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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:04,193 Aah! 2 00:00:23,704 --> 00:00:25,103 D'oh! 3 00:00:27,541 --> 00:00:29,774 Is she gonna be okay, Doc? 4 00:00:29,843 --> 00:00:31,242 She's just fine. 5 00:00:31,310 --> 00:00:33,512 - And here's the baby. - Oh... 6 00:00:33,579 --> 00:00:35,914 I know how to hold one of these. 7 00:00:35,982 --> 00:00:37,816 D'oh! 8 00:00:41,743 --> 00:00:46,566 - Sync and corrections by ByDem - - www.addic7ed.com - 9 00:00:51,531 --> 00:00:53,265 You're watching The Learning Network, 10 00:00:53,334 --> 00:00:54,466 where minds grow. 11 00:00:54,534 --> 00:00:56,218 Stay tuned for... 12 00:00:56,218 --> 00:00:57,750 Apocalypse Week, 13 00:00:58,262 --> 00:00:59,869 Ebola Meteor, 14 00:00:59,869 --> 00:01:01,118 Nukes of Hazard, 15 00:01:01,143 --> 00:01:03,057 Jesus Christ Superstorm, 16 00:01:03,057 --> 00:01:07,013 But first... Nostradamus: The man who saw the future. 17 00:01:09,063 --> 00:01:12,364 The following film, made in 1982, 18 00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:14,067 was thought to be lost forever. 19 00:01:14,135 --> 00:01:16,269 Actually, it was misplaced in a box 20 00:01:16,337 --> 00:01:18,871 for the comedy Doctor Detroit. 21 00:01:18,941 --> 00:01:22,007 But its predictions are more terrifying than ever. 22 00:01:22,076 --> 00:01:25,512 Hello, I'm Orson... Welles, 23 00:01:25,579 --> 00:01:27,212 director of Citizen Kane... 24 00:01:27,281 --> 00:01:28,448 Boring. 25 00:01:28,516 --> 00:01:30,283 as well as the lower left-hand square 26 00:01:30,352 --> 00:01:31,617 on Hollywood Squares. 27 00:01:31,686 --> 00:01:33,954 Ooh, right next to Ruth Buzzi. 28 00:01:34,021 --> 00:01:37,390 In 1555, the prophet Nostradamus 29 00:01:37,459 --> 00:01:40,259 foretold a terrifying series of predictions, 30 00:01:40,329 --> 00:01:42,395 all of which came to pass. 31 00:01:42,463 --> 00:01:45,397 First, his own death. Second, 32 00:01:45,466 --> 00:01:48,600 large wars in Europe, similar to the large wars 33 00:01:48,670 --> 00:01:50,036 he observed in Europe. 34 00:01:50,104 --> 00:01:52,805 And the breakup of Fleetwood Mac. 35 00:01:52,873 --> 00:01:55,808 But Nostradamus's final quatrain contained 36 00:01:55,877 --> 00:01:58,811 one more prediction yet to come: 37 00:01:58,879 --> 00:02:02,415 that shortly after the Antichrist becomes president... 38 00:02:03,984 --> 00:02:06,893 A Flaming mushroom spreads across the sky. 39 00:02:08,356 --> 00:02:09,990 This champagne is terrible. 40 00:02:10,057 --> 00:02:12,092 It tastes like dryer sheets. 41 00:02:12,159 --> 00:02:15,161 But what does said mushroom signify? 42 00:02:15,229 --> 00:02:18,764 Nothing less than World War III. 43 00:02:18,834 --> 00:02:21,300 Ugh, who'd fall for this malarkey? 44 00:02:21,370 --> 00:02:23,336 Smithers, I'm scared. 45 00:02:23,405 --> 00:02:25,838 Release the comforting hounds. 46 00:02:27,341 --> 00:02:29,109 Oh, excellent. Now, make them into rugs. 47 00:02:30,579 --> 00:02:34,614 Anyone left alive will surely find themselves envying... 48 00:02:34,682 --> 00:02:36,682 Who? Who could we possibly envy? 49 00:02:36,718 --> 00:02:38,685 - the dead. - Aah! 50 00:02:38,753 --> 00:02:40,853 Smithers, the end is nigh, and we must prepare. 51 00:02:40,921 --> 00:02:43,256 Round up this town's greatest minds. 52 00:02:43,324 --> 00:02:44,957 - Should I order pizza? - Uh-huh. 53 00:02:45,026 --> 00:02:47,026 One large cheese, double-cut. 54 00:02:50,932 --> 00:02:52,298 Attention, fellow members _ 55 00:02:52,366 --> 00:02:54,933 of the Springfield chapter of Mensa. _ 56 00:02:55,002 --> 00:02:56,870 Mr. Burns has called us here 57 00:02:56,937 --> 00:03:01,140 to solve an unknown problem of global importance. 58 00:03:01,209 --> 00:03:04,110 But first, Tri-Ominoes! 59 00:03:04,145 --> 00:03:06,179 I say we write and solve our own acrostics. 60 00:03:06,247 --> 00:03:08,181 Yes, after we recite all the words 61 00:03:08,250 --> 00:03:09,883 in the Declaration of Independence 62 00:03:09,950 --> 00:03:11,450 in alphabetical order. 63 00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:14,853 A, A, A, A, A, A. 64 00:03:14,923 --> 00:03:18,557 Abdicated. Abolish. Abolishing. 65 00:03:18,627 --> 00:03:20,225 Absolute. Absolved. 66 00:03:20,295 --> 00:03:22,062 Silence, you thinkertons. 67 00:03:22,129 --> 00:03:24,497 I summoned you here because the world is about to end. 68 00:03:24,566 --> 00:03:26,633 No, it isn't. What are you afraid of? 69 00:03:26,700 --> 00:03:28,835 Global warming? 70 00:03:28,903 --> 00:03:31,871 A.I.? Some sort of plague? 71 00:03:34,643 --> 00:03:37,409 As smarty-pantalones, I am asking you to help with 72 00:03:37,478 --> 00:03:39,846 the Montgomery Burns Doomsday Ark. 73 00:03:39,881 --> 00:03:42,382 This space vehicle will lead humanity's best and brightest 74 00:03:42,450 --> 00:03:45,585 to a better life under my stern rule. 75 00:03:45,653 --> 00:03:47,753 Oh, gee heavens. 76 00:03:47,823 --> 00:03:50,256 Will there be someone for your more personal needs? 77 00:03:50,292 --> 00:03:52,925 Concubines. Many concubines. 78 00:03:52,993 --> 00:03:54,293 I'll work my way in. 79 00:03:54,361 --> 00:03:56,195 I need you to tell me who is worthy 80 00:03:56,264 --> 00:03:58,465 of surviving the apocalypse with me. 81 00:03:58,500 --> 00:04:02,034 I only want the sharpest razors in this town's Halloween candy. 82 00:04:02,104 --> 00:04:05,070 Oh, don't worry, Mr. Burns, this is what Mensa does best... 83 00:04:05,106 --> 00:04:06,973 make everyone else feel stupid. 84 00:04:07,042 --> 00:04:08,775 The only word in English 85 00:04:08,843 --> 00:04:11,578 with three consecutive double letters is... 86 00:04:11,646 --> 00:04:12,713 - Oh, um... - Um... 87 00:04:12,713 --> 00:04:13,812 Um, "gooseberry." 88 00:04:13,882 --> 00:04:15,581 No, "coffee." Coffee-oo. 89 00:04:15,650 --> 00:04:18,117 - Uh, balloon-an-ing. - Bookkeeper. 90 00:04:18,185 --> 00:04:19,485 - Damn it. - Ha! 91 00:04:19,521 --> 00:04:21,387 It's simple. All we need to do is 92 00:04:21,456 --> 00:04:23,755 give everyone in town an IQ test. 93 00:04:23,824 --> 00:04:25,591 The highest scores get on the ark... 94 00:04:25,660 --> 00:04:27,627 Mensa members grandfathered in. 95 00:04:27,696 --> 00:04:29,028 Sounds good to me. 96 00:04:29,064 --> 00:04:30,329 Grandfathered! 97 00:04:30,398 --> 00:04:32,966 Not so fast. Flavin. 98 00:04:33,033 --> 00:04:35,567 Being intelligent people, I am quite sure 99 00:04:35,637 --> 00:04:36,935 that you will take this well. 100 00:04:37,004 --> 00:04:39,139 IQs are meaningless. 101 00:04:39,206 --> 00:04:40,240 Heresy! 102 00:04:40,307 --> 00:04:42,175 I have the ultimate test 103 00:04:42,244 --> 00:04:45,211 that measures something far more significant: 104 00:04:45,279 --> 00:04:48,848 your overall worth as a human. 105 00:04:48,917 --> 00:04:50,115 Impossible. 106 00:04:50,185 --> 00:04:51,985 Intelligence is the only quotient 107 00:04:52,052 --> 00:04:53,819 that tells you how important you are. 108 00:04:53,889 --> 00:04:57,524 Ask any of us who did well on a test we took when we were six. 109 00:05:00,228 --> 00:05:03,362 Well, you may be the brightest, but you are not the best. 110 00:05:03,430 --> 00:05:06,932 Your worthiness as a human being is best measured, people, 111 00:05:06,968 --> 00:05:10,903 by the Personal Value Quotient. That's P.V.Q. 112 00:05:10,971 --> 00:05:13,439 Oh! Ow! All right, enough with the pelting 113 00:05:13,507 --> 00:05:15,507 and the bonking and the compass in my neck. 114 00:05:15,576 --> 00:05:17,377 Garvik. In order to defuse 115 00:05:17,444 --> 00:05:18,944 your obvious hostilities, 116 00:05:19,014 --> 00:05:21,548 I will make my presentation entertaining, all right? 117 00:05:21,582 --> 00:05:25,317 With a one, and a two, and a 3.14159. 118 00:05:25,353 --> 00:05:28,922 Forgive me if it seems like I'm attacking, 119 00:05:28,990 --> 00:05:32,391 but I find the old IQ test badly lacking. 120 00:05:32,459 --> 00:05:35,394 If you want to find out just what someone can do, 121 00:05:35,463 --> 00:05:40,233 you need to learn that subject's P.V.Q. 122 00:05:42,336 --> 00:05:45,305 ♪ It tests for ♪ 123 00:05:45,340 --> 00:05:48,975 ♪ Sympathy and empathy ♪ ♪ and group collaboration ♪ 124 00:05:49,009 --> 00:05:52,579 ♪ Artistry and neatness ♪ ♪ and complex socialization ♪ 125 00:05:52,613 --> 00:05:56,048 ♪ And every single aspect ♪ ♪ of a personality ♪ 126 00:05:56,117 --> 00:05:58,151 ♪ Hey, the P.V.Q. ♪ 127 00:05:58,220 --> 00:06:02,221 ♪ Is A.O.K. with me ♪ 128 00:06:04,725 --> 00:06:07,726 ♪ It tests for sarcasm and prudence ♪ 129 00:06:07,795 --> 00:06:09,896 ♪ Not if you're Isaac Newton ♪ 130 00:06:09,964 --> 00:06:11,430 ♪ Confidence, ambition ♪ 131 00:06:11,499 --> 00:06:13,233 ♪ And the teams for whom ♪ ♪ you're rootin' ♪ 132 00:06:13,300 --> 00:06:15,367 ♪ So it's all the little foibles ♪ 133 00:06:15,437 --> 00:06:17,002 ♪ That can make a person whole ♪ 134 00:06:17,072 --> 00:06:19,204 ♪ Trust the P.V.Q. ♪ 135 00:06:19,274 --> 00:06:23,141 ♪ The yardstick for the soul ♪ 136 00:06:30,317 --> 00:06:32,418 ♪ Now, people, you're all geniuses ♪ 137 00:06:32,487 --> 00:06:34,187 - Oh, please... - My, my, well, thank you. 138 00:06:34,255 --> 00:06:36,122 ♪ You can see this is no lark ♪ 139 00:06:36,191 --> 00:06:39,524 ♪ Emotional intelligence ♪ ♪ is needed for the ark ♪ 140 00:06:39,593 --> 00:06:41,326 - Uh-huh. - Hmm... 141 00:06:49,504 --> 00:06:51,536 ♪ You mean earnestness and ego ♪ 142 00:06:51,605 --> 00:06:53,439 ♪ And if they make a mean burrito ♪ 143 00:06:53,507 --> 00:06:55,240 ♪ And the social grace to know ♪ 144 00:06:55,276 --> 00:06:57,442 ♪ When not to wear a Speedo ♪ 145 00:06:57,512 --> 00:07:00,480 ♪ Every trait that integrates ♪ ♪ a winning personality ♪ 146 00:07:00,548 --> 00:07:02,447 ♪ Yes, the P.V.Q. ♪ _ 147 00:07:02,516 --> 00:07:06,084 ♪ Is what we'll do to find out who ♪ 148 00:07:06,153 --> 00:07:08,187 ♪ Will see us through ♪ 149 00:07:08,255 --> 00:07:10,023 ♪ Yes, the P.V.Q. ♪ 150 00:07:10,057 --> 00:07:12,759 ♪ Is A.O.K. ♪ 151 00:07:12,826 --> 00:07:15,961 ♪ With me... ♪ 152 00:07:17,865 --> 00:07:19,031 Oivik! 153 00:07:19,067 --> 00:07:21,300 Anyone have a song in rebuttal? 154 00:07:21,369 --> 00:07:24,069 ♪ You got to have hear... ♪ 155 00:07:24,139 --> 00:07:25,471 Oh, balderdash. 156 00:07:25,540 --> 00:07:26,906 We're going with this man's test. 157 00:07:26,975 --> 00:07:29,007 - Oh, wonderful. - To determine who is worthy 158 00:07:29,076 --> 00:07:30,742 of a seat on my ark. 159 00:07:30,812 --> 00:07:32,812 Uh, but, sir, how do we get everyone in town 160 00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:35,148 to take a test without telling them what it's about? 161 00:07:35,610 --> 00:07:36,884 _ 162 00:07:36,884 --> 00:07:39,252 Mandatory test. 163 00:07:39,321 --> 00:07:41,086 Mandatory test! 164 00:07:41,156 --> 00:07:44,524 Mandatory for everyone not ringing a bell. 165 00:07:47,095 --> 00:07:48,528 What's the point of this test again? 166 00:07:48,562 --> 00:07:50,196 The way I look at it, the more things 167 00:07:50,264 --> 00:07:52,632 secret corporations know about us, the better, huh? 168 00:07:52,701 --> 00:07:54,500 I like when drones show up bringing me things 169 00:07:54,569 --> 00:07:56,168 I needed but didn't know. 170 00:07:56,204 --> 00:07:58,137 Hmm. 171 00:07:58,206 --> 00:07:59,939 Wow, I am out of deodorant. 172 00:08:00,007 --> 00:08:01,139 We all knew. 173 00:08:01,209 --> 00:08:03,309 Remove all stray marks. 174 00:08:03,345 --> 00:08:05,511 Number two pencil only. 175 00:08:05,579 --> 00:08:07,646 And for God's sake, relax! _ 176 00:08:07,716 --> 00:08:10,382 This question asks about the price of underwear, 177 00:08:10,451 --> 00:08:13,286 as if I were some landed aristocrat. 178 00:08:13,355 --> 00:08:15,221 Hey, can I copy off you? 179 00:08:15,290 --> 00:08:16,488 Be my guest. 180 00:08:20,060 --> 00:08:23,795 "Day is to night as early is to..." 181 00:08:23,865 --> 00:08:26,165 Late. Booyah! 182 00:08:28,802 --> 00:08:30,235 Booyah! 183 00:08:32,974 --> 00:08:34,573 Booyah! 184 00:08:37,245 --> 00:08:40,446 The one test I don't bring my earmuffs. 185 00:08:40,481 --> 00:08:41,809 The results are in. _ 186 00:08:41,915 --> 00:08:43,582 The newest and most accurate measure _ 187 00:08:43,650 --> 00:08:46,385 of our intelligence on a scale from one to 500... 188 00:08:46,453 --> 00:08:48,388 500 being best. 189 00:08:48,456 --> 00:08:50,889 - Boring. - Don't shut it off. 190 00:08:50,959 --> 00:08:52,392 I need my score. 191 00:08:54,562 --> 00:08:56,195 Thank you. 192 00:08:56,264 --> 00:08:58,730 Now we'll run everyone's scores past the screen really fast, 193 00:08:58,799 --> 00:09:00,399 from best to worst, trusting that you'll pause 194 00:09:00,467 --> 00:09:02,368 at only your name. 195 00:09:03,638 --> 00:09:05,971 Pause it! 196 00:09:06,039 --> 00:09:09,107 475, my sweet spot. Excellent. 197 00:09:09,177 --> 00:09:10,777 But room to improve. 198 00:09:12,514 --> 00:09:16,182 What?! I am one below Ralph? Ralph? 199 00:09:16,216 --> 00:09:18,884 Honey, it doesn't mean Ralph's smarter than you. 200 00:09:18,919 --> 00:09:22,522 It just means he's a more valuable person. 201 00:09:22,557 --> 00:09:25,091 - Ralph? - Keep scrolling. 202 00:09:26,161 --> 00:09:28,594 Ooh, 311. 203 00:09:28,663 --> 00:09:31,230 Above average, but not enough to make people mad. 204 00:09:31,298 --> 00:09:34,700 And, it's the number you call to complain about potholes. 205 00:09:34,769 --> 00:09:38,604 Ooh. "H. Simpson: 265." 206 00:09:38,673 --> 00:09:40,306 Exactly the number of days in a year. 207 00:09:41,842 --> 00:09:43,809 Well, that's good. Let's change the channel. 208 00:09:43,878 --> 00:09:45,378 But we don't know your score. 209 00:09:45,413 --> 00:09:47,779 Like I said, that's good. 210 00:09:47,816 --> 00:09:51,017 Hmm, not there. Not there. Not there. 211 00:10:00,928 --> 00:10:03,162 I don't need any test. 212 00:10:03,230 --> 00:10:05,030 I'm street-smart. 213 00:10:06,301 --> 00:10:07,767 Haw-haw! 214 00:10:09,274 --> 00:10:13,005 I refuse to accept that my little guy has no future. 215 00:10:13,005 --> 00:10:15,422 He can learn how to put in adding machine tape. 216 00:10:15,422 --> 00:10:17,188 That's how I got through the Depression, 217 00:10:17,224 --> 00:10:19,658 and letting the FBI know which bugle boys 218 00:10:19,726 --> 00:10:21,692 were about to turn boogie-woogie. 219 00:10:21,761 --> 00:10:23,562 We're not giving up on Bart. 220 00:10:23,629 --> 00:10:25,429 And I'm not giving up on you, Homer. 221 00:10:25,499 --> 00:10:27,499 What, you're still trying? In what way? 222 00:10:27,533 --> 00:10:30,302 My will is 38 pages of me yelling at you. 223 00:10:30,336 --> 00:10:32,037 Ooh, I'm in the will. 224 00:10:35,442 --> 00:10:38,009 Charles. Listen to me, Charles. 225 00:10:38,077 --> 00:10:39,711 Not now, Satan. 226 00:10:39,779 --> 00:10:42,013 I'm not Satan, I'm Orson Welles. 227 00:10:42,048 --> 00:10:45,149 Satan would sell wine before its time. 228 00:10:45,219 --> 00:10:48,820 Yes. Now, have you taken my warning seriously? 229 00:10:48,889 --> 00:10:50,822 Oh, but I did. I've already started the ark. 230 00:10:50,890 --> 00:10:52,389 Very good. Now I must go. 231 00:10:52,459 --> 00:10:54,692 God commissioned me to direct a rainbow, 232 00:10:54,761 --> 00:10:56,894 and I've spent half my budget on indigo. 233 00:10:56,963 --> 00:10:59,730 The only answer is to play "red" myself. 234 00:10:59,799 --> 00:11:01,486 Smithers. 235 00:11:01,537 --> 00:11:03,534 Speed up production on the ark. Put everyone on it. 236 00:11:03,604 --> 00:11:06,104 Ply them with all the rum and salt it takes. 237 00:11:12,312 --> 00:11:15,618 Eh, there's no nap like a scaffold nap. 238 00:11:17,784 --> 00:11:19,583 Hey, what do you think we're building, anyway? 239 00:11:19,620 --> 00:11:21,753 I'm betting it's a new Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. 240 00:11:21,822 --> 00:11:23,654 Maybe this one will keep somebody out. 241 00:11:25,057 --> 00:11:27,024 How can Ralph score higher than me? 242 00:11:27,059 --> 00:11:29,193 That's-that's just wrong. 243 00:11:29,263 --> 00:11:31,962 But all my self-esteem comes from tests. 244 00:11:32,032 --> 00:11:35,700 Should I really be pulling on this string? 245 00:11:35,769 --> 00:11:37,601 I am not worse than Ralph! 246 00:11:39,773 --> 00:11:42,234 - Hi, Ralph. - Hi, Ralph. 247 00:11:42,469 --> 00:11:44,075 - Hi, Ralph. - Hi, Ralph. 248 00:11:44,144 --> 00:11:46,912 I miss the string through my ears. 249 00:11:48,514 --> 00:11:49,614 All right, Lisa. 250 00:11:49,682 --> 00:11:52,082 Watch, do not judge. 251 00:11:53,153 --> 00:11:55,287 What makes him superior? _ 252 00:11:56,289 --> 00:11:59,591 Whee! 253 00:11:59,625 --> 00:12:01,259 I'm okay. 254 00:12:03,529 --> 00:12:05,529 You have reached the Wiggum residence. 255 00:12:05,566 --> 00:12:08,299 If Ralph is stuck in something, press one. 256 00:12:08,368 --> 00:12:11,068 If something is stuck in Ralph, press two. 257 00:12:11,138 --> 00:12:14,639 If this is Ralph, Daddy is not in the phone. 258 00:12:14,707 --> 00:12:17,609 Do not open the phone looking for me. 259 00:12:17,677 --> 00:12:18,909 What are you doing? 260 00:12:18,946 --> 00:12:20,144 The only thing I'm good at. 261 00:12:20,213 --> 00:12:21,245 Nothing. 262 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:22,581 That tears it. 263 00:12:22,615 --> 00:12:24,349 We're going to see Professor Frink, 264 00:12:24,384 --> 00:12:27,284 and find out exactly what happened on that test. 265 00:12:27,354 --> 00:12:28,687 Got a little present for you, Bart. 266 00:12:28,754 --> 00:12:32,123 It's called The Bible For The Slow. Mm? 267 00:12:32,192 --> 00:12:33,524 He's not going to take it. _ 268 00:12:33,559 --> 00:12:35,360 Okily-dokily. 269 00:12:35,394 --> 00:12:38,864 Professor Frink, your stupid test ruined my son's life. 270 00:12:38,932 --> 00:12:40,831 Hey, that test is like a son to me. 271 00:12:40,868 --> 00:12:42,801 I raised it from a quiz. 272 00:12:42,870 --> 00:12:44,501 I've known my son since he was born, 273 00:12:44,571 --> 00:12:46,937 and he's not anywhere near as stupid 274 00:12:47,006 --> 00:12:48,840 as your stupid test says he is. 275 00:12:48,908 --> 00:12:53,043 And if you think so, you're stupid, stupid, stupid! 276 00:12:53,113 --> 00:12:54,678 Wow, Marge. 277 00:12:54,748 --> 00:12:56,881 You really love Bart. 278 00:12:56,950 --> 00:12:59,283 All right, all right, let me recheck it. 279 00:12:59,352 --> 00:13:01,119 Uh, rechecking, rechecking. 280 00:13:01,187 --> 00:13:02,486 Put-upon sigh. 281 00:13:02,556 --> 00:13:03,621 Oivik. 282 00:13:03,657 --> 00:13:05,789 Rechecking... ah, here we are. 283 00:13:05,859 --> 00:13:07,158 Uh, Simpson, B. 284 00:13:07,193 --> 00:13:10,828 That's not a "B." 285 00:13:10,898 --> 00:13:12,330 Well, yes, it is, you see, the two... 286 00:13:12,399 --> 00:13:13,932 oh, my garvik! 287 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:15,966 There was a mistake. Well, your son 288 00:13:16,036 --> 00:13:17,869 has above-average intelligence. 289 00:13:17,937 --> 00:13:19,203 You did it, boy. 290 00:13:19,273 --> 00:13:20,504 No, that just looks like a "B." 291 00:13:20,573 --> 00:13:23,008 The real unfortunate is H. Simpson. 292 00:13:23,076 --> 00:13:24,975 I mean, what a clod! 293 00:13:25,044 --> 00:13:28,113 Worst handwriting and brain in town. 294 00:13:28,181 --> 00:13:29,114 - D'oh! - Hey! 295 00:13:29,149 --> 00:13:30,514 I'm H. Simpson. 296 00:13:30,583 --> 00:13:32,250 Oh, well, it's very nice to meet you. 297 00:13:32,318 --> 00:13:33,485 Would you like some water? 298 00:13:33,552 --> 00:13:34,519 - Smartwater? - No. 299 00:13:36,897 --> 00:13:38,462 - Homie, aren't you coming? - Bye-bye. 300 00:13:38,499 --> 00:13:41,590 I can't. I'll be a laughing stock when everyone finds out 301 00:13:41,590 --> 00:13:43,222 I'm the stupidest man in town. 302 00:13:43,292 --> 00:13:44,457 How are they gonna find out? 303 00:13:44,527 --> 00:13:45,993 I just tweeted it. 304 00:13:46,062 --> 00:13:48,928 Marge, you have to get ahead of these stories. 305 00:13:48,952 --> 00:13:53,068 _ 306 00:13:53,068 --> 00:13:55,536 I'm sorry, sir, you belong here. 307 00:13:55,604 --> 00:13:57,538 Oh! Oh. _ 308 00:13:57,832 --> 00:14:00,086 _ 309 00:14:00,086 --> 00:14:02,946 _ 310 00:14:03,446 --> 00:14:04,677 Look thou be true. _ 311 00:14:04,746 --> 00:14:06,212 Do not give dalliance. 312 00:14:06,248 --> 00:14:08,349 Too much of the rein. 313 00:14:10,552 --> 00:14:13,153 Why does Oscar skate in his trash can? _ 314 00:14:13,221 --> 00:14:14,488 It makes no sense! 315 00:14:16,759 --> 00:14:18,558 I'll cheer up here. _ 316 00:14:18,582 --> 00:14:19,628 _ 317 00:14:19,628 --> 00:14:21,995 One "stupid," please? 318 00:14:22,063 --> 00:14:23,831 Okay, you gave me $40. 319 00:14:23,899 --> 00:14:25,231 Here's two dollars back. 320 00:14:25,301 --> 00:14:27,267 Unless you want splash insurance. 321 00:14:27,302 --> 00:14:29,068 - How much is that? - Another ten. 322 00:14:29,105 --> 00:14:30,269 Uh, here's $20. 323 00:14:30,338 --> 00:14:32,206 And two more for you. 324 00:14:37,548 --> 00:14:39,683 Insurance doesn't cover entryway splashes. 325 00:14:39,683 --> 00:14:41,196 D'oh! 326 00:14:41,196 --> 00:14:43,917 Hey, Homer, uh, we was watching Jeopardy!, but, uh, 327 00:14:43,985 --> 00:14:46,953 tell you what, we'll just talk about shapes and colors now. 328 00:14:47,023 --> 00:14:49,188 I like blue rectangles. 329 00:14:49,258 --> 00:14:51,024 Rectangles. You know, Homer. 330 00:14:51,092 --> 00:14:53,293 The ones with four sides. 331 00:14:53,328 --> 00:14:54,894 Listen, you. 332 00:14:54,963 --> 00:14:57,730 I've known my shapes since I was 16! 333 00:14:57,799 --> 00:15:00,768 Put him down, Homer, and I'll give you a cookie. 334 00:15:00,836 --> 00:15:02,469 That's a coaster. 335 00:15:02,538 --> 00:15:04,104 Ooh! Dummy's wising up. 336 00:15:04,173 --> 00:15:06,139 I'll take the cookie. 337 00:15:06,207 --> 00:15:10,144 I never thought I'd say this, but I'm too depressed for Moe's. 338 00:15:16,451 --> 00:15:17,650 Heya, Homer. 339 00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:20,888 I'm sorry. I know I'm taking up too much of the bed. 340 00:15:20,956 --> 00:15:22,822 Oh, sweetie. 341 00:15:22,892 --> 00:15:26,125 What the entire world thinks doesn't affect how I see you. 342 00:15:26,195 --> 00:15:27,961 Well, how do you see me? 343 00:15:28,029 --> 00:15:31,731 The hair and body of a dashing Friar Tuck. 344 00:15:31,801 --> 00:15:34,735 Ooh. 345 00:15:34,803 --> 00:15:36,336 But what about my brains? 346 00:15:36,404 --> 00:15:38,739 My favorite character in The Wizard of Oz 347 00:15:38,807 --> 00:15:41,707 was always the Scarecrow. 348 00:15:41,777 --> 00:15:43,342 I knew it. Thanks to that test, 349 00:15:43,412 --> 00:15:45,278 you see me as stupid first and Homer third. 350 00:15:45,346 --> 00:15:46,647 I mean, second. 351 00:15:46,682 --> 00:15:47,713 I know second. 352 00:15:47,783 --> 00:15:48,981 I won't let you give up. 353 00:15:49,051 --> 00:15:51,217 We're going to start improving you. 354 00:15:51,253 --> 00:15:53,187 Oh, Marge. No one ever did anything useful 355 00:15:53,254 --> 00:15:54,822 after the age of 39. 356 00:15:54,889 --> 00:15:56,657 George W. Bush sobered up. 357 00:15:56,692 --> 00:15:58,158 And became president. 358 00:15:58,226 --> 00:15:59,759 Too huge mistakes. 359 00:15:59,828 --> 00:16:01,461 Homie, this whole mix-up happened 360 00:16:01,529 --> 00:16:03,596 because of your sloppy handwriting. 361 00:16:03,666 --> 00:16:06,466 We'll start with that, improving your handwriting. 362 00:16:06,534 --> 00:16:10,269 Right now, my hand just wants to crawl in my pocket and cry. 363 00:16:10,339 --> 00:16:13,506 Now this hand is jealous. 364 00:16:13,542 --> 00:16:14,875 Mwah. 365 00:16:14,943 --> 00:16:16,643 I know where this is going. 366 00:16:16,711 --> 00:16:20,514 Um, I do, too, but you say it first. 367 00:16:20,582 --> 00:16:22,115 Snuggling. 368 00:16:22,183 --> 00:16:23,649 Ooh. 369 00:16:25,620 --> 00:16:27,187 _ 370 00:16:27,222 --> 00:16:30,657 What is his secret? What is his secret?! 371 00:16:30,725 --> 00:16:32,893 I'm going to Dizzyland. 372 00:16:32,927 --> 00:16:37,097 _ 373 00:16:40,402 --> 00:16:42,503 Want to see me do a cartwheel? 374 00:16:42,571 --> 00:16:44,403 - No! No, no, no! - Good point. 375 00:16:44,472 --> 00:16:47,240 On the other hand, whee! 376 00:16:48,977 --> 00:16:51,010 Don't worry, Lou, I've seen that in cartoons. 377 00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:54,014 Swee'Pea, Mr. Magoo, they were fine. 378 00:16:54,082 --> 00:16:55,581 What about Sylvester the Cat? 379 00:16:55,650 --> 00:16:57,817 Never be a cat in a cartoon, Lou. 380 00:16:57,852 --> 00:16:59,019 Never. 381 00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:07,426 The beam must have a fulcrum I can move to 382 00:17:07,496 --> 00:17:08,595 that would stabilize it. 383 00:17:08,663 --> 00:17:10,797 Think, Lisa, think. 384 00:17:14,236 --> 00:17:15,536 Oh! 385 00:17:20,075 --> 00:17:22,041 Two for two. 386 00:17:23,979 --> 00:17:27,346 Young man, didn't I tell you to sit and stay in that house? 387 00:17:27,415 --> 00:17:29,348 I thought you were talking to the dog. 388 00:17:29,417 --> 00:17:30,784 We don't have a dog. 389 00:17:30,853 --> 00:17:32,719 Then what's been pooping in my bedroom? 390 00:17:32,755 --> 00:17:36,789 Professor, how on Earth did he get a higher score than me? 391 00:17:36,858 --> 00:17:40,661 Okay, Lisa, I am going to give you ten more points 392 00:17:40,729 --> 00:17:43,063 for one of the most important skills of all: 393 00:17:43,132 --> 00:17:46,700 discovering huge flaws in my test without telling anyone. 394 00:17:48,636 --> 00:17:51,137 You mean, after all this, after all I've gone through, 395 00:17:51,207 --> 00:17:54,907 you're just gonna fudge my score and I should be happy? 396 00:17:54,977 --> 00:17:57,243 Well, after all, that's how I got into, uh... 397 00:17:57,313 --> 00:17:58,979 Oh, I can't say it. 398 00:17:59,013 --> 00:18:00,346 The lowest of the Ivys. 399 00:18:00,415 --> 00:18:01,981 Oh, God, help me... Cornell! 400 00:18:02,050 --> 00:18:03,150 Cornell! God! 401 00:18:03,219 --> 00:18:04,317 It's okay, you're fine. 402 00:18:04,353 --> 00:18:05,986 Oh, gloyvik. 403 00:18:06,055 --> 00:18:07,854 Okay, Homie, buckle up. 404 00:18:07,923 --> 00:18:11,391 Because there's no limit to how neat your handwriting can get. 405 00:18:11,460 --> 00:18:12,759 Marge, I don't know. 406 00:18:12,827 --> 00:18:14,861 You can't teach an old dog new tricks. 407 00:18:18,299 --> 00:18:19,599 I'll help you. 408 00:18:24,573 --> 00:18:27,340 Lisa, turn off that oldies station! 409 00:18:40,224 --> 00:18:46,577 _ 410 00:18:51,866 --> 00:18:53,599 Dearest Marjorie, 411 00:18:53,635 --> 00:18:56,470 what words are adequate to describe your beauty? 412 00:18:56,538 --> 00:18:59,806 Like, a bowling ball, fresh out of a polisher. 413 00:18:59,842 --> 00:19:00,973 Oh. 414 00:19:01,042 --> 00:19:02,409 I've always dreamed 415 00:19:02,478 --> 00:19:06,313 Homie would write me cursive love letters. 416 00:19:11,686 --> 00:19:15,221 You are as beautiful as your sisters are hideous. 417 00:19:15,290 --> 00:19:17,490 Oh... 418 00:19:23,464 --> 00:19:25,332 Oh, Homie. 419 00:19:25,401 --> 00:19:26,967 Mwah. Oh. 420 00:19:27,036 --> 00:19:29,403 I'm married to a writer. 421 00:19:29,438 --> 00:19:30,737 I really am. 422 00:19:36,318 --> 00:19:37,884 Welcome, all of you. 423 00:19:37,921 --> 00:19:39,854 You are the chosen people. 424 00:19:39,923 --> 00:19:42,390 Chosen to be my slaves. 425 00:19:42,459 --> 00:19:44,357 I am no one's slave. 426 00:19:44,426 --> 00:19:45,625 Well, doesn't matter what you think. 427 00:19:45,694 --> 00:19:46,927 The doors are sealed. 428 00:19:46,996 --> 00:19:49,163 Not this one. 429 00:19:49,231 --> 00:19:52,165 Wait, wait, you haven't heard about the retirement plan. 430 00:19:52,201 --> 00:19:54,501 There isn't one. 431 00:19:54,570 --> 00:19:55,836 Fine, I don't need them. 432 00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:57,572 I don't need anyone. _ 433 00:20:00,242 --> 00:20:04,377 Oh. Why did you have me go back for your slippers? 434 00:20:04,413 --> 00:20:06,780 How could you turn on me so quickly? 435 00:20:06,805 --> 00:20:12,190 - Sync and corrections by ByDem - - www.addic7ed.com - 30601

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