOW, THERE HAVE BEEN A FEW CHANGES MADE AT WORLD WIDE WICKETS.

[ Mournful Chattering ] I'M SPEAKING TO YOU NOW IN MY NEW CAPACITY...

AS VICE PRESIDENT IN CHARGE...

OF EMPLOYEE MORALE AND PSYCHOLOGICAL ADJUSTMENT.

[ Applauding, Cheering ]

MR. TACKABERRY HERE IS NOW IN CHARGE OF PERSONNEL.

AND NOW, I'D LIKE TO HAVE YOU HEAR A FEW WORDS...

FROM OUR HARD-DRIVING, HARD-WORKING PRESIDENT.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU. BOYS AND GIRLS, I HAVE VERY GOOD NEWS FOR YOU.

I CAN TRUTHFULLY STATE THAT WORLD WIDE WICKETS IS NOW STRONGER THAN EVER.

AND MUCH OF THE CREDIT FOR THIS SHOULD GO TO A VERY LOYAL AND VERY ABLE YOUNG MAN.

COME HERE, FINCH. OH.

MOST OF YOU ARE AWARE THAT THIS YOUNGSTER'S RISE HAS BEEN RAPID.

FOR A WHILE I THOUGHT HE WAS AFTER MY JOB. AW. [ Chuckles ]

LUCKILY FOR ME, HE DIDN'T WANT IT. NO, NO, J.B.

YOUR JOB IS MUCH TOO TOUGH FOR ME.

IF ANY CREDIT IS DUE, IT SHOULD GO TO A GREAT MAN AND A GREAT HUMANITARIAN,

I MEAN THE CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD, MR. WALLY WOMPER.

HEAR, HEAR ! INCIDENTALLY, FOLKS, MR. WOMPER...

HAS HIS CHARMING NEW WIFE WITH HIM HERE TODAY.

LET'S GET THEM BOTH OUT HERE, MR. AND MRS. WOMPER.

[ Applauding ]

THANK YOU. THANK YOU, BOYS AND GIRLS. THANK YOU.

AND NOW, I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.

AFTER 30 LONG YEARS OF SERVICE TO-- [ Stammers ]

AFTER 30 LONG YEARS OF SERVICE TO THIS COMPANY...

AS CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD, I'VE DECIDED TO RETIRE.

MY WIFE AND I ARE TAKING A LONG HONEYMOON TRIP AROUND THE WORLD.

SWEETIE, WHAT A SURPRISE ! YOU DIDN'T TELL ME !

I DIDN'T KNOW MYSELF UNTIL FINCH HANDED ME THE TICKETS.

WELL, WHAT THE HELL.

IT'S NOT A BAD IDEA. I'LL CONCENTRATE ON YOU.

[ Chuckling, Coughing ] WALLY, WHO'S GOING TO BE THE NEW CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD ?

- AS IF I DIDN'T KNOW. - I'LL KILL MYSELF.

PONTY, IT'S YOUR BABY NOW. TAKE GOOD CARE OF IT.

I DON'T KNOW IF I COULD-- CONGRATULATIONS.

I'LL ACCEPT. MISS JONES WILL TAKE MR. FINCH TO HIS NEW OFFICE.

- RIGHT THIS WAY, PONTY. - [ Happy Chattering ]

HAVE ANY OF YOU GIRLS HEARD FROM ROSEMARY ?

SHE PACKED UP HER THINGS AT THE APARTMENT.

SHE LEFT WITHOUT A WORD. WE THOUGHT YOU'D HEARD FROM HER.

RIGHT THROUGH HERE, PONTY.

WELL, PONTY, WHAT DO YOU THINK ? [ Chuckles ] LARGE.

[ Laughing ] SMITTY, YOU DON'T THINK THAT ROSEMARY WENT HOME TO HER MOTHER ?

SHE JUST HAS TO BE HERE. I MEAN, IT'S JUST-- IT'S JUST NO GOOD WITHOUT HER.

I'LL CALL HER FAMILY'S PLACE. MAYBE THEY'VE HEARD FROM HER.

LET ME KNOW, YOU KNOW, IF YOU HEAR--

GOOD MORNING. GOOD MORNING, ROSEMARY.

ROSEMARY, MAKE UP YOUR MIND. IN OR OUT ?

I HAVE OTHER CLIENTS, YOU KNOW. [ Elevator Dings ]

I JUST COULDN'T LEAVE YOU. I'M STUCK WITH YOU, I GUESS.

I ADORE YOU. [ Rosemary Laughing ]

OH. WOW. UH--

OH, THAT REMINDS ME. THEY WANT TO MAKE ME CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD.

LOOK, IS IT ALL RIGHT WITH YOU ?

DARLING, I DON'T CARE IF YOU WORK IN THE MAIL ROOM, OR YOU'RE CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD,

OR YOU'RE THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

I LOVE YOU. AWW. [ Chuckles ]

SAY THAT AGAIN. I LOVE YOU.

NO, BEFORE THAT. ABOUT--

???? [ "Hail To The Chief" ]

GOOD MORNING, MR. PRESIDENT.

?? WE'LL PLAY IT THE COMPANY WAY ??

?? EXECUTIVE POLICY IS BY US OKAY ??

?? YOU'LL NEVER BE PRESIDENT BUT THERE'S ONE THING CLEAR ??

?? WHOEVER THE COMPANY FIRES ??

?? WE WILL ??

?? STILL BE ??

?? HERE ????