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Brooklyn 1986
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Every school year,
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there were always days when students
had to do special assignments.
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Good morning, everybody.
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Some were easy, like Thanksgiving.
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Your assignment is to write a report
about what you're thankful for.
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And Martin Luther King Day.
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Your assignment is to report
about what you would dream about
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if you were about to be shot.
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Some were a lot harder.
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This week is my favorite
holiday: Earth Day.
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Or, as you would say, Chris, Earf Day.
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If you live on Earth,
isn't every day Earth Day?
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What's Earth Day?
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Well, Chris, people are
destroying the planet
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with things like plastic bags and cans,
bottles,and indestruible foodstuffs.
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On Earth Day, we put forth our
best efforts to save the planet.
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I thght saving the planet
was a waste of time,
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because I was too busy
trying to save me.
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I tried saving my face.
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I tried saving my ass.
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I even tried saving my future kid's ass.
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To this day, I love geography.
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Your assignment is to do something
you think will help save the Earth.
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Greg.
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You mean something like building
a solar-powered tanning bed?
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Isn't that what the beach is?
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That's vy good, Greg.
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Chris, what would you like to do?
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I knew my dad had a truck
and Bed -Stuy was a mess.
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So I had the perfect project.
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Uh, collect cans and recycle them?
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That's wonderful.
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Then you could take the money and
do something for the environment.
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You could plant a tree.
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Maybe I could plant
my foot in your b...
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Everybody Hates Chris S03E18
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www.1000fr.com presents
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00:03:18,200
Thanks, Dad.
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What are you doing, boy?
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I have to build a car
out of this piece of wood.
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I want to know what you're
doing with my potatoes.
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That's how I'm going to power it.
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It's environmentally friendly.
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You wasting my potatoes
is butt-whipping friendly.
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???
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Listen to this:"Dear Parent,
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"Your daughter Tonya has been cited
for a conduct violation,
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and your presence is being
requested for a conference."
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What kind of conduct violation?
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She said I was being
rude and belligerent.
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Ain't no damn body
rude and belligerent.
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I'm going to go down there and show
them what rude and belligerent is.
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No kidding.
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Rude and belligerent.
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While I had my father
on my side,
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my mother was going to get
a teacher off of Tonya's back.
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I don't see why I have to take
a whole day off of work,
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to come down here for this nonsense.
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I don't think it's nonsense.
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Tonya was exhibiting some aggressive
behavior toward a classmate.
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I just wanted you to be aware of it.
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I was just trying to read,
and she wouldn't be quiet.
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Girl, you interrupt me again, I'm going
to knock the sound out of your mouth.
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How is she being aggressive?
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Apparently, Tonya turned toward
her study partner and said this.
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???
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Did you say this?
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Sorta.
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Well, shewastrying to study, right?
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- That's not the point.
- Oh, well, I think it is.
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This is school, and her behavior
will not be tolerated.
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Her behavior?
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What about the other
little girl's behavior?
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Why don't you have her mother come
down here and tell her kid to shut up
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while my baby is trying to study?
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That's neither here nor there.
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Then please, where is it?
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What I'd like to ask is do you know
where Tonya got this language from?
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My mother had two answers
to that question.
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Answer A:
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She got it from this knot I'm
about to put upside your head.
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And Answer B:
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Well, I don't know,
but it won't happen again.
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Have a nice day.
Tonya, come on.
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- I want to get transferred.
- Girl, don't backtalk me right now.
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Now is not the time.
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???
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If you want to save the Earth,
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you better figure out
what to do about them Russians.
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They got bombs.
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My whole family worked in the fields.
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I hate fields.
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I love concrete.
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You can't grow cotton on concrete.
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I help the environment
by driving as much as I can.
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You ever ride that train?
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That train is filthy, man.
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You know it's dirty as hell
when rats got footies on.
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You want to save this planet?
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Get rid of them trains.
Get rid of them trains.
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I help the environment
by wearing wigs.
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People put a whole lot
of chemicals in their hair.
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Then they wash it out.
It goes right into the river.
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People got to drink that water.
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When you done with a wig,
just flush it down the toilet.
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If it ends up in your glass,
well, at least you can see it.
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I use "I Can't Believe
This Is Not Margarine."
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It tastes real great.
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Plus it has paudri drida madra-
hydragly cerin.
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That saves cows.
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If the Earth died,
that would be tragic,
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but I sure like to sell that coffin.
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So how'd it go with Tonya?
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Her teacher is crazy.
That's how it went.
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What happened?
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I was trying to study and this
girl kept talking so I told her:
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"If you don't shut up I'm going to
slap the chatter out of you."
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And she left me alone.
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Wow, you sound just like mom.
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- No, she doesn't.
- She does.
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I mean, just a little.
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So you think that this is my fault?
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Well, you do kind of always yell.
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Okay, then fine, I'll stop.
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- What? That's funny?
- yes
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You're going to stop yelling?
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Yes, I'm going to stop yelling.
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You just watch.
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I got five dollars says
you won't last a week.
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Bet.
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???
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???
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Dad.
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Dad.
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- Hmm?
- You think we can go out and get started?
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Started on what?
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Collecting cans.
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What cans?
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For my project.
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- What project?
- My school project.
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What school project?
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Collecting cans.
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Chris, I'm tired.
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Can't you do it yourself?
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Yeah, I guess I can start by myself.
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A kid collecting cans
with his dad is recycling.
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A kid collecting cans
by himself is bum practice.
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Dad?
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??
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???
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Unfortunately, you could turn
in cans for money,
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and every bum
in Bed-Stuy knew it.
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They may be bums, but
they're not lazy bums.
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Hey, Chris.
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What are you doing in there?
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Collecting cans.
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Turn in enough,get a lot of cash,
plus, it's good for the environment.
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What are you doing, soldier?
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I'm trying to collect cans,too.
It's for my Earth Day project.
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Want to collect cans around here?
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u got to be quick.
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Yeah, I guess so.
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Got to be quicker than that.
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??
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After a couple of days,
my can project was ????.
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You've got to be quick to get the cans.
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That's a big business.
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I thought my dad was
going to be helping me.
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This was supposed to be easy.
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Maybe you should switch projects.
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Yeah, now all I have to do is
come up with a solar-powered excuse.
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I'd help you,
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but I ran into a major problem.
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What happened?
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00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:59,000
While I was making my tanning bed,
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I accidentally invented an incandescent light bulb,
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that won't burn out for 600 years.
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00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:06,300
That's amazing.
Then you'll definitely get an "A."
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- I can't turn that in.
- Why not?
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00:09:08,500 --> 00:09:10,800
Are you crazy? I'd be a marked man.
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I'm not taking down every major
power company in the nation.
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They'd have me killed in a minute.
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So I decided to switch projects.
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I'm going with a dung-powered
radar system.
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US patent #D349127.
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So what are you going to do?
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Well, I figure there's a bunch
of cans around here some
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I might as well just keep looking.
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See these two little cup-like things?
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Mm-hmm?
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Take one of these little electrodes
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and plunge it into the potato there,
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s and take the other ????
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Back at home,
my mother needed help, too.
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00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:46,500
Drew, what is all this stuff on the table?
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- Boy, you better clean this table before I knock...!
- Are you yelling?
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No.
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Sweetie.
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When you get a chance...
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would you mind putting this stuff away,
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so I-I-I can set the table for dinner?
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00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:03,200
Yeah, I'll do it in a minute.
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00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:07,100
Hi, Tonya.
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00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:09,900
Did Daddy say you could have
ice cream before dinner?
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Nope, but I got hungry.
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00:10:12,500 --> 00:10:14,300
But Tonya, it's almost dinnertime.
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00:10:14,300 --> 00:10:16,200
- I don't want you to ruin your appetite.
- Mama, don't worrn'it.
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I'm going to eat my dinner.
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00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:21,900
???
239
00:10:29,100 --> 00:10:31,800
???
240
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,700
Tonya, why are you reading at the table?
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00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:36,300
Why aren't youating your dinner?
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00:10:36,500 --> 00:10:37,500
I'm just not hungry.
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00:10:37,700 --> 00:10:41,100
Hmm, well, maybe it's all that ice
cream you had before dner.re
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00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:42,100
Yeah, maybe.
245
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,200
Who said you could eat ice cream
before dinner?
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00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:45,100
Nobody.
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That's the problem.
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00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:47,300
What?
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00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:48,400
Nothing.
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00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:54,400
So,Chris,how's your project coming along?
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Okay.
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Um, me and Dad are just trying to figure
out a time that's good for us g for cans.
253
00:11:01,500 --> 00:11:03,200
Yeah, we're working on the time.
254
00:11:03,300 --> 00:11:05,900
Oh, okay, that's nice. I'm sure you
two will work it out.
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00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:07,200
hmm.
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00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:09,700
Well, I finally finared out
my project.
257
00:11:09,900 --> 00:11:11,900
I hope you figured out
how to clean that mess up.
258
00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:14,900
I-I built a potato clock.
259
00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:17,800
Now all have to do is paint it.
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00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:18,900
Paint?
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00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:21,200
- On my dining room table?
- Mm-hmm.
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00:11:24,500 --> 00:11:26,300
Oh, no, you don't.You're not getting me.
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00:11:26,700 --> 00:11:28,400
I'm keeping that five dollars.
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00:11:29,300 --> 00:11:32,400
Paint all you want.Paint 20 potatoes
if you have to, Drew.
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00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:34,400
Are those my good potatoes?
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Not anymore!
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00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:38,400
Yeah, but I'll chop 'em up and make
French fries after I tu my project in.
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00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:41,100
Hey, check it out.
I put a calendar on the front.
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00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:44,300
I thought you were supposed
to be making a car.
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00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:46,200
I thought you were supposed
to be eating your dinner.
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00:11:47,500 --> 00:11:50,800
I was, but the potatoes were
too weak to run it.
272
00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:53,900
I wonder how many potatoes we need
to get rid of the light bill.
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00:11:53,900 --> 00:11:56,800
Enough to make mashed potatoes
for the next million years.
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00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:59,000
So Dad, you think you could pick
me up after school tomorrow?
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00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:00,300
For what?
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00:12:01,100 --> 00:12:02,400
To pick up cans.
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00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:06,300
Yeah, yeah, cans.
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00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:07,500
No problem.
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00:12:07,700 --> 00:12:09,400
Work tomorrow? No problem.
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00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:12,400
Unfortunately for me,
if you offer my dad a job,
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00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:14,400
he forgot about everything else.
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00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:17,800
So Dad, I'm going to come straight
home after school tomorrow, okay?
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00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:20,000
Oh, I'm sorry, Chris.
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00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:23,100
I just picked up an extra shift.
I get paid time and a half, but,
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00:12:23,300 --> 00:12:24,900
hey, you're doing okay though, right?
286
00:12:26,100 --> 00:12:27,100
Yeah, Dad, I'm fine.
287
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:29,400
All right, I knew you would.
288
00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:31,600
You're the man. That's my boy.
289
00:12:34,500 --> 00:12:38,100
We learned the reason my mother
yelled wasn't because she liked yelling.
290
00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:41,300
It was because if she didn't
yell, no one would hear her.
291
00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:42,500
Drew, wake up
292
00:12:42,700 --> 00:12:44,000
Hey, right.
293
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:46,300
Chris, you're going to be late.
294
00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:47,700
I'm coming.
295
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:49,100
Okay, fine.
296
00:12:49,700 --> 00:12:52,000
Don't go to school. Grow up stupid.
297
00:12:55,100 --> 00:12:57,500
Tonya, wake up, baby.
298
00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,400
All right, all right.
Five more minutes.
299
00:13:07,300 --> 00:13:08,100
See?
300
00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:11,100
Oh, this is what I'm talking about.
301
00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:12,400
I tried to be nice
302
00:13:13,500 --> 00:13:15,000
and this is the thanks I get.
303
00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:17,900
Yeah, I try not to be
rude and belligerent.
304
00:13:17,900 --> 00:13:20,300
If I wasn't, nothing
would get done around here.
305
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:21,500
But that's okay.
306
00:13:22,300 --> 00:13:25,400
Oh, okay, I guess I'm supposed
to clean this up too?
307
00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:27,900
Oh, no, no, no problem, Mr. Potato.
308
00:13:27,900 --> 00:13:28,900
I'll clean you up.
309
00:13:28,900 --> 00:13:30,200
HDI have nothing else better to do.
310
00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:32,100
No, please, you sit right there.
311
00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:34,200
I'll be back. No, real, stay!
312
00:13:34,900 --> 00:13:35,800
No, it's okay.
313
00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:38,000
It's okay because...
314
00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:44,400
Now that is just nasty.
315
00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:47,900
After searching around,
I found a few cans,
316
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:50,000
but what I really needed was some help.
317
00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:01,400
There he is, Officer. That's the man.
318
00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:04,700
That's my boy.
319
00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:08,500
If I ever needed my dad's help,
1needed it then.
320
00:14:08,500 --> 00:14:09,300
Dad?
321
00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:12,000
Dad!
322
00:14:13,900 --> 00:14:15,800
Dad... ah, dang it!
323
00:14:16,100 --> 00:14:17,100
Wait!
324
00:14:18,900 --> 00:14:21,200
Move, move, move.
325
00:14:29,300 --> 00:14:30,200
Dad?
326
00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:31,600
I'm not your daddy.
327
00:14:40,300 --> 00:14:41,200
Am I?
328
00:14:41,300 --> 00:14:42,100
No.
329
00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:44,100
Thank you, God.
330
00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:58,300
??
331
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:00,900
Hey, baby, what you doing?
332
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:03,100
I looked everywhere and
I couldn't find any cans.
333
00:15:03,100 --> 00:15:04,300
So I figured I'd get my own.
334
00:15:04,700 --> 00:15:05,500
Want a soda?
335
00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:06,800
Yeah, thanks.
336
00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:09,700
You mean to tell me you and your daddy
couldn't find one can?
337
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:13,400
I didn't want to tell on my
dad, but I didn't want to lie.
338
00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:18,500
Well, Dad hasn't really had any time
to come looking for cans with me.
339
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:19,900
He's been working.
340
00:15:21,100 --> 00:15:22,100
Really.
341
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:25,000
My project was on its last leg.
342
00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:27,800
And for my mother,
that was the last straw.
343
00:15:27,900 --> 00:15:28,900
Julius, wake up!
344
00:15:28,900 --> 00:15:30,400
Oh, oh, what's going on?
What? What?
345
00:15:30,700 --> 00:15:32,500
I thought you wereyoelp
Chris with his homework.
346
00:15:32,500 --> 00:15:34,000
I was. I am.
347
00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:34,900
When?
348
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:36,000
I don't know.
349
00:15:36,100 --> 00:15:37,500
Rochelle, I've been working.
350
00:15:37,500 --> 00:15:39,900
Oh, and I've just been laying
around the house all day?
351
00:15:39,900 --> 00:15:41,000
Is that what it is?
352
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:45,400
I ask you to help that boy with
homework omnt, in what, 15 years?!
353
00:15:45,500 --> 00:15:46,900
And you can't even do that!
354
00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:50,900
All I ask you to do is take the boy
and pick up some cans.
355
00:15:51,500 --> 00:15:54,200
- I'm sorry.
- "I'm sorry"? You ought to be!
356
00:15:54,700 --> 00:15:57,700
Your son needed your help with
one school assignment,
357
00:15:57,700 --> 00:16:00,100
but, no, you were too busy.
358
00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:02,100
But, baby...
359
00:16:02,100 --> 00:16:03,700
But-but-but what?
360
00:16:03,900 --> 00:16:05,500
Are you going to help him or not?
361
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:08,000
Mmm.
362
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:10,000
That's exactly what I thought.
363
00:16:10,700 --> 00:16:12,600
Hmm.Take your money.
364
00:16:14,500 --> 00:16:17,300
I'm back!
365
00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:20,400
???
366
00:16:20,900 --> 00:16:21,800
Dad?
367
00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:26,300
What's wrong?
368
00:16:26,900 --> 00:16:27,900
What happened?
369
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:29,200
Whoa, calm down.
370
00:16:29,300 --> 00:16:31,300
I'm here to help you
with your Earth Day project.
371
00:16:31,500 --> 00:16:32,500
I thought you had to work.
372
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:35,400
I do. Now let's go get these cans.
373
00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:14,900
Looks pretty full.
374
00:17:15,300 --> 00:17:17,300
Yeah, so you want to take it to
the recycling center?
375
00:17:17,700 --> 00:17:19,300
No, let's take it first thing
in the mornihe
376
00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:30,900
So, Tonya,I know you heard me
scream yesterday.
377
00:17:31,700 --> 00:17:33,400
Yeah, are you sorry?
378
00:17:33,700 --> 00:17:36,500
No, I'm not sorry and I'll telyou why.
379
00:17:37,100 --> 00:17:40,400
You can only talk that way
to someone when you love them.
380
00:17:40,700 --> 00:17:43,100
But you have to be nice to the people
that you don't know.
381
00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:46,000
But that doesn't make any sense.
382
00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:48,700
No, it doesn't make any sense,
383
00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:50,500
but it so happens to be true.
384
00:17:50,500 --> 00:17:52,400
Like when Bush got reelected.
385
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:55,200
How can it be true if it doesn't
make any sense?
386
00:17:55,900 --> 00:17:58,200
Because that's just the way
the truth is.
387
00:17:59,500 --> 00:18:00,400
Oh.
388
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:04,000
So this means that I'm going to
go back to yelling at everybody.
389
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:05,700
Because you love us?
390
00:18:05,700 --> 00:18:07,300
Exactly.
391
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:09,400
So can yell at you, too?
392
00:18:09,700 --> 00:18:11,600
Mmm, if you want the fillings knocked
out of your face,
393
00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:12,700
go right ahead.
394
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:21,000
??
395
00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:28,200
Sorry you had to miss work
for this, Dad.
396
00:18:28,300 --> 00:18:29,200
That's okay.
397
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:30,500
So how much money did you make?
398
00:18:30,500 --> 00:18:32,500
- $100? $200?
- Six.
399
00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:33,800
$600?!
400
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:35,300
No, six dollars.
401
00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:37,000
I can't do anything with this.
402
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,200
How am I supposed to save
the Earth with six dollars?
403
00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:42,800
You know what, Chris?
404
00:18:42,900 --> 00:18:45,500
To some people six dollars
is a lot of money.
405
00:18:48,100 --> 00:18:49,900
You said you wanted to help the planet.
406
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:55,700
??
407
00:18:55,700 --> 00:18:57,000
- Hey, Kill Moves.
- Konnichiwa!
408
00:18:58,500 --> 00:18:59,300
Hey, Chris.
409
00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:00,800
I got something for you.
410
00:19:01,300 --> 00:19:02,100
Uh, what's this for?
411
00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:03,100
Earth Day.
412
00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:04,300
Earth Day, huh?
413
00:19:04,500 --> 00:19:05,700
Hmm, thanks.
414
00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:09,100
Hey, Happy Earth Day.
415
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:11,300
Let's get you to school.
416
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:16,500
People talk about saving the planet
by picking up cansand bottles,
417
00:19:16,700 --> 00:19:18,600
but the one thing I learned
from Earth Day
418
00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:21,100
was that saving the planet
meant a lot to me,
419
00:19:21,100 --> 00:19:24,300
but doing it with my father
meant the world to me.
420
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:31,900
So, Chris, tell us about
your Earth Day project.
421
00:19:32,100 --> 00:19:34,600
Oh, well, me and my dad collected
a truckful of cans.
422
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:36,300
Chris, that's wonderful.
423
00:19:36,500 --> 00:19:38,500
And I gave the money
to somebody less fortunate.
424
00:19:38,700 --> 00:19:41,500
I mean, there's no reason to save
the Earth if you can't save the people.
425
00:19:41,900 --> 00:19:44,800
Oh, Chris, that's so profound.
426
00:19:45,300 --> 00:19:49,600
Other than the fact that you can see,
Stevie Wonder's got nothing on you.
427
00:19:50,500 --> 00:19:56,800
I know in my heart, that money
is somehow going to help us all.
428
00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:01,400
So we have 13 Styrofoam ice chests,
429
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:04,100
four cans of aerosol spray paint,
430
00:20:04,300 --> 00:20:07,000
one pack of cigarettes,
a gallon of whisky
431
00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:10,200
and one container of "I Can't
Believe It's Not Margarine."
432
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:13,700
Would that be paper or plastic?
433
00:20:14,100 --> 00:20:15,100
Plastic.
434
00:20:17,500 --> 00:20:19,000
???
435
00:20:19,500 --> 00:20:22,500
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