Original subtitles

End of the line, Father.

Excuse me.

That one's yours, I think.

-Sorry. -It's fine.

Here you go, Father.

This...

Unbelievable.

Merry Christmas.

Father Joyce?

It's about time, don't you think? Good grief. Who are you?

You're not Father Joyce. Where's Simeon? I want Simeon.

So do a number of people. You'll have to get in line.

Wait, I haven't confessed to anything yet.

Your Grace?

Father Simeon Joyce, have any of you seen him?

-Have you tried the Olde lnn? -I've just arrived. How would I find it?

In grave disrepair, I'm afraid.

-I'm looking for Father Simeon Joyce. -I see.

I was told that he might be here.

-And do you know if he is here? -I do, yes.

-And then... Is he? -He is, yes.

And be ye not drunk with wine for that would be dissipation.

I hate it when I get the dissipations.

But be filled with the spirit. Or, in our case, triply-distilled spirits.

-Amen, brothers? -Amen.

My God, Jonathan Keene.

Lads, I want you to meet a friend of mine from seminary.

Excuse me, is there a taxi service in town?

Wait.

-What are you... -There is, but...

Cape Livery. At your service, Father.

-You're not driving, Phelim. -l... I'm well. I will.

Come on, Finn. We'll take Simeon home.

Classic Catholic henchman maneuver. Shouldn't you greet me with a kiss?

Your first time in the Cape, Father?

-lt is, yes. -Staying long?

-No. -Church business, eh?

-Something like that, yes. -Simeon in trouble?

Do you mind? This is a Church matter.

Oh, a Church matter. Do you hear that, Finn?

Just like the Catholics.

I take it you're not Catholic, Mr. Shepley.

We're Protestants, the only ones in the area.

-Persecuted, aren't we, Finn? -Persecuted.

Persecuted?

Who do you think gets the call when you've got tree problems?

Someone other than you?

Tree Kings, every time, even though we're the superior company.

-I see. And these three kings... -Tree Kings.

-Sorry. Tree Kings are Catholic? -They're pagans.

-Pagans. -But not Catholics?

-Not at all. -Then how is this a religious problem?

-Well, what would you call it? -I don't know. I'm adopted.

-I'm asking him. -Oh.

-There's the church. -There's the steeple.

-Well, open the door. -Give me a break.

You haven't changed a bit. You still look like a kid.

-You don't. -Are you here to shut us down?

We'll talk about it in the morning. Go to sleep.

No. No, wait. Jon. Wait, wait. This church is about to turn a corner.

These people just need a chance. They need...

-Look at yourself, Simeon. Go to bed. -It's Christmas. I was celebrating.

You can't shut a church down at Christmas.

It's flat-out unchristian. Listen, Jon, promise me you won't do anything

drastic till you give me one more fair chance.

For old time's sake, okay?

You all know our friend Ari Viloso, he's not doing well, and I thought

we might try and sing his favorite Christmas song

since he can't be here today.

So it's the one he taught me, the one I've been trying to teach you. Okay?

So, we'll all try together.

Dona Nobis. You remember. Here we go. One, two, three.

No. Sorry. I'm completely out of tune there.

We'll try it again, okay?

You know what?

Right now, I want you to meet a friend of mine, an old friend from seminary.

He's come all the way from New York City. Father Jonathan Keene.

Let's make him feel welcome, okay?

Father Jonathan Keene. Come on. He's a bit shy.

Come on up, Jon.

Peace be with you.

That's all. Thank you.

Folks, Father Keene is very powerful as priests go.

He's a representative of the archdiocese, sort of their hit man.

That's fair, wouldn't you say?

He shuts down churches that aren't considered financially viable,

churches that are considered dead. And guess what?

-We've made his hit list. -Just a minute, I never specified...

I was going to show you we're not dead.

I was going to start by setting up our annual life-sized nativity scene.

But maybe he's right. Maybe we are dead.

Look around.

Glass, marble,

a stone mother, her cold child, a dead man on a cross.

We're nothing but a mausoleum.

And I thought a life-sized creche could fix all that.

-You win. -Father Joyce,

I have not yet reached a decision regarding the future of this parish.

Father Joyce! Simeon!

Perhaps you have a point. Perhaps this creche could, as you say, fix all that.

But I think you need more than life-sized figurines, don't you?

I mean, I think you need...

You.

And you and you. All of you.

Think about it. A real Mary, a real Joseph,

real wise men, real shepherds, outside, Christmas Eve.

It'd be the talk of the community.

People who haven't been to church in years might just come back.

Who knows, after the holidays, this place could be full again,

alive, profitable. Productive, rather. But you don't have much time, do you?

So let me suggest you hold auditions, here, tomorrow night. Don't you think?

Excellent.

You asked for a chance. There it is.

-Can we really put on a show? -Really? You think so?

-Great. -Father...

They're pretty excited. I don't think I've ever seen them like that.

I have to admit something to you, Jon. I didn't expect this of you.

-Yeah, we'll see. Hey, what are these? -Hospital bills.

Right. But they're all paid in cash, to one Mr. Viloso.

You've submitted no copies of these. Who is he?

-He's an elderly missionary. -A priest?

Lay, actually. I was gonna send them in, but I wanted to send them all together.

Who authorized these? Kinnard?

-No, not Kinnard. -Oh, don't tell me. Sacceri?

-That's it. That's who it was. -That's what I thought.

-Why's that? -Because I just made that name up.

So does this guy even exist? Or are these a cover for something else?

A young woman perhaps?

Of course he exists. Do you want to meet him?

-I'm going to have to now, aren't l? -That's fine with me. Come on.

No. It doesn't have to be right this second.

Bring your coat, because my heater doesn't work.

Unbelievable.

Eleanor Worthington wants us to change the date of the creche.

She has a party every Christmas Eve.

You don't change something like this for a little party.

It's not little. The whole community comes. It's a tradition. It's big.

-Bigger than the Church? -"Church." Do you enjoy doing this?

I mean, you could have had a job in the regular world.

And you would have saved yourself a great deal of abstinence,

if you guys are still into that sort of thing.

You guys obviously aren't.

What is wrong with your seat?

The car was donated by a big guy.

I don't know why you bother. The whole thing's falling apart anyway.

The church, Jon. It's all unraveling.

The curtain's been torn back and we've all been exposed as liars, cowards...

-Let's not forget drunkards. -Well, I'm not gonna leave them.

I'm their shepherd.

And the good shepherd lays down his life for his sheep.

-He protects them from wolves. -Hey, stop the car. Stop the car.

Excuse me, miss. I believe this is yours, from the bus stop.

-Well, thanks. -I think you have mine.

I do. Not with me, though. Sorry.

Fine. Perhaps I could get it back at some point?

Of course.

Thank you.

-What was that all about? -Nothing.

Okay. Let's go.

-That was nice of you. -No, it wasn't. She's got my other glove.

-Who's that guy with her, anyway? -My patron saint.

-And who's that? Bacchus? -Seth Harrod, Jr.

Hold it. Harrod of the Harrods?

His family's had a summer home here for over 1 00 years.

The word is that they're secretly engaged.

-That doesn't bother you? -Why? Should it?

Well, for starters, the Harrods aren't Catholic.

I bet you financial boys wish they were.

We wish for them the same as I'm sure you do,

that they find their way to the one true Church.

Do you practice lines like that in front of a mirror?

Mary can't marry Herod. That's not how it goes.

-Mary? -That woman is your first and only

obvious casting choice for the part of Mary in the pageant.

A lot of the ladies were looking forward to auditioning for that part.

Yeah, I'm sure they were, but she's the only one you've got under 60.

Ari.

-Hello, Father. -Mr. Viloso,

I'm actually here to ask you...

I'm sorry, Father, what were you saying?

I'm actually here to find out how you've been feeling.

I cannot complain, thanks to Simeon.

Ari wants to come to Christmas mass. I told him it's impossible.

It's not impossible. Nothing's impossible, remember that.

Not even Christmas mass.

-Your friend is a credit to your ministry. -I'm sure he is.

But I hear you had quite a ministry yourself.

He loved to sing.

Really? So is that where you found your greatest success?

Great success?

Oh, I suppose Georges Bank was the best,

-but it's all fished out now. -Georges Bank?

-Yes. Cod mostly. -Cod, as in fish?

-Cod. -Cod.

God.

-You're gonna report this, aren't you? -I don't know. I mean, you've only been

using money from the collections to pay an old fisherman's medical bills.

What are you... Of course I'll report you.

Now hang on. Listen.

I had a dream right after Ari got sick, a vision I think,

and in it, I saw him get better. I saw him walk back into the church.

Let me ask you, how much stealing does it take

to make this vision of yours a reality?

It's not stealing. It's their money.

And besides, it doesn't matter how much,

because they'll have spent it on a miracle.

It'll be like betting on a long shot. The whole church will see it.

They'll see God worked a miracle for us,

and it'll be his stamp of approval on this parish and on me.

You should have been a charismatic.

No, things like this have happened to me before.

I've seen people healed, you know.

-You ever see them get young again? -You should have been a cop.

Keep your eyes on the road.

Fear not! My God, sir, excuse me.

For behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy...

Which shall be to all the people...

For unto you is born this day in the city of David...

A savior who is Christ the Lord. I hated that one. Can I do it again?

A savior who is Christ the Lord...

Shepherds are going next, then the wise men.

-We're trying out for wise men. -Good for you.

Behold the handmaiden of the Lord.

Behold the handmaven...

Behold the handmaiden of the Lord!

-I can't hear you, Jane. -Behold the hand...

No, I still can't hear you.

I'm gonna go in the back, and I want to still be able to hear you.

Oh, dear.

-I didn't know you ran. -Are you guys allowed to run?

Are you gonna stay and watch?

Did you ask the Worthington girl to play Mary?

She's the town librarian.

Not only that, she's the primary caregiver for her grandmother.

And did you further know that she is engaged?

Is that for sure, though? Marjorie's said nothing to me about it.

I've definitively heard that she had become betrothed.

Hold it, hold it.

-You didn't even ask her? -Well, no, but...

Behind thy handmaid shall do unto him accordingly.

Good luck.

Could you hear that?

Are you okay?

I'm fine. I... I have a problem...

I have asthma. I carry a shot of adrenaline, just in case.

Adrenaline?

It's produced naturally in the body by strong emotion, anger, fear, love...

No, I know what it is. I just didn't know that strong emotions

-made you breathe better. -Apparently, they do.

And running in the cold helps your breathing?

No. It makes it worse, but I figure the more I run,

the stronger my lungs will become,

and, you know, the less I'll be affected by the asthma.

It's a theory that I apply to many areas of my life.

Did you use that theory when you became a priest?

What? How's... What do you mean?

No offense. I'm not a big fan of you guys.

Not Simeon. I don't consider Simeon a priest.

But I gotta say, I don't have a lot of patience for priests.

Why not?

Come on. Because. You guys have a problem with women.

-That's ridiculous. -Except the mother of Jesus.

You like her, don't you? Why the big fascination?

Besides the whole mother of God bit.

Besides? How do you... The "besides" is it.

God had had it with us before Mary. He'd given up on us completely.

I think Mary single-handedly changed his mind.

-I think he fell in love with her. -And got her pregnant.

I think I tend to get in a good mood when I go on a trip.

And I think this one's having the complete opposite effect on you, isn't it?

-So I'm gonna say good night... -Hey, I'm sorry.

You're right. This trip is putting me in a bad mood.

But I like your Mary theory, though.

-Thank you. -You're welcome.

You know, we were... Father Joyce, actually,

was wondering if you'd consider playing her,

Mary, I mean, for us in the creche.

-Good one. -No, we're serious.

Maybe next Christmas.

Well, now, that's a problem, because unless things change for him very soon,

for the whole parish really, neither one's gonna be around next Christmas.

-Getting on, buddy? -I'm not. No, the young lady is.

-You're the only one here, bub. -I'm not going anywhere.

-Jon? -What?

Only got halfway through the auditions tonight.

Everyone was so good that I didn't know who should play what.

Well, you're running out of time.

Could you sit in with us tomorrow night?

I mean, it was your idea in the first place.

Okay. Fine. Fine.

Hey, were you praying?

Of course I wasn't praying. I was just thinking.

All right, Joe, so, just whenever you're ready.

Where are the angels?

You said we were supposed to wait till they said their lines.

-I did say that. -Well, I didn't hear any angels.

-I didn't hear any either, Bob. -Pretend they've spoken.

Well, why didn't you tell us that in the first place?

Need to let us lowly shepherds in on these things, Father.

All right, fellas, now let's go. There are the angels...

They do their thing and they're gone.

Let us now go even unto Bethlehem.

And see this thing which is come to pass.

That the Lord has made known to us shepherds.

Yes. Let's.

Simeon, do we have to kneel? Because I just had my knee replaced

-last summer. -Of course not.

Yeah, and Pat had his hip done, too, Father. Isn't that right, Pat?

Yes, I did. Thank you, Bob.

Where is he that is born king of the Jews?

-For we... -For we...

Oh, I'm sorry, Eugene. I stepped all over your line. Sorry.

-Not a problem, Rockwell. -Now, you go right ahead.

For we have...

You know, Eugene, if I said my line again, then you could come in,

-it'll sound more natural. -Certainly, Rockwell.

Here we go. Where is he that is born king of the Jews?

-Hit it, Eugene. -For we...

For we have seen his star in the east and...

-Come to censure him. -Worship him.

It's "worship him." How do you get "censure" from "worship"?

-Oh, jeez, I'm sorry, Father. -It's okay, Mike, that's fine. We'll just...

Hold on to your undercrackers, Simeon. We haven't finished yet.

-Hey! -Hey!

Hey.

We just contrived that bit of business ourselves.

Thank you, all of you. I'm very impressed.

Jon? Anything you'd like to add?

Yes. I think so.

I think at your next rehearsal, you need to concentrate on

-removing all dialog. -All dialog?

Yes, and all movement, as well.

I don't think anyone should be saying or doing anything.

I think it would be distracting.

-What would you suggest they do? -Stand, silently, adoringly.

-Like the figurines in storage? -Yes. Yes, exactly like that.

-Bob? -What are we going to use for a stable?

Yeah. And what about real livestock?

Where would we acquire real livestock?

They'd make a bit of mess though, wouldn't they?

A practical point at this juncture, sir.

How long will we have to stand outside in sub-freezing conditions?

Hold it. If you're going to commit to this,

then, you've gotta be willing to stand out there

as long as it takes for your community to...

The community is going to be at the Worthington party.

Father, will we be finished in time for the Worthington party?

Those are all good questions

that I think Father Keene and I will need to talk about.

And we'll have answers at the next rehearsal. Right, Father Keene?

Right. Right. So go in peace.

-Thanks be to God. -Thanks be to God.

You are in big trouble here, you realize that?

What are you going to do, shut me down?

You're not taking this seriously at all, are you?

I've given you a chance to do something different,

to stand out for once in your career.

You don't accomplish that with old people who can't kneel.

You need youth. You need passion.

They haven't been this passionate about anything in years,

and you want them to just stand there.

You don't get it. Let me borrow your car.

-Why? -You need a Mary, don't you? Come on.

If I let you take my car, next, you'll think you can take my church.

I can take your church.

But you can't take my car. You can take my scooter.

I don't ride scooters.

Unbelievable.

They're closed, pal.

-Sorry. -We're closed.

I heard. It's just, I was outside,

I saw what was happening, and I wondered if there's any way I can help.

I did have four younger sisters who had boyfriends,

one or two of whom were occasionally mean to them.

So it's not as if I don't understand these things. I do.

What would you do when they were mean?

Well, I also have two older, bigger brothers,

so the three of us would go to the guy, very politely, of course,

give him the option of either acting like a gentleman

or having the daylights beaten out of him.

That's... That's what we used to do.

I used to tell them, if they couldn't imagine the guy

as the father of their kids, what's the point? He wasn't the guy.

-You had lucky sisters. -Well, thank you.

-I told you we were closed, right? -Yeah, you did, yes.

It's just that I was... I wasn't wondering.

Father Joyce was wondering if you'd given any more thought

to playing Mary in the thing.

I'm not Mary. Thanks, but I'm not.

-I don't even believe in the virgin birth. -Why not?

Come on.

No, I spent the evening

watching a depressing rehearsal of a Christmas pageant

that could possibly be pretty good if a certain young woman

-didn't insist on being a method actress. -Method?

Method. Meaning, I don't think Father Joyce would object too strongly

at this point to any woman under 60 acting the part of Mary,

even if she doesn't embrace every aspect of the virgin birth.

That's why it's called acting.

-Now, you're angry. -No, I'm...

All I'm... All Father Joyce is asking is that you would think about it.

Okay, I'll think about it.

-You will? -I said I would.

Well, all right.

You and Simeon must have been awfully good friends.

Why do you say that?

You're going to a lot of trouble for him. It's nice.

-Well, thank you. -Oh, hey. I forgot your glove.

Thanks. I've already lost most of the feeling in this hand,

but thanks just the same.

Good night, Miss Worthington.

-Hello, Father Keene. -Hello.

I pick Marjorie up after work.

-That must be nice for you. -Will we see you at the party?

Well, we're having a living nativity Christmas Eve.

But I thought I told Simeon to change that.

You did. We didn't. Good night.

Unbelievable.

-How'd it go with Marjorie? -Fine. She said she'd think about it.

-What are you doing in there? -Praying. You want to join me?

-Join you praying? -Yes.

I don't want to join you praying. Praying's personal. It's private.

I think it would be nice praying with someone else for a change.

No, it wouldn't. And why don't you spend a little less time praying

and a little more time cleaning this pigsty up?

-Because I like praying better. -Right, but you're living like a hog.

So what does that say for all your praying?

If I were in your shoes, and I were here to evaluate a man who preferred praying

-to almost anything else... -Next to a stiff drink.

...I'd say that man had his priorities straight.

Simeon, that's why a guy like you will never be in my shoes.

Do you like being in your shoes?

-What is it? -It's our stable.

If you want to provide us with a stable, you're perfectly welcome.

Oh, really? Wonder what kind of indulgences you boys are handing out

-for second-hand stables now. -I don't know. I'm adopted.

Gram's come to confess, Simeon.

-I hope I'm not too late. -I like your stable.

...coincide with my Christmas party.

-The body of Christ. -Amen.

-The body of Christ. -Amen.

The body of Christ.

-The body of Christ. -Amen.

Come on in.

"For the clerk put on his white comforter

"and tried to warm himself at the candle,

"in which effort, not being a man of a strong imagination, he failed."

Hang on just a second. I'll be right back.

-Thanks for coming. -Of course. What's up?

-Gram's mad. -Mad?

-It's about the party. -I'll wait in the car.

Actually, could you pick up where I left off?

Right there.

-What did she say? -Champing at the bit, I'll tell ya.

"'A Merry Christmas, Uncle! God save you!' cried a cheerful voice.

"lt was the voice of Scrooge's nephew who came upon him so quickly

"that this was the first intimation he had of his approach.

-"'Bah!' said Scrooge. 'Humbug!"' -Wait.

-What? -ls there a picture on that page?

-There is, yeah. -You didn't show it to us.

Miss Worthington always shows us the pictures.

You're doing it wrong.

I'm not doing it wrong. You're doing it wrong.

How could we be doing it wrong?

Well, you're the ones on the wrong side of the book.

-Here we go. Look at that guy. -Oh, wow.

"'Because,' said Scrooge, 'a little thing affects them.

"'A slight disorder of their stomachs makes them cheats.

"'You may be an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard,

"'a crumb of cheese, a fragment of an underdone potato.

"'There's more of gravy than a grave about you wherever you are!'

"Scrooge," now, "was not much in the habit of cracking jokes. Nor did..."

-What's going on here? -Jon, we're just getting warmed up.

Jonathan Keene, Seth Harrod, Jr.

How you doing? I like your set out there, man.

This isn't my... This is Father Joyce's project, actually.

-Well, when is this being put on? -Christmas Eve.

That's the night of the Worthington party.

-You realize that? -We do, yeah.

Well, who's gonna play Mary?

At this time, it's Jane Babineau.

Yeah? Is she pretty? Young?

-Not young per se, no. -She's young-ish.

-She's not 60 yet. -Simeon, you're in trouble.

I tried to tell him that.

We did ask your Marjorie here, but she turned us down.

-I said I'd think about it. -She's not too old?

-Not at all. -Well, I mean,

I never pictured Mary as a librarian type, is all.

What is that supposed to mean?

Yeah, Seth, what does a librarian look like?

I'm getting myself into trouble here, aren't l?

Marjorie would be perfect.

Look, Mary was supposed to be beautiful, right?

-Marjorie's beautiful. -Thank you, Simeon.

-Seth, I'm tired. I want to go home. -Okay. But not like Mary-beautiful.

-Hey. -All I'm saying is

Mary was supposed to be this perfectly chaste creature, right?

Seth, knock it off.

While Marjorie Worthington, on the other hand...

-Jon. -No, no, no, no.

Hey, Jon. Jon, he's drunk. Jon. Jon.

Everybody knows she's not the Mary-type.

That's all I was saying, okay? She's not the type.

When's the next rehearsal?

-It's tomorrow night. -Fine, I'll do it.

Okay, I had nothing to do with this. You remember that, Simeon.

-Thank you, Miss Worthington. -I need a drink.

Some patron saint you've got there.

I know. People can be idiots when they drink. Have one?

What I don't get is

why a sharp-witted, attractive, intelligent woman would put up with that...

With him.

He's squashing her. They have nothing in common.

Can I have another one, just a little one?

Sure.

My theory is she's either very bored,

which is very possible in a place like this. I mean, he's rich. She's...

She doesn't strike me as that type, though.

It's either that, or she's racked by some sort of guilt

and views him as her just punishment.

You do a lot of counseling?

No. None. Never.

I avoid the whole people side of things entirely.

-The people side? -Yeah.

Their lives, their problems, on and on.

Simeon, I've reached a point where I can shut a parish down in my sleep,

pull a priest and replace him before anybody knows what's hit them.

But just between you and me, I've always hated the people side.

Hello? Hello.

No. No. Hey, Lydie.

Yeah.

I'm not gonna be at your rehearsal tomorrow night.

So if you want to be different and stand out or any of that junk,

you can run it yourself. It was your idea to begin with.

Why aren't you gonna be there?

Because unlike you, I don't hate the people side.

That's why I became a priest.

And that was Lydie. Ari's much worse.

Oh, wait, hold it. I thought he gets better.

What about God's stamp of approval on you and this parish?

Don't you ever talk about my friend again.

Okay, folks.

Let's just all pretend that we're outside.

That it's not raining.

I heard it's going to make a diversification to snow later.

Right, so did l. Bill, why don't you go on up the ladder?

No angel, least of all Gabriel, would stand atop a ladder.

Why, it completely obliterates any illusion of celestial splendor.

Say, would we still have a creche in a blizzard?

We just have to play that by ear.

Bill, on Christmas Eve, you're not gonna be on a ladder.

-You're gonna be on scaffolding. -Scaffolding? My God, sir...

The Worthington party starts at 7:30, Christmas Eve.

-Will we be finished by then? -I have no idea.

Gabriel, the messenger angel, on scaffolding.

Why, the whole supernatural power angle will be completely obfuscated.

Why don't you put him in one of them flying harnesses

and drop him down out of a tree?

-I'll not get into any harness, sir. -People, people, people.

Could we please be quiet just for a minute?

-Father Keene? -Just a minute!

Bill, if you've got a better idea, I'd like to hear it,

but until you do, get up the ladder and start rejoicing.

Once more unto the breach, dear friends.

-Hey, I did that one in college. -Quiet.

-Father Keene? -What is it?

Where's Simeon?

He's with the Vilosos. Is Marjorie with you?

She's coming. Could you come back here for a moment?

All right. Hang on. Bill, hands up.

No, arms out. Hands up.

Right. Think glorious. Glorious, Bill.

Could I have one or two of the shepherds kneeling, please?

-Father Keene? -Simeon said we didn't have to kneel.

-He did say that, Father. -Sorry, sorry, I forgot about that.

The wise men'll kneel if you want, Father.

If it's okay with you, Eugene.

-Fine by me, Rockwell. -Okay, here we go.

-Father Keene, are you listening to me? -I am, yes.

Oh, hell, my knee is stuck.

-A little assistance here... -Father Keene,

I'll be waiting in the confessional.

I knew kneeling was a bad idea, Rock.

Kneeling's always a bad idea. That's how I got my first wife.

-Father Keene. Father Keene. -Good God, sir, I've got it.

I could stand in the phone company's cherry picker.

Oh, I adore cherries, anything with pits really...

Shut up. Shut up!

Take a break.

I'll bet Gabriel never had to put up with any of this crap.

-What is it? -The confessor always speaks first.

Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.

My heart is full of anger, and my heart is full of hatred,

-just pure hatred. -Toward whom?

Toward a man, a spoiled, wealthy, worthless man

who, for over a year now, has been cheating on his fiancee

with another woman.

-Wait, he's been cheating on Marjorie? -With Marjorie.

She's the other woman.

He's engaged to someone else, some society tart in New York.

-What? -Her door was ajar this evening

as she was getting dressed for this thing tonight.

I happened to look in. I can't believe I didn't notice sooner.

Notice what?

She's pregnant.

Father? Father, what should I do?

Father? Father Keene!

Sorry I'm late. Is this okay?

What do you want me to do? I've never acted before.

Could I talk to you, please?

In the back?

My mom acted in a lot of plays before I was born.

She wasn't a regular actress, though. She wasn't a regular anything.

She wanted to be a jazz singer, actually, but when she had me and Dad left,

Gram said she just kind of, you know, lost it.

She's been in a hospital since I was little

and just never could get it together. I'm pretty nervous.

-You can't be Mary. -Why are you doing this?

Because you're pregnant, and you're not even engaged to him, are you?

Did you know he's engaged to someone else?

-Yes. -You did?

-What were you doing with him? -I'm not with him anymore.

-Why were you ever with him? -I don't know.

Why didn't you come to me?

-I don't even know you. -Fine.

Your friend, Simeon, then. One of us could have helped you.

How could you help me? What could you do?

Talk Seth into making an honest woman of me?

Convince me to go ahead with it and have a kid who'll never have a father?

I never knew my dad. I never talked to him once.

He never even sent me a postcard. I'm not going to do that to a kid.

Well, please keep in mind there are a few options

between your ideal childhood and no childhood at all.

Like what?

Put it up for adoption?

Put it in one of your orphanages with a bunch of nuns

who never even wanted to be mothers in the first place?

Like what?

-You're not Mary. -Don't you think I know that?

You're the one who started this whole Mary thing in the first place.

Those times you saw me at the bus stop. Do you know where I was going?

I was going down to the city to get this whole thing over with.

I'd see you and l...

I couldn't go through with it. But you know what's weird?

If I had, I could've been your Mary, couldn't l?

-Wasn't that Marjorie? -Yes.

-I thought she was going to be our Mary. -Not anymore.

Why not?

Because she's pregnant by your patron saint.

And by the way, they're not engaged. He's just been using her.

"The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep."

You even said it with a straight face.

All the while you've been selling one of your sheep to the wolf. For what?

A few drinks.

Next time, hold out for pieces of silver. They're more traditional.

Father?

Yeah. Oh...

Jane, could you take over the part of Mary permanently, please?

Bill, you can sit this one out if you want.

Thank God for that.

-Can I have your attention, please? -Not now, Simeon.

I want you all to know that Father Keene will be your interim priest

until the parish is closed,

which I imagine will be just after Christmas.

He's my successor and your pastor,

and I trust you'll show him the same kindness and respect

you have shown me over all the years.

God bless you.

-Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.. -Bless me, Father, for I have sinned..

Bless me, Father, for I have sinned..

It's been one month since my last confession.

Two years, three months and. one week.

- Three weeks. -It's been about six months.

-My God., sir, it's been 1 4 years since... -God. only knows how long it's been...

I never even told. her the truth, how much I cared. about her.

We got to talking, and. we realized.

we'd. never even had. him over for d.inner, not once.

I always intend.ed. to bake him a pie, but I never d.id..

The guy'd. give you the shirt off his back.

Sure, he d.rinks a bit, but good. God., sir, who d.oesn't?

-Joyce is a good. guy, Father. -Never had. any other one but him.

He's been pulling all the weight himself.

Never even offered. to help him.

- We failed. him. - We failed. him.

- We failed. him. - We failed. him.

- We failed. him. - We failed. him.

I am heartily sorry for my sins, Father.

I am heartily sorry for all my sins, Father.

-I am heartily sorry for my sins. -I am heartily sorry for my sins.

I am heartily sorry for my sins.

I am heartily sorry for my sins.

I'm heartily sorry for my sins, sir.

You can all go home, you know. You've been absolved.

We've been talking about things out here, Father.

And we took a vote.

-And everyone decided that... -Not everyone, thespian.

-Almost everyone. -We decided that

we just don't have the heart to continue with this thing anymore, Father,

with Simeon leaving and all.

We thought he'd be proud seeing all of us out there.

Only he won't see us now.

Like putting on a play for your parents when you were a kid,

only they don't show up.

-So why do the play? Right? -You understand don't you, Father?

-Of course. -Joe thought you'd get mad.

Mad?

No, I'm not mad. This was all for you, not me.

So go in peace.

Go on.

-We didn't vote with the rest of them. -That's right, Father.

The wise men will show up, if that's what you want.

Two wise men kneeling before an empty stable

doesn't make them too wise, does it, Rock?

-Father. -Am I too late for dinner?

I don't have a cook at the moment.

-I was just on my way out, actually. -Sorry.

No. No, I can get you a pint, if you like. Sometimes it'll do in the place of dinner.

Okay. Thank you.

I heard you weren't having the pageant, then?

Well, maybe you could do something for next Easter.

I don't think so. No.

Dermott, may I ask you a personal question?

You may, though if it's religious in nature

I may not give you an entirely honest answer.

No, it's nothing like that. It's...

-Do you enjoy this, running a pub? -Very much.

How did you know this is what you were supposed to do?

-How do you mean "supposed"? -I don't know.

I've always believed we start out with certain inclinations that,

ideally, of course, we pursue, make careers out of, find fulfillment in.

Those were the things we were supposed or meant to do.

So what was it that made you know you wanted to run a pub?

Combination of factors really. A, I love beer.

B, I love people. C, people love beer.

It was really a no-brainer from there. That one's on the Olde lnn.

Thank you.

Now, may I ask you a personal question?

You may.

Though if it's religious in nature, I might not give you...

Well, then, you have the right to remain silent and all the rest of that.

Do you know I have a little girl named Amanda?

Do you? Nice name.

Well, I mean, as in, "You have the right to remain silent."

I think you're thinking of Miranda.

-Your Miranda Rights. -Am l? Miranda, is it?

Never been arrested. Well, what does Amanda have the right to do?

I don't know. Put her name on an oven, I suppose.

-And that's actually Amana. -Oh, it is?

-I've never bought an oven. -I've bought a few.

Not exactly Amanas, but ovens.

It's a great, great feeling buying an oven.

You're standing there as they deliver it, and they look at you, and you say,

"Put her right there." Or right there. It depends where you've got space for it.

All the while, your wife is gazing at you as if you're Saint George or someone.

It's a great, great feeling.

I think I'd like to buy an oven someday.

"Put her right there."

"Would you fellas mind..."

No, no. You don't say, "Would you mind" to these guys.

-Put her there. -That's right, Father. That's it.

If you ever do decide to buy one, I can steer you in the right direction.

I don't know. I...

Well, you can always have a job here.

A priest pouring beer?

Be a mighty draw.

Father, I promised my family l'd...

-Oh. I'm so sorry. -No, no, no.

You stay here as long as you like.

It's just they're waiting for me at the Worthington party.

You should drop by. Either way, you take your time here.

Just shut the door on your way out, all right?

Thank you.

Dermott, what was it you were going to ask me?

How did you know you were supposed to be a priest?

I'm gonna have to invoke my Amanda rights on that one.

Right.

Merry Christmas, Father.

Merry Christmas, Dermott.

-Father Keene. -Father Time.

-Father Christmas. -Gentlemen.

Going further, Father?

Do you prefer color movies with fighting in them, or tuxedo love movies?

-Tuxedo love? -Yes. Movies where men wear tuxedos

and there's no fighting, only lots of talking and kissing.

And they're always black and white as opposed to color.

-It's definitely tuxedo love. Definitely. -I agree.

-Hey, Jon. Glad you could make it. -Thank you.

Do you see that?

That's my idea of church. That's my idea of heaven.

That's peace on earth, my friend.

-I think I want a family of my own, Jon. -What?

-Think I'm gonna get married. -To whom?

Hold it, hold it.

You're just gonna renounce your vows to the Church?

I made no vows to the Church. I made a vow to God

to look after his sheep. She's one of his sheep.

We're supposed to put others above ourselves,

and besides, you're kicking me out of a job, anyway.

-Yeah, but you're always a priest. -I always will be for her, for our child.

Simeon, it's not your child.

I'll make it my child. I'll treat that kid as if it were our own.

-Has she said yes? -She hasn't said no.

Her suitor has dropped his guard. I sense an opportunity. Wish me luck.

I've now been rejected by two partners.

I figure you're the obvious choice for number three.

-I can't dance. -I'll show you. Come here.

We might as well be friends again, right?

Were we ever friends?

I think we might have been, under different circumstances.

What are you going to do?

I don't know.

I used to dream about having a nice wedding here in the backyard.

Years go by and the guy you dreamed about never shows.

And then you wake up, about to be a mother.

So, as a friend, not as a priest, as a friend, what should I do?

My grandmother thinks you're the worst priest she's ever met.

She thinks you're a spy.

I don't think you're a spy.

You know what I think you are?

Shall I tell you?

Hey.

-What just happened? -I think you just got kicked.

It went crazy when we started dancing.

Hold it, hold it, hold it. How far along are you?

-Six months. I don't know. Maybe more. -But you don't look...

-Da? -What is it, honey?

-Where's my da? -He's right here, baby.

Right here, sweetheart.

This is Amanda, Father. Sleepwalker.

What? What's wrong?

-I'm not sure. -You want to sit down?

Yeah, yeah.

-Should I get someone? -I don't know. Get Simeon.

Hey, Simeon.

I'm gonna write a book. It's gonna be very scandalous.

Get out.

Did anyone see that?

Did anybody see that?

Hey. This is the backyard.

-Are you all right? -lt feels a little better.

That's good.

You're bleeding pretty badly.

That's good. How do I get out of here? I've gotta get ready for mass.

No. Nobody's gonna be there. Come here.

Come sit down. Tip your head back. Hold still.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

-You might need stitches. -Okay.

Well, I'm not going to do them. You need to go to the hospital.

I didn't mean to say that in there. I didn't...

Have you always wanted to be a priest?

No. I wasn't even Catholic. My girlfriend was.

-I thought you couldn't have girlfriends. -We can't.

This was college.

She was Catholic. I was just the guy that got her pregnant.

She wanted to get married. I didn't.

I put a lot of pressure on her, a lot of pressure, a lot of guilt.

Finally, it just wore her down.

She did what I asked, but we didn't get married. We broke up.

I thought that was the end of it.

But I started having dreams, seeing things, stupid stuff.

Her.

I knew her face the first time I saw her.

It was like I've always known her. She's beautiful.

If I had known she was going to be mine I would've wanted her,

and I wanted her to forgive me, more than anything. So I thought l'd...

I thought I'd try to pay for it.

I never wanted to be a priest.

I've obviously had way too much to drink.

Good night, Miss Worthington.

-Hey, Jon. -Not now, Simeon.

-Jon. -Not now!

That's the closet.

Mr. Harrod, I am genuinely sorry. Please forgive me.

Like hell I will. You'll be hearing from my attorneys.

-Hang on, Jon. -I can't.

I have a mass to prepare for, and I expect to see everybody there.

-Jon. Jon. -Get out of here, Simeon.

-Try the choke. -Go back in to your wife.

-You're flooding it. Wait a second. -I'm not going to talk about this.

-Did I say anything? -Not one word.

Being a priest is a privilege, not a punishment.

-Yeah. That's it. -Hey. Is this what you're after?

Forgiveness is an awful business, isn't it?

But your man here beat you to it. It's not your job.

What is my job?

To love one another.

-I don't love anyone. -Then you're an impostor, Jon.

You're a liar. Take off the collar. Lay it down.

-Just walk away. -I can't.

I don't think you have a choice.

Don't you get it? It doesn't matter what you think.

You've been removed because of what you think. Look at yourself, Simeon.

You're about to lay down your own vows

'cause you feel sorry for some girl that got herself knocked up,

so don't preach to me about love and laying things down.

I'll never lay anything down.

He certainly laid that down.

-Hey. -Hey.

Did you run all the way here?

-How come you're breathing so well? -I don't know.

Why are you so mean?

I don't know.

In the library once, I imagined you as this kid's father,

and you were nice.

-I'm an idiot. I want this baby. -I know you do,

-and I'm gonna go get help. -Wait. Wait.

What's gonna happen to me?

Nothing, nothing. You're going to be just fine.

You're such a liar. How'd you ever pass your priest exam?

Hang on. Hang on. I'll be right back.

-Don't leave me. -I'm just gonna get help.

Don't come back if you think I'm Mary.

'Cause I'm not. I don't know who I am.

I'm cold.

-ls this the latest version of last rites? -Shut up.

The hell with last rites. You're not dying.

-You're the worst priest I ever met. -Shut up.

I'm not Mary.

Hello, I'm Dr. Matthews. Can I speak to the father, please?

-ls the father here? -Here.

Hi, I'm Dr. Matthews. The baby is extremely premature,

and the mother's had a very rough time.

I had. a d.ream right after Ari got sick, a vision I think,

and. in it, I saw him get better. I saw him walk back into the church.

The whole church will see it. They'll see God. worked. a miracle for us,

and. it'll be his stamp of approval on this parish and. on me.

Jon?

A light shines on us this day.

A child has been born unto us.

Here I leave you. All is forgiven.

And. there were in the same country shepherd.s abid.ing in the field.,

keeping watch over their flocks by night.

And. Io, an angel of the Lord. came upon them,

and. the glory of the Lord. shone round. about them,

and. they were very much afraid.. And. the angel said. to them...

Fear not, for behold., I bring you good. tid.ings of great joy,

which shall be for all people, for unto you

is born this d.ay, in the city of David., a savior who is Christ the Lord..

And. Iet this be a sign unto you.

You will find. a baby wrapped. in swad.d.Iing clothes

and. Iying in a manger.

Then sud.d.enly there was with the angel a multitud.e of the heavenly host

praising God. and. saying, "Glory to God. in the highest.

"Peace on earth, good. will toward. men. "

Peace on earth.