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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,951 ("DECK THE HALLS" INSTRUMENTAL PLAYS) 2 00:00:02,951 --> 00:00:04,919 Ho! Ho! Ho! 3 00:00:05,954 --> 00:00:07,955 (SCHOOL BELL RINGING) 4 00:00:09,958 --> 00:00:11,091 Happy birthd...! 5 00:00:11,126 --> 00:00:12,960 (GRUNTS) 6 00:00:14,095 --> 00:00:15,635 (WHISTLE BLOWS) 7 00:00:15,635 --> 00:00:16,902 (LENNY YELLS) 8 00:00:27,747 --> 00:00:29,782 (PLAYING SLOW-TEMPO "JINGLE BELLS") 9 00:00:32,686 --> 00:00:36,255 (PLAYING LIVELY JAZZ) 10 00:00:39,392 --> 00:00:40,793 Mm. 11 00:00:40,827 --> 00:00:42,795 (♪♪♪) 12 00:00:42,829 --> 00:00:43,829 (WHISTLE BLOWS) 13 00:00:55,975 --> 00:00:57,643 (DOGS GROWLING) 14 00:01:00,346 --> 00:01:01,947 (PENGUINS SQUAWKING) 15 00:01:01,981 --> 00:01:03,749 (MONKEYS CHATTERING) 16 00:01:03,783 --> 00:01:04,983 (CATS YOWLING) 17 00:01:05,018 --> 00:01:06,618 (CRAZY CAT LADY MUTTERING) 18 00:01:09,856 --> 00:01:11,090 D'oh! 19 00:01:11,124 --> 00:01:12,925 (BICYCLE BELL JINGLING) 20 00:01:12,959 --> 00:01:15,127 (GRUNTS) 21 00:01:15,161 --> 00:01:17,796 ("HARK! THE HERALD ANGELS SING" INSTRUMENTAL PLAYS) 22 00:01:17,831 --> 00:01:18,931 (SIZZLING) 23 00:01:18,965 --> 00:01:20,265 (POPPING) 24 00:01:22,769 --> 00:01:23,969 HOMER: D'oh! 25 00:01:24,551 --> 00:01:29,222 - Sync and corrections by ByDem - - www.addic7ed.com - 26 00:01:37,751 --> 00:01:39,685 ♪ Pickin' up trash ♪ 27 00:01:39,719 --> 00:01:41,487 ♪ Put it in the bag ♪ 28 00:01:41,521 --> 00:01:43,422 ♪ Kentucky chicken bucket ♪ 29 00:01:43,456 --> 00:01:45,023 ♪ Put it in the bag ♪ 30 00:01:45,058 --> 00:01:48,594 ♪ Makin' four cents an hour and free cigarettes ♪ 31 00:01:48,628 --> 00:01:51,263 ♪ Oh, yeah! ♪ 32 00:01:52,332 --> 00:01:54,433 You have done a beautiful job, ladies. 33 00:01:54,467 --> 00:01:56,401 I think we're ready to move on. 34 00:01:56,436 --> 00:01:57,703 (CANS CLATTERING) 35 00:01:57,737 --> 00:02:00,072 (SHUDDERING) 36 00:02:03,376 --> 00:02:05,177 (SHUDDERING) 37 00:02:05,211 --> 00:02:07,513 - (GASPS) Homer! - (SNORES) 38 00:02:07,547 --> 00:02:09,248 I'm awake! I'm awake! What? 39 00:02:09,282 --> 00:02:11,049 Oh, I wish you hadn't done that. 40 00:02:11,084 --> 00:02:13,352 Someone adopted this highway. 41 00:02:13,386 --> 00:02:14,953 Not so loud. 42 00:02:14,988 --> 00:02:16,355 The highway doesn't know it's adopted. 43 00:02:16,389 --> 00:02:18,290 But we love it just the same. 44 00:02:18,324 --> 00:02:21,393 Well, at least you rented an SUV for this trip. 45 00:02:21,427 --> 00:02:23,695 Now I don't have to clean up the mess. 46 00:02:23,730 --> 00:02:24,730 (LISA GROANING) 47 00:02:24,764 --> 00:02:27,132 I'm starting to get carsick. 48 00:02:27,167 --> 00:02:29,434 Quick, stick your head out the window! 49 00:02:29,469 --> 00:02:31,069 No, no, no, no, it's a rental. 50 00:02:31,104 --> 00:02:32,671 Aim inside and blast away. 51 00:02:32,705 --> 00:02:34,139 Anyone want a caramel apple? 52 00:02:34,174 --> 00:02:35,974 - It's a rental. - No, thanks. 53 00:02:36,009 --> 00:02:37,342 Shave the dog? 54 00:02:37,377 --> 00:02:38,710 - (RAZOR BUZZING) - It's a rental. 55 00:02:38,745 --> 00:02:40,412 Thank you, no. 56 00:02:40,974 --> 00:02:42,714 (TIRES SQUEAL) 57 00:02:42,749 --> 00:02:45,150 HOMER: Get me candy. 58 00:02:45,185 --> 00:02:46,919 (LAUGHS) 59 00:02:46,953 --> 00:02:48,520 What's so funny? 60 00:02:48,555 --> 00:02:50,823 Ha! You checked this out with half a tank, 61 00:02:50,857 --> 00:02:52,891 but now it's three-quarters full. 62 00:02:52,926 --> 00:02:56,762 I'm callin' you Santa 'cause you just gifted us one-quarter tank. 63 00:02:56,796 --> 00:03:00,833 Nobody, and I mean nobody, calls me Santa. 64 00:03:00,867 --> 00:03:02,201 (TIRES SQUEAL) 65 00:03:02,235 --> 00:03:03,836 What are you doing, Dad? 66 00:03:03,870 --> 00:03:05,170 I'm gonna burn that quarter tank. 67 00:03:05,205 --> 00:03:07,673 Wasting gas while sitting on my ass. 68 00:03:07,707 --> 00:03:09,007 It's the American way. 69 00:03:09,042 --> 00:03:10,542 (TIRES SQUEALING) 70 00:03:11,578 --> 00:03:13,045 HOMER: Whoo-hoo! 71 00:03:22,355 --> 00:03:24,256 (HOMER LAUGHS) 72 00:03:27,894 --> 00:03:29,795 Amazing, son! 73 00:03:29,829 --> 00:03:33,365 Unfortunately, your left foot just grazed the sideline. 74 00:03:33,399 --> 00:03:34,867 Incomplete pass. 75 00:03:34,901 --> 00:03:36,068 Dad, I've got to pee. 76 00:03:36,102 --> 00:03:37,803 Huh? Huh? 77 00:03:37,837 --> 00:03:40,706 I know it's a rental, but I'd rather go in the woods. 78 00:03:40,740 --> 00:03:41,974 Maybe I should come with you. 79 00:03:42,008 --> 00:03:43,642 Dad, come on. I'm ten years old. 80 00:03:43,676 --> 00:03:45,077 I can pee by myself. It's easy. 81 00:03:45,111 --> 00:03:46,778 You just shake it when you're through. 82 00:03:46,813 --> 00:03:47,946 You do what now? 83 00:03:48,982 --> 00:03:50,582 (ZIPPER OPENS) 84 00:03:50,617 --> 00:03:52,284 - Sketch what you see. - Hmm? 85 00:03:52,318 --> 00:03:53,986 (STUDENTS EXCLAIMING) (ZIPPER CLOSES) 86 00:03:55,622 --> 00:03:56,822 (ZIPPER OPENS) 87 00:03:56,856 --> 00:03:58,657 (SIGHS) 88 00:03:58,691 --> 00:04:00,459 (ZIPPER CLOSES) (METALLIC CLANG) 89 00:04:04,330 --> 00:04:06,298 (CLANGING) 90 00:04:06,332 --> 00:04:07,833 (SCREAMS) 91 00:04:07,867 --> 00:04:09,768 (BODY THUDS, BART GRUNTS) 92 00:04:09,802 --> 00:04:12,137 Bart, where are you?! 93 00:04:12,171 --> 00:04:14,339 - Bart! - What is it? 94 00:04:14,374 --> 00:04:17,309 (ANIMALISTIC SHOUTING) Bart...! 95 00:04:17,343 --> 00:04:20,779 (BELLOWING) Bart! 96 00:04:20,813 --> 00:04:21,957 I don't know, but I can't shoot it. 97 00:04:21,981 --> 00:04:23,148 Looks like it's pregnant. 98 00:04:23,182 --> 00:04:24,583 Ah, let's wait till they're born, 99 00:04:24,617 --> 00:04:25,928 and then we'll, uh, shoot 'em all. 100 00:04:25,952 --> 00:04:27,196 (HOMER GRUNTING) (HUNTERS LAUGHING) 101 00:04:27,220 --> 00:04:28,287 (TIRES SQUEAL) 102 00:04:28,321 --> 00:04:30,289 Where the heck were you? 103 00:04:30,323 --> 00:04:31,890 Where's Bart? 104 00:04:31,925 --> 00:04:33,859 HOMER: Okay, this is the hardest news 105 00:04:33,893 --> 00:04:35,827 in the world for a mother to hear. 106 00:04:35,862 --> 00:04:37,829 Just ease her into it. 107 00:04:37,864 --> 00:04:39,831 Um, you know that sewing room you wanted, 108 00:04:39,866 --> 00:04:42,467 but we could never figure out where? 109 00:04:42,502 --> 00:04:43,802 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 110 00:04:43,836 --> 00:04:45,470 What? My special little guy. 111 00:04:45,505 --> 00:04:46,838 Don't worry, Lou. (LAUGHS) 112 00:04:46,873 --> 00:04:48,473 If there's one thing I've mastered, 113 00:04:48,508 --> 00:04:51,810 it's consoling distraught parents. 114 00:04:51,844 --> 00:04:53,245 Ma'am? Ma'am? 115 00:04:53,279 --> 00:04:55,881 Can you describe your son's skeleton? 116 00:04:55,915 --> 00:04:58,116 Ooh! You incompetent... 117 00:04:58,151 --> 00:04:59,818 Look, look, your boy's gonna be fine. 118 00:04:59,852 --> 00:05:01,586 Now we laid out a grid 119 00:05:01,621 --> 00:05:04,222 and have search teams fanning out over the forest. 120 00:05:04,257 --> 00:05:05,824 (SEARCHERS GRUNTING) 121 00:05:05,858 --> 00:05:07,192 (WOMAN SCREAMS) 122 00:05:07,226 --> 00:05:09,227 I'm sorry, but, uh, because of the grid, 123 00:05:09,262 --> 00:05:12,597 we have to suspend the search and bring in some ambulances. 124 00:05:12,632 --> 00:05:14,766 (SIREN WAILING) 125 00:05:16,703 --> 00:05:18,971 Where is my son?! 126 00:05:22,775 --> 00:05:25,110 Where am I? 127 00:05:29,582 --> 00:05:30,849 Hmm. 128 00:05:32,552 --> 00:05:34,152 Huh. 129 00:05:34,187 --> 00:05:36,855 (ELECTRICAL CRACKLING) 130 00:05:36,889 --> 00:05:39,888 ("U.S. AIR FORCE SONG" BEGINS PLAYING) 131 00:05:41,361 --> 00:05:44,763 Welcome to Strategic Air Command, Springfield Station. 132 00:05:44,797 --> 00:05:47,399 If you're watching this tape, half the world is doomed. 133 00:05:47,433 --> 00:05:49,368 (CHUCKLES) Says you, General Dead Guy. 134 00:05:49,402 --> 00:05:51,536 GENERAL: Behind you is a Titan II missile, 135 00:05:51,571 --> 00:05:53,071 key to a mighty line of defense 136 00:05:53,106 --> 00:05:56,875 that will reduce our casualties to an acceptable 200 million. 137 00:05:59,412 --> 00:06:01,046 (CLANG) (SIGHS) 138 00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:02,814 Dud. 139 00:06:02,849 --> 00:06:04,616 Ay, caramba! 140 00:06:04,650 --> 00:06:06,718 - WOMAN: Bart? - GROUP: Bart! 141 00:06:06,753 --> 00:06:09,621 - ALL: Bart! - HOMER: Bart! 142 00:06:09,655 --> 00:06:13,592 Now don't worry, I have the best dang bloodhound in the county. 143 00:06:13,626 --> 00:06:15,794 Uh, does your boy smell like a fox? 144 00:06:15,828 --> 00:06:17,796 - No. - We're of no use to you. 145 00:06:17,830 --> 00:06:19,765 (HOWLING) 146 00:06:19,799 --> 00:06:22,834 Come on, Bart. You made your point! 147 00:06:22,869 --> 00:06:24,803 The whole town is looking for you. 148 00:06:24,837 --> 00:06:28,540 Even that scary old man from the house with the broken windows. 149 00:06:28,574 --> 00:06:30,675 Bart broke my windows! 150 00:06:30,710 --> 00:06:33,712 It used to be a normal house! (ANGRY GROWL) 151 00:06:33,746 --> 00:06:36,248 All right, listen up. We have a boy-comma-missing, 152 00:06:36,282 --> 00:06:38,717 and you maggots... you're gonna help find him. 153 00:06:38,751 --> 00:06:40,419 I thought we were ladies. 154 00:06:40,453 --> 00:06:42,854 - You're lady maggots. - Now see here, Sergeant. 155 00:06:42,889 --> 00:06:45,791 You haven't fed us. We're pretty close to riot mode. 156 00:06:45,825 --> 00:06:47,626 This is the boy. 157 00:06:47,660 --> 00:06:50,094 Never seen him in my life. 158 00:06:52,465 --> 00:06:54,833 We all get tattoos we regret. 159 00:06:54,867 --> 00:06:57,102 I will find that boy, 160 00:06:57,136 --> 00:07:00,272 and I will toast you with his blood! 161 00:07:00,306 --> 00:07:02,140 What'd I tell you about blood toasts, Bob? 162 00:07:02,175 --> 00:07:04,882 To do them, but not brag about them. 163 00:07:04,936 --> 00:07:09,513 PRESIDENT KENNEDY: Ask now what your country can do for you 164 00:07:09,779 --> 00:07:12,574 is what you can do for your country. 165 00:07:12,724 --> 00:07:15,259 Doesn't sound like any president I know. 166 00:07:15,293 --> 00:07:16,960 (BELCHES) 167 00:07:23,101 --> 00:07:26,003 Freedom! 168 00:07:26,037 --> 00:07:28,238 Oh, I can smell Springfield! 169 00:07:28,273 --> 00:07:30,340 (RUMBLING) 170 00:07:30,375 --> 00:07:33,076 (YELLING) 171 00:07:34,112 --> 00:07:35,145 (GRUNTS) 172 00:07:35,179 --> 00:07:36,079 Aw. 173 00:07:36,114 --> 00:07:38,682 Nothing good ever comes from trying. 174 00:07:38,716 --> 00:07:40,217 (SOUTHERN ACCENT) Private Homer, 175 00:07:40,251 --> 00:07:41,885 you fat stack of mop buckets! 176 00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:44,121 You find something funny about this? 177 00:07:44,155 --> 00:07:47,291 How about I wipe that smile off your fat face? 178 00:07:47,325 --> 00:07:49,059 (IMITATING MARGE) Not my Homie! 179 00:07:49,093 --> 00:07:51,295 Avert your eyes, ma'am. (GRUNTS) 180 00:07:51,329 --> 00:07:53,830 (GASPS) A phone?! Please. 181 00:07:53,865 --> 00:07:55,832 Dial tone. Dial tone. 182 00:07:55,867 --> 00:07:58,001 - (DIAL TONE) - Oh, thank God! 183 00:07:58,036 --> 00:07:59,169 (DIALING) 184 00:07:59,203 --> 00:08:01,071 I'm looking for a Miss Culls. 185 00:08:01,105 --> 00:08:03,573 First name Tess, middle initial "T." 186 00:08:03,608 --> 00:08:05,242 Uh, just a sec. I'll check. 187 00:08:05,276 --> 00:08:08,679 Uh, Tess T. Culls. Tess T. Culls! 188 00:08:08,713 --> 00:08:11,682 Uh, come on! I know you're hangin' around here somewhere. 189 00:08:11,716 --> 00:08:14,184 - (LAUGHTER) - Why, you little... 190 00:08:14,218 --> 00:08:17,020 When I catch you, I'm gonna stick a beer tap in ya 191 00:08:17,055 --> 00:08:19,189 and pull till the foam comes out your ears! 192 00:08:19,223 --> 00:08:20,757 (LAUGHS) 193 00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:22,659 Oh! Oh! (GROANS) 194 00:08:24,829 --> 00:08:26,697 Oh. I give up. 195 00:08:26,731 --> 00:08:29,266 If you find Bart, give me his lunch money. 196 00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:31,335 Well, I'm never giving up. 197 00:08:31,369 --> 00:08:32,936 Why not? 198 00:08:32,971 --> 00:08:35,105 Because searching forever is much easier... 199 00:08:35,139 --> 00:08:37,908 than me finding a new friend. 200 00:08:37,942 --> 00:08:39,776 I could be your new friend. 201 00:08:39,811 --> 00:08:41,745 - What was that? - Nothing. 202 00:08:41,779 --> 00:08:43,580 Shut up! 203 00:08:43,614 --> 00:08:46,016 His lucky cap! 204 00:08:47,318 --> 00:08:50,921 Bart? Bart? Are you down there? 205 00:08:50,955 --> 00:08:52,589 Milhouse! 206 00:08:52,623 --> 00:08:54,958 I have never been so glad to see you. 207 00:08:54,993 --> 00:08:57,661 Thanks for not noticing my new haircut. 208 00:08:57,695 --> 00:08:59,162 Just give me your phone. 209 00:09:01,833 --> 00:09:03,266 I'll go get help! 210 00:09:03,301 --> 00:09:05,836 You can count on me! 211 00:09:08,806 --> 00:09:10,907 I lit these for our son. 212 00:09:10,942 --> 00:09:13,276 Marge, honey, he's never gonna come back 213 00:09:13,311 --> 00:09:14,911 if he thinks it's a church. 214 00:09:14,946 --> 00:09:17,414 With 78% of the search area reporting, 215 00:09:17,448 --> 00:09:20,617 Channel Six is now projecting that Bart Simpson is dead. 216 00:09:20,651 --> 00:09:23,286 That's right. Self-proclaimed underachiever Bart Simpson, 217 00:09:23,321 --> 00:09:25,288 dead at the age of ten. 218 00:09:25,323 --> 00:09:28,859 Now let's look at the districts where he's deadest. 219 00:09:28,893 --> 00:09:31,795 (CRYING) 220 00:09:31,829 --> 00:09:33,530 (DOORBELL RINGS) 221 00:09:33,564 --> 00:09:36,466 Lisa, I have news about Bart. 222 00:09:36,501 --> 00:09:38,101 We already know. 223 00:09:38,136 --> 00:09:39,536 (CRYING) 224 00:09:39,570 --> 00:09:43,206 Oh, Milhouse, you were his best friend. 225 00:09:43,241 --> 00:09:46,009 (WHIMPERS) 226 00:09:46,044 --> 00:09:47,477 What did you come here for? 227 00:09:47,512 --> 00:09:49,112 Um... 228 00:09:49,147 --> 00:09:51,014 MILHOUSE: I came to tell her he's alive, 229 00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:54,084 but this feels almost as good as hugging Harry Horse. 230 00:09:54,118 --> 00:09:57,788 I came to comfort you in these uncertain times. 231 00:09:57,822 --> 00:09:59,823 Aw. 232 00:09:59,857 --> 00:10:01,591 - (WHISTLE BLOWS) - It's over! 233 00:10:01,626 --> 00:10:03,160 We're callin' off the search! 234 00:10:03,194 --> 00:10:05,128 - Did they find him? - No, he's dead. 235 00:10:05,163 --> 00:10:06,563 (CHEERING) 236 00:10:06,597 --> 00:10:08,465 No! That can't be. 237 00:10:08,499 --> 00:10:13,270 Lord, why do you kill things that I want to kill? 238 00:10:13,304 --> 00:10:16,773 Take me now, vile rake! 239 00:10:16,808 --> 00:10:19,176 (RHYTHMIC GRUNTING) 240 00:10:19,210 --> 00:10:20,844 (GRUNTING CONTINUES) 241 00:10:24,315 --> 00:10:27,084 I think you should look at Bart's death this way, Bob. 242 00:10:27,118 --> 00:10:30,120 You're free. You're totally free. 243 00:10:30,154 --> 00:10:32,055 Oh, this slipped off. 244 00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:34,825 Have you ever thought of how your life could've gone 245 00:10:34,859 --> 00:10:37,828 had you committed to good instead of evil? 246 00:10:37,862 --> 00:10:39,262 Evil isn't a choice. 247 00:10:39,297 --> 00:10:40,831 Mm. I see. 248 00:10:40,865 --> 00:10:43,033 Why don't we try a little psychological exercise, Bob? 249 00:10:43,067 --> 00:10:45,202 If I unshackle you, will you behave? 250 00:10:45,236 --> 00:10:46,503 Try me. 251 00:10:46,537 --> 00:10:47,971 (BEEPS) 252 00:10:49,173 --> 00:10:50,407 Cut out Bart's picture. 253 00:10:50,441 --> 00:10:54,411 And by so doing, cut him out of your life. 254 00:10:54,445 --> 00:10:56,213 Don't listen to them, Bob. 255 00:10:56,247 --> 00:10:57,591 - I'm alive. - (PSYCHOLOGIST CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY) 256 00:10:57,615 --> 00:10:58,682 (GRUNTS) 257 00:10:58,716 --> 00:11:01,151 (♪♪♪) 258 00:11:02,954 --> 00:11:04,955 (MUSIC STOPS) 259 00:11:05,990 --> 00:11:07,357 Are you okay there, Bob? 260 00:11:07,391 --> 00:11:08,892 I won't believe he's dead 261 00:11:08,926 --> 00:11:12,095 until I've made soup from his bones! 262 00:11:12,130 --> 00:11:13,763 (GRUNTS) (GROANS) 263 00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:16,900 (SIGHS) Why do I keep giving them scissors? 264 00:11:20,171 --> 00:11:22,906 (DIAL TONE, DIALING) 265 00:11:22,940 --> 00:11:25,108 - (PHONE RINGS) - (CRYING) Hello? 266 00:11:25,143 --> 00:11:27,077 Hey, Mom, it's me. Still married? 267 00:11:27,111 --> 00:11:28,245 Oh, my God, oh, my God! 268 00:11:28,279 --> 00:11:31,047 He's alive! And sassy! 269 00:11:32,049 --> 00:11:33,750 (GROANS) 270 00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:38,088 Um, one for the road? 271 00:11:38,122 --> 00:11:39,089 (GRUNTS) 272 00:11:39,123 --> 00:11:40,624 It's a long road. 273 00:11:40,658 --> 00:11:42,125 (GRUNTING) 274 00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:44,094 I'll see you soon. 275 00:11:44,128 --> 00:11:46,129 (LAUGHS) 276 00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:50,500 Hello, Bart...'s friend. 277 00:11:50,535 --> 00:11:52,235 Bart's alive! 278 00:11:52,270 --> 00:11:53,370 Lead me to Bart. 279 00:11:53,404 --> 00:11:55,071 You'll have to kill me first. 280 00:11:55,106 --> 00:11:58,341 But if you kill me, you'll never find Bart. 281 00:11:58,376 --> 00:12:00,076 Hmm. A conundrum. 282 00:12:00,111 --> 00:12:01,578 How to break you? 283 00:12:01,612 --> 00:12:06,116 Tell me, do you like light operetta? 284 00:12:06,150 --> 00:12:08,251 Oh, how light? 285 00:12:08,286 --> 00:12:09,319 And a-one and a-two. 286 00:12:09,353 --> 00:12:12,255 ♪ I have a song to sing, O ♪ 287 00:12:12,290 --> 00:12:15,592 ♪ Sing me your song, O ♪ 288 00:12:15,626 --> 00:12:18,395 ♪ 'Tis sung to the moon by a lovelorn loon ♪ 289 00:12:18,429 --> 00:12:20,931 ♪ Who fled from the mocking throng, O ♪ 290 00:12:20,965 --> 00:12:23,099 ♪ The song of the knell of a churchyard bell... ♪ 291 00:12:23,134 --> 00:12:24,167 I give! I give! 292 00:12:24,202 --> 00:12:26,269 I'll take you to Bart! 293 00:12:26,304 --> 00:12:27,305 ♪ He cracked like an egg ♪ 294 00:12:27,305 --> 00:12:28,772 Please stop! 295 00:12:28,806 --> 00:12:30,273 ♪ And began to beg ♪ 296 00:12:30,308 --> 00:12:32,175 (GROANS) You promised. 297 00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:34,177 ♪ As I sang this song-o ♪ 298 00:12:34,212 --> 00:12:36,346 ♪ It's a song of a popinjay, bravely born ♪ 299 00:12:36,380 --> 00:12:38,848 ♪ Who turned up his noble nose with scorn... ♪ 300 00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:41,651 Can you at least stab me in my ear? 301 00:12:41,686 --> 00:12:43,019 No. 302 00:12:44,288 --> 00:12:46,256 Okay, we'll split up and find Bart. 303 00:12:46,290 --> 00:12:48,458 Thanks for lending this to us, Ned. 304 00:12:48,492 --> 00:12:51,094 And I'll do the three things that help the most: 305 00:12:51,128 --> 00:12:52,796 pray, pray, pray. 306 00:12:52,830 --> 00:12:54,564 (STARTS ENGINE) 307 00:12:54,599 --> 00:12:57,100 What about me?! 308 00:12:57,134 --> 00:12:59,269 I ain't ridin' in that! 309 00:12:59,303 --> 00:13:00,637 No, you're pulling it! 310 00:13:00,671 --> 00:13:03,039 (GRUNTING) Lousy, no good... 311 00:13:03,074 --> 00:13:06,142 I couldn't pull you when you were eight! (GRUNTS) 312 00:13:06,177 --> 00:13:08,144 Mm-hmm. 313 00:13:08,179 --> 00:13:11,715 Hmm. Hmm. 314 00:13:11,749 --> 00:13:14,150 Hmm. Angry dad, wise-ass kid. 315 00:13:14,185 --> 00:13:16,886 Now, there's a formula that never fails. 316 00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:19,889 DAVE: Okay, boys, we're gonna sing a nice little song. 317 00:13:19,924 --> 00:13:21,602 CALVIN: I want to play cowboys and Indians. 318 00:13:21,626 --> 00:13:23,260 DAVE: Calvin, put down that tomahawk. 319 00:13:23,294 --> 00:13:25,128 Calvin. Calvin. 320 00:13:25,162 --> 00:13:27,063 - (WHOOSH, BLOW LANDING, SQUISH) - Calvin! 321 00:13:27,098 --> 00:13:29,099 CALVIN: (CHUCKLES) You look funny, Dave. 322 00:13:29,133 --> 00:13:30,734 Dave? Dave?! 323 00:13:30,768 --> 00:13:33,536 HIPMUNKS: ♪ God bless America ♪ 324 00:13:33,571 --> 00:13:37,240 CALVIN: ♪ Give me back my tomahawk... ♪ 325 00:13:37,275 --> 00:13:39,476 That's where he is. But if you jump down, 326 00:13:39,510 --> 00:13:41,278 you can't get back up and you'll be caught. 327 00:13:41,312 --> 00:13:44,314 So, uh, I guess that's checkmate. 328 00:13:44,348 --> 00:13:45,649 We're not playing chess. 329 00:13:45,683 --> 00:13:47,851 We're playing a game called After You. 330 00:13:47,885 --> 00:13:49,252 After me? 331 00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:50,253 If you insist. 332 00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:51,588 (MILHOUSE SCREAMING) 333 00:13:54,113 --> 00:13:56,880 Oh, God. I am so sick of these. 334 00:13:59,953 --> 00:14:01,520 (SIGHS) 335 00:14:01,554 --> 00:14:03,755 Twelfth time's the charm! 336 00:14:03,790 --> 00:14:05,106 Sideshow Bob?! 337 00:14:05,106 --> 00:14:07,808 That's right. I found your hidey-hole! 338 00:14:07,842 --> 00:14:09,409 You found my heinie hole? 339 00:14:09,444 --> 00:14:11,144 (LAUGHING) 340 00:14:11,179 --> 00:14:12,179 Ah, yes. (CHUCKLES) 341 00:14:12,213 --> 00:14:14,247 Always the back-of-the-class wit. 342 00:14:14,282 --> 00:14:17,784 Well, today you're going to be a real blast. 343 00:14:17,819 --> 00:14:21,121 I don't like the way he really hit the word "blast." 344 00:14:21,155 --> 00:14:22,889 (BOTH GRUNTING) 345 00:14:23,259 --> 00:14:26,927 (CLICKING) _ 346 00:14:26,961 --> 00:14:29,496 BART: Uh, Bob, it takes two keys. 347 00:14:29,530 --> 00:14:32,299 That way, no nutcase can do it by himself. 348 00:14:32,333 --> 00:14:34,367 Well, no one ever said launching two boys 349 00:14:34,402 --> 00:14:36,636 on a 50-year-old missile would be easy. 350 00:14:36,671 --> 00:14:40,140 Wow! For a 50-year-old missile, it's in terrific shape! 351 00:14:40,174 --> 00:14:41,775 Shut up! 352 00:14:41,809 --> 00:14:45,312 I'm a kid who appreciates things that last. 353 00:14:45,346 --> 00:14:48,215 (GRUNTING) 354 00:14:48,249 --> 00:14:50,350 Come on, boy. Get a good whiff of his scent. 355 00:14:50,384 --> 00:14:51,651 (SNIFFING) 356 00:14:55,089 --> 00:14:56,957 (SIDESHOW BOB THEME PLAYING) 357 00:15:04,499 --> 00:15:05,866 (PHONE RINGS) 358 00:15:05,900 --> 00:15:07,667 MARGE: Did you find anything? 359 00:15:07,702 --> 00:15:10,203 Uh, we found Bart's sock drawer. 360 00:15:10,238 --> 00:15:12,272 Get back out here! 361 00:15:12,306 --> 00:15:14,518 HUNTER: Well, you can't shoot her. You know that's a woman. 362 00:15:14,542 --> 00:15:17,711 HUNTER 2: Oh, this is the last time I hunt with my lawyer. 363 00:15:17,745 --> 00:15:19,279 Son, I can't go no further. 364 00:15:19,313 --> 00:15:21,214 I want to just lie down and die. 365 00:15:21,249 --> 00:15:22,682 Dad, you can't die here. 366 00:15:22,717 --> 00:15:24,184 You have to die in a nursing home, 367 00:15:24,218 --> 00:15:26,497 where your body falls apart as you burn through your savings 368 00:15:26,521 --> 00:15:28,321 till you're a worthless vegetable. 369 00:15:28,356 --> 00:15:29,823 You know, with dignity. 370 00:15:29,857 --> 00:15:32,125 You're right, son. We're here on a mission. 371 00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:34,394 Now, let's pick out that Christmas tree. 372 00:15:34,428 --> 00:15:36,329 We're here to find Bart. 373 00:15:36,364 --> 00:15:39,399 Right, right. But we got a nice eight-footer over here. 374 00:15:39,433 --> 00:15:42,636 She's got a bare patch, but we'll turn that to the wall. 375 00:15:42,670 --> 00:15:45,071 That's it. I'm not listening to another word. 376 00:15:45,106 --> 00:15:48,308 BART AND MILHOUSE: Help! Help! Help! 377 00:15:48,342 --> 00:15:51,711 (STRAINED) For this, you can thank my time 378 00:15:51,746 --> 00:15:54,080 at Cirque du Soleil. 379 00:15:54,115 --> 00:15:55,715 BART: More like Cirque du So Lame. 380 00:15:55,750 --> 00:15:58,185 Yes, they are pretty much all the same. 381 00:15:58,219 --> 00:16:01,955 (GRUNTS) Just a little further... 382 00:16:01,989 --> 00:16:04,291 Oh, wait, wrong key. 383 00:16:06,227 --> 00:16:07,527 (ALARM BLARING) 384 00:16:07,562 --> 00:16:09,229 FEMALE VOICE: Five minutes to launch. 385 00:16:09,263 --> 00:16:10,697 (HISSING) 386 00:16:10,731 --> 00:16:12,632 (♪♪♪) 387 00:16:14,368 --> 00:16:16,570 (ALARM BLARING) 388 00:16:16,604 --> 00:16:18,572 BART: Bob, why are you doing this? 389 00:16:18,606 --> 00:16:20,774 Well, it's perfectly obvious. 390 00:16:20,808 --> 00:16:22,275 Uh, it's... (SIGHS) 391 00:16:22,310 --> 00:16:23,577 Give me a moment. 392 00:16:23,611 --> 00:16:25,178 It's an ICBM. 393 00:16:25,213 --> 00:16:27,113 I Commit Bart's Murder! 394 00:16:27,148 --> 00:16:29,916 That's your justification for killing two kids? 395 00:16:29,951 --> 00:16:31,651 I... Hmm? 396 00:16:31,686 --> 00:16:35,188 Dad, look! It's either Sideshow Bob or Shaq. 397 00:16:35,223 --> 00:16:37,290 Not me. I'm going that way. 398 00:16:37,325 --> 00:16:38,959 Boy, am I lost. 399 00:16:38,993 --> 00:16:40,360 Shaq, can you help us? 400 00:16:40,394 --> 00:16:41,895 I'm not Superman. 401 00:16:41,929 --> 00:16:43,697 You have a Superman tattoo on your arm. 402 00:16:43,731 --> 00:16:45,465 How do you know so much about me? 403 00:16:45,499 --> 00:16:47,467 You're scaring me. I don't have any money. 404 00:16:47,501 --> 00:16:49,502 (WHOOSHING) 405 00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:55,208 Have you ever thought of how your life could've gone 406 00:16:55,243 --> 00:16:56,776 had you committed to good? 407 00:16:56,811 --> 00:16:58,445 It is true. I had talent. 408 00:16:58,479 --> 00:17:01,147 I was on Zoom. Just send it to Zoom! 409 00:17:01,182 --> 00:17:03,083 Box 350, Boston, Mass. 410 00:17:03,117 --> 00:17:05,452 ♪ 02134 ♪ (CHUCKLES) 411 00:17:05,486 --> 00:17:07,954 You don't want to do this. You're losing it, Bob. 412 00:17:07,989 --> 00:17:11,124 I don't know what's real and what's hallucination. 413 00:17:11,158 --> 00:17:13,660 (♪♪♪) 414 00:17:20,301 --> 00:17:22,269 - (PHONE RINGS) - Hello? 415 00:17:22,303 --> 00:17:23,543 Hello, Doctor. Bob Terwilliger. 416 00:17:23,571 --> 00:17:25,171 Did I catch you at a bad time? 417 00:17:25,206 --> 00:17:27,173 Oh, Bob, how thoughtful of you to call. 418 00:17:27,208 --> 00:17:30,477 Most prisoners rarely follow up after leaving me to die. 419 00:17:31,946 --> 00:17:33,246 I just need to know, 420 00:17:33,281 --> 00:17:34,915 should I kill these children? 421 00:17:34,949 --> 00:17:37,017 Sounds like someone's got a case of the shoulds. 422 00:17:37,051 --> 00:17:38,285 If you're calling to ask, 423 00:17:38,319 --> 00:17:40,487 it means you already know the answer. 424 00:17:40,521 --> 00:17:41,832 FEMALE VOICE: T minus two minutes. 425 00:17:41,856 --> 00:17:43,189 Clear blast area. 426 00:17:43,224 --> 00:17:45,225 Just tell me, please! 427 00:17:45,259 --> 00:17:46,893 He's not allowed to talk. 428 00:17:46,928 --> 00:17:49,195 (♪♪♪) 429 00:17:54,735 --> 00:17:56,036 (ALARM BLARING) 430 00:17:56,070 --> 00:17:58,305 (METALLIC CLACKING NEARBY) 431 00:17:58,339 --> 00:18:01,174 Hmm, that sounds like the ignition sequence 432 00:18:01,208 --> 00:18:04,778 of an LGM-25C Titan II-II ballistic missile. 433 00:18:04,812 --> 00:18:07,314 I've had just about enough of your nonsense! 434 00:18:07,348 --> 00:18:09,349 (WHOOSHING) 435 00:18:09,383 --> 00:18:10,784 All right, I owe you one. 436 00:18:11,886 --> 00:18:13,853 So, why'd you save us? 437 00:18:13,888 --> 00:18:17,657 Because I realized I don't want to kill you anymore. 438 00:18:17,692 --> 00:18:20,126 Milhouse, is there a knife in my back? 439 00:18:20,161 --> 00:18:22,662 Not that I can see. 440 00:18:22,697 --> 00:18:25,098 Milhouse, is there a "kick me" sign on my back? 441 00:18:25,132 --> 00:18:27,133 Not that I can see. 442 00:18:27,168 --> 00:18:29,269 - (CHUCKLES) - Aw! 443 00:18:29,303 --> 00:18:32,038 I just can't get a clean shot. 444 00:18:32,073 --> 00:18:33,840 Also, you don't have a gun. 445 00:18:33,874 --> 00:18:36,009 I'm useless, all right. 446 00:18:37,244 --> 00:18:39,946 What a brilliant conceptual piece. 447 00:18:39,981 --> 00:18:40,947 Who's it by? 448 00:18:40,982 --> 00:18:42,749 "Norad." 449 00:18:42,783 --> 00:18:44,484 More like Snore-ad. 450 00:18:44,518 --> 00:18:45,752 (LAUGHING) 451 00:18:45,786 --> 00:18:47,354 - (TICKING) - Wait, is it ticking? 452 00:18:47,388 --> 00:18:49,923 (♪♪♪) 453 00:18:51,125 --> 00:18:52,892 WILLIE: Sooner or later, 454 00:18:52,927 --> 00:18:56,196 it all comes down to mopping. 455 00:18:56,366 --> 00:18:58,834 (SIDESHOW BOB THEME PLAYING) 456 00:19:02,272 --> 00:19:05,174 Doctor, I'm happy. 457 00:19:05,208 --> 00:19:06,242 And when I'm released, 458 00:19:06,276 --> 00:19:08,177 after three consecutive life sentences, 459 00:19:08,211 --> 00:19:10,346 I think I'll open a flower shop. 460 00:19:10,380 --> 00:19:12,314 Oh, that's great, Bob. 461 00:19:12,349 --> 00:19:14,350 Not all my patients are this successful. 462 00:19:14,384 --> 00:19:15,684 - (ELECTRICAL CRACKLING) - Well, 463 00:19:15,719 --> 00:19:17,319 I won't be needing his file anymore. 464 00:19:17,354 --> 00:19:19,855 And if you're interested, tomorrow's 9:00 appointment 465 00:19:19,890 --> 00:19:21,434 - just opened up. - (ELECTRICAL CRACKLING) 466 00:19:21,458 --> 00:19:22,458 And a 10:00. 467 00:19:30,163 --> 00:19:31,663 (SEABIRDS SQUAWKING) 468 00:19:31,698 --> 00:19:33,498 (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING) 469 00:19:34,701 --> 00:19:36,768 Your New York Magazine, sir. 470 00:19:36,803 --> 00:19:39,471 This is The New Yorker. Totally different. 471 00:19:39,505 --> 00:19:41,473 One is the gossip rag of the glitterati. 472 00:19:41,507 --> 00:19:44,476 The other, an asthmatic dinosaur that hasn't been relevant 473 00:19:44,510 --> 00:19:46,979 since William Shawn breathed his last! 474 00:19:47,013 --> 00:19:49,615 Can I go now? I've got 15 other lighthouses, 475 00:19:49,649 --> 00:19:50,983 and every one's a weirdo. 476 00:19:51,017 --> 00:19:52,618 Not that you are. 477 00:19:52,652 --> 00:19:54,519 Fine. Leave me. I'll just polish the bulb 478 00:19:54,554 --> 00:19:57,990 and ponder a wasted life as I walk along the shore. 479 00:19:59,626 --> 00:20:01,660 I rewrite it every time the tide goes out. 480 00:20:01,694 --> 00:20:03,295 Listen to me! 481 00:20:03,329 --> 00:20:04,663 Life is short. 482 00:20:04,697 --> 00:20:07,466 Don't spend it on foolish, empty revenge! 483 00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:10,469 If you buy a mailbox, I wouldn't have to talk to you anymore. 484 00:20:10,503 --> 00:20:11,503 Fine. 485 00:20:20,179 --> 00:20:22,447 - Sync and corrections by ByDem - - www.addic7ed.com -40194

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