Original subtitles

This is counterfeit money.

Counterfeiting began a few minutes after

the first appearance of currency in the world.

It's been going on ever since.

It goes on today, but at a rapidly declining rate.

The reason for the decline is the efficiency

of the United States Secret Service.

A branch of the Treasury Department, the Secret Service

is made up of intelligent, conscientious men who work

quietly, anonymously and with lightning effectiveness.

Because of their constant vigilance,

it is almost impossible for a counterfeiter

to remain in business very long without being caught.

Sometimes it takes violence,

sometimes arrests are made peaceably.

Seldom do they fail.

Yet despite all the efforts of their vast organization,

there was one counterfeiter who eluded the Secret Service

longer than any other in their history.

He was known as Case Number 880.

As years went on and it became the oldest unsolved case,

they began to refer to it, in good-natured respect

for a skillful adversary, as Mister 880.

The responsibility for his apprehension

fell to the most active of the many Secret Service offices

in the country-- the one in New York.

Because 880's activities

were so aggravatingly unprofessional,

he had them stumped.

To add to their chagrin, the bills he produced

were ridiculously inept.

Gallagher, if you were a shopkeeper,

would you accept that as legal tender?

I'd have to be blind.

Now and then, when patience ran out,

they would call in a troubleshooter,

an agent from one of their other offices.

This time, it was Steve Buchanan

from the Los Angeles office.

So far, he's averaged less than 50 dollars a month.

Can't say the man's been greedy.

Guess that's why he's been tough to catch.

Of course, what's tougher is the one dollar bill.

We'll never educate people to examine one dollar bills.

Obviously, he's an amateur.

Common bond paper, ink you can buy at any stationery store.

- Uh-uh. - Take a good look.

This is practically insulting.

In the past ten years when we've been looking for that pest,

this office has arrested and convicted 1,385 counterfeiters.

We've broken up some of the most vicious gangs...

You don't have to sell yourself to me, Thad.

I'm just selling myself to myself, I guess.

That's what 880 does to you.

Let me ask you a question.

You've evidently covered every angle

and followed up every lead.

What makes you think I can crack this?

I don't.

The idea came from Washington.

- Washington? - Yes.

The chief thinks we've gone stale.

Thinks it needs a fresh mind,

somebody with patience and determination.

He suggested you.

Well, after four months with the Butcher Boy,

this might come under the heading of fun and frolic.

I warn you, it won't.

Look, if you want out, Steve, I can fix it.

Let me kick it around for a couple of days.

I might hit on an angle.

A couple of days, huh?

We've been working on it for ten years, Steve.

Yeah, I know.

Okay. Remember, I warned you.

I know you're busy, but I'm rechecking

all the people who got stuck.

Yours was one of the first bills reported.

You haven't had any hunches since then

as to who it might have been?

Well, that was ten years ago.

Mean to say you never caught that guy?

Nope.

I got no hunches, mister.

Ten years?

Hey, what have you guys been doing all this time,

playing pinochle?

I'll tell you one thing sure, I'll never get hooked again.

No, sir, not me.

Why, you could call me an expert on money.

Yes, you could.

Whose picture's on a ten dollar bill?

Uh, ten dollar?

Sure, that's easy.

A president of some kind.

Let me see, I should know that one.

Yeah, read this.

Tells you how to spot counterfeit money.

Morning, Gus.

Hi-ya, Skipper.

Same thing, huh?

Mm-hmm.

Hey, uh, Skipper, here's your change.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

Did you see this?

What's that?

A miniature spinning wheel.

Don't look practical to me.

Not practical.

Okay, Skipper.

I thought you examined all bills?

Why, the Skipper's an old friend of mine.

It's okay.

Hi-ya, Skipper. How's the junk business?

Junk? What do you mean, junk?

I deal only in antiques.

I'm coming.

Oh, Skipper. It's beautiful!

For your mantelpiece.

Simply beautiful.

My grandma had one just like it.

Full size, of course.

- How much is it? - Hmm?

- Oh, it's three dollars. - Three dollars?

Oh, it must be worth much more than that.

- What'd it cost you? - Me?

Pleasant walk.

Argument with Rosy, two dollars in cash.

Oh, that's quite an investment.

Here's five dollars. Keep it.

Skipper, look.

Isn't it sweet?

Looks lonely.

I'll ask Rosy to dig up a mate.

Heavens, I'll be late.

Skipper.

Thank you.

You always leave your door open, Skipper.

Thank you, Maggie.

You old rascal.

Ha!

Your door was open, I came in.

Why, bless my soul.

It's Doc Duff.

Glad to see you, Doc.

You still owe me that $20.

I came to collect.

- $20? - Yeah, for your dog.

I cured him of distemper.

Maybe you've forgotten it, but I haven't.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

And a fine job you did, too, Doc. Yes.

And this dog's got a heart full of gratitude.

Has he got 20 bucks?

Ha, ha! That's a good one. That is...

No, he hasn't, but I have.

Yeah.

I'm sorry that I've kept you waiting, Doc.

I really forgot all about it.

Oh, go away, Please.

Go on.

His name's Please.

Funny thing about that.

I started out being polite to him, now he's spoiled.

Won't come unless you say "please."

Doggone it.

I must have spent that money.

Meh.

Oh, here.

Here's five dollars on account.

I'll let you have the rest of it...

I don't want five, I want what you owe me.

Well, I'm sorry, but I haven't got it at the moment.

Why don't you sell some of this junk here and pay your debts?

Oh, I couldn't do that; they're old friends.

Don't you worry, you'll get paid, Doc.

Come back in a couple of days.

I give you my word, in a couple of days...

I had your word last time.

You handed me a cock-and-bull story

about getting it from a rich cousin or somebody.

Oh, no, that's no cock-and-bull story.

But, you see, I-I don't like to go to Cousin Henry,

except in an emergency.

Well, this is an emergency, Mr. Miller.

If I don't get that money in the morning,

you'll hear from my lawyer.

Well, now that's a shame.

We shouldn't have kept that poor man waiting.

Well, looks like we got to go to Cousin Henry after all.

Come on.

Thank you, Henry.

- Kings Bridge Heights. - Kings Bridge Heights.

- Norwood. - Norwood.

Well, so far so good.

The subway runs all through here.

Any bills turned in by the IRT?

Yes, sir.

Oh, and, uh, here's another one.

I'm convinced he still lives in that same neighborhood.

Let...

When he went to Staten Island, we had one from the ferry.

Last week, he was in...

- Flatbush. - Flatbush.

And the bill was reported by the BMT.

Hey, that's pretty clever.

Give me the next batch, Gallagher.

Thad, why don't you save the boy some heartbreak.

He's planning to stalk the beast in his original lair.

That'd be foolish, I'd suppose.

A sheer waste of brilliant manpower.

Another 880 was just reported.

From a taxi stand down off Washington Square.

The driver, here's his name,

- knows exactly who gave it to him. - He does, huh?

Looks like the beast is still down there, Mac.

What a break. Gallagher, put that stuff in the file.

Think you'll need any help?

Could use some.

- Mac, go along with him. - Come on, chum.

With your brains and my luck, this'll be a breeze.

Please, Thad, I've given a whole year of my life.

Come on!

I checked over at the house.

That's her name, all right, Ann Winslow.

- Ann Winslow. - Yeah.

There she is now.

Come on.

- She wants a cab. - That's you. Go ahead.

- What if she gives me another phony? - Take it.

Say, look, I'm out one buck already.

This one's on me.

* She gave the taxi driver silver, silver *

* Look out now, here she comes, she comes. *

Let's see that bill you just got.

That bill you just got, let's see it.

This bill is counterfeit.

You should learn to spot this stuff.

I'll give you a receipt for it.

Counterfeit coins are greasy.

You don't bite them, you feel them.

Here.

- Carlos. - Oh, Ann.

There's a rush on it.

Have you seen Ann yet?

Here she comes now.

I've finished it, Mr. Beddington.

- Oh, you did. Good. - I typed half the night

and I told Carlos there was a rush on it.

Oh, fine. Thanks, Ann.

Where's, uh... where's Jack going?

Jack.

He's supposed to be here.

Would you move over for these gentlemen?

Certainly.

Here are your earphones.

And that's from French to English.

If that chick's 880, she must have started counterfeiting

in grammar school.

I'd say in about the sixth grade.

Who said she was 880?

There's a pretty good chance though

that she could lead us right to him.

Oh? Could she?

We got two choices:

we either shadow the lady or we cultivate her.

And you like cultivating her.

Naturally.

On your toes, Mac.

One cocktail.

There's no percentage in being a knight in armor anymore.

Poor Sir Lancelot.

At least drink it slowly, make it last.

I-I don't want to seem ungrateful,

but I was quite prepared to deal with the situation myself.

You wouldn't have been half as effective.

Perhaps not.

- What's your name? - Ann Winslow.

But at least I would have found out

where a thing like that leads to.

I can tell you.

No, thanks, I'd rather be surprised.

Who are you?

- Anyone special? - Special?

I mean, do you work at anything or...?

Oh, I'm a French interpreter at the United Nations.

Well.

Would you believe it-- this is the first time a thing like this

has happened since I've been in New York?

I was beginning to wonder about myself.

Well, don't tell me you haven't even been whistled at.

Oh, yes, lots of times, but it's not the same.

It's too impersonal.

I see what you mean.

Oh, yes, I've been whistled at.

Matter of fact, I've done some whistling of my own.

In a quiet, ladylike way, of course.

What's your name?

Buchanan.

Steve Buchanan.

Are you anyone special?

Just someone out to make a fast buck.

Who isn't?

Well, I didn't mean that.

Neither did you.

A fast buck implies dishonesty.

- Doesn't it? - Uh-huh.

What's the matter?

- Why? - I mean, you were staring at me.

I'm sorry.

It's a habit I've picked up in New York.

I stare at people. I keep thinking they look familiar.

It comes from seeing too many unfamiliar faces.

Well, that's not as twisted as it sounds.

You see, in a small town, each face has a definite association.

It's clearly pigeonholed in your mind.

Here, a million of them get mixed up in a crazy sort of...

Every day, I nod to a familiar face I never saw before.

I'll bet if you had one more drink,

the whole thing would become as clear as a bell.

Mm, might get more muddled.

When you were staring at me before,

you know what I was hoping?

What?

That you were whistling.

In a quiet, ladylike way, of course.

Well, I said I was hoping.

Well, perhaps I will have another drink.

Great. Things are picking up for good old Lancelot.

- Wonderful. - It is.

In between dances, they play soft violins at your table.

Would you like that?

I'd like it.

Here it is.

Tomorrow evening? 7:30?

- Good night. - Good night.

- Carlos... - Now that I see the cause of it all,

- you're forgiven. - I'm sorry, I forgot.

I hope you haven't been waiting long.

For about an hour. It doesn't matter.

I'm terribly sorry.

This friend of mine,

we just happened to bump into each other.

This friend of yours certainly does

a lot of bumping in the course of a day.

Here it is.

Here are three copies.

He almost knocked me over this morning.

Mr. Buchanan?

He hit me so hard, I thought it was deliberate.

I realize now he probably was in such a hurry

to catch up with you.

What do you mean?

It was in the lobby this morning, right after I left.

Do you remember?

This morning?

He certainly made a beeline for the door.

Apparently, he did catch up with you.

Good night.

I beg your pardon, but I was here yesterday.

Oh, yes, of course, I remember.

And I was curious to know what happened when the policeman...

Oh, nothing. He didn't arrest him.

Seems he was with the Treasury Department.

- Treasury Department? - Yes, Secret Service agent.

He showed the policeman his credentials, and he let him go.

I thought his behavior was rather strange.

- Thank you very much. - Not at all.

Thanks so much.

Bye.

Rector 2-9100.

Mr. Beddington?

Federal Office Building, Secret Service Division.

Steve Buchanan, please.

- I want to talk to you. - Thank you.

Would you take this to 44 please?

Buchanan speaking.

Hello? Hello?

Oh, ask them to send it right back.

- Yes, sir, I will. - Hello?

Mr. Beddington, when I applied for this job,

wasn't I thoroughly checked?

Of course you were. Why?

Can you think of any reason why

the United States Secret Service would be after me?

Well, they'd have nothing to do with your job here.

I met a man yesterday,

and I just found out he's a Secret Service agent.

The two chief functions of the Secret Service

are to guard the president and catch counterfeiters.

I'm safe in assuming you're not the president.

I'm suspected of being a counterfeiter?

Oh, the chances are a counterfeit bill

fell into your hands, you passed it on

to someone who reported you.

It happened to a friend of mine once.

They watched him for a few days and decided he was innocent

and suddenly dropped him.

Never heard from them again.

You'll probably have the same experience.

Thank you.

He's a very attractive man.

I don't think I'd like to be dropped so suddenly.

Come in.

The door's unlocked.

Hello.

- Remember me? - Mm-hmm.

You're the man girls whistle at.

I had a bad day, not one whistle.

Good evening.

A vision. A veritable vision.

Thank you. I'm just about ready.

Make yourself at home.

- I'll be with you in a minute. - All right.

I'm ready.

Shall we go?

Yes.

Oh.

Thank you.

Even to the death, as though you were my blood,

in all your quarrels will I be your knight.

- Lancelot said that to Elaine. - Yep.

- That's the girl he ditched. - He did.

By golly, you're right.

And I spent hours last night trying to memorize it.

You know, I just thought of the first two lines of a limerick.

I like limericks.

There once was a fellow named Lancelot,

whose girlfriends insisted he dance a lot,

he...

If that's a hint, I'll try to control myself.

Well, I won't know till I finish the limerick.

It may turn out he's a fiend for dancing.

That's not real, is it?

What?

What'd you think it was, a boodle of queer?

I mean, it's perfectly obvious what it is.

Is there any more wine?

"A boodle of queer," huh?

Excuse, please, I came to ask if there is a special number.

... "Hold Me"?

He's going to play "Hold Me."

It took a heap of yakking to make that deal.

You having fun?

Mm-hmm.

I'll bet you are.

Waiter?

Would you mind if I made a phone call?

Not at all. Would you mind if I powdered my nose?

Why, not at all.

This is the third time he's played "Hold Me,"

waiting for us to dance.

Well, let's not disappoint the man.

How did you find out who I was?

I believe you told me.

Steve Buchanan, isn't it?

"A boodle of queer."

The word "boodle" hasn't been used since the Civil War.

Really?

I wonder how I came to use it.

You found it in a book published in 1870

that you took out of the library this morning.

This came off your Michigan bankroll.

It's good American currency.

You made a big show of looking guilty. Why?

Well, it seemed silly that you'd suspect me of counterfeiting.

I thought I'd give you ample cause.

You weren't very good at it.

I suppose I could be arrested for flouting the law.

Yes, you could.

Shall we go now?

Or-or shall we finish the dance?

I'll call the shots.

Until further notice, you're being held in technical custody.

You passed two of his bills. Where did you get them?

Aren't you ruling me out as a suspect too soon?

I never rule anybody out.

I'll assume for the time being

they fell into your hands by accident.

How?

I don't know.

Think back over the past week.

What did you do? Where'd you go?

Let me see.

I generally ride the subway,

except in business, and then I take a taxi.

I have lunch in the cafeteria,

tea in the coffee shop.

Twice a week, I shop at Macy's and Saks

and go to a little bookstore on Madison Avenue.

Every Friday, I have my hair done,

and on Tuesday...

I want you to remember where you got one dollar bills in change.

I haven't the faintest notion.

They're playing just for us.

I'm terribly sorry, Steve.

I honestly don't remember.

But, Mac, for ten years, he followed a definite pattern,

going from one section of the map to another in regular order.

Here, let me show you.

Now, Flatbush was his last stop.

His next should be Borough Park,

then Bay Ridge and then Bensonhurst.

What about the girl, Steve?

Are you through with her?

She's under constant surveillance.

Now, I went to Borough Park just yesterday,

and the first express stop there is Webster Avenue.

You'd need 30 or 40 men to cover a whole neighborhood.

Oh, not necessarily, Mac.

You see, we found out that his behavior

followed a definite pattern, too.

He favored certain places.

He seemed to like a busy drugstore,

an Automat, if there is one, a beer joint, a cigar store.

These four, mind you, these four had the highest percentages.

Now, I've picked out four spots in Borough Park...

How do we know when he's gonna be there?

We don't.

We just sit around for hours, for days maybe, praying?

- That's the deal. - Holy smokes!

I've played long shots in my time, but...

All right, okay.

If anybody here's got a sure thing, I'll go along.

Look, we haven't had a sure thing on 880 in ten years,

and never will have.

Go ahead, Steve.

I know it's a long shot, Mac, but...

well, it'd be a shame to-to waste all this research,

now wouldn't it?

Tell him about Coney Island.

Coney Island.

We found out that every year,

practically on the same Sunday in the same month,

he went to Coney Island.

Let's see, he liked, uh, the roller coaster,

the fun house and the whip.

So, children, come next Sunday,

if we haven't nabbed him by then,

we're all going to Coney Island.

Goody-goody.

All right, let's get back to Borough Park.

I've briefed the cashiers, but you know what that's worth.

They just won't be bothered with one dollar bills.

So we'll have to keep our eyes open

for anybody that looks suspicious.

Now, you know the kind.

The fellow that tries to get out fast,

doesn't stop to count his change.

Or in the Automat, the one who gets his nickels,

but doesn't stop to eat.

Now, if we have any kind of luck,

just the least bit of luck, I know we'll get him.

No suspicious-looking characters, huh?

Only hungry ones.

She's a big help.

For the first hour, she examined every bill carefully.

After that, look at her.

They're all the same.

I guess it's a lost cause, Mac.

Not for me; I'm doing research.

In an average eight-hour day,

that girl handles 18,240 nickels.

That's worth knowing.

I'll be up the street.

Ten, please.

Remarkable.

She never makes a mistake.

Fast as lightning, too.

You ought to watch her sometime.

Mousie.

I ain't passing the stuff no more, Mr. McIntire.

Honest, I ain't.

Come on over here.

Let me see that last bill you got.

This is a five. Are you sure this is it?

Sure. Sure, it is.

She gave me four singles and the rest in change.

Here it is. Huh?

He's right; I remember him.

Mousie, what were you running out like that for?

You came in here to eat, didn't you?

Well, I always get nervous when I see you, Mr. McIntire.

Okay, Mousie.

Hey, Mousie.

A phony.

It's one of the bills she give me.

Well, you got me so nervous.

Can you imagine me taking a queer?

A guy that was shoving this stuff wouldn't hang around.

Would he, Mr. McIntire?

I'll be over at the cigar store.

- Okay. - Hey.

I don't lose the buck, do I?

Now you know how it feels, Mousie.

Oh.

Yep, it's an 880 all right.

Passed one right under my nose.

Well, Mac, somebody right in front of him gave her this bill.

Can you remember who it was?

The only one I can remember is an old geezer.

Nah, it couldn't have been him.

He wore the buffalos off the nickels counting them.

- You're sure? - Yeah.

He hung around the place too long for a shover.

Well, you better tell the boys he's in the neighborhood.

Make sure they're awake.

I got to hand it to you, Steve.

I thought you were way off base.

This is the closest we ever...

If he sticks to form, he should be in here any minute.

There it is!

Hey, you want to see the parade?

- Yeah! - I do, too.

Come on. Come on.

Let's see the parade.

Oh.

Poor 880.

He escaped your clutches in Borough Park,

but I have a distinct feeling he's doomed.

I've got the feeling that you're the type that's dogged,

the kind that hangs on and on until he...

I think I've finally got it.

Got what?

The rest of that limerick. Listen.

There once was a fellow named Lancelot,

whose girlfriends insisted he dance a lot,

but his armor had riveting so bad that when pivoting

the poor guy kept losing his pants a lot.

It's wonderful.

You stuck to it until you finally got it, didn't you?

"A boodle of queer."

I know a great deal about counterfeiting now.

I've read all those books from cover to cover.

Incidentally, you never did tell me how you found out who I was.

The woman in the art store

turned out to be a friend of mine.

Oh. Say, that's mighty slick.

Huh.

Counterfeiting wasn't a very healthy occupation

in the old days, was it?

They used to cut off your ears.

Noses, too.

You'd like to see that done today, wouldn't you?

Well, noses might be overdoing it.

What are you doing tomorrow?

Skipper has to take a flock of kids to the zoo.

Skipper?

Oh, yes, the old boy. He's quite a character.

- I promised to go with him. - Gee, that's too bad.

I have to go to Coney Island on official business.

It's in connection with 880.

I thought maybe...

Say, do you think the Skipper would pass up the zoo

if I took them to Coney Island?

I'm sure he would. He'd love it.

And so would the kids and so would... I.

If we're going to that movie, we'd better get started.

It's amazing how much good money there is in circulation.

I only spotted a couple of Mexican quarters.

Did he make them pinch?

It was a six-year-old with a nose full of freckles.

Think I'll go over and check with Joe.

All right, don't be fresh.

The lady, come on, step right up.

He who hesitates is lost.

Fool the expert and win a souvenir.

I think I can.

Well, I don't think you can, lady.

It's only 25 cents, one quarter, part of a...

Be with you in a minute, bud, soon as I finish with the lady.

Oh, go on, it's a fake.

- It isn't a fake. - They fixed the scales.

Just a minute, mister.

You say it's a fake, you say I got a gimmick.

Tell you what I'm gonna do.

No hands on the scales, no hands on this charming lady.

I say this little bundle from heaven

weighs 114 and a half pounds.

All right, lady, sit down, make yourself comfortable.

This won't hurt a bit.

Now, let's see.

115 pounds!

- That's wonderful! - Yes, sir!

Must have some hidden charms invisible to the naked eye.

All right, that's 25 cents, one quarter, part of a dollar.

There you are, sir. There's your change.

What a racket!

No racket, mister, no racket.

Now, who's next? What do you say?

This little girl here.

All right, come on, little girl.

Here you are.

They wanted to go on the roller coaster.

The roller coaster?

All right, now, who's next?

Fool the expert and win...

I want a dog one!

Come on right up. Only 25 cents,

one quarter, part of a dollar.

All right, let's just, uh...

Yes, sir. All right, kids, now watch out.

Let me through here, please. I'll be right with you.

Yes, sir, you want a dog one, buddy? All right.

That's 25 cents, one quarter part of a dollar.

Hey, Skipper, are we gonna go on the roller coaster?

- Yes, sir. -Roller coaster! - Roller coaster!

Well, Coney Island sure was a bust.

Let's hope we have better luck in Bay Ridge.

Look, Steve, the Baroda case is coming to a head.

I'm afraid I'm gonna have to put George and Olie back on it.

Okay.

Mac can go on working with you for a while.

He's developed into quite a fan of yours.

Look, anytime 880 gets into your hair,

- I mean, anytime you want to drop it... - Drop it? Why?

Well, I don't want to see you make a career of it.

After all, there are more important things than...

There's an irate citizen outside from Coney Island,

brought in this 880.

Says he can give us a perfect description of the passer.

No, sir, Thad, I'm not dropping this yet.

I break for a sandwich, see, and I'm counting up,

and here's this phonus bolonus.

Quick as a flash, I know who it is.

He's a wise guy, see...

There he is! That's him! That's the dirty crook!

Called me a fake! How do you like that?

He's with this tomato, see, and he says that my scale...

- Charlie. - Huh?

If it's this crook, he's already under arrest.

Thanks for reporting him to us.

He's a very dangerous character.

20 years I've been in this business...

- Well, this is one for the book. - Yeah.

But he was there, Thad, he was there.

He was in Borough Park on schedule and now Coney Island.

At least we know we're on the right track.

In fact, we're one jump ahead of him.

His next stop is Bay Ridge.

If we don't get him in Bay Ridge,

we'll get him in Bensonhurst; if not Bensonhurst...

Think you can handle this alone, just you and Mac?

Sure. Sure. Look, let me handle it.

I'll talk to those cashiers.

I'll give them a going over they'll never forget.

Where are those cards?

One of these will be placed in every cash register

between Bay Ridge and Canarsie.

Check.

Come on, hurry up.

Okay, just a minute.

Thanks.

Hello.

Oh, hello, Mary.

- Oh, just a minute. - All right.

25 cents more.

Just a moment.

Counterfeit?

"Warning. How to identify."

Guess we'll have to look for some.

25 cents.

Thank you, Mary.

Oh, this is yours.

Just a moment, sir.

Thank you.

Oh.

Hey, wait a minute, mister!

Hey, you!

Oh! Hey, Joe!

Yeah?

Joe, come here quick!

Look. Look.

Hi-ya, Skipper.

Good-bye, Henry.

Are you sure you don't want a drink?

No, thanks.

It's a great help knowing his age and that he's German.

I guess it's just a matter of time now.

Where are we going tonight?

I can't get away from the idea

that he still lives in this neighborhood.

Chances are, that's where you got those two bills.

Don't you ever relax?

That old boy, what's-his-name, Kimmel.

Fella runs the stationery store.

Do you know anything about him?

Nothing, except he's a sweet old man.

You'd suspect anybody, wouldn't you?

He's got a German accent.

There's a home for the aged around the corner.

It's full of old men with German accents.

I've already been there.

You weren't.

I could very easily learn to dislike you.

Oh, Please.

Night, Skipper.

It was just a shot in the dark.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Yes.

Oh, I knew this would happen.

I knew, once he got started, he'd never quit.

What a waste of talent.

Well, maybe he'll take the assignment overseas.

I told him to think about it.

Okay, I'll take another crack at him and call you back.

Right, sir.

Yes, sir?

Is Mr. Buchanan here?

He's in the far room, sir.

I'll get him.

Steve.

- Hello, Thad. - How are you?

Steve, Mac has asked to be taken off the case.

After all, there hasn't been an 880 come in

in quite a while now.

I guess the old fire horse wants some action.

I sent him out with Olie this morning.

They're rounding up the Baroda mob.

Should be coming in any minute now.

- Anything else? - No.

How was Washington?

Hot.

I suppose you'd like to know why the chief sent for me.

It's about a deal in France.

France?

There's a popular demand for the American dollar

in Europe right now.

Outfit in Marseille figures on satisfying it.

Sounds like big stuff.

When are you leaving?

Well, I don't know.

Chief said if I didn't want the assignment,

- I didn't have to take it. - You take it, Steve.

This deal probably involves millions.

After all, 880 is just...

880's a counterfeiter.

He's breaking the law.

If we can't stop him, we might as well close shop.

Yes?

They have the Barodas here.

Okay.

Quiet!

I'm not talking to you.

Hey, Steve!

Baroda mob. We caught them red-handed

with a box full of phony tens.

Nice work, Mac.

We got the plates, too. Come on.

Now, listen, I don't want to waste

any more time with you guys.

I want the truth.

Mind what I say now.

You get up in that United Nations,

and you tell them what I said.

One week of silence-- that's what they need.

The more jabbering they do,

the more arguments they get into.

I'm Irish. I know.

Morning. Morning.

Well, somebody's in a big hurry.

Piece got chipped off this. Got to get it fixed.

Oh, he loves that figure.

Miss Winslow, would you come up with me a minute?

I want to show you something.

What?

Never remembers to lock his door.

Look at this room.

What happened?

Well, that statue was the last.

I've seen them go, piece by piece.

Kept him from being lonely, those things.

He used to make up stories

about the kind of homes they came from.

I always said he was living with a lot of nice...

Maggie, what did happen?

He never really earned enough to live on.

Used to get money from his rich cousin,

till he passed on.

Well, didn't he leave him anything?

Guess not.

I'll never forget how brave the Skipper was in his grief.

He just said, "I had to bury Cousin Henry."

May God rest his soul.

I'm sorry to be so late.

Want something?

Nothing for me, thanks.

I've only a few minutes.

- Waiter? - Yes, sir?

How'd you make out?

I was a big success.

- Oh, the check please. - Yes, sir.

I saw the manager; he runs our house and the one the next door.

He said Skipper could be a sort of handyman.

He's very good at fixing things, you know.

He said he'd give him his rent free and $70 a month.

Isn't that wonderful?

Oh, that's swell, Ann.

Really swell.

What's your good news?

Oh, something terrific.

I couldn't wait to tell you.

Well, tell me quick.

I'm going to France.

France?

Uh-huh. Big assignment.

International stuff.

Steve, it's exciting.

I haven't been there since the war.

What about 880?

I gave him back to the Indians.

Ann, do you think there's a chance that...

well, that you could wangle a trip over?

I don't know. I'll try.

We'd be in Paris together.

Who's going to work on 880?

I don't know, and I don't care.

It's peanuts compared to this.

Make them take you. Put on the old charm.

We'll have a great time.

I'll take you around to places in Paris,

places you never heard of.

The respectable ones, of course.

I've only been to the other kind.

I hope you have liked the schnecken.

I hope you have liked the schnecken.

Oh, yes, yes, very good.

I'll have to start brushing up on my French.

I think I'll fly.

That is, unless we can go together.

In that case, I'd prefer a slow boat.

One that would...

- That isn't German, it's Dutch. - I know.

Steve, are you sure you gave 880 back to the Indians?

Look, I told you before,

he's deader than a doornail as far as I'm concerned.

Someone once said that a task left undone

creates a void that no amount of achievement can fill.

Who's the imbecile that dreamed that one up?

I am.

Skipper.

You found the mate!

Oh, you're a darling.

It's my last transaction in antiques.

You're sweet to remember.

On Monday, I start a new career.

Suppose you've heard about my new job?

The news travels so fast,

I thought it was a presidential appointment.

How much is this one?

They wanted me to start today.

I said, "Start a new career on a Saturday?

That doesn't make sense."

- Skipper, how much? - Hmm?

The spinning wheel.

Oh, three dollars, same as last.

Oh, don't be silly.

The other one was five.

Now, here.

Oh, when you start something,

you always start at the beginning.

Yeah, starting a new career on a Saturday is just going to...

Well, I was sure I had two dollars here.

Someplace.

I won't take it, Skipper.

Oh, they look beautiful together.

I insist on paying the same price.

You will, soon as I find the two dollars.

Whoops.

Ah.

My new job calls for a celebration.

I'm going out to get some things, bottle of wine maybe.

- You're invited. - Skipper.

Hmm?

Are you sure it was three dollars?

Huh?

For the first one.

Oh, the first one.

Yes, yes, I put the change in your purse.

I see you're having company for lunch.

He's invited, too.

Good afternoon, Mr. Buchanan.

Hello, Maggie.

C-Come in.

Hi.

You're on time.

I like people who are on time.

Well, a banquet. You should have warned me.

I'd have come prepared with a speech.

Mr. Buchanan, you always come prepared with a speech.

Hey.

Usually, it's a very pretty one.

Ah, that's better.

If you like, after lunch, I'll help you with your French.

I had a talk with the chief.

I told him to get himself another boy.

I'm staying here.

You were right.

880 would have haunted me the rest of my life.

I'll have to get him out of my system

before I tackle anything else.

Funny about yesterday, my getting sore I mean.

I knew I was kidding myself, but I didn't like your knowing it.

How'd you get so smart, hmm?

Come here.

Let me see.

Yep, it's in your eyes.

Your eyes are much older and wiser than you are.

Steve.

If 880 were caught, what would the penalty be?

Up to 15 years.

He isn't likely to get the maximum, is he?

If I ever lay my hands on that old crook,

that's just what he will get.

That experience in Bay Ridge scared him off for a while,

but he'll step out again-- they always do.

I got him pretty well covered everywhere,

including this neighborhood.

I got a hunch he'll...

Darling, what's the matter?

Would you like to talk it out with me?

Hello.

Who?

Yes, he's here.

It's your office.

Hello. Yeah, hello, Thad.

Yeah, sure, sure. It's just a couple of blocks from here.

I know where it is.

This may be it, Thad. Thanks.

I knew it.

I knew he couldn't hold out.

They just caught someone passing an 880 in a grocery store.

They got him down at the police station now.

I'll phone you, give you a play-by-play account.

Your husband will feel better after a little rest.

- Oh, can't I...? - He's sleeping it off.

Where's the, uh...?

Right here.

- Hello, son. - Hi.

- What's your name? - Bobby.

Where'd you get this, Bobby?

Won it in a crap game from Johnny Sloan.

He said it was the McCoy.

- You know where Johnny lives? - Sure.

- I'll take you in the prowl car. - Fine.

- Thanks a lot, Vincent. - Quite all right.

Come on, Bobby. Let's go see Johnny.

Attaboy.

I-I got it from Willie.

Speak up. Answer the gentleman.

Gave him all my bottle tops, my special ones.

From Willie, huh?

Yes, sir.

Thanks, Johnny. Ma'am.

Willie?

- Willie! - What?

Come here.

Where'd you get that bill?

I let Mickey play first base, and he gave it to me.

Mickey's loaded with them.

I put some ink on it and I try it, see.

I figures it's stage money,

so I starts making deals with him.

There it is. That's the house.

Hold on to this press, Sergeant.

Right here it was.

The fellas were looking for me, see,

and I'm hiding in back of this push cart.

Then this dog comes along and starts scraping away like mad.

Pretty soon, I see a handle, so I starts yanking on it.

What kind of a dog was it?

One of them shaggy ones.

You know, the kind with hair in their eyes.

Sort of gray one.

Thanks, Mickey. You go on back to the car.

Stupid old beggar.

See that Mickey gets home, Sergeant.

Take good care of the press for me; I'll pick it up later.

Steve!

Steve.

While I've been waiting for you to come back,

I kept telling myself I'd have to be sensible about this,

I'd have to be practical.

I can't, Steve.

He's a very old man.

One of the kindest human beings I've ever known.

Steve, he can't survive a long jail term.

He's a counterfeiter.

No matter what you or I think of him, he robbed people.

He reached into their pockets and robbed them.

Oh, it's you, Ann.

Wonderful. Hmm.

You're ahead of me.

Wonderful.

Thank you, Ann.

Wonderful.

I had a lot of trouble to get the wine I wanted.

I said to the man...

Why... it's Mr. Buchanan.

Now, wasn't that nice of him to accept my invitation?

Yes, indeed.

I...

Yes, I said to the man, I said...

Now, uh... on, where's my corkscrew?

Ah, thank you, Ann.

Thank you.

Here, here, here, y-you open it.

I'll get the glasses.

Yes.

Yes, I said to the man, I said,

"When I ask for lead vermouth, I want..."

I'll get the glasses.

Yes.

I said to the man, "When I ask for lead vermouth,

I want lead vermouth," I said.

Not vinegar with a fancy label. Huh?

I'm with the United States Secret Service, Skipper.

Oh.

He didn't know he was dealing with

a connoisseur of fine wines.

- Skipper. - Huh?

Have you been passing counterfeit one dollar bills?

Counterfeit bills?

Oh, yes. Yes.

For quite some time now.

Here, wait till you taste this.

Secret Service.

Well, well.

Oh, yes, for quite some time.

Well, here we go.

Down the hatch.

Ah, yes.

That's it.

Once you taste lead ver...

Skipper...

you'll have to come down to the office with me.

The office?

Mm.

Yes, yes, your office.

Of course.

They'll probably want to ask me a lot of questions.

Oh, let me see, there'll be some things to do.

Oh, yes, Please.

I don't suppose they'd let him...

No, no, he'd only to interrupt us.

He can be a nuisance sometimes, especially in strange places.

Yeah.

I'll take care of him, Skipper.

Will you?

Thank you. Thank you.

In case I'm detained, he likes ground meat at least once a day.

You'll need a lawyer.

I have a friend.

Lawyer? Oh, no, no, no.

We don't want to bother anybody.

Mr. Buchanan and I can dispose of this without outsiders.

Yes. Guess there's a lot of detail to a thing like this.

All sorts of forms to fill out.

Hope it won't take long.

Wouldn't like it to spoil your evening with Ann.

Now, you stay here and behave.

Yes, sir, it's true.

Hear we got 880.

Yes, he's inside.

Hello?

Yes, Mr. Reynolds, it's true.

He's been caught.

No, sir, I wouldn't say that.

Hello, Mac.

This is 880?

Why, this is the old geezer from Borough Park.

Yeah, and our guest in Coney Island.

They've been asking a lot of questions.

You might be able to think of some, too.

Brother, I could ask a million.

Congratulations.

Thanks.

Tell me this, Mr. Miller.

Did it ever occur to you that this was like stealing?

That every person who accepted a counterfeit from you

suffered a loss?

Did you get that, Miss Gallagher?

Oh, I was afraid he was talking too fast.

Uh, what was the question?

I was talking about the people who got stuck with your bills.

- I wanted to know if... - Oh, yes.

Yes.

Well, it didn't amount to much.

I never gave anyone more than one bill.

Made sure about that.

You mean you planned it that way?

Oh, yes. Yes, indeed.

And I'd always buy something from them.

They could make a profit on that.

So the loss wasn't too great.

Less than a dollar.

I'm sure nobody minded it.

Mr. Miller, I understand you were in the Navy for many years.

Machinist.

First class.

You were eligible to enter a veteran's home.

Now, instead of committing a crime against your government,

wouldn't you have proven a better citizen if you had...

Oh, no.

Goodness no.

I thought about that.

I looked up the records.

It costs the government $82.70 a month for each person.

I didn't need over $40 or $50.

Saved the government a lot of money.

Yes, indeed, quite a bit.

He's all yours, Steve.

Take him down to the commissioner's for arraignment.

Come on, Skipper.

Oh, I want to thank all of you.

You've been very kind to me.

I tried, Ann, but it was no use.

He told me I was a nice man

and would I please stop annoying him with silly questions.

I know.

He insists on pleading guilty.

I even had difficulty getting him to accept bail.

- Shall I ask him to wait? - Yes, please.

Aren't you even going to court?

Well, I can't force myself on him.

Thanks, Jimmy.

You know anything about Judge O'Neil?

Yes.

Look, Ann, you may as well be prepared.

He's going to have to go to jail.

The only hope I had was to cut the sentence down

to, well, maybe a year or two.

Well, a year or two wouldn't be so awful.

- But I'm afraid... - A lot will depend on

the Secret Service office, how hard they push it.

- Yes, I know that. - Buchanan could help.

Yes, he could.

Thank you again, Jimmy.

There were so many embarrassing questions,

I had to get out of Washington.

And all I've heard here is what a quaint character he is,

that nobody knows what to do about him.

If you saw him, Chief, he's such a harmless old...

Harmless? The man who drove us crazy for ten years, harmless?

Well, I'm a quaint character myself.

I know what to do about him.

We'll see to it that he's prosecuted to the fullest

like any other counterfeiter.

Where's Buchanan?

I hope he hasn't been bitten by the bug.

- I don't think so. - Well, where is he?

Haven't seen him for the last few days.

He asked for some time off.

Better turn up in that courtroom this morning.

He'll be there, Chief. Don't worry.

- Let's get some breakfast. - Right.

I couldn't stay away.

Here ye, here ye, here ye.

The Honorable United States Court

for the Southern District of New York is now in session.

Good morning.

Good morning, Your Honor.

The United States of America v. William Miller.

The United States of America?

My goodness.

The Secret Service clearly established during the hearing

that the bills the defendant admitted passing

and those turned into them over a period of years

bear the same serial number.

Your Honor, this case has cost the United States Secret Service

more time and money than any other case

in its entire history.

I would suggest that the defendant...

Hmm? Oh, I'm sorry.

I would suggest that the defendant

pay a little more attention.

Miss Winslow is a very good friend of mine, sir.

This is more important.

Yes, sir.

Before I impose sentence, Mr. Miller,

I'll give you another opportunity to get counsel.

If you wish, I'll agree to a postponement.

If Your Honor please, may I approach the bench?

I've been asked by his friends to represent the defendant.

And although he insists he doesn't need me,

with the court's approval, I would like to present

certain facts for your consideration.

- Mr. Miller? - Yes, sir.

Will you please tell me just why you feel

you have no need for counsel?

Well, it seemed to me, sir... it seemed to me

he was going to a heap of trouble for nothing.

Aren't you disturbed that you might have to go to jail?

Jail? Never been there, Judge.

Can't be disturbed about a place I've never been to.

You can see for yourself, Your Honor,

that despite his objections...

Probably a lot of very nice people there.

Go ahead.

I was going to say, Your Honor, that despite his objections,

someone should speak in his behalf.

But there's one thing that does disturb me, Judge.

- Yes, what is it? - The thing that man read out

about the United States of America versus me.

I'm afraid that's not true.

Goodness, the United States of America?

That's a tremendous amount of people

to have against you, isn't it?

I've got a lot of friends, Judge.

Some of them are right here in this court.

I'm sure they're not against me.

With the court's permission,

I'd like to continue.

Perhaps you'd better get his permission.

Oh, let him go ahead, Judge. He's got it on his chest.

Let him get it off.

Proceed. You have his permission.

Well, Your Honor, he's pleaded guilty,

so there's nothing more to be said about that,

but I respectfully call the court's attention to the fact

that the defendant is an old man, 73 years of age.

Mr. Lee, I'm sorry for a man 73 years old,

but I have always dealt severely with counterfeiters

as a matter of public policy.

I see no reason to depart from that policy

merely because of his age.

Anything else, Mr. Lee?

Yes, Your Honor, there is.

I think intent should be considered.

The circumstances under which he began his counterfeiting.

- He's a junk dealer. - Sure.

Now, it's quite possible that one day among the things

he picked up was this printing press and those plates.

Well, naturally they aroused his curiosity,

and he decided to experiment with them.

- No. - Just as the boy who found them

in his backyard experimented.

Yet no one would think of prosecuting that boy.

- No. - Now, Your Honor,

I don't contend that because this man is...

No, no, Mr. Lee, you're wrong.

Wrong.

He's mistaken, Judge.

Quite mistaken.

I bought that printing press.

And those plates, I made those plates myself.

Yes, indeed.

Took me quite some time.

Not easy, you know.

No.

But I wouldn't want you to have the wrong impression, Judge.

No.

Sorry to contradict you, Mr. Lee.

Thank you, Your Honor.

- What do you recommend? - Hmm?

No recommendation.

Where is, uh... Buchanan?

Where's the Secret Service man who, uh...

Is Buchanan present?

Hey, Your Honor.

What do you recommend?

I've never had any sympathy for counterfeiters, Your Honor.

I don't have any now.

I agree with the court that counterfeiters should be

dealt with as severely as possible.

Thank you, Mr. Buchanan.

If it please the court?

There is something I would like to add.

Yes?

While the defendant is guilty of a crime,

I-I don't think he should be treated as a criminal,

as an enemy of society.

What he did wasn't because of greed or because he...

because he wanted to get rich quick.

He printed just a few bills at a time,

only when he needed money badly, and then not always for himself.

You arrested this man.

Are you now pleading for him?

I realize it's unusual, Your Honor,

but the defendant is an unusual man.

Ask his neighbors.

Ask his many friends if they think

the Skipper is an enemy of society.

I asked them.

They know him only as a kind, gentle, honest human being.

You saw an example of it only a moment ago

when Mr. Lee tried to defend him.

It just wouldn't occur to the Skipper not to tell the truth.

Or even let anybody color it for him.

You don't often find a man with that kind of honesty.

Your Honor, government agents are trained to be skeptical.

I wasn't satisfied with my own opinion of him

or the opinion of his neighbors,

I investigated his past to see

if he was engaged in any other criminal activities.

I'm happy to say I couldn't find any.

But I did run across something

which you might want to consider.

The defendant spent a good part of his life

in the United States Navy, and in 1918, when he was

41 years of age, he received a decoration for bravery.

I have a photostatic copy of the citation here.

In case you're interested.

You seem to have gone to a great deal of trouble for this man.

Why?

That's hard to say, Your Honor.

Maybe I was influenced by something I read the other day.

It was in a book I happened to pick up.

Justice is too often administered by fixed rules,

without regard for the feelings of the human mind

or the charity in the human heart.

A book you happened to pick up?

Yes, Your Honor.

I was the author of that book.

Yes, Your Honor.

Despite the quotation from my book, I still believe

that counterfeiters, whoever they are, must be sent to jail.

We cannot make an exception in this case or in any other case.

This man broke the law.

However, in view of the defendant's extreme age

and, uh... the other considerations,

the sentence will be kept at a minimum.

Nine months.

Thank you, Your Honor.

Yes, sir. Thank you indeed.

Your Honor, may I approach the bench?

- Thank you, Steve. Thank you. - Skipper.

Mr. Lee.

Thank you, Mr. Lee.

- In court, huh? - Oh.

I have been reminded that a sentence of nine months

does not provide for parole.

It has been suggested that it be changed to a year and a day

so that the defendant could get off in four months.

The sentence is changed to a year and a day.

Thank you, sir.

Skipper.

Oh, for heaven's sake.

I have also been reminded

that the sentence must be accompanied by a fine.

We will make this nominal, too.

One dollar fine.

Dollar fine.

Oh.

Skipper, maybe you'd better let me pay.

Oh, no. No, no.

Let's go.

Skipper.

Good-bye.

I'll come to see you very soon.

Mm.