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1
00:00:00,681 --> 00:00:02,081
Previously on
The Big Bang Theory...
2
00:00:02,683 --> 00:00:04,713
So, Leonard, tell
everyone your news.
3
00:00:04,714 --> 00:00:06,915
Oh, uh, I am
starting a book.
4
00:00:06,917 --> 00:00:09,584
That would be big news
from Penny,
5
00:00:09,586 --> 00:00:12,453
but you've read a book before.
6
00:00:12,455 --> 00:00:14,989
He means he's writing a book.
7
00:00:14,991 --> 00:00:18,226
I do. It's something I've been
thinking about for a long time.
8
00:00:18,228 --> 00:00:20,328
Yeah. It's about
a brilliant physicist
9
00:00:20,330 --> 00:00:22,430
who solves crimes
using science.
10
00:00:22,432 --> 00:00:23,498
Oh, Leonard...
11
00:00:23,500 --> 00:00:25,300
It's not about you!
12
00:00:26,236 --> 00:00:28,169
Oh, boy.
What?
13
00:00:28,171 --> 00:00:30,271
They cast the new
Professor Proton.
14
00:00:30,273 --> 00:00:32,974
Is it Sheldon?
Not exactly.
15
00:00:32,976 --> 00:00:34,342
Wheaton!
16
00:00:34,344 --> 00:00:36,611
It's Wil Wheaton.
17
00:00:40,784 --> 00:00:42,283
Hey, what are you doing?
18
00:00:42,285 --> 00:00:44,085
I thought we were having
dinner at Leonard and Penny's.
19
00:00:44,087 --> 00:00:45,453
Oh, no.
20
00:00:45,455 --> 00:00:47,455
No, they're watching
the new Professor Proton.
21
00:00:47,457 --> 00:00:49,223
I-I can't keep Wil Wheaton
off the Internet,
22
00:00:49,225 --> 00:00:51,025
but I can keep him
off my retinas.
23
00:00:51,027 --> 00:00:54,896
So, you're just gonna sit here
by yourself and do nothing?
24
00:00:54,898 --> 00:00:56,497
Of course not.
25
00:00:56,499 --> 00:01:00,301
I'm going to write mean comments
about Wil's show online.
26
00:01:00,303 --> 00:01:03,404
Well, you can't criticize
something you haven't seen.
27
00:01:03,406 --> 00:01:06,874
I'm sorry, are you familiar
with the Internet?
28
00:01:06,876 --> 00:01:09,077
Well, what if
I watch it with you?
29
00:01:09,079 --> 00:01:11,245
Maybe I won't like it and we
can complain about it together.
30
00:01:11,247 --> 00:01:13,781
Get your own thing
to complain about.
31
00:01:13,783 --> 00:01:16,050
Oh, trust me, I've got one.
32
00:01:16,820 --> 00:01:19,287
Look, at least
if you watch it,
33
00:01:19,289 --> 00:01:22,490
maybe you can find more
specific things to criticize.
34
00:01:22,492 --> 00:01:24,325
Oh, that is a good point.
35
00:01:24,327 --> 00:01:27,161
Criticisms are more hurtful
when they're specific.
36
00:01:29,132 --> 00:01:31,399
♪ Grab your goggles ♪
37
00:01:31,401 --> 00:01:33,267
♪ Lab coat on ♪
38
00:01:33,269 --> 00:01:36,871
♪ Here he comes,
Professor Proton. ♪
39
00:01:36,873 --> 00:01:38,706
Hey, everybody.
I'm Professor Proton.
40
00:01:38,708 --> 00:01:41,309
Welcome to the show.
Today I will be teaching you
41
00:01:41,311 --> 00:01:45,146
how to make a real hovercraft
using common household items.
42
00:01:45,148 --> 00:01:48,383
Darn it, I do like
objects that hover.
43
00:01:49,185 --> 00:01:51,052
All you will need is a CD,
44
00:01:51,054 --> 00:01:54,322
a bottle cap, a balloon,
and some super glue.
45
00:01:54,324 --> 00:01:57,859
Oh, no! I have
all those things!
46
00:01:58,014 --> 00:02:01,849
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
47
00:02:01,851 --> 00:02:04,919
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
48
00:02:04,921 --> 00:02:06,453
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
49
00:02:06,455 --> 00:02:08,989
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
50
00:02:08,991 --> 00:02:11,859
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
51
00:02:11,861 --> 00:02:14,328
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
52
00:02:14,330 --> 00:02:16,230
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
53
00:02:16,232 --> 00:02:17,023
♪ Bang! ♪
54
00:02:17,024 --> 00:02:21,024
♪ The Big Bang Theory 11x15 ♪
The Novelization Correlation
Original Air Date on February 1, 2018
55
00:02:21,025 --> 00:02:23,025
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
56
00:02:25,110 --> 00:02:26,776
- Hey.
- Hi.
57
00:02:26,778 --> 00:02:28,644
What's that noise?
58
00:02:28,646 --> 00:02:31,114
Oh, it's my new keyboard.
59
00:02:31,116 --> 00:02:33,249
It looks and sounds like
an old-fashioned typewriter.
60
00:02:33,251 --> 00:02:35,651
It makes me feel
like a real novelist.
61
00:02:35,653 --> 00:02:38,421
You poured yourself a Scotch.
62
00:02:38,423 --> 00:02:39,956
Apple juice.
Oh.
63
00:02:40,792 --> 00:02:41,891
But unsweetened,
64
00:02:41,893 --> 00:02:43,926
like Hemingway used to drink.
Ah.
65
00:02:43,928 --> 00:02:46,162
- So, how's the book coming along?
- Uh, good.
66
00:02:46,164 --> 00:02:48,030
I just wrote the part
where the hero,
67
00:02:48,032 --> 00:02:50,733
hotshot physicist Logan Dean,
arrives at CERN.
68
00:02:50,735 --> 00:02:52,235
Oh, is he based on you?
69
00:02:52,237 --> 00:02:54,804
Uh, kind of.
But he can eat dairy products
70
00:02:54,806 --> 00:02:56,739
without having
to leave the room.
71
00:02:56,741 --> 00:02:59,342
Yeah, that's smart, because
CERN is in Switzerland
72
00:02:59,344 --> 00:03:01,344
and there's a lot of cheese there.
Hmm.
73
00:03:01,346 --> 00:03:04,714
Uh, believe me,
that is a plot point later.
74
00:03:04,716 --> 00:03:06,649
Well, I'm excited to read
it whenever you're ready.
75
00:03:06,651 --> 00:03:08,584
Thank you.
76
00:03:08,586 --> 00:03:11,120
Oh. Oh! I just thought
of the murder weapon!
77
00:03:11,122 --> 00:03:12,655
Swiss army knife?
78
00:03:12,657 --> 00:03:14,624
No.
79
00:03:17,762 --> 00:03:20,129
That's way better.
80
00:03:21,199 --> 00:03:23,866
Look, it works!
We did it!
81
00:03:23,868 --> 00:03:27,003
See, there was a reason
to keep that TurboTax CD.
82
00:03:27,005 --> 00:03:28,738
Yeah.
83
00:03:28,740 --> 00:03:30,006
A CD-ROM?
84
00:03:30,008 --> 00:03:32,008
More like "CD-vroom."
85
00:03:32,010 --> 00:03:35,044
Do you feel bad
you told Wil Wheaton
86
00:03:35,046 --> 00:03:37,280
that you'd be his enemy
if he did this show?
87
00:03:37,282 --> 00:03:39,749
No. I feel bad
88
00:03:39,751 --> 00:03:42,051
I'm engaged to somebody
that would point that out.
89
00:03:42,053 --> 00:03:44,921
It's time for Professor Proton's
90
00:03:44,923 --> 00:03:46,389
science joke of the day.
91
00:03:46,391 --> 00:03:49,025
Why can you not trust atoms?
92
00:03:49,027 --> 00:03:50,793
Hmm.
93
00:03:50,795 --> 00:03:53,796
Because they make up everything.
94
00:03:53,798 --> 00:03:56,999
Oh, that's funny!
95
00:03:57,001 --> 00:04:00,002
Yeah, because they do.
They make up everything.
96
00:04:01,706 --> 00:04:03,973
Oh, I wonder who that could be.
97
00:04:03,975 --> 00:04:06,142
Just when I thought this
couldn't get any better,
98
00:04:06,144 --> 00:04:08,477
Wil has introduced
suspense into the show.
99
00:04:10,248 --> 00:04:13,816
Hey, it's real NASA
astronaut, Howard Wolowitz!
100
00:04:13,818 --> 00:04:16,319
What?!
101
00:04:16,321 --> 00:04:17,753
Hey, Professor Proton.
102
00:04:17,755 --> 00:04:19,121
Hey, thanks
for being here.
103
00:04:19,123 --> 00:04:22,425
No problem.
I'm on my "launch" break.
104
00:04:24,596 --> 00:04:28,030
How could Wil ask Howard to
be on his show and not me?
105
00:04:28,032 --> 00:04:30,032
Well, he is an astronaut.
106
00:04:30,034 --> 00:04:33,402
And he didn't start an online
petition to get Wil fired.
107
00:04:33,404 --> 00:04:35,938
But why wouldn't
Howard tell me?
108
00:04:35,940 --> 00:04:37,406
Well, because
he probably worried
109
00:04:37,408 --> 00:04:40,743
that you'd be
a big baby about it.
110
00:04:40,745 --> 00:04:42,945
All those answers
make a lot of sense.
111
00:04:42,947 --> 00:04:45,948
Thank you, Amy.
That helps.
112
00:04:47,051 --> 00:04:49,118
And then, when the lights
come back on
113
00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:52,154
in the supercollider room,
Dr. Logan Dean makes
114
00:04:52,156 --> 00:04:55,625
two important discoveries:
a gluino
115
00:04:55,627 --> 00:04:57,760
and murder.
116
00:04:57,762 --> 00:05:00,062
Oh, gluino.
That's exciting.
117
00:05:00,832 --> 00:05:03,599
And murder.
118
00:05:03,601 --> 00:05:06,102
I heard you.
119
00:05:06,104 --> 00:05:09,405
The first time.
120
00:05:09,407 --> 00:05:11,774
I don't know which Hemsworth
is playing Logan Dean,
121
00:05:11,776 --> 00:05:13,376
but I know it's a Hemsworth.
122
00:05:13,378 --> 00:05:15,244
Well, Logan's
actually based on me.
123
00:05:15,246 --> 00:05:18,047
So a young Paul Giamatti.
124
00:05:18,049 --> 00:05:19,815
Well, I have to
finish writing it
125
00:05:19,817 --> 00:05:21,651
before they can make it
into a movie,
126
00:05:21,653 --> 00:05:23,853
and I still have a few things
to figure out.
127
00:05:23,855 --> 00:05:25,221
You should talk
to Bernadette.
128
00:05:25,223 --> 00:05:27,123
Since she's been on
bed rest, she's binged,
129
00:05:27,125 --> 00:05:30,326
like, every detective
show in the world.
130
00:05:30,328 --> 00:05:33,129
Oh, there was a funny detective
show in India called Karamchand.
131
00:05:33,131 --> 00:05:34,997
He had an assistant
named Kitty,
132
00:05:34,999 --> 00:05:37,366
and he was always saying,
"Shut up, Kitty!"
133
00:05:39,003 --> 00:05:41,103
Sounds less mean if
you say it in Hindi
134
00:05:41,105 --> 00:05:44,740
and don't think of women
as having feelings.
135
00:05:44,742 --> 00:05:45,975
Hello.
136
00:05:45,977 --> 00:05:47,610
- Hey. - Hey.
- Hi.
137
00:05:47,612 --> 00:05:50,780
Howard, I want you to know
that I forgive you.
138
00:05:50,782 --> 00:05:52,782
I'll take it.
139
00:05:52,784 --> 00:05:54,717
What's he forgiving you for?
140
00:05:54,719 --> 00:05:57,353
Don't care. Clean slate.
Happy Yom Kippur to me.
141
00:05:57,355 --> 00:05:59,955
I know that you were
on Wil's show,
142
00:05:59,957 --> 00:06:01,924
and I know
why you didn't tell me.
143
00:06:01,926 --> 00:06:02,925
Do you?
144
00:06:02,927 --> 00:06:04,593
Because you were afraid
145
00:06:04,595 --> 00:06:06,295
that I would be difficult
and annoying about it.
146
00:06:06,297 --> 00:06:08,297
I hope your book has a twist
147
00:06:08,299 --> 00:06:10,666
as surprising as that.
148
00:06:10,668 --> 00:06:13,235
It doesn't.
149
00:06:13,237 --> 00:06:15,604
I thought you were
boycotting Wil's show.
150
00:06:15,606 --> 00:06:17,873
I was, but I decided
to give it a shot,
151
00:06:17,875 --> 00:06:19,775
and I actually enjoyed it.
152
00:06:19,777 --> 00:06:23,212
Just out of curiosity, how did
you come to be on the show?
153
00:06:23,214 --> 00:06:25,214
Did he ask you?
Did you ask him?
154
00:06:25,216 --> 00:06:28,150
Did you just show up on the set
and ring that doorbell?
155
00:06:28,152 --> 00:06:30,319
Sheldon, if you want
to be on the show,
156
00:06:30,321 --> 00:06:32,822
you're gonna have to
apologize to Wil.
157
00:06:32,824 --> 00:06:36,192
That would be
the mature thing to do.
158
00:06:36,194 --> 00:06:39,195
Let's put a pin in that
and keep thinking.
159
00:06:43,101 --> 00:06:44,667
Ooh.
160
00:06:44,669 --> 00:06:46,736
What? What? Which part?
161
00:06:46,738 --> 00:06:48,371
That was just the baby kicking.
162
00:06:48,373 --> 00:06:50,039
Got it.
163
00:06:50,041 --> 00:06:52,808
- But this is good so far, really good.
- Yeah?
164
00:06:52,810 --> 00:06:55,311
Yeah. I have no idea
who the killer is.
165
00:06:55,313 --> 00:06:57,279
Oh, great. Me, neither.
166
00:06:57,281 --> 00:07:01,350
So, does Penny know
you based a character on her?
167
00:07:01,352 --> 00:07:03,285
What character?
168
00:07:03,287 --> 00:07:06,122
Ilsa, the head of the institute.
That's clearly Penny.
169
00:07:06,124 --> 00:07:07,156
No, it's not.
170
00:07:07,158 --> 00:07:08,357
Really?
171
00:07:08,359 --> 00:07:09,959
Confident, ball-busting beauty
172
00:07:09,961 --> 00:07:12,695
who's always
rolling her eyes at Logan?
173
00:07:12,697 --> 00:07:17,233
Trust me, that describes
more women than you think.
174
00:07:17,235 --> 00:07:21,203
"He looked at the stunning woman
who was his boss and said..."
175
00:07:21,205 --> 00:07:23,706
It's murder.
176
00:07:23,708 --> 00:07:26,509
Figure that out yourself,
genius?
177
00:07:27,945 --> 00:07:29,845
Okay, no need to be snarky.
178
00:07:29,847 --> 00:07:31,080
Who would want to kill him?
179
00:07:31,082 --> 00:07:33,916
Could be anyone.
Dr. Silvers.
180
00:07:36,020 --> 00:07:37,420
Dr. Prekash.
181
00:07:38,956 --> 00:07:41,257
Hans the janitor.
182
00:07:43,361 --> 00:07:45,294
But the door is locked,
183
00:07:45,296 --> 00:07:47,430
so it has to be someone
in this room.
184
00:07:47,432 --> 00:07:50,433
Wow, you are on fire.
185
00:07:52,603 --> 00:07:55,237
Maybe it is a
little like Penny.
186
00:07:55,239 --> 00:07:57,139
Any chance she'll be flattered?
187
00:07:57,141 --> 00:07:59,341
I don't know. She's pretty mean.
188
00:07:59,343 --> 00:08:00,843
Ilsa or Penny?
189
00:08:00,845 --> 00:08:03,245
Exactly.
190
00:08:05,983 --> 00:08:08,284
Oh, hey, Howard.
What's up?
191
00:08:08,286 --> 00:08:10,085
I'm so sorry.
192
00:08:10,087 --> 00:08:11,554
What for?
193
00:08:13,391 --> 00:08:15,157
Hello.
194
00:08:15,159 --> 00:08:16,692
Hello, Sheldon.
195
00:08:16,694 --> 00:08:18,727
I suppose you've come here
to tell me
196
00:08:18,729 --> 00:08:21,063
that you've moved me to your
super secret enemies list.
197
00:08:21,065 --> 00:08:24,333
I don't have
a super secret enemies list.
198
00:08:24,335 --> 00:08:26,235
I'm not a Bond villain.
199
00:08:27,305 --> 00:08:28,838
I'm just a regular guy,
200
00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:31,140
with a regular enemies list.
201
00:08:31,142 --> 00:08:34,376
Which, by the way,
you are no longer on.
202
00:08:34,378 --> 00:08:37,446
Really?
Well, that is something.
203
00:08:37,448 --> 00:08:40,716
It's not something that I care
about, but it is something.
204
00:08:40,718 --> 00:08:42,651
He's trying to
say he's sorry.
205
00:08:42,653 --> 00:08:44,153
I am.
206
00:08:44,155 --> 00:08:47,323
I watched your show,
and it's really good.
207
00:08:47,325 --> 00:08:48,657
Aw, thank you.
208
00:08:48,659 --> 00:08:50,826
And I regret
how hard I was on you.
209
00:08:50,828 --> 00:08:52,127
I want you to know
210
00:08:52,129 --> 00:08:54,396
that being on
the Professor Proton show
211
00:08:54,398 --> 00:08:56,632
has been a childhood dream
of mine.
212
00:08:56,634 --> 00:08:58,300
So, if you're
ever looking
213
00:08:58,302 --> 00:09:02,304
for any more scientist guests,
I hope you'll consider me.
214
00:09:02,306 --> 00:09:05,774
I appreciate that, Sheldon,
and I'll keep it in mind.
215
00:09:05,776 --> 00:09:07,209
You know, actually...
216
00:09:07,211 --> 00:09:09,645
Yay!
Uh...
217
00:09:09,647 --> 00:09:12,181
No. No. I want to have
218
00:09:12,183 --> 00:09:14,750
more female scientists
represented on the show,
219
00:09:14,752 --> 00:09:17,853
and I thought maybe Amy
might be interested?
220
00:09:27,331 --> 00:09:29,331
Or...
221
00:09:29,333 --> 00:09:31,901
wouldn't it be nice
222
00:09:31,903 --> 00:09:35,738
to have us both on, to show that
223
00:09:35,740 --> 00:09:39,475
even female scientists
can land a man?
224
00:09:42,780 --> 00:09:44,580
I said "sorry."
225
00:09:49,501 --> 00:09:51,721
So, what do you think?
226
00:09:51,723 --> 00:09:54,283
I like it. I can't wait
to see who the killer is.
227
00:09:54,284 --> 00:09:57,360
Is it that Ilsa girl?
She seems pretty mean.
228
00:09:57,750 --> 00:10:00,818
But adorably mean,
229
00:10:00,820 --> 00:10:03,821
like a baby lion?
230
00:10:03,823 --> 00:10:06,724
No, regular mean,
like a regular lion.
231
00:10:08,361 --> 00:10:10,928
But it seems pretty accurate,
considering who you based it on.
232
00:10:10,930 --> 00:10:12,997
Huh.
233
00:10:12,999 --> 00:10:15,332
And who do you think that is?
234
00:10:16,435 --> 00:10:17,735
But the door is locked,
235
00:10:17,737 --> 00:10:19,970
so it has to be someone
in this room.
236
00:10:23,142 --> 00:10:25,743
Wow. You are on fire.
237
00:10:27,913 --> 00:10:29,513
Oh. Y...
238
00:10:29,515 --> 00:10:31,615
Bernadette.
Yeah, sure.
239
00:10:31,617 --> 00:10:34,118
Each one of you had a motive.
240
00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:36,787
Who died and
made you detective?
241
00:10:36,789 --> 00:10:38,989
He did.
242
00:10:39,925 --> 00:10:42,626
I think you're neglecting
your own motive,
243
00:10:42,628 --> 00:10:45,029
a massive inferiority complex.
244
00:10:45,031 --> 00:10:47,164
It's not massive.
245
00:10:47,166 --> 00:10:49,266
It's just average-sized.
246
00:10:51,904 --> 00:10:53,971
I don't mean to interrupt,
but somebody's tracking
247
00:10:53,973 --> 00:10:57,541
blood everywhere, so--
never mind, it's me.
248
00:10:58,411 --> 00:11:00,577
You say we're all suspects.
249
00:11:00,579 --> 00:11:03,380
How do we know
you're not the killer?
250
00:11:03,382 --> 00:11:04,915
I have an alibi.
251
00:11:04,917 --> 00:11:08,819
Yeah. He's not smart enough to
pull off a murder like this.
252
00:11:10,456 --> 00:11:14,024
It's pretty obvious:
blonde, mean, glasses.
253
00:11:14,026 --> 00:11:15,959
It doesn't say "glasses."
Oh, really?
254
00:11:15,961 --> 00:11:18,462
But it will,
because Ilsa does.
255
00:11:18,464 --> 00:11:20,397
And you know
who else wears them?
256
00:11:20,399 --> 00:11:22,833
Bernadette.
257
00:11:23,869 --> 00:11:25,602
And-and that's her, cause it's,
258
00:11:25,604 --> 00:11:27,905
it's totally, it's totally her.
259
00:11:31,110 --> 00:11:33,644
Oh, Amy.
Good, you're here.
260
00:11:33,646 --> 00:11:34,845
Hi. What's up?
261
00:11:34,847 --> 00:11:38,682
How would you like to be
on television?
262
00:11:38,684 --> 00:11:40,617
Is it gonna be a news story
263
00:11:40,619 --> 00:11:43,520
where I have to say you were
quiet and kept to yourself
264
00:11:43,522 --> 00:11:45,422
and I'm as shocked as anyone?
265
00:11:45,424 --> 00:11:47,825
No, it's not.
266
00:11:47,827 --> 00:11:51,862
Wil Wheaton wants you to be
on Professor Proton.
267
00:11:51,864 --> 00:11:54,998
That's nice, but I'm not
really interested.
268
00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:56,967
What do you mean?
269
00:11:56,969 --> 00:11:59,369
But he wants to talk
about women in science.
270
00:11:59,371 --> 00:12:02,639
You're a woman, you're in
science. You go, girl.
271
00:12:02,641 --> 00:12:04,842
I'm all for promoting women
in science,
272
00:12:04,844 --> 00:12:07,311
but I don't really want to be
on Wil's show.
273
00:12:07,313 --> 00:12:11,115
Is it because
kids may be there,
274
00:12:11,117 --> 00:12:13,917
and they're known carriers
of head lice? I get that.
275
00:12:13,919 --> 00:12:16,520
Sure, that's the reason.
276
00:12:16,522 --> 00:12:18,822
Wait a minute.
277
00:12:18,824 --> 00:12:21,058
You're always bragging that lice
aren't attracted to you
278
00:12:21,060 --> 00:12:22,760
because your scalp is so oily.
279
00:12:22,762 --> 00:12:24,828
That was on your dating profile.
280
00:12:24,830 --> 00:12:26,997
Okay, look,
281
00:12:26,999 --> 00:12:29,600
I know you have strong feelings
about Professor Proton,
282
00:12:29,602 --> 00:12:32,069
and I don't want to get
in the middle of that.
283
00:12:32,071 --> 00:12:35,405
So you're not
going to do something
284
00:12:35,407 --> 00:12:37,441
just because you think
it might upset me?
285
00:12:37,443 --> 00:12:39,376
Well, it's tricky,
286
00:12:39,378 --> 00:12:41,512
because answering that
question honestly
287
00:12:41,514 --> 00:12:44,915
is one of the things I tend
not to do because it upsets you.
288
00:12:44,917 --> 00:12:48,752
Well, that's
very upsetting.
289
00:12:48,754 --> 00:12:50,654
Like I said.
290
00:12:52,491 --> 00:12:54,057
What other things
don't you do because of me?
291
00:12:54,059 --> 00:12:56,693
Remember last week
when we went
292
00:12:56,695 --> 00:12:59,496
to that dueling piano bar
I was so excited about?
293
00:12:59,498 --> 00:13:00,136
No.
294
00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:02,101
Well, now you're
getting it.
295
00:13:05,137 --> 00:13:08,105
Boy, I don't know how people
who aren't on bed rest
296
00:13:08,107 --> 00:13:10,674
keep up with
the Kardashians.
297
00:13:10,676 --> 00:13:12,709
Well, sometimes
you have to read in your car
298
00:13:12,711 --> 00:13:15,779
while your husband thinks
you're working late.
299
00:13:15,781 --> 00:13:18,782
Speaking of which, he came by
yesterday to show me his book.
300
00:13:18,784 --> 00:13:22,586
Oh, and-and
what did you think?
301
00:13:22,588 --> 00:13:23,854
I liked it.
302
00:13:23,856 --> 00:13:26,590
Really? The Ilsa character
didn't bother you?
303
00:13:26,592 --> 00:13:29,159
Oh, he was exaggerating.
You're not really like that.
304
00:13:30,963 --> 00:13:33,530
Well, I know
I'm not like that.
305
00:13:33,532 --> 00:13:35,632
The character
was based on you.
306
00:13:35,634 --> 00:13:37,401
I don't know
what to tell you.
307
00:13:37,403 --> 00:13:39,503
When I brought it up with
Leonard, he said it was you.
308
00:13:39,505 --> 00:13:42,372
Well, when I
brought it up, he...
309
00:13:42,374 --> 00:13:44,074
got all squirrelly
and left the room.
310
00:13:44,076 --> 00:13:46,243
Son of a bitch.
311
00:13:49,582 --> 00:13:52,749
I just learned
some very distressing news.
312
00:13:52,751 --> 00:13:55,452
Sometimes,
Amy doesn't do things
313
00:13:55,454 --> 00:13:57,054
because she's worried about
how I'll react.
314
00:13:57,056 --> 00:13:59,756
First of all, it's not
sometimes, it's always.
315
00:13:59,758 --> 00:14:03,193
Second, it's not
Amy, it's everybody.
316
00:14:04,964 --> 00:14:07,297
And third, it's not news,
it's well-established.
317
00:14:07,299 --> 00:14:09,967
Yeah. Like just now I
wanted to get a croissant,
318
00:14:09,969 --> 00:14:13,704
but I didn't want to hear
you say, "Ooh, la, la."
319
00:14:13,706 --> 00:14:16,006
So you're saying
everyone walks on eggshells
320
00:14:16,008 --> 00:14:17,708
to spare my feelings?
321
00:14:17,710 --> 00:14:19,543
No, of course not,
because we don't want
322
00:14:19,545 --> 00:14:21,745
to hear you complain about
how much you hate the sound
323
00:14:21,747 --> 00:14:24,414
of crunching eggshells.
324
00:14:24,416 --> 00:14:27,718
I don't want my relationship
with Amy to be like that.
325
00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:30,354
Sheldon, Amy knew
what she was getting into.
326
00:14:30,356 --> 00:14:31,488
You think?
327
00:14:31,490 --> 00:14:33,290
Yes, we warned her.
328
00:14:34,894 --> 00:14:37,294
Well, regardless, I can change.
329
00:14:37,296 --> 00:14:39,396
Sure.
Yeah, of course you can.
330
00:14:39,398 --> 00:14:42,566
You know, everybody thinks
I'm so predictable.
331
00:14:42,568 --> 00:14:44,468
Well, tomorrow I'm gonna
show up at work
332
00:14:44,470 --> 00:14:46,470
and do something
no one will expect.
333
00:14:46,472 --> 00:14:48,705
Where a baseball cap backwards
to prove your point?
334
00:14:53,712 --> 00:14:56,747
Yes, but which hat?
335
00:14:56,749 --> 00:14:59,349
Gryffindor.
336
00:14:59,351 --> 00:15:02,352
Well, now that you guessed it,
I'm not gonna do it.
337
00:15:02,354 --> 00:15:03,587
Yeah, you will.
338
00:15:03,589 --> 00:15:06,590
Yeah.
339
00:15:16,468 --> 00:15:19,102
Looks like the bullet
went right through you.
340
00:15:19,104 --> 00:15:20,904
Damn it, Logan.
When are you gonna stop?
341
00:15:20,906 --> 00:15:24,741
Sorry. I didn't get my PhD
in quitting.
342
00:15:24,743 --> 00:15:28,378
You're a physicist. What makes
you think you can solve a crime?
343
00:15:28,380 --> 00:15:30,047
He's losing
a lot of blood.
344
00:15:30,049 --> 00:15:32,950
Great. I'm gonna
have to clean that up.
345
00:15:34,053 --> 00:15:35,886
You know what?
A little soda water
346
00:15:35,888 --> 00:15:38,855
might get that
right out.
347
00:15:38,857 --> 00:15:41,191
- We got to find some bandages.
- No.
348
00:15:41,193 --> 00:15:43,193
There's no time.
349
00:15:45,631 --> 00:15:47,397
Does it hurt?
350
00:15:47,399 --> 00:15:50,934
Everything you do hurts.
351
00:15:52,338 --> 00:15:55,605
Then why do you keep
coming back for more?
352
00:16:00,412 --> 00:16:01,511
Hey.
353
00:16:01,513 --> 00:16:03,413
So this is what you think of me?
354
00:16:03,415 --> 00:16:05,816
Huh? I'm mean and
everything I do hurts you?
355
00:16:05,818 --> 00:16:07,617
What are you talking about?
356
00:16:07,619 --> 00:16:08,952
I know I'm Ilsa.
357
00:16:08,954 --> 00:16:11,321
Wha...? That is crazy.
358
00:16:11,323 --> 00:16:13,090
You-you two are
totally different.
359
00:16:13,092 --> 00:16:14,057
How?
360
00:16:14,059 --> 00:16:16,693
Well, you... She...
361
00:16:17,563 --> 00:16:19,529
Her name's Ilsa.
362
00:16:19,531 --> 00:16:21,098
You know what?
363
00:16:21,100 --> 00:16:23,000
It's fine. Write
whatever you want.
364
00:16:23,002 --> 00:16:25,802
And by the way, Logan Dean can
tell everyone he's five-eight,
365
00:16:25,804 --> 00:16:27,971
but he's not fooling anybody!
366
00:16:37,383 --> 00:16:40,550
Are you sure that's the move
you want to make?
367
00:16:40,552 --> 00:16:41,818
Absolutely.
368
00:16:41,820 --> 00:16:44,254
Okay.
369
00:16:46,425 --> 00:16:48,759
Checkmate.
370
00:16:48,761 --> 00:16:50,961
Oh, I did not see that coming.
371
00:16:52,097 --> 00:16:54,431
That's well played, Amy.
372
00:16:54,433 --> 00:16:55,899
What's going on?
373
00:16:55,901 --> 00:17:00,670
You beat me, and I am responding
with humility and admiration.
374
00:17:00,672 --> 00:17:02,372
What does it look like?
375
00:17:02,374 --> 00:17:04,775
You let me win
so you could show me
376
00:17:04,777 --> 00:17:06,977
how emotionally mature you are,
didn't you?
377
00:17:06,979 --> 00:17:09,346
Well, I couldn't wait for you
to actually beat me;
378
00:17:09,348 --> 00:17:10,580
that would take forever.
379
00:17:12,051 --> 00:17:13,950
I'm sorry. It's...
380
00:17:13,952 --> 00:17:15,519
I'm trying to show you
381
00:17:15,521 --> 00:17:17,320
that I can change.
382
00:17:17,322 --> 00:17:19,990
I-I don't want you to miss out
on things because of me.
383
00:17:19,992 --> 00:17:22,359
I know you don't.
384
00:17:22,361 --> 00:17:24,561
You know,
and maybe somewhere out there,
385
00:17:24,563 --> 00:17:27,964
there is a little girl
who will see you on Wil's show
386
00:17:27,966 --> 00:17:30,467
and realize that she, too,
can grow up
387
00:17:30,469 --> 00:17:32,536
to be a brilliant, amazing,
388
00:17:32,538 --> 00:17:34,738
successful scientist.
389
00:17:36,475 --> 00:17:38,008
Thank you.
390
00:17:38,010 --> 00:17:40,110
Who is really terrible at chess.
391
00:17:40,112 --> 00:17:41,945
Got it.
392
00:17:41,947 --> 00:17:43,980
No, no, no.
I mean really bad.
393
00:17:43,982 --> 00:17:47,951
What was your queen doing
over there, going shopping?
394
00:17:50,522 --> 00:17:52,989
I mean, I-I didn't intend
to write about Penny,
395
00:17:52,991 --> 00:17:55,592
but I guess maybe
subconsciously I did.
396
00:17:55,594 --> 00:17:59,496
I believe you mean
"unconsciously," dear.
397
00:17:59,498 --> 00:18:01,798
Yeah, sure.
You know, it would be nice
398
00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:03,800
if you didn't correct me
all the time.
399
00:18:03,802 --> 00:18:06,236
It would be nice
if I didn't have to.
400
00:18:07,673 --> 00:18:10,307
Maybe this book of yours
is a bad idea.
401
00:18:10,309 --> 00:18:11,508
What do you mean?
402
00:18:11,510 --> 00:18:12,776
Well, you're a physicist.
403
00:18:12,778 --> 00:18:15,045
What makes you think
you can write a book?
404
00:18:19,685 --> 00:18:21,751
You're a physicist.
405
00:18:21,753 --> 00:18:24,821
What makes you think
you can solve a crime?
406
00:18:26,425 --> 00:18:28,391
Got to go.
407
00:18:28,393 --> 00:18:29,793
I think you mean "have..."
408
00:18:32,431 --> 00:18:33,430
Oh, Penny, good news.
409
00:18:33,432 --> 00:18:34,931
It's not you.
What?
410
00:18:34,933 --> 00:18:36,700
Ilsa. It's not you.
It's my mother.
411
00:18:36,702 --> 00:18:38,635
I've been writing
about my mother!
412
00:18:39,671 --> 00:18:41,872
I think you're neglecting
your own motive,
413
00:18:41,874 --> 00:18:44,374
a massive inferiority complex.
414
00:18:44,376 --> 00:18:46,510
It's not massive.
415
00:18:46,512 --> 00:18:48,879
It's just average-sized.
416
00:18:52,117 --> 00:18:54,417
We got to find
some bandages.
417
00:18:54,419 --> 00:18:56,653
There's no time.
418
00:18:59,958 --> 00:19:01,491
Does it hurt?
419
00:19:01,493 --> 00:19:03,927
Everything you do hurts.
420
00:19:03,929 --> 00:19:06,930
Then why do you keep
coming back for more?
421
00:19:06,932 --> 00:19:08,698
Maybe you like it.
422
00:19:08,700 --> 00:19:11,902
I-- M-Maybe I do.
423
00:19:24,829 --> 00:19:26,796
Well, that is
our show for today.
424
00:19:26,798 --> 00:19:28,665
And I want to say
a very special thank you
425
00:19:28,667 --> 00:19:30,366
to Dr. Amy Fowler
for being here.
426
00:19:30,368 --> 00:19:31,801
It was a real pleasure
having you.
427
00:19:31,803 --> 00:19:33,903
And you can feel
that pleasure
428
00:19:33,905 --> 00:19:38,875
because you don't have a lesion
in your nucleus accumbens.
429
00:19:38,877 --> 00:19:41,744
I really hope I don't.
430
00:19:41,746 --> 00:19:43,346
All right,
we'll see you next time!
431
00:19:45,083 --> 00:19:47,517
Amy.
432
00:19:47,519 --> 00:19:49,752
You were glowing.
433
00:19:51,756 --> 00:19:53,823
Oily scalp.
434
00:19:54,993 --> 00:19:56,693
I'm so proud of you.
435
00:19:56,695 --> 00:19:59,696
And I'm proud of you.
436
00:19:59,698 --> 00:20:01,831
Because you can't
tell how jealous I am?
437
00:20:01,833 --> 00:20:04,834
No, no, no. I can.
438
00:20:04,836 --> 00:20:07,837
But I can tell how hard
you're trying to keep it in.
439
00:20:07,839 --> 00:20:10,006
Really hard.
440
00:20:11,843 --> 00:20:13,506
I'm gonna go to bed.
441
00:20:13,530 --> 00:20:14,545
All right, I'm gonna
go scream on the roof.
442
00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:16,579
- Love you.
- Love you.
443
00:20:28,849 --> 00:20:35,749
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
444
00:21:03,194 --> 00:21:06,329
A simile directly compares
two things,
445
00:21:06,331 --> 00:21:09,198
using the words “like” and “as”"
446
00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:11,267
“I slept
like a log”"
447
00:21:11,269 --> 00:21:13,436
“I'm hungry as a horse”"
448
00:21:13,438 --> 00:21:15,972
“Your love is like
bad medicine.”
449
00:21:15,974 --> 00:21:17,106
Exactly.
450
00:21:17,108 --> 00:21:18,108
That's Bon Jovi.
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