All language subtitles for Lets.Get.Physical.S01E01.HDTV.x264-W4F

_

The Fifth Annual Competitive
Aerobics Competition,

it was my first finals and I
was the favorite to win it all.

My dad made me train my
whole life for this moment.

Today's the day, son.

Moments like this separate
the men from the boys.

And that routine puts
Barry Cross in the lead.

Barry...

Okay, that's me, Joe Force,

with every person I'd been trying
to avoid for the past 20 years.

Barry Cross, my arch nemesis.

Claudia, my high school girlfriend
that left me for my arch nemesis.

My mom, former pageant queen,

also bat-shit crazy.

And finally, Colonel Force, my
dad, the Godfather of Aerobics.

Growing up, my dad took
this shit way too seriously.

Win, or don't come home.

Our next contestant,

Joe Force!

Well, I didn't win,

- so I didn't go home.
- _

♪ ...They say that every
rose has its thorn... ♪

I became the lead
singer of Guns Van Bovi.

We're available for weddings, bar
mitzvahs, and a mom's night out.

- I love you!
- I wanna talk to you later.

♪ Just like every cowboy
sings a sad sad song ♪

♪ And every rose has its thorn ♪

Ladies and gentlemen,
we've been Guns Van Bovi.

Who's stickin' around for the next set?

- We are!
- Whoa,

I got droopy yeses,
right there, thank you.

Hey, where's my whiskey churro?

Nice.

Listen, kid, your mom called.

You do remember your dad, don't you?

A republican Richard Simmons.
How could I forget him?

You two weren't very close, were you?

No, no.

Our only contact is an annual
Christmas card with a, uh,

weight watchers gift certificate

and a list of workout routines.

Well, he died.

What?

He died?

Your mom said his ticker gave out

while he was teaching an aerobics class.

Repeat after me:

Cardio is not a plate of Mexican food.

Cardio is not a plate of Mexican food.

Cardio is...

Cardio is.

Heart's on fire.

- Heart's on fire.
- Ah!

I told him that fitness
shit would kill him.

Those things happen.

Oh!

Hey...

been there.

I know what that's like. I
know what you're goin' through.

Listen, you know I'm lookin'
for a partner to invest

in my baked potato buffet.

You just told me my dad died

and you want me to
put my inheritance into

a baked potato buffet?

Thanks for thinking of me,
but it's not a good time.

- Hey, can you play Cat's In The Cradle?
- Okay.

- ♪ Let's get physical, physical ♪
- Sync/Corrections PetaG - addic7ed.com -

Man, this place is bigger than
two house codes put together.

Oh, man, I need a drink.

- Car bar?
- Car bar.

Drink up, boys. We're only
stayin' for a few days.

I'm gonna find out what my dad
left me, sell it, and then we're...

- Hittin' the road.
- Cheers to this shit.

Ah.

Oh, by the way, this is
wedding band behavior.

Food and booze, open
game. Hands off the women.

- Man... Dude. Yeah.
- I'm still gettin' laid.

So he really was a great, great loss.

Thank you, though.

Hi, Mom.

- Ah!
- That was for wearing that shirt,

and for not returning
my calls for three years.

Uh.

There, that's for losing your father.

I'm so sorry, darling.

I'm sorry too, Mom.

- A bit flabby.
- Yeah, life of a rock star.

Well, actually I thought

rock stars were skinny

- because of the drugs.
- Donuts are a drug.

Come, there's something you need to see.

Good to see you too.

I'm Colonel Tom Force, and this
is my last will and testament.

Janet, my love,

you must be devastated.

He knew me so well.

As for you, my disgrace of a son,

I knew you'd show.

You want your cut.

He knew you well too.

- Our next contestant, Joe Force!
- How did you put this in your will?

Don't look away, Joseph.

You can't keep running from your legacy.

Barry Cross,

not only did he beat you,

he married Claudia and started
a successful fitness brand.

I'm getting the feeling I'm gonna
need to borrow some gas money.

Janet, you get the house

and a generous monthly stipend.

Joe...

you get the gym.

But my hard earned money is
gonna have to be earned harder.

That's why I'm donating
your $8 million inheritance

to the winning gym

of the Competitive
Aerobics Championship.

What!?

Sell the gym and
finance your own demise,

or man up, shave your legs, put
on spandex, and go for the gold.

I believe there is still winners blood

pumping through those clogged arteries.

So we have three months to
get you back into finals shape.

Tough, but doable.

Are you serious?

You think this is a good
idea? Mom, this is crazy.

Look, your father and I made a pact

that whoever passed first, the other one

would dedicate themselves to
getting your life back on track.

My life is on track.

It's one big track.

I play at packed houses
every night, women everywhere.

I am not giving up my
musical career for this shit!

If you try to sell the gym
or you resist going for gold,

I will be forced to use
every tool in my arsenal.

Do it. I dare you.

I'm not afraid of you anymore.
That's why I left. I'm bulletproof.

Now you have the key
and the deed to the gym.

Mom, I know you want me to be
Patrick Swayze, but I'm not.

I'm Axl Rose.

I wish Patrick Swayze was my son.

Patrick Swayze's dead, Mom.

- He died, too.
- Yes.

Oh, this is the worst day of my life.

Yeah, join the club.

Rest in peace, Colonel.

Fifteen years ago...

Claudia?

- Oh!
- Wow, you look great.

I know. Uh, you look...

Like you have a good story to tell

- Oh.
- or something.

Oh! I think I broke a record.

Hey, where's Joe?

Oh, um...

Holy! Phew, haha.

- Hey.
- Barry Cross.

Joe hopeless, shapeless
and now fatherless Force.

Okay, that was, uh, a little too far.

Yeah, we're in front of his dead body.

Yeah, I was just joshin'!

Why are you here?

We're here to pay our respects

- to the Godfather of Aerobics. So...
- Yeah.

Hey, I apologize for the
casual attire, but it is black,

and I was able to squeeze
some cardio on the way in,

so not a total loss... For me.

I mean, this is a loss.

It's a sad moment for... for you.

Another one.

So what are you doing with your
dad's gym, because I want it.

- Great, I don't. You can have it.
- Great, I will take it.

- I'll sell it.
- I'll buy it from you.

- Yeah, how much?
- Yeah.

Well, when you're done grieving,
we can discuss this matter.

Okay, done grieving. What's your offer?

Okay, slow down. This is a funeral.

Um, Fitness By Force is
in a really great location.

- Yeah.
- But we...

we'll probably take a few
hours to prep the offer.

We're gonna franchise. We got big plans.

Yeah, I don't care about your
plans. Where do I find you?

Oh, just look for the building
with perfectly sculpted

physiques walking in and out.

331 Metrics Avenue. Okay, if
you need to get there, Google it.

- Do not use Apple Maps.
- Mmm.

So glad you came.

- Yeah, we gotta go.
- I'm sorry for your loss.

And for how much you've gained.

Um...

Okay.

_

Have a good workout.

I'm sorry, sir. Our plus size
terminal is at another address.

- Terminal?
- Are you okay?

Thank you so much for asking.

My dad just died, and I
moved back in with my mom,

- and our relationship...
- Please stop.

We don't do negative
downloads at our terminals.

Have a fit day.

We call them terminals, because
this is where you plug in to turn on.

Terminal's also a word used to
describe life-threatening illnesses.

I mean you're a walking angioplasty,
but no, no, no illness in here.

Our bodies are temples,
and treated as such.

My body's a dive bar.

Everybody's having fun
and much better stories.

Gandhi once claimed
that his sense of humor

was the only thing that prevented
him from committing suicide.

I don't trust people that don't eat.

Intermittent fasting is
physiologically beneficial.

You are so boring. Will
you just sign the contract?

- Yeah, I'll sign the contract.
- Good.

- Yeah, good. Well, give me a pen.
- Great.

- Okay, I'm gonna...
- You know, I'm gonna use my own pen.

- Good for you.
- I have a superior pen.

- I bet you do.
- Okay.

Wait, um,

do I have to walk, or do you
have, like, a scooter or a tram...?

No, okay.

Welcome... to the future of fitness.

Metrix wearables,

they monitor your stats and vitals.

Everything and everyone is
plugged into our custom AI software

that sends you a daily workout regimen.

Ah, this is hilarious.

You had to create all of this

because you couldn't
get laid in high school.

- Ha.
- You peaked at 17.

I'm still blossoming.

Rage cycle.

One of our most popular
stress-relieving classes.

Oh, you're gonna cut me off
in traffic? No, no, no, no.

I'm gonna cut you off. I'll
cut your whole family off!

I beat off to relief stress.
Do you have a class for that?

The Daoist masters
regard seminal retention

as the pathway to immortality.

Now don't get me wrong,
Claudia and I bang like rabbits,

but at climax, rather than spill it,

I redistribute the jing chi
energy throughout my entire body.

See, I'll be toasting my 125th birthday

while you've splooged
your way to an early grave.

You don't jizz?

Not every woman wants to have kids, Mom!

And our most advanced feature,

facial recognition mirrors.

They scan your face,

find your most popular
social media post,

and mount it on the
screen. Wanna try it?

Not on social media. I
actually talk to real people.

Well, that's the
definition of social media.

Come on, let's see
what you've been up to.

Stand there and look like a marshmallow.

See, nothing. I'm off the grid.

Everybody is in the Metrix.

Match found, Joe Force.

Another classic Joe Force stage fail.

You should really start
charging for these.

Dictation, post to all
social media platforms.

Old rival fallen on hard/soft times.

#whoops, #donutdiet.

Status posted across all
social media platforms.

Are you ready to talk terms?

That's what businessmen
say to each other

when they're about to negotiate a deal.

You know what? Screw you, Barry.

I'm not letting you turn my
dad's gym into some fitness cult.

Well, I'd say you're about to make
the biggest mistake of your life,

but I mean, look at you.

I hated my dad, but not this much.

Well, hey, uh,

don't forget to grab a super absorbent
Metrix T-shirt on your way out.

They're available in
triple small, double small

and our plus size, kids medium.

_

Joe,

there were two places you would
run off to when you feeling down.

The Chinese buffet is closed.

Don't act like you know me.

You broke my heart.

You left me right after
I lost the finals, and...

We never even broke up.

You ghosted me before
ghosting was a thing.

Then you married
dingleberry and started a gym

- that turns people into robots.
- Okay, Joe...

- They're robots!
- Joe, I regret leaving you

like that, I really do,

but I don't regret the
rest of my life decisions.

You still have feelings
for me, don't you?

No.

Uh, sympathy, maybe.

All I'm asking is that you just think

about making a deal before you go
off and do something rash, okay?

I've already decided I'm just gonna

let it fill up with transient squatters

- and turn into a soup kitchen.
- That's great.

When your soup kitchen falls through,

we'll be here ready with the check.

And you know our gym is
already full of squatters,

but they're like... the good kind.

Bye.

Damn. Christ!

You're a mean old
bastard, but you always...

were a mean old bastard.

"You're a disgrace."

Oh, well, thank you Dad.

You old pervert. You liked it
when people looked at your dong.

Look at that, your big dick.

That's one thing you gave me.

Ugh.

Oh, I hope I die tonight.

_

Tell me you didn't sell the gym.

Tried. It doesn't matter.

Don't judge me.

I ended up this way

'cause he was a terrible father who
forced me to do everything his way.

Yeah, the right way.

Fitness By Force way.

I'm so confused. Everyone's
taking advantage of me.

Not me, I'm different. I'm your mom.

And having you back's made
me realize what's important.

You.

Look this is not about the money.

Good, 'cause there's no way
I can win that competition.

Who cares? I got my baby boy back.

Oh.

Ooh.

You still got some, uh,
solid muscle under that.

What size unitard are
you wearing these days?

- This is about the money!
- I just thought you could give it a shot.

I am done with this. I
wasn't gonna sell this place,

but if everybody else is
out for themselves, I am too.

Don't look at me like that.

He's your son.

Body fat index, 13%, now 15%.

Ooh, I'm detecting some fat deposits,

which may present some
unflattering camera angles.

- What?
- 20%.

Shit, it must've been that goji
berry smoothie I had last week.

- Mmm...
- Zero net carbs, my fat ass.

Barry, we need to talk!

Cross Control, door open.

Okay, it's cool that it opens,
but we need a snazzier cue.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

Is that the same shitty
shirt you wore yesterday,

or a new shitty shirt?
It looks more yellow.

Uh, I had a rough night.

Um, I know we've had our
differences, but I, uh,

really just need to sell my dad's gym

so I can take my band on tour.

Oh, yeah, yeah, no.
Yeah, we're not interested

in acquiring your
shitty sweatbox anymore.

You wanted it yesterday.

Your mommy called, and
the Metrix no longer wants

your shit gym because we wanna
go after your dad's 8 million.

Janet told us about the will.

And then she called me
a money hungry trollop.

She made it personal.

You mess with the queen,

you get the king.

It's time for me to
come out of retirement.

Great.

Hey, how do I get up onto the
roof? I, um, I need to kill myself.

Oh, no, that's a liability.
We can't have that here.

There's a roof across the parking lot.

Listen, pal, if you and your shit gym

happen to still be around by the
time I win the aerobics finals,

I will buy it back from
you with your dad's money.

Barry, I think he's been
through enough, right?

Let's just by the damn gym and then
eliminate him from the competition.

That way we don't have
to deal with him later.

That's a great idea.

You've struck a sentimental chord
with my wife. That's very rare.

Yeah, that's 'cause I used to plow her.

- Oh.
- But the answer is shit no.

Cross Control, cue sad exit music.

- Yes, that cue I like. Yeah, save that one.
- Okay.

Eat my ass, dingleberry.

Cross Control, order a million dildos.

No, no!

- Cross Control, cancel. Cancel the million dildos.
- Order confirmed. Next day delivery.

No need for a million dildos.

Uh, pretty handsome, isn't he?

Pack up your gear, boys. We
are getting out of here for...

good... Oh, shit!

Janet told you too.

You just had to turn them
against me, didn't you?

Let me guess, you guys
want me to go for the gold.

Yeah, yeah, I get it.

Why go on tour for thousands

when I can win millions and fund
all of our rock star fantasies.

Yeah, sure, fine, I'll do it.

But I will fuck this up on my own

before I listen to motivational speeches

by three drunk trolls and
a goddamn pageant banshee.

Get in the car, boys! The Joe Force
Shit Show Comeback Tour begins.

What money is he talkin' about?

_

Barry Cross,

get your ass out here!

Red cross alert. We have a problem.

Woo!

What the hell is he doing?

♪ Where have all the good men gone ♪

♪ And where are all the gods ♪

♪ Where's the streetwise Hercules ♪

♪ To fight the rising odds ♪

♪ Isn't there a white knight ♪

- ♪ Upon a fiery steed ♪
- No, no dancing out here.

- No, no, stop dancing.
- ♪ Late at night I toss and I turn ♪

♪ And I dream of what I need ♪

- ♪ I need a hero... ♪
- Aww!

Ugh.

You guys had fun out here today?

It's gonna be like this
everyday at Fitness By Force,

so come on down and rock with us.

- Everyone is welcome.
- Uh, yeah, no.

Nobody's gonna join your
egalitarian gym. Gross!

Imagine the showers.

They will join my gym,
and we will beat you

- in the aerobics finals.
- Ooh!

You're saying your gym can beat my gym?

Ooh!

- It's time for a rematch.
- Oh!

I got the gym, the girl,

and the body of a Greek god.

- Ooh!
- Well, I got my gym,

my band, and...

Me!

My mom.

Yeah!

Rock on!

You're a nobody!

- Can't hear you.
- I'm gonna make sure that everybody

knows you're a nobody again.

♪ I need a hero ♪

♪ I'm holding on for a
hero til the end of the night ♪

♪ And he's gotta be strong
and he's gotta be fast ♪

♪ And he's gotta be
prepped for the fight ♪

♪ I need a hero ♪

♪ I'm holding out for a
hero til the morning light ♪

Woo!

♪ I need a hero ♪

Oh...

That usually gets applause.

Oh.

Take a good look, Barry.

You may have the brains,

but my son has the balls.

On the next "Let's Get Physical"...

I will never forgive you
for sleeping with my band.

Don't cut me. I've
wanted this my whole life.

We just started the team last night.

Bingo, a crying girl. My specialty.

How can you be sweating
just standing there?

Wearin' a jean jacket.

Lookin' for dancers.

That's how we win Dad's money.

Trust, teamwork, and
a whole lot of flair.

Sync & corrections by PetaG
- www.addic7ed.com -