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1
00:00:07,557 --> 00:00:09,491
T-minus 60 seconds!
2
00:00:09,493 --> 00:00:11,560
Oh, it all comes
down to this!
3
00:00:11,562 --> 00:00:14,062
Oh, I've got
butterflies.
4
00:00:14,064 --> 00:00:15,446
Don't get soft on me,
Hofstadter.
5
00:00:15,448 --> 00:00:17,799
I will slap those glasses
right off your face.
6
00:00:19,202 --> 00:00:21,636
What's going on?
7
00:00:21,638 --> 00:00:24,256
Hey. We're about
to buy tickets for Comic-Con.
8
00:00:24,258 --> 00:00:25,841
Oh.
9
00:00:25,843 --> 00:00:27,309
T Minus 45 seconds!
10
00:00:27,311 --> 00:00:28,610
They sell out incredibly
fast, but as long
11
00:00:28,612 --> 00:00:30,478
as one of us gets in, we can buy passes...
Good Lord,
12
00:00:30,480 --> 00:00:32,721
this is not the time for
flirting! Keep it in your pants!
13
00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:36,801
It's a whole lot
of weird before coffee.
14
00:00:37,820 --> 00:00:39,688
T-minus 30 seconds!
15
00:00:39,690 --> 00:00:42,023
Oh, I have to go
to the bathroom so bad.
16
00:00:42,025 --> 00:00:43,975
Every year!
I told you, wear a diaper!
17
00:00:43,977 --> 00:00:46,161
And I told you
I get diaper rash!
18
00:00:46,163 --> 00:00:47,028
15 seconds!
19
00:00:47,030 --> 00:00:48,280
Oh, this is it!
20
00:00:48,282 --> 00:00:49,814
This is it!
21
00:00:52,084 --> 00:00:53,651
This is it.
22
00:00:53,653 --> 00:00:55,053
Five,
23
00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:56,988
four, three,
24
00:00:56,990 --> 00:00:58,456
two, one.
25
00:00:58,458 --> 00:00:59,975
It's live. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
26
00:01:06,382 --> 00:01:07,933
Anyone in?!
27
00:01:07,935 --> 00:01:09,718
No!
Not yet! Nope!
28
00:01:10,836 --> 00:01:12,804
Do not stop
refreshing your screens!
29
00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:14,773
Refresh. Refresh. Refresh.
30
00:01:14,775 --> 00:01:15,673
Refresh.
31
00:01:15,675 --> 00:01:16,841
Refresh. Refresh.
32
00:01:16,843 --> 00:01:18,676
Refresh. Refresh. Refresh...
33
00:01:18,678 --> 00:01:22,013
Yeah, this is not
gonna be enough coffee.
34
00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:24,182
Refresh. Refresh. Refresh.
35
00:01:24,184 --> 00:01:27,652
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
36
00:01:27,654 --> 00:01:31,156
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
37
00:01:31,158 --> 00:01:32,741
♪ The Earth began to cool
38
00:01:32,743 --> 00:01:35,293
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
39
00:01:35,295 --> 00:01:37,979
♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
40
00:01:37,981 --> 00:01:40,632
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
41
00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:42,517
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
42
00:01:42,519 --> 00:01:44,359
♪ Bang! ♪
43
00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:48,360
♪ The Big Bang Theory 7x14 ♪
The Convention Conundrum
Original Air Date on January 30, 2014
44
00:01:48,361 --> 00:01:53,361
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
45
00:01:53,364 --> 00:01:57,150
Refresh... Refresh... Refresh...
46
00:01:57,152 --> 00:01:59,719
Refresh... Refresh...
47
00:01:59,721 --> 00:02:01,321
Refresh.
Refresh.
48
00:02:01,323 --> 00:02:02,539
Refresh.
49
00:02:02,541 --> 00:02:04,140
Refresh. It's been ten minutes!
50
00:02:04,142 --> 00:02:05,542
We're running out of time.
51
00:02:05,544 --> 00:02:07,861
To be cool? Yeah.
52
00:02:07,863 --> 00:02:10,196
I did it! I did it!
I'm in the queue!
53
00:02:11,933 --> 00:02:14,217
And they say firefighters
are the real heroes.
54
00:02:15,019 --> 00:02:17,670
Uh, what number
in line are you?
55
00:02:17,672 --> 00:02:19,172
Uh, 15...
Great!
56
00:02:19,174 --> 00:02:20,390
...thousand, 211.
57
00:02:20,392 --> 00:02:22,609
Damn!
Oh!
58
00:02:22,611 --> 00:02:25,278
Oh, they only have Thursday
and Sunday passes left.
59
00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:25,885
Really?
60
00:02:25,910 --> 00:02:27,511
Oh, Thursday's gone.
Just Sunday left.
61
00:02:28,283 --> 00:02:29,649
Oh, Sunday's the worst!
62
00:02:29,651 --> 00:02:32,652
Everybody's leaving, most
of the good panels are over,
63
00:02:32,654 --> 00:02:36,456
and the only T-shirts they have
left are small and XXXXL.
64
00:02:38,793 --> 00:02:39,959
Sunday's gone.
65
00:02:39,961 --> 00:02:43,013
Not Sunday! I love Sunday!
66
00:02:44,215 --> 00:02:47,083
So that's it?
Everything's sold out?
67
00:02:47,085 --> 00:02:49,569
Yeah.
68
00:02:49,571 --> 00:02:52,789
I can't believe we're not going.
69
00:02:52,791 --> 00:02:55,375
It's okay.
70
00:02:55,377 --> 00:02:59,396
You know, there-there's always
WonderCon in Anaheim, you know?
71
00:02:59,398 --> 00:03:01,714
That-That's just as good.
72
00:03:02,983 --> 00:03:04,601
Excuse me.
73
00:03:11,008 --> 00:03:13,510
Oh, guys, this is really sad.
74
00:03:13,512 --> 00:03:17,597
And in a different way
than it was 20 minutes ago.
75
00:03:18,983 --> 00:03:23,503
I can't believe we wasted all
that time on our Hulk costumes.
76
00:03:23,505 --> 00:03:25,338
What? You were all going
as the Hulk?
77
00:03:25,340 --> 00:03:26,623
Not the same Hulk.
78
00:03:26,625 --> 00:03:30,110
Ferrigno, Bana,
Norton and Ruffalo.
79
00:03:31,212 --> 00:03:33,246
We would have been
the angry green belles
80
00:03:33,248 --> 00:03:35,849
of the masquerade ball.
81
00:03:35,851 --> 00:03:37,734
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
82
00:03:38,769 --> 00:03:42,155
And we're back
to the first kind of sad.
83
00:03:44,308 --> 00:03:49,195
Gentlemen, I have the solution
to our Comic-Con problem.
84
00:03:49,197 --> 00:03:50,947
We don't need them.
85
00:03:50,949 --> 00:03:53,083
I'm starting my own convention.
86
00:03:55,236 --> 00:03:57,821
Sheldon, just buy
scalped tickets with us.
87
00:03:57,823 --> 00:04:01,207
I told you. Buying scalped
tickets is against the rules.
88
00:04:01,209 --> 00:04:02,992
If you get caught,
you get
89
00:04:02,994 --> 00:04:04,944
banned from Comic-Con for life.
90
00:04:04,946 --> 00:04:06,463
Life, Leonard.
91
00:04:06,465 --> 00:04:08,715
You're gonna feel pretty silly
when we're 80 years old,
92
00:04:08,717 --> 00:04:10,633
and you have
to drive me down there
93
00:04:10,635 --> 00:04:12,785
and then wait in the car
for three days.
94
00:04:12,787 --> 00:04:14,387
Do what you want.
95
00:04:14,389 --> 00:04:15,889
We're getting
scalped tickets.
96
00:04:15,891 --> 00:04:18,508
Oh, I already found a guy online
who's willing to sell.
97
00:04:18,510 --> 00:04:21,010
How do you know
this isn't a sting operation
98
00:04:21,012 --> 00:04:24,130
set up by the Comic-Con police?
99
00:04:24,132 --> 00:04:25,565
The same way I know
100
00:04:25,567 --> 00:04:28,451
that the people
in the TV set can't see me.
101
00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:30,803
Sheldon,
just come with us.
102
00:04:30,805 --> 00:04:32,188
You're not gonna make
your own convention.
103
00:04:32,190 --> 00:04:33,740
You know, there was a time
104
00:04:33,742 --> 00:04:36,976
when Comic-Con didn't exist
at all until one lone dreamer
105
00:04:36,978 --> 00:04:39,412
with a unique vision
made it happen.
106
00:04:39,414 --> 00:04:42,999
And you mark my words--
I'm gonna rip that guy off.
107
00:04:45,369 --> 00:04:49,172
Yes, I'm starting
my own comic book convention,
108
00:04:49,174 --> 00:04:53,460
and I thought that your client,
Robert Downey Jr., would be
109
00:04:53,462 --> 00:04:56,463
perfect to appear
on our first panel.
110
00:04:56,465 --> 00:04:58,664
Oh, well, now,
why are you saying "no"?
111
00:04:58,666 --> 00:05:00,683
You haven't even
asked him yet.
112
00:05:00,685 --> 00:05:02,519
You know, excuse me,
113
00:05:02,521 --> 00:05:03,853
but I sat through Iron Man 2.
114
00:05:03,855 --> 00:05:06,389
I believe he owes me two hours
of his time.
115
00:05:07,558 --> 00:05:10,226
They hung up on me.
116
00:05:14,198 --> 00:05:16,282
Did you tell them th
you're holding your convention
117
00:05:16,284 --> 00:05:17,484
at a Marie Callender's,
118
00:05:17,486 --> 00:05:20,770
and that every panelist
gets a free slice of pie?
119
00:05:20,772 --> 00:05:23,656
I didn't even get to that part.
120
00:05:23,658 --> 00:05:25,375
Look, even your friend
Wil Wheaton thinks
121
00:05:25,377 --> 00:05:26,709
this is a
waste of time.
122
00:05:26,711 --> 00:05:28,127
Not true.
123
00:05:28,129 --> 00:05:29,963
Wil thinks
this is a great idea.
124
00:05:29,965 --> 00:05:32,916
He was just concerned that
he wasn't a big enough celebrity
125
00:05:32,918 --> 00:05:34,868
to headline
such an amazing event.
126
00:05:34,870 --> 00:05:39,022
Also, that's the same day
that he shampoos his beard.
127
00:05:39,024 --> 00:05:41,007
Sheldon, buddy,
I just don't think
128
00:05:41,009 --> 00:05:43,059
this is going
to come together for you.
129
00:05:43,061 --> 00:05:44,594
You don't know that.
130
00:05:44,596 --> 00:05:47,380
I still have plenty
of solid leads on this list.
131
00:05:47,382 --> 00:05:49,382
Good luck.
No, wait.
132
00:05:49,384 --> 00:05:51,884
I need you to call Stan Lee,
Leonard Nimoy
133
00:05:51,886 --> 00:05:54,621
and Bill Nye the Science Guy...
134
00:05:54,623 --> 00:05:57,106
'cause, legally,
I'm not allowed to.
135
00:05:57,108 --> 00:05:58,241
Oh, and, also,
136
00:05:58,243 --> 00:05:59,442
Carrie Fisher, you know,
137
00:05:59,444 --> 00:06:01,694
'cause I hear
she can be pretty nuts.
138
00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:05,348
I can't believe
139
00:06:05,350 --> 00:06:07,733
Leonard is spending hundreds
of dollars on scalped tickets.
140
00:06:07,735 --> 00:06:11,070
Last week, you spent that
on a little dress.
141
00:06:11,072 --> 00:06:13,206
Yeah, but those tickets
only get him into Comic-Con.
142
00:06:13,208 --> 00:06:16,226
That dress gets me
into anywhere I want.
143
00:06:17,411 --> 00:06:19,546
Those tickets
were pretty expensive.
144
00:06:19,548 --> 00:06:22,382
I had to give Howie an advance
on his allowance.
145
00:06:23,834 --> 00:06:27,353
Now he's never gonna
put his toys away.
146
00:06:27,355 --> 00:06:29,505
Why can't they do
something sensible
147
00:06:29,507 --> 00:06:32,308
like Sheldon and start their
own comic book convention?
148
00:06:33,244 --> 00:06:36,229
Also, who wants
to throw me out that window?
149
00:06:36,231 --> 00:06:39,765
Oh, while they're acting
like teenagers,
150
00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:41,100
we could do something grown-up.
151
00:06:41,102 --> 00:06:42,869
Oh. You mean like a museum?
152
00:06:42,871 --> 00:06:46,606
Yes, like a museum,
but anything else.
153
00:06:46,608 --> 00:06:48,675
Oh, I know.
154
00:06:48,677 --> 00:06:50,776
There's a nice hotel
not far from here
155
00:06:50,778 --> 00:06:52,078
where they do
afternoon tea.
156
00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:54,780
Ooh, afternoon tea--
how sophisticated of us.
157
00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:56,749
Oh, all right,
if we're gonna be fancy,
158
00:06:56,751 --> 00:06:58,751
I should probably put on
clean underwear.
159
00:06:58,753 --> 00:07:00,136
ee-da!
160
00:07:00,138 --> 00:07:01,938
Look who has
clean underwear.
161
00:07:01,940 --> 00:07:03,606
No, we're gonna stop at Target
on the way.
162
00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:09,045
Hey, since Sheldon's
not going to Comic-Con,
163
00:07:09,047 --> 00:07:11,431
maybe we could find a cool trio
to dress up as.
164
00:07:11,433 --> 00:07:14,651
What if we go as The Fantastic
Four, and just tell people
165
00:07:14,653 --> 00:07:18,237
that the Invisible Girl
is standing there with us.
166
00:07:18,239 --> 00:07:19,989
Oh, and I thought our days
of pretending
167
00:07:19,991 --> 00:07:22,158
to be with women
who don't exist were over.
168
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:26,145
Gentlemen,
I am one step away
169
00:07:26,147 --> 00:07:29,432
from securing a huge guest
for my convention.
170
00:07:29,434 --> 00:07:30,767
Does that step
include chloroform
171
00:07:30,769 --> 00:07:33,252
and a roll of duct tape?
172
00:07:33,254 --> 00:07:35,004
I don't think that
will be necessary
173
00:07:35,006 --> 00:07:36,789
for Mr. James Earl Jones.
174
00:07:36,791 --> 00:07:37,824
You heard me.
175
00:07:37,826 --> 00:07:39,258
The voice of Darth Vader,
176
00:07:39,260 --> 00:07:40,826
the Lion King's dad,
177
00:07:40,828 --> 00:07:45,315
and FYI, the guy who says,
"This is CNN."
178
00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:49,235
Which also sounds
like Darth Vader.
179
00:07:50,554 --> 00:07:53,122
How are you gonna get
James Earl Jones?
180
00:07:53,124 --> 00:07:55,725
Simple.
Earlier today, he Tweeted
181
00:07:55,727 --> 00:07:57,110
that he's looking forward
182
00:07:57,112 --> 00:07:59,345
to going to his favorite
sushi restaurant for dinner.
183
00:07:59,347 --> 00:08:02,031
I Googled an interview
from four years ago
184
00:08:02,033 --> 00:08:05,401
which was conducted in
his favorite sushi restaurant.
185
00:08:05,403 --> 00:08:09,155
That's where he'll be, and
that's where I'm going, and...
186
00:08:09,157 --> 00:08:10,406
And that's where
187
00:08:10,408 --> 00:08:12,675
Darth Vader's gonna pour
soy sauce on your head.
188
00:08:14,278 --> 00:08:16,729
Sheldon, I don't care if you get
scalped tickets with us or not,
189
00:08:16,731 --> 00:08:19,799
but please don't be creepy
and go stalking this poor guy.
190
00:08:19,801 --> 00:08:21,134
You're gonna get in trouble.
191
00:08:21,136 --> 00:08:23,336
You're the ones
who are going to get in trouble.
192
00:08:23,338 --> 00:08:25,871
You're buying
non-transferable tickets.
193
00:08:25,873 --> 00:08:27,674
And from a stranger, no less.
194
00:08:27,676 --> 00:08:30,026
Not only can you get
banned from Comic-Con,
195
00:08:30,028 --> 00:08:32,762
if caught, you could be charged
with petty theft.
196
00:08:32,764 --> 00:08:35,431
You think about that while
I'm warning James Earl Jones
197
00:08:35,433 --> 00:08:38,351
out the danger of posting
his location on Twitter.
198
00:08:39,203 --> 00:08:40,820
He got lucky this time.
199
00:08:40,822 --> 00:08:43,823
There are some weirdoes
out there.
200
00:08:43,825 --> 00:08:45,658
♪ Bom, bom, bom
201
00:08:45,660 --> 00:08:48,394
♪ Bom, badum, bom, badum
202
00:08:48,396 --> 00:08:53,166
♪ Bom, bom, bom,
bom, badum, bom, badum ♪
203
00:08:53,168 --> 00:08:55,451
♪ Badala, baba,
badalum, bom ♪
204
00:08:55,453 --> 00:08:56,836
♪ Badala, bom, bom, bu...
205
00:08:56,838 --> 00:08:58,838
Forgot my keys.
♪ Bom, bom
206
00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:01,257
♪ Bom, bom, badum,
bom, badum... ♪
207
00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:10,832
Okay, great. Bye.
208
00:09:10,834 --> 00:09:13,284
Our friendly
neighborhood scalper
209
00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:14,586
says he's running late.
210
00:09:14,588 --> 00:09:17,088
Does he sound like a criminal?
211
00:09:17,090 --> 00:09:19,307
What do you mean?
212
00:09:19,309 --> 00:09:20,975
You know,
did he say things like,
213
00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:25,847
"Youse guys,"
or "Listen here, see?"
214
00:09:27,082 --> 00:09:29,067
Yes. He-He's late
215
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:32,253
because he's on his way here
from 1940.
216
00:09:32,255 --> 00:09:34,138
I'm just saying.
217
00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:35,406
We don't know
who this guy is.
218
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:37,659
What if he wants to steal
our money or our kidneys,
219
00:09:37,661 --> 00:09:40,144
or make a suit out
of our skins?
220
00:09:40,146 --> 00:09:43,932
Why would someone want to make
clothes out of your skin?
221
00:09:43,934 --> 00:09:45,283
I don't know.
222
00:09:45,285 --> 00:09:47,569
Maybe 'cause
dark doesn't show the stains?
223
00:09:48,404 --> 00:09:50,171
Well, now
you're making me wonder
224
00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:52,624
if we should have met him
at a neutral location.
225
00:09:52,626 --> 00:09:55,593
Why do you think I told him
to come to your place?
226
00:10:03,469 --> 00:10:06,621
There sure are a lot
of little kids here.
227
00:10:06,623 --> 00:10:08,723
I can't believe we thought this
would makes us feel grown up.
228
00:10:08,725 --> 00:10:11,542
I can't believe the waiter
thought I was your daughter.
229
00:10:13,445 --> 00:10:17,198
Well, last time I got dressed up
and had tea was when I was five.
230
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:20,668
Just me, my teddy bear,
Raggedy Ann and my hamster.
231
00:10:20,670 --> 00:10:22,236
That's cute.
It was.
232
00:10:22,238 --> 00:10:25,073
Till my hamster ate
all her babies.
233
00:10:26,926 --> 00:10:30,678
It got less cute really fast.
234
00:10:30,680 --> 00:10:32,297
Should we leave?
235
00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:33,798
Well, there's a bar
in the lobby.
236
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,199
I could go for a drink.
237
00:10:35,201 --> 00:10:37,669
Aw. Drinking in the afternoon,
just like her mommy.
238
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:45,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
239
00:10:50,633 --> 00:10:53,067
Let me guess.
240
00:10:53,069 --> 00:10:57,021
You like Star Wars.
241
00:10:59,358 --> 00:11:03,077
You know, I've been
in other movies.
242
00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:07,932
But you don't care
about those, do you?
243
00:11:15,574 --> 00:11:18,593
I have one thing to say
to people like you...
244
00:11:19,762 --> 00:11:22,764
I like Star Wars, too!
245
00:11:24,049 --> 00:11:26,000
Care to join me?
246
00:11:26,002 --> 00:11:28,436
Oh... thank you.
247
00:11:30,088 --> 00:11:32,056
My friend Leonard said
if I bothered you
248
00:11:32,058 --> 00:11:34,859
while you were eating, you'd
think I was a creepy stalker.
249
00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:36,144
Well...
250
00:11:36,146 --> 00:11:40,064
your friend Leonard sounds
like a real weenie.
251
00:11:42,151 --> 00:11:45,770
He is, Mr. Earl Jones, he is.
252
00:11:48,290 --> 00:11:51,559
Okay, so, I'm
on a Comic-Con message board,
253
00:11:51,561 --> 00:11:53,795
and there's a post from a guy
254
00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:56,647
where he says he got caught
using someone else's badge...
255
00:11:56,649 --> 00:11:59,650
and Sheldon was right-- he did
get charged with petty theft.
256
00:11:59,652 --> 00:12:02,870
Guys... if I go to jail
dressed as the Human Torch,
257
00:12:02,872 --> 00:12:05,239
that might send
the wrong message.
258
00:12:08,278 --> 00:12:10,645
Maybe this isn't
a good idea.
259
00:12:10,647 --> 00:12:14,499
I can text the guy and tell him
we changed our minds.
260
00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:16,501
Do it.
261
00:12:16,503 --> 00:12:18,019
Okay.
262
00:12:18,021 --> 00:12:21,406
We're officially
not going to Comic-Con.
263
00:12:23,158 --> 00:12:25,643
Hold on.
We always do this.
264
00:12:25,645 --> 00:12:26,828
Do what?
265
00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:28,646
Chicken out.
We're-we're so afraid
266
00:12:28,648 --> 00:12:31,999
of getting into trouble that
we never do anything wrong.
267
00:12:32,001 --> 00:12:33,367
That's 'cause
we're the good guys.
268
00:12:33,369 --> 00:12:35,152
Even Batman breaks the rules.
269
00:12:35,154 --> 00:12:37,588
You know I struggle with Batman.
270
00:12:38,891 --> 00:12:41,992
I-I say, this one time,
instead of wimping out,
271
00:12:41,994 --> 00:12:43,945
let's be badasses!
272
00:12:43,947 --> 00:12:46,380
Okay, I'll be a badass--
273
00:12:46,382 --> 00:12:49,834
but only if you pinky-swear
to be one, too.
274
00:12:50,636 --> 00:12:52,553
Howard, you in on this?
275
00:12:52,555 --> 00:12:55,973
No need. I'm breaking rules
all the time.
276
00:12:55,975 --> 00:12:57,558
Name one.
277
00:12:57,560 --> 00:12:58,893
Last night.
278
00:12:58,895 --> 00:13:02,113
Drank my Pepto
straight out of the bottle.
279
00:13:03,849 --> 00:13:06,016
What about that little
cup they give you?
280
00:13:06,018 --> 00:13:07,819
Yeah.
281
00:13:07,821 --> 00:13:10,321
What about it?
282
00:13:12,825 --> 00:13:14,575
A-Are you
impressed by that?
283
00:13:14,577 --> 00:13:16,894
A little.
Yeah, me, too.
284
00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:23,200
You know, when I first read the
script for Empire Strikes Back
285
00:13:23,202 --> 00:13:26,087
and Darth Vader told Luke
he was his father...
286
00:13:26,922 --> 00:13:28,840
...I thought for sure
he was lying.
287
00:13:28,842 --> 00:13:30,641
Me, too!
288
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,593
But he wasn't, was he?
289
00:13:32,595 --> 00:13:34,312
He was not!
290
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:37,148
How messed up was that?!
291
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:39,734
So messed up.
292
00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:42,270
What do you say
let's go have some fun?
293
00:13:42,272 --> 00:13:43,354
My wife's
in New York,
294
00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:45,857
and I got a Lion King
residual check
295
00:13:45,859 --> 00:13:47,859
burning a hole in my pocket.
296
00:13:50,345 --> 00:13:53,314
So, afternoon tea
was a bust.
297
00:13:53,316 --> 00:13:55,283
On the bright side,
every six-year-old there
298
00:13:55,285 --> 00:13:58,452
was jealous of my tiara.
299
00:13:58,454 --> 00:14:02,123
Not gonna lie--
it felt good.
300
00:14:02,125 --> 00:14:03,574
Let me ask you a question:
301
00:14:03,576 --> 00:14:05,626
When did you guys
start feeling grown up?
302
00:14:05,628 --> 00:14:07,261
'Cause I am not sure I do.
303
00:14:07,263 --> 00:14:10,080
Honestly, I thought when
I got married I would,
304
00:14:10,082 --> 00:14:12,416
but I still kind of feel
like I'm pretending.
305
00:14:12,418 --> 00:14:15,970
It doesn't help that most of
my clothes come from Gap Kids.
306
00:14:17,239 --> 00:14:18,973
Okay, so I'm an adult,
307
00:14:18,975 --> 00:14:22,193
and the other day I saw
an old man slip and fall down,
308
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:23,811
and I laughed.
309
00:14:23,813 --> 00:14:26,347
I mean, I laughed hard.
310
00:14:26,349 --> 00:14:27,648
Like-like,
311
00:14:27,650 --> 00:14:29,233
out loud.
312
00:14:29,235 --> 00:14:32,136
If he was conscious,
he would've heard me.
313
00:14:32,138 --> 00:14:34,121
Oh, my gosh.
I know.
314
00:14:34,123 --> 00:14:36,106
One of the tennis balls
came off his walker
315
00:14:36,108 --> 00:14:39,076
and bounced right off his head.
I mean...
316
00:14:39,078 --> 00:14:42,296
I... I almost wet myself.
317
00:14:43,382 --> 00:14:46,918
I guess you had to be there.
318
00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:48,302
I think I have
you both beat.
319
00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:49,754
Imagine trying to feel
like a grown-up
320
00:14:49,756 --> 00:14:51,339
when you've never
even been with a man.
321
00:14:51,341 --> 00:14:53,875
Okay, sex is not
what makes you a grown-up.
322
00:14:53,877 --> 00:14:58,128
Yeah. Or you'd be
the oldest one here.
323
00:14:58,130 --> 00:14:59,647
Really?
324
00:14:59,649 --> 00:15:02,967
Is that how you talk
to your mother?
325
00:15:06,071 --> 00:15:07,471
He just parked.
He's on his way up.
326
00:15:07,473 --> 00:15:09,139
Good. This is exciting.
327
00:15:09,141 --> 00:15:11,225
It is. I feel alive.
Yeah.
328
00:15:11,227 --> 00:15:13,277
What if we do get caught;
who cares?
329
00:15:13,279 --> 00:15:14,662
So we get banned from Comic-Con.
330
00:15:14,664 --> 00:15:16,581
Maybe slapped with a fine.
Oh, no.
331
00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:18,532
I'll be an astronaut
and a bad boy--
332
00:15:18,534 --> 00:15:21,369
how will women
keep their pants on?
333
00:15:21,371 --> 00:15:25,456
Uh, maybe it'll come up when
I apply for citizenship.
334
00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:28,893
Oh, crap, what if it comes up
when I apply for citizenship?
335
00:15:28,895 --> 00:15:31,345
I wonder if we'd have
to disclose something like this
336
00:15:31,347 --> 00:15:32,830
when we apply for grants.
337
00:15:32,832 --> 00:15:35,466
He's gonna be here any second--
what should we do?
338
00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:37,518
You guys are such babies.
339
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,303
I'll handle this.
340
00:15:39,305 --> 00:15:42,390
If he thinks we're not home,
he'll go away.
341
00:15:44,894 --> 00:15:46,260
I thought you
were a badass.
342
00:15:46,262 --> 00:15:50,414
I lied about the Pepto--
I always use the little cup!
343
00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:59,323
Is it true, as a child,
you were a stutterer
344
00:15:59,325 --> 00:16:02,460
and were functionally
mute for eight years?
345
00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:04,078
It is true.
Oh.
346
00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:07,415
Is it true they
used scuba gear
347
00:16:07,417 --> 00:16:10,217
to create the sound of
Darth Vader breathing?
348
00:16:10,219 --> 00:16:12,453
They sure did.
Oh.
349
00:16:12,455 --> 00:16:16,557
Is it true that you
were premed in college
350
00:16:16,559 --> 00:16:18,709
and you almost
became a doctor?
351
00:16:18,711 --> 00:16:19,877
That's right.
352
00:16:19,879 --> 00:16:21,729
Oh, James!
353
00:16:21,731 --> 00:16:25,516
I could listen
to your stories all night.
354
00:16:33,275 --> 00:16:37,161
I mean, really, what's
so great about being grown up?
355
00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:41,082
Well, for starters, we'd be
splitting this check three ways.
356
00:16:42,233 --> 00:16:44,618
I'm serious.
Who wants to do all that stuff?
357
00:16:44,620 --> 00:16:46,837
Have insurance, pay mortgages,
358
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:50,675
leave one of those little notes
when you hit a parked car.
359
00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:53,627
I told you
it was Penny.
360
00:16:53,629 --> 00:16:54,962
Oh, come on, it wasn't me.
361
00:16:54,964 --> 00:16:57,048
Anyone could have knocked
your mirror off...
362
00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:59,350
or whatever happened.
363
00:17:00,919 --> 00:17:02,920
Maybe the guys
are right.
364
00:17:02,922 --> 00:17:05,639
I mean, we spent the whole
night trying to be mature,
365
00:17:05,641 --> 00:17:07,191
and it was kind of boring.
366
00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:09,477
I'm sure they're having
more fun than we are.
367
00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:12,980
Oh, God, I could really use
368
00:17:12,982 --> 00:17:15,649
exactly two tablespoons
of Pepto right now.
369
00:17:25,961 --> 00:17:27,995
Hey, Los Angeles!
370
00:17:27,997 --> 00:17:31,415
I'm on a Ferris wheel
with Darth Vader!
371
00:17:31,417 --> 00:17:34,719
And he's nicer than you think!
372
00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:37,755
I am!
373
00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:44,962
♪ In the jungle, the mighty jungle ♪
♪ Ah-wimoweh, ah-wimoweh... ♪
374
00:17:44,964 --> 00:17:47,765
♪ The lion sleeps tonight
375
00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:48,933
Bring it home, Mufasa.
376
00:17:48,935 --> 00:17:51,135
♪ Eee...
♪ Ah-wimoweh,ah-wimoweh... ♪
377
00:17:51,137 --> 00:17:52,636
♪ Eee, eee, eee
378
00:17:52,638 --> 00:17:55,139
♪ Ah, um-a-weh...
379
00:17:58,927 --> 00:18:00,477
I don't understand
what we're doing.
380
00:18:00,479 --> 00:18:01,612
Shh.
381
00:18:01,614 --> 00:18:03,664
Whose house is that?
382
00:18:03,666 --> 00:18:05,149
Carrie Fisher.
383
00:18:06,001 --> 00:18:07,368
And she's a little crazy,
384
00:18:07,370 --> 00:18:08,819
so get ready to run.
385
00:18:22,451 --> 00:18:26,270
It's not funny anymore, James!
386
00:18:27,589 --> 00:18:29,957
Then why am I laughing!
387
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,768
Ah, Sheldon, this
is the perfect end
388
00:18:40,770 --> 00:18:42,903
to a perfect night.
389
00:18:43,738 --> 00:18:45,856
Okay.
390
00:18:45,858 --> 00:18:47,291
Yeah, but I think
391
00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:50,578
it could have ended
with the karaoke.
392
00:18:50,580 --> 00:18:54,432
What were you trying to ask me
at the strip club?
393
00:18:54,434 --> 00:18:55,866
Oh.
394
00:18:55,868 --> 00:18:59,553
How much does it cost
to get them off my lap?
395
00:18:59,555 --> 00:19:02,106
No. Something
about a convention.
396
00:19:02,108 --> 00:19:04,608
Oh, right!
Well...
397
00:19:04,610 --> 00:19:07,645
my friends and I couldn't
get into Comic-Con this year,
398
00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:10,397
and I was trying to start
my own convention,
399
00:19:10,399 --> 00:19:11,816
and I was going
400
00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:14,351
to ask if you
would be a panelist.
401
00:19:14,353 --> 00:19:17,671
Why don't you and your friends
come to Comic-Con with me?
402
00:19:17,673 --> 00:19:19,623
Really?
Of course.
403
00:19:19,625 --> 00:19:21,775
And San Diego is
right across the border
404
00:19:21,777 --> 00:19:24,078
from my favorite city on Earth,
405
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:26,730
Tijuana...
406
00:19:27,799 --> 00:19:31,452
...where I'm taking you
every night!
407
00:19:32,287 --> 00:19:35,022
Ay-yi-yi.
408
00:19:35,024 --> 00:19:38,792
Ay-yi-yi, bang-bang.
409
00:19:46,997 --> 00:19:49,666
So, Beau Bridges
is on my shoulders,
410
00:19:49,668 --> 00:19:53,436
and Jeff Bridges is
on Marlon Brando's shoulders,
411
00:19:53,438 --> 00:19:57,040
and remember, we do not have
permission to be in the pool--
412
00:19:57,042 --> 00:19:59,325
Hey! Sheldon, wake up!
413
00:19:59,327 --> 00:20:00,493
And...
414
00:20:00,495 --> 00:20:03,129
Angie Dickinson is
about to sic the dogs on us,
415
00:20:03,131 --> 00:20:05,632
and I go under the water and
Marlon goes under the water,
416
00:20:05,634 --> 00:20:07,600
and the water raises
about two feet
417
00:20:07,602 --> 00:20:09,385
and sloshes all
over her patio,
418
00:20:09,387 --> 00:20:11,348
and the dogs freak out
and run like hell, and
419
00:20:11,373 --> 00:20:12,856
then we run like hell...
420
00:20:12,857 --> 00:20:14,674
Oh, boy!
421
00:20:14,676 --> 00:20:17,677
That was a lot of fun.
422
00:20:17,679 --> 00:20:20,113
Uh... who's Angie Dickinson?
423
00:20:20,115 --> 00:20:25,115
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
423
00:20:26,305 --> 00:20:32,837
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