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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 0 00:00:28,628 --> 00:00:31,119 Damn! 1 00:00:31,231 --> 00:00:33,893 This is a good cigar. 2 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:36,833 You can tell a good cigar by the way it feels. 3 00:00:36,936 --> 00:00:40,030 And this feels like a good cigar. 4 00:00:42,842 --> 00:00:44,742 Look at that smoke. 5 00:00:44,844 --> 00:00:48,974 That's good cigar smoke there, boy. [Chuckles] 6 00:00:49,082 --> 00:00:51,414 But I ain't here to talk about cigars. 7 00:00:51,518 --> 00:00:54,351 I'm here to tell you that, uh... 8 00:00:55,388 --> 00:00:57,379 I'm gonna kill one of them kids. 9 00:00:57,490 --> 00:00:59,617 Oh, don't get me wrong. I love 'em. 10 00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:02,559 They my blood. I give 'em the shirt off my back. 11 00:01:02,662 --> 00:01:04,562 You ever see a chicken with his neck wrung? 12 00:01:04,664 --> 00:01:06,791 Layin' to the side all lazy and weak? 13 00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:09,198 That's what I'm gonna do to them kids. Talk back to me one more time, snap! 14 00:01:09,302 --> 00:01:12,203 I'm gonna snap their neck off. [Chuckles] 15 00:01:12,305 --> 00:01:14,205 They're too sassy. They're too grown today. 16 00:01:14,307 --> 00:01:16,207 They talk back too much. 17 00:01:16,309 --> 00:01:19,039 I know what you're sayin', America. I don't care what you're talkin' about. 18 00:01:19,145 --> 00:01:21,409 "Bernie Mac cruel. Bernie Mac beat his kids." 19 00:01:21,514 --> 00:01:25,143 I don't care. That's your opinion. 20 00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:29,187 'Cause you don't know the story. You don't know what went down. 21 00:01:29,289 --> 00:01:31,189 And they're not my kids. 22 00:01:31,291 --> 00:01:33,384 So why are you mad at him? 23 00:01:35,728 --> 00:01:38,458 Because he turned you in? 24 00:01:38,565 --> 00:01:41,625 Girl, you stole from him. I would've turned you in. 25 00:01:41,734 --> 00:01:44,760 America, let's talk. Yeah, my sister's on drugs. 26 00:01:44,871 --> 00:01:47,965 That's okay. Some of your family members messed up too. 27 00:01:48,074 --> 00:01:50,508 What am I supposed to do? Allow these three kids... 28 00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:54,011 to go to the state or some foster home or some white couple? 29 00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:56,207 Now hold on. This ain't about race. 30 00:01:56,316 --> 00:01:58,216 It's not about race. I just don't wanna hear 'em... 31 00:01:58,318 --> 00:02:00,479 [Stilted Diction] Talkin' all proper like that. Know what I'm sayin'? 32 00:02:00,587 --> 00:02:02,646 That's all I'm tryin' to say, or they gotta sit there... 33 00:02:02,755 --> 00:02:04,655 and share food with 40 other kids? 34 00:02:04,757 --> 00:02:09,023 No, that ain't right. I'm tryin' to do the right thing. 35 00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:13,828 [Voice Breaking Up] And sometimes the right thing may not be the right thing. 36 00:02:13,933 --> 00:02:17,733 - Well, I'm gonna do the right thing. - Just be careful. 37 00:02:19,506 --> 00:02:22,566 Did you hear what I said? 38 00:02:22,675 --> 00:02:24,973 You don't know what you're getting yourself into. 39 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:28,980 Are you listening to me? 40 00:02:29,082 --> 00:02:31,710 - Yeah. Yeah. - Bernie Mac? 41 00:02:36,689 --> 00:02:40,887 I feel for his sister. But what does Bernie Mac know about raising kids? 42 00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:44,657 He's a comedian. He tells "yo mama" jokes. 43 00:02:44,764 --> 00:02:47,927 And how am I gonna explain to AT&T that I'm late for work again... 44 00:02:48,034 --> 00:02:50,628 because my husband's taping a TV show... 45 00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:54,104 and I spent the morning cleaning poop out of the light socket? 46 00:02:54,207 --> 00:02:57,665 They don't play that. They are AT&T. 47 00:02:59,779 --> 00:03:01,974 That's... just my opinion. 48 00:03:02,081 --> 00:03:04,379 [Tires Screech] 49 00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:14,926 ?? [Man Singing] 50 00:03:23,002 --> 00:03:25,129 - Yo, you're Bernie Mac! - ?? [Continues] 51 00:03:25,238 --> 00:03:27,832 Can I get your autograph? 52 00:03:27,941 --> 00:03:29,966 [Chuckles] King of Comedy! 53 00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:41,183 ?? [Ends] 54 00:03:41,287 --> 00:03:44,222 - Excuse me. Are you Bernie Mac? - Yeah, I'm Bernie. 55 00:03:44,324 --> 00:03:47,020 - Are you waiting for three children? - Yeah! 56 00:03:47,126 --> 00:03:49,026 - We have a little problem. - What's the problem? 57 00:03:49,128 --> 00:03:51,187 What do you mean they don't want to get off the plane? 58 00:03:51,297 --> 00:03:55,199 The two girls are fine, but the little boy just freaked out on our descent. 59 00:03:55,301 --> 00:03:58,793 He was crying. Then he started coughing. He sounded pre-asthmatic. 60 00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:02,841 I know, because my nephew Timmy is a "pre," sounds exactly like that. 61 00:04:02,942 --> 00:04:05,706 Anyway, he kept saying he wanted to go home. It was really sad. 62 00:04:05,812 --> 00:04:07,871 - Oh, and I think he wet his pants. - Uh... 63 00:04:07,981 --> 00:04:10,449 - I told Stephanie to give him some wings... - Sir, I get it. 64 00:04:10,550 --> 00:04:12,450 - Thank you. - Okay. Mr. Mac? 65 00:04:12,552 --> 00:04:14,452 - Yes? - They're this way. 66 00:04:14,554 --> 00:04:16,522 Thank you. 67 00:04:20,193 --> 00:04:23,526 Hey! Hey, kids! 68 00:04:23,630 --> 00:04:26,656 - It's your Uncle Bernie. - [Screaming] 69 00:04:26,766 --> 00:04:29,030 What the hell was that? 70 00:04:29,135 --> 00:04:32,866 ?? [Whistling] Hey, young man... 71 00:04:32,972 --> 00:04:35,338 I'm so sorry about steppin' on your foot. 72 00:04:35,441 --> 00:04:37,841 [Clears Throat] 73 00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:40,344 Listen, you all are gonna really love it here. You are. 74 00:04:40,446 --> 00:04:43,142 It's gonna feel just like home, trust me. 75 00:04:43,249 --> 00:04:45,615 - Oh, you live in the projects? - [Chuckles] 76 00:04:45,718 --> 00:04:48,846 You're pretty funny there, little girl. Pretty funny there! 77 00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:51,480 Real nice. Hey, look at that. 78 00:04:51,591 --> 00:04:53,650 Look at that. Look at that big ass donut. 79 00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:55,853 Anybody want a big ass donut? 80 00:05:02,468 --> 00:05:06,928 That's the best big ass donut I ever had in my life. 81 00:05:07,974 --> 00:05:10,033 Damn! 82 00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:12,202 Mmmm! 83 00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:14,507 Anybody sure they don't want a bite of this big ass donut? 84 00:05:14,614 --> 00:05:16,514 We don't feel like eating. 85 00:05:16,616 --> 00:05:19,608 Good. You ain't gotta eat. 86 00:05:19,719 --> 00:05:22,244 You ain't hurtin' me. I'm full. 87 00:05:23,623 --> 00:05:25,523 My stomach hurt anyway. 88 00:05:27,293 --> 00:05:29,921 Psychology. 89 00:05:30,029 --> 00:05:31,929 You know what I should've got? 90 00:05:32,031 --> 00:05:35,797 Damn! I should've got a big ass chocolate milk. Mmm! 91 00:05:35,902 --> 00:05:38,666 [Laughing] Uncle Bernie, you're funny. 92 00:05:38,771 --> 00:05:40,705 - Y'all think I'm funny, man? - [Laughing] 93 00:05:40,807 --> 00:05:42,775 - [Coughing] - [Crying] 94 00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:48,974 - Bryana, what's wrong, baby? What's wrong with you? - I want a donut too. 95 00:05:49,082 --> 00:05:51,949 Aw, baby, ain't no problem. Here. 96 00:05:52,051 --> 00:05:55,452 You can have anything you want. Whatever you want, just ask your Uncle Bernie. Hear? 97 00:05:55,555 --> 00:05:58,615 - Can I have a big ass bike? - Watch your mouth. 98 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:13,172 ?? [Whistling] 99 00:06:15,508 --> 00:06:17,408 - [Coughs] - All right, kids. 100 00:06:17,510 --> 00:06:20,843 - Home sweet home. - [Coughing Continues] 101 00:06:22,448 --> 00:06:24,348 Hey! 102 00:06:24,450 --> 00:06:26,509 Come in! Come in! 103 00:06:26,619 --> 00:06:28,519 Welcome home! 104 00:06:28,621 --> 00:06:31,681 - Oh, you kids have grown! - Hi, Aunt Wanda. 105 00:06:31,791 --> 00:06:33,691 [Chuckles] Oh! 106 00:06:33,793 --> 00:06:37,320 Now, I know you kids have been through a lot lately... 107 00:06:37,430 --> 00:06:40,490 and I want you to know that we love you very much, okay? 108 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:43,626 Could you spend the day with us, Aunt Wanda? 109 00:06:43,736 --> 00:06:46,398 Aw, sweetness... 110 00:06:46,506 --> 00:06:49,964 your Aunt Wanda would like nothing better than to spend tomorrow... 111 00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:52,476 fillin' her heart bowl with your sugar. 112 00:06:52,578 --> 00:06:56,742 But your Aunt Wanda works for AT&T, precious, and she can't just up and miss. 113 00:06:56,849 --> 00:06:59,374 - They don't play that. - Okay. 114 00:06:59,485 --> 00:07:01,851 [Bernie] In order for us to live as a family... 115 00:07:01,954 --> 00:07:03,945 I gotta set down a few house rules. 116 00:07:04,056 --> 00:07:07,992 First, this is my house. Don't get me wrong. 117 00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:10,221 This is our home, but this is my house. 118 00:07:10,329 --> 00:07:12,729 Mi casa es mi casa. 119 00:07:12,832 --> 00:07:15,164 - [Coughing] - Close your mouth, boy. 120 00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:19,432 Second, in my house, this is all my stuff. 121 00:07:19,539 --> 00:07:23,236 And you are not to touch my stuff without my permission. 122 00:07:26,179 --> 00:07:29,512 Let me break it down. Don't touch my TV. 123 00:07:29,615 --> 00:07:31,515 Don't touch my D.V.D. 124 00:07:31,617 --> 00:07:33,517 Don't touch my dual-deck V.C.R. 125 00:07:33,619 --> 00:07:35,985 And most definitely don't touch the remote... 126 00:07:36,088 --> 00:07:39,990 that works the TV, the D. V.D. And the dual-deck V.C.R. 127 00:07:40,092 --> 00:07:42,492 - Any questions? - Can we tou... 128 00:07:42,595 --> 00:07:46,861 No, you can't touch nothin'. Don't look at it. When you walk past it, close your eyes. 129 00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:49,958 Come on over here. I got somethin' else very important to show you. 130 00:07:50,069 --> 00:07:53,095 This is deep. [Grunts] 131 00:07:53,206 --> 00:07:55,265 Don't touch my old school... 132 00:07:55,374 --> 00:07:58,002 my new school, my slow jams... 133 00:07:58,110 --> 00:08:01,375 my party jams, my happy rap. 134 00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:06,282 And you better not touch... myJames Brown... 135 00:08:06,385 --> 00:08:09,218 or somebody's really gonna get hurt. 136 00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:12,086 - You understand? - [Whimpers] 137 00:08:13,893 --> 00:08:15,884 Now, y'�ll children, come on: 138 00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:18,088 Let's have some ice cream. Come on. 139 00:08:18,197 --> 00:08:20,688 "Bernie Mac, why you so strict?" 140 00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:23,633 Tough love's good for 'em. I don't play. 141 00:08:23,736 --> 00:08:26,728 Never did play. This small, never smiled or nothin'. 142 00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:29,501 Hated school 'cause they had recess. 143 00:08:29,609 --> 00:08:33,773 Teacher told me to go outside for recess. I didn't go, 'cause I don't play. 144 00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:35,848 [Crash] 145 00:08:39,986 --> 00:08:42,386 Didn't I tell you not to touch this, boy? 146 00:08:42,488 --> 00:08:45,719 Didn't I tell you not to touch this, Jordan? Yes or no? 147 00:08:45,825 --> 00:08:48,760 - [Jordan Sobbing] - Oh, man, come on. Don't start. 148 00:08:48,861 --> 00:08:50,761 What did I say? Stop that cryin'. 149 00:08:50,863 --> 00:08:52,763 All I did was ask a question. 150 00:08:52,865 --> 00:08:54,992 - [Sobbing Continues] - Oh, no, you're not. No, you're not! 151 00:08:55,101 --> 00:08:58,901 You wettin' on yourself? Are you wettin' on yourself? 152 00:08:59,005 --> 00:09:01,565 - Come here, boy! Come here! - [Shouting] 153 00:09:01,674 --> 00:09:05,770 Don't you run from me! I'm too old for this! Man, come here! 154 00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:08,847 [Panting] 155 00:09:12,952 --> 00:09:15,011 I'm cool. 156 00:09:15,121 --> 00:09:17,089 Everything is cool. 157 00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:22,319 If it don't apply, let it fly. 158 00:09:23,362 --> 00:09:26,229 You know. 159 00:09:26,332 --> 00:09:28,857 I'm too old. 160 00:09:28,968 --> 00:09:31,937 [TV.' Indistinct] 161 00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:37,033 - What? - I need to go to the store. 162 00:09:37,143 --> 00:09:39,839 I need to go to the Bahamas. Got a solution? 163 00:09:43,149 --> 00:09:45,242 [Clears Throat] 164 00:09:45,351 --> 00:09:48,718 - What you need to go to the store for, baby girl? - I need to pick up some things. 165 00:09:48,821 --> 00:09:50,721 - We got things here. - No. 166 00:09:50,823 --> 00:09:55,157 I need to pick up some, uh, personal things. 167 00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:58,389 What type of personal things you need to... 168 00:09:58,497 --> 00:10:00,624 Oh, no, no. You're only thir... 169 00:10:00,733 --> 00:10:05,170 Oh, man, don't do that. You're only 13 years old, man. 170 00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:07,671 - Whoo! - [Tapping On Table] 171 00:10:07,773 --> 00:10:10,401 [Jordan] I need my medicine. 172 00:10:10,509 --> 00:10:13,273 [Horn Honking] 173 00:10:13,379 --> 00:10:17,008 - [Coughing] - Oh... Oh, Jordan! 174 00:10:17,116 --> 00:10:19,812 - Why didn't you tell me? - [Coughing Continues] 175 00:10:19,919 --> 00:10:23,480 Cover your... Cover your mouth, boy. That's nasty. 176 00:10:23,589 --> 00:10:25,489 Hey! 177 00:10:25,591 --> 00:10:28,719 Hey-hey-hey! Hey, you're Bernie Mac, ain't ya? 178 00:10:28,828 --> 00:10:31,956 - Hey, brother, how ya doin'? - Aw, Bernie, man. 179 00:10:32,064 --> 00:10:36,592 - I ain't ate in two weeks, brother. Two weeks! - You kiddin'. Just two? 180 00:10:36,702 --> 00:10:40,297 It's been so long, I forgot what food tastes like anymore. 181 00:10:40,406 --> 00:10:42,931 - You know what? I wouldn't even worry about it. - No? 182 00:10:43,042 --> 00:10:44,669 - No. - Why not? 183 00:10:44,777 --> 00:10:46,836 - 'Cause it still tastes the same. - Aw! 184 00:10:46,946 --> 00:10:52,680 - Man, you dead weight. I don't even like your ass! - Yeah, right. Yeah, okay. 185 00:10:52,785 --> 00:10:56,516 - We got the fax from his doctor in Chicago. - Oh, good! 186 00:10:56,622 --> 00:10:59,614 - We have his medicines in stock. Just sign here. - Good. Good. 187 00:10:59,725 --> 00:11:02,421 - Sign right here? - Yeah. Has he had any Proventil today? 188 00:11:02,528 --> 00:11:05,964 - Pro who? - Proventil. It's for his cough. 189 00:11:06,065 --> 00:11:08,556 He wasn't coughin' this mornin'. 190 00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,602 What about Tilade or Flovent? 191 00:11:10,703 --> 00:11:15,197 No, he's cool. I gave him a couple of Vicks about a half an hour ago. 192 00:11:15,307 --> 00:11:17,798 You gave him cough drops? 193 00:11:17,910 --> 00:11:20,743 Yeah. The cherry bubble gum kind. 194 00:11:20,846 --> 00:11:23,406 No. This boy is pre-asthmatic. 195 00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:27,714 Unless you use a steroidal inhaler, he's gonna be in a lot of trouble. 196 00:11:27,820 --> 00:11:32,587 - Are you the legal guardian? - Look, I'm doin' the best I can. 197 00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:35,126 Just give me my medicine, please. 198 00:11:35,227 --> 00:11:39,254 The cherry bubble gum kind... they like that. It's sweet. 199 00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:42,334 - [Jordan] Give it back! - [Bryana] No! 200 00:11:42,435 --> 00:11:45,302 - Please, can I have the cherry bubble gum? - [Jordan, Bryana Arguing] 201 00:11:45,404 --> 00:11:47,998 - I'll be right back. - [Jordan] Give it back! 202 00:11:48,107 --> 00:11:51,736 - Hey, hey, hey. Look, look, look. Stop. - Give it back! 203 00:11:51,844 --> 00:11:54,074 - Mine! - Stop this arguing. Stop it. Stop it. 204 00:11:54,180 --> 00:11:57,308 - She won't give it back! - Jordan, Jordan, Jordan! 205 00:11:57,416 --> 00:11:59,543 There's hundreds of boxes of cereal on there. 206 00:11:59,652 --> 00:12:03,986 - Get some Count Chocolate or somethin'. - I don't want Count Chocula! 207 00:12:04,090 --> 00:12:07,582 - I want mine! - Boy, quit being so soft here! 208 00:12:07,693 --> 00:12:09,923 You always cryin'. You gotta be a man. 209 00:12:10,029 --> 00:12:12,827 - I don't wanna be a man! - [Stammering] 210 00:12:12,932 --> 00:12:15,833 - I want my cereal! - Boy, you gettin' ready... 211 00:12:15,935 --> 00:12:18,495 You ain't fixin' to piss up in here? 212 00:12:18,604 --> 00:12:21,368 - Don't... you... piss... up... in... this... store! - Ow! Ow! Ow! 213 00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:24,875 Come here. Come here. What y'�ll lookin' at? What you lookin' at? 214 00:12:24,977 --> 00:12:27,639 - Watch out now! Hot cold urine! - [Sobbing Continues] 215 00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:30,272 Watch out! Watch out! Urine! 216 00:12:30,382 --> 00:12:32,714 I know you can hold it. You can hold it, boy. Hold it! 217 00:12:32,818 --> 00:12:36,276 Ain't nothin' but a little piss. Lady, look out! Lady! Lady! 218 00:12:36,388 --> 00:12:39,949 - He peed on the film counter? - Urine. 219 00:12:40,059 --> 00:12:42,926 - Where were you? - I was holdin' the boy. 220 00:12:43,028 --> 00:12:45,622 You held him while he peed on somebody's family photos? 221 00:12:45,731 --> 00:12:48,063 No, I was developin' the film faster. 222 00:12:48,167 --> 00:12:50,192 What the hell you think I was doin', Wanda? 223 00:12:50,302 --> 00:12:52,202 I was tryin' to get the boy to the bathroom. 224 00:12:52,304 --> 00:12:54,534 I had his pants down. He ain't right. 225 00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:56,540 He ain't right. 226 00:12:56,642 --> 00:12:58,837 Bernie, those kids have been through hell. 227 00:12:58,944 --> 00:13:01,913 He probably just misses his mama, and that's his way of expressing it. 228 00:13:02,014 --> 00:13:04,608 When I was his age, baby, I missed my daddy too... 229 00:13:04,717 --> 00:13:06,810 but I still held my damn bowels. 230 00:13:06,919 --> 00:13:11,151 - That's good. - At some point, the boy got to be a man. 231 00:13:11,257 --> 00:13:14,283 I think that point is 18, not eight. 232 00:13:14,393 --> 00:13:18,523 Not everybody is as strong as Bernie Mac, you know. 233 00:13:19,565 --> 00:13:22,432 - You got that right. - Mm-hmm. 234 00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:24,435 [Jordan Coughing] 235 00:13:24,537 --> 00:13:26,505 Medicine time. 236 00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:35,410 - I gotta get used to this, I'm telling you. - You will. You will. 237 00:13:35,514 --> 00:13:39,075 - ?? [Man Singing] - [No Audible Dialogue] 238 00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:59,771 ?? [Continues] 239 00:14:35,908 --> 00:14:37,876 ?? [Ends] 240 00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:43,913 Wait. Wait. He was in love with GraceJones. 241 00:14:44,016 --> 00:14:46,211 - Come on. Come on. - You told me that! 242 00:14:46,318 --> 00:14:48,684 - It's on you, Bernie Mac. It's on you. - [Laughing] 243 00:14:48,787 --> 00:14:50,687 Or should I call you "Daddy Mac." He got babies now. 244 00:14:50,789 --> 00:14:52,780 - Oh, that's wrong. - Changing diapers. 245 00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:55,759 Hey, homes, if you needed kids, man, you could've asked me. 246 00:14:55,861 --> 00:15:00,355 - I got a couple I ain't usin'. - And a couple he ain't seen. 247 00:15:00,466 --> 00:15:03,026 Y'�ll real, real funny. Real funny. 248 00:15:03,135 --> 00:15:06,195 You play with a puppy, he'll lick you in the mouth. 249 00:15:06,305 --> 00:15:10,674 - You pet a dog, you'll get your ass bit. - You'll get your ass bit. 250 00:15:10,776 --> 00:15:13,244 - You ain't lyin' right there. - Too funny. 251 00:15:15,014 --> 00:15:18,074 - Yes? - [Dialing] 252 00:15:18,183 --> 00:15:20,083 - May I help you? - [Door Closes] 253 00:15:23,222 --> 00:15:25,952 [Laughing] Did you see... 254 00:15:26,058 --> 00:15:27,958 She probably just didn't wanna interrupt. 255 00:15:28,060 --> 00:15:30,620 That's her way of showing you respect. [Laughing Continues] 256 00:15:30,729 --> 00:15:33,061 - Give me the phone. - [Vanessa] What phone? 257 00:15:33,165 --> 00:15:35,759 - See what I mean? - I'm not gonna knock again, Vanessa. 258 00:15:35,868 --> 00:15:38,735 Can you hold on, please? 259 00:15:38,837 --> 00:15:41,897 Who in the... Nessa! 260 00:15:42,007 --> 00:15:44,168 He is trippin', okay? 261 00:15:44,276 --> 00:15:46,437 I'll call you back. Okay. Bye. 262 00:15:49,682 --> 00:15:51,912 Didn't I tell you don't touch nothin' without my permission? 263 00:15:52,017 --> 00:15:54,417 - You didn't say the phone. - I didn't say the phone? 264 00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:59,457 You said, don't touch the TV, the V.C.R., the D.V. D... 265 00:15:59,558 --> 00:16:03,517 your old school, your new school and your happy rap... 266 00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:05,995 but you never said we couldn't touch the phone. 267 00:16:06,098 --> 00:16:09,431 Technically, she's right. Technically. 268 00:16:09,535 --> 00:16:13,301 It ain't about the phone. It's about the simple things in life, about teaching you respect. 269 00:16:13,405 --> 00:16:15,305 - You understand? - Whatever. 270 00:16:15,407 --> 00:16:16,408 "Whatever"? "Whatever" ain't no answer. 271 00:16:16,408 --> 00:16:18,342 "Whatever"? "Whatever" ain't no answer. 272 00:16:18,444 --> 00:16:20,378 How about, "Yes, sir, Uncle Bernie"? 273 00:16:20,479 --> 00:16:23,039 - You hear what I said? - You ain't none of my daddy. 274 00:16:23,148 --> 00:16:25,048 I ain't none of your what? 275 00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:27,141 What'd you say to me? 276 00:16:27,252 --> 00:16:29,413 Let me tell you somethin'. I got news for you. 277 00:16:29,521 --> 00:16:31,421 - I'm not tryin' to be your daddy. - Good. 278 00:16:31,523 --> 00:16:33,855 I'm..."Good"? "Good"? 279 00:16:33,959 --> 00:16:37,156 Can you believe this? Y'�ll keep watchin'. 280 00:16:37,262 --> 00:16:39,628 It gets worse. "Good." 281 00:16:39,732 --> 00:16:41,962 Like I'm a sissy or some... Okay. 282 00:16:42,067 --> 00:16:45,195 You keep on talkin' to me with that attitude, little girl... 283 00:16:45,304 --> 00:16:49,468 I may not be your daddy, but I'll whup your ass just like your daddy. 284 00:16:49,575 --> 00:16:51,543 And you'll go tojail like you was my daddy too. 285 00:16:51,643 --> 00:16:53,611 Ooh. 286 00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:57,148 [Bangs On Door] 287 00:16:58,484 --> 00:17:00,850 - [Bangs On Door] - Don't come out. 288 00:17:00,953 --> 00:17:03,012 I'm gonna bust your head till the white meat... Come out! 289 00:17:03,122 --> 00:17:07,650 That's right. I said, I'm gonna bust her head till the white meat show. 290 00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:11,719 I ain't ashamed that I said it. Ain't nobody gonna make me take it back. 291 00:17:15,300 --> 00:17:18,531 Corporal punishment? I spanked the boy on his behind in the store. 292 00:17:18,637 --> 00:17:21,128 - Who told you that? - That's not important, Mr. Mac. 293 00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:23,902 - What's impor... - No, Mr. Cooley. Who told you that? 294 00:17:24,009 --> 00:17:25,909 - Well, the oldest girl. - Vanessa? 295 00:17:26,011 --> 00:17:29,276 You can't believe anything she said. She's just a child, Mr. Cooley. 296 00:17:29,381 --> 00:17:33,818 She also said that you threatened to "whup her like you were her daddy." 297 00:17:33,919 --> 00:17:38,117 She... She dissed me in front of my boys, Mr. Cooley. 298 00:17:38,223 --> 00:17:40,214 Come on. You just don't do that. 299 00:17:40,325 --> 00:17:45,888 Okay. Did you also say, you're going to "bust her head till the white meat shows"? 300 00:17:45,998 --> 00:17:48,831 - That's... They're my boys. - Mr. Mac... 301 00:17:48,934 --> 00:17:52,563 - Come on. - Mr. Mac, between that and the profanity... 302 00:17:52,671 --> 00:17:55,401 Hold on. I don't use no profanity in front of those children. 303 00:17:55,507 --> 00:17:57,407 That's a lie. Who told you that? 304 00:17:57,509 --> 00:18:00,444 You didn't say, "big ass donut"? 305 00:18:02,448 --> 00:18:04,939 - Who... Who told you that? - The littlest one. 306 00:18:05,050 --> 00:18:06,950 - But the point is... - My family... 307 00:18:07,052 --> 00:18:09,782 - I'm here to help, not to hinder. - Bunch of stool pigeons. 308 00:18:09,888 --> 00:18:11,685 You want the kids to live here. 309 00:18:11,790 --> 00:18:14,520 - I want the kids to live here. - You know I want the kids to live here. Come on! 310 00:18:14,626 --> 00:18:17,390 Neither of us wants a situation. 311 00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:22,733 - Come on, Cooley. - Are you a smoker? 312 00:18:22,835 --> 00:18:26,134 - Cigars. Every now and then, I smoke a cigar. - But you don't... 313 00:18:26,238 --> 00:18:28,866 No. No. I smoke in the den if I do. 314 00:18:28,974 --> 00:18:32,205 - Only in the den. My wife... - [Jordan Coughing] 315 00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:35,474 In the den. My wife, she don't like it. 316 00:18:35,581 --> 00:18:37,606 - I swear. - [Coughing Continues] 317 00:18:37,716 --> 00:18:40,844 Tryin' to take my babies from me. 318 00:18:42,321 --> 00:18:44,221 They take my babies from me, I'm lost. 319 00:18:44,323 --> 00:18:46,518 Without them, I'm nothin'. 320 00:18:46,625 --> 00:18:49,423 Lord, you know I do everything you ask. 321 00:18:49,528 --> 00:18:53,362 You can take the kids, but you can't take my babies. 322 00:18:54,399 --> 00:18:57,664 [Sighs] Y'�ll got the camera on. 323 00:18:57,769 --> 00:19:00,101 Ain't nothin' sacred. Cut the camera off. 324 00:19:02,007 --> 00:19:05,408 - [Bryana] I'm scared. - Bryana? 325 00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:10,171 Come here, baby girl. 326 00:19:10,282 --> 00:19:13,683 - What you scared of? - You. 327 00:19:13,785 --> 00:19:16,913 Me? Why you scared of me? 328 00:19:17,022 --> 00:19:20,389 I'm sorry I broke your record. 329 00:19:20,492 --> 00:19:24,326 - You told me not to touch it, but I touched it. - Oh! 330 00:19:24,429 --> 00:19:27,193 I didn't mean to, but I did. 331 00:19:27,299 --> 00:19:29,267 That's all right. 332 00:19:29,368 --> 00:19:31,859 Don't worry about it. I can replace it. 333 00:19:31,970 --> 00:19:35,201 - Really? - No. [Chuckles] 334 00:19:35,307 --> 00:19:38,105 But if you say you're sorry, that's the right thing to do. 335 00:19:38,210 --> 00:19:40,144 And I forgive you. 336 00:19:40,245 --> 00:19:43,681 And I'm sorry if I scared you, okay? 337 00:19:43,782 --> 00:19:46,683 Okay. I forgive you. 338 00:19:49,454 --> 00:19:51,820 You forgive me? 339 00:19:51,924 --> 00:19:54,290 Thank you, baby girl. 340 00:19:54,393 --> 00:19:56,861 Come on. Let's get back to bed. Come on. 341 00:20:02,668 --> 00:20:05,034 - Uncle Bernie? - Huh? 342 00:20:05,137 --> 00:20:07,503 Are you our daddy now? 343 00:20:08,574 --> 00:20:10,599 Wow. 344 00:20:10,709 --> 00:20:13,701 No. I'm still old Uncle Bernie, okay? 345 00:20:13,812 --> 00:20:17,111 Can I call you Uncle Daddy? 346 00:20:19,451 --> 00:20:23,785 No. You keep calling me Uncle Bernie. 347 00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:26,187 - Okay? - Okay. 348 00:20:26,291 --> 00:20:28,259 Come on. 349 00:20:31,663 --> 00:20:33,722 You see what I'm talkin' about? 350 00:20:33,832 --> 00:20:35,732 See what I'm sayin'? 351 00:20:35,834 --> 00:20:38,632 What am I supposed to do? Hide my feelings? Lie? 352 00:20:38,737 --> 00:20:41,968 Come on, America. We're family. You and I are family. 353 00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:45,202 When I say I wanna kill those kids, you know what I mean. 354 00:20:45,310 --> 00:20:47,574 I don't have to explain. Come on. 355 00:20:47,679 --> 00:20:50,705 Bernie Mac just say what you wanna say, but can't. 356 00:20:50,816 --> 00:20:53,080 But that's all right. I'm the bad guy. 357 00:20:53,185 --> 00:20:56,177 I'll be the bad guy. See, I just... 358 00:20:57,756 --> 00:20:59,724 I'm sorry. 359 00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:09,697 Now, that's a start. That's most definitely a start. 360 00:21:16,575 --> 00:21:19,908 See, America? Y'�ll thought I was all wrong and everything. Y'�ll... 361 00:21:21,313 --> 00:21:23,213 I'm sorry too. 362 00:21:25,450 --> 00:21:27,611 "Sorry"? What did you do? 363 00:21:27,719 --> 00:21:31,246 You don't know? [Mutters] 364 00:21:31,356 --> 00:21:33,256 Cut the camera off. 365 00:21:33,358 --> 00:21:35,383 Cut the camera off. Come here! 366 00:21:35,494 --> 00:21:37,462 Come here! 367 00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:44,696 Hey, look! 368 00:21:44,803 --> 00:21:46,794 - Hey, how ya doin'? - I can't believe it's you! 369 00:21:46,905 --> 00:21:49,669 - Okay. Okay. - Grandma! Grandpa! 370 00:21:52,044 --> 00:21:53,944 - Do they know you? - I... I... 371 00:21:54,046 --> 00:21:56,844 Grandpa, that's Bernie Mac. He's so funny. 372 00:21:56,948 --> 00:21:59,883 - I remember when he said, "I ain't scared of your..." - Hey, hey... 373 00:21:59,985 --> 00:22:02,545 Hey, just stay tight with your grandparents, okay? 374 00:22:02,654 --> 00:22:04,622 - These kids sure love you. - I don't know about that. 375 00:22:04,723 --> 00:22:06,623 - Thank you. Thank you. - No. Thank you. 376 00:22:06,725 --> 00:22:09,193 Y'all have a good one, hear? All right. 30461

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