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1
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(silence)
2
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[crickets chirping]
3
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♪♪
4
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[roaring]
5
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[wood splitting]
6
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[whispering]
7
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[growling]
8
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Do not be afraid, child.
9
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You must be Harker’s boy.
10
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Yes.
11
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Quincey, sir.
Of course you are!
12
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[snarling]
13
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The devil has returned.
14
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Van Helsing!
15
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Was delicious.
16
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Did you really think you
could flee to the Americas
17
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and I would not find you?
18
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[laughter]
19
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Go to the house.
20
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House Harker... how delightful!
21
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I killed the last vampire.
22
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You may have killed Count Dracula,
but he was not the last.
23
00:02:02,298 --> 00:02:04,814
And there will be more.
24
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You do not have the Master’s power...
25
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From the ashes and bone I devoured the
Master’s skull and consumed his power.
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Now I... Am... The Master...
27
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I can’t concentrate if you
keep mouthing my lines, Gerry.
28
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I’m not!
29
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Yeah... you are.
30
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Amateurs.
31
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But like I was saying... we
picture the house! It’s 1912!
32
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[roaring]
33
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Now that I have Dracula’s power,
34
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I will turn you and your
family into vampires!
35
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A new legion of undead will rise!
36
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Never!
37
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[cruel laughter]
38
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Jonathan!
39
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[shrieking]
40
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[comical roaring]
41
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[shouting]
42
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[deep laughter]
43
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[grunting]
44
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[laughs cruelly]
45
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Aaah!
46
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[yelps]
47
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[roaring]
48
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[grunting]
49
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[giggling]
50
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And then the boy cries...
51
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Father!
52
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Quincy! No!
53
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[roaring]
54
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Aaaarrrrrrghhhhh!
55
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He pulled me too hard. Again.
56
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[deep laughter]
57
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[gasps]
58
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[stick snaps]
59
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Aaah!
60
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[roaring, shouting]
61
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The lights dim.
62
00:04:07,792 --> 00:04:09,171
The lights dim.
63
00:04:09,430 --> 00:04:12,208
Oh yeah. Got it... Got it.
64
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And big finish.
65
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Before he died, our
great-great grandfather,
66
00:04:16,464 --> 00:04:19,060
♪♪ Before he died, our
great-great grandfather,
67
00:04:19,061 --> 00:04:19,500
Before he died, our
great-great grandfather,
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00:04:19,540 --> 00:04:21,537
Jonathan Harker, told his son
69
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to burn the bones of the last vampire.
70
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But... the boy chose to keep one piece.
71
00:04:28,551 --> 00:04:31,129
The head of the monster.
72
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A skull of the first vampire.
73
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The power to turn others
and create a legion of vampires.
74
00:04:40,759 --> 00:04:45,394
A reminder of that fateful night
and to stay vigilant
75
00:04:45,834 --> 00:04:51,228
and if the forces of evil
should ever rise again.
76
00:04:51,868 --> 00:04:52,787
Shit.
77
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Applause... applause... applause!
78
00:04:55,684 --> 00:04:57,401
Mr. Harker...
79
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Oh, call me Gerry. My dad was ‘Mr. Harker.’
80
00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:01,638
Yes, and I am sorry for your...
81
00:05:02,657 --> 00:05:03,976
loss.
82
00:05:04,635 --> 00:05:07,712
But when the Leechwood
County Clerk’s office
83
00:05:07,752 --> 00:05:11,988
granted you fifty thousand dollars
for property renovations...
84
00:05:12,008 --> 00:05:14,844
we never agreed to financing this...
85
00:05:14,845 --> 00:05:15,464
Masterpiece?
86
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It’s a disasterpiece!
Have you completely lost your mind?!
87
00:05:20,559 --> 00:05:26,054
That money was supposed to make this home
a safe and suitable historical landmark!
88
00:05:26,313 --> 00:05:30,090
Not bankroll a god-awful
freakshow about vampires!
89
00:05:30,209 --> 00:05:33,066
This house is a deathtrap!
90
00:05:33,067 --> 00:05:34,845
♪♪
[crashing]
91
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Broken glass.
92
00:05:36,124 --> 00:05:37,123
We’re gonna fix that.
93
00:05:37,582 --> 00:05:39,920
What is this even attached to?!
94
00:05:40,339 --> 00:05:41,119
Zip ties.
95
00:05:41,478 --> 00:05:43,275
This actually looks pretty good.
96
00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:46,593
Well we did start the renovation!
Then Gerry came home.
97
00:05:47,612 --> 00:05:51,387
Why is there a woodchipper
at the top of the stairs?!
98
00:05:51,388 --> 00:05:53,245
Do you see any wood up here?
99
00:05:53,246 --> 00:05:53,805
Really?!
100
00:05:53,806 --> 00:05:54,685
Props for the show.
101
00:05:54,686 --> 00:05:56,043
You’re using real wooden stakes?
102
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Those aren’t real.
103
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Wait, those are real?!
104
00:06:00,839 --> 00:06:03,495
Why are their spices in the fusebox?
105
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I thought it was a spice rack.
106
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[zap]
[yelp]
107
00:06:06,454 --> 00:06:08,311
Oh, you can’t latch the spice rack.
108
00:06:08,651 --> 00:06:12,027
A person could wander in off the streets
and find themselves on that stage.
109
00:06:12,028 --> 00:06:14,704
If the cable was pulled at the wrong
moment, they could step out
110
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without having any idea they're
about to be impaled in the throat!
111
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Way ahead of you, lady.
112
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Did it ever occur to you
that it could get stuck?!
113
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Oh trust me this thing is safe!
114
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Ahh!
115
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Is everyone okay?
116
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You have one week.
117
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One week to finish renovations and we
won't sue for misappropriation of funds.
118
00:06:32,227 --> 00:06:32,947
About the money.
119
00:06:32,948 --> 00:06:35,004
I mean look at the detail
of that background!
120
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It’s like he’s really there!
121
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One week!
122
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[crunching]
123
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And fix your damn door!
124
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Wait!
125
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You forgot your T-shirrrr...
126
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[thumping]
127
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Got it!
128
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If you cannot reimburse the fifty thousand,
this property will be condemned
129
00:06:48,931 --> 00:06:50,089
and seized by the state.
130
00:06:50,090 --> 00:06:53,365
Oh, and I’m afraid Leechwood
has very strict water usage hours.
131
00:06:53,366 --> 00:06:56,642
So I’ll be sure to add this to the fine.
Good day, gentlemen.
132
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[tires screeching]
133
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You forgot your free T-shirt!
134
00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:07,712
♪♪
135
00:07:25,035 --> 00:07:25,053
We blew it.
♪♪
136
00:07:25,054 --> 00:07:25,734
We blew it.
137
00:07:25,735 --> 00:07:27,171
Oh I fucking nailed it, man!
138
00:07:27,172 --> 00:07:29,349
You can’t break character!
Not in the middle of a scene.
139
00:07:29,350 --> 00:07:31,767
Well you’re the big Hollywood actor.
You play the vampire!
140
00:07:31,768 --> 00:07:35,123
No, it has to be a Harker who tells the
story... and Charlie does not want to do it!
141
00:07:35,124 --> 00:07:36,202
What about your sister then?
142
00:07:36,203 --> 00:07:38,400
No, Paige thinks this whole
thing is a bad idea.
143
00:07:38,401 --> 00:07:39,200
Yeah, well it is.
144
00:07:39,201 --> 00:07:41,357
Dammit. Charlie was so
proud of making these.
145
00:07:41,358 --> 00:07:47,471
That does it! You darn Harkers! I warned ya
about that damn dog shittin’ in my yard...
146
00:07:47,472 --> 00:07:49,709
Mavis, that is not our dog!
I keep telling you that...
147
00:07:49,710 --> 00:07:53,365
Oh, you Harkers are all alike!
Making a mess of everything.
148
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[dog whines]
149
00:07:54,765 --> 00:07:55,764
For the record, I’m not a Harker.
150
00:07:55,765 --> 00:07:59,001
Whoa whoa whoa... Mavis!
Leave those boys alone.
151
00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:01,878
Oh, shut your mouth, you old fart!
152
00:08:02,377 --> 00:08:05,714
Now you... clean it up!
153
00:08:08,071 --> 00:08:08,751
[door slams]
154
00:08:08,771 --> 00:08:09,609
She didn’t like the shirt?
155
00:08:09,610 --> 00:08:10,589
Nah, it’s shit.
156
00:08:10,590 --> 00:08:12,506
Okay, from the top.
157
00:08:12,507 --> 00:08:14,804
No, no, no... I can’t
be late for work again,
158
00:08:14,805 --> 00:08:17,201
because my manager will kill me, man,
because he’s a psycho.
159
00:08:17,202 --> 00:08:20,638
Like a serial killer psycho, like I’m
gonna wake up in a trunk or something.
160
00:08:20,639 --> 00:08:22,557
But I don’t give a shit!
Because he pays me.
161
00:08:23,116 --> 00:08:24,395
I don’t even know why I help you guys.
162
00:08:24,575 --> 00:08:25,574
I’m back!
163
00:08:26,013 --> 00:08:34,005
♪♪
164
00:08:51,848 --> 00:08:54,364
Oh hey, Paige! Need any help with that?
165
00:08:54,365 --> 00:08:55,884
I’m good. Give Wayne a hand.
166
00:08:59,060 --> 00:09:00,339
Aww, dadgummit!
167
00:09:00,978 --> 00:09:03,575
Oh man... thank you, Charlie.
168
00:09:03,576 --> 00:09:05,462
When are you gonna end it
with that dick socket?
169
00:09:05,714 --> 00:09:06,573
Real classy, Ned.
170
00:09:06,574 --> 00:09:08,570
I told you before, I do not trust that guy.
171
00:09:08,571 --> 00:09:11,527
You don’t trust my fiance... the Sheriff?
172
00:09:11,528 --> 00:09:12,827
Your brothers hate him.
173
00:09:13,786 --> 00:09:15,483
Oh, they're humoring him.
174
00:09:15,484 --> 00:09:17,170
So I take it you’re not
coming to the wedding?
175
00:09:17,422 --> 00:09:21,178
Well, actually I’m making you a
special gift for the big day.
176
00:09:21,738 --> 00:09:23,496
It’s not a wood carving, is it?
177
00:09:23,756 --> 00:09:27,052
Yeah it’s a wood carving!
Gerry loved the one I made for him...
178
00:09:27,192 --> 00:09:28,470
where is it, by the way?
179
00:09:28,471 --> 00:09:29,770
It was... stolen.
180
00:09:29,930 --> 00:09:31,587
Hey, stolen?! Why didn’t you tell me?!
181
00:09:31,588 --> 00:09:33,706
Uhhh... how’d it go with the County Clerk?
182
00:09:33,886 --> 00:09:37,001
Did she ‘have a bloody good
time’ at House Harker?
183
00:09:37,002 --> 00:09:39,319
Oh shut up, Wayne! It was awful...
184
00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:41,298
Awfully good. Awfully good.
185
00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:42,017
Really?!
186
00:09:42,018 --> 00:09:45,054
I told you, Paige. People want
to hear about our family.
187
00:09:45,474 --> 00:09:47,092
Hm. Well, hope you boys are hungry.
188
00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:50,609
Famished.
189
00:09:50,928 --> 00:09:52,215
I thought you were late for work.
190
00:09:52,467 --> 00:09:54,405
Oh hey! Wanna take a ride in the squad car?
191
00:09:54,645 --> 00:09:56,082
Get you there in a jiffy! Whoop-whoop!
192
00:09:56,083 --> 00:09:57,980
Oh, we all know you’re
a big shot now, Wayne,
193
00:09:57,981 --> 00:09:59,419
but I don’t need your charity.
194
00:09:59,420 --> 00:10:00,678
Okay... okay.
195
00:10:00,679 --> 00:10:02,676
[siren wailing]
196
00:10:02,677 --> 00:10:05,522
Oh, hey! It looks like all your wood
carvings are selling like hot cakes!
197
00:10:05,774 --> 00:10:06,773
All gone!
198
00:10:13,386 --> 00:10:15,204
Okay! Okay! Okay!
199
00:10:15,444 --> 00:10:16,443
Ha ha!
200
00:10:17,182 --> 00:10:18,261
[door chime rings]
201
00:10:24,615 --> 00:10:29,450
[whistles]
202
00:10:35,824 --> 00:10:37,442
♪♪
203
00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:45,893
♪♪
204
00:10:52,027 --> 00:10:52,587
You’re late, Morris.
205
00:10:52,588 --> 00:10:57,622
AHHHH! Oh, sorry, Kevin. I
lost track of time, pal.
206
00:10:57,881 --> 00:10:59,600
Funny... we lost track of time too.
207
00:11:00,599 --> 00:11:02,076
Playing with our new toy.
208
00:11:02,077 --> 00:11:05,374
It slices and dices up to
twenty-two carvings in minutes.
209
00:11:06,353 --> 00:11:06,852
What?!
210
00:11:07,532 --> 00:11:11,247
No... no.... NO!!
[maniacal laughter]
211
00:11:11,248 --> 00:11:13,726
We put all of your carvings
in the wood chipper.
212
00:11:13,905 --> 00:11:17,122
Nooo!!
[sobs]
213
00:11:17,142 --> 00:11:20,338
You’re fired, Morris.
This should be easy enough to carry home.
214
00:11:20,339 --> 00:11:24,695
Two years... two years of work
in a goddamn wood chipper!
215
00:11:24,914 --> 00:11:25,474
Get out!
216
00:11:25,475 --> 00:11:32,047
♪♪
217
00:11:32,347 --> 00:11:32,786
Potato...
218
00:11:32,787 --> 00:11:33,486
Fingers.
219
00:11:33,487 --> 00:11:36,762
No, you have to say, ‘french fries’
or my ‘potato’ sounds stupid, so... Potato!
220
00:11:36,763 --> 00:11:37,762
Open potato.
221
00:11:37,802 --> 00:11:38,801
Nevermind.
222
00:11:38,801 --> 00:11:40,318
What the hell am I gonna do now, guys?!
223
00:11:40,319 --> 00:11:43,255
Wanna know what we’re gonna do?
Charlie, can we fix the house in one week?
224
00:11:43,256 --> 00:11:43,895
No.
225
00:11:43,896 --> 00:11:46,752
Therefore our only shot is the show.
226
00:11:46,753 --> 00:11:49,149
The show? It’s not gonna work, pal!
227
00:11:49,150 --> 00:11:50,967
People love vampire stuff!
228
00:11:50,968 --> 00:11:53,566
People love male models
that sparkle and pout.
229
00:11:54,425 --> 00:11:55,723
Gorgeous people.
230
00:11:55,724 --> 00:11:59,559
No one’s scared of vampires anymore.
Thank those stupid Stacey Mendler books.
231
00:11:59,560 --> 00:12:02,816
The Nix County Necro has struck... again.
232
00:12:03,356 --> 00:12:05,753
Law Enforcement are baffled
as they have discovered
233
00:12:05,754 --> 00:12:09,310
five defiled bodies in the Nix County area.
234
00:12:09,969 --> 00:12:13,864
Sheriff’s Deputy Denny Green reminds
us that ‘even if he kills you...
235
00:12:13,865 --> 00:12:15,843
you’re still not safe.’
236
00:12:16,323 --> 00:12:17,481
And in other news...
Oh! Oh!
237
00:12:17,482 --> 00:12:19,959
We should show them the real vampire skull!
238
00:12:20,299 --> 00:12:21,517
What real vampire skull?
239
00:12:21,518 --> 00:12:22,477
This is a bad idea.
240
00:12:22,478 --> 00:12:25,393
♪♪
241
00:12:25,394 --> 00:12:26,971
Alas, poor Yorick!
242
00:12:26,972 --> 00:12:29,009
[applause]
243
00:12:29,010 --> 00:12:31,827
This is a bad idea!
244
00:12:32,407 --> 00:12:33,226
No, mine!
245
00:12:33,227 --> 00:12:36,781
[children shouting]
246
00:12:36,782 --> 00:12:38,241
Stop it!
247
00:12:38,301 --> 00:12:46,293
[otherwordly groaning]
248
00:12:58,740 --> 00:12:59,739
[gasps]
249
00:13:00,399 --> 00:13:01,398
Charlie?
250
00:13:12,866 --> 00:13:14,145
[shriek]
[thumps]
251
00:13:14,245 --> 00:13:14,964
Keep em coming, Bart.
252
00:13:14,965 --> 00:13:17,201
♪♪
253
00:13:17,202 --> 00:13:18,201
Can we have another?
254
00:13:18,561 --> 00:13:19,360
We’ll have another.
255
00:13:19,361 --> 00:13:22,356
What is with the fucking pencil?
256
00:13:22,357 --> 00:13:24,434
When we were kids, he used
to talk to the walls.
257
00:13:24,435 --> 00:13:27,692
One day my Dad hands him the pencil and
says, "Use this to get out your feelings."
258
00:13:28,251 --> 00:13:29,210
He took it literally.
259
00:13:29,490 --> 00:13:30,529
Like Asperger’s?
260
00:13:30,708 --> 00:13:31,608
Who’s gettin’ burgers?
261
00:13:31,668 --> 00:13:33,744
Hey, kid... what’s in the bag, kid?
262
00:13:33,745 --> 00:13:35,164
Look, dude! It’s your movie!
263
00:13:35,424 --> 00:13:36,701
Hey, kid!
264
00:13:36,702 --> 00:13:38,719
Leave me alone! I'm just going to school!
265
00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:39,979
Leave me alone!
266
00:13:40,599 --> 00:13:44,994
"He was an outsider in a small town
with dreams of making it big."
267
00:13:45,154 --> 00:13:48,590
Your daddy was an accountant, dammit,
and you’re gonna be one too!
268
00:13:48,591 --> 00:13:51,348
Your mother was right!
You’re nothin’ but an accountant!
269
00:13:52,027 --> 00:13:56,523
"Based on the true story of one
boy who defied the odds..."
270
00:13:56,583 --> 00:14:00,278
[stomping, clapping]
Twirl, baby. Twirl.
271
00:14:00,279 --> 00:14:02,736
♪♪
272
00:14:03,895 --> 00:14:07,571
♪♪
273
00:14:07,572 --> 00:14:10,528
"From the team who brought you... Kazoo."
274
00:14:10,529 --> 00:14:16,681
♪♪
275
00:14:16,682 --> 00:14:18,839
"Twirl."
276
00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:20,717
What a piece of shit!
277
00:14:20,718 --> 00:14:20,758
[laughter]
What a piece of shit!
278
00:14:20,759 --> 00:14:22,496
[laughter]
279
00:14:22,497 --> 00:14:24,355
They might not be your demographic.
280
00:14:24,455 --> 00:14:25,633
Hey, Gerry...
281
00:14:25,634 --> 00:14:27,312
Twirl, baby! Twirl!
282
00:14:27,851 --> 00:14:30,089
Let’s go. Let’s go.
283
00:14:30,149 --> 00:14:33,805
Aw, come on! I love when
you guys come in here!
284
00:14:34,445 --> 00:14:39,060
Once people find out you’re here,
they show up just to mess with you.
285
00:14:39,859 --> 00:14:41,996
Gives me a ton of business!
286
00:14:41,997 --> 00:14:44,074
[laughs mockingly]
287
00:14:44,075 --> 00:14:47,870
♪♪
288
00:14:47,871 --> 00:14:51,128
You guys know I spent like six fucking
months learning how to twirl that thing.
289
00:14:51,448 --> 00:14:53,165
I thought it was gonna be a good movie.
290
00:14:53,166 --> 00:14:55,822
It was supposed to be the ‘Billy
Elliot’ of baton twirling films.
291
00:14:55,823 --> 00:14:59,500
It was a great movie! Do you know
how many little boys you touched?
292
00:15:00,219 --> 00:15:01,498
Their lives!
293
00:15:01,817 --> 00:15:04,014
Why does everyone in this
town hate us so much?
294
00:15:04,015 --> 00:15:05,094
Oh they don’t hate us.
295
00:15:07,552 --> 00:15:09,869
What? What?!
296
00:15:12,407 --> 00:15:13,944
I can’t even... talk to you right now.
297
00:15:13,945 --> 00:15:15,303
Come on, they’re jealous!
298
00:15:15,304 --> 00:15:15,763
No!
299
00:15:15,764 --> 00:15:18,560
I’m awesome. You’re awesome.
Your sister is hot!
300
00:15:18,561 --> 00:15:19,560
Wait, what?
301
00:15:20,658 --> 00:15:22,097
She’s beautiful!
302
00:15:22,337 --> 00:15:24,094
Oh, come on, Gerry!
303
00:15:24,095 --> 00:15:27,491
She’s been this whole town’s
spank bank since she grew tits!
304
00:15:27,492 --> 00:15:29,469
Are you...?! Oh my God.
305
00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:32,066
She is! She’s beautiful!
That's disgusting. That's disgusting.
306
00:15:32,067 --> 00:15:34,324
Like a sister, Charlie. Like a sister!
307
00:15:34,325 --> 00:15:35,064
That makes it worse!
308
00:15:35,065 --> 00:15:36,901
Twirling is something they can
never take away from you.
309
00:15:36,902 --> 00:15:38,480
Every single time you do
it, I get inspired...
310
00:15:38,481 --> 00:15:38,999
Charlie. Every single time
you do it, I get inspired...
311
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:39,078
Charlie.
312
00:15:39,079 --> 00:15:40,857
I mean the last time I was
sad, I just put on the movie...
313
00:15:40,858 --> 00:15:41,458
Charlie... Charlie! I lied, okay?! I mean the
last time I was sad, I just put on the movie...
314
00:15:41,459 --> 00:15:42,817
Charlie... Charlie! I lied, okay?!
315
00:15:45,494 --> 00:15:46,692
I never learned how to twirl.
316
00:15:48,211 --> 00:15:49,490
I tried... I tried...
317
00:15:49,929 --> 00:15:51,647
I just was too embarrassed to tell you.
318
00:15:52,626 --> 00:15:56,203
They hired a stunt-man, and
it was visual effects.
319
00:15:57,142 --> 00:15:58,201
Shit.
320
00:16:01,977 --> 00:16:03,176
Well now you’ve done it.
321
00:16:05,074 --> 00:16:08,910
The performance of your life!
That was amazing, Gerry! Wow.
322
00:16:09,210 --> 00:16:13,026
I believed him for a second there. He’s
gonna be twirling till the day he dies!
323
00:16:13,925 --> 00:16:15,484
I'm going to watch every time.
324
00:16:15,543 --> 00:16:16,542
You fucker.
325
00:16:16,982 --> 00:16:17,981
Ow!
326
00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:19,799
Ow!
327
00:16:24,854 --> 00:16:25,913
Fuck, man!
328
00:16:29,430 --> 00:16:31,147
Did somebody leave the door open?
329
00:16:31,148 --> 00:16:32,046
Where’s the fucking money?!
330
00:16:32,047 --> 00:16:32,925
Oh come on!
331
00:16:32,926 --> 00:16:33,845
Where’s the fucking money?!
332
00:16:33,846 --> 00:16:35,443
You could not have picked
a worse day to rob us!
333
00:16:35,444 --> 00:16:38,000
You kidding me?! I saw the sign
outside, all this dusty old shit...
334
00:16:38,001 --> 00:16:39,199
I know this place is loaded!
335
00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:39,619
We’re not...
336
00:16:39,620 --> 00:16:42,635
Don’t lie to me, fucking Dopey, I’ll paint
your brains all over this fucking wall!
337
00:16:42,636 --> 00:16:43,535
Might have a few quarters!
My credit cards are all in...
338
00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:44,553
Shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down! Might have
a few quarters! My credit cards are all in...
339
00:16:44,554 --> 00:16:47,311
Shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down!
340
00:16:47,312 --> 00:16:48,311
[gun clicks]
341
00:16:49,190 --> 00:16:51,747
[glass shattering]
342
00:16:51,827 --> 00:16:53,544
It’s the Nix County Necro!
343
00:16:53,545 --> 00:16:55,044
He’s gonna kill us then fuck us!
344
00:16:57,122 --> 00:16:58,081
What do we got here, boys?
345
00:16:58,082 --> 00:17:00,717
That’s just an ordinary box!
There’s nothing in that box...
346
00:17:00,718 --> 00:17:01,936
We keep our money... in a box with...
347
00:17:01,937 --> 00:17:03,055
[choking]
Ow!
348
00:17:03,056 --> 00:17:04,055
Smoother edges.
349
00:17:05,733 --> 00:17:08,151
What the fuck is this?
350
00:17:09,310 --> 00:17:10,389
That thing is freaky.
351
00:17:11,907 --> 00:17:14,164
[boom]
[hissing]
352
00:17:14,165 --> 00:17:15,623
What the fuck is that?!
353
00:17:19,519 --> 00:17:22,476
Ooh-ho-ho-hoo... What do we got here?
354
00:17:23,436 --> 00:17:24,714
There’s a sign, pal.
355
00:17:25,194 --> 00:17:28,310
Oh, this sign? The ‘do not pull’ sign?!
356
00:17:28,311 --> 00:17:29,030
[laughs]
357
00:17:29,031 --> 00:17:32,745
What, are you running some kind of
freaky-deeky kinky sex show here?!
358
00:17:32,746 --> 00:17:35,622
It’s a family show! It’s sort
of a tourist attraction!
359
00:17:35,623 --> 00:17:36,622
Bout what?
360
00:17:36,902 --> 00:17:38,421
Vampires.
361
00:17:39,060 --> 00:17:42,316
Vampires?
What, are you guys con artists?
362
00:17:42,317 --> 00:17:44,573
You dupe people to come in here
and believe this dogshit?!
363
00:17:44,574 --> 00:17:47,630
Hey! You cannot just come in here
and make fun of their beliefs.
364
00:17:47,631 --> 00:17:48,909
No, Ned, it’s okay.
365
00:17:48,910 --> 00:17:51,467
I got this!
Now I may not believe in this...
366
00:17:52,347 --> 00:17:55,702
a person could wander in off the streets
and find themselves on that stage...
367
00:17:55,703 --> 00:17:58,160
if the cable was pulled at the wrong
moment, they could step out
368
00:17:58,161 --> 00:18:00,938
without having any idea they’re
about to be impaled in the...
369
00:18:00,978 --> 00:18:02,975
Shhh! Now I may not believe
in this vampire stuff...
370
00:18:02,976 --> 00:18:04,415
I said shut the fuck up.
But these assholes do...
371
00:18:04,454 --> 00:18:06,012
and they are my assholes!
372
00:18:06,013 --> 00:18:06,033
I said... shut the fuck... UP!
And they are my assholes!
373
00:18:06,034 --> 00:18:08,190
I said... shut the fuck... UP!
374
00:18:08,191 --> 00:18:08,769
[thunks]
I said... shut the fuck... UP!
375
00:18:08,770 --> 00:18:09,769
[thunks]
376
00:18:13,186 --> 00:18:16,641
Ohhh!! No, no, no!
Don’t pull it! Leave it in! Leave it in!
377
00:18:16,642 --> 00:18:18,800
Ohhh...
378
00:18:20,778 --> 00:18:21,777
[thuds]
379
00:18:26,852 --> 00:18:27,791
You okay, pal?
380
00:18:27,792 --> 00:18:35,784
♪♪
381
00:18:37,262 --> 00:18:38,380
That could’ve been me!!
382
00:18:38,381 --> 00:18:40,298
We’re in trouble!
Dad was right! It is dangerous!
383
00:18:40,299 --> 00:18:43,255
I’m pretty sure it was cause that
fuckhead yanked on the cable!
384
00:18:43,256 --> 00:18:44,614
There is a sign!
385
00:18:45,174 --> 00:18:47,351
Whoa, what’re you doing, man?!
We can’t call the cops!
386
00:18:47,352 --> 00:18:48,051
But Wayne!
387
00:18:48,052 --> 00:18:52,047
Oh sure, he’ll bail you two out, but he
knows I’m his only competition for Paige!
388
00:18:52,287 --> 00:18:55,642
I’m not spending the next five years
getting my turd-cutter tongue punched
389
00:18:55,643 --> 00:18:58,919
by a cellmate named daddy
with a straw doll collection!
390
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:02,156
You guys, this was not our fault!
It was an accident!
391
00:19:02,157 --> 00:19:04,074
Actually, the official
citation from the County Clerk
392
00:19:04,075 --> 00:19:06,072
did say something like this could happen.
393
00:19:06,073 --> 00:19:07,351
Something like this did happen!
394
00:19:07,352 --> 00:19:09,109
Could this day get any worse?!
395
00:19:09,110 --> 00:19:14,964
[winds blowing]
396
00:19:18,101 --> 00:19:19,100
[thuds]
397
00:19:22,856 --> 00:19:25,932
[roaring]
398
00:19:25,933 --> 00:19:33,165
♪♪
399
00:19:33,166 --> 00:19:36,202
Dude, we can’t use paper towels...
there is blood everywhere!
400
00:19:36,203 --> 00:19:37,121
Well, what then?!
401
00:19:37,122 --> 00:19:37,821
Got it!
402
00:19:37,822 --> 00:19:39,958
♪♪
403
00:19:39,959 --> 00:19:42,016
[vacuuming]
404
00:19:42,017 --> 00:19:44,654
Charlie! Get something to wrap him in
and I’ll pull around the car!
405
00:19:45,114 --> 00:19:45,993
Vacuum, Ned.
406
00:19:46,213 --> 00:19:47,192
Aw, man.
407
00:19:47,272 --> 00:19:47,351
[vacuuming]
408
00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:55,344
♪♪
[vacuuming]
409
00:20:10,708 --> 00:20:13,145
♪♪
410
00:20:13,146 --> 00:20:13,226
[engine cranking]
♪♪
411
00:20:13,227 --> 00:20:14,264
[engine cranking]
412
00:20:14,265 --> 00:20:16,902
Come on. Come on!
413
00:20:18,001 --> 00:20:19,559
[engine starts]
414
00:20:19,659 --> 00:20:20,837
Ah... yes!
415
00:20:20,838 --> 00:20:23,794
♪♪
416
00:20:23,795 --> 00:20:24,694
Walter!
Ahhh!
417
00:20:24,695 --> 00:20:27,790
Those Harkers are up to something...
I know it!
418
00:20:27,791 --> 00:20:29,989
Dammit, Mavis! Leave them boys be.
419
00:20:31,727 --> 00:20:35,383
Get over there now
or I’ll smother you in your sleep!
420
00:20:36,223 --> 00:20:37,222
You would.
421
00:20:37,921 --> 00:20:41,237
[vacuuming]
422
00:20:41,238 --> 00:20:43,275
[vacuum turns off]
423
00:20:43,535 --> 00:20:44,534
Whoa.
424
00:20:44,994 --> 00:20:47,032
It looks pretty damn clean in here.
Good work.
425
00:20:47,451 --> 00:20:48,450
Ah well, you know.
426
00:20:48,910 --> 00:20:49,969
Let’s turn him over!
427
00:20:52,366 --> 00:20:53,384
Aaahh!!
428
00:20:53,385 --> 00:20:55,223
I didn’t know rigor mortis set in so fast.
429
00:20:55,224 --> 00:20:55,983
It doesn’t.
430
00:20:55,984 --> 00:20:58,000
Well he was on a lot of drugs.
431
00:20:58,001 --> 00:21:00,617
Ah man, if you could show
this to kids, and say look...
432
00:21:00,618 --> 00:21:01,617
Look what can happen!
433
00:21:02,756 --> 00:21:04,373
Hey, hey, Walter!
434
00:21:04,374 --> 00:21:08,589
Sorry to bother you, but you know
that soul-sucking succubus of a wife...?
435
00:21:08,590 --> 00:21:11,726
She literally threatened to kill me
if I didn’t come over and find out
436
00:21:11,727 --> 00:21:13,245
what's going on with all the ruckus.
437
00:21:13,505 --> 00:21:15,243
Just sprucing the place up.
438
00:21:15,263 --> 00:21:16,470
You know I heard about what happened.
439
00:21:16,722 --> 00:21:17,261
Oh?
440
00:21:17,262 --> 00:21:18,419
Yeah. The County Clerk.
441
00:21:18,420 --> 00:21:19,878
Oh yeah! Yeah, yeah...
442
00:21:19,879 --> 00:21:20,998
You need any help?
443
00:21:21,098 --> 00:21:22,217
No, no, no... we’re fine.
444
00:21:23,955 --> 00:21:26,531
That’s a damn shame about
your father’s passing.
445
00:21:26,532 --> 00:21:29,708
He did such a fine job of
raising you kiddos on his own.
446
00:21:29,709 --> 00:21:31,827
I never knew your mother, but she was a...
447
00:21:34,624 --> 00:21:35,823
handsome woman.
448
00:21:37,461 --> 00:21:38,460
Yeah.
449
00:21:38,940 --> 00:21:40,059
How you boys holding up?
450
00:21:40,538 --> 00:21:41,337
We’re fine!
451
00:21:41,757 --> 00:21:45,653
Well... if you need anything,
I’ll probably be murdered by my wife.
452
00:21:46,732 --> 00:21:47,731
Goodnight.
453
00:21:49,669 --> 00:21:50,348
Ned.
454
00:21:50,728 --> 00:21:51,727
Walter.
455
00:21:54,664 --> 00:21:56,502
Woah!
456
00:21:56,642 --> 00:22:04,634
[♪ Hall of the Mountain King ♪]
457
00:22:20,258 --> 00:22:23,395
[grunting]
458
00:22:24,035 --> 00:22:26,291
Let’s dump it right here. Come on.
459
00:22:26,292 --> 00:22:29,409
[grunting]
460
00:22:31,527 --> 00:22:32,646
[splash]
461
00:22:37,281 --> 00:22:38,360
Where do you think it goes?
462
00:22:39,959 --> 00:22:41,296
Probably Lake Superior.
463
00:22:41,297 --> 00:22:42,096
[sighs]
464
00:22:42,097 --> 00:22:43,056
This isn’t going to work.
465
00:22:43,057 --> 00:22:45,493
Charlie... it’s gonna work!
466
00:22:45,533 --> 00:22:47,951
I saw it on an episode
of Unsolved Mysteries.
467
00:22:49,869 --> 00:22:50,868
Hello...
468
00:22:51,347 --> 00:22:52,686
‘Unsolved.’
469
00:22:53,765 --> 00:22:56,361
At least we know the body is
gonna be far away from here. Come on.
470
00:22:56,362 --> 00:23:02,117
[♪ Hall of the Mountain King ♪]
471
00:23:13,245 --> 00:23:14,544
Hey, Kip?
472
00:23:15,343 --> 00:23:16,442
Yeah, Denny?
473
00:23:19,939 --> 00:23:21,297
Found a body.
474
00:23:21,697 --> 00:23:23,195
Mhm-hmm.
475
00:23:28,990 --> 00:23:30,568
You guys are up early.
476
00:23:31,227 --> 00:23:33,605
Or you never went to bed.
Long night?
477
00:23:33,985 --> 00:23:36,522
How... how... how was your night?
478
00:23:36,822 --> 00:23:38,660
It was... fine.
479
00:23:39,319 --> 00:23:41,717
Uh, we just... watched TV.
Cuddled on the couch.
480
00:23:41,857 --> 00:23:44,594
Twirl was on, so we watched
my brother the superstar.
481
00:23:46,192 --> 00:23:47,670
Heard you boys got into
some trouble last night.
482
00:23:47,671 --> 00:23:50,467
[spits]
[chokes]
483
00:23:50,468 --> 00:23:52,066
Hey! Hey, hey...
484
00:23:52,067 --> 00:23:54,364
Those boneheads at the
tavern giving you guys guff?
485
00:23:54,764 --> 00:23:58,159
Look, what they don’t understand is that
486
00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:01,937
Twirl is like the ‘October
Sky’ of baton twirling movies.
487
00:24:02,176 --> 00:24:04,173
Alright? Cheer up.
488
00:24:04,174 --> 00:24:06,692
[radio]: Hey, Sheriff?
You’re gonna want to come and see this
489
00:24:06,772 --> 00:24:07,691
Copy.
490
00:24:07,971 --> 00:24:08,670
I gotta go, babe.
491
00:24:08,671 --> 00:24:10,948
Oh okay... see you later. Bye.
I know, sorry.
492
00:24:11,847 --> 00:24:13,665
Alright! See you guys!
493
00:24:15,943 --> 00:24:19,178
Well I’m off to go yawn a
big bright chunky rainbow.
494
00:24:19,179 --> 00:24:20,578
I’m gonna uh... pay the...
495
00:24:22,056 --> 00:24:22,916
What’s going on?
496
00:24:22,956 --> 00:24:23,655
Nothing.
497
00:24:23,715 --> 00:24:25,653
Uh-huh. What are you not telling me?
498
00:24:27,651 --> 00:24:29,688
[clattering]
499
00:24:29,689 --> 00:24:30,688
Oh no.
500
00:24:35,363 --> 00:24:38,040
You’re okay. You just had a little fall.
501
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:42,536
♪♪
502
00:24:42,616 --> 00:24:44,554
He’s fine... he just rolled off...
503
00:24:45,093 --> 00:24:47,731
I don’t know. Looks
pretty scuffed up to me.
504
00:24:47,971 --> 00:24:49,588
Maybe I should just use yours?
505
00:24:49,589 --> 00:24:51,126
No... that’s uh... I...
506
00:24:51,127 --> 00:24:53,545
That’s ah ah ah...
Spit it out, special ed!
507
00:24:54,964 --> 00:24:56,021
Nothing?
508
00:24:56,022 --> 00:24:57,720
Well maybe I will use your pencil then.
509
00:24:57,721 --> 00:24:59,619
[grunting]
[mean laughter]
510
00:24:59,639 --> 00:25:02,195
No! No, please don’t... give it back!
511
00:25:02,196 --> 00:25:05,832
No? Don’t give you the pencil back?!
Okay, I’ll keep it then!
512
00:25:05,833 --> 00:25:07,950
Hey, dipshit’s pencil. I’m Chad.
513
00:25:07,951 --> 00:25:10,267
And I’m gonna pay my bill with you
and then snap you in half
514
00:25:10,268 --> 00:25:13,404
to teach your special friend here that
you’re just an inanimate fucking pencil!
515
00:25:13,405 --> 00:25:14,404
Chad Cheever?
516
00:25:15,903 --> 00:25:17,821
Quarterback for the Leechwood Devils...?!
517
00:25:18,300 --> 00:25:19,279
Sup, Paige?
518
00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:21,416
How’d a chick like you wind
up in a family with him?
519
00:25:21,417 --> 00:25:22,956
Oh he’s not so bad.
520
00:25:23,015 --> 00:25:25,413
He’s got his strengths...
not unlike yourself.
521
00:25:26,292 --> 00:25:27,771
Yeah you’re not so bad yourself.
522
00:25:29,089 --> 00:25:32,345
I’m sure we can find something much better
to do with these hands of yours,
523
00:25:32,346 --> 00:25:33,385
don’t you think?
524
00:25:34,004 --> 00:25:37,120
What’d you have in mind? Wouldn’t
want to piss off the town Sheriff...
525
00:25:37,121 --> 00:25:38,560
That shouldn’t be a problem for you.
526
00:25:39,739 --> 00:25:41,157
You’re all muscle, right?
527
00:25:42,756 --> 00:25:43,795
And not much else.
528
00:25:44,234 --> 00:25:44,854
What?
529
00:25:44,914 --> 00:25:47,410
You see, Chad... I need the whole package.
530
00:25:47,411 --> 00:25:51,347
And the word around town is that you
don’t have much of a package at all.
531
00:25:51,647 --> 00:25:52,386
[giggles]
532
00:25:52,387 --> 00:25:55,763
So unfortunately for you, it’s a...
small town.
533
00:25:56,802 --> 00:25:58,319
What did you say, bitch?!
534
00:25:58,320 --> 00:25:59,479
What did you say to me?!
535
00:25:59,659 --> 00:26:01,156
Your family is such a freakshow!
536
00:26:01,157 --> 00:26:03,114
Hey, you don’t know the first
thing about my family, asshole!
537
00:26:03,115 --> 00:26:03,895
Oh yeah?
538
00:26:03,896 --> 00:26:06,491
Retard... Faggot... and the
princess who thinks she’s better
539
00:26:06,492 --> 00:26:08,489
because she happens to be mildly hot!
540
00:26:08,490 --> 00:26:10,107
[laughter]
541
00:26:10,108 --> 00:26:11,146
What is wrong with you people?
542
00:26:11,147 --> 00:26:12,345
Fuck you, Chad!
543
00:26:12,346 --> 00:26:13,664
I might if you ask nicely.
544
00:26:13,665 --> 00:26:16,742
[laughter]
545
00:26:17,201 --> 00:26:18,200
Chad Cheever!
546
00:26:20,318 --> 00:26:21,317
Go Devils!
547
00:26:23,855 --> 00:26:24,993
We’re going to State!
548
00:26:25,313 --> 00:26:26,691
God, will you let go of me!?
549
00:26:26,692 --> 00:26:28,510
If I do, will you calm down?
550
00:26:28,710 --> 00:26:29,709
Let’s just go.
551
00:26:30,168 --> 00:26:31,587
I can take care of myself.
552
00:26:34,204 --> 00:26:35,682
No you can’t, Charlie!
553
00:26:35,683 --> 00:26:37,100
Are you kidding me?
554
00:26:37,101 --> 00:26:38,819
Then I should’ve just let
them break the pencil
555
00:26:38,820 --> 00:26:40,598
cause then you’d stop acting like such a...
556
00:26:42,096 --> 00:26:48,549
♪♪
557
00:26:48,550 --> 00:26:51,367
Say it again! Say it again!
558
00:26:52,646 --> 00:26:53,984
What was I supposed to do?
559
00:26:54,244 --> 00:26:56,021
It’s not like Charlie could
do anything about it.
560
00:26:56,022 --> 00:26:57,861
Yes he can, Paige.
561
00:26:58,300 --> 00:27:00,237
You just have to let him try.
562
00:27:00,238 --> 00:27:03,554
I’m the only girl in the world
who has to protect her big brother.
563
00:27:03,555 --> 00:27:06,511
♪♪
564
00:27:06,512 --> 00:27:07,949
He’ll surprise you someday.
565
00:27:07,950 --> 00:27:10,508
Until he does... you better plan on
picking me up from detention.
566
00:27:11,147 --> 00:27:11,767
Every day.
567
00:27:11,827 --> 00:27:15,823
♪♪
568
00:27:15,942 --> 00:27:18,640
I’m sorry. Charlie, I’m
sorry, I didn’t mean...
569
00:27:21,057 --> 00:27:22,056
Charlie!
570
00:27:28,610 --> 00:27:30,248
I feel like I missed something.
571
00:27:34,724 --> 00:27:35,901
Grabeste-te!
572
00:27:35,902 --> 00:27:37,900
Unde îl îngropam?
573
00:27:39,019 --> 00:27:40,896
Bury?!
[laughs]
574
00:27:40,897 --> 00:27:43,275
No, this traitor we feed to the wild dogs.
575
00:27:44,534 --> 00:27:45,633
Uh... ugh.
576
00:27:46,432 --> 00:27:47,151
[growling]
577
00:27:47,152 --> 00:27:48,529
Hahaha! Look! Haha! Dog is hungry!
[growling]
578
00:27:48,530 --> 00:27:50,987
Hahaha! Look! Haha! Dog is hungry!
579
00:27:52,106 --> 00:27:53,745
Be bones by morning.
580
00:27:54,524 --> 00:27:57,481
Ohhh... Hahaha!
581
00:27:58,220 --> 00:28:02,755
Hey, doggy doggy... you hungry, doggy?
582
00:28:02,756 --> 00:28:06,312
Come on little doggy... time to eat...
583
00:28:06,851 --> 00:28:11,346
[growling]
[screaming]
584
00:28:11,347 --> 00:28:13,903
Oh! Tu Dracul! Strigoi!
585
00:28:13,904 --> 00:28:19,559
[panting, screaming]
586
00:28:20,278 --> 00:28:23,474
Whoa! Oh... what is... that?!
587
00:28:23,475 --> 00:28:26,052
We’ve IDed him.
It’s that killer who’s been on the loose.
588
00:28:26,352 --> 00:28:29,309
He was just spotted less than
twelve hours ago outside of Leechwood.
589
00:28:29,808 --> 00:28:33,863
Decay around the lacerations show he’s
only been dead a couple of hours.
590
00:28:33,864 --> 00:28:34,963
It’s his blood...
591
00:28:35,723 --> 00:28:36,761
it's gone
592
00:28:36,762 --> 00:28:37,581
What do you mean gone?
593
00:28:37,582 --> 00:28:40,277
Completely! Like something
just sucked it out of him!
594
00:28:40,278 --> 00:28:41,516
Like something came along and...
595
00:28:41,517 --> 00:28:43,514
Alright, let me stop you
right there, okay, Gil?
596
00:28:43,515 --> 00:28:45,971
It’s that kind of talk that causes
pandemonium in this town.
597
00:28:45,972 --> 00:28:49,228
The legends, the stories...
they really freak folks out. Alright?
598
00:28:49,229 --> 00:28:51,846
Boys? Mums the word.
Let’s keep your lips sealed.
599
00:28:52,006 --> 00:28:53,844
Right, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
600
00:28:53,904 --> 00:28:55,483
You too, Gil. Okay?
601
00:28:55,703 --> 00:28:57,181
Okay? Got it?
602
00:28:58,600 --> 00:29:03,234
♪♪
603
00:29:03,235 --> 00:29:04,573
Everything okay, Doc?
604
00:29:04,574 --> 00:29:05,473
Yeah, yeah... I’m fine.
605
00:29:05,474 --> 00:29:08,968
Hey, everyone knows about
the body they found this morning.
606
00:29:08,969 --> 00:29:10,487
I can’t talk about it.
607
00:29:10,488 --> 00:29:11,327
Time to take the edge off?
608
00:29:11,328 --> 00:29:15,082
No, no... I’m sober now.
I've been through the 12-Step program...
609
00:29:15,083 --> 00:29:18,520
And here’s to step 13.
610
00:29:23,575 --> 00:29:24,374
♪♪
611
00:29:24,375 --> 00:29:26,611
Something just chewed up his neck!
♪♪
612
00:29:26,612 --> 00:29:28,828
I’ve seen animal attacks and this...
♪♪
613
00:29:28,829 --> 00:29:28,849
No blood... and bitten right here!
♪♪
614
00:29:28,850 --> 00:29:32,005
No blood... and bitten right here!
615
00:29:32,006 --> 00:29:33,525
[♪ Hall of the Mountain King ♪]
[gasps]
616
00:29:34,144 --> 00:29:39,119
It was probably a driveby! You know,
like one of those gang-bang thingies!
617
00:29:39,559 --> 00:29:41,396
If you’re scared I can protect you.
618
00:29:41,397 --> 00:29:43,395
Oh, no thanks! Vampires are hot!
619
00:29:43,794 --> 00:29:45,572
Chad, I’m saving myself.
620
00:29:45,573 --> 00:29:48,390
Babe, it’s vampires.
We gotta repopulate the Earth.
621
00:29:48,989 --> 00:29:51,066
How many people constitute a mob?
622
00:29:51,067 --> 00:29:53,763
[shouting]
623
00:29:53,764 --> 00:29:56,401
Calm down! Calm down! Calm down!
[shouting]
624
00:29:56,402 --> 00:29:56,642
I’m hearing a lot of rumors...
[shouting]
625
00:29:56,643 --> 00:29:57,899
I’m hearing a lot of rumors...
626
00:29:57,900 --> 00:30:01,036
and any such talk of vampires,
well that’s just plain silly!
627
00:30:01,037 --> 00:30:04,773
If there were vampires, those Harkers
would’ve said something about it, right?
628
00:30:06,951 --> 00:30:08,410
Ah, dadgummit, Denny.
629
00:30:10,648 --> 00:30:15,482
[shouting]
630
00:30:15,483 --> 00:30:16,561
Guys?
[shouting]
631
00:30:16,562 --> 00:30:21,097
[shouting]
632
00:30:21,157 --> 00:30:22,595
Where do they come from?!
Have they been here the whole time?!
633
00:30:22,596 --> 00:30:24,773
How do we stop them?!
What are they, terrorists?
634
00:30:25,832 --> 00:30:28,330
You know, the body the
cops found this morning!
635
00:30:29,029 --> 00:30:30,107
Awful.
Tragic.
636
00:30:30,108 --> 00:30:31,366
Always use the buddy system.
637
00:30:31,367 --> 00:30:33,324
Okay, guys! Guys! Please disperse!
638
00:30:33,325 --> 00:30:35,721
Everyone go home...
there’s nothing to see here, okay?
639
00:30:35,722 --> 00:30:36,860
These guys don’t know shit.
640
00:30:36,861 --> 00:30:39,897
[muttering]
641
00:30:39,898 --> 00:30:41,116
Guys, I am so so sorry.
642
00:30:41,117 --> 00:30:42,275
I don’t even know what’s going on!
643
00:30:42,276 --> 00:30:44,633
It’s okay, honey.
We just found a dead body this morning...
644
00:30:44,634 --> 00:30:47,651
neck was mangled, blood was
drained, had fang marks...
645
00:30:47,790 --> 00:30:49,168
People just get a little paranoid.
646
00:30:49,169 --> 00:30:51,626
See, this is why I was worried
about the whole show thing.
647
00:30:51,627 --> 00:30:55,482
Oh... yeah, of course, vampires!
648
00:30:55,483 --> 00:30:58,878
Oh, we know a lot about vampires!
649
00:30:58,879 --> 00:31:00,856
We were just... hey, uh... come back!
650
00:31:00,857 --> 00:31:02,934
Solid, solid police work, Wayne.
651
00:31:02,935 --> 00:31:05,212
Send the whole town over
here to terrorize us!
652
00:31:05,213 --> 00:31:05,931
Good job, pal!
653
00:31:05,932 --> 00:31:06,811
Hey, Ned!
654
00:31:06,812 --> 00:31:10,468
No, no, honey.
I am so sorry, this is completely my fault.
655
00:31:10,947 --> 00:31:13,424
They just hear the word...
[silently: ‘vampires’]
656
00:31:13,425 --> 00:31:16,262
and they think of your family.
Let’s get inside.
657
00:31:20,677 --> 00:31:21,856
[car starts]
658
00:31:24,234 --> 00:31:26,131
Wayne!
I can't believe I didn't think of it!
659
00:31:26,132 --> 00:31:27,490
Oh how were we supposed to know?
660
00:31:27,491 --> 00:31:30,826
We dumped a dead body with a mutilated
neck drained of blood in the lake!
661
00:31:30,827 --> 00:31:32,525
Well when you say it like that...
662
00:31:32,526 --> 00:31:34,363
[gun cocks]
I knew it!
663
00:31:34,364 --> 00:31:35,203
Have you been here the...?
664
00:31:35,204 --> 00:31:37,899
The whole time, you sickos!
665
00:31:37,900 --> 00:31:40,097
Mavis, put down the gun!
Please!
666
00:31:40,098 --> 00:31:43,613
This here gun is for my protection...
you murderers!
667
00:31:43,614 --> 00:31:46,710
I saw you the other night out my window.
668
00:31:46,711 --> 00:31:48,229
Oh that? We were just...
669
00:31:48,230 --> 00:31:51,546
Ah, get back in here and shut the fuck up!
670
00:31:51,547 --> 00:31:55,881
I know what you did,
I saw it with my own eyes!
671
00:31:55,882 --> 00:31:56,761
Mavis!
Ahh!
672
00:31:56,762 --> 00:31:58,059
Ah, get over there! Both of you!
673
00:31:58,060 --> 00:31:59,019
They’re good boys, just like their daddy.
Ah, get over there! Both of you!
674
00:31:59,020 --> 00:32:00,457
They’re good boys, just like their daddy.
675
00:32:00,458 --> 00:32:05,591
These ‘good’ boys murdered that man
in cold blood and dumped his body!
676
00:32:05,592 --> 00:32:07,589
Mavis, please...
677
00:32:07,590 --> 00:32:11,506
You can all rot in hell...
the whole bunch of ya!
678
00:32:11,507 --> 00:32:12,844
I’ve had it!
679
00:32:12,845 --> 00:32:18,299
I’m turning you in...
and you Harkers will be done!
680
00:32:18,300 --> 00:32:22,735
You’re finished!
You’re... uuuuuuhhh...
681
00:32:26,412 --> 00:32:27,451
Mavis?!
682
00:32:32,865 --> 00:32:33,864
She’s dead.
683
00:32:34,723 --> 00:32:36,701
Why does this keep happening?!
684
00:32:40,498 --> 00:32:41,537
Boys...?
685
00:32:42,575 --> 00:32:43,614
We gotta talk.
686
00:32:46,791 --> 00:32:48,309
Well?
I think I'm gonna throw up.
687
00:32:48,310 --> 00:32:50,127
That’s the craziest idea I’ve ever heard.
688
00:32:50,128 --> 00:32:50,806
Definitely.
689
00:32:50,807 --> 00:32:51,725
I admire his candor.
690
00:32:51,726 --> 00:32:52,584
It would work.
691
00:32:52,585 --> 00:32:53,325
He’s right.
692
00:32:53,326 --> 00:32:56,421
Guys, everyone in this town
hates us... we know that.
693
00:32:56,422 --> 00:32:58,319
But for a brief moment, they didn’t.
694
00:32:58,320 --> 00:33:00,077
They were interested in what we had to say.
695
00:33:00,078 --> 00:33:01,615
Which was nothing, apparently.
696
00:33:01,616 --> 00:33:03,155
But what if they did believe in vampires?!
697
00:33:03,175 --> 00:33:03,814
Exactly.
698
00:33:03,815 --> 00:33:05,432
You don’t even believe in vampires.
699
00:33:05,433 --> 00:33:06,511
You’re right, I don’t.
700
00:33:06,512 --> 00:33:09,348
But I believe people pay
good money to feel safe
701
00:33:09,349 --> 00:33:11,466
and I sure as hell know you
do not want to lose our house!
702
00:33:11,467 --> 00:33:12,086
Charlie?
703
00:33:12,087 --> 00:33:13,464
The probability of your plan’s success
704
00:33:13,465 --> 00:33:15,981
isn’t high enough to warrant
the desecration of your wife’s body.
705
00:33:15,982 --> 00:33:17,180
She tried to kill us, dude!
706
00:33:17,181 --> 00:33:18,100
That’s true.
707
00:33:18,101 --> 00:33:20,656
♪♪
708
00:33:20,657 --> 00:33:21,596
Work shed.
♪♪
709
00:33:21,597 --> 00:33:29,049
♪♪
710
00:33:31,566 --> 00:33:32,466
[sighs]
711
00:33:32,705 --> 00:33:33,504
Okay.
712
00:33:33,505 --> 00:33:35,042
I’m not gonna do it! You do it!
713
00:33:35,043 --> 00:33:36,361
You carve things all the time...
714
00:33:36,362 --> 00:33:38,360
I don’t carve people with my chainsaw!
715
00:33:39,339 --> 00:33:41,616
Oh, I’d love to help you, but...
might get messy.
716
00:33:43,415 --> 00:33:44,414
Help.
717
00:33:45,433 --> 00:33:47,690
Now don’t hesitate.
We don't want it to bind up.
718
00:33:49,768 --> 00:33:57,760
[drill whirring]
719
00:33:58,539 --> 00:34:00,237
Oh, it’s in my mouth!
[drill whirring]
720
00:34:00,238 --> 00:34:02,794
[drill whirring]
721
00:34:02,795 --> 00:34:05,372
Gerry, why are we doing this?!
[drill whirring]
722
00:34:05,373 --> 00:34:06,530
It’s a bad idea!
[drill whirring]
723
00:34:06,531 --> 00:34:08,649
[drill whirring]
724
00:34:13,664 --> 00:34:14,843
One down!
725
00:34:15,502 --> 00:34:21,996
[drill whirring]
[screaming]
726
00:34:24,613 --> 00:34:26,252
[groans]
727
00:34:27,910 --> 00:34:30,028
Yeahhh, that’ll do it.
728
00:34:31,926 --> 00:34:33,025
Good job, buddy.
729
00:34:33,804 --> 00:34:35,103
I’ll get the Shop Vac.
730
00:34:36,501 --> 00:34:39,079
Alright, boys.
Here’s the plan...
731
00:34:39,858 --> 00:34:43,134
After we lay her outside, I’ll draw as
much attention as possible. [hollering]
732
00:34:43,135 --> 00:34:46,352
You boys go out to the forest
and make yourselves dirty.
733
00:34:46,851 --> 00:34:49,668
I’ll call 911 to set things in motion.
734
00:34:49,968 --> 00:34:53,005
And in less than 10 minutes
the news will show up.
735
00:34:53,245 --> 00:34:56,121
So once you see the lights...
make your way back.
736
00:34:56,122 --> 00:34:57,699
Can you tell us what happened here tonight?
737
00:34:57,700 --> 00:35:00,717
It was a [distorted] vampire!
738
00:35:03,494 --> 00:35:05,731
Don’t worry... I’ll make
believers out of all of them.
739
00:35:05,732 --> 00:35:08,488
Those were the ones who saved me!
740
00:35:08,489 --> 00:35:10,167
♪♪
741
00:35:10,168 --> 00:35:13,603
What was it? What was it?
♪♪
742
00:35:13,604 --> 00:35:13,624
♪♪
743
00:35:13,664 --> 00:35:14,802
We chased it!
744
00:35:14,803 --> 00:35:15,762
We staked it!
745
00:35:15,763 --> 00:35:17,041
It got away.
746
00:35:17,221 --> 00:35:18,758
Vampires in Leechwood?
747
00:35:18,759 --> 00:35:20,976
You expect us to believe
this was a real vampire?!
748
00:35:20,977 --> 00:35:23,234
Of course it was a vampire!
749
00:35:23,235 --> 00:35:25,891
We could be dealing with a maniac
on the loose! Where’s your proof?
750
00:35:25,892 --> 00:35:28,249
[clamoring]
751
00:35:28,250 --> 00:35:31,525
Fine! Fine! You want proof?!
We’ll capture it...
752
00:35:31,526 --> 00:35:32,944
and we’ll show it to you!
753
00:35:32,945 --> 00:35:36,540
Okay? We’re gonna catch the vampire
and you can all see for yourselves! Okay?
754
00:35:36,541 --> 00:35:39,618
Right here! At House Harker! Alright?!
755
00:35:39,858 --> 00:35:41,416
You heard it here first, ladies...
756
00:35:42,895 --> 00:35:44,692
Well that wasn’t exactly
in the script, Gerry.
757
00:35:44,693 --> 00:35:47,909
It’s beginning to feel now like we drilled
a hole in my wife’s neck for no reason!
758
00:35:47,910 --> 00:35:50,287
I know! I’m sorry... I’m sorry! I panicked!
759
00:35:50,288 --> 00:35:52,604
Prove it... How are we
going to prove it, Gerry?!
760
00:35:52,605 --> 00:35:54,623
We show them the real vampire skull.
761
00:35:55,402 --> 00:35:56,641
Where’s the real vampire skull?
762
00:35:56,981 --> 00:35:58,539
I’m sorry, Gerry. We hid it.
763
00:35:58,859 --> 00:36:00,797
From me? Why?!
764
00:36:01,117 --> 00:36:02,754
We’re going to lose the house, Charlie!
765
00:36:02,755 --> 00:36:04,194
We had to. I’m sorry.
766
00:36:04,693 --> 00:36:06,670
Your father said that the skull was cursed.
767
00:36:06,671 --> 00:36:07,670
Wait, you’ve seen it?
768
00:36:07,671 --> 00:36:11,046
Yeah. I’m no stranger to
the forces of darkness, fellas.
769
00:36:11,047 --> 00:36:14,324
I mean when I first met your pops...
I was still a Priest.
770
00:36:14,703 --> 00:36:17,600
Where do you think I learned on
how to handle the situation with Mavis?
771
00:36:17,920 --> 00:36:21,495
I mean, misdirection of information
is the church’s specialty.
772
00:36:21,496 --> 00:36:22,515
Makes sense.
773
00:36:22,975 --> 00:36:24,314
I mean it was ages ago.
774
00:36:24,553 --> 00:36:27,790
But I used to handle exorcisms,
demonic possessions... you name it!
775
00:36:27,810 --> 00:36:31,087
[screeching]
776
00:36:35,183 --> 00:36:36,660
♪♪
777
00:36:36,661 --> 00:36:39,657
[heavy breathing]
♪♪
778
00:36:39,658 --> 00:36:44,692
[heavy breathing]
779
00:36:44,693 --> 00:36:45,372
Our Father, who art in Heaven...
[heavy breathing]
780
00:36:45,373 --> 00:36:48,169
Our Father, who art in Heaven...
781
00:36:48,170 --> 00:36:50,987
NuqDaq-oH puchpa-e
782
00:36:53,125 --> 00:36:55,102
The power of Christ compels you!
783
00:36:55,103 --> 00:36:56,002
[growling]
784
00:36:56,003 --> 00:36:57,100
The power of Christ compels you!
[growling]
785
00:36:57,101 --> 00:36:58,079
The power of Christ compels you!
786
00:36:58,080 --> 00:36:58,558
[sizzling]
787
00:36:58,559 --> 00:36:59,438
The power of Christ compels you!
[sizzling]
788
00:36:59,439 --> 00:37:00,777
The power of Christ compels you!
789
00:37:01,756 --> 00:37:02,955
[gasps]
790
00:37:05,093 --> 00:37:10,446
♪♪
791
00:37:10,447 --> 00:37:11,665
Fuck you!
792
00:37:11,666 --> 00:37:12,824
The power of Christ...
793
00:37:12,825 --> 00:37:14,583
[shrieks]
[splatters]
794
00:37:15,822 --> 00:37:16,900
Not so bad.
795
00:37:16,901 --> 00:37:18,819
[roaring]
[splatters]
796
00:37:22,395 --> 00:37:25,431
You fucking moron!
797
00:37:25,432 --> 00:37:26,830
[cackling]
798
00:37:26,831 --> 00:37:29,608
I cast you out, in the name of...
799
00:37:30,507 --> 00:37:32,146
[splatters]
Jesus Christ!
800
00:37:34,903 --> 00:37:37,041
Yeah... yeah...
801
00:37:37,780 --> 00:37:39,758
Can I get you something to drink?
802
00:37:40,138 --> 00:37:42,275
[laughter]
803
00:37:42,895 --> 00:37:43,894
Really?!
804
00:37:44,234 --> 00:37:49,948
I have seen some stupid
fucking imbeciles, but...
805
00:37:50,128 --> 00:37:53,144
you are the worst!
806
00:37:53,145 --> 00:37:57,140
A person can only be yelled at
and puked on so many times
807
00:37:57,141 --> 00:37:58,999
[splatters]
by the spawn of Satan.
808
00:38:00,357 --> 00:38:03,354
I guess you could say... I just lost it.
809
00:38:04,773 --> 00:38:08,368
I had left the Priesthood.
I was lost. But then...
810
00:38:08,369 --> 00:38:09,467
Oh!
[clattering]
811
00:38:09,468 --> 00:38:12,444
Oww... Watch where you’re going,
you peckerhead!
812
00:38:12,445 --> 00:38:14,084
You damn near killed me!
813
00:38:14,104 --> 00:38:18,559
Why, I’ve met some morons in my day...
pick up my damn groceries!
814
00:38:19,159 --> 00:38:22,156
I’d spent my entire life
getting yelled at by demons.
815
00:38:22,875 --> 00:38:24,433
I guess I sort of missed it.
816
00:38:24,913 --> 00:38:26,911
What the hell are you looking at?!
817
00:38:27,630 --> 00:38:29,968
Oh man... your breath smells!
818
00:38:30,148 --> 00:38:32,186
Your hair looks like a dog cut it!
819
00:38:32,365 --> 00:38:34,962
I couldn’t even stand looking
at you everyday of my life...
820
00:38:34,963 --> 00:38:36,881
I’d shoot myself in the face.
821
00:38:37,480 --> 00:38:40,676
Golly... I would never want to
be a part of your life!
822
00:38:40,677 --> 00:38:44,372
All those years we were together, I figured
she was just probably possessed by a demon.
823
00:38:44,373 --> 00:38:45,372
[clears throat]
824
00:38:46,231 --> 00:38:48,070
Sorry to interrupt storytime.
825
00:38:48,229 --> 00:38:49,387
Hey!
826
00:38:49,388 --> 00:38:50,387
Gerry, can I have a word?
827
00:38:52,146 --> 00:38:53,145
Sure.
828
00:38:53,444 --> 00:38:54,443
[door slams]
829
00:38:56,861 --> 00:38:57,700
What were you thinking?
830
00:38:58,060 --> 00:38:59,697
No such thing as bad publicity?
831
00:38:59,698 --> 00:39:00,916
This isn’t a movie, Gerry...
It’s our lives!
832
00:39:00,917 --> 00:39:01,855
[chainsaw roaring] This isn’t a
movie, Gerry... It’s our lives!
833
00:39:01,856 --> 00:39:02,855
[chainsaw roaring]
834
00:39:03,174 --> 00:39:04,173
Hang on.
835
00:39:05,452 --> 00:39:11,645
[chainsaw roaring]
836
00:39:11,646 --> 00:39:12,824
Shut-up!
[chainsaw roaring]
837
00:39:12,825 --> 00:39:13,824
[chainsaw roaring]
838
00:39:18,459 --> 00:39:19,778
She seems pretty miffed!
839
00:39:21,456 --> 00:39:22,975
That is a nice one.
840
00:39:23,334 --> 00:39:24,173
That is...
841
00:39:24,174 --> 00:39:26,470
[chainsaw rumbling]
842
00:39:26,471 --> 00:39:29,447
Hey, I was thinkin’ that maybe you and
I could, uh... [chainsaw rumbling]
843
00:39:29,448 --> 00:39:30,287
have a little talk.
[chainsaw rumbling]
844
00:39:30,288 --> 00:39:31,625
[chainsaw rumbling]
845
00:39:31,626 --> 00:39:31,646
[chainsaw roaring]
[chainsaw rumbling]
846
00:39:31,647 --> 00:39:32,924
[chainsaw roaring]
847
00:39:32,925 --> 00:39:33,884
It’s just...
848
00:39:33,885 --> 00:39:36,860
[chainsaw roaring]
849
00:39:36,861 --> 00:39:38,998
I saw you that one time...
[chainsaw roaring]
850
00:39:38,999 --> 00:39:41,195
she, she said that one...
[chainsaw roaring]
851
00:39:41,196 --> 00:39:42,195
[chainsaw roaring]
852
00:39:42,735 --> 00:39:44,732
[chainsaw roaring]
853
00:39:44,733 --> 00:39:46,530
I’m gonna go check on Charlie. Okay?
[chainsaw roaring]
854
00:39:46,531 --> 00:39:47,838
I’m gonna go check on Charlie. Okay?
855
00:39:48,090 --> 00:39:49,089
Alright, good.
856
00:39:52,006 --> 00:39:55,422
[chainsaw roaring]
857
00:39:55,662 --> 00:39:58,100
It’s bad enough that you
dragged Charlie into this sideshow,
858
00:39:58,279 --> 00:40:00,416
now you’ve got the evening news
waving a camera in his face!
859
00:40:00,417 --> 00:40:01,895
He’s fine.
860
00:40:01,896 --> 00:40:03,373
You saw what happened at the diner.
861
00:40:03,374 --> 00:40:05,652
He still believes all the crazy stories.
862
00:40:06,271 --> 00:40:07,990
Everything Dad ever told him.
863
00:40:08,289 --> 00:40:13,183
All I’m trying to do is give this
shithole of a town a reason to believe him.
864
00:40:13,184 --> 00:40:14,623
Would they pick on him then?
865
00:40:15,482 --> 00:40:16,881
No.
866
00:40:17,460 --> 00:40:19,898
They’d be sorry they
messed with the Harkers.
867
00:40:20,317 --> 00:40:20,997
Right?
868
00:40:20,998 --> 00:40:22,395
[patting the bed]
869
00:40:24,183 --> 00:40:25,752
You always do this.
870
00:40:26,091 --> 00:40:28,050
You always make me feel like
you know what you’re doing.
871
00:40:28,229 --> 00:40:30,687
And that’s how I got my first part.
872
00:40:35,442 --> 00:40:37,120
I have an idea!
873
00:40:37,220 --> 00:40:38,458
We kill Wayne!
874
00:40:38,459 --> 00:40:42,114
No! Proof?!
They want proof...
875
00:40:42,115 --> 00:40:43,114
Heyyyy...
876
00:40:44,073 --> 00:40:45,271
We hire an actor.
877
00:40:45,272 --> 00:40:46,390
Alright I’ll do it.
878
00:40:46,391 --> 00:40:47,489
Not you.
Who?
879
00:40:47,490 --> 00:40:49,067
He played my coach in Twirl.
880
00:40:49,068 --> 00:40:51,525
He’s kind of an arrogant
asshole, but he was good.
881
00:40:51,526 --> 00:40:54,722
Like, really good.
Like Daniel-Day Lewis level of commitment.
882
00:40:54,723 --> 00:40:55,582
Go on.
883
00:40:55,583 --> 00:40:58,658
People are coming here on
Friday night looking for a show.
884
00:40:58,659 --> 00:41:00,736
Oh, we give them a show!
885
00:41:00,737 --> 00:41:03,153
And then we swoop in and save the day!
886
00:41:03,154 --> 00:41:03,994
The probability of...
887
00:41:03,995 --> 00:41:07,530
What choice do we have?
This is our Hail Mary pass!
888
00:41:08,189 --> 00:41:09,188
Amen!
889
00:41:09,808 --> 00:41:09,888
We are thrilled to welcome
Stacey Mendler...
890
00:41:09,889 --> 00:41:12,824
♪♪ We are thrilled to
welcome Stacey Mendler...
891
00:41:12,825 --> 00:41:15,081
best-selling author of the
‘Succulent’ book series. ♪♪
892
00:41:15,082 --> 00:41:16,341
Best-selling author of the
‘Succulent’ book series.
893
00:41:16,461 --> 00:41:20,656
Now, Ms. Mendler, you’ve
captivated millions by taking this violent,
894
00:41:20,657 --> 00:41:26,290
horrific monster and turning it into
a sensitive, sexy, sparkling hero.
895
00:41:26,291 --> 00:41:29,127
What inspired you to
reinvent this creature?
896
00:41:29,128 --> 00:41:33,723
Okay, well first of all, they’re not
creatures... they’re just misunderstood people.
897
00:41:33,724 --> 00:41:37,199
I mean someone had to tell
their side of the story.
898
00:41:37,200 --> 00:41:38,958
I’ve just brought the humanity back.
899
00:41:38,959 --> 00:41:45,071
As you may have heard, we recently made national
news with two alleged ‘vampire attacks’...
900
00:41:45,072 --> 00:41:47,449
But this behavior is in
stark contrast to the
901
00:41:47,450 --> 00:41:51,005
misunderstood and loving
people that you write about.
902
00:41:51,006 --> 00:41:52,524
Would you care to comment?
903
00:41:52,525 --> 00:41:53,703
Let me be clear.
904
00:41:53,704 --> 00:41:56,860
Whoever is staging this hoax
are low-down con artists
905
00:41:56,861 --> 00:41:58,498
looking to make a quick buck.
906
00:41:58,499 --> 00:42:01,715
This insensitivity and, I’m
sorry, flat out racism
907
00:42:01,716 --> 00:42:03,693
towards vampires is sickening.
908
00:42:03,694 --> 00:42:05,431
I’ve got news for them...
909
00:42:05,432 --> 00:42:08,628
My book tour was never coming to Leechwood.
910
00:42:08,629 --> 00:42:09,628
Now it is.
911
00:42:10,587 --> 00:42:11,725
[wind rustling]
912
00:42:11,726 --> 00:42:13,403
[growling]
[[ragged breathing]
[wind rustling]
913
00:42:13,404 --> 00:42:17,180
[growling]
[[ragged breathing]
914
00:42:17,220 --> 00:42:18,538
[screaming]
[snarling]
915
00:42:18,539 --> 00:42:19,637
So you’ll do it?
916
00:42:19,638 --> 00:42:21,635
A thousand bucks. Non-negotiable.
917
00:42:21,636 --> 00:42:22,654
Eight-hundred.
918
00:42:22,655 --> 00:42:23,274
Done.
919
00:42:23,694 --> 00:42:24,892
I’m sure it’ll be worth it!
920
00:42:24,893 --> 00:42:27,709
Are you kidding me?
After I transform, I’ll be the character.
921
00:42:27,710 --> 00:42:30,446
The make-up, the hair... I’ll be the
scariest thing you’ve ever seen.
922
00:42:30,447 --> 00:42:33,284
Thanks again, Tanner! So
good to catch up after...
923
00:42:38,679 --> 00:42:39,937
You got eight hundred bucks?
924
00:42:39,938 --> 00:42:47,930
♪♪
925
00:42:55,262 --> 00:42:59,257
[imitating guitar]
♪♪
926
00:42:59,258 --> 00:43:00,797
♪♪
927
00:43:01,416 --> 00:43:02,155
Whaddya think?!
928
00:43:02,156 --> 00:43:03,853
Sup, Nedward Scissorhands?
929
00:43:03,854 --> 00:43:04,853
Oh fuck off, Gerry.
930
00:43:04,854 --> 00:43:07,249
If we are gonna be vampire hunters...
we are gonna look good.
931
00:43:07,250 --> 00:43:08,689
Oh! I forgot the best part!
932
00:43:08,909 --> 00:43:13,503
[imitating whirring sounds]
933
00:43:13,504 --> 00:43:14,562
How kickass is that?!
934
00:43:14,563 --> 00:43:16,160
Will that even work?
935
00:43:16,161 --> 00:43:19,058
Oh it’ll work.
Made something for you too, pal.
936
00:43:20,237 --> 00:43:21,336
It’s a baton!
937
00:43:22,055 --> 00:43:23,394
Made out of wood!
938
00:43:23,534 --> 00:43:25,372
‘Twirl, baby. Twirl.’
939
00:43:25,772 --> 00:43:26,711
Thanks, man?
940
00:43:26,891 --> 00:43:29,327
Oh come on!
You guys are not ruining this for me!
941
00:43:29,328 --> 00:43:31,985
I wore that stupid vampire
costume for your show!
942
00:43:32,964 --> 00:43:34,543
Your turn.
943
00:43:36,681 --> 00:43:38,579
I feel like the Robin Hood of fetish porn.
944
00:43:39,138 --> 00:43:42,074
Vampires beware!
945
00:43:42,075 --> 00:43:43,993
You guys look like a bunch of dweebs.
946
00:43:44,153 --> 00:43:45,652
How are we on the livestream?
947
00:43:46,191 --> 00:43:48,228
You really think we can get
enough viewers to make any money?
948
00:43:48,229 --> 00:43:51,865
Even if we monetize, it’s gonna take
millions of views. How many we got?
949
00:43:51,866 --> 00:43:53,283
Currently...? Four.
950
00:43:53,284 --> 00:43:54,283
Alright.
951
00:43:57,220 --> 00:43:58,659
What’s this bullshit?
952
00:43:59,658 --> 00:43:59,756
I need you on the door, Paige!
953
00:43:59,757 --> 00:44:01,495
[organ music]
I need you on the door, Paige!
954
00:44:01,496 --> 00:44:02,834
[organ music]
955
00:44:02,835 --> 00:44:02,892
What are you doing?
[organ music]
956
00:44:02,893 --> 00:44:03,474
What are you doing?
957
00:44:03,475 --> 00:44:04,852
It looks like a haunted house!
958
00:44:04,853 --> 00:44:06,929
It looks like we have painters coming over.
959
00:44:06,930 --> 00:44:08,129
Have you seen our budget?
960
00:44:09,208 --> 00:44:10,607
[laughs]
961
00:44:11,726 --> 00:44:12,745
You guys look...
962
00:44:14,103 --> 00:44:15,462
unbelievable!
963
00:44:16,261 --> 00:44:17,260
I told you!
964
00:44:18,379 --> 00:44:19,518
Alright...
965
00:44:19,917 --> 00:44:23,953
Ten bucks each if they want to see
the show... and proof of purchase?
966
00:44:24,133 --> 00:44:25,672
They gotta wear one of these!
967
00:44:26,251 --> 00:44:26,990
Great.
968
00:44:27,070 --> 00:44:30,586
Once the sun goes down...
things are going to get crazy!
969
00:44:30,587 --> 00:44:32,144
[roaring]
970
00:44:32,145 --> 00:44:35,781
[growling]
971
00:44:35,782 --> 00:44:36,801
[screams]
972
00:44:42,635 --> 00:44:48,928
♪♪
973
00:44:49,728 --> 00:44:51,665
♪ I'm driving in my car ♪
974
00:44:51,666 --> 00:44:53,464
♪ I'm in my car alone ♪
975
00:44:53,504 --> 00:44:55,282
♪ I like to drive it fast ♪
976
00:44:55,342 --> 00:44:56,741
♪ I like to drive it slow ♪
977
00:44:57,100 --> 00:44:58,479
[phone ringing]
978
00:45:01,616 --> 00:45:02,834
[phone ringing]
979
00:45:03,833 --> 00:45:05,830
Hey... you didn’t say you were
in the middle of nowhere.
980
00:45:05,831 --> 00:45:06,889
Hey, man... where are you?
981
00:45:06,890 --> 00:45:07,889
Says I’m an hour out.
982
00:45:07,890 --> 00:45:10,246
Park a few blocks away and
call me when you’re close.
983
00:45:10,247 --> 00:45:11,445
And remember, no one can know...
984
00:45:11,446 --> 00:45:14,143
Yeah, I got... Yeah, I got it, I got it.
Discreet.
985
00:45:15,462 --> 00:45:16,381
Dipshit.
986
00:45:16,701 --> 00:45:17,979
♪ Lord have mercy ♪
987
00:45:18,099 --> 00:45:21,635
Are the centuries-old legends
of Leechwood County true?
988
00:45:21,636 --> 00:45:27,149
Two bodies have been discovered with mutilated
necks and drained completely of blood.
989
00:45:27,150 --> 00:45:32,424
In a town anxious for answers, there are
three men who claim that vampire hunting...
990
00:45:32,425 --> 00:45:34,423
is in their blood.
991
00:45:36,481 --> 00:45:37,779
This is the place.
992
00:45:38,379 --> 00:45:42,375
♪ Lord have mercy on my tired old bones ♪
993
00:45:42,455 --> 00:45:44,851
Oh my God, Stacey... I love you!
994
00:45:44,852 --> 00:45:49,987
[clamoring]
995
00:45:50,107 --> 00:45:51,666
Will you sign my boobs?
996
00:45:52,385 --> 00:45:54,982
I've read all your books!
I love you, I love you!
997
00:45:55,402 --> 00:45:58,259
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much for coming.
998
00:45:59,857 --> 00:46:00,856
Hey!
999
00:46:02,894 --> 00:46:05,770
I think what you’re doing is super tacky.
1000
00:46:05,771 --> 00:46:10,026
I mean, vampires are beautiful
and sensual creatures.
1001
00:46:10,027 --> 00:46:15,282
This sort of exploitation undermines
any real knowledge there is to vampires.
1002
00:46:15,342 --> 00:46:18,199
And if you read my books,
you would know that.
1003
00:46:19,857 --> 00:46:22,833
I’m really looking forward to
scaring the shit out of these people.
1004
00:46:22,834 --> 00:46:26,949
[cheering]
1005
00:46:26,950 --> 00:46:29,468
No such thing as too much!
1006
00:46:30,507 --> 00:46:34,202
I super-glued a guy’s dick
and sent him to the E.R.,
1007
00:46:34,203 --> 00:46:36,180
but I thought it was hilarious.
1008
00:46:36,181 --> 00:46:36,461
[laughter]
1009
00:46:36,462 --> 00:46:37,858
Everything in the woodchipper!
[laughter]
1010
00:46:37,859 --> 00:46:38,179
[laughter]
1011
00:46:38,858 --> 00:46:40,076
Quite the turnout.
1012
00:46:40,077 --> 00:46:43,353
I know, right?
It’s actually kind of amazing.
1013
00:46:43,354 --> 00:46:45,711
But it looks like it’s
going to be a lost cause.
1014
00:46:46,331 --> 00:46:47,270
I’m sorry, what?
1015
00:46:47,271 --> 00:46:50,805
Given there are those foolish enough
to pay for this pathetic attempt,
1016
00:46:50,806 --> 00:46:55,621
I’ve calculated that you won’t come even close to
reimbursing the fifty-thousand dollars by tomorrow.
1017
00:46:55,622 --> 00:46:57,699
You can say goodbye to House Harker.
1018
00:46:57,879 --> 00:47:01,236
I just came by to see which room
I'd like to make my office.
1019
00:47:04,353 --> 00:47:05,790
What can we expect for tonight?
1020
00:47:05,791 --> 00:47:07,909
Oh, tonight is not for
the faint of heart...
1021
00:47:07,949 --> 00:47:10,506
We're trained professionals though,
and you’re gonna expect...
1022
00:47:10,507 --> 00:47:11,206
Enjoying yourself?
1023
00:47:11,207 --> 00:47:12,884
One sec. Okay?
1024
00:47:13,164 --> 00:47:14,223
Can this wait?
1025
00:47:14,682 --> 00:47:16,221
When were you going to tell me?!
1026
00:47:16,401 --> 00:47:19,756
After we were evicted?!
After we lost everything?!
1027
00:47:19,757 --> 00:47:21,495
Hold on, it’s not what you think...
1028
00:47:21,496 --> 00:47:23,912
You can’t talk your way
out of this one, Gerry.
1029
00:47:23,913 --> 00:47:26,090
This whole thing was your idea, not mine.
1030
00:47:26,091 --> 00:47:29,007
Not Charlie’s. And it
sure as hell wasn’t dads.
1031
00:47:29,008 --> 00:47:31,864
Dad always wanted to hide things.
People need to know...
1032
00:47:31,865 --> 00:47:32,884
About you!
1033
00:47:33,384 --> 00:47:34,403
Right, Gerry?!
1034
00:47:35,062 --> 00:47:36,581
It’s always about you.
1035
00:47:37,420 --> 00:47:38,438
You left and you didn’t even care about us.
1036
00:47:38,439 --> 00:47:39,856
♪♪
You left and you didn’t even care about us.
1037
00:47:39,857 --> 00:47:40,057
♪♪
1038
00:47:40,058 --> 00:47:42,733
You never called once to
see how dad was doing. ♪♪
1039
00:47:42,734 --> 00:47:44,072
♪♪
1040
00:47:44,073 --> 00:47:45,431
He died and you were too
busy focusing on you! ♪♪
1041
00:47:45,432 --> 00:47:47,270
He died and you were too
busy focusing on you!
1042
00:47:48,109 --> 00:47:49,726
And then when you weren’t
getting enough attention,
1043
00:47:49,727 --> 00:47:52,325
you tucked your tail between your legs
and came back to see us.
1044
00:47:53,244 --> 00:47:54,662
And now you’re trying to help.
1045
00:47:56,281 --> 00:47:57,719
We don’t need your help, Gerry.
1046
00:48:01,655 --> 00:48:02,694
We don’t need you.
1047
00:48:03,813 --> 00:48:05,452
We were doing fine without you.
1048
00:48:10,786 --> 00:48:12,744
I’ll go pack my things.
1049
00:48:18,978 --> 00:48:20,377
Paige!
1050
00:48:22,834 --> 00:48:23,873
This is my gift.
1051
00:48:25,232 --> 00:48:26,471
[laughing]
1052
00:48:28,409 --> 00:48:29,627
I made it.
1053
00:48:30,467 --> 00:48:33,903
Not for the wedding... not for Wayne...
1054
00:48:34,583 --> 00:48:35,741
for you.
1055
00:48:37,200 --> 00:48:38,199
I love you.
1056
00:48:38,998 --> 00:48:40,357
I always have.
1057
00:48:42,355 --> 00:48:43,873
You’re my beautiful mermaid.
1058
00:48:44,752 --> 00:48:46,670
Jesus, Ned. Not now!
1059
00:48:50,187 --> 00:48:51,764
So you don’t like the carving?
1060
00:48:51,765 --> 00:48:53,123
No!
1061
00:48:53,124 --> 00:48:54,861
♪♪
1062
00:48:54,862 --> 00:48:55,721
Blah blah blah. Blah blah blaa...
♪♪
1063
00:48:55,722 --> 00:48:58,418
Blah blah blah. Blah blah blaa...
1064
00:48:58,419 --> 00:49:00,417
Woooah!!
[tires screech]
1065
00:49:03,354 --> 00:49:05,610
Are you kidding me, man?!
I almost killed you!
1066
00:49:05,611 --> 00:49:06,610
[growling]
1067
00:49:06,611 --> 00:49:08,328
Oh great. Another vampire.
1068
00:49:08,329 --> 00:49:12,125
Nobody said there was gonna be
two vampires. Look, buddy...
1069
00:49:14,343 --> 00:49:15,122
Buddy?
1070
00:49:15,302 --> 00:49:16,301
[twig snaps]
1071
00:49:18,818 --> 00:49:22,274
[screeching]
1072
00:49:22,275 --> 00:49:27,490
[roaring]
1073
00:49:27,709 --> 00:49:30,287
Tanner?
Hey!
1074
00:49:30,766 --> 00:49:32,065
What, is this guy lost?
1075
00:49:32,604 --> 00:49:34,351
I don’t think we should
go through with this.
1076
00:49:34,602 --> 00:49:36,200
Gerry, I stole these costumes!
1077
00:49:36,201 --> 00:49:37,359
Well that was your id...
Wait, what?
1078
00:49:37,360 --> 00:49:38,557
This is our chance!
1079
00:49:38,558 --> 00:49:42,754
The entire town paid money to see
us catch a real vampire, just...
1080
00:49:43,314 --> 00:49:47,090
We only made twelve-hundred dollars!
That’s not even close!
1081
00:49:47,450 --> 00:49:49,707
Come tomorrow, we lose the house.
1082
00:49:54,842 --> 00:49:56,081
I lost the house.
1083
00:49:57,679 --> 00:49:59,158
This whole mess is my fault.
1084
00:50:05,591 --> 00:50:06,849
It's definitely your fault.
1085
00:50:06,850 --> 00:50:08,109
Come on, Charlie.
1086
00:50:08,708 --> 00:50:09,647
But look at us.
1087
00:50:09,648 --> 00:50:12,105
We look fantastic.
Especially me.
1088
00:50:12,245 --> 00:50:15,520
When we were little...
people used to stare at us and point...
1089
00:50:15,521 --> 00:50:20,436
And they’d say, "Look at those weirdo
Harker kids and their loser friend Ned."
1090
00:50:20,437 --> 00:50:21,615
No they didn’t.
1091
00:50:22,814 --> 00:50:24,093
But what did Dad say?
1092
00:50:24,952 --> 00:50:26,830
He said, "Life is a chess match...
1093
00:50:27,829 --> 00:50:29,887
and the game isn’t
over until checkmate."
1094
00:50:30,986 --> 00:50:34,861
Gerry, you think you’ve lost
the house, but you haven’t.
1095
00:50:34,862 --> 00:50:38,697
Not yet. It’s still on the board.
It’s like when you left.
1096
00:50:38,698 --> 00:50:42,175
Paige and I thought we’d lost you,
but Dad always said...
1097
00:50:42,375 --> 00:50:44,133
"He has to play his own game."
1098
00:50:45,951 --> 00:50:48,968
He was so proud of you, Gerry.
Because you’d won.
1099
00:50:49,607 --> 00:50:54,482
You made Twirl!
The ‘Karate Kid’ of baton twirling films.
1100
00:50:55,362 --> 00:50:58,099
So if we lose the house, it’s okay.
1101
00:50:58,838 --> 00:51:00,716
There are other pieces on the board.
1102
00:51:01,815 --> 00:51:03,134
We still have each other.
1103
00:51:04,373 --> 00:51:05,112
And Ned.
1104
00:51:05,292 --> 00:51:06,291
Hmm?
1105
00:51:09,148 --> 00:51:10,147
Harkers.
1106
00:51:12,804 --> 00:51:16,060
And their mutherfuckin’
badass friend, Ned Morris.
1107
00:51:16,061 --> 00:51:18,678
Alright, let’s go find our vampire.
1108
00:51:19,198 --> 00:51:21,974
[roaring]
[shrieking]
1109
00:51:21,975 --> 00:51:25,490
Holy shit, man! Now that is fucking scary!
[laughter]
1110
00:51:25,491 --> 00:51:27,129
That make-up is next level, Tanner!
1111
00:51:27,130 --> 00:51:27,628
[screeching]
That make-up is next level, Tanner!
1112
00:51:27,629 --> 00:51:28,628
[screeching]
1113
00:51:28,988 --> 00:51:30,685
Like I said... kind of an asshole.
1114
00:51:30,686 --> 00:51:31,665
He doesn’t sound very healthy.
1115
00:51:31,666 --> 00:51:33,104
He’s probably in character.
1116
00:51:34,203 --> 00:51:36,121
We should probably get him out of sight.
Come on!
1117
00:51:38,538 --> 00:51:39,218
[growls]
1118
00:51:39,457 --> 00:51:40,675
That’s a great idea!
1119
00:51:40,676 --> 00:51:43,432
Yeah, yeah! Go inside and
lay low until we’re ready!
1120
00:51:43,433 --> 00:51:44,731
There’s snacks downstairs.
1121
00:51:44,732 --> 00:51:47,350
Hey, make yourself comfortable.
Mi casa es su casa.
1122
00:51:48,009 --> 00:51:51,745
[growling]
1123
00:52:03,453 --> 00:52:04,871
Hey! I want to talk to you!
1124
00:52:04,872 --> 00:52:06,250
Wayne, I know... Paige is pissed.
1125
00:52:06,251 --> 00:52:07,628
No, no, not you.
1126
00:52:07,629 --> 00:52:09,307
No... Hey, Charlie. Not you.
1127
00:52:09,308 --> 00:52:11,744
Hey, you! I know you
have feelings for Paige.
1128
00:52:11,745 --> 00:52:12,524
Come on.
1129
00:52:12,724 --> 00:52:14,522
Hey... hey look!
1130
00:52:15,761 --> 00:52:17,558
I know you love her, okay?
1131
00:52:17,559 --> 00:52:19,337
I’ve learned to accept that.
1132
00:52:19,338 --> 00:52:24,632
But why can’t you accept me and stop
being so dadgum mean all the time?!
1133
00:52:25,431 --> 00:52:28,368
[growling]
1134
00:52:48,988 --> 00:52:52,344
[roaring]
1135
00:52:54,462 --> 00:53:00,077
Once you become a best-selling
author, it is so hard to meet guys.
1136
00:53:00,396 --> 00:53:01,316
Uh-huh.
1137
00:53:01,316 --> 00:53:04,072
It’s like they can’t handle my gift.
You know?
1138
00:53:04,073 --> 00:53:04,632
Yeah.
1139
00:53:04,633 --> 00:53:08,228
My special connection with vampires.
1140
00:53:08,229 --> 00:53:11,105
I can sense their presence, you know?
1141
00:53:11,106 --> 00:53:12,763
I mean if one was near it’s
like I could feel him...
1142
00:53:12,764 --> 00:53:15,420
[growling] I mean if one was near
it’s like I could feel him...
1143
00:53:15,421 --> 00:53:15,801
I mean if one was near it’s
like I could feel him...
1144
00:53:16,460 --> 00:53:18,698
I know. It’s a lot to take in.
1145
00:53:19,317 --> 00:53:21,036
[growling]
1146
00:53:22,594 --> 00:53:24,173
[screams]
1147
00:53:26,131 --> 00:53:27,948
You know what? I love her.
1148
00:53:27,949 --> 00:53:30,365
And I’m gonna take good care of
her and you know that!
1149
00:53:30,366 --> 00:53:30,985
[screaming]
1150
00:53:30,986 --> 00:53:31,304
Guys, maybe we should get inside.
[screaming]
1151
00:53:31,305 --> 00:53:32,165
Guys, maybe we should get inside.
1152
00:53:32,166 --> 00:53:34,942
Give the guy a break!
He’s pouring his heart out here.
1153
00:53:35,941 --> 00:53:39,198
See what I mean?
It’s like he doesn’t even listen!
1154
00:53:39,457 --> 00:53:41,015
♪♪
1155
00:53:41,016 --> 00:53:42,174
Am I sparkling?
♪♪
1156
00:53:42,175 --> 00:53:43,174
Am I sparkling?
1157
00:53:46,390 --> 00:53:48,548
[screaming]
1158
00:53:51,226 --> 00:53:53,483
Aw, man. People are
trying to leave already.
1159
00:53:53,623 --> 00:53:57,679
[roaring]
[screaming]
1160
00:54:07,130 --> 00:54:08,229
I’m sorry?
1161
00:54:14,123 --> 00:54:16,041
Was that... [coughs]
was that so hard?
1162
00:54:18,678 --> 00:54:19,238
Oh!
1163
00:54:19,238 --> 00:54:21,795
Ha ha... okay, pal
1164
00:54:22,374 --> 00:54:23,913
Okay. That’s good.
1165
00:54:25,271 --> 00:54:26,570
[laughs]
1166
00:54:26,770 --> 00:54:28,448
Yeah. Okay.
1167
00:54:29,867 --> 00:54:32,723
Let’s get back in there,
before we miss all the fun, right? Yeah.
1168
00:54:32,724 --> 00:54:33,723
Okay.
Okay.
1169
00:54:34,462 --> 00:54:35,761
Hey, where’d you go?
1170
00:54:36,300 --> 00:54:38,717
Line for the pisser was too long.
1171
00:54:38,718 --> 00:54:40,296
And I brought my private stock.
1172
00:54:42,574 --> 00:54:45,171
[roaring]
1173
00:54:45,172 --> 00:54:46,709
[screaming]
[roaring]
1174
00:54:46,710 --> 00:54:47,709
[roaring]
1175
00:54:48,189 --> 00:54:49,347
What the fuck?!
1176
00:54:50,266 --> 00:54:52,643
Hey, Doc, what in the
Sam Hell are you doin’?
1177
00:54:52,644 --> 00:54:54,861
Are you taking to the bottle again?
1178
00:54:54,862 --> 00:54:56,640
His wife is gonna be so disappointed.
1179
00:54:57,699 --> 00:54:59,018
What’s wrong with his face?!
1180
00:54:59,697 --> 00:55:00,696
Step back.
1181
00:55:04,053 --> 00:55:05,490
Woah, woah.
1182
00:55:05,491 --> 00:55:06,550
[screech]
1183
00:55:08,228 --> 00:55:11,764
Sheriff Wayne for Kip...
Sheriff Wayne for Kip, do you copy?
1184
00:55:11,765 --> 00:55:13,282
Sheriff, we’ve got a situation here!
1185
00:55:13,283 --> 00:55:16,219
Another dead body on the side of the
road... neck mangled like the others...
1186
00:55:16,220 --> 00:55:17,759
few miles outside of Leechwood.
1187
00:55:17,899 --> 00:55:21,394
His ID says his name is... Tanner.
1188
00:55:21,395 --> 00:55:22,774
Tanner Scott.
1189
00:55:23,233 --> 00:55:26,310
Wearing a funny costume like he’s from
Transylvania or something like that.
1190
00:55:27,909 --> 00:55:29,007
Oh shit!
1191
00:55:29,008 --> 00:55:30,166
We knew he didn’t sound healthy.
1192
00:55:30,167 --> 00:55:33,922
How could I be so stupid?!
We invited it inside the house!
1193
00:55:33,923 --> 00:55:35,501
Repeatedly.
The skull?!
1194
00:55:38,418 --> 00:55:40,895
Because I didn't think there
would be an actual vampire.
1195
00:55:40,896 --> 00:55:43,232
We agreed to put it in the basement.
It has all things that Gerry hates!
1196
00:55:43,233 --> 00:55:45,231
It's dark and constricted
and it has spiders...
1197
00:55:45,431 --> 00:55:46,909
Yes, I know that’s all
things that vampires love.
1198
00:55:46,910 --> 00:55:48,347
Dad would be so pissed right now!
1199
00:55:48,348 --> 00:55:49,366
Hey!
1200
00:55:49,367 --> 00:55:51,565
Will somebody tell me what
the hell is going on?!
1201
00:55:52,484 --> 00:55:53,803
[screeching]
1202
00:55:54,482 --> 00:55:56,041
[screeching]
1203
00:55:56,760 --> 00:55:58,039
[screeching]
1204
00:55:59,217 --> 00:56:00,016
So the actor...?
Yes!
1205
00:56:00,017 --> 00:56:00,635
Was a...?
Yes!
1206
00:56:00,636 --> 00:56:01,635
And he's a...?
Yep.
1207
00:56:01,995 --> 00:56:03,513
Vampires can’t be real!
1208
00:56:04,332 --> 00:56:05,032
Can they?
1209
00:56:05,033 --> 00:56:06,229
[growling]
1210
00:56:06,230 --> 00:56:07,569
[screams]
1211
00:56:07,969 --> 00:56:11,224
Hey Kip, I’m gonna want you to step away
from that body... it might spring up on you.
1212
00:56:11,225 --> 00:56:13,842
Nah... I don’t think so. He looks like...
1213
00:56:13,843 --> 00:56:15,400
He looks like shit.
1214
00:56:15,401 --> 00:56:16,559
He looks like shit, Wayne.
1215
00:56:16,560 --> 00:56:18,737
He was just feeding. Gaining power.
1216
00:56:18,738 --> 00:56:22,134
All he needed was the skull and
now he can create a legion of vampires!
1217
00:56:23,233 --> 00:56:24,232
[shrieking]
1218
00:56:24,292 --> 00:56:25,231
Why aren’t they escaping?
1219
00:56:25,232 --> 00:56:28,867
Well there’s crosses on the doorway and
on the door handles... and the windows...
1220
00:56:28,868 --> 00:56:31,345
Looks like your great-grandpa
made this house apotropaic.
1221
00:56:31,385 --> 00:56:32,384
Aca-paca-what?!
1222
00:56:32,385 --> 00:56:33,542
Wards off evil.
1223
00:56:33,543 --> 00:56:34,641
They’re trapped!
1224
00:56:34,642 --> 00:56:35,421
For now.
1225
00:56:35,422 --> 00:56:38,317
If they can’t get outta the house...
we’re home free!
1226
00:56:38,318 --> 00:56:40,175
Sun comes up, they’re fried!
1227
00:56:40,176 --> 00:56:42,413
Come on, fellas. First rounds on Wayne!
1228
00:56:42,414 --> 00:56:43,513
Uh... guys?
1229
00:56:44,852 --> 00:56:45,931
Where’s Paige?
1230
00:56:50,366 --> 00:56:51,884
Ahhhhh fuck!
1231
00:56:51,885 --> 00:56:52,923
♪♪
1232
00:56:52,924 --> 00:56:53,883
I’m going in!
♪♪
1233
00:56:53,884 --> 00:56:57,298
♪♪
1234
00:56:57,299 --> 00:56:57,799
No, no, no, no!
Close the... door!
♪♪
1235
00:56:57,800 --> 00:56:59,637
No, no, no, no!
Close the... door!
1236
00:57:00,256 --> 00:57:00,976
Dick!
1237
00:57:01,195 --> 00:57:01,795
What?
1238
00:57:01,895 --> 00:57:04,731
Oh come on, Wayne is a cop with a gun.
I’m sure he’s fine...
1239
00:57:04,732 --> 00:57:06,729
Ow! Dadgummit!
1240
00:57:06,730 --> 00:57:07,729
Jeez...
1241
00:57:08,488 --> 00:57:12,204
So... how long do you think it
would take for your sister
1242
00:57:12,524 --> 00:57:15,300
to get over the fact that I accidentally...
1243
00:57:15,301 --> 00:57:17,499
shoved her fiance
into a den of vampires?
1244
00:57:18,418 --> 00:57:19,176
Three months?
1245
00:57:19,177 --> 00:57:19,896
Paige!
1246
00:57:19,897 --> 00:57:19,935
♪♪
Paige!
1247
00:57:19,936 --> 00:57:20,895
♪♪
1248
00:57:20,896 --> 00:57:21,675
Paige!
♪♪
1249
00:57:21,676 --> 00:57:23,472
♪♪
1250
00:57:23,473 --> 00:57:24,231
Come on, pick up!
♪♪
1251
00:57:24,232 --> 00:57:24,612
Come on, pick up!
1252
00:57:24,992 --> 00:57:25,111
[phone ringing]
1253
00:57:25,112 --> 00:57:26,349
[roaring]
[phone ringing]
1254
00:57:26,350 --> 00:57:27,429
[phone ringing]
1255
00:57:27,849 --> 00:57:28,948
Hey!
1256
00:57:30,546 --> 00:57:33,223
And now they know there’s someone upstairs.
1257
00:57:34,742 --> 00:57:35,741
Oops.
1258
00:57:36,620 --> 00:57:43,034
♪♪
1259
00:57:45,451 --> 00:57:46,490
It’s time?
1260
00:57:46,890 --> 00:57:47,949
Yeah...
1261
00:57:48,248 --> 00:57:51,905
♪♪
1262
00:57:59,257 --> 00:58:00,696
Hold this.
1263
00:58:03,593 --> 00:58:05,350
In nomine Patris et Filii
et Spiritus Sancti...
1264
00:58:05,351 --> 00:58:06,011
You sure this is gonna work?! In nomine
Patris et Filii et Spiritus Sancti...
1265
00:58:06,011 --> 00:58:07,508
You sure this is gonna work?!
1266
00:58:07,509 --> 00:58:08,508
Yes!
1267
00:58:09,127 --> 00:58:10,166
Maybe.
1268
00:58:13,163 --> 00:58:14,082
Fuck it!
1269
00:58:14,083 --> 00:58:16,080
Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!
1270
00:58:16,260 --> 00:58:19,257
[screaming]
1271
00:58:22,714 --> 00:58:23,893
Now!
1272
00:58:24,292 --> 00:58:25,651
NOW!
1273
00:58:26,850 --> 00:58:28,067
Boys... now!
1274
00:58:28,068 --> 00:58:29,827
I did! It isn’t working!
1275
00:58:31,425 --> 00:58:32,564
Now, boys!
1276
00:58:36,500 --> 00:58:37,739
Get outta here!
1277
00:58:39,497 --> 00:58:43,313
[shrieking]
[laughing]
1278
00:58:45,971 --> 00:58:47,008
Charlie, you did it!
1279
00:58:47,009 --> 00:58:47,688
Potato!
1280
00:58:47,689 --> 00:58:48,388
French toast!
1281
00:58:48,389 --> 00:58:51,145
No it has to be french fries...
that’s the joke! Nevermind!
1282
00:58:52,244 --> 00:59:00,236
♪♪
1283
00:59:05,151 --> 00:59:07,588
Gerry... turn on your sunlamp!
1284
00:59:07,589 --> 00:59:08,787
I need an outlet!
1285
00:59:08,788 --> 00:59:10,126
There’s a light right here!
1286
00:59:10,846 --> 00:59:14,082
[shrieking]
[screaming]
1287
00:59:20,516 --> 00:59:23,332
Ah! She scratched me!
Am I gonna turn into a vampire?!
1288
00:59:23,333 --> 00:59:25,031
It has to be a full moon I think!
1289
00:59:26,050 --> 00:59:28,248
Do you guys know anything about vampires?
1290
00:59:29,287 --> 00:59:32,263
[shouting]
1291
00:59:32,264 --> 00:59:33,783
[shrieking]
[shouting]
1292
00:59:36,180 --> 00:59:37,699
Oh, I am so sorry!
1293
00:59:37,859 --> 00:59:39,897
[heavy breathing]
1294
00:59:42,894 --> 00:59:44,611
[shrieking]
1295
00:59:44,612 --> 00:59:45,230
Die!
[shrieking]
1296
00:59:45,231 --> 00:59:46,230
Die!
1297
00:59:51,205 --> 00:59:52,864
I’m gonna make sure she’s dead.
1298
00:59:55,281 --> 00:59:56,999
[squirting]
Uggh!
1299
01:00:02,074 --> 01:00:03,853
Yep, she’s dead.
1300
01:00:05,491 --> 01:00:10,646
♪♪
1301
01:00:16,760 --> 01:00:18,017
Where is everybody?
1302
01:00:18,018 --> 01:00:19,057
Shhhhh!
1303
01:00:19,637 --> 01:00:23,493
[door creaking]
1304
01:00:26,450 --> 01:00:28,068
Go go go go go go!
1305
01:00:29,327 --> 01:00:31,505
[roaring]
1306
01:00:33,703 --> 01:00:35,721
Ahhhhhhhhhh!
1307
01:00:39,317 --> 01:00:40,516
Why are they popping?!
1308
01:00:42,574 --> 01:00:44,332
They always do that!
1309
01:00:45,231 --> 01:00:47,168
Will you put that thing down?!
1310
01:00:47,169 --> 01:00:48,608
It just needs some juice!
1311
01:00:51,145 --> 01:00:53,123
Come on, baby!
Give me some juice!
1312
01:00:57,958 --> 01:00:59,516
Hahahaha!
1313
01:00:59,517 --> 01:01:01,515
Here comes the juice!
1314
01:01:08,728 --> 01:01:10,186
Here it comes.
1315
01:01:11,585 --> 01:01:12,883
[splattering]
1316
01:01:19,017 --> 01:01:20,516
Hell yeah, it worked!
1317
01:01:21,435 --> 01:01:22,434
Fake...
1318
01:01:25,211 --> 01:01:27,569
[screaming]
1319
01:01:30,206 --> 01:01:32,164
[growling]
1320
01:01:34,861 --> 01:01:36,220
I can take care of myself.
1321
01:01:55,301 --> 01:01:56,560
Go Devils.
1322
01:02:00,596 --> 01:02:01,814
Paige?
1323
01:02:05,551 --> 01:02:06,550
Pai...?
1324
01:02:16,300 --> 01:02:18,058
Where’s your clothes, big fella?
1325
01:02:20,176 --> 01:02:22,254
[shrieking]
1326
01:02:22,434 --> 01:02:24,492
[screaming]
1327
01:02:28,767 --> 01:02:30,505
No, no, no, no...!
1328
01:02:30,506 --> 01:02:31,624
Ahhh!
1329
01:02:31,625 --> 01:02:33,343
Ahh... Oh, please don’t pop.
1330
01:02:34,781 --> 01:02:36,500
[popping]
1331
01:02:37,778 --> 01:02:38,816
It’s warm.
1332
01:02:38,817 --> 01:02:42,873
♪♪
1333
01:02:46,789 --> 01:02:48,488
I don’t want to talk to you, Gerry.
1334
01:02:53,623 --> 01:02:57,699
[shrieking, roaring]
1335
01:02:58,018 --> 01:02:59,117
Gerry!
1336
01:03:01,115 --> 01:03:03,633
Twwwwiirrrrllllll!
1337
01:03:05,571 --> 01:03:07,528
[roaring]
1338
01:03:07,529 --> 01:03:10,885
♪♪
1339
01:03:22,294 --> 01:03:23,772
[growling]
1340
01:03:34,841 --> 01:03:35,840
Ahhh!
1341
01:03:38,538 --> 01:03:39,537
[screams]
1342
01:03:39,538 --> 01:03:41,275
[shrieking]
1343
01:03:43,133 --> 01:03:44,391
And... big finish.
1344
01:03:44,392 --> 01:03:46,090
[popping]
1345
01:03:47,169 --> 01:03:47,948
Thank you.
1346
01:03:48,348 --> 01:03:51,025
You are my sunshine...
1347
01:03:51,245 --> 01:03:54,222
my only sunshine...
1348
01:03:54,462 --> 01:03:57,459
you make me happy...
1349
01:03:58,018 --> 01:03:58,876
when skies are...
1350
01:03:58,877 --> 01:03:59,217
[snarling]
when skies are...
1351
01:03:59,218 --> 01:04:00,295
[snarling]
1352
01:04:00,296 --> 01:04:00,535
What do I even do?!
[snarling]
1353
01:04:00,536 --> 01:04:01,455
What do I even do?!
1354
01:04:01,456 --> 01:04:02,773
Kick him in the fuse box!
1355
01:04:03,353 --> 01:04:04,352
What does that mean?
1356
01:04:04,353 --> 01:04:05,431
The spice rack!
1357
01:04:07,609 --> 01:04:09,407
[roaring]
1358
01:04:15,900 --> 01:04:18,057
I said, I don’t want to talk to you...
1359
01:04:18,058 --> 01:04:19,735
[growling]
1360
01:04:19,736 --> 01:04:21,195
[screams]
1361
01:04:21,674 --> 01:04:22,953
Walter, come on!
1362
01:04:23,952 --> 01:04:26,909
Go!
I’ll hold them off as best I can!
1363
01:04:30,586 --> 01:04:31,964
Go, boys.
1364
01:04:32,444 --> 01:04:33,961
Get Paige outta here.
1365
01:04:33,962 --> 01:04:37,718
♪♪
1366
01:04:41,914 --> 01:04:45,511
Come get some, you
satanic sons-a-bitches!
1367
01:04:45,591 --> 01:04:46,590
[roaring]
1368
01:04:48,168 --> 01:04:49,207
[confused growling]
1369
01:04:49,766 --> 01:04:53,023
[roaring]
[screaming]
1370
01:05:00,615 --> 01:05:01,614
Ned?
1371
01:05:03,373 --> 01:05:04,512
Oh hey, Gerry.
1372
01:05:05,191 --> 01:05:06,190
Charlie.
1373
01:05:06,729 --> 01:05:09,447
If you’re not too busy,
could you get this hairy fucker off of me?
1374
01:05:11,285 --> 01:05:14,282
[grunting]
1375
01:05:16,260 --> 01:05:17,678
What is that... pee?
1376
01:05:21,275 --> 01:05:23,153
If anything, he peed on me!
1377
01:05:24,132 --> 01:05:25,310
Make me piss myself...
1378
01:05:25,311 --> 01:05:26,869
[shrieking]
1379
01:05:27,908 --> 01:05:29,347
Get off of me, Kevin!
1380
01:05:31,025 --> 01:05:32,623
[gurgling]
1381
01:05:34,322 --> 01:05:36,060
[spattering]
1382
01:05:40,496 --> 01:05:41,994
Hahahaha!
1383
01:05:42,673 --> 01:05:43,811
[hissing]
1384
01:05:43,812 --> 01:05:44,811
Ahh!
1385
01:05:45,151 --> 01:05:46,749
[screaming]
1386
01:05:56,619 --> 01:05:57,499
Paige?
1387
01:05:57,658 --> 01:05:59,197
We came here to...
1388
01:06:01,415 --> 01:06:02,354
Save you?
1389
01:06:02,355 --> 01:06:03,611
Who says I need saving?
1390
01:06:03,612 --> 01:06:05,411
[roaring]
1391
01:06:06,549 --> 01:06:08,407
I feel really bad losing the house.
1392
01:06:08,408 --> 01:06:09,286
How everything went...
1393
01:06:09,287 --> 01:06:10,286
DOWN!
1394
01:06:11,505 --> 01:06:13,183
You can’t lie to me, Gerry!
1395
01:06:13,443 --> 01:06:15,699
You’re right!
I’ve been selfish.
1396
01:06:15,700 --> 01:06:19,896
If we’re gonna be family,
we have to be honest with each other!
1397
01:06:20,296 --> 01:06:22,613
I know! I promise!
1398
01:06:24,651 --> 01:06:26,290
I know I wasn’t there for you guys...
1399
01:06:27,369 --> 01:06:28,787
but I’m here now.
1400
01:06:30,186 --> 01:06:32,663
And I want to be a part of everything.
1401
01:06:35,860 --> 01:06:37,479
I love you guys!
1402
01:06:38,597 --> 01:06:40,355
And we love you, Paige!
1403
01:06:40,356 --> 01:06:41,853
Dammit, Ned! Not now!
1404
01:06:41,854 --> 01:06:43,552
Got it. We’ll talk later.
1405
01:06:44,432 --> 01:06:45,790
[woodchipper rumbling]
1406
01:06:45,910 --> 01:06:48,087
Hey, has anyone seen Wayne?!
Where’s Wayne?
1407
01:06:48,088 --> 01:06:49,026
Anyone seen Wayne...
1408
01:06:49,027 --> 01:06:49,605
[roaring]
1409
01:06:49,606 --> 01:06:49,946
[screaming]
[roaring]
1410
01:06:49,947 --> 01:06:51,944
[screaming]
1411
01:06:53,303 --> 01:06:54,362
Hey, Wayne!
1412
01:07:04,631 --> 01:07:08,307
Aww, is that Paige?
That is so beauti... ahhhhh!
1413
01:07:08,308 --> 01:07:09,307
Ahhh...
1414
01:07:11,744 --> 01:07:13,862
Wait, you really liked it?
1415
01:07:13,942 --> 01:07:15,840
Ah, now I feel terrible.
1416
01:07:16,579 --> 01:07:17,698
Guys?
1417
01:07:17,898 --> 01:07:18,976
Oh!
1418
01:07:18,977 --> 01:07:20,276
He seems pissed.
1419
01:07:20,615 --> 01:07:21,934
Don’t move!
1420
01:07:22,014 --> 01:07:25,630
He can’t see you if you don’t move.
1421
01:07:26,070 --> 01:07:27,628
Not moving.
1422
01:07:30,845 --> 01:07:32,642
Ahhhhhhhhgggggg!!!
1423
01:07:32,643 --> 01:07:33,861
No!!
Ahhhhhhhhgggggg!!!
1424
01:07:33,862 --> 01:07:35,940
Ahhhhhhhhgggggg!!!
1425
01:07:37,099 --> 01:07:39,097
Look!
I’m immune!
1426
01:07:40,376 --> 01:07:41,375
Ahhh!
1427
01:07:42,513 --> 01:07:46,030
Not immune! Not immune!
Oh, this sucks so bad!
1428
01:07:51,804 --> 01:07:52,803
Ned?
1429
01:07:53,143 --> 01:07:55,041
[screaming]
1430
01:08:06,989 --> 01:08:08,107
Thank you!
1431
01:08:08,108 --> 01:08:13,662
♪♪
1432
01:08:19,277 --> 01:08:21,375
[choking]
1433
01:08:43,153 --> 01:08:44,511
Check.
1434
01:08:48,128 --> 01:08:49,806
Look at the whole board.
1435
01:08:54,082 --> 01:08:55,201
Broken glass.
1436
01:08:57,279 --> 01:08:59,596
You’re using real wooden stakes?
1437
01:09:00,216 --> 01:09:04,012
Why is there a woodchipper
at the top of the stairs?
1438
01:09:04,112 --> 01:09:06,369
[screams]
Oh you can’t latch the spice rack.
1439
01:09:07,229 --> 01:09:09,007
I can’t get out.
1440
01:09:09,406 --> 01:09:11,524
Don’t... don’t overthink it.
1441
01:09:12,084 --> 01:09:13,303
Just look.
1442
01:09:15,480 --> 01:09:17,538
They hit him again, Dad.
1443
01:09:19,776 --> 01:09:22,773
I still don’t know what to do.
1444
01:09:23,492 --> 01:09:25,151
Don’t be scared, Charlie.
1445
01:09:25,410 --> 01:09:27,908
I know... It can get crazy out there.
1446
01:09:28,328 --> 01:09:30,905
But you know when that
happens to me what I do?
1447
01:09:31,344 --> 01:09:33,922
I use... this.
1448
01:09:35,800 --> 01:09:37,717
What is this even attached to?
1449
01:09:37,718 --> 01:09:39,695
You’re my beautiful mermaid, Paige.
1450
01:09:39,696 --> 01:09:41,075
Maybe I will use your pencil then.
1451
01:09:41,175 --> 01:09:46,549
♪♪
1452
01:09:51,684 --> 01:09:53,382
I need you, buddy.
1453
01:09:57,918 --> 01:09:59,555
[gurling]
1454
01:09:59,556 --> 01:10:02,234
Ahhhhh!!
1455
01:10:02,393 --> 01:10:06,010
[roaring, shrieking]
1456
01:10:11,384 --> 01:10:12,502
Ah, come on!
1457
01:10:12,503 --> 01:10:12,903
[growling]
Ah, come on!
1458
01:10:12,904 --> 01:10:16,040
[growling]
1459
01:10:16,299 --> 01:10:18,158
Ohh!
1460
01:10:19,996 --> 01:10:20,995
[squirts]
1461
01:10:21,654 --> 01:10:22,653
Huh.
Oh.
1462
01:10:23,033 --> 01:10:24,591
[explodes]
Woah!!
1463
01:10:24,991 --> 01:10:26,488
Ah shit. My head.
1464
01:10:26,489 --> 01:10:27,628
Oh my God! Ned!
1465
01:10:29,506 --> 01:10:30,905
You’re alive!
1466
01:10:35,720 --> 01:10:36,719
Okay.
1467
01:10:38,517 --> 01:10:40,734
Not now. Not ever.
1468
01:10:40,735 --> 01:10:41,734
Take your time.
1469
01:10:43,692 --> 01:10:45,389
Oh my God, did you piss yourself?
1470
01:10:45,390 --> 01:10:46,848
No... no.
1471
01:10:46,849 --> 01:10:49,047
They’re monsters, Paige.
They peed on me!
1472
01:10:51,824 --> 01:10:53,302
How did Ned change back?
1473
01:10:53,842 --> 01:10:55,779
Maybe if you kill the big bad guy...?
1474
01:10:55,780 --> 01:11:00,455
Before the first sunrise, the power of the
first is destroyed... the rest are restored.
1475
01:11:00,695 --> 01:11:02,333
Oh!
1476
01:11:02,893 --> 01:11:04,112
Oh...
1477
01:11:04,691 --> 01:11:10,465
♪♪
1478
01:11:25,530 --> 01:11:27,728
Yeah, but they were all assholes.
1479
01:11:29,646 --> 01:11:32,483
Oh no. Paige, I didn’t mean...
1480
01:11:33,003 --> 01:11:36,258
About Wayne, I’m so sorry.
I had to.
1481
01:11:36,259 --> 01:11:38,576
♪♪
1482
01:11:38,577 --> 01:11:41,294
Thank you for taking
care of us, big brother.
1483
01:11:52,303 --> 01:11:55,199
♪♪
1484
01:11:55,200 --> 01:11:56,199
Wayne!
1485
01:11:57,378 --> 01:12:00,635
Oh, that smarts!
Ooooh dadgummit!
1486
01:12:02,353 --> 01:12:05,309
Wayne’s alive. Yay.
1487
01:12:05,310 --> 01:12:09,346
If staking a guy in the shoulder
killed a vampire... I’d be a goner!
1488
01:12:10,146 --> 01:12:11,604
That’s a good job!
1489
01:12:12,463 --> 01:12:13,742
What about Walter?
1490
01:12:15,121 --> 01:12:16,258
What about me?
1491
01:12:16,259 --> 01:12:19,635
♪♪
1492
01:12:19,636 --> 01:12:23,792
Well, this isn't the first time I've been
bathed in the blood of vampires.
1493
01:12:24,611 --> 01:12:25,610
Ooh...
1494
01:12:28,687 --> 01:12:30,405
I'm so sorry.
1495
01:12:31,224 --> 01:12:32,583
I made T-shirts.
1496
01:12:32,743 --> 01:12:40,735
♪♪
1497
01:13:07,708 --> 01:13:10,225
Sorry you lost your pencil, Charlie.
1498
01:13:16,199 --> 01:13:17,198
Potato.
1499
01:13:17,658 --> 01:13:18,417
French Fries.
1500
01:13:18,717 --> 01:13:19,836
So...
1501
01:13:20,155 --> 01:13:22,273
they really are...
1502
01:13:22,413 --> 01:13:23,212
vampires.
1503
01:13:23,213 --> 01:13:24,970
[laughs]
1504
01:13:24,971 --> 01:13:26,408
Vampires?
1505
01:13:26,409 --> 01:13:29,986
They're nothing compared to
the goddamn werewolves.
1506
01:13:30,245 --> 01:13:34,700
♪♪
1507
01:13:34,701 --> 01:13:36,318
[popping]
♪♪
1508
01:13:36,319 --> 01:13:42,293
♪♪
1509
01:15:27,068 --> 01:15:29,006
Is this thing still recording?
1510
01:15:29,446 --> 01:15:32,063
The livestream? Oh my God...
1511
01:15:33,182 --> 01:15:34,661
How many views?
1512
01:15:35,420 --> 01:15:37,357
A hundred and twenty-five...
1513
01:15:37,358 --> 01:15:38,057
Alright.
1514
01:15:38,058 --> 01:15:39,416
Million.
Okay.
1515
01:15:41,634 --> 01:15:43,532
We could do the show!
1516
01:15:46,129 --> 01:15:46,949
What?
1517
01:15:46,949 --> 01:15:49,225
Ah... We could definitely do the show.
1518
01:15:49,226 --> 01:15:51,603
Wait. Did we make money?
I was thinking that first, we should...
1519
01:15:51,604 --> 01:15:53,922
maybe get a kitchen. We
don't have a kitchen anymore.
1520
01:15:53,981 --> 01:15:56,418
I mean, the kitchen can come after.
We've got to focus like right now.
1521
01:15:56,419 --> 01:15:58,616
We have momentum. Look at this.
1522
01:15:58,617 --> 01:15:59,935
Our house is halfway through a remodel.
1523
01:15:59,936 --> 01:16:02,352
I know, but right now we can't
stop the progress. We made money.
1524
01:16:02,353 --> 01:16:04,430
Wait, can they hear us?
[offscreen]: Every word.
1525
01:16:04,431 --> 01:16:07,788
Hel... Hello!
If you can hear us, Hello!
1526
01:16:08,327 --> 01:16:10,224
Hello! Helloooo!
1527
01:16:10,225 --> 01:16:11,383
We've gotta strike while the iron's
hot, you know? Hello! Helloooo!
1528
01:16:11,384 --> 01:16:12,502
We've gotta strike while
the iron's hot, you know?
1529
01:16:12,503 --> 01:16:15,159
Like, like... we'll focus on the show...
You know what else? We could make...
1530
01:16:15,160 --> 01:16:16,778
and go to Bed, Bath & Beyond.
More money, guys.
1531
01:16:16,779 --> 01:16:19,756
And we will get some stuff...
Let's not just make money off of this...
1532
01:16:19,776 --> 01:16:21,493
I mean, we also have to go to, like...
Let's make money off Ned's wood.
1533
01:16:21,494 --> 01:16:23,571
To Home Depot.
If you are looking for Ned's Wood.
1534
01:16:23,572 --> 01:16:26,428
You can't just go to Bed, Bath & Beyond
to get everything. You can go to http
1535
01:16:26,429 --> 01:16:29,984
Because it's a great store, but that's where
you get... Uh, I think it's a colon...
1536
01:16:29,985 --> 01:16:32,382
just the stuff you put in a finished
house. Uh, two... two forward slashes...
1537
01:16:32,383 --> 01:16:36,459
And we don't have a finished house. We have
half a house. Ned's, N-E-D-S, underscore...
1538
01:16:36,539 --> 01:16:38,196
You know, we've got a...
Wood.org
1539
01:16:38,197 --> 01:16:40,274
A... a fusebox for a spice rack.
Go there...
1540
01:16:40,275 --> 01:16:42,632
And Ned goes to the bathroom in a bucket...
I don't have any sculptures right now...
1541
01:16:42,633 --> 01:16:44,630
I don't even have a bucket.
Because I had a little accident with
1542
01:16:44,631 --> 01:16:47,487
You don't have a bucket?
I have to go to the bathroom in...
the other wood that I had there.
1543
01:16:47,488 --> 01:16:55,120
♪♪
1544
01:18:59,116 --> 01:19:00,115
[sighs]
1545
01:19:00,575 --> 01:19:01,374
What's up?
1546
01:19:01,375 --> 01:19:02,713
I should've been there.
1547
01:19:03,252 --> 01:19:06,288
Been there?
Sheriff Wayne said the whole town is dead.
1548
01:19:06,289 --> 01:19:08,707
Yeah, but I wanted in
on some of the action.
1549
01:19:09,006 --> 01:19:11,624
Action? [scoffs]
We would have died first, bro.
1550
01:19:12,902 --> 01:19:13,940
No, not me.
1551
01:19:13,941 --> 01:19:15,499
Especially you.
No.
1552
01:19:15,500 --> 01:19:18,216
Guys like us don't live long
in situations like that.
1553
01:19:18,217 --> 01:19:19,496
What do you mean 'guys like us'?
1554
01:19:19,775 --> 01:19:22,512
When you wake up in the morning and
you look in the mirror, what do you see?
1555
01:19:22,513 --> 01:19:23,950
John McClane.
1556
01:19:23,951 --> 01:19:25,649
[scoffs]
No, what do you see?
1557
01:19:25,650 --> 01:19:27,028
John Rambo.
1558
01:19:27,967 --> 01:19:30,904
You've seen the movies, bro.
We always die first.
1559
01:19:31,104 --> 01:19:32,443
Always.
1560
01:19:33,182 --> 01:19:35,300
Look at us. What are we?
1561
01:19:36,399 --> 01:19:37,977
Cops.
Ah.
109796
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